#i've forgotten so much about it

[aquilacalvitium]

Just got fucking BLINDSIDED by a VERY DEEPLY BURIED childhood memory

[defira85]

More than a thousand innocents were killed as a result of the Absolute plot which was conceived of and executed by you, the voice said. You are of your Father's flesh, and you have consumed your Father's flesh. And finally, you have sworn a geas against your Father's worship, and in sitting upon the Throne of the Gods, have reached a point wherein you can bring about his downfall as you have pledged.

Speak it thus, and it will be done. Do you, Kassara Bhaal, claim your Father's domain for your own?

Should you succeed, you will become the Lord of Murder. Should you fail, you will be stripped of all divine powers that you have accumulated to date, never to challenge the balance of existence again.

If you become the Lord of Murder, you will be a god. You will be bound to the cosmic order of checks and balances, and your humanity will eventually be subsumed in service to your role. You will simply be Murder.

Keep Telling Me To Breath, Chapter 10

I had the distinct pleasure several months ago of commissioning @lokorum to draw Kass in her darkest timeline. It was my birthday present to me, and although my birthday is still two weeks away, I wanted to post it in time for the Patch 7 Evil Endings. I've genuinely cried over it, it's so extraordinary. Presenting Kassara Bhaal, the new God of Murder

[james-stark-the-writer]

alright, we're finally at the entire reason for me starting my DCEU (re)watch. now seated for Cathy Yan and Christina Hodson's Birds of Prey and the Fantabulous Emancipation of One Harley Quinn. let's see how it's held up since i saw it in theaters.

[oneluckydragon]

So I decided to spin the wheel by @onefey since I saw so many mutuals getting really cute PMD Teams.

Meet hero Lucky (Girafarig) and partner Biggs (Wimpod). Never in my life have I considered a Girafarig as my potential PMD-sona but here we are despite it all. Even though I was skeptical at first I am now in permanent love.

Gotta think of an Exploration Team name now... hm.

[septimusmoonlight]

You doing ok?

hi

[gasstationpopcorn]

[piko-power]

My Personal Headcanon On Why Amy's Love For Sonic Died Down Lately (and their dynamic)

When they were younger, Amy's love for Sonic was pretty extreme, and Sonic was, understandable, uncomfortable for the most part. He knows she means well, but that girl needs to calm down.

She can fight, but sometimes her hammer could only stun her enemies for a while. (It took her a long time to get rid of that robot that has been chasing her around Station Square.) She wasn't fully independent yet, even if she fought on her own a couple of times.

She often follows Sonic and his friends around. She is part of the team, but she was not a strong as she is now at the time yet.

She admires Sonic. A LOT. And Sonic knows that. Obviously, he could only run away from something like that, since he is NOT ready for that kind of thing, and whether Amy takes the hint or stop, she still loves him.

...BUT, I think things were slightly starting to change between her and Sonic after Lost World.

Remember this line?

You remember that? Okay, okay. Here's another totally unrelated question:

Before the events of Lost World, when was the last time Amy said "I love you" to Sonic out loud?

...YEP. 😈 (Unless I'm missing something, let me know lmao)

As more games and adventures come out, the characters get slightly older, and Amy is 12 to 13 now, and she is most certainly at that age where her body starts to change, but especially on how she views Sonic.

She knows she loves Sonic, but it was this moment during her change where she actually wanted to admit that she loves him.

I believe that Amy was all about sharing her affection to him not through confessions, but through obvious hints. Sonic totally got it, and there was no need to confess. Sonic knows she loves her.

...But she never said it. And she almost did, but she never did again for a while.

I think this was the moment in her life where, oh, God, she actually loves Sonic. SHE LOVES HIM, WHAT.

And she was looking back at all the times she had with Sonic that she can now see were unpleasant to Sonic (At least that's what she thinks) and that's probably why she isn't so expressive about her love to him than how she used to back then.

She wasn't sure what to do with this realization, and sets aside it for a while, and nearly stayed as her casual, peppy self... until the Eggman War happened.

During the 6 months of being with the Resistance, fighting Eggman's army all day and all night, all she can think of was Sonic.

She dreams that he still with not just her, but with her friends. She just wanted to see Sonic again, she just wants to be with her hero again.

But I'd like to think that she was also thinking about how she used to treat Sonic back when they were younger, how Sonic would almost always run away from her whenever she asks him out, or always look so uncomfortable whenever she gets so close to him.

Cringing at those memories big time, she wanted to change and hopefully when Sonic is okay and comes back, she can be better for him.

...Or will he still find her uncomfortable regardless? Would he even be happy to see her at all if he did survive?

But, hold on! She can't just give up her love for Sonic! He made her who she is today! A peppy, nature-loving, hammer-swinging, confident, brave... loud-mouth... annoying... Sonic obsessed... weak... pathetic... lonely little girl.

If she gives up on Sonic, it'll be like she gave up on the one hedgehog who saved her life. If she didn't she'll still be the same ol' Amy.

I also like to think she had parents a long while before she met Sonic, and was even expecting a little sister, but a robot invasion happened from where she was and attacked her parents and instead of trying to save them, after getting hurt, she ran away, hoping that they'll come back okay. But they never did.

She was all alone, and needed someone, a friend, a new family, someone who will hold her hand, anyone, to be there for her. But she was ignored by lots, and at that point, she's better off by herself, but still longed for company.

Eventually though, her tarot cards told her her future hero, and there might be hope after all. She encountered Sonic, held onto the belief of the cards tight, and the rest is history.

So, with that headcanon in mind, not only did Amy loose her parents that she didn't save because of her cowardliness (she was only so little at the time that happened) and also Sonic, who she thought will be her only hope, but now gone.

She doesn't even care if he did come back, he'd probably hate her now after everything she did to him, always talking about their "future wedding" or forcing him to go to Twinkle Park.

For the last few months of the war, it was nothing but Amy mentally beating herself up for either refusing to change or moving on, and they are both not fine choices.

She loves Sonic, but he does not love her, and she finally, finally realized it. And it's probably for the best if no body loved her at all.

But of course Sonic did survive and all of her worries wash away in an instant, she's just not expressive about her love for Sonic AT ALL now, since she's still worried about it but rather not mention it to Sonic because it doesn't matter.

If Sonic doesn't love her, then her feelings don't matter to him, and according to Amy herself, that is okay.

But also, I'd like to think that Sonic was thinking about his friends a lot up in the Death Egg for the past months, sometimes it's Tails (worried for his safety), sometimes it's Shadow (because he's wondering why he would join Eggman.) At some point, for a few days, Amy was in his mind the longest, and he felt bad about how he thought he was rude and pushy to her.

He wondered if she's not thinking about it too much, and if she is, will she give up on him? Yeah, he doesn't feel the same and still not looking for a relationship, but it's so strange but interesting how anyone could ever like someone like Sonic the Hedgehog. Amy was never afraid to show that, and she probably might be now.

He couldn't help but feel guilty. They were kids when she was like this, but he was so... arrogant at the time too. Not a lot happened at the time yet. He'd always have trouble expressing how much he value his friends, until he shattered the Paradox Prism. (I'd like to think Prime took place before Forces. It makes sense.)

She is such a sweet girl, and he probably made her believe that he didn't care for her. Just because he doesn't feel the same, that doesn't mean he hates her at all.

He wished he never ran away from Amy... Worrying for his little bro and wishing to be a good person for Amy was when Sonic cried in the Death Egg for the first and only time.

Frontiers, in my opinion, is kind of confirming their dynamic now. Sonic is a lot more sincere and kinder to Amy and she is not all hyperactive and lovey to Sonic. There is probably a real reason for this now.

They are both hiding their feelings from them, and they are both unaware of this. Amy, hiding her mental issues from Sonic, and Sonic, hiding his guilt away from Amy.

None of those things are important now. Sonic is with Amy and Amy is with Sonic. They are here with each other. They can be finally be better for each other now.

They don't care if they'll ever be something more when they get older. None of that matters anymore. They are here with each other. They can be finally be better for each other now.

Maybe someday they'll both talk about it, but for now, the present is important. They care about each other too much to think about it right now.

It's the kind of love that is unbreakable. It doesn't even have to be romantic. It's just love. Love is important for everyone, in any form. It's something Sonic and his friends need. And especially Sonic and Amy.

Amy Rose is the living embodiment of love, and without her, a lot would go downhill for Sonic and co. Heck, if it weren't for her, Shadow wouldn't have never remembered Maria's promise, which lead him to save the world with Sonic, before he temporarily disappeared from their lives for a while.

She is always there to lend a helping hand for anybody, even bad guys like Metal Sonic, and despite what she had been through, both in Forces and headcanon wise, she still fights back, even without her hammer.

She will pick you back up on your feet, reminding you that you are important and that you are loved, and that you should never give up. It's pretty much the words of encouragement she herself needed also...

She is still the happy, hyper, butt-kicking hedgehog we all know and love, but she still need someone to pick her back up on her feet after so long. Thankfully, she has her friends and her blue hero. The hero who made her who she is today.

I think Amy has no idea how important she thought she is, but Sonic does. Sonic knows fully well how important she is to a lot of people. It's about time he returns the favor to her. It's his turn to remind her how much a lot of people love her.

How much he loves her.

And I feel like The Murder of Sonic the Hedgehog was the moment where their dynamic really shined, but also the starting point of their relationship not only healing, but also the next chapter of what's to come for them.

Everyone, friends old and new, gathered around for a special birthday. A birthday for the confident, unshakable, and radiant Amy Rose.

It was such a special moment in Amy's life. After years of chasing and following the people she look up to, she is part of the team, but most importantly, she is part of the family.

She is fully realized as someone more than just a fangirl, but someone strong, courageous, creative, kind and a big inspiration for others.

I feel like this moment here...

-is where Amy is eternally grateful to call her friends her family. A family she thought she'll never have again. She's not alone anymore, and as long as they're by her side, she'll never will be again.

Her chasing days are over. She's finally caught up to them. She's finally home.

And it's all thanks to Sonic.

If it weren't for him, she'd probably be alone forever. Her past moments with Sonic might be embarrassing to look back on for a while, but they are good memories regardless, because they involve him.

Sonic saved her life in more ways than one, and despite everything, he's grateful to have her too.

He cares about her. He really does... And in her eyes, that all she needed to know. As long as Sonic loves her in his own way, she'll be happy.

Amy hasn't given up on Sonic. As long as Amy always supports him, he'll be happy.

Maybe sometime in the future, they can talk about their problems, but that's a story for another time. At this point, they need to. Right now, they are happy. They are okay.

They are here for each other. They are finally better for each other now.

"You guys won't ever leave me, right?"

"Wouldn't dream of it."

[rmbunnie]

Red Hood Characterization

This is really long so I'm putting a cut here, I've been thinking about Jason Todd's character motivations and the question of whether or not his actions are based in a Moral Code (I don't think so, not to say he's without any morality) and I talk about that in more depth here.

I saw someone say on here that Titans: Beast World: Gotham City was some of the best Jason Todd internal writing they'd seen in a while, and I've been a Red Hood fan for 8 years or so now? pretty much since I read comics for the first time, so I went and checked out and I thought it was good! The way the person I saw talking about it as if it was rare and unusual made me wonder though, because as well-written as i thought his stances on crime were, there wasn't really anything in it that went against the way I conceptualize Jason?

This kinda plays into a larger question I've been thinking about for a while with Jason though, which is that, do people think that the killing is part of a fundamental worldview that motivates him a la batman, and that worldview is the reason he does the things he does?? Because 8 years ago i was a middle schooler engaging with fiction on the level that a middle schooler does, so I simply did not put much thought into it beyond "poor guy :(" but ever since I actually started trying to understand consistent characterization, I don't really see Jason as someone who's motivated by a moral code in his actions the way batman or superman is!

tbh my personal read is that he's a very socially-motivated guy, his actions from resurrection to his Joker-Batman ultimatum in utrh always seemed to me like every choice made leading up to his identity reveal was either a. to give him the leverage and skill necessary to pull off his identity reveal successfully, or b. to twist the knife that little bit more when he does let Bruce find out who he is. Like iirc there's a Judd Winick tweet like "yeah tldr he chose Red Hood as his identity because it's the lowest blow he could think of." And I think that's awesome, I think character motivations rooted so deeply in character's relationships and emotions are really fun to read! I also think it's where the stagnation/flatness of his character comes from in certain comics, because if his main motivation is one event in one relationship that passes, and he is not particularly attached to anything in his life or the world by the time that comes to pass, it's a little harder to come up with a direction to go with the character after that, because there isn't much of a direction that aligns with something the character would reasonably want? But I do think solving this by saying "all of the morally-off emotionally driven cruelty he did on his way to spite Batman was actually reflective of his own version of Batman's stance that's exactly the same except he thinks it's GOOD to kill people" isn't ideal. To be fully honest, it seems to me like he never particularly cared one way or the other about killing people to "clean Gotham of crime," he just did everything he could to get the power necessary to pull off his personal plans, and took out any particularly heinous people he encountered along the way (like in Lost Days.) Not to say I think the fact he killed people keeps him up at night anymore than everything else in his life events, I just never really thought he was out there wholeheartedly kneecapping some dude selling weed or random guy robbing a tv store for justice.

Looping wayyy back to my question, Is this (^) contradictory to the way he's written/the overall average perception of the character? Because like I enjoyed his writing in Beast World i have zero significant issue with anything there, I just didn't believe it would be a hot take, like yeah, that is Jason. It's been a while since I've read utrh and lost days, but I don't think my takeaway directly contradicts either of those too bad iirc. Idk all this to say I think Jason killing and being alright with killing is an obvious and objective fact, but i guess i've always seen it as more of a practical tactic than a moral belief, and I think taking the actions made during the lowest points of a character's life where he is obsessively focused on this ONEEEE thing and trying to apply it as a Motivating Stance to everything he's done after that, doesn't really follow logically for me.

[desultory-novice]

Sorry Noir, I'm the one who said Gooey could eat the fish. I didn't know it was for you

"...Eh, it's on brand for me. As long as he enjoyed it."

(I guess I could try using my powers on it to make another, but I've never done that for, like, food and living stuff. That was always more Adeleine's thing...)

-

But trying once couldn't hurt, right? A test to see if you can still use your "gift" of materialization?

-

((...Mom, Dad, I know that on the list of bad things I've done you're horrifically ashamed of me for, using the Power Most Dark to materialize a fish ranks really, really low, but still...))

((...Also, you weren't REALLY watching from heaven during all that, were you? God... I'm sorry. I'm so sorry. I failed you and I failed myself and I'm such a...!!)

*POP*

"...Huh. Damn. It's just another fish bone..."

*POP**POP**POP**POP**POP**POP**POP**POP**POP*

"Uhhhh...?!"

...

[BONUS?!]

If you wish, you can have an awkward teen in an ugly scarf transport to YOUR OC a perfect duplicate of this EXACT fish bone, because *SOMEONE* may have let his intrusive thoughts mess up his experiment and now has way, way too many.

It only carries a mild Aura of Darkness.

[Noir's Field Trip Masterpost]

[batsplat]

Brno 2003: Sete Gibernau sprays champagne at race winner Valentino Rossi, who is holding up his ball and chain that symbolises how he is 'condemned to win'.

From Rossi's autobiography:

In the summer of 2003, HRC sent over new exhaust pipes. I chose not to use it, precisely because I was sick and tired of hearing that I had an edge over everybody else. But, partly because of the stress, partly because I was also in negotiations with Yamaha, Honda and Ducati, I was in far from perfect form. Sometimes I would lose concentration and make mistakes. When I famously missed that turn in Barcelona and ended up in the run-off area, it was a result of the fact that I was napping behind Capirossi. This incident, and others, caused people to say that my bike was so much better that I could afford the luxury of sitting back and simply turning on the juice late in the race, beating everyone in the final lap. Obviously this was not the case. If I have the chance to pull away, I pull away. Always. Because if you hold out for the last lap you're taking a huge risk: you might finish second! Whereas if you can pull away at an earlier point in the race, you can avoid trouble later on. I only ever sit and wait when there is no alternative. That's when, for me, lying in wait is a good tactic and the best way to win. In Germany, for example, I made a mistake on the last lap and Gibernau made me pay for it. But it's not as if I was planning to wait for the end, as a way of humiliating my opponents. I simply made the mistake of not passing him earlier, so that I could then build a gap. It was a tactical error. After losing that race in that way, because of a distraction, I got so angry that on my way home I told myself, "Enough! From now on, I'm taking no prisoners!" So from that moment on I raced with the aim of dominating every lap and I won five of the last six races of the season. The only one where I finished second was the Grand Prix of the Pacific, in Motegi. But as you know, that day I raced after getting virtually no sleep the night before, because that was the night I had decided to leave Honda. As you can imagine, I wasn't totally focused, to say the least.

The race at the Sachsenring in 2003 was a particularly painful loss. Rossi had overtaken Gibernau on the penultimate corner, but had made a mistake into the final corner that let Gibernau get a better run to the line and beat him by a mere 0.06 seconds. He was criticised by the Italian press in the aftermath, as had become increasingly common that year. Despite leading the championship by a healthy margin, this was widely perceived to be a weaker season than his overwhelmingly dominant 2002, not least because he had achieved only three race victories to Gibernau's four. He had already felt disillusioned with Honda from the start of the year, sick of a culture of winning he found as oppressive as it was relentless. Sachsenring was the last race before the summer break, and he went off to Ibiza to clear his head and get a new haircut.

^The new haircut in question.

Excerpt from the Brno race commentary:

Rossi hasn’t won for four races*. He is desperate to win here this weekend. He turned up at the circuit this Thursday with a bright red haircut that he got on the beach at Ibiza - he was feeling very jovial, very relaxed, and… Well, it’s been suggested in some quarters that it’s a psychological thing he’s trying to pull on the other riders, because he’s coming under mounting pressure from the press and the fans - and Rossi just wanting to show he’s still the party animal he always was and he’s having fun out there on the bike.

*His results during that time were P2 P3 P3 P2.

Fresh from his time off, Rossi got involved in a tight five-way battle with Bayliss, Gibernau, Biaggi (in the first half of the race), and Capirossi. His victory was far from inevitable, and when Rossi managed to get in front for the first time he was unable to make a break for it. After the group of riders fought it out for most of the race, the contest for the win eventually came down to a direct duel between Rossi and Gibernau. With one and a half laps to go, Rossi ran it wide and let Gibernau get back in front once again - and made another mistake that seemed to give Gibernau the decisive advantage. Rossi made the overtake for the win with only a few corners to go.

^Gibernau congratulating Rossi, at a time when the two were still good friends. According to the commentary, the two of them had partied together over the summer break on Ibiza.

^From Rossi's autobiography: "This gag was supposed to be ironic, underscoring my situation with Honda. Everybody expected victory from me. So I was a condemned man, condemned to win..." (See here for gifs of the celebration.)

Rossi finished 0.042s ahead of Gibernau, with another close run to the line... so the elaborate celebrations could very easily have not come to pass. He ended up breaking the circuit record on the last lap - and went on to win all but one of the remaining races that season.

From Mat Oxley's Valentino Rossi: All His Races:

And then his first post-race theatrics in a while: he wore a prison inmate's hat and ball and chain to poke fun at the Italian media. "They said I was in crisis because I'd been beaten at the last four races. Leading the championship and finishing on the podium obviously isn't enough for them, so now I must work on the chain gang!" And beneath the striped cap was a new red hairdo, which restarted the Ducati rumours. In fact, nothing could have been further from the truth. During a secret midnight meeting in the paddock, Vale told Yamaha that he would ride for them in 2004.

An excerpt from the commentary at the next race in Estoril:

Well Valentino Rossi arrived in Brno three weeks ago with a bright red hairstyle and a lot of criticism from the Italian press saying he wasn't as focused as he had been last year; he'd just lost that race at the Sachsenring in Germany. He's fought back in the best possible way.

^Rossi's fans at Sepang 2003.

When he sealed the title in Sepang that year, he brought back the convict celebrations, this time equipped with a big novelty lock and key - so that he could free himself of his shackles at last. He left Honda at the end of the year to embark on a new adventure with Yamaha.

[loftec]

No one tagged me in this but @smilebackwards kindly invited all who wanted to do this and I like to suffer so here we go!

Make a poll with five of your all-time favorite characters and then tag five people to do the same.

This was so hard and I will not tag anyone (except @mittimellan because you don't like polls or making impossible top five lists about media so I can't resist!). But please if you do this tag me so I can vote on your blorbos!

Edit: No actually I will tag four more people because it was in the prompt so here we go: @the-rat-wins @wideblueskies @deedala @michellemisfit and seriously anyone else who wants to do it!

[foxmallow]

Finally started decorating my homestead! Still a long way to go, but at least the front has something going on, and I have a cosy fireplace to enjoy a hot drink by.

[homerforsure]

Seven Sentence Sunday

Um. Hello.

This is more than seven sentences clearly, but, aside from the fact that I'm bad at counting, I do feel like I owe some back sentences from the last two months or so.

Worked on a chunk from LWH this weekend so here's Eddie and Buck dealing with Christopher running away to his apartment.

Leaving Christopher on the couch with his backpack (his go bag, Eddie’s brain fills in) and instructions not to even think about pulling out one of Buck’s video games, Eddie heads back into the kitchen. There’s no sign of Taylor, which is a relief, and no sign of Buck either, which is confusing until Eddie turns his head and finds him out on the balcony.  Buck’s back is to him and the thick glass of the windows keeps the sound of his conversation locked outside so Eddie doesn’t realize he’s in the middle of an animated phone call until he’s opening the door and joining him outside.  “-kind of driver just picks up a kid without talking to the parent first? He’s still supposed to be in a booster seat! No, I don’t want a-a-a- refund. I want you to send me the driver’s contact information so I can- No. No, he’s the one who picked up an unaccompanied minor. Don’t you care that you could have a kidnapper working for your company?” Buck clenches his free hand and leans against the balcony as he’s evidently interrupted by the person he’s arguing with and Eddie closes the door again with himself on the outside.  “Yes, he was dropped off where he was supposed to be. No, he’s not hurt. But that’s not the point! No- That’s not-” Furious energy spins Buck around and Eddie gets a glimpse of rare and intimidating anger before Buck’s eyes widen in surprise at seeing him there. “Look, do you have a supervisor I can talk to? No, right now, please. I don’t want a call back.” “Sorry,” he mouths to Eddie as his cheeks go a little pink.  Shaking his head, Eddie leans back against the door and tucks his hands into his pockets. He doesn’t know exactly what Buck’s apologizing for, but suspects that it’s not for keeping Eddie waiting while he finishes the call. It makes Eddie want to shake him a little even as his heart overflows with warmth.

I'm gonna do this weird because it's late and I've been tagged by so many lovely people that there's just no way I can remember them all so I'm just gonna go ahead and tag everyone I can think of. If you've already posted today, just consider this a tag for next time or just a note to say that I'm glad you're in my tumblr-sphere: @rewritetheending, @devirnis, @mellaithwen, @panbuckley, @bigfootsmom, @princessfbi, @renecdote, @fleurdebeton, @gayhoediaz, @fcntasmas, @sibylsleaves, @walkinginland, @buckactuallys, @hopeintheashes, @shortsighted-owl, @tulipfromtheinternet, @thekristen999, @try-set-me-on-fire, @nymika-arts, @like-the-rest-of-la, @lovebuck

[bookwyrminspiration]

*Use whatever year feels right to you; this is informal. If you count your first post/reblog as joining, that's fine. If you lurked enough that feels like you joined, that's fine. Don't stress it :)

This is mostly for my own entertainment. Hopefully the question is clear, but I think it'll be fine!

[iamthepulta]

i did it u_u

[astarlightmonbebe]

i'm only at the beginning of li tongguang's descent into obsession (eps 17-18), but already it's both hurting and hitting. hurting, because we know li tongguang's capabilities, and his level headedness, and the potential he has, that he seems to throw out due to this obsession. hitting, because when you think about it, the obsession storyline and characterization does make perfect sense. obsession like that is a double edged blade, which can turn from love to hate, childish belief and joy to embittered rage in a second.

on one hand, it's painful to watch ltg's childlike desperation when faced with ruyi again. we want to grit our teeth and think of him as idiotic, unable to take a hint. but the reality is that it's a completely normal response to be expected from him. i mean, it's a dream come true, to see the person you 'love' the most in the world to be whole in front of you. it's probably what he could only dream about, especially being the one to apparently find her bones and bury them.

on a deeper level, ltg's initial reaction is very much a manifestation of his inner child, almost peter pan-like in the 'child that never became an adult/grew up' way. by that i mean to say the desperate urge to please, the constant worrying, and the oscillation between hot and cold moods are all so indicative of someone who grew up in an insecure/unstable environment, usually with volatile or simply unavailable authority figures. from what we can gather, he had no father, his mother wasn't in his life ("she doesn't want him around, nor can she bear for him to be away, so that's why he's like that" per empress zhaojie's words to ruyi). the one authority figure that entered his life to offer some semblance of guidance was ruyi, and even though it's clear that she held care for him, she was also a twenty year old assassin used to training subordinates, not children. her mentorship style is clearly so different when you hold ltg and yang ying side by side, and we know from ruyi's own mouth that she doesn't consider herself to have taught ltg well, and wants to remedy that through/with yang ying (i'll probably make a whole different post comparing this and the affects of this after watching some more episodes lol - there are bullet points in the drafts). so even though ruyi was his authority figure, she was still an emotionally unavailable one who couldn't meet ltg on the level he probably needed at that time in his life, and which no one probably ever did. hence his up and down reaction and actions.

it intrigues me, too, because i think, in a very subtle way, ltg is very much a character foil to ruyi in that he reflects some of her worst attributes, or more accurately represents the sort of person she was, or at least acted like (yuan lu's comment about how ltg has ruyi's gaze was meaningful outside of the jealousy arc - to me at least). i saw someone make a really interesting comment on how ltg's devotion to ruyi parallels ruyi's own devotion to empress zhaojie, which i'll also probably comment on more later.

obviously, ltg's obsession stems from an issue much larger than ruyi herself - she just happens to be the unfortunate target of it. and, clearly, i know his descent into it will be ugly, if understandable. i understand ruyi wanting to leave that part of her life behind, but also - to think that maybe many of the issues faced in future eps could have been avoidable if she'd been upfront with li tongguang about her identity early on.