#i've been wanting to use this song for a while

[ariestrxsh]

જ⁀➴ᡣ𐭩 content warning: smut, an insane amount of teasing, dirty talk, praise, sexual touching, masturbation, oral (f!receiving), mentions of sex, power play, switch!chris, switch!matt, switch!reader

જ⁀➴ᡣ𐭩 summary: matt and chris decide to participate in no nut november. the competition gets even more interesting when you get involved, making a bet with the two boys about who can last the longest while you're actively working against them.

જ⁀➴ᡣ𐭩 this fic was inspired/requested by this ask, and this ask, and the song/title was requested by this ask 🤍

love potions

જ⁀➴ᡣ𐭩 Day One

"Oh, come on. You guys aren't seriously participating in that stupid trend, are you?" You scoffed after you'd walked in on Matt and Chris talking about their latest competition. "It's not just a trend. It's like a sexual reset," Matt said to you in a serious tone.

"Oh. Okay. I still think it's stupid. Why would you want to torture yourselves for a whole month?" You shrugged. "It's like a test of willpower and whoever makes it longer without needing to nut wins No Nut November," Chris explained.

"What do you win?" You wondered, looking between the two of them. "You're just the winner," Matt shrugged. You rolled your eyes. "And what are the rules?" You inquired, wanting to hear more. "No sex, no masturbation, and you can't do anything to make yourself cum," Chris replied.

"That's crazy. If the regulations are going to be that strict, I think you boys both need a little incentive," you smirked at them. They both glanced at each other and back at you. "What do you suggest?" Matt wondered aloud. "How about whichever one of you loses has to watch the winner fuck me, hmm? Don't you think that'd make it a little more interesting?" You proposed.

"Incentive? That sounds like a punishment," Matt replied, lifting his brows in a shocked manner. "Only if you lose," Chris teased him with a smug smile plastered on his face. "Punishment, reward. Same thing. Same desired outcome," you sneered at them.

"I think that would really help incentivize me," Chris eagerly nodded at you. "Can we both just rub one out real quick and start right after that?" Matt asked, biting his lip. "No, Matt. November has already started," you smirked at him.

"Okay, so the winner of No Nut November gets to use me however they want, and the loser has to watch. But I have a few rules of my own I'd like to instill. You guys both have to make it at least two weeks. If the loser caves on week one, the bet's off, and no one gets to use me. Also, I get to tease you guys as much as I want," your lips curled into a malicious grin.

"That's not fair," Matt glared at you. "Sure it is, Matt. If I'm the reward, don't you think it's only fair that I get to put in place some rules of my own?" You raised an eyebrow at him and crossed your arms. "Okay, fine," Matt huffed, rolling his eyes. "You boys are really in for it. I've been extra horny lately," you said in a luscious voice, looking them both up and down.

"What if we both go the whole month without breaking any rules?" Chris asked. "Then you can both tag team me," you smirked, glancing between the two of them. They both eagerly nodded at the sound of that.

"And what if we both lose at the same time?" Matt asked curiously. "Then I get to use you two however I want, and I get to humiliate you while you finish," you responded, putting your hand over your mouth to hold back a chuckle.

"Oh, don't tell Matt that. He'll like that too much," Chris teased his brother. Matt punched him in the arm. "Ow!" Chris shot back, rubbing his arm. You were already planning all the different ways you were going to try to seduce them and make them slip up.

"I'm going to go run some errands. I'll be right back," you teasingly waved at them both before strutting out the door. "Whoops," you said, purposely dropping your keys so you'd have an excuse to bend down in front of them.

Unfortunately for them, you were wearing your favorite pair of jeans that hugged all your curves perfectly, and as you accentuated your movements while you bent at the waist to fetch them from off the floor, Chris and Matt's eyes immediately traveled to your bottom.

Then they both glanced at each other, exchanging a look. It dawned on them that they may be in over their heads. You waltzed out the front door on your way to buy a new lingerie set along with some other things to tease them with.

A few hours later, you came back in with a few shopping bags in hand. "What did you get?" Matt wondered, peeking into the bag. He caught a glimpse of white lace before you yanked them away from him. "You'll find out," you told him, tucking them out of sight and wondering off to go plan your strategy.

You had a few tricks up your sleeve, but you couldn't just whip out your craziest idea in the first week. Your tactic was to keep it playful at the beginning, just little touches that would linger a few seconds too long and subtle comments here and there to fluster them.

Over time, you'd slowly work your way towards the more overt seduction after they'd let their guards down.

જ⁀➴ᡣ𐭩 Day Two

Throughout the day, you kept finding reasons to lightly and sensually touch both boys. You'd playfully hit Chris in his well-toned bicep when he'd say anything funny, and afterward, you'd make some comment to puff up his ego.

"You been working out? Your muscles look so hot lately," you said to him in a sexy voice, your eyes dancing over his lips while you spoke to him as you squeezed his upper arm. "You're gonna have to try harder than that," Chris arrogantly stated, well-aware of what you were doing.

Later on, you went up to Matt after spritzing yourself with a new perfume you'd gotten recently. "Hey, Matt. I want to get your opinion on this fragrance," you innocently told him, holding a lot of eye contact.

You tilted your head up, and he leaned down to smell where you had sprayed it just above your collarbone. Notes of jasmine and lavender filled his senses.

"Mmm. It smells nice," he commented. "No, you're not close enough," you responded, running your fingers through his hair and reeling him in nearer to you until his nose was resting against your neck.

"What do you think? If we were on a date and I wore this scent, would you take me back to your place and fuck my brains out?" You seductively asked him, gently massaging his scalp with your fingertips.

"Shit," Matt muttered, blood started rushing to the tip of his cock as he pulled away from you. "Nice try," he said, leaving the room.

જ⁀➴ᡣ𐭩 Day Five

You decided to ramp it up just a little bit. Throughout the day, you kept purposely dropping things so you could bend over and show off the little thong you wore under your miniskirt.

They couldn't help but fall for it every time, even though they knew you were doing it for the sole purpose of riling them up. You loved witnessing the desperation slowly creep into their expressions while you taunted them. You held a lot of eye contact while talking to them, purposely staring at their lips a lot and licking your own while you watched them become nervous.

That night, Chris was in his room, sitting shirtless in his gaming chair and playing a video game when you came into the room and started rubbing his shoulders for him. "Mmm. You're so tense," you stated, working through a knot on his shoulder blade. "Gee, I wonder why," Chris chuckled.

He let out a soft, satisfied groan as you massaged his back for him, making sure to whisper praises in his ear. "I bet you're so sore because you've been hitting the gym so much, huh? It really shows. Your back looks so toned right now," You cooed.

"What else am I going to do with myself?" He smirked, knowing he'd been working out every day since November started to fend off his sex drive. "I bet since you exercise a lot, you have good stamina, don't you? Bet you could fuck for a long time," you whispered in his ear. He responded with a loud scoff.

"I bet you're the kind of guy who likes to get off multiple times a day, don't you? So this must be extra hard for you. You're so disciplined for not caving yet. I could never do what you're doing. I swear, I'm horny all the time," you told him.

"I am disciplined," he reiterated. "So disciplined in fact that this doing nothing for me." But it was a lie. His dick was starting to perk up at your words and your tone of voice. "Mhmm," you said, unconvinced as you left the room to go tease Matt.

He was downstairs making brownies in the kitchen when you found him. "Have you been a good boy? Keeping your hands out of your pants, hmm?" You gave him a sly smile. He immediately met you with a needy look. Matt was a little more transparent than Chris, not quite as good at hiding how turned on he was.

"I've been good. Still going strong," He nodded at you while he stirred the brownie batter. "So well-behaved. Good boy," you said, your tone saturated with lust. Matt started to get a little hard at how you were speaking to him, but he tried to take his mind off you with chocolate.

"You should try this. It's really good," Matt said, dipping his finger into the brownie batter, but before he could get another taste, you gently grabbed onto his hand, and as he looked over to make eye contact with you, you were slipping his digit between your parted lips and sucking off the chocolate.

"Mmmm," you hummed with your mouth wrapped around his finger, subtly moving your head back and forth. His dick twitched in his sweatpants and he let out a soft whimper as you excited all the nerve endings on the tip of his finger.

"Maybe you're not such a good boy after all. I think you liked that a little too much," you taunted him, releasing his hand from your grip. It took everything in Matt not to run upstairs and go jerk off to the thought of your mouth on another one of his extremities. Instead, he went back to making brownies.

"You can't have any more until they're ready," he glared at you, trying to will away his erection.

જ⁀➴ᡣ𐭩 Day Six

It was nearing the end of the first week, and you approached Chris early one morning as he was sitting at the kitchen table, eating a bowl of cereal and flipping through his phone. "It's almost the end of week one. How do you feel?" You asked, coming up behind him.

You seductively ran your fingers along his chest, whispering into his ear and making sure your hot breath hit the side of his neck while you did. "I feel great. I haven't had any urges at all," Chris lied through his teeth, trying to ignore the way you were touching him.

"Oh really, hmm? Maybe I'm not teasing you enough," you chuckled into his ear, gently nibbling on his earlobe. He let out a soft moan and his cock immediately grew hard. "Not even a single urge, huh?" You provoked him, staring down at the tent in his pants while you started to kiss his neck.

"Fuck, you're making this so difficult," Chris got up and stormed off, leaving his cereal unfinished. "Better not be going to touch yourself!" You called after him.

"I'm not. I'm going to the gym to burn off some of this energy," Chris huffed, heading to his room to change into basketball shorts. You smirked at his arrogance he'd displayed a few minutes earlier before nearly folding under your touch.

Around this time, Matt came downstairs in his Pokémon pajamas and started rifling through the fridge for something to eat.

"Hey, handsome boy. How did you sleep?" You asked, gently caressing his arm and asking in a sultry voice. "Really good," he said, avoiding eye contact and trying to hide the fact that he had morning wood.

"I slept well, too. Except I had this dream that I can't stop thinking about," you seductively bit your lip. "What did you dream about?" Matt naively asked. "Well, I'm a little embarrassed to say, but it was a wet dream. About you," your eyes flicked up to meet his. "Really?" He asked, falling right into your trap.

"Yeah, you were making me scream your name because of how big your cock was and how hard you were fucking me," you teased him, painting a picture in his head. "Fuck. Please don't tell me anymore," Matt replied, still peering into the fridge.

"You mean, you don't wanna hear about how I played with myself after I woke up from it?" You simpered at him. Matt let out a loud sigh and pulled out a carton of eggs and some bacon while he ignored your temptress ways.

"You don't wanna hear about how I rubbed my clit in circles and filled my pretty, pink hole with my favorite dildo while I thought about you and moaned your name?" You snickered. "This is so unfair," Matt replied, covering his ears and looking at you with his desperate expression and his puppy dog eyes, his dick aching in his pants.

"If you think I'm being unfair now, you just wait," you responded before skipping off to go plan your next move.

જ⁀➴ᡣ𐭩 Day Nine

A few days later, Chris came out into the living room to find you sprawled out on your yoga mat in a tank top and spandex shorts. "Oh, thank god you're here. Mind helping me with something really quick?" You innocently asked him, batting your eyelashes in his direction.

"Depends. What do you need?" Chris skeptically asked, narrowing his gaze. "Will you come over here and help stretch me out?" You requested, smirking at him as he grew flustered at your word choice. "Fuck this. You're on your own," Chris said, immediately walking the other direction.

"Chris! Wait!" You called after him. He stopped, let out a loud sigh, and slowly turned around. "What?" He asked impatiently. "Chris. I'm not trying to pull anything. I just really need your help. Please. My muscles are so sore," you begged, pouting at him.

After a few seconds of deliberating, he rolled his eyes and started heading back over towards you. "Fine. What do you need me to do?" Chris asked, kneeling down on the floor next to you and immediately regretting it when you spread open your legs.

"I need you to push my thighs apart," you told him, trying to conceal your condescending grin. "Are you fucking kidding me?" Chris snarked at you. "No, I'm not kidding. I'm really sore. Just put your hands on the insides of my thighs and push down," you directed him.

He did as you said, trying to ignore the damp spot on the front of your shorts. "Oh, Chris. You stretch me out so good," you maliciously moaned. He clenched his jaw as he glanced into your eyes. "I haven't cum in nine days," Chris responded.

If looks could kill, the look Chris was giving you right now was damn near fatal. "Nine days? Only twenty-one more to go!" You sneered, reminding him he wasn't even a third of the way there yet. "You fucking bitch," Chris dug his fingertips into the fleshy part of your inner thighs and started pushing them apart until you let out a pained whimper.

"Oh, Chris. Don't stop. I love when you're mean to me. It turns me on so much," you responded in a sultry voice, flipping his power move back onto him. He let go of you and stormed out of the room to go play video games and take his mind off what was between your legs.

About ten minutes later, Matt came downstairs, his eyes immediately falling onto you in a compromising stretching position. "Oh, Matt. I'm so glad you're here. Think you could give me a hand or two real quick?" You cooed, motioning with your finger for him to come here. Matt nodded despite the fact that he knew you were up to no good.

"What do you need?" He asked, eager to please you in any way. "Will you give me a little massage? My muscles right here are very sore," you motioned towards the muscles on your inner thighs while you bit your lip, peering up at him. "O-okay," Matt stuttered, walking into the next trap you set.

He couldn't help notice how wet you were, but he tried his best to ignore it. He kneeled down between your legs and started massaging where you had asked. You let your eyes roll back in your head and let out a few satisfied sounds as he worked his thumbs on each one of your fleshy thighs.

"That's it, Matt. Just like that," you whined in a sexual manner, causing his dick to twitch in his pants. "Go up just a little further," you said, guiding his hands closer to your pussy. He nodded, doing as you asked. "Good boy," you moaned as he rubbed that spot over and over again. His eyes shot wide open.

"Can you move up just a little further?" You wondered, batting your lashes. "I-I can't," Matt shook his head, knowing if he moved up any further, he'd be right on your private parts. "Here," you said, grabbing his hand and placing his thumb directly on your clit.

"There you go. Now move it in circles. A little more pressure. Oh, just like that. Good boy," you cooed, looking seductively at him. Matt knew it was a dangerous game for him to be touching you there, but he couldn't stop.

He loved the words and sounds that were falling from your lips. He loved the way you were looking at him with desire in your eyes and pleasure written all over your face.

"Faster," you whispered, throwing your head back. Your shorts were soaking wet where Matt was massaging you with his thumb, and your legs started to shake while your cries of delight became louder. Chris came downstairs to see what all the commotion was.

You started seeing stars as your orgasm crashed over you. You moaned Matt's name over and over as he rubbed your clit in tight, fast circles, completely mesmerized by you finishing for him. Your whole body trembled until your climax subsided while Chris watched from the bottom of the stairs.

"Holy shit, Matt. I think you just lost No Nut November. Fucking pussy," Chris smirked. "What? I did not! I didn't break any of the rules!" Matt exclaimed defensively. "He's right, Chris. He didn't break any rules. He did, however, make it way harder on himself to follow the rules," you devilishly grinned, peering down at Matt's neglected cock that strained at the fabric of his pants, begging to be stroked.

"Now you gotta deal with having that boner until it goes away on its own," you chuckled at him, closing your legs and getting up. You rolled up your yoga mat, bending down in front of them both, and they each angrily groaned at you and stomped out of the room.

You were plotting your moves for the next few days. Meanwhile, Chris had a plan of his own. Upon learning that he was allowed to touch you however he pleased as long as he wasn't sticking his dick in you, he decided he was going to make you sweat a little the same way you were doing to him and Matt.

જ⁀➴ᡣ𐭩 Day Twelve

The next night, in an attempt to turn on the boys, you tried on your new lingerie you'd bought at the beginning of the bet. You stood in front of the mirror in the bathroom dressed in a white lace bra and matching panties, knowing it was going to drive Matt and Chris crazy.

You wandered off to the living room where Matt was sitting on the couch, flipping through movies on Netflix and trying to find something to watch. "Hi, Matt," you cooed, leaning up against the wall. "Hey," Matt responded, his eyes flickering over at you and back at the television, and then back over at you when he realized what you were wearing.

"Wow," he whispered, studying the way you looked in white. "I have to show you something," you said, wandering over to him and straddling him on the couch. "What are you doing?" He asked, accusingly.

"Look," you said, pulling down your bra to reveal your breasts to him. "I got them pierced about six months ago, and they were finally healed enough for me to change out the metal," you couldn't contain your smug smile as you flashed Matt.

"Wow," he whispered again, reaching up to grab both your breasts, and he ran his thumbs over the heart-shaped rings. You shuddered at his touch. "They're so much more sensitive now," you whimpered. "Did it hurt when you got them pierced?" Matt asked, looking up at you. "A little, but I liked it," you snickered and bit your lip.

Without thinking, Matt leaned forward and took your right nipple into his mouth, delicately swirling his tongue around and gently suckling on it before moving to the left. You let out a few soft whines while he pleased you. You started to rock your hips back and forth, grinding up against Matt's rock hard cock.

"Okay, that's enough. You're being totally unfair right now," Matt said, lifting you off of him and shoving you to the other end of the couch.

"Hey, what's the matter, Matt?" You asked, crawling back over towards him. He jumped to a standing position. "I have to get out of here. You're too good at this," Matt grabbed his keys off the coffee table and headed out the door, fleeing from temptation. You smiled to yourself, getting so close to making him cave for you.

You picked up the remote and started searching through the various streaming services, waiting for Chris to come home so you could tease him next. Chris came bursting through the door, mad as hell. There was something about his demeanor that was off and slightly unsettling.

"Are you okay, Chris?" You asked him while sitting on the couch in your lingerie. "It's been twelve days since I've had an orgasm. I'm full of testosterone and cum, and I've had a shitty day, and I can't even to go to my room and beat my meat about it. I need to take all this aggression out on someone," Chris responded, his eyes sparkling and his lips curling into a smile as his eyes landed on you.

He walked over towards you, fell to his knees in front of you, and forced your legs apart. "You're such a fucking tease, skipping around in my house in your fucking lingerie. I hope these weren't expensive," Chris growled, ripping a hole in your lace panties.

You gasped and your eyes widened as you watched while Chris' lips latched onto your clit. He started moving his tongue in fast, jagged movements, making animalistic sounds while he ate you. "Chris, it's so sensitive," you squirmed around beneath him. "I don't mind," he smirked at you as he went back to assaulting your pussy with his mouth, sucking on your clit and licking it at the speed of light.

"Oh, Chris!" You called out, tugging on his hair, but he didn't let up. "If you want me to stop, just say that," he said, his lips vibrating against you. You didn't want to tell him to stop because you knew he would altogether. Malicious compliance was always one of Chris' favorite pastimes. "Don't stop, keep going," you whimpered, closing your thighs down around his ears.

You pulled down your bra again, gently tweaking your nipples while you looked down at Chris. His eyes flicked up at you. "Oh, my god. I didn't know you had your tits pierced. That's so fucking hot," he whispered, reaching up and grabbing a handful in each palm while he went back to eating your pussy like he was enjoying his last meal.

He squeezed your breasts and started pinching your nipples and rolling them between the pads of his fingers. You threw your head back and let out a satisfied moan as you began to shiver. "Yeah? You think you get to cum after all the shit you've been pulling?" Chris said, withdrawing all attention right before you finished.

"Nice try, fucking slut," Chris responded, spitting on your pussy and getting up to walk right back out the door. "Chris, please!" You called after him, nearly on the verge of tears from being teased like that. Chris slammed the door shut behind him with a shit-eating grin on his face.

"Well played, Chris," you whispered from the couch, staring down at the torn fabric that barely covered your bottom half while you decided to take matters into your own hands. You reached down to soothe the aching feeling Chris stuck you with after leaving you high and dry.

You rubbed your clit in fast circles with one hand and pinched your nipple with the other as you finished, remembering the way Chris' mouth felt on you. Just as you were trembling and reaching your much-needed climax, Matt walked back in through the door after finishing up his late night drive, his eyes immediately landing on the way your fingers were manipulating your clit.

"Oh my god. You're relentless!" Matt exclaimed before running up the stairs to take his mind off the scene that had just unfolded in front of him. You breathlessly chuckled about being caught. You hadn't meant for Matt to walk in on you and be tempted by you even further, but you weren't mad that it had played out that way.

જ⁀➴ᡣ𐭩 Day Fourteen

You decided to kick it up a notch in the teasing department. By now, both Matt and Chris were very skeptical of you any time you wanted to show them anything or ask for help with something, so you had to get more creative with it.

You started taking naked pictures of yourself in the bathroom mirror after your shower, saving the good photos. After walking out into the hallway in just a towel, you opened up the group chat and sent in the best nude photo you'd taken, following it up with an "Oops! Didn't mean to send that! ;)" But they both knew better than to trust that it was a simple mistake.

When Chris opened your message, he let out a loud, annoyed grunt that resounded throughout the house. A few seconds later, you heard Matt's voice from down the hall, "You're evil!" You decided to strut around in your towel for the rest of the night, randomly dropping it while you were around the boys.

They used what willpower they could muster to keep their eyes off you as you relentlessly teased them with your body. While it was the closest they'd each gotten to saying fuck it about the whole No Nut November challenge, no one caved that night...

INTERACTIVE CHOOSE-YOUR-OWN ENDING AHEAD:

જ⁀➴ᡣ𐭩 if you choose to have Matt and Chris both fail the challenge and become your submissive little fuck toys, click here 🤍

જ⁀➴ᡣ𐭩 if you choose to have Matt and Chris win the challenge and turn you into their submissive little fuck toy, click here 🤍

taglist: @bsturnzmtts @sturniolo-girl @theyluvme-2315 @jassturn @brookiecookie-18 @maggot3647 @slut4chriztopher @strnlslvr @sleepysturniolo @lvrsturniolo @sofieeeeex @imjusthereforthesturniolosmut @matts-myloverboy @witchofthehour @slutforsturniolosss @sturniolosweetheart33 @whoahoahoahoahoa @ilovechrissturniolosposts @smt-obsessed @sturnioloxlver @that1fangirll @hrtz4alex2211 @luvhsien @sp3ncerslvt @sturniolo-munch44 @jakewebberswifee @ssturniolooss @thenickgurl @sturniolo-fann @sst7niolo @babysturniolo @chestersturniolo @riowritesitall @camzeecorner @mattsturnixlo @annedebeijer @scorpioosworld @mattlover-00 @sweetlikesug4rvenom @m11rx @sturniolocharms @mickelodeon-2003 @sigmarizzler1 @chrislova @stellarsturns @lelesturniolo @sturniolodoll @ilovemattsturn @blahbel668 @fratboychrisera

[triple-pupil]

Huh, Alright. Sorry it took this long, I had this WIP in the duster for months.

Last song: Augustus Gloop from the Tim Burton Charlie and the chocolate factory or however You Say it. But rn My brain is stuck with Ojalá by Silvio Rodríguez (Beloved childhood song)./Update Nov. 2024: Last songs now are Monster and Puppeteer from Epic: The musical with a full Stobotnik cinematic playing every time in My brain.

Fun fact: I used to Listen to music daily, but ever since we adopted a Kitten like a week algo I basically stopped all habits to tend and play with her. I don't mind that at all, I Will die and kill for that Kitten./Update: Habit came back to normal and I still would give my life for this cat.

Favorite color: Dark colors, mainly black and shit to combine with black like purples or idk. Oh-Anyone know about that typical red like color related to pompous, rich, victorian characters? That one, I love that one.

Last TV show/Currently watching?: No fucking clue. Uuuhhh, I watched Brother Bear by popular (Dood-) demand and didn't expect for it to be a fucking greek tragedy and be crying by the end of the movie, I loved it./Update: Do Silence of the Lambs reaction videos and Stobotnik compilations count?

Relationship status: Miserably lonely but I don't want to meet new people for that purpose so... Ig I'll stay in this pit a while.

And idk what I want to watch now, Maybe I'll look something up in Netflix or something.

Sweet/Spicy/Savory: The fuck is Savory??? Salty?????

I have a routine, eat salty, then eat sweet, love both on their own but not mixed. Fucking hate Spicy shit, it ruins the food for me.

Nov. 2024 I've been Tagged by @demetera-kaziaik and I'm relieved I'm not a nuisance, an honor to interact with You, Stobotnik Messiah :D

Last book: Fuck, what was it...? I think it was an Etnography guide Made in the 2000s for a class. But I recommend War of the Worlds, My beloved (Has only read a student edition).

Last thing I googled: "ugly crying drawing meme" because that has been me in Stobotnik Twitter these last few days.

Current obsesión: Stobotnik (Dr. Robotnik x Agent Stone from the Sonic movies), Abusive Gerald headcanon and Devildice (The Devil x King Dice from Cuphead) and King Dice himself because I will nom him.

Looking forward to: Watch the Sonic 3 Stobotnik scenes and die from it when they make it no-homo. And for the class year to end and uh-.... Idk, speak to Friends.

I remember hey_imma_fangirl also Tagged me in one of these... Maybe I'll get the motivation to get to it.

@calmao666 @boo-topia @doodzoodz I summon the besties @groovy-rat-man @aka-baka-shiki

9 people you would like to get to know better tag meme

except I'm starting a new post because the one I got tagged in was long as shit. I was tagged by @tacofuus, thanks so much!

Last song: Batter Up by Babymonster. It's a solid 6.5/10 check out

Favorite color: violet/lavender. Really any shade of purple

Last tv show/currently watching: I honestly don't really watch TV. I genuinely cannot remember. The last series I actually watched was Death Note with my best friend and that was last year/beginning of this year. I used to be into anime when I was in middle school and this felt like a return to my roots lmao

Sweet/spicy/savoury: I go with savory most of the time, but my favorite is sweet for sure.

Relationship status: narilamb

Current obsession: Writing fanfic for cult of the lamb. It's been just about a year and a half now and I don't see this dying down anytime soon, cotl has squarely entered full special interest status for me so I'll be here for at least another 3 years. I have a bad habit of making a new fandom blog every time I get a shorter-term hyperfixation, writing for it, getting kindasorta recognized in the fandom, then abandoning my works and deleting the blog when I'm not interested in it anymore. Maybe some of y'all followed me in my previous fandoms and y'all would probably never know bc of orphaned works that I can't find anymore. ...anyway. I've made too many close friends in this fandom to pull that stunt again. the-one-who-lambs and my cotl fics are here to stay. I'm rambling

Last thing you googled: 600 cc in cups (I was making soup but all the good noodle packets from China+Korea give units in cubic centimeters. It's about 2.5 cups btw)

Uhhhhh I don't know who to tag so I'll just pick the most recent 9 mutuals in my notes who haven't been tagged already by taco or the people they tagged lol. Don't feel pressured to do it, though! @artsycryptix @just-a-random-demon-official @miallurk @pikos-den @tokyonymph @mianing @bamsara @coffincrows @fanged-cotl

[snuffysis]

TW/CW; Dad tells daughter she was hot as a kid (if you don't wanna read that then skip like the first 5 sentences in paragraph 14)

The last parts were rushed and a little lazy bc I gave up.

I was in the car with my dad and three brothers, I was the passenger princess, like always, while my brothers were in the backseats and dad was driving. "We're going to be up here for a full week, baby." Dad said and put a hand on my thigh, he always said that it was his way of showing affection. "Yeah, that means no crying like a little bitch." Michael said from the middle seat, he was leaning back and staring up at the roof of the car. "Hey-!" I responded and pouted, causing our dad to glare at him in the rearview mirror. "Leave your sister alone." Dad said in his deep voice, I always found it soothing and used to make him read all my bedtime stories. "Why does she even have to come? This is more of a guy thing." My other brother, Dylan, said, his slight Australian accent slipping out. "Because your mom is on a business trip, I don't feel like paying for a babysitter, and she's only seventeen." Dad responded, causing me to chuckle softly. "I'm eighteen, my birthday was last week, remember?" I teased, my dad always accidentally said I was a year younger than I was for a few weeks after my birthday. "Yeah, dad, we're eighteen." My twin brother, Kyle, spoke in an annoyed tone, he hated when our dad accidentally said we were younger than we just turned. "Right.. I'm sorry kiddos, I just got used to saying you were seventeen." Dad responded and rubbed my thigh. "It's ok, dad!" I said, smiling at him while Kyle just rolled his eyes with a small smile on his face as he looked at me. We sat in silence for a while when I decided to play some music. "Diggy! Diggy! Diggy!" The crowd cheered in the song. "This guy? Seriously?" Michael asked with a disguised tone, he absolutely HATED Diggy Graves because I listened to him constantly. "Think I'm seein' ghosts again, in my home again, all alone again, I rot.. Thoughts in my head, in my head, won't stop.." I mumbled along to the song. "Better off dead, let the gun go pop." Kyle said, giving me a small smile. "Shut up." Michael said, groaning in irritation. "Why you screamin' ladies?" Dylan joined in. "You know Diggy don't die! Even if I wanted to, probably do it with a knife!" The three of us sang, smiling and laughing a bit. "Dad! Tell these brats to shut up!" Michael complained. "They're just having fun, Mike." Dad responded, a small smile on his face as he looked at me. "I've been twisted in the head, ever since I could write. Ever since I learned to walk, I started running from life. I'm tryna haunt my way to fame, call me poltergeist." We sang, watching as Michael got more pissed. The rest of the car ride was us torturing Michael with songs he hated. "We're here." Dad said as he parked the car and got out. "Finally.." I mumbled, getting out and immediately walking into the forest. "Where are you going?" Kyle asked as he followed me. "I have to piss. Stay there." I walked behind a tree and pulled my pants and panties down before popping a squat and pissing on the leaves below. Kyle walked away only to return with toilet paper which he handed me. "You could've at least stayed behind the tree." I said, taking the toilet paper and using a bit to wipe. "Oh please, we're twins, it's like I'm looking at a female version of myself." Kyle responded, crossing his arms and leaning against a tree that was behind him. I rolled my eyes and stood up, fixing clothes before burying the toilet paper I used. Kyle took the roll and led me back to the car. We got our stuff and walked into the clearing in the woods where our dad and brothers were already setting up the big tent. "I'll set ours up." Kyle said and took the tent from me. Typically during camping trips we'd have one tent for two people but since Mom was on a business trip Dylan and Michael agreed to sleep in the big tent with dad while Kyle and I wanted to keep our smaller two person tent. I watched as both tents got set up, Kyle never let me help even though we shared the tent and dad wouldn't let me help with his because he doesn't believe a woman should work… and Dylan and Michael thought I'd mess up or break something.

I snuck off to gather some rocks and sticks for a fire pit, putting them in a grocery store bag that I knew would come in handy. I walked back to the campsite where Kyle immediately spotted me. "Kitty. Come." He demanded and snapped his fingers, pointing at the ground in front of him. "I'm not a dog." I responded, rolling my eyes as I handed him the bag since it was hurting my hand. "You ran off like one." Kyle responded and began setting up the fire pit. "Don't run off like that again." Dylan said, he emerged from the forest as well, he was carrying a bloody rabbit body. I looked at him confused before realizing it was sunset. "I must've lost track of time.. I'm really sorry.." I said, lowering my head. "Just don't do that again.." Michael said, hugging me from behind, his arms around my waist. "I-I won't." I said, gently rubbing Michael's arms, unsure of what else to do. "Good girl.." Michael responded, pressing a kiss to my head. I smiled but Michael let go and cleared his throat while walking away. I pouted a bit, it was a rare occurrence for Michael to show affection and every time he pulled away was sad. My dad ran over and squeezed me before I could react. "Don't run away again!" Dad sorta yelled as he held me. "I was worried something bad would happen to you.. take Kyle next time.." He said and let go, making me look up at him. Before I could say anything he pressed a kiss to my cheek, his lips lingering longer than they should. "Ok, dad.." I smiled and gave him a quick kiss on his forehead. Dad gave me one more squeeze before walking over to Dylan. I smiled and walked over to Kyle who stood up, done with the fire pit. "Need something?" Kyle asked, reaching a hand up to my cheek and caressing it with his thumb. "No, I just wanted to come hug you." I said before wrapping my arms around his neck, pressing close against him so I could hug him super tight. Kyle moved his hands to my waist and gently hugged me, his hands loosely hanging, grazing my ass. "I love you.." Kyle whispered before kissing the side of my head. I smiled and relaxed in his arms, feeling an odd bulge in his pants. "Your hunting knife is pressing against me, y'know.." I said quietly, oblivious to what it actually was. "Oh.. uh.. yeah.. sorry sis.." Kyle said but he only held me tighter. "I love you too, brother." I said which made him press his knife against me harder. "I love you so much, sis.." He managed to get out, moving his hips slightly. "Are you ok?" I asked, confused. "Mhm.. just.. standing uncomfortable.." He responded, hesitantly letting me go.

I gave Kyle a quick cheek kiss before walking away, not noticing the bulge in his pants. I walked over to Michael who was hiding behind a tree, playing with his lighter. "Whatcha doin'?" I asked even though it was obvious. "Are you blind?" Michael responded before pulling me behind the tree and holding me, except I wasn't facing him. "You're a big softie." I teased, getting a small chuckle in response. "At least I'm not pushing you on the ground and pinning you there like I do everyone at school." He teased in response before placing a kiss on my neck. "I love you, big brother." I said, something hard pressed against me again, only this time it was against my ass. "I love you too, lil sis.." He responded, his arms wrapped around my waist and he rocked his hips. "What are you doing..?" I asked, a strange warm feeling in my most intimate part. "I'm just being a good big brother.." He responded, rocking his hips harder, causing me to whimper softly. I stood there, not moving, I didn't know what to do, I didn't even know if this was alright, but he's my big brother so it must be ok, right? "Kids! Come here!" Dad hollered, causing Michael to stop and groan before dragging me with him back to the tents. Kyle and Dylan were already there, dad had blood all over his hands, pants, and shirt along with some rabbit fur. "So, kiddos, I need you to all gather firewood in pairs while I clean up, remember, we'll be out here for a week and it might rain so we need a lot." Dad said, I could've sworn his gaze went to my small tits for a split second. Michael had a devilish grin as he wrapped an arm around me. "I'll take Kitty, she needs someone big and strong to help her, after all.." He said, looking at me, I watched his gaze drift down my body but before I could say anything, dad spoke. "No. She's going with Kyle. You'll most likely leave her in the forest as one of your pranks and then she'll actually get lost." Dad said, his tone stern, leaving no room for Michael to argue.

Kyle and I walked into the woods, I picked up the wood and handed it to him so he could carry it since he was stronger than me. "This is nice.. just you and me.." Kyle said, a small smile playing on his lips. "Mhm! Super fun!" I responded before walking a little ahead and bending down to pick up another piece of firewood, unaware he had the perfect view of my ass in my leggings, because the stretched a little too much he could see a little bit of my pretty pink panties before I stood back up. Kyle paused for a moment before walking over, his cheeks slightly pink. "I think we have enough, it's getting cold and it's almost dark.." He said, I just nodded and carried the piece of wood I was holding back to the tents, looking back at him occasionally. He seemed to be walking a little slower than usual but I assumed it was just because of all the wood. Our dad was cooking the rabbit with the wood I got earlier. "We're back." I said, walking over to dad and putting the piece of wood down and kissing his head. "Hey, princess." Dad responded and looked up, giving me a quick peck on the cheek. I smiled and walked to the entrance of my tent and grabbed a bottle of water, twisting the cap off and taking a sip. "Boo." Dylan's voice sounded behind me, his hands grabbed my waist. "Whatcha doin'?" I asked, turning my head to look at him. "Just checking on my little sister." Dylan replied and leaned in, gently kissing my lips. I kissed back, he's my brother so of course he wouldn't do anything bad to me.

Dylan eventually pulled away and went to help our dad with something while I stepped inside the tent and pulled my shirt off. I pulled my sports bra off, releasing my small tits and tossing the fabric on the ground. I pulled my pants and panties off, setting them with my bra and shirt before slipping a nightgown on and walking out to my dad and brothers, the four of them were illuminated by the fire light. "Already in your nightgown?" Michael asked, looking me up and down. "Yeah, I'm going to bed after I eat." I said, sitting in one of the camping chairs. "Your nightgown is a little short, isn't it?" Dylan pointed out, pointing to the nightgown that only covered down to the middle of my thighs. "Yeah, but I don't feel like changing." I responded, crossing my legs. My dad smiled slightly and handed me a bowl. "Here, hun." He said, smiling at me. "Oh, thanks dad." I responded and took a bite, he'd made rabbit stew, Dylan's favorite, no wonder he ran off to kill one earlier. Kyle was being surprisingly quiet, scrolling on his phone. We talked and ate, Kyle was still being unusually quiet before he got up and went to the tent. I continued chatting with the others as we ate before setting my empty bowl down and walking into the tent as well. I walked over to my sleeping bag and laid down, glancing at Kyle who had his back turned to me. "Goodnight, Kyle." I said, turning over and closing my eyes. "Goodnight, Kitty.." Kyle responded, his voice low, barely above a whisper. I smiled a bit and fell asleep surprisingly fast. I woke up to my face in my pillow, unable to move as something slid in and out of my pussy, my virginity being taken without my consent. I looked at Kyle's sleeping bag from the corner of my eye but I didn't see him, until my assailant intertwined his fingers with mine, I recognized that black nail polish, it was Kyle's hand. My mind raced, what was happening? Why was my own twin brother doing this? My thoughts continued until suddenly his cock was removed, that's when I felt cum leaking from my pussy. I panicked but couldn't speak for some reason. "I'm so sorry.. I love you so much.." Kyle whispered and got up, moving over to his sleeping bag.

I must've passed out because the next thing I knew I woke up to the birds chirping the next morning. "You must've had loads of fun.." Michael's voice came from behind me, his fingers running through my slick folds. "N-no.. I-I didn't.." I tried to explain what had happened but Michael just chuckled and fingered Kyle's cum back inside of me. "Don't act innocent now, sis." Michael said as I moaned and whimpered. "Dad..!" I tried to call out, my voice hoarse. "Dad took Kyle and Dylan out fishing." Michael said, curling his fingers inside of me. "Mmph.." I groaned and tried to push his hand away but it was no use. "Stop fighting it." Michael said and withdrew his fingers before forcing his cock in my pussy, it stretched me more than Kyle's. "No.." I murmured as he began pounding my cunt, causing me to moan and whine. "Fuck.. you're my cock so good.." Michael groaned, the sound of skin hitting skin filled the tent along with my moans and pleas for him to stop. "You were made to be a cocksleeve.. my cocksleeve.." Michael growled in my ear, his hands grabbed my hips and lifted my lower half. I moaned louder, the movement he made making his cock hit a little deeper. "You're so pretty, moaning while I rape you." Michael said, his hips stuttering as he came, a gutteral groan escaping his lips. "Fuck.." He panted, his cock buried inside of my pussy. "You're such a little whore, kiddo.." He said, pressing kisses on my neck. I cried, my world practically shattered, my oldest brother and twin brother both raped me in less than twenty-four hours. Both of them came in my cunt, there was no way I wouldn't get pregnant. Michael kept saying things to degrade and praise me, each one made me feel worse about letting them rape me. Michael eventually pulled out, fixed his clothes, and left. I got up and used my dirty clothes to try and clean up the cum but it was too deep inside for me to completely clean. I took my nightgown off and slipped on sweatpants and a sweatshirt on over some underwear and one of my bras.

I sat by the fire pit and stared at the ashes in it, zoned out as my mind replayed what happened with Kyle and Michael. I zoned out a little too long since I suddenly felt some grabbing my shoulders, massaging them. "You ok?" Dylan asked as snapped back into reality. "Mhm.." I responded, lying to him, how would he believe me that both of our brothers raped me in this trip? "Wanna go for a walk?" Dylan asked, pressing a kiss to the back of my head. I nodded eagerly, wanting to get far away from Kyle and Michael at least temporarily. Dylan grabbed my hand and we walked into the forest, I could feel Kyle and Michael's cum coating my panties as it continued to leak out of me. We talked and he even made me laugh and smile as we walked, we talked about how amazing our mom is, how pretty she is, even joked about her not being a traditional wife since she worked too much, couldn't cook, she was always too busy to clean, etc. We walked for a while before Dylan pushed me against a tree and pulled my sweatpants and underwear down. "What are you doing!?" I asked, trying to push myself off of the bark as he unzipped his jeans. "Shh.. it's ok.." Dylan said as he pushed the tip of his dick into my ass, no lubricant or anything. "N-no-!" I shouted but he didn't thrust, instead there was a warm stream of liquid filling me. "Shh.. it's ok, Kitty.. you're ok.." Dylan whispered in my ear as he pulled out before putting a plug in me, holding his piss. "All better, little sis. It wasn't that bad." He said, leaning over and kissing my cheek. I was shocked and confused, I expected him to rape me, not piss in me. Dylan seemed to notice the cum dripping into my underwear and ran his cock through my cum-slick folds, making me feel as it got hard. "Slight change in plans, your big brother's gonna help make sure you don't use your fingers again." Dylan said, he somehow thought the cum was all mine, all from me masturbating. "It's not-" I was cut off by a small gasp escaping my lips as the plug was pulled out only for it to be replaced by his cock, slick with our brothers cum. Dylan stretched me out so much I thought I might tear like a woman giving birth. I moaned and cried out as he brutally raped me, begging him to stop before I felt myself clenching around his cock, my cunt getting wet, I was… enjoying this. My mind went blank as I focused on the feeling, it felt so good despite hurting so bad, my clit ached with the need to be touched. "Good fucking girl.." Dylan cooed in my ear as he reached in front of me and rubbed my clit, it felt so good, I didn't want him to stop. I pushed back against him, my cries stopped, replaced by whore-ish moaned and encouragement. "Oh fuck.. like that.. please.." I moaned out, my hands moving up to grope my small tits through my sweatshirt and bra. My mind was full of nothing but the intense pleasure my brother provided. "Fuck.. mom and dad neglected my needs for far too long.. now that I have you, I'm not letting go.." Dylan spoke as his hips stuttered. I felt myself cum, squirting onto the ground as Dylan's cum mixed with his piss from moments ago.

Dylan plugged me up and we went back to the tents, I had a slight limp so we agreed to say that I'd twisted my ankle if anyone asked. Michael and dad were cutting something bloody up while Kyle was playing on his phone. Dylan and I snuck a quick kiss before walking over to the fire pit and sitting down. The mix of cum and piss being plugged didn't feel too nice but I just shrugged it off. "Welcome back, princess." Dad said, giving me a small smile that actually made my heart skip a beat for some reason. I smiled back and yawned softly, between the walk, Michael, and Dylan I was pretty tired. "Tired already?" Dad questioned, setting his knife down. "Just a little.. Dylan and I went on a pretty long walk." I responded, Dylan nodded in agreement as he yawned, although he also went fishing earlier. "Go take a nap, you could even lay in my sleeping bag if you'd like." Dad suggested, it was obvious he was talking to me, not Dylan. "Oh, ok, thanks dad." I responded, smiling. "I have to go to the bathroom first." I said and got up, walking to dads tent and grabbing the toilet paper before walking into the trees. I removed my sweatpants and underwear and squatted, taking the plug out of me and pushing my brothers cum and Dylan's piss out. I wiped myself clean as well as the toy and put my clothes back on. I went into dads tent and slipped the toy back in Dylan's bag then laid in my dads sleeping bag and fell asleep.

"Kitty.. hey.. food's done.." Kyle said as he shook me awake. "Dad wanted me to come get you so you could eat.." He smiled a bit and kissed my forehead. "Mmph.. ok.." I said and slowly got up. Kyle led me to the fire pit where dad handed me a bowl of food. I sat beside him and smiled, taking a bite. "I was thinking, your brothers could go out hunting tomorrow and you and I could have a daddy daughter day, how does that sound?" My dad asked, brushing a strand of hair from my face. "That sounds amazing, dad." I smiled and kissed his cheek. "We'll go up to the river, I know you love swimming." He said, kissing my head. "Alright." I responded and continued eating. Dad turned to my brothers and started talking to them, making sure they were prepared for going out without him. "Dad, you taught us all how to hunt when we each turned 8. I'm 25, Dylan's 22, and Kyle's 18. We've got this." Michael said, his tone confident and pretty cocky. "Yeah, we're good with guns and knives." Kyle added, smiling sinisterly, that comment sent chills down my spine as if it was a threat to me. I finished eating and put my bowl down. "I'm gonna go to bed, make sure I'm well rested." I smiled at dad and kissed his cheek again. "Alright, sweetie." Dad responded and hugged me before letting me go to my tent. I changed into shorts and a t-shirt as well as clean underwear before laying down and falling asleep.

The next morning I woke up to birds chirping again and looked around, my vision slightly blurred with sleep. I noticed Kyle on his phone and followed his other arm to see him stroking his cock, his hand moving up and down. "Morning.. I'm gonna change.." I sat up and grabbed some of my clothes before leaving the tent, not letting him give an explanation or anything. I walked into the treeline again and stripped before slipping into my red bikini, the only bathing suit I had brought. I put on a white button-up shirt made out of towel-like fabric and matching shorts before walking back to the tent and putting my t-shirt and shorts with my dirty clothes, that's when I noticed the underwear that had Kyle and Michael's cum missing. I looked over at Kyle who was stroking his cock with them and trying to check me out. I turned around and walked out, disgusted by him. Dad was sitting by the fire pit with some coffee so I walked over and sat on his lap. "I love you, dad." I said, wrapping my arms around his neck as I hugged him. "I love you too, kiddo." He responded, wrapping his arms around my waist and kissing my cheek. I smiled and rested my head on his chest. "We'll leave in just a minute, love." Dad said, taking a sip of his coffee. "Ok." I happily hugged him, relaxing in his arms.

Dad made sure my brothers were ready before we headed off to the river since it was a decent day anyways. I took my shirt and shorts off and got into the water, looking back at my dad whose eyes seemed like they were on my ass for a brief moment before he pulled his shirt off and stepped in the water as well. I walked further in the water until the cold water was up to my neck. My dad followed but it didn't go as high since he was taller than me. "You look pretty in red, kiddo." Dad said, hugging me from behind, his hands on my tummy. "Thanks, dad, you bought this for me when I was like 16, remember?" I responded, smiling up at him. "Oh.. I remember.." He replied, his grip on me getting tighter, pulling me flush against him. I gently rubbed his arms, enjoying the feeling of his warm embrace. Dad picked me up and set me on a smooth rock. "I want to help you if you'll let me, princess." He said, pushing my thighs open a bit. "But- but dad.." I said, trying to push my legs back together. "Just let me make you feel good, sweetie.." Dad said, pulling the fabric of my bathing suit bottoms to the side and giving my clit a gentle lick. "Mm.. dad.. no.. this is wrong.." I protested but didn't push him away, his tongue just felt so nice. He gently kissed my clit and sucked it softly before moving his tongue down to my entrance, teasing it. "Mm.. d-dad.. dad.. ah.. no.." I protested, squirming slightly. "Mm.. princess.. say 'dada' again.." Dad groaned against my pussy, his tongue pushing inside. "D-dada.." I moaned softly, hips bucking forward. He groaned against me and pumped his tongue in and out of me. "Oh god.. dada.. no.. this is so wrong.." I moaned, my hips grinding against his face as I came on his tongue.

My dad licked up my cum and pulled his swim trunks off. "Dad? What are you doing?" I asked, closing my legs. "You're going to feel every inch of the cock that made you." Dad replied, forcing my thighs open and pulling the fabric of my bathing suit bottoms to the side again "D-dad-! N-no-!" I tried to get away but he forced his cock deep inside of me, setting a rough pace that made me scream and cry. "Dad! No! Stop! This isn't right! Please! Stop! You're hurting me!" I yelled, trying to push him off but I was too weak. "I'm hurting you? Oh please. You've hurt me for years. Not letting me fuck your cunt. Being so fucking innocent. Always announcing your period. You're a fucking tease." Dad said, pounding into me way too hard. I screamed louder, my tears streaming down my cheeks as my pussy bled from his aggressive thrusts. Dad groaned and watched as his cock got bloody as I cried harder. "Fuck.. so good.. keep crying.. you're so tight.." He groaned as he violated me, his own daughter. I gave up on fighting and just laid down, legs spread wide as he fucked me like some hooker. He slapped my tiny breasts with my bikini top on, making them jiggle. "Dada.. oh fuck.. dada.." I moaned, my cries dying down as I enjoyed the feeling of my dad fucking me. "Fuck.. kiddo.. that's it.. clench around the cock that made you.." Dad said as his hips stuttered and he buried his cock in my pussy, ropes of his hot, thick cum filling me.

My dad and I rested, catching our breath and sitting in the water before he sat on the smooth rock he set me on earlier. "I'm sorry, kiddo, I didn't mean—" I cut my dad off, pulling on my dad's swimming trunks. "I-I wanna.. explore.. I've never seen a guy naked and I wanna.. touch.. a-a.. umm.. a-a thing.." I blushed slightly, looking at the rock. "It's called a penis, a dick, or a cock, not a 'thing'." Dad responded, lifting his hips and pulling his swimming trunks down, his cock hardening before my eyes. I gently grabbed it, my fingers wrapped around his cock and I moved my hand up and down. "Mm.. good girl.. just like that, kiddo.." Dad groaned, his head falling back as he fought the urge to help me. "Th-that's good..?" I asked, moving my hand a little faster, more confidently. "So good, princess.. so good.." He assured me, putting a hand on my cheek. I smiled and looked at his cock, stroking a little faster. "Kiddo, could you use your mouth a bit..?" Dad asked, his thumb gently pulling my bottom lip down slightly. I nodded slightly and leaned in, licking the tip as my hand continued to work his shaft. "That's it.. keep going, princess.." He groaned, a hand moving to my head, his fingers tangling in my hair. I slightly stopped moving my hand, moving my tongue down his shaft slightly, causing him to groan again. "Wh-what about these..?" I asked, pulling away and moving my other hand to gently grab his balls. "Oh god.. kiddo.. you're really good at exploring.. just keep touching.." He responded, head falling back again. I leaned in and gently sucked on one of them, causing him to tighten his grip on my hair.

I licked up dad's shaft, a hand massaging his balls as I gently took the tip in my mouth and started sucking. Dad groaned and slightly guided my head up and down, unable to hold himself back for much longer. "God.. kiddo.. you've always been so hot.. all those little dresses and skirts your mom put you in.. those skimpy kids bathing suits.. fuck.. your mom let me bathe you a few times and you were just so hot.. I wish I did this sooner.." He said as he clearly thought about those scenes. I was disgusted and went to pull away when he pushed my head down, his large cock making me gag as he moved my head. "Fuck.." He groaned, using my mouth like a fleshlight while I struggled to breathe. I scratched at his thighs, tried to pull away, everything I could think of but I was too weak. My vision blurred as I blacked out, the only thing I could remember was his cock down my throat before waking up to Dylan raping my ass. I moaned and looked at him, vision still blurred. "Shh! You'll get us caught.." Dylan said and covered my mouth. I moaned against his palm and that's when I realized we were in the forest, the tents just a few yards away. The sun wasn't up very high, it was barely sunrise. "I just had to.. you liked it last time.." He whispered, pounding my ass. I nodded, my moans muffled by his hand. My eyes rolled back as I came, gripping the leaves below me. Dylan groaned and buried himself in me as he came and moved his hand from my mouth. "I love you, little sis." Dylan said, panting. "I love you too.." I replied, smiling at him. "So, you like anal. You're really a whore." Michael's voice came from behind Dylan who quickly pulled out and turned to face our older brother. "Don't worry, I won't tell dad… as long as I get to… have a little fun." Michael smirked at me, I was laying there with Dylan's cum leaking out of my ass, naked and vulnerable. "O-ok.." I said, causing Dylan to look at me. "Ok!? Kitty, seriously!?" Dylan looked shocked that I'd agreed to Michael's words.

Michael stepped closer and rubbed his boot against my cunt, my cum and arousal fluid making a little string connecting to his boot. "Fucking whore.." Michael groaned and pulled his sweatpants and boxers down, his already hard cock springing free. I blushed slightly and made sure my legs were spread as much as possible. "Good girl.." Michael said as he lined himself up and carefully pushed in, letting out a long groan as I whimpered softly. "There you go.. just take his cock, little sis.." Dylan whispered, gently running his fingers through my hair, he was trying to help comfort me despite raping me moments ago. I looked at Michael as I moaned, his hips moving slowly to let me adjust, as if he hadn't raped me before. "Fucking slut.." Michael groaned as he snapped, a hand clamping over my mouth as he thrust into me like my feelings didn't matter. "You're so fucking tight.. damn whore.." He said, I could feel his cock ramming against my cervix. I moaned and screamed against his hand, the sounds muffled by it, my walls clenched around his cock as I enjoyed the feeling of being pounded into. "He doesn't actually think you're a whore.. he loves you.. so much.." Dylan reassured me, his fingers brushing through my tangled hair. I felt myself cum on my big brother's cock, my body trembling slightly. "Oh fuck.. that's it.. mark your territory.." Michael groaned and filled my cunt with his cum. "You did so well.." Dylan said, kissing my cheek as he lifted me into his arms. Michael pulled out and let Dylan hold me. "Kyle's gonna wake up any minute.. I have to get you back to bed.." Dylan said as he began carrying me towards the tents. Michael followed and helped clean me up, wiping my puffy pussy lips with a rag. "Mmph.. what the fuck..?" Kyle's voice sounded beside us, I closed my legs and turned my head, looking into my twins eyes. "Dad! Come here!" Kyle yelled slightly, watching Dylan and Michael quickly try to cover me up as our dad entered. "Wha– Michael. Dylan. What the hell are you doing to your sister?" He asked, looking at the three of us. "We were.." Dylan started but trailed off. "We uhh.." Michael looked down, guilt in his eyes. I opened my legs shyly and hesitantly rubbed my clit, my dad looked shocked but the bulge in his pants was obvious, Kyle was glancing away, trying to get subtle glimpses, Dylan and Michael both looked conflicted, on one hand the two were aroused but on the other hand they didn't want to do anything in front of our dad.

"P-please..?" I said in a soft tone, still rubbing my clit as they watched. The four of them looked around at each other and seemed to realize something and without another word they grabbed me and led me into the larger tent only to push me onto my hands and knees. "At least you were kind enough to say 'please' this time.." Michael said, pushing my head down against the tent floor. Kyle pulled out his knife and stepped closer, gliding the cold blade along my side, slightly cutting into my skin. Dad walked over and stood by my head, looking down at my body while Dylan grabbed my hips and pressed his cock against my ass again. "Watch this.." He said to the others as he pushed in, my little cunt drooling as he thrust into my ass. "I knew she was a pathetic fucking whore!" Michael said, smacking my ass with one of his hands, causing me to yelp. Dad kneeled down and rubbed my back. "That's it.. take your brother's cock in your ass, princess.." Dad said, his touch was gentle and comforting although I didn't need it, Dylan felt so good like this. I moaned and whimpered as Dylan got more aggressive with Michael's encouragement. Kyle began carving their names into my side with his knife, I felt each cut.

I felt rope after rope of thick hot cum fill me up, sometimes in my ass, sometimes in my cunt as they each had their way with me. I was covered in cum, piss, blood, pen ink, cuts, bruises, scratches, and bite marks by the time we were done for the day. Only to be used over and over again until the trip was finally over…

[pandora-writes-one-piece]

happy happy birthday i hope you're having a great day 🍾🥳💐

If it's ok i would like to ask for "How can you still trust me after everything I've done?" with 🔥 and a female reader please? Maybe just a little nsfw-ish?

Thank you so much, Anon, for the lovely birthday wishes! I'm sorry this took a while, I hope you still enjoy it! Even though it's much more angsty than actualy NSFW... hope you don't mind that! Thank you!

Source for Pic and Pic

Fighter

Word Count: 4176

Tags: Fem!Reader; Dark!Ace; Angst; Hurt; Sorrow; Ambiguous/Open-ending; Mention of sex; Physical and emotional torture;

Special Warning: English is not my first language, I apologise for any possible spelling or grammar mistakes.

Summary: Ace was overtaken by some sort of Darkness and he's very intent on breaking you. You are a fighter, but how long can you last in such an unfair fight?

Notes: This fic was heavily inspired by the song The Fighter by In This Moment. I love this song so much! Please give it a listen, it fits right in.

|Masterlist|

Has it been weeks? Days? Surely not. It can't have been more than one day. A few hours, perhaps? Time seems to stand still. There's no window, no sun, no breeze, and definitely no air! It's suffocating, oppressing, and so full of despair.

The only light comes from a few torches scattered here and there, barely enough to discern if the wet patches on the damp earth below your feet are water or your own blood. 

No, that's not right. 

There's another source of light. A dark flame, so black one would think it came straight from the pits of hell. Where once burned a bright orange, almost golden-like flame, filled with love and laughter, now stands a void of hopelessness and desperation. 

Ace. 

Your Ace. 

No, that's not right again. This is not your Ace. In front of you stands a twisted, cruel version of the man you love. 

“Ready to break, love? Are you well rested?” His voice has the same timbre, but he never wielded it with so much cruelty. The way he uses your nickname rings familiar, but it is nowhere near the same. 

And he's terrifying. 

This Darkness that once was your lover approaches your broken form again, and you wince in preparation. Your arms are numb, and there's blood dripping from where the chains cut into your skin, from your dangled wrists. The bruises on your body paint a yellowish and purple complexion on your soft skin. There are welts and blisters forming as well from the burns he's inflicting on you. 

But what's truly devastating isn't the physical pain this thing is bringing upon you. It's an emotional one. Because the same calloused hands that held you tight with love are now holding you tight with pain, branding you with dark flames, consuming you in all the wrong ways. 

You want to beg for him to stop. 

But you can't stop fighting. 

I will always fall and rise again Your venomous heroine 'Cause I am a survivor Yeah, I am a fighter

“Ace.” You plead again, your words more broken than last time but filled with the same hope. “I know you're in there. I know you can hear me. Come back to me, love. Come back.”

For the briefest of moments, his dark eyes seem to flicker with some sort of light. Your heart skips a beat, and your breath catches in your lungs. 

Then it's gone. 

The Darkness laughs. An inhuman laugh devoid of all the warmth that Ace possesses, devoid of all his light, all his love. It hurts more than a million burns. His hands clutch your neck, squeezing tight until little black dots start to fill your vision, his digits marking new bruises on your battered skin as his lips dangle close to your own, twisted into an animalistic snarl that resembles nothing of your lover. 

“Ace can't hear you, love. He's far gone. I'm all that's left, and I will break you.”

He releases you a moment before you're about to pass out, and your chest heaves, inhaling gulps of damp, stagnant air as your head feels light and empty. 

Then, pain strikes again. 

His dark flames create new burns, his fists bruising and battering. You’re not even sure of what's broken anymore. But nothing too important. No, he doesn't want to kill you.

Not yet, at least. 

I will fall and rise above And in your hate I find love 'Cause I'm a survivor Yeah, I am a fighter

You pass out. Who knows for how long? Your only hope is that Ace is still somewhere inside, and that he's still listening to you. 

He needs to come back. 

Ache settles into your bones and your sore muscles. Your lips are dry and cracked, and thirst holds your tonsils ransom, trapped against your throat. You’re at least glad that you have nothing inside your belly, because the stench of your burning flesh is enough to revolt the strongest stomachs. 

“Oh, here you are again, love. I thought I might have gone a bit too far this time.” His manic chuckle is a far cry from Ace’s giddy laughter. “Oops!” Your lover was never taunting, never cruel, never hurtful. You barely know how to cope with this reality.

One minute he was Ace, and the next he wasn’t. How did it happen? You can’t even remember if it was an enemy Devil Fruit or something else entirely. Whatever it was, it took your Ace away and replaced him with something ugly and dark. 

“Come back, Ace, please.” You keep pleading. Ever since this thing brought you to this damp cave and started torturing you. But Ace doesn’t hear you. Is he still there?

He has to be. It’s far too painful to think he’s gone. 

“You keep pleading for the wrong thing, love. Plead for your life. That’s all.” There’s a gleam in his eyes, but it’s the wrong spark. Where there used to be a boyish amusement, there’s nothing but twisted delight. He’s relishing the fact that he’s slowly breaking you.

And you won’t give him - it - this satisfaction. 

“Remember us, Ace… please.” Maybe if you appeal to his heart, to the shared memories of happy days, he can come back to you. He was always a fighter, never a quitter. It doesn’t have to be different now.

You ignore the twisted and spent part of yourself that assures you that if he could come back, he would’ve already. The Ace you love would never have laid a single finger on you to hurt you. 

This dark Ace takes a step back, his eyes widen, and he stutters. “Remember us?” Maybe it’s working. 

You pull on the chains a bit more, but all that does is make you wince and writhe in pain. They’re too tight, and they’ve been biting at your skin, leaving it tender and bruised since he captured you.

“Yes. I remember us.” His lips pull back into a distorted smile that resembles nothing of the man you love, nor does the freakish sound that follows, an eerie, dark laugh. “I remember this.”

The Darkness steps closer, his hand caressing your cheek while his thumb presses against your lower lip. The other hand traces gentle patterns over your neck and collarbone, a familiarity in the gesture that brings tears to your eyes. It’s a lover's caress, but instead of warmth, all you feel is revulsion. 

This will break you much faster than any other kind of torture. 

I will not hide my face I will not fall from grace I'll walk into the fire, baby

“Do you know what Ace’s first memory of you is?” The Darkness’s tongue peeks out from his mouth as he licks his lips, his dark gaze never leaving yours while tears pool at the corners of your eyes. “Your smile. The way his heart raced when you smiled at him. Such a silly boy with silly dreams. So vulnerable, so in love.”

“Stop. Please stop…” The words are mere whispers as tears finally run freely over your scarred cheeks. These are precious memories, and he’s desecrating them all, turning them into weapons meant to hurt. “Ace… come back.”

“Keep pleading, love. It won’t do you any good, but it will feel so much better when you finally break.” His hand hovers over your breasts and dips lower, settling against your hip as he brushes his thumb against your hip bone. The gesture is intimate, akin to Ace’s touch, but so wrong, so perverse. 

“Do you remember the first time he kissed you?” A cruel laugh echoes in your ears, his deep voice a corrupt mimicry of Ace’s soft tone. “Mighty Portgas D. Ace, a fearsome commander of the Whitebeard Pirates… nervous. A trembling mess of a man, too afraid to get it wrong, scared shitless you would leave him because he didn’t deserve you. He agonised over it for days. Foolish sap.”

You close your eyes as a painful sob claws its way through your chest and up your throat. You try to block the beautiful memory from reaching the surface, but the damage is done. You remember it as clearly as day.

Ace’s flushed, freckled cheeks. A nervous laugh escaping his trembling lips. The way he kept swaying on the tips of his toes, his hand either reaching for you or retreating to his pockets. 

His deep breath before cupping your cheeks with shuddering, too-hot hands, just before his lips collided with yours. The kiss was too tense at first, too clumsy. 

Until you relaxed in his hold and melted into his touch. When you sighed into his lips, he easily took your tongue with his and thoroughly scrambled your brain.

“Stop. Please stop.”

“Why should I? When it produces these sweet, sweet tears.” Clutching your face, he leans in, tongue reaching out and licking a long stripe from your jaw to your temple, collecting all your tears with a cruel sound of delight. 

His hands bruise your neck again, holding tightly, revelling in the way your pulse races against his calloused fingers. 

“Does it hurt, love? To know he once kissed you with such devotion, such tenderness, and now… now all you have is me.” His lips ghost yours and you bite your cheeks hard to keep from sobbing uncontrollably. 

Unsatisfied with your lack of response, he releases your neck, and you gasp for air, but he’s relentless in this cruel game. His hands drop to your waist, pulling you closer. The chains holding you groan and rattle in protest, and you let out a pained whimper. 

“I know exactly how he touched you.” The pressure is the same, his hand feels the same, he smells and looks the same. Your heart aches and weeps, and you grieve because, even though he looks the same, he couldn’t be farther from the man you’re devoted to. 

His fingers trace upwards, brushing your bruised ribs, and you hate how your body reacts to his familiar touch. You can’t control the longing you feel for him any more than you can control the tears streaming down your face. 

“I remember how he vowed to protect you from all harm. How he would much rather die than see you hurt.” The way he drags Ace’s laugh into a twisted, cruel version of it carves a deep abyss of pain within your chest. You know he’s speaking the truth. Ace was always your protector. It would kill him to know what he’s done to you now.

Still…

You’d much rather have him with you, feeling terrible for hurting you, than not having him at all. 

All my life I was afraid to die And now I come alive inside these flames

“Shut up. Stop. Please.” You barely have the strength to plead anymore. This is so much worse than when he was only hurting your body. You can endure physical pain, but not this merciless torture.

“I know exactly how he loved you.” The grip on your waist tightens until it bruises again. “How he watched you sleep in his arms, memorising each freckle, each dimple, each dip and crease of your skin. How he committed your scent to memory to keep himself grounded when he was away from you. How his fingers knew the curves of your body by heart, and how you sounded when you unravelled for him.”

An anguished wail leaves your parted lips as each word he delivers taunts you, breaks you, tears another piece of your heart apart, and tosses it aside, broken and used up. You’ve fought so hard until now, you can’t give up. Not even when all of his words are meant to shatter your resolve, to destroy your soul. 

You need to stay strong and fight for Ace.

“Ace…”

“He loved you so much.” The chains creak and groan as he keeps pulling you, bruising your skin with brutal touches. “And me? Well, I can use that love to completely destroy you.” He collects a tear with an extended finger, his eyes gleaming with malice as you crumble further. “I will change and twist your memories so much that you’ll wish you’d never loved him. Or plead for me to kill you.” He shrugs nonchalantly. “Whichever comes first.”

Each word, each gesture is a reminder of him, of what he used to be. Of what he is, hidden beneath all those layers of malevolence. 

“Remember how he used to touch you like this…” His words trail and linger near your ear as he runs his fingers down your spine in an all-too-familiar gesture. Your body betrays you once more, his touch so akin to home that you arch towards him, a broken whimper leaving your lips as another tear trails down your scorched cheek. 

The Darkness revels in your reaction, drinking every sob, every sound, every twitch like it’s fuel keeping him alive.

“Oh… yes, he loved that sound. All the little noises you made for him, it always drove him half-mad, knowing he was the one responsible for provoking them, for making you come undone beneath his fingers.” 

Another sob claws its way up your throat as a new wave of beautiful memories fills your mind.

“More, Ace, more.”

“Yes, love. You have all of me.” His languid thrusts drove you crazy. Each stroke of his hips hit places that made you see white. He drew pleasure from you as naturally as he drew flames from within himself. 

Moans and whimpers, prayers and pleas. They left your parted lips in an unintelligible litany of muffled, half-drowned words. 

“That’s it, love. Those noises right there, keep ’em coming for me. All for me.”

And then he would kiss you breathless, swallowing everything you had to give him. Taking it all in so he could breathe life back into you again. 

And you loved every second of it.

Now, all those precious memories are tainted. Tainted by his cruel words, tainted by his brutal touch, tainted by his wicked ways. 

And you’re so drained that you don’t know how much more of this you can actually take. 

“And you… do you remember what you whispered to him?” His lips brush against the sensitive spot beneath your ear, and you swallow a gasp, the chains biting harder into your skin, but you’re already numb to that pain. “How you’d tell him you were his, how you would never want to let go of him, you promised him forever.”

Your lower lip trembles helplessly as the Darkness’s voice drags, malice dripping like venom and sticking to your skin, sticky and disgusting. 

“And when he made love to you…” No… no… no… “When he touched you in all the right places…” His hands grasp your sides and climb up slowly, thumbs brushing your nipples as you fight a torrent of tears. “You’d scream his name, crying out for him like he was your whole world.”

This time, the broken sob leaving your lips is soul-crushing, and you feel the weight of it deep in your chest. 

“That’s it, love. Let it all out.” He brushes his lips against yours in a mockery of intimacy. Another familiar gesture, but a malicious travesty of the reality you were used to. “Mourn for him, for the man who is no more. For the one who promised to keep you safe. Grieve for the loss of his soul. Let me hear you break apart.”

It’s too much. It’s all so devastating.

“Stop… please.” Strength is leaving you. The Darkness hurt you before, bleeding you dry, breaking your bones and scarring your flesh. But this violation of your most sacred memories is what finally breaks you. 

You feel yourself slowly slipping away. You will not last much longer. 

Closing your eyes, you let your face fall forward, a silent sign of defeat. “Do you want him back?” He asks, his cold hands cradling your face so you can look him in the eyes. The viciousness that gazes back at you is unfamiliar, cold, and disheartening. 

It’s not your Ace.

“Beg for him, love. Call his name like you used to. It won’t do any good, but it will make victory taste so much better.” His thumbs brush away another batch of tears, and you can’t take it anymore.

“Ace…”

He doesn’t falter. There’s not even a hint of recognition in his dark eyes. He’s gone. 

“He’s gone, love. But he remembers you. How your laugh was able to pull him away from the darkness within himself. How lucky he felt when you kissed him and how worthy you made him feel. Like he was much more than a name, more than the son of a cursed pirate, more than a legacy of a man he hated.”

He presses his forehead against yours, and the intimacy of it is so vivid that, for a moment, you think your Ace is back. 

“Do you know how many sleepless nights he spent with you in his arms? Just listening to your breathing, completely terrified of losing you one day? How he wished he could protect you from everything that would seek to cause you harm? How his fingers traced every inch of you, afraid he’d forget.”

The dread in your chest expands, taking away your breath. The hurt travels down your legs and up your numb arms. Your head feels lighter, and your throat constricts with agony. You need to let go.

“Please… please… stop. Just stop…”

But the Darkness doesn’t relent. “You made him dream of a future he never thought he’d want… of children he vowed never to have. You were his anchor, grounding him in this life, making him feel like he was deserving of happiness.”

His lips hover over yours, hands clutching your face, the pressure building, yet you feel no pain anymore. You can barely think.

“Do you know what the cruellest part is, love?” He pulls back long enough to look into your eyes, a ghost of Ace’s smile painting his lips. “He never got to say goodbye.”

“Make it stop… I’m done…” The whisper that leaves your lips carries more than defeat. It carries a desperate tragedy. How can something so beautiful as the love you shared with Ace be torn into pieces? How can it be dissected with such malice?

“Finally!” He chants in victory as his hands clasp your cheeks again and he presses his lips hard against yours. 

The kiss is bruising, cruel, a mimicry of Ace’s, but yet, still too familiar. It brings with it another litany of relentless sobs that you just can’t keep at bay. His hands slither over your body in a mockery of a caress and they tuck your neck, pressing gently at first, his lips still glued to yours, claiming both your soul and your body to darkness. 

Then his thumbs press hard against the dip of your throat and all the air is cut off from you. You’re suffocating, thrashing silently against both his hold and the icy grip of the chains and you know your time has come.

It’s as tragic as it is poetic that the man who brought love into your life should also bring death; that the one who so easily breathed life into you, can also take your last breath away. 

Whimpers and gasps leave your constricted throat as your feet kick and thrash, but he doesn’t relent. You feel wetness against your cheeks and taste salt in your dried tongue, though the source of those tears is unknown to you. Are they yours, or the Darkness?

Just as you’re slipping away, the hold on your throat falters and the lips pressed against you lose their harshness, they become soft and pliant, warmer for a moment. Then, with a harsh gasp and a step back, Ace cries in agony, his hands clutching his dark locks as his eyes shut firmly.

Air fills your lungs again and you cough, tasting blood with each convulsion. He might not have killed you yet, but he came pretty close. 

“Ace… Ace…” You try, each gasp more breathless than the last, but each new gulp filled with newfound hope. He’s fighting.

Your Ace is fighting.

With another agonised scream, Ace pants, breathlessly. Globs of saliva spew from his gritted teeth as he struggles to open his eyes. Then his gaze lands on you, your name spilling from his lips in raw pain as he assesses your wounds, the wounds he inflicted upon you himself.

“Love… Oh, God, no. What have I done?” With a wobbly step, Ace draws near your body, hands stretched and trembling as he cups your cheeks lovingly. A lone sob breaks through your pursed lips. 

It’s your Ace. It’s his touch. It's unmistakable. 

“Please, please, love. I’m sorry, I’m so, so sorry.” Each word comes drenched in grief, saturated with misery. Each touch filled with caution and care.

“It’s you… it’s really you.” Your words are mere murmurs and each of them is a fresh new wound on Ace’s heart. Pressing his forehead against yours, he mumbles another supplication.

His arms wrap themselves around your wounded body and you shiver against his familiar touch. The warmth of his breath against your hair and neck comforts you as he holds you close, as if trying to shield you from a damage that’s already been done, from something he caused and can’t take back. “Please, please…”

But you shouldn’t have rejoiced too soon. Ace’s body convulses twice against your own, his touch harsher, his strength doubling and you feel a fresh wave of nausea hitting your senses, disorienting you.

“Ace?”

“No!” Ace growls, burying his face against the curve of your neck. “No!” He cries out again while his scream is muffled against your skin. A sharp, stabbing pain travels up your arm as his teeth sink with a sickening crunch of flesh being broken. 

Ace’s hands, which cradled you lovingly mere moments before, are now harsh and brutal against your frail body. His touch feels too unkind, too hot.

“You can’t have her!” The Darkness roars, pulling Ace’s head back violently, though his grip never falters. “You think she’ll forgive you after all you’ve done?”

You can’t speak, you can’t think, you can’t breathe. Ace’s flames dance in front of you, surrounding him like a sickening halo. They turn from orange to black and to an in between that disorients you. His touch aches, burns and scars. 

“Ace… fight!” You try to plead but your voice is too weak, too feeble and powerless to reach him in a battlefield you're not privy to. This is his fight to win, and you are a mere spectator. 

“You can’t…” He begins, a growl and a roar leave his lips as his arms erupt into a blazing inferno, searing your skin and making you cry out in pain and agony. “You can’t take her from me!” With a final clamor, Ace breaks free from the Darkness and his release is so literal that you can actually hear a loud clatter, like glass being broken while invisible shards fly everywhere. A final flame licks your body with ruthlessness and your broken lament dies with it.

“Love?” Ace’s broken voice barely reaches your ears. He, somehow, removes the harsh chains and the cruel bite is no more, though you can scarcely feel it as he cradles you against his body. “Love, come on, you can’t do this to me…” The tears that fall from his eyes almost hiss as they kiss your scorching skin. “I’m so sorry… I’m sorry… How…?” A broken sob shakes his shoulders as buries his face in your hair. “How can you still trust me after everything I’ve done?”

Ace’s world crumbles as you flutter away from him. Ragged, uneven breaths leaving your lips while your eyelids tremble in a defeated effort to open.

He’s losing you. 

And it’s all his fault. 

“Please don’t leave me. Fight… please. I’ll never let anything hurt you again…” The sorrow in his words weighs heavily in your heart, yet your body doesn’t respond to your will and you can’t seem to reassure him; you can’t tell him you don’t resent him, that it wasn’t his fault, that he doesn’t need to blame himself.

Because if there’s someone who doesn’t need to carry more guilt, it’s Ace. 

And yet, there’s no strength left to let him know that. Your chest heaves one last time and, suddenly, the fight is lost, and there is no clear winner.

Because if there’s someone who deserves all the happiness in the world, it’s Ace. 

“Please, come back. I love you…”

But all the love in the world couldn’t save you. 

All the love in the world couldn’t save him.

A frail wail leaves Ace’s lips as he shuts his eyes in agony, and he almost misses the flicker of hope that makes your chest tremble again while a soft sigh escapes your lips.

I don’t need you to save me ‘Cause I’m a survivor, yeah I am a fighter

Tag List: @rosidaze @beachaddict48 @armiliadawn @jintaka-hane @sprinkklz @baby5555 @hopelesslover06 @mars-mizuko @sleepykittycx @nerium-lil @eustasscapitankid @ren-ni @jqperi @lycoriskalmia @daydreamer-in-training

[cherryswisherz]

triggered

jana x oc

warnings: oc is going through a breakup

get it the fuck together jaz. lock. in. 

staring into the mirror, i study every aspect of my face. my curls flow down my back. my face is beat to perfection. the jewelry i have on costs more than my rent. 

i should be ecstatic.

i'm living every girls dream. 

there are 5000 people outside this bathroom door, chanting my name, waiting for me to give them memories they'll die with. 

and yet i'm in here, staring at myself, fighting the urge to say fuck this shit and go home. 

my phone dings, and i ignore it, thinking it's my manager, telling me i need to haul ass and get on stage. 

but then it dings again. 

holly never texts twice. 

i pull out my phone and it's paige. 

i forgot she's here. 

paigey be you. be great.

oh fuck her for that. 

now i have  to go on. 

with a sigh, and a quick tune up in the mirror, i open the door, march to the stage entrance and wait for my que. 

the music starts and i walk with all the confidence i can muster and smile at the deafening screams of my name. 

jazmin! jazmin! jazmin!

paige is front and center, with all her teammates and azzi. 

i used to be the number one pazzi shipper. i fought for this relationship to happen. i practically shoved paige out of the closet myself so that she and azzi could be together. 

and now here they are with my face on their shirts and holding each other in their arms and i want to throw up. 

not because i don't want them together, but because seeing that makes the loneliness in my chest seem bigger. 

i don't even really miss her.  i just miss having someone to call at 3 am when i can't sleep. i miss having someone to call first when i get news. i miss having someone to hold. 

i guess you could say i miss being in a relationship, rather than the person i was in a relationship with. 

"hey guys !" i yell into the mic, and everyone screams. "thank you all for coming out today, i love you all so much!" the crowd is deafening. "i wanna give special shout out to my sister, paige and the other members of the UCONN womens basketball team for being hear today!" the camera pans to paige and the girls, and i do a double take when i see a girl around my age, towering over everyone else. "i love you paigey!" the crowd goes wild. 

the concert began and i used my show to work through all the mixed emotions i was feeling, bringing my audience with me through them. 

we danced during my verse on my type. laughed during b.s. . cried during none of your concern.

and after an hour and 30 minutes of singing, dancing, crying, and yapping between songs, the concert was over. 

and i could a breathe again. 

until i was bombarded by my 6'1 sister and her ginormous friends. 

everyone told me how amazing i look and sound and how they listen to my music everyday. these are things i hear everyday so i say the same response i say everyday. 

"thank you so much." 

"aye we're boutta go to a club, you trynna roll with us?" paige asked, rubbing her hands together and looking at her girlfriend, who i'm just now realizing is wearing a semi-skimpy outfit. 

so is everyone else, actually. 

and now they're looking at me like i can't say no. 

so i don't. 

"uh yeah!" i chuckle uncomfortably. "just let me change real quick."

*luh time skip*

i'm actually glad i came out. 

we got a section. bottles galore. music is booming. 

the vibes are actually immaculate. i'm two shots in and kk is twerking in my lap as big boogie talks about taking caramel colored baddie to poundtown. we vibing for real. 

i've learned the beautiful girl from earlier is named jana. she doesn't really talk, and i guess she'd too young to drink because she's been babysitting ginger ale all night. 

"i'm gonna go get a bottle of casamingo!" i annouce, bouncing up from the counch and stomping down the stair of our section. 

when i reach the bar, i pay the bartender and wait for my bottle. but while i'm waiting i hear my name being called and i assume it's a fan, so i turn around with a huge smile, only to be slapped in the face with the sight of my ex-girlfriend, kristen.

she looks exactly the same as she did three weeks ago when we broke up. and for some reason that pisses me off. it makes my blood boil and my breath quicken. 

i'm ripped out of my trance when i hear the dj yell, "WE GOT JAZMIN INNA HOUSE!!!" 

fuck. he's gonna make me sing. 

"COME UP AND GIVE SOMETHING GIRL!" he shouts and everyone screams in agreement. 

in a daze, i walk to the stage and grab the mic. 

everyone chants, 

freestyle freestyle freestyle

and then the dj, who i'm beginning to really fucking hate, plays a beat i've never heard before, leaving me not knowing what the fuck to do. 

i look to our section, and see my sister with her phone up, recording. i see azzi giving me thumbs up like the sweetheart she is. i see kk clapping and cheering with everyone else. 

i see jana, with a look of fear in her eyes. 

like she can tell that i'm freaking fuck out, so she is too. 

but i can't go out like this. 

so i catch the beat, and sing whatever comes to mind. 

saying everything that's been on my mind for weeks now. 

"go figure you were the trigger you brought me to an obstructed view when you knew the picture was bigger who am i kiddin? knew from the beginnin you'd ruin everything you do it everytime you are my enemy, you are no friend of mine, muhfucka"

the crowd is loving it, swaying their flashlights to the music. paige looks so proud of me. she knows how i've been struggling since everything happened so i think she knows what a release this is. 

i look over to kristen who looks delectable, like always and it's pissing me off because the sex was great, but everything else sucked. but it's been so fucking long and i know that if i had 5 minutes to talk to her earlier i would have been back at square one in that toxic cycle of fucking and making up. 

"wanna fuck you right now i just turned the light out know and you know when the sun go down that's when it would all go down been a minute been a while ain't let nobody hit since you hit it i know you always know what to do with it but ain't no me and you without you in it damn i'm boutta burn this bitch down think i need to lie down cause i'm not trynna wild out now. but right now..."

i think of the screaming matches. the broken phone. the hole in my wall.

"don't know what i'm capable of might fuck around and go crazy on cuz might fuck around have to pay me in blood this ain't the way that you want it might catch a case in this bitch don't let m catch you face t face in this bitch trying my hardest not to disrespect you but after what you did, man what you expect? you muhfucka"

i find jana in the crowd because her face is so calming to me, and i don't know why. her eyes are closed and she's just vibing with a small smile on her face. 

she's not recording or anything, she's just enjoying the moment, and that warms my heart. 

"trynna let the time fly trynna let the time go by trynna let the time heal all trynna let the time kill all of our memories all you meant to me all that's history i'll calm down eventually fall back into me maybe i'm overeacting baby i don't know what happened you know all of my bad habits you know it's hard for me to control that shit man cuz when i get mad i get big mad shoulda never did that, get back in my bag in my feelings i'm a bad lil bitch and uh-"

i look back to kristen, who's wearing a pained expression on her face. 

good.

she know it's about her. 

"i'm triggered, when i see your face triggered when i hear your name triggered, i am not okay you need to stay out my what triggered when i hear your name triggered i am not okay you need to stay out my way." 

and then it's over, and the crowd cheers, and i hurry off the stage, back to my section where my friends all hug me and tell me that it was beautiful. 

and when the crowd settles, and i've taken another shot, because i felt entirely too sober, someone taps me on my shoulder. 

it's jana.

"can i get your number?"

"huh?" i ask confused as to why she'd want my number. 

"uh..." she looks around for a second. "i just wanna pay you back for the bottle."

jana hasn't been drinking.. why would she need to pa-

a light bulb goes off in my head and it all come together. 

"here." i hold my phone to hers and our contacts share to each other. 

am i ready for this?

probably not.

but.... we gotta start somewhere right?

niyah speaks lawd they got me writing a seriessss

taglist: @patscorner @riyahtheballer @mattslolita @thaatdigitaldiary @janaelalfysblunt @mrsengstler @kmoneymartini @sageworld

@darkskinchristiandiorpostergirl @justliketoreadsowhat @pboogerswbb @pb524830 @dnftpn @sierrale8ne @ohbueckers @mrsarnold @wbbgetsmewetter @paigesbabygirl @ch12334

@pppaaiiiggggeeeeee @uwupaige @paigeluvvr @colorthecosmos444 @authentic-girl03 @makethemhoesmad

[deerspherestudios]

Some questions regarding Atom because I absolutely loved this game and I've been non-stop drawing this spaguetti alien...

Are there any other songs you thought of when creating Atom's personality or that you wanted to include a reference to in the game? (aside from Moon Waltz, but that one already fits perfectly).

When Atom said that one day they would like to go "swimming" with the MC, did they really meant float around space or also visit other planets? Places? Maybe their home planet?

(I'm also curious on what Atom meant when they said that "they've seen worse" than the worms)

Is Atom still going to use the suit or is there any other way for it to move around (human-like that is)?

Sorry if something is worded weirdly and for asking so many questions! I'm Spanish but I'm really invested in your games, thank you Cheea!

Waaa I'd love to see your Atom drawings if you're up to sharing them! I usually don't go for stacked questions (just because they take longer to respond to and it's difficult to organize) but these were really fun to answer so I'll put them under a read more! <3

1. Are there any other songs you thought of when creating Atom's personality or that you wanted to include a reference to in the game?

Not a reference per se,,, but if Atom had a playlist I would add Villains of Circumstance by Queens of the Stone Age! QOTSA's one of my husband's favorite bands for the past year so the amount of times I've listened to this in the car has been one too many /lh It's soft and slow and heavy and eurghhh;; I think about the line "I sing only for you" a lot,,, plus a few other lines but you guys can make the connections if you happen to have a listen! Otherwise I'm gonna go off on a tangent that's way too long haha:

2. When Atom said that one day they would like to go "swimming" with the MC, did they really meant float around space or also visit other planets? Places? Maybe their home planet?

Atom being Atom they meant it literally haha! There's nowhere else for them to be other than near you, and they like the idea of a romantic outing floating among the stars. They think it's a lovely activity to do together; like that Wall-E and EVE dancing in space scene. Very cute very wholesome. Plus they're more used to being outside than in. Of course with MC's phobia, it might take a while for them to agree,,,

3. What did they mean when they said they've seen worse?

They've taken over bigger ships than the Bidadari in their search for you. That's all I'll say!

4. Is Atom still going to use the suit or is there any other way for it to move around (human-like that is)?

Considering their characteristics, yes they're still using the suit. Currently, there's no other way for it to move around that could pass as human. The main reason they use the suit is because they didn't wanna scare you on sight. Besides, they're more comfortable with the suit (and they're fully aware you don't like it when they touch you directly, so the suit helps). In fact, they'd be happy to occupy two or more of them so you can have an army of Atoms at your beck and call!

[jesncin]

Spirit World, Ride the Cyclone and Death. A weird comparative analysis

Gonna combine my musical nerd and cape comics fixation together for a rambling meta thought. I've been reflecting on how taboo the topic of death is in media after getting into Ride The Cyclone (highly recommend watching the slime tutorial and Waiting in the Wings' documentary on it) but also contrasting that musical with how Spirit World handled similar topics.

Both stories cover characters whose lives were cut short from a tragic circumstance, but while Cyclone directly talks frankly about how each character uniquely grieves over their lost life (and eventually accepts death)- Spirit World uses death as largely an aesthetic to a generic fantasy superhero adventure.

[spoilers for Ride the Cyclone and Spirit World]

Spirit World is about non-binary, half dead half living Envoy Xanthe Zhou, as they go into the Spirit World with John Constantine to rescue Cassandra Cain Batgirl. They eventually go toe to toe with the spirit of a bitter dead poet.

Ride the Cyclone is about 6 choir teenagers who die in a roller coaster accident in their small town. In the afterlife, they are given the chance to vote which one of them they believe should be resurrected.

For Spirit World, do we even know how Xanthe feels about being "half dead"? What does that even mean? They died as (what looks like) a 3 year old, and have clearly aged 15 more years since then. So they can age? Do they need to eat or drink (they're seen with a drink in a Pride comic)? Xanthe keeps mentioning they're half dead and half living, but the comic doesn't seem to want to discuss what that means. How would Xanthe feel that they were essentially given a job as an Envoy the minute they died as a very young child? Was this even a choice?

We've already covered the numerous plot holes in Xanthe Zhou's poorly thought out backstory so I won't go over that again. But honestly apart from the thematically loose "the dead shouldn't be forgotten" moral, a lot of how death is presented in Spirit World feels so superficial. When Xanthe is formally introduced as this cool character with a giant sword hanging around a gravesite, fighting all these hopping vampire creatures... this scene would play out the same if you swapped the setting with a forest and zombies as bad guys.

The Spirit World is less an afterlife for the spirits to move onto and more an MMORPG setting for our superheroes to travel across and fight generic evil beings and encounter eviler, bigger, boss battles at the end. Then there's the poet clout villain whose problems are just easily solved by Xanthe promising to remember her. I've already covered what a lost opportunity thematically this character was in my last Xanthe essay, but this time I want to contrast her with Ride the Cyclone's Jane Doe. I also want to compare Xanthe with Noel Gruber afterwards.

Ride the Cyclone's musical numbers follow each character performing a song reflecting their wishes, and musings on life (this sounds depressing but the musical handles all this with comedy and wit), hoping to prove themselves as worthy of a second chance at life. Of the characters, Jane Doe is the mysterious odd one out. The accident decapitated her, leaving her to enter the after life with no memories and the people of the living unable to identify her.

You might see where I'm going with this. So in Spirit World, Wan Yujing was this famous poet mourned by an entire empire. She only goes monster mode when a handwave-y "time erodes all" happens in the Spirit World and she is eventually forgotten- so she becomes desperate to demand to be reincarnated by the Jade Court. Because her clout ran out. Again, I already made the critique in my previous essay that this villain would better link to our protagonist if she was a queer poet whose poetry was being purposefully straight washed as an act of queer historical erasure. But I want to bring up how truly unsympathetic this villain is. She gets Shakespeare levels of clout but still demands more because she isn't getting reincarnated fast enough. Xanthe promises that as an immortal "half dead half living" person that they will remember Wan Yujing, so she too can be immortal in some way.

I think about all the Jane Doe-s in the Spirit World who don't get to be famous poets that have Empires remembering who they were. People who died anonymously without a past. In Cyclone, the main character chooses Jane Doe as the person who should be brought back to life. Our cast of teens come to terms with the fact that while it's tragic that their lives ended shortly, they conclude "to say that if one dies young, they die needlessly... that is to discount the years we had. We had a life, she didn't. That's my vote." Since Jane Doe has no memory of who she is, it's only fair that she is given that second chance.

I get that Spirit World is choosing these "larger than life" characters as villains, but it's at the expense of their own supposed themes. Of all the people to die and face off our hero as the villain, a character who's essentially an influencer but somehow has an entire empire forget about her anyway feels thematically hollow.

Modern Superhero comics are suffering from a specific problem right now; they're not really about anything. Characters don't feel like people with interior lives informed by the context of who they are. Class, race and bigotry are only touched upon as lightly as possible. Queer characters are now Pride ads with no personhood or flaws. They punch gentrified crime and fight for no one in particular. Even recent adapted media such as My Adventures with Superman and Caped Crusader follow this. Superman fights white-washed xenophobia, while Batman fights gentrified, white-washed classicism. It's why comics like Superman Smashes the Klan, Catwoman Lonely City and Alan Scott Green Lantern stand out so much. It's been a while since these characters talked about anything that matters. Don't get me wrong, slop that's about nothing exists in every industry. But when these characters and worlds historically used to have more bite- it's especially obvious.

If I could be playfully conspiracy theory-like for a second; I believe Xanthe Zhou was pitched so that DC Comics can buff out their Pride Anthology or AAPI anthology with a new younger character. The company will give this character one limited series, but that's it. Xanthe will appear in the larger DC universe whenever big magic plots happen, but that's it. Maybe they'll get a YA graphic novel. I would love to be proven wrong, but the problems with Xanthe are baked in the dough.

Because they don't feel like a person, Xanthe feels more like an industry planted Pride ad. They're designed to be the most palatable and marketable image of Asian androgyny. They literally have no flaws to grow out of, and their backstory makes no sense. They weren't built to be a sustainable solo character.

So I want to contrast Xanthe Zhou against Noel Gruber from Ride the Cyclone. Because they're both queer characters whose lives were cut short at a young age.

In a dramatic lament, Noel Gruber expresses how if he had a chance to live, he'd want to live the horrible cinematic messy life of a French sex worker woman in post-war France. He struggled as the only gay boy in a small town and never got to kiss a boy before he died. It's a look into a queer life that could've been lived, one with all the messy texture and self destruction Noel couldn't have but desires. We get to see how death and queerness intersect into rich, unflattering, gender-messy themes. "I want to be that fucked up girl." Noel sings.

But what's Xanthe's deal? They died as a 3 year old, got brought back, avoided their family at all costs for 15 years, and then had a transphobic confrontation with their family when they're invited to dinner way later. If Xanthe grew up in a transphobic household, how did they ever figure out they were non-binary when they were 3? Could they even verbalize it? Or did they instead figure out their queerness after they died? But how is that possible when they already held a level of familiar resentment towards their family's transphobia as if they've had several fights about it? It's hard to picture a 3 year old having multiple heated debates about gender with their parents for this level of resentment to make any sense.

Details aside, how does Xanthe's queerness intersect with themes of death and grief? Well, it just doesn't. This scene ends with Xanthe's sister telling them that she bothered remembering them even though their parents moved on from their death (which makes no sense since the parents wanted to have dinner with a random 18 year old they correctly assumed was their long dead "daughter" but whatever). Honestly, the only reason queerness exists in this family drama is so that Xanthe has a tense relationship with their family. The story would be exactly the same if Xanthe was a troublemaker that brought shame to their family. Who they are isn't specific to whatever grief exists in the comic.

When people give the critique that modern Superhero comics aren't about anything anymore, we usually think of these comics as "lacking political bite and commentary". We don't often think of something like Death to be political. And even though it is in many ways, it's also a social taboo to talk about. Death is an uncomfortable thing to confront, even in the safety of fiction. It's what made Ride the Cyclone such a difficult stage musical to market.

So how does a modern mainstream comic like Spirit World fit into that? It just sits there in this non-committal way. Yes, this is a story about a trans teenager who died, but only in a cool Superhero Origin Way, not in any way that would make readers uncomfortable. Bury Your Gays is a stereotype after all, so we can't talk about how queer people feel about death. We don't get to know how Xanthe feels about death as a non-binary Asian American. Especially if it's messy. It's the reason why Wan Yujing's character can never commentate on themes of historical queer erasure. God forbid superhero comics be about something.

I think about how, in the original Hellblazer run from the 80s, John Constantine had an elderly gay friend who was diagnosed with AIDS but was killed by a homophobic hate group. The comic openly talks about the sheer amount of gay people dying of the epidemic, a looming threat that informs John's queer life. It's such a culture shock, to contrast these early comics with how John Constantine is written in Spirit World. A character stripped of his own queer history and is at the mercy of incessant slutty bi jokes. Where is the desire to talk about how death informs a queer person's life? The mourning of a lost generation to the AIDS crisis? Something John lived through?

How about how any of this intersects with being an Asian American queer person? Queer people of color are often erased or purposefully excluded from queer history and communities. As a Queer Asian American, what does it mean to have identities that are often perceived to be in conflict with each other? Would your queer Asian ancestors even be remembered? Cultural differences with how you'd mourn your communities? But answering any of these questions means an uncomfortable conversation for Spirit World. For Xanthe. It threatens to be about something.

Which makes it all the more silly that, of the two stories, a musical about teenagers dying from a rollercoaster malfunction is more willing to have that uncomfortable conversation. You should ride the Cyclone.

[genericpuff]

1. Have you read Circe by Madeline Miller + Song of Achilles ~ if you have what are your thoughts

2. In the original what was your favorite male character drawn out (mine was Hermes only bc I found him hot😓)

3. How long do you think it’ll take you to ‘finish’ your story, like do you have a set date: 2026,2027, even 2030🙈🙈

4. What’s your backstory on tattooing and art, was this your initial plan

5. Fave girl character, (mine is Minthe only bc she reminds me of my younger self since I seemed to only choose realtionships where I get here)

thank youuu

ahaha so many questions! I'll answer them as concisely as I can :>

1.) Song of Achilles is on my shelf, I've been meaning to read it all but I haven't been able to make time for it, I might try and do so before the new year! I've definitely heard great things :>

2.) Hephaestus! He gives me such older brother vibes, he just seems like a really chill and snuggly guy LOL Only complaint about his character design is the fact that he's constantly using running blades (sure they look cool but they're not practical for casual wear, you're supposed to use them for, y'know... running lmao) but that's really it, I think his arc with Aphrodite in S3 was poorly written tbh especially with how rushed it was, but overall not the worst treatment out of the cast.

3.) Definitely don't want it to take until 2030 LMAO It's gonna depend on a few variables, including update schedule (I'd really like to get back to posting once a week again like I used to but I don't think it's gonna be possible for a little while u.u""") and how long the final scripts come out to be. Ideally though I'd like it to be wrapped up within another year or two. This definitely isn't one of those "work on it indefinitely" type projects, I have an end goal in mind and I don't want it to take over half a decade like my last comic project did LOL

4.) Never expected to wind up making Rekindled or in tattooing. I'm kind of a "fall into it" type person, I do what feels right in the moment even if it's not what I initially planned for (within reason, of course! I've learned to sit on new ideas and plans for a bit before pursuing them to ensure I'm actually into them before diving in lol it helps me avoid the impulsive ADHD-fueled decisions 😆). I sort of had a plan for myself back in primary and high school - I wanted to become a video game concept artist, but over time as I got into making comics and after I graduated college, it just never really happened. It's never too late, of course, but right now I'm having a lot of fun tattooing and making comics in my free time ! I think I'd still be making comics even if I ended up in game dev, it satisfies my storytelling side haha

5.) If you mean specifically LO, yeah, Minthe here too. Which is wild because I remember when I was still a huge fan of the comic and was on the "fuck Minthe!" train. Now that I've explored the comic with a more critical eye, I sympathize with her way more and I really hope she had gotten a more satisfying conclusion. Still, she got away from Hades and Persephone's nonsense so that's better than nothing LMAO but I definitely want to explore her side more in Rekindled as the story unfolds, I have some fun plans for her <3

[lachencha]

A Million Springs: Anya Mouthwashing x Reader

i updated today?

you know i had to double itttt

this was based on my dreems

i hope you guys like it! and thank you for liking and reblogging you beautiful people!

does anya’s ghost count as a warning..??

Abandoned sheets of music lay scattered across your desk, with crumpled, balled-up ones overflowing the trash can. Sleepily, you scribble more lyrics onto a fresh page, writing words of love you wish you could've said to her one more time. It's been almost a year, but the ache hasn't dulled. If anything, it lingers sharper in the quiet.

She loved music. She loved when you sang songs to her, when you'd dedicate them to her during a gig. Though you never thought of yourself as much of a songwriter, she liked whatever impromptu melody you came up with. Anya liked everything—oldies, R&B, pop. You smile softly, remembering how diverse her playlists were during your late-night car rides, each song a little glimpse into her ever-curious heart.

You strum your guitar lightly. The sound feels hollow. Usually, Anya would be there beside you, swaying her head to the rhythm as you practiced, sometimes humming, sometimes shyly singing along. She was always self-conscious about her voice, and you never understood why. You told her she was amazing, better than she realized. But she'd always shake her head and laugh, playfully stubborn. She didn't believe you, though you wished she had.

You glance at the mess on your desk and begin sorting the scattered sheets. Anya would've scolded you for leaving it like this, she hated clutter. She used to tidy up your desk while muttering good-natured complaints. It feels wrong to organize it now without her, but you do it anyway, her voice echoing in your mind.

After a quick shower, you slip into bed, your body clean but your mind anything but. You stare at the ceiling, too tired to move but too restless to drift off. The silence presses heavy around you.

"(Y/N)."

Your breath catches. That voice—it couldn't be.

You sit up, your heart racing, and there she is. Your raven-haired beauty, her familiar eyes gazing down at you with a softness that breaks you. Her lips curve into a gentle smile, and you can't stop the tears that well up in your eyes. Slowly, almost afraid she'll vanish, you reach for her. She takes your hand, her touch warm and steady.

“Anya..." you whisper, the name trembling on your lips. You throw yourself into her arms, sobbing.

She holds you tightly, her fingers stroking your hair with the same tenderness you'd missed so desperately.

"I've missed you so much, Anya. You have no idea how much I've missed you. I wrote so many songs, so many poems—everything for you. I never stopped thinking about you. I never stopped loving you."

"I know," she says softly, her voice like a balm on your wounded heart.

She guides you to sit beside her, her hands warm against yours. "That's why I'm here," she says. "It hurts me to see you like this, to see you cry. I've heard every song you wrote for me, and I love each one."

"You did?" you ask, your voice breaking.

She nods, pressing a kiss to your cheek. "I did. But..."

She hesitates, her eyes searching yours as she holds your hands closer to her chest. "I need you to stop."

Your stomach twists. "Why? Do they bother you?"

"No," she says, shaking her head. "It's not that. But I can't bear to see you so broken. I just want you to keep going, my love. I want to see you happy."

You glance down at her hands, tracing the faint lines of her palm. "Do you remember the night we started going out? And you made me play my guitar for you?"

She chuckles softly, a sound that makes your chest tighten. "You kept forgetting the lyrics to that one oldies song."

"And you sang it instead," you reply, your voice barely above a whisper. "It was the first time you let me hear you really sing."

"I only sang because you wouldn't stop begging," she teases, her eyes glinting with the memory. "And you made fun of me the whole time."

"Because you were so good, and you didn't even realize it." You grip her hand tighter, your voice trembling. "How am I supposed to keep going without moments like that?"

She looks away, her expression softening. "You'll make new ones," she says quietly. "And one day, they won't hurt as much."

"I don't want new ones," you say, shaking your head. "I want the ones we never got to have."

She cups your face, her thumb brushing away a stray tear. "I want them too," she admits. "But I'm not here to haunt you, my love. I'm here to remind you that you're still alive."

"How can I keep going?" you plead. "You were everything to me. How could I ever forget you?"

She opens her mouth to respond, but you press on, desperate to make her understand.

"Give me a million springs," you whisper, your voice trembling, "and a couple of centuries to adore you. After that, I'll forget you. I promise I'll never bother you again."

She sighs, her expression tinged with sorrow. "That's impossible."

You shake your head, tears slipping down your cheeks. "As impossible as it is to forget you."

Her grip loosens, and she lets your hands fall. "Please," she says softly. "I need to see you move on. I can't stand watching you cry over me anymore. Promise me you'll try. Promise me you won't live in the past."

You sigh, your chest heavy. "I'll try," you murmur.

She smiles faintly, her lips brushing your cheek in a final kiss. And then she's gone.

You wake up alone, her words echoing in the silence, and you stare at the empty space where she had been.

She's asking for the impossible.

Not even a million springs would be enough to stop loving her.

[bisnes-socks]

don't mind me, below the cut is just me trying to somehow verbalise how much i love mesto duhov on a molecular and also astral levels and also trying my best to not actually cry about it.

i'm going to start with a weird tangent but.

back in the early days of covid i talked with a friend of mine how the panic around us made us, as deeply anxious people, feel more balanced somehow. she was in france, i was in finland, but the experience was the same: the anxiety in the world suddenly matched the anxiety inside us. it was somehow a new exeprience, to feel at balance, even if the reason for it was not so good.

but this, this song, is a good reason to feel at balance, and good god, that's exactly what this song does to me. i don't know how they made a song that matches something in my soul, but they did. and the reason why i started off with a weird covid tangent is because there is incredible pain in this song that matches something in the feeling of being alive to me. and to have it turned into music and played back to me is a moment of balance unlike any other, because suddenly feeling the things you feel don't make you so unbelievably lonely anymore.

there are other songs in the world that sound and feel like they vibrate in the exact same frequency as my soul, but i haven't discovered a new one in years. but mesto duhov is exactly that.

i don't usually go into joker out lyrics because i don't speak slovene or serbian, and so i leave analysing them to those who do. but this time i just want to say, that i looked up translations and not only does the music vibrate on the frequency of my soul, the lyrics are exactly what i've been feeling, what i've been witnessing, and what i've been working with for a while now. i don't want to go too much into my personal life on tumblr dot com, but the disappearance of imagination, of life, of joy, of things worth living for, are something that i've been working with on every level of my life this year, both on a personal and professional level.

this song is just this exact moment in my life right now. this is it. and it feels so oddly calming to me. because it feels like someone else sees it too.

and it's strange because once again, they have written a song that feels like i've heard it before, but i haven't. i'd know if i had ever heard anything like it, but i haven't. of course i hear the influences, but they feel irrelevant to me with this one. it's like there are moments in the song that almost take me back to like idk 2010 or something, but the nostalgia never gets a hold of me, it doesn't stick. it's almost nostalgic but it isn't, because this is now. it just feels like, when the song comes on, it's just....right. yes, that's the one, that's the song, that's the feeling, this is right.

the contrast between the agony of the verses and the resigned serenity of the pa pa pa pa paa... it's balance, it's right, it's real. it's also brilliant composing and songwriting. this song is so interesting, so captivating, so memorable. it goes from one feeling to another in a way that is striking but makes sense. 

they introduce the intesity of the verses straight off the bat, and then the quieting down and subsequent sudden stop with "pod nogami se trese / zapihal je veter, da vse nas odnese" is actually something quite familiar from rock music - you know to expect something different for the chorus. but you do not know to expect what actually happens, like it's a different song suddenly. and then they build back up to the intensity of the verses with great skill and attention to details and vibes.

the melody in "mimo mene lebdijo sami žalostni ljudje / nazaj v nostalgijo včerajšnjega dne" has to be one of the most beautiful melodies i've heard. something about it feels very familiar, very home-like, just again, very right. but it also makes me instantly emotional, even before i ever read a translation for the lyrics. just the melody alone. and bojan's vocal performance, which is absolutely top tier through the entire song. his ability to convey emotion really comes through with this one, and i'm in awe of him for it.

the instrumentation in the song is just brilliant.  the pa pa pa pa pa section is made up of sounds that bring childrens music into mind, it's full of whimsical and fun sounds, that in this context feel incredibly bittersweet and quite sad. the different guitar sounds and effects in the song, for example the sound that opens the song vs. the solo sound, bring amazing versatility and depth to the straight forward intensity of the verses. the drums portray the frustration and pent-up energy caused by the themes. the bass sound almost cocoons all of it into one and almost makes this song a physical place to exist in.

it's all brilliance from beginning to end. except once again, i wish the song went on much longer, and i miss it as soon as it begins to fade.

and i'm usually not one to loop songs. but this one i'd easliy loop all day, all week, all month, all year, my whole life, because somehow this song makes it easier to be, to breathe, to exist and to make peace with existing. 

needless to say it's my favourite track on the album, my song of the year, and quite possibly one of my favourite songs of all time ever.

[bitternace]

manos al aire

[ID: two mixed media images with a digital drawing of strelitzia from kingdom hearts. The background is a photo taken of a purple-blue sky with clouds illuminated ochre, purple and gold by a sunset (taken by ao3 user captainroxas). It's set in a square and two other rectangular sections, the rest is transparent.

On the right of the image, Strelitzia, is shown from the hip up, in her union x outfit, leaning slightly forward. Her body faces the right as she turns her face to the left. Her expression is worried, and mouth slightly open. Light hits her side as she puts her right hand to her chest, fingers resting on the purple stone of her necklace. The second image is a close-up of her face. /End ID.]

[thatgoddamngingerundercut]

and I begin to bloom like a lotus flower once again the Agust D trilogy

[fidgetspringer-art]

-✹- 'But I miss you in the mornings when I see the sun, Something in the orange tells me we're not done' -✹-

[theworldisabrokenbonebutitishome]

Kang Yo Han is the walking embodiment of I'm Not Okay (I Promise) and relates to Three Cheers For Sweet Revenge far more than is healthy. In this essay I will-

[theinfinitedivides]

the opening vocalizations in the Maasi Theme are almost (if not the) same vocalizations used in the instrumental bridge portion of Aararaari Raaro btw. in case you needed sh*t to hurt more than it already did

[sysig]

Finally made it through (Patreon)