#i've had a lot of feelings about support and healthy communication and this is the result

[goldenwoods]

This post is about the gaiman situation.

Right off the bat, fuck him and his associates. It's rare for someone in a position of power to get what they deserve but I hope he joins that short list. And I wish the victims well. What a horrible situation to be abused by a man masquerading as a champion for inclusivity and human rights.

That said, I don't understand the vitriol put towards people who're trying to recontextualise their relationship to gaiman's media in light of the revelations. I'm talking about those posts and comments getting angry at people for grieving, accusing them of not prioritising the victims.

Which is such an unwarranted accusation. Obviously, if they're under a post or article about the victim's testimony and they go "my season 3 :(((" or "my poor characters don't deserve this :("in the comment section then yeah, they're pretty disgusting. But the same accusations shouldn't be levied at people trying to come to terms with the fact that their formative experience was written by a monster ON THEIR OWN BLOG.

This isn't putting fictional characters before victims, it's just that there can't be much said about such a black and white situation that isn't already said by a million other posts ("fuck gaiman, fuck his supporters, hope the victims get justice"), whereas how a reader themselves deal with the fall of someone they've put on a pedestal is a much more complicated and nuanced process that they have to think through. If anything, I think it's a sign of a healthy community who treat 'fuck gaiman' as common sense and not something that needs arguments about. I don't know if there are ways to help the victims yet beyond just showing support on social media (let me know if i've missed something), but I don't think going after any fan daring to talk about their own relationship to the text is helpful at all. And I can guarantee you those who're grappling with how they feel towards the text now –– those feeling betrayed and angry –– will be quick to rally to support the victims because they're only feeling conflicted because of how disgusted they are with the author.

(For context, I don't feel attached to Gaiman at all so this is not related to any personal stakes I have in this. I enjoyed GO the show, but never read or watched any of his works otherwise. I was planning to get a copy of GO the book but the allegations surfaced first so that didn't end up happening either. I am partial to David and Michael's acting but even then I'm just a casual fan and if they react in a disappointing way to the Gaiman situation, I feel like I could stop consuming their works without much emotional turmoil.)

EDIT: since this is getting a fair bit of attention, i want to summarise my midnight ramble a bit: the crux of the problem is that lots of people treat this blogspace as a mega-conversation, which is how the 'you're not focussing on the victims enough' accusation come up. Think if you're in a conversation about how person A had been hurt by B: OF COURSE your response should be 'gosh that's fucked up. hope A's doing okay', and if your response ON THE SPOT is 'ohhhhh shit i don't know how to feel about the fact that I used to really like B lemme monologue about my complicated emotions out loud' then yeah you're the problem. But if you respond compassionately but spend a sizeable amount of time afterwards in your own head ruminating over how you used to think B was a really good person? ...then you're just a normal human being with a moral compass. Tumblr is the latter and not the former. It's the collection of dumping grounds for people's thoughts, not an online forum that give you a measure of where people's priorities are.

[amethystfairy1]

Regarding the Iskall Situation...

I've received a lot of asks wondering about what my take is on it, and since I'd prefer to have it all taken care of in one swoop so we don't have to continue to focus on it, here's my stance on the subject.

A: Yes, I have seen the credible evidence from Kasszki, I read the doc they posted, and I feel awful for them and the other victims that they had to deal with this. I'm glad to hear that the Hermits and others were supportive of them and helped them handle this situation in as professional a manner as possible. I have also seen the credible information from False that Stress left for her own separate reasons.

B: I strongly denounce Iskall's behavior, and I have absolutely zero intention of supporting him as a creator ever again.

C: Please don't pester the creators or the victims. I said it in my initial response to this situation before we knew what had happened, but my opinion remains the same here. Any information we get from the Hermits is a privilege, not a right. Hermitcraft and it's associated fandoms are well known for being healthy, good spaces, and I'm proud to be a member of this community. Now our money is where our mouths are. Please don't feed into the rumor mill, please continue to support the Hermits as you always would and don't pry or demand more details from them. This is a very difficult situation for all of us, and I'm certain it's even worse for all of them. Please keep in mind the Hermits are all grown adults, many of them had professional careers before they joined Hermitcraft, and they are handling this in as professional a manner as they are able. I applaud them for that. As their fans, we need to do the same.

What are my plans for Iskall and Stress in TTSBC?

Understandably, I've received several asks about what I plan to do about Iskall and Stress's characters in TTSBC. I've answered them individually, but I just want to put this here as a one-stop spot for what my stance is so it's clear.

I've always been a 'character not content creator' author. My characters are just that, characters. Does that mean I can completely remove them from the creators upon which they are based? No, of course not. That's not how this works, either. So here's my plan moving forward.

The two stories that heavily feature Iskall in TTSBC, "Run with It' and "Carry me Home Tonight" will remain up. They are timestamped with their dates of posting which was long before any of this came out, and again, they are very clearly meant to be characters, not the creators.

Iskall will be removed from the TTSBC: Wiki, and I will not be writing any new content for his character.

Does that affect the plot of TTSBC? Yes, it does. I'm not going to pretend it doesn't, and those of you who have followed the series at length can likely see where the issues arise...but I'm an author, and I can pivot. I also have an awesome little team behind me of @silver-sunray, @boo-the-ahh, and @khoirkid who are helping me to make sure TTSBC carries on smoothly despite this unforeseen struggle.

Stress will not be removed from the TTSBC: Wiki. As I mentioned in an ask earlier, her role in the story is very minor, and I hadn't planned for her to have any other pieces to herself outside of Hermit-a-Day May anyway...so aside from specific instances where it might be necessary to mention her, she will not be making any more major appearances. This is mainly because I'm a Hermit/Traffic/Empires writer, and I plan to stick to that notion unless future events cause me to pivot otherwise.

Lastly, I would appreciate if we could avoid anymore asks about the situation. If there are any further updates I'm sure I'll find that out on my own, I'm very active in this fandom and I see things pretty quickly when they spread, so if any new things related to this situation spring up, while I greatly appreciate your concern for me and my work, please don't send it to my inbox or in DM.

I'm very saddened by this, as I'm sure many of you are. Hermitcraft and it's associated fandoms have been my safe space for many years, through some of the hardest moments of my life, and with the mess that MCYT has proven itself to be at times, it felt like we were untouchable here. But like Doc said, the Hermits are good, and they are strong. And as their fans and supporters, we need to be the same.

Be good, be strong, and let's make sure our lovely community continues to be the positive space it always has been.

-Amethyst

[am-i-the-asshole-official]

WIBTA for breaking up with my boyfriend because he likes my body?

TW for ED but please hear me out:

My bf (30m) and I (28f) have been together for a little over 5 years. When we got together I had an extremely stressful and physically demanding job. Shortly after our relationship started I relapsed with an eating disorder that had been a problem since prepubescence; I started restricting heavily at age 11 and had struggled with it on/off since then.

After quitting that terrible job and regaining some agency in my life, I spent a couple of years really focused on recovery. Without giving specific numbers (cause triggering) I'll say that I was extremely underweight to an unhealthy level for at least a year and experienced severe health complications because of it. I nearly died from heart problems and had a big wakeup call that caused me to change my whole life. I've done the work of recovery without medical help (history of omission with doctors) but have had support from my bf, and am currently at the highest weight of my life.

at a recent checkup my Dr talked a lot about "healthy lifestyle" and mentioned my weight gain over the past couple of years. I'm still within the "normal" range for my height and build, but the after visit summary/chart notes denoted risk of becoming overweight. Idk if my Dr would have brought it up if my history of ED was in my chart, (and I did switch primary care practices a few years ago, so they weren't treating me at my thinnest) but it still shook me a bit and I will admit to feeling very triggered.

The job I moved to is quite sedentary compared to the previous terrible one - I wfh, and very rarely have to be on my feet or do strenuous activity. In addition, I have chronic pain issues that make exercise difficult, and so historically have just restricted to maintain/lose weight because it's easier for me physically to just be hungry than to work out. I didn't want to go down that road again though because of how intense and scary it got last time.

My bf is a personal trainer and specializes in working with low ability clients and people recovering from long illness/injury. When I told him that I wanted to start exercising more often and get a good cardio routine going, he was really excited and started immediately putting together an "action plan" (what he calls it w his clients idk) for me. Then he mentioned how I'd need to add on a bunch of meal supplements and snacks to avoid losing weight and I got upset.

We're a plant-based (vegan) household and live with a roommate (bf's friend) so mostly eat/cook communal dinners and have various breakfast & lunch plans on hand, so we already eat pretty healthy and make sure to have a good balance of macro/micro in the meal plan. My intent was to eat the same but increase my activity level to get out of the danger zone without restricting. I don't generally snack and rarely eat dessert, just the 3 squares.

I told my bf that I needed to lose weight and be more active according to my doctor, and that I wasn't comfortable with having protein supplements, smoothies, and snacks in addition to regular meals because that would defeat the purpose. He got really sad and said that he likes the way my body is now, and while he supports being more active, he doesn't want the size of me to change. His exact words at some point were "you look so good now, I love the amount of you that there is and I like the way you jiggle." It kind of made me feel sick and wonder if he has like a secret size fetish or something?

So I've been thinking of breaking things off with him and moving in with a friend or back in with my parents, but idk if this is actually a red flag or just the disorder talking? He did help me a lot with recovery but if he's going to keep me from being healthy or wants me to gain even more weight then maybe it's better to leave - would this be an asshole move? I honestly don't know.

[daisylovestickles]

Taking A Break (Trigger Warning Ahead)

Hi lovelies! I usually don't post serious stuff like this but I feel like my mental health has taken a major dip in the last week. All of my posts will take a pause for now and will be stored in drafts until further notice. I will still be online today (Saturday, December 7th) in case any of my mutuals want to exchange discords to keep in touch. After today is over, I am logging off until the new year.

Everything that happened with yourgigglebugmaya has really put me in a state of shock. We were close friends, and most of you know that we even met up in July for a session with a mutual friend. To say that I feel betrayed and disgusted is an understatement. Up until Tuesday, I had that sickening feeling in my stomach, and I wasn't sure why it was there. Until 1:00 am that night/early morning. A massive trauma had unlocked in my brain of when I was groomed at the age of 15. It had been in the very back of my brain for the last ten years and all of it seemed to unravel at once. I am talking to my therapist heavily about it, and still trying to process all my emotions around it.

I've been noticing a lot lately that people have been questioning my intentions with who I session with, and how my romantic partner feels about it. As much as I would like to say that it is none of your business as to how this dynamic is working, it's come to my attention that I've needed to clarify a few things. My romantic partner is not in the community, nor will he ever be. He is very supportive of my journey of wanting to explore this part of my life, both SFW and NSFW. He is very happy that I have found a community of people. You don't need to question whether he is okay with certain things I do. Before every session we have a discussion on what is going to happen, as well as reassurance that I will always come back to him when that session is over, because he is the only one I will ever love romantically. Have we had to discuss certain things as I'm learning more about myself? Of course! But they are healthy and respectful.

Please be respectful of my decision to log off over this next month. I never wanted it to come to this, but I need to focus on myself for a while. Love you all 💛

[equallyreal]

Transmission Received: The Call Is Coming From Inside The House And I'm Mad About It

Or, a response to National Novel Writing Month's stance on Artificial Intelligence.

But before we get into that, a quick story update: I actually haven't been working on much of anything lately due to some IRL issues going on (nothing too serious, don't worry, I am still alive and healthy). The Edge is going to be on a soft break until I get my energy levels back up to serious writing levels, but I will continue to make update posts to keep people in the loop about how well I'm recharging.

Unfortunately for the people behind National Novel Writing Month, while my energy levels might be low, my spite levels are always at an all-time high, and they are fully fueling me to take down their official position on AI. But first, a timeline.

I wake up to a message in a group discord I'm in with a screenshot of National Novel Writing Month making some...interesting comments about their position on AI.

While going to tumblr to see if anyone else is talking about this, I find this post my @the-pen-pot featuring the screenshot I saw. In the responses, I see @darkjediqueen saying that the article had been updated @besodemieterd giving some information that I'm going to keep secret for now because it creates a truly amazing punchline.

I get off tumblr and read the updated article.

I feel a deep rage in my soul that cannot be tamed by group chat participation, and I click the "write a post" button.

So, with that out of the way, let's break this down, shall we?

The original post, as seen in the screenshot of the above post, contained the following two paragraphs:

NaNoWriMo does not explicitly support any specific approach to writing, nor does it explicitly condemn any approach, including the use of AI. NaNoWriMo's mission is to "provide the structure, community, and encouragement to help people use their voices, achieve creative goals, and build new worlds—on and off the page." We fulfill our mission by supporting the humans doing the writing. Please see this related post that speaks to our overall position on nondiscrimination with respect to approaches to creativity, writer's resources, and personal choice.  We also want to be clear in our belief that the categorical condemnation of Artificial Intelligence has classist and abelist undertones, and that questions around the use of AI tie to questions around privilege.

This was all I saw when I first heard about this, and this on its own was enough to tap into my spite as an energy source. The second paragraph, in particular, was infuriating. "People who argue against AI are classist or abelist" is a terrible take I've seen floating around AI Bro Twitter, and to see it regurgitated by an organization that is supposed to be all about writing was, to put it simply, a lot.

But, as noted in the timeline, I did see that they had updated the article (about two hours ago as of me working on writing this), so I went to the updated post to see what was said. Somehow, it had gotten worse. I'll be addressing the updated post on a point by point basis, so if you want to read the whole thing without my commentary, here you go.

The first paragraph is the same was it was in the screenshot. The first major different is an added paragraph that begins like this:

Note: we have edited this post by adding this paragraph to reflect our acknowledgment that there are bad actors in the AI space who are doing harm to writers and who are acting unethically. We want to make clear that, though we find the categorical condemnation for AI to be problematic for the reasons stated below, we are troubled by situational abuse of AI, and that certain situational abuses clearly conflict with our values.

First off, I find it a big troubling that while they discuss bad actors in the AI space, they won't acknowledge that these same bad actors are often the ones pushing the whole "being anti-AI makes you morally bad, actually" accusations with the most fervor.

Second, why are you not more strongly discussing and pushing back against the "situational" abuse of AI? Why is the focus on how using AI can be good, actually, rather than acknowledging the fears and angers of your userbase around how generative AI is ruining an art form that you claim to want to help foster? I have a theory about this, but we're saving that for a bit further down.

The paragraph concludes:

We also want to make clear that AI is a large umbrella technology and that the size and complexity of that category (which includes both non-generative and generative AI, among other uses) contributes to our belief that it is simply too big to categorically endorse or not endorse. 

The funny thing is, in a vacuum, I don't have a problem with this statement. They're not wrong: AI is an umbrella term with a lot of complexity to it, and I can see how people would be hesitant to condemn the technology as a whole when there are uses of it that aren't awful. If their whole statement had been this, I would have less of a problem with it (still some of a problem, sure, but I wouldn't be writing a lengthy blog post about it) But they had to delve into how Being Against AI is Morally Bad, Actually, which is where the post continues from here.

The last big change between the screenshot and the updated article is in this paragraph:

We believe that to categorically condemn AI would be to ignore classist and ableist issues surrounding the use of the technology, and that questions around the use of AI tie to questions around privilege. 

This is much less strongly-worded than the original paragraph. If I had to guess, they got a lot of criticism regarding the original sentiment (namely, assuming that disabled and poor people can only make art if a machine does it for them is actually way more abelist and classist than saying generative AI is bad), and dialed it back through this rewording. They could've just worded it this way from the beginning instead of saying the dumbest possible thing they could've, but whatever.

I don't know if the rest of this was in the article from the beginning or if it was added later, as the original screenshot I saw only showed the first two paragraphs. Regardless of whether this is them trying to cover their asses by explaining logic they should've explained from the start or if this was always here, I still have major issues with these points, so we're going to address them next.

(As a quick full disclosure note: I had to transcribe the rest of the article instead of copy-pasting it because I lost the ability to do so at about this point in the blog writing process. I don't know what happened or why, I just wanted to let you know that almost all typos are my fault, but beyond that I recorded the text as-written at the time that I had the article up in another tab. I promise.)

Classism. Not all writers have the financial ability to hire humans to help at certain phases of their writing. For some writers, the decision to use AI is a practical, not an ideological, one. The financial ability to engage a human for feedback and review assumes a level of privilege that not all community members possess.

You may note that they are discussing the use of AI at what seems to be the editing process. As someone in my group chat pointed out, National Novel Writing Month has nothing to do with editing, and everything to do with writing. The only way you can currently use AI for the act of writing is if you use generative AI to do it for you, which is, I think we can all agree, not actually writing and is actually bad. This emphasis on editing ties into the punchline, which we'll be getting to shortly.

On a final note before we proceed though, I would like to carry over an argument about this matter that is used in the small business/handcrafts sector: If you can't afford it now, save up for it. Don't devalue the work of other people (in this case, editors and things like sensitivity readers or beta readers) by saying it's too expensive and I can get it cheaper on Shein by using AI. Save up and support your fellow workers if it really means something to you, or just do the editing yourself and hope for the best. (Disclosure: I don't have an editor. Or a beta reader. I can't say my writing is the most polished all the time, but I get by just fine.)

Abelism. Not all brains have the same abilities and not all writers function at the same level of education or proficiency in the language in which they are writing. Some brains and ability levels require outside help or accommodations to achieve certain goals. The notion that all writers "should" be able to perform certain functions independently or [sic] is a position that we disagree with wholeheartedly. There is a wealth of reasons why individuals can't "see" the issues in their writing without help.

First of all...just say "disabled." I promise your hands will not fall off if you type that word.

Second, level of education should really fall under the class bullet point, but that's just me nitpicking.

Third, I would argue that the real goal here shouldn't be to say "no using AI is fine, actually", but rather to a) dismantle the idea of what writing "should" look like in order to make it more inclusive, and b) fight back against people who bully imperfect writers. Those are actually more noble goals than propping up a corrupt industry by using the disabled as your scapegoat.

Fourth, the dangling "or" is not a typo I take credit for. It was in the article as of me transcribing it. If I had to guess, there was more to this sentence at some point, and they just didn't fully delete the thought.

Fifth, funny how this is once again more about the editing process of writing and not the writing part. Even more funny when we view the final point.

General Access Issues. All of these considerations exist within a larger system in which writers don't always have equal access to resources along the chain. For example, underrepresented minorities are less likely to be offered traditional publishing contracts, which places some, by default, into the indie author space, which inequitably creates upfront cost burdens that authors who do not suffer from systemic discrimination may have to incur.

This one really pissed me off, because the indie author sphere is actively under attack by the use of AI. AI-created scam books on Amazon's kindle publishing platform are increasing and actively stealing attention and money away from human authors (see this article). Sci-Fi magazine Clarkesworld had to shut down new author submissions due to the influx of AI generated stories, and while the head of Bards and Sages cited physical and mental health problems as a reason for shutting down the company entirely, having to weed through AI generated submissions and the way such bad actors are impacting the industry were listed as the final straw. There are probably even more examples of this, but I only did a cursory google search to avoid being here all day.

Simply put: AI is not helping authors who have to go to the indie space in order to escape systemic problems. It is actively killing the space instead. I don't want to sound doom and gloom, but if this keeps up, these authors aren't going to have anywhere to run to. A refusal to condemn the ways in which AI is impacting these spaces does, in my opinion, make you complicit.

On a final note, you might notice that this point is seemingly once again focusing on editing, not writing. Which means it's time to unveil the punchline pointed out by besodemieterd, the response that made me lose my mind:

They made this bullshit up to justify them getting into cahoots with an AI company called ProWritingAid, it's all over their instagram.

I immediately ran to factcheck this...and it's true. ProWritingAid is, in fact, a more in-depth Grammarly that uses AI for its functionality. They are a sponsor for National Novel Writing Month, and the first three posts on their instagram are dedicated to this partnership.

I completely back up besodemieterd's belief that they wrote this article to justify their taking this sponsorship. If I had to guess, they started taking a lot of flack for taking ProWritingAid as a sponsor and wrote this article in order to defend their decision to do so without actually saying so directly.

I don't want to shame NaNoWriMo for taking sponsors on the whole, as they do need money to stay afloat. However, taking an AI company as a sponsor and then defending their stance by essentially calling people with concerns about this morally wrong and bad is, as the kids say, clown behavior. This is clown shit. It's laughable, it's cringe, it's incredibly disheartening. It's so, so bad.

The next paragraph is just about how they "see value in sharing resources about AI and any emerging technology, issue, or discussion that is relevant to the writing community as a whole." Since my stance on this can be summed up as "AI bad and platforming it is bad", I'm going to skip over this paragraph. I will, however, address their last paragraph:

For all of those reasons, we absolutely do not condemn AI, and we recognize and respect writers who believe that AI tools are right for them. We recognize that some members of our community stand staunchly against AI for themselves, and that's perfectly fine. As individuals, we have the freedom to make our own decisions.

So, basically, you're incapable of saying "no" to money and decided to lean into the talking points of bad faith actors and refuse to address the destruction that generative AI is wrecking on the writing world in order to justify why you took a certain sponsor. In taking this middle of the road, individual choice-ass response, you also threw human editors and beta readers under the bus by justifying the use of technology that actively removes them from the space. You are making the writing world a worse place, which is absolutely crazy when writing is supposed to be the thing you're all about.

Truly amazing. And they're doing this on Labor Day, too.

In conclusion, I will be dead in the dirt before you spot me participating in National Novel Writing Month again. Which is probably for the best. My life can only handle so many self-imposed deadlines. I guess I should be grateful to them for removing one from my plate.

[inert-displacement]

Hey! Just wanted to. I guess speak on behalf of everyone. Something I am definitely in a position to do.

First, absolutely without a doubt, your word should be final when it comes to your body. Only you know what you want, and no-one else has the authority or the right to tell you what to do with it.

I think people might just be a little. Confused? I guess? Coz like you said, you don't take sexual satisfaction from gaining weight or maintaining a heavier weight. In itself, completely fine - gaining definitely isn't for everyone - but you do run a gaining blog. Using gaining tags. And post in a very pro-gaining way a lot of the time. And it kinda feels like you snap between being very pro- and very anti-gaining...suddenly. And often. Which can be a bit disorienting from an outside perspective.

If you dislike being skinny, also perfectly fine - but if you don't like gaining, it strikes people who do as quite an unusual avenue by which to address disliking being skinny.

To speak personally, it sounds like you might be experiencing some kind of body dysmorphia - not gender dysphoria, which sounds similar but is very different - where you dislike how you perceive yourself physically. It sounds like you're addressing that in a very intuitive and sensible way: changing how your body looks. But if you don't like how your body looks now either, it might be worth just chatting with someone with some professional experience about addressing it, coz it might run deeper than what your body looks like.

If you do like how your body looks now though, you just don't want to be involved in gaining: brilliant! Being heavier doesn't have to be a kinky thing: it's a kinky thing for us, but it's also just a completely neutral fact about a person.

What can happen, and I've seen happen before, is people can enter the gaining scene because they enjoy being a little heavier in a completely non-sexual way, but the people around them in their everyday lives are like. Vehemently against it. So they find communities online that support them. But the thing is, there's a middle ground between people who are totally anti-fat and. Y'know. Fetishists. It's what we talk about when we talk about the body positivity movement! If you're healthy and happy, it isn't for anyone else to make you feel bad about how you look. And there's a thriving online space for that as well! Hell, a lot of us are kind of part-and-parcel members in a non-sexual context.

I would say, in either case, the online gaining community might not be for you. We totally support whatever decision you choose to make, but if gaining fundamentally isn't your thing, we're ill-suited to help you get what you want from your body or environment.

Let me rephrase something. I completely love the idea of getting bigger and fatter. Makes me aroused every single time. But the actual eating part I can’t get aroused by like others can.

I enjoy getting bigger than what I was and at time it is very intoxicating and erotic. But being a cheerleader I’ve learned to become very vain with how I look because the culture I’ve been apart of is just very self deprecating.

I do enjoy this community it’s very lovely i just tend to get very down on myself sometimes and often very ashamed of myself.

Because I live in the south anything that’s sexually deviant is shameful. And I feel that this fetish is very deviant from traditional sexual behavior. So I often get conflicted about myself.

I have had this kink since forever, I used to shove pillows

In my shirt as a kid, blow balloons up in my shirt. And that was at a time when I had anorexia (ironic asf) but my relationship with food is better but I don’t want to be gluttonous or greed because as a kid I’d get yelled at for that!

Sorry for the long long long post but I hope this has cleared up a lot and makes my mindset more clear to all of you🫶🏻

[sixleggedboar]

Hello everyone, since it's been very quiet on here I wanted to share an update for those who are wondering and the friends and mutuals I've been severly neglecting.

You'll find me oversharing under the cut but tldr, I am still in the middle of recovering from burnout, but it forced me to completely restructure my life to the degree that I am emotionally more stable and therefore feeling better than ever. So for anyone worrying, don't. I still have a long way to go, but I have the privilege of a good and reliable support net that caught me and offers me the resources I need to be able to build the life I need. I want to come back here, share more art in the future, but I will not force it.

And right now it's just not the time.

Thank you to everyone who's still here, thank you for your support!

CW: mental health, depression, suicidal ideation, internalised ableism

I had been suicidal my whole life. Had never known a time where I wasn't. Couldn't understand how people wanted to live, how this wasn't normal. I couldn't see myself in the future no matter how hard I tried. But I kept going because this was my normal, I didn't know anything else, didn't know I needed help and a change that was a lot more fundamental than just talking to a person every week. I had no frame of reference to communicate my struggle that came with every day life because for all I knew this is just how everyone else feels.

This is just life.

And I am just not made for it.

Didn't help that whenever I tried to communicate that to a mental health professional I just got brushed off as dramatic, being told I am fine.

Because in the end it just works. I function.

I was one of the lucky ones who got diagnosed with ADHD as a kid, mum went to a specialist cause she has it herself and wanted to make sure I get tested so I don't have to go through the same struggles that come with staying undiagnosed as she did. Thing is, that diagnosis didn't really change much, I was still too academically gifted and non-obtrusive to be considered for medical treatment (and honestly seeing and hearing about stories were kids have been on the wrong dosage for years because no one knew better makes me think that maybe it was for the better) and my mum tried to teach me the skills to succeed in life despite that diagnosis, but she herself was alone and too deep in her own trauma to be able to provide the support I needed.

This lead to me cracking and dropping out of high school, trying other things, landing back in school, this time college, and cracking again, this time not managing to immediately get up again to keep going with something else.

Nothing seemed to work, so all I could do was to take a break.

A break that showed me for the first time, that no, chronically wanting to die is not normal, that I am capable of enjoying life, that I am capable of wanting to live and my first goal should be to figure out what I can do to crawl my way back into everyday life without losing that feeling, that knowledge. I learned the difference between just a really bad, but perfectly healthy, day and the excrutiating pain day to day living had caused me until that point.

And that break's been going on for over a year now, with me periodically trying to get back into school, trying to figure out what accommodations I need and how I can build a future for myself that is worth living.

I don't know if I'll finish my bachelor's, probably not, but if I drop out I'll need to find a viable alternative first. I don't think I'll ever be able to work full time, doubt I'll ever be able to fully support myself, but I know there is a future out there for me somewhere, one that is worth living to me and that is a hope I never had until recently. That is what I mean when I say I am doing better than ever, despite the fact that my functionality has effectively crumbled to dust and diagnostics say I am still depressed.

I am still struggling with the guilt that comes with relying on others for support, that comes with not being the perfect productive member of society I am expected to be, that comes with not being the perfect friend I want to be. I learned that I actually do want to work, something that if you had asked me a year ago, and if I felt save enough to be honest, I would have said no to. I just need to figure out what that looks like. I learned I can only focus on a handful of things, and that includes basic survival and individual people. I learned what I need to not feel lonely without being overwhelmed by social interactions and have incredible people in my life who make that possible.

I also met my amazing partner who is showing me how stable and unwavering love can be. Who gives me the security I need to say that whatever comes, we'll figure it out.

Oh and yeah, starting medical transition sure as hell helped a lot too.

I am currently trying to find my passions again, learn how to actually love creating art again, to learn how to learn and find enjoyment in just the act of it.

I'm in therapy and am trying out medications in the hopes to find some that work and don't make things worse.

All in all I'm going somewhere. I don't know where it will lead but I know that it will be worth it.

[killbenedictcumberbatchagain]

Update to my situation. So I have been living at my dad's for some weeks now. There's been a lot of adjusting, trust needing to be rebuilt, habits needing to be broken. I'm having an ok time, but there are still a lot of things bothering me. After fleeing most of my personal possessions are gone. The lease is no longer in my name (hilariously, it's now in my Ex-roommates name. ISN'T THAT SO FUNNY) and any hopes at getting my deposit back are slashed. There are several things I need to replace. I don't feel safe returning to that apartment to retrieve them.

Not only that but I left a Lot of important documents like my birth certificate and SSN which I inexplicably could not locate when I looked for them, as well as storage devices and phones. I found that my Facebook was accessed from a phone I'm no longer in possession of and my emails continue to be compromised. It feels like a hopeless situation and I've been deterred/discouraged from seeking legal recourse. I feel lost. Years and years of artwork are out of my hands. My equipment is at the apartment and who knows if it hasn't been scrapped or sold. I know I shouldnt mourn material things but the way my sense of security, my own private sanctum is no longer a place I can return to, affects me deeply. Someone impersonating my father has been adding me on Facebook over multiple duplicate accounts and she lied about contacting my family. Compromising video has been sent to my dad and stepmom. They've been gracious but it's still humiliating and deeply disturbing that this happened to me. I don't feel I deserve this.

I received my final gas bill and the amount is for $425. If I ever hope to rent again here, I have to pay this. My former landlord is not communicating with me in a timely fashion. I'm trying to get on SSI and hopefully return to a sense of normalcy and independence. I've been seeking stability after the many traumas and changes I've had to face. it's honestly a challenge to find motivation right now and I'm masking a lot of my pain. I feel alone.

I still need help. If I'm to create a life for myself that is healthy and sustainable I need help. Please, if you've seen what I've experienced then don't hesitate or second guess and give. I am just tired right now. You've showed up for me before, please do it now.

cash.me/$tomi1

Venmo: tominova

PayPal.me/tominova

[ssvnormandysr-1]

Something I've seen talked about a lot is some people calling Gale abusive, manipulative, or toxic for being occasionally passive aggressive or saying things that seem like guilt tripping. And you know what? Yes, he does get passive aggressive. Yes, he does have some unhealthy communication style. AND these do not necessarily mean he is abusive.

There's a difference between abusive (continued and consistent harmful behaviors to exert control over the other person) and unhealthy (sometimes being passive aggressive, communication not being completely open and free). In fact, if I had to guess, he may not even realize that his behaviors are not healthy. His passive aggressiveness or "guilt tripping", I feel, are reactions to his precious relationship with Mystra. When your attachment figure is high and mighty and do not acknowledge or respond to your needs or is very withdrawn or withhold love/praise unless you do something, people are gonna start to develop strategies to get their needs met - pouting, begging, acquiescing, etc etc - this can manifest as such unhealthy behaviors. Similar to how when children have withdrawn parents, they do all sorts of things ranging from making themselves very endearing or acting out to make them pay attention.

Do I think that this is 100% mystra's fault? Not necessarily. After all, she is a god and probably had lots of other things to care for and one mortal man among many other chosens (and who knows, potentially other lovers) likely wasn't on the highest of her priority list. But that doesn't mean the damage wasn't done. And I still believe that as a god Mystra should've known better than to be involved with a mortal romantically with such huge power differential.

Going back to the original point - such unhealthy strategies can absolutely get better and be changed when you do have a partner who responds to your needs, who is engaged, who doesn't withhold love, because that means you no longer have to survive the way you did before. You no longer have to elicit or win love from your partner because that love is already there. Such corrective emotional experiences can lower the defenses and build up healthy communication and relationship. With Tav, and hopefully other supports in his life, I think Gale can do so, too.

idk lots of people really seem to take just one part of certain characters and make them super evil or absolutely innocent - and they're not. None of the characters are. And that's the whole point especially in Gale's romance - he is a flawed human being, he made and still makes mistakes. And those are what it means to be a mortal, actually, and all parts of him still deserve love and compassion. He can be accepted as he is and still move towards positive changes.

[marydswitchduet]

Directory Updated*

*Last update 10/25/24

If nothing else, I've always prided myself on being able to find a lot of random info to absorb. Very akin to Samwell Tarly, in more ways than one. Dominantlife once had a library of a bunch is BDSM guides and how to either developed by them or curated by them if they were not the author.

Idk about anyone else but I could use one of those again.

So below are links to my reposts of guides, info, directories, information, and anything else with more than one link that I feel anyone would benefit from having easy access to. Some are BDSM, some are D/S, some have AB/DL elements, maybe some of them mix for you

For the record, I'm sharing content I've reposted but none of it was created by me.

KINK AWARE PROFESSIONALS DIRECTORY MADE BY TEDDYBEAR-WITHME

Healthy Sexual Communication:

Faking Orgasms

Taking Your Tongue Cross-“Cunt”-try (Cunnilingus Tips) below

50 Things Public Sex Ed Probably Never Taught You

Naughty Games

Roleplaying Resources

SAFE WORDS AND CONSENT

AB/DL:

DIAPER FLUFFING: LEARN IF YOU DON'T KNOW!

What to do when regressed alone

How to Make Adult-Sized Baby Diapers

Why Your Partner Likes Diapers and May Want to Wear 24/7

Increasing Diaper Discipline Involvement

Unique Scenarios w/ BDSM Flavor

Discovering Your Partner's ABDL Identity & Supporting Them

Hypno Collection

More Hypno Files

Wearing Diapers in Public - Tips and Tricks of the Trade

AB/DL Stores

AB/DL Stories:

OmNomNomDom’s AB/DL Fiction Index

MD/lb Stories & Creators (Paddedlittleparadise)

AB/DL Little Space:

Making Us Feel EXTRA Little

Baby Diaper Look-Alikes

How to Make Diaper Checks MORE Humiliating

The Perfect AB/DL Diaper Check: A step-by-step guide

Amazing Blogs and Where to Find Them

Things to Say to Your Diaper Wearing Little

Making Her Feel Little

Q's to Ask Your Little Boy

25 Things All Mommies Say

Top 10 Things a Spouse can do for Their ABDL Partner

Building Your Little Kit

Ways to put your Little to Sleep

Deciphering Little Moods

50 Ways to Make Your Little COMBUST🔥

CNC Ideas for Littles (below)

5 Tips to FULLY Regress

Sex Toys:

Guide(s) [Spanking, gags, rope tutorials, etc]

Gag Inspiration

Lucy’s Fantasy Dildo Shop Link MasterList

Toy Vendors & Creators

FERAL FUCK'S ALTERNATIVE SEX TOY SHOPS (Another Directory, warning)

Making a Tail Plug

BDSM:

Breathplay Guide

Measuring yourself for a chastity cage (below)

A Guide to Spanking & Impact Play

How Hard is TOO Hard (Spanking Reference)

Spanking Tips

Basic Rope Harness Graphic

How to Make Your Sub Feel Owned

Wax Play Graphic

Guide to Butt Stuff

Dom/Sub Language:

What to Say Other Than "It's Too Much"

D/S Prompts, Scenarios, and Phrases

Femdom

Controlling Your Male Sub

Torture Idea

What Straight Men Need to Know About Pegging

Pegging Positions to make it better for everyone

Prostate Milking in Chastity

Femdom Ideas, Thoughts, & Scenarios

AFTERCARE:

Dom Drops Aftercare

This will likely be continuously updated as I find things, will add dates for when updated

[nataliescatorccioapologist]

Who would each Yellowjackets character be in The L Word Universe?

Nat - Shane

We all saw this one coming. Nat would definitely be the ambiguously gendered noncommittal heartbreaker of The L Word sphere. Like Shane, she is kind and looks out for those she cares about but her troubled childhood has made her put her guard up. Shane and Nat both push people away because they don’t believe they are worthy of love and have never had a healthy example of a relationship so they hop from girl to girl before things can get serious. Not to mention the bounty of self-destructive tendencies these girlies both have. And with Nat’s cool mullet she would definitely kill it as a hair stylist.

Taissa - Bette

Bette and Taissa are both the powersuit-rocking politicians of our dreams (with matching crumbling marriages.) Tai is known for taking her ambitions a bit too far, and, like Bette, her work consumes her personal life until it falls apart. Neither of these girlies know when to stop, even if it alienates them from the ones they love.

Lottie - Marina

I think Lottie would definitely be the mysterious sexy bar owner that speaks mainly in poetry snd gives supposed straight girls sexuality crises (all while having a secret wife). Like Marina, Lottie has an aura of ethereal mystery around her and can be a little off-putting in how calm and collected she is even in situations that call for a little more freaking the fuck out. Lottie would definitely find some straight girl deeply in denial and send her into a sexuality crisis spiral while acting completely innocent about it.

Shauna - Jenny

Okay don’t be mad at me, it’s at least a little true. Shauna and Jenny are both a little too obsessive, impulsive, and emotional (and they’re both deeply struggling with compulsory heterosexuality). At any given moment you will find them in a corner furiously journaling their dark feelings instead of communicating them. Shauna would definitely be the one to go a little crazy after falling in love with a woman for the first time. And both Jenny and Shauna have their emotional support himbos that they use to deny their homosexuality: Tim and Jeff.

Jackie - Dana

Jackie would definitely be the closeted sports lesbian that is terrified of the public (and mostly her rich, uptight parents) finding out about her queerness. Like Dana, Jackie is under a lot of pressure to be "perfect" and comes from a wealthy, preppy background with rich parents who have high expectations. I also definitely think Jackie would be a tennis girlie. Jackie and Dana are the baby gays who are constantly checking out women but don't know how to express their queerness yet. And they both have a complicated homoerotic relationships with their best friend (Dana/Alice and Jackie/Shauna). Jackie and Dana are both very supportive and fun-loving, they just need to get out of the closet.

Van - Finley

Butch kings! Van and Finley are both little goofsters that fill my heart with joy. In The L Word universe, Van would definitely be the that friend that is there to make all of the gays smile but is hiding a lot of pain and trauma behind a comedic mask. Van and Finley have a serious problem with joking instead of confronting serious feelings but we still love them.

Misty - That girl that's obsessed with Shane in the Pilot episode

Okay so I don't think Misty really fits anyone in The L Word so I'm giving her Lacey, that girl that is concerningly obsessed with Shane (Nat) in the first episode. This girl hooks up with Shane once and then she's tracking her down at parties and finding all of her hangout spots to harass her and get her attention. And I think in an L Word AU, Misty would definitely hook up with Nat, Nat would ghost her, and Misty would go insane like that.

*Anyways should I write a Yellowjackets The L Word AU fic? Because honestly I've been thinking about it a little bit too much.*

[cvnntagious]

understanding

intent :

the purpose of my original post was to educate on the principals of basic respect, and hopefully create a more positive sturntumblr community. of course, it didn't work that way, as many have seen. the whole situation was blown way out of proportion, and didn't need to be as big as it turned out for the comment that was made. i personally never thought what @bernardsbendystraws said was the worst thing i'd seen the night that i made that post, but it became the main focus of the conversation because i had reached out trying to explain how i had already seen others upset by the small comment, and she was triggered by it. she's entitled to have her own opinion and emotions on the topic, but i was bothered by how my words and intentions were being completely misconstrued.

i admit, i definitely should've just ignored it, but seeing as i pride myself on being an honest person, getting accused of being otherwise was getting under my skin. there were even times that i would post something with the thought in mind that it'd be my last because i no longer saw any point in arguing, and then i'd get upset all over again by the response. although i defended myself in the most mature way i could, i recognize that not responding at all would've been better. i'm not a hateful person, and i feel as even though i tried to come at it with a good heart, what i posted made it seem like i wanted to spread negativity. for that, i'm sorry.

still, i'm not sorry for saying what i did in my original post, as i feel as though the respect is still needed. although the topic of conversation was about religion because that was the most recent problem, i believe it stands for many other things within this fandom if we would like to keep a strong and healthy community. this goes for things like gender, sexual orientation, race, ect. not just religion. respect is so crucial.

hate :

i was notified after responding to some of the things in my inbox, there were people sending @muwapsturniolo, a beautiful black woman, disgusting, racist asks on my behalf. i, myself am exactly half black, but even if i weren't, i've made it very clear that i don't stand for racism, homophobia, ableism, and more in my 'about me' post pinned on my page. i'm still not quite sure how to respond to the disgusting things i saw being left in peaches' inbox, as i'm in utter disbelief that someone would have the audacity to do that and claim it was to defend me. first off, i didn't need defending, and definitely not if the only way you can 'defend' someone is by sending them the most disrespectful, hurtful things i think i've ever seen in my life.

i had taken the anons i was getting as mere support, but am now recognizing that within that support, there was a lot of bashing of another person, despite me claiming i wouldn't tolerate that. it was 100% my mistake. me, peaches, and rose clearly weren't happy with each other, and i would say still really aren't, but nowhere within our drama did that give anyone the right to say what they did to peaches. she simply didn't deserve it.

aftermath :

this situation is over with. i stand on what i said about respect, rose is done talking about it, and peaches is continuing on with her break, hopefully in peace. i've never been in tumblr drama before, and i don't plan on being in any more, but that doesn't mean i won't stand up for what's right. hopefully, if needed, in full private.

i see all of the things still in my inbox that show genuine support, and i'm forever grateful. i also see all of the stories from people who feel like they've finally been given a voice after they've had problems with rose, and i'm not here to silence them. i will no longer be responding to those anons, but keep in mind that this doesn't mean i don't agree with some of the points that have been made in them. i won't be entertaining the hate whatsoever, but if you feel the need to speak to someone about a problem you're having in the community, even if it's not worded in the most respectful way possible, my inbox is always open. i'll read, but won't be posting, or giving my own opinion on it

still, i don't want to be seen as some hero for doing/saying what i felt was right, nor do i want to be seen as a victim to this drama. i'm happy to have seen that so many people agree with me, as it makes me feel as though most people in this fandom do have basic respect, which could be grounds for building such a healthy environment.

i will actually no longer be posting about the drama with rose and peaches whatsoever, and be going back to doing what my blog was made for, writing. i encourage others to stop posting about it too, as we don't need more opinions put in on our problems, and all i've wanted was a more understanding + respectful community.

-love, your grandma cvnty ☆!

[tricksterpale]

Farewell

It feels strange to write this. I've had this blog for over 10 years now. But the time has come for me to say goodbye.

After much thought and many quiet moments over the 2 year long hiatus spent reflecting, I’ve decided that I’m leaving this account. I’ll leave this blog up, for the sake of memories, for the archives of what was once a vibrant, welcoming place for me and for so many of you. But this will be my last post.

The gw2 fandom here on tumblr in particular, this place that I once cherished and found sanctuary in, no longer feels like a safe and healthy space for me, or for the work I want to share. And so, I find myself at this crossroads, saying goodbye not out of anger or resentment, but out of a quiet need to protect myself and my art.

I will still create. I will still share my work in other spaces, where I can breathe a little easier (and post work that this platform prohibits). But for now, and likely indefinitely, I need to step away from this blog in particular.

The years have not been kind to any of us, have they? The world has tilted in ways we never expected, dragging us all into its churning tides. The world has been harder, scarier, less stable with each passing day. A lot of us have lost things—people, or perhaps just the sense of comfort and security we once took for granted. Some days it's felt like nothing is safe, not even the things that I once believed would always be there.

It’s hard for me to ignore the way the fear, the uncertainty, the instability of the world around us has seemingly seeped into this space as well, turning what once felt like a refuge of comfort into something more toxic. I see the same things happening here that I see out there: endless conflict, divisiveness, quick and damning judgements based on differences of opinion and perspective, walls instead of bridges, cliques, lack of critical thinking, and a constant undercurrent of tension that makes the idea of posting here feel less and less safe for me. It feels as though the tumblr fandom community has become rife with the very things I came here to escape once upon a time. This blog is no longer a place I can find peace in.

These past 5 years in particular have forced me to expand and withdraw in ways I didn’t anticipate. In the beginning when I made this blog, there were the sparks of creativity fanned into blazes, the feeling of being connected to a group of like-minded souls, all of us sharing our love for Guild Wars 2, for art, for storytelling. There were certainly issues, but overall the things that made us different were the same things that brought us together. But as time wore on, it became clear that the fandom had lost something that once felt vital to me. The space became crowded with tension, with a kind of noise I no longer felt equipped to tune out. What once felt like a community that embraced differences in perspectives began to feel like a place where I was on edge, unsure of whether the next post or interaction would be one of support or of conflict.

It’s hard to admit this, but perhaps it’s not just the fandom that has shifted. Perhaps I have, too. The person I was in 2014 isn’t the person I am now, and thank god for that. When I first joined this space, I was looking for connection, for a place to share my work and my passion for Guild Wars. I wanted to be part of something larger than myself. But the world has changed, and so have I. The things that once fed me now leave me feeling hollow, anxious. The echoes of the past still linger, but the resonance isn’t the same. The goals and inspirations I once had feel more like a memory, a forgotten song that no longer moves me or serves me.

This isn’t to say that I regret any of it. I’ve learned so much, about myself and about others. I’ve seen incredible art, met incredible people, and shared moments of joy with many of you. Those things matter. They’ve shaped me in ways I can’t even fully express. But the person I am now can’t exist in the same space I once did. I no longer see the world, or this particular internet corner of the GW2 fandom, through the same lens.

The past five years especially have taught me that change isn’t always comfortable. Sometimes, it’s painful. Sometimes, it’s lonely. But it’s real. And it’s necessary.

My perspective, my sense of what’s important, of what matters, has shifted. The things I once valued here no longer hold the same weight. Like I said, I will leave TricksterPale up. I just will not be posting or logging in here again. For those who know my handle on discord, you can always find me there. You are more than welcome to poke me, even if it's been a long time. But otherwise, you can keep up with my art and musings on my newly created bluesky account from this point forward. I do not have an Instagram or Twitter anymore.

I don’t know what the next chapter looks like, but I know I’m not the same person I was when I first opened this blog. And for that, I’m grateful.

Take care of yourselves, and remember—change is inevitable, but it’s also a chance to grow into something new. Something better. And sometimes, part of that growth is being willing to let go and move on from things that no longer serve you.

[deckofcookiez]

The Alex Kister Situation

Alright; I've been more of a lurker on here for awhile, but for months now--almost a year--I've been a massive fan of the Mandela Catalogue, and this fandom has been a major form of escapism and safety for me. So, I feel the need to say something about the current situation.

To start, I'm putting a link to the document with all of the information about what happened, as it's important to read it and learn about this whole situation in depth:

With that out of the way, I just wanted to share my own personal opinion; personally, Mandela Catalogue has legitimately become my special interest. I have pretty much obsessed over it ever since I first found it, and everything I've written or drawn since then has been to do with it. It's been very important to me, especially due to the community here on tumblr, as this fandom is probably the most supportive and open places on the internet I've found. I feel a lot more connected because of it, and it made me feel comfortable and safe.

I was in a bad mental space today, and when I found out about this, I had a pretty bad breakdown--some might call it an overreaction, but you don't know just how dependent my mental health had become on this series and fandom. (I will be working on avoiding this habit in the future, as it isn't healthy to depend so heavily on one interest)

After reading through the document, and just seeing so many opinions and contributions from others, I am almost certain that these allegations are true. But I always, always listen to all perspectives before making judgement, so I will not be going full "I hate Alex, he's a despicable person!!" before Alex gives his own point of view.

That being said, I do believe Alex has serious issues that he needs to get handled. I am hesitant to call this pedophilia, as from what I've gathered, he didn't seem to have active malicious intent towards minors(correct me if I missed something that said otherwise)--rather, I get the impression that Alex simply doesn't understand boundaries, and genuinely saw his fans as mutuals. He seems to be a person who's manipulative--whether intentionally or not--and his personal relationships, platonic, romantic, or sexual, turn very toxic because of this. So, trying to have personal relationships with fans, people who look up to him and see him in a very different light, results in inevitable toxicity as well.

I get the sense that Alex simply is a young person, struggling with mental health and gender dysphoria, who was thrust into extreme popularity very suddenly, and doesn't have the maturity level to handle it properly. Overall, I do not support him, if he continues to act like this--if he makes genuine, real efforts to deal with his mental health and his unhealthy behaviours, I would respect him for that. I wouldn't look at him quite the same, but as long as someone makes genuine efforts to better themself after doing something wrong, I appreciate and respect that, and may eventually give forgiveness. But, if he doesn't make those efforts, if he continues his patterns and refuses to try and get better, then that is on him and at that point I have lost any and all respect for him. At that point, you are not a good or reasonable person, in my eyes.

Regardless of how things go with Alex himself, though, I want to say...

You do not have to support a creator to enjoy their work!!

I am a huge fan of Danny Phantom, and that show's creator is a genuine piece of shit. Like, a truly despicable human being. That fandom successfully has, just... completely ripped the show and characters from their creator. They have cut him out entirely, nothing he says holds any impact or meaning to them and it hasn't for years. He's seriously fallen off. And it's still a fun, active fandom! The people in there are super neat!!

And, hell, look at the whole mess with J. K. Rowling!! She is an absolutely disgusting person. But so many people grew up with Harry Potter, and still like her stories, without actively supporting her--lots of creators turn out to be really awful people, but that doesn't mean that what they made is automatically awful as well. They still have some kind of creative ability, that happened to produce something that garnered a significant amount of attention.

We don't need Alex to still enjoy the concept, characters, and overall story he's created. We can still make fanworks, still appreciate what it is that drew us to the series in the first place.

Honestly, out of everything that the fallout of this would bring, I was most terrified of the fandom itself dying, as that is what truly matters the most to me. This place, these people are so important to me, and I am so scared of this community falling apart. I've already seen plenty of people stating that they will no longer be associating with TMC, and are just completely distancing themselves from it. It feels like things are already dying and disappearing and it really, really fucking hurts.

I guess what I'm trying to say, is that... if that is your choice, if you truly do not want to associate with TMC anymore whatsoever, then I don't blame you for it. I understand if you can't look at the series the same way after this, and I respect that choice.

But you don't have to, if it still means anything to you. Fandoms are more than just their creators--they're the community that has been built around the work, and this community is possibly the best one I've ever been in. I don't want to see it die. So, just know, that you can still love this fandom, this story, these characters, without supporting Alex. You can still draw the characters, make OCs, write fanfiction, etc. He won't get money from that--only from directly watching his content or buying his merch.

Finally, I'd like to say to go support the victims. They didn't deserve this--no matter what Alex's intentions were. Please support them, and regardless of how this turns out, do not continue actively supporting Alex Kister. I am sure that, whatever his intentions were, he did still harm people and that is not okay.

Also, this is all just my own opinion, based on what I know; I was not in the discord, I don't have Twitter, I don't personally know anyone involved and I have not seen everything regarding the situation as a whole. I simply felt I should state my current opinion, as I'm seeing a lot of people freaking out and spiraling and just leaving the fandom entirely. I wanted to remind people that it's okay to still enjoy this fandom and be a part of it, without Alex. My opinion may change some with new information I find, but overall, I am of the opinion that Alex should not be supported, while the Mandela Catalogue itself can be separated from him and still be enjoyed and appreciated.

And, whatever happens... Adam Murray, Jonah Marshall and Thatcher Davis are officially honorary characters in my stash of little guys. If he's not fit to keep them then they will become my creative outlet instead (and others who love them, obviously). They're very special characters to me, I can't express just how many things I have written and drawn to do with them, and I refuse to give them up.

(another addition, regarding the apparent 'alter egos' Alex apparently had: Possibly consider DID? I know a lot of people with DID will often mistake it for other things, including simply being gender non-conforming, when in actuality they really have alters that just identify differently. Not diagnosing, I don't know enough about him to make any real claims--it was just a thought.)

[fanastraea]

Not sure if u talked abt this but i also want to get ur opinion on korn and tonkla's first sex scene because ive seen some posts how it wasnt a sweet moment bc tonkla is vulnerable at that time n korn is taking advantage of him. Hm.. I have some thoughts abt it.. But i wanna hear yalls thoughts

I don't think i've posted about this. I talked to a few people in dms about it though because i saw those posts too. i don't agree with them.

In terms of character development and what it shows us about the characters and their relationship, I think it shows how Korn has slowly closed off because of the pressures of his work, his father, and the whole situation.

In the flashback scene Korn is very emapthetic & emotionally supportive! He's there for Tonkla at an incredibly difficult time and has good advice. Tonkla maybe hasn't had anyone ever taking care of him that way.

So we get to see a different aspect of their relationship and understand why Tonkla loves Korn. And I think the show as a whole and the ending supports that.

I did feel like sometimes the way people talked about it removed Tonkla's agency completely. Because he was a victim of abuse and in present time he does have less social power, less economic power than Korn and Korn has set certain limits on the relationship that Tonkla doesn't like, people tended to only see him as a powerless victim. And they put Korn in the villain box and interpreted everything he did in the worst light.

As for like the mild dom/sub nature of the scene, I understand why it might make some people uncomfortable. BUT i really dislike the whole idea that only totally vanilla sex is healthy and cosnensual while other dynamics are inherently abusive or unhealthy. In real life of course you should have more communication and negotiation but this isn't real life.

It's a creative portrayal meant to communicate things about the character and their relationship. And it does speak to Korn feeling more comfortable when he's in control. And Tonkla was taken care of, told he was taken care of, that he wouldn't be hurt. And that says a lot about the beginning of their relationship and what they both got out of it.

And feeling safer as the one in control is NOT the same as feeling good about having power OVER someone or wanting to control them in an unhealthy way.

This was a bit of a ramble, I have a lot of thoughts lol. And it can be nuanced and hard to say exactly what I mean. Curious to hear from others!

[gatheredfates]

(COUNT)DOWN TO DAWNTRAIL FREE DAY ･*☆

When I made the (Count)Down to Dawntrail challenge, the one thing I was most excited for was the Free Day. I had specifically stated one of the options you could do for this day was to talk about how the people you met through XIV and how they made a positive impact on your life, and that was what I was going to do.

For me, when I started doing my question drives however long ago, I was committed to being the change I wanted to see in the world. While the XIV community is a cut above the rest in that people are genuinely interested in other oc's, ships and work(s), I have been in communities where that's not the case, and I know the sensation of feeling like you are putting your work out there, putting your work out there and putting your work out there... and it feels like no one is interested.

Equally, I have also felt the cut of anxiety as it goes, 'I really want to interact with this person, but what if they think I'm weird? What if they take it the wrong way?'

—So what if they think I'm weird?

That was kind of my whole mantra. I was going to make as genuine effort as I could muster to interact with the community, send asks to people and to try and learn/remember as much as I could. I wanted people to feel like someone was reading their work and confident to reach out to people they were interested in getting to know.

If someone wanted to take a bad-faith interpretation of my work, so what? So what if they think I'm weird; so what if they don't like me? Nothing I could do was ever going to change their mind, so why should I worry about an insignificant possibility that wasn't going to affect me beyond a block and a funny story to tell my friends? And if that small risk was going to earn me more friends with whom I could share more funny stories with... isn't the risk worth it? Be kind, take no shit; the same mantra I have carried with me since 2023.

Not only that, but if I could inspire other people to reach out and interact too, wouldn't that be amazing? I think we're all conditioned online to be afraid of being 'too much'; too weird, too forward, too outgoing. We all want interaction but are afraid to interact in case its misinterpreted. That sucks. In my mind, if I interacted—if I even showed other people who would respond to their efforts positively—and they reached out behind me, that was worth it.

Cultivating that kind of community is always worth it.

It's been a very healing journey for me, honestly. I've come out of my shell a lot, dispelling my own anxieties and coming to grips with my traumas that were honestly the result of just bad happenstance and the fact I was young—rather than me doing anything obscenely wrong. I have met lots of wonderful people, read so many interesting stories and learned so much about a myriad of fascinating WoL's (and regular ocs!). I've also met people who are interested in my work, even if I tend to showcase it a lot less.

So, from the bottom of my heart, thank you.

Thank you for supporting me with the Compendium. Thank you for enthusiastically replying to my asks. Thank you for supporting me with (Count)Down to Dawntrail. Thank you for setting aside a little space for me in your day, because none of these projects would have a hope of working without the support of the community. That's the honest truth.

Before I go, I'd like to extend a couple of personal thanks:

—To SEAFLOOR (Tumblr Community & Discord): thank you for your constant support for my projects. A huge thank you to everyone in the discord with the social role who just wanted to hang out and be friends. I am honoured to have fostered a healthy, vibrant community full of wonderful people who uplift, support and help each other. Running this space hasn't once felt like a burden and that is entirely a credit to your maturity, kindness and accommodations. Thank you. Sdmin and mof are warm in my heart.

—To Firelight Trading Company (and associates): my best pals, I love you! Thank you for always being by my side. Thank you for all the laughs, the endless shenanigans and your unwavering support with The Fireside and the Parlour. Without you, none of my stories would be where they are. Thank you for making my life (and my roleplay) richer. You all mean the world to me, really. Even if you are little shits.

—To Pepper, the platonic love of my life: I love you. This goes without saying. Thank you for being my best friend for all these years. Thank you for being a grounding force and support, even if you're an introvert riding the coattails of a sadistic extrovert who loves thrusting you into 'situations'. I'd like to sum up our friendship with two images that articulate who we are as people.

Okay, okay. I lied (kinda). Here's the real one.

—To anyone who has ever liked a post of mine, made a nice comment, tagged me in a dash game, went to the Fireside, etc. etc: know you hold a special place in my heart. I really, really mean it. I am god-awful at sincerity, but I hope it reaches you all the same.

With that, however, onwards—to Tural!