#i've got several options
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Potential February Reads
East by Edith Pattou
Brideshead Revisited by Evelyn Waugh
The Beggar Prince by Kate Stradling
The Thrifty Guide to Ancient Rome: A Handbook for Time Travelers by Jonathan Stokes
Julius Caesar by William Shakespeare
The Frindle Files by Andrew Clement
A fantasy romance
#monthly reading lists#wow talk about an eclectic mix#of complex and really really not complex#but this is just what happens to be around at the beginning of the month#i'm halfway through east and debating going on#i got a vibe that now's the time to finally tackle brideshead so it's coming from the library#rereading 'deathmark' made me want to reread stradling's other latest release#the ancient rome book looked delightful and i have it out from the library#and i figure that might put me in the mood for more ancient rome and i've been meaning to reread julius caesar so that goes on the list#i just found out clement's last book was a frindle sequel so you better bet i snatched that up from the library as soon as i learned that#and it's valentine's day and also coming on to lent so i'm in the mood to read romance and random indie fantasy ebooks#i've got several options#(and fantasy might include heyer-esque regency so the nina clare's an option too)#i've also got some books i'm finishing#and some laying around that i probably won't start but may well displace some on this list#one thing i like about the new format i'm trying is that this list is more explicitly not a reading list#just a list of what's intriguing to me at the beginning of the month#to contrast with what i wind up reading by the end of it#so i can put an unrealistic mix together and see what happens
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not enough discussion about the gavins' complicated relationship with feminine-coded/beauty products, i don't think.
#for klavier because it's not as direct it's about how we never see him actually wearing lipstick? even though apollo literally attends#a concert of his which is where you'd most expect him to wear makeup. but apparently he just doesnt. or at least not in public#klavier gavin#kristoph gavin#i feel like there are several ways you can read into it. the misogyny/toxic masculinity one is really obvious clearly with kristoph's#singling out of men specifically and klavier's (probably accidental?) condescending manner of calling women 'fraulein' plus his general#mildly patronising attitude towards many of the women in the game (also probably unintentional)#(i think he's trying to be charming and it's coming off wrong to some of them. like ema. and me.)#but i feel like there's also maybe an element of... inherent perfecfionism to it? like both of these products are conventionally beautifyin#products and kristoph while he is open to showing people he uses nail polish specifically chooses one that's clear and missable unless you#see him apply it. he also feels the need to justify his use of it and specifically spell it out as something he chooses to do rather than#needs to do even though duh. that should be obvious.#idk there's just something about his seeming need to take control of that narrative that i find interesting. his need to spin it into a#'there's nothing wrong with my nails but I had the foresight to see that even the smallest parts of my appearance should be kept immaculate#and it's a choice i'm making to refine an already adequate part of my personage /not/ to cover some unsightly defect.' the need to emphasis#that specifically is so. hm. and with klavier i could see it being a case of him liking makeup liking the pops of colour yet being unwillin#to admit to it because he's afraid that other people might see it as him being dissatisfied with his own appearance regardless of if he is#or isn't. or even just perceiving colourful makeup as being unseemly because it's so overt and unnatural.#like i can see this as them both viewing 'real' beauty to be that which is inherent to a person and seemingly effortless#thus somehow negating the beauty which one achieves through cosmetics or other external means.#and if you want to use external means to achieve beauty or neatness or whatever then your only valid options are those which blend into you#natural state. like clear nail polish. or really awful spray tan.#i feel like klavier's less confined by these ideas (if they hold merit at all) considering he actually owns coloured lipstick and he wears#jewellery (admittedly quite 'masculine' jewellery no gems or pearls or anything like that but jewellery nonetheless) but i think it just#makes it more interesting that he doesnt seem quite able to cross the line anyway. like it's that ingrained into his system.#anyway that's all i've got. you guys should tell me what you think too#annotations
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I just heard another writer trying to figure out which self-publishing route to take, and all I'll say is that I'm glad I found Draft2Digital. (More accurately, I'm grateful to my more knowledgeable writer friends who told me about it a couple years ago.) I don't even use the free services as much now that I've learned to do fancy formatting etc on my own, but it sure is nice that the option is there.
TL;DR: you upload a manuscript, they make it presentable and available everywhere from Amazon to your local bookstore, and they charge you zero dollars, only taking a cut of the profits they helped you make. A small cut.
They are run by Writer People who want to help other Writer People succeed, and it shows.
#psa#I've heard them give talks at writers' conferences a couple times#and it's always exciting new information#the last one led to several promos that I got to join in#which worked out great#and! they have good customer service#that's a biggie#especially after dealing with ingram#(ingram wants to work with large companies and only begrudgingly offers its services to individual authors)#(then refuses to help them in any competent way)#(I published two books through ingram and am NOT interested in going back)#(not now that I've found a vastly superior option)#tell your writer friends!#writer life#self-publishing#indie publishing#independent publishing#indie author life#getting published#Draft2Digital#writblr#writeblr
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Got an interesting report this time around. You see, I'm considering splitting what was originally going to be chapter 3 into 2 separate chapters instead.
What does that mean for you, the readers? Well, if I do split it up into 2 chapters, I might be able to get the next update out much sooner, since, the new end point would be after the Club Pyre path which I'm currently finishing up! Then, it'd just be a couple more weeks of editing, coding, and bug testing before release!
No promises though, I still haven't made my mind up on it yet. Just something to think about.
Next Update (Chapter 3 & 4? Maybe?):
Intro Scene (if not on music fest route): 100%
Music Fest Routes (Solo, V, and Amara): 100%
Club Pyre Path: 70%
August Part 2 Electric Boogaloo: 0% (not started)
Avoid Death (Eventually?): 0% (not started)
Work Time! (End of Chapter): 0% (short outline, not started)
One interesting point, that some of you may have already noticed, is that the progress for the Club Pyre path has mysteriously decreased.
That would be because, I may or may not have expanded on it and added more routes and options. Oops. So, even though more writing's been done, the overall progress of that part has gone down due to the expanded outline. Rip to me I guess. 😔
#redo; rewind if#interactive fiction#if game#progress report#negative progress time baby!!!!#damn you outline. i need to stop adding new options lol#oh well. at least the new stuff is fun to write. got some potential time shenanigans too depending on the choices made#i swear i've written several thousand words since last i updated the outline's just bullying me :(
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a piece of media will present two complex, multi-faceted male characters with well thought out n well portrayed personalities with their own struggles n ways of seeing/interacting with their world n a multi-leveled way of interacting with one another that leads to multiple faces of their relationship n the fans will be like cool but this one is slightly taller with skin that's half a shade darker so we're gonna portray him as a hyper masculine, barbarically aggressive, practically abusive, uber-dominant top n the other is .1924738th of an inch shorter n has a barely noticable lighter complexion so we're gonna make him a ridiculously short, feminized, unbelievably submissive, teary eyed childlike man unable to establish boundaries who just rolls over n accepts everything done to him n gets regularly violated by the other man :)) yes we will throw fits n accuse you of being a bigot if you point out how Fucked Up this is
#to every artist n writer who does this I wish you a very fucking kill yourself#look at my posts boy#I've got several ships n pieces of media n also creators I wanna tag here#dare I be so bold#call of duty#across the spiderverse#naruto#red dead redemption#cod mw2#cod#once again cod#cod again in case you fucking missed it#you all Piss me the Fuck Off I hate you all#I'm crawling out of your computer screens n giving the option to let me kill you or you kill yourself
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I beat BG3 game but I will say. it does kinda feel like there's no winning BG3 game
#bg3#bg3 spoilers#Skye don't look#shark you can kinda look if u want but don't read the incoming tags bc those will be specific djsfvkxjcd#SPOILERS:#I sided with The Emperor despite having the Hammer because i didn't want to betray him#not after everything#and it SUCKED to let Lae'zel down like that#but I've read what happens if you free Orpheus and that's good for Lae'zel and her people but bad for many other reasons#idk I like consequences I like bittersweet#but after a game that's SO LONG#over 100 hours easily#I would really like An Option where the tradeoff doesn't feel quite so severe#side note I got an achievement for like 'rescuing all possible tieflings in one play through'#despite the fact that Zevlor and Mirkon are very dead 💀#whatever I'll achieve that for real next time dhsfvjdhfe#sats speaks#baldur's gate 3
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Okay time for me to 🥰 in the tags real quick lmao
#not snz#okay so first of all i had thought i was gonna be trapped at the station again bc i got released but didn't trust myself to drive#so all of us who were staying overnight decided to make hotdogs but they were fucking arguing about how we were gonna heat them up??#like three of us were just sitting there starving in the cold while everyone else was fighting lmao#so i was like 😩 and called him while we were waiting for them to just pick a heating option#at which point several people had me put him on speaker to say hey and invite him to eat fucking hotdogs with us#i think it's been too long since most of us have had any outside interaction ahdkaksk#so he agreed to come and brought his roommates???? like just for funsies??????? idk i guess they really wanted some cheap ass hotdogs#and i hadn't seen him in over two weeks so i was vibrating lmao#okay and he's kind of a grumpy bitch lowkey but he doesn't shy away from like casually putting an arm around me or holding my hand so 🥺#so i hugged him when i saw him but then he went to hold my hand and was like 😨 bc they were ✨️ cold af ✨️#so he promptly grabbed my other hand and then just looked at them for a sec and asked if i was alright lmao#not an uncommon occurrence unfortunately lmao everybody grabs my hands when they start looking weird ahdmkaks we love raynaud's#but it still makes me soft when he expresses concern so 🥰#anyway so we all ate and just generally vibed for a while before people started head off to sleep#so his roommates took the car back and he drove my car so i could leave instead of having to stay overnight again lmao#and the hot water heater at the station ain't shit so the relief i felt taking a hot shower was immense lmao#especially after nearly freezing to desth in the rain ahdkkaks#anyway so then we just cuddled and watched shows on his laptop 🥰#and then obviously we slept bc it was fucking late as shit and i was ✨️ tired ✨️#but I'm a light sleeper so i woke up when he started moving around and setting up his laptop#and he gave me this little smile and ruffled my hair a little and told me to go back to sleep#fucking domestic as shit 😩🥺#also i feel like maybe i should share more things that have happened between us prior to dating#bc i swear nothing is progressing as quick as i feel my posts make it sound ahdkakdk#like I've known this man for over two years so we were coworkers and friends before anything else so we already had our little dynamic going#idk i just feel weird knowing that none of y'all know our lore ahdkakdk#anyway it was nice just getting to spend time with him again 🥰#and I'm taking him out friday bc i owe him a fun little date or several lmao so i think I'm done screaming now#partner posting
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there's a lot of things people blame for why fandoms feel like ghost towns these days, but no one's really talked about the way discord's contributing to it
#its like#people are trying to force fit discord's chatrooms into forum boards#except discord is just. really really *really* poorly setup for that#and theres no way to archive or share it so everything said in it is easily lost despite personal export or community pins or search option#and like#vaguely hearing about the way some people are unsatisfied with them/feeling unfufilled in the response to them#a lot of people would be better off posting those things to places like tumblr#where there isnt a time limit on when people see or respond to them#part of what's scary/frustrating on tumblr rn is some fandoms arent good about reblogging to posts or tag rambling#like with bad buddy a large part of the fun was the enthusiastic and in depth tag rambles and the way responses built on each other#vs something like kinnporsche which feels much more like-oriented#like? its not like theres any one way to fandom#and there's nothing actually wrong with likes or quiet reblogs#but vaguely hearing about the way some people were/are really upset with some servers im just kinda like#idk#feels a bit like people trying to force a square thru a circle or that they're looking in the wrong spaces for what they want#.......this is not a complaint for my space ajkds i think i've carved out a pretty happy space for myself!#im just checking the reblog graphs of some old vs new stuff and thinking about a convo other cookie and i were having over the weekend#i have a lot of friends around and i love everyone who's happy to ramble with me#but i do feel a slight case of DM burnout rn where mostly people reach out to me via DMs instead of reblogs#which is a very different dynamic#its like. hmmm words#i love DMs but the pressure of responding to a lot of individual messages#vs something like reblogs which is more open forum for everyone and feels more communal#if that makes sense?#the difference between visiting one person at home vs casually hanging out with a group at a cafe#and the lovely thing about tumblr specifically is that i can set down a reblog chain for several days if i need#before returning to it later when i have more time/energy#its got Longevity that discord lacks u know#........okay enough tag musings from me ajkfhjdgfhj BYE
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so in juniper's campaign we've just found ourselves in a high-stakes situation that I as a player do frankly find stressful and am anxious about, but hey hi also the DM was like 'okay here are the exact mechanics of how this is going to work because I don't want to surprise you with serious repercussions, also here are all the options you will have to try to do something about the situation-- [affected player] what do you think? honest feedback, I don't want it to feel unfair, I want to be clear that I am not just trying to kill your character, and if it ends up being badly balanced we can revisit it down the road' and oh my god I could COLLAPSE and WEEP with gratitude
#[tears in my fucking eyes] WHAT IF DND WAS GOOD!! WHAT IF A DM THAT'S GOOD!!!#LIKE I've said actually MOST of my DMs are good but because of the way this situation was presented specifically#where-- as NOT the affected player-- it does feel like the way it came up was a little unfair and I AM worried about the stakes--#I REALLY SPENT SO MUCH OF THAT ABOVE-TABLE TALK GOING OH WOW I FEEL LIKE OUR FRIEND ACTUALLY LOVES US AND WANTS THIS TO BE FUN!!#I DON'T KNOW THAT I AGREE WITH WHAT HE'S DOING HERE BUT I TRUST MY FRIEND AND IT'S SAFE FOR US TO TALK ABOUT THINGS LIKE THIS PLAYER TO DM!!#WOWIE THAT FEELS RELEVANT TO MY DND EXPERIENCE RIGHT NOW LMAO!!!#'I've looked at your stats and inventories to try to make this serious but balanced but if it doesn't work we can retool it'#'I want to be extremely clear that this situation could kill destal so I want to be extremely sure that you're comfortable with that--#-- and with how the mechanics are designed around it'#I am fucking. on my KNEES WEEPING. at the contrast with how punishing and DEEPLY unfun felix campaign has relentlessly been the whole time#and how little of a fuck it feels like THAT DM gives when he's like 'this random rolltable encounter was deadly :)'#'you guys didn't get hit last time and got all your spells back right?' uhhh wrong and wrong and we TALKED about that last time#are you gonna revisit the balance on your fifth in a row 'if you fail you'll TPK' scenario? no? yeah I figured lol#christ knows HE'S never invited feedback on his DMing. you KNOW I don't feel safe to say 'hey this doesn't feel fair or fun' with him#AND LIKE!! WITH A DM I TRUST I FEEL SAFE ENOUGH TO REALLY PLAY WITH SOMETHING TERRIBLE HAPPENING!! YAY YIPPEE STAKES AND PATHOS!!!#I don't just want nothing bad to happen ever! but I don't want it to feel careless or heartless or just... Not Fun#anyway. grasping william's hands so tightly. my beloved friend. my wonderful friend. what a relief to have a DM that's good#after the shit we've been through in our now most-frequently-run campaign#the thing I'm mad about is that destal has been making a mystery saving throw every night-- but this was imperceptible to the characters#so we weren't acting on it#and now that he's failed it three times the situation is 'okay NOW you will be maming a con save every night and accumulating exhaustion'#'which can't be removed by sleeping' [six levels of exhaustion Kill You]#so like!! well okay I wish we had had ANY way of knowing how urgent this was before we got to 'now there's a deadly countdown' BUT OKAY#but like I said. he clearly put a lot of thought into the math for the mechanics#he made sure that we DO actually have ANYTHING we can do to mitigate the condition and outlined several options specifically and clearly#he checked in with justin about whether that seemed fair and opened it for future retooling if necessary#so I'm just at 'that was kind of a rugpull dude :/' instead of DESPAIRING lmao#this is a level of Oh Shit that's juicy! this is a level of Oh Shit that might force dramatic character choices out of desperation!#THIS IS AN OH SHIT WHERE WE STILL GET TO PLAY DND ABOUT IT AND HAVE ANY AGENCY WHATSOEVER. WHAT A CONCEPT.#ANYWAY!!! GOOD DND SAVE ME!!!!!!!!!
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The good news is, the cramps and urge to kill are slightly less severe than before. So far, the self harm urge is not yet there.
The bad news is, it took me three times as long to realize that "stomping around the office wanting to put the particularly dimwitted bowl of soggy weetabix in a human costume that somehow got hired to lead our department into the industrial shredder so the evidence would be too small to lead back to me because he sent one of his usual out of touch emails" is not my natural state of being.
So unless this slows down my cycle over the next few months, I think the second try at pmd meds still aren't working. And because Germany's entire medical system is shaped by decades of Christian leadership, there's not many legal options left.
#pms#chronic illness#chronic pain#stories from work#i swear i usually know to answer to those mails by suddenly remembering I urgently have to clock out early that day#sucks you're having trouble finding people to man phones hope you find a way to motivate your employees soon#the answer is not demanding people give up their free time to go bowling with you#endo keeps ignoring my file full of other doctors trying everything he's trying now to no avail#if he has no more ideas at least I live in the EU and there's the option of looking outside Germany#there's several countries where the medication that's worked for decades is legal for my diagnosis#but at least if the endo certifies that I can't get it here and nothing else works I've got a chance of getting my health insurance to pay
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After like a month of going back and forth I've finally settled on a new mattress \o/
I'm not going for a top line one but after some research I've settled on this one from Rem Fit. It's not actually that expensive. They're doing that bullshit where they jack up the price then give you a code to reduce it to the sale price so it looks like the discount is larger -_-
#I'm paying £250 for it in total with old mattress removal so it's a pretty good price tbh#My 2nd option was around £750 so if this one is as good as the several reviews I've read i'll be happy#I think they normally go for around £500 for a king when it's not on sale if I remember right#Tbh I've never really bought a mattress myself xD#When I first moved from my parents I took the bed I'd been using for a while#then I bought my first king size bed frame and was planning on buying the mattress but the guy sold me a decent one for £50 more#It was a brand new still wrapped mattress#The guy realised he'd got the wrong size for his super king so it was just sitting around#and that's the mattress I've been using for the last 8 years until now#It was a pretty good one tbh. Not really had many complaints with it but it's certainly seen better days xD
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I need to call our dentist today because we're back to pretty much unmanageable levels of pain, but also our gums are swollen and that side of our face is hot to the touch and our mouth keeps tasting really bad so clearly there's something very wrong
#personal#thoughts#🍬 post#vent post#posts made on pain meds#I'm still upset about the fact that nobody has given us any other options for pain relief after we've said the meds we have aren't enough#and that despite the oral surgeon mentioning that we probably have an abscess under one tooth#we haven't been prescribed anything to help with that?#like yeah we're having the tooth pulled but unless someone cancels their surgery within the next couple of days#we have to wait another month and to me it seems like a really bad idea to just leave it untreated for that long???#there was a lot of stuff that took a while for us to be able to figure out too because things weren't communicated clearly enough#and it kind of feels like we've just been left to figure everything out on our own#stuff got miscommunicated in a way that I'm pretty sure led to us not being able to get an appointment booked in early enough#and I've said I'm in so much pain that taking the maximum safe doses of multiple painkillers often isn't enough#and we still get the typical ''well you can actually try taking paracetamol and ibuprofen at the same time if just one isn't working''#as if we're not already taking co-codamol (codeine and paracetamol) and ibuprofen and an anaesthetic gel#and using cold packs and salt rinses and still being in so much pain we end up laid there unable to do anything for hours at a time#and keep struggling to actually eat anything or sleep for more than a couple of hours at a time#at one point one of the people we spoke to while booking the surgery was like ''are you in pain?''#and I explained that yes I'm in so much pain I can't actually manage it with pain meds#and there was just this awkward silence and it's like... what did you expect? you have the x-ray of my rotten infected tooth right there#you could probably look at that and take a wild guess and figure out that I'm in severe fucking pain from it#at least we can apply for a payment plan (hopefully) for the surgery so we're not just bankrupting ourselves with one big payment
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venting real quick
#tw alcohol#sooooooo I feel nothing lmao#i'm hollow and emotionless and empty#spent all day just wasting and waiting for time to pass#my heart is tired. my soul has been drained.#going to bed and calling it a night to escape this wretched state is an option#but i'm not sleepy in the slightest and i don't want to go lay down#and it's still pretty early#so if i go to bed i'll just be wasting even more time and feeling miserable#and if i fall asleep i'll wake up groggy and sickly and miserable#so me - being a very rational human fully in control of herself - ams seriously considering just getting a bit tipsy to pass time#maybe watch some dumb show to forget about my misery for like an hour or so#i know i shouldn't cause health or whatever#plus i have a meeting at 10am tomorrow and i've been having trouble getting up in the morning#PLUS tomorrow i'm finally gonna meet up with the student's office to discuss my special needs status#and what options I have to not have this school year completely ruin me#oh yeah right this september i applied for and got accepted to have special needs status for mental health reasons!!!!#(my university especializes in psychology and they - on paper - can grant the status to students with chronic mental health#that suffers from a chronic mental illness that's considered very severe that is frequently debilitating)#that significantly affects their academic experience)#both of which are my case. it's not very common tho so I'm fortunate they accepted me for the status!!)#anyway the council was supposed to inform my raging bitch of an advisor that i have the status#so we could write down a schedule that would better fit my needs#thing is she seems to have no idea#and I haven't brought it up yet#because 1.) i don't know how to#and 2.) i'm constantly scared she'll think i'm like. leaning on my status too much or throwing a “pity party” or something#which - objetively speaking - is a bit of a silly thought because my uni has given me the status because (cont.)#they felt it was fair and reasonable and that I have the right to have an uni experience that better fits my needs#BUT THAT'S THE THING LIKE there's this looming feeling in the back of my head that gives me massive imposter syndrome
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playing hyrule warriors: age of calamity on yuzu on my laptop at 6 FPS. a perfectly normal way to play that was intended by the creators i'm sure
#i've been wanting to try it ever since it came out but i never got around to buying it... not sure if i even want to tbh#a wee bit expensive#what really draws me into this game are the playable champions + the potential new bits of lore related to them. i hope at least that there#is such a thing included...#the hack and slash game genre doesn't greatly interest me but i don't super hate it. i do own a physical copy of first hyrule warriors#though admittedly i haven't played too much of it 🙇♂️ mostly because at the time i didn't know some of the characters that well#so i wanted to first get to know them better by playing the other games. which is... not going that well considering that i still#haven't finished TP LOL soon soon... when i have more time#anyway i did have a bit of fun with that game#so i'm sure this'll be just as fun!#just testing it for now... yuzu doesn't seem to have many configuration options. so there's not much i can do to better#the performance#but this'll do for now#quacks#sad to say i have not drawn a thing these past several weeks. no motivation. it'll come to me at some point. hopefully soon
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whenever i'm in between jobs, my dad insists on doing a book club type thing with me to keep me occupied, so every week we'll read a couple chapters of the same book and chat about it on the phone. ANYWAY all this to say that we're trying to pick the next book and he sent me some of his options and like any self-respecting suburban dad they are ALL biographies and ww2 books lmao
#*t#i laugh knowing damn well my options probably won't be much better alkjsdh#he doesn't like most fiction (and he HATES fantasy) so i'm severely limited here#literally all i've got on my end that fit his tastes are like. crime books and micro-histories.#and as much as i would LOVE to talk about the donner party all the time – not sure my dad would feel the same lmao
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How are you permenantly disabled by burnout? If you're experiencing symptoms of burnout without the actual burnout, that's probably depression
autistic burnout can make you regress in your ability to function and last years or ive seen some people say it can be forever depending on severity. i doubt it's forever for me but i've definitely regressed and as long as i have to keep up with my responsibilities i'll stay this way or get worse
#some people have been bedridden for 1+ years and it's not that severe for me but#working the smallest amount of hours possible in order to make rent and bills is still too much for me#doing chores when i have time off is still too much for me#i used to have at least 3 good days a week now i have maybe 3 a month if im lucky#:(#i can definitely tell the difference between autistic burnout and depression for me personally#and my depression got rly bad recently BECAUSE of the burnout but im feeling better now#im happy at the moment but still low on energy and struggling to keep up with tasks rly bad#i was forced to take 3 weeks off of work when it got super bad and that helped but#even that wasn't enough i feel like i need genuinely 4 months at least of not working in order to recover but that's just. not an option#i've crashed so severely cus i went my whole life without even knowing i was autistic when i needed moderate support
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