#i. life

[2802t]

lee taeyeon, a comprehensive timeline, pt. ii (2020— 2023)

2020

taeyeon gets really into caffeine this year.

he gets a girlfriend, too, an actress a few years older than him, who doesn't mind that he doesn't have the emotional capacity or the actual physical time to be in her lap every other day, which is nice. the sex is good, objectively speaking, but they fight a lot and rumors spread when they get cast on a short-lived variety show together. fortunately, people buy into the mentor story, especially when taeyeon's legitimate debut as an actor is announced - a lead this time, no less. only filming happens this year, thankfully. promotion is a problem for next year's taeyeon.

he also starts to hear whispers of a solo debut in the works, but he's not so sure it's because they see his true potential as an individual act, what with his brand reputation being on a consistent upward trajectory, never straying far from the top ten, or if another way to bleed him dry monetarily came to them in a dream. either way, they hand him a pen and tell him to start jotting "things" down. ideas. maybe so they can go for the self-written angle, but anyway. they call it a vague someday, promising starlight in inevitability, but indigo is still young, all things considered, not even five years old, and taeyeon can barely stomach the work he does divided among four other people, so he takes it for what it is. a bone, motivation to keep eating when his plate is already full - metaphorically, of course. they keep him frail. it looks better on camera.

he writes a lot, raps a lot, sings a lot, especially when he and his girlfriend inevitably crash and burn. most of it ends up on love yourself: tear. it feels appropriate. his emotion drips over every track and blues, bless their hearts, praise him for his growth as an artist.

he starts kissing boys. fever bleeds out. he'll worry about it later.

highlights: first male muse of bobbi brown cosmetics, joined the cast of "master in the house", won the rookie award at the 2020 sbs entertainment award for his role on the show, writing credits on every album that indigo released that year (love maze, airplane, pt 2, outro: tear (love yourself: tear), sign, 24/7 (don't mess up my tempo), oasis (love shot repackage), let me in (20 cube) (border: day one), fever (single); worked with samsung, polham and chaumet

2021 - 2022

merging in as an artist under infinite entertainment is something that is very much outside of his scope of culpability or concern, but like any competent employee, he makes it a point to get in good with the people that work with them. incidentally, he makes some of his dearest friends behind the curtain and finds that it's a lot easier to feel like lee taeyeon, just-some-guy than lee taeyeon, global idol, in modest company. modest, of course, being relative, but appropriate.

in all other aspects of his life he feels raw.

the year they're in the thick of the infinite world tour is coincidentally the year their musical identity wavers somewhat, in taeyeon's opinion. he's sure there's no correlation.

he does a lot more modeling, but also finds it pivotal to reach new heights as a dancer. it's probably the most determined and ambitious that taeyeon is in his career thus far, but is simultaneously the sickest he's ever been. he spends more of his time in places that he can grow, studios, the gym, with choreographers in as many stops as he can. he looks in the mirror and sees less and less of himself, but it all comes to a head when he passes out after one of indigo's sets.

it's a necessary wake up call when he comes to and still sees black spots swimming in front of his eyes, when pulling in breath hurts his lungs. he chooses healing, realizes that he's not any good to anybody dead. to be clear, he doesn't heal in the holistic sense, but he finds a secret thrill in doing things he shouldn't be. in the latter half of the year, he opens up some, to new people, new substances, and new experiences, and mourns a version of himself that had been deprived of living.

he looks into the mirror by the end of it all, more fulfilled and creatively nurtured than he'd been for entirely too long, and sees a softness he thought had been sculpted away, a youth that he'd be neglecting. life.

he falls in love with music again, with words, and decides to use them to make up for lost time.

highlights: face of brand and global ambassador of seoul fashion week spring 2022, muse for yves saint laurent beauty, official brand ambassador and model for versace, prominent commercial endorsements: the north face, gongcha, banila co; cast as "yeon si-eun" in weak hero class 1; became host of radio show "lee taeyeon's best friend"; writing credits on obsession album (ya ya ya, trouble, butterfly effect), gets selected for studio choom AOTM

2023

in may of this year, a thread drops on twitter from an anonymous source attempting to out taeyeon, filled with "evidence" of his sexuality, including creep shots of him with various men and coming in and out of bars that cater to the lgbtq community, using his history in waacking and tutting as fodder for their claims of his "abject femininity". as it were, there's an attempt made to prove that he's in a secret relationship with a man, exacerbating rumors that have surrounded him for years. the initial strategy is to ignore it, which is to say, he's told by infinite higher ups to ignore it while they handle it legally. and, for a while, he does. but when more and more posts start popping up on different platforms, and the tone of indigo's fanbase shifts into something nasty, it stops sitting right with taeyeon and he takes it upon himself to post on instagram condemning the original poster for treating being gay like it's something dirty or immoral, explaining that he's not secretly dating anyone and that even if he were gay, it wouldn't be anyone's business or any reason to look at him any differently as an artist. he finishes his statement off by commending and recommending numerous out queer artists to his fans and reiterating that his interest is in cultivating a community of kind, open-hearted individuals, not bigots.

his post is received mostly positively, but is controversial enough that things take a pretty abrupt halt. the solo debut that he'd been working on for the better part of the last two years gets vaulted and his socials go dark. it's as good as being put in time out in idol terms, and with 2023 being indigo's least active year in their entire lifespan, he's essentially left to rot and reflect. he doesn't feel bad about it, continues to work with and endorse brands that have shown him love, and makes it a point to double down during promotions, publicly donating to various organizations. his role is notably lessened for the singular comeback they do have, but for the first time in a long time, he feels a sense of agency over himself and he realizes that living authentically where he is in his career is a real possibility, one that he has every intention of taking.

life goes on.

[maudiemoods]

If life is a never ending loop of dirty dishes and laundry then that means life is a never ending loop of home cooked meals and comfy clean clothes

[snaxle]

I DONT WANNA PAY BILLS I WANNA USE MY MONEY FOR FOOD AND LIL GIFTS FOR MYSELF AND MY LOVED ONES

[sadclowncentral]

shoutout to the guy who after unsuccessfully hitting on my sister and being politely declined asked her "is it okay if i ask your brother instead" and when she said yes gave me a long and searching look before sighing and going "no. i am not drunk enough to go for a dude. but you look like an angel" happy bisexual pride to this man and this man only. hope you figure it out soon king

[theres-rue-for-you]

my brother works on a boat so when he rants about his job I can’t take it seriously because he keeps angrily referring to his boss as “captain”. like sorry ur having 19th century sailor problems my guy

[sca-nerd]

My friends who have never experienced flooding, and who are about to deal with it from this storm, please remember:

1. NO. YOU CANNOT MAKE IT THROUGH THAT WATER ON THE ROAD. I DON'T CARE WHAT YOU'RE DRIVING. TURN. AROUND.

2. DO NOT GO WADING THROUGH THE WATER. EVEN IF YOU JUST WANT TO SEE HOW DEEP IT IS. THAT. WATER. IS. CONTAMINATED.

3. IT IS CALLED FLASH FLOODING FOR A REASON. THE WATER RISES AND SURGES IN A FLASH. STAY. HOME.

4. If you're at risk of flooding, raise up any of your belongings now. Put the legs of tall things in buckets. Know where your important documents are.

5. Stay safe.

[skullchicken]

If you have achieved something, please remember to observe a mandatory period of basking in the warm glow of your achievement like a lizard on a stone, lest you teach your brain that effort is futile, actually, because it didn't get to enjoy its happy chemicals, so, naturally, nothing good ever comes of trying. (And no, avoiding punishment is not a reward!)

I recommend, like, 5% of basking time in relation to whatever time you invested into achieving the thing minimum. And if you can't make your own bask, friend-brought is fine (= tell your friends!).

[void-drifter]

it’s cheaper to buy vegetables here

[kiddokori]

Donate eSims through Connecting Humanity or Crips for esims for Gaza

Visit gazafunds.com to be given a random gofundme to donate to

Email your representatives (if you live in the US) using afsc.org

Donate to the Palestine Children’s Relief Fund, Medical Aid for Palestinians, or Pious Projects to help provide mutual aid

Learn more at decolonizepalestine.com

[scionsthings]

Rewatching Arcane

[boxmakesart]

Eldritch Miku omgggg

[2802t]

lee taeyeon, a comprehensive career timeline (debut (2016) — 2019), pt. i

2016

the first year of indigo's lifespan feels a little bit like something taeyeon only half-experiences, but that probably has more to do with the sleep deprivation than the objective surrealism of it all. overnight, it seems, he's catching kids in the hallways at school taking pictures of him through classroom windows, whenever time allows for him to physically show up, swarmed by people in passing who might have otherwise only spared him a glance. on-screen, when the music videos and performances have all been done and dusted and they're marketing themselves on variety shows, he's not entirely sure what he's doing, but it seems to be working. he's naive, gives too much of himself over for consumption, and it leaves too little room for separation between lee taeyeon, the person and lee taeyeon, the face of indigo. he's loved, undoubtedly, and rises to a level of popularity that no teenager is equipped to handle, but he's so incredibly tired that he doesn't even have the bandwidth to process it. they're four releases deep before the end of the year. taeyeon keeps going.

he doesn't think he ever cries quite as hard as he does when their work pays off in recognition during award ceremonies. it all happens so quickly and maybe it's awe, dread, on tougher days, that washes over him when he realizes that it's only just begun.

highlights: album of the year, artist of the year, best male group at multiple award shows; record amount of music show wins with growl; special host on multiple episodes of weekly idol

2017

still rookies, despite the massive success they achieved so early on, the year after debut becomes one crafted with the intent of solidifying their position as a critically acclaimed and highly anticipated boy group among a growing sea of competition. as the face of the group and the de facto representative in all matters not covered by their leader, taeyeon is held up, bounced around from place to place for everyone to see with "indigo" in massive letters across his forehead. of course, he's not always alone, oftentimes appearing on variety shows and at brand events alongside another member, but when he is, it feels intentional. for half the year, there's hardly any schedule that management says "no," to, the rare occasion being conflicts with group promotion. he takes his job seriously, shoves any wayward stress to the deep recesses of his mind, eats when he can and puts a smile on his face because it's the least he can do.

every day he's reminded of how many people would kill to be in his position, would kill to be any one of the members, and aren't your members working hard, too, lee taeyeon? should the world stop turning for you?

there are ways around exhaustion, humanity. he learns.

highlights: law of the jungle, music bank mc, host of mbc gayo daejejeon, various one-off variety show appearances and commercial brand endorsements, first solo magazine cover

2018 - 2019

if you were to ask taeyeon what these two years of his life encompass, he'd probably answer with something like in-flight movies and falling asleep during english classes, but, to the common outsider, 2018 and 2019 are the years that truly globalize indigo. they also happen to serve as a point in time where all pretenses are abandoned and taeyeon's impending adulthood makes him free game.

publicly, he gets painted as a noona lover, scripted to flirt with women twice his age on tv shows, fully grown into his looks and unprotected in all the ways that matter. he doesn't think much of it, not really, flirting has always been apart of the job, but then his body becomes the focus. he's pushed to diet, told to cut down on how much he eats to chisel out; told to work out so he'd be toned enough to wear flowy shirts and crop tops. as much as he's always been, he is commodified and rebranded, an early pivot from the charming, mischievous little boy he'd been thus far to a man.

he has an early birthday. they celebrate with blood sweat and tears.

highlights: lyrical and compositional credits on wings album (intro: boy meets evil, lie, MAMA, cypher 4, 21st century girl), cast as "ato" in the miracle we met, viral fancam

[oncorhynchus-nerka]

VERY IMPORTANT a dam in the Netherlands, the weerdsluis lock, is directly on a migratory path for spawning fish. They have a worker stationed there to open the door for the fish, but they can take a while to open it. So to keep the fish from getting preyed on by birds they installed a doorbell. Only, the fish don't have hands to ring the doorbell. If you go to their website, they have a LIVE CAMERA AND A DOORBELL that YOU RING FOR THE FISH when they're waiting, and then the dam worker opens the door for them! I can't express how obsessed I am with this. look at this shit. oh my god.

Please check on the fish doorbell once in a while :)

[annabelle--cane]

my high school chorus teacher had a class rule that's stuck with me where if you knew you couldn't emotionally handle getting rejected for a solo then you shouldn't audition for it in the first place. the same principle applies to sex, if you can't handle hearing "no" then absolutely do not ask.

[abreathlessplace]

"i wonder if we ever think of each other at the same time."