#i've most successfully done things when i don't think about it at all and just launch into the doing it part

[theeroins]

If I say that I'm not used to people misinterpreting my favorite characters, I'd be lying. But the way they get so many things wrong about Inho's character is kinda pissing me off because you KNOW that most of them do it to cancel out the possibility of InHun being *something* more than what's shown so far. You don't ship them, that's fair, frankly I don't care. Everyone's entitled to their own opinion UNTIL your opinion is wrong.

Let's talk about a couple of things I've seen being talked about on tiktok (🙄)

“Inho joined the games because ilnam said that it'd basically be more fun to play than to watch so he followed his example." loud incorrect buzzer ! Inho has joined the games before, and not only that, he's also a previous winner, so therefore he's very much aware of what it's like to be a part of it, he's experienced them first hand, just like he's experienced the atrocities of it. they've changed him for the worst and possibly caused him a huge trauma —they're the reason he's lost faith in humanity after all— so, why would he crave to relive it just for the thrill of it? i, personally doubt he even enjoys watching the game.

“Inho didn't look at Gihun with love, he likes to watch him suffer” Short answer is no. He doesn't like to watch him suffer, neither he looked at him with love, not the pure kind of love at least. Two things can be true at once. Inho spent half the season staring at Gihun because everything about the man intrigued him; His determination, his stubbornness, his kindness, his hope, his heart that's full of love despite the pain he suffered, even the pain in his eyes every time someone got eliminated in front of him as if it was the first time it had happened, as if the cruelty of it all surprised him every damn time. How can someone, who's been through the same things Inho has been through, be the polar opposite of him?

now, the reason(s) that I think Inho actually joined the games for..

(yes I am an Inhun shipper, does that make my opinion a little biased? maybe. do i still believe I'm right? absofuckinglutely.)

Let me clarify this: Inho is NOT a good man, no matter the redemption arc he might get in s3, he'll continue to be a terrible person because nothing will ever erase the blood he's spilled and the evil men he's worked for. BUT at the same time, he's not ALL bad, not like the VIPS and ilnam. See, Inhun are the average "yin-yang" trope in fictional romance, (which I eat up every time and I find it very interesting when it's done the right way, don't get me wrong) Inho is bad but there's some goodness somewhere deep inside him. And the only person who's brought it to the surface is Gihun. Sure, he does think Gihun is naive, but he's also the only person who's actually challenged him, who's "forced" him to get his stupid head out of the dirt and look around him, even for a short while and Inho definitely liked what he saw. Honestly, it wasn't even that hard for Gihun to do so because the goodness in Inho wanted and waited for someone to pull him out of the dirt, he wished for someone, something to give him hope for humanity or.. anything. Anything that'll help him escape from his misery.

You can definitely argue that he joined the games to befriend Gihun, to gain his trust and stop his plans when the time comes, which is half true. But keep in mind that he needed to justify his choice to join the games. He's not a VIP nor the mastermind to simply get to do that without consequences. He's the frontman, the one who controls and manages everything. He's needed for the games to work and go by smoothly and successfully without unnecessary losses and problems. Gihun would only cause problems, Inho knew that very well and yet he chose to put him in it once again. He recklessly made that choice, risking pretty much everything because of his inner conflict. A part of him wanted Gihun to prove himself to him, that there's indeed good that'll save the world and the rest of him wanted to prove to Gihun that everything he so strongly believes in is merely a fantasy.

Joining the games and befriending Gihun was the only way for Inho to see the real him, without the heroic mask he puts on every time he faces the frontman. I think he believed that someone as extraordinary as Gihun will either break in front of him and he will end up disappointed by the human kind once again, or Gihun will change everything about the way he thinks for the better. But the problem is that Inho hopes for both of those things at the same time.

And that was Inho's arc in season 2. His inner conflict and how it will affect him, the game and Gihun later on.

[windvexer]

Do you know if there's a chance that someone just... Can't do magic? I feel like none of my spells work despite trying different methods and advice, I've never been chosen by a deity like most practicioners seem to be, I feel like there's something I'm missing fundamentally that means I just can't make magic. How can I check, so I stop giving myself hope and then having it crushed?

Perhaps a bad faith take, but I doubt most practitioners have been chosen by deities. I am of the opinion that many people believe they are supposed to be chosen and then use very lax systems of omen reading to justify that such-and-such god is claiming them.

Over the years, many people have asked me for help getting their spells to work, or solving such-and-such magical blockage.

And unfortunately, just about every time, the end result is that the person really has not done as much work as they think they have done, and they are still more or less on square one (or square zero) of practice.

Here are the sorts of questions I would ask you if we were chatting about this:

Focus

What specific school of magic are you trying to learn? "Witchcraft" and "magic" are not schools. Are you trying to learn Traditional Witchcraft? Lodge Magic? Chaos Magick? Appalachian Folk Magic? Dianic Wicca?

Out of the school of magic you are trying to learn, how many books have you read about it?

Out of those books, how many of them focused on actual technique and theory? As in, explaining the magical theories as to why this system works the way it does.

Do you have a clear understanding of why this magical system works the way it does? Can you describe it to me?

Within the magical system you have chosen to study, is there a clearly laid groundwork for what practitioners are supposed to have to do before they are valid/initiated/adept within this system? If so, have you achieved all of those requirements?

How many months of ongoing study and practice do you think is reasonable until you are ready to move to a new school of focus?

Learning Plan

Witchcraft is a complex and variable skill that, like writing a novel, requires a working knowledge of many diverse skillsets.

What is the specific goal you are working towards at this time? "Getting a spell to work" is not specific enough. "Casting a prosperity spell that is able to generate small amounts of cash, gifts, or benefits within a 2 week period" is the type of thing I mean.

What is your lesson plan to achieve that goal? An example might be, 1) read a book on prosperity magic, 2) study and research 5 accessible plants related to prosperity, 3) learn an energy raising technique, 4) learn how to charge correspondences, 5) learn how to add correspondences to candle spell, 6) learn magical timing techniques.

Even if you do not have a lesson plan, can you name the top 3 things you have been actively practicing to try and become a better practitioner? Examples might be energy raising, visualizing techniques, talking to spirits.

Once you formulate a lesson plan, ask yourself how many hours you think is reasonable to spend on each step. If you don't think you've ever successfully raised energy before, do you think it's fair that you might require 10 hours of practice learning your first energy raising technique before you can do it?

Could you explain to me the steps you believe are required to perform magic? Include how many hours you've spent practicing techniques applicable to each step.

Practice

Think of magic as being like learning to close a restaurant by yourself. You must be experienced in all of the stations, and have in-depth knowledge about the standards required. Do you also have such experience and understanding when it comes to your own craft?

Outside of reading and study, since the start of your practice, how many hours of concerted effort have you put in trying to perform magical techniques? This includes energy work, casting spells, sensing energies, divination, talking to spirits.

Write a list of each specific magical technique you have tried to learn. Not just "energy work" but, "Earth-roots grounding visualization to raise or balance energy into the planet." "Gathering energy into the lungs and exhaling to release excess energy." "Trying to contact the spirits of tarot cards." Be very specific. Next, write down how many hours you think you have spent practicing each technique. Which techniques have you spent more than 10 hours practicing, even if that practice is across years?

Write down every spell you ever remember trying to cast. How many are there?

Of all the spells you've tried to cast, are they from a wide variety of intents (such as prosperity, protection, luck, binding, conjuring), or are they mostly one type (e.g., prosperity)? Write down how many different kinds of spells you've tried to cast, based on intent. Have you practiced at least 5-10 spells in each category?

Technique

You've asked me, so given the way I do things:

How long does it take you to cast simple spells? Do you think it might be reasonable to expect that casting even a simple spell could take 30 minutes or more?

When you work spells, how long does it take you to raise energy? This can also include hours/days spent finding objects/ingredients of natural power. Would you say that you spend at least 10-15 minutes raising magical power for every spell that you cast?

When you work spells, how do you imprint/program energy? How do you stamp it with your intent so you know it's going to do what you want it to do?

When you work spells, how do you deliver them to their target? What techniques and methods do you employ to make sure they can get to where they need to go?

Before you cast spells, how much divination or investigation do you perform to make sure the spell will be effective for your purposes? Even a perfect screwdriver will fail where a hammer is required.

Do you use traditional techniques like aligning your spells to planetary timing, gathering taglocks, casting circles, or calling quarters?

Hygiene

How often do you perform self-cleansing? Otherworldly grime can obfuscate magical power.

Have you ever cast, or had others cast for you, unblocking or unbinding spells to help open the roads of your power?

How often do you engage in managing your personal energy? For example, centering/reclaiming exercises to pull escaped energy back into yourself, or energy gathering exercises to build up personal power.

Resources

Of the people you are asking for magical help, are they all a part of the same group who carry similar worldviews and would tend to suggest the same advice?

Of the people you are asking for magical help, how many of them are able to affirm that they are mentors, teachers, spirit doctors, or consultants qualified to help people with the problem you have?

Do you have a group you can work with to practice skills, such as energy charging and energy reading?

When you cast spells, do you have someone you can send photos of the spellwork to, so they can try to perform readings or diagnosis on what's actually going on?

Reality

Have you chosen a start date for your practice (such as, "I've been a practitioner for 2 years,") but in reality you have only tried to practice magic for a very limited time (say, 1 or 2 months out of that period)? If so, is it possible that you are comparing yourself to the success of a practitioner of 2 years, instead of a practitioner of 2 months?

Does the kind of magic you believe in dictate that rigor and technique are required to achieve results? Or are you more working in the "visualize and believe" arena?

Are you comparing your successes to people who are telling the truth about their practice? Is it possible people you are comparing yourself to are not using rigorous self-assessment when they calculate their own wins?

Are you comparing your successes to people who may have been practicing for decades or more on intensive paths, or who have spent thousands of hours honing their practice within a single area?

Are you being realistic about what actual success looks like? For example, casting a protection spell, something not protected against happens, and then deciding that because something bad in general happened, the entire protection failed.

Anyway Anon, to actually answer your question: no, I don't believe some people just "can't do magic." In very rare circumstances, some people may have serious blockages or entanglements going on that must be resolved before they can do magic. Others may require less intensive spellwork like unblocking to clear the way (like idk, maybe granny prayed over you in the crib that you'd never get involved with all this evil occult stuff).

It's my experience that almost everyone who thinks they can't do magic, if they were being very honest with themselves, would have a hard time coming up with actual lists of things they have done to try to be better at magic; they have perhaps practiced for a handful of hours across several months; they are not learning core skills (like energy work, divination, or trancework); and they are not working off of tried-and-true systems, but are rather setting up camp at the intersection of every possible shortcut (clear quartz, rosemary, and roses are universal substitutes; you don't have to use any physical tools or ingredients; visualization is the same as energy raising; intent is all you need; traditional methods of targeting such as obtaining taglocks are irrelevant; casting a circle is irrelevant; magical headspace is irrelevant; building and consecrating of holy areas such as altars is irrelevant; astrological timing and places of power are irrelevant; going to great lengths to obtain or preserve power is irrelevant).

The other 3% of people pissed on a fairy tree when they were kids and need to spend a couple of months working with a mediator to rectify their relationship with the spirit world.

Do feel free to DM me, if you like.

[ninii-winchester]

I don’t wanna live forever

Pairing : Demon!Dean X Reader

Word count: 1.8k

Warnings: angst, demon dean, violence, language. Unedited

I DO NOT GIVE PERMISSION TO COPY MY WORK, TRANSLATE IT OR POST IT TO ANY OTHER PLATFORM. REBLOGS ARE APPRECIATED.

Been sitting eyes wide open behind these four walls, hoping you'd call

It's just a cruel existence like there's no point hoping at all

Baby, baby, I feel crazy, up all night, all night and every day

Y/n knew Dean getting the Mark of Cain was the most stupidest thing he's ever done, taking into consideration that he's Dean Winchester and he's done plenty of stupid in his life. Part of her wants to strangle Crowley for getting him into that mess but part of her knew that Dean would've done whatever it'd take to take down Abbadon. She didn't think it'd bring them here to this day where Dean would turn into a demon and leave the bunker for good. He's with Crowley and God knows where.

A knock on the door breaks her away from her thoughts. She looks up to see Sam standing in the doorway.

"Glaring at the walls of his room won't bring him back Y/n." He said sympathetically. He knew she was hurting as much as he was. After-all they both love Dean.

"What am I supposed to do, Sam." She sounded defeated. "I've tried calling him a thousand times and he doesn't answer."

"We're doing the best we can and we will bring him back, you know that." Sam replied walking towards her and sitting on the bed. "You know we always do." 

"Part of me thinks he doesn't want to come back, its like there's no point hoping." She felt herself tear up. "The mark is overpowering him."

"Hey don't think about it. Our Dean is still in there. We'll bring him back." Sam looked at her face. She looked tired. "Y/n you haven't slept in days. You should get some rest."

"Yeah."

I don't wanna live forever, 'cause I know I'll be living in vain

And I don't wanna fit wherever

I just wanna keep calling your name until you come back home

It's been days since Dean left and Y/n has had enough. She knows Sam's been torturing demons to find out Dean and Crowley's location but she can't just sit around anymore. She'll do whatever it takes to find him even if it's illegal. She opens up her laptop and hacks into the traffic signal camera's all over the country. She runs a facial recognition of Dean's face and the Impala's license plate. She crossed her fingers hoping it does it thing soon because the longer she stays on the site the more risk she's at getting into trouble. Although the bunker is untraceable they can't afford the feds on their ass.

The screen loads successfully and she jumps in happiness. The Impala last crossed a traffic signal three towns over. She didn't know when Sam would return so she didn't wait for him. She quickly changed into her Fed suit and drove towards her destination.

Knowing Dean, he's probably at some bar, she shortlisted the bars across that town and hoped she'd find him in one of those. She visited two bars and much to her dismay he hadn't been there. However at the third bar, she didn't find him but she found a clue.

"That man? Yeah he was here a few hours ago, got into fight with another guy. Beat him to a pulp so had to kick him out." The bartender said while cleaning the countertop.

"Any idea where he went?" She asked with hope.

"There's another bar ten minutes from here, you can check there." She tipped the man, thanking him for his help.

"Agent." He called out behind her, she turned to him, "be careful out there, that man's feral." She nodded and left

the place.

She walked in the inside the bar and it was almost empty considering it's pretty early in the day. She noticed a figure sitting at the bar top and immediately recognised him.

"Dean." She called out softly. He turned to look at her but then he turned again focusing on his drink. She said his name again and moved towards him but was stopped by an annoyingly familiar voice.

"Oh Vixen found her Squirrel. Didn't bring Moose along?" The voice spoke in a Scottish accent.

"Fuck off Crowley." She replied glaring at the man in the black suit.

"You wound me, darlin." He sassed. "Dean doesn't wanna go back so why can't you two blithering idiots.... LET HIM GO."

"I'm not fucking around here." She pulled out her gun pointing it at him, she removed the safety. "Let me talk to him. Alone."

"Your guns don't work on me." He replied smugly.

"I wouldn't be so sure." She challenged, knowing she'd carved the devils trap into the bullets. She knew she'd never have the heart to use it on Dean but Crowley is a different matter. The short man rolled his eyes and poofed away. She made her way towards Dean and sat beside him.

"Dean.." she said his name ever so softly just the way she always did. He didn't even turn to look her continuing to pour drink after drink in his glass. "Baby, let's go home." She moved her hand to put on top of his. He raised his brow at the gesture.

"I'm telling you this once. Leave." Dean moved his hand away and looked at her. No trace of a smile on his face, the smile she had come to love.

"No, I won't leave here without you. Come back home." She partially begged. "I don't wanna live without you, Dean. Please come home with me."

He stood up, his laugh resonating through the empty bar. She looked at him, hurt written all across her face. She knew this wasn't her Dean but seeing him act this way didn't hurt any less. She walked right in front of him as he stopped laughing.

"What's funny huh?" Anger bubbled inside her.

"Oh nothing." He shrugged, an evil smile appeared on his face. "You said you wouldn't leave here without me, yeah?" He asked rhetorically circling around her. "And you said you can't live without me either." He paused, dramatically thinking for a second.

"Dean.."

"How about I kill you then, right here, right now." He said stopping in front of her with a blade knife. "It'll be so much fun, for me." Y/n took a deep breath, her gun clutched in her hand tightly. "For you though..." he drawled with a chuckle.

"I don't wanna hurt you Dean." She replied.

"I don't think you can, even if you want to." Dean smirked evilly. "Last chance. Leave."

"I'm not going anywhere." She said. "Not without you."

"I'm gonna have so much fun." Dean scoffed before he grabbed her by the neck, choking her. She tried pushing his hand away but she was having a hard time. She kicked him the stomach making him loosen his grip but not completely let go. He threw the against the bar top, she groaned as fell. Her gun falling from her hand.

"This isn't you Dean." She coughed getting up.

"I told you to leave." Dean threw a punch but she moved out of way and his hand smashed a bottle. She punched him the jaw and he recoiled. He pushed her to ground and straddled her waist. He pinned her arms above her head in one of his hands, immobilising her.  The mark on his arm itched and he brought the knife to her throat. He pressed it and watched as blood trickled down the column of her neck.

"Do it." She said looking at him.

"I'll take my time with it." Dean replied smugly. Her scratched her cheek with the blade. He then moved it down to her collarbone and she screamed in pain. His lips formed into a sinister smile.

Y/n took a deep breath. She wasn't sure if Dean forgot that she mostly fights with her legs or was it his cocky demonic self that made him leave her legs completely unattended. She brought her legs upwards and hooked her them around his waist, catching him off guard and flipping him off her. That seemed to have pissed him off. 

She made a run for her gun but he was able to slash her side before she got her hands on the weapon. She gasped, her right hand touching the wound while she gripped her gun in her left.

"You're pathetic, you know you can't win yet you try so hard." Dean growled closing in on her. "But now I'm bored." He grabbed her left arm and twisted it until a crack was heard. She screamed as the gun fell from her hand. He picked it up and pointed at her head. He pulled the trigger without even blinking.

Y/n blinked as she felt herself being moved from her place. And then she heard a gunshot. Turns out Crowley moved her last minute before Dean fired. She watched Dean wide eyed, unable to process that he was going to kill her. She's alive not because he didn't want to kill her but because Crowley intervened.

"Why did you-" she barely let out but Crowley had disappeared but this time with Dean.

I'm sitting eyes wide open and I got one thing stuck in my mind

Wondering if I dodged a bullet or just lost the love of my life

Back at the Bunker, Y/n had her arm in a cast, the wound on her side stitched up and bandages all over her. She had taken painkillers for the physical pain but she doesn't know how to sooth her hollow heart.

She laid on Dean's bed and stared at the ceiling, unmoving. A knock resonated at the door and it opened a few seconds later.

"If you're here to tell me I was stupid and reckless. Save it." She said without removing her eyes from the ceiling.

"I know you just wanted him back." Sam replied.

"He's gone, Sam." A tear slipped from her eye. She sat up and looked at the younger Winchester "He wasn't my Dean." Before she knew her body shook and sobs escaped her lips. "Makes me wonder if I dodged the bullet or just lost the love of my life."

Sam sat beside her and wrapped his arm around her as much as he could without hurting her. "After everything that's happened, you still?" Sam trailed off not knowing how to continue.

"I told you Sam he wasn't my Dean. My Dean would rather die than hurt me. Of course I love him." She whispered in his chest. "It hurts to think of what he's become, so much more than these wounds could ever hurt."

"Dean's lucky you chose him. I'm sure he'll agree when he comes back." Sam assured her. "I won't give up on him. He's my brother. I'll bring him back for you. For us." Sam promised and he hoped he could keep that promise.

Part 2

[vinelark]

what r some fics that shaped your psyche? you have so many good recs im currently rereading the to an athlete dying young series

hello! you sent me this ask ages ago and i've been meaning to get to it ever since. (it took me so long to answer that i'm sure you've reread to an athlete dying young by @sonosvegliato many times over by now but hell yeah, what a good one.)

these are a few fics--dc and beyond--that have been in my "in case of emergency" epub folder (aka fics i want to have on hand immediately to reread on bad days, or good days, or even average days) for a few years now. so here is an extremely incomplete list of fics that have shaped my psyche!

for dc specifically--if i tried to list all of them i would just end up repeating my whole fic rec tag, so these are just a few of the ones i read when i was getting into this fandom that stayed with me/made me want to seek out more for these characters:

📸 surveillance series by @smilebackwards

this series located the tim drake center of my brain and lit it up like the vegas strip.

🎒 like a hinge, like a wing by @bonesbuckleup

one of my go-to rereads for pangs; chapter one is a masterclass in tension. also, one of my favorite pre-robin tim pov fics of all time.

💻 nominal by @unpretty

"you don't get it, batman is a comedy" --conversation i've had with multiple people using this fic as my thesis statement.

🌃 the jingle jangle morning by @audreycritter

the moment somebody in my vicinity says "i love dick grayson" i'm on their doorstep with this fic url.

🚉 a meditation on railroading by @eggmacguffin

there's a moment in this fic known among my friends as "baby wipes jason" and it has successfully converted no less than three people to the fandom.

and then for non-dc fic:

🌌 atlas by @megafaunatic (mdzs & tgcf)

did i read this before i had a single clue who the characters were? yes. did i return to it once i did and lose my mind a little? yes. lore etymologyplayground writes that “so so so in love and pining so hard the lines between us are blurring and we haven’t made a move yet but it’s inevitable” flavor with such a deft hand; it is in fact called the lorezone. if any friends-to-lovers pining i write can achieve even 50% of a lorezone i will have done my job.

🪿 If they caught you by @feyburner (tgcf)

i go back to this when i think about setup and payoff, when i think about subtle misdirects, when i think about the monumental task of creating whole compelling new characters in 6k words.

🧪 away childish things by lettered (hp)

one of the best de-aging trope stories i've ever read; i think of this when i want to take a trope to its maximum potential and then go: no wait, there's even more.

(another fav de-aging fic is grow by @cafecliche; shorter plot but no less pangs 🌱)

🏡 in defiance of all geometry by @idiopath-fic-smile (les mis)

a fic that's a perfect reread when i need something cozy and full of character, and a perfect touchstone when i'm pondering something where the world may not hang in the balance but the stakes still matter.

📔 The Absolutely True Story of the Yiling Patriarch: A Manifesto in Many Parts by aubreyli (cql/mdzs)

paragon of metahumor, basically. i think of this when i want to write something that's funny in both text and form.

🍚 and his wanting grows teeth by @yuebings (cql/mdzs)

masterclass in pangy backstory reveal; the way the first scene loops back around to punch you in the gut long after you've forgotten it will forever be seared into my brain.

also, most answers on this list fit the bill!

(apologies again that this answer is so belated; it took me ages to write up partially because i kept stopping to reread these fics every time i tried.)

[myfairstarlight]

An Ode to Friends to Lovers - Colin and Penelope's story

Fine, I give in.

As someone who considers themself more of a casual viewer (as in, I've never engaged in the fandom before), I went into this new season with mild interest. And then I fell down the rabbit hole. I should have suspected it though, Friends to Lovers is a trope I affectionate particularly when it comes to romance, unfortunately one I very rarely think is done well. So I was still skeptical going in.

But by God, did they deliver on that front and I need to break it down and talk about it. So I guess this is my review of Bridgerton s3, part 1.

Under the cut though, because this is gonna be a long one (seriously, this is a warning).

I don't particularly think Bridgerton is a complex show, and one can argue all day about whether it is even good (in my eyes, as long as it's entertaining, I don't care if a show is "good"), however, the number of takes I've seen online not understanding basic story-telling worries me a bit.

Don't get me wrong, I agree this first half has pacing issues but I do not think Penelope's and Colin's love story suffered that much, it did not feel rushed to me since we already knew these characters for two whole seasons (and I maintain Colin has always had more depths than what people pretend he does, it seems like, just like the ton, viewers like to overlook him and just characterise him as naive).

And I guess this long ass post was born in the process. So:

Part One: Penelope's glow up

Yes I'm starting by looking at them individually first. I think this post on reddit sums it up so perfectly. I get we're all joking about how unrealistic it is that no man was ever interested in Penelope despite how she looks like an absolute goddess (and I maintain she was the cutest in both previous seasons as well!) - unfortunately it is realistic. That's the reality of bullying, it doesn't get solved by a glow up. Even her association with the Bridgertons through Eloise and Colin did not lessen the bullying, so without them? Even the prettiest dresses would not have changed the ton's perception of her, and she's still the awkward, anxious girl she's always been, and unfortunately, most of these men are not attracted to that. It's not satisfying, she doesn't get her triumphant revenge on a society that always ostracised her - and I think it's important that she does not. That she accepts it. She should not have to change for a ton that will not change for the better either. And it's a lesson she learns quickly - someone will love her for who she is, pretending will only lead to misery. And, it is when she's being herself that she successfully gets the interest of some gentlemen (shout out to Lord Remington! I was so hoping we would be seeing more of him on top of Debling. He's such a Whistledown fan I thought that even after the whole lesson reveal scandal he would have stuck to call on Penelope the next day to gossip together, it would have been cute but I guess he too wanted to avoid being written about) (also I'm just saying in fics he should be the one considered as a proper other suitor for Pen since they seemed to have a genuine connection, meanwhile Debling was really searching for practicality).

The thing I wanna add to that post is this: despite all that, she decided to change her looks for herself. When I first learned of the plot of this season, Colin helping her find a husband, I was scared it would mean Colin would be the one to tell her to have a makeover. It doesn't happen. Sure, Penelope subconsciously requests for a more Parisian style for her new dresses because it is the last place Colin went to, but by that point she has already given up on him. She wants something new, and to feel good in herself. That's how she blooms, by finding a style that she feels comfortable in, finally free from her mother's horrendous tastes. That's what allows her to be more confident as well, the new looks and her motivation to move on from her "unrequited fantasy". As for Colin? He never comments on her change, he compliments her dress (and mind you, that is when he's trying to play up the charm because he knows she's upset with him and he gets humbled, hard) but he never says it looks better on her than what she wore before, he never has a "I never realised how beautiful you were" moment we see a bit too often in friends to lovers stories, because to him she's still his Pen, new dresses, new hairstyles, but the same Pen he's always loved, even if he didn't realise to what extent yet.

But Penelope's confidence... is not quite there yet. Difficult to be, when she's grown up in a loveless home, with horrible sisters, a father who barely cared and a mother who constantly puts her down. Whenever she gets a compliment, her first reaction is "ah, it must be a joke" - that isn't even exclusive to Colin, in the brief interaction between Edwina and Penelope, when Edwina compliments her dress, Penelope also dismisses it. And then, there's Colin, who is always oh so honest with her and does not shy away from praising her. But I'll touch more on that later.

Part Two: Colin's new self.

And then we have the opposite: Colin showing up with a new attitude, and succeeding at it (well, on the surface). Something I haven't seen people bring up a lot though is that he's already tried a new look in s2, and he got mocked for it. The only one who didn't? Penelope. Why didn't he try to emulate being a rake back then? Because Penelope's letters grounded him, he admits it himself. It's seeing himself through Penelope's letters that gave him confidence. But that kind of confidence was not enough in the ton's eyes, and on top of that, between s2 and s3, this time Penelope doesn't write back, and neither do his family. He grows insecure, he's lost the one person who kept him grounded, he thinks his family is annoyed with him, and he still is in search of a purpose, so what does he do? He clings to Anthony's words in s1 after the disaster that was his engagement with Marina: he's too green, time to "fix" that and be more like his big brothers. They got it together, they know their purpose (well, Benedict lost his again but that's a story for another day), so surely, if he acts more like them, and not like the sensitive and naive boy he was, then surely everything will be alright! Right? Note that as opposed to s2, where he kept talking about his travels and it annoyed everyone, in s3 he doesn't go into details about them anymore, even when he's asked. They're only interested in the company he kept during the travels rather than the sights he saw. And honestly, it was heartbreaking to see right away how much of himself he was holding back, even with his own family. Penelope, however, gets the details without even asking because he already knows she likes hearing him talk about them and she makes him comfortable, and he's fully aware of that when he apologises in s3e1.

(I also want to note that, even if this new persona is fake, his new style genuinely fits him better. Just like Penelope, this season Colin found the style that makes him feel good and confident.)

And here's where I need to praise Luke's acting for a bit, because he absolutely nailed the subtle way Colin behaves differently with Penelope vs everyone else. His voice is softer, he is effortlessly charming (I was kicking my feet when he recalled how they met), his smile is bigger, even his whole face looks more relaxed whenever Penelope is around, meanwhile he always appears stiff and like he's calculating his every move when around his "friends". In fact, it is in the carriage scene we finally truly see s1&2's Colin back. When he has that look on his face, as he decides right there and then he's gonna marry her, and then a second later when he asks the question, his face. By God, his eyes are sparkling, he's so happy, and he looks as youthful and carefree as he did in previous seasons, far are the thoughts of trying to fit in a society that he hates.

Because above all, these two know and understand each other in a way no one else in their lives does. And that is a fact that remains despite the outward changes. So yes, I liked that their dynamic did not shift to romance because of their "glow ups", but because they are spending even more time together now. Speaking of which:

Part Three: Authenticity and Vulnerability

One big theme this season is being true to oneself. It's no coincidence mirrors are such a big part of it (even outside of the yet to be seen spicy scene), because looking at a mirror means looking at oneself, and be vulnerable. If s2 was about duty vs heart, eldest siblings trying to do right by their family to the point of self-sabotage, s3 is a battle between the head and the heart. It is not even exclusive to Polin - Eloise is learning and growing by trying to take genuine part in society but struggling to fit in. Cressida wants to become a better person, torn between the pressure put on her shoulders by her parents and this new friendship with Eloise. Benedict is looking for his purpose after learning Anthony paid his way to art school, and feeling like a fraud as an artist. Anthony and Kate are unashamedly in love, as they deserve to be after the struggles they went through last season. Francesca has no care for the suitors the Queen and her mother parade in front of her as the "sparkler" of the season (sidenote but I hated that, stupid name, should have stuck to diamond or select another gem) as her heart seeks out the handsome and quiet John Sterling instead. And this will continue in part 2, as Penelope will have to be honest about Lady Whistledown (because she's always her most authentic self around Colin, there is still this big secret she is so determined to keep to herself, when she should not).

The beauty about friends to lovers stories to me is the small declarations of love sprinkled throughout the relationship. It's about the trust already built in with no expectations and the vulnerability we'd never allow anyone but our closest friends to see, something even our family can be ignorant to. I mentioned earlier that Colin never shies away from praising Penelope, way before their dynamic shifts to lovers. He tells her she's good, constant, loyal, special, warm. All of these are declarations of love, even if not with romantic intent, it's about showing his appreciation for her, for the role she holds in his life. And Penelope responds in kind as well. That is why I believe people who think the romance was rushed in s3 either did not watch the past two seasons or see friendship and romantic love as two distinct things rather than a cohesive continuation of each other. In s1, people focus so much on the Marina stuff, as if that cancels out Colin's friendship with Penelope. We still do see Colin actively seek out Penelope at balls, and defending her against Cressida, he compliments her and tells her she's the one who inspired him to travel. Then s2 rolls in, and they're exchanging letters, which will become the cataclysm for their dynamic changing later on. And then there's one of my favourite scenes with them: them talking about their purpose. They both open up here, Colin about his insecurity, Penelope about her dream, it is so intimate. And then, there's of course Colin protecting the Featheringtons from ruins. I'm mostly emphasising Colin's actions, because Penelope's crush on him was always in your face, and while Colin may not have realised it yet, he's always cared about Penelope in a special way, as manifested by his actions and how vulnerable he allows himself to be around her, when even his own family has no idea about what's going on inside his head.

There's a misconception that Colin calling her his friend was him rejecting her, and yet we see in s3 he had no idea whatsoever that she has a crush on him, so he could not lead her on (unlike his book counterpart, who was aware of Penelope's infatuation and was careful never to toe the line until he realised his feelings. Show Colin though? Completely oblivious. And it makes sense, he's still young.) He asks Violet "how do you know it was reciprocated" and not "how do you know you're in love with your best friend". As of right now at the end of part 1, he genuinely thinks he's the one who fell in love first, or at least realised it first. His "You're Pen, you do not count, you're my friend" in s2, was not a rejection in his eyes, but a declaration of love; he's forsaken love and women but not his Penelope, never her, she's his exception And it's not like Penelope resented him for that friendship he so readily gave her, yes she had a crush, but she was proud to call him her friend! He was, with Eloise, her solace away from her family. At the end of the day, this is a friends to lovers story, it is silly to get upset that they considered themselves friends first before there is a click as they realise they are now on the same page to shift their relationship.

Side note but I've never liked the term "friendzoned" because it makes it sound like being friends is a bad thing. I've had unrequited feelings before but I've always felt grateful that being friends with them allowed me to stay close to them even if I knew nothing else could happen. I was still very much happy and content. But maybe I'm projecting on Penelope and that's another debate.

See, what I ended up loving about the lesson plot, which I was so wary of at first, is that Colin barely teaches Penelope anything. At first, he goes for the "do what society expects women to do" (since it worked for him) but then she acts awkwardly, she can't fake it, and it surprises him for a moment. That's when it clicks for him, she just needs to be comfortable because with him, she's always smart, witty and charming, she's herself. He's always seen her that way, and he did not quite realise he had that privilege in the first place. And I love how we see him slowly realise it is no longer a privilege thanks to his help. We see it in e2. When she talks to the guy with the dead horse (forgot his name, oops), Penelope forces the flirt and Colin is amused by it. Fast forward Penelope approaching Lord Remington by herself, without Colin's initiative, and she's being more authentic, and suddenly Jealous by Nick Jonas plays in the background and Colin doesn't look proud, but apprehensive, or dare I say jealous. The shift in Colin's head happens long before Debling is in the picture. I'd argue it already shifted earlier in that episode, in his study, which he flashbacks to in e4.

His journals detail how unfulfilled he feels when he lays with random women in his travels. He longs for emotional intimacy. And guess with who he finally finds that, when a certain red-head asks the one question that allows them to break the physical barrier they had to keep between them for the sake of propriety?

Ah yes, that first kiss. To Colin, everything has been building up to this, this is his true Oh moment. A favour turned into a revelation. For Penelope, this is quite literally the end of her fantasies. This is Penelope's most vulnerable moment. She bares her heart, she's sad, she's desperate. And some people have been calling that moment pathetic, interpreting it as her being weak and giving in to her crush again, saying that she should not have to beg for that man's affection. I concur that she is brave, and bold. I also concur that some of you all are a bit too attached to the girlboss archetype forgetting that allowing oneself to be vulnerable is also a strength. She's never had to beg for Colin's attention anyway because he readily gives it to her, but in this one instance, for once in her life, she is truly being honest. In her head, she has nothing else to lose, and she wants to experience the one thing she thinks she can never have so of course she's gonna turn to the one person she's always trusted and feels the most comfortable with, because before her crush, Colin is her friend. She's asking a favour from a friend. And then she can move on, whatever "moving on" will turn out to be. In this instance, she has the power in her hands.

And it is her bravery that is the true cataclysm for things to change properly. Of course, things have already started to change the moment she stopped replying to the letters, but that moment really expedited their relationship.

Part Four: Lovers, but in a best friends way

The thing with Bridgerton, in the books or in the show, is that each couple has their trope. This is not news to anyone, I think. We've had fake dating, and enemies to lovers, and one characteristic that these two tropes share is a growing tension between the characters before it snaps. There is a reason the early marketing for s3 focused on Penelope being cold towards Colin, tension and conflict are more appealing on the surface. And then the first half of the season comes out and that conflict between our main couple? Solved after one episode because they did one thing that is severely missing in most romance dramas: communicated healthily. Penelope laid out why she was upset (although she does not stay to let Colin explain and then vents out her feelings in Whistledown... she still has some learning to do), Colin immediately went to apologise and make up for it. All of this by talking. And yet I'd argue friends to lovers still has its own tension, just not to the same intensity as the other two, and more difficult to market. The tension comes from the brewing feelings, the way you start seeing every touch, every interaction, in a whole new light, and wondering if it's only in your head or if it's reciprocated. But now combine that with Colin who's always been so earnest about his feelings with Penelope? And Penelope who's always quietly wanted their relationship to evolve that way? Of course they figured it out quickly and got together in half a season. And I'm delighted that we will see them handle the whole Whistledown mess as a couple, as two people aware they love each other deeply, which gives a whole new meaning to the conflict compared to the book where I felt like it was brushed over a bit too quickly (because they got distracted in that carriage). It is the last secret between them, their last obstacle.

I also do not like the "Colin should have grovelled and pined more" argument, when he is the one who insisted on the lessons to help her find a husband in the first place, and then has to face the fact that actually, he doesn't like the idea of another man taking Penelope away, and oh, isn't that the consequences of his own actions? He is grovelling, you just don't see Penelope holding it over his head, because that's not the person she is, this is not a revenge fantasy story, in fact she does not realise the power she has on him because she is used to Colin seeking her out. I like that he didn't stew on his feelings and decided to act on them right away. I also don't like how this whole grovelling thing makes it sound like love is a competition, that just because Penelope has known she's been in love for longer and "suffered" longer, that means Colin needs to do the same to even the planes. Because in my eyes love isn't exactly something to be earned — it is given. Now, are you worthy to keep it? To nurture it and make it bloom and last? That is the real question.

Admittedly, since this is only the first half of the season, we do not see them in a romantic setting a lot. That first half is focused on them rekindling their friendship lost during the summer when Penelope stopped responding to the letters, and Colin having the realisation he cannot live without his best friend, not just because she is his best friend, but also because he loves her. But we do have two important, and obvious instances.

So let's talk about that first kiss again. It is, in my opinion, one of the most gentle and romantic moments in the show so far and also showcased their friendship really well. Colin trying to joke to lighten the mood as Penelope spirals down (peak best friend behaviour actually), the gentle, swelling music, the light of the moon, Colin's deep exhale of realisation as he holds her face when he goes back in for the second kiss, with the furrowed brows of a man on a mission. This is Penelope's most vulnerable moment and Colin's big realisation. And I felt like I was intruding.

And same goes for that carriage scene, but even before they go at it; now this is Colin's most vulnerable moment, and Penelope's realisation that they can be more. He chases the carriage by foot, then goes on his knees to confess his feelings to his best friend in the softest and most determined voice we've ever heard him use this whole season, eyes wide, tears threatening to fall as it is his turn to bare his heart and ask for a chance. Meanwhile Penelope takes it all in, running her hand through his hair because she can finally touch him, melting under him. Things get steamy. And then... and then... The carriage stops, they get startled, Colin jokes that the driver should have kept on driving and then... they laugh. They just made out, and went to second base together, and yet here they are now, laughing. It is such a genuine and lovely moment. And it's then that Colin has that look in his eyes, that "I'm gonna marry her" look. That is when he realises he cannot live his life without her. That his purpose is now right in front of him: making Penelope Featherington, soon to be Bridgerton, laugh until the end of their lives.

Conclusion

There's no conclusion, I just love them so dearly. Yes, there still is the whole Whistledown mess to deal with and sure, the argument with Eloise may make you think great angst is ahead but if there is one big difference between Colin and Eloise, it is this: Colin has always listened to Penelope, and this is not a diss on Eloise. Eloise, bless her heart, can be pretty self-centred, she's loud and a bit immature, something she is growing from in s3, and you cannot ignore that she did not really listen to Penelope (she has no idea Penelope wishes to marry when Penelope tells her she does in s1, we can blame the writing, but I do think it fits with Eloise's journey to realising how privileged and dismissive she is. Penelope was too polite to call her out until their falling out. Meanwhile Cressida is exactly the type of honesty she needs for a wake up call). Colin, on the other hand, is very sensitive and a good listener. Furthermore, this season, Penelope is learning to be more confident, to voice what she wants, and I like to think it is leading to her finding her own voice and not needing Whistledown to hide behind anymore. If there's someone with whom she has no filters, it is Colin, so I have faith that when the reveal happens and an argument breaks out, this new Penelope will not back down and will lay out all her reasons and all her regrets, and Colin may be stubborn, but he loves that woman and he always listens.

A part of me also wishes they keep the jealousy he felt about her writing in the book, and that they don't focus just on the whole "you lied to me" aspect (we've already had that with Eloise). How he, himself, is insecure about his writing, and here Penelope is, less fortunate than he is, and yet who did have the courage to get her writing out there, even if publishing under another name. Because that is also a reality in relationships, when your partner is at a different stage in their career, and how they can communicate to support one another.

Anyway, I'm just rambling now (as if that isn't what I've been doing this whole time). I like them. A little. Just a bit. I'm very normal about them <3

[rebo-chan]

I've been thinking about KHR's bonds. (When am I not?) And I've thought about the way that Amano likes to write bonds. You'd be pressed in this fandom to find people who don't care about at least one area of it whether that's the Vongola kids, Varia, the Arcobaleno, Kokuyo, etc. After a conversation with my best friend, I realized it's kinda interesting how Amano has somehow successfully created so many realistic bonds for such a diverse cast. Like we see so little of them, but you'd be pressed to convince the KHR fans that the funeral wreaths don't adore Byakuran.

So there's the thing right? Katekyo hitman reborn is the shonen that is 100% about the power of friendship. Like yes other shounens use it and its a meme for a reason, but they also have other stuff going on. Other motivations. Other theming. Meanwhile Tsuna growing up and becoming a better person for his friends /is/ the theme of Reborn. That is the entire motivation for the series. There's no grandiose scheme where Tsuna will save the Mafia world and be the chosen one, though the series tries to put Tsuna in this position to his chagrin.

As evidenced by the scene in Future arc, where Tsuna is unable to light his ring because he is so stressed about sending everyone back to the future and fighting this unknown powerful enemy. And so Reborn walks up and tells him "You're not a hero. Stop trying to be. It's not like you. What were you thinking about when you first lit your flame?" And he responded with "I just..wanted to protect Kyoko." Reborn satisfied with that answer then asks, "And who do you want to protect now?" And Tsuna answers with "Everyone." And then his ring lit up. That's the core to the series!! Right there!! All it ever was 403 chapters worth of these characters just wanting to protect each other.

So, in talking to my best friend, he pointed out that outside of daily life arc, these characters don't really have moments of vulnerability towards each other. Frankly, it seems the cast of KHR is allergic to being vulnerable. There aren't that many scenes of "you guys are important to me. I love you guys." Y'know stuff that tells the audience yeah these guys are close. And when Tsuna TRIES to have these moments, like with Reborn, Reborn pretends like he's asleep and doesn't hear Tsuna say that he's going to save him. Yet somehow, we all understand that these characters love each other so deeply.

And that made me realize it's all in the dialogue and actions, rather than inherent bonding moments. It's Reborn clenching his fist when Tsuna is getting gravely injured by Daemon. It's Yamamoto and Gokudera having a fight about Gokudera not being worthy of being Tsunas right hand man as Gokudera doesn't care for the other members of their family. And Gokudera never addressing this again, there's no verbal indication that Gokudera even heard Yamamotos criticism. Yet later during Merone invasion, Gokudera reaches a hand out to catch Yamamoto when they're getting separated. And later, he protects Ryoheis unconscious body as he is fighting Gamma to the death. It's Byakuran saving the funeral wreaths from their miserable lives and them protecting him even when he begins to strike them down. It's the way Mukuro runs to assist Chrome when she is in danger, or swears up and down that he is not allied with Tsuna but also feeds the Vongola information about Byakuran. It's the way Squalo refuses to cut his hair for his vow to Xanxus, or Mammon's gratitude towards Xanxus's willingness to fight for them. It's Ken ensuring that Chrome is always fed by giving her the snacks and candy they bought. These characters don't need bonding moments, their love for each other shines through their every breath and finger twitch.

And I think that's a fascinating way to write a connection on Amanos behalf. And it was done so well we can't even argue that these characters all love each other.

The way I summarized it is most characters love each other because they spend time together and improve together. KHR characters spend time together and get better together because they love each other

Anyway that's it for this one. Please let me know any dialogue/actions that drive you guys mad about these characters 👀 I know this series is full of them.

[thebibliosphere]

I saw your post about ingram, and out of curiosity, is there some advantage to going through the whole self-publishing thing with retailers when you're just starting out? like I mean the way that fandom zines work is that they don't even bother going through ingram or amazon or whatever. they just set up a social media site (usually twitter) to gain followers, open preorders (usually 1-2 months in length) to generate the costs of printing upfront, and then sell anywhere from a few dozen to several hundred copies of their books (usually artbooks, but anthologies exist too). I've seen some zines generate over a thousand orders. they're kind of like pop-up shops, except for books. maybe the sales numbers aren't so impressive to a real author, but the profit generated is typically waaaay more than the $75+ apparently needed for Ingram Spark, so I still feel like new authors could benefit from this method too, especially if they just need some start-up cash to eventually move to ingram if they want to for subsequent runs of their book. I think authors would also have to set aside some of the pre-order money to buy an ISBN number to have printed on their book, and I'm not really sure what other differences there are, but I just wanted to ask about it in case there's some huge disadvantage I'm missing!

So, popup zines work well for some people, and I know some authors who kickstart their work successfully. But for a lot, it's just not feasible as a long-term stratedy. Or even as a means to get off the ground.

Fanzines succeed primarily because an existing fanbase is willing and ready to throw money at something they love. They’ve got a favorite writer or artist they want to support. Supporting all the others is just a happy by-product. They also take a HUGE amount of short-term but intense planning that just doesn’t always jive with how some of us work.

I, for one, would never offer to organize a fanzine. I’ll take part in them as a creator, but I’d rather throw myself off a cliff than subject myself to wrangling that many people and dealing with the legal logistics.

When it comes to authors doing anthologies, it'svery much the same. The success of the funding often hinges on having other big-name authors involved whose existing fans will prop up the project. Or having a huge marketing budget.

Most self-pub authors have zero marketing budget. I’m one of them, and I’m under no illusions that my work would not be as popular and self-sustaining as it is if I didn’t have a large Tumblr blog.

When I thank Tumblr in my forewards, I am utterly sincere. Tumblr brought fandom levels of enthusiasm to an unknown work and broke the Amazon algorithm so hard, that Amazon thought I was bot sniping my way to multiple #1 spots and froze my sales rankings.

That’s not the norm. And while I could probably kickstart my own work as an indie creator, that’s because I’ve put literal decades into building up a readership. I’ve been doing this since I was 16 and realized people thought I was funny. I didn’t know what to do with it or if I’d ever actually write anything, but it meant the groundwork was already there (thank you, past-me). I basically fell upward into my success by virtue of never being able to shut the fuck up and wanting to make people laugh. Clown instincts too strong.

New or first-time authors trying to sell their work without that will find it infinitely harder.

All of that aside, even if an unknown author somehow gets lucky and manages to fund their work, there’s still the question of shipping and distribution logistics. Are you shipping everything yourself? Better hope you’re able-bodied and have the time for it. (for reference, it took me months to ship out 300 patreon hardbacks because of my disabilites. It damaged my back and hands. I couldn’t type for several weeks after I was done.)

Are you going to sell primarily at conventions? Better hope you’re able-bodied, have the time and don’t have cripling anxiety about being in large groups...

Also, will selling a dozen to a few thousand copies in one burst be sustainable in the long run as a career? Not for me. Doing things via Ingram and Amazon means I earn a steady trickle of sales for the rest of my life provided the platforms remain and so long as I keep working and can generate interest in the series, not just when I have funds to pay for physical copies to sell. The one-time (in theory) cost of $75 to distribute through Ingram gets paid off pretty quick that way. And it doesn't require the same logistics as doing the popup/crowdfund.

Ultimately, it comes down to what you are capable of but also the type of work you’re doing. If you’ve got an extended network of fellow creatives who will back you or you’ve got a large following elsewhere, doing it like a popup might work for you.

If you’re an exhausted burnout who can’t fathom the short but intense amount of organization that sort of thing requires, not to mention doing it over and over and over... Ehhhhh. No thank you.

[skufdaddyswansea]

I’m genuinely curious what you would do if you were in Curly’s shoes for the week leading up to the accident. This isn’t a malicious question, I’m just obsessing over his inaction because genuinely considering the circumstances, what could Curly have done to prevent the tragedy? They’re a few months in of a year long expedition— too late to turn back, too early to try and make it to the finish line— and your estranged best friend has done something unforgivable. There’s no temp jail on the ship either. You’re all being fired after this. There’s no way for Anya to get any sort of pregnancy care or an abortion procedure on the ship, and she may well give birth during the trip. It’s like… genuinely, what do you do?

It's hard to say when you're on the outside looking in. When you're looking at someone else failing to do something, and knowing the consequences, it's easy to say "Well, I would have done this differently." But obviously I'm not actually under the same pressure, with a clock ticking over my head or anything, yknow? So all I can say is what I hope I would do.

Ideally, I'd like to think I'd strip Jimmy of his rank. No access to the cockpit, to be accompanied at all times (or at least as much is reasonable. But then I don't know how successfully you can rope Swansea and Daisuke into going along with that.) I can't say how that would turn out for the long term, 8 months is a long time. Especially with everything else going on. So plenty of time for someone to slip up somewhere.

I'd also tell Anya she was welcome to sleep in medical room since it can lock. If I'm being honest she might even be able to convince me to give her the gun under the right circumstances, but I don't really think that's a good thing, that could just as easily become a disaster.

As for the pregnancy that's... much more difficult. There really isn't anything Curly could have realistically done about that by the time he found out. Especially because Anya herself is the nurse. Swansea could potentially have the experience to give her support there but tbh I get the feeling he wasn't particularly involved in that process with his kids either. (...Does Curly have kids?? This is making me realize we don't really know what his family life is like. I get the feeling he's a bachelor though, it probably would have come up if he had a family to worry about. Anyway.) I guess the only thing to do would be to make sure to actually check in on her and give what ever support is possible.

And again, who knows if any of that would have worked out for the better, or if I'd be able to stick to it. No matter what you do it's going to be a bad time.

I guess in the truly ideal situation he'd have spotted the red flags in Jimmy's behaviour and done something about it long before it reached that point, but there's no way he could have known how bad things were going to get that far in advance.

So I get what you mean, I don't envy his position at all lol. Thinking about this did make me realize that I think the way I've been framing my Curly analysis has been a little overly judgemental. I just kind of assumed most people went into the game with the idea that Curly was totally innocent like I did, and then over-corrected to make a point. I still stand by my overall interpretation, but I probably should have been a little more balanced. After all, one of Mouthwashing's strengths is being able to put you in the shoes of someone who does awful things, and showing that they're still just a human with flaws, while not glossing over the ramifications of their actions.

[666writingcafe]

Dear MC

A Letter That NB!Barbatos Gives To MC One Day As They Are Visiting The Castle

If you are reading this, then Barbatos has successfully found your location. Don't worry; I didn't force him to. He was actually fulfilling one of Diavolo's orders. Mainly, he wanted to make sure you were still alive wherever you ended up. I simply convinced Barbatos to take this letter with him on his journey.

There have been many things that have occurred in your absence, the most important one being that Simeon has received his sentence from the Celestial Realm. Shortly after you left, as a matter of fact. Due to his guardianship over Luke--which was deemed excellent by those who judged him--he merely got turned into a human, allowing him to essentially live as his alias for the remainder of his life. The bad news is that shortly after he received his sentence, he's pretty much disappeared. Diavolo offered the manor to Simeon so that he'd have a place to stay, but when Barbatos was sent to check in on him the other day, the place was abandoned. Even Levi's having trouble tracking his location, and he's usually pretty good at that sort of thing.

Speaking of Luke, we haven't heard much from him, either. Last I heard, he's under Raphael's care, and if I know him, he's probably trying to keep him preoccupied so that he doesn't think too much about Simeon. Or the rest of us, for that matter. Mammon misses him terribly.

I have done my best to keep your true whereabouts a secret, just like you told me to. The only one that hasn't bought into the lies I've told, unsurprisingly, is Belphie. The others have come to believe me over time, but not him. He's been so insistent on knowing the truth that I'm contemplating telling him. The problem with that is he's not the best at keeping secrets, especially where you're concerned. He'd run to Satan, who then would tell Asmo, who would then post about it on every social media platform he has access to, and then everyone would be putting together a search party for you. I know it's coming from a good place--and I'm sure you do too--but as you stated in your letter, that would ruin the mission you're currently on, and you've worked so hard to get your sorcerer's license that I don't want it getting revoked due to my brothers' emotions.

Due to my emotions.

I feel so incredibly empty without you, MC. This isn't me saying that you need to drop everything and return without completing your assignment from the Society; I'm simply stating how I feel. My access to portals has been banned for the foreseeable future because I've been caught a few times trying to escape. My days are spent at the House and RAD, and my nights are spent at the castle. I am no longer allowed to be alone. Diavolo has made sure of it. Not that it's a bad thing, necessarily. Being with someone is better than crying myself to sleep after drowning myself with Demonus. You'll be pleased to know that Diavolo and Barbatos are keeping a strict eye on me in that regard as well. I have a reputation to uphold, after all, and I managed to do fine before you were in my life. That's what they keep telling me, anyway. It doesn't help to dull the pain very much.

I love you. Please come home soon.

Your Lucifer

Taglist: @lost-in-time-wanderer, @fuzztacular, @dianedancer18, @sweetbrier2908, @flare-love, @completelyshatteredbrokenmschf, @thunderlightning351, @l3v1chan, @anxious-chick, @5mary5, @expressionless-fr, @tenkobitch, @budbuddnbuddy

[daretoassume]

hello, i hope you're doing well. my english is not the best so i apologize. i've been on the loa side of tumblr for some time and one thing that has stuck with me the most is "once you know you've the ultimate power, you will view your imagination as your true reality" and the thing is that i understand his and i understand that we're conditioned to be realistic and believe the opposite of what loa teaches since day 1. but what i don't understand is how do you or anyone who has been successfully manifesting be in *that* state where things happening in your reality doesn't phase you? how do you be so sure of your imagination that you surrender to it? majority of the people i see here view loa as a back up option of some sorts. it's like "if i don't complete this assignment by today, i'll just manifest that the deadline extends" instead of "i don't have to complete my assignment because the assignment is already completed/doesn't even exist in the first place". i really struggle with understanding and being on board with the contradicting opinions and actions of people on the same subject. i've manifested some things but even today in order to be in that state or mindset, i need to listen to a subliminal or do mediation. so, i'm really curious as to how it all comes naturally to everyone. i'm so sorry for the long ask but i hope you can provide your input.

hellooo angel, one thing i always remind myself is that i shouldn't apply logic to something profound. try to take everything you are learning lightly. be so light about it.

1. to be in the state where things don't bother me, no matter what is happening, was a habit i developed over time. i understand that i must constantly choose the reality i prefer, and for me to do that, i can't be phased by whatever is happening outside of me when everything i ever wanted is already done, already experienced, in my inner world.

this was a hard lesson for me (it was tied to my core belief). of course, that's just how i went through it, and i want to be transparent because it's not just about the law of assumption—i mixed in everything i learned about personal growth and loa.

now, i’m not saying you or anyone else has to go through the same process, but that's how i molded my beliefs.

2. when it comes to back-up options, it's all about preference— what you prefer to experience in your reality. some people place conditions or limitations on their reality, so they might choose what feels like the path of least resistance. either way, it's done.

3. if you believe subliminals or meditations help you, and if you think they are the path of least resistance, then go ahead. but you really don't need them. your desires—everything you want to experience—are already yours. it's done, it's solidified. you don't need to impose these unspoken rules on yourself to experience it. you are already experiencing it in your imagination. these unspoken rules and conditions are only holding you back.

i hope this helps you!

[heliosoll]

when you shift through lucid dreams, does it always work for you?

i’ve tried so many times and it hasn’t (yet) but it is discouraging. it’s still the only method i feel like i have a chance of success with.

what do you recommend to shift successfully through a lucid dream? or is it just random?

The first few times it didn't work for me. I had never tried lucid dreaming, and I didn't want to manifest it to work, so I practiced and gradually built up the skill and confidence to do it. Nowadays, yes, it does work for me every time I do it.

Before I go about tips, I'd like to say this first. I don't want to discourage you from shifting through lucid dreaming, however, something you said raised a bit of a red flag in my mind. "it’s still the only method i feel like i have a chance of success with." Why do you think this is the only method that would work for you? Is it possible that you're putting lucid dreaming on a pedestal? Do you think it's "better" than others?

I want to be clear, nothing can ever truly stop you from shifting, including "limiting beliefs" or doubts. Your thoughts have as much power as you give them. That being said, it still doesn't hurt to go through some of your thoughts and pick apart the doubts shadowing your mind. If you feed them, they will grow, and other such analogies.

Try not to think of shifting or shifting methods as "chances" of success. Make sure you're using a method that you actually like, not one you think is the best. All of this may be easier said than done, of course, but my point stands. Shifting is a power of the mind after all - your thoughts on it can have a surprising effect on your journey.

So, when you can, I'd like for you to truly assess your thoughts on shifting, including things like methods and lucid dreaming.

Now, for actual tips, I've actually answered some asks already about lucid dreaming that I think are still applicable. One, two, and three. There are some others but these are the most pertinent. I do plan on making a full post for it one day, but I can't say when, so start there hahah

One last thing I want to say is that a big reason things like lucid dreaming and other such methods work for me consistently is because I'm confident they will. I have the experience and knowledge of past shifts to guide me through any new method I try. I'm not scared of failure. Now again, I know this is easier said than done, but that's why I want you to go through your thoughts.

Always remember, it's not the method that shifts you - it's you.

[yuurivoice]

Question time again!!

1.When you first started making your own characters content did you ever expect it to gain a fandom?

2. If budget was never a problem what would you see yourself making?(a game or publishing a book etc.)

3.What are looking forward to this year?

4.If you had a conversation with younger you what advice would you give yourself?

BONUS QUESTION!!

Something that makes you feel proud of yourself?

Ooooh, thank you for the questions!

I probably wouldn't have done it if I didn't at least have a hunch, but that's why Alphonse was very Guzma adjacent in terms of the voice and the bad boy vibes. It was a safe way to try it out and find an audience I knew would at least test the waters out with him. What I didn't expect was for it to lead to whole narratives being woven between multiple characters. I used to actively argue that no one (aside from Seth/Alphonse) were in the same "universe". Funny how that worked out.

I would make Love and Deepspace. I mean, it is essentially the end game for the whole audio/visual otome self insert etc etc genre, right? It has cracked the code. I would basically create that. I know there are a dozen other cool things I could do, but I know for a fact that it's a working business model in a space I am in, in a space I have successfully written for and achieved plenty in. I would like a slice of that pie. The rest is stuff I could do on my own time and dime. Anyway, any game devs looking to get to work, let's go. lol

I don't have a ton of big This Year plans, but I think I am most looking forward to operating with my new outlook regarding my projects. For years I had told myself everything needed to be done prior to release, and put all this pressure on myself to make these BIG things in one go......then didn't even start on them. It clearly wasn't working. Now that I've shifted my plans to just doing things as they come, stuff is happening again. Wish I would have realized that sooner.

I would tell myself that I have ADHD and need to go get treated ASAP by any means necessary. If I could have taken the training weights off a decade ago, I think I would have avoided a lot of grief, and really kickstarted my life. Other than that I don't think I would offer much else, I like how I got here. Or maybe invest in Bitcoin, but that's too easy. lmfao

As for being proud of myself, that's hard to say today. I've fallen off the wagon with my schedule, diet, gym, etc through the holidays and til now. I self imposed a "everything stops until BSDC is done" which is an actual insane thing to do, but I think it's more of an excuse to have remained static than an actual block. It has been built up to this whole big ass thing that I did not really intend for it to be at first, but then it just kept going and going. So I've kinda fucked up all the shit I was proud about through 2024.

Uh. So. I guess I'm proud of...self awareness? lol

I am proud of some of my recent work. That's something I'm proud of, but it doesn't quite compare to how proud I was about the other shit. At this point I know I can cook, the content is good, the performance is good. I'm used to being decent at that now, which is cool because growth is watching the new, shiny things you accomplish become the norm. So I've just gotta get back on track with all the rest of my shit and balance things out in my life.

[noona-clock]

Fourever 🍀 Let Me Love You

Genre: Friends to Lovers, Small Town!AU

Pairing: Sungin x You (Female!Reader)

Words: 4,072

Welcome to the Show 🍀 Happy 🍀 The Power of Love 🍀 Get the Hell Out 🍀 Sad Ending 🍀 Let Me Love You 🍀 Didn't Know

I've been hit by love and hurt every time When I see you like that, too I always feel sad and sad It would be better if only happened to me Eyes full of hesitation Let's stop for a moment Look at me properly

10 Years Ago

"Can I tell you something?" you asked Sungjin quietly from across his kitchen table.

Your tone of voice gave Sungjin pause, so he put down his pencil and leaned in just a bit closer toward you. "Of course," he answered.

He couldn't decide if you looked nervous or excited; in that case, it was most likely both. His heart sped up a little as he watched you mirror his actions, putting down your own pencil and leaning in closer to him.

"I think..." you began, your voice lowered to a whisper. He wasn't sure why you were whispering since it was just the two of you right now. "I think I have a crush on Brian."

You immediately brought your hands up, burying your face in your palms in embarrassment.

Thank god you had looked away because Sungjin knew his facial expression was revealing everything right now. His heart had dropped down into his stomach at your words, and he could feel the utter devastation pulling at his mouth and eyes.

You had a crush on Brian.

Suddenly, Sungjin remembered that you still considered him your best friend, and you'd just divulged a pretty big secret. He had to bury his true feelings for the time being and do what a friend was supposed to do.

"For how long?" he asked as he picked his pencil back up and resumed writing his practice essay for the exam tomorrow.

"I don't know," you whined, your voice muffled by your hands. Then you lifted your head just enough to look over at him, your forehead deeply wrinkled. "Maybe for a long time."

That was so not what he wanted to hear.

If this was a new thing, it was very possible it would be just a fleeting crush. But if you'd liked Brian for a while... that meant your feelings weren't going anywhere.

"So, what are you going to do?" he murmured. He made sure to glance up from his notebook so you would know he was listening and interested (even if he was actually quite heartbroken).

Before you answered, you let out a kind of shocked-sounding scoff. "What do you mean what am I going to do?!"

Sungjin set his pencil down once again and chuckled in disbelief. "You know what I mean! Are you going to ask him out? Or at least tell him?"

Oh, this was rich, especially coming from him.

You, apparently, had harbored romantic feelings for Brian for 'maybe a long time,' right?

Well, Sungjin had harbored romantic feelings for you for absolutely a long time! Since the two of you were about ten, and now you were almost done with your University studies.

And had he said anything to you about these feelings? Had he asked you out?

Nope!

You whined again before answering with, "I don't know. Do you think he likes me back?"

Sungjin simply shrugged. But when your lips immediately fell into a frown, he added, "I mean, he likes you as a person, so I don't think it's that far of a leap to think he might like you... in that way."

"Yeah, but what if he doesn't and me confessing to him makes everything so awkward? We wouldn't be the Three Musketeers anymore," you pointed out.

And that was exactly why he'd never said anything to you about how deeply in love with you he was. You, Sungjin, and Brian had been the Three Musketeers since you'd moved into the house in between the Park family and the Kang Family when all three of you had been about eight years old. Sungjin and Brian had already been pretty close friends, and it had taken you no time at all to worm your way into their friendship, successfully creating the Three Musketeers.

If Sungjin confessed to you and you rejected him, things would never be the same again.

So... yeah. He understood your reservations all too well.

Sungjin sighed softly, raising his eyebrows at you. "Maybe you could... wait and see if the opportunity presents itself sometime soon, y'know? Spend some more time with him, and maybe you'll just know when the moment is right."

It was obvious you were about to answer him, but the door to Sungjin and Brian's apartment opened before you got the chance.

"Oh, come on," Brian laughed as he entered and hung up his keys on the hook next to the door. "You guys can't still be studying for the exam tomorrow!"

"Some of us aren't naturally brilliant, remember?" Sungjin pointed out, rolling his eyes good-naturedly. One glance at you made it clear that you were slightly mortified, and when he caught your eye, you very discreetly mimed zipping your lips at him.

Sungjin nodded once to show he understood -- and not that you'd know this, but he wouldn't have told Brian even if you'd wanted him to. He really didn't think he could bring himself to do that.

"Yeah, yeah," Brian replied before heading straight toward his room. "Sorry, I can't stay, I gotta get ready."

"Ready for what?" you asked.

Sungjin tried to ignore how your eyes were glued to Brian.

Before Brian stepped through his doorway, he paused and shot the two of you a smile that was somehow angelic and devilish at the same time. "I've got a date."

Of course, Sungjin's first instinct was to ask 'with who?' but the look on your face gave him pause. He was pretty sure your expression right now was an exact copy of his own facial expression about five minutes ago when you'd told him about your crush.

Thankfully, Brian had ducked into his room right after revealing his plans for the evening so he hadn't seen you.

Your gaze suddenly locked with his, and you mouthed 'Ask him who!'

It took everything in Sungjin not to let out a deep, sorrowful sigh. "Who's it with?" he asked, hoping his tone sounded as casual as he'd intended.

"That girl from my calculus class," Brian called out. "Remember that one I told you about? Justine."

"Ah, yes," Sungjin replied. "Justine."

Your brow furrowed, and you frowned as you mouthed 'Justine?'

Sungjin could only shrug.

Brian left just a few minutes later, and Sungjin reached out to place a comforting hand on your arm. "It's just a date," he assured you. "It doesn't mean anything more than that."

...Oh, how he wished he'd been right.

For the next few months, Sungjin had to watch as Brian and Justine went on more and more dates, became more and more serious about each other. He had to watch the hurt in your eyes get deeper. He had to watch your heart breaking.

He wasn't sure which was worse -- the fact that you didn't feel that way about him, or the fact that Brian didn't feel that way about you. It was somehow harder to watch your heart get broken than it was to feel it himself.

Let me give you all my love Let me love you I'll give you all the light I have You just need to like me Let me tell you all my love Please nod your head It's not the love you've known so far I can give you the love that is endlessly warm Stay quietly Standing by your side Know that I will be there I'm always here

"I can't stand it," you whimpered, your face buried in Sungjin's shirt.

Sungjin's gaze flicked up toward the ceiling -- he wasn't sure he was strong enough for this! Holding you in his arms while you cried over another guy?

"Yes, you can," he murmured as he patted your back. "You're strong. You're smart and beautiful and funny... If Brian can't see that, then he's an idiot."

"But Justine is all of those things," you sniffled. "You've seen her. She's gorgeous."

"So are you. But stop comparing yourself to her, it's not helpful."

You didn't answer, so Sungjin just continued to hold you until your sobs quieted down. He then moved his hands to your shoulders and pushed you away just enough so he could see you.

"I know it hurts," he whispered, reaching up to wipe away the tears on your cheeks. "But you'll get through it. I promise. Life will go on. The sun will set at the end of the day and rise at the beginning of the next one either way, so you can either choose to go on with it, or you can choose to stay here and be hurt forever."

You bit the inside of your cheek, your glossy eyes searching his.

"You're right," you mumbled.

"Plus," Sungjin added, one corner of his lips lifting up into a half-smile. "You still have me. Not that it's much consolation."

A watery laugh escaped your lips, and you reached out to shove his shoulder weakly. "Shut up, yes it is," you replied. "I don't know what I would do without you, honestly."

God, he wished you hadn't said that.

"You won't have to know. I'll always be here for you, right by your side."

You leaned in to hug him, actually wrapping your arms around him this time instead of simply leaning against him. Your hold was tight, so he returned the embrace, pressing his fingers firmly into your back with one hand and cradling the back of your head with the other.

"Thank you," you breathed. "I'll always be here for you, too."

It physically hurt Sungjin's heart to hear that. On one hand, he was overjoyed that he had you in his life. No matter his romantic feelings for you, he truly admired and cherished you as a person. On the other hand, he had to assume that when you said you would always be there for him, you'd meant it as just a friend.

It really sucked, huh? Feeling just as crushed as the person you were comforting but not being able to say anything about it.

So, he suggested the one thing he knew could make you both feel better: "Do you want to go get pizza?"

You immediately gasped and said "Yes!"

The three of you had fairly different tastes when it came to movies, music, and hobbies, but one thing you could all agree on was pizza. All throughout school back home, you'd frequented the neighborhood pizza parlor, and the first thing you'd done after moving into your dorms here on campus was find the best pizza in town.

"My treat," Sungjin added as he stood from the couch and held his hand out to help you up.

"What a gentleman," you grinned. "Why aren't you dating someone?"

Oh, good grief. Why had you gone and asked that?

"Oh... y'know... school gets in the way. Plus, you know I can't flirt like Brian does."

You laughed, leaning over to nudge him with your shoulder as the two of you headed out the door and toward the nearest bus stop.

About half an hour later, just as the server finished taking your order, Sungjin felt his phone buzzing in his pocket. He fished it out, seeing Brian's name on the screen.

Blessedly, you announced you were going to the restroom and slid out of the booth. Sungjin really did not want to talk on the phone to Brian with you in earshot. It was honestly awkward enough when the three of you were together in person, though Brian never seemed to notice.

So, as soon as you were out of sight, Sunjgin swiftly answered. "Hey," he greeted. "What's up?"

"Where are you?"

"Getting pizza."

"By yourself?"

Sungjin furrowed his brow. "No, with Y/N. Why? What's up?" he repeated.

Brian scoffed. "You guys are getting pizza without me!"

"Well!" Sungjin replied, trying his best to keep his voice down. "You were out with Justine!"

And! Sungjin had been comforting you while you cried! Because of him!

"No, that's fair," Brian muttered. "Man, it's hard juggling school and a girlfriend and friends."

Sungjin wanted nothing more than to roll his eyes.

And, hey, since neither you nor Brian could see him at the moment, he did!

"Oh, I'm so sorry for you," he said, his tone of voice matching the eye roll.

"Shut up," Brian chuckled. "Anyway, I just got home and was just curious where you were. Are you guys almost done?"

...Oh, no.

"No... we just placed our order, actually."

Shit. He should have lied!

"Oh, nice. Can I crash?"

Shit shit shit shit shit.

Sungjin panicked. He said, "I'm not sure that's a good idea."

Because it wasn't!

"...Why not?" Brian asked, sounding curiously amused.

"Because."

"...Because why?"

What could he say? Brian was just annoying enough to keep pestering him until he gave an actual reason, but Sungjin couldn't think of a reason besides the truth!

"Look, Y/N is going to kill me if she finds out I told you, so you can't say anything. Got it? Anything."

"Okay, got it! Just tell me!"

Sungjin sighed and turned around to make sure you weren't heading back to the table.

"Y/N... kind of had a little crush on you but then you started dating Justine, so she's just trying to get over it. She doesn't need to see you right now."

The line was silent for a few moments.

"...Oh."

"Yeah, and if you ever let on that you know, I'm going to --"

"Yeah, I get it," Brian said with an almost imperceptible sigh. "I'll see you later, then?"

Sungjin hummed before hanging up, and perfect timing, too. You slid back into the booth just a few seconds later.

"Who was that?" you asked, your voice sounding downright cheerful compared to how you'd been not that long ago.

"My mom," he answered immediately.

"Aw, man, I wish I could've said 'hi'! I miss her," you pouted.

"Well, graduation isn't that far away," Sungjin pointed out. "You'll get to see her plenty soon enough."

The plan for the Three Musketeers had always been to move back to your small hometown after graduating; the three of you were such close friends, none of you could fathom ever living apart from each other. Hopefully, that plan was still on the table.

Sungjin watched as your forehead wrinkled, and you said, "Do you think... Brian still wants to move back home? I mean, he and Justine are pretty serious now."

"Hey," Sungjin scolded. "We're not thinking or talking about that right now, okay? Right now, we're focusing on pizza and making it to graduation."

Honestly, he couldn't wait to finish University and get out of here. He'd spent way too much of the past few months being your shoulder to cry on, and for some reason, he pictured things going slightly more back to normal after you all were back where you'd started.

I nurtured my feelings for you now My heart I'm going to pour it out for you Let me give you all my love Let me love you I'll give you all the light I have You just need to like me Let me tell you all my love Please nod your head It's not the love you've known so far I can give you the love that is endlessly warm

Present Day

Sungjin's phone buzzed just as he got to the register, so he quickly (but politely) ordered his usual latte and stepped aside to see who had texted him.

Well, if he was being honest, it was one of two people: you or Brian.

When he unlocked his screen and navigated to his messages, he saw that the message was from, technically, both of you. At least, Brian had sent a text to your Three Musketeers group chat reminding you all of your pizza get-together later tonight to celebrate your latest promotion.

Sungjin sent a thumbs-up emoji, but before he could lock his phone and put it back in his pocket, another text message notification came through, this time just from Brian.

His heart dropped when he saw the words, "I think I'm going to tell Y/N tonight."

Ten years later, and he was still dealing with this. Unbelievable.

After graduation, you and Sungjin had stuck to the plan and moved back home. Both of you had been able to find a job fairly quickly, so you'd rented apartments in the same complex.

Brian, on the other hand, had decided to move with Justine. He had still visited quite frequently, so it's not like the three of you had grown apart. Your group chats had been well-used, and eventually, the Three Musketeers dynamic returned to its former glory.

One night, while you and Sungjin were watching a movie at your place, you'd admitted to him that you had basically moved on from your feelings for Brian.

"Sure, I think I'll always have a little place for him in my heart, but I've come to terms with the fact that it wasn't meant to be for us," you'd said.

And you'd sounded confident! Sure of yourself! So matter-of-fact!

But then Brian and Justine had broken up the next month.

Brian had moved back home shortly after that, and Sungjin had watched as you began to fall back in love.

You hadn't said anything to him about it, though, so at least there'd been that. Sungjin hadn't stepped back into the role of your Shoulder to Cry On because Brian hadn't returned your feelings.

But that had been five years ago, now. Nothing had ever happened between you and Brian, so he'd had five years of blissful harmony.

(Except for the fact that he, himself, was still completely and totally in love with you. That had been his one constant for over two decades now -- his feelings for you. But he'd long ago come to terms with the fact that he would always love you -- he would just never be able to show it out loud.)

One day last week, however, had thrown Sungjin for the biggest loop.

Brian had showed up at Sungjin's apartment after dinner and confessed that he might have feelings for you.

For a split second, Sungjin had thought of punching Brian square in the face. Then he'd thought of leaving everything behind and moving to a different country.

Finally, he'd returned to the rational person he was and said, "Are you going to tell her?"

And now, apparently, he was.

Sungjin swiftly typed out 'Good luck 👍' as his reply before shoving his phone back into his pocket.

Oh, what a mess.

And the thing that maybe hurt the most was that Sungjin's relationship with you was the best it had ever been. The two of you were closer now than when you'd been in University, even. You spent so much time together, and he couldn't imagine his life without you. Yes, you, Sungjin, and Brian were still the Three Musketeers, but it was just different now. The time Sungjin had spent with you while Brian had lived with Justine had only strengthened your bond.

So, if you and Brian started dating... he would absolutely feel lost.

He also had a bone to pick with Brian for telling him this early in the day. How was he supposed to get through work when all he could do was worry about what would happen tonight?

10 Hours Later

"I'm going to go pay, and then I'll meet you guys outside, okay?" Brian said, eyebrows raised.

"Deal!" you grinned.

Before he left the table, Brian shot Sungjin a Look, and Sungjin nodded once.

Earlier on, when the two of them had been waiting for you to arrive, Brian had filled Sungjin in on his plan: after the meal, Brian would go pay, and Sungjin would take you out to the parking lot. When Brian was done, he would meet the two of you, but then Sungjin would get a text from his mom that she needed help with something. That would give Brian the opportunity to be alone with you and confess his feelings.

So, as soon as Brian stepped away, Sungjin pushed his chair back and stood up while you gathered you things and followed suit.

You murmured your thanks as Sungjin opened the door for you and began a leisurely walk over to your car.

Sungjin kept his eye on the restaurant to look out for Brian, but then you said, "Can I ask you a question?"

He shifted his gaze to meet yours, seeing you were biting the inside of your cheek -- a telltale sign that you were nervous.

"Of course," he answered as he took a step closer to you.

You exhaled slowly and deeply (another sign of nerves) before asking, "If you had a friend -- someone you were really, really close to and have known for a long time -- and you thought maybe you had more than friendly feelings for them... would you tell them?"

Oh, god. You were still in love with Brian.

"I think it depends," Sungjin answered, trying to sound casual and normal and not on the verge of being heartbroken -- yet again.

"Depends on what?"

"It depends on the friendship and if you think it's possible they might feel the same way. Or if they don't, you know your friendship is strong enough that it would be past the point of it being awkward afterward."

You nodded slowly and then said, "I think our friendship is strong enough, right?"

Sungjin immediately scrunched his eyebrows in confusion. "What do you mean?"

"I mean... I think if I told you that I had feelings for you but you don't return them, our friendship is strong enough to be past the point of it be awkward afterward. Right?" you said with a shaky breath.

Sungjin simply stared at you.

You raised your eyebrows at him.

"But... I thought... Brian --"

A soft chuckle escaped your lips, and you shook your head as you inched closer. "That was over and done with so long ago," you assured him.

Every single thought in Sungjin's mind was whizzing around chaotically; he truly didn't think he could form a coherent sentence right now. "You -- for me?"

An almost guilty expression appeared on your face as you shrugged. "Yeah," you replied. "We've just spent so much time together and gotten so close... When Brian said that one time a few weeks ago that he wanted to set you up with his co-worker, I got so jealous. And scared that you would leave me. I realized I can't imagine life without you, and that I don't want you to date anyone but... me. And I can't imagine myself being with anyone else, either. Only you."

Again, Sungjin simply stared at you.

You tilted your head a little, waving your hand in front of his face. "Are you there?" you laughed. "If you don't like me back, you can just --"

"No!" he blurted out. "Wait, not 'no' like that. No, like, no it's not that I don't like you back, it's -- I --"

You reached out and took his hands, grasping his fingers comfortingly.

He gazed into your eyes, gathering up every ounce of courage and strength he had. "I've been in love with you for so long," he admitted.

At first, a beaming smile curved your lips, but then your expression turned to one of slight distress. "What do you mean by 'so long'? Am I going to feel like an awful person?"

"No, please don't, you're not an awful person," Sungjin shook his head. "It's been a long time, I was just a coward."

"Like, a year?" you asked.

He almost laughed at that. "You're going to kill me."

"Two years?"

"More like twenty."

Your mouth fell open in shock, and it was obvious you were on the verge of gasping or some other sort of exclamation... but instead, you let go of his hands and closed the gap between you, winding your arms around his neck.

Sungjin immediately returned your embrace, pulling you as close to him as was humanly possible.

"I'm so sorry," you murmured.

"No, don't be. I wouldn't trade your friendship for anything."

"I'm sorry it took me so long," you amended. You squeezed him once more before pulling back just enough to slowly and timidly press your lips to his.

Sungjin almost fell to his knees right there in the parking lot. If the two of you hadn't been holding each other so tightly, he would have.

You were kissing him

Kissing him.

His world was turning upside-down in the best way possible. You didn't like Brian -- you liked him. And with just this one beautiful, tender, powerful kiss, it felt like everything in his life was falling into place, exactly where it should be.

But since you and Sungjin were distracted by the hands of fate finally pushing the two of you together, you missed Brian exiting the restaurant. You missed his gaze sweeping across the parking lot until it finally landed on you and Sungjin, just before you stepped up to wrap your arms around each other. You missed the look of confusion on his face... and then the look of despair when you kissed Sungjin.

Everything was falling into place, exactly where it should be, for the two of you. But not for him.

[shradsmanifestt]

hi, im sorry for bothering u right now. ive been asking around for advice everywhere because i really need all the help i could use right now. my anxiety is flaring up like crazy because my results come out tomorrow and im so scared because if i mess this up then my future is ruined. my mental health has been horrible and that has severely affected my grades but in most asian countries they dgaf about that and basically think it's nonexistant for minors so ofc i'm still undiagnosed, and if i were to apply to a uni i wouldnt get any good chances anywhere. if i could just get 3 Bs in my AS levels it would be okay or else i'd have to retake it and it's super costly here.. i don't wanna put my family through that because they'll talk me down, degrade me, destroy my self esteem which i've managed to build back a little. they were like this since when i was the topper and thats what made me burnout. undiagnosed adhd, trauma, depression also contributed to it

im applying the law, but instead of the feeling of success that everyone else gets i feel panicked. the 'feeling' people usually get when they're in the wish fulfilled state, the feeling of accepting it and it being real—im not getting that. i dont see a clear picture when i visualize. every time i try to, i end up breaking down and feeling like a failure... but I'm still trying to go on because why is it that the people who hurt me and practically ruined my life get to live successfully, while i suffer? thats not fair... i promised myself that if i could just get 3 Bs, ill turn my life around and work really hard... but is it over for me? i want to win, im trying to, but im scared

im trying my best to visualize myself getting 3 Bs, reenacting my friends faces when i get the results, praying to God and thanking Him for blessing me and continuing to bless me, but there is this fear still lingering at the back of my mind... i feel like I'm not doing it right. i have like one day left and I'm so nervous. im going over posts, tweets, and every time I feel a little better, it all comes crashing down because of doubts. theres only one thing one my mind right now: 'how am I gonna turn it around in one day?' i know that the 3D does not matter and that everything is done in imagination, but here i feel like its not done in imagination either

right now nothings clicking in my head, whatever i read is getting scrambled in my mind, i feel so lost and empty. could u please tell me what to do in this specific situation? u can be as harsh as you want if that's what's needed to get the point across. im really sorry for the bother and id be really grateful if u could please help out, ive never been this desperate before... my life cant be over before it even started

Hey love,

I get you, I really do but trust me when I say this.

THIS SHIT IS REAL AF. Manifestation is real af. It's as real as the fact that you are a human being. All you have to do is trust yourself that it is already done. If good results is what you want then that is exactly what you'll get. You need to choose to stop having doubts because it is already done. That is the simplest answer I can give you. Persist on what you want.

I am glad to tell you this but I just got test results for a major exam held in my uni today and I got into the 95th percentile just by saying to myself that my super power is aptitude tests and that I already scored great. In my friends group only 3 of us were eligible and I have 70+ more marks then them as well. If I can do it, you can do it. You need to stop doubting yourself. Atleast stop doubting manifestation. Cause at this point you're only gonna manifest your doubts.

I'll give you a scenario - If you're worried about getting bad grades, Trust me when I say this you're gonna manifest exactly that coz you will manifest exactly what you assume. You can choose to stop that right here, RN. Choose to accept that you got great marks. I mean don't even like aim for B's go for A's. I don't care even if you left the paper blank coz if you assume you're the topper, that is exactly what's gonna happen.

If you do get bad marks and I'm gonna be harsh here - You're the only reason why! You're gonna manifest exactly what you assume to be true even if it's good or bad. Your sc mind don't differentiate btw what's good for you or what's bad for you. It only knows what you feed it.

You got this, TRUST ME

Love, Shrads.

[goodluckclove]

Hey. Stop scrolling for a second.

You scroll through writeblr a lot, don't you? I get why. Lots of fun people, interesting concepts and prompts. But maybe you haven't taken that jump from collecting resources on writing to actually writing.

Once again, I get it. It's daunting if you've never done it before. I've been doing it for a while and I genuinely can't think too hard about the act itself as it happens or else I get all sweaty and confused. I flopped spectacularly at a game of Scrabble tonight because I just ran out of words to think of and I'm in the middle of my 13th novel. Writing to me is like side-eyeing the sun - but that's besides the point.

What I mean is that you should do it. That idea that you think could be, might be, maybe has potential. More than that, I think you should do it right now. Right now.

Ooh but Clove, it's one AM and I have to do open heart surgery tomorrow. Cool. Write three sentences and go to sleep, then see if you want to do more after you get your license revoked.

But what if it's not good? Okay. What if it isn't? But what if it isn't, and it GETS good later? Or what if it isn't, but then later in the story you find a way to make those three initial sentences make sense? Three sentences isn't a story, unless you're Ernest Hemingway or a Haiku Man. Moving on.

Clove, where do I start? Honestly if you've never finished a project, or really never wrote anything at all, maybe just start at the point that sounds the most interesting in your head. To find the process that works for you takes work and experience so maybe for now you get dessert for dinner.

But I don't have an outline/character sheet/world map/mood board/playlist/ECT! Cool. Maybe that's an issue. Maybe it isn't. There's only one way to find out.

But it's hard! It's hard at first and then it gets easier. It's a muscle. You work at it consistently and you'll get to a point where you struggle to remember what it was like to not know how to write.

But it's painful! Hah yeah. That's kind of the more honest issue, isn't it. It's easier to think that your idea WOULD BE GREAT rather than face the fact that you might not be able to MAKE IT GREAT. That fear isn't based in reality, though. People like different things. You might write a work that you're displeased with in one aspect and find that it's changed someone else's life for a completely different reason.

What if I'm not a good writer? I struggle with this a lot and I've been published. It doesn't really go away even when people cry at your work and heap praise on it. But if you like to do it, if you would still be doing it even if there was no end promise of fame and success, you should do it.

What if I'm not a writer at all? I used to ask myself that. There are lots of answers to this question so I can only give my own: you are a writer if you write - past, present or future. If you haven't written in a long time but you're trying to get back to the craft, you are still a writer. You just have to keep trying.

What we do is half-trade, half-religious act, and because of that it is easily one of the weirder passions. I don't really get why people romanticize the field but at the same time I guess it seems pretty magical at times. As a writer, though, our job is to be the proverbial Man Behind the Curtain. You have to know how the magic trick works enough to do it successfully, but you also still have to be amazed. It's weird. I don't know why I do it.

I still do it though.

Write three sentences. Right now. Why not, right? If you send them to me in an ask I'll read them, or you can send them to me at my email address that I posted a few posts back because I'm old enough to know online safety and choose to ignore it. Or just do it for yourself.

Make something. You deserve to be a source of creation.

[oh-he-grows]

@tomorrowsgardennc tagged me in a garden ask game they made, so here we go!

🌱 current garden 🌱

what season is it currently?

Winter!

how's the weather been? normal or unusual?

Last week had a false spring so I let my citrus outside briefly, but now they're forecasting 8 inches of snow for next week 😬

what's growing the most successfully?

Currently? Garlic is all I have left, they're getting pretty big despite the temps

what's struggling the most?

I had to compost a lot of my cabbage- earlier in winter they took some harsh frost damage, they were alright for a little bit but eventually the remaining ones rotted

any garden animals?

hundreds of birds, birds all day! I got a bird identification book for christmas, "Birds of the Carolinas Field Guide" by Stan Tekiela, and I love identifying the ones that get close enough! I know for sure there are cardinals, blue jays, and northern mockingbirds, but there are so many I don't recognize that I can't get a good look at. there's also a big old mama cat who wanders in to play in my woodchips every once and while <3

how much space are you growing in?

so my 'garden space' is about 10,000 sq ft, but that includes my paths and negative space. I think the size of my raised vegetable beds are around 1,500? but only half of those are filled in, it took 12 yards of compost to fill half. Aside from my raised beds, I have native perennial beds that are another 300sqft probably, and a big ol 300sqft wildflower prairie area currently dormant and full of sleeping pollinators

are you happy with that space, or do you want more?

I'm very with the space I have, it's just a matter of filling it out now. I have a plan for the rest, but it's a lot of work for one person so everything I've done is piecemeal. Once spring begins and my perennials start blooming and the wildflowers start poking up I'll know if I did a good job last year!

✨️ future garden ✨️

what's next on the to-do list for the garden?

I need to finish putting the new woodchips all over my paths, I got a dump from the power company cutting down a neighbor's tree but I still haven't used it all because of how much work shoveling is. this was back in June or July as well, so many of the woodchips are decomposed enough to use as mulch in the beds! but I have to get the woodchips out of there so I can schedule the compost dump for the other half of my raised beds.

new plants you want to try and grow?

I want to spec hard into cut flowers this year, I stocked up on clearance rosebushes in winter and ordered lots of flower seeds, I really want to save my beautiful flowers and give them as gifts, maybe even give them to someone I met at a vendor fair so she can sell them as arrangements.

new garden skills you want to learn?

nothing in particular, but man every plant is a brand new skillset. It's hard to keep all this knowledge in my head when I'm only growing something 1/4th of the year, I feel like I have to watch an hour of youtube videos on everything I'm growing just to remind myself of everything I forgot in the last year.

new tools you need to buy?

a damn boston dynamics robot to shovel all my compost for me

I need a new tree lopper because I broke my last one pruning the apple tree (FISKARS PowerGear Super Pruner/Lopper, avoid unless it's on a really good sale, I think mine was $10 or something on clearance. the whole thing except the blade is plastic and it broke in one year, very bad tool.)

I was also thinking about getting a smaller soil blocker? I have the intermediate sized one but I don't have one of the tiny ones to start seeds in. even though I have 100% failure with soil blocks so far, I haven't given up, although i'm not rushing out to buy more either.

what needs to be built?

nothing! that was why I went so hard last year building all my raised beds and the brick path and the pergola, now I just get to enjoy growing!

although I did see a youtube video about turning scrap wood into seed trays, so I'll probably do that for fun since I have loads of cedar fence planks leftover

what needs to be cleaned up?

everything 😔😔 add new woodchips everywhere, silage tarp my empty beds, the wildflowers are just a field of 3' sticks that I'll have to cut down after the pollinators wake up in spring, and the perennial bed is 60% weeds right now that I'll have to pull. loads of maintenance to keep everything shipshape

📝 dream garden 📝

top of your wishlist?

a parterre flower garden in the last big spot of empty grass in my garden area, with a beautiful vintage water feature in the middle!

first plant you're buying if you win the lottery?

this big japanese maple that one of my local nurseries has had for 3 years. It's like 600 dollars and it's in this massive pot the size of a full bathtub but it's so strikingly beautiful. I believe it's a Acer palmatum 'Musashino', but I could be thinking of a different one. They have plenty of varieties and sizes, but this one is basically fully mature in a pot.

if you could change growing zones, which one would it be and why?

I think I'm a fan of 8, I just wish the winters were more predictable.

what do you want to grow, but can't? why not?

👀 admit it... 👀

how many spare nursery pots you have:

not enough! I have plenty of reusable 6-cells and 10x20s, but nearly all of my little individual up-potting pots are in use. I do have about a dozen 2 quart pots from buying perennials though.

how many plants are still in it's original container and need to be planted:

none, but I have about 12 bare root trees from the arbor day foundation that are wintering indoors at the moment.

how many seed packets do you have:

I did a lot of cleaning (and donating) to get rid of my unused seeds, so I have maybe 40 or 50 currently?

how many more seeds did you buy this year anyway: 40 or 50 :^)

💚 garden favorites 💚

favorite flower plant?

used to be lilies, of any kind but once we adopted cats and found how a single grain of pollen is deathly toxic to them I immediately renounced lilies and their wiles.

I don't have a new favorite yet but that's what this year is all about!

favorite vegetable plant?

Sweet Peas, I just love how they look and taste, how quick and ready to eat they are. The flowers are beautiful too, although they lose all their color after being pressed unfortunately

favorite fruit plant?

Peach trees, I think. Fresh warm peaches are so insanely good, and I love the color of the bark on the trees and how the leaves look.

favorite landscaping plant?

Muhly Grass, always makes me smile

favorite pollinator?

bzzzzz bees every bee is precious, and I will photograph every bee I come across

favorite garden noise or texture?

wind through the trees or mockingbird calls

favorite gardening book or blog or podcast?

I'm always going through phases with who I like to listen to, and it changes every winter because I'm never in the mood to listen about californians' permanent growing seasons when I'm in the dead of winter BUT

Self Sufficient Me is the reason I'm gardening in the first place, I came across his videos about gardening in raised beds probably a decade ago and that's what first planted the seed in my head about starting a garden to begin with. Also he's on tumblr at selfsufficientme

Patrick Goes Native is a new channel with basically no subscribers or views but I hang on his every word because he really cares about native plants and has a beautiful landscape and great cinematography, I think everyone should check him out!

Lisa Likes Plants is also super passionate about native plants and landscape design, her videos helped me decide on some of the plants I put in my native perennial garden.

I like Jacques in the Garden even though he's with Epic Gardening, he has a totally different vibe from the other guy and Jacques in the Garden is his personal channel.

Bre Ellis has about the same sized vegetable garden as I do so I listen to her often, and she does a lot of preservation of what she grows, which is something I struggle with

Regenerative Gardening with Blossom & Branch Farm runs a cut flower farm and her videos are most of the inspiration for me wanting to start my own cut flower journey!

Craig Lehoullier doesn't have a youtube channel as far as I know, but any time a podcaster or organization features him I tune in, he always has great insight on growing tomatoes.