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alovesreading · 1 year ago

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Constant Repeat | Part 15

Summary: Having worked at Focus Creeps for a year, Ella knows that as a production assistant and part of the crew, there’s one important rule: don’t interact with the talent unless it’s needed. But once she meets Arctic Monkeys, and the recording of the music videos for their upcoming fourth studio album starts, the band seem to become her exception. Not only because they treat her more like a friend than just someone else they’re working with but when Alex continuously makes her blush with his flirting, so enthralled by her that he forgets he’s got a girlfriend, Ella finds herself growing closer to him. As videos are filmed, wrapped and edited, the friendship lines become blurry. Situations unfold, secrets are told and others are kept under lock and key, but how long can Alex and Ella endure being stuck in each other’s minds on constant repeat.

Word Count: 32.4k

Story Warnings: Throughout this series there will be suggestive talk, jealousy, cheating, alcohol and drug use, angst, smut.

A/N: Hiii!! I'm finally back with chapter 15 and I'm still baffled at the fact that this one is the longest chapter in CR so far. Well, there was one chapter from the UK trip that ended up being almost 40k so I had to split it in half - but I made you wait long enough so I'm giving you it just as it ended up being. I've very quickly proofread it so I apologise for any grammatical and orthographic errors. Anyway, thanks for your patience everyone, I really really appreciate your support and your sweet messages and all the funny comments you leave here. I hope you lot enjoy this one, sending lots of love xx

Masterlist

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It was weird for Ella to go from seeing Alex almost every day to only being able to talk to him through texts sporadically throughout the week.

Not only was the time difference being a horrible obstacle, but also their jobs.

Ella usually got a chance to send a text when she woke up and was getting ready to go to work or in between her lunch breaks, and Alex would usually text her when he had a chance to be on his phone peacefully before the gigs or when he was having trouble falling asleep on the tour bus.

Thankfully, the band had had a week off in Italy by the beginning of them resuming the tour so that the O'Malleys could go on their honeymoon, which meant she got to hear from Alex more often. Ella had been swooning over the pictures Kelly was posting of them in a gorgeous villa in Lake Como, and she'd had the chance to tell Alex how jealous she was of their picturesque views when they had managed to facetime on a random Wednesday during that week off. Alex was in Sorrento with Matt, Jamie and Katie and it was funny hearing how Alex and Matt were being third wheels to the fiances.

Picking up her phone to find random pictures of the places Alex was visiting was something Ella was growing used to. Sometimes it'd be accompanied with a cute 'You'd love this place x' or 'Wish you were here xx', and other times it would be a picture Matt had managed to ruin of a lovely view and it'd come with 'I'm tempted to throw him off this cliff x' to which Ella usually replied with a 'Please do x'.

The pictures Alex got back were mostly of Ella behind the cameras or Ella rolling her eyes by her laptop opened on her email. Being a director meant loads of things on her plate but despite putting on a face for the camera, Ella absolutely loved it. Sometimes the singer would get videos Ella had taken behind the scenes of a production she was shooting, or a quick run through the crew putting everything together for a shoot and Ella excitedly talking about which company it was for and a quick summary of what they were gonna be doing.

But then, the Monkeys resumed their tour so it went back to the little they were managing to talk on the daily, but they were making an effort to keep each other in on what was going on.

They'd talk about anything but what they were itching to say. Because there wasn't a day that would go by without them thinking about that kiss, or rather the couple of kisses they shared in Alex's guest room. And the thought was always accompanied by the hope of another kiss being on the cards for them the next time they'd see each other.

There had been nights on tour Alex had been so drunk he'd found himself writing some sort of message to Ella. Something along the lines of 'I think about those seven minutes far too often darling, and I'm stupidly hoping for them to happen once more when I see you again xxxx' but he'd always delete them, his thumb hovering over the send button for too long as he read and read the message, overthinking it so much that his drunk mind called him a fool for thinking those were the words that were gonna win him Ella.

When the 'Why'd You Only Call Me When You're High?' music video came out on August 10th, the band was in Paris. Ella had called them to congratulate them and since they were in the greenroom, waiting for Pale Waves to finish their set before they could go on, Ella had managed to speak to all of them.

It had been a tad emotional, seeing them through a screen having the time of their lives. Ella had teared up when she said she missed them but her tears had cleared from her face when Matt took the piss out of her for not being able to live without them. Nick had smacked the back of the drummer's head, earning him a thank you from Ella and the video call had comically gone on with them pretending Ella was there.

Jamie had poured her a glass of wine that he put right beside Alex's phone which was propped on the drinks table, by a bottle of vodka. Ella had the best time, laughing away in her office as they purposely put on a show for her, chaotically singing along to the music they had loudly ringing through the speakers in the greenroom.

However, the call ended a little bit under half an hour later since the band had to go on stage, but Ella was left with her heart swelling in her chest when they sent her blown kisses and 'love you's as they went, Katie promising to record bits of the show to send her later.

By the time that show had ended and they were taken back to the hotel, Ella had been in a meeting with Ben, Aaron and the manager of an artist that wanted to work with Focus Creeps. That was why she had missed Alex's call, one that could've changed it all.

Alex had been on a high after the gig, but he'd found himself going back to Ella's messages and scrolling up their scattered conversations of the past month, so many feelings sparked inside him that it was almost like an instinct to call her and tell her everything that was coming to his mind: how much he wanted to see her again, to hold her and kiss her, to hear every story from her lips and in person, for her to see every show with her very own eyes and not through videos Katie managed to send her from time to time.

But Ella didn't answer and maybe it was a sign, maybe it wasn't the right time and Alex had that confirmed when Ella texted him hours later saying 'I'm so sorry I couldn't pick up, was in a meeting. I just got a three music video deal with this record label and I'll be doing it all by myself!!! I hope the show went amazing sweets, love you!! xx'

She'd seen the missed call almost two hours later and she'd thought about calling back for a split second before she remembered the difference in time zones and she cringed at the thought of stealing minutes of sleep from him.

Not that Alex wouldn't have answered. He had fallen asleep, phone in hand, waiting for her to call him back but that call never came.

Waking up to the text was bittersweet. A painful weight coming to press on his chest. It felt like another confirmation of him wanting to ask for too much from her, another confirmation of how selfish he was being. He concealed it easily through texts, sharing her excitement for her upcoming projects and even though the elation he felt for her was genuine, the situation continued to hurt nonetheless.

It felt like he was slowly losing her when his chest ached the most for her, an excruciating type of longing that had him zoning out from time to time when he thought too much about it.

And she was no better, every time she would go on her messages to see her latest texts yet to be answered it would dawn on her just how complicated this all was—the stubborn and afraid side of her hidden in the very depths of her mind telling her an annoying told you so every time her thoughts would go to this being the very reason why it wouldn't have ever worked out between them.

Distance was cruel and so was time—which seemed to go by slower than ever as if to mock them for how long they had to stay away from each other.

Another month went by with the same predicament: texts here and there, random pictures and videos of their days, one or two video calls if they were lucky to find the time to call each other without interrupting sleep or work. Ella claimed almost every thought of his and it got worse when the album finally came out.

There were many songs he had written with her in mind, 'Arabella' being the most obvious one, and Alex wanted so badly for her to catch on and say something about it. He understood why she hadn't back when they were recording but now, after everything that had happened, he was hopeful.

Yet, to his dismay, Ella didn't say anything about it when she texted him the day AM came out.

(09/09/2013 07:17) This record is incredible Al! Got it delivered right in time and I played it on the way to the office today. I keep thinking back to watching y'all record it in Rancho de la Luna and getting emotional at the memories :'( it was truly magical and hearing the album finally be out for everyone to hear makes me so fucking proud!!!! You guys are fucking amazing!!! The reviews are great, I told you this one would make history and it's already looking pretty damn good over here ;) Can't wait to see the gig later tonight! Love you!! xx

Ella had texted George to congratulate him for The 1975's debut album coming out the first day of the month, and after a little flirting from the drummer which had her blushing and struggling to reply, he had told her they'd be playing a set at the iTunes Festival that would be available to stream later.

That was how she'd found out she would be able to watch the Monkeys' set, since they were also playing the festival, when she got home from work and she was absolutely buzzing. It had been so much fun watching The 1975 while having a glass of wine the night before, and she'd ended asking Flo when they'd be touring the US so that she could get tickets to see them in LA.

Alex had thanked her for the love when he was sitting in the greenroom and he had joked about the set being dedicated to her. But he wasn't really joking. He really wished she was there with them, just like Breana, who had joined them in the previous week of the tour and was sitting on Matt's lap as they all chatted and laughed with drinks in hand.

They were due to be in the States again in a week so Alex figured he could arrange something up. They had a festival run for most of the month and it wouldn't be until the end of the month that they would go to LA for a headline show so he made a few calls to try and sort something out to see Ella earlier and he managed to convince his team of recording the music video for their next single before they got to LA, and it would be recorded with Focus Creeps again.

Before they resumed their tour, they had settled that 'One For The Road' would be the next single, along with 'You're So Dark' as its b-side.

A few emails and calls between AM's team and Focus Creeps was all it took to arrange it and the day for the shoot had fallen on the 23rd of September so the crew would be flying out to Chicago.

Alex had been buzzing in anticipation, the whole week leading up to the shoot he had spent it with an extremely good mood at the prospect of seeing Ella again, even if it was just merely a week earlier than their actual gig in Los Angeles.

But his hopes had been shattered in an instant when Ella had managed to text him back three days before the shoot saying that Aaron had been the one to be assigned the music video. One of the three videos she'd signed a contract with a record label to direct had been scheduled for that same Monday, meaning that it was between Ben and Aaron to take over and, eventually, Aaron had been the one to volunteer himself for it.

Ella'd had a tough time hiding just how upset she was about it, but Ben had caught up on it the day Aaron and his crew were checking they had everything ready for the shoot, her cheeks had gone bright red when the director came into her office and finished his quick chat about her shoot with, "Don't worry, they'll be here by the end of the month and you'll see him then."

Ben didn't need to say more than that for her to know exactly what he meant and she hated the fact that she couldn't manage to reply with anything, only a nod of her head which took her far too long to offer and Ben left the room with a knowing chuckle.

In hindsight, he must've seen the longing written all over her face as she stared at the open YouTube tab she had displayed on her computer with the latest BBC Live Lounge video which was of the Monkeys covering a Drake song she hadn't heard before. Ella sighed as she put her earphones back on and pressed play yet again, hearing the cover for the millionth time that week as she went back over the reviewed checklist Lydia had handed her over an hour before.

Aaron and his crew had gone to Chicago on Sunday morning and had a nice day settling down in the city, being mindful of properly resting since they were set to film with the band on Monday morning.

By the time Ella had woken up on Monday and was getting ready for a long day ahead, she had a text from Alex which consisted of a selfie of the band already in suits and on set, which funnily enough was a large farm, accompanied by a text that read 'Jamie Cook will be the camera's muse today. Miss you darling xx'

Those last words turned her into mush and a loopy smile stayed on her face as she drove to the office and then left to the site they were filming at. She sent back a picture there, when she was settled behind the cameras as the lighting crew finished setting up, a pout on her face to emphasize on her message that accompanied the picture: 'Behind the wrong cameras today :( Miss you too sweets xx'

Alex saw it about an hour after she sent it, during a break Aaron had let them have because of how hot it had gotten for them all in the tailored suits under the blazing sun that not even Chicago's wind helped them bear. He'd smiled like a fool as he went over every little detail of her face, the wrinkles in the middle of her brows as she frowned, those pretty eyes of hers almost hidden away behind her almost closed lids, the freckles he loved counting whenever he had her close perfectly showcased against her skin under the sun, her lips pink and soft in a pout that he wanted so badly to kiss away.

Alex just wanted her to be there with him, to have his arms around her and keep her close the whole time, to feel her laugh in his hold so their chests rumbled with joy together, to watch her pupils dilating as she drank with them, to have her pleading to take his picture or just sneakily taking one without him noticing, to feel the warmth of her touch all over him. To hear her call him that nickname she'd given him, sweetness, that was more her than it was him but it made him melt and maybe it was just her coming to swallow him entirely and melting him into a puddle of sweetness, all sticky like honey.

He missed her and it hurt, he ached for her presence and, if he had been already begging for the days to go by faster, now he was on his knees begging for them to fly by. He just couldn't survive anymore with just pictures and videos and those texts she sends. He needed her like he hadn't before. Because now it just wasn't something physical, it was this desperate need for a fix of her presence and how she made him feel when she was close, when she looked at him, when she laughed with him and touched him.

After that Alex had been distracted almost the whole recording of the video and when he watched as a girl stood there in front of the camera wearing the 'One For The Road' leather jacket, he couldn't help but think he was taking that with him to LA and giving it to Ella.

It seemed like Alex wasn't the only one moping around, for Ella went straight to Los Feliz the second the crew went back to the office and finished putting everything away. But she felt empty going alone into the theater yet again, and in desperate need to feel like he was there with her like how badly she wanted, she bought a ticket for a Blade Runner screening.

She sent a picture of her ticket and her melancholy slipped a little when she captioned it 'Your favorite today because I miss you and Los Feliz is looking a little dull without you here to make commentary xx'

Waking up to that made Alex feel a bit better, knowing he wasn't alone in his longing and a spark of hope ignited inside his chest. His thoughts the usual push and pull of does she, doesn't she that drove him insane on the daily.

He sang 'Arabella' and 'Do I Wanna Know?'with a lot more intent that night, as if she could hear him and answer just what he was implicitly asking.

But, of course, she wasn't listening because she wasn't in San Francisco that night.

However, being in San Francisco meant there were merely a handful more sleeps left until he got to see her and that soothed his soul. If he closed his eyes and thought hard enough, he could already feel her and hear her and breathe in her scent.

Just a few more days, Alex reminded himself every night before falling asleep—a smile on his face that stayed even throughout his dreams which were oh so coincidentally about Ella.

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Ella had been so nervous getting ready the Sunday the band arrived in Los Angeles. They'd gotten into town in the morning and they'd gone straight to the venue so that their crew could set up and they could soundcheck by noon.

She'd been wide awake since seven in the morning and tossed and turned in bed as she waited for any sign of life from Alex.

He Facetimed her almost three hours later, the second the lads had settled down in their greenroom and he could escape to the back of the venue.

"Good morning, darling." Alex greeted her the second she answered and he smiled like a right fool when he saw her still in bed, hair splayed out on her pillow and a smile that had her eyes closing.

"Good morning sweetness." She yawned softly behind her hand and rubbed her eye with her knuckles before she basically begged, "Please tell me you're here already."

His cheeks hurt from how hard he was smiling and he put his sunglasses up on top of his head to see her properly despite the sun burning his corneas, "We are. Just got settled in the greenroom and the crew is setting up the stage so we can soundcheck soon."

Ella shifted in bed to her side so she could squeal into her pillow and Alex wanted to have the ability to teleport just so he could lay over her and shower her in kisses because of how fucking adorable she was.

"Okay, I'm gonna have breakfast and get ready to head over there before rush hour." She all but jumped out of bed and Alex held his breath when he noticed which top she'd worn to sleep.

It was the Clockwork Orange top he gave her when she'd stayed with him that night of the wedding, which he had fully forgotten about. But seeing her wearing it had him feeling a rush of warmth running through his veins and he fucking loved it.

The words left him before he could even process them, "Lovely top you've got on."

He watched as a pink flush coated her cheeks and a soft string of giggles slipped past her lips, "Sorry, I'll give it back when I see you later."

But that wasn't what he wanted, no. If anything he wanted to give her whichever shirt of his she fancied if it meant he'd get to see her wearing them right after.

"No." He quickly replied, a shake of his head to ensure she got the message, "Please keep it, darling. Looks better on you anyway."

She rolled her eyes as she walked to the bathroom, getting more flustered by the second. Her bare feet on the cold wood flooring of her house helped bring her temperature down slightly but she still looked quite red when she propped him up by the sink.

"Yeah, I think I pull it off quite well." Ella cockily quipped back with a smirk on her face as she grabbed her toothbrush and toothpaste.

She was looking at herself in the mirror for a few seconds so she missed the way Alex was stuck gawking at her through the screen. It was painfully obvious she wasn't wearing a bra underneath it and it was driving him insane.

"You really do, darling." Alex managed out his agape mouth, he was almost drooling. He wanted to kiss her again so badly.

Right before she could start brushing her teeth, she said, "Right sweets, I'm gonna get ready as fast as I can yeah?"

He hummed, nodding his head like a kid which was bargaining an hour of good behavior for an ice cream cone.

"Love you, I'll see you soon." She leaned in closer to the camera and offered him a bright smile, fluttering lashes as she watched him glow under the sun.

He matched her grin and reciprocated the feeling with much more hidden passion than she knew, "Love you darling. Can't wait to see you."

A giggle escaped her as she waved at the camera and he did just the same, two seconds of a wave before she pressed the red button to end the call.

He sighed, really dreading however long it would be until he saw her, feet lazily taking him back to the greenroom where he and the lads went on to have the food and drinks on their raider.

Ella was actually rushing through everything, cooking her breakfast and practically inhaling it before heading back to the bathroom to take the quickest shower and she half assed the job of drying her hair, letting the dampness still present to air dry as she dressed and did her makeup.

In less than an hour she was out the door, throwing herself in her car and quickly backing out of her driveway to rush over to the venue.

It was a fucking joke how even at eleven in the morning, the LA traffic was still a pain in the ass. It wasn't as bad as it could really get but Ella wanted to be there already and having to wait twenty more minutes sitting in traffic on the highway was exasperating.

She smiled when she got off into Koreatown and realized they were only a few miles away from Los Feliz, thinking whether or not there would be a possibility to sneak out of the venue to at least take a stroll over there. It would have to be that very day though, because the next two shows, she'd be able to make it just in time before Pale Waves were set to start if she was going to the venue directly from work.

It took her a few minutes to park right across the venue and cross the street to where people were already gathering in a short line for the show. Arctic Monkeys - Tonight at 8PM - with support of Pale Waves - Sold Out it read on the display right below the big red letters of The Wiltern Theater, Ella smiled to herself as a wave of excitement and pride came over her and her palms started sweating in anticipation.

That was a bit shadowed when she had to walk up to the security guard in the very front of the line and say she was in the guest list, the big bulky scary man offering her a soft smile and asking her for her ID and then to wait just as he made sure she was indeed in the guest list.

She heard the muffle voice of however was talking through the radio he had in hand and she took in the curious glances of the people in line when the guard nodded, handed her ID back and opened the door for her to walk in, "To your right walk all the way down, their tour manager is waiting for you."

"Thank you," Ella said shyly, a tight lip smile and a nod was all she left the guard with before she followed the instructions and just as she'd been told, Steve was waiting for her at the end of the hallway.

"Ella!" He greeted her warmly and she smiled at him, a comforting relief coming over her at the familiar face she hadn't seen in very very long, more specifically since Glastonbury.

"Hi Steve!" She greeted just as enthusiastically and hugged him tightly, "How are you? How's tour life treating you?"

He pulled away from the hug and answered as he started walking through a maze of hallways with her beside him, "The usual, everything's fucking mental but we make it work."

"That you do." She chuckled, she'd seen a few clips here and there of the tour and it always looked absolutely incredible. She couldn't wait to hear the new songs live though.

They walked past a few doors before she managed to see the one with the latest Arctic Monkeys logo, in the same font as Black Sabbath's which she loved so much but she was surprised when Steve walked right past it.

Her mouth opened to ask where he was taking her if the greenroom was right there but he beat her to it when he said, "They're out there soundchecking right now."

It was a quarter past twelve so she nodded understandingly, and she let herself get more and more excited as they walked closer to the door by the side of the stage. And when they finally walked past those doors, she was drowned with the strumming of guitars and that soft voice she'd missed so much.

Her fingers dug into her thighs, trying to wipe the sweat off her palms on her shorts and somehow release a bit of the nerves that were cursing her but when she walked in front of the stage beside Steve and Alex's eyes fell on hers, it was like it had all disappeared.

Alex stopped mid verse, the biggest smile appearing on his face and making it impossible for him to continue. She was right there, finally. So he turned to the lads and the sound crew for a second, asking, "That sounds good right?" But not waiting for an answer at all, only nodding like he knew it was right and quickly propping his guitar up on its stand, to rush to the side of the stage and run towards her.

His arms opened as he dashed for her and she did just the same, meeting in the middle harshly, the force of their collision not even being something they acknowledge as they clinged into each other tightly, he even lifted her off the ground to spin them around once before he set her down and mumbled, "Oh darling, finally." in her ear.

"I missed you so fucking much." Ella whispered back, a knot forming in her throat when it all fell into place, this was all that she was missing.

"Me too," He said desperately, cradling her head with his right hand while the other held her tightly around her waist, "You've no idea how much."

But she could imagine, because she had missed him in such a pathetic way, every day spent thinking about what he might be doing and envious of those who got to see him on the daily, every night breathlessly calling out his name as she touched herself wishing it was him.

She pushed aside the thought of one particular night she'd bought herself a new toy and all that she'd pictured was him filling her up instead of some stupid piece of plastic, only for her actions to flood her brain so much that she dreamt about it and she was left frustrated that she couldn't fulfill her want and her needs with him.

"Ella!" Nick called out as he walked across the stage, she pulled back and smiled brightly at him, waving at him to come to her and he did just that.

Alex reluctantly let her go for the rest of the lads to hug her and Ella found herself silently shedding a few tears at the reunion.

"Missed you." She mumbled against Matt's shoulder, sniffling right after so the drummer left a bunch of kisses on her temple, hugging her tightly to him and leaving his teasing persona on the side to say, "Missed you too, Ellie."

She let go and fiddled with her fingers as she looked around the guys, "Sorry I interrupted. You guys can continue."

"Do we have to?" Alex directed the question at the sound guys and sighed in annoyance when they nodded. He knew they'd just started soundcheck merely a few minutes before but he wanted it to be over and spend as much time as he could with Ella.

"It's fine." Ella waved him off, "I'll go look for Bre. She's in the greenroom isn't she?"

Matt nodded, "Yeah, she's been waiting for you."

So it was settled then, Ella would go over to wait for them backstage and she would see her best friend after being apart for so long.

Before she could leave though, she made sure to hug them all over again like it was the last time she could. Alex reveled in the feeling of her arms over his shoulders and around his neck holding him close to her and he melted when she left a loud kiss on his cheek before she was walking away back to the greenroom.

Ella was feeling so chipper as she walked up to the greenroom, a skip in her step and a massive smile on her face. Steve had left her on her own when she assured him she remembered the way there so he could stay to watch the soundcheck. So she knocked on the door softly when she got there and she opened it slowly to be greeted by her best friend who jumped up from the settee and ran over to her.

There was barely a second to close the door behind her when Bre threw herself in Ella's arms and they squealed at them finally being reunited back home.

"Can you not leave me again? I missed you bitch!" Ella complained in Breana's ear, eyes closed and relishing in the feeling of having her best friend with her again.

"I'm sorry." Bre laughed, "Committed to the groupie life now."

Ella cackled, pulling back as she softly pushed Bre away, "Of course."

A voice coming from the left side of the room interrupted her before she could tease Breana, "Hello gorgeous."

Her head turned so quickly and she smiled sheepishly when she saw Alice standing there. That smirk of hers promising pure mischief but just as inviting as it always was.

"Allie!" Ella said as she walked up to her, wrapping her arms around the singer's waist and pulling her into a hug.

"How've you been?" Alice asked, brushing a strand of her behind Ella's ear which had her biting her tongue not to smile too hard about.

Alice and George both would forever hold the power to make her crumble in an instant with the simplest of touches. It was kind of embarrassing.

"Alright, y'know. Filming loads now, so I'm very busy. But it's just what I dreamed of, really couldn't ask for anything else."

Alice nodded, a genuine smile on her face as her eyes took in how Ella was glowing, "M'glad baby." She squeezed Ella's waist, letting her hold slowly leave her side and Ella smiled as she took one step back. "You look beautiful." Alice took her in with one slow sweep of her eyes down her figure and Ella blushed at the compliment.

Ella really didn't think her blue jean shorts, her striped button down that was tucked into them and her chelsea boots was much of a fashionable outfit. Still she gave Alice a bright grin and said, "Thank you. So do you."

Oscar and Connor walked in through the door then and they instantly recognized her and walked over to hug her hello, and then they introduced them to the last member of Pale Waves that she still hadn't had the chance to meet, their drummer, Zara.

"Hi, I'm Ella! Nice to finally meet you!" The director said, putting her hand out for Zara to shake.

"Zara," the drummer said and welcomed the gesture just as kindly but then she teased her by saying, "So you're the famous Ella..."

Ella's eyes widened ever so slightly, entirely surprised about the hint of insinuation and a tad confused, but Oscar was the one to let her know what she meant by explaining, "Alice loved your pictures so much she has a few framed and up on her walls and Zara was quite intrigued."

"Oh..." Ella let out, her cheeks burning up and the flush coming all the way down to her neck. It was so noticeable since she had the top buttons of her shirt undone and her collarbones and chest were exposed for everyone to see. "Glad you liked the pictures. I guess."

Alice snorted in laughter beside her, finding it so amusing and just as endearing that she reacted like this and Zara smirked as well, "Yeah, they were quite something. But, in all seriousness, they were really good."

At that Ella puffed her chest out slightly, pride filling up her chest and overshadowing the embarrassment, "Thank you."

They all moved to sit down in the settees and chairs available and little by little they went onto catching up on what had been happening in the past two months. Some things Ella knew from Alex's texts or what Breana had managed to let her know when she joined the lads at the start of the month.

About twenty minutes later the lads came back into the room and Ella's heart swelled in her chest when Alex took a seat beside her and wrapped his arm around her waist to pull her flush against his side. She smiled loopily and she let her head fall on his shoulder as she listened to the new conversation sparking in the room. Alex left a kiss atop of her head, breathing in her scent and closing his eyes in utter bliss.

It felt like being home.

Time went fast, one moment they'd gotten food delivered to the venue and Alex and Matt were making everyone drinks and the other, Pale Waves was about to go on stage for their forty minute set before the Monkeys.

"Are you coming out to watch us?" Alice asked Ella as one of the sound guys fixed her mic pack on the top of her skirt.

Ella nodded with a smile, "Absolutely." but Alex's hold tightening on her waist made her turn to watch him and ask, "D'you wanna come with me?"

If it was anyone else asking, he would've said no—finding nothing worse than to have to watch Alice on stage yet again—but it was Ella so he nodded without a hint of doubt, "Of course darling. Let's go to the side of the stage, yeah?"

Alice had been throwing flirty comments at Ella the whole afternoon and it had Alex grinding his teeth. Ella had been playing along here and there but she never left his side and that was the only thing he was going to focus on. They'd had their touch on each other the whole time, if it wasn't his arm around her waist, it was her fingers fiddling with his, or him playing with her hair, or her legs thrown over his lap so he held her in place with a warm hand over her knee.

They were making up for lost time and it was clear to everyone, but they kept their mouths shut for their sake. To not disturb the bubble they had created around themselves. Alice was the only one to poke it with a faint touch every time she flirted with Ella but it seemed like it was beneficial to Alex since the director would only lean into his touch every time that happened.

It was like Ella was replying with her words but subconsciously she was telling Alice how much she just wanted the man rubbing circles on her thighs.

Ella stood up and reached her hand out for Alex to grab, and when he intertwined their fingers she pulled him up to have him walk with her. After grabbing their drinks, they went over to the stage along with the band, only they stopped on the side of it and Ella marveled at the sight of that many people and the volume of the crowd the second Pale Waves stepped out.

Alex stood behind Ella to her right side, one arm thrown over her shoulders and fiddling with the collar of her shirt as they watched the band perform. Ella had a smile on her face as she sang along and Alex was surprised to hear how she knew almost every line to every song.

A screech came from Ella when the second to last song started, 'There's A Honey' was probably her favorite off their record and she was ecstatic to finally hear it live.

When it was over, she turned to look at Alex with the biggest smile, "They're so good!"

Alex reluctantly agreed with a simple nod, taking in the way her face lit up under the red lighting of the stage.

But her smile faltered when 'Came In Close' started and she turned around to watch the band again, this time entirely silent just taking in the lyrics.

The first time Ella had heard the song when she played the full record, days after she got back home from her trip to the UK, she'd instantly made the connection of it to Alex and it was one of them things she couldn't really shake.

The same way it was hard to listen to The Strokes after Julian, the same way she couldn't listen to Highlight of my Life by Dolly Parton without feeling that pinch to her chest from her first heartbreak.

Ella sighed to herself when the set ended and Alice thanked everyone for coming, giving a brief shoutout to the Monkeys for having them on tour. She just hoped Alex hadn't caught onto that, especially because it was just sending her into a pathetic spiral.

Is it a sign? She wondered with a soft frown on her face.

"Y'alright?" Alex asked as she turned around, ready to leave.

"Yeah, yeah." Ella quickly muttered, taking a gulp of her still half full cup. "Let's go." She got a hold of his wrist and tugged him to walk beside her back to the greenroom.

The lads still had 30 minutes left until they had to go on stage so Ella wanted to just spend it in their presence, considering she only really had those three days with them and then they'd be gone again until December.

An overly hyper Alice and Oscar ran up to the pair and quickly started asking Ella if she liked their set, the American nodded eagerly and pointed out her favorite parts, accentuating how happy she was to hear her favorite song of theirs live.

When they got back, the energy buzzing through Alice and her bandmates was palpable in the air, so the lads turned to see them walk into the room with a smile on their faces.

"How was it?" Jamie was the one to ask, seeing Pale Waves touring with them and their reactions to the masses that gathered in front of them every night of tour reminded him of the Monkeys when they had just started and it was nostalgic and endearing.

Zara whistled in awe, "Fucking brilliant."

Oscar nodded, walking straight towards the table filled with drinks, "Honestly, amazing crowd."

"It's Los Angeles, baby, of course it is." Ella said proudly, lifting her cup in the air and throwing a wink on Alice's way.

Alice winked back and blew her a kiss, one that Alex rolled his eyes at as Ella hid her blushy cheeks behind the glass while she finally drank the last of her cocktail.

Matt stood up then and with a chipper tone in his voice, he suggested, "Right so... another round of margaritas?"

Everyone nodded, Pale Waves wanted to celebrate yet another successful night and the lads wanted to continue letting loose knowing that it was their turn to go up on stage in about half an hour.

So Matt and Alex took over, with a little help from Connor, and just like that everyone was cheering to an incredible night five minutes later.

The group had gotten caught up in lively chatter as they waited, but before they even realized, time had flown right past them and the lads were snatched from the greenroom and instructed to go up on stage.

Bre and Ella ran out to join the crowd in the GA floor area and they cheered just as loud as everyone around them when the band walked in on stage. The stage looked stunning, and she thought about just how hot it would get from the hard lights. She couldn't even imagine how much it would be on the lads considering Alex, Jamie and Nick were wearing blazers and long sleeve button ups.

If Ella had been amazed at the crowd's volume during Pale Waves' set, then she was absolutely mindblown when 'Do I Wanna Know?' started and the screams were deafening. The walls shook with the bass and the sneer of the drums, each strum of the guitars reverberated in her chest and she swore she could feel the floor shaking beneath her feet when Alex started singing.

Ella was entirely entranced by it all, she had missed seeing them on stage after months and the wonder never withered away. There was a feeling bubbling up inside her that she was sure wasn't due to the pair of cocktails she'd nursed earlier, though she really hoped she would have blamed it on it. When Alex found her in the back of the crowd, the feeling multiplied and Ella felt almost dizzy from it.

It was like Alex tried his best to steer away from Ella but his eyes were magnetized to her almost throughout the whole show, and not only the guys but also Breana noticed the change in Alex's demeanor compared to past shows. He was smiling so much as he sang, his gaze swimming through the crowd to end up looking at her and there was something laced around his words that showed especially when he sang those tunes he'd written with Ella in mind.

He'd raised his eyebrows and smirked at her right before they started 'Teddy Picker' and his eyes looked pleading as he stared at her when he sang 'Arabella'—Ella had been left breathless when he sang the bridge and didn't move his gaze from her, her eyes stuck on his mouth and the way it grazed the mic with every word as the sweat dripped down the sides of his face and his neck, unable to stop watching how he brushed his hair back to keep it from sticking to his forehead.

She and Bre went absolutely crazy with the crowd at the end of 'Do Me A Favour?' and Ella was a mess of giggles when Alex teased the crowd as he introduced their last song, 'R U Mine?'

Ella had her eyes stuck watching the way Alex's fingers swiftly moved up on the neck of his guitar, not even a glance down to where to place them as he sang with his eyes half lidded. She bit her lip while she watched his hips sway to the song, a smoothness to every one of his moves that had her mind going places.

It had been a fright when a fan managed to go on stage and grabbed the setlist from its place on the floor of the stage, she'd gasped seeing a security guard chase the teenager and catch him right behind Nick, but she'd eventually laughed at the band staying cool and unbothered at the situation.

The walls rumbled with the intensity of the voices that sang along the last chorus and it was an incredible buzz that lingered in the air like a charged cloud ready to thunder down when the guys waved as they left the stage, Alex blowing kisses and throwing peace signs in thanks to the audience for their attendance.

Trying their best to make their way through the crowd, Ella and Bre managed to go backstage again, flashing their AAA passes and when they walked past the doors and saw the lads slowly walking back to the greenroom, they took off to hug them.

Bre jumped on Matt's back, who instinctively grabbed the backs of her thighs and managed to stabilize himself as the model attacked the side of his face with chaste kisses. And Ella had ran into Alex's back, slamming into him with an oof and wrapped her arms tightly around his waist.

"That was fucking incredible!" Ella squealed in excitement, her eyes glimmering with admiration that Alex got to see when he unwrapped Ella's arms from him to pull her to his side and throw his arm over her shoulders.

Alex smiled wide down at her, leaning in to leave a kiss on her temple, "Did you like it?"

Ella scrunched up her nose at him at the kiss, letting herself take in the feeling of his lips on her before nodding and saying, "Loved it!" Her fingers squeezed at his waist softly as she added, "Thank you for keeping my favorite in the setlist."

He hummed with a smirk on his face, "I couldn't ever take it off, especially not if you're in attendance."

He winked at her and her cheeks were quickly dusted with a pink flush. It filled him with warmth seeing her blush at him again, he had missed that so much.

But his reminiscing was changed for surprise when she leaned into his ear and whispered, "Good boy." before leaving his side and throwing herself at Jamie, ruffling the guitarist's hair and congratulating him for being amazing and effortlessly pulling off the War Pigs riff by the end of the song.

Alex was left stupefied by that for a few minutes, not really knowing how to act anymore after that. He just wanted to walk up to her and interrupt her conversation with Jamie to kiss her hard and take her somewhere else. He wanted her all to himself.

Unfortunately, that wasn't possible. Not when they had to stay for an hour in the greenroom to ride out the adrenaline running through them after the show, whilst they waited for the crew to pack things up and leave their gear in order for the gig the next day.

When Steve came back to let them know they could leave, Pale Waves were the first to take a cab to the hotel they were all staying at. They'd said goodbye to Ella and she'd promised to be back to see them the next day.

So Ella, Bre and the lads slowly walked out the back of the venue towards the exit where their tour team was waiting for them to say what they were doing next.

Matt gestured towards Steve to give them a few minutes so that the group could figure it out, Alex and Jamie deciding to have a cigarette as they spoke and offering their packs up for anyone else who wanted a smoke.

Ella plucked one out from Alex's pack, and she thanked Jamie when he lit it up for her.

"Where are you staying?" She curiously asked them, taking a long drag of smoke.

Nick shrugged, barely remembering the area it was at, "Some fancy hotel on Sunset Strip."

"Oh..." Ella nodded, her brows raised at the mention of the neighborhood. She was intrigued so she thought about it aloud, just throwing a question into the air, "Is it the Edition?"

And to Ella's luck, she guessed correctly. "Yep, that one." Bre smirked in confirmation, she couldn't believe it when the band's tour bus drove past there and Steve had told them they'd be staying there.

The director whistled funnily in amazement, "Fucking hell. Record's doing quite well then."

Jamie and Alex snorted out a laugh, their heads shaking side to side at Ella's tone. But Matt scoffed, "Why wouldn't it?"

"Alright, Helders." Ella rolled her eyes, the smoke slipping past her lips as she spoke, "Forgot you've got a big ass head."

The drummer smirked and quickly joked by replying, "Next time ask Bre so you don't forget." ending it with a wink that made Ella dramatically frown and gag.

"You're disgusting..." She pointed at him with the lit up end of her cig, and then she sighed in exasperation, "That's my cue. I'm going."

"This early?" Alex let out instantly, a tinge of sadness in his voice.

Ella was sure it was way past eleven, since the last time she'd checked her phone was a while ago and it was a quarter to eleven, so she pulled out her phone and the screen showed her a horrendous 11:47 pm.

"It's almost midnight." She pouted, she still had to drive a whole fifty minutes back to her house and she was fucking knackered.

"The night is young!" Bre exclaimed as if that was going to convince her, she prayed Ella could see the 'call in sick for work tomorrow and come with us!' written all over her face.

It filled Ella with sorrow to be logical and actually take her responsibilities into consideration, "I've got work tomorrow and I'm driving home."

Bre winced silently when she realized how far Ella's was from the venue so she nodded sadly but understanding the situation.

To Ella's left though, Alex let his jaw drop slightly at the piece of information and a soft gasp came from him before he scolded her, "Darling, why'd you have those margaritas then?!"

Ella chuckled at him and waved him off, "Oh I only had two and it's been a while. I'm completely sober, I promise."

"You sure?" Alex asked seriously, not a hint of amusement on his face.

She nodded in confirmation at the same time as Nick offered, "You can always stay with us."

"Making you get another room just because yous want me to go out for drinks? No." She loved them and they were some of her closest friends but she wouldn't at all consider being that much of a burden not only to them but to their team. Accepting to have them spend money on a hotel room for her when she was just an hour away from home was silly and embarrassing.

And, of course, Matt took the opportunity to be a dickhead for he shrugged and suggested, "You can always share a room with someone."

"Matthew, don't." Ella glared at him with a fury that the drummer wasn't expecting, he had to press his lips together to not ask why the sudden intensity, but he didn't even get the chance because Ella took one last drag of her cigarette and then turned to her right to say goodbye, "Okay, that's it. Goodnight. I'll see you tomorrow."

She gave hugs around, all warm and with intent, and whispered goodbyes and love yous in their ears. When it got to Alex, she clutched him the tightest and kissed his cheek.

"Same time?" Matt asked from behind her since she was still hugging Alex.

"Later, unfortunately." Ella sighed out with a hint of sorrow, "Coming straight from the office once I'm done with work."

Alex wrapped his arm around her waist to pull her in and left a quick kiss on her temple before assuring her, "S'alright. As long as you're here, darling."

She turned to offer him a sweet smile and confirmed, "I will certainly be."

A breathy and soft "Good." was what Alex replied before letting her go and she took a few steps before turning around and blowing everyone a kiss, "Love you guys." She saw the nearest exit and waved them goodbye before quickly walking out of the venue with a loud and cheery, "See ya'!"

✦✧✦✧✦✧✦✧✦✧✦✧

She had tried her best to leave early, but she'd been caught up in a long meeting with Ben, Aaron and a few other people from Universal Music who had come over to the office to talk about signing a contract with Focus Creeps for a year.

It was exciting, the creative liberty they were offering alongside the good pay and the opportunity to work with multiple artists, but she kept glancing down at the time on her phone and it was annoying how every time five minutes seemed to pass like lightning.

When she had finally shook the hands of the reps and wished them farewell after she, Ben and Aaron had finally signed the contract, it had been half past six so she knew she'd be caught in horrendous traffic on the way there.

By the time she managed to find a spot in the parking lot across the street from the venue, she knew she'd missed Pale Waves' set. Thankfully, it was the same guard as the day before who stood at the door and he quickly let her inside.

She was power walking to the greenroom, a sliver of guilt threading through her ribs up her chest for being so late, so much so that the "Hello!" she offered everyone, just as she walked through the door after knocking three times, came out a little shy and strangled.

A loud "Ella!" was heard in chorus as everyone turned to the door to see her walk in.

Before she could even hug Bre who was right by the door with her camera in hand, seemingly having been about to take a picture, Ella turned to Zara and Alice who were standing across the room and apologized, "I'm so sorry. I missed your set, didn't I?"

Oscar, who Ella hadn't noticed was right beside her, threw his arm around her shoulders and sighed, "Yeah, we just came back in about ten minutes ago."

"Fucks sake." She let her shoulders drop in dismay and mumbled another curse under her breath to then point out, "Traffic was horrendous."

Alice waved her off with a quick, "S'alright." and a lighthearted wink and to make that frown disappear from her face, the singer offered, "Do you want a drink?"

Ella leaned into Oscar's hold to side hug him before leaving his side and going up to Bre to say hello. When she pulled back from hugging her best friend, she shook her head, "No, sorry I'm driving again and I don't think I'll sober up in time if I do."

The rest of the group held her tightly when she went up to hug them hello and she ended up plopping down on the settee next to Alex when she was done.

"How was work today?" Alex ask her genuinely, he had texted her earlier when the lads had agreed on going with him for lunch in Los Feliz and he'd send Ella a selfie along with a 'We're just missing you x' to which Ella had replied with a sad face and a promise to be at the venue as soon as she could.

She sighed as her day flashed through her mind in a sped up reel, "The usual, calls and emails to answer, projects to go over. Although, we did sign a year-long contract with UMG just an hour ago."

"Universal Music?" Zara asked with a brow raised, Alice looking at her with wide eyes beside the drummer.

A hint of blush came to Ella's face when she nodded, "Yep."

Bre squeaked and ran behind the settee to hug Ella from behind, keeping her in a loving chokehold as she pressed kisses on her cheek, "Congratulations!"

The rest of the group followed, congratulating Ella with chipper voices as she was now stuck in Breana and Alex's hold. Ella said "Thank you." between giggles and when Bre finally let go and Alex stopped squeezing her in his arms, she turned to Jamie and Nick who were sitting across from her and pointed out, "Oh I saw the editing department halfway done with 'One For The Road' earlier! It looks so good."

"Does it?" Alex teased as he headbutted her softly.

She chuckled lightly and added, "Yes! Y'all looked beautiful."

A loud snort came from the left side of the room, from Matt to be exact. He had a smirk on his face and repeated, "Beautiful?" as he found Ella's choice of an adjective to be hilarious and slightly thinking she was taking the piss.

"Oh what, is that not sitting well with you?" Ella scowled, she had actually meant it because from the clips she'd seen, they did look amazing. So she scoffed, trying to think of some other word that would appease the drummer, "What do you want me to say? You looked fit?"

Matt lifting up his beer bottle as in a cheers to that, had Ella rolling her eyes,"Now that's more like it."

"We need to get you back in England, darling." Alex joked further, his fingers pinching her waist, making her jolt in her place.

With a faint hit to his arm, she just said, "Oh shush." and just turned her attention back on Breana to ask, "D'you wanna go up to the balcony with me today?"

"Absolutely babe." Bre nodded with a big smile on her face, "That'll be fun."

"You're gonna get a good view that's for sure." Jamie pointed out. They'd gone up to the balcony the day before when they'd just gotten to the venue and he thought about how cool it must look during the show with all the lights and the crowd down on the floor.

"Counting on it." Ella quipped back as she straightened up on her seat, about to get up and leave the room with Bre, but she looked at Alex once more and she took the time to fully take in how he looked.

There was a hint of a smirk on her face when she said, "You look good." He looked fucking stunning, "I like this blazer." Her fingers traced down the lapel of the sparkly red blazer he had on, but her eyes went further down and properly stared at every detail of him.

She found herself thinking I also like this golden chain and this black shirt and how you've not buttoned it up completely, and those black jeans and that belt with the big buckle.

Alex grinned at her while she kept gawking down at him, she was entranced by the big golden buckle of his belt and he felt a tingle rushing to every nerve ending of his body.

"My eyes are up here, darling." He teased her, eyes not leaving her until she glanced back up at him with pink cheeks that she didn't let him really admire because she all but jumped up from beside him.

"Shut up." Ella called out, her gaze falling on her best friend so she didn't see the way everyone in the room was snickering and holding in their teasing laughter.

Without giving her much of an option, Ella grabbed Breana by the wrist and pulled her so that she could walk with her out of the room, "Bre let's go." And right before they could walk past the door, she turned around and said, "Bye boys. Break a leg."

The show started shortly after Ella and Bre had managed to settle in two of the seats up on the left side balcony, and just like the previous night, it had been fucking incredible.

They weren't sure how it was possible but the crowd sounded a bit louder this night and it was blowing them away.

It was so crazy from the second the first guitar strum of 'Do I Wanna Know?' hit everyone's ears, Ella and Bre's hearts were racing at the feeling of the floor shaking beneath their feet—it felt like the mezzanine was going to collapse.

When Alex found her, just a song before 'Teddy Picker', he winked at her and her stomach flooded with butterflies that had her heart racing more than the adrenaline rushing throughout the crowd.

And Alex only managed to have Ella's heart rate stuttering even more when he pointed at her as he sang 'The horizon tries but it's just not as kind on the eye'.

She bit her tongue about it for the rest of the show, only letting the feeling take over her and releasing it when she and Bre hollered along with the crowd.

"I don't get how you do it." Ella said breathlessly in Alex's ear when she got back to the greenroom after the show had ended.

Alex clutched her tightly around the waist, taking a deep breath and relishing in her scent and the feeling of her skin on his fingertips, the way their bodies molded together and swelled his chest.

He hummed back at her in confusion and once he pulled back to look at her, he actually asked, "What?"

"Putting on such great shows days in a row." Ella exclaimed like it was obvious, she was in awe and it showed like a gleam through her eyes and her unwavering smile.

Alex shrugged and before he could properly think about it, the words let loose and slipped past his lips, "These shows are for you. I have to."

Ella just couldn't not react to his words, her cheeks lit up in flames that washed all over her and she let her face fall on its side on his chest so she could hide from him as she mumbled a whiney, "Alex." almost like she was scolding him for saying stuff like that.

"What?" His chest rumbled with a giggle beneath her cheek and his hand came to cradle the back of her head, fingers brushing through her hair as he silently instructed her to look at him.

She did, a bit apprehensive since she knew her blush was still noticeable on her face but he delighted on the view. A soft smile tugged at the corner of his lips, his hand coming to cup her jaw when he asked, "Are you staying for a little longer?"

Her answer was a soft "Yeah." which sounded almost like a little squeak, her voice getting stuck in her throat from the tenderness of his touch and the memory of those kisses they shared months before coming to the forefront of her mind.

It burned. The desperate need to close the distance and feel his lips on hers again, a need that shifted into more when she let her mind rush with all that she fantasized when it came to him.

But she had no clue if it was okay or if it would be cruel on herself to let her get another taste when it would just be snatched away from her just as fast.

She sighed in despair and only allowed her lips to pucker up and leave a chaste kiss on the palm of his hand to take a short step back and create a bit of distance between them. It would be too challenging to stay this close to him and not do a thing.

"Next time please don't do your shows on a weekday, sweets." She tried to chuckle, to make it a lighthearted joke but she actually was so sad over the fact that she just couldn't try to spend more time with them after or before the show.

If there was the possibility of leaving with them, even if just to take the show's after party to a bar, then she knew she would gain the courage to act up on everything she'd been thinking about since she left. But she had to get to work at eight in the morning the next day and it was only half an hour until the clock struck midnight and she'd have to leave by then if she wanted to be a proper human being at the office the next morning.

"I know." Alex winced, his heart going through a weird tumble of feelings from the kiss she pressed on his skin and the way she stepped away from him right after. "Sorry."

Instantly, she shook her head at his apology, "S'not your fault, silly." And then she took a moment to really look at him and there was a hint of sadness written on his face that crushed her and she just had to step back in his arms.

"I can't believe you're leaving me again tomorrow." Ella mumbled into his shoulder, her hair tickling Alex's neck and making goosebumps cover every inch of his skin.

His fingers dug a bit more into the clothed flesh of her waist where he held her tightly against him, "Don't mention it."

There was a slight strain to his voice that could be more attributed to him getting upset than having sang for an hour just a mere few minutes before, so she pulled back to see his face, "Are you gonna cry?"

"Maybe." He hid behind a joke, with a crooked smile that mirrored on her face.

A bubbly laugh came from her, the wrinkles on the corners of her eyes showing as she smiled brighter, "You're adorable."

Alex wanted so badly to let it all out, but they were in a corner of the greenroom and obnoxiously surrounded by their friends so he didn't really think it would be that much of a great idea to let his heart bleed out for her at that very moment.

So he settled for kissing her cheek and telling her, "Love you." and it worked to soothe that need to bare his soul to her even just a little bit.

"Love you too." Ella reciprocated with ease, a whirlwind of emotions rushing through her whenever she heard him say those words and whenever she could utter them to him. It felt so much better to hear it and say it in person than it did through text or a call.

The two went back into the center of the room, finally deciding to join their friends after Alex grabbed himself another beer bottle, Ella sticking to a can of Coke that would hopefully help her stay up a little longer.

She wanted to cry thinking about the almost hour-long drive back to her house.

Connor and Oscar were going on and on about the hotel and how heavenly the beds were, and how the views to the Hollywood hills were to die for, until they started arguing about how Oscar snored way too much that he kept him up most of the night so he had to go smoke out on the balcony and he fell asleep in one of the chairs there.

The bickering was hilarious and the story went from that to Pale Waves sharing the worst nights on tour they'd ever had.

Even Alex found himself laughing at some of the anecdotes, though it was mostly because he felt so relaxed and allowed himself to enjoy every bit of the moment with Ella playing with his fingers as she attentively listened and laughed.

Alice and Oscar were trying to remember one particular night in Japan, from the first time they'd played a gig there, and the room had fallen into a softer chatter so Alex leaned into Ella's shoulder to mumble into her ear, "You know... There's someone coming tomorrow."

The sudden tease made her curious self perk up and she turned around to solely focus on Alex to ask, "Who?"

But Alex was in the mood to taunt her, for he shrugged and replied nonchalantly with a frustrating, "Can't say, it's a surprise."

Her mouth fell agape slowly at the nerve he had to leave her intrigued like that so she hissed through her teeth, "Alex! No, you can't do that."

Her frustration only grew when he puffed his chest out and proudly quipped, "Well, I'm doing it."

She huffed and squirmed in her seat like a child about to throw a tantrum, "Do I know them?"

Feeling just a bit kind, Alex genuinely replied "Yes." to offer her a small hint.

"Who is it?!" She didn't have the mind to try and guess at the moment, the only answer coming straight to her mind was a certain scouser she hadn't seen in months. "Is it Miles?"

And yet again, Alex shrugged, "I dunno."

Her teeth caught the tip of her tongue to bite down on it so she wouldn't groan loudly, "Alexander David Turner." She recited easily in a scorn, one that he took so lightly he let out a chesty laugh that brought Bre's attention to them for a brief moment.

Ella narrowed her eyes on Alex and she pointed out, "It better not be Miles because if he's visiting and hasn't told me, I'm gonna be fuming."

Just as she had been texting the Monkeys whilst they were away, Ella found herself chatting with Miles as much as they could. He was touring the album he had put out in earlier June and it was always nice to catch up with him whenever there was a chance in between their responsibilities.

Aled raised his brows and feigned complete seriousness, "Right."

The sarcasm in the single word had Ella rolling her eyes, "If it is, I have warned you."

And Alex played along to egg her on a bit more, "Sure, I'll let him know."

"So it is Miles!" She gasped out loud, feeling betrayed that the scouser hadn't told her anything about being in LA when they had been on the phone to each other about a week before.

"Lips are sealed." Alex said with a gesture that he was zipping his mouth shut.

"I hate you." Ella replied with a huff, crossing her arms and straightening in her seat so she stared ahead at the wall of the room instead of her best friend.

That comment gave him the perfect opportunity to just keep pushing her buttons so he menacingly crowded her space to say, "You weren't saying that a minute ago." in a low tone that made Ella's stomach flip.

She puffed out a breath of annoyance, trying her best to conceal the fact that the words went straight down between her legs. And it worked because he laughed and hugged her, fully missing the flash of lust that shadowed the hazel green of her eyes for a few seconds. Lust that disappeared instantly when his fingers came to poke her on the ribs before he started tickling her.

She stood stiff for a fraction of a second before she screeched out and squirmed in his hold, trying to crawl away from him but he hooked an arm around her middle so she couldn't escape.

"No! Don't!" She squealed out, moving around like a damn worm and her arms pressing on his chest to try and create some distance between them, but he was stronger than her.

Alex gave her a chance, stopping his actions to challenge her, "What was it then? You hate me?"

She really didn't want to be tickled again but she wanted to mess with him some more so she meekly replied, "Yes." and it wasn't a surprise that he resumed his attack. "Love you, love you! Sorry!" She desperately replied with a cackle, and more giggles came from her for the few seconds it took him to stop, "Fucks sake!"

Ella was trying to act like that had annoyed her, a faux frown on her face made Alex laugh breathlessly and he dropped a sweet brief kiss on the skin of her neck, just below her jaw, before he proudly reciprocated the sentiment, "Love you too."

The laugh that came from her was involuntary but she couldn't help it when the warmth that filled her insides made her feel so good.

The look Jamie gave them when their attention turned back to the conversation the rest of the group was having, said a million things that Ella just wanted to ignore at the moment so she flipped him off with a loving smile. Jamie chuckled to himself and turned back around with a shake of his head—he wondered when it'd be that they would do something about whatever they had going on because he was about to place bets with Matt and Nick about it.

Zara was in the middle of a horror story about a night she'd almost gotten her gear stolen when she was loading up after a gig when Ella turned to Alex and whispered, "So you're playing 505 tomorrow then?"

Alex looked at her with a frown, completely taken aback by the sudden question. But she found herself thinking about who it could be and since they hadn't done 505 yet, she thought it made sense that Miles would be coming to play 505 with them the following night since it was their last LA show.

"Well Miles is coming in as a surprise, isn't it? So you're doing 505." She was almost entirely sure it would be happening so she was growing excited to hear the song with Miles on stage as well. It had been absolutely magical in Glastonbury.

It took Alex a second to realize that she was still thinking about who he'd been talking about, so he chuckled under his breath and continued playing into the mysteriousness of it all, "You're not getting anything out of me."

"Rude." Ella scoffed, rolling her eyes and shaking his head at him.

Alex laughed again, wrapping his arm around her waist to pull her closer to his side and agreed with her, "The worst."

The sarcasm in his tone had Ella giggling, but his thumb started rubbing soft circles on her stomach over the fabric of her shirt and she found herself melting into him—head resting on his shoulder, almost hidden away in the crook of his neck and he rested his head right over hers.

Once again, she waited until they were leaving too to make her way back to the car and go back home. It was a bit over midnight and she kept yawning so there were many double checks as she hugged everyone goodbye to see if she was sure she could drive back home without falling asleep behind the wheel.

She swore she was fine and Alex had made her promise to send a text when she got home, and she did just that as she crossed the threshold of her front door and, after locking up, she walked to her room with her eyes locke on the phone and typed her promised text with one hand, sending it just before she got ready for bed.

(01/10/2013 01:21) Made it safe and sound. Say hello to Miles for me if he's already gotten here, I'll see him tomorrow. Love you sweets! Goodnight x

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Ella was sure that the second she pushed the door open, Miles would be standing there with that smile of his and his arms open ready for Ella to crush him in a hug.

But when the door creaked and showed the inside of the greenroom, Josh Homme was standing by the drinks table chatting with Nick and Ella was entirely shocked.

"Oh my god." She squeaked out, turning around to scowl at the singer who was standing right behind her, "Alex!"

Alex cackled at her reaction and further taunted her by letting out a cheeky, "Surprise!"

The familiar sound of Alex's laughter was enough to have Josh turning around to greet the person Alex had excused himself to escort into the venue.

Josh had a great memory and, even though he hadn't seen her face since that day at Rancho de la Luna, her name came easily back to his mind, "Ella right?"

Ella matched the grin the legendary rockstar had on his face and a breathless "Yeah." was her answer.

"Sorry, I didn't know if I was remembering correctly." Josh joked sweetly, coming up to her to give her a brief hug.

"No, yeah. I'm Ella." She replied in his quick embrace, "Nice to see you again after so long Mr. Homme."

He pulled a funny face at Ella's choice of words and waved her off for the formalities, "Oh please Ella, I told you it's Josh. We're friends."

"Right. Of course." Ella nodded, still in disbelief he remembered her name and let alone considered her a friend.

Josh laughed a little at her dumbfounded expression and pointed out, "She's cute."

Ella blushed at the comment and slowly moved back beside Alex, the gears in her head moving quickly and coming to a conclusion, "Wait, does this mean you're doing Knee Socks with them tonight?"

Josh raised his brows and pointed at her, "Smart girl."

Alex proudly threw his arm around her and squeezed her shoulder softly as if in a silent way of saying 'good job', "We are, yes."

A massive grin broke on her face in anticipation to that, "Oh people are gonna go fucking insane." She could almost hear the crowd going wild the second they saw Josh walking on the stage.

She looked around the room and when she found Breana, she inquired about their plan for the night, "What are we doing today Bre? Floor again?"

Bre nodded, "Yes please, I thought the balcony was gonna collapse last night and with Josh here tonight, it might as well give out this time."

Ella couldn't wait, she was so excited for tonight but she also wanted it to last forever. She was dreading having to say goodbye once more. She didn't want to.

Suddenly, she noticed the absence of the Pale Waves group and her heart dropped, "Where's Alice and Zara and the lads?" Thinking about having missed their set again had her freezing in her spot.

Alex noticed her tense under his touch so he quickly let her know, "Getting ready in their greenroom. They're about to go on."

"Oh, thank god. Thought I had missed them again." Her shoulders sagged in relief, she would've felt so awful if she had missed her last chance to see them before they left.

Of course, Alex took the opportunity to take a dig at Alice, "You know that wouldn't be that bad."

"Alex!" She elbowed him lightly in response, calling him out by saying, "Don't be an ass."

Josh laughed at the way Alex folded slightly into her and groaned in fake pain, noticing the way Ella blushed when she heard the sound coming from Alex and the proximity her attack had caused. He smirked and made a mental note to ask Alex about it since he hadn't mentioned he was coming to get his girlfriend.

Instead of being nosy right then, Josh asked, "Is that the opener band you're talking about?"

Ella perked up and smiled, "Yes, Pale Waves! Wanna come with me and Bre to see their set?"

"Sure."

"Amazing, let's go!" She all but jumped out of Alex's hold and ran to Bre, intertwining her fingers so that it was easier to pull her along with her as she walked out of the greenroom.

When they left the room, they could see Alice and Oscar by the end of the hallway and almost getting to the door that led them to the stairs on the side of the stage. So Ella led the way, power walking down the concrete floors and rushing out to stand on the side of the stage just as Alice picked up her guitar and strummed it to start the first song.

It had been so much fun dancing and singing with Bre, Josh nodding his head along the bass and complimenting Zara's skilled drumming that certainly brought so much to the songs. Unfortunately their set wasn't as long as she would've liked but she'd enjoyed it so much, she almost jumped into Alice's arms when she walked out of the stage by the end of the set.

When they all went back to the Monkeys' greenroom, Pale Waves settled in two of the settees and Josh joined them as they talked about the album they were currently recording.

Time went by faster than ever and before they could notice, the Monkeys were being called up on stage. Bre and Ella walked beside them up until they went up the stairs, so the girls ran to the further left side of the crowd and stood at the very back with excitement making them jump up and down in their places.

Even though it was the third time Ella was watching this show, the feeling that drowned the room when the lights that formed 'AM' went on and the band walked on stage, was still the same as the very first time. 'Do I Wanna Know?' as the opener song to the show was brilliant, the bass reverberating on everyone's chests and the guitars' rumbles shaking the walls made for an incredible experience and the best introduction to what the show would be like.

When 'Snap Out of It' died down and Alex thanked the hollering crowd, Ella was ready to scream along every line of 'Evil Twin', her hand clutching Bre's so they could dance around together as they reminisced about the filming of that very music video being how they met, but instead of the b-side, the starting heavy bass notes to a song she loved very much from 'Suck It and See' managed to get a gasp out of her.

There was a desperate conviction behind every line Alex sang, accentuating every one of the words that composed 'Reckless Serenade' in perfection. Ella sang her heart out, and despite turning to Bre to scream the lyrics at each other, her gaze ended up stuck on Alex and how amazing he looked on stage.

He was wearing a sparkly blazer again, only this one was black and it went incredibly well with the rest of his black outfit. The golden big buckle of his belt and the thin golden chain around his neck were the things that stood out against the dark clothes. Ella felt a wild fluttering in her stomach every time she took a glance at him.

With it being the last show in LA, hearing Alex sing 'Arabella' had her head spinning and she almost wished she could be drinking so every one of her wild thoughts could be justified on the alcohol in her system.

By the time 'Fluorescent Adolescent' finished with a deafening cheer from the crowd, Bre and Ella held each other with big smiles on their faces, they knew 'Knee Socks' was next and their eyes fell on the people around and in front of them for their reactions when Alex announced the song.

The atmosphere lit up and blew into hysterical exhilaration the second Josh walked into the stage, with a microphone in hand. His voice added even more to the already beautiful vocals from the lads on stage and it was certainly an experience.

When the band walked out of the stage before the encore, the volume of the crowd got impossibly louder, everyone begging for another song and chanting their pleas for the band to come back on. Ella had been to football games before and it was crazy to think this was just as loud as the crowds in those events.

The encore was three songs long with 'R U Mine?' closing the gig for good, and once again, the girls relished in the rush of adrenaline that buzzed through them as they slowly walked out of the crowd and to the backstage area.

Bre ran into the arms of her boyfriend the second they got to the greenroom, and Ella had a loopy smile on her face as she took in every last second of the whole thing.

Josh walked up to her and asked her about his cameo during 'Knee Socks' and she gladly went on about how much she'd enjoyed it and how insane the crowd's reaction was. Pale Waves had been watching the whole show as well, but from the side of the stage so they piped into the description of the sea of people jumping throwing their hands up the second Josh walked onto the stage.

Since the guys had to be in San Diego the very next day, their crew amped up on their efforts to pack everything up and they'd ended up having to leave the venue a bit over eleven in the evening. It was far too soon, and Ella wanted to cry about it but the lads purposely had walked slower out to the back of the venue and when they got there, Jamie made sure to ask for ten more minutes.

Ten minutes that flew past their unaware heads, and only realized they had gone by when Steve sighed out a sorrowful, "We really need to go lads."

Steve knew why they were putting it off, the reason had a first and last name, and he couldn't blame them at all but they really needed to get to San Diego as soon as they could and time was running out.

Alex didn't miss the sad sigh Ella let out and how her shoulders fell as well as the corners of her lips. She pouted as she took it upon herself to make the tough decision of saying goodbye, walking up to Jamie first to envelope him in a sweet hug.

She slowly made her way around the group and just as she was letting go of Matt, she asked nobody in particular "You're back in December right?" since Arctic Monkeys and Pale Waves would remain touring together until their holiday break.

When her arms wrapped tightly over Alex's shoulder, the drummer replied, "Yeah, we finish the tour on the west coast mid December."

A hum of bliss came from her right before she pulled away from her best friend's embrace and she assured, looking straight into Alex's eyes, "Okay. I'll see you in a few months then."

Behind her, Bre reminded her, "I'm coming back next month."

To which Ella turned around with a challenging point of her finger at the model, "Yeah, you better because then you're leaving me for the holidays too."

Bre pouted as if to apologize without words. She felt bad she was leaving Ella alone this year since she wasn't going to Tennessee for the holidays that year, work too close to the important dates to even manage a week in her hometown and she knew she'd get homesick if she rushed her visit. But the model was going to spend the festive season with Matt and his family and she just couldn't not go.

"Sorry babe." Bre apologized just half heartedly, and Ella assured her she was half joking with a blown kiss.

"Alright everyone, this is it. I'll be looking forward to seeing you soon." Ella said before she could properly leave, a weight falling on her shoulders that almost made breathing a little harder, like it was pressing right over her ribs and lungs.

But before she could turn around and walk away, Alex offered, "Do you want me to walk you over to your car?"

Ella froze in her place. She had not wanted anything more than to have some time alone with Alex but it being just when they were about to be snatched apart felt so cruel, she quickly pointed out, "It's across the street in that parking lot building. You sure it won't be an issue? Steve is calling you."

Something deep inside her filled with a flash of happiness when he shrugged and took a step closer to her, "He will live."

"Okay." It was merely a mumble, a heat creeping up her chest and her neck and threatening to dust her cheeks with pink blush, one that she hoped wasn't visible when she turned to her side to wave everyone one final goodbye and then start leading the way with Alex in tow.

They silently walked next to each other, a comfortable silence they both had missed so much and that they found themselves already longing for. He had slipped his hand into hers and intertwined their fingers together the second their skin brushed. He wasn't going to miss the opportunity of having something he knew he found himself wanting on the daily and not take the chance to feel it.

The walk to the side exit wasn't long so Ella was the one to slow down her steps to make sure the moment lasted even a few more seconds longer, and she smiled when he caught exactly what she was doing and went along with her slow pace.

What they weren't expecting though, was the long queue of fans waiting behind the fence that lined the venue. Fans who screeched loudly into the air at the sudden sight of Alex.

"Oh shit." Ella cursed loudly, completely startled, clutching onto Alex's hand the tiniest bit tighter from the fright.

Alex was dumbfounded by the amount of people standing there with posters and CDs in hand, sharpies ready for him to go up and snatch away to sign all the memorabilia the people wanted, "They're still here?"

There was a slight hint of annoyance in his voice that she found amusing so she quipped, "They're dedicated." as if to make him giggle a little at the situation and lighten his mood up.

He frowned and turned to her, huffing like a little kid, "They are but this isn't ideal."

Ella knew exactly what he meant and she knew just as much that he was trying to figure out a way to make it work so she tried stopping his train of thought, logically pointing out the facts, "You can't go with me, they're gonna follow you and then coming back in here to leave will be horrendous."

"I can get one of the security guards–" Alex tried fighting her logic but she interrupted him.

"No, sweetness, it's alright. I don't wanna be a burden."

Alex scoffed, it was lighthearted, more like calling herself a burden hurt him. He shook his head and assured her, "You're not."

But Ella wasn't having his obstinacy at the moment, not when it would involve putting his team through something unnecessary and wasting time that could end up being precious for the crew to set up in the next city, "Steve has been waiting for over ten minutes now. Calling your security to avoid you getting mobbed is gonna be an unnecessary burden on y'all."

"But–" Alex tried fighting again but she shook her head, a frown on her face and her lips pressed together as if she was fighting herself as well.

"It's okay." Ella promised with sweetness seeping through her voice. Taking a step forward, she pressed closer against his chest and took her hands up to brush his hair back, the rich brown strands damp and soft through her fingers. Slowly she let her hands softly fall down the sides of his face so she could cup his jaw, all she wanted to do was press their lips together.

Their breaths grew heavy as their gazes went over each other's faces but at the sight of such a tender scene, the people broke out in a new wave of screams that ended up making her flinch and the bubble burst. Their lips didn't meet, instead she settled for throwing herself into her arms, her hand cradling the back of his head as she whispered, "Love you, Al."

Sentiment that he had no trouble reciprocating, only he wished he could've been able to show it in more ways than just "Love you too, Ellie."

He wondered if it would be a good moment to just let everything out, have her turn around and take back those few steps she'd already taken away from him to crash their lips together at the prospect of hearing him scream out loud how much he wanted her to be much more than just this.

But he couldn't. Not in front of all those people, not when they'd still have to leave. The thought of telling her everything and then leaving for two whole months was cruel enough on his stupid heart, he wouldn't want to imagine if she reciprocated, how badly he could hurt her just up and leaving like that.

And he most definitely didn't want to think about the very plausible chance that she didn't feel the same way. Not waking up to a single text from her, no silly pictures at work or movie reviews she'd seen in Los Feliz. It was hell just to think about, and he didn't want to ruin things by rushing to say the things he could never take back, not even if they were at a wrong time.

So Alex stayed there watching her leave, the venue's security had to walk with her a few meters down the sidewalk to avoid her getting trampled. People got louder when they turned their attention back to him, he forced a smile and waved at them just to kindly acknowledge them. As if he didn't want to curse them all out for ruining the chance of finally having a moment alone with her like he'd been begging for since she left on a plane that August morning.

His eyes moved back to Ella, who had already crossed the road, and he managed to catch her gaze on him right before she walked into the building. He blew her a kiss, one that she mimicked to catch with a smile, pocketing it before she finally turned into the building.

A horrendous wave of regret, anger and disappointment enveloped him, leaving his skin uncomfortable and sticky like the humidity that comes after a summer thunderstorm.

If he closed his eyes he could picture himself walking beside her, getting to her car and catching a glimpse of the mirrorball hanging from her rearview mirror. The lights of the building hitting every fragment of it and cascading in rays inside her car, almost as bright as her smile—a smile that he knows she would've flashed him after he trapped her lips with his in a kiss he had been dreaming of giving her for months.

His heart was heavy as he walked back to the tour bus, where Steve was sighing in exhaustion and asking him where he had been. A question that got no answer because Alex was in complete silence, wallowing in self pity and all the promises of what could've been.

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Las Vegas was always a silent promise of something unexpected happening. Alex knew that quite well. He'd been to the bustling decadent city enough times to gather that, his memory too fuzzy when it came to some of the nights he'd spent there over the years to recall some events.

But this time it was somehow worse.

Worse because he had not only alcohol and wild parties to blame, but Alice.

And himself.

It would be unfair to not blame himself. And his lack of self-control. And the inability to live with his own frustration. And the cruelty of his own mind to remind him how badly he wanted someone who was miles away and unattainable until he was truly willing to risk it all.

The show in Vegas came after two consecutive nights in San Diego, so it had been three unbearably long days since they'd parted ways with Ella and Alex had let himself wallow in self pity the more he counted the time it took them to text each other back. It was like the second he had to put his phone down for a while, Ella replied to his messages but not when he was with his eyes stuck on the device counting each second in desperate hope of one of her messages coming through.

That particular show had been incredible, it seemed like the crowd put in extra effort to make their last gig in the States the very best for they were as loud as ever and Alex coil feel their voices still ringing in his ears.

They would be going back to the UK to continue with another round of tour in the home country and then move along to Europe, so they took the chance of their last night in America to properly celebrate.

Alex hadn't even known the type of club they were visiting, entirely unaware of the stupid little blindfold charade Matt had signed him up for until it was too late.

He'd been guided into a room where he was meant to kiss someone and guess whoever it could be from the group that had come along to the club. The struggle here was that he wasn't sure who had signed up and he was silently praying that it was Zara who had grabbed him by his neck and kissed him passionately until they slowly lost control and they were pressed against each other. He felt the way her legs clenched around his thigh, which was placed between the girl's legs, but when he heard that moan, he knew that it was no one else than the walking nightmare he'd had to put up with for months up until then.

Alice.

They weren't meant to take the blindfold off but he pushed her away the second he recognized the high pitch of her cry of pleasure, after having unfortunately had to hear it through the walls of his flat time and time again, and they both snatched the piece of fabric off their eyes and scowled in horror.

Before any of them could utter a word, the girl in charge of the game, and who had walked Alex into the room, scolded them for breaking the rules of the game and telling them their time was up.

None of them spoke, both putting walls up and pretending that hadn't happened and guessing poorly whoever their kiss had been despite knowing exactly who it was.

After that had happened, it was like they were competing on who could take the most alcohol and they'd end up stumbling their way out of the club with the rest of the group.

Oscar was almost blacked out and having to be almost carried by Nick and Connor, Jamie was the one who was the most sober of all of them but still wasn't in great shape. Matt and Breana were being disgustingly adorable in their drunken haze, holding each other as they walked outside to get a taxi back to their hotel. Alice and Zara clutched each other tightly, giggling about everything and anything, erupting in loud cackles whenever one of them tripped on the sidewalk. Alex was putting his mind to focus on every step he took, but his mind was swarmed with a mess of thoughts that made him silently wince. He could feel the headache brewing already and he hated it.

Two taxis had to be taken for the whole group to comfortably make it back. The first one had been taken by Nick, Connor, Oscar, Alice and Zara; and the second had been occupied by Matt, Bre, Jamie and Alex.

All Alex wanted to do was go back to the hotel and get in bed, exhaustion was finally catching up to him since the energy from the show was dwindling down thanks to the many margaritas he'd had.

But it seemed like his luck had run out completely because the second he'd finally gotten to his room and shed the coat he had on, his very much inconsiderate neighbor was blasting loud music that he could hear booming through the walls.

He sighed in exasperation but closed his eyes and dropped himself face down on the bed, thinking about just giving it a few minutes for Alice to turn off the music and go to sleep.

But five minutes went by and she didn't and Alex only had the patience to grace her five more, and when those went by and she was still playing music as loud as she could, Alex slammed his fist on the mattress and jumped up from the bed.

He stormed out of his room, snatching his keycard and pocketing it to walk to the room to his left, the last room of the hallway.

His fist pounded incessantly against the wooden door and a whole minute went by without her answering. She started singing louder then, and it angered Alex so fucking much that she was blatantly ignoring the clear knocks on her door.

So he hit the door harsher, and if it wasn't for her opening the door after another minute, Alex would've taken it down.

There was no kindness to be grasped when he opened his mouth the second that Alice opened the door, "Can you shut the fuck up? People are trying to sleep." His words came out slow though, and it was all because seeing her in just her cropped white vest top, which showed very clearly her nipple piercings, and the flimsy black fabric of her underwear made his brain haywire.

And in full honesty, Alice couldn't give less of a fuck, so she rolled her eyes as she took a gulp of the mini vodka bottle in her hand that she'd gotten from the mini bar and scoffed, "You're so fucking boring. It's barely two in the morning Alex, fuck off."

Alex couldn't believe her nerve, harshly running his fingers through his hair and spitting out his words with venom, "You're the most fucking inconsiderate person to exist."

"Blah, blah, blah. I don't care. Bye." Alice was done with the pointless argument, she was sure he was exaggerating about the volume and he could definitely find a way to fall asleep even if he faintly heard her music through the walls, so she pushed the door to slam it close but Alex put his foot forward to impede it closing.

She was so over it, she just turned around back to the middle of her room and started singing along to the All Time Low song that was blasting off the speakers.

"Turn your fucking music off. Now." Alex sternly said as he walked into the room, the door closing behind him with a loud thud from how hard he'd slammed it.

Alice watched as he looked around the room for her phone, knowing she'd connected it to the speakers in the room but she smirked in defiance and yelled, "No!"

He groaned loudly, making Alice spin around to watch him. He was red with anger and she foudnit the slightest bit amusing, especially when he clenched his jaw and hissed through his teeth, "Shut the fuck up Alice, I want to fucking sleep."

It was so entertaining for her to get under his skin so she easily found the words to pick at him, "Yeah you're the only one trying to because where in fucking Vegas, everyone else in this damn building is getting it on. Live a fucking little Turner."

His fists clenched in fury, "I swear to god Alice–"

She didn't even give him the opportunity to try and finish another one of his ultimatums, because she knew he was all talk, "What?! What will you do? You're fucking exhausting, all bark no bite." Walking up to him, downing the rest of the vodka and tossing the little bottle behind her, she lifted her chin up and stopped when she was pressed against his chest, "Tell me to shut up once more and you'll see what happens."

There really wasn't an explanation behind his actions, no way for Alex to find the logic behind why he'd wrapped his fingers around her neck and pulled her in to finally shut her up with a messy kiss.

He got a flash of the memory of a chat he'd had with Flo where she called him out for fancying Alice, for clearly having a certain desire towards her that he'd always denied. And this being the first time he acted up about it felt odd.

But the unfamiliar feeling was completely overpowered by the sudden eagerness and hunger that filled them up and made the kiss desperate. Alex growled into Alice's mouth when her tongue came to press against his lips, and when they finally tasted each other, something snapped.

Still, even in this situation, it felt like they were trying to make it a competition, see who was the one to pull away for air first, to smirk down at them for being weak. Alice was the one to pull away with a loud smack of their lips, but before he could come at her, she put on an unimpressed face and challenged him, "Really? This is how you choose to shut me up?"

Alex didn't say a word. In his mind, he thought if she was talking this way it meant that she wanted more and if it was like that, then he'd give her something to talk about. So he brought up his right hand, his index and middle fingers coming to press against her lips and when she parted them, he pushed them into her mouth.

Alice's cheeks hollowed as she sucked his fingers but he didn't stop there, he kept pushing them further until she rolled her eyes and gagged around them when he hit the back of her throat. She tried her hardest not to moan, she didn't want to give him the satisfaction of know she was enjoying this, despite feeling the pooling wetness in between her legs.

When Alex dragged his fingers out of her mouth, Alice released them with a pop before raising a brow and spouting more faux unimpressed words, "At least make me enjoy gagging around something, Turner."

He let out a snort of laughter, one that was purely mocking, "Is that it then? You want your mouth stuffed to finally shut the fuck up?" He didn't know what had come over him, but he couldn't hold himself back and his fingers came down to quickly undo his belt.

The smirk that appeared on her face seemed sarcastic, but she wasn't doing anything to impede him continuing, instead she mused, "Is this you trying your chances to prove you can make a woman cum?"

Without missing a beat, Alex replied, "This is me giving that mouth something useful to do."

Alice hummed as if she was taking it into consideration, a funny question coming to her mind, "And what makes you think I wanna bruise my knees for you, Red?"

He rolled his eyes at the nickname, but chatted back with clear evidence that Alice just couldn't deny, "I dunno Loveless, do you not want to? Because I can still hear you moaning against my mouth when we kissed at the club, clenching those thighs around my leg."

"You're obsessed." Was the only thing Alice could come back with, and it made him chuckle.

"Sure. Just as much as you are." Sarcasm was thickly wrapped around every one of his words.

Alice rolled her eyes, looking down at the way he was slowly bringing the zip down of his black jeans, so she sank to her knees and roughly snatched the fabric down, "You're so fucking slow, fucks sake."

It had taken those few kisses to have him hardening in his pants, but it wasn't enough so Alice licked the palm of her hand and started stroking him up and down. It was a relentless pace that she built, looking up through her lashes and smirking at how easy it was to have him throwing his head back and cursing under his breath.

That gave her the impulse she needed to wrap her lips around him and take him all the way until he hit the back of her throat, gagging and swallowing around him when he instinctively bucked his hips forward with a high pitched moan.

"Pathetic." She muttered when she pulled back off him, her hand continuing to stroke him while she got her breath back and then went back in to take him in her mouth.

She kept doing that over and over, pulling back to insult him or throw comments that came for him and his ego, but he retaliated the best he could in between the cloud of pleasure that she was bringing him.

Up until the point where he felt he was about to burst inside her mouth, so he fisted her hair and pulled her off him, roughly pulling her back up to her feet so that he could throw her on the bed.

Another challenging raise of her eyebrow accompanied by a mocking, "Oh, now you're gonna prove it?" irked Alex further.

"Shush." He harshly called out as he kneeled in between her legs on the bed, spreading them apart to expose the wet patch that was ruining her underwear.

She scoffed, totally hiding the tingles that run up her spine at the feel of his fingers digging into the flesh of her inner thighs, "No manners. Typical."

Alex wasted no time to grab at the sides of her underwear and peel it off her, throwing it behind him as his eyes were stuck watching her glistening cunt with a growing hunger that had him getting impossibly harder. He sucked his fingers and brought them to her cunt, one glide up and down to gather her wetness and then brought it up to his mouth. He hummed at her taste, which was sure to drive him a bit crazier but he wouldn't admit that out loud.

Alice was just glaring at him, trying to act stoic as if his fingers coming back down to tease her entrance and then go up to rub on her clit wasn't making her grip the sheets tightly. He was watching every twitch of her mouth and brows as he went, wanting to get a reaction out of her just like she'd gotten from him. But she wasn't letting up and he was growing impatient so she just filled her up with two fingers and curled them perfectly to shatter her facade.

Her brows furrowing and her teeth biting on her bottom lip was all he got as she swallowed her moans, so Alex had to coax it out of her with more. "C'mon now, Loveless. That's a bit unfair, isn't it?" He leaned down, breath hitting her still covered chest and bit one of her nipples through the fabric of her shirt, eliciting a sweet whine from her that he wanted to increase in volume by curling his fingers once again, "Don't fight it."

"Fuck..." Alice finally moaned loudly when he flicked his tongue over her nipple at the same time as he curled his fingers and from then on she couldn't keep up with her act.

He continued his actions, deliberately and with an increasing rhythm that was driving her mad, until a new song came on and his own voice drowned the room entirely. It was such poor timing for 'Dangerous Animals' to come on and she cackled loudly in between moans.

"Sure you don't want me to turn the music off now?" There was a slur to her words, she was so close to edge and he could feel it from how hard she was clenching around him.

"No." He didn't relent despite how pathetic the scene was now, covering up the feeling with another venomous comment at Alice's expense, "I don't want people to hear and you're obnoxiously loud."

But that comment gave her the perfect setup to come at him and hit a sore spot she knew would have him even more angry, "Just as loud as your pretty little Ella." She panted out a scoff when his fingers stilled inside her but she still didn't stop her mocking, "Bet you loved hearing us through the walls, didn't you?"

He was fuming by then, so he pulled his fingers out of her and frowned even more when she dared to call him a, "Twat." at him stopping his actions.

"Turn around." He instructed, his slick covered hand coming to wrap around his cock and swallowing a groan at the soft wave of relief.

Confused, Alice asked an exasperated, "What?" If he was messing with her then she'd kick him out and make herself cum.

Alex repeated himself with a huff, like he was annoyed he had to say the instruction again, "Turn around."

She scoffed but did as he said, and it bothered her how the need for release was clouding every bit of decency left in her. She wished she could just kick him out of the room, but the ache between her legs was so strong she was willing to shove aside the hate she had for Alex and indulge in the pleasure he was bringing her now.

He quickly took his pants fully off and crouched down to grab a condom from his pocket, something Alice noticed and called out immediately over her shoulder, "Came prepared? Were you that desperate?"

"I always have one on me." Alex explained easily, as if that made it less pathetic.

And Alice chuckled, "Right. Whore." She didn't expect the comment to have him strike a hit on her ass, but he did and she yelped out in surprise.

"Shut up before I stuff that mouth with my cock again." He threatened as he rolled the latex down his length, "It'd be a fucking pity leaving you clenching around nothing, wouldn't it?"

"Just–" Alice couldn't take the anticipation anymore and his words were going straight down to her core so she wiggled her ass on the bed and lifted it the slightes bit upwards to show her glistening cunt at him as she told him, "Fuck me Alex."

He groaned with his fingers wrapped around his cock, pumping himself at the sight of her dripping hole, "Since you asked so nicely."

She was so wet she welcomed his cock easily inside her, and he drove himself inside her until his hips pressed flush against her ass. The both of them threw their heads back at the pleasure, Alex groaning loudly when she clenched around him. He fucked relentlessly into her, purely needing to cum and she met him in the middle, pushing her hips backwards so he hit that spot over and over again.

Nothing else was really said, only curses and moans heard inside the room as they go, the slapping of their skin and bed creaking beneath them. It was just the same when they came. No call of each other's name, no sweet pet names accidentally slipping out in the heat of the moment. Just lewd noises and curses as they fell over the edge.

When they got their wits together and it dawned on them just what had happened, Alex stood up silently to shed the condom off himself and walked to the bathroom to dispose of it. And he was glad to see that when he walked back out into the room and grabbed his discarded pants and boxers, Alice had turned the music off completely and was getting some clothes on herself.

She yawned softly, like what had just happened hadn't been anything spectacular and once he finally buckled his belt in place, she shooed him off the room with a wave of her hand, "Right, off you go."

Alex scoffed, incredibly irritated still by her stupid attitude. He shook his head and pointed out, "That can't happen again."

To which Alice nodded, "Agreed."

With a stern "Good." Alex turned around and left the room, slamming the door because he still fucking hated her. Nothing could ever change that.

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(24/10/2013 13:06) Still confused about the tractor and Aaron's vision but Cookie looks incredible in this music video. As do the rest of you I guess... I'm joking! Y'all looked so handsome, I miss your pretty faces :( I also miss London, that's where you're today right? Love you lots!!! xx

Alex had smiled when he walked back into the greenroom after the show to Ella's text, going up to the lads to show the message and taking a quick funny selfie to send back to her.

The second she got it, she smiled knowing her lunch break was coming up soon and she could sneak out for a smoke and facetime them at least for a little bit.

It was like the more days went by apart and in different timezones, the more they got used to it and started to get the gist of it. Messages sent that would be seen after a gig or the morning after and replies that she would get by the end of her work day that she answered when she got home.

Nothing was better than finally relaxing on her settee, with some takeout and Mexican coke, texting Alex as she mindlessly watched a movie or a show. Now that they were in the UK, the time difference was a little easier to allow them to facetime her in their greenroom so she had a fun end to her nights seeing them enjoy the post-show energy.

On the days in between shows, there would be interviews or radio shows that would have either Alex and Matt or just Alex as guests—he had always hated that bit of being the frontman—so Ella wouldn't have much luck getting Alex to herself on the day's off the band had on tour.

Sometimes the rest of lads would text her on those to catch up with her, despite knowing things through Alex, and Ella's heart warmed up every time one of them would facetime her, even if briefly, on those days. She still couldn't believe how close they'd all gotten to her. It made her a bit emotional knowing how much she loved them all and it hit harder every time how much he missed them all.

It made her even more emotional whenever she allowed herself to indulge in every feeling Alex brought to her, and most of the time she truly had to force herself to stop because the squeeze of her heart inside her chest hurt too much.

But every day that went by meant a day closer to having him close again. She pushed aside the fact that it would only be one day that they would spend in Los Angeles before they had to leave, she wanted to see just the positive side of it all.

Soon enough Halloween day rolled around and the end of the month brought Ella more excitement than the actual holiday—which actually was her absolute favorite.

Since Breana wasn't due back in Los Angeles until the tenth of November, then Ella was stuck just enjoying the Halloween party Ben was throwing at his house. It would be mostly people from work and a few of Ben's friends, so Ella didn't really find the need to look for a proper costume.

She'd put on a pair of blue jeans, her favorite brown cowboy boots along with a brown cowboy hat and a funny shirt that Bre had gotten her for her birthday that she had yet to wear which read 'cowboy pillows' right over her tits. She finished it off by tying a red bandana around her neck, to emphasize the fact that she was going as a cowgirl and it wasn't just a regular fit she would wear.

Either way, when she arrived at Ben's everyone told her she'd cheated because it really didn't look like a costume considering she usually wore similar looking outfits.

It had been even funnier when she posted a picture of herself to her instagram that night and she'd woken up to a text from Alex that called her out for her costume not really being one.

He'd cursed under his breath when he opened the app mindlessly in the lounge of the tour bus and saw her looking as gorgeous as ever, and especially with that damn shirt that sent his mind reeling.

There hadn't been a moment to act on the sudden rush of need though, because everyone at the office had agreed on taking the following day off, which meant that Ella was home and had woken up way earlier than necessary and had all the time in the world to be on the phone to him so she facetimed him.

Thankfully, the signal wasn't that bad as the band went from one city in Germany to another so the video call went on smoothly, and Ella and Alex had probably been on the phone for most of the day. With interruptions from everyone else here and there but the smiles on their faces showed just how much they appreciated the chance to just somehow be in each other's presence for longer than a thirty minute call or a string of texts and selfies.

And they cherished the long weekend Ella had and the chance she got to check on her phone more often for they spoke loads those three days, and when they had to focus back on their work at the start of the following week, the memory of the great amount of time they'd managed to chat and spend hearing each other and seeing each other through the screen helped endure the days they had to wait until their reunion.

When Breana went back to Los Angeles, Ella felt like a bit of home had been brought to her and the wave of relief that flooded her had been enough to have her cry in her best friend's arms when Ella had brought her over to her house after picking her up from the airport and they finally shared a bottle of wine like they always used to.

Upon properly catching up, Bre found Ella had been diving straight into work to keep herself busy and really not giving herself enough time to have fun and go out. There still were her Los Feliz escapades on the weekends but they were all by herself and it was only from time to time that she met up with her work friends to have brunch or drink at one of their houses.

But there certainly wasn't much for her to tell when it came to dates or potential romantic interests. Ella had completely been avoiding dating, turning down a few people who had gone up to her asking for her number when she'd been out—always saying she'd a partner and that she appreciated them asking, a little white lie that really had no actual reasoning behind, though if she really listened to her subconscious then she'd find that there was a little hush voice wishing the partner she was mentioning was Alex.

She always shooed away the thought. Ridiculous, you're ridiculous, she told herself when the hope lit up with a spark like the ones that came from two stones being struck together.

It was pointless to indulge in the thought any further when she really couldn't do much about it. What good could it make to say something that could shift things in an exponential way when he was so far away to try and fix it.

She'd rather die.

Still, though, the sparks of hope flashed inside her chest and threatened to cause a fire whenever he signed off his texts with a 'Love you' or he took pictures of things she'd enjoy and send them to her, or when he recorded videos of the views he had even if it was just the venue and she could hear him whispering behind the camera "Isn't it so pretty, darling?"

November went by in a flash of loads of work and cute texts from Alex, and Bre getting her to leave her house, accompanied with a side of visits to Los Feliz theater and a lovely escapade to Manchester to spend Thanksgiving with her family.

That year Ella would unfortunately not be able to spend the holidays back home, because of already booked work around the dates that wouldn't allow her to spend proper time with her family and hometown friends, so she booked a week-long holiday off to Tennessee for Thanksgiving and it was such a breath of fresh air to fall back into the familiarity of the big barn house that she'd grown up in and her parents and sister—and Jayne, who had managed to get a lucky two days off from work.

Surreal would be the word Ella would describe how it felt to go back to Los Angeles and realize it would only be six more days until the lads were back in town. It was more like five days since they'd be arriving very late at night on the sixth, but she'd be spending the whole day with them on the seventh and Ella just couldn't wait.

Especially not when she and Alex had agreed that since it would be the only time they'd see each other right before the holidays, they wanted to give each other for Christmas and that they'd be allowed to open it on that very day just to allow them to feel like it was actually Christmas for just the two of them.

That was why Ella had gone all out and got them ugly sweaters to wear to the cinema, where she'd made sure they would watch 'How the Grinch Stole Christmas'. Bre had cackled when she jumped into Ella's car that Saturday morning and caught a glimpse of the obnoxious sweaters in the backseat of her car.

"You're cute." Bre said in between giggles, "I need to get a picture of you two in them."

And that she did.

When Ella pulled into the hotel they'd stayed at overnight, which was a five-star hotel in Downtown LA, and they walked inside the building to find Alex and Matt waiting for them in a lounge area by the lobby, Bre had them put the sweaters on first thing after they'd hugged hello. Alex hadn't even gotten a proper chance to look at what he had been given to wear and it had Ella creasing when he looked down his torso to find a horrendous bright green tree made out of actual green tinsel garland on a bright red knitted sweater—it had red and gold pom poms as ornaments and a golden bow on the very top of the tree.

His jaw dropped in horror when he looked down at Ella's which was a big wreath made out of the same green tinsel garland and had a big red bow on it along with two little elf legs sticking out from the middle of it.

Alex's face was actually priceless and Ella actually changed Alex's contact picture to the one Bre had snapped of the two of them.

"We don't have to wear them," Ella promised, still trying her best not to laugh at the way Alex's face contorted in absolute disbelief when he looked down to see the sweater, "It's really sunny outside either way, so we're gonna want to take them off."

"It's horrific." Alex stated, looking up at her but with a smile so big that contradicted his words, "But thank you darling, I love it." He wrapped his arms around her waist, leaving Ella to throw her arms over his shoulders and she hummed in bliss at the feeling.

"No you don't." Ella corrected him with a goofy smile that Bre could see over Alex's shoulder, so she took another picture of them like that before they could notice when they pulled back.

Matt snorted in laughter and shook his head, "God, that's an ugly fucking sweater if I've ever seen one."

"I know." Ella proudly admired her obnoxious work, "I did so well."

It was such an American tradition and really, mostly a silly thing her parents had started when she and her sister had been little but had continued well up until they moved out, but she loved it so much. Her mom and dad had loved the sweaters when Ella sent them a picture of them and that was all the reassurance she needed.

"Alright." Ella muttered as she started shedding the sweater off herself, giving Alex the greenlight to do so too. "Shall we go?"

Alex nodded as she folded the sweater and shoved it into a little gift bag that Ella knew was the gift he'd told her he'd get her. She smirked looking at it and wished she could see through things because she had been so intrigued about it for weeks.

Matt and Bre went their own way, to a park so they could have a lovely picnic Bre had prepared for them, so Ella and Alex walked back to Ella's car and they quickly got out into the road to drive to Los Feliz.

They'd sat directly next to each other instead of across from each other when they got to a cafe a couple blocks away from the theater and they'd been giggling and whispering like teenagers poorly keeping a secret.

Without them realizing, they'd spent almost a whole hour at the coffee shop and they were cutting it close to the time the film was supposed to start so they sped walk down to the cinema. Ella got their tickets after pleading with him to let her get them if he had already paid for their breakfast. He reluctantly nodded and she had the biggest smile on her face when she got handed the tickets and they walked down to the auditorium they had to go to.

Seeing Jim Carrey's genius on the big screen never got old and the joy that radiated from Ella at the moment was almost palpable. It exuded off her in warm heat and a glint in her eye, her face glowed under the flash of lights coming from the screen which were just as bright as her smile. She quoted lines from the movie in a whisper and it had Alex smiling like an absolute idiot. Their cheeks hurt immensely by the time the movie finished and they walked out of the theater, both with hearts full from having finally revived a tradition they'd missed sharing for so long.

Alex knew he had up until two in the afternoon to show up for soundcheck, but even though they were cutting it quite close, he still dragged the both of them out for a quick lunch before they had to go to the venue.

It was just a little sandwich and a couple of Mexican cokes that they ordered to go and they agreed to have in Ella's car. They'd also agreed that it would be best if they opened their gifts there instead of the venue and the anticipation was hanging over them with every step they took over to the parking lot where they'd left Ella's car at.

The second they got inside and Ella turned on the car so the AC would help them cool off a little—the sun had been burning their skin despite for the chilly winds of December—and she put down the food instantly, not being able to wait any longer to give Alex the present she'd taken a while to perfect.

"I want you to open your present first." She struggled against her smile to say it properly, sitting sideways so that she could stare directly at Alex.

Alex found her so fucking adorable, turning on the seat to look straight at her too, his head cocked to the side as his brows furrowed slightly with pure adoration coating his features.

"You sure?" He asked softly as if his heart wasn't hammering against his chest when he tried to imagine what her reaction to her gift would be.

Ella nodded and hummed, "Please? I really cannot wait any longer to see your reaction."

She really didn't need to plead, he was already nodding at her request, setting own food down at the foot of his seat to reach back for the gift bag that had her present.

He took out the ugly sweater she'd given him and with an amused smile set it over his lap just as he agreed, "Sure darling. But I also cannot wait to see your reaction so do you wanna open them at the same time?"

She doubted for a bit only because she really wanted to take in his reaction completely but inevitably, she nodded, "Yeah, okay. Sounds great." Reaching behind her, she got the bag that contained his gift and softly placed it over her thighs.

They slowly exchanged bags, a wary and curious look in both their faces before their fingers grasped the bags and Ella's eyes went instantly wide at the weight of hers.

"What is this?" She asked instantly, breathily like she already couldn't believe what he'd gotten her.

He raised a brow teasingly, "Well why don't you open it and see?"

Alex was afraid he was gonna get a 'you first' that he'd have to chat back to but the curiosity got to her and completely made her forget about her own request to have him open his present first.

The anticipation bubbled and extended to every nerve ending of his body like a fuzzy tingling as she dove for the contents of the bag and she got the small items first.

Her fingers were quick to rip the wrapping paper and when the words 'Portra 400 120' came into view, Ella looked up slowly at Alex with her mouth agape, "Stop."

Alex snickered and she finished unwrapping the multiple film boxes, each time with a louder gasp, until she finally dove for the bigger item.

The second her fingers touched the leather and felt the shape of the item, a small sob came from her chest and her eyes started welling up.

"Alex, stop..." She begged for no reason, a pout coming to her face when she fully pulled out the object from the bag and a little cry escaped her when she actually saw the gorgeous camera she was now holding in her hands.

A tear ran down her cheek and Alex let his hand come over her thigh to squeeze lightly in reassurance, "Don't cry, darling."

"I can't–," She managed out with a strangled voice, she couldn't finish saying that she just couldn't accept the gift. But her fingers worked against her thoughts and carefully shed the camera from the brown leather case and when the stunning Rolleiflex came into her blurry view, she choked on another sob, "Can't accept this, Alex."

There was no way in hell she would accept this present. Not when she knew the price of it, which had been exactly why she'd yet to get one for herself. It was so hard to find those cameras and if it looked as good as the one she was holding right then, then she was sure it would have to be way over the thousand dollar mark. Adding to that, the leather case and the multiple packs of film he had gotten her, it was just way too much to accept.

Especially with how simple her gift now looked like in comparison.

"You are." Alex stated firmly, his voice still sweet and soothing in her ears though.

"I can't!" She hiccuped, struggling to peel her eyes from the camera to look at him, "D'you know how expensive these are? I can't possibly–"

Alex interrupted her, "You are accepting it darling. Because I'm certainly not returning it and yes, I'm well aware of the price and I couldn't care less about it. Not when I know it'll make you the happiest."

Her bottom lip wobbled at the tenderness of his words and her chest hurt from how much she was feeling at the very moment. She exhaled heavily and shakily, thinking about it for a second and her worries came back up so she tried to argue again with a, "But–" that was again interrupted by Alex.

Another squeeze to her thigh was what she felt as encouragement for her to look up at him and take in the genuinity behind his every word, "Ella, I bought this for you and only you. There was absolutely no doubt in my mind when I got it and I was the happiest picking out a pretty case for your new camera and had trouble controlling myself when it came to getting you all those film rolls." He softened his features even more, like he was trying to do puppy eyes on her, "Please accept it darling? Nothing would make me happier."

She stayed quiet for a few seconds, eyes going back down to the pretty camera, debating whether or not to actually let herself accept such a gift but when she looked back up at him and saw those brown eyes she had missed looking into so much, she let her shoulders hang and gave into his wishes.

"Okay." She sighed out quietly like it hurt her, and she preoccupied herself with putting her new camera back in its case and putting it slowly inside the bag.

Once that was done, after almost a minute of her working ehr task in utter silence, she started saying, "But I'm gonna get you something else and I'll give it to you next time we see each other because that," She pointed at the gift bag in Alex's hands with a scowl, "Is way too simple."

"Eleanor." He called out for her to stop the rambling he knew would soon ensue if he didn't stop it from happening.

She sighed like she was regretting every one of her decisions and replied with a shy, "Hmm?"

"Stop that." He instructed her, a hint of an amused smile on his face. Not because he found this predicament funny but because she looked like she was about to throw a little tantrum and it was adorable.

She huffed like a child, about to chat back playing dumb about what he was implying, "Wha–"

But he stopped her with a soft, "Don't" that worked to keep her quiet and slightly reassured her, "I'm gonna love this, I know it." He lifted the bag slightly and decided to just go for it before Ella could continue spiraling. "You know what?" He trailed off before diving right into the bag for the gift that was well guarded inside a pretty wrapping paper and a little bow.

"It's so simple." Ella pointed out when Alex took it out of the bag and set it over his legs.

He shook his head as he started carefully undoing the creases at the bottom of the paper and when he saw the handmade cover of the big square journal she'd gotten him, his heart bursted in his chest.

Alex could faintly read 'On The Road' which was made with magazine cutout letters and a written subheading in a dainty piece of white paper beneath it that read 'A picture collection by Ella'. As he took the book out of the paper, he noticed polaroid frames sticking out along with ends of ribbons and hints of color seeping through the pages.

"Is this...?" He asked wordlessly, without really a need to because he knew it was a scrapbook.

Ella sighed, fiddling with her fingers, "Yeah."

Opening it, he found she'd written a little dedication page first. It had pictures of the pretty sunsets he knew they'd seen together and she'd photographed throughout the years. He could name them if she asked him to: it was the one from her first day in London, then that day coming out of Belmont Park, the first sunset they'd seen together when they recorded Brick by Brick, the one they'd also had the chance of appreciating together when he took her to the beach after everything with Julian had happened.

And in the middle of it all was a pasted note that seemed to be purposely and carefully made to look like a ripped piece of paper, attached to the page with two pieces of beige tape on opposite ends, that read the sweetest dedication:

Alex, I found myself lost in memory lane when I stumbled into pictures I had taken the first few times I met you and the guys. It's crazy to think it's been two years since then, it feels like it's been a lifetime but also just a few months ago at the same time. I got lost in every frame for hours and the warmth that spread through my chest felt so nice, I thought it would be kind to share the feeling. Of course, I had to make it better than a photo album so I took my sweet time meticulously putting every page together in a way my mind seems to assemble things. I hope you understand my vision. And if not, then I blame my lack of crafting skills.

Merry Christmas sweetness, love you lots!

- Ella xx

"Darling..." Alex said softly, a knot forming in his throat after reading that and it only got tighter when he flipped the page and saw the few pictures of the band Ella had taken back in 2011.

But she didn't even catch the emotion behind Alex's whisper because she was so lost in her own mind, "I know, I'm so sorry. I wasn't expecting you giving me a camera worth a fucking grand sweets! I should've established a budget."

"Ella." Alex said the tiniest bit louder this time, eyes getting more and more glassy the more he flipped through the pages, "This is the sweetest fucking thing." His voice was a bit strangled, but his smile didn't falter at all, his eyes dropped to the page he was on and his chest swelled even more seeing a picture where she was smiling hard at the camera, eyes closing from the big grin, with Alex resting his chin over her shoulder as he hugged her from behind.

"Come here." He mumbled, letting the book close on his lap to pull her in by her wrists and crushing her in a tight hug, an awkward one since the space in the car didn't allow for much.

He left a bunch of kisses on the side of her face, dropping a few down her jaw and neck, giggles bloomed from her chest and felt like music to his ears.

"Did you like it?" Ella asked shyly in his ear.

He pulled back, cupping her face with his hands and assuring her, "I fucking love it."

"Really?" She asked breathlessly, a hint of doubt behind her eyes that had Alex needing to keep flipping through the pages so that she could see it clearly on his face just how much he loved what she'd done.

"I really do." He skipped through the ones that he remembered had been snapped in that little west coast tour they did at the start of 2012 to the beginning of all the ones she'd taken when she'd been at the studio with them while they recorded AM, "I had never seen half of these!"

Ella winced a little, knowing it was true because she had never had a proper chance to show them to him. She had sent a few to his team just in case they wanted them for AM promo, alongside the first draft of the finished AM making documentary she'd filmed.

"Sorry, I have to send the scans to you." There were so many pictures she'd forgotten to show him that she knew he'd love because so many were of him in his element.

He hummed in agreement, "Please email them to me, darling." And then, he flipped onto another page and he giggled a bit before pointing out, "I wanna hang this one."

"Oh stop, it's so bad." Ella rolled her eyes when she caught which one he was talking about.

Shaking his head, he chatted back, "No, I love it."

"I was crying and you can tell I was." It was a picture of her birthday, one after they'd been drinking and singing karaoke in her house and she had started crying from how much love she felt. The 'Birthday Girl' cowboy hat the lads had gotten her was perched on her head and she was scrunching her nose in laughter with her eyes half lidded as Alex attacked her face with chaste kisses.

"And?" Alex didn't care for the way it was clear her mascara was smudged and the tears running down her face were clear in the picture, she looked as beautiful as ever, "Look at you."

Her face lit up in flames at the way he looked up at her and back down to the picture, there was so much written on his face that was making her heart beat faster with every second, "Shut up."

Alex kept flipping through it all, entirely in awe of the detailing on every page and the way she'd set up every picture. He went from her birthday to the last few months of recording, to their Los Feliz escapades, to Glastonbury and the entirety of her holiday over in the UK, to the few pictures she'd managed when they had three gigs in LA a few months before.

He wished they could move forward in time and see which other pictures would join the collection.

"Darling, this is so sweet." Alex mused, going back to see his favorites, which were mostly the ones he'd taken of her and she'd put together in a page that read 'The shots you took when you were coming for my career'. His smile got impossibly bigger, "Thank you." He pulled her in for another hug, pressing a long kiss on her cheek and mumbling a sweet, "I love you." against her skin.

"I love you too." She reciprocated and hummed in delight, but when she pulled back and saw the difference of presents perched on each other's laps, she let herself get emotional all over again and looked up at him with a pout, "Thank you so much Al, honestly."

He didn't like seeing her cry at all but knowing that it was happiness that was moving her this much, he smiled and endured it, "Merry Christmas darling."

Ella threw herself over him this time, giving him the biggest hug and mumbled, "You're the best."

To get her to laugh, he teased, "Am I?" and he was entirely satisfied when a loud cackle came from her.

"You're so annoying." She whined when she pulled back, softly shoving him by the shoulders.

He shook his head, "I'm joking." And intertwined their fingers together to have her in his arms again, "Come here, gimme a hug."

They didn't want to let go, not when it felt so right to hold each other and when it just made sense in this bubble charged with so much warmth and affection. There was not a worry in the world that could poke at them, until Alex's phone started to ring and, though he let it go to voicemail once, he got a swarm of notifications along with another phone call.

Reluctantly, he let go of Ella, still holding her hand and rubbing circles on the back of her hand as he answered with an annoyed, "Hello?"

His frown quickly melted for a clearly stressed out expression and he heavily sighed before he apologized, "Fuck. Yeah, sorry." Ella could barely make out what was being said through the phone, it was pure gibberish to her ears but she squeezed his hand in hopes to soothe whatever was happening.

He smiled sweetly at her and it heavily contrasted with his wary tone as he said, "We're about thirty minutes away, if that's alright?" And she saw his shoulders fall in slight relief after that. He ended the call with a calm, "Sure. See ya' mate." but let out a long exhale when he pressed the red button on the screen of his phone.

"We have to go?" She asked, it was the only thing she could imagine him getting in trouble about.

He nodded, "Yep. Soundcheck was supposed to start half an hour ago."

"Oh fuck." Ella cursed under her breath, carefully putting her gift bag in the backseat floor, placing the bag with her food beside it and chucking her ugly sweater behind her without much of a care for it.

"S'alright darling. They'll wait for me." He assured her, putting his seatbelt on after she'd quickly done so and turned on the car.

But Ella felt bad for making other people struggle with time just because they'd gotten carried away, "Sorry, I wasn't meaning to get you back late."

She almost melted on her seat though, when he shrugged and squeezed her thigh, "It's not your fault. Plus I'd do it again. I couldn't be arsed about being on time if I'm with you."

He caught a flash of her grin as she looked behind her and pulled out of their parking spot, "You're too cute."

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It had been all hot and pathetic tears that just wouldn't stop when Ella had to say goodbye to them that night. And it was so unfair that it was that night that they had to leave as soon as possible, because she would've been able to actually stay for as long as she could.

There also was the fact that Bre was going with them so it was hitting her how she was spending the holidays on her own whilst the lads and their missus would be all spending it together.

The only consolation prize she had was that Florence would be coming to Los Angeles with the 1975 as they had a few gigs in town the following week so the prospect of seeing her and the band after so long brought a bit of familiarity she'd be missing until she got to see everyone again.

Which, now, she wasn't sure when it would be.

Just that had made her cry a bit more when she'd gotten home and when Alex had made it a mission to be on the phone with her almost the entirety of the day after, up until he had to go on stage.

The following days had been hard because her mind was plagued with the thought of Alex to the point that she was struggling to focus even at work. It was embarrassing the amount of times she'd gotten aggressively honked out of her thoughts when she was driving, and the amount of times Lydia had to snap her back into reality with waves of her hand in front of her face.

She needed a distraction, desperately, and when The 1975 and Florence arrived in LA, it was perfect timing.

They'd gotten into town on the morning of a Thursday so Ella couldn't go see them as soon as they got there, but Flo had gone to visit her at the office just a few hours before she was leaving and it had been such a lovely surprise, Ella had almost tumbled the both of them to the floor from how hard she'd hugged her.

Instead of going home and changing like she'd planned, Ella just drove the both of them to the venue where the lads would be playing and she got the warmest welcome when she walked into their greenroom.

She'd laugh so much from the moment she got there, and she couldn't help but find herself comparing the energy to when she was with the Monkeys in their greenroom. The 1975 guys were so much more chaotic, Matty and George together in a room was the funniest chaos and Ross added a spoonful to it that made her lose it altogether even more. Flo's cousin, Adam, was the more grounded one, but after a spliff or two that they'd all shared, he found himself giggling and throwing jokes that made Ella gasp in surprise at the lewdness of some of them.

It had been slightly refreshing that George had resumed his flirting with her and the affection he was showing her as they waited for the show to start, reminded her just how long it had been since she'd properly gotten any relief from someone else.

George had cheekily managed to get a kiss from Ella, claiming it was for good luck and that he would really need it. Ella had shaken her head but given in, and the feeling that washed over her made her want to beg for him to take her somewhere else when the gig was over.

Ella and Flo had joined the crowd and managed to wiggle their ways into the sea of people until they stood on the left side of the stage a few people away from the barricade. The venue was smaller than the ones the Monkeys had played when they came to LA but there was a good one thousand people inside the venue and the anticipation was even more palpable somehow.

When the lights went down and the big rectangle box flashed behind George's drum kit, the walls shook with the loud screams from the crowd and when the album intro boomed through the speakers just as the band walked out on stage, the people got impossibly louder. Ella and Flo joined in, the adrenaline coursing through their veins as the intro built up and peaked into their first song.

Hearing the many songs she'd absolutely loved from their debut album had been incredible and she'd been particularly louder when they got to 'Pressure' which was definitely her favorite from the album.

After the show, she'd helped them set their gear back in the small tour bus they had and she'd ended up saying goodbye not long after. She promised to be back the next day as soon as she could and she truly couldn't wait to watch another one of their shows.

"You should come over to mine after the show to celebrate." She invited easily, already thinking about having to get a few more bottles of wine for Flo and Matty. "I can drive y'all, we can manage to fit in my car."

They all nodded and agreed, they were staying in Los Angeles until the following Tuesday, so it would be perfect to get pissed at Ella's house and enjoy a proper catch up and finally take in her neck of the woods.

So, the next day, Ella arrived at the venue during soundcheck and she'd had the best time watching them mess about on stage before the show. Matty had snuck in the chorus of 'I Want It That Way' and 'There She Goes' in between their songs while Adam along with the sound people of the venue checked it was all perfect.

They'd gotten high and chatted about everything and anything until they were due on stage, Flo and Ella sneaking into the crowd once again in between giggles and managing to have a few conversations with some girls around them.

The show had been fucking mental, the energy that Matty exuded on stage was so contagious that the crowd gave him even more energy back and it was a vicious cycle that assured for the post-show rush to last a while.

It was a never-ending adrenaline rush that stayed with them the whole night, making for a really fun drinking night with them all.

Ella hadn't gotten that drunk, aware that she had suggested them all staying over so they didn't have to get a expensive taxi back to their hotel so she had to be a good host the next morning, but she'd gotten tipsy enough to settle the fact that George would be sharing her bed once everyone was ready to go to sleep.

They'd been getting off all throughout the night and all the 'get a room' comments had ended up in her deciding that they indeed needed to get a room for themselves that night. Though she knew they wouldn't be able to do much with everyone in the house, she wanted to enjoy having George to herself for a little longer.

Everyone groaned and complained about how they wouldn't get any sleep if George went with Ella but she flipped them all off and told them, "There's a guest room at the end of the hallway, the bathroom is right here and I'm gonna go get the air mattress. Someone is gonna have to sleep on the couch if that's alright."

Matty and Flo basically sprinted to the guest room and chucked themselves on the bed with Ella following behind to get the air mattress, "You two better not keep me up all night or have me change the sheets in the middle of the night."

Flo smirked as she watched her clumsily go through the things stored in the closet of the guest room, "Don't worry, we don't make messes. I swallow."

Matty laughed so loud at his wife's comment and Ella was left speechless at the sudden comment, "Jesus Christ, you filthy bitch."

"What? You don't?" Flo asked with a quirk of her brow, purely taunting her for an answer.

George startled her when he answered from the threshold of the room's door where he was leaning, "She does."

Ella blushed hard at the comment, getting embarrassingly wet at the memory of having her mouth stuffed with his cock and her mouth watering at the thought of it happening again.

"Shut up." She scorned him as she walked right past him, air mattress box, two pillows and blankets in hand.

WIth Ross and Adam's help, they cleared out the middle of the living room and set up the air mattress. Adam had kindly let Ross take it as he settled down for the night on the settee and they thanked Ella for the pillows and blankets she'd brought for them.

"Sweet dreams guys." She called out before she walked back to her room, where George was eagerly waiting for her with that smile of his luring her right in to sit on his lap at the edge of the bed.

At first it was just a continuation of the kisses they'd been sharing all night, until he felt just how wet she was and she couldn't keep down the moan that the feeling of his fingers on her clit elicited out of her.

She startled herself and stopped him, "We can't. I know I won't be able to keep quiet."

He of course understood, but she seemed so afraid of everyone hearing her that he had to joke to settle her down a bit before they stopped, "Should I gag you then?"

And that sparked an idea in her head.

She stood up from bed quickly, scaring George who instantly apologized and said he didn't mean it but he was surprised when she shushed him and told him it was alright to then walk up to her closet and pull out a big box that when she opened, made George's mouth fall slack at the amount of sex toys and kinky accessories she had in it.

"Ella, fucking hell." He cursed under his breath, watching her fingers move stuff around until she found what she was looking for: a silicone bar gag with a leather collar to buckle in place.

Something snapped inside of George when Ella so innocently went to put the box back in its place and slowly walked back to bed. He'd pulled her in by the waist and quickly hovered over her, kissing her hungrily until she was squirming due to the lack of relief when she was so uncomfortably wet already.

The gag had helped her not be as loud as she knew she would've been after such a long time without having someone in her bed, but still, George was so good with his tongue and his fingers that she'd been biting down hard most of the time, her jaw ached by the third time she came.

He'd been so hard, Ella was sad she truly couldn't feel comfortable enough to take him in her mouth after having her jaw clenched so hard for so long, so she used her hand to get him off and got him to finish on her tongue.

Ella had the best night of sleep cuddled up to George and it had been a struggle to give up the way his limbs felt tangled over her body so that she could make everyone breakfast.

The food had been a great apology for the noises that had managed to slip out of Ella's bedroom, for which Flo and Matty took the piss out of them both, and eventually, they all left. Everyone but George. He had kindly declined going around Los Angeles with them all to spend the day with Ella, more like on and in Ella, and practically kicking them all out of the house when they started teasing them just as they were leaving Ella's.

"We might be going out tonight. Any recommendations? And do you wanna come with us or are yous gonna be too busy?" Ross raised his brow as he asked them both with a smirk on his face, being the last to walk through the door.

Ella hummed, "There's this club in Hollywood called The Sound or something like that. I'll send you the address, we'll see you there."

Ross nodded and walked up to the taxi that was waiting for them, Matty and Flo already inside the vehicle while Adam was waiting for Ross to finish talking so that he could get in the car. Ella waved them goodbye, feeling George behindher doing the same while his free hand came to clutch onto her waist.

As soon as the taxi was gone and Ella closed the door, George lifted her from the floor and threw her onto his shoulder to all but run up to her room, where he threw her on the bed and hungrily pounced on her as he'd wanted since they woke up.

"You're gonna grab that box and we're testing everything inside it." George mumbled against her lips after dizzying her with a heated kiss.

Ella panted as she nodded and it took her a few seconds after he got off her to realize she had to get up and get it.

It was fair to say they spent most of the day trying the different things in the box, taking breaks in between and chatting like it was just another day, until they got another rush of lust and they went at it again.

They'd gotten interrupted by seven in the evening when Flo called Ella to make sure if she and George we coming with them to the club, to which she said yes but let her know it wasn't opening until ten, so they'd all have time to get ready and leave and get there early enough to be first in line and get a good table.

Ella had no idea how George had the amount of energy he had because they took their fun even to the shower when she was supposed to be getting ready, but he'd easily convinced her to let him join her and her hands started to roam and before she could even comprehend, she was sucking George's fingers and begging him to fill her up again.

When the pair got to the club, the group was practically asking every question out there with just their eyes but they got nothing.

Adam and Ella were staying sober that night, so they both had their entertainment sorted by a drunk Matty, Florence, Ross and George. Though, George had kept it within his limits because he was going back home with Ella and he didn't want to pass out on her. It was Ross the one who was the drunkest and it was hilarious to see the tall bearded man being so clumsy and avidly spouting random shit in between conversations.

By the end of the night, which was around two in the morning for them because Ross was falling asleep, they were all knackered from all the dancing. Adam had been left to look after a drunk Ross while Matty was being the best husband and making sure Flo didn't fall on her face as she'd had too many shots—she had most of them double, to compensate for the fact that Ella wasn't drinking, she said.

Ella had driven all the way back home and she'd been pleasantly surprised by how much of a cute drunk George was. She tended to him and when she got back to her room, he was fighting his exhaustion to wait for her to come back and cuddle into him.

He was so warm and she loved how he felt like a weighted blanket on her, her eyes were closing and she was relishing in the bliss until he slurred his words in her ear, "I wanted you to ride my face but I'm so knackered."

She shook with loud laughter that made him giggle in her ear, "Go to sleep, you idiot."

✦✧✦✧✦✧✦✧✦✧✦✧

Ella gave George and the rest of the group a nice drive around her favorite places in Los Angeles, ending it with a nice stroll by the beach and invited them all out for dinner that Sunday. It had been so fun being the one to show the place she considered home to them all, and she found herself even happier when she saw them enjoying every place they went to.

George had spent that night over as well, Ella cheekily asking if he wanted to come over—she texted Ben right after George agreed enthusiastically and said she'd be taking the Monday off.

It felt good and easy, something casual with someone she trusted and she was incredibly happy even though she was sad to see them go that Monday night. She drove George back to where they were staying and actually went inside the airport with them to properly say goodbye. It was very late at night and their flight was leaving around three in the morning, but that didn't keep Ella from staying as long as she could until they had to leave to go through security.

Unlike with the Monkeys, Ella found it a bit easier to bid them farewell. It probably was because she felt so at ease with them that she was grateful for how they'd gotten her out of her miserable thoughts of the past week.

Plus the fact that there wasn't an underlying tension that she had no idea how to solve.

She sighed heavily once they all disappeared behind the white wall after they got through security, suddenly her mind flooded back with the same million thoughts of Alex and the distance between them. Like George's presence had been just some dense fog that made the mountain of every unsolved question and undiscovered feeling about Alex disappear for just a brief moment.

Now it came all back in sight and she didn't know what to do. There wasn't really much she could do.

The next morning, she drowned herself in work to muffle every distraction thought of her turmoil and when she got home, she started brainstorming photoshoots and putting together moodboards to take up on photography consistently again.

But as she took shelter in work and planning, Alex had been moping around alone in the tour bus on the way to Kansas City, the last stop of the tour.

Before the 1975 and Flo left LA, George had found a print of a picture Ella had taken the day they went on a date in London—the one with her thighs on each sides of his waist with his hands on her legs—, she had it perched up on one of her shelves next to a bunch of other pictures that she loved. It was a collection of pictures she'd taken and grown to love so she sprinkled them around her room proudly.

George had picked it up and teased her for it, which ended up in them kissing for a while, hands wandering everywhere until Ella got on top of him and they stopped just to take in their view. Ella had grabbed the picture, which had been printed in a size similar to a polaroid and placed it on George's abdomen. She'd picked up her phone and, after quickly making sure they were in the same position as the original picture, she took the same picture with the print in the middle—the black and white of the print contrasted against George's skin.

And Ella had posted it, after she'd ridden George until they both came and they were left sweaty and hazy from their orgasms. 'Nice kind of messy' she had captioned it and when Alex had seen it, his heart had dropped and his blood had grown cold.

Alex knew the 1975 were on a small tour in the States and he also knew that they were going to be in Los Angeles a few days, Florence had told him just that. And Alex recognized the print in the middle of the picture clearly, it was George—it was the same box tattoo he had on his thumb next to Ella's red ink 'Divine Feminine' tattoo.

Jealousy was something Alex was more clearly able to recognize nowadays when it came to Ella but this horrible sourness that rose up his throat and made him feel ill was new. It was far stronger than anything he'd felt before and he didn't know what to do other than hide away in the back lounge of the bus, the scrapbook Ella had gifted him in one hand and a bottle of vodka in the other.

Swig after swig, he'd ended up confusing the sway of the bus on the road for the dizziness that made his vision spin. He had ended up opening one of the big windows to smoke a few cigarettes inside the room, going over every poor decision he'd made so far that had kept him from telling Ella exactly how he felt. Keeping it to himself was so painful but he didn't know who he should talk to about it.

He was debating calling Florence, trying to make the math for the time difference in his head but eventually giving up when the memory of Ella's recent post came to the forefront of his mind like a cruel mocking his own brain was throwing at him.

He fell asleep on the settee there, the vodka bottle half empty and the scrapbook open on the pictures he'd taken of her. Time had completely slipped from his grasp when he woke up to Matt knocking on the lounge door, Alex only hummed in response and Matt told him they'd arrive at the venue so everyone would be going out to get some food. The show wouldn't be until the next day, so they'd be staying overnight at the place in the tour bus, and it made sense to go look for something good to eat after having had a typical tour bus breakfast that barely got them through the day. But Alex had no appetite for food at the moment, so he hummed again and mumbled a slurred, "M'staying."

Matt left shortly after, he'd asked if he wanted anything but since he got no response, he figured to just leave his best mate to rest.

But Alex couldn't really find rest after that, not when he saw the scrapbook again and picked it back up and, before he could think about it properly, he pulled out his phone to open her instagram to only be hit with the clear reminder that Ella had gotten with George again.

When Matt said 'everyone' was going out to get food, Alex thought he was entirely alone in the bus. But when someone opened the lounge door suddenly, the lingering hint of alcohol in his blood got startled away. If the nap hadn't sobered him up fully, it was the fright of someone coming into the room that did it.

It got even worse when that someone was none other than Alice.

Alice, who laughed loudly at the clear fright on his face and got even more amused when she saw him disheveled and really fucking sad.

Pathetic, she thought.

Her gaze fell on the handmade looking book he had perched on his lap and she asked, "What is that?" Her tone was clearly taunting, she was trying to get a rise out of him. He looked so fucking sorrowful that she was intrigued and incredibly amused at the same time.

"Go away Loveless." Alex said, exhausted, letting out a long sigh that he hoped told her enough about how he wasn't really in the mood at all for her attitude.

"Oh come on Red. I thought we were friends?" She played again, if his presence there had just ruined her plans of relieving herself in the peace of an empty tour bus, then she would get her fill of entertainment from him. "Tell me what's that and why's it got you so pathetically miserable."

He kissed his teeth and hissed a stern, "Fuck off."

But Alice wasn't planning on it. So she quickly came up to him with all the intention of snatching the book from him to take a peek at it, yet Alex acted quicker than her and raised it upwards and away from her.

That had turned out to be a mistake though, because Alice was stubborn and she had no issue in placing her knees on each side of his hips and using his shoulder as leverage to reach the book in his hands. And when she finally plucked it from his hand, she let herself sink down and took a seat on his lap.

Alice smiled to herself reading it had been made by Ella, thinking about how sweet she was, completely missing the way Alex swallowed a groan at the sudden contact and the way his hands instantly came to hold her hips.

She flipped through the pages in silence, admiring every little detail of Ella's work on the scrapbook and smiling harder when she got to see different sides of Ella that she was so jealous had been all there for Alex to witness.

God, did she want her.

Alice wasn't dumb though, she was able to quickly put it all together and she hummed to herself when she came to the conclusion that Alex's tragic mood was all due to the fact that she'd clearly slept with someone else and posted it proudly for everyone to know.

Yet, playing dumb just to push his buttons sounded like a far more interesting turn of events.

"Did you see what she posted today?" Alice asked him with a fake tone of naivety in her voice. When she remembered the picture though, she felt a heat come over her all over again and she let her sinful thoughts slip out easily, "It's all I've been thinking about while I was waiting for everyone to leave so I could play with myself to the memory of her on top of me."

"Alice." Alex muttered, his words sounded strangled like he was in pain hearing that, his hips shifting beneath her subconsciously.

"What?" She asked innocently, clearly noticing his writhing and biting her lip at the brief friction she got from it. She had been unable to get herself off for almost a week now and it was fucking painful.

"Please, shut the fuck up." He was willing to beg her to just go but his thoughts were being clouded by how close she was to him and how good it felt to have her heat radiating into him.

"Oh why? Are you having trouble again?" She chuckled, faux pity making her lips curl into a forced pout, "You know I love seeing her posts, makes me reminisce. I know you're stupid but I don't think as much as to not have seen those pictures she posts and not do a single thing about it."

He groaned in response, one of Ella's pictures coming to the forefront of his mind and the latest one he'd fucked his fist to which was the Halloween one. The same one to which Alice had fucked herself too, wishing it was Ella doing it.

"It's so sad isn't it?" Alice pushed further, "How he's had her twice now, maybe even more than thrice whilst you're left here fucking your fist alone in your bunk." She wished the image of that didn't turn her on as much as it did.

Just to irk him even more, the singer continued, "She gave me the honor of having her twice and god, Alex. Do you wanna hear a rundown about it?"

The 'no' he wanted to say got stuck in his throat when she shifted on top of him, a groan managing to slip from him. His fingers harshly digging into her skin and keeping her flush against his hardening cock was enough of an answer for her to continue.

Alice hummed, and her hips started rocking on his lap more consciously now, "Do you wanna hear about how she fucked herself on my fingers only to end up riding my thigh? Her hips moving just like this at the start, and god those pretty sounds she makes," She leaned into his ear and moaned sweetly, just like Ella did, rocking her hips harder and feeling the perfect amount of pressure on her clit to have her drench her underwear further, "They're fucking addicting."

"She was dripping all over my thigh, her head thrown back and those perfect tits all over my fucking face for me to suck on." Alex exhaled heavily against Alice's tits, his lips parting even more as if one part of him was tempted to suck on them like she was talking about, like he was fantasizing about doing to Ella.

His grip got stronger then. Ella. It was all that he was starting to think about, with his eyes fully closing to just picture her.

"She looked so fucking pretty when she came, Alex. I swear I can see and hear it clearly every time I need something to think about on lonely nights." It wasn't a bluff, the thought of Ella was a promise of a great orgasm for Alex and she was starting to go in that direction despite having Alex actually beneath her.

Another image of Ella flashed through her mind, making her moan loudly before she continued, "Do you wanna hear about how well she uses that pretty mouth of hers? How she ate me out like she was fucking starved only to fuck me with my toys until I fucking squirted all over her?"

A breathy moan fell from his lips then, cursing under his breath at the thought Ella's mouth all over him, wrapped around him, "Fucking hell."

"I know, it pains me that I can't have her every fucking day." Alice admitted, her mouth watering at the thought of Ella's taste on her tongue, "And do you wanna hear about how hard she kissed me and how much she begged for me to make her cum multiple times? She's insatiable, you know." Her pace got faster, hips moving erratically on his, "Fucking insatiable and you just can't never say no to her."

"Can you Alex? Huh?" She opened her eyes to look down at him, falling apart just from hearing it all.

He shook his head, answering honestly because how could he not agree? There was nothing he would deny Ella. Nothing.

He was growing harder by the second in his pants. Painfully harder, all just from picturing every word Alice was uttering and it was genuinely driving him insane.

Alice wanted more, she needed proper relief so she grabbed his hand and lifted it towards her mouth. She parted her lips and welcomed two of his fingers, sucking them and dragging them down her body until they reached under her skirt.

"She was so damn good to me. Knowing exactly how to touch me," She dragged him slowly up her soaked underwear until his digits pressed on her clit, "Exactly how to tease me." She made him draw circles on her clit multiple times until she shuddered at the pleasure rushing down her spine, "Exactly how to make me fall apart for her." She pushed her underwear aside and guided his fingers to her entrance but Alex was the one to push them in.

"Oh fuck." Alice cursed in a moan, struggling to continue, "She filled me up so fucking good." Alex curled his fingers at the image in his head and Alice smirked, swallowing a moan to praise, "Yeah, just like that."

It only took a few minutes of him thrusting his fingers in and out of Alice for him to lose control. His eyes were closed, so he was fully just picturing every single thing he was doing to be with Ella. To Ella.

Just like Alice was picturing Ella instead of Alex.

Suddenly, it seemed like a fair trade—both frustrated over Ella's absence and filling the void of carnal desires with each other.

So they ended up fucking again, both of them coming undone shortly after Alex sank himself into Alice. Their hips snapping fast and hard against each other, skin slapping and raw moans filling up the small space.

Nothing else needed to be said. It was over and done with and they both got what they needed: release.

Yet, it felt definitive and they both knew it.

Alice wasn't interested in keeping this up, Alex was far too complicated and whatever their relationship was had always been enough of a mess to even navigate for professional purposes.

Alex though, he felt a bitterness settling inside of him and it seemed to be an awful lot like regret and self deprecation. Ella flooded his mind but his heart was also filled with her and every detail that came with her existence and the fact that he had just got back in bed with Alice for a second time, to the thought of her made him feel disgusted. Of himself, of his actions, of the way he wasn't acting according to what his heart felt.

And that's when he realized he was far more tangled with Ella than he had imagined, even if he knew it was strong already, the feeling of every mile that separated them came to weigh heavily on his chest and he wanted to be sick.

It was just Ella. Ella was the one he wanted, and no one would ever compare.

And now, he felt like he'd completely betrayed her once again. And he had no idea how to fix it.

✦✧✦✧✦✧✦✧✦✧✦✧

Going back home for a holiday break to the ceiling silence of his flat seemed to be the repentance Alex needed.

At first, the guilt had been present constantly when he thought of her or he saw the pictures on his walls where she appeared. Whenever she'd text him, or call him, there was the nagging feeling in the back of his head that made him nauseous. It was like he was hiding something from her and he hated it so much.

But how would he even let it out in order to feel free of the burden? Alex had no idea.

Calling Flo and telling her everything had been helpful though, and Florence being the wise woman that she was, told him that he had to forgive himself because there wasn't gonna be anything good to come out of him making himself miserable over his decisions. She also reminded him that he hadn't really done anything wrong, both he and Alice had willingly done it and both seemed to have shared the same sentiment of thinking of Ella.

"I suppose it isn't the best of things to use someone to satiate the need of somebody else but it's not like neither of you knew." Flo commented with a sigh and a merciful look on her face. "You'll be alright Shakespeare. Just stop messing about and tell Ella."

When? was the golden question.

The one Alex was still trying to find an answer to as Christmas rolled around which he spent at his parents' house. Penny and David had asked all about tour and much more about Ella the second Alex first mentioned her when he got to telling them about the American leg of tour.

He had spent Boxing day with them as well, loving being able to spoil his parents with presents, and it brought him much peace to think about the time Ella spent over. He texted her again that night, being embarrassingly melancholic about the memory and hoping to wake up to her feeling the same wave of nostalgia over it.

The day after boxing day, he went back to London and got ready to head to Matt's for the Christmas party he was throwing. The Monkeys were all invited, Katie and Kelly joining, as well as the 1975 lads and Flo, and many more of Matt's friends.

Alex had drunk plenty that night, all to help himself a bit more when it came to actually letting himself enjoy the moment and laugh a bit easier. He'd ended up stumbling into Matt's guest room and passing out on the bed as soon as his head hit the pillows, utterly and completely exhausted from having to mingle with such a large crowd.

When he woke up the next morning, if it could be called morning as he had slept in until almost one in the afternoon, he found two missed calls from Ella sitting in his notifications. His head was pounding and his vision was fuzzy as he opened his messages and saw a few ones that made him smile for he could almost hear the pout on her face as she said 'Throwing a Christmas party without me is so rude :( I'm alone at home watching a marathon of Home Alone, at least facetime me!' but he'd been long gone by then.

The next ones were a mess of typos that he could barely make out and he figured maybe she'd found a party herself to get drunk at to forget about the lonesome holidays.

The following ones, though, had him frowning. It was just after one of the calls he'd missed and she'd simply texted, 'Alex pleaseeeee' followed by another missed call and a final, 'Please?'

There was nothing else said that could give him a hint about what she could mean with her pleading, and he was starting to get concerned. She'd sent those at around three in the morning for her, and it was about to be five in Los Angeles, so he figured she'd be already asleep but still he sent a worried, 'Is everything alright darling?' and went along with his day, trying to be patient since it would definitely be a long time until she answered.

But she didn't answer for a long while, not until he was deep into nursing a few beers in the comfort of Flo and Matty's flat where everyone was gathered in a more intimate Christmas party.

He read her message that said, 'Sorry, I was very drunk. Everything's alright except for this stupid hangover that I need to disappear before work tomorrow.' just as Florence asked George something. Alex tuned the drummer out for a second, a smile forming in his face as he imagined Ella sleepily trying to move around her house, but it faltered when he heard Ella's name being mentioned in the chat. His ears perked up just in time to catch a piece of information he didn't need.

At all.

"Ella woke me up today, actually." George smirked against the rim of his glass.

Flo raised a brow at the mention of the director, she just said, "Go on." in response, knowing that there was more to the story and she really wanted to know what he was implying.

George shrugged his shoulders, "Let's say it was a really nice surprise to wake up to."

Flo squeaked and so did Bre, who asked very quickly, "Did she send a picture?"

"No," George blushed slightly and it only made the girls more curious, "She called me."

When George said that, it was like a truck carrying a full load had tumbled over and dropped all of its weight over Alex. There's no way, he thought. And before he could even think about there not being a possibility of it getting worse for him, it did.

"And because I'm a gentleman I won't divulge more than the fact that it was a very non PG call and I think I had a heart attack and died at 11am."

Alex froze in his place, not even the loud squeals from the girls managing to stop him from zoning out—the fact that he had missed that call dawning on him and it was the worst joke of all time.

He took a minute to count until a hundred, trying not to kick off at himself for getting wankered and sleeping so deep to have missed that, even more so when it meant that Ella had chosen him first, only to be replaced by George.

Fucking George, he cursed in his mind before standing up and excusing himself to go for a cig.

✦✧✦✧✦✧✦✧✦✧✦✧

The New Year had come faster than expected and Alex's birthday creeped around the corner with it.

It seemed like 2014 was taking pity on Alex and giving him an early birthday present though, when he got an email from Steve and his team with the following tour dates coming up.

Alex had almost missed it, the letters on the screen of his phone merging into a big pile that confused him as he scrolled and scrolled. Until his eyes landed in a certain place that he had begged his manager to get.

Bonnaroo Music Festival 2014 - Manchester, TN, USA - 15/06/2014

He almost dropped his phone twice in the haste of dialing her phone, waiting eagerly for her to answer and trying again when it went to voicemail.

"Hello?" Ella asked breathlessly, and it sounded almost like she was running away from a loud place because the loud chatter faded away as the seconds passed.

"Promise me you're not gonna cry." He said first and foremost, and that only had a big ball of anxiety settling on Ella's stomach.

She bit her bottom lip with a frown, "Yeah, I'm not sure I can."

"Darling..." He warned as if he needed that promise to tell her the news.

She squeaked in stress, "Alex you can't just say that and expect me to say I promise! What is it?! Are you okay?!"

He smiled at the way her words stumbled into each other, "I'm more than okay darling. I just need you to promise me there won't be any tears when I tell you this."

There was loud silence for a few seconds before she hesitantly said, "Okay, I promise. Now what is it?"

"You sure you promise?" He asked again, but she could hear through his voice the smirk he clearly had on his face and she rolled her eyes.

"Stop teasing! What is it?!" She said desperately this time.

Alex let out a shaky breath before he finally let her know, "We're playing Bonnaroo darling."

A beat or two of silence were followed by a loud gasp. He giggled at her reaction and even more when her voice wavered as she asked, "Actually? For real? This year?"

He nodded stupidly, a foolish smile on his face and his heart hammering against his chest, "Yes, darling, this year."

Her scream was deafening, and he really wondered where she was just to take the piss out of her for making a scene in some public space. But then he heard her sniffling and he knew she was silently sobbing.

"You promised no tears, Eleanor." He reminded her with a soft voice.

Another sniffle was heard louder this time, "I know, I know. I'm sorry." Ella apologized halfheartedly, "I know. It's just," She stopped herself to take a deep breath and her heart felt like it was about to burst at the news, "You're coming home."

Home.

Alex thought about how Ella had grown to feel like home to him, and if the happiness and all the warmth he felt within him at that very moment didn't back that up, then he was sure he'd know the second he got to see her again. This time in her actual home.

✦✧✦✧✦✧✦✧✦✧✦✧

A/N: I'm actually so damn excited to get to Bonnaroo finally!!! When I found out they'd played there in 2014 as I was plotting the basics of this fic back in April 2022, I genuinely gasped so loud. It just played so well into the timeline and building everything around it was so much fun. We're finally getting to my favourite bits of this story and I'm honestly buzzing about it - this means that we're closer to the end though :((( Only 4 more chapters and the epilogue left *cries* I hope you enjoyed this one and also hope to see you with the next one very soon - I'll try my best I promise!! Have a great weekend darlings xx

Taglist: @imagine-that-100 @red---moon @kennedy-brooke @faveficz @indierockgirrl @ladydraculasthings @moonvr @unwantedlovergirl @eaglestar31 @nikisfwn @funniestpersoninnyc @andrearroe @justacaliforniandreamer @alexturnersgf69 @yourorganiccigarette @chickenxdrum

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shuacore · 2 years ago

Text

no thorns, no roses.

reader (f) x jsh. summary: a modeling gig turns into a test of your patience (and your self-control) — 11.4K words — is enemies with benefits a thing?, basically pwp, semi-public hooking-up?? — warnings: swearing, smut (18+) additional warnings

additional warnings: degradation (lite), unprotected sex, oral (m receiving), probably like a billion red flags lol

"Good news, y/n!" your boss yells over the phone, and you wince as you pull the speaker away from your ear. Mingyu was a nice guy but, Christ, he was fucking loud. You slowly put the phone to your ear again. "You booked the Dior gig!"

Your jaw drops. "No fucking way. You're lying!" Silently you kick your feet in the air, a giddy dizzy feeling buzzing through your whole body. If Mingyu could see you on the other side of the phone he'd be laughing at you, but from the safety of your own apartment, you could act as ridiculous as you wanted. Your boss is yelling something into the phone, but you're not listening as you jump around your couch, pumping your fists in the air like the protagonist of some corny rom-com movie.

"...really liked your stuff. Their girl backed out after getting food poisoning and they need someone else. I know it's extremely short notice, but it's tomorrow afternoon— can you make that work?"

You nod vigorously before remembering you're on the phone and Mingyu can't actually see your face. "Yes!" you reply breathlessly. You can't feel your legs anymore, so you slump on the couch, clutching a pillow to your chest.

"Awesome! I'll get in touch with their creative coordinator right now and forward you the details ASAP. Thanks, y/n," Mingyu says with a short goodbye, and the line dies.

For a moment, all you can do is sit in shock. Dior wanted you. And not only that, but it was for a shoot in Vogue?! You flop onto your back, still speechless. You had to be dreaming. It had been years since your last major shoot, and it had been such a disaster that you had refused to do any luxury shoots since then. Except that when Mingyu had told you that Dior had sent out a notice to all the major modeling agencies looking for new blood for their latest campaign, you knew you had to try.

So you had spent the last few weeks filming and editing your best walks together into a video, compiled with countless headshots, past work, and endless pose references. Your favorite brand was looking for new talent, and there was no way in hell you could pass up the opportunity.

You throw your arm over your eyes, shaking your head in disbelief. The sick thing was that it had actually worked. And now you were going to Vogue's studio tomorrow to work directly with some of the most renowned designers in the world. God, it made you want to pee yourself a little bit.

Somewhere across the room, there's a small ding! from your phone from where you had thrown it and you hastily push yourself off the couch to grab it. A small notification reads "Congrats!" and in your dazed state you clumsily click on it, opening the email from your boss.

Hey, y/n! Here's the information from Kelly, the creative coordinator at Vogue. Let me know if you have any questions.

Congrats again!

Kim Mingyu | Talent Coordinator

AGC Modeling Agency

—--- Forwarded message ------

From: Kelly G. <[email protected]>

Sent: Monday, July 29, 2021 8:56 AM

To: Kim Mingyu <[email protected]>

Subject: VOGUE x Dior 2021 Shoot Replacement

Hey Mingyu!

We've run into an issue with one of our girls and we need a replacement. We really liked the work of y/n and would love to work with them! Here are the details from Dior's creative director, and I've included a few images of the sample pieces they've asked us to shoot. Let me know what you think!

Thanks!

Kelly G. | Creative Coordinator

VOGUE Magazine

Your eyes skim the rest of the email, reading over the shoot info as fast as possible. Well, the clothing is more revealing than you were used to doing, and the colors were, honestly, underwhelming, but your excitement outweighed your trepidation.

If it was just another solo shoot, and it sounded like it was, you were ready to give them your best material. The creative director wouldn’t even know what hit them.

As you climb into bed that night, you can't fight the smile that threatens to take over your whole face, and you slowly drift off to sleep, dreaming of camera flashes and a world painted with unimaginable color.

----

The next morning, however, as you stand outside the Vogue studio door and your stomach threatens to push itself out of your mouth, you wonder if you've truly chosen the right career path.

"Mingyu, I don't know if I can do this," you say, turning to look at your manager. His dark hair is effortlessly tousled, and in the bright morning light, he looks as if he's glowing. You often wonder why Mingyu had never become a model himself, but whenever you asked, he just brushed off the question in the infuriatingly cool way that he did everything. As you watch a few strands of his perfect hair wave in the cool New York morning breeze, dimly, you also wonder why you’ve never asked him out.

"Your stuff was great, y/n," he says, with a goofy little pat on your shoulder. "If anyone can 'serve face' it's you!"

You wrinkle your nose in disgust. It was horrendous how he tried to keep up with the youth, but there was no hope with Mingyu. So you simply nod and let him lead you through the door, trying your best not to vomit all over yourself.

The door shuts behind you with a horrible clunk, and as you follow your manager through the catacombs of Vogue's creative spaces, you try your very best to feel excited.

No! You tell yourself. You are excited! Except you're also impossibly worried about making a fool of yourself in front of the top fashion magazine in the world, and possibly affecting the rest of your career forever.

"Ok," you say nervously, "Snap out of it!" Miles of beige drywall seem to pass by you. Why the hell is this hallway so long? You swear you’ve been walking for eons now, and the longer the hallway stretches on, the smaller you shrink.

By the time you reach the end of the hallway, you can't be more than a few centimeters tall. Mingyu chooses an unassuming beige door and allows you to enter the room before him. Some of the photographers are already in the room, and they wave politely as you enter. The backdrops are set up and ready, with a few more options draped across support beams and tables. There's a chair centered under a few lights and you see your clothing rack, already adorned with a few of the flimsy, delicate pieces you'd be wearing. Being in the space has an immediate effect, and you can't help but feel a jolt of excitement in your stomach.

After setting your bag on a chair in the back, you catch sight of a bed tucked behind one of the backdrops. Had you read anything about a bed being used on set? You couldn't quite remember, and you were about to ask Mingyu about it, but he had already disappeared into the growing throng of designers, off doing his managerial thing. You take a quick look around. No one seems to be watching you, and besides, it’s your set so why not get used to it?

You approach the bed, curiosity and confusion battling in your brain. It didn’t seem to really fit with the strange and spunky summer theme, but maybe it was for some kind of boudoir moment the art directors had in mind? There had definitely been some gauzy things mixed in with Dior’s array of pieces.

Honestly, the longer you look at it, the more delightful the bed looks. The pillows are squishy and adorned in soft, shiny silk, and there are a few blankets strewn artfully across the comforters. Man, you really wanted to jump onto it like a little kid, but you also wanted to appear professional— so that meant no jumping. For now at least.

You turn to walk back to your seat, barely looking where you’re going when you crash headfirst into someone else. Papers go flying, coffee splatters everywhere, and in the sudden flurry of motion, there’s a cacophony of swearing.

“Shit, I’m so sorry, I totally wasn’t looking where I was going. I can pay for your dry cleaning, or run and grab you a new shirt. God, I am so, so sorry,” you babble, suddenly sweating profusely. In a panic, you kneel down to gather the papers as fast as possible, shoving them into a haphazard pile and offering them to the other person with as apologetic of a face as you could possibly make.

And then you make eye contact with them.

Fuck. Your heart drops into your stomach.

The man you just ran into wrinkles his nose. “Oh. It’s you.” His dark eyes are flat with disdain.

You fight the urge to throw a punch (and also throw up). It’s been years since you last saw him, and yet, you seem to be having some sort of Pavlovian response to his voice.

“Joshua Hong,” you say through gritted teeth. The other creatives are watching the two of you with poorly disguised interest, so you attempt to actively suppress the rage gurgling uncomfortably in your stomach by forcing a smile onto your lips. It doesn't work, but they don't need to know that.

Joshua takes the forgotten papers from your hands, offering you a dry smile before stalking away without another word.

Wow. He really has not changed at all. Still just as insufferable and impossible as the last time you worked with him.

Vague memories of getting drunk and hooking up with Joshua swim to the front of your mind. You hadn’t known you were going to be working with him the next day. He had just been some hot guy at a bar who you had chatted with briefly. All you can really recall is singing (extremely drunk) karaoke with him, making out with him in his car after a particularly raunchy song, and waking up in his bed the next morning. You wonder if he remembers how he held you like you were glass, whispered empty promises in your ear, and made you feel like a princess. He had made you feel like you were unforgettable. And then he hadn’t even acknowledged your damn presence at the shoot later the same day.

After all these years, even after all the effort it had taken you to forget the heartbreak you had felt, one glimpse of him was all it took to send you back to the very beginning of it all. With a particularly large jolt in your chest, you’re horrified that your body still craves him so badly.

“Y/N?” Mingyu’s voice calls out to you, breaking you out of your reverie. “Are you okay?”

You realize your nails had been biting into your palms and you release your fists, trying to relax the tension in your shoulders and your jaw. You plant the most reassuring smile you can on your face and nod.

"Perfect, actually," you say, doing your best to ignore your roiling stomach. The smile on your face feels more like a grimace the longer you hold it.

"Do you... do you need to go to the bathroom?" your manager asks, quirking an eyebrow and throwing a thumb over his shoulder. He looks a little afraid of you and you can only imagine how insane you look to Mingyu. You brush him off.

"No, I'll be fine." Yes, go now! Get out of here! Run! You smile again before shuffling quickly back to your bag amid the whispers that continue to follow you across the studio.

You hadn't seen Joshua Hong in years, and somehow you still couldn't look at him without feeling an explosion of confusing emotions. He had completely humiliated you, belittling you until you had run out of the room and cried in the bathroom for twenty minutes. He made you look like a fool. He had made you feel like shit. Mingyu knew your history with him, but Vogue must have not told him that Joshua was working on this shoot, because you know your sweet, but dense, manager surely would not have booked you for this if they had.

Professionalism be damned. You wanted to throw (another) cup of hot coffee in Joshua Hong's perfectly chiseled face.

You look up from your shaking hands for a moment to see that the bastard has already disappeared. You're not sure if that fills you with dread or relief. Ok, you can't ignore this.

"Mingyu!" you whisper loudly, pulling your manager aside. "You didn't tell me Joshua Hong was going to be here!"

Mingyu looks defensive. "They never told me he would be here!" He wrings his hands for a moment. "Y/n, I swear, I never knew he was working this shoot or I would've never booked this gig for you."

You take a deep breath, forcing your erratic heartbeat to slow until you think you're capable of speaking rationally. "I'm sorry, but I can’t do this."

Mingyu looks even more apologetic, and he runs a hand through his dark hair in frustration. "I'm sorry, but at this point, you have to. We don't have any backups nearly as good as you, and backing out would be a huge hit to your career."

You were expecting the bad news, but hearing it directly from Mingyu felt like a huge blow. Suddenly your stomach feels like it's going to eject from your body.

"I lied," you say, clapping a hand to your belly, "Where's the bathroom?"

"Turn to the left and it'll be at the end of the hall," Mingyu replies, concern in his eyes. "Are you sure you're okay?"

"Yep! Perfect!" you mumble hastily before walking as quickly out of the room as you could without running. The nervous energy in your body was building until you felt you could climb walls. Clinging to the ceiling surely would be less strenuous than the rest of today.

In your state of mild hysteria, you shove the door to the bathroom open without knocking, only to see Joshua standing over the sink, holding his soiled shirt in his hands. He whips his head around in surprise. And you only just barely see the muscles of his shoulders rippling under his honeyed skin before your eyes are the size of dinner plates.

You might now hold the record for reddest face in two seconds.

"I'm so sorry!" you squeak, yanking the door shut. Your heart is racing a million miles a second. You had just seen Joshua Hong shirtless. (Sober.) And even though you had before, something about this felt worse. Fuck. Fuck! Your luck was unbelievable, and there's absolutely no way you could get through this shoot amiably with this man. Not after you ruined his shirt and certainly not after you invaded his privacy in the span of fifteen minutes.

You lean your back on the wall for a moment, holding your head in your hands, heart pounding so heavily you think you might faint. The darkness of the back of your eyelids is somewhat soothing and you stay like that for a while, wallowing in your despair. But then you hear what sounds like the doorknob turning, and walk back towards the studio as quickly as you possibly can.

"Two minutes!" you hear someone call, and the feeling in your stomach only gets worse. Somehow you were going to have to wear skimpy lingerie next to the man that had made you feel ridiculous and sell the illusion of sex! Luxury! Your stomach gives a particularly robust gurgle.

"Y/N!" one of the stylists calls as you enter the room again. "Let's do wardrobe!" She takes you over to the racks, pulling out a few pieces rapidly, scanning them and your body before settling on a silky black slip dress, which is far more sheer than you had hoped. In any other situation you would have fallen head over heels, but knowing the man closest to being your arch-enemy was going to see you in it suddenly made it extremely unappetizing. The stylist hands you the hanger, showing you to a row of make-shift dressing rooms.

Behind the curtain you slip into the dress, and the silk is smooth and cool against your burning skin. It really is quite pretty, and here by yourself you enjoy the way it clings to your body in all the right places. Unprompted, your brain floods with the image of Joshua's back— broad and tan and toned with muscle.

Imagine him seeing you in this dress...imagine his hands on your body—

"Ok! That's enough!" you interject, crushing the thoughts before they can fully form and liquefy your brain. You take a breath, staring at yourself in the tiny mirror taped to a support beam.

"You got this. It's just another job. Do it for the check." You flash yourself a quick thumbs up.

After opening the curtain, you're whisked away to makeup and hair, where you're accosted by a few more stylists who fuss over your appearance even more. They end up deciding on a bold smoky eye and some simple lip gloss and fluff your hair until it looks effortlessly tousled.

But all too soon you're done with prep, and the only thing left is to start the shoot. Awkwardly you stand off to the side of the studio, waiting for the director to give you instructions. You still haven't seen Joshua, which just sets you on edge even more.

"Y/N!" the director says, appearing by your side. "We're going to start with your solo shots, just for some variety." You smile, allowing your shoulders to relax. Solo shots you could do. A stylist leads you over to the chair and instructs you to sit.

And it goes flawlessly. It's like once you're in front of a camera your body takes over and you know exactly what to do with your arms, what facial expressions to make. The space becomes your own. The director takes your photos, pausing every few minutes or so to instruct you on a new pose or to fix your hair, but the first half of your shoot goes by without a hitch. You feel alive, happy even, as you work, as Joshua fades to the background. When it's just you, you can focus.

"Fantastic work, Y/N!" the director says, as she flicks through a few shots on her camera. You do look great. "The editors have a bunch of really great material to work with." Ok, so maybe this wouldn't be completely terrible. As long as you focused on yourself and on giving your best material, everything would be fine.

As if on cue... he appears and all your resolve crumbles.

Except— he's still not wearing a shirt. Well, he's kind of wearing a shirt, except that it's completely unbuttoned and exposing his entire chest. He's also wearing a pair of simple black dress pants, but to be honest, you're a little distracted by his perfect abs to really notice. Ok, you didn't know this was part of the plan. You feel the heat rising in your cheeks, and wrench your gaze away, trying to discreetly fan your face as Joshua walks over. Desperately, you hope that he won't mention your little mishap.

Oh my god, he was still hot. Did this change anything? No... you still hated him. Except now you just felt even more conflicted internally. Your body was telling you one thing, but your head was telling you another and you hoped your awful shoot partner being hot didn't suddenly alter your entire perception of him, but you couldn't even—

"Y/N?" Joshua's voice cuts across your inner monologue like a knife, dry and without humor. "The director is speaking." You shoot a panicked glance at him, withering slightly when you see the same unfaltering gaze looking back. He looks so unamused, it's incredible. You wrench your head back towards the director, hoping you look apologetic enough.

She gives you a nonchalant smile and continues on without issue. "You know Dior. Everyone knows Dior. I want you to look sexy, suave, effortless. I know you're both seasoned professionals so I'm not worried, but try and make it as electric as possible."

Sexy. Suave. Electric. Yeah, no worries. You shove your heart back down your throat, trying your damn best not to let your trepidation show. Electricity between you and Joshua. Well, there'd certainly be something.

You try to catch Joshua's eye, to gauge his temperament, but he seems content with ignoring your presence like always. As he sits in the chair, one of the panels of his shirt falls open, flashing the slight curve of his waist again. Despite gritting your teeth in annoyance, your heart does a very confusing loop-de-loop in your chest that makes you feel mildly ill.

After Joshua has settled in the chair, the director motions for a camera. "Ok, for this first shot, Y/N, I want you to place your left foot on his knee so you're facing him. Joshua, let's have you put your hand on Y/N's calf— yeah, exactly like that."

You've forced yourself to look away from Joshua, acutely aware of how short your dress is and how much it's riding up your thigh. Seriously, this is your first shoot and you're already sweating. Joshua places his hand on your leg like it's nothing, but it's taking everything in you not to cringe away. He smells good, too. Fuck! You're trying to remember that you hate him and yet his presence has shaken you to the bone.

"Lean in a little more, Y/N," the photographer says, "You're a little stiff." You nod, and shift so you're even closer to Joshua that you'd like, your chest uncomfortably close to his face.

Jesus. And this was only the first set. You breathe deeply through your nose, trying to ignore your pulse racing heavily through your body. Joshua seems unfazed as always, perfect and unruffled.

Right, because you're supposed to be professionals. Heat flushes up your neck in shame. He hadn't said much and yet you were the one acting childish. You try to distance yourself from the man next to you, telling yourself he's just another model doing his job. And for a while it works. You take a few different shots from different positions— you in front of him, then behind the chair, then next to him, somehow managing to incorporate your leg every time. The director has Joshua inching his hand farther and farther up your thigh until his fingers are practically playing with the hem of your dress, and you are desperately trying to keep your cool. Joshua has a tendency to dig his fingers into your skin every time he moves his hand, and it is doing confusing things to your brain. Then—

"You want him to what?" you say incredulously, eyes wide. You know you shouldn't be reacting like this if you want to keep your job, but Joshua is throwing you off your game.

The director smiles. "I'm going to have you sitting in the chair this time, and I want Joshua on the floor."

You slowly sit in the chair, back stiff as Joshua crouches on the floor next to you.

He briefly looks at you and mutters, "Is it okay if I touch you?" but it's more of a formality than a courtesy. You stare at him, mouth agape and swallow thickly.

"Uh— yeah. No, yeah, that's fine."

He places his hand on your thigh again, fingers gripping the soft flesh ever so slightly, and you desperately hope he doesn't notice the slight shiver that runs through your body. If he does, at least he's civil enough not to mention it.

The photographer is frowning. Oh no. "The energy is still dead. Joshua can you sit in between Y/N's legs?"

You freeze. Even Joshua seems slightly put out. But the look in his eyes fades as quickly as it appeared and he dips his head in acknowledgement. Then he turns to you.

God, you've never wanted to fade out of existence more than you did right now. Having his head right next to your— you-know-where?! Your legs seem to be glued together with the effort it takes to pry them apart. Joshua awkwardly climbs in between your knees, trying to pose as nonchalantly as possible. It's as if your spine is glued to the backrest of the chair; you're completely immobilized. You don't want Joshua there. In fact, you don't want him anywhere near you.

The director frowns. "Lean back! Relax! Loop your arm under her leg, too. You could even lean your face against her thigh if you feel so inclined."

Your eyes have to be so wide right now. Joshua, even though he's clearly uncomfortable, wraps his hand around your thigh again, and leans his head towards your skin. His mouth ever-so-slightly brushes against the inside of your thigh, his breath warm against your burning skin. Goosebumps erupt across your body, and you feel the ghost of a smile on the corner of his lips.

You, however, cannot relax. You can't make this look natural no matter how hard you try, and Joshua being so close to your womanhood is certainly not helping. The camera clicks echo through the room as the photographers take a few shots of the two of you.

But after a few minutes, the director still looks unhappy, and you have a sinking feeling it's your fault.

"No... this still isn't right. I like the vision, but this still feels a little forced. Let's try something else."

Isn't it all forced? you think, disgruntled. Joshua shifts his grip on your thigh ever slightly.

The director turns the chair to the side, telling Joshua to sit on it again. She squints for a moment, walking around him a few times and muttering quietly to herself. After a few more minutes, she steps back. Then she looks at you.

"Sit in his lap."

Excuse me?

You don't move. Every bone in your body seems to be made of lead, every muscle completely froze. Joshua stares at you, an unreadable expression in his eyes. You swear he discreetly raises an eyebrow, as if in challenge, but you blink and it's gone. Even your throat feels like it's closing up. But who are you to challenge the director?

Awkwardly, you throw one leg over Joshua's lap, settling yourself as casually as you possibly can. Your heartbeat is screaming in your ears, and you're terrified he'll feel it against his chest. The silky fabric of your dress is offering absolutely no comfort as it shifts over your skin. Joshua's shirt is gaping, your own skin dangerously close to his.

Joshua places his large hands on your back, and the heat from his palms seeps through the delicate silk as if there was no dress at all. You can't even look him in the eyes. You know you're supposed to be acting like you're in lust, but right now you're simply immobile. His cologne wafts tantalizingly off of his skin, and you bite your lip, trying your best to ignore the way his breath washes over your collarbones, the way the heat in your core seems to be intensifying every second you spend flush against him.

"That's a little better," the director says, before whispering something to her colleague. They start to take pictures as they flit around you.

Unconsciously, you've been squirming around on Joshua's lap to get comfortable, and you start when you feel his fingers press into your skin, his breath hot against your throat.

"Stop doing that," he hisses under his breath, and then you realize... the thing underneath you that you thought was maybe his phone... is definitely something else. Heat rushes to your face and you freeze as best as you can. His chest is heaving just imperceptibly. There's definitely arousal slowly pooling in your barely-there underwear, and you are quite literally praying to God that Joshua won't say anything.

"Sorry," you squeak, turning your head so you don't have to look at him. He's probably embarrassed, so you'll do your best to be as professional as possible. It happens to everyone.

Except Joshua seems less mortified than you. He slides his hands down your spine until they're just barely resting on your ass. You swear he squeezes.

"Are you though?" he murmurs, pulling you centimeters forward on his lap, so for a hint of a second there is a moment of delicious friction and a rush of pleasure, and your eyes widen. But then you clear your throat, looking to the director for more instruction. There's an unreachable itch building under your skin, making you feel antsy.

She still looks unsatisfied, shaking her head.

"Ok, I don't know what the issue is here, so let's take a break." She frowns at the two of you as you hurriedly clamber off of Joshua's lap, pulling your dress down as far as it can possibly go. He looks unbothered, cooly crossing his legs and sitting back. The flush in your cheeks won't go away and you fan your face, knowing you look ridiculous in the frigid studio.

"I need you two to figure out what the deal is," the director says, fixing the two of you under a firm stare. "You're two of the best I've worked with, but you're not giving me what you promised. I don't know what happened between you two or if anything did at all, but don't bring this tension into the studio. Use lunch to figure it out." She looks disappointed and you feel your heart sink. They were never going to hire you again!

The director points at Joshua. "We'll take your solo shots after lunch." She turns away to make the same announcement to the crew, and they start to file out of the room, hardly sparing the two of you a second glance.

You're frozen in place, not trusting yourself to walk to your chair in the corner. The last of the crew leave the room, and the door closes with an air of finality.

The silence is suffocating, and you are, to put it in so many words, insanely turned on now. You turn to Joshua, looking everywhere but him. You wonder if he's equally as on edge.

You open your mouth to speak when his voice cuts through the tension.

"Ok, why don't we just deal with this like adults?"

You raise your eyebrows in disbelief.

"Well, I wasn't going to scream and cry, if that's what you thought," you retort, frowning. There he is again with his irritating know-it-all behavior.

The hint of a smirk flits across his face as he toys with one of the thick silver rings on his fingers. "Maybe not." Joshua looks amused by something, but if there is something humorous he gives no hint as to what it is. Frustration flares in your stomach.

Your frown only deepens. "Spit it out, then." Your patience is wearing thin.

Joshua suddenly fixes his dark eyes on you and you're taken aback by the shift in the room. "Do you want me to say it? Do you want me to get on my knees and beg?"

"I—I have no idea what you're talking about," you say helplessly, pulling on the hem of your dress. There is not enough fucking fabric in the world that would make you feel covered under his stare.

Joshua looks unconvinced. "Are you sure? There's nothing you... need help with?" He's taunting you.

Heat rushes to your face. "If I needed help with something, it certainly would not be from you." You wrench your eyes from his face, suddenly feeling rather small. You're thankful he's far enough away right now— if he came any closer, you certainly would not be able to hold up as well.

Joshua raises an eyebrow. God, you are so tired of this man and his mind games. A sudden burst of irritation replaces the timidity in your voice.

“What is your fucking deal?” you spit, hands balling into fists in frustration. Joshua's little comments have you riled up far more than you care to admit. How could he say that to you? In the middle of working?

To your surprise, Joshua doesn’t snap back like you thought he would. Instead, a cocky smile slides across his lips, and he pins you under his gaze, dark eyes shining with vicious gloating.

“Did you think I wouldn’t notice?” he says, sitting casually on the chair. His easy demeanor has you on edge.

"I—" You falter, put out. “Notice what?”

Joshua pauses for a moment to examine his nails. “The heat quite literally radiating from you.” His eyes slide back to you, lingering on the strap of your dress fallen off your shoulder (and suddenly said heat in your core increases tenfold). Fuck.

This is actually the worst possible thing that could be happening to you right now. Like, literally ever. You seem to be trying to make up for all the confessional you missed over the last couple decades because you shoot a couple more prayers God’s way, hoping for a miracle.

“I don’t— I don’t know what you’re talking about," you say again. You know exactly what he's talking about. All moisture in your mouth vanishes.

Joshua stands, slowly walking towards you. Instinctively, you back away, eyes glued to his face as he approaches. You’d be lying if you said you weren’t completely turned on right now, and you know Joshua can tell. As your back hits the wall, you let out a small gasp.

Joshua is impossibly close— somehow even closer than when you were posing, and you know you’re supposed to hate him, and you know there’s supposed to be some kind of thought process repelling him from you, but the same deep, woody scent of his cologne is clogging your senses and you're finding it extremely difficult to remember exactly what it was that you loathed about his stupidly handsome face.

“What are you doing?” you choke out.

“Don’t play stupid,” Joshua murmurs, eyes roaming unabashedly over your body. The silk dress is pointless as if he could simply see right through the flimsy fabric. "They put you in this. How was I supposed to concentrate?"

“You’re the one being stupid right now,” you shoot back, hoping and praying that you can control the tremor in your voice. Joshua is close enough that you can count the faint blemishes across his skin and see his eyes sizing you up. “Do ever think with anything other than your dick?”

Joshua cocks a perfectly manicured eyebrow. He looks bored. “Sometimes yes.” Suddenly he’s all up on you, boxing you in against the wall in between his arms. Hot breath fans across your face, but you’re frozen. You can’t look away as your heart hammers in your chest. Shit, you can’t stop looking at his chest.

He flashes that same infuriating shit-eating grin. “Other times... no.”

Joshua's sudden change in demeanor is making your head swim, but there's no point in pretending you don't want him anymore.

There's no going back now.

“Fuck, Joshua,” you breathe before crashing your mouth to his, pulling him into a heated embrace. As soon as he looked at you with those ridiculous eyes of his, any and all of your restraint flew out the window.

His hands are on your body, hot and heavy, as they roam your skin, giving away his poorly concealed restraint. By the way he holds you so fiercely, he had clearly been waiting to ravish you. Fingers catch on the hem of your dress but you can't even get yourself to stop him. The thin silky fabric is doing nothing to keep the heat from his body out. It's like you're already naked.

Joshua, ever the show-off, catches your bottom lip in his teeth, coaxing a soft moan from your mouth. He looks smug as he pulls away, delighted at finding one of your weaknesses. You don't have half the mind to play games with him. Your mind is in shambles, and your body might be, too, as he plants his mouth on your neck, nipping at the delicate skin with poorly disguised enjoyment. He clearly likes seeing you squirm. His fingers tangle in your hair. Your knees are weak. Air is already so sparse.

Joshua's fingers dig into your hips. "You're moving too much," he says lowly, the sound vibrating against your jaw. God, when was the last time someone kissed you like this? Your last hook-up had been (quite literally) so dry and so unimaginative that you had sworn off casual sex for a while.

But kissing Joshua... the way he moaned softly into your mouth, tightened his grip on your body, pulled you towards him. Even though you knew how he was romantically, he kissed you like he needed you.

Fuck, fuck, fuck. You fought to keep your eyes open, to see the dark hair brushing against your cheekbones, to map the spots dusting his skin hidden ever so slightly under his makeup, to see how the flush on his skin burned and deepened with every single second you two stayed locked together. But it's taking every ounce of self-control in you not to crumple to the ground that you let your eyes fall closed. You know when to pick and choose your battles.

Except that then he pushes a knee between your legs and there's already so little fabric between you and this man that you freeze. Your eyes fly back open. Joshua boldly presses his thigh up against your body, right against the ache building in your core. You bite down on your lip to stifle the pitiful little sounds trying to escape from your mouth, refusing to give in to Joshua that easily. He shifts his knee, the fabric of your panties catching on his pantleg. You swallow a quiet moan.

You are suddenly very aware of how... hot you actually are. Joshua breaks away from the kiss, a lewd string of spit connecting your mouths together. Your arousal has spread to your chest, and you think you might faint.

"Oh dear," Joshua murmurs, as one hand trails down your waist and over your thigh. His eyes seem to dismantle the last of your composure the longer they rake across your bare skin. You let out a shaky breath as he wraps a hand around your thigh, drawing it up near his hip with startling swiftness. Your heart is thumping so wildly that you're amazed you can even hear him over it at all.

"You doing okay?" He smiles wickedly.

It’s all you can do to gape stupidly at him, the words dying in your throat before they're even fully formed. It's infuriating how Joshua is able to so easily render you speechless. Every word that falls from his cruel mouth is just another reason not to sleep with him, but the taunts just sound so damn pretty that there's little stopping you from fucking him right here, right now.

Except that you're at work. On a lunch break. Hooking up with your enemy. His nails bite into your skin.

Joshua smirks with some sort of sick amusement. "You were so talkative... what happened?" He asks, leaning in until his lips are mere centimeters from yours. You want to kick yourself for how badly you want him. How badly your body needs him.

You open your mouth to retort when he catches your lips in another searing kiss, this time with more tongue than teeth. You spineless sucker! The last of your dignity is just barely hanging on by a thread. Joshua kisses you fiercely, even groaning slightly as he kneads your thigh with his fingers. You’re about to completely lose your head.

"Joshua," you moan quietly, hands clumsily tugging his shirt off his shoulders. (Thankfully half the work had already been done for you.) He hardly breaks the kiss before tossing the shirt somewhere in the room with impatience. "They're gonna come back s-soon." Oh, but you can't even get yourself to care.

Not with the way his hands grip your ass, not with the way his mouth keeps leaving dirty little surprises across your skin. God, you're going to hell.

“Let them find us,” he pants before lifting you into the air, arms holding you up by your thighs. You barely even register where he’s taking you until you roughly hit the mattress with a loud huff! of air. The pillows are just as soft as you had imagined.

Joshua stands over you, shamelessly drinking in your body. You feel a little silly, like a doll splayed across the bed.

Joshua licks his lips. “You are simply wearing too many layers, my dear.” You’re pleased to hear a rasp in his voice that hadn’t been there before.

“And what are you going to do about it?” you ask him, tipping your chin back in challenge. The heat is positively radiating through your body, pulsing so strongly you’re amazed he hasn’t made another comment. The tension is so palpable that it’s become a game of who’s going to snap first.

And lucky for you, Joshua takes the bait without a second thought.

He mashes his mouth back to yours, roughly pushing the straps of your silly little dress off your shoulders and down your hips, fully exposing your décolletage. Joshua plants his mouth on your throat, sucking less-than-delicate hickies along the line of your collarbones; barely waiting for the contusions to bloom before he’s nipping at them again. The carelessness of his teeth, the crude sensuality of his touches— it’s enough to strip you down into a writhing mess beneath him.

Barely a second passes after Joshua decides he’s done marking your neck that he suddenly licks a messy line up your chest, attaching his mouth to one of your nipples and slurping with obscene moans. Oh my God, was he trying to kill you?! Your mouth falls open in surprise, fingers gripping the sheets as you writhe underneath him.

“Joshua—“ you start to say but he just laughs, cutting you off. It's not a sound of comfort, but derision.

“We’ve barely done anything, and already my name seems to be stuck on your tongue,” he remarks, sitting back to admire his handiwork. This man truly is shameless with the way he looks at your body with pride. Covering up the clusterfuck of bites across your chest is going to be no easy feat.

Your tongue seems to be stuck in your mouth. Truly you can’t even form words. And what’s even worse is that he’s right, because the most you’ve done is make out for a while. Oh God, he’s going to absolutely ruin you.

His tongue trails down your stomach, leaving a few kisses here and there, stopping right above the waistband of your underwear. Joshua smirks, as his fingers brush over your panties. They're completely soaked and the embarrassment has you hiding your face in your hands.

"All for me?" he asks, before pressing a few kisses along the inside of your thigh. His hair tickles your skin as his fingers playfully pull aside your panties.

"Don't flatter yourself," you say, breathlessly. Joshua simply hums in response, his fingers dangerously close to your crotch.

He draws himself up, leaning over you. A few dark strands of hair fall in his eyes.

"Can I?" he whispers, just above your mouth. You simply nod, afraid of the things that will come out of your mouth if you speak.

And then he's pressing two long fingers into you, watching with rapt attention as you toss your head back in pleasure, stuffing your hand in your mouth to stifle the sounds threatening to spill out. His fingers curl in that wicked "come here" motion that has you winded, clutching the sheets, squeezing your eyes shut. The longer you clench down on your jaw, the more difficult Joshua seems to be making it, scissoring and twisting his fingers until you think you might just scream. You're in a fucking studio for God's sake, but Joshua seems hellbent on breaking you as he pushes his fingers even deeper, to the knuckle, inside you. The icy cold metal of his rings presses against your skin, boiling hot.

Joshua smirks as he toys with you, even leaning over to recapture one of your nipples in his teeth.

"Joshua—mmph," you moan, and Joshua actually places a hand over your mouth, smiling condescendingly.

"If you're too loud I won't keep going," he says, as you roll your eyes. Didn't he know you were doing your best? It's not your fault his fingers are stuffed in your pussy and he expects you to stay silent. Plus there's something kind of thrilling about hooking up in such a public space. But when you don't respond, he stills his hand, leaving you clenching around his fingers desperately.

So you nod, eyes fluttering shut as he begins pumping his fingers in and out of you again, each time a little bit faster. Joshua's hand explores all parts of you while his mouth explores your neck, never leaving you a moment to breathe. There's something about the way he moves his fingers that has you curving your back into him, fingers weaving into the hair on the nape of his neck as if to pull him into a desperate embrace. But Joshua turns his head before you can kiss him, instead paralyzing you under a disapproving glare.

"I told you to stop moving, didn't I?" he says with mock sympathy, pressing a large hand against your pelvis to pin you to the bed. The pressure on your stomach only further increases your arousal, and you hold back a groan as Joshua attaches his mouth to the pulse point in your neck.

It only takes a few more measly minutes before you're falling apart, fingers digging into Joshua's arms as he brings you over the edge. Warmth pulses through your body and you flop back onto the bed, completely speechless.

Joshua looks satisfied at your dazed expression as he slowly drags his fingers out of you. You watch as he places them on his tongue, messily licking your arousal from his hand, never once taking his eyes off of you. Fuck.

"Turn around and get on your knees," Joshua then orders, sitting back to watch you scramble to kneel, feeling a little stupid. You're not sure what he's going to do when you feel his large hand on the back of your head, shoving you facedown onto the mattress. You let out a choked whine as Joshua lands a firm smack against your ass, and then another, and then another. Each one leaves your skin red and stinging and a little tender, and by the time he's done your eyes are watering. You refuse to look at Joshua—you don't want him to see you crying.

But still, he says nothing, and for a stupid moment, you wonder if he’s done with you. You're a little disappointed until you hear the sound of a belt buckle clinking and clothing being tossed. You turn to look, but Joshua forces your head against the mattress again, yanking a little on your hair as he pulls away.

"Do you still wanna to do this?" is all Joshua asks.

Well, you're currently laying ass-up in the middle of a prop bed, waiting for him to shove his fat cock into you until you scream like a worthless slut.

Truly, there was no recovery from this.

So you breathe out a strangled "Yes," before Joshua is pushing his cock into you without hesitation, and the work of his fingers certainly helped a little bit, but you weren't expecting him to be so...well-endowed.

You shove your face into the pillow, smothering the loud moan that falls from your lips as Joshua slowly, slowly thrusts into you. His hold on your waist is bruising, and with your face hidden from view, you miss the way his head tips back in ecstasy.

Not that Joshua would ever let you know the effect you had on him— the sight of your needy body giving in to his every move, the cloying scent of your perfume just as intoxicating as your dripping cunt. You drive him absolutely wild.

Joshua’s voice is strained. “Fuck, you’re so tight,” he grunts, bending forward to grab one of your shoulders as he thrusts his cock in a few more inches. Joshua has a way of melting you with every touch, like he knows your body better than you ever could. You let out another weak sob, your face buried into the silk of the sheets. He can not see how irrevocably aroused you are by him and his words and his vicious tongue.

“There’s no shame in crying,” Joshua chides the longer you hide your face, but you feel the smugness in every word suffocating you until you could cry from your pent-up sexual frustration.

"I'm not crying," you spit back, screwing up your face as he pushes even deeper into you. “I don’t— I don’t cry.”

You imagine he’s smiling with that same fake sympathy as he watches your body shake, and the image of Joshua taking you from behind is enough for you let out another particularly strangled cry. But before the mortification even has time to settle in your chest, Joshua sinks the rest of his cock into you, bottoming out in one smooth motion. He lets out a string of expletives under his breath, fingers digging into your hips like he’s holding onto his last thread of reality. Secretly you’re pleased you have such an effect on him.

“Jesus, would you relax?” Joshua mutters with exasperation, as your cunt clenches around him tightly. You try to tell him it’s not really your fault, but before you can answer, he deals a particularly harsh spank to your ass that knocks the air out of your lungs.

Thankfully he gives you a brief moment, even if it’s just a breadth of a second to adjust before he’s drawing his hips back and thrusting forward with brutal efficiency. You smother your face into the covers, muffling your sounds of deep satisfaction with the comforter.

Clearly, Joshua has done this before, because he fishes for one of the pillows, lifting your hips to shove it under your pelvis before snapping his hips back again, slowly building speed until he’s just shy of pounding you into oblivion. Every so often Joshua’s cock brushes against that spot, leaving your cunt clenching involuntarily, and you have to bite down to keep your pitiful whines from escaping. Just to tease you even more, he leans forward to leave harsh bites across your shoulders, all the while murmuring how good you look from behind. The sound of skin slapping against skin mixed with the sound of Joshua’s shallow breath is erotic, and it makes your head positively swim.

“Fuck!” you whimper as Joshua continues to rail you without mercy, the brutal steady pace of each stroke bringing you closer and closer to your release. The pleasure is reaching white-hot status, pulsing in your stomach and slowly spilling into the rest of your body. It takes everything in you not to cry out in frustration as Joshua suddenly slows, just shy of stopping completely. He wraps an arm around your waist, hand flush against your stomach as he leans his weight against your back.

“Now, you know that’s not my name,” Joshua simpers, breath hot against your ear. He shallowly rocks his hips, coaxing a few more weak babbles from your lips. “Try again.” He brushes a loose strand of hair out of your eyes, and the motion would be tender if he wasn’t oozing sordid satisfaction at seeing you all hot and bothered by him.

“J-Joshua,” you beg, clawing at the sheets. And then humiliation blooms in your chest at how quickly you act to please him, but there’s something so sadistically fulfilling about being abused by this man that you can’t even get yourself to care. You’re fucking your enemy in broad daylight in a studio of Vogue. Really, there's little left for you at this point.

"That's right," he whispers.

You let out a particularly drawn-out groan of pleasure as he snaps his hips quickly, bringing the pace back to the same mind-blowing rhythm as before, arching your spine until you feel like you might snap. Joshua’s fingers in your hair tug your head back as he whispers vile sweet nothings into your ear. The messy symphony of sounds echoing throughout the room is just shy of pornographic. You clutch the sheets tightly in your fingers as your head tips forward in pleasure. Every muscle in your body is taut as your orgasm builds every second.

As your eyes flutter shut in anticipation, you start to say, “I’m gonna—!”

Except, of course, Joshua won't let you off that easy.

Just as you think you're about to reach your climax, he stills his hips for an agonizing second, rocking them slowly, slowly, slowly into you. Your release fades just as quickly as it appeared, and now your whole body is uncomfortably sensitive. This time you do groan in frustration, stuffing your face in one of the pillows again.

"Fuck you," you curse, but it's weak and hardly venomous. Your head is cloudy and full of fluff and in your pitiful state, it's the best you can manage. Joshua merely seems amused by your distress, fingers petting your head again as if to comfort you. You take a moment, breathing through the burn of arousal through your entire body.

Then Joshua snakes an arm around your throat, yanking you against his chest in one smooth motion. Your moans come out as choked whines, fingers digging into the firm flesh of his forearm in deep ecstasy. You feel Joshua smile against your ear, before his free hand creeps down to finally touch your aching clit, his fingers just barely grazing your skin. This bastard.

"Aren't you?" he mutters in your ear, landing a firm smack on your cunt and you gasp, jerking forward as much as you can while being restrained. The ache in your body is unbearable; you don't know how much more you can take.

Joshua presses a few digits against your lips, coaxing your mouth open, and unceremoniously forces his fingers in without a second thought. He presses down roughly on your tongue, massaging a few circles with the pads of his fingers. You whimper again, but the words won’t come out.

“Use your words,” he murmurs, and you can practically feel the arrogance dripping from his voice. “I can’t do anything unless you tell me.”

Evil, evil, evil man. You can’t even form syllables with his fingers shoved so far down your throat, and you’re half tempted to bite them off. But then Joshua ruts into you again, drawing a low groan from your throat as you fight to keep your composure. His chest is scalding hot against your back, electricity zipping up and down your spine every time you feel your bodies move and shift against each other.

God, you feel as if you could unravel right here. You’re half-tempted to plead to Joshua (once he finally takes his fingers out of your mouth) that he could do what he wanted with you, but the half-cognizant portion of your brain quietly reminds you that you need to be able to walk later.

Plus, you have a sneaking suspicion he'll do just that anyway.

Joshua withdraws his fingers from your mouth and you choke for air, drool dribbling from your lips. He hardly lets you catch your breath before brazenly spitting on his already-soaked fingers, lowering his hand to rub cruel circles against your painfully tender clit. He’s barely touched you before you feel your climax re-building. Your body acts before you do, succumbing to Joshua like a wretched woman starved.

“So touchy…,” he muses, as he continues to play with your clit, even tweaking occasionally to watch you writhe under him. Your stomach spasms as you gasp, digging your nails into Joshua’s thighs. You snake a hand up his neck, twisting your fingers in his thick, dark locks.

The words never even make it out of your mouth before Joshua draws his fingers away, jerking you roughly up by your hair.

“Flip over,” Joshua says tersely, watching with amusement as you ungracefully slide off of his cock to lay on your back. You’re embarrassed by how needy and clumsy you’ve become. Joshua is criminally good as what he does, and your body is craving that final release; if he so much as looked at you a certain way you swear you might come untouched.

Joshua spits on his hand again and pumps his cock a few times, eyes roaming over your body again, mapping the contusions blooming across your skin. His ego truly is through the roof, and if you weren't such a pathetic, wanton beast right now, you might even make fun of him for it. Dimly, you hope he’s going to shove his cock back in you and pound you into the mattress until you both come and that’d be the end of it. Problem solved! We can all go home now.

Well… you were half right.

You weren't prepared for Joshua to press on the backs of your thighs until your knees were by your ears, crudely spreading your legs wider for him. He smiles up at you, smacking his cock against your cunt a few times and you choke, each lewd slap driving you nearer to the edge of madness. Joshua leans up against you until his face is inches away and presses a languid kiss to your lips. If you weren’t fearing for your sanity, it might’ve been a tender moment.

“I’m gonna fuck you until you scream,” Joshua says, without decorum, calmly watching as your face falls. "And you're going to take it."

And he’s nothing if not a man of his word.

Joshua fucks you into the mattress until you’re a snotty, disgusting mess, moaning his name like some kind of fucked-up mantra. You know you’re supposed to hate his guts, but when he’s so deep in your guts, you can’t seem to think about anything except the way his cock slams into you, brutal and unrelenting, bringing you the closest you think you’ve ever come to seeing Heaven.

In the time after you leave, you’ll faintly remember being fucked in one way, coming, being contorted into another degrading position, and promptly being fucked again. For more times than you can count, Joshua has you pleading, crying, begging like some insatiable harlot to let you come, and you don’t even have enough dignity left intact to care.

“Please,” you practically sob, “Joshua, please.” You’re a complete trainwreck under him, uttering his name over and over like some kind of filthy disciple. True to his word, he has you close to tears, practically pleading for his cock to ruin you— and it has.

Joshua braces himself on your thighs until his fingers leave marks, each stroke of his cock feeling even deeper than the last. After what feels like the umpteenth time, you don’t know if you can take any more denial, and he must sense it in the way you're scrabbling for his hand because Joshua finally relents.

You let out the loudest, most unbridled cry yet as pleasure rushes through your body, tingling in your toes, your fingers, your stomach. It scrubs your brain of all thought, wiping the last of your hatred from your consciousness. The intensity of your release leaves you heaving, clenching around his cock until you can't breathe. Caught in the throes of pleasure, you don't see the way Joshua's brow knits together the more you whimper his name, the tighter you grip his forearm. As the very last of your orgasm ebbs, you collapse in relief, feeling woozy and deeply satisfied.

Joshua continues to languidly pump his cock in and out of you while you ride out your high, a few residual whimpers falling from your lips. But with a simple touch from your fingers, he stills, the beginning pangs of overstimulation setting in. Your head feels like it's filled with cotton.

Then you realize Joshua is still painfully hard, struggling to stay present. His hips stutter as he gives a half-hearted thrust, his mouth falling open lazily. Now it’s your turn to smile— little does he know, he’s put himself completely at your mercy. You clench around him a few times, watching with poorly disguised glee as his eyes flutter closed, his breath coming in short, shallow pants.

“Should we deal with this like adults?” you ask as innocently as possible, smiling as Joshua nods desperately, the words lodged in his throat. His Adam's apple bobs up and down as he swallows thickly. Oh, how quickly the tables have turned.

You pull yourself off of his cock slowly, hissing at the tenderness of your cunt. Instead of kneeling, however, you push Joshua onto his back, scarcely giving him a moment before taking him in your mouth.

His cock is still rock hard, and Joshua tilts his head back with a throaty sigh as you moan around his length. His fingers curl into your hair and he pushes on your head, pressing your mouth down until you’re gagging around the base of his cock. Now he’s the one letting out breathy moans as you swirl your tongue around the head, cheeks hollowed, hand twisting up and down in tandem with your tongue. After everything the two of you had done, you know it won’t take long to tip him over the edge.

“Fuck, y/n,” he groans, and as his abdomen tightens in anticipation, you know he’s close. With one last vulgar slurp, Joshua comes hot in your mouth, cursing under his breath as his fingers tense in your hair. You freeze, letting Joshua come down from his high, and as he raises his head to look at you, you smile coyly.

With a soft “pop!” you pull your mouth off his cock, swallowing as you do, letting the self-satisfied smirk spread on your lips. You can't even imagine how indecent you look, with your eyeshadow and mascara smeared ungracefully around your eyes, lips shiny with spit and cum, but there's something in the way Joshua looks at you that has you reeling with delight.

“Christ,” is all Joshua manages to say before pulling you by the back of the head into a searing kiss. It’s a strangely intimate embrace considering all of the filthy words and insults he had hurled at you a few brief moments before, but considering he had also given you the best orgasm of your life, you choose not to dwell too much on it.

When you break away, you feel a little light-headed. Joshua gives your ass a light smack, but it lacks the same aggression as before. He notices a stray dribble of cum on your chin, and collects it on his pointer finger, pushing it between your lips. You swirl your tongue around it, watching as his eyes burn. He pulls his finger from your mouth, resting his hand on your thigh instead.

"You look… crazy," Joshua says, fighting a smile. You catch sight of yourself in a mirror on the make-up table and let out a bark of laughter.

“Crazy” is the understatement of the year. You look fucked out of your mind. Your hair is knotted beyond belief, there's a jumble of bruises all across your chest, and there's no convincing excuse as to why your makeup would be completely streaked across your face. You hide your face in one of the pillows again, letting out a feeble groan.

"I'm gonna get fired, and it's all your fault," you moan, hiccuping into the soft silk of the pillowcase. Joshua presses a gentle kiss to your shoulder, surprisingly kind, and chuckles.

"Well, lucky for you, I happen to know a thing or two about make-up.” He slides easily off the bed, pulling his pants back on before padding softly over to the make-up table. Joshua grabs a few brushes and bottles, joining you again on the bed, tugging you gently into a sitting position.

As he covers your ruined eye shadow, you wince a little, a dull twinge reminding you of the ache in your ass cheeks. To be honest, most of your body was a little sore, all thanks to Joshua. You laugh softly.

"Sorry," he mumbles, "I got a little carried away."

“Was that ‘dealing with it like adults?’” you ask mockingly, shutting your eye as Joshua lifts the eyeshadow brush. The soft hairs dance across your eyelid as he works. Joshua's skin still smells like it did all those years ago. Warm and citrusy.

You can’t see him, but you hear the smirk in his voice. “I guess so.”

“Well, for the record, you definitely were the one being childish.” You make a sound of surprise as you feel a pair of lips against your own, fierce and hot. His teeth drag at your bottom lip as he pulls away, and you are unsuccessful at stifling the soft hiccup that escapes your throat.

“Who was the one crying just a little bit ago?” Joshua challenges you, and when you open your eyes, he’s sitting in front of you, nose just inches from your own. “Didn’t you say you don’t usually cry?”

You open your mouth, ready to shoot back a bitchy little return when you see the smirk playing on Joshua’s lips. He’s goading you on.

“That’s not fair and you know it,” you respond instead, hoping you seem nonchalant enough. (Or, at least, as much as you can be while you’re still butt-ass naked.)

Joshua laughs, and the sound is surprisingly stunning. “Since when have I ever been fair?” He hands you your little silk dress and your thong from the floor, and it almost feels silly to be putting it back on, the delicate fabric still hardly covering anything at all.

But he pouts, toying with one of the straps in between his fingers. “I’m almost sad to see you put this back on. You look so pretty all fucked up underneath me.” He gently tucks a stray strand of hair behind your ear, eyes sparkling mischievously, and you would be lying if you said your heart didn’t jump into your throat.

You scoff, eyebrows rising on your forehead. “You’ll be lucky if you see me like that again after last time.”

He frowns, his smile sinking. “Yeah…,” Joshua scratches the back of his neck sheepishly. “I— I’m sorry about that. I don’t know what I was thinking—"

“It was horrible,” you interrupt. "And this," you say, gesturing to the bed, "doesn't erase that."

But Joshua does look apologetic and it was long enough ago that you’re not that mad anymore. At least, in your post-coital bliss you certainly aren’t.

Joshua sits on the bed again, grabbing your hand in his. “Come home with me. I’ll make it up to you.” He presses a tentative kiss to your cheek for extra measure.

You fight a smile, forcing yourself to frown instead. “Only if I don’t lose my job, and only if you help me cover these fucking hickies you gave me.”

Joshua smiles, and he looks so different from the Joshua you met a couple hours ago that you can’t help but smile, too.

When the crew comes back in the room, you try desperately to act as if nothing had happened, but every time Joshua looks at you, you have to suppress the girlish smile playing on your lips. The marks across your chest had been haphazardly covered with foundation, and the hair team looks bewildered as they assess the birds' nest on your head.

"What the hell did you do on your lunch break?" the stylist asks as she attacks the knots with a comb.

It takes everything in you to avoid Joshua's eye. You clap a hand to your mouth a second too late as an ugly snort bursts past your lips, and you freeze, eyes wide. Joshua grins broadly, and you turn your head, fanning your bright red face.

Later that night, as you watch Joshua’s sleeping figure in the soft moonlight, you wonder how you managed to find yourself in his bed again, and when he kisses you good morning the next day, you’re sure it won’t be the last time.

----

a/n: i have never publically shared any smut before so any feedback would be greatly appreciated!! :,) thank u for reading bae can't wait to share my next one <333

check out my other stuff! :)

#kpop #kpop imagines #seventeen #svt #seventeen smut #svt smut #svt x reader #svt imagines #joshua hong #joshua smut #hong jisoo

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