#i. think some other things happened in this episode probably but the first ten minutes soooo crazy to me fr. head empty heart full.

[deliriousblue]

the eclipse, episode 8 (previous eps)

the moment before the (not)kiss soooo crazy to me. ayan doesn't know exactly what happened the night he slept over but akk does, can't go back to not knowing. and the way that aye is afraid too the way the rejection stings for him and the way he does it anyway, trusts that even if akk doesn’t let him this time it won’t shatter everything. the constant teasing constant needling constant battering at the walls just in case this time is the moment it breaks through.

and akk is SO still waiting. constantly constantly fighting with himself every which way and i don’t think even he knows what’s going to win at any given moment until it happens.

makes me feel UNHINGED. because — yeah. that's the core of it. it's your right to choose but there comes a point when you can't lie to yourself about what you want any longer. you can walk through the door or stay where you are but you cannot close it. you can only go through or resign yourself to looking for the rest of your life.

and then. ayan tracking akk down and holding him and saying tell me how you feel. tell me how you feel! i love being with you like this! i want to hold you i want to look at your eyes i want to kiss you. what do you want? battering at the walls!! seeing the terror seeing the sea inside akk and trying over and over again to fight his way through it.

กูขอจูบมึงได้มั้ย? may i kiss you? and akk letting it happen this time and aye asking again can you tell me now. how you feel about me. and akk’s expression like —

because of course he can’t, and the misery and pushing aye away and saying i’m not like you and ayan saying that’s not what i asked — well. how could I NOT love akk. he’s fighting so hard he can’t figure out what he’s fighting for.

and then finally the non-answer that is an answer....

[maarigolds]

Since we all know how much of a shitshow umbrella academy s4 was, let's revisit the good old days. Here's my reaction to ep1 s1, which I haven't seen in like 5 years:

We're starting off strong with the sudden pregnancy scene: this is how you get the viewer's attention

Cunty shot of Reggie walking with the seven nannies and the seven baby carriers

Viktor playing the violin while all the other characters are introduced 10/10 stunning no notes

Rehab worker saying "We'll see you soon Klaus" and him immediatly overdosing and being reanimated in the ambulance. Now we know he probably just came back to life by himself!

"You got big, Luther! What's your secret, protein shakes?"

Pogo!!! I missed you, you ape butler!

Baby Viktor leaving sandwitches for Five 🥺🥺🥺

Klaus-Allison alliance going strong since the beginning I see

"Did you see Diego?" "Yeah, with that stupid outfit" "Do you think he wears that thing in the shower?" I love siblings being siblings

Ok I had forgotten about the Allison and Luther thing. Maybe it wasn't ALL great.

"Dad, could you just stop playing tennis with Hitler for a moment and take a quick call?"

"Ok, sorry, I'm just gonna go murder mom, I'll be right back"

Klaus is seriously the best

Bank robbery flashback!!!

"Guns are for sissies! Real men throw knives!"

"That's one badass StApLeR" god I miss five's voice cracks so much

*Ben covered in blood* "Can we go home now?"

Back to the present with Klaus spilling Reggie's ashes lmao

I THINK WE'RE ALONE NOW AKA BEST DANCE SCENE IN TV SHOW HISTORY

No seriously Diego absolutely killing it, Luther doing the hand-krabs, Klaus dancing with the urne

And then boom! Five is back! Honestly iconic entrance

Also Klaus trying to stop a temporal anomaly with a fire extinguisher whyyyy lmao

Five interrupting his speech about the future to look Klaus up and down and 100% seriously say "nice dress"

Klaus responding with "ah, danke"

"That makes no sense" "well, it would if you were smarter"

Also unrelated but Viktor being such a shy wallflower in s1... he's come such a long way!!!

Luther throwing reggie's ashes on the ground "probably would have been better with some wind"

Luther and Diego beating the crap out each other. Viktor: "stop it!" Klaus: "hit him!"

Also Klaus trying to protect Five and him having none of it, too cute

"An entire square block, 42 bedrooms, 19 bathrooms, and not one single drop of coffee" "dad hated caffeine" "well he hated children too, and he had plenty of us!"

"Alright, guess I'll see you guys in another ten years, when Pogo dies" Diego please 💀💀

"You know, every time I close my eyes I see a diarrheatic hyppo about to shit on my face" this was robert sheehan improvising and honestly what the fuck how does someone even come up with that

The Istanbul was constantinople fight was honestly art. This was really the moment I knew I would love this show with all of my heart. Also masterful way to show exactly who Five is in just a couple of minutes

BEN!!! I MISS OG BEN SO MUCH!!! He was baby

Five going to Viktor when he needed help. Honestly we should have gotten more of them being besties it was so good

"The world ends in eight days, and I have no idea how to stop it" and that's how you end a first episode! I'm hooked! Except I'm not cause I know how it ends 🫠

Well this is it. This show was honestly so good in the beginning. I have no clue what happened. At least we'll always have season 1.

[usedtobethelegendcreator]

Okay, Pinterest has irritated me, so here I go.

I keep seeing posts of people saying Alastor and Valentino are equally bad, and I’m here to say: yes, but actually no.

See, here’s the thing.

Valentino abuses his workers. He physically abuses Angel and acts like a pervert. He throws huge, violent tantrums when things don’t go his way—remember his hissy fit in “Radio Killed The Video Star”? Also…he licks up Charlie’s arm. Ew.

Valentino is a creep. So is Alastor. But Alastor is not the same kind of creep.

Here’s the thing with Alastor—we only see two of his underlings, Husk and Niffty. The other beings he summons seem to be his puppets. So, what did he force these two to do?

Husk is a bartender in a hotel now. Niffty didn’t even wait for orders, she just started cleaning everything.

Neither are being forced to have their bodies violated.

Hell, even in the pilot, people keep forgetting what Husk said. “You think you can buy me with a wink and some cheap booze? Well, you can!”

From what Husk says in the first episode, the worst parts of his new job are listening to the others “bitch and moan”. And, well, it’s working at a hotel with, at most, six other people in it. It’s not the end of the world.

And, if everyone stopped looking for ways to make the show even more traumatic…you’d see that, at least on-screen, the most Alastor did to Husk was threaten him.

That whole scene was strange in its own way. Husk warns Alastor that Mimzy means trouble. Alastor tells him to calm tf down, he’s got it handled. Husk brings up his absence. Alastor tells him, again, not to worry. Husk gets pissed off because Alastor rubbed his head like you would a cat, and says he isn’t a pet. Alastor says “But you are, haha!” Then Husk brings up the leash Alastor is on.

If Husk has been working for Alastor as long as people think he has, then he should probably know that disrespect is a big no-no. Like, he could have chosen to not bring that specific thing up. Alastor wasn’t pissed until Husk said that. And even then…what did he do, really?

Sure, he had that villain speech. He threatened to tear Husk’s soul apart if he ever said that again. He brought out Husk’s chain and pulled him to the floor. He went mid-demon for a split second. He pointed his microphone at Husk.

But, other than the chain, Husk wasn’t physically hurt.

Angel’s breakdown took a whole episode and two musical numbers. Husk was perfectly fine and eating popcorn in, at most, ten minutes.

Because, as Alastor said in the pilot, “If I wanted to hurt anyone here, I would have done so already.” Husk knows it’s an empty threat because he isn’t currently dead. His soul isn’t currently being torn apart. Yeah, he was shaking on the floor—but who wouldn’t when faced with that, no matter how safe you may or may not be?

So, yes. Alastor and Valentino are both horrible people. They’re both creeps. But, taking what we see on-screen…Alastor is a better Overlord, at least. Come on. Do you think Valentino would let his underlings put a crown of twigs and dead roaches on him?

And, as you all know, Alastor does have morals. No one knows what they are, but they’re there.

Side note: I feel like everyone’s forgetting what usually happens in a serial killer’s process. Yeah, Alastor did kill people, but he didn’t rape them before or after. So, he’s at least got the ‘not as much of a horrible person as you could have been’ award. And as for Hell…people are killing each other in Hell all the time. Duh. It’s Hell. Alastor is remarkable because he killed Overlords, not because he killed.

[s-wave-entertainment]

*BAM*

THAT WAS THE SOUND OF ME BUSTING THE DOOR DOWN. HI. Okay so first thing's first, I recently saw an animatic (??) by @/armintist on Instagram about N's perception of Tessa as of ep. 6 and it has broken the dam. Your honor I think about what must have been going through his head at that given moment So Often; some may say too often (I know my roommate definitely would, sorry Anna-). Y'all, he literally just remembered her existence and because we have no canon timeline as to how long was between eps. 5&6, I'm going to assume it was no LESS than two hours, IF EVEN. Doll could have gone straight to "Tessa" from Uzi's house, we'll never know. But like... what in the fuck was going on in his brain? This person, who he KNOWS that he knows, that he has vague, barely comprehensible memories of from a time far back into his past that he only just got back, is suddenly standing right in front of him again. And he hesitates, because OF COURSE HE DID. It looks like her (or does it? He doesn't remember his face, he never even truly saw it), it sounds like her, it feels like her... but how long has it been? And why here, why now?

Honestly, "Cyn's" pretty smart. She knew he would be willing to go along with what he told her because he's never really pressed into his memories before. He's relieved the tidbits of them, sure, but he tends to acknowledge them and move on. She knew all she had to do was act right and he would probably trust her. But what she didn't account for was him finding a love worth fighting for, and that's where her ultimate fucky-wucky was. But I'm not here to talk about "Cyn's" strategy, I'm here to talk about our beloved traumatized murder robot puppy.

What do you think happened when it hit him that that skin over Cyn's body wasn't of it's own creation? That his friend was technically still alive, if you count her preserved remains being thrown over a robot body like some sick and twisted reverse fursuit. And it can't be said that that didn't happen, because it definitely did. N's little episode in the hallway while "Cyn" hunted them down showed us that he is in fact recovering his memories. Slowly, and at very unfortunate times, but he is. And I can almost guarantee you that at some point, in some way, he must have recovered the full memory of the gala massacre. And oh me oh my, that must have been a long, hard day for him. Thank God he has Uzi now-

That aside, he must eventually realize what happened. And as he remembers more and more good times with her, his little heart probably just shattered more and more. Along with all of the other BULLSHIT he must be remembering following ep. 8.

AND ANOTHER THING ON THAT NOTE. I have so so so many emotions about N and how good he is and how,,,, Genuinely Good his heart is. Like actually. Y'all, need I remind the court that he was supposed to KILL Uzi. He had her PINNED TO THE WALL with a wing, but after watching her father turn around and ABANDON HER, he stopped. And sure, it can be reasonably said that this is because he spent some time with Uzi beforehand, but how long would they have had together, logistically? Ten minutes, maybe twenty, tops?? The fact that that was enough for him to COMPLETELY CHANGE SIDES and want to help her instead (which is also attributed to the conversation they had in the cockpit but again, TEN MINUTES)... listen, Uzi had no one before she found N, but N had no one either. J openly abused him, and V had to act like she hated him to protect him. N was lonely, just like Uzi. Somehow, someone found him who was kind to him and seemed to actually care. She was a little edgy, but she talked to him and she listened. It was more than he had at the base - and the same was true for Uzi. But again, I could talk about how much I love NUZI for hours, right now I want to talk about how good N's heart is. He was a worker, once. A worker who did everything he could to be... useful, to Tessa's parents, but a good friend to Tessa. And he loved his friends. He has,,, so much love in his heart. He always has. And he gives it so readily, and it can hurt him, but he like - he gets better about it, I believe. He can guard himself better these days, but he just. He still cares. And he cares so much and he just. GOD. GOD I LOVE HIM AND I FEEL SO TERRIBLE FOR WHAT HE'S BEEN THROUGH. FUCKING HELL-

[thebroccolination]

CHARACTER ARCS IN THAI BL (featuring examples from SOTUS, Be My Favorite, and The Ex-Morning)

So, Krist's done two BL series so far with another one on the horizon, and it looks like The Ex-Morning is going to have the same thing that made SOTUS and Be My Favorite so strong: The Character Arc.

One of my biggest complaints about Thai QL series is that most of their protagonists don't want anything. They just kind of walk on camera, act cute, and fall in love. Some sad stuff happens to them, and then the good stuff happens to them again, and then the story ends.

We all know these series are made as a vehicle for the actors. They include just enough fluff or spice (or spicy fluff) to trend, then companies lean on the ensuing hype to sell sponsored products, concert tickets, merch, ten-minute fan calls, fan signings, fan meetings, and top-spender events.

But most series lose me when their protagonists don't even want something that drives the story. And then there's no obstacle to that want.

Want: Arthit wants to hide behind a persona. Obstacle: Kongphob wants Arthit to allow him behind the persona.

I think SOTUS is such a successful slow-burn because it's a well-crafted story of push and pull between two well-developed characters in direct conflict with each other (in personality, philosophy, life experience, class, etc.).

And that conflict builds with each of the three installments:

The conclusion in SOTUS happens once Arthit is fully himself around Kongphob: shyly smiling and laughing while he does a dramatic reading of Kongphob's written account of his hazing experience.

The conclusion in SOTUS S happens once Arthit allows himself to be seen as Kongphob's boyfriend by the outside world (represented by his coworkers).

And the conclusion in their Our Skyy episode—as well as their story overall—happens when Arthit allows the world to see him as Kongphob's fiancé (represented by a ton of passersby in an airport).

By contrast, a lot of other series feel to me as if they haven't been edited or explored beyond a first or maybe second draft. It's difficult for me to get emotionally invested in a story when the characters are just pretty people who say things to each other. And I mean, in all fairness, considering the breakneck speed these are made and released at, writers probably don't have enough time to make anything more profound than that.

That's why I admire Be My Favorite director Waasuthep for requesting more time to work on his script. He was so passionate about that project, and he says to this day that it's his favorite of his works. He basically took apart the original novella's plot, carved it down to a handful of elements, and built it anew from scratch. Last year, he said on a podcast that fans were complaining because they wanted to see the series as soon as possible, but when presented with the choice of "make a worse series faster to appease fans" or "take as much time as possible to craft the story as it deserves to be told," he bravely, boldly, and correctly chose the latter.

As a result, Kawi has arguably the most dramatic and well-executed character arc of all the Thai series I've seen. In episode one, he's self-isolated, timid, avoidant, and selfish. In the last episode, he's a confident, openly queer, and affectionate member of a found family he built alongside the person he loves.

And even better than just having a want, Kawi has a conflicting need.

He wants to be with someone (Pear, then Pisaeng). But what he needs is to be vulnerable enough to let other people love him. Pisaeng tells Kawi in episode two that he's being bigoted against other people for assuming they won't like him and automatically shutting them all out. Then Pisaeng reinforces that point later by telling Kawi that people would like him…if he actually showed them who he is.

And since Kawi's want is at odds with his need (he wants to skip the vulnerability part, which leads to his ruinous potential future with Pear), he's not just externally challenged by his father's illness, his lack of social skills, Not's general unpleasantness, and the inherent dangers associated with changing time, he's also challenged by himself every step of the way.

Seeing Kawi go from self-isolation, in which he assumes the worst of everyone he meets, to warmly hosting a cheerful Christmas party with the beloved people he chose is immensely satisfying as a viewer.

And now in the upcoming Ex-Morning we have an entire series seemingly focused on Pathapi's character arc of challenging the person he's become in order to rekindle his broken relationship with Tamtawan. I've been craving a good exes-to-lovers plot, and I love that it's KristSingto who'll deliver that to me.

Ultimately, it delights me that in all three of Krist's BL series so far, his anxious, reactive characters are forced to self-examine and become calmer, gentler, and happier. SOTUS and Be My Favorite are just as much about self-love as romantic love: Arthit is happiest when he's self-confident, Kawi is happiest when he's vulnerable, and we'll see what Pathapi's whole deal is soon.

Ex-Morning director Lit (who also directed the first SOTUS installment) said in a recent podcast that in the early days, Thai BL directors used to only compete with each other, but they're well aware that their work is on a global stage now. Considering the amount of work that's gone into the script for The Ex-Morning, I'm tremendously excited for the story he helps to create. \:D/

Strong, nuanced characters are what I need from a series, and for them to be at their strongest and most nuanced, they really need that character arc to land.

[perfectfangirl]

notes after rewatching fallout s1 ep1

so once again like a crazy person [i've done this with star wars sequels before] i've decided to take three and half pages of notes over the course of an hour. i've been a fan of the games for at least a decade and i'm actually always watching lore content between the installments though so while i do know some minute details, within the show, there was some things i was interested in and curious about that i just decided to jot down. some of this may be things discussed already and some of it might be something i wasn't sure if anyone brought up before but anyways! maybe i'll do the whole season, but here's my ramblings • them titling the episode "the end" was when i knew i'd love the show • ok but i really wonder if cooper can still do those party tricks? he was really good at them and lucy would probably love them too 🥺 • thinking back, the radio in the first scene mentions not knowing where the president is--- beginning to wonder if he was the guy sitting in on the vault tec meeting • just realized they introduced the mr. handy robot in some of the first scenes • ten years of nuclear threat according to anchor but the show is careful not to give away all the cards because why does the weather anchor make it seem like they know when the bomb will drop? idk but birthday boy mother turns off tv real "head in the sand" like • the nat king cole song that's playing though [wondering if the song is mirroring specifically cooper's feelings about barb despite everything hmm] • horse's name is sugarfoot 🥹 • him having to pay alimony... wonder what the prenup? was like... [still think he probably loves barb 😞]

• them calling him a pinko despite him being an architect of vault boy's persona, a quintessential presentation of a "man's man" acting as a cowboy, a real cowboy, a former marine--- wondering if there was a smear campaign after his situation with barb and vault tec, him working children's parties leads me to believe... • did the kid's say the birthday boy's name was boyd? [if so, there's another character in the games with this name and this is also the name of a character walton has played in another series, funny] • weather man show's up again distressed, wondering if we'll get more info about that day • everyone ignoring, cognitive dissonancing their own nuclear annihilation is so prescient if not disturbing and damning

• him teaching janey the thumb thing ☹️ • cooper's voice when he says "let me see if i can't rustle you up a piece" 😩 • janey being the only one to notice the first bomb • the fear in cooper's eyes • cooper being in denial one last time before realization sets in • people becoming animals the moment they realize what's happening--- one guy punches his friend not letting his family into the fallout shelter • people getting into their cars and cooper onto his horse to escape--- wonder how fast they could be since it doesn't seem you could outrun nuclear annihilation

• lucy being raised so well under the circumstances 😔 [hope she never becomes her father] • i haven't trusted steph since episode one • lucy being a teacher [amongst other things] and asking maximus about what happened after the bombs fell makes so much sense [and also much like another person suggested is an interesting juxtaposition to cooper's pre war knowledge] • lucy showing how skilled she is for being a marriage candidate when in reality we are seeing someone fit for the wasteland is crazy on second watch • is lucy not watching a cooper howard movie with her dad? hello??

• them reading "war and peace" in the family book club is rich • lucy [thinking] she's not good at guns, ironic • steph having to step in like a sisterly type because lucy's mom isn't there 😞 • the wedding dress on lucy being ill fitting, tight as symbolism for lucy not truly "fitting in there" and being constrained [foreshadowing] oof • the vault boy sign in the back saying "don't lose your head" lmao • didn't catch the "cousin stuff" until someone mentioned it on tumblr and twitter 💀

• the flashback we see of lucy ending up being almost a false memory, a misrepresentation of her actual memories, that she has been on the surface, in the sun • norm taunting lucy about her future husband being "anybody" and a "cannibal, crammed full of tumours" 😭 unfortunately for ghoulcy, this was some of the heaviest foreshadowing [the raider also could have been one too] • why didn't hank recognize moldaver? • so many things i still don't understand about vaults 31, 32, 33 • the growing realization they are raiders was pretty funny to me lmao

• moldaver having to sit through the disingenuous lies of hank ugh • norm going into vault 32 like they wanted them to know what was up? or is that just how vault doors work? they used lucy's mom's pip boy [that hank lied about burying] • lucy putting norm in a storage vault, she really is so strong • the handed down wedding dress getting messed up • i am curious if the raiders [shady sands survivors?] only mostly harmed vault tec aligners but maybe not • the way hank and steph retaliating a little too well • hank acting like he doesn't know moldaver when everyone really does know moldaver • moldaver telling lucy she looks like her mother is really such a tipoff

• realizing maximus is getting bullied 😭 • dane... might love maximus a little idk • from latrine duty to basically ruling over the brotherhood of steel • they really showed some dude jacking it lmao it's just normal i guess 💀 • maximus being defeated and having a rightful outburst of emotion, poor guy • the poster saying "the outside world can never harm you"--- funny • chet would've died up there 😭 • them not opening the vault back up for her, wondering if the vapourized bodies are from the initial bomb drop or the subsequent shady sands ones • dane almost gets maximus killed three times tbh • maximus joined the brotherhood of steel to get back at what vault tec did, essentially hank's doing, hank has many enemies • knowing the enclave, it makes sense why siggi is hunted • cooper the ghoul's introduction though • the bounty hunter saying his captors dig cooper up every once in a while to cut pieces of flesh off him 😞 no wonder cooper acts the way he does 😔 he's been taken advantage of, no wonder he doesn't trust anybody and is horrible to everyone • "why is this an amish production of "the count of monte cristo" or the weirdest circle jerk i've ever been invited to?" why would he say this 😭 • cooper's... been invited to circle jerks 👀 • does the bounty hunter know the ghoul is cooper howard?

• him not harming the chicken, him healing dogmeat, there's something there, folks • people only digging him up to use him again 😞 • what a coincidence he's dug up just as lucy leaves the vault • "i do this shit for the love of the game" he's a character, he's playing a character, real theatre kid • hence why cooper is introduced as "the ghoul", cooper is long gone • "us cowpokes, we take it as it comes" something about this lineee

[sandybrett]

Here are my completely honest thoughts on a bunch of audio dramas I've checked out. (Don't worry, nothing scathing, they're all reasonably good. But please proceed with caution, or don't proceed, if you're involved in creating any of these shows.)

In the order I first listened:

The Storage Papers: Nine episodes in. A little slow paced, but I've heard it picks up in the later seasons. My only real concern is that it seems like a lot of the horror revolves around "this thing looks sort of like a human but it's Wrong somehow. also it kills people (or cats)." I hope at some point we meet a creature that looks and acts as unsettling as the Grinner but is nice, or at least complicated.

The Cellar Letters: Seven episodes in. I LOVE it. I love the natural-feeling messiness of it, the way Nate and Steve talk in circles and go back and forth on what to believe. It's made me laugh out loud multiple times. I can't wait to learn more about that weird little room full of letters with that one random word written on the wall (I forget what).

400 Words a Horror: Three episodes in. I had to re-listen to the first episode because I hadn't been paying enough attention, but I think that particular episode rewards re-listening anyway. Also it is the only show on this list that genuinely frightens me so I have to pace myself. Very good.

Tin Can Audio Presents: Middle:Below: Two episodes in. I won't say I'm hooked, but I am somewhat interested. It's a lot more relaxing than the other podcasts on this list, so I keep thinking I'll save it for listening closer to bedtime, then not getting around to it.

The Grotto: Six episodes in. Very much enjoying. I was SO proud of myself for correctly guessing the twist in the second episode. I love the characters and am extremely intrigued by the mysteries. My only criticism is that the musical interludes drag on too long. And I'm saying that as a WOE.BEGONE fan.

Soul Operator: Three episodes in. It's good but there isn't any particular element that's drawing me in just yet. There's a lot I don't know about the world yet, though, so there is still plenty of time for me to fall in love with this show. (Irrelevant note: I always get "Smooth Operator" by Sade stuck in my head when I think about this show.)

Shadows at the Door: Listened to half of the first episode. It was somewhat interesting, but I decided I had higher priorities for my listening time than disconnected hour-long episodes that are only *somewhat* interesting.

Archive 81: Five episodes in. Quite possibly going to become a major obsession. It's got everything: playing with point of view; the Power of Storytelling but in a menacing way; vivid character voices; probably a cult. I particularly love the way conversations play out on this show--I don't know exactly how to explain it but there's a certain... friction that happens in real conversations but rarely in fictional ones outside cringe comedy. I don't usually enjoy that sort of thing when it's played for laughs, but for realism or suspense? I eat that up. It does make me a little tense so this is another show I pace myself with and I'm glad the episodes are short.

Alice Isn't Dead: Two episodes in. I'm not going to make it a priority--it's got a similar sort of surrealism to Night Vale, but with higher stakes and less humor, and I had enough trouble getting immersed in Night Vale. I could probably enjoy it if I gave it enough time, but for now I'd rather focus on *gestures at some of the shows above*

The Silt Verses: Listened to the first ten minutes of the first episode and got bored, which I think says as much about me as it does about the show. It does get off to a bit of a slow start and leaves more space between lines of dialogue than most of these shows do, but I could probably get into it with adequate time and sleep. Not prioritizing it, for similar reasons to Alice.

[janicho88]

When It All Falls Apart - Chapter 9

Pairing- ex!Jensen x Padalecki Reader

Word count- 5,300

Warnings- Some language. Dealing with a breakup. Sad reader. Angst, If I missed something let me know!

A/N- Back at a convention we go. Someone lets the cat out of the bag here with the breakup. A little off canon, SPN ended after 10 years. We still got all the characters in during that time though. Thank you to @writercole and @leigh70 for your help with this. You two are amazing!!

Summary-Y/N Padalecki loved acting on Supernatural.  Working alongside your older brother and your boyfriend, but after ten seasons the guys have chosen to hang up the guns.  Now the three of you are moving on to other projects, but that’s all that needs to change right?  While you have moved to Austin to be closer to your family and boyfriend, Jensen is working elsewhere.  Distance is only the start of your troubles.

Series Masterlist

Turns out you really didn’t have a lot of time to think things over once you returned home.  Jared was at the studio, and Gen had her hands full with a wild child and a smelly dog.  You leave her with Tom and take Sadie outside for a bath.  When you come back inside Tom wants you to play with him.  

Jared comes home with your script for the first episode, they had to rework a few things for it.  Before bed you spend some time reading it over and making notes for yourself.  

When you wake up and go down to a late breakfast on Thursday, Gen starts asking about your flight.

“What flight?”

“Aren’t you flying out today, so you can be there all day tomorrow?”

“What are you…OH CRAP THE CONVENTION!”

Jared comes back from his run just as you finish yelling.  “What happened?” he asks, looking between you and his wife before you are dashing from the room.

“I think she forgot it was convention weekend, and that she is supposed to leave today,” Gen tells her husband.

“Got it.”

After a quick shower you are running around your room picking out clothes.  Someone knocks and you holler at them to come in.  Gen walks in looking at the clothes thrown on the bed and the open bathroom bag on the dresser.

“Do you have anything around for this weekend yet?”

“Um, no.  Do you remember ever seeing con pictures of me in this top?” you ask her, holding up a black dress shirt.

“Yes, but only because there is a picture of us together, I have.”

“Crap.”  Throwing that in the no pile you move back to the closet.

“What time is your flight?”

“4:15, should probably leave here around 1:30.  Which is oh, about two hours away now,” you reply with a grimace. 

“What can I do to help?” she asks.

“My bathroom travel things are in the bathroom cabinet.  I hope.  I don’t know why I unpacked that stuff.  Could you throw it in the travel bag please?  There should be hair crap, body wash, face cream, lotion. Whatever makeup is on the counter. Oh and toothbrush and paste.  Will definitely need those, no one wants to get close to the girl with morning breath.” 

Finally figuring out 2 outfits for the days you are there, and one for karaoke, you run out to the pool building to grab your swimsuit.  You never know if you will have time for a swim, but you would rather have it with you and not use it than leave it at home and have free time.   Throwing in some workout clothes and pajamas you are finally good to go.  You pack your carryon bag with your wallet, computer, headphones, a book and some snacks.  

Thirty minutes later your bags are sitting by the bedroom door.  “Okay, I think I’m good to go.”

“Only a small tornado left in your wake.”

Raising an eyebrow you look at Gen, not sure what she means.  She points her finger around your room and you look with a groan.  You currently have more clothes on the bed and floor than are likely in the closet.

“I’ll help you pick ‘em up.”

Half an hour later the room is back together and you won’t have to worry about it when you get home Saturday night.

“Gen, I ever told you you are a lifesaver?”  You ask your sister-in-law as you walk out of your room.

“Eh, it’s been awhile,” she jokes with you.  “But I’m happy to help.”

Taking your things downstairs, you find Tom and Jared on the living room floor building with legos.

“Aunt Y/N, wanna build with us?”

“I can for a few minutes.”

“Are you leaving again?”

“Yeah, I’m off to Orlando, Florida this time.”

“Where’s that?”

“East of here,” he just looks at you, “not that that means anything to you.”

He turns to his dad, “are you leaving too?”

“Saturday morning bud.  That’s in two days, and I’ll be gone for two days.”

“You’re flying out in the morning?” you question.

“Yeah, figured I’d come a little earlier.  They moved some of our stuff around to get more in on Saturday since you won’t be there Sunday.”

“Oh, thanks for doing that.  Sorry you had to.”

“It’s fine, don’t worry about it.”

After spending a few minutes building a Lego town, you all break for lunch before Jared drives you to the airport.  He tells you to have a safe trip and gives you a hug before getting back in the car and taking off.  

Once you clear check-in and security, you walk around the familiar space, before sitting down and pulling out your book.  It’s finally time to board and you are ready for takeoff.  You’re a little nervous about how this weekend is going to go, and the sooner it’s over with the better. 

After collecting your luggage at the Orlando airport, you look around for Mike and finally see him hurrying through the doors.  You wave at him to get his attention, he slows a little but is still moving quickly.

“Sorry, traffic was a lot worse than I thought it would be.”

“It’s no problem, I just got my bag.  How are you doing?”

“I’m good, thanks.  How about you?”

“I’m fine.”

The trip to the hotel took longer than usual also.  Mike was right about the current traffic.  While the convention and most of the guests were staying at the Doubletree Hotel, they had the cast at Embassy suites.  It was a few minutes away, but not too bad.

Mike had your hotel key with him, and asked if there was anywhere you needed him to stop before dropping you off.  You told him no, and he went right to the hotel. 

You found your way up to the room without any problem. It’s close to 9, and your stomach is grumbling.  You head down to the cafe in the hotel before it closes to grab something for dinner. The dining area is in the middle of the main floor. 

Looking up you can see the walkways on every floor around it.  Instead of sitting at the bar, you grab a table off to the side.  While you are picking at your sandwich, two hands clamp down on your shoulders and whisper “gotcha.”

You can’t help but scream out.

“Oh shit, way to go Bri,” Kim says as she sits down across from you.

You hold up your hand and repeat, “sorry, sorry,” to those still dining around you.  At least this late there aren’t too many people around.

Briana sits down next to you and picks a fry out of your half eaten basket, “sorry about that.”

“It’s fine, I didn’t even see you two walk in.”  You look at the pajamas they’re wearing, “how was the pj party?”

“It was good.  Lots of fun, like usual,” Kim tells you.

“Yeah, I get alcohol in there now, it’s fuckin great,” Bri agrees. 

“So what are you doing here so early?” Kim asks.

“I had to change my schedule around because I can’t stay on Sunday.”

“Oh something exciting going on?  Has to be to pull you away from Jay,” Briana questions.

“Not really exciting, I just have to leave Saturday.”

The girls look at each other, then back at you.  “You aren’t telling us something.  We’ll let it go for now, but we will get it out of you,”  Kim says in her best Carrie Martin voice.

“Okay, mom.”

Thankfully, they change the subject and talk about what has been going on with themselves the last few weeks.  You are pretty vague when it comes to yourself.  Before long, you are all calling it a night and heading up to your respective rooms.

The beeping of your alarm wakes you Friday morning, with a groan you get up to start your day.  It’s early enough, you can make your way to the second floor where the outdoor pool is located.  Hopefully a few laps will help you wake up.  Back in the room you go through your morning routine of making yourself presentable for all the photo ops you will have.  Your cell notifies you of an incoming text, letting you know Mike is on his way.

He drops you off at the convention hotel, at one of the back entrances.  Chelsea is waiting for you at the door.  

“Hey!” you greet her with a hug before moving inside.  “Nice to see you again.”  You never know who your handler will be until you arrive at the conventions.  You work with Chelsea a lot, but it’s not uncommon to have one of the other girls.  As long as it’s not Victoria, you’re good.

She hands you a coffee and starts going over your schedule on the way to the green room.  First up on the schedule is a 10 am Meet and Greet (M&G). She leads you down when it gets closer and takes her seat in the corner as you greet the fans and answer the questions.

As that half an hour winds down, Adam Fergus comes in the side door.  “Someone’s got an early start to her day.  I don’t usually see you around this early.”

“Yeah, my schedule is a little off this weekend.  I’m guessing if you’re here then our time is up.” With a frown you turn to the group of fans.  “I had a lot of fun with you all, thank you.”

You wave to them as everyone gets up and they are being led to the exit.  Walking over to Adam you give him a hug in greeting, you don’t have time to catch up because his M&G group is being brought in.

Back in the green room they have some pictures for you to sign. You hear DJ Qualls take the stage for the first panel.  Julian Richings, has the second.  He doesn’t make it to many conventions, so it is always nice to see him.  You mentally make a note that you want to get a picture with him before he leaves. 

You have various photo ops, and a panel with Kim and Briana later in the afternoon.  After the day programing wraps up, a good two hours of autographs.  It’s a little after 6, by the time you are finished.  Bri and Kim are already done, Adam and David are also finishing up, everyone else is gone. A group text had gone out earlier about ordering dinner to be delivered to the hotel tonight.  As the three of you get in the car to go back to the hotel, Bri lets you all know it’s on the way now and there are some tables by the pool where you can all eat.

Arriving back at the hotel, the three of you all head to your rooms to change before meeting them for dinner.  You throw your suit on under your clothes, and head to the outdoor pool area. 

Rich is still at the convention center for Dick chat, but you, Kim, Bri, David, Adam, DJ, Julian and Sam Smith are all back at the hotel.  Conversation flows a little more freely when there isn’t anyone else around.  They do have some questions about Jensen and his new suit you have to field.

“Did you get to see him in that suit when you were in Toronto?” Kim asks.

“What she really wants to know is, did you get to do him in that suit?” Bri interjects, and the guys all groan.

“No, I never made it to set, they keep things pretty tight up there,” you tell them.

“Yeah they do.  Suit couldn’t have been much tighter.”

“Not what I meant Bri.”

“Has he told you any behind the scenes secrets?” Sam asks.

“Nope, I know probably as much as you guys do.”

You do your best to turn the conversation to other topics and away from you or Jensen, when it seems to quit working you go hop in the pool.  Before too long you need to get ready to go back for Karaoke.  

Adam, David, DJ, Julian, Sam and you, all are going back.  Bri and Kim are bowing out of this one.  When you arrive back, the fans are still watching the screening of ‘Yellow Fever.’  There are a variety of drinks set up in the green for you all. 

Adam looks over the table, “what flavor of ‘apple juice’ shall we start with?”

“Something we aren’t going to regret tomorrow morning, would be great,” you tell him.

“Chicago was your own fault Lil Pad, you all were shooting them back a bit quick,” he fires back.

“I blame Bri,” you say with a shrug.

It isn’t long before the film is over and the stage is set for karaoke.  With your red solo cups the six of you make your way on stage, while Adam draws the first name.  Those that come on stage give it their all, and the crowd is singing along too.  Adam is all over the stage and starts running up and down the aisles as well, which keeps not only his handler, but others busy watching him as well. 

An hour and a half later, the event is winding down and you’re definitely ready to get back to the hotel and relax before bed.  Well, after you pack.  You aren’t used to leaving on Saturday afternoons.  

The next morning there are two cars to take nine of you over to the convention hotel a little after nine.  Adam, David and Jason don’t have to be there until ten.  There is breakfast waiting in the green room along with the group's Starbucks order.  Rob is talking with the band before looking for you.

“Y/N, did you text me the song you wanted to sing tonight?  I can’t seem to find it.”

“I won’t be at the concert tonight, sorry guys.  I head out this afternoon.”

“What?  That is unacceptable,” he jokes with you.  “Is your other half going to cover for you?”

“I have no idea what they are doing tonight.”

Rob, Rich and Louden Swain soon take the stage to start the day and then they call you, Bri, Kim and Sam to the stage.  Things are going well, you all are talking, joking, and occasionally answering questions.  At least until a little over halfway through when you get a question that catches you completely off guard.

A girl comes up to the mike and looks right at you.  “My question is for Y/N.”

“I know her, she’s right here,” Kim jokes, pointing to you.

“What do you have for me sweetie?”

“How could you break up with Jensen?”

The whole room goes quiet, you stare at the girl, and everyone else is looking at you. “What?” you finally stutter.

“He announced it this morning during an interview.”

Everyone is still looking at you,  Sam is one of the first to recover.  “Um, maybe this isn’t the…’

“Thanks, Sam, it’s alright.  I don’t know what Jensen said about this.  But we both have different projects we’re working on.  And um, I guess you hope things are going to work out one way, but sometimes life has other plans.  I would appreciate though, if um, there weren’t any more questions on this right now.  It’s supposed to be a fun weekend, let’s not bring it down okay?”

You try and focus on the last twenty minutes of the panel, but your brain keeps going back to that girl's question, and how could Jensen do that today?  Why did he feel the need to announce it during an interview even?

When Rob and Rich come back on stage with the band you barely wait for them to start singing you off before you are gone down the steps.  You see your brother right behind the curtain, he pulls you into a hug and walks with you back to the green room area.  

“Are you alright?” he quietly asks.

“Just great.  Have you seen the interview?”

“Not yet.”

You ignore Victoria sitting in the corner with a smug smile and go to the opposite side of the room with Jared.  Pulling out your phone you search for the interview.  Bri, Kim and Sam had been following you two, but they realize what you are doing and move to give you some room.  Finding the video you push play.

Jensen is with Karl, Jack, Chase, Anthony, and sitting right next to him is Claudia.  Watching the interview from this morning's talk show appearance, you aren't really paying attention to what’s being said, just trying to find the spot where Jensen throws you under the bus.  

The interviewer makes a comment about how some of them have said they don’t want their parents to watch, but what about their significant others? 

Claudia is the first to do anything, she laughs before speaking.  “Well, Anthony is the only one of us currently in a relationship, so he’ll have to take that one.”  

You notice Jensen makes a slight movement to look at Claudia out of the corner of his eye, and some of his castmates are looking at him as Anthony answers.  When he’s finished the interviewer turns it back to Jensen.

“Aren’t you dating your former co-star, Y/N Padalecki?”

Claudia speaks up before Jensen can say a word, “ not any more she came up here just to break up with him because he was working.”  She leans closer to your ex, and you can’t help but notice the way she is rubbing her hand up and down the top of his leg.  Yeah, you aren’t so sure something isn’t going on there.

“We’re so sorry to hear that,” Don, Dan, whoever says to Jay.

“Long distance doesn’t work out for everyone, and I guess we just wanted different things,” Jensen finally speaks up. 

The interviewer moves the topic back to the show and continues on.

“I cannot believe him.”

“In his defense,” your brother starts, “he didn’t really announce the breakup.”

“He had to have been talking about it with her, and he didn’t make a move to stop her, did he?  Didn’t take him long to move on.”

You turn around and notice your friends on the other side of the room trying not to look at you.  With a sigh, you drop your head back and know you have some explaining to do.  Before you can get very far, a nervous Chelsea comes and tells you you are needed for your VIP M&G and then photo ops.

 After your solo ops, you have photos with the ladies.  Even though they want to ask, there is no time for questions now.  Jared comes down for his ops with you, when those are finished you are done with photos for this convention.  You give Chris a hug and tell him thanks before you follow your brother and handlers out of the room.  The last of your autographs are next, it takes well over an hour for you to finish up.  There are some comments about you and Jensen, mostly I’m sorry to hear you broke up.  But a few rude ones, that couldn’t understand why you would do that.

Walking into the green room you notice almost everyone is in there, since there is a little bit of a break.  Grabbing a water you sit on the edge of a table, with Jared coming up next to you.

“I know you all want to know what’s going on, so here it is.  Yes, Jay and I aren’t together anymore.  No, I didn’t go up to Toronto just to break up with him.  It just happened while I was up there.  I’m just not really ready to talk more about it right now.”

They all nod, Sam comes over and gives you a hug, Bri and Kim are right behind her.

“This the reason for the schedule change?” Bri quietly asks.  You just nod.

Looking at the time, you make sure everything you were supposed to have autographed is done.  The few things you have gotten out of your bag are packed back up.  Jared is about to head to one of his M&G’s, you give him a hug before he goes.

“You alright?” he asks.

“Yeah.”

“Liar.  Have a safe flight.  I’ll see you tomorrow night.”

“Thanks.  Hope all goes well here.  Have a safe flight tomorrow.  See ya soon.”

You tell the rest of the group goodbye before you head out.  You still have a little time before your 3:30 flight, but you want to get out of there before Jensen arrives.  Once you are all checked in at the airport, you find a quiet spot to sit, and go through your phone.  You know you shouldn’t, but you bet the comments are flying about you right now.  You aren’t wrong.

Earlier that morning up in Toronto, Jensen is boarding the plane for Florida.  He finds his seat, throws his bag up top and sits down with a huff.  He hadn’t had the morning he was expecting to.  

His phone went off early this morning, someone from the show calling to tell him he was needed for an interview at the studio.  Jesse was sick and unable to make it, they were asking him to fill in.  He hurries to get cleaned up and make sure he has everything he needs to fly down for the convention.  

Everyone else is already at the studio, they do a quick hair and makeup fix on him. Karl comes over to see how he’s doing.

“Ready for ya trip?”

“I think so.”

“Ya talked to her since she left?”

“No.  But I don’t know what more she wanted from me. I haven’t figured out if I want to see her or not.  Haven’t talked to Jared either.  That’ll be interesting.”

“Maybe, ya just needed some time apart, and you two can work it out this weekend.”

“If it was space she needed, she wouldn't have broken up with me when she came up here.  We had plenty of space living in two different countries.”

What neither man notices is Claudia hanging around behind them.

When it’s almost time, they have the cast take a seat and the interviewer comes out and sits across from them.  Getting the cue from the studio they start rolling. Everything was going fine until the question about spouses came up and Claudia started talking.  Jensen is too busy trying to figure out how she knows to even speak.  He looks at her out of the corner of his eye before slightly looking at Karl, who is also looking at him.

Once his mind catches up he tries to shut the topic down before anymore can be said.  When the camera moves away from him, he moves Claudia’s hand off his leg.  By the time the interview is over, he can’t stay and question her about it, he has to get to the airport.   He sends Karl a text on the way.

Any idea how she knew that?

Karl and Eric are the only two up here he had talked to about this.  He gets a reply a short time later,

Not a bloody clue.

Once he gets to the airport, he doesn’t have a lot of time before the plane is supposed to take off.  He is hoping since a number of fans will already be busy at the start of the convention day, word of the interview will take awhile to get around.  There is nothing on his phone when he powers it down before takeoff.  Sitting back he spends the flight looking over the final script of the season.

Arriving at the hotel, Mike gives him his room key and Jensen tells him he'll be back down in ten minutes.  That gives him time to find his room, leave his bag, and change out of the airport clothes.

Clif is waiting at the back entrance of the convention center when he is dropped off there. He follows him up to the green room, where Victoria is waiting.

“Jensen, great to see you again. Hope you’re doing well.”

“Fine, thanks. You?”

“Good.  I’m happy to be here.  The suit reveal you posted on Instagram was amazing.  I can’t wait until the show premieres.”

“Thanks. So, what’s first on my schedule?” he asks when she doesn’t tell him.

“Oh, solo pictures in a few minutes, then with Misha.  You have a short break before the VIP M&G, then the regular one.”

“Ok. Do you know where Y/N is?”

“She’s around somewhere.”

He gets through his photo ops, and looks for you on his way to the M&G’s.  He doesn’t see you around anywhere.  It’s about halfway through the main M&G when someone mentions they are sorry to hear about what Y/N did.

He’s slightly confused, “what did she do?”

“How she came up to Toronto to, well you know…”

It suddenly clicks, the interview.  Guess word got around.  “Y/N’s an amazing woman, but unfortunately things didn’t work out.”

“How does this affect you and Jared?”

“If one of us comes on stage tomorrow with a black eye, you’ll know,” he tries to joke.

Finally making it through that half an hour he is escorted back to the green room.  Sam is the only one in the room and she is getting ready to go back to photos.  He grabs a water and sits at one of the tables, pulling out his phone and scrolling through it.  Opening twitter he receives a notification he’s trending, and so are you.  “If we’re both trending, I bet I know what that’s for,” he mumbles.

“Who’s fault is that?” a voice behind him asks.

Taking a deep breath, he readies himself to turn around and face his best friend.  Who also happens to be your older brother.

“Hey Jare.”

“Ackles.  You didn’t answer my question.”

He holds up his hands, “Look man, I never intended for that to come out this morning.  I don’t even know how she knew.”

“You didn’t tell her?  The two of you seemed pretty close.”

“The only two I’ve talked to are Karl and Eric.  I haven’t talked to you, because she’s your sister, so I didn’t know where that put us.”

“That makes two of us.  What happened between you two, Jay?”

“I don’t know.  I don’t know what more she wanted from me.  I thought we were fine.  Then she comes up to Toronto and tells me she can’t do it anymore.  Where did that even come from?”

“She’s been hurting for awhile, but the one person who was supposed to notice it, didn’t have a fucking clue.  In case you were wondering, that was you.”

“Then why didn’t she talk to me about it earlier?”

“Did you two even talk anymore?”

“Of course we did.”

Jared raises his eyebrows and slowly nods.  “Really? All I know is, I’ve heard her cry, both before and after she went to see you.  Gen and I were hoping going up to visit would have made things better, but it didn’t.  I’ve seen the hate she is getting today, she was blindsided in her morning panel because of your interview.”

“Where is she?”

“She’s gone.”

“Back at the hotel?

Jared looks at his watch, “no, she should be landing in Austin in about 30-40 minutes.”

“She left the convention?”

“Yeah.”

In that moment, knowing you were already gone, he had his answer.  He had been hoping to see you.  “Was it because of the interview?”

“No, she had already planned it.

“She didn’t want to see me.”

Jared shrugs, but they both know the answer.

“What about you?” Jensen asks him.

“Your mug is pretty ugly to look at.”  Jensen rolls his eyes before Jared continues.  “She keeps telling me not to let what happens with the two of you interfere with our friendship.  But it’s hard not to be upset with the guy that hurt my sister.  You have no idea how much I would love to take a swing at you right now.”

He nods in understanding, “I guess I could possibly deserve that.  But she isn’t the only one that was hurt here.  She blindsided me with that breakup,” Jensen tells him before he walks over to where Victoria is signaling him from.

The two men go out for their autograph sessions a little quieter than usual.  Clif asks them after what their plans are for the night, but both just opt to go back to the hotel and their respective rooms.  The next morning is a quiet ride with Clif back to the convention hotel.  

The guys are in the green room waiting for the start of the Gold Panel.

“I, uh, talked with Gen last night.  Y/N, got home safe last night.  She was still a bit upset at being caught off guard like that.  I told Gen what you said about the interview.  Not sure Y/N will believe us though.”

“Thanks, man.  Um, how’s Tom?”

“Good.  Keeps us on our toes, for sure.  I can’t imagine how crazy it’ll be with two.  He asked yesterday before I left when he could talk to you again.”

“I miss my buddy.  Wait.  Did you say two?”

“Yeah.”

“Gen’s pregnant?  Congrats buddy.”  Jensen moves to give his friend a hug.

“Thanks.  I thought we talked about this a month ago in Chicago?  Hasn’t Y/N said anything to you?”

Jensen is quiet for a few minutes, he can’t believe he missed this news.  Had the two of you talked about it?  Did Jared already tell him?  

They continue talking before going on stage.  The conversation doesn’t get deep, but they are trying to find their rhythm and work past this sinkhole in their friendship.  They have to make it work on stage very shortly.  It will take some time before things are like they were before, but neither one wants to lose a 10 year friendship.

The gold panel questions aren’t vetted first, so anything goes.  Which of course means there is going to be a question about the breakup eventually.

“Jensen we are so sorry to hear about what happened between you and Y/N, it’s just awful.  How are you holding up?” Someone questions.

He knows he needs to try and nip this before it keeps going.  “Thanks.  I will say this, and then I would appreciate it if there weren’t any more questions on this subject.  I had no intention of that coming out in the interview yesterday.  What’s going on is between Y/N and I.  Long distance can really suck.  You guys wouldn’t want to talk about your relationship troubles in front of hundreds of people.  I would hope you understand that we don’t either right now.”

When their afternoon panel comes around he has to make the same announcement at one point.  Jensen swears during photos and autographs that more fans than usual seem to be trying to flirt with him.

When they are finished for the day, Clif takes them both to the airport.  Their flights aren't too far apart in departure time.  Jensen tells Jared he’ll be back home in two weeks, and they talk about meeting up once he’s back in Texas.  After checking in, they head to their respective terminals.  

Jensen is waiting for his flight, feeling a little disappointed.  It would have hurt, but he would have liked to see you this weekend.  He’s spent a good part of the last 24 hours thinking about what Jared told him.  How you had been hurting for a while.  How had he not realized you weren’t happy any longer?

Thank you for reading!

Chapter 10

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[dr-futbol-blog]

The Siege III, Pt. 5

And so Sheppard returns to Atlantis, re-materialized right into the gate room down from the Daedalus using Asgard beaming technology, and we arrive at the scene that has been giffed a thousand times. The hug. A big moment for Weir and Sheppard. Not necessarily a romantic one but monumental all the same. It is a moment of character growth for the both of them.

Sheppard is surrounded by an escort of four marines as he materializes and he immediately orders them to secure the gate room. He knows there are wraith still loose in the city. He then calls out:

Sheppard: Well, I'm home!

First of all, we learned during the previous season that Sheppard and McKay both think of Atlantis as home. But it's not just Atlantis, they had found a home specifically in each other as unlike everyone else, neither of them believed they had anything back on Earth waiting for them. Sheppard looks around and scans the upper levels of the gate room while he calls out, clearly looking for someone that would be waiting for him to come home, that friendly face that McKay had mentioned in his message in Letters from Pegasus (S01E17). It is Weir that meets him and indeed seems to be walking directly toward him, but it doesn't mean he was saying that to Weir. In fact, he can clearly see Weir out of the corner of his eye while he's still looking for that someone else that he called out to, thinking he might find them on the upper floors.

Weir walks to Sheppard and directly goes in for a hug. Sheppard doesn't quite know how to react. I guess they were doing this now. After a moment he lifts his hand and presses it against her back, a kind of a pat. This is a bro-hug, not a I'm glad to see you again, love of my life, I thought I had just lost you hug.* He keeps his eyes open the whole way, actually frowning in confusion -- and more importantly, we get to see him do this.

This is very unlike the Weir he knows, and the fact that Weir feels the need to hug him probably isn't just about what happened just a moment ago but also from what she had witnessed before when Sheppard had thought McKay died with the satellite. She thinks that this man needs a hug. His hands fall down just as soon as she lets go, although she leaves her hands on his arms, seeming to need to feel that he is there, that he is tangible.

Weir: Yes, you are. I truly thought... Sheppard: Yeah, yeah, I thought the same thing about you a minute ago. We gotta stop that! Weir: I'd like that!

Let me emphasize this point: Sheppard is still looking for the person he announced his home-coming to after having seen that Weir is coming toward him. And here, he doesn't even let Weir finish what she was about to say but cuts her off with a "Yeah, yeah," indicating that this is a topic he'd rather not continue talking about, at least not with her.

Sheppard doesn't seem to know what to think about the hug. All through the first season we saw him avoid physical contact with Weir and to keep some kind of a barrier between them, turn his body away from her. The reason for that we don't know but there definitely was a pattern of behaviour that he exhibited consistently. Now, it may have nothing to do with Weir in particular. I'll return later to what in his past might make him seem uncomfortable around older women in positions of power. But Sheppard has learned to know her pretty well, and something had definitely happened between the last two episodes of the first season that had brought them closer together.

But he's still not comfortable with physical contact. He's doing the lip thing. He's not licking his lips because he's so turned on by "lingering desires, secret longings for her touch" or what ever people think happened here, because every time we have seen him do this, ten out of ten times, it has been connected to a strong negative emotion. It's a self-soothing technique he uses when he is emotionally overwhelmed, when something is making him anxious.

We don't know why he's doing it here but an older woman in a position of power breaching his personal space and violating his bodily autonomy can certainly be among those reasons, glad as he is to see her still alive. He is also not looking at her lips; he's momentarily unsure of where to look because he very much wants to look away so as to be less exposed, as he definitely feels exposed with her looking right at him. But then just decides to soldier on and look head on at her. At the very least, he is made uncomfortable by this public performance of emotion since he's not very good at expressing emotions, as he later tells Teyla, and he definitely does not like letting them show.

True to form, Sheppard makes light of the situation to make it feel lighter, as the expectation of an emotional response makes him feel very uncomfortable. So here they are, cracking jokes about what had just happened. We never get to see Sheppard and McKay's reunion but given what we saw of both of their reactions to the other nearly dying, holding back tears and at a loss for words, do you think they would be cracking jokes about it right away? They were both deeply injured by these events.

To get past the awkwardness, Sheppard gets back to business, returns to safer waters. There are things he needs to know, so he asks for a status report.

Note also his use of the 'we' pronoun throughout, which he most often uses to mean "myself and McKay," here referring again to "Atlantis". Weir told him "Yes, you (sg.) are [home]." Sheppard responded with "I thought the same thing about you (pl.) a minute ago. We gotta stop that!" This, his use of the plural pronoun, is another way for him to create some emotional distance to Weir. He seems to need that barrier there.

Sheppard: So, uh, where are we? Weir: Well, most of our sensors are still down, but we do know there are at least a handful of wraith still in the city. Sheppard: Still got some work to do. Weir: Before you do anything, Colonel Everett insists on speaking with you. He's in the Infirmary.

Also worth noting is that Sheppard does not walk like this with McKay, trailing behind him and shoulders squarely facing forward. With McKay, he needs to see him. He needs to see McKay's face because a big part of their communication happens through looks and expressions. Sheppard has to walk in front so that he can twist back to see his face. Sheppard does with McKay what Weir is doing with Sheppard here.

Weir points out to Sheppard the same thing that Teyla pointed out to McKay: that there are still wraith roaming free in the city. The clean-up is still on-going. McKay is not tucked away in bed with a sandwich, he is taking care of the remaining wraith in the city. And this is important.

We don't get to see what happened between Sheppard and McKay when they first saw each other after everything had passed but we know that they had met up off-screen. We don't see nor hear anything of McKay after he took to taking out the rest of the wraith with Teyla until McKay calls Weir and Sheppard into the control room after several scenes have passed. Sheppard has seen Col. Everett at the infirmary, they have fished Ford out of the ocean, they've had time to examine his medical situation and discuss it, a considerable amount of time has passed. While Weir and Sheppard are with Beckett in the med bay, McKay hails them to the control room, and then we get an interesting bit of dialogue from Sheppard:

Sheppard: Aren't you supposed to be getting some sleep, Rodney? McKay: I was trying to do just that, but someone thought I should know the deep space sensors were back up and running.

So, McKay has been trying to get some sleep between leaving the power room with Teyla and this moment. And for some reason, Sheppard knows about this. From what we've seen on-screen, he has no reason to know about this. Sure, he has seen that McKay is exhausted, although even before he took off on his suicide mission, Sheppard had not witnessed the whole extent of McKay's exhaustion and what he had had to do (take stimulants, go-pills) to be able to function. Sheppard might just assume that McKay had been sleeping, sure. He'd beamed back in, was going from one emergency to the other, and hadn't spared a single thought to McKay until this moment and just assumed he had to have been sleeping. It's possible it went down like that.

Only, Sheppard says, "Aren't you supposed to be getting some sleep" like he's the one that told him to get some sleep previously. Like he's reminding McKay about something they've talked about previously. Like he's the one that had to wrestle this man into bed and he's disappointed to see him here now because he is supposed to be getting some rest. He needs to get some rest. It is important to Sheppard that McKay gets some rest. He is accusing McKay of having gone back on his word to get some sleep, and McKay seems to hear this accusation as he's quick to blame Zelenka for having dragged him back to work. And there is clearly a scene here that is missing, that we never got to see. And this is obvious. They can show us Sheppard's reunion with Weir, hug and all, because there's nothing going on there. Their emotions are within normal parametres for colleagues, for friends. They cannot show us Sheppard's reunion with McKay, not even if there had been a third parties present like there was when McKay returned from the satellite, because the emotions between them are much too raw. Both of their cups haven't just run over but have spilled all over the damn table.

So, we saw Weir hug Sheppard. Is this meant to somehow parallel what would have taken place between Sheppard and McKay? It's doubtful, as hey both seem to be way beyond an embrace healing what has been injured in them, of soothing what is still freshly aching. Sheppard seemed clearly apprehensive about having to meet up with McKay again as he beamed down and called out for him, he was clearly dreading the moment. It's much more likely that McKay would have taken a swing at him. And Sheppard wouldn't mind if he did, wouldn't even blame him. He'd catch that fist, push him against the wall and crush their lips together with all the pain he had felt when he thought he'd lost him. If they could get past this without having to talk about it, he'd prefer it. No, Sheppard was more afraid of what he'd see in McKay's eyes or better yet, that there would be something he could no longer find there. That he had broken something in McKay for good. He'd prefer he took a swing.

There is also a well-known connection between sex and death. According to Freud, humans have two primal drives, sex (Eros) and death (Thanatos). The death drive and the pleasure principle are related as we feel pleasure when we get rid of excitation, and we feel displeasure due to unresolved tension and a constant urge to release it. Tension keeps building up in the individual, which, once it reaches a limit, is channeled outside of the self in line with the pleasure principle. This means that the presence of death intensifies sexual desire which e.g., leads to increased procreation during times of war.

The looming threat of death leads to more fucking, is the thing. It is one way in which individuals can come to cope their their feelings of fear, vulnerability and sadness, and given how repressed both Sheppard and McKay are when it comes to their feelings, how they are both unable and prefer not to talk things out, it would be natural for the intense emotions both of them have had in the past few days to come out in a quick and raw attempt to reconnect. This, between Sheppard beaming down and having told McKay that he needed to sleep. At the very least, the first thing he says to McKay betrays that he is thinking about him in bed.

Weir told Sheppard that "before you do anything," Colonel Everett insisted on speaking with him in the infirmary. And it is in the infirmary that we next see Sheppard, as he quickly takes off from Weir after she tells him this. But it is not necessary that he went from Weir directly to the Colonel. It is doubtful he was that keen on seeing the man, and he certainly wasn't keen on finishing the discussion they had earlier. He was dreading meeting him. The fact that Weir even has to say it to him means that she knows there is something else he wants to do before anything.

And the way Sheppard takes off, he had places to be. Before he did anything, Sheppard needed to see McKay. He didn't care what the Colonel "insisted," since that once more was not an order. Weir does not know how to issue orders in a way that doesn't leave Sheppard leeway to do what he wants to do anyway. And like when Weir "expressed her need" for Sheppard to stay back to look for the Alpha Site when McKay was leaving for the satellite platform, he takes off without saying anything, without looking at her, without acknowledging her implied order in any way. He takes off quickly because there's something he needs to find before anything else.

And he wanted to see McKay. He needed to see McKay. That was his first priority. Even Weir seemed to know that because otherwise she would not have needed to tell him to do this before anything else. She knew that there was something Sheppard would have done before seeing the Colonel unless she told him this, and he very likely went to do what he wanted to do anyway. Sheppard takes off to the direction we last saw McKay go when he left the gate room, not looking back. He does the lip thing again just as he leaves, this time signaling his discomfort at not knowing what to expect upon seeing the Colonel in the infirmary, not knowing what the Colonel wants to speak with him about given their previous talk. He doesn't yet know the shape the Colonel is in. The next time he does the lip thing is when he learns that there are 12 more hive ships coming their way. That is the kind of context in which Sheppard chews on his lip. That's how uncomfortable Weir hugging him out of the blue made him.

Continued in Pt. 6

-* A lot has been written about different styles of hug and what they might mean. Again, while pseudo-scientific at best, actors do make acting choices based on this kind of thing -- or did 20 years ago.

What Sheppard gives Weir is a "one-armed hug," described as follows:

A hug with just one arm is friendly and platonic. When you receive this hug, the hugger wraps one arm around your back with minimal chest and body touching. This can signify that they aren’t close with you yet and are nervous about a hug seeming intimate.

If you are getting to know someone romantically, or even dating them, and they only give you this hug, it might mean they only view you as a friend.

[elfhunk]

justice for q force & high guardian spice

i was yelling on the bad bird website and i forgot i can also yell here now so i want to yell about the completely embarrassing legacy that we, the collective royal we, all of us hooligans on the internet, cursed high guardian spice and q force with.

this is for two reasons:

i think the way our cultural forums decided to burn these shows stake because we did not personally like them extremely sucked, especially if you were a queer person in those industries watching it happen, especially if you were one of the many queer people working on these shows.

they were just genuinely super funny if you gave them a chance and didn't prescribe preconceived notions of what good queer animation is supposed to be.

the cosmos is compelling me to yell about this. so i am. you cannot stop me.

so, both of these shows were burdened with a press cycle basically yelling at everyone from the hills, okay! hey! the new gay show is here! if you're gay you should like it!

anyone familiar with how media works should already be going like "aw geeze" if you weren't there for this in real time, but the resulting shitshow was heard round twitter, tumblr, youtube, and probably other places i don't use as much.

instead of cheering on these underdogs and politely recommending people give them a shot, or just politely stating if they were or were not to our tastes, it became like... a cool fad among posters on all platforms to explain why these shows were actively intrinsically, irreparably bad!

when the shows were perfectly fine, with some mediocre lows but overall high highs!

q force, for every softball joke about lesbian uhauls makes five more genuinely hysterically specific jokes while treating its cast with a huge degree of respect. if you did not get these jokes, that's fine, but lines like "call me miss congeniality honey cause i'm a femme top with a gun" and the entire endgame of eurovision hosted by a small european nation whose economy is based entirely around christmas (twink's favorite holiday from harry potter) live forever in my mind. it was a stupid little adult comedy, but the characters talked like me and my friends. characters like twink especially, was allowed to be funny and silly while still respected by the people around him. i cannot express to you how rare it is to find stories where a flamboyant drag queen twink is given his degree of nuance and development.

on the other hand, high guardian spice was doomed from the outset, but we all jumped at blood in the water instead of letting it exist as it was. it takes no research effort to learn that high guardian spice was yanked around through development hell for years and very clearly had no time or money to make their original pitch a reality.

i'm the first person to admit high guardian spice is, put kindly, a complete mess, but it's a mess with an unbelievable amount of heart and charm if you just engage with it organically instead of making fun of every little production error. i cannot stress enough how little time or money they had to make this thing. it was straight up unethical.

and despite that production hell... it was funny? high guardian spice was straight up just way funnier than most cartoons lately if you just engaged with the jokes as jokes and got the hate-watch stick out from under you. the character chemistry was super compelling, the voice performances had that bee & puppycat amateur charm, and it was a viewing experience so genuinely enjoyable my friends and i have literally watched it like three times from to back.

so, this completely mediocre and janky western anime should've just fallen by the wayside right? nope! it became political baby! it became about wokeness ruining animation, and we all participated in that narrative because we thought that one scene where a character says he's transgender very bluntly was awkward!

the way that everyone, mostly without watching more than ten minutes of the first episode, decided to jump on a hate train spearheaded by 4chan to completely destroy the show's chance at survival was... quite frankly? pretty embarrassing! it was genuinely super awful to watch otherwise reasonable members of our community to act so callously because something was... cringe? annoying? even if high guardian spice was as bad as everyone was saying it was, this kind of behavior is kind of straight up cruel if you took a second to listen for the cacophony of dogwhistling and the way that the cast & crew of the show was being spoken about.

as these things go, it became an easy way to punch down and earn some sweet engagement by posting jokes you thought sucked or where budgets and production timelines faltered.

it was really stupid. i am not asking for an apology for these shows, but i am asking that you give them a chance if you previously avoided them or otherwise bounced off. if you don't like them, that's okay, i don't care. i just want these works by queer writers, artists, and actors to... actually get to exist on its own terms, instead of being swept up into a cruel and pointless circus of engagement farming.

because you know what the industry takeaway extremely is going to be moving forward? guess people hate this, let's make sure future products for this market receive less time and funding.

if they do get made? gotta make sure they completely avoid all of the meatier and mainstream alienating subject matters both shows genuinely got into if you gave them the time of day.

every time the next gay movie or television show comes out in this online fandom space i have my eyes peeled for the kind of buffoonery that we subjected q force and high guardian spice to because they had the gall to make queer cartoons that were not for everyone.

they were specific, they were weird, and they were rough around the edges. and they've stuck with me because of that.

so far, it does not feel great to see media with non-threateningly nothing representation where characters peck each other on the lips briefly and wave a flag but otherwise never engage with each other, their identities, or their communities, and have everyone praise it because it didn't dare say anything specific enough to alienate anyone.

i would rather not connect with a gay character in a movie or cartoon because they just weren't the type of character or story i connect with... instead of not connecting with a gay character because there was nothing there to connect with in the first place!

okay i'm done i love you goodbye.

[literally-finn-diaz]

i need to write out a masive rant about life is strange THIS WILL PROBABLY HAVE SPOILERS FOR ALL THE GAMES!!! everything said is my PERSONAL OPINION

lis TC is underrated, the original is overrated and lis 2 is the best game in the series .

im in no way saying that TC needs to be the most popular or lis 1 is the worst thing ever but people need to realise that not just lis 1 exist. i think the end of lis1 is not worth the lead up. i adore the fact that its this earth shattering decision that you have to make but as soon as you make that decision thats it. the gameplay has no real addition to the end and once you play it twice theres not much else you can really do.

lis TC however has almost the opposite feelings for me. the gameplay is so slow and boring (as a d&d nerd i loved the LARP but oh my god its slow and probably should be an optional thing (like the d&d scene is lis BTS)) like why am i sat waiting for alex to walk around a box for a good two minutes just to sit there and have no buttons to press for ten minutes before i can actually do anything?? while it has it flaws, i really enjoy the last episode when everything starts coming together and theres a bit more to do and the end in the pub is incredible but its the same issue i had with lis 1 THE CHOICES IN THE GAME DO NOT EFFECT THE ENDING AS MUCH AS I WISHED THEY DID! i know probably from a development perspective its a pain in the ass to make it all link together with all your choices but THEY DID IT WITH LIS 2!!

lis 2 is and will forever be my favourite game in the series. while it does have some faws (as all games will) it feels a lot more full than the other games. it feels like theres more going on and like your actions really do have consequences because of the way that daniels morality rate or whatever affects your ending. it isnt a 50/50 decision with that exact outcome like lis 1 or the same outcome ever time like TC and i think that gives it a much more fulfilling ending every time you play. i made the mistake of googling every ending after my first playthrough so i lost a bit of the mystery of each ending but i still get anxious when im playing and i want to get a specific ending that if i do the wrong thing ill get the wrong ending and i LOVE THAT it makes the game feel that bit more real. i really wish that characters came back for more than one episode (I NEED MORE BRODY, CASS AND FINN) but the fact you meet people and they leave adds to the fact that youre running from the police. it makes me feel more connected to sean and daniel in a way (especially as someone who gets attached to characters easily 💔💔) and the fact they have to keep on moving no matter what. each ending is as devastating as the rest and they all make me cry.

i hate the fact i have to shit on the ending of lis1 but it just doesnt hit as hard as i want to after you play once. by the second play through you know whats going to happen and it loses the emotional pain it puts you through the first time. especially when you know you will always pick the same ending (BAE OVER BAY) it just feels empty.

NO HATE ON ANY OF THE GAMES I LOVE THEM ALL AND WILL FOREVER PLAY ALL OF THEM AND HOWEVER MANY MORE ARE GOING TO COME BUT LIS2 WILL BE MY FAVE <333

ty for coming to my ted talk

[sazzujazzu]

Hello, as the days count down and the Bad Batch finale draws closer, may I show to the fine folks of tumblr my first Star Wars OC in 20 years, created thanks to this show? 😃

Too bad, I'm showing them anyway 😊 somberly chilling while listening to their bestie talk.

Please excuse the poor background (I got lazy) and half-finished Tech (I got sad)

there's, uh, a big mess of words under the image because I wanted to put into words the importance this show has for me, and I am bad at doing so.

I want to get some thoughts off my chest, because I have no one in my day-to-day life who cares about the animated Star Wars shows, and especially the Bad Batch. (well, other than my mom, but I don't want to bore her with my rambling too much. she already banned star wars from me once, i won't let that happen again lol)

I can't stop thinking how much I don't want Bad Batch to end.

This show has been so dear to me. I can't remember the last time I've loved something this much.

Before the second season started, I had an artistic block that had lasted way too long. Anything I drew or wrote, mostly turned out a horrible mess after staring at a blank page for hours and hours, if I ever managed to create anything at all. For someone who tends to draw whenever their hands aren't otherwise busy (aka all the damn time), such a block weighed down on my mental health.

Well, then season two happened, and full-on gave me back my love for Star Wars, a love that had somewhat gone out over the last few years. Then, Plan 99 happened, and broke me because again my favorite character "died" (I'm in team Tech lives until I draw my last breath or until proven correct. That chocolate-eyed cutie-pie is alive nothing will convince me otherwise). Pretty much after finishing the episode and staring at a wall for another 30 minutes, I said "nope" and began writing.

I wrote for hours. I believe it's been well over a decade since I last wrote fanfiction, but here I was, creating a Star Wars oc, something I'd last done as a ten-year-old. And now, roughly a year later, I think I've written over a hundred pages of (very self-indulgent) fanfiction with the Batch, and with my oc that I've come to love.

And drawing, oh boy, have I been drawing!

(... Sure, I've mostly been drawing Tech, over and over again, to a point I once actually considered lying and saying "yeah that's my boyfriend haha!" to a man at my job last summer, when asked who it was that I was drawing for maybe fifth day in a row 😂 likely would've been a more acceptable excuse for someone my age. But, I mean... I just really love drawing him, not only because he is my favorite character of maybe all time, but because he is just so fun to draw! And most of all, at least I draw again!)

And it is all thanks to this wonderful show about a bunch of defective and effective copy-paste boys and their sister.

It's probably something many say, but I've always felt like a bit of an outsider. I've felt like I have no place; when I was a kid, my interests were very different from the other kids of [gender assigned at birth], and trying to play with them while inserting my own interests into the games, often didn't go so well. I was... kind of an odd child (although now, older and questionably wiser, knowing that I might actually be autistic, many things make more sense now. me kind of discovering this about myself is also partially thanks to Bad Batch)

Also, growing up trans/non-binary, while not even knowing what that is or having a word for it, didn't really do much to help with the feeling of "I'm different and an outsider because of it". Perhaps it was one more reason I fell in love with Clone Force 99, because I could see some of myself in them. Being different from the "regs".

I love this show, and these fictional people have become my family, and I am not ready to say goodbye to them.

Alright, weird pile of thoughts over. In case someone read all this, uh... thanks 😊

[duhragonball]

Neon Genesis Evangelion: Death and Rebirth

This one's gonna be pretty quick, but I wanted to get it out of the way before I tackled End of Evangelion.

All right, so the Neon Genesis Evangelion TV series (1995-1996) was a success, and there was also a strong fan demand for a different ending. I'm pretty sure fans thought the original ending in Episodes 25 and 26 was an incoherent mess, but maybe they were more supportive about it. Anyway, those two factors led to the release of the first NGE movie, Death and Rebirth, in March 1997.

The movie is actually two smaller movies and both of them are kind of bullshit. The first half, Death, is just a trumped up clip show, which is pretty rich considering how much footage they already recycled making Episodes 14, 25, and 26. The second half, Rebirth is actually all-new material that serves as an alternate ending, but only the first 25 minutes' worth of that ending. This 25 minute segment ends on a cliffhanger, and it would air again, along with the conclusion, in End of Evangelion, released in July 1997.

So really, Death and Rebirth was just an extended preview of End of Evangelion. A fan would have gone to the theater for D&R in March, and gotten a recap of the TV series, followed by the opening third of EoE. That would presumably whet the fans' appetite to come back in four months to see EoE in its entirety.

So in 1997, this was probably a cool idea. By that time, NGE had been off the air for about a full year, and fans might have appreciated a highlight reel of all the big moments from the series before diving into the next thing. And seeing 25 minutes of a new episode doesn't sound like such a bad deal either.

But, it's 2024, and from my vantage this just comes across like a cheap stunt. It looks a lot like End of Evangelion was the movie they wanted to make all along, but they couldn't get it finished in time, so they slapped together what they had and padded it out with old clips. Then they released End of Evangelion as they had originally intended, but this way they got their fans to pay twice for that same 25 minutes of footage.

Any way you slice it, there's not much of value in Death and Rebirth. The first portion is just clips from the TV series, and the second portion is just the first portion of End of Evangelion. What does that leave?

Well, a little. I think this "found footage" clip from Misato's dad's lab is new? I could be wrong. There's not much to it. You hear people talking about stuff and then everyone gets upset because Adam is awakening or something, and then Second Impact happens.

There's also a bit with Kaji and Asuka talking while they're en route to Japan. Kaji tells her that one of the other Eva pilots is a boy, but she doesn't care about boys her own age, all she wants is Kaji.

There's a framing sequence where the Eva pilots each show up to the empty theater from Episodes 25 and 26, and they prepare to play classical music. Shinji's on cello, and I can barely tell what the others are even doing. It's all meaningless filler disguised as some sort of powerful, meaningful thing.

I think this is new footage of Unit 00 removing the Lance of Longinus from Adam Lilith's body. When the lance comes out, the bottom half of Lilith expands and grows into a pair of humanoid legs, as opposed to the bulbous mass of many teeny legs.

Maybe this was in the TV episode, but I feel like I would have remembered seeing this before.

Also new, maybe? This scene of Clownshoes talking to Yui Ikari and baby Shinji. He isn't keen on SEELE and their predicted scenario of Third Impact happening in the next ten years. Yui's a member of SEELE, and she assures him that they're just trying to ensure that Third Impact happens in a way that humanity will survive and be prepared for. Clownshoes also says that he basically got an offer he can't refuse from SEELE, which is why he's reluctantly helping them. And mybe this was in Episode 21, but I'm pretty sure it wasn't because I remember wondering when and how Clownshoes joined up and being irritated that a scene like this didn't exist to spell it out.

Oh, here's that suitcase with the embryonic Angel in it, remember that? Gendo called it "Adam" when Kaji delivered it, and I didn't understand this. Then they called the big white angel on the cross "Adam", except it turned out to be Lilith. Well, what they did was they shrank Adam down into embryo form so he'd be easier to move around. This also had the benefit of keeping him hidden when the other Angels attacked NERV in search of him. We found out Lilith was kept on the cross as sort of a decoy, but where was the real Adam, then?

Uh, in this guy's hand? I guess? They never show whose hand this is, but it just occurred to me that Gendo always wears gloves, and there were a couple of battles in the TV show where things were looking pretty dicey and he got up to leave his command post. Maybe he was trying to keep Adam away from the intruding Angel during those moments.

We also get a clip of Kaji greeting whoever shot him, but instead of the gunshot we hear a slap, and then Shinji telling Asuka that Kaji is gone. She refuses to believe it.

After that, things pretty much wrap up with the final battle against the 17th Angel. That segment is basically a quick rundown of Episode 24, but the stuff before that is a jumbled collage. I think they tried to organize it thematically. A bunch of Shinji stuff, then Asuka moments, then Rei moments, and so on. When I first learned about this movie, I assumed the Death portion was like an abridged treatment of the TV show, but it really isn't. This would be a terrible way to introduce a new viewer to the franchise. All the big important story beats are included, but in a jumbled order, often with no context. It's designed for a fan to watch and go "Yeah, I remember when that happened."

Anyway, the kids wrap up their music practice and exit the stage. Whatever.

Then there's an intermission clock before the Rebirth feature starts. Cute. I made sure to take a screenshot of the clock on 4:20, because that's the weed number. Ha ha, can you imagine what it would be like if everyone in Evangelion was high? On weed? The NERV logo would be green, and instead of a maple leaf it would be a marajuana leaf, because that's the weed plant! And when they get in their entry plug, they would be full of bongwater, and it would be green from all the weed molecules in it. Instead of LCL fluid, they would call it "THC fluid", amirite? Also Shinji and Asuka would be a lot less upset all the time.

After that, Rebirth starts, but I'm not going to get into that here. We'll save it all for End of Evangelion, since the whole thing is supposed to be there. It might take me a little longer to write that up, but I'm sure it'll be ready this weekend. Doncha dare miss it!

[ac-liveblogs]

Neo Egoist League

Updates from the soccer death camp; there is a second, worse death camp underneath the first! And not just that - for a monthly fee, YOU can help SPONSOR the torture of mino- development of Japanese football! Don't you want to make your mark on history?!

After seeing what happened to Kunigami, it is absolutely hysterical to me that Ego Jinpachi is not in any way considered a villain. Sae "yeah there's something wrong here" Itoshi and Ryuusei "this kid needs several restraining orders" Shidou - sure. Ego? Nah.

Michael Kaiser sure is a character that Isagi is being very normal about. It is very egotistical to decide, ten minutes into joining another well-established team, that you want to completely destroy the foundations of that team and make yourself the main character. And then leave to join another club, probably. Especially when you're Isagi, who is totally fine with not even trying to ingratiate himself into the team and ran the risk of sabotaging their plays/losing the match.

It sure is a good thing Kaiser is also not being normal about Isagi, or I might start feeling a little bad for him.

Yeah, they really did open up the very obvious loophole that even if you're blacklisted from Japanese soccer, you can get recruited to other clubs around the world. At which point Ego is just opening Blue Lock's high-level rejects to get picked up by other teams. If they're trying to make Japanese football (football played by the Japanese) change the world that's a win, but it might not work out for the Japanese football team.

I'd say Ego should probably be glad Reo and Nagi put some distance between themselves before he started streaming the death camp, but those morons ended up on the same team. I'm not sure if I should be bracing for impact or not.

I read Episode Nagi, btw. I diagnose these morons with 'dumb teenager' disease and while it is nice to get a broader view of their issues with each other, it's not as funny this way. I'd kind of assumed they'd be learning to be more 'egoistic' and rely on each other less, but now I'm sort of doubting it. I think they'll reconcile as a higher level duo.

The spanish soccer pro is awesome. He's so stylish. I kinda thought Sae would be here though. Did he flee the country to put some space between him and Shidou or what

Can someone please stop the death camp and send Kunigami to a psychiatrist. Please. Did anyone tell his parents about this? Did they consent to this? Noah, can you step in please?!

[miguelmeiai]

Life is Strange 2 - Alternate Storyline - Episode II ("Discoveries") - Part IV

After Sean knocks at the door, the Reynolds take about one minute to open the door. Daniel is shivering in cold, coughing, and sneezing. As Sean is about to knock again, Claire and Stephen open the door. Stephen looks at them with a suspicious face. ─ What are you doing here? ─ he asks. ─ Stephen, please… ─ Claire reprehends him. ─ Hello! Oh, Esteban and Sean… She looks at Daniel. ─ Are you… Daniel? ─ Yeah, nice to meet you, grandma. ─ You look like an angel, Daniel. Oh, you must be tired from all that traveling. Let me prepare something for you. They get inside and Claire takes them to the kitchen. Stephen is bothered by Esteban's presence. Esteban feels they are bothered by his presence. ─ So, what brought you here? ─ Claire asks while serving them some tea. ─ We decided to pay you a visit ─ Esteban comments. ─ I know I didn't call earlier, but it was because I lost your number. Sean and Daniel whisper to each other. ─ I think they don't like dad ─ Sean comments. ─ I've noticed that too. ─ You're smart, Daniel. Do you have the power of reading minds now? ─ No, I don't, but wish I had… ─ Esteban, Stephen, may I talk to you for a second? ─ Claire asks. ─ Yeah, sure! ─ Esteban agrees. He looks at Sean and Daniel. ─ Please don't fight, don't touch anything, and don't… ─ We know, dad. We aren't babies anymore! I'm almost ten! ─ Woah, it seems Daniel is getting older ─ Esteban laughs. Esteban and the Reynolds go to another room. Daniel activates his power to try to bring some cookies for them. But Sean stops him. ─ What the hell are you doing?! ─ I'm hungry, Sean, I just thought I… ─ No! Remember the rules? Besides, don't you think they would notice we "stole" the cookies? ─ Yeah, they would… ─ Okay. Sorry, Sean!

─ By the way, where's Mushroom? ─ She stayed outside, since grandma didn't let me bring her inside. I will go outside to see if she's okay. ─ Fine, Daniel, but don't take too long! Daniel goes outside to play a little with Mushroom. Sean looks at some portraits on the wall. He finds one depicting Esteban and Karen's marriage. ─ Dad looked quite cool in that suit. That's such a pity he married that asshole woman who betrayed him and his family. I hate hear. Out of rage, he punches the table. Things get heated between Esteban and the Reynolds in the livingroom. ─ Karen left because she probably regretted marrying with you ─ Stephan says. ─ Why? Because I am a foreigner? You never approved my marriage with her! ─ You two, calm down, please. The boys might hear you ─ Claire asks. ─ She wasn't unhappy because of me, she was unhappy because you too always pressured her to be who you wanted her to be, you never gave her… ─ Enough, Esteban, you… Claire gets interrupted by Daniel entering the house coughing a lot. She runs to see what happened. ─ Oh, my… He stops coughing. ─ I feel better now, I guess. ─ Why did you go outside, hijo? ─ I… I wanted to play with Mushie. ─ I know, but it's really cold outside. — I will prepare some hot tea for you and give you medicine — Claire says. — And then you are going to sleep. — But who will take care of Mushie?! — I will, Daniel — Sean says as he enters the room. — Thanks — he coughs again. Claire takes him to the kitchen. Stephen stares at him, with a mad face, and then goes upstairs. Sean whispers to his dad. — I don't understand. How can they hate you? — They never liked me, I guess, it's always been like that, and I think it'll never change. At least they liked Daniel, and I am happy about that. — Karen… I mean, mom… she never liked you either. — I think she did, hijo. At least in the first years of marriage… Or maybe my life was all a lie. A tear falls from Esteban's eyes. Sean hugs him. — Daniel and I love you. Te amo! — Why are you hugging me? You used to complain whenever I asked you for a hug. — I guess I started seeing things differently after almost losing you that day in Seattle.

***

Esteban and Stephen are asleep. Claire is doing some chores and Daniel is standing right in front of Karen's room. Claire catches him and gets upset. — What are you doing here, Daniel? Weren't you supposed to be sleeping? — I know, but I kinda got curious. Sean told me this was mommy's room. I don't know anything about her, I… — There's nothing to see here. And you have to go to bed, so that you can recover better. Daniel sighs and returns to the room Claire cleaned and prepared for Sean and him. Since he is tired after the trip, he falls asleep as soon as he lies down. Past midnight, Claire is praying in the living room and Sean stands in front of her. She finishes her pray. ─ What do you need, Sean? ─ I know you don't like my dad. ─ I'm sorry if you had that impression. It's just… he is very different from us. And he doesn't do anything to change that. ─ And do you? Claire sighs. ─ It's never late to change things ─ Sean comments. ─ Besides, it's almost Christmas. Wouldn't the Lord get happier if he sees us happy and getting along well? ─ You're right, Sean. I am proud of how mature you've become since the last time I saw you.

[tellthemeerkatsitsfine]

This is an incredibly funny podcast episode. I realize most of my Peacock & Gamble posts are just for me because no one else is going to be interested in listening to these in 2024, and by an large, I'd say that's very much for the best. But if anyone is interested in just laughing really hard for about 45 minutes, this is pretty good. Maybe. It's probably slightly funnier if you have the context of knowing the Peacock & Gamble dynamic so slightly less funny if you don't, but not by that much, it's very funny no matter what. Interview they did with Romesh Ranganathan from the Edinburgh Fringe Festival in 2013.

This post was not originally behind a cut, but I'm going to add one before I reblog it so I don't take up people's entire feed with an interview from 2013.

It gets incredibly combative about ten minutes in (and before that, quite suddenly very sexual for a couple of minutes, which I guess is the other element required to complete any good interview), and the amazing thing is they manage to keep up that level of aggression for a solid half hour or so. They keep saying they're going to get back on track, and as a listener I kept expecting them to do so because it's one thing to have some banter for a bit, but you can't just turn an entire interview into a fight. But that's what they did. They had a brief discussion about sexual positions, and then they had a fight for 30 whole minutes. God it was funny.

I always find it funny listening to people try to have a conversation and fail. This is weirdly making me think of Andy Zaltzman, even though Andy Zaltzman has nothing whatsoever in common with any of the three men in that podcast episode (Ray Peacock, Ed Gamble, Romesh Ranganathan). I often write about how Andy Zaltzman has no chemistry whatsoever with nearly anyone in the world, and I think it's clear that I view that as endearing, but I don't know if I make it clear enough how incredibly funny I find that to listen to. Just people trying to talk to each other and it doesn't work. One time last year Frankie Boyle did The News Quiz and he and Andy had to interact and they were like magnets just glazing off each other. Like sandpaper trying to knock together smoothly. It was nothing whatsoever like this Peacock & Gamble episode, totally different in vibe and tone and certainly in content, but I found myself thinking of it because they had in common people trying to have a conversation and utterly failing.

I mean, obviously the other different is that it was planned in this case. Andy and Frankie were genuinely trying to have a normal radio show and they just didn't have the social skills to pull it off. Peacock & Gamble are quite capable of being personable, and just thought it would be funny to bring on Romesh for an interview but instead have a fight.

It's hard to tell how much of it was real. I mean, I know it wasn't literally real, they were clearly friends who were playing. But it's hard to tell whether they sat down beforehand and actually planned all the elements of this, like in previous fights with a man named Raji James, or whether they just started talking and realized they were falling into this pattern and decided to run with it. It sounds like it was largely the latter, at least at first, which I think makes it funnier. By the end Ray Peacock was intentionally throwing grenades into the conversation by fucking with Romesh every time he opened his mouth, but for the first half or so, they did quite a good job of sounding like people who were genuinely trying to work together but kept stepping on each other's toes and hitting nerves and kicking off. Which is funny if it happens once but they kept it going for so long.

I'm going to say I think this one from right near the beginning might have been semi-real - as in they hadn't planned to get into a fight about this, but they hit on a topic that made Ray slightly prickly and then Romesh got into his prickly character/mode in response and all three of them realized it would be funny to significantly exaggerate their reactions. And then they just took off from there.

Ray Peacock: You’re sort of soaring a little bit [in your comedy career], aren’t you, at the moment? Romesh Ranganathan: I don’t know about soaring. Ray Peacock: I think you are, I think you’re doing really well. Ed Gamble: Let’s watch Romesh get incredibly uncomfortable while we compliment him. Because that’s the sort of thing that will happen. Ray Peacock: But you are, though, aren’t you? You’ve took off a little bit. Romesh Ranganathan: I don’t know – Ray Peacock: You’re not a big star. Romesh Ranganathan: Okay. Ray Peacock: Don’t be stupid. Romesh Ranganathan: All right, I mean I didn’t want it to go that direction. Ray Peacock: Yeah, no, you’re not. You’re not. Romesh Ranganathan: I’m happy to be self-deprecating, but don’t put the boot in. Ray Peacock: There’s a good chance nothing more will happen. But at the moment, you’re doing all right. Romesh Ranganathan: Yeah. Ray Peacock: You’ve done Russell Howard’s Good News. Romesh Ranganathan: That was great. Thanks, man. Ray Peacock: Yeah, join the club. Romesh Ranganathan: Yeah, yeah. Oh, hello. Ed Gamble: Welcome, welcome. Ray Peacock: Thanks? I didn’t compliment you. I said, “You did Russell Howard’s Good News” – you went, “Oh yeah, thanks.” Romesh Ranganathan: No, I meant – I wasn’t saying, “Thanks for saying I did Russell Howard’s Good News.” I was saying, “Thanks, because you did the warm-up, you were lovely.” Now I regret saying it, because you’ve turned into a little bit of a prick. Ray Peacock: So you’ve got me down as your warm-up act? Romesh Ranganathan: No I didn’t say you – oh my God. This is unbelievable. I didn’t – Ray Peacock: It is unbelievable, I agree! It is unbelievable. Romesh Ranganathan: This isn’t what I signed up for. I thought this was going to be a pleasant thing. And everything I’m saying, you attack me! Ray Peacock: It is a pleasant thing! You’re the one that’s coming here Billy Big Bollocks, coming here going, “Ooh I’ve been on Russell Howard’s Good News and you’re my warm-up man!” Romesh Ranganathan: I wasn’t Billy Big Bollocks! I didn’t even mention it, mate, you’re the one that brought it up. Ed Gamble: Right, can I just say – this may not be what you signed up for, but this is the reason we asked you to come on the podcast.

I transcribe that big to give an idea of the tone, but the really amazing thing is just how long they kept it going. So long. They kept finding way to get mad at each other. More podcasts should turn into straight-up fights (not in a Joe Rogan ray, just in a Ray Peacock/Romesh Ranganathan way). I like this more intellectual and thoughtful Ray Peacock that we're getting in the Edinburgh episodes, but it's been a while since he's picked a good fight with someone (in the chronology of me listening to the collected works of Peacock & Gamble starting from 2007 - I'm vaguely aware that in the chronology of real life it's been 10+ years since any of this has happened), and he's so good at it.

I'm mostly giving Ray and Romesh credit here because they were mostly driving it throughout the episode - Ed Gamble, like in their live shows, seemed to have worked out that he's funnier playing the faux-reasonable party. Though for some reason this tiny exchange has come back to me about four times since I first heard the episode and made me suddenly laugh again:

Ed Gamble: So what's your show about, Romesh? Romesh Ranganathan: Oh, I don't like your tone. Ed Gamble: All right. What's your fucking show about?

The whole episode is incredibly funny. I made the mistake of starting it on a break at work and I had to skip to the next one and then finish this one at home because it was making me laugh too hard for work. At the beginning of the next episode Ray said he didn't even want to do any more interviews because none will be as funny as the Romesh one, and as lovely as Ardal O'Hanlon was in that next episode, I sort of agree on that. And if anyone is reading this and would like to judge how much I enjoy combative comedy, I would just like to remind you that you watch people do professional pretend wrestling.