#i've written up. so many reports and reflections

[ozzgin]

OZZGIN!

May I request an idea/imagine?

It is about yandere! mental asylum patient and psychiatrist! reader, who is very practical and strict regarding her job, takes no BS from others. But, for some reason, she has a soft spot for yandere! mental asylum patient. The reason could either be he had a hard childhood in which he had to do what he had to do, which brutally killed his father, who used to abuse his mother and sister, but when the father tried to sell the sister into prostitution to buy more alcohol, all hell break lose. Psychiatrist! reader thinks what yandere! mental asylum the patient did was OKAY, and she wants to get him out of the asylum. They love each other deeply and would do anything, so far as to kill for one another. If you can, make it as twisted as you can. I live for some dark romance!

Please ignore my request if you are not able to do it. I completely understand. Thank you in advance! <3

Oh my, this request hits somewhat close to home as I have a friend incarcerated for similar reasons. I'm pondering the logistics behind this context you've provided, since murdering someone won't necessarily land you in a psych ward unless there are other symptoms that come with it. And so I've taken the liberty to expand the character's profile if that's alright. (Conveniently enough I still have my psychopathology lecture notes)

I want to add, however, that this story in no way romanticizes mental illness! If anything, one may consider it an opportunity to reflect on the fact that so many people struggling with disorders do not receive the proper care for it, or only do so when it's too late. Furthermore a medical professional should never, ever behave like this and whatever is written here should stay in the realm of fiction!

Yandere! Patient x Psychiatrist! Reader

Featuring a patient that's pushing the boundaries of your work ethic and might even succeed.

Content/warnings: female reader, detailed mentions of mental disorder, violence, obsessive behavior, breach of professional conduct

You roll up your sleeve and check your watch. He should be here soon. Out of habit, you shuffle the papers for a quick case review, even though you already know all the details by heart. You carefully set aside the patient’s MMPI and WHODAS entry assessments, then your first interviews. Your eyes briefly rest upon the resulting report you’ve comprised: Schizophreniform Disorder (Provisional) with good prognostic features; Diagnostic criteria consisting of delusions, disorganized speech (frequent derailment with episodes of incoherence, echolalia) and comorbid catatonia. Responds well to antipsychotic (clozapine 25mg/12 h) with no imminent need for dosage increase. As it currently stands, he will be fit for proper incarceration in less than 6 months. Is it something you agree with? Not quite. You’ve presented your case many times and it has always been met with pitiful shrugs and dismissals.

The door opens and you fix your posture, sweeping the documents back into your drawer. “And? How are you feeling today?” You ask, flashing a professional, cordial smile as the assisting nurse leads the patient to his seat and prepares her leave. “My chest hurts.” The man answers in a low voice, glaring at the nurse. He taps his foot against the plush carpet, seemingly restless. “How bad would you rate it? Chest pain is a somewhat common side effect of your medication.” You retort, following the movements of the woman finally excusing herself and exiting the room. Once you’re alone, the man’s shoulders droop and he visibly relaxes. “It’s not that, you know it. When can I touch you again?” He pleads, despair twisting his features. You tense up at the words. “Behave yourself. It hasn’t been that long.”

It’s not something you’re particularly proud of. In fact, you might even call it one of your great shames in life. You’ve always been a textbook professional, perhaps even too strict according to your coworkers and most patients. Not even in your wildest dreams would you have dared to imagine you’d violate the code of ethics by falling in love with your patient. But something about his situation stirred your sense of justice. Surely one cannot be punished for protecting their loved ones. The only criminal in the equation, at least in your eyes, was that joke of a father and he had it coming. So you found yourself wrestling against a blooming protectiveness and favoritism towards the young man brought here last month.

What would have normally compelled you into action had therefore been silently swept under the rug. Or even worse, you secretly indulged in it. A patient showing signs of affection towards you would instantly be transferred to a different psychiatrist. Yet you couldn’t put away the letters written by this one. Erratic, crumpled notes of “I love you” written countless times, pencil dug so deep it tore into the sheet. Bizarre illustrations that looked almost threatening. His elaborate delusions before medication was introduced, where he’d detail in grand narratives how you were fated for each other and nothing would stop him from having you sooner or later. You do not know what forces possessed you into this addictive plunge, but you’ve come to enjoy his violent, frenzied confessions. So much, that during one of the unsupervised meetings you let yourself pushed into the sofa as his hands tugged at your body in rabid need. It was so out of character that you wondered if it truly happened, though the bite marks and scratches on your neck and chest proved otherwise.

“Are they going to send me to prison?” He changes the subject and stands up, walking towards your desk. “Most likely. What you have is the result of a traumatic event, not a lifelong condition. Sporadic episodes that can be kept under control with antipsychotics aren’t enough of a reason to keep you in the hospital.” You press your legs together nervously and glance at him. “Can’t you just say it’s no longer working?” He suggests, kneeling before you and placing a hand on your thigh. “You know I can’t lie on the report.” You really don’t like it when he manipulates you like this. “Ah, yes, because lying is worse than fucking your patient.” He scoffs, annoyed. “Don’t threaten me like that”, you say as you turn towards him, but you’re stopped by the rough grip of his hand over your cheeks. “I’m not threatening you, I’m threatening everyone else. Listen, (Y/N), I’m not fucking around. I don’t mind pretending to be crazy if I have to. Will the meds still be working if I steal a shaving razor and cut the nurse open?” You try to open your mouth, but his fingers are pressed into your skin, locking your jaw into place. “I’m not going to prison. I’m not. Then I’ll never see you again and that can’t happen. You know that.”

Eventually he releases his hold, allowing you to speak. "I understand. Then there's no choice but to arrange your escape." You sigh, defeated, and he raises his eyebrows. "Won't that get you in trouble?" You chuckle at his statement. "Either way I'll be in trouble. You said it yourself. Might as well quit before I have to stand in front of the ethics board and have my license revoked." You'd prefer to keep the last ounce of pride if possible.

He sits on the floor and you notice his trembling hands. "Nervous?" You ask. "No. Just really happy. I'm not a bad person and you were the only one here to see it. But God, (Y/N), I'd kill anyone if it was for your sake. I can't wait to hold you whenever I want." He gazes at you as a smile widens on his face.

[captainthisshipinmyhead]

Terms of Agreement

Giyuu x Fem!Reader

You'd agreed to a friends with benefits type of situation with Tomioka, thinking that it would be easy to keep feelings out of it. How stupid of you.

Warnings: SMUT, slight angst, fluff, possibly basic and overdone plot, poorly written fight scenes, use of y/n if you don't like that, Giyuu is cold to you but not too mean bc he is a sweetie :(

WC: 5,262

!! This contains SMUT!!! DO NOT INTERACT if you are a minor!

A/N: Hi hi, as I said in my previous post this is my first fanfic in like 11ish years and only my second fanfic ever so I'm excited to post it. I've never written smut or combat scenes before, which... may be obvious lol. I'm open to feedback, but please be nice. I hope you enjoy. <3

“If you insist on this, it has to be without meaning.” 

Those were the words the Water Hashira spoke to you just before you agreed to a friends with benefits situation with him. Your attraction to each other upon meeting was practically palpable; something had to be done about it. It clearly wasn’t a one-sided attraction either, as the typically elusive Pillar never fled from a room you were in, seeking your eyes at corps meetings, and seemed to be content conversing with you when you decided to chat with him over meals. His eyes rested on your lips when you spoke, and when he thought you weren’t looking they dipped lower. This continued until you finally ran into him outside of a secluded onsen and, figuring bluntness would be the best way to approach this subject since it would pretty much be awkward either way, blurted out that you would like to sleep with him if he were interested. After a stunned silence, he nodded his head, wide eyed and pink-cheeked.

Tomioka’s original terms of this agreement were simply that no feelings were involved and that you kept this arrangement a secret from the other members of the demon slayer corps. Terms you agreed to without hesitation as you assumed that they would be easy to uphold, and the both of you were wound up tightly with need of an outlet. Unfortunately, it seems that any similar instances in the past that you were reflecting on when making this decision were not at all similar to the one you found yourself in with Tomioka. With Tomioka, your growing feelings for him became undeniable quickly. 

All it took was your first night together for you to become putty in his hands- his soft caresses, gentle words, and deep eye contact throughout the whole encounter had you breathless. You had never experienced such tenderness from any romantic partner in the past. You had to practically repeat a mantra to yourself the entire time- no feelings, no feelings, no feelings. It had been futile, proven the next morning when you roused from dreams of being lovingly held in Tomioka’s arms in front of a golden sunset. Ever since that night six months ago, you had been hooked. Try as you might, you couldn’t shake the near-constant thoughts of being more than a hookup with him. You blushed when he made eye contact with you at training sessions, and when he entered a room you had to excuse yourself for fear of him being able to hear how embarrassingly loud your heart was beating. At least in your nighttime trysts, that could be chalked up to the physicality you were experiencing...

You managed to keep your arrangement a secret from other demon slayer corps, though you had run into Shinobu a few times as you returned in the early morning to your room in her mansion to freshen up for the day. She sometimes questioned your whereabouts, sometimes just gave you a sly smirk, though she never asked too many intrusive questions, so you were able to remain tightlipped.

As you walked leisurely back toward your room at the butterfly mansion to retire for the evening you were confronted with Tomioka’s crow stopping short in front of you, flapping to stay upright while he delivered a simple message:

Please report to the Water Hashira residence. One hour.

As quickly as he had come, he flapped off into the direction of his master’s mansion, where you now knew you’d be heading to shortly as well. You continued you way to your room with a quickness to your gait that wasn’t present before. Once you’d had some time in your room to freshen up and gather a few essential items you wished to take with you, you hurried on your way to Tomioka’s mansion.

When you arrived, the front gate of Tomioka’s estate was unlocked and you let yourself in. He stood waiting to greet you on his engawa with a pursing of his lips (meant to be a smile) and a nod. You blushed and cast your eyes downward as you crossed his courtyard.

“You look pretty.” 

You raised your eyes to Tomioka as you heard his words, now only a few steps away from him. It wasn’t uncommon for him to compliment you when you were alone; after all, of course he found you attractive if you’d entered into such a situation with him.

“Thank you,” you practically whispered, a blush gracing your full cheeks.

Seeing your reaction, Tomioka’s smile that resembled more of a grimace relaxed into something genuine. He gently looped his pinky in yours and tugged you toward the direction of his bedroom.

As soon as you stepped through the doors and slid them shut behind you, his lips were on yours.. Your eyes fluttered closed, and he softly cupped one cheek as his other arm pulled you in tightly by the waist. Sweet pecks gave way to sensual kissing, as his tongue began to prod at the seam of your lips. You opened up for him without hesitation, just like usual.

He kissed you like he’d been waiting for you much longer than three days, when you’d last been a nighttime guest at his residence.

He kissed you sometimes as if he were making love to you—all your clothes were on but the sensuality of his lips and tongue pulled moans from your throat and goosebumps to the surface of your skin as if you were already naked beneath him.

You’d never get tired of this, not as long as the two of you had this arrangement. Kissing him was sometimes almost better than the sex itself. Almost.

He pulled back, breathless, and looked you in the eyes, giving you another shy smile. You returned his expression, unable to resist his kind face. You nodded toward his futon and began taking steps toward it.

Back hitting the mattress, Tomioka leaned down over you once again in search of your lips. As you made out, you hands pushed his haori off of his shoulders, and his fingers deftly pulled at the ties to your yukata. You both made quick work of each other’s clothing and soon enough his fingers were traveling down, down, down until they reached your sex and teasingly ran up your slit.

You gasped into his mouth as he circled your clit, and he ducked his head down to suck on the sensitive spot beneath your ear.

“To- Tomi-,” you tried to gasp out, but he quickly kissed you again, shutting you up.

“What did I tell you to call me?” He rasped, continuing to rub your clit.

“Giyuu, Giyuu please,” you corrected.

“Please what? What do you want baby, say it.”

“Y-your mouth. Please Giyuu, I need you there. Please,” you continued to beg, but he kissed down your neck between his responses, clearly not intending on granting your wish.

“C’mon sweetheart, you know you’ve gotta say it. Where do you want my mouth?”

You were practically whining; you were embarrassingly close already.

“Please eat my pussy Giyuu, please, I need your mouth.”

“Good girl.”

Then he was down at your core, mouth on you faster than you could blink. He pushed your thighs apart, devouring your wetness as if it were water and he’d been in the desert all day. His tongue expertly flicked between your clit and your entrance, and your eyes rolled back in your head at the sensation. There was a reason you’d beg for his mouth-- he knew how to please you this way. Your hips wriggled without any sort of rhythm, unknowing what it is they were in search of-- just wanting more more more… He pulled your legs on top of his shoulders, caging his head in, and pressed a palm flat and firm against your lower stomach to still your frantic movements. His other hand tickled its way up your sensitive stomach and pinched a nipple, rolling it between deft fingers.

“Giyuu I- I’m gonna-“

“Go on,” He mumbled against your clit, lips brushing against it with every word.

The timbre of his voice sent you over the edge. He continued to lap at your entrance through your release. As your shivers of pleasure subsided, you reached out to him, curling your fingers toward your upper half in an indication for him to come back up to your face. He complied, once again sealing your lips with his, now coated in your flavor. He sighed and you moaned into the kiss, both grinding your hips into one another, always aching for more.

You pressed your fingers tips onto his chest and dragged them downward, until you reached his belt. When you got it unbuckled he helped push his pants down his hips; just as eager to feel you as you were him. He positioned himself at your entrance and looked into your eyes as if asking if it was okay. You nodded and surged upward for another peck to his lips; you couldn’t help it. He pressed in- you didn’t feel any pain; only pleasure despite his girth. You’d long ago been carved out to the shape of him, as your nighttime visits never went longer than maybe 5 days between.

Your breath caught in your throat as he sank all the way in, cervix stopping his tip. His eyes squeezed shut as he muttered,

“Y/n….you’re s-so tight, so wet f’me.”

You didn’t try to hold back your moan at the praise, and his head sank into your shoulder as he began to move.

His thrusts were languid and deep, you were whimpering each time he bottomed out. Your legs wrapped around his waist and pulled him closer. Though missionary was basic, you both enjoyed being like this; faces buried into each other’s hair, chests touching as you both breathe heavily in each other’s ears. The intimacy of it all was something you both craved, though you don’t think either of you would admit it out loud.

Giyuu rose up briefly to hook the back of your knees with his arms, planting his hands on the bed and folding you up nearly in half. He got even deeper inside you this way, and you couldn’t help the pathetically loud moans at the new angle.

His groans next to your ear while he fucked you in this new position caused you to tighten around him, building you toward your second orgasm. He took notice of the way you clenched tighter than before, a dead giveaway you were going to finish soon. He increased his speed and worked a hand between your tightly pressed bodies to circle your clit again, just the way you like.

Your hands flew to his shoulders, gripping him tightly at the stimulation. You couldn’t help the way your nails dug into his skin, probably leaving marks; everything felt too good.

Your peak hit you, causing you to tighten your legs around his hips, though he didn’t slow the pace of his thrusts or his fingers. As you came, you could only make garbled noises of praise, whispers and whimpers combining his name with affirmations of so good sprinkled in.

Giyuu, who had been holding his own orgasm off with great effort on his part, began to nearly whine as he came deep inside you, giving a couple more thrusts before he went limp above you and nuzzled into your warmth.

You savored this: Giyuu breathing into your neck and your hearts beating against each other’s, both of you coming down from your high, arms and legs tangled…. It was routine to lay together like this as both of your breathing slowed back down, and though it was truly just a resting period meant for recovery it felt like love. Knowing that it wasn’t an embrace with real emotion behind it sucked, but you took it selfishly each time all the same.

After a few moments your breaths had slowed, and Giyuu removed himself from you and went to fetch a warm cloth to clean up the remnants of both of your releases from between your legs. He tossed it to the side when finished, returning again to your side as he pulled you into an embrace.

This part was what really made you feel like maybe there was some emotion behind what the two of you had. Surely if he didn’t harbor feelings for you as well he would send you on your way back to your residence, right? In your experience with guys before him, they didn’t care so much about aftercare once they finished. They made it clear that your shared night was a one night stand and that you were not to get comfortable enough to stay until morning. You pondered this as Giyuu nuzzled his face further into your neck, pressing kisses lightly to the skin there. His arm lay across your chest, and his hand tanlged in your hair on the other side of your head. He twirled strands lazily around his fingers—the picture of contentment.

Surely... surely this level of comfort is only achieved with someone who you feel romantic emotions toward, right? Since your directness is usually a trait of yours that your value, and what had gotten you into your current position, you made your mind up that it was once again the best course of action to speak up and say what was flitting across your brain.

“Giyuu...”

“Hmmmm?” He hums lazily in response, not loosening his grip on you.

“I... I think I, well... Um, I think I maybe have feelings for you. Like, romantic feelings. I mean like, I’m sure that’s kind of obvious, given.... y’know, but I mean I want-“

You’re cut off by Giyuu sitting up sharply, head turning away from you to face the small windows letting in moonlight from high on his bedroom wall. You immediately miss his warmth and your mind floods with worry, knowing that you said something wrong.

“We can’t do this anymore.” 

He said it with such finality, your heart sank low into the pit of your stomach. This is why you worried- Giyuu, such a hard person to get to know, hard person to read, can easily cut ties at a moment’s notice. You figured it’s probably for this reason that he kept himself at a distance from others; it makes everything having to do with emotions so much easier.

 “N-no, Giyuu- Giyuu why? I don’t- I don’t want to-“ you work on stammering out a reply, while he shakes his head and begins to turn back toward you, wearing a stern expression.

“We have to, y/n. This isn’t healthy for either of us. I think I may have given you the wrong idea about what this is and I.... For that I apologize. But this can’t continue any longer.”

His eyes never met your face as he said this. Your mouth opened in response, but no sound came out.

“Y/n... I think it’s best that I take you to my guest room. I won’t let you leave now in the middle of the night, but I don’t think it’s wise to share a bed tonight considering these circumstances.”

He stood, pulling his pants back on and folding the blankets back so that you could get up too. Your legs somehow felt like lead and like jelly at the same time so it took you a few seconds longer than it normally would have to stand and re-dress yourself. Giyuu stood by silently, facing the door to the room, waiting for you to follow him out.

You walked without speaking, without hardly breathing even, not wanting to make any noise for fear of upsetting him further and making him change his mind about letting you stay. Not like you couldn’t hold your own, but you’d prefer not to go toe-to-toe with any demons tonight given how fragile your emotional state is. Giyuu stopped in front of a door and slid it open, gesturing for you to step inside. You stepped past him, trying not to tear up as you looked at the floor.

“Please don’t hesitate to come get me if you need anything tonight, Y/n. I don’t want you to be uncomfortable, or at least not any more than you probably are.” You could feel his eyes boring into your face.

“Y/n, please say something. Anything you want to say to me, I’ll take it. If you’re angry, I understand.”

You still stood silently, trying to regulate your breathing and formulate a response. You finally came up with something to say, but it wasn’t anywhere near all that you wanted to express to him.

“After tonight, please just leave me alone. I can’t be friends with you after this... after all of this. Thank you for letting me stay. I’m going to lay down now.”

“Y/n....” he trailed off, his expression having softened as you spoke.

“It’s probably best that you don’t address me that way anymore. We don’t know each other intimately anymore and we won’t be able to remain friends, so please address me accordingly.”

Giyuu’s eyes dropped before he nodded and turned his back to you, making toward the door. If you didn’t know any better, you’d think his eyes glistened with emotion. He paused briefly on his way out, to say once more to come get him if you needed anything tonight, then he slid the doors to your temporary residence shut.

As soon as you lay your head onto the pillow of the plain and neat futon you began to cry. You cried until you exhausted yourself and fell into a deep sleep.

It had been two weeks since you’d left Tomioka’s house in the early morning, holding back a fresh wave of tears. You hadn’t seen him except for a couple of brief sightings of him at group training sessions at the houses of other hashiras. You did well at avoiding his gaze, choosing instead to channel the anger and hurt you felt over how you had ended into maximizing the power of your attacks. You had received a few letters from his crow within the first week of your separation, but you tossed them into the fires needed by Aoi to cook dinners since you often helped her prepare the kitchen in the evening for meals.

Shinobu was the first to notice that you weren’t staying out all night at some mystery location anymore. “No midnight rendezvous tonight?” She questioned you cheekily after the first few days, an eyebrow raised teasingly. You had tried to respond with a short no, but you were so choked up at the wave of emotion that ensued that you could only look at your feet and shake your head. Shinobu became concerned as you stayed shut in your room night after night, sometimes skipping dinner with everyone. The other girls in the mansion noticed that you were not acting as your typical chipper self and tried to get you to confide in them in attempts at easing your sadness, but you refused to speak about the source of your heartbreak.

By the third week, the pain lingering in your heart had subsided to a dull ache that only turned stabbing at the sight of him, or the thought of him, or the mention of his name. You were relieved when you received word that you were being sent on a mission to a nearby village with reports of children being stolen from their beds at night. Your strength and agility had improved with the increase in your training intensity, so you felt more than ready to take on this task and save the lives of the innocent village children.

You had been on the mission for 2 days without finding any trace of the demon. This confused you; this was a low level demon and they often were clumsy and unable to disguise themselves cleverly from slayers. You strolled seemingly aimlessly, twisting and turning down paths between homes and shops that were all locked up for the night, seeing nothing with each survey of the streets. As you turned what felt like your thousandth corner, you froze.

There was a demon standing at the end of this alley, back turned to you. He was just standing, like he were waiting for someone. How hadn’t you sensed it? You knew it had to have heard you approaching, but you still took slow and quiet steps to close the distance between the two of you. Your body was tense as you prepared to launch into an attack, hand at the ready on your nichirin blade.

Just as you got within blade’s distance of the towering figure, it whipped around, long taloned hand stretched to you, and slammed your body into a nearby wall.

Ouch. You mentally scolded yourself for not being faster on your feet, but then again you’d never fought a demon with such speed before either. You couldn’t even take a breath as you stood up because it already had its claws wrapped around your torso, lifting you high above his head. You had somehow managed to hold onto your blade, so you slashed with all the force you could muster at the demon’s head and neck. You were able to inflict a deep wound in the creature’s face, though of course not fatal. Its grip on you loosed, and you were able to wriggle out of its grasp and drop back down on your feet to the ground below.

At this point, you locked in and began fighting the demon with a vigor you’d never had on missions before. Your recent heartbreak fueled a new passion in you that strengthened your grip on your sword and sharpened your mind to form battle strategies. You were able to slash wildly and accurately enough with your blade that you had backed the demon into a corner in its retreat, crouching as it reformed the arm you had slashed off seconds ago. It appeared you had the upper hand, so you raised your sword for the killing blow while the demon was looking at his new limb regrowth.

Suddenly, a scorching hot pain consumed your left side. The demon had scored large and deep cuts across your torso while you had been too focused on its other arm and hitting its neck. You muttered a curse—both at the demon and at yourself for your failure—and fell to the ground. Your ears rang and your eyes blurred, mouth filling with cotton as you lay on the ground. You thought you heard your name being called faintly, but as your eyes drifted closed, you couldn’t find the will to care.

Blinking against harsh light, you hissed at the brightness of the room you were currently lying in. You felt groggy and exposed at the same time, beginning to move your head side to side in search of someone else nearby who could answer some questions that were slowly populating in your mind. It looked like you were in the infirmary at the butterfly mansion, but why would you be here as a patient? Nothing had happened to you that you could remember....

To your left, you noticed that there was a pillow and blanket draped across a chair in the corner of the room nearest your bed. A book lay open on the side table, a half empty cup beside it; clearly someone had been sitting with you and hopefully they were coming back before too long to retrieve their things.

Movement caught your eye on the other side of the room, and looking over you saw Shinobu step through the doorway. Her eyes were already on you as she crossed the room’s threshold, and you noticed the falter in her step and the widening of her eyes as she registered that you were awake.

“Y/n! I’m so happy to see that you are awake. I was just about to re-check your vitals while you were asleep, and I’ll proceed to check them now that you’re awake. Once I get them, I will go fetch Tomioka and let him know that you’ve woken up.”

“T- Tomioka?” Your voice was rough as you questioned the mention of his name. Why would he come see you? He didn’t even like you really, he had cut things off with you with such detachment he surely didn’t care about your wellbeing too much. Bitterness flooded your mind at the memory of your secret relationship with him and how hurtful the end of it had been.

“Yes of course! He was the one who brought you in; he found you on your last mission greatly injured- it turns out the demon we had thought to be a lower level threat was a lower moon. He’s been sitting with you every day since you’ve been recovering here in the infirmary. He even denied a mission that he had been assigned so that he could remain here to watch over you.” Her eyes sparkled as she told you this, as if she knew something that you didn’t quite yet.

What? Surely you were still unconscious. There’s no way that this was true. Tomioka had never refused a mission for any reason, especially not a reason as trivial as a.... friend.... being injured.

Shinobu had already left the room before you could ask further questions, so you settled back against your pillow as your mind raced. Not even two minutes later, Tomioka rushed through the door with a quickness normally reserved for battle.

“Y/n, are you feeling alright? Do you hurt anywhere? I can ask Kocho to bring you something for pain...” He trailed off, looking back toward the door he had come through, already having kneeled by your bedside.

“T- Tomioka, I’m confused-“

“Giyuu. Call me Giyuu, y/n, please.”

Your brow furrowed further than it had been already, Giyuu’s eyes finally having reached your face and registering your expression.

“Okay, Giyuu. I greatly appreciate you saving my life of course, but I’m confused about why you are here. Shinobu said you’ve been here the entire time I’ve been unconscious also, which is... actually I’m not sure how long, but-“

“A month,” he answered matter of factly.

“A month?! You’ve been by my bedside for an entire month? Tomioka, you-“

“Giyuu.”

“Giyuu, you don’t even like me to my knowledge. Please don’t interrupt me anymore, by the way. You cut things off between us with hardly an explanation as to why. I was perfectly content with the arrangement we had but you cut me off, quite coldly. I was hurt by it, deeply.” You couldn’t help the way your expression arranged into a scowl at the memory of the pain you’d felt.

“And I saw that. I’m so sorry, y/n. I never meant to hurt you, I thought that by ending things with you I was doing you a favor. That last night with you, when you ........., I realized that the feelings on your end were real also and I didn’t want to hurt you further by denying you later on and leading you on.” He reached for your hand as he said this, grasping your cold one in his strong, calloused warmth.

“Wait, also? What do you mean by also?”

“I... Y/n, I thought it was obvious. I love you. I have loved you since the first time we spoke, and I’ve been terrified of you finding out when we would see each other in the night. But how could you not know? I called on you so much, I... I thought I was being transparent, but I couldn’t make myself resist you if you were willing to be with me that way. I’m sorry, Y/n, I’m so sorry to have ever hurt you.”

Your brows remained scrunched in confusion. He loves you? Then why...?

“But, that last night, you told me we couldn’t see each other anymore. I don’t understand why you did all that if you felt the same way.”

“Honestly, as scared as I was of losing you, I was more scared of truly being with you in a relationship. I didn’t think I could give you what you need, what you deserve....” He cast his eyes down. “Y/n, you deserve better than me, and I thought that by cutting you off before things got too real I could spare you.”

Your mouth hung open in disbelief at what you heard, a laugh without humor bursting forth from your lips before you answered.

“Spare me? The pain I felt was unbearable, Giyuu. I fell for you long before that night. It was way too late at that point. You should’ve talked to me.”

“I know that know. But when I found you with that demon, there was so much blood and you looked so hurt I... I didn’t know if you’d make it, and it scared me more than anything else I’ve ever gone through. And though I still think I’m undeserving of having the privilege of calling you mine, I can promise you that I will try every day to be the man you need me to be. I want to be worthy of you, I just.... I just want you, Y/n.”

His eyes met your gaze with an intensity that made your heart leap in your chest. Or maybe that was the weight of his words, or the warmth of his hand covering yours, or a million other tiny perfect aspects of this moment that you shared with him. You couldn’t fight the tears that flooded your eyes, your lips turning up into a watery smile. All you could muster was a nod, a confirmation that you wanted this with him, that you wanted him just as badly. Unable to refrain any longer, you reached your arms out and looped them around his neck, pulling him into an embrace that he was more than happy to return, wrapping his strong arms around your waist and burying his face into your neck. After a few moments of holding each other Giyuu pulled his face back slightly, a question in his gaze as he glanced between your eyes and your lips. Without hesitation, you brought your mouth to his and sank into his kiss. You could feel his lips turn up into a smile as they moved against yours, and your body relaxed further into his embrace as your fingers reached around to tangle in his hair. You’d missed this so much, and now you’d never have to be without it.

Someone cleared their throat and you both broke away, turning to look at who it was, though neither of you broke your embrace. Shinobu stood holding a tray of varying medicines along with some food and water. Her ever-present smile adorning her face held a genuine warmth looking at the two of you.

“I apologize for interrupting, but Y/n, I need to administer your medications. It won’t take very long. Tomioka, you can stay if you’d like.”

He backed from your bedside, though his fingers remained tangled in yours and his lips remained upturned. His hand stayed locked in yours through the administration of your medications, and after that, your meal and your nap was well, and when you woke up from it he was still at your side, brushing the hair back from your forehead and smiling down at you tenderly. He gave you a peck right above your eyebrow before pulling away.

“I love you, y/n. I’m here now, I always will be.”

[embracing-the-ineffable]

Breaking the Silence, posted by Neil Gaiman at 10:20 AM (1/14/25)

I haven't had a chance to process this yet, but NG has posted on his website:

Text below the cut if you don't want to follow the link (And a reminder to everyone, please be radically fucking kind to everyone as they process this in their own ways):

"Over the past many months, I have watched the stories circulating the internet about me with horror and dismay. I’ve stayed quiet until now, both out of respect for the people who were sharing their stories and out of a desire not to draw even more attention to a lot of misinformation. I've always tried to be a private person, and felt increasingly that social media was the wrong place to talk about important personal matters. I've now reached the point where I feel that I should say something.

As I read through this latest collection of accounts, there are moments I half-recognise and moments I don’t, descriptions of things that happened sitting beside things that emphatically did not happen. I’m far from a perfect person, but I have never engaged in non-consensual sexual activity with anyone. Ever. 

I went back to read the messages I exchanged with the women around and following the occasions that have subsequently been reported as being abusive. These messages read now as they did when I received them – of two people enjoying entirely consensual sexual relationships and wanting to see one another again. At the time I was in those relationships, they seemed positive and happy on both sides.

And I also realise, looking through them, years later, that I could have and should have done so much better. I was emotionally unavailable while being sexually available, self-focused and not as thoughtful as I could or should have been. I was obviously careless with people's hearts and feelings, and that's something that I really, deeply regret. It was selfish of me. I was caught up in my own story and I ignored other people's.

I’ve spent some months now taking a long, hard look at who I have been and how I have made people feel. 

Like most of us, I’m learning, and I'm trying to do the work needed, and I know that that's not an overnight process. I hope that with the help of good people, I'll continue to grow. I understand that not everyone will believe me or even care what I say but I’ll be doing the work anyway, for myself, my family and the people I love. I will be doing my very best to deserve their trust, as well as the trust of my readers.

At the same time, as I reflect on my past – and as I re-review everything that actually happened as opposed to what is being alleged – I don't accept there was any abuse. To repeat, I have never engaged in non-consensual sexual activity with anyone.

Some of the horrible stories now being told simply never happened, while others have been so distorted from what actually took place that they bear no relationship to reality. I am prepared to take responsibility for any missteps I made. I’m not willing to turn my back on the truth, and I can't accept being described as someone I am not, and cannot and will not admit to doing things I didn't do."

Here's information about yesterday's article, which he's responding to:

And another reminder to everyone, please be radically fucking kind to everyone as they process this in their own ways.

[ladysarai]

10 Inception Fics for Fanworks Day!

So apparently today is International Fanworks Day! I saw this post for Feedback Fest 2025, asking for comments "recommending 10 fanworks. Tell everyone why you love these works and why they should check them out." And because I am EXTRA, I decided to make a Tumblr post for this.

But then I realized I could not keep it to 10 recs total and decided to do two posts--one for Inception, and one for Star Wars. There is NO rhyme or reason to the fics recommended here, other than "this is a story I linked to @nutterzoi and told her to go read RIGHT NOW and then when I saw the link I thought 'oh I should read that again'."

This is my Inception rec post! 10 fics I loved enough to shove at my bestie, and then read multiple times, under the cut. ...They're all Arthur/Eames, because that's my jam. Also there might be a lot more AUs than I planned, but the fandom is just that good at writing AUs. Enjoy!

The Only Living Boy in New York by witling: the very first Arthur/Eames stuck in Limbo fic I ever read, and still an eternal favorite.

2. The Boy who Spoke with Ghosts by AvocadoLove: amazing AU in which the little boy from The Sixth Sense grows up to be Arthur. Arthur has to constantly deal with seeing ghosts, including Mal and a little girl who follows Eames around. So good.

3. Patience, a Steady Hand by Helenish: the Viking AU everyone recs, and for good reason, wow. I think I've read it like 3 times now, and am due for a reread. There is non-con, so beware, but also like... Vikings. So. I didn't know I needed an Arthur/Eames Viking AU, but I did and so do you.

4. Pulled Thread by @strangegeology: I have lost count how many times I have read this fic. It's Arthur and Eames trying to figure themselves out in their relationship, and it makes me cry every time I read it because these idiots love each other so much but are so stupid about it and stuck in their own heads sometimes. Also there is fabulous cat.

5. Nobody Knew Me at Home Anymore by enjambament: This fic is fucking BEAUTIFUL. In which Eames moves in next door when Arthur is 11, and they grow up together and then fall apart and then meet up again, and I have Big Feels. My very favorite "they grew up together" fic. Overdue for a reread.

6. I've Got Nothing to do Today but Smile (The Only Boy in New York) by gyzym: THE Coffee Shop AU, recced a zillion times, for good reason. In fact, it is the fic that sold me on Coffee Shop AUs because I never understood the appeal, but it's about so much more than the coffee shop but the coffee shop is essential. Do yourself a favor and read it.

7. Like No Other (Pretty Damned Good as You Are) by @darlingandmreames: Absolutely the VERY BEST daemon AU Inception fic I have ever come across. I adore the choices for both Arthur and Eames and how well their daemons reflect them. It's just. *chef's kiss*

8. All the Rules to Break by foxxcub: Another AU, where Arthur and Eames were former partners in Chicago PD and now Eames is an FBI Agent and there's a serial killer a little obsessed with Arthur. As I told Zoe "WELP, you have to read this one." Because it's fabulous.

9. Ne Me Quitte Pas by Black Betty: WWII AU, and my message to Zoe said "RUN. DO NOT WALK. RUN, and READ THIS." It's so emotional and bittersweet and full of longing and worry and just. Wonderful.

10. The Devil Takes His Own by kiyala: AN AU CROSSOVER WITH Mira Grant's Newsflesh series! And it does not even require a knowledge of the series, because it stands on its own and explains enough anyway. Basically, the Inception crew are reporters in a post-zombie apocalypse world. Super well written and original and please give it a read.

[kpopsexstories]

Series Ended: Most Memorable Sexual Experiences of TXT

The Most Memorable Sexual Experiences of TXT series has come to an end. You can now read all the stories below, and I've updated the official post for the series to reflect that it's a series that has been concluded 😊

What you got in this series was 7 unique stories – one per member of TXT and two that featured all five – that told of the most memorable sexual experiences from their own perspectives. This does not mean "best sex", as what's memorable for a person can be many things.

Let me give you a summary! Here are the seven stories from the TXT series:

1. All 5 Members – While in Hawaii for Halloween the boys go swimming in the dark after a party, and end up masturbating together in shark-infested waters.

2. Yeonjun – Every summer Yeonjun spends time on his uncle's farm in the countryside, where he has a long-standing flirt with his adopted cousin. It's imperative that the uncle doesn't find out that his nephew is doing his daughter.

3. Hueningkai – Kai spends time alone with his sister's best friend and ends up taking her virginity, on the beach on which they've had many fun and shared experiences growing up.

4. Taehyun Pt. 1 and Pt. 2 – In part 1, Taehyun's heart is broken when he walks in on Soobin having sex with the older woman they just did a TV interview with. In part 2, it's Taehyun's turn to go to bed with her. Relationships are mended and the sex is... crazy, to say the least.

5. Soobin – A weekend off is spent on a yacht off the coast of Busan, where Soobin faces his fears of the depth of the ocean. Naked, free and in good company, it's a perfect day of sex he'll never forget.

6. Beomgyu – A virgin in the early days of becoming an idol, Beomgyu makes a plan to trick his parents and sleep with his friend. When he comes without even realizing he's actually inside her, his actions threaten to have devastating consequences.

7. All 5 Members (gay bonus story) – Boundaries are pushed when a friendly and playful jerk-off session in public showers is interrupted by a (male) stranger who catches the boys in the act. Will he be angry and report them, or does he maybe want to join?

Will there be a new Most Memorable Sexual Experiences of... group?

The answer is yes, no, maybe 🤔

These series' are really hard to write, because not only does a single story take a long time to complete, but it forces me to write for every single member of a given group.

Often times I'm inspired by many of them, but not all. That always leaves one or two stories that I simply cannot get together.

I'll let you in on a few secrets though:

I've considered BTS, Riize, Seventeen, Stray Kids, The Boys, Enhyphen and Monsta X. None of them seems to stick, though I've gotten furthest with Riize and Stray Kids.

BTS, which for a long time I thought would be the next one, will never happen because I'm stuck on half of them. That's why next week (on Monday) I'm releasing Jimin's story which was originally intended to be an MMSE story.

I have outlines for all members of Stray Kids. If there will be a third installment of this series they're likely to be the group. I haven't actually written a single one of them in full though, so it will be a while.

So what group would you like to see more of? Let me know in the comments! 😊

[makkoskafanfic]

The use of AI in Fanfictions - an essay I'm sure many people wrote before me

I've been thinking about this back and forth a lot lately and here's my two cents nobody asked for on the topic of AI in fanfiction.

Long text under the cut

I'll make a distinction here between using AI to enhance some of your creative fan writing and just prompting AI to write something for you en bloc, because in my opinion we are speaking of different things here. For the former there are some arguments I can make. For the record, I use claude.ai as I find it the most politely human sounding and a lot less inclined to come up with complete lies. (chatGPT I'm looking at you)

The thing I sporadically use it for is information gathering. Sporadically, as I quite enjoy reading through long Wikipedia articles about subjects I never dived into before, but sometimes I just need a two line summary that I'm struggling to find. Some of the random things I had to research for the current fic I'm working on:

- clubs/nightlife in the early 2000s in outer London/Reading

- parent-teacher meetings in Japan for 16 years old students

- popular drugs in Tokyo in the 2000s

- traditional musical instruments from Tibet

I've read through a bunch of blog posts, reddit posts (which I always find really draining), PDF reports, while I needed pretty much a 3 word answer on these. In a better late than never moment, I asked from AI as well, and decided to accept what it said as truth for the missing bits.

Then, for this same fic, I decided to write some song lyrics - and found that I really suck at it. In a pitch, I tried to get AI to write them for me - sadly they ended up even worse then my own ones, but I could use a few lines as inspiration at least.

So, I would say when you need a paragraph in a different style, let's say a news article, a diary entry, you can try to prompt it. I'd never use the text as it is, as AI writing is quite flavourless, missing the soul if you will, but it can help you through those bits that make you stuck for days at least. 

As a non-native English speaker, I'd really love it to help with the language at times, but I don't see it fit for this, at least not at this stage. Maybe specific translation tools are better at this, never tried them for any creative purpose, but I'd only ever recommend them if you are confident in understanding what the returned text says. We are very far from the point where you can type in a whole story in your local language and trust AI to return the translation while keeping not just the meaning but the quality of your writing as well.

And this is, I think, the crucial failing point of AI in creative writing. A story isn't only the plot, isn't only the characterisation, or the dialogues, which you can prompt to a degree. It isn't even only the smut. (I don't know any AI that writes you explicit scenes, there might be some out there already.) So many times I've said I have great story ideas inside my mind, if only I could plug in an USB stick to download them, but this wouldn't work for other reasons than the obvious.

Anyone who tries to write down one of the many ideas in their mind will know that a written story isn't the same as the one the internal movie machine provided. There will be gaps and plot holes and stuff that just doesn't work when written down. There will be conversations that will fail on paper. There will be things you can just not make your characters do. Even moreso, a written story is also your choice of words, your pacing, your style. A good story will be reflecting you, or the parts of you that you decide to expose through writing.

And this is why I don't see AI's point in creating whole fanfictions. It will miss *you* from it, it will be nothing but templates and cliches put next to each other and sure, we have all seen movies and series which didn't do much else, but it isn't what we should aim for, is it? A creative process is sometimes painful, sometimes frustrating, but strangely is still a fulfilling thing. If someone wants to prompt AI for a fic for themselves, why not? I did, mostly to prove my point that it won't be good, and yes, it wasn't good. I actually had a good laugh as it was so cringe. Posting it isn't evil either, but I find it fully pointless. Why would I read anyone's prompted AI fic, when it takes me less than a minute to create a bad story for myself? As far as I can see you gain nothing but a few kudos and lots of hateful comments if you post an AI created fic, so unless you want interactions from others regardless if they are positive or negative, why would you do it?

Bottom line? I don't see harm in trying to use AI smartly for fanfictions, it is nothing but a tool after all, don't let the "intelligence" part mislead you. It's not. But let us not forget to cherish the human creativity, and appreciate the beauty in different styles and thought processes. Let's use fanfictions to learn English (or language of your choice) on a higher level. Make it a *good* story. Make it a well-written story. Create believable characterisation and dialogues. Write that sex scene.

One more thing: I'm talking about fanfictions only, where we are already playing with someone else's toys and can have a lot less claim about what's "ours". For an original piece of fiction, especially if you are one of those brave souls considering publishing something, the level of AI usage I'd find acceptable converges to 0.

To prove, or disprove my point, I also asked AI what it thinks of this.

[silurisanguine]

20 Questions for Fanfiction Writers

Thanks for the tag @vorchagirl 🫶💕 I'll tag @eridanidreams @himluv and ANY writer who sees this and wants to do their own (not below mine though please as there are a lot of q&a and it could get lost)

1). How many works do you have on AO3?

40 currently!

2). What’s your total AO3 word count?

432,915 at the moment i type this....it will go up as i have a 3 wip currently editing!

3). What are your top five fics by kudos? Unsurprisingly my earliest fics have the most Kudos because how much they were read back then. I started writing for the Vampyr McReid ship and it was very popular. Top 5 by comment threads is quite different though!Savages - Vampyr McReid ship Starry Starry Night - Vampyr McReid ship Paradigm Shift - Vampyr McReid ship To See Beyond Forever - Dishonored Emsider ship Take me Away from All This Death - Vampyr - McReid ship

4). What fandoms do you write for?

I have written for the Vampyr, Dishonored and Thief, Deus Ex ( with Assassin's Creed mixed in),Destiny 2 - though only one fic there and Starfield fandoms and currently writing for Mass Effect Andromeda and Dragon Age The Veilguard fandoms.

5). Do you respond to comments? Why or why not?

Of course I do! I thrive on comments. I love when fans interact with what I've written, sharing their favourite moments or simply saying they loved it. It fuels me!

6). What’s the fic you wrote with the angstiest ending?

Shattered Reflections, a Deus Ex Adam Jensen pov fic set between Human Revolution and Mankind Divided. The series was about his recovery and short lived fling with a neighbour. There are a few in that series that I'd say are angsty due to the nature of the game.

7). What’s the fic you wrote with the happiest ending?

I try to write at least upbeat or positive endings to all my fics as a reward for reading, but I'd say the happiest has to be two recent Veilguard shorts - A Demon's Need and Sweet Dreams are Made of This

8). Do you get hate on fics?

No thankfully. But if i did I'd shut it down fast. I don't write for critique. I write as a fan and share my work. If you don't like my works the back button is your friend. Send hate my way and you get reported.

9). Do you write smut?

Oh yes. I have no issue with writing very explicit fics and it is some of my most popular - my top 5 above are ALL explicit.

10). Do you write crossovers?

Yes - I have a Deus Ex/ Assassin's Creed fic as well as a Dishonored/ Thief fic. But those two fandom pairs are very closely aligned to each other so it was easy to bring them together. I write them as I created OCs who bridge both worlds. I wouldn't write a crossover unless the two worlds have some sort of linking style or theme. Thief's later universe could easily exist within the Dishonored universe and both Deus Ex and Assassin's Creed feature Templars and secret organisations wishing to control the world so it was easy to create an Assassin in the Deus Ex universe

11). Have you ever had a fic stolen?

Not that i know of, but since there are a few fraudulent apps that pretend to be AO3 then it wouldn't surprise me if any of mine are on them. I have had ideas stolen though. I don't mind if i mention an idea with NO mention that i am currently or planning to write it, but if i do mention either of those words, i get rather pissed if people then take that idea and write it before me. So now on some places i avoid mentioning ideas until after i've written it. Luckily not all places are like that as they understand writer etiquette.

12). Have you ever had a fic translated?

Nope, again none that I know of.

13). Have you ever cowritten a fic before?

No, I prefer to write solo. Though I do love brainstorming with friends.

14). What’s your all-time favorite ship?

I'll give mine for each fandom I write for - Mass Effect Andromeda - F Aeryn Ryder / Reyes Vidal DATV - F Rook / Lucanis Dellamorte Starfield - F Spacefarer Seren Jones/ Sam Coe Vampyr - Dr Jonathan Reid / Geoffrey McCullum Deus Ex - Adam Jensen/ my OC Zofie Orel or Faridah Malik Thief- Garrett/ my OC Kiara Black Dishonered - Emily Kaldwin / The Outsider.

15). What’s the WIP you want to finish but doubt you ever will?

I wont say ever with any...i just need that hyperfixation wheel of fortune to fall back on it...Usually involving playing the game again 🤣 Then hoping anyone who had been reading it still cares.

16). What are your writing strengths?

Hmm creating intriguing plot ideas, i love weaving the story and working with canon lore which i love deep diving into. Smut, action scenes and character dialogue I'd say are also strengths of mine.

17). What are your writing weaknesses?

I sometimes feel like a rush a plot. I've been trying to step back after I've written a chapter and come back later and see if more can be written- that i haven't skipped over something to get to a major point of that chapter.

18). Thoughts on writing dialogue in another language in a fic?

If a character speaks another language, I use words in those languages to express strong emotion that a character might say, but beyond that, unless i can get a native speaker to confirm translation I avoid it.

19). First fandom you wrote for?

Xena! I wrote Xena/ Callisto and Callisto/Discord fics back in the Live Journal days. None of them exist anymore 🤣

20). Favorite fic you’ve ever written?

I've pretty much loved everything I've written. But I'd say these are at the top - Crows Bond for Life series - a long form Veilguard Rookanite fic masquerading as a series 🤣 it's very much about them developing their relationship during the game and expanding on it. Both Teleri and Lucanis are a joy to write for, as is Spite. The Hidden King Upon His Mountain - ME Andromeda Reyder fic. I adore Reyes and felt he needed so much more time with his relationship so that's what this is for. He's also fun to write, especially when I show his darker side. Chasing Your Star Until I Reach Home - Starfield Sam Coe/Starborn Spacefarer I am fascinated by the multiverse possibilities of Unity and how the characters could be so different...and yet the same in each one. How that would effect a character who lost their love and found them again in another universe. It's sometimes hard to write as it taxing emotionally, but I will return to this. Through Dark Waters - Dishonored Emsider series. A human Outsider finding themselves and seeking out the woman that stirred his soul. I had a recent comment on this which at first stirred me to continue writing then they ...made a list of what they wanted to see and that kind of pissed me off. I'll write what i want to write, not what you think should be in it. But i will return to this as I have it plotted out. Savages - Dark McReid - An almost but not quite Dragon Reid, who turned McCullum to show him the other side, and their tempestuous relationship. I'll try and get back to this to finish it off as it is close to completion.

[haleswallows]

✄ and ♡ for you! I know it says 'pick a fic' but can I just ask about the entire Incident Report series for the favourite line? If not then just do the first one.

Editing process! I work in big word documents. When I'm jumping back in, I'll reread a bit. Fix typos/errors, rephrase things. Very recently, I've started writing out of order. This let's me rearrange scenes. Also, keeps me writing because I'm always working on the part I want to be, not slogging through to get to that beautiful scene in my brain.

Hahaha, we're doing all 6 Incident Reports!

#1

“The Lord of Fear is born from the collective human memory of terror. As long as mankind has feared the unknown, of what lurks in the dark, I have existed.” Bro.

Because I love how irreverent Tim is this entire first summoning. He's like "Bet. This is happening. Wanna help me be a stalker?"

And meanwhile Fright Knight is like "This child does not comply with my understanding of children. I have Concerns."

#2

“So like, spirit. The Ghost of Human Terrors Past and Future can use a phone? How does that work? Did the academy secretary hear the screams of the damned during that call?”

I just love the entire phone call bit.

#3

Impossibly, Fright Knight straightens further. “It is what we do in spite of the fear. For there's the rub, to endure or to concede. Thus, many have fought against me and prevailed regardless of odds.”

Awww Frighty being like "humans are great" while not minutes earlier he was bitchy about Tim being a soft fragile human.

#4

This one is hard to pick for. Not because it isn't good, it's one of my favorites. But it's more of an exploration, not zings or one-liners. But I love this symmetrical moment:

A stranger looks back at Tim from the mirror. Tim doesn’t recognize himself, more ghost than anything else. Everything feels far away.

And

When he looks back to the mirror, Fright Knight stands behind him. Tim doesn’t turn, opting to observe the spirit through the reflection. It’s familiar. It’s different. Everything is so fucked up.

When I was writing, I was thinking of Tim feeling unsteady. He looks and doesn't recognize himself. He looks again, and finds something familiar. I wanted a push/pull of Tim getting to know himself. Fright Knight gives him guidance during that time through confronting fear, but also being a safety net.

#5

“I believe you are familiar with the definition of insanity.”

“Sure, I am. Would you prefer Merriam-Webster or Oxford English?” Tim quips with a smirk. The glare intensifies and he can't help but laugh.

This is one of the funniest things I've ever written. Convince me otherwise. My other choice for #5 would be Fright Knight looking at the photos.

#6

“Uncle Frank Night? Uncle Frank Night?”

“You named him what?” Phantom crows. “Fright Knight, elder spirit, endless fear incarnate. And you named him… Frank?”

“I was sixteen and stressed!” The defense falls flat.

“I can't believe you tried to pass off this,” Dick gestures at Fright Knight with a jab, “as a living relative!”

“Hey, that's not fair –,”

“-- please know, I'm going to call him –,”

“-- Fright Knight has feelings and you're being rude–,”

“-- he's a haunted suit of armor, Tim!”

“-- Frank during court from now on –.”

“-- yeah, Dick, and I've known him longer than you –.”

Actually near impossible to pick for this one. Honorable mentions: Danny's explanation of how he knows Jason, Fridge haunting/food unionizing, Alfred and Fright Knight colluding, Dick continually losing his shit.

[my-castles-crumbling]

hi cas!! okay im just gonna pray to the lord that this wouldnt come out racist. week ago my little sister asked me “ people get upset when they draw black people white, so why dont they get upset when they draw white people black??” i honestly never give that much thoughts before so this question really threw me off guard. bc of that i cant give a proper answer to her and shes been asking the same question since then. i was kind of afraid people will saw it as racism so i was hoping that you would understand it and if its not a bother i hooe you can give me an answer to this

loveed the new chap of clandestine btw!! your jegulus makes me feel single in the best way posiible!! hope you had a good day

Ooo okay so please keep in mind that I'm white, so the things I'm saying are based off of what I've learned from research. Please please if someone sees something that is wrong, correct me!

First, I think it's important to listen to what POC have said on this subject. Here is a link to a youtube video I just watched by a POC creator and artist that does an amazing job of breaking down why this is an issue and how to correct it- even going into techniques for drawing darker skin. At time mark 4:25, he answers your specific question. This is, hands down, the best place to get your answer.

Basically, society has a history of whitewashing. For centuries, POC have been erased- taken out of history, not been given proper/literally any rights or voices, literally killed and hunted down. Both their achievements and the way they have been targeted have been purposely not discussed or reported on, and please be aware that even though people disagree, this is still a constant problem. It's not going away.

Society whitewashes in so many ways it's impossible to count them all- giving white people credit for the work of POC; casting white people for the roles of POC characters; basing healthcare rules on research conducted only on white people; teachers taking points from students if they don't use 'Standard' American English and instead speak using AAVE or HVE terms even if they still get answers completely correct; schools only teaching the history of historically white countries and populations; the list goes on and on and on.

Keep in mind too that for years, diversity in literature and media was close to nonexistent in most places. Why? Because any literature created by POC or about POC is not taught or as widely distributed. Think about the books you were/are given in school. Any books from years ago don't have racially diverse characters, and if they do, they either are a caricature of their race, or are solely written about based on the 'struggle of being their race.' They are not given the 'luxury' of personality traits outside their race. It is only recently, as POC have spoken out about this issue and are being given the chance to publish their own work with characters that reflect them, that main characters can both be black AND solve a murder mystery- amazing! (/sarcasm). So now that we are starting to see more diversity in media, it is vital not to take that away.

So, with that knowledge about the history behind whitewashing and lack of racial diversity in media, you now know the context. So when a person chooses to draw a black character as white, they are taking with them all of that history and context. And in a moment, by drawing that character white, they are bringing back that context, and taking away the diversity that is so needed in literature.

And- why? Why do people insist on drawing canonically black characters as white? There is no good reason. People can say "oh, I think she'd be better as white" but that's just racism, plain and simple. If an artist doesn't know how to draw dark skin, they can look up a video.

In contrast, drawing a canonically white character as a different race doesn't take anything from them. It doesn't bring up a history or context with centuries of racism behind it. The only thing it does is add diversity to a fandom and allow people to see characters that look like themselves in media where they might not have.

I hope this makes sense and I hope I've done the topic justice! Please know that any racist or hateful comments on this ask will be deleted, but if someone has anything to add or any corrections to make, please let me know!

[archivalofsins]

So I spent the day out with my father dragging him to two movies in a row. Which leads me into this-

It will always be funny to me when English speaking specifically comic fans that are into Milgram discuss how mental health is portrayed in Milgram. Especially how it's lacking because the understanding of mental health in the east is lacking something that is reflected when it comes to media.

Like buddy the person writing this actually studied psychology this is actually pretty decent when it comes to that and written with care.

Not even touching on how that's just kind of a self-report. Saying that to me is pretty much announcing that some may not read many things from other areas or not wander out of their comfort zone much. Even when it comes to the thing they're saying is better. Because western comics is a big frontier with many canons.

Well, why are you bringing up this old thing now- Honestly because the funniest thing just happened and I think some people may enjoy pointing and laughing. Deservedly so at western comics and the media depiction of mental health. That is so far and leagues above everywhere else.

Meaning it would never touch on any similar points to Milgram ever. Because it's so much more advanced. So last week a new Harley Quinn graphic novel came out and the new Joker movie released-

Guess what these two things talk about~

This week alone I've read,

A new Young Adult graphic novel inspired by The Strange Case of Dr.Jekyll and Mr.Hyde that reimagines Harley Quinn's origin story and struggles with dissociative tendencies which to my knowledge (I'm not a walking dc canon encyclopedia) has only been implied and not expressly stated as due to drug experimentation. It has all the symptoms of the thing that shall not be named in western comics but since it's a western graphic novel just like with Elle(s) it can't be stated it's that.

So, it's due to a research experiment and treated as just a side-effect the same drug experimentation group that gives Pamela Isley (poison Ivy) plant powers by the way. They both were given different drugs I need to state that. It's not that absurd and it is a fun read.

Just to then go- Ya know; I've heard the new Joker movie is trash without really getting anything more than that. Mostly it's been why did they use Harley in this way. They should've just made that character Punchline. Which let's be real we all know why name recognition who the fuck knows Punchline for real- for real?

Any of you seen this woman the jokers new partner in crime?

Anybody know who this is outside of the fact she hates Harley Quinn. Because the only time I've seen her online is in contrast to Harley. Like I'm sorry yeah she has Punchlines story in this I can see that with as little as I know about this woman. But like it's not about Harley (Lee as she goes by briefly in this) it's about Joker (who isn't even anything much like the canonical joker already). So it'd be more accurate to say it's about Arthur Fleck and iteration of the joker.

But like it would have been great if this was Punchline would have been a amazing way to introduce her to the live action dc universe but they didn't do that. Because they wanted to make money of the name recognition well not entirely they also wanted to flip the script and highlight another reason this relationship would have never worked. Like the only thing that movie showed me was that Harley and the Joker should never be together.

This isn't portrayed as relationship goals it's abusive, unhealthy, and to an extent something done as both of their last resorts for separate reasons and founded on lies. It just puts Harley into the manipulator role which I can understand people taking offense to given the history of Harley's character.

Yet before I saw it. I was just curious. I was curious about what made this pretty quickly despised. So, I wanted to go see it for myself. Just to find out during the first five minutes it's about Arthur Fleck (Joker) having dissociative identity disorder. This is stated at first ambiguously through the Warner Brother's cartoon at the start of the film and then blatantly for the court case he's having.

It also kind of blatantly showcases that Harley and the Joker would never be good together quite blatantly. Like under any circumstances actually for the reasons stated above. But also funnily enough she likes Joker and not Arthur as soon as he's like not the guy she dumps him. This is a concern that's also brought up in The Strange Case of Harleen and Harley with Pamela and Harleen's relationship.

It's handled different there but an issue that is still covered none the less. Now when it comes to DC deviations from canon are nothing new and the first Joker movie already did that greatly.

I did find it interesting that they did highlight how easily manipulated individuals with mental health issues of any kind can be but particularly the way it highlighted this with DiD was just brutal. It's a depressing film it is not a good time.

I would not recommend going to see it. Unless you plan to talk shit in an empty theater than actually yeah its kind of fun.

The only movie I can compare it to is Primal Fear because it is a lot like that except it also has musical numbers. The amount of musical numbers in that film outlandish. Still they had Lady Gaga and said got damn it we're going to use her.

It's a crime movie that is literally what it was labeled as at the theater. It's slow the movie itself is over two hours and the first hour is set up. Still it also has a reputation of being so bad that I shit you not the theater I went to see it in with my father was completely empty. Like a group bought five seats in front of me they were sold on the thing I bought tickets on.

They did not show up. That bitch was empty during the fucking movie I got a text from an unknown number asking if I was okay like they could fucking sense I was watching the new Joker movie-

I was having the time of my fucking life though. Do you know how often I pray for theaters to be fucking empty. Private viewing for just me. I could just text while watching it. The shit said during that later half court case wild-

It was a fucking experience my dad the entire time,

"What is this shit how can they allow this in a theater."

Me damn karmas a bitch after all that good talk I saw about well it can't be like media here where depictions of mental health are always decent. It's like let's all just ignore these several things that do the same stuff actually.

Am I saying any of these things are bad to depict. No, it's important to have media that discuss these topics and I will always believe more is needed not less. No one individual can decide what is good representation or not. However, I think implying that certain cultures are more inept than others when it comes to depicting mental health in media is unwarranted and unfair.

The examples I listed here showcase that we are all working with the same information, the same stereotypes, and western media is in no way ahead of any other places when it comes to depictions of these things. Yes, it's better than it was when I was a child but that's only marginally so. It says a lot that the only time that this topic can be mentioned by name in western media and not danced around is within Joker.

In a story that was never going to have a happy end. The Strange Case of Harleen and Harley has a good ending, Elle(s) has a good ending. When it's explained away as anything other than what it is when it's not said aloud then characters can be happy. The fact that Milgram stated what it was is already better than most recent media that only alludes to it and then quickly shuffles about and goes but it's not that we swear.

That's how I genuinely feel about it. These were good I enjoyed them but like ya know wait a bit see what happens. Ya, know~

[idreamofhazeleyes]

Written in Blood

This is the re-write of "Ties in Blood" I've been putting off for the past couple years. Aeryn Malone is a nursing student at a major Michigan college when she's suddenly introduced to the supernatural world.

@squirrelnotsam @impala-dreamer @mrswhozeewhatsis @idreamofplaid

Chapter 1

“Hey, Emily,” I greeted as I dumped my class books onto my cluttered dorm desk. 

Exhaustion crept through my body as I reminded myself that I had work in about forty five minutes. Third year nursing classes were kicking my ass. I wasn’t sure what drove me into taking the nursing program at the Southeast Michigan college. Yet here I was working my way through college. A fleeting thought of calling my brother passed through my mind.

“Hey, Aeryn. Harper called a floor meeting soon. She wanted to make sure we’re all here for it.”

“For what? We’re half way through September already.”

“You’ve heard about the animal attacks, right?”

There had been a few bodies found in the trails and parks in the city that surrounded the university. Reports from the city officials and police said that the victims were missing their hearts and nothing else. No one knew what animal in the area that could take down a fully grown human and just take the heart. 

“What about it?” I asked, half knowing what it was about the animal attacks.

“Probably has new safety things for us to follow,” Emily said. 

Any hope of a shower had gone out the window thanks to the floor meeting Harper wanted to have. A quick wash at the sink and putting on some makeup would have to do. I pulled out my make up bag and shuffled through it and decided on little make up due to the time. Enough to make me look less tired. My icy blue eyes reflected back in the mirror. My skin was pale despite the late summer sun. Too many hours indoors for classes and laboratory work. No amount of make up would cover up how tired I was. 

“Come on,” Emily called when I finished with the makeup. 

“Hold up.” I stepped out of the bathroom. “I’m nearly ready.” 

Back in the room, I pulled out a women’s v cut shirt for work that show enough cleavage to be flirty and slipped off the men’s shirt I’ve worn all day. A number of patrons at the bar I worked at seemed to respond with flirting if I wore clothes that flatter my figure. 

Emily was at the door when I finished dressing. We left the room and made our way down to the common area where other women our age had gathered.

“Okay, everyone,” Harper called over the general chattering of the dozen or so women. “I know you all have plans this evening, but this is important. The University is stressing the òimportance of being careful when going out at night. We don’t know what sort of animal is causing the maulings, so whenever you all go out at night, do your best to travel in groups. If you cannot do that, tell anyone in this group where you’re going and how long you may be gone for. Let anyone know when you’re on the way home from work or the library or classes. Understood?”

There was a gathering of nods or acknowledgements. 

“Alright,” Harper finished. “Be careful out there and be aware of your surroundings.”

The group of floor mates started to disperse and talking about the new guidelines while Emily and I worked our way back to our own room.

“Any idea what the creature is?” Emily asked when we walked back in.

I shook my head. “I doubt that there’s any animals that are big enough to take down a fully grown human or would just take the hearts and nothing else. I don’t know any creature that could do that. Do you?”

Emily shook her head.

I gathered my bag and ensured that I had everything in it before heading for the door.

“I’m off to work. I should be back around ten.”

With my bag in hand, I made my way out of the dorm building and out onto the street. I melded into the crowds of students that were out after a long day of classes. A number of them seemed to have the air of being at the university on their parents’ money. I’ve had students like that in the bar and I refused to serve them. If the students had an issue with being denied service, I would call over a bouncer and have them escort the student out.

Getting to the back door of the building, I saw a couple of the cooks sitting nearby while sharing a joint. I waved in greeting before going in. Taking the elevator down to the kitchen and cutting through to get to the landing, I dumped my bag on the top of the cabinets.  

“Hey, Aeryn,” Tami called from the top of the stairs. 

“Hey.” I came up into the server area to see Tami and Nikki there. I ducked out into the sitting area and over to a computer monitor and pulled up the clock to clock in. 

“Did you hear about the animal attacks?” Nikki asked when I returned to the server area. 

I nodded. “Yeah. My RA had a quick meeting before I came here about it. Basically travel in groups or communicate with our dormmates about where we’re going and when we might be back.”

We all eventually dove into serving people. The shift went by quickly enough and there weren’t anyone I did not have to remove. At the end, I cashed out and collected my bag. With a quick text to Emily on the way out, I started to make my way back to the dorm building.

The streets were relatively quiet on the walk back. There was a small breeze that ruffled the leaves. I swore there was a noise on that breeze I could not place at first. It came around again and that time it sounded like a howl. My heart started racing and adrenaline flooded my system. I fought against the urge to run back to the dorm building. If it was a predator, it would be a bad idea to run. 

As I turned a corner, I saw a large body on four legs and feeding on a prone body. My own body froze in fear. I stood there for a few moments before noping out of the area. I turned in that weird calm way and started back down the street. There was another way I could take to get back to the dorms. 

My hands fumbled a little as I reached for my keys to unlock the main door for the dorm building. I double checked that the door was closed and locked behind me once I was inside. That thing was not a normal creature. Definitely too large for a normal wolf, and there were no wolves in the area. Coyotes, yes. Definitely not wolves. 

Emily was passed out on her bed with a class book and study papers before her. I left her to sleep while I gathered things for a shower. The thought of studying passed through my head as the hot water washed over my exhausted body.

<<Chapter Two>>

[southwestern-witchery]

Welcome to The Desert, have a seat, we'll be here a while.

This blog is an HP inspired headcannons blog for wandlore, magi-botany and zoology, as well as some of my own work to be used in my own writing.

My work will often overlap between the actual science behind many real world plants, animals and rocks; as well as the ethnobotanical, mythological or religious ties to them. I am an aspiring ethnobotanist and folkloreist, and I take my work very seriously. If you take issue with my work feel free to message me and we can go over my sources as well as any additions or addendums to be made. Science by its nature is ever evolving and I pride myself on accuracy.

This blog is LGBTQ+ friendly, so if you're here because of JKR you can leave now, you won't be welcome here and you will be blocked and reported on sight.

I swear, so if that's something you're uncomfortable with please be wary.

I am an ex Mormon, and have a rather unfavorable opinion of a lot of religious institutions. This will be reflected at certain points in my work so please be wary if that makes you uncomfortable.

Professor Honey is my OC, both her and I are pansexual, consider ourselves to be Cis fem and use she/they pronouns. Her picture was made with @ummmmandy's picrew.

If you have any concerns with something I've said, written or reblogged please feel free to message me and I will address it. I want this blog and my writing to be as safe and inclusive as humanly possible. If something on here doesn't sit right with you, please let me know.

A lot of these writings will feel off for the HP universe, that's because I'm also writing up some of these for a magic system I'm developing for my own writing. Feel free to use them in your headcannons anyway however. Sharing is caring💛

Please don't repost my work to another site.

Be kind, be safe, be smart, and for the love of all that's holy don't be a bigot, I will find you.

-Alice, Keeper.

[birlwrites]

Can you ramble a bit about the heir rings and what they mean to especially Regulus in ttdl but also Evan Sirius and maybe James

HEIR RINGS HEIR RINGS HEIR RINGS

okay so first of all some background - heir rings are very very similar to lordship rings, except they have a double border. what is on the ring, you ask? a family crest. what does the family crest look like? i do not know. it varies from family to family - the blacks def have some sort of pointedly medieval-looking-ish thing. i think it probably incorporates some kind of representation of a star - not a specific star, but simply A Star

wow paragraph 2 and we already got off track. anyway on personal significance - the heir rings do very much represent *being the heir* to this family, which informs a lot of how various characters feel about them. for example, you know how regulus and evan wear theirs pretty much all the time? that is *not* the case for everyone

and part of that has to do with the power structure they're operating in as well

the potter heir ring is in a high-security gringotts vault. they like to think of themselves as being down to earth, and james never really feels the need for people to know who he is on that level anyway, so like, why bother wearing it? he just uses whatever to seal his letters he doesn't need to use his heir ring for it

sirius received the black heir ring from his father when he was about 9 and proceeded to wear it every day. orion framed it as a responsibility when he handed it over, and little sirius took that. siriusly. (ba dum tss)

over time, though, it became a visual reminder of who he *didn't* want to become. but he couldn't really stop wearing it - the heir and lordship rings are enchanted such that if you don't wear them, they show up constantly within arm's reach to remind you to put them on. the only way to avoid this is to put them in vaults with very specific enchantments (which are part of the default set for a high security vault at gringotts)

sirius couldn't just drop the ring off at gringotts and call it a day, so for a while (at school - this would not fly at home) he tried putting it on a necklace and just hiding it under his robes, but the ring deemed that insufficient and kept taking itself off the chain

so his new method of coping with it was acquiring *more* rings, so that the black one wouldn't stand out as much

when sirius ran away, once again he didn't have the opportunity to swing by gringotts and drop off the heir ring and call it a day. when it disappeared, it was a moment of relief for sirius, but also a recognition that there really was no going back anymore.

when the black heir ring left sirius, it actually went to orion - they had to remove sirius's heir status before they could make regulus heir, and the ring went to orion in the interim as the lord black who would decide what to do with it. this interim period was not very long. when orion gave the ring to regulus, for regulus that was very much a moment of 'oh shit they actually did it.' the heir ring carried a lot of guilt for regulus for a long time - it felt like something he wasn't supposed to have.

but regulus as we see him in ch 37 has gotten accustomed to this new identity and very possessive over it - it's something he's learned to wield, but he's also protective (lingering insecurities, perhaps?) and regulus also doesn't like other people touching his things in general (see his internal monologue about wands in like chapter 14 or smth, and also not wanting people sitting on his bed in study group meetings - dark arts books occupy a different mental space since those come with the assumption that they're going to be passed around)

and evan!!! most certainly does not have a problem with handing his heir ring over to regulus temporarily. that's not to say he'd give it to just anyone. but evan thinks of the rosier heir ring as..... a nametag, almost? it used to have a lot more significance to him, but that's kind of faded over the years, and now he considers it an identifier rather than a ~symbol of who he is~ on a deep level.

but it does still hold some importance for him, because he fought for that identifier. the fact that he has it matters, and that's also why he wears it (unlike james) and doesn't try to hide it or distract from it (unlike sirius). also, shiny

so for evan to *remove* that identifier and hand it over to regulus (who, lest we forget, is heir to a different house and thus a direct competitor for power) is. ok im realizing the way i phrased that makes it sound like he's giving this symbol of himself to regulus, which is NOT what i meant (that's what it would be if regulus handed over his heir ring to evan).

what i mean is that the rosier heir ring represents something that evan feels he doesn't need to prove--to regulus. for evan, the significance there isn't in giving the ring to regulus so much as it is in taking it off in the first place. but regulus parses the significance as being in the act of giving the ring to him, because he attributes a different type of meaning to heir rings

like, if regulus were to give evan his ring, it would be tantamount to a declaration of love. when evan gives regulus *his* ring, it's more tantamount to a declaration of 'i trust that you know me for my own sake and in my own right.' but then again, those two things can coexist very easily

[39oa]

(nonsensical hrpf data exercise) degree centrality graphing & other archive insights

intro/prior work

hello 🙇‍♀️ i'm not sure this post will make any kind of sense at all, but i love analyzing ao3 data and i especially find it fascinating in the realm of sports/hrpf because of the amount of player- and team-related attributes that offer dimensionality to fandom analysis when examined in parallel with archive metrics. i've already kind of done hrpf overviews on two separate occasions over the past year or so, but my method of collection differed in each instance and also always gave me new things to chew on and potentially explore, such as expanding on the link between player talent and shippability and whether high-draft picks have more fic written for them on average.

i most recently examined player data based on aggregated relationship counts since 2022, but this was a limited snapshot meant to piece together recent ficdom trends (see top ships since 01/01/22) and not be representative of fandom overall. basically, things i want to visualize/talk about now are:

hockey is so widespread as a sports fandom because there are 32 teams in the league, which when compared to a community like f1 makes it difficult to succinctly summarize primary relationships for. there is no self-contained grid of 20 drivers that remains generally fixed within a season, where every move in/out of that "roster" is highly reported upon and instrumental to fandom makeup, but instead a more amorphous network of malleable rosters featuring high-variance cascading orders of character visibility; in short, the difference between the most and least popular driver in f1 fandom is not the same as the difference between sidney crosby and that one ahl lifer who was called up to your 4th line two months ago because your team is utterly decimated and gunning for bedard.

Still: because rosters are so malleable and trades happen with some amount of frequency, and because hockey is still an "insular" ecosystem in terms of geographic accessibility and junior-age development (for better or worse; mostly for worse, but that's neither here nor there), players intrinsically have a low degree of separation between one another, whether it be as teammates now or as friends growing up in the ohl, ntdp, etc. i therefore wanted to take that a step further and look at it through fic metrics especially: can we use a summary of ficdom's real, tangible output and visualize it through a similar network? (+ where and how does that network differ from player connections in practice?)

back to the impact of draft pick # and assessments of talent relative to popularity, i also wanted to look at the most "successful" ships in ficdom from this network and evaluate the different distributions and impacts of their respective attributes. are certain player positions more popular? which nationalities are the most commonly shipped?

etc. But let's just get into it.

process

getting any kind of information from a 60%-locked fandom on ao3 is a nightmare and introduces a myriad of data-collecting limitations, so i do feel it important to disclaim that what i present in this post functions more in the realm of Approximate Interpretation and Potential Correlation than any actual 100% objective representation of fandom metrics.

a perceived limitation i have with character tagging metrics on ao3 is that they don't exactly reflect shippability; that is, if q.hughes is tagged as a character in a n.hischier/j.hughes fic, it gets attributed to his character tag but doesn't actually say anything about how many Relationship Fics exist for him on a whole. my best solution for this was essentially uncovering most of a player's relationships and summing their individual fic counts to create an approximate # of "relationship fics" for each player. so any kind of shippability graph going forward will use that metric.

i used ao3's relationship tag search and filtered by canonical in the men's hockey rpf fandom and only pulled relationship* fics ("/" instead of "&") with a min. of 20 works. ao3's counts are... Not the most accurate, so my filtering may have fudged some things around or missed a few pairings on the cusp, which again is why all the visuals here are not meant to show Everything in the most exact manner but function more so as a "general overview" of ficdom. although i did doublecheck the ship counts so the numbers themselves are accurate as of time of collection.

(*i excluded wag ships, reader ships, threesomes to make my life easier although i know this affects numbers for certain players, hc/gm ships, and any otherwise non-NHL Player ship. for ex., this eliminated anna kasterova/evgeni malkin, tyler brown/tyler seguin, and kyle dubas/william nylander, just to name a few)

all ship data was collected march 16, 2023.

PART 1. SC87 ship networking

when i first began this exercise i tried graphing ships for all the first-overall picks from 2003-2022 because i wanted to get an overarching sense of their connections. however, doing so made me realize that sidney crosby was by and far the most-connected node in the graph (and basically all hrpf in general) with a degree of 11, and that he was centering one huge component to which only two ships failed to connect (op/kj and slaf/xhekaj). basically:

so then i was like, right! let me instead use sidney crosby as my sole starting node, map out all ships with 20+ works from him specifically, take the players he connects to and map out their corresponding ships (excluding sid) and just keep iterating until i basically reach a final child node. through this, i yielded 112 ships and 98 unique players, with my final connecting node coming 9 degrees of separation away through brady tkachuk ↔ tim stützle/quinn hughes. unfortunately i can't actually host this little code snippet anywhere lol but i also wrote an input to check the pathways between any two players which was kind of fun:

here is the actual network graph with colors from automatically generated clustering, which doesn't really mean much but i thought was one nice way of presenting it. the edge width refers to the sum of fics for each ship and the node size refers to the degree, or number of ships, for each player.

i then also joined my player set with a dataset that included draft year, drafted team, position, etc... and through that color-coded the graph with the team each player was originally drafted to (i always struggle between using current team and draft team because which one matters more is super contextual, but... using draft team made my life easier this time so i hope it's still interesting.) here i only included colors for 13 teams that had 3+ players each:

→ [full-size graph]

we can do a bit more analysis based on this specific sidcros network, like which players are the "most-shipped" or overviewing cross-team shipping tendencies:

but! of course, not ALL big hrpf ships lead back to sc87. using him as a central node essentially just helped me filter out excess "noise" when searching for relationship tags on ao3, because now i could exclude anyone connected to him at all (note: the relationship fics from my set equaled upward of 19,000 works, accounting for 60.4% of the entire men's hockey rpf archive) and hit other significant tags more efficiently.

through this method, i singled out a new set of 76 ships and 134 unique players (notice the significant decrease in overlap), which i then combined with my sid ships to create one massive set of Hockey Ships With Over 20+ Works On Ao3 that i could analyze holistically. no idea if this makes any sense but bear with me:

PART 2. general ship insights

i won't bore people with endlessly listing out ship rankings but here's the previous top chart with the new ships slotted in:

now for some overall player analysis!

first i wanted to look at how attributes like draft round, nationality, and position (F/D/G) are represented in the player set.

the nationality distribution is pretty close to all active nhl players this season, so there aren't major disparities there. however, the vast majority of players 1) were drafted in the first round and 2) are mostly forwards, with the forwards also seemingly reflecting the general philosophy of faster development/higher recent-round representation. we can take this overview a step further and actually examine the fic averages for each characteristic as a proxy for measuring shippability/ficdom popularity.

first, i scatterplotted all players by their draft pick and number of fic to (try and) show the heavy skew toward top picks (inspired by the gar draft pick value curve and other similar plots). this is... well, limited in many ways, and if i had an actually adequately large dataset i could specifically plot averages per distinct pick number and try to present something there, but the problem is that a lot of these later pick numbers only have like one player so there's way too much variance LOL.

but just for the sake of this exercise i excluded j.benn as an outlier and grouped fic averages by round (left below). again, noting the sample sizes, let's just say that first rounders on average seem to have the most fic written about them, even if it's not a particularly shocking insight. we can also try creating a histogram for "shippability" by draft year, binning here for every 2 years, to see which draft years appear to have had the most success (right below). note the peaks around 2005 and 2015, aka the sc87 and cm97 ~Generational Years~ 🤔

i've also been interested in figuring out which positions are commonly preferred—since centers are so often the faces of a franchise and are essentially the most sought-after position, and since goalies occupy a positionally static role/are less oriented toward contact (and the presumed homoeroticness thereof) in the way skaters are, is that reflected in the fic metrics as well? turns out: yes.

some ship analysis

learning more about player data in a vacuum is fun, but we also have all of this relationship data that lets us examine how different characteristics interact with each other, which is meaningful as well! for example, we know that forwards are heavily represented in the dataset, but is center4center the most common combination? or is there love for a franchise center and his beloved winger or the team's dependable 1d?

(fought for my life trying to figure out how to map this properly so please accept a horrible bar chart instead) as it turns out, the most common combination is centers/wingers, followed afterward by centers/centers. i don't know whether this really means much to me because i'd like to dissect the combos even further (is C/C more often 1C 2C or cross-team rivalry 1C shipping? are C/W usually linemates? etc.) but 🤷‍♀️ here's a graph.

i also distributed ships by their nationality combination, displaying to the surprise of no one a heavy preference (a whopping 66.4%!) for north american-exclusive shipping. i also thought stacking by "draft year" (= averaging the draft year between both players for each ship) offered some interesting insight into usa4usa shipping having slightly younger representation. also i do think usa/germany being singlehandedly driven up this chart by one family is remarkable and hilarious LOL.

also in the realm of draft year analysis, i wanted to look at draft year differences and whether fandom preferences seem to lie by way of same-age-ish pairings and In-Class Bicycling so to speak. graphing ships by these differences spanned a range of 20 years, with the oldest "age" (draft) difference being 20 years between zdeno chara and charlie mcavoy. overall, of 175 ships with a drafted player, 60.5% were drafted within 2 years of each other (18.2% in the same draft), and only 5% had a draft difference of 10 or more years.

then, of those 32 ships drafted within the same year, i distributed their counts by year to see which draft classes featured the biggest in-class clusters, leading us again to the Famed Class of 2015:

closing thoughts

i'll stop here :saluting_face: something else i had on the agenda that i don't really know how to adequately explore with this dataset is basically stanley cup champion stuff, e.g. looking at players and ships and fic counts from winning teams and how/whether a sort of "winning bias" has been trending down as of late (see the relative success of ships from teams like phi/ana compared to tbl/stl)—temporal data is so particular and difficult to wrangle with ao3 though so i'll have to let this one percolate a little bit.

finally, another thing (!) that i love examining is captaincy and how it often helps inform shippability; C/A/guyswithletters shipping obviously generously overlaps with being drafted early, high-impact players, some positional stuff like Young Star Center having the role foisted onto him, etc. and many of these aspects are immediately identifiable in top ships like 8771, 1634, 1386... just to name a few obvious ones. unfortch i don't really have the time or space to look at that here but it's something i'm still interested in maybe expanding on, and i also never ended up collecting actual skater *performance* data which would be super fun to eventually get to, e.g. mapping ficdom output to not just background identifiers like draft year/pick but also 1) actual tangible evaluations of player goals/points/(salary?!?)/etc. and 2) some dimension of draft outperformance/underperformance, which is pertinent for scenarios like late-round picks who have defied career expectations (see outlier jbenn having a shit ton of lifetime fic) AND early-round picks whose trajectories have not panned out as expected for whatever reason; often the ~tragic~ frustration of being a bust actually invites more narrative focus and scrutiny, but at the same time ficdom trends have pointed themselves to being attracted to many historic, talented, generational, and so on players, who more often than not are also winners, which potentially posits a need for some sustained line of access/visibility to high-expectation players significantly before they're regarded as "busts" in order to organically grow and generate initial interest that can survive the renewed reality of their situation. but who knows

again, i don't know whether any of this even makes sense or is interesting to literally anyone at all, but i personally enjoyed just dicking around graphing shit and getting to join a ton of tables together for absolutely no reason lol. that's all!

[dewitty1]

Fic Recs Wrap Up - February 2023 (ノﾟ∀ﾟ)ノ⌒･*:.｡. .｡.:*･゜ﾟ･*☆

Vis-à-Vis-à-Vis by Vukovich @vukovich

Harry’s assignment was simple. Close out Draco Malfoy’s missing persons case so he can be declared dead.

But who’s making withdrawals from Malfoy’s vaults? How is a death omen-turned-Unspeakable involved? Is an organization known as the Moirai to blame?

Harry brushes it off until he can’t. Until The Prophet is flooded with sightings of dead people. Until Robards throws himself on his sword. Until Ron turns on his own family. Until Harry scarcely trusts his own reflection in the mirror and trusts the stranger in his bed even less.

Until all that stands between war and peace is Harry, a name plate, a stadium of murderers, and Draco Malfoy.

God save the Ministry. Rec Post

Harry Potter and the Chariot of the Sun by Philosopherscribe 

Hot on the trail of a Dementor-worshipping cult, Harry plays a dangerous game with an old enemy. Rec Post

Little Deaths and How to Avoid Them (or Draco Malfoy’s Guide to Stop Dying and Start Living Instead) by dustmouth, nerakrose, art by dustmouth,  written by  @greaseonmymouth

Malfoy is way too interested in coroner reports for somebody who’s definitely not looking for ways to die, Harry wants to be friends with him, and Ginny wants to break up with Harry. Rec Post

The Garland Gay by Vaysh

Draco Malfoy has it all – sex, money, power. But a family secret threatens to become the undoing of the successful head of Malfoy Bank. His troubles bring him to private investigator Harry Potter, who lost it all – girlfriend, Galleons, Auror career – over a tenacious obsession with a certain blond. Both become entangled in the vengeful schemes of a stranger from the past. As much as Draco tries to resist, in the end, he must make a fateful choice for the man he is destined to love. Rec Post

Eagles in Truro (Alt: That filthy one that snuck in a plot.) by Vukovich @vukovich

Hermione Granger just wants to get laid and maybe someday become Supreme Mugwump. Ronald Weasley just wants to build a dubiously-criminal empire and hug everybody. Harry Potter just wants… he’s not sure, but it might be Malfoy. Draco Malfoy just wants to survive the post-war world. And snuggles. A story about four lonely people in a mineshaft in Cornwall, and blasting a home in bedrock when nothing else quite fits. Hermione: Excuse me. This is a political thriller, but it’s also how I ended up in a really complicated relationship. Ron: It’s not that complicated. And it’s a love story. Draco: He’s right. Harry: You always side with Ron. It’s an action story. I got stabbed. Draco: Sorry about that. But you’re all wrong. This is art. And SMUT. All: Oh… Rec Post

My Best Friend, the Serial Killer by trishjames @thusspoketrish

Draco’s best friend and flatmate Pansy Parkinson is a lot of things: she’s beautiful, intelligent, doting, and a bit unnerving…but Draco loves her all the same, even if he has to clean up after her bloody – ah, messy romantic breakups more than usual. He doesn’t mind, after all, what are best friends for?

But Draco starts to question just how far his love can go when Pansy brings home her next victim – ah, boyfriend, Harry Potter. Rec Post

Here are a few more fics I've read recently that y'all might like to check out as well! (ﾉ^ヮ^)ﾉ*:・ﾟ✧

By the Grace by lettered @letteredlettered

Harry is an Auror instructor. Malfoy wants to be an Auror.

Away, Away by Aelys_Althea @aelysalthea

Abandonment didn't sit well with Harry. Not at all. After the calamity that was the end of the Triwizard Tournament and the dismissal of his friends over the summer, he decides: enough is enough. He's done. Done with it all. He just wanted to get away. But the Wizarding world, as it happens, isn't quite finished with him. No matter how far he runs, it always catches back up to him. Years after turning from those who left him, Harry is dragged back to that world once more. Many find him far changed from the boy who'd once known. Some - some very few - even like that change. Draco Malfoy just happens to be one of those chosen few.

In the Shadow of Your Heart by lq_traintracks (lumosed_quill) @lqtraintracks

And thus began the very strange circumstance of their fake dating in public and real fucking in absolute secret. It was, with no comparison, the weirdest relationship Draco had ever been in – which was to say, it wasn't one.

what husbands are for by softlystarstruck @softlystarstruck

To settle tensions between werewolves and vampires, Harry volunteers for a political marriage. But it turns out he's marrying Malfoy– cold, untouchable Malfoy, who he hasn't seen in ten years. Throughout contention and politics, werewolf pub nights and grudgingly shared meals, they have to make it work.

And in the midst of it all, Harry finds something he already gave up hoping for.

( •ॢ◡-ॢ)-♡ I hope you enjoy these fics as much as I have! Happy reading, y’all! xoxo Carey  (◍•ᴗ•◍)♡ ✧*💜💙💚💛❤💗💕💖

[oromanticism]

CREEPIN’ PART 1

A/N: Hey guys, this is the first fic im posting here and the first one I've written since my My Little Pony era so in the words of Adele go easy on me.

Word Count: 0.9k

Summary: You're a terrible hider both you and Shuri know this so after being caught and having your plans foiled so many times you decide to conjure up a more elaborate scheme.

Themes: Fluff, Comedy, Very unserious

Today would be the day.

After numerous attempts in the past two weeks, all of which resulted in blank stares and cocky laughter, today would finally be the day you scare Shuri. Shifting quietly in the uncomfortable dark closet you decide to reminisce on all your failed attempts while waiting for your target to arrive

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Last Week

“Your highness, I should report Y/N is currently down in the lab”

“Again?” Shuri said through a laugh of both humour and disbelief. This was the third time this week you had tried to scare her and every time you’d forgotten to take off your kimoyo beads that revealed your exact location. If she wasn’t so amused by your persistence and terrible hiding skills she would find this little game quite annoying. But she loved you and she loved winning so in that moment Shuri decided to play along…again.

In a dark corner of the lowest levels in the palace you stood still as a Dora. You were proud of yourself. Learning from your past failures you were dressed in black from head to toe and wore the plushest pair of socks you owned.

Your first attempt ended in Shuri asking what an oversized packet of bubble gum was doing sneaking up behind her. Reflecting on that day made you wonder why you thought wearing pink pyjamas and trying to sneak up on someone standing in front of a mirror was a good idea.

Shivering slightly from the cold floor of the lab, Shuri’s comments about your heavy rhino feet giving you away only stung a tiny bit but at the very least gave you some constructive criticism.

You were ready this time, today would be the day.

The zipping of the elevator informed you of her arrival. Your breath ceased and you proceeded with your best impression of a statue.

Even from the top of the lab Shuri could see you. Given her vision had enhanced significantly since drinking the heart shaped herb but even the oldest of council elders could see you standing in the corner trying not to breathe. At first Shuri thought to simply announce her arrival to make you aware of your fourth failure but just as the words were about to leave her lips the spirit of mischievous took over and she reached for the light switch.

At first you were confused and let out the breath you were holding ‘Was she locking up for the night??’ You thought in a panic ‘Oh no I’m gonna be stuck down here’ The perceived reality of the situation set in and you began to frantically feel around in the dark trying to navigate your way back to the elevator.

“Shuri? Shuri! Wait for me please, I'm still down here!” You pleaded to no response. Panic began to rise up your throat, not only were you stuck down here for the night but it was really dark and you hated the dark.

In a split second just as your foot contacted with the second platform you felt something wrap around your waist and pull you to the floor.

The scream that escaped your body would make even a Dora flinch. Your life began to flash before your eyes and you mentally began your apologies to Baast and your ancestors before a familiar laugh rang through your ears.

“Shuri!” You shrieked, eyes blinking feverishly trying to adjust to the low lighting.

“Griot, turn on the lights” Shuri's voice commanded through coughs and heaves and graced you with the gift of vision again. You turned to your loving girlfriend capsized on the floor laughing and your face began to heat up.

“It’s not funny,” You pouted “You could have given me a heart attack!” Shuri turned to your sulking frame, tears still forming in her eyes and cooed at you.

“I’m sorry love but you make it so easy”

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Present Day

Shuri knew you were there. She knew because when she went to grab something from your shared bedroom your kimoyo beads were on the dresser, something you never do unless you both quarrelled in the morning ‘Must have learnt from last time' she left the room in search of her sneaky lover.

When she enquired her favourite AI assistant about what corner you had tucked yourself into Griot responded with

“I have been asked to withhold that information your Highness, my apologies” Shuri scoffed again, since when does an AI not follow her instructions, maybe her mother was right about that. Nevermind Griot’s disloyalty, she knew where you’d be hiding because it’s the same place you hid the other five times. The lab.

Arriving on the bottom floor the elevator doors opened to a suspiciously quiet laboratory. No heavy breathing, no stifled laughs, and no comically timed stomach grumbles. If Y/N was in here she was doing a great job at not making it known. Shuri shut her eyes. She was in search of any sort of clue to where you’d be hiding. She waltzed slowly through the lab whipping her head round corners and swinging closet doors open in an attempt to startle you. When she finished, it was as though a tornado had made its way through the room and yet still no sign of where her girlfriend was hiding.

‘Maybe we fought in the morning and I forgot?’ Shuri disregarded the silly idea because if you two did fight she would have felt a lot worse throughout the day. Shrugging her shoulders Shuri concluded that you must have been hiding somewhere else and she was going to find you.

A/N: reposting this cause tumblr hid my first one, hopefully this one goes alot smoother