#i've been sitting here for over 3 hours and spent the first half an hour trying to write a sentence without hitting caps lock and shouting

[enviedear]

i've been going solo now ⟶ ben solo

description ⌙ when you get a distress signal from your dad and his life-long goon you're quick to try and come to their rescue. only problem? so is ben solo.

pairing ⌙ smuggler!ben solo x f!reader

warnings ⌙ childhood crush/frenemies turned adults with horrible communication skills, reader is the daughter of lando (biologically or not you decide), ben is a jerk, reader is a brat, petty arguments, forced proximity trope, inner conflict all the time, han and lando are just two pals getting into serious issues that their kids have to fix don't mind them (they're just mentioned), most likely incorrect knowledge of the falcon & starship parts, smuggler!ben solo au because that's canon to me, ben calls reader kid (affectionate, kinda), typos probabaly

word count ⌙ 4.1k

— request | masterlist

i just think ben solo is very much solo by future coded and i wanted to write about smuggler!ben and his smug attitude. special thanks to @crucifiedfaerie for letting me gush over this idea constantly in our dms <3

you never had the stomach for killing— the thought of it or the act itself. the notion of ending someone's life has always been abhorrent to you, leaving a sour sensation in your mouth that lingers long after the deed is done. but right now, you sit, filled with a growing and seemingly unstoppable rage that practically demands blood.

"don't even think about jumping into hyperspace, solo!" your voice is loud but erratic.

the black-haired man piloting the ship gives you a side eye, "and waste hours getting there? sure thing, kid."

you grip the co-pilot seat as hard as possible as he sends the absolutely geriatric ship into lightspeed. the force of it sends your head back onto the headrest, and you screw your eyes shut until the motion of the ship stills.

you've been flying with ben solo on the millennium falcon for a day and a half now, and this isn't even the first time you've wanted to kill him.

no, you'd harbored a hatred for ben solo for as long as you could remember. when you were little your father frequently left you in the care of the organa-solo's. any trip too risky for you to follow him on had you spending time on chandrila han and leia— and ben.

he was a few years older than you and so insufferable - spoiled rotten and full of mischief. the two of you would inevitably end up in scuffles over something, whether it be who got to shower first or which holovid show to watch. you often wondered how your father, han, or leia had managed to handle both of you. a hardheaded pair of troublemakers that needed little excuse to start bickering with one another.

but beneath it all, there had been another layer to your complex relationship with ben solo. even though you feigned anger whenever near him, deep down there had been an admiration growing since those early days spent together. your naive heart fluttered when he would absentmindedly flash his ever-present smirk in your direction. but you'd never admit or act upon any such feelings.

naviagting your crush had been difficult at first. especially having lando calrissian as a parent. you were forced to spend weeks around the source of your teen angst because of your father.

what use is a dad that can sweet-talk a jablogian if he can't fix your unwanted crush on his best friend's son.

you've cursed at his image in your mind every time you look at your ridiculous companion. if not for him, you wouldn't be with ben right now— you'd have never had the displeasure of his company.

you got away from the young solo, and most everyone else, for a good five years, hopping from planet to planet, picking up any honest work. which usually meant boring work— factory jobs, service stuff, a few instances of babysitting.

your life without ben solo is predictable and a little boring.

but you'd rather be bored than deal with the recklessness that becomes your life every time you see the smuggler.

but here you sit beside him, forced to spend an unknown amount of days with him until the both of you find your idiotic fathers.

you had gotten a rouge comm-link message from your dad just days ago. he sounded fine, voice still leisurely and warm, but it was his words that were worrisome, "han's got us in a bit of trouble, little star. would you mind coming to help your old man out? we're somewhere in the trilon sector— i'd try batuu first!"

when you got the message, your mind had gone into autopilot. you had rushed to comm leia, which had been a fatal mistake, as she had ordered her son to pick you up and accompany you. so now you're here, stuck with ben solo and his frightening flying.

"you know, dad should have warned me i'd be flying with a coward." ben's lips are curved into a grin, as usual with his teasing.

you whip your head in his direction, eyes ablaze, "well my father should have warned me that you've gotten even more annoying, somehow."

ben narrows his eyes, a stupid smirk still plastered to his face, "whatever you say, kid."

you feel your blood go hot, why he decided to start calling you kid, you didn't know, but you do know you hate it.

ben's barely your senior, only twenty-three years of age in comparison to your twenty. besides he behaves like an out-of-hand teen away.

"stop calling me that." you groan.

ben chuckles, "aw, what's the matter, kid? tired of following orders already?"

you grit your teeth, the way he talks down to you will forever get under your skin, "i don't take orders from you, solo."

"sure you do. you're on my ship, remember?" ben retorts, his eyes focused on the coordinates displayed to his left.

you cross your arms over your chest, "we're supposed to be working together to find han and my father and get them out of trouble, not bickering like children."

ben rolls his eyes, "it's not my fault you're so uptight."

you take a deep breath, trying to calm yourself down. you can't afford to lose your temper and start a fight, not when you're relying on him to get you to your destination safely. so, you force a smile, "look, can we just be civil? we're both here because we care about our dads and want to help them."

ben's expression softens a little, "fine. but if you start nagging at me again, i can't promise i won't call you kid."

you roll your eyes, "deal. now, can you tell me more about what's going on? my dad was pretty vague in his message."

ben hums, "same with mine. all i know is that lando got mixed up in some kind of shady deal, and now he's in trouble with a gang of criminals called the ninth sun. my mom's been trying to negotiate with them, but they're not ones to bend the knee."

you groan, "of course not. what's the plan?"

he shakes a stray black strand of hair from his eye, "no plan, just find them and go from there."

"lovely, that's totally going to work," you bite your lip, "oh and, it was han who made the sketch deal, not my dad."

ben shrugs, "and who told you that?" he rests his elbow on the armrest and brings his hand to his chin, "lando?"

you clench your fists, "let's just focus on finding them. no need to dwell on the semantics."

ben glances at you and for a moment, you swear there's a flicker of something in his eyes. something other than his usual teasing, mischievous demeanor, but it's gone as quickly as it came and he turns back to the console.

the ship hums steadily beneath you, and the silence between you two stretches on, broken only by the occasional beep from the controls. you fidget in your seat, uncomfortable with the unfamiliar hush. you've never been around ben so long without saying anything, and you're about to speak up before he interrupts you.

"we'll have to make a pit stop, i need to refuel." his voice sounds tired.

you nod, "alright. any nearby planets we can stop at?"

ben checks the navicomputer, "yeah, there's one a couple of light years away. i've been there before, it's not too bad."

"okay solo, lead the way." you say, leaning back in your seat.

as he pilots the ship toward the destination, you can't help but study him from the corner of your eye. he's changed since the last time you saw him. the boy who used to pull your hair and steal your toys has grown into a man. he's lean and toned with longer hair, still as sable black as ever. it falls into his eyes, despite how much he wills it not to, giving him a slightly disheveled look that you can't help but find attractive.

you rue the thoughts plaguing your own mind.

the embarrassment you used to feel over your crush has come back ten-fold. the feeling shocks you. he's trying to act all suave and mature, but you know deep down that he's still the same old ben who annoyed the life out of you. you can feel the familiar tug in your heart every time he speaks, and you know he can't have changed much over the years. not when he's making you feel just like you're fourteen again.

but there is something different about him now. maybe it's the way he pilots the ship with ease– no longer the boy who'd cover his ears ar take off, or maybe it's just the way his muscles flex under his tight-fitting shirt. he's almost mesmerizing.

it's clear that he's been doing this for a long time, navigating the stars all alone with nothing but his shitty attitude and perfect hair. you find yourself marveling over him, sure and smooth, his hands deftly moving over the controls.

ever the realist, you try to shake off the feeling, but it's proving difficult. you feel a strange urge to preserve your current addiction.

as you watch him fly, you feel a fixation building within you. it's a sentiment you haven't felt in years, not felt since the last time you saw him.

you try to push the feeling down, knowing that it's not the time to have those kinds of thoughts. you're supposed to be focused on finding your fathers and not getting killed by some lethal syndicate, not lusting after your childhood nemesis.

you feel wrong stealing glances at him, trying to understand what's changed and why you're feeling this way. you're towing a dangerous, line. especially if those feelings are inspired by ben organa-solo.

finally, after what feels like hours, you arrive at the refueling station. as soon as ben lands the ship, you stretch your legs inside the falcon, looking out at the new scenery. the planet is bathed in the evening light, and the scene around you is wide awake. the station itself is a bustling hub of activity, with all kinds of alien species milling about.

ben leads the way to the fueling station, where he begins filling up the ship's tanks. you stand by the ship's entrance, people-watching. your eyes find ben's figure again, and you let them stall. when he looks your way, you advert your gaze and step out of the falcon, swiftly approaching him.

the evening air is cool as it hits your skin. this planet is a strange one, with vibrant purple plants and thick, white fog swirling around. but you don't pay too much attention to it, your eyes are locked on ben.

he's leaning against the ship, checking over the fuel meter with a frown on his face. you walk over to him and clear your throat, expecting to get his attention.

he looks up at you, eyes meeting your own. you feel your heart skip a beat, and you curse yourself for being soft for him.

"you know, you didn't have to follow me out here." he mumbles, hand coming to brush the hair from his eyes.

you hum, "i didn't have anything better to do."

he ignores you and looks back at the fuel gauge, his eyebrows furrow, "i found something for you to do." his voice is monotone, but you're all too familiar with the subtle cut of annoyance within.

"what does that mean?" you own voice comes out a bit too anxious.

ben groans before looking at you, "one of the damn tanks has a leak— i told chewie to fix that weeks ago." he follows up his words with a few curses before kicking the faulty gas tank.

you roll your eyes, "can't we just get another one? i'm sure if we go inside someone would know where we could get another one."

"the problem isn't finding one," he tsks at you, "the problem is that this tank has been leaking fuel into the beacon finder. without that, we're never finding our dear old dads."

your heart sinks. you had been so sure that you would find your dad quickly, but now it looks like that might not be the case. "so, what do you suggest we do?" you ask, crossing your arms over your chest.

"i'll have to fix the beacon," he sighs, "luckily i have the tools for it, but i need to find one more part, and with the sun setting soon…" he trails off, letting his silence complete the sentence for him.

you take in a deep breath at his implication. you can tell what he is suggesting without explicitly stating it.

you will be stuck on this planet with him tonight and forced to share the same cramped room. you thank god for separate cots, at least.

you try to ignore the warmth creeping up your ears, but you know that it's a losing battle. you haven't shared a room with ben solo since you were kids, endless unwilling sleepovers at each other's houses. but those instances were filled with innocent pranks and arguments, not the tension and longing glances you've found yourself giving him.

"alright," you say, trying to keep your voice even, "we'll just get the part and fix the beacon. the faster we fix this, the faster we can find our fathers and get back to our lives." you move towards the entrance of the fueling station, wanting to put space between you and ben.

"you mean so you can get back to your life." he calls out to you, and you look back at him only to be met with contempt in his brown eyes, "the one where you avoid me."

you give him a sharp eye roll before making your way toward a small gaggle of vendors, much more interested in finding this part. ben follows closely behind you, and you can feel the weight of his stare on the back of your head.

you're at a loss as to why ben solo would ever care that you've been avoiding him for the last five years. the ben you remember would've never batted an eye. when did that change?

you find a vendor selling the part that ben needs, and you both split the payment before heading back to the falcon. ben sets to work on the beacon, and you sit nearby, supposedly looking over the coordinates but mostly watching him work.

there's an abnormal sense of calm that fills you as you watch him. concentration is etched on his face, lips bitten bright red. you can't help but admire him, not for the sake of not trying.

you're brought back to reality when he starts cursing under his breath, "what's wrong?" you ask, moving closer to him.

"this damn thing won't budge," he grunts, trying to pry apart two pieces of the beacon.

you move to his side, peering down at the device. his breath is hot on your cheek, and you feel an urge to shiver. trying to focus on the task at hand you take a few breaths.

your eyes keep drifting to his lips, the way they move when he curses. you shake your head, trying to clear the inappropriate thoughts from your mind. "let me help," you offer, reaching for one of the tools he's using.

he hands it to you, and you lean in closer, your sides pressed together as you work the tool. you can feel his heat exuding into you, a warmth that isn't just from the planet's humid air. you try to focus, but it's becoming increasingly difficult. every time he moves, you catch a whiff of his scent, musky and rich, and your mind starts to wander to places it shouldn't.

finally, after what feels like an eternity, the piece pops free, and ben lets out a sigh of relief. he turns to you, a small smile on his face, and you can't help but smile back. his eyes lock onto yours, and suddenly, the air between you is charged with something foreign.

you let your tone come out sardonic, "looks like i saved the day. you're welcome, solo."

ben tilts his head, eyes narrowing, "you're a brat, kid."

"i thought i told you to stop calling me that." you want to hit him.

"i said i had a condition," he pauses, arms coming to either side of you, palms pressing into the falcon's floor, effectively trapping you against him, "a condition you just broke. so you're back to kid, kid."

you feel your resolve slipping, "you're the worst. you always have been, and i can see now that will never change."

he has the audacity to let out an amused breath, "if you're going to say shit like that, at least mean it."

your brows furrow, "pardon me? as if i don't mean that."

his hands creep from the ground and to your hips, you gasp as he pulls you in closer. if he were anyone else, you'd expect him to kiss you next, but he's not anyone else. so instead, he cranes down and whispers in your ear, his breath hot against your skin. "i know you want me," he growls, his fingers digging into your clothed flesh. "don't act like you don't,"

you're completely caught off guard, and before you can respond, he's pulling away from you and grabbing the beacon. you watch in silent horror as he makes for the falcon's exit, leaving you confused on the floor.

you sit there, rooted to the spot, your mind and body in turmoil. you know if you follow him you'd just be throwing yourself into a petty or embarrassing altercation.

what did he mean by that anyway? how could he possibly know?

taking a steadying breath, you turn away from your seat and make for the other side of the ship. you need to keep yourself busy until nighttime, and you know that there's some maintenance to do on one of the storage bays. when you get there, however, it's already been taken care of. your fists clench in frustration as you realize ben must have done it earlier.

you start searching around the ship for any other tasks that might help keep your mind off things and pass the time more quickly- checking cords, tidying up shelves or going through supplies lists so nothing gets low.

the hours seem to stretch on endlessly despite how much work you manage to do, and all too soon darkness begins to fill the sky outside of the cockpit windows. with a heavy sigh, you head back towards where you and ben had been working earlier. he's back now, tinkering away with the beacon as if nothing had ever happened between the two of you earlier— as if his words hadn't sent a tremble down your spine and confused the emotions tumbling through your mind.

you catch an expectant glance from him when he finally notices your presence. you're sure he's expecting you to say something to him. maybe he wants you to yell.

you don't say anything though, instead offering only a terse nod before checking the endless cords around you.

your fingers move quickly and expertly over the tangled cords, your mind too preoccupied to focus on anything else. but you can feel his gaze on you, burning through the back of your skull like a branding iron. his presence is suffocating and you know that if you don't get a handle on your emotions soon, you'll combust.

eventually, you're so lost in thought that you almost miss the soft footfalls approaching you. you turn to see ben standing beside you, his eyes locked onto yours. the air between you is thick with strain, unspoken words, and feelings. there are so many things you want to say to him, but you don't know where to begin.

"so," his voice breaks through the silence like a blaster shot. "when are we going to talk about it?"

you hear the depth in his baritone voice and it's all you can do to keep your face neutral, your thoughts collected, "talk about what?" you ask, even though you know perfectly well what he's referring to.

"about me and you," he says, voice low but insistent, "or we can just keep ignoring it. the tension seems to be getting us pretty far."

your expression shifts as you take in his words, the longing that had been coiled in so tightly before now coming to the surface. you can feel yourself flustering under the intensity of his watch but you refuse to look away, instead lifting your chin higher and narrowing your eyes.

"there is no us, solo," you say firmly, though your voice is riddled with a hint of something else entirely, "there never has been, and never will be."

ben seems unfazed by your words, his eyes steady and intense. "you say that," he says, his voice softening. "but i know you better than anyone else. and i know there's some part of you that actually likes me. i bet it pisses you off, doesn't it?"

he's right— it does piss you off that your heart can't seem to let him go. no matter how annoying you find him, he's beautiful and confident. and he does know you better than anyone. he knows what buttons to press and how hard. with ben, there's always the thrill of how perceptive he is— that he can see through the walls of anger and indifference you try so hard to build up around yourself.

you can feel your will crumbling under his words, your heart throbbing in your chest, but still, you push back, "even if there is something there, solo," you say, your voice shaking slightly, "it doesn't change anything. we're two different people living two very different lives."

ben smirks, "you don't know anything about my life."

you let your eyes roll, "as if the life you lead is some kind of mystery," you take a deep breath, "i mean, what's to know? you fly alone, smuggle, and rack up credits. that's your life, solo."

he hums, right hand finding a home beside your head on the wall, "you know me so well, kid. you should write a book."

you feel inexplicably hot, "maybe i will. a long book of all the reasons you piss me off."

he doesn't respond, just looks down at you for an uncomfortable amount of time. he pushes himself from the wall and you, twisting and letting his back hit the durasteel wall. his face is turned to you, eyes downcast.

"you know," he says finally, breaking the silence, "i remember when we were kids, it was always you who used to be the one to instigate. you probably don't remember it that way, but i do, and i loved it. you never hesitated. you were fearless."

you look at him incredulously, wondering what this has to do with anything. but he continues, "you were the only girl that would play with me, and not just that, the only one that could beat me. but then one day you just stopped. you ignored me completely."

you stiffen, unwilling to admit even through body language that he might be right. a pre-teen you found avoiding your ben sized crush the most viable option. you just never thought he'd care.

he continues, eyes unwavering from yours, "you used to look at me like i was the only person that mattered. and then, you just stopped. it's was like… like you had something to hide."

it's like he can read your mind because he reaches out and grasps your wrist in his hand. his touch is nice against your skin, sending a comfortable feel through your veins.

"i miss you, the girl who wasn't afraid of liking me," he whispers, his voice low and husky. "and i want you to admit that you miss me too."

you struggle to find words, to make sense of everything inside of you, but before you can speak, his lips are on yours. his kiss is hot and demanding, and instinctively lean into him, body melting against his in perfect harmony. his hands slide around your waist and hold you close as the kiss deepens, and you can feel all of the frustrations of the past slipping away. when he finally pulls back, his eyes are bright with emotion and a hint of a smile graces his lips.

he looks down at you for a moment before speaking in a low voice, "you want me to do that again?" he steps closer to you and cups your face in his hands, his eyes twinkling with amusement. you can feel the warmth radiating from his body and if it weren't for his strong arms around you, you would have melted into a puddle.

you nod slowly in agreement, too lost in the moment to say anything else. he leans down and brushes his lips against your cheek before pulling away completely, "then be honest. right here, right now. you like me."

you screw your eyes shut, basking in the shame of being found out, "i like you, solo. i like you a lot, but if you don't get off your pedestal and kiss me again i'll withdraw the opportunity."

he gazes down at you with an expression that's tender yet mischievous all at once. "i like you too," he whispers before chuckling lightly, you open your eyes to see.

his dimples are on full display, and for a second, he's the spirit of the little brat you fell in love with all those years ago. "c'mere, kid." his voice is soft as he pulls you back into him, lips meeting yours.

[hearts4werka]

Missing

Summary: it’s been six months since your sister went missing, everyone gave up on the investigation but you’re determined to find her no matter what but someone comes along the way… Genre: first person pov’s Stalker, missing person, thriller, horror, crime investigation, dark aesthetic, stalker romance, double pov Warnings: stalking, mentions of possible murder and torturous acts on children, mental health problems, dark fantasy dreams, exploration of the dark web, mention of an asshole boyfriend and possibly more that might trigger some readers. Read At Your Own Risk!

This is part 3 of the ‘Missing’ series!

7:00 AM

🤍 - Rosalla’s POV

The sun starts rising and the sun pools into my room through the windows as I wake up from my slumber with a weird feeling of soreness and bruised skin on the inner parts of my thighs.

Immediately ripping the duvet off the lower half of my body I slide down my pyjama pants to my mid-thighs, seeing several marks left behind on the inner skin of my thighs.

Inspecting it, confused on how the fuck did I get them? I don’t think I woke up in the middle of the night to go take a piss and even if did, I wouldn’t have bruises on my inner thighs.

Searching my mind for a presumable answer, I scout out one most reasonable answer that makes the most sense.

My stalker.

But what was he doing between my thighs?…

Realization hits me like a big bookshelf falling down, it’s obvious what he was doing there now. Immediately I pull my pyjama pants right back up and a weird feeling of my dark fantasies coming to life…

I’ve never confessed to something like this to anyone except for my now ex-boyfriend, one morning we were just cuddling in bed and I started to talk about a dream I had about a being chased down by a man in a mask and then being taken against my will.

That morning I had woken up all wet and horny so I asked my now ex-boyfriend if we wanted to try something like that, he looked at me and said I was fucked up in the head and proceeded to ignore me for two whole weeks which broke my heart.

Those two weeks I’ve spent at home eating ice-cream, watching romcoms and crying myself to sleep. Blaming myself for even having such dreams, such dark and twisted fantasies in the dark parts of my brain…

He was the one that broke up with me since I had felt seriously emotionally attachted to him, like he actually loved me but it all ended when he found out I have a stalker and he said he couldnt be seen with me, knowing theres some other man lurking and watching our every move somewhere in the dark shadows.

I finally get the strength to get out of bed and make my way over to the bathroom to take a refreshing morning shower. Thank god I have a day off today or I would not survive an hour at work.

Undressing myself I step into the shower, washing my spiraling thoughts taunting me in the dark depths of my mind down my body. Running a hand over my face I silence out all of the voices in my head all speaking at once and allow myself to finally relax and have a moment of peace.

| - 🍂 - |

7:47 AM

I’ve gotten out of the shower and thrown on some random clothes I found in my closet so I won’t sit in my pyjamas all day even though i was being close to doing that. A simple black tank top under an oversized off-shoulder gray hoodie with black sweatpants and mini uggs on my feets, my hair being put up lazily in a messy bun. ( outfit here )

I walk down the stairs and enter the kitchen, putting on some my hometown Spanish music on the speakers I start preparing some breakfast, my hips swaying from side to side each time I walk and when I'm standing they start to create circle, dancing to the music using my hips.

🖤 - Matthew’s POV

I watch her every move, every sway of her hips and move of her perfect body. She wont be able to escape me now ever since I've laid my eyes on her that one time, after I got home that day I did all of my research and found out as much as I could without her finding out.

Fuck, she sure knows how to move her hips.

Also I may or may not installed cameras in her house a few weeks after she became my newly found obsession but atleast I can keep an eye on her and protect my girl from any danger coming her way she may not know of. No one touches what’s mine.

Shes preparing breakfast, doing something normal in this moment and still manages to look even more gorgeous each time.

I sit back in my chair at my house, watching her from all different angles on numerous monitors on my wall from the cameras I have scarretered all over her house in those small and invisible spots she would never think to check.

A laptop is dismissently sitting on my lap with the dark web opened and the newly leaked video loading, I'm checking if the new victim isn't her missing sister by any chance and to hopefully track down the location of their new stay. I've been trying to catch those fuckers for some time now with my team and we've been close in the past but never close enough.

I'm moving my gaze from a goddess dancing in her kitchen to a gory, disgusting video of various of tortureous acts being preformend on children, why do I do this you may ask? I don't know it just sucked me into the dark layers of the world and once you go in, you can't get out.

| - 🍂 - |

10:25 AM

She’s already ate breakfast, had a dance party and singing competition with the voices in her head. Finally she’s now resting on the couch of her living room writing in a journal-like notebook with her cat Willow sleeping in her lap.

That journal holds some of her darkest secrets and I’ve somehow managed to get my hands on it one night, reading thought the different things she’s been through and establishing her ex-boyfriend is a total asshole and didn’t deserve her.

If I could I would teach him a goddamn lesson for treating her like the way he did and when I first found out I was close to actually bashing that motherfucker head with a brick but I kept myself under control and decided to leave it alone.

🤍 - Rosalla’s POV

I was just journaling in my notebook, it’s always felt therapeutic to me and helped me to find my peace or to drain my constantly spiralling thoughts onto paper so I don’t have to bottle them up inside of me.

My cat Willow is snuggly cuddled up on my lap, peacefully sleeping. I wish I could be so carefree with no worries on my head like her, maybe if I was a cat I wouldn’t constantly be burying myself in my thoughts?

As I try to relax, placing the journal down next to me the memories of me and my missing sister together flood back into my mind, clouding any other thought I might have had in there.

A single small tear swirls in my eye and falls down onto the delicate fur of my cat as I pet her back, smiling at the funny and wholesome memories we had together as tears start to prick my eyes.

I wish she was here with me.

authors note: I didn’t know how to end this, kinda ended on a sad note but I finally finished it and fed you my children, there’s more backstory here to go indeep with the characters pasts. Hope I didn’t make you wait long and hope you enjoyed this!

Guestlist!

@slutforsturnioloss @sturnioloblues @sturnsxplr-25 @deffonotjae @strnzzvsp @luvvs4chriss @sturniolosweetheart333 @pussypie456 @choclatestarfishwithahat @venusxsturnio

Please turn on your mentions if you’re not here!

Reblogs, likes are very much appreciated!

[cupidkyo]

Star gazing & comforting words- Minho x reader

WARNING: This is the first ever ff i've wrote!! I'm writing this to get feedback and criticism to improve my writing. I will make grammar and spelling mistakes!! but other wise i hope you enjoy:)) (Also read the bottom for more of my thoughts after)

SUMMERY:You and Minho star gaze on the watch tower while you comfort him after a difficult day. (735 words)

It was around 5pm, I was just finishing my job with the medjacks when i saw Minho run out the maze looking upset. my thought were confirmed when he shoved past Newt who was trying to talk with him and ran straight into the map room. 'i wonder whats wrong with him' I thought to myself.

After around half an hour I noticed that Minho still hadn't returned from the map room, so I decided to go check in on him making sure he's okay. I approach the map room and knocked on the door, " What do you want you shank!" Minho shouts out as his footsteps are heard making their way towards the door. He opens it and in seeing who it was relaxes a bit while sitting back down, letting out a sigh while shoving his head in his hands, "Are you alright, whats wrong with you?" I ask him sitting on the chair to his right. "I give up there's no way out, there never has been, never will be!" He mutters into his hands, "I've ran this shuck maze for two years! if there was an exit we would have found it!" I wrap my arm around his shoulder, "Why don't you take a break from the maze tomorrow, and how about right now we go up the watch tower?" He picks his head up looking at me after i spoke, "Sure." He breathes out in reply.

We climb our way up the watch tower, making it to the top both lying down with our feet dangling over the edge."It's a clear sky tonight, look at all the stars!" i say excitedly looking over to the boy next to me. He suddenly lifts his hand pointing to a fairly bright star,"Did you know thats Venus?" He turns his head toward me with a slight smirk. "Yes ofcorse i did! I'm the one who taught you shuckface!" I laugh, as he turns his head back to the sky with a pout. As most of the stars where showing i decided to make a bet, "Who ever can point out the most constellations wins!" Already trying to spot some. "Oh your on!" Minho challenges." I see pisces!" i shout out while Minho spots Aries.

After ten minuets I win the bet by spotting 3 more constellations, while Minho only spotted the one, "That was no fair! you know more about space then me." He sulked. "Don't be such a sore loser!" I say while smirking at him. After he stopped sulking Minho started pointing out stars seeing if i could name them, We spent around an hour just sat there just enjoying each others company, and pointing out stars, when Minho turned to me grabbing me hand "Thank you for comforting me, the maze has just really been stressful recently." i pulled him closer so we were now cuddling as he continues, "I just feel like it's my duty to keep the hope of getting out within everyone, but it's hard when i don't have any hope myself." He sighs as he rests his head in the dip of my neck. "You do keep the hope! And everyone here look up to you not just because they think you can find a way out, but because of who you are as a person!" I consoled him. "Take the day off tomorrow i'll tell Alby in the morning that your not running and then we can spend the whole day together relaxing, how does that sound?", "Shucking amazing." he groaned out as he sat up, "We better head into the homestead now then." He pulled me up as we climbed back down the ladder, walking towards the homestead holding hands.

When we reached the room Minho flopped onto our shared bed while i shut the door. Walking over to him i gave him a quick peck on the lips. "I love you so much and i'm always here for you, i might not know much about the maze, but i know everything about you." I told him while slipping into the covers with him. "I love you too." He muttered out nearly asleep. Wrapping my arms around him and snuggling closer i hear his breathing calm, I give him one last kiss on his forehead before i close my eyes and sleep as well, hoping that Minho will feel better in the morning.

I feel like in some parts i went really off topic then back really randomly and that it doesn't quite make sense, but idk.. i also feel like i was just repeating myself over and over again. Pls remember that this is my FIRST ever time writing anything really nevermind a fanfic. It was also writen between 4-5 am while i'm extremely tired and dizzy😬

But if you made it this far thank you sm for reading!! I would really love some criticism so that i can improve!! so feel free to comment on whatever you want. But again thank you for reading i hope you all have an amazing day/night!!<33

[clovers-little-starlings]

Baby Steps: Drinking Water!

This is the first installment in a series of posts I'd like to do expanding on some of the things I've talked about here (which- blew up by the way??? thank you all so much??? <3) and here!

Long intro/backstory to this post series below!!

I often tend to immediately tense up at the thought of handling a big upcoming project or tackling something I've procrastinated on or neglected to do, even adding things to my daily routine like brushing my teeth or wearing my retainer- even drinking water, since I've spent a majority of my time in my room just sitting, over the past few years.

I know I have different little posts 'n' such that talk about these things already, but I want to expand on things and get a little more in-depth on advice and things that have worked for me and helped me out!

This series is separate from everything else, though I'll probably list more things in other "regression activity lists" or scenes- You might see some of the same content in multiple posts, is what I'm trying to say- but I do that because different things work for different people, and I know regression in particular isn't all sunshine and rainbows for everyone. I want to try to appeal to a wider audience and learn more from the community, be a bigger part of the community so I can help people out, because that's something I enjoy.

My regression in particular is voluntary and solely for stress-relief, so to me, I kinda feel like I only know surface-level things about it, although I've been doing my research.

There may not be that much to it anyhow, I just-

I just wanna help people as best I can, I think. ^^; Which is why I'm so intent on interaction and explaining that I don't know everything but that I want to learn, so that I can help y'all out.

Anyway!!

★ This will probably be a repeat bullet point in this series, but if you have a device that can set alarms, maybe a timer of some sort- any kind of time-keeping device that dings in certain intervals, I'd recommend using it.

Alarms on your phone, timers, any little reminders you can make to help you with the things you struggle with, if you're like me and stuck sitting a lot or don't do much during the day (or are the complete opposite and do so much during the day) that you tend to neglect taking care of yourself.

★ Fill up or grab a water bottle whenever you start your day or are about to do something, and keep it with you! This way if you do end up thirsty, you don't have to stop what you're doing and worry about getting water, you'll already have it on you!

When it gets empty, that's what you've got your reminders for! Maybe every half hour or so to check how much water you've got and if you need to refill, or maybe make something as a reminder once the bottle's empty to refill, just so you've still got water and don't have to go back and forth to fill up a cup so often.

★ You could also put ice or fruit in your water! Different shapes or sizes, and whatever fruit (or veggie? I've heard cucumbers taste good!) you want if that sounds yummy! I like my water with lemon sometimes. -w-

I'm not recommending any sort of flavoring or those Cirkul water bottles with the flavor pods because I'm not sure how healthy or reliable they are, or how much sugar they have, stuff like that. If anyone has any info on those sorts of things they use and would recommend, please feel free to share!

Edit: Check the notes, we've got insight! Thank you to everyone for their input!! :3

★ You can customize your water bottle, sippy, bottle, bowl (for the pets!) with whatever you want! Maybe stickers, maybe a straw, you could get one with your favorite characters on it- make it fit and customizable so it works for you, have fun decorating it and make it something appealing to the eye so it might get you to take a sip!

If you have any other tips, feel free to share! ^w^

Know that I'll always be here for you if you need me, and I'm very proud of you for trying!

"Fluttershy protects this blog! SFW interaction only, please and thank you! ^w^"

"Wouldn't show a kid? Doesn't belong here!"

[lizzieislife94x]

Road Trip (e.o)

Lizzie x G!P reader

If you want any requests just message me

Lizzies POV:

"Let's go hoooooe" I beep my horn over and over waiting for my bestfriend y/n she takes so fucking long this bitch she literally said I'm ready come pick me up and she's not ready I love her but sometimes I wanna strangle her "ugh finally I've been waiting 10 minutes" I huff turning to her as she laughs "calm your panties lizzies let's get this show on the road I'm so excited" she leans over to hug me as I pretend I don't want her too she's so fucking beautiful I love to spend as much time with her as possible so 16 hours on the road alone in the car is perfect, she's had my heart for the last 5 years I've never had the courage to do anything about I don't wanna ruin our friendship I love her to much but I can't help but constantly check her out "ok I forgive you loser let's go, I'll drive the first few hours then we can find somewhere to chill and sleep then you take the next few hours tomorrow and so on" I explain we could easily do the 16 hours in one go but this trip is about us spending a few days together because we don't get to see each other often "that sounds perfect lizzie" she smiles sweetly god her smile, we start our drive talking and enjoying each other company laughing like mad men

 Y/ns POV:

"No way your boss said that??" She asks in complete shock I can't help but giggle "yeah he did can you believe he thought I wanted to sleep with him I've worked there for 3 years and the idiot hasn't realised I'm into women" I say smirking at lizzie "yeah no offence y/n all anyone has to do is spent 20 minutes with you to know your a lady lover" she says in a flirty tone I laugh and sigh leaning my head back against the head rest, yes lizzie I'm completely for the ladies but I only want you, I think as I would never tell her that I don't want to lose her and if I let my stupid feelings get in the way I'd lose her she'd never speak to me again "hey give me your phone I wanna put music on" I say as I rest my hand on hers andshe smiles "its right there y/n" she says pointing down to where the drinks sit, I grab her phone and unlock it "awh we are so fucking cute" I say referring to the photo of us as her lockscreen and I think she's blushing "we still have 2 hours to go wanna stop and get some food and blankets and pillows" she smiles at me "yessssss babes sounds like a plan to me" I jump excitedly in my seat and she giggles at my antics we pull in to Mcdonalds and get some food after half an hour we walk over to target to get blankets and pillows "ohhh lizzie we should get snacks for watching Netflix" I suggest "that's actually a great idea" we grab lots of snacks and drinks and I grab a box of tissues incase lizzie needs to pee "let's go find the perfect spot to set up by the time we get there the sun should just be setting " I say in a calm tone "mmh I love the sunset its so beautiful " lizzie says as I pack the stuff into the car

we spend the remaining 2 hours in a comfortable silence occasionally chatting about stuff that we could watch, we've settled for big momma and big momma 2 she always gets her way but fuck she's so precious I could never say no to her, we find the perfect spot and park up with a perfect view of the sunset I grab her hand as we sit and watch it until it disappears "let's get the car all cosy and we can set up the movie" I whisper as I get out and open the back doors and put the back seats down and fix a few blankets down so we're comfortable I then fix the pillows and grab a few blankets to cover us "everything's ready ma'am just need your laptop" I say smiling as lizzie gets into the back smiling "this is beautiful y/n" I blush and look down "I'm going to get stripped I normally sleep naked but obvs I'm not over the next few days so is it OK if I wear my boxers and sports bra?" I question shyly and she giggles "of course that's fine y/n same here as long as you don't mind me in my bra and panties" I gulp and blush at the thought "no uh thats fine" I whisper nervously and strip my clothes off leaving me in my boxers and sports bra I climb into the back and get under the covers after a few minutes lizzie joins me as I set the laptop up and play the movie.

Lizzies POV:

Fuck I'm trying to focus on the movie but I can't y/n is half naked laying right against me thank god she fell asleep because I'm panicking here "mmh there fuck.." wait a minute is she moaning Holy fucking shit I notice the blanket poking up and instantly lift it to look under fuck she has a hard on yep she was definitely moaning "fuck lizzie..take it ju..st like that" I instantly freeze was she moaning my name fuck I feel the wetness instantly pooling in my panties "lizzie..uhhh god yy..es" the sound of her moaning my name alone is enough to make me cum fuck, I need to wake her up "hey y/n wake up babe y/n" I whisper shaking her as she wakes up and opens her eyes wide as she sees me "oh hey lizzie is everything ok what time is it " god  even her saying my name now I'm only gonna think of her moaning it 

Y/ns POV:

I woke up and instantly knew I had a hard on shit I hope she doesn't see it I had a sex dream about lizzie it's nothing new but I freaked out inside when she woke me up because I've never had a sex dream about her while she's laying beside me I move a little and try to hide my dick "where you dreaming about me" I freeze as the words leave her mouth how does she know "you where moaning alot and you moaned my name" she says as if she read my mind "I'm so sorry liz I had no control over my dream please don't hate me" she giggles and pulls the blankets off and climbs ontop of me oh god what is happening "oh shut up and do something about it" I smirk and unclip her bra letting her perfect tits fall out I automatically latch my mouth around her nipple as she grinds into my raging hard on "fuck lizzie that feels amazing" i moan against her nipple as she continues "lizzie you are fucking soaked I groan" she blushes and looks into my eyes "how do you know y/n" I smirk and bite my lip "your pussy is that wet its soaked my boxers I can feel it on my cock " i tease kissing her neck "ugggh just fuck me y/n I've waited to long for this" she moans as I flip us and take my boxers off and slide her panties off fuck the sight of her soaked core is making me harder "mmh fuck you look fucking amazing "I moan as I run my fingers through her wet folds earning a moan for my best friend "put it in y/n fuck me" I moan at her assertion and do as I'm told I line my cock up to her entrance and slide in slowly "fuckkk lizzie you feel so fucking good" I moan pushing my entire length inside the moaning blonde under me "yessss fuck y/n youre so big sh..it" I gave her a minute to adjust before I start thrusting my hips slowly making sure to hit the right spots as I thrust, fuck I never knew my best friend sounded so fucking sexy moaning my name "yes yes yes y/n right...there fuck dont fucking stooop" she screams as I pick up my pace fucking her harder and faster "I'm cummmmming oh holy fucking shit im cumming" she screams out like a pornstar I feel her pussy walls squeeze my cock as I hold back my orgasm and she cums all over my cock "good girl" I moan slowling my thrusts letting her ride out her orgasm "fuck y/n you feel amazing inside me" she pants out her hands gripping my biceps as she tries to steady her breathing, I keep my dick inside her and move her legs over my shoulder "do you have one more lizzie" I moan thrusting slowly leaning down to place a gently kiss on on her lips "mmmh yes definitely baby" she moans "fuck me fuck me please" I start snapping my hips hard and fast as the car shakes like crazy and my best friend screams under me fuck her pussy feels amazing I continue thrusting feeling the orgasm fast approaching "fuck lizzie cum for me I want you to cum for me before I fill your tight little cunt with my seed " I pant out staring into my best friends eyes and all I see is lust and desire "fuck fuck I'm cumming daddyyy" she screams arching her back as I continue to slam my cock deep inside her After one final thrust I start shooting my load deep inside my best friend and it feels amazing I've wanted this for the longest time, I lay beside her panting as I grab her hand "that was amazing lizzie are you on the pill?" I moan looking at her as she turns to me "yes it was amazing no one has ever made me cum that hard and nope im not" she smirks running her finger down my nose biting her lip. 

Well I guess there's a chance I just impregnated my best fried the thought has me biting my lip this woman is something else and god i love her.

AN: just to keep the book up to date if you like it let me know if you want a request message me I do them all right away babes word Count is 1.8k

[shou-jpeg]

-Back on the Beat-

Part 4. 02

November 11th, 3:25pm

"...and Nat is really into Sun, but he doesn't notice no matter how obvious she is, he's only got eyes for Mouse. But like I told you before, Mouse is into Mon - I've got a bet going with Ohm for when they're going to start dating. Mon is super pretty though, Mouse has good taste. She reminds me of you a lot, phi..."

Kim is sitting across from Chay, sipping on a winter melon tea with lychee popping pearls. Chay had raised an eyebrow at him when he’d asked for it extra sweet. It’s not half bad.

Chay has spent the half an hour that they’ve been here alternating between asking Kim about the music he's been working on, gossiping about his friends and throwing Kim flirty comments. 

That last one he’s less sure about. He hopes he’s reading things right. 

If he wasn’t so uncertain about his place in Chay’s regard these days, he would be less hesitant to believe that Chay was deliberately flirting with him.

He takes another sip of his tea, nonetheless quietly basking in Chay’s undivided attention.

Kim likes this a lot. 

He had gone to family dinner the other night. He’d skipped the week before, but Khun had only made one comment about it before asking him what he'd been up to. Kinn had even joined in, seemingly genuinely interested. Kim is surprised at how much he’s enjoying the family time, even with his pa there, looming over them. Chay hadn’t asked him to hang out again after, but they’d chatted for a little bit and planned another session in Kim’s studio for tomorrow. So today’s invite had come as a pleasant surprise. 

Even if Chay decides that he wants to just be friends after all, Kim thinks he would be happy being just friends with Chay, loving him from a distance and getting to just spend time with him on the regular.

It might hurt a lot, seeing Chay eventually move on but…

Kim frowns.

He likes to think he would be respectful of Chay dating someone else, but if he’s being truthful, he doesn’t know if he could be. He's too selfish, and he’s not sure he can let Chay go again now. 

He stares into his tea. 

Kim thinks he might be a little toxic...

...

Oh well. There are worse things about Kim than a little toxicity, he thinks. Chay knows that by now.

Kim will just have to take things as they come and if one of those things is Chay dating someone else, he will do his best to be okay with it. It's something he can work on.

“Do you like your tea, p’Kim?” Chay’s voice cuts through Kim’s internal musings. He’s looking at Kim oddly, like maybe Kim isn't been as subtle about his distraction as he thought he was being.

“Mm” Kim replies, “it’s good.”

“I can’t believe this is your first time having boba tea. Though you didn’t get tapioca pearls or milk, so I don’t know if it really counts.” 

“I’ll try the pearls next time.” Kim puts out hopefully. Chay grins back at him. 

“Boba is always best with the people you like. Join me again soon, phi.” Chay is looking at him intently. Kim bites the inside of his lip.

“Hmm. Yeah” He smiles gently back. Fuck, Kim feels a little bit like he’s drowning. Chay is not good for his heart. 

If Chay isn’t deliberately flirting, and this is just what it’s like being Chay’s friend, Kim thinks he might not survive being just friends after all. He isn't sure how Chay's current friends survive.

They finish their drinks quickly, Chay having a few errands he needs to run before he goes back to the compound for some movie night he has planned with Khun.

Just as Kim reaches to grab his phone from the table, the screen lights up with a text notification. 

No one texts Kim except for Chay. 

Kim realises too late exactly what his background is, and Chay’s quiet squeak of surprise confirms that it’s far too late to swipe his phone off the table before he sees it.

Fuck. 

“Oh” Chay squeaks. Kim looks up at him, face hot. Chay’s face is red as he stares down at Kim's phone. He shouldn’t have set thus photo as his wallpaper. Kim is such an idiot. “You saved that picture?” Chay asks. 

“Uh…” Kim looks down at his phone, turning the screen off. What should he even say here? “Sorry. I know you didn’t mean to send it to me, but I’d saved it before you deleted the message and I...” what? Set a photo you clearly didn’t mean to send as my phone wallpaper?

He half expects Chay to call him a creep or a weirdo, but when Kim looks back up, Chay is smiling shyly at him, face still a little pink. “I can delete it” he offers. 

“Don’t” Chay replies immediately. “It’s nice.” 

Oh. 

Kim smiles “Okay.”

“We should get going, I have to throw an outfit together for p’Khun’s movie night. I haven’t even begun to think about it, he’s going to have a go at me if I don’t make it elaborate enough”

Kim chuckles fondly. Khun will probably have a go at Chay no matter what he wears. His standards are incredibly high. 

He’s still smiling when he gets back to his penthouse an hour later.

He turns on his phone’s screen, staring at Chay’s sunny smile. His chest feels light, like maybe they’re heading somewhere after all and he’s catching a sense of hope. 

God he hopes he’s right. 

A new message comes through, this time from Chay. 

Kim grins, he thinks he's finally beginning to understand Chay a little more.

< Prev - Next >

First

Playlist

[hourcat]

"You're being particularly annoying." For Piarles <3

Pierre is still a lump on the couch when Charles pads back into the living room, partially-peeled banana in hand. Of course the only time his boyfriend knows when to get sick is during summer break--the too-short month of reprieve that they can never seem to spend properly year after year. Last year, Charles got sunburnt so badly during the week he'd gone off to Brazil on his yacht that he'd been untouchable for five whole days: Pierre had spent a majority of the first few rubbing aloe all over him and keeping him perched in front of the window AC unit.

This year, apparently, Pierre has the flu and has been pretty firmly rooted to the couch in his Milan apartment for the last 15 hours.

Charles tries to tiptoe his way over to the coffee table to leave the banana for Pierre whenever he wakes up, but his weight lands wrong on one of the creakier floorboards, and sure enough--

"Charles?" Pierre sounds groggy and disoriented as he lurches awake, blankets half thrown off him only to reveal just how sweaty his bare chest is.

It would probably be sexier if Charles weren't so concerned with keeping him from, you know, dying. "Hey," Charles says soothingly, striding the rest of the way to Pierre's side. He sinks to his knees and uses his free hand to push Pierre back into sleeping posture. "It's okay, Pear. Go back to sleep, I've got a banana for you when you feel like eating." He's not going to force the issue right now, since Pierre hadn't been able to keep the rice from earlier down: fluids are the priority, and his glass of water is mostly drained, which is good. Charles rests the banana on the table and picks the glass up, beginning to push back to his feet--

"Charlo," Pierre groans, reaching for the closest part of Charles he can find. His hand is too-hot as it grasps his bicep firmly. It makes Charles shiver.

"I'm here, petit. What is it?"

Pierre groans again, softer this time. "Your hand..." he lets go of Charles' arm only to tap insistently at his wrist, jostling the cool glass he's holding. "Looks cold." He sighs, then releases Charles only to flop backwards, a little dramatically, onto the couch. He watches as Pierre's eyes flutter closed, like he's going to fall asleep, but doesn't do anything until one eye cracks open. Waiting. Charles wants to laugh at how far he regresses whenever he's mildly inconvenienced like this--although, realistically he probably doesn't have a whole lot of room to talk himself.

"Yeah," he murmurs instead, setting the glass back down. He sits at the edge of the cushion and presses his hand, wet from condensation, to Pierre's forehead. (Which--he's still feverish. Maybe he'll need the thermometer again this evening after all.) "Here, P. Like that?" The rumbly noise Pierre makes in response is all he needs. "I have you, squid." Charles sits there for a few moments longer, then collects more of the condensation on his palm again and reapplies his hand. Pierre sighs. "Maybe we can get you into a cold shower soon, hm?"

At that, the Frenchman groans. "Later," is his response, followed by "don't wanna move" in that petulant whine Pierre always uses when he's trying to keep Charles in bed. It always annoys him a little--but today, at least, he'll cut his boyfriend some slack.

"Okay, Pierre," he hums, removing his hand once more. The glass isn't nearly as cool anymore, likely from the heat of his palm, so Charles grabs it once again and moves to head back to the kitchen for a refill. When he stands, though, Pierre whines again, then coughs and tries to re-pitch it as a groan. Idiot, he thinks lovingly. "What is it?"

Pierre pouts. "Don't go," he mumbles, reaching for him again as if he's not just standing upright beside the couch. "Please, Charlie."

Charles can't stop the laugh that slips out. "Pierre, my love," he hums, squatting back down to be eye-level with Pierre, "I have to go get you more water, and probably more paracetamol. I'm not going anywhere." But the pout settled on Pierre's lips seems to only get deeper upon explanation. "Pear."

"Pleaseeeeee," Pierre groans. "You are the only medicine I neeeeeed."

"Said like a man who ignores his trainer even better than he drives." He gets a cough-giggle from his patient, at least: Charles ignores the next pitiful moan and speeds to Pierre's kitchenette, where he grabs the paracetamol from where he'd left it on the countertop and then refills the glass with ice and water. (Sure, Pierre is annoyingly clingy when he's sick, but...Charles can't help but enjoy it at least a little. An unabashedly-snuggly Pierre is such a rare occurrence that Charles sometimes forgets how insufferable he gets when he's under the weather.) Now properly armed, he makes his way back into the living room, where...Pierre is flopped out again, eyes closed and mouth open. He's breathing (Charles checks every time) and he's got the blankets mostly up over his chest, so he must've just fallen back asleep.

Probably for the better. It's not going to get any easier, maneuvering him into his bathroom for a shower, but if he's gotten enough sleep, he'll be fine for the ten or so minutes it'll take for Charles to scrub him down.

"Rest up," he murmurs as he returns to Pierre's orbit. He sets the water glass down alongside the little orange tablets and sinks to his knees once more, just to press a kiss to Pierre's sweaty, kind-of-cooled forehead--

Only for Pierre's arms to fly out and grab hold of him, surprising him thoroughly as he tugs Charles onto the couch on top of him. Charles doesn't even have a chance to put up a fight from the shock. "Ha-ha!" His laugh is honking and loud and right in Charles' ear. "I have you, cheri."

"Pi-erre," he groans in response, trying unsuccessfully to untangle himself from the mess of blankets and limbs that Pierre is now attempting to cocoon him in. "Come on, you need to rest--"

"Shush," Pierre interrupts, matter-of-factly. "I sleep best when you are with me, Cha, you know that." There's that whine again. "You got me my paracetamol, and my water, and now you can be my medicine." His arms tighten around Charles' torso, and Charles just sighs, knowing he can't really wrestle his boyfriend without doing more damage.

"I'm supposed to be taking care of you, you know," he mutters instead, shifting so that he's no longer crushing Pierre under his bodyweight but now tucked firmly into the space between Pierre's feverish body and the back cushions of the couch. "Can't do that here."

"Mmmm," Pierre answers, clumsily stretching his tangle of blankets so it covers the both of them, "you are taking care of me just fine here, mon ange." One arm drapes over him. "See? Medicine."

But he's too warm to cuddle comfortably with the blankets, and Charles knows he's going to have to worm his way out of this one eventually because he will, in fact, have to actually get Pierre to take the pills sitting on the table. "You're being particularly annoying," he says under his breath as Pierre tugs him closer.

The sentiment just gets him a rumbly laugh in return.

[sequinsmile-x]

This is Our Place, We Make the Rules

A collection of mini-fics and one-shots of Hotchniss being domestic idiots in love.

Chapter 4 - Moving In

-x-

Hi friends!!

I am back from being away for a few days. Here is a little something I've pulled together for you. I drove for 8 hours today and my brain is very tired so I'm sorry it's short <3

Just a reminder that this series is non-sequential :)

I hope you enjoy this cute fluff on this Thursday evening!

-x-

Words: 1.1k

Warnings: None!

Read over on A03, or below the cut

“What if he doesn’t want to?”

Aaron turns to look at his girlfriend sitting next to him on the couch. A smile flicks across his face as he watches her lift her hand to her mouth, her teeth already poised to tear at her cuticles. He catches her hand halfway and links it through his, kissing her knuckles before their joint hands fall to his lap. 

“Sweetheart, it will be fine.”  

There were so many things Aaron loved about Emily. 

She was kind. Empathetic in a way he hadn’t known had existed before he knew her, the way she cared for the people she loved, as well as complete strangers, so strong he’d seen it be a detriment at times. 

She loved him so fiercely, with so much of herself, he often wondered how he’d ever lived without it. They’d been together for 12 months, their friendship after she returned from Paris turning into something he’s sure had always been there. Feelings that had lingered just under the surface, thrumming under their skin when the other was nearby, until they found the right time. 

Something they had both thought more than once had completely passed them by. 

The thing Aaron loved the most about her, the thing that made him fall even more in love with her as time went on, was how much she loved his son. 

Jack’s well-being had been her priority when they first got together. She’d pulled back from a kiss, a slightly dazed look in her eyes as she asked him about his son, about how he’d feel if they were together.

As if Jack hadn’t loved her longer than Aaron had himself. As if he didn’t seek her out every time he was sick or sad long before she’d become Aaron’s girlfriend, always begging his father to call her so she could come over and give him one of her ‘magic’ hugs. 

“You can’t just say that, honey,” she says, biting her lower lip as she shakes her head, “This is a big deal. It would mean him moving from his home.” 

They had recently started to discuss living together officially. For all intents and purposes, they’d actually been living together for as long as they’d been together. Aaron couldn’t remember the last time they’d spent a night apart. His closet was, more than, half full of her clothes, and her things, her favourite books and a photo of her, JJ and Penelope, had made its way over to the apartment he’d once only shared with his son. 

He knew, that if he valued his life, it was best not to mention that. Well aware that it was best to let her take this at her own pace, which is why he had simply agreed when she first mentioned the idea of them moving in together a couple of weeks ago. They’d decided they wanted to find somewhere new - a house, a home for them and Jack, and whoever else might come along in the future, to grow together. To finally have the happy ending, the soft epilogue, they all deserved. 

He just wished she’d believe that Jack wanted that too, that she’d relax and allow herself to enjoy the thought of their future as much as he was. 

He hears the familiar thunder of his son’s footsteps down the hallway and he feels Emily grip his hand even tighter. He leans in and kisses her temple, repeating his previous words against her skin.

“It will be fine,” he pulls away and looks over his shoulder at his son, “Jack, buddy, can we talk to you for a minute?” 

Jack nods and runs over, landing on the couch next to them, “Can we get pizza?”

Aaron chuckles and nods, “Yeah, we can get it later, but we need to talk to you first.” 

Jack’s eyes go slightly wide, “Am I in trouble?”

Emily smiles and shakes her head, and Aaron feels her hold his hand impossibly tighter, “No, sweetie. Of course, you aren’t,” she assures him. 

Aaron watches as Jack physically relaxes, Emily’s effect on him unmatched, and it warms him from the inside out, “You know Emily has been part of our family for a while now?” He asks, and Jack nods enthusiastically. Aaron feels Emily press her face into his shoulder, her shy smile something he can feel through his shirt, “Well we’ve been thinking it’s time for us to find somewhere bigger for us to live, and we wanted to know what you think.” 

Jack furrows his brows a little, “Like a house?” 

“Yeah, exactly like a house,” Emily says, smiling at him, “What do you think?”

Jack is silent for a moment as he contemplates it, “Will there be a backyard?” 

Emily and Aaron look at each other for a second and exchange a small smile before they look back at the little boy in front of them, “Yeah, of course.” 

“And I can have a swing set? One of those ones with a slide on it?” 

Aaron hears Emily chuckle next to him, and he can feel the tension seeping out of her. “Yeah, sweetie. You can have a swing set.” 

Jack shrugs nonchalantly as if it were truly that simple, “Okay. I’d like a house.” 

He can’t help but smile as Emily opens her arms up and Jack immediately gets closer, folding himself up into her embrace. Aaron pulls them in and wraps his arms around both of them, dropping a kiss to both of their heads as he relaxes into it, his future as clear as it had ever been. The three of them and the kids he and Emily had spoken about, the dream they hadn’t dared to have even a couple of years ago one step closer to being a reality. 

“You’re sure you’re okay with me living with you and Daddy all the time?” Emily asks, pulling back just enough to look at Jack, her fingers running through his messy hair. 

Jack frowns and tilts his head at her, his brows furrowing together again, confusion written all over his face as he looks back and forth between her and his father. 

“I thought you already did live with us.”

-x-

Tag List:

@ssa-sparks, @lukeclvez, @lyds102, @glockleveledatyourcrotch, @hotchnissenthusiast, @danadeservesadrink, @ssamorganhotchner, @emilyprentissisgod, @notagentprentiss, @freesiasandfics, @emilyshotchniss, @thecharmingart, @paulitalblond, @hancydrewfan, @camille093, @whitecrossgirl, @moonlight-2-6, @rawr-jess, @florenceremingtonthethird, @jareauswife, @ms-black-a, @beebeelank, @aubreyprc, @zipzapboingg, @psychopath-at-heart, @criminalmindsgonewrong, @fionaloover, @kinqslcys, @prentissinred, @ccmattis-22, @denvivale317, @thrindis, @hotchsguccitie, @cmfouatslota77, @alexblakegf, @aliensaurusrex, @prentissxhotch, @emobabeyy, @victoiregranger, @stormyweatherth, @wanderingdreamer009, @ssablackbird, @luhwithah, @lex13cm, @prentiss-theorem, @dont-emily-me, @mrs-ssa-hotch, @jocyycreation, @itsmytimetoodream, @hotchnissgroupie, @controversialpooh, @capsshinyshield, @canuck-eh

Join my tag list here!

[sequencefairy]

Writing Wrap-Up 2023

It is, once again, the end of the year! I wrote a lot!

First of all, I have officially published all my original stuff written for Space Fruit Press on Amazon Kindle under my penname, so if you enjoy my fic, I would love to encourage you to check out my original stuff, too, since all those dollars help me on the journey to doing that full time instead of having a full time job that really cuts into my fangirl time.

In addition to what is available on Amazon, there is another anthology of work coming from the press, and I will have a story in it! I need to write it, but it will exist. I'm very excited about this story, as well.

From a fanfic perspective, I have published only three things this year:

And I Was Never Afraid of the Dark (Oh, the Weapon You Made of My Heart) - shyan, wip, unfinished, 9.4k, demon!shane

Shane pulls Ryan out of Hell at 3:37 on a Tuesday afternoon. He’s not looking at his watch at the time, but he infers the time later after he’s finally managed to get up off the desert floor, and has hauled them both back to the car he’d parked in the lot at the trailhead a little over a week ago. Ryan’s a deadweight in Shane’s grip, head lolling back against Shane’s shoulder and body limp and unhelpful in Shane’s arms. His eyes are closed.

My Rivers Tilt Towards You - geraskier, fae!jaskier, 29k, strangers to friends to lovers, canon-divergent au

Geralt pushes the door open one-handed. As it creaks, announcing his presence, Jaskier looks up from the long table he’s sitting at. There’s a mug of something at the bard’s elbow and his songbook is open in front of him. “Geralt,” he says in greeting, and for a moment, Geralt is sure that the bard’s eyes shine in the dark, reflective like his own. He blinks, and the moment passes. Jaskier’s mouth curves into a smile. “Is it done, then?”

Coax the Cold Right Out of Me - shyan, complete, 4.1k, vampire!shane, established relationship

“Shane,” Ryan says, insistent, eyes gleaming in the dark. Shane lets his eyes fall shut, and sighs. The little red and white cooler they usually bring on shoots got left behind at the hotel, an hour and a half away in Jackson. “I’ll be fine,” he says, not looking at Ryan, and ignoring the ache in his gums. He’s gone longer without, he can make it through one shoot and then the drive back before being sated. “You don’t have to be.”

(more rambling under the cut)

So I spent too long making this, but whatever. Let's have fun with infographics, baby!

Anyway, interesting look at the last couple of years for me! I have clearly been in a quality over quantity place regarding wordcounts + things published over the last few years.

I have, over the past couple of years, been feeling like my writing has changed quite a lot, both in terms of what I am interested in writing, and also what I am interested in publishing both to AO3 and as original work.

I think there's also probably something in here about the fall out from the pandemic, as well as something about the fact that I've been medicated for the ADHD for a year now, and I've had to learn how to write in a way that is not an unhealthy coping mechanism and instead as something I do for fun, as a hobby that I enjoy.

What I have been producing lately, in 2023, is some of my favourite writing I've ever done, and I feel like I really levelled up this year in terms of tackling themes and ideas that the me of 2021 wouldn't have even imagined was possible.

With that said, the other fun comparison across years is this one:

Clearly, when you only publish three things in a year, it skews your stats, but I do also think that My Rivers was definitely a thing I needed to finish and write in order to become the person who is currently sitting on about 70k or so of active WIP for a different fandom altogether.

I adore, always, all the love that my shyan fic gets, this fandom is demonstrative in a way that no other fandom has ever been for me, and I've made the best kind of friends in this fandom. Even if I never publish another shyan fic ever (which I am certainly not saying is the case), I still treasure every single one of these fics which allowed me to meet people who've become extremely fucking important to me.

In addition to published fic, of course, the other thing to talk about is all that stuff I'm sitting on that hasn't been published (yet).

These are the seven most active of my WIPs. I am desiring to publish Moonlight on Broken Glass before the end of December, but since I'm the porn and instead of writing it, I keep going back to refine other parts of it, I have some doubts in my ability to get a draft done in the next few days.

All together, that's about 82k of wip, in various states of done that I'm working on. So, really, this year, I've written like, well over 100k, which is always my quiet goal going into any given year.

I don't have anything else to say about this, but I had fun making these little pictures and looking at all my wips. It was, all told, a good year for writing, even if it started off kinda slow.

[capriciouscaprine]

good morning!!!!! I had good number news this morning!!! lotsssss of numbers below, just fyi

I haven't really talked about my goals or current numbers on here, in part bc I was worried that if that was one of the first things I posted, whatever flagging bot gets used on here (I know, it's mostly crusaders who go thru the tags and mass repo blogs that gets us distapeared) would see those things and I'd be on their no-fly list immediately

plus, there's something to be said for the fear of saying something out loud, when I've not been the sort of person to stick to hobbies and things before

BUT

last week, I hit a goal of $125.4 (iirc), which means I hit a simultaneous goal of a 'healthy' -$5/month for 15 months straight, for a total of -$75.00 from my starting balance of $200.00

which, I honestly was having trouble being excited about hitting that goal bc of our common habit of rounding up, so any decimals next to that number it feel like I hadn't actually hit it, and I had worked REALLY HARD to get there, including a multi-mile treadmill walk and everything

BUT

my check in day is monday (start the week off informed!); on tuesday the monthly obnoxiousness started, and most of us who experience that will skip check in days that are close to it bc it messes with our bodies so much, so our measurements will be inaccurate

then, last week was spring break for my internship, but it's only two days a week, so I spent two days last week almost entirely sitting at my computer, working on my course work

meanwhile, in the same week, I clocked THEE MOST hours at my almost entirely outdoor, moderately physical job in about six months aka since about mid-fall, as late fall thru early spring is our slow season and things are now picking back up; I spent the week planting seedlings, repairing fences, running around after babies, and doing deeper cleaning now that things are warmer and deep bedding isn't so much of a priority

which, I spent last summer consistently dropping without thinking too much about it, tbh, and I'm pretty sure now that it's bc of this job (there was other stuff like switching from regular ice cream to halo top, etc, but on the whole I wasn't doing things like counting and I hadn't even made this blog yet)

and for meals this week, I seemed to average just about 1k; some days were higher and others were lower, some days I felt like an unwilling black hole and others I was just... fine after eating a small lunch/dinner (I keep weird hours, it was the final meal of the day for me, idk); plus, no semi-fraught Easter lunch with my family

SO

that brings us to today's check in

$123.2

officially, for realsies, under that $125.00 goal, and also the amount I claimed on my drivers license bc I thought it was funny and it was only a little lower than my actual amount BEFORE UNIVERSITY, AND very genuinely really close to a secret goal I've had since I heard it as a song lyric in 11th grade: $120.00

I know, it's such a silly thing to base a goal off of, and really highlights just how pervasive unrealistic body standards are, that some man stated it as the measure of a fictional grown woman he was writing about who you KNOW he envisioned as being 'curvy' and taller than a literal child

but I'm still gonna hit it

and yep, I'm once of those people who have reduced their goals over time; you think a number sounds really low, and then you find out how much people who look the way you want to measure in at, and realize that if that's where you wanna be, this number isn't going to have you looking like that unless it's mostly muscle, and I'm for sure not mostly muscle

anyways, introspection on societal pressures out of the way, this morning's breakfast was a 1/3 of a cup of egg substitute (50), two low f 'canadian bacon' slices (20 each for 40 together), a slice of lite toast (45) with lite country crock spread (about 1/2 a tblsp, so half of 35), and my coffee (25), so that's a relatively high f and protein breakfast for just under 200 (and of course we round up to the bigger whole number!)

I was hoping to feel satiated from that, but it's not quite hitting like yesterday's grilled cheese did; ah, well, just one more data point to take note of!

now, fingers crossed I can finish this presentation before work this morning!!!

[the-blind-assassin-12]

🎁🎁🎁 Static and Snow

A SNEAKRET SANTA GIFT DRABBLE 

A/N: Merry December and Happy Holidays, everyone! I posted briefly about this earlier today, but I have been sneakily working on some drabbles as gifts for the holidays, and since it’s officially December now, I am going to start putting them under the tree. These are my way of giving back to some of the lovely content creators here whose work brings me joy. I tried to personalize them a little bit for each person they’re dedicated to, but they’re just as much my gift to anyone who has ever shared their work or who has ever read mine. Thank you for being lovely <3 

Gift Tag: @insomniamamma - Who had this to say when I asked “Ezra or Nico” -  “Ok, SATAN! Seriously, this may be the hardest ask I've ever gotten.” - In the end, though, the answer was Ezra, and I chose the prompts fuzzy socks, books & silence to go along with him. J, your Prickle AU is one of my very favorites. Thank you for sharing it - along with all of your other incredible writing. Wishing you a very happy holiday season - I hope you enjoy your sneakret santa gift!! 

WC: 1,238 

Warnings: none. it’s a fluff. 

Ezra sits in the oversized armchair in the corner with his book propped in his lap, lips parted and brow creased in concentration as he reads some novel about Ephratian pirates and a Karoclan warrior. He only started it that morning, plucking it from one of the bungalow’s teeming shelves, but he’s already more than half-way through it. Occasionally the phantom fingers of his right hand twitch when it’s time to turn the page. Despite nearly two years passing since he parted ways with the limb, he still has urges to use it. 

I wonder if that sensation will ever fade away completely or if I’ll be forced to fight it off forever.

He does his best to ignore it for now, reaching - still a little clumsily - with his left hand to slip a finger beneath the sheet of paper so he can flip it and continue to read. But before he can submerge himself in the story once more, the crunchy sound of static cuts through the music playing softly in the background - old holiday tunes he hasn’t heard in decades suddenly tinged with crackling white noise. 

Must be the weather, he muses. The snow had finished falling a few hours ago, but the temperature continued to plunge, freezing signal towers and satellite dishes, muting the world with cold. Ezra shrugs more deeply into the thick brown sweater he wears. He prefers to be warm. Prefers Lao and the Ephrate and even Central to anywhere where he has to layer up against the chill. He’s spent too much time in bulky suits, worrying about what could happen if the fabric were to tear to be comfortable this bundled up. 

If he had his druthers, he’d much rather be bathing his bare skin in the rays of whichever star was on the rise in Kamrea.

The song on the radio cuts in and out so much that he can’t even tell which one it is anymore. With a sigh, he tucks his bookmark - a tattered ticket stub from his first Cirian Prime shuttle flight, the one where he met you - against the spine to hold his place, and sets the book down to deal with the frost ridden radio. “Think it’s time to-” 

His words melt on his tongue as he looks up though, the sight across from him making him forget about the cold entirely. Oh, Kevva. I’ll never understand how or why a man like me stumbled upon luck like this but I am not fool enough to question it. 

You and Cee had both fallen asleep on the couch, the girl’s head tilted close to your shoulder but not quite resting on it, a heavy orange blanket tossed over the two of you, and your books discarded in your laps. There is one tufted ottoman that both of you share, the two of you wearing matching pairs of fuzzy Cardovian wool socks to cover your feet, yours crossed at the ankles and Cee’s flopped outward. She has her hood pulled around her ears so that only a few strands of her blonde hair are visible around her cheeks, still reddish pink from the time spent outside earlier, when she’d been in pure awe of the icy wonderland around her. 

You gave this to her, Comet. Ezra’s eyes shift over to your face and his chest swells as he thinks back to the night when you first brought the trip up. 

“What about Itho?” You’d asked the question one night while you and Ezra finished dinner in your small apartment. 

He’d narrowed his eyes as he chewed, consciously telling himself to pick up his napkin with his left hand instead of his absent dominant one. His eyebrow quirked up as he finally succeeded in wiping his mouth without issue. “Itho?” You nodded as he swallowed and tried to figure out where you were headed. “I don’t know, Comet, what about Itho?” 

“Well,” You bit your bottom lip and set your fork down on the edge of your plate. “What if we… the three of us… what if we spend Cee’s winter break on Itho? I have some banked shuttle credits we can use for the trip, and Dezi already said she’d trade routes with me so I can have the whole week off. Her brother knows someone we could rent a bungalow from and...” You shrugged. “What do you think?”  

He dropped his napkin back to the table and reached across it for your hand, your fingers sliding easily between his. Speaking your name, he gave you a squeeze. “Are you sure you want to-”

“Ezra.” You cut him off with a laugh and a shake of your head, lifting his hand up to your lips and pressing a kiss to his knuckles. “Yes, I’m sure. She’s gonna be sixteen soon and she said that she’s never seen snow, and-” 

He got up from his seat then, walking around the small table to pull you to your feet and against his body, a startled sound escaping you as he wound his arm around your torso. “I think Itho sounds perfect.” Dropping his lips to the top of your head, he smiled into your hair. “Birdie is going to be thrilled when you tell her.”   

He rises slowly from his seat so he doesn’t wake either of you, and turns to switch the radio off. The silence of the settled storm rushes in to fill the room, but he doesn’t seek to fill it immediately like he once might have. Getting used to the quiet is like getting used to the loss of his arm - on the Green, silence is deadly. If nothing comes in through the comms but static, it means that he’s on his own. But as he looks across the small room and sees the two people he cares about most in the universe, as he listens to the silence that acts like an extra blanket over everything, he sees that that isn't the case. 

He’s known it for some time now, but this trip - ice and all - seems to solidify it in ways he can’t quite explain. I love you, Comet. And Cee does, too. 

Cee’s book finally slips from her slack grasp and hits the carpeted floor with a muffled thunk that she sleeps through. The slight disturbance is enough to make you stir, though, your eyes fluttering open as you inhale through your nose. You smile down at the girl beside you before looking over at him, cheeks rising higher as your sleepy smile spreads. Clearing your throat, you carefully untuck yourself from the blanket and shuffle the few steps to where Ezra is still standing, your socks picking up a charge from rubbing against the carpet. You rise on your toes to bump your nose against his, a little zap of electricity where your skin touches his. “Bed?” 

It’s just one word but it reaches down into his chest and swirls around his heart. It’s just one word and it’s one you utter to him almost on a nightly basis back home. But it’s one he knows he’ll never tire of hearing, one that gives him a sensation he knows with certainty will never fade. 

He looks into your eyes as you bring one hand up to card through his hair, combing the increasingly shaggy locks back and away from his face, and he nods before kissing your palm. “Bed.”

.

.

.

Thank you for reading! If you would like to be added to or removed from my taglist, please feel free to let me know by sending a message or by filling out the form on my masterlist :) 

tags:  @something-tofightfor​ @alraedesigns​ @pheedraws​ @shoopidly​ @fific7​ @valkblue​ @cannedsoupsucks​ @tobealostwanderer​ @paracosmenthusiast​ @gracie7209​ @dihra-vesa​ @marauderskeeper​ @disgruntledspacedad​ @novemberrain221​ @littlemisspascal​ @mishasminion360​ @stevie75​ @nyctophiliiiiaaa​ @practicalghost​ @tanzthompson​ @harriedandharassed​ @woodlandmouth​ @swtaura​ @thescarletfang​ @trickstersp8​ @princessxkenobi​ @imtryingmybeskar​ @wildmoonflower​ @mswarriorbabe80​ @theredwritingwitch @silverstarsandsuns​

[kayhi808]

Hurry Home -Part 2

It was a 5 hour flight back to New York with the rest of his team. Bill spent the entire time trying to figure out this relationship. Is he even going home to a relationship? Before he flew out, you both had been dating for about 6 months. There’s no doubt in his mind that the baby is his. The both of you were careful, but birth control isn’t 100% effective. Bill never did relationships, but he liked you, a lot. From the very start. He'd never admit it, but it was love at first sight. There was never “the talk”, but there was no one else for Billy Russo. He was sure you weren’t seeing anyone. He knew you wanted a relationship out of him & was biding your time until he got his head out of his ass.

He spend the past months hunting down guerilla leaders in Central America & wasn’t half as nervous as he was to finding you now. What the fuck? Keep it together, Russo!

He pulled up outside your apartment, a converted brownstone. You lived on the 2nd floor. He tried ringing your apartment but there was no answer so he got comfortable on your stoop and waited.

******

You're making your way home when you notice a man sitting on the steps to your apartment. You're by yourself so you do a quick sweep of the street & you see a Rolls Royce Wraith parked across the way. Billy. You glance back at the man and he stands and you freeze. His hair is longer than you remember and his beard fuller. All the rage and hate you thought you got rid of comes roaring back. You see his eyes drop to your belly. A belly that should have been swelling with a baby. Your daughter.

******

She's not pregnant. He expected to feel releived, so Bill is doubly shocked to feel heartache. Y/N didn't keep his baby. His eyes lock with yours and the hate he sees makes him step back. You'd always looked at him with nothing but love and laughter. Always; until now. Bill only sees rage and pain.

*****

"What are you doing here?" Before he can answer you hiss, "I want you to leave. Right now."

"I only got your email yesterday. I've been on a mission for the last 3 months in Central America. I couldn't contact you. I didn't know. I had no communication other than military lines. Baby..."

"Don't. Call. Me. That." You physically shove him out if your way, to get to your door.

"Please. I'm sorry. Y/N, I...I'm sorry!"

You run up the stairs to get to your apartment but you hear Billy following you. "Get out, Bill!" You let yourself into the apartment & quickly try to shut the door.

Bill sticks his hand & foot in the door jamb, "Shit!" As you push to slam it on him. He out muscles you and barges his way in.

"I'm calling the cops, Bill! Get out!" You throw books at him which he swats out of the air. Ripping the last one out of your hands.

"Just hear me out, bab...Fuck!" You slap Billy across the face with all your might.

In a broken whisper, "Don't ever call me your baby again. I'm not your baby. Your baby is dead." Bill recoiled from you harder from that statement than from your actual slap. You see a mixture of shock...and pain? You drop to the floor, kneeling. "I...I lost h...her." You hide your face in your hands and you cry. Your heart & soul feel like it's being ripped from your body all over again.

Bill edges closer to you, too wrapped up in your sorrow to notice. Each sob, each gasp cuts into Billy's heart. He slowly wraps his arm around you and surprisingly you fall into his embrace.

"I miscarried 3 weeks ago. I wanted her. I already loved her so much...but she was too little, Billy. Our girl was too small." All he can think is that he made you deal with all of this alone. He wasn't there for you when you needed him the most. He abandoned you.

@idaofinfinity @e-dubbc11 @imagine-a-fictional-boyfriend @bustlingcrowdsxorxsilentsleepers

[astramthetaprime]

Putting the 'Function' in Executive Functioning

Lots of stuff going on and ongoing.

Number One -- Google Tasks is the bomb. Seriously. I'm, like, getting shit done. I'm remembering to do things because my exobrain is remembering it for me. If I can get one thing done around the house each day, on consecutive days, for days at a time, dagnabbit I'm getting shit done. You put it on the Tasks app, it fragging puts it on your Calendar, I keep it open on the phone, it stays in the back of my mind because I see it multiple times in a day, and it gets done. Schedule dog walks, schedule washing dishes, schedule writing, schedule whatever, it's there, you see it, it gets done. Between Tasks, Keep, Gmail and Calendar, I've got the means to keep up with dang near anything. The danger is not overdoing it, because here be burnout yo.

Number Two -- I never got the hang of drinking coffee, y'know? I tried, when I was younger, but it always messed up my stomach and I wasn't thrilled with the taste. My thing was Diet Coke, which I love with the force of a thousand exploding suns. And, later, I developed a love of fine Chinese black teas. (I freely and cheerfully direct your attention to Upton Tea Imports for further information. I loves me some good Chinese Keemuns, that's fine drinking.)

However, in the last week I have discovered a coffee drink I can actually stomach. And it has been educational.

It goes like this: 1 tbsp instant espresso powder, 3 tbsp your choice of creamer powder, 1/4 cup or more chocolate syrup, 8 ounces boiling water. Mix well, with a milk frother mixer thing if you have one but spoon's fine. It's a sort of half-assed mocha thing. I call it 'hellbrew' or Liquid Mania depending on my mood. And speaking of mood ...

The first one I drank it kept me up to 3 AM despite the fact I drank it at least twelve hours earlier.

I've had several since then (I'm afraid to have more than 1 a day), and yesterday it cranked me up so high that I spent more than an hour unable to sit still and stimming like you would not believe. I don't stim physically. Usually. But yesterday dear gods I stimmed. I stimmed so freaking much and suddenly I understand the whole thing now and oh yeah my skin felt like it was vibrating. All over. MY ENTIRE BODY WAS VIBRATING.

I was working at the time. Like I said, educational.

Speaking of ...

Number Three -- I have finally finished training for my job so Monday morning I am turned loose on my own recognizance. It's been 5 weeks? Or six? Five, I think. Regardless, I am working full time and funds are available in abundant supply. Just in time to replace all 4 tires on my car. But still, there have been groceries bought and eaten, and I was able to replace my earbuds when the case on my old ones got messed up. And last night I signed up for health insurance for the new year. And I'll be able to start paying my mortgage again. The reduction of stress has been restful. I am on the verge of not just surviving, but thriving.

Number Four -- Pathfinder Progress. Two nights ago I wrote what is probably the exact midpoint of the book, my protagonist and antagonists finally met face to face. Still not able to speak to each other, but it's only a matter of time. The Taelai have survived the Surprise Asteroid and now outright treachery from some of their own people. They're halfway back to civilization, given their means of travel they've got at least a week to ten days til they reach a friendly port and another week to ten days after that to their throneworld system of Daitengu. There's a lot still left to do. But I am making progress. It's getting done.

And beyond Pathfinder, I now have a third story planned. Tentative title: Cinder. There is a preliminary outline, and because this is me and the theater of the mind has no budget, Imma imagine Tom Cruise starring in it.

Because he's pretty, that's why.

Number Five -- I briefly considered attending the Saga Writer's Conference which is scheduled for July 2024 as my birthday present for my 55th birthday, but honestly I don't think I can justify the expense. I estimate I'd be spending at least $1k if one includes lost wages, and I just can't afford that. I have no doubt it would be a great time and I'd learn a lot of stuff I desperately need to know, plus it's being held at ConGregate and that would be just gravy on the potato cake so to speak. But alas, no.

However! I have been looking in to what I could learn on Skillshare, and the answer is quite a lot. Copyediting, social media marketing, Wordpress skillz, creating author platforms, AI art generation (yeah I know, but professional artists don't work for free and you guys have noticed I'm starting from zero, right?). Also, fiction writing. There's also a lot just for free on YouTube and various podcasts such as the excellent Writing Excuses.

Speaking of ...

Number Six -- ChattaCon is coming up in January, and Imma determined to stalk Mary Robinette Kowal, pin her down and massage her brain.

Number Seven -- I'm actually participating in a local speculative fiction writer's group, a subsect of the Chattanooga Writer's Guild. Like, I went to a real-time, real-life meeting (usually it's over video). This was at a coffee shop but pre- Liquid Mania so there was not 'dance a jig in your chair' or vibrating eyeballs. Next time, I will know what to order to make the proceedings much more entertaining.

Number Eight -- Tom Cruise. Because he's pretty.

[skitariiposting]

funct.print ("[statement] so. Just a little update on the imperator titan situation. I decided to sit down with the .stl files just to see what I'm working with. First off, most of them seem to be set up for a larger build plate, which is fine, I can cut most in half and just baaaarely fit them on a Mars 3. The problem is before I even do that there's already a funct. ton of models. Like holy shift so many models. I got like 4 or 5 sliced, just to see what I'm working with here and just those 5 added up to a little over 24 hours of printing. So when I say this'll be a long project, it's gonna be a long project.");

funct.print ("[optimistic] on the bright side, the poll I made is looking pretty positive, so if I did start the project, I know that at least at the beginning I'd have a couple people watching, which is a confidence boost. I wanna bring this up for people questioning the quality of the videos: I'm about to graduate as a Creative Media Production major. Producing high quality things is what I've spent four years of my life learning how to do and what I intend to do for the rest of my life to make a living. The question will be if it's entertaining or not, which I'm still worried about.");

funct.print ("[statment] I mentioned it in the replies, but if I started this project <and this is still a big if> I'd open a patreon to go along with it, because I don't think I can manage this project without a bit of support. One of the patreon rewards that I think would be cool is if you get the tier, I'll send you one of the pieces to paint however you like. No color scheme, no set amount of detail or quality, just paint it how you want to paint it. Scrawl your name in leadbelcher after painting it light pink for all I care, just no bare plastic. After I get everything printed, the patrons will send back their painted parts and then I'll assemble this big patchwork chaotic conglomeration of paint schemes and colors and we'll have a big art piece that the community helped to put together financially and physically. I've also been thinking more on the whole "giving me money" thing with patreon, and I have a morality thing I've reached a conclusion with. On top of paying for me to continue the project, any money I'd have left over that I didn't spend that month won't go to me. The budget will focus on the print first, video production second, helping with rent and groceries third, and then the excess past that. I'd feel guilty taking the excess money to pay for anything besides those three or four things. So instead, I'll use it to make donations to small upcoming creators in the community and artists, without sending it to the patreons for benefits or whatever. Just direct donations from my community to them. Because while yes money to buy more fun stuff for me is cool, I feel like if I'm taking money from the community, it's only fair I spend it on things for the community and give back to the community anything I don't spend.");

funct.print ("[statement] Now. I want to specify. This is all still hypothetical at this point. I'm still a college student living in their parent's basement with a part time job for three to four more months. While yes, I've been making connections with full time jobs, prepping for moving out again, <my roommate graduated, so I couldn't afford the dorm room anymore> and making plans, my future is not set in stone by any means. So, I'm not making promises that this is going to happen. More than anything I'm just sharing my idea to see if it's even a good idea and if there's anything I can do to improve it, or make it more enjoyable for people. So don't go holding this to me like it's 100% going to happen, it's just a project I'd love to do if I have the capability to. -Jerry");

[n3on-graveston3s-calling]

I'm gonna answer these both right now.

These have been sitting in my ask box for a few days and admittedly, I was just gonna let them rot there but.

Let's talk.

I write in my spare time. I don't get paid to write fanfictions ( unless they are commissioned pieces, which are all on a hold for the foreseeable future ), imagines, etc. It's something I do when I have the time & I have the muse to do so.

Why haven't I been writing as much?

-I suffered 2 major deaths in my family literally 2 weeks apart from each other. The first one, I was in vacation in another state & had to cut it short, turn around, and drive 1600 miles in 3 days to go home, pick up my family, drive to my other family, have the funeral, go through a tornado outbreak that same night while staying in a hotel & having nowhere to go, find out that some of my relatives houses were damaged & the city they lived in had been majorly damaged by the tornadoes, and then drive home. And then, 2 weeks later, there's another death on the other side of my family. So my summer was spent grieving and in funerals.

-Prior to that, I have depression!! I had a depressive episode that lasted for a hot minute where I didn't do anything!!

-NOW, I got a new job & am back to work for the first time in 1 year and 8 months. It took me a year and eight months to find a job that is nowhere even near my degree field. Wild shit. Anyways. My new job takes a LOT of mental strength. I work as an attorney's assistant. I work Wednesday & Thursday, all day. Fridays are my half days. Which doesn't sound bad!! Except I have a stack of things I have to file that is nearly 200 pages deep bc there was a gap between the person before me leaving & when I started that they got behind. So I'm busy 20 hours a week. & what I handle can be VERY emotionally hard, as I've recently found out. I can't share details bc privacy laws- but I have to read some not great shit.

-In the 4 days that I have off, I help my mother. I'm a partial caretaker for her; I do all of the grocery runs & doctor appointments in those spare times.

So. Yknow. I enjoy writing, I have requests that I've been working on & things in my drafts that I do work on in my free time, but like. I have a life, yknow? And I know everyone has shit going on in their personal lives, I get that. I know fanfiction & fandom is an escape.

But I'm just a person. I have a partner who I try to spend as much time as possible with bc we're long distance. There's a lot more happening that I'm not gonna talk about here because quite frankly- it isn't anyone's business.

I love writing. I love making fanfiction and I love writing requests but y'all have got to stop treating us writers like your personal fiction creators that exist only for your beck & call. Bc I've seen that happen a LOT over the last few years. Majority of us do this for free because we enjoy it. That's it.

So yeah. I will post when I have something done or if I have any silly little thoughts I wanna share about whichever character is taking up space in my brain.

K thanks bye.

[savingspoons]

Getting Inked with Chelsea B

So, my sleeve is complete and I fucking love it. Take a look!

Since I was old enough to know what tattoos were, I wanted them.  After a few hours in the shop, I leave knowing myself a little more than when I went in. My body now more of my own design, something I can smile at in the mirror.

It may sound odd to some, having a pain inducing disorder and choosing to have pain inducing hobby. I have to save up so many extra spoons for tattoo days and for the days that follow. I even time my days off at work around appointments so I can get extra rest. But looking at my ink, well I think it gives me back some spoons.

Fibromyalgia makes me feel very out of control. It makes my body rebel against itself with pain.

But a tattoo that’s something I chose, I chose the way it looks, where it’s placed, and I make the choice to take the pain. Getting to take control of my body is empowering and vital to my sanity.

  My disease might be invisible, but I am not.  My tattoo’s help me to feel seen. Even if I’m holding onto the wall or a stairwell railing for support, now I look cool doing it. Right?

  This is Riverside Tattoo parlor in Savannah, Georgia. Where I spent 5 sessions with Chelsea Beckworth getting inked.

 This place has the coolest vibes. Riverside is Savannah’s very first fully queer-owned and operated tattoo studio.

There I am, hanging out before one of my appointments because I am super early for everything But I've always got a book with me so that's never a problem. Speaking of....

If you haven't read The Butcher and the Wren by Alaina Urquhart, run to your nearest bookstore and get yourself a copy. This thriller by the co-host true crime podcast Morbid is a MUST read and I am seriously on edge waiting for the sequel to release this fall.

Literally Could not have picked a better artist, or person. I mean look at this doll!

Chelsea was more than understanding about my medical condition and made sure to let me know that this was at my pace- not to apologize for needing breaks or anything else.  During our sessions she was super chill when I needed to adjust how I was positioned – because we all know how great fibro is not being able to be in one spot for more than 20 minutes without pain.

Going in for that first session I was excited and scared. My last tattoo was in my twenties and that’s been more than a decade ago.

Ugh. Did I really just type that?

With some minor hick-ups, like after my third appointment getting the tattoo flu because I didn’t take care of myself after - with plenty of rest, hydration and proper nutrition.

 Yeah, that sucked.  Or how I had to reschedule the 4th appointment because my HRT shot went awry sending me to the emergency room… A little over a year and a half later we were finished, and I now have this beautiful black and gray sleeve forever.

Now I want to tell you about Chelsae Beckworth as I totally believe she deserves recognition and just ugh everything. Honestly-This chick is the best. We met for coffee at the absolute cutest little café not 3 minutes’ walk from the shop, the morning before my last appointment.

Sitting across from me relaxed and chatting with the barista’s of Superbloom I find Chelsae Beckworth drinking her iced latte-extra shot- please and thank you ma’am.  She looks just as at home here as she is two streets away at Riverside Tattoo Parlor where she has worked for the last 3-4 years. This self-described earthy girlie who loves lizardling in the sunshine is a Taurus whose playlist includes everything from Celine Dion to Shania Twain and podcast like Two Hot Takes and Trixie and Katya.

Aren’t we all listening to Trixie and Katya though?  If not, you should be.

When asked how she would describe her personal artistic style without missing a beat Chelsea said, ‘Cutesy but with some darkness to it’.

Immediately this came to mind, because this is totally the vibes Beckworth gives off.

Having a background in makeup then finding herself in the world of tattooing and becoming an apprentice from her mom’s friend from church makes the above gif even more spot on. She tells me that one of the hardest parts of her job is the imposter syndrome the comes along with it and having people see her separate from her job. She’s not just a tattoo artist she’s also someone who loves to cook and go rollerblading, a cat mom of two, and someone who hates getting tattooed.

Just look at these cuties- Beans and Brussels Sprouts

When deciding which artist to work with it’s always a good idea to pick someone who enjoys doing the type of work you’re looking for. (Realism, traditional, watercolor, neo traditional, trash polka, new school, fine line) It generally makes for a better piece of art in the end. Some favorite of Chelseas are pin ups, heavy line work, small and quick projects and she also is looking forward to working on traditional pieces in the future. My sleeve was a much larger undertaking and I totally played tattoo pizza with her at times (can we add this here, what about another bee over here? Sorry Chelsea!) but she smashed it and I think I can safely say we both had some fun getting this done.

I asked Chelsea to send me what her favorite tattoo’s she’s done, and these are a few that she sent- I mean lets be serious everything the woman does is fabulous people.

If you find yourself in the low country and need some ink. Go visit my girl Chelsea and in her own words - " Come get cool tat and lets chat".