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sugar-phoenix · 2 years ago

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Why I'm not scared of AI

So, with the advent of AI, and how people are using AI generated images, drawings, and writing, I've seen a lot of people terrified that they'll lose their jobs. That these robots will perform better than they ever could, that these robots will basically render human creativity useless.

Let me give a little exposition: Even before AI, I was never content with stealing images from the internet for my own uses.

When I became skilled enough, I drew my own profile pictures, my own wallpapers, my backgrounds, my book covers, etc. Only recently, for religious reasons, I stopped drawing humans and animals and therefore I've used images from Pinterest sparingly. It's still never as satisfying. There are ideas within my head that you cannot find anywhere. You may find close to them, but it will never truly be them.

Enter AI. The magical software that could give you whatever you wanted. At first, with AI art, I did generate some, when it was much early on, before I had learned that it scraped others' arts. It was clunky, and limited, and sure, it was early on, so of course it didn't give me what I wanted.

I tried it again much later. When I had some idea that it scraped other people's arts, I tested the waters. Surely, out of all the art that it scraped, it could make the idea in my head. I never meant to use the image or generator for malicious reasons, I wanted to see if it could truly transcend human art.

The prompt was simple: I wanted it to draw me a drawing of a boy with white hair, blue eyes, and crescent moon marks at the corners of his eyes. Anyone with any skill could draw this.

Nothing. I kept rewording my prompts. It would give me boys, it would give me boys with blue skin, dark hair, light hair, blue eyes, white eyes, but never a crescent moon mark anywhere on their face. It simply had no idea what I meant when I wrote that in my prompt. For all the seemingly high quality art it gave me, the magical anime styles, the digital painted styles, it was even worse than a child. Because I could ask a child to draw me that prompt, and they would try to give me exactly what I wanted. Even if the shapes were wonky, even if the moons were half moons rather than crescent moons, at least the child would know what I wanted, would give me something within their ability that covered all the elements I wanted.

Now, let's switch around to text-based AI. When I first discovered character.ai I thought it was mesmerizing. I was addicted to talking to a fictional character. But soon enough, I found myself choosing the character's answers to my roleplays. I would flip through ten, fifteen answers, and I would always be settling. Never truly happy. The ai was smart, I'll give it that. It would remember things from previous prompts or answers. But it couldn't give me a new piece of writing it hadn't seen before. It couldn't make up a new reaction to what I had given it. Sometimes it surprised me, but it usually gave me regular, repeated, cliché reactions. Like as if I was roleplaying with a fourteen year old who had just started roleplaying, but I'll say it was even worse than that.

After a while, I realized that writing a fanfiction with a self insert would be better and more efficient than playing with character.ai.

Now, what do I mean to say by all this?

Technology is limited by what it knows. Perhaps we think that it isn't, because as humans we take in other people's stuff all the time. We see others' arts, others' writings, and we write/draw stuff based off of those all the time. Sometimes you'll find yourself writing or drawing something someone else has already. We all know this by now: there are no more "original" plots. Everything you write has probably been written already, or very close to it. I'm not sure the same can be said for art but as an artist you would find yourself drawing with a color palette someone else has already used, you'd be drawing creatures with aspects from nature or from someone else's fictional characters.

But the thing is. Out of those things, you can make something new. You can make something unique. I'm writing a story where I twisted Red Riding Hood and Rapunzel together, where Daciana is Rapunzel and the Wolf simultaneously, where Rhydian is the Prince and the Huntsman simultaneously. If I fed AI Red Riding Hood, and Rapunzel, and fed it several thousand YA fantasy books, then told it to write me a twist between Rapunzel and Red Riding Hood, I don't think it could give me my plot. I don't care if we wait 50 years, or 100 years. It would give you some cliche, some copy of a YA fantasy book but replace some of the characters with Red Riding Hood or Rapunzel. But you don't get Daciana's wolf-hair shifting magic. You don't get how Rhydian's kingdom has a history with the Wolves that live in the deep forest. Why? If we asked the computer, it would simply say: "I haven't seen that yet. I didn't know you could do that."

It doesn't think outside the box.

That's what makes it different. It can never think outside the box. No matter how lifelike it feels, no matter how you think that the computer is on the verge of becoming human, it's only mimicking what we do. It only works with what it knows, it can't try something new. It can't experiment.

Humans can.

In fact, you need a human to train the machine. You actually need human eyes, human content, to feed into the machine. There is a human driving the machine to give more accurate outputs. Without a human training the machine, it would never be what it is now. The computer needs the human.

And so I think that text-based AI, and image-based AI will only, in the future, do the same work as what we know as "cheap labor." People who don't want to pay, yet sacrifice originality for not paying. Less-than-amateur work. I think that big companies, people who actually want quality work, unique work, work that makes them stand out from the crowd, whether that be an illustration for an advertisement, a logo, a website design, an app design, they'll hire a human being who can think outside the box. This is what a lot of companies want anyway, at least companies who are worth their salt. They want someone who can think, who can make something without being spoon-fed a bunch of information.

Anyone who is afraid of AI art/text, I highly recommend you go ahead and generate something. Just test it. Try getting it to generate something you want to draw. Generate something you want to write. I spent thirty minutes the other day, desperately trying to have it generate a story idea. Try getting AI to generate exactly the image in your mind, exactly the vibe of the story you want. Try that out, see how far that gets you. Know that whenever someone says "I don't need you, I can just use AI instead" that this is what they're getting. They're working with the equivalent of a child who has never been taught to think for themselves, instead only copying and mimicking things they've already seen. Perhaps combining what they've mimicked, but never in creative new ways, only in ways they've been taught to do so. The computer can never transcend what it's been taught. It always works within the rules it's given, even if it gives you something new, like a calculator calculating the output of a new formula you haven't seen before.

New technology has always scared human beings, because you're experimenting with something you don't quite understand the limits of. People buy into technology they don't full understand either. It's times like these where it's imperative to understand the limits of what you're looking at, and imperative to let things settle before making any judgements yet.

I understand that there's been a lot of changes and things are in the air. Artists/writers are getting fired because their companies think AI can do the job better, people are getting their artwork stolen. There's a lot of problems at the moment, but ultimately, I think that AI will never replace true human creativity. And that's something to hold on to in the midst of all this uncertainty.

#ai art #ai artwork #ai generation #ai discourse #on the subject of ai #ai discussion #ai #stop ai theft #machine learning #technology #✦ rants.

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maximuswolf · 3 months ago

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Spotify having issues; what are some good alternatives to Spotify that aren't seemingly locked into listening to a list?

Spotify having issues; what are some good alternatives to Spotify that aren't seemingly locked into listening to a list? So my Spotify on my ten-year-old MacBook had been acting up where even with an adblocker it seemingly rapid-fires through songs not even playing them and one time even started looking like it was playing a song with no audio coming out (and no my sound wasn't muted)Now I've just got a new Mac a few days ago and when I try to get to spotify.com in Firefox it says the browser isn't supported and I need to use the app and when I try to open the app it says I need this thing called Rosetta that I've never heard of before.Part of me wants to see if I can get this working again as I don't know how. Part of me sees what I've heard about the ethical issues surrounding Spotify and wants to find a replacement with as wide a range of music (as at least I've known Spotify for having, listened to it from around 2013 up until I started having these issues about a year ago), the capability to make mixes (as I'm kinda obsessed with making fanmixes and miss 8tracks.com (it still relatively works if you use ublock but no one's seemingly active on there) and wish there was an alternative to that) and perhaps even a Discover-like feature but something where my listening habits are more free than they are on sites I've been using instead like accuradio and jango where you're basically locked into a station unless you keep skipping around and can't just play only the tracks you know from a list or somethingSo does either a viable solution or alternative to my Spotify dilemma exist Submitted December 06, 2024 at 04:00AM by StarChild413 https://ift.tt/6kUhGQp via /r/Music

#IFTTT #reddit

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ratralsis · 10 months ago

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Brief update

I haven't written anything long in a while because I haven't had a ton of time.

My latest writing class ended a few weeks ago. The course report I filled out wound up hurting my tutor's feelings so much that, even after I wrote multiple emails apologizing, she didn't want to continue tutoring me in the next class. I didn't think anything I wrote in the report would surprise her, but I was wrong.

It's what I get for trying to be honest. I wound up saying at the end of my apology email that they should either ask me for my feedback more often than one time at the end of the course, to avoid being surprised like that again, or not ask for it at all. I'll do the work either way.

Writing classes are hard work. I don't view them as supposed to be fun. I can write for fun on my own time. And I do. You have no idea how much I cracked myself up writing last month that showing a non-gamer a photo of Squall from FF8 would literally kill them, and that the UN is actually an organization devoted to wiping FF8 from the Earth. That's fucking hilarious to me, man. Love that shit. Didn't get a single note. Most of what I write doesn't. Doesn't bother me. It did bother me when that Doctor Worm story didn't get any notes. I've said that before, but it does still bug me a little. That was a good fucking story, and I don't care who says it isn't.

My cat, Tina, nearly died of some kind of nasal blockage or respiratory infection. For $65, she got a quick exam from a vet and some amoxicillin, and now, nine days after starting that (and with a couple of days left of the stuff to go), she seems much better. But she hasn't jumped or run to play with the cat toy in over a month. I think that her new normal will never be as good as it was even three months ago. That's life. The vet she's "doing great for her age." Her age is 89 in cat years. "Alive" is great. "Typical for her age" would be dead. It's like if you went to the gym and saw an 89-year-old woman walking on a treadmill going 3 miles per hour. "Wow," you'd say. "A twenty-minute mile? That's great for her age." But that's because most people who were born 89 years ago can't walk at all, because they're fucking dead. So are most cats who were born 18 years and three months ago, so, yes, Tina is doing great for her age.

I discovered a small leak in the roof of my garage this afternoon. I called my home insurance company and will hopefully have someone able to give me an estimate on what it will take to fix it soon so that I can determine if I need to make a claim or not. There have been multiple bad storms where I live recently, just like there have been literally everywhere on the continental US recently. Where I live has been pretty mild, comparatively.

I'm hoping it won't cost more than a couple thousand dollars to fix. I can afford that much, though it will hurt, a lot. I've been saving like crazy all year, and that will undo much of that saving, but it won't even put me as low as I was last year when I was literally begging for money on the internet.

It's been over two months since I said on my Animal Crossing blog that I would post my photos from Leap Day and the few days before it. I haven't done that yet, and that really does upset me. I try hard to be a man of my word.

I'm not talented. I'm not charismatic. I have very few innate abilities. There's only one thing I know how to do, and that's put in the work. I updated that Animal Crossing blog every day for nearly a decade, so believe when I say that 1) I know a fucking thing or two about a work ethic, and 2) I'm sorry I haven't posted those photos yet. It's been difficult to do much writing lately that isn't for my novel.

I had to throw away everything I'd been working on on the latest draft about three months into my last class. I'm still working on catching up. I have sixty days before the next class starts. I have ten chapters left to write before I can call this draft done. Can I do it? Of course I can. Who the fuck do you think I am?

But it means I don't have a ton of time to write for fun, or watch TV for fun, or play video games for fun, or anything for fun. Every night, after dinner, it's an hour of writing, at least.

It's not supposed to be fun. Even chess grandmasters, the ones who love the game so much that they become the best in the world, don't get that good by playing casually. They work at it. The only way to get to that kind of level is to work at it.

There's no such thing as good enough. There's better than the last thing, which is always possible, and there's perfection, which never is. That's all there is.

I'll be better later. Probably. I don't like to complain, so I try very hard to do it very rarely, but sometimes I go so long without saying anything at all that I think even complaining might be better than nothing.

Let me know if I'm wrong.

Let me know if I'm right.

Let me know anything at all. I don't like screaming into the void like this, but I sure have been doing it for over twenty years, haven't I.

#ratralsis writing

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triplicate-s · 2 years ago

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I saw this post on the day it was made, and since that point a little over three weeks ago, it's sat with me, popping up in quiet moments. I saved it to my drafts, partially feeling compelled to revisit it, and potentially write something in response. I haven't done either until now, but even without revisiting it, most of it surprisingly seared into my memory on the first read all the same, now that I've read it again freshly after these few weeks. It's comforting knowing someone else out there is going through similar uncertainty in their artistic endeavors and desires. I've been ruminating again on the loss of the seemingly boundless excitement and enthusiasm I had for my art and my future with it, through high school and my early-20s. How I used to at least draw something with no more than three days in between. Now it's an amazing feat if I can muster a six month gap between sketches.

Combating the imposter syndrome seems like it should be easy—and I don't mean to sound full of myself when I say this, just in relative terms—for as many artists with skill sets nowhere near mine I see on social media, becoming notable and making a living on it (or at least well on their way). The self-critical part of me has had way too much power for far too long; it's an imbalance I consciously recognize, especially anytime I do find the energy (compulsion? Will?) enough to produce something new. And every time I feel it's worth sharing, I'm reminded by old friends how much they love my art and love seeing something new, and for friends who have only come into my life at points in the past decade, floored to find out my artistic talents. …Which is so sad, because for so many years that was one of the things most people knew about me. Even one of my nephews just a few years ago said "I didn't know you could draw," and it was such a gut-punch. Like… yeah, I used to. All the time.

And even though the adulation can be nice, the biggest motivator is still just that I love doing it. I love being in that zone when I'm creating. I love it so much, on the rare occasion I can drag myself to it. It's a fresh, beautiful reminder every single time. But I hate that I have to describe it that way. Drag myself to it. I hate that my depression has grown so unwieldy over the past decade-plus that it's able to smother me into inertness, even when I consciously remind myself how much I love it. How great all these ideas swimming in my brain will be to finally expel into being.

There's also, I think, needing to just figure out how to chip away at the overwhelming, oversized fear of failure. It's far out of proportion—again, especially when I fully recognize I've got something here that can probably succeed better than some of the artists I've been seeing finding their own success. I gotta stop trying to find easy, unrelated employment and promising myself "I'll have a steady income and then work on my art when I get home from work!" Because that never happens. I end up so tired by the end of the day, and further depressed that I'm still avoiding my art. Just this past week I discovered an old friend whom I'd thought had given up on his own endeavors is, in fact, hard at work with three other people, developing the indie adventure game he's had long gestating for at least a decade. It's given me a small, renewed sense of hope for myself.

Bleh, I shouldn't've decided to write this in the sleep deprived early hours. It's going on 4:30am and I'm rambling.

I will end this, though, by saying (and who knows, maybe I'll come back later and delete all but this final paragraph) that I'm the one who had her music in my top ten most played artists last year. Her songwriting is excellent, her melodies catchy, and her voice is so, so lovely. Y'all should ask that talented woman about her SoundCloud. It's fantastic.

today my brother and i talked about imposter syndrome and his anxieties about his own creative accomplishments in the face of his peers getting published and write ups in vogue etc and i was like, “well i look at YOU like ‘at least he’s still making art and getting into shows and did long terms in residencies’….the last song i wrote was four years ago and it didn’t even make it onto my shitty soundcloud” but then he was like “I’ve played your music for people before and it made them cry” and i also think about the person that messaged me a screenshot that showed my songs were on their most played list for the year and i realize maybe i don’t have to give up calling myself an artist just yet…maybe i’m only just a few votes of confidence away from being like my brother, like his friends

#commentary #ramblings #now off to bed for me

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lostinthewiind · 3 years ago

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Piss Off Your Parents - Part 9

Ukai Keishin - Haikyuu

Synopsis: freshly turned 18, you want to prove to your parents that you aren’t a child for them to push around anymore. First, get a job at the local corner store. Second, use the store owner’s 26-year-old son with piercings and a cigarette addiction to piss your parents off. Third, accidentally fall in love.

Rating: PG13

Warnings: arguing, harsh language, swearing

Song → 18 by Anarbor

Previous → Part 8

Next → Part 10

The trek up the stairs from the store to the apartment felt like climbing a never-ending escalator that was going the wrong way. After the day you had had, you were both mentally and physically exhausted and ready to call it a night early.

Thankfully, as if you had finally hit a stroke of luck that day, Keishin had texted you saying that he would pick up dinner on the way home, saving you the exertion of having to leave the apartment again. So, with that information in mind, you kicked off your shoes for the day and fell unceremoniously onto the couch in the living room.

As you sat down, you heard the envelope in your back pocket crinkle and the sudden noise seemed to completely fill the otherwise silent apartment.

Ah yes, the envelope.

Pulling the decision to your future out of your back pocket, you stared at it for what felt like another hour or so. No matter how long you held the envelope in your hands, you couldn't force yourself to open it. You simply didn't want to.

At some point between when your mother had handed it to you and now, you had subconsciously decided that you wanted to choose your own path forward despite what the decision letter may or may not say.

Feeling strangely empowered and confident, you stood to your feet and ventured into the bedroom where you slipped the envelope into one of the drawers Keishin was letting you keep your clothes in and tucked it underneath one of your sweaters. Maybe one day you would open the damn thing when whatever was inside wasn't weighing so heavily on your mind and future, but today was not that day.

Just then, you heard the front door open and knew Keishin had arrived home. Closing the drawer, you plastered a smile across your face and exited the bedroom to greet your boyfriend.

"Welcome home, Dear," you giggled, trying your best to fake the part of a doting housewife. "How was the volleyball game?"

Keishin chuckled softly as you took the takeout bags from him. "It was a close game, but they pulled it together in the last set and won."

"Oh, good!" You placed the bags onto the table before retrieving some plates and chopsticks from the kitchen.

"How was your day?" he asked as he pressed a chaste kiss to your cheek.

You sighed as you thought back on your day. "It was okay," you answered, not really wanting to go into much more detail than that. You doubted Keishin wanted to hear about your minuscule problems with rude customers after the long day he had clearly had.

Keishin, however, picked up on your uncertainty right away. "Doesn't sound okay," he commented. "Want to talk about it?"

You shrugged. "Just some shitty customers. Seems I had forgotten how poorly low-level workers are treated sometimes . . . just threw me a little," you said. "I'll be fine. Just glad the day is over now."

"You and me both." He flashed a smile as he turned to head for the bedroom. "I'm just going to change quickly and then we'll eat."

"Sounds good." You started dishing out some of the food. "I was also thinking we could watch a movie tonight as well. I could use something to clear my mind."

"Sitting on the couch with a beer is an ideal evening in my book," you heard him respond faintly from the bedroom. "There's a new action movie that came out. I think it's about-"

You waited for Keishin to finish his sentence, but when he didn't, you cocked your head and looked toward the bedroom doorway. Before you had the chance to call out to him, he appeared in the doorway shirtless, eyebrows furrowed and the envelope from the university in his hand.

"W-why do you have that?" you asked, the look on his face upon discovering the letter making your heart drop. "That was in my drawer . . . why were you going through my things?"

"I was looking for my sweater, the one you always steal," he answered. "Y/N . . . what is this?"

Rounding the table and approaching Keishin, you snatched the envelope out of his hand. "That is one of the many reasons why my day today was so shitty."

As you turned to head for the kitchen to toss the envelope in the garbage and rid your life of it, Keishin followed you. "You didn't get in?" he inquired.

You shrugged. "I have no idea. I didn't open it."

As you moved to toss the letter into the trash, Keishin grabbed your wrist and stopped you. "Why are you throwing it out if you didn't open it yet?"

"Because I don't care what it says. I've decided that I'm going to stay here with you and work at the store. This is the life I want . . . the life I get to choose for myself."

"You should still open it," he reasoned. "You might change how you feel about it when you see the result."

"I don't want to change how I feel about it." You shook your head as you gently pried your wrist out of his grip. "No need to make things more difficult than they need to be. I've had enough difficulty for one lifetime, thank you very much. This decision is easy, and best of all, it makes me happy."

Gesturing to the envelope, Keishin sighed. "But this is what you wanted. When you told me about your dream to play soccer at the University of Tokyo, your face lit up. Why are giving up on your dream before you've even given yourself a chance to experience it?"

"Dreams can change, Keishin," you told him before sighing and deciding to humour him for a moment. "Okay, let's say I open this letter and somehow did get in. What then? I couldn't pay for that school in my wildest dreams; not without my parents' help. Sometimes dreams are just childish and unrealistic. So I found a new dream, one with us living here together."

"You could apply for student loans. Tons of people do." He folded his arms across his chest. "I don't think this is about the money or your parents. I think this is about us. You've gotten comfortable here."

Throwing your hands up into the air in exasperation, you huffed. "And so what if I have? Is that really so bad?"

"I just don't want you to throw away an opportunity like this over me."

"Over you?" you cocked a brow. "Because you're, what, trash? Not worth it? A lowlife? A burnout?"

Keishin bit at his bottom lip. "You know what's not what I meant."

Inhaling deeply, you glared down at the god-forsaken envelope in your hand and began to tear at the top. "Let's not fight about something that probably isn't even going to happen." You pulled the letter out and unfolded it, your eyes scanning the text quickly. "The University of Tokyo is notoriously difficult to get into and I-"

Keishin quirked a brow when you stopped mid-sentence. "What does it say?"

A broken laugh was the only thing you could manage as you lowered the letter and shook your head. "Un-fucking-believable." You handed the paper over to Keishin, the edge crumpled from where your grip had tightened when you read the decision.

Keishin looked at the page for all of two seconds before he found the bolded 'Congratulations' and a huge grin spread across his face. "You got in!" He was way more excited than you were about this. "This is good news. You can play soccer at the University of Tokyo. Come on, you can't tell me this doesn't make you at least a little happy."

"I wish it did," you answered honestly. "I wish it were that easy."

"It is! It can be." Keishin set the letter down on the counter and took your hands in his. "Student loans, part-time jobs, it's all possible. Sure, it might be a little tricky to work out, but it's totally possible."

When you didn't respond, Keishin hooked his fingers under your chin and tilted your head up to look at him. "Accept the spot at the university. Follow your dream," he told you.

". . . but I'll have to leave you." You felt the words catch in your throat and tried your hardest not to start crying. "You make me happy—you're the first thing that's made me genuinely happy in a long time—and I don't want to leave that for a chance at something that might not even work out."

"But what if it does work out? You don't know that it won't," he said softly. "Don't end up like me, looking back at your past and wondering what might have been if you had just chosen a different path. I know this might seem good enough for now, but how will you feel after ten or twenty years of working the same dead-end job for the same shit pay all while getting treated like shit by people who look down on you? Look at how one day of catering to pretentious assholes made you feel. Do you really want to live the rest of your life like that?"

"But what about you?" you asked, your voice shaky.

Keishin dropped his head, a few stray strands of hair falling into his face. Unlike that morning, when he had been asleep with loose hairs in his face, he looked annoyed and frustrated now. The bags under his eyes and tension lines on his forehead were a stark contrast to the soft, peaceful face you had woken up to that morning.

"Don't throw this away over me," he repeated. "Don't throw your future away over a 26-year-old burnout."

Lip quivering, you sucked in a deep breath. "I thought you were different . . . but you're just like everyone else."

Keishin eyed you. "What's that supposed to mean?"

"You said I should make my own decisions and live my life how I wanted but it was all a facade." You slipped your hand out of his and took a step back. "In the end, you're just like everyone else . . . you think you have a right to plan my future for me without giving me a say in the matter. You want to tell me how to live my life just like my parents."

"How could you say that?" Keishin almost snapped but managed to collect his anger before he did. "All I want is what's best for you."

You scoffed as you wiped a tear from your cheek. "If I had a penny for every time I've heard that I'd have enough money to pay for the University of Tokyo and then you'd get your damn wish . . . I'd be gone."

"When did I ever say I wanted you gone? Why are you so adamant that going to Tokyo means we can't be together?"

"Why are you so against just letting me make my own decision about this?! Why do I have to go to play soccer at that fucking university and leave you? I don't want to leave you!"

"Why not? Why are you so damn hung up on someone like me?!"

"Because I love you!" The two of you froze in place the second those words left your mouth. Chest heaving from the shouting and high emotions, you snapped your mouth shut before you said anything else in the heat of the moment.

Eyes wide, Keishin stared at you like a deer in headlights. "You what?"

You debated whether or not you should repeat what you had said, but by then, the damage had been done. "I love you," you breathed. "And I know you told me not to fall in love with you . . . but I did. I fell hard and fast and now I'm stuck in you and I cannot possibly leave you so please stop asking me to."

You waited for what felt like an eternity for Keishin to say something, say anything. He opened his mouth a few times like he was about to, but nothing ever came out.

"Keishin . . ." You took a cautious step forward. "Please say something."

Keishin swallowed hard before looking you directly in the eyes. "If I said I didn't love you back, would you go?"

You felt your heart crack and the sensation of being punched in the gut spread throughout your entire body. "Is that what you're saying? You don't love me?"

"If I didn't, would you leave?"

You inhaled sharply. "If you look me in the eyes right now and tell me that you don't feel the same way that I do; that everything over the past few months has meant nothing to you, there would be no possible way I could stay in Miyagi," you answered truthfully. "If you tell me that you don't love me and that you never have, I would have no reason to stay in this prefecture."

Keishin's lips parted once more. "Y/N . . . I-" His brown eyes locked onto yours and you could feel what he was about to say even though he never did. "I . . . I can't do this right now."

With that, he brushed past you, grabbed a sweater from the bedroom and threw it on before storming out of the apartment, leaving you and the now cold takeout food alone.

Tears in your eyes and a lump in your throat, you turned to look over your shoulder at the decision letter sitting on the counter, practically taunting you.

You should have thrown the thing out the second your mom dropped it off. Or better yet, maybe you should have never made that deal with Keishin and applied for the university in the first place.

#piss off your parents #part 9 #haikyuu #haikyuu!!!#lostinthewiind #sexy time #haikyuu smut #reader imagine #x reader #reader insert #fanfiction #ukai keishin #ukai keishin x reader #ukai x reader #haikyuu!!#series

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kaiparker-avengerssmut · 4 years ago

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Their Doll 8

Let me in

B.Barnes x Reader, S.Rogers x Stark!Reader

series synopsis: y/n Stark, all records of her non existent, and yet Hydra still find her. When she is kidnapped by a certain super-soldier and no one believes her, she finds herself searching for unexpected familiarity in her not-so-distant past.

Series Warnings: smut, violence, torture, swearing

Chapter Summary: y/n gets emotional

Warnings: swearing, feelings

A/n: The timeline in this has been altered, as there I things I wanted to include but I also wanted this fic to follow the storyline/timeline of Winter Soldier and Civil war.So for purposes of this fanfic, Peter Parker was discovered by Tony at a much younger age - when he was bitten - and has been an intern with him since, almost like a protégée.(For the purposes of this story Peter was bitten much younger too - more like when he was 9 or ten rather than 14/15)

Masterlist | Series Masterlist

Life at the tower was...tiring, to say the least. During my free time I often found myself in the gym, lobbing knives at a target and trying my hardest not to biting one in Steve's chest every time he would correct my technique. When I wasn't trying to murder the avenger in cold blood, I was usually dragged into things by the other: briefings and debriefing for missions I'd never go on, my dad's parties, group training sessions and study periods with Bruce in his labs to name a few.

But for now, I was huddled in my rooms - fresh out of a hot shower after a brutal two hour training session and four mile run with Natasha - curled up on my bed and attempting to catch up on a few of the films I'd missed. But the exhaustion and drowsiness clouded my eyes, the noise from the TV merely in the background as I felt my eyes growing heavier by the second.

A sharp knock at the door snapped my out of my lowsey state, the people movie across the screen simple a blur of colour as my eyes darted past the tv and over to the door.

"Mr Stark is waiting at your door. Would you like me to let him in?" FRIDAY's evenly calm voice chimed, making me groan and mumble a 'no' into my pillows. The last person I wanted to see right now was my dad.

"Come on kid, let me in." My dad called from the other side of the door, and I could practically hear him roll his eyes and shake his head when I stayed silent. When he spoke again, it wasn't directed at me. "FRIDAY, override command and open the door."

"Wait! That's hardly fair!" I whined like a five year old, groaning again when the door swung open and my dad stood on the other side, quite clearly just as exhausted as I was.

"Get used to it, kiddo. Life isn't fair." Tony chided, walking over to my bed. I tried to shuffle away slightly when I felt the bed dip, my dad perching on the edge as his eyes scanned over the room. "I see you haven't decorated yet." He commented casually, as if nothing had ever happened between us.

"Yeah, well, I thought It'd be a shame to spend so much time on something when you're probably waiting to kick me out anyway." I mumbled, refusing to look at him.

"What the hell is wrong with you, y/n? Ever since you got back you've been-"

"Acting different?" I cut in, and when Tony simply swallowed thickly I nodded. "Funny that, seeing as I was kidnapped and tortured for three years. Not to mention made to kill people for another year after that."

"Y/n I'm sorry..."

"But you're not! You can't be, otherwise you'd actually have tried to save me, rather than leaving me to rot!" My voice cracked, tears pricked at my eyes and I now sat up straight in my bed, facing my dad but not looking him in the eye. "And you can't change that, you can't go back in the past and fix your mistake. And trying to fix it now sure as hell won't work, so I suggest you leave before I'm tempted to use you as my target for my training session tomorrow." I raised my voice, eyes now keeping his captive as the tears rolled freely down my cheeks.

"Oh, kid, they broke you." Tony murmured, cupping my cheek with his hand, eyes swimming with sorrow. Sorrow that I didn't want.

"You can't fix me either, because I'm not broken!" I said harsher now, voice only getting louder. "I don't need to be fixed..." I trailed off, voice barely above a whisper Joe as my eyes broke the contact, averting to my lap as the tears dropped onto the bed sheets.

That's how I found myself in my fathers arms, face pressed against his shoulder as the sobs made my body shake, hiccups escaping me as I tried to speak.

"A-all I needed W-was my D-dad, and yo- you took him f-from me!" I wailed, hands clutching my dad's shirt and his arms wrapped protectively around my shoulder, hands rubbing circles over my back soothingly.

"I know, kiddo. I'm sorry."

...

"Who is that?" Clint frowned, staring at the pictures scattered over the table in front of Natasha and Steve as they studied them deeply, brows creased in thought.

"Our newest pain in the ass." Tony answered for them, slapping a thick folder down in front of Clint as he said so. The marksman was quick to pick it up, flicking through the documents, news stories and information sheets greedily.

"The...winter soldier?" He asked, looking at the three superheroes in front of him as if they'd gone mad. "But he's a ghost story!"

"I've seen him. Been shot by him, actually." Nat said, an sadistically proud smirk forming on her lips with her last words, almost as if it were an achievement.

"We're trying to find out more about him, maybe that way we can beat him." Steve explained, sitting back in his chair with crossed arms as he huffed in defeat, sick to death with staring at the same five pictures all morning.

Y/n walked in, a skip in her step as she crossed the room to Tony.

"Morning, dad." She greeted, placing a quick kiss to his cheek and heading over to the cupboard to grab a mug. Clint and Natasha frowned in confusion, looking between the two as if they'd witnessed pigs fly.

Tony shrugged, y/n too preoccupied with making herself a coffee to notice the avengers' reactions. When her coffee was done, y/n swiped her mug from under the machine and sipped happily, letting out a content sigh before wandering over to stand behind Natasha.

"What are you working on?" She asked, peering over the spy's shoulder to get a glimpse of the pictures.

A loud smash crashed through the room, Tony's eyes widening in shock and Natasha jumping from her seat in order to not get covered in spilt coffee. Y/n stood paralysed, eyes never leaving the photo in front of her as she started at the Soldier. Steve frowned deeply, studying the girl as her eyes glossed over with with what seemed to be...sadness.

Clint was already at her side, a comforting hand on her shoulder as they all asked y/n what had happened and if she was alright. It was like a constant ringing in her ear interrupted their words before they reached her ears, and y/n suddenly felt nauseous as she starred at the bright red star on the soldier's arm, his long and messy dark hair shrouding his face and his leather clad, muscular body. Only his cerulean blue eyes could be seen, the rest of his face covered in a black mask she didn't usually see him in.

"I-I need some air." She stuttered, stumbling blindly out of the room and down the stairs, tipping over a few steps from the bottom and tumbling down the last few. She quickly pulled herself to her feet, hearing still ringing and vision offset, hazy, as she scrambled for the double glass doors. Luckily they already stood open, so she flew through them and out into the busy streets of New York.

Y/n found herself colliding will someone almost instantly, angry shouts of 'hey, watch it!' And 'look where the fuck you're going, kid!' Being called after her like a chorus as she pushed through the bustling people.

She finally stopped, dropping to her knees and simply staring straight ahead, no intended subject in her line of vision as she tried to comprehend the-the grief, at seeing the a soldier's face again.

It had only been two weeks, and yet two weeks without him, his touch, his scent - it felt like an eternity to y/n now. She hasn't registered what her feeling meant for him before, liking him beyond a source of comfort had just felt...wrong, after all he'd done, and yet y/n couldn't deny it.

She was in love with the Winter Soldier, and she didn't even know his name.

...

I wasn't aware of when someone had found me, nor of how they got me back to the tower or even how I was now stood staring blankly out of the window that stood next to my bed. I gazed longingly, almost as if I stared long enough, hard enough, he'd appear.

But of course he wouldn't, he was probably half way across the world, knowing HYDRA. A soft knock on my door and my head was turning, facing my visitor with a look of pure grief and want. Desperate, unhinged want that could eat you up from inside out and you'd still feel it.

"Hey, y/n. Can I talk to you for a moment?" Nat asked tentatively, clearing trying to to disturb my shaken up state. I nodded, offering a small smile which she returned as I now faced her. She walked up to me, talking my hands him hers and playing with the as she spoke, eyes kind and full of understanding.

"There's a mission, and we want you to go." She said calmly, almost as if the mere thought of it would send me into some kind of heart attack.

"Okay," I begun, eyes flitting down to the floor before back up again. "What is it? Aren't you scared that I'm still HYDRA and all I'd do is stab someone in the back?"

"Not exactly." Nat informed me with a smile, amusement glinting in her eyes at my assumption. "For starters, we all trust you, well maybe not steve - but everyone else does." Nat and I both laughed slightly. "And I think you wouldn't have it any other way it to go on the mission yourself." Nat finished.

"How come?" I asked, brow raised.

"There's been a lead..." she started. "On the winter soldier. We thought you might want to help check it out, possibly capture him. Your powers may be the best chance we have a detaining someone as strong as him." Nat spoke. "And if we can detain him.."

"We can save him." I finished.

"Exactly."

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miss-kittys-magical-library · 4 years ago

Text

Waiting For A Star To Fall

Nikolai x Selina

Word Count: 6k

Warnings: minor angst and fluff, oral sex (m/f receiving), brief thigh riding, penetration, use of sex toys, language gif by @vousnavezrienvu

A/N: Selina and Nikolai's first date turns into more than they ever imagined.

This took a stupid amount of time to write and became a pure labor of love. Thank you @magic-multicolored-miracle and @neuroticpuppy for being with me the ENTIRE way. And @bisexualnathanyoung and @forenschik for being my guinea pig

September 1992

Selina’s phone rang, but Sunny beat her to it as he threw himself over the arm of the futon in her minuscule apartment. His elbow rammed into the wall, and Selina insisted he deserved it.

“Hello?”

There was a momentary pause. Selina stood cross-armed with a frown on her face.

“I don't recall anyone with that name living here. It's just my sister, myself, and the guy from the sixth floor who was murdered in 1985.”

“SUNNY!!”

He waved her off, “Why would I be fucking with you? You called here. My sister didn't give you this number, she's a virtual nun! She's not one to take up with strange foreign men.”

Selina launched herself at her little brother. He held the cordless phone above his head and levitated the ten feet towards the ceiling. His legs curled up underneath so she couldn't grab him by the ankle.

“UNFAIR!!”

“EVOLUTIONARY ADVANTAGE!” he shouted and stuck out his tongue. “You were saying?”

“You aren't evolution! You're a science experiment that was implanted in our mother by The Men In Black.”

“Low blow.” Sunny flipped Selina off and went back to the caller. “I mean that may or may not be the woman you ravished lakeside. I know my sister is her own woman. You scandalized her though. I think you made her feel.. feelings. Rude.”

“NICKLAUS ELTON KOSTAS GIVE ME MY PHONE!”

He held up his hand. “HEY! I can speak Russian you know.” And then Sunny did for the next several minutes occasionally glancing down at his sister.

Finally, he came back to the couch and held out the receiver to Selina. “It's for you. He's very perturbed, and Slavic. And sexy.”

She yanked the phone from her brother and flipped him off. “Klaus should've left you in 1989.” Her voice softened and her cheeks flushed as she finally answered, “Hi.”

Sunny hovered a few feet off the ground as Selina blabbered on in flirtatious Russian. He sneered and poked fun at the way his sister wound her finger up in her hair and then released it. When that didn't work, craving her attention, he began to hold an imaginary conversation with an exaggerated Russian accent.

Selina threw the first thing she could at her little brother. The remote control sailed across the room at Sunny who simply held up his hand, palm towards his sister. The remote hung in the air like he did. Then he narrowed his eyes which caused the object to lower to the floor. Selina sighed and returned to the conversation.

“Wait, you wanna take me out?” A pause. “You don't have to repay me. I'm just practicing for when I'm ethically obligated to save someone.” Pause. “Arsonists and thieves too!” Selina smiled wide as the flames licked her cheeks and ears now. “How attractive you are doesn't alter Samaritan laws, Nikolai.”

Sunny rolled his eyes flabbergasted at how his sister’s entire demeanor changed the moment she began to speak to the Russian from Sway Lake. She was being coy. Dare he say seductive as she ignored everything he managed to garner attention.

Sunny had always been the object of his sister’s devotion. EVERYONE’S devotion really. As the youngest of eight “children,” it was his birthright. Now here he was, slowly becoming Selina’s third favorite person. Not a single soul, no matter how rakish or good in bed, would ever replace Leon.

“Sure. Yeah, I’d like that.” Selina had a dopey grin on her face. “Tonight?! I mean can you even get reservations?” “Trust you? I don't know why I should, but I guess I will. I'll meet you there. Do svidaniya, Nik.. KOLYA.”

Selina hung up the phone and threw a pillow this time at Sunny. He crashed to the floor having been caught off guard and rubbed his ass.

“Just be HUMAN FOR FIVE MINUTES.”

“I AM HUMAN!! I'M JUST.. Super.”

“Super egotistical.”

“I can't help that the love of our parents turned me into a badass.”

“I just pray Reginald never finds you. You're the success to his failure with Klaus.” Selina meant that last bit with her entire being. “Now get out, I've a date tonight.”

---

“Nikolai, I can't run that fast in these boots!” Selina yelled as she desperately tried to catch up to her date. She could hear a fast-approaching man behind her yelling obscenities in a dialect she wasn't familiar with. Bulgarian or Lithuanian maybe.

He stopped at the corner. “We are wearing the same ones, look how fast I'm moving. I think it must be the several rum and cokes you had. Come,” Nikolai held out his hand, “we will go faster together.”

Selina rolled her eyes but linked her hand with his. Nikolai took off, and she started to laugh. The exhilaration and adrenaline coursed through her veins. Never in a million years would she have imagined dining and ditching.

Nik was so calm as he spoke to the waiter in the dialect they were being bellowed at. He never blinked. Then the waiter nodded, took something from him and walked away. Nikolai stood and clasped Selina’s hand and began to make his way towards the door.

“Nikolai, shouldn't you pay?”

There was a slight shake to his head. He never looked back, just kept going with Selina tight to his side. They made it to the door before they both had to give chase.

Selina swung out into the street. She waved and whistled loudly at an oncoming taxi. To her shock, it stopped to pull over for them. Nik was incredulous but had no choice except join his date as she yanked him inside the cab.

“Bleecker and Christopher, please,” she instructed the taxi driver. Selina turned to the Russian beside her, “Are we going to break the law EVERY time we're together?”

“Yes. Like a new Bonnie and Clyde.” Nikolai lifted the hand Selina hadn't realized he was still holding. His lips brushed the back of it, “Without being shot to death by the FBI.”

Selina's heart pounded in her ears. She couldn't remember seeing anyone look attractive in the color orange. Yet here was the man beside her, currently with a look she could only describe as voracious, pulling it off. Her cheeks grew hot under the weight of his stare.

“What?!” came out in an embarrassing giggle.

“I cannot look at something beautiful?”

“You don't have to lay it on THAT thick. I'm taking you back to my apartment already.”

“I'm not trying to trick you, Lina. I think you are beautiful. I almost blew my own mission. Especially under the moonlight. You made me forget what I was doing. Your willingness to allow me to do unspeakable things to your body helped,” he teased.

Selina decided to play coy as the taxi stopped in front of her building. “Let's see what happens under this month’s full moon.”

---

Selina and Nikolai on the fire escape outside her living room window. Selina a few beers in and a few steps above. Nikolai nursing a beer of his own while settled between her knees. His arm under her knee to snake around her calf. His fingers mindlessly stroked her ankle to the naked foot dangling in his lap.

They had fallen into a contented silence after nearly two hours of talking. Sharing stories in Russian and English. Nik’s curiosity about the photos and books and records she owned was endless. Selina had a hard time keeping up and answering as he flitted along from keepsake to keepsake.

Yes, that's Elton John. Somehow he and her parents were old friends. He dedicated “Your Song” to her parents every concert they went to. Selina could never figure out why.

The somehow dower, yet smiling man, with a giant cigar in his mouth that tossed Selina in the air while little Sunny hung from his back was her Godfather, Tom. He had been a CIA agent that now lived in a cabin with his beautiful French wife, Ella. That's where she had been staying up at Sway Lake. Yes he did always look like a lion with a thorn in his paw, but he was soft and kind and loving.

The Lady Godiva on the horse was her mother, Honey, back when she frequented Studio 54. Selina recalled her hair rivaled only Cher’s at that stage. Raven colored and long enough to hide her naked body (barely) as she sat side saddle on the white mare. Her head resting against the back of an equally nude man. Her one arm wrapped around his thin waist.

Nope, Nik was totally not imagining things. The man holding the reins did strongly resemble her brother and himself. That was HER papa, Leon. His hair in perfectly wild curls to his shoulders. His face full of confidence and sex.

The questions began to wear Selina down. No one had ever been this inquisitive or interested in her life. Her family. Her. The endless questions, punctuated by making out until their lips chapped, about her personally. Then, between an anecdote about Luther and rollerskating and tongues fighting for dominance they stopped.

Now Nikolai lifted Selina’s foot and kissed the top of it. Then his mouth made its way up her shin. When he reached her knee, Nik turned abruptly to face the woman behind him. He set the bottle down on the windowsill before kneeling on the stairs. He slid the hem of her dress up, fingers hooked into the fabric of her panties to tug them off. He kissed her inner thigh before letting his tongue trace painfully slow along her sex.

Selina could only grasp the railing. Her fingers curved around the cold metal and she cried out in pleasure as Nikolai slipped his tongue inside of her.

It slid in and out before eventually discovering her clit. His hands on her ass so that he could pull her onto his face. Encourage her to ride him as his tongue flicked in circles and then snaked in and out.

Selina started to lose herself. Her free hand tugged at Nik’s hair while her hips bucked and the spark grew. She twitched and cried out louder as his mouth and tongue worked faster. She opened her eyes to look down at the man keen to make her cum.

Almost as if he could feel her eyes on him, Nikolai looked up at Selina. She felt strange, shameless and used her own thumb to wipe away what was on his lips. She sucked on it briefly then grabbed Nik by the shirt towards her. Wanting for a kiss.

Selina revelled in the way she tasted on his lips and inside her own mouth. Like beer and bitterness. She had never done that before Nikolai and the lake. She wanted to do it again, and every time he went down on her. She wanted to put him in her mouth. To suck and lick and make him bend and writhe.

She could, she thought, now. Selina pushed Nik away at arms length meaning to have him sit on the stairs so she could give him head. Her fingers deft at the belt buckle and buttons on his pants. She laughed full of nerves as he fumbled, THE OVERCONFIDENT RUSSIAN FUMBLED!!

Nikolai fumbled with the buttons on his dress shirt before he finally came loose. He yanked his pants and boxers over his hips and held his cock in his hand. Nik parted her legs and started to push inside, but Selina held up her hands.

“What are you doing?”

“Do you not want me to have sex with you?” He was more shocked than angry.

Selina ran her hands over his chest and stomach then up around his neck. “I very much want to fuck you.” Nikolai huffed, but Selina continued, “I mean I've seen you naked and can't get over how fucking sexy you are.”

“Then what is wrong? Not here? Maybe this is not comfortable for you. We’ll go inside.” He stood and held out his hand.

“It's probably the same as fucking on a bunch of sticks and acorns.”

Nikolai sniffed again at the use of the word “fucking.” “Then what is wrong?”

Selina stood and climbed in through the windows. Her date followed. “There's an international health crisis. A incurable disease that passes mostly via sex and fluids?” she shouted from her room as she rummaged through drawers.

“Do you mean The..AIDS? Is that not for,” he chose his words carefully, “The gay men?”

Selina could tell Nik was more confused than anything. She heard this all the time at the clinic where she volunteered. “Or you could be bisexual or pansexual like my brothers. Contract it from a man and pass it to a female partner.”

She appeared in the living room now with a small foil package. “Or an IV drug user, also like my brother, and get it that way.”

Selina started to unwrap the condom without noticing that Nikolai was standing completely nude in her living room. “This is usually where most guys bail. They're not interested in protection or rubbers. Mostly just a pump and..” she looked up and paused in her tracks. She was distracted by his body and neck and eyes and jawline. “Christ on a cracker.”

“What?” he chuckled.

“Sorry! I know. I know. AIDS talk is a bummer. I get this close to just.. sitting on a dick and I panic? Everyone in my family got the sexual confidence memo but me.”

“Why are you panicking now? You did not freak out by Sway Lake.”

Nikolai couldn't help the teasing in his voice. He reached out for Selina to draw her close to his body. His knee inside of her thighs just like that night.

Now he unzipped and helped her out of the dress. “I think it's very sexy when you talk like a nurse. So smart and commanding.” His hands ran over her bare back and down to her ass as he brushed his nose along her neck up to her ear. He nipped at the lobe, “That can be very erotic putting a condom on.”

“Nik,” Selina could only squeak out. Her body involuntarily started to rock back and forth.

“It's Kolya. In Russian we use end of names,” he breathed in her ear. “Like your sister, Vanya. Little Ivan.”

“Ok,” Selina didn't want to hear about Vanya right now. Or Klaus. Or Diego. Instead she got down on her knees. The condom was still in her hand as she used the other to hold his erection towards her mouth.

“Lina, what are you doing?”

She looked up through her bangs, her tongue darted out to trace around the head of the cock. “Sucking your dick. What else does it look like?” She took it fully in her mouth, letting the tip hit the back of her throat.

“Fuck,” he mumbled in Russian. “Dorogoya, stop.”

Selina sat back with a popping sound, “Did I do it wrong? I'm like, the LEAST experienced person in this family.”

“You don't have to be an expert. A blow job is a blow job, we can practice another time. I want to be inside of you. And I have been very patient.”

Selina stood, but Nikolai lifted her completely off the ground. She wrapped her arms and legs around him as they stumbled towards the futon. Mouths and tongues at war as Nik sat her down on the cushions. Selina held eye contact as she expertly unrolled the condom down the length of his cock. She kissed his stomach as he noticeably shuddered.

Nikolai let his fingers caress Selina’s bottom lip before crawling on top of her. She still held his erection in her hand as he threw one of her legs over his shoulder. He held her bent knee to the side as she taunted him with her sex. Guiding it just inside before digging her nails into his ass so that he buried himself to the hilt.

Selina clawed at his back as Nik started to undulate. Over and over, further inside each time. Their bodies rocked wildly as Selina’s muscles started to shake from the position she was in. She clung to him desperately as he searched for her neck and chest with his lips.

Nikolai’s mouth devoured one of her breasts. He sucked and bit at Selina’s nipple. She cried out in shock at the sensation. The sound egged him on to go harder.

“So you like that too?” His voice raspy in her cleavage. His suckling and biting increased. She mewled in reply.

Selina was worried that it wasn't working. That she couldn't or wouldn't orgasm. Not like she did when he went down on her. How she hung from the cliff.

She WAS being pleasured. Nikolai was hitting the right spots, but she was so nervous about what she looked like under the lamplight. His rhythm and pounding, it was pounding, into her was unmatched. She cried out with exaggeration to indicate she had cum hoping he wouldn't notice.

“Fuck!” he cried out and propped himself up by the back of the futon.

Nik’s body arched while his hips made circular motion. He spasmed and shuddered as his body immediately went into shut down mode. His face covered in a sheen of sweat as he pressed his forehead into Selina’s neck then pecked it a few times.

“I.. am sorry, Lina.” There was disappointment in the Russian’s voice as he held the condom so he could pull out.

“For what?” Her arms and legs still enclosed around his back and hips.

“You did not.. cum,” Nik’s eyes searched the woman below him. “I should have tried better. I just was so turned on by you.” He swept the damp hair away from her forehead.

“You were fine! It was good. Really good. I got in my own head is all. Maybe next time?”

“You mean later tonight,” he winked then pecked the tip of her nose. “I won't leave until you are honestly screaming my name.” There were four dimples Selina counted in his smile.

“Then we’ll sleep on it first.”

----

Selina tip toed out to the kitchen both starved and thirsty. She thought about Nikolai's playful threat about not leaving until she got off and chuckled to herself. Then she peered around the wall to see him asleep on the futon. His mouth slightly agape and one hand under his cheek.

Would it be so bad with him around all the time? She thought as she cracked open a beer. To not be alone when she came home from a shift? How nice it would be to have conversations with someone not “related” in some form or another.

And Nikolai was interested in Selina. He still dodged questions about himself, answering straightforwardly with no details. She knew it was because he didn't trust her just yet. It wasn't like she didn't have secrets of her own, but the more open she COULD be, the more she knew Nik would reciprocate. It had to be lonely with only one confidante.

Selina turned around and jumped a mile in the air. “Motherfucker!”

Nikolai was casually leaning against the doorway watching her contemplate life and drinking a beer. “She IS very sexy,” he replied with a cheeky grin.

Selina rolled her eyes and walked towards her kitchen table to keep distance between herself and the Russian. As if she were daring him to chase her. Nik made her feel so contradictory. In control and submissive. Safe yet dangerous. Lustful.

There was no opposite to that, she realized. The light from her small kitchen window illuminated the lines and definition of his chest and shoulders. The collarbone that met in the middle and moved up into his thick neck with its Adam's Apple bobbing along as he swallowed. A sharp intake of breath before he clenched his jaw.

Selina’s heart pumped into her ears as he casually reached across the table for her, but she ducked out of the way. His eyebrows knit together in confusion as they danced around for only a few moments until she allowed him to grab her by the elbow. Her world stood still as he took her in his arms, back to his chest.

“I have been thinking, rypka, about our little challenge,” Nikolai settled one hand on her breast which he massaged lightly paying close attention to her nipple. His mouth somewhere behind her ear as his other hand dropped to her sex.

A finger found its way inside of Selina and she lost the air in her lungs. It curved and hooked before making a lazy swirl around her clit. “Already?” was all she managed. Her nails closed around his wrist and urged him on.

“I would like to try a different way of having sex with you. I just don't want you to be offended.”

Nik let go of Selina and placed her arms on the tabletop. He spread her hands out; bent her forward so that her top half was pressed into the wood surface. Then he grabbed her hips so that her ass was flush with his hardened cock.

“No anal,” she moaned. “Wear a condom,” another instruction. “Bathroom shelf.” She grazed against him.

“If you insist,” Nikolai replied in Russian. “I will obey.”

There was a playful slap on Selina’s ass, and she felt herself swell and throb. A first time for everything. If she enjoyed it, wet from the sting of being struck, it was.. genetic.

Her brothers, father, even Honey mentioned the occasional pain got them going. Klaus and Sunny with varying degrees of punishment. She knew from eavesdropping or snooping that her parents preferred it light: spanking or hair pulling. Maybe she did as well. Too vanilla to ask. Inexperienced to what she wanted from a partner.

“Do it again?” Selina tried not to sound desperate as Nikolai tore into the condom wrapper. She almost presented herself to him as she felt the smooth surface on her cheek.

“What?” he was distracted. There was a strange snap of latex as he adjusted it. Then taunted Selina with the head of his cock. He rubbed it along her slit, marveling at how easy it was to slide in.

“Hitting me?” she asked timidly.

“Why would I hit you?” Nikolai was offended. His hand flat on Selina's back as it traveled to her neck and hair. His fingers combed and intertwined with her dark waves then lightly tugged.

Selina braced herself as he lost himself up to the hilt. Nikolai's pelvis met her ass and pulled out to just the tip. He repeated this until he gained friction. Her head and hips were his anchor so he could thrust quicker. Their bodies make a clapping noise.

“My ass. Like you did. Hit it.” She was willing to try anything. Wanted to cum for him. She knew she could, she did it alone all the time.

“Really?” Nik was surprised. His pace was even faster and the table started to creak under the motion. “Did you like it then?” His hand cracked her flesh but only slightly harder than before.

Selina cried out. Her sex ached and was swollen. Nikolai did it one more time, but she could tell it wasn't really his thing. Sensed that it bothered him to be serious about erotic corporal punishment. Playing was different. His hand did tighten in her hair to bend her head back.

“I don't know,” was all he mumbled in Russian.

The hand that spanked Selina now encompassed her own on the table. He bent to kiss her shoulder as he found his breakneck rhythm.

“Then just go harder,” Selina found her voice now. She relaxed and allowed her body to take how deeply he penetrated her. His cock at that angle hitting a spot she found mythical.

Nikolai railed into Selina. The table and their bodies shook almost violently as he pounded into her. His shaft lost until she felt a pressure in her womb. He stood straight and clutched at the thick of her hips. Her curves she inherited from her mother. They cushioned her as his body and cock pleased her. That spark and wave rolled over Selina like on the couch.

They weren't quiet. Both forgetting about neighbors as Selina mewled and screamed out. Nikolai growled and uttered obscenities in his first language. They were certain this would be it, that Selina would orgasm and Nik would feel satisfied that he could please her.

Instead, his body violently shuddered as he exploded inside the condom. His muscles and adrenaline gave way to Nik almost collapsing on top of Selina. He faltered prior to catching her up in his arms again. He held her and whispered apologies to her as they kissed.

“Kolya,” she whispered back. “It's fine. I was really close. We have other times to experiment.” Selina swept his damp curls back.

Nikolai leaned into her hand, “You want to keep being with me?”

“That's what dating is,” she laughed under her breath. “I like being with you. I wanna know more about YOU though. Come on,” Selina took his hand. “Let's actually go to bed and talk.”

---

Selina reached blindly for Nikolai after her alarm went off. Sitting up, she slammed the clock and turned to see an empty space on the side of the bed he had fallen asleep on.

She knew he wasn't obligated to be there when she woke up. This time waking up alone left a weird knot in her stomach.

“Fuck,” she tossed herself back and threw a pillow over her head to scream. Her arms and legs failed around like a toddler throwing a fit.

How long was enough before she called him? Would he just disappear now? Klaus called it, funnily enough, ghosting. Why did everything Nik say tread a weird line between romantic and calculating? And why did Selina want him to keep saying things, anything at all, to her?

How does someone know they're falling in love? How did Honey and Leon? Klaus and Dave. Allison and Ray. Diego and Patch or Lila. Vanya and Sissy. Uncle Tom and Aunt Ella. Poor Luther.

Selina’s family had a knack for impulsive behavior when it came to attraction. Her mom moved to a foreign country with a man she had slept with for money. Klaus fought in Vietnam for a closeted man that kissed him once. Sunny went home with, to Selina’s chagrin, anyone who showered him with the simplest of affection. And Selina had laid down and spread her legs for a Russian committing arson.

“Lina you are awake?” Nikolai asked from the other room.

She threw a bathrobe on and wandered into the kitchen. “You came back.”

Nik was reaching above her tiny sink for coffee mugs and plates. “Did you not want me to?”

He set the dishes out and opened a box to pull out some pastries and bagels. Then poured coffee and handed Selina the cup.

“I wasn’t sure what you liked,” he offered her the plate. “Greek, Italian and Russian,” a satisfied grin flashed across his face.

“Well that was kind of you,” she smiled back and helped herself to a cannoli and Russian tea cookie. “Yes, I wanted you to come back. I think I kinda always do?” she questioned her own intentions with a mouthful of pastry.

Nik leaned over and kissed Selina. His tongue darted out to taste the sweet ricotta filling on her lips; she reciprocated. Her own slipping to the back of his mouth to catch him off guard. Nik steadied himself on her hips.

There was a muddled sound of pleasure when Selina’s fingers unbuttoned Nikolai’s shirt in expert time. Their mouths never separated as she went to work on his belt and pants as he struggled to take his boots off.

“This was not my plan for this morning,” Nik breathed heavily in Russian.

“I'm just really interested in us reaching that goal,” Selina helped him out of his clothes.

Kissing again, they could feel their lips start to chap already as Selina began backing Nik into her room until he hit the foot of her bed. As he leaned back, she climbed on his lap. Her hands seized his cock and settled it in the folds of her sex. Selina rolled her hips.

“What are you doing!?” Nikolai could only cry out. Astonished by the lack of a condom.

“I'm sick of being the safe one,” she raised up on her knees so that she was above him. Her hands on his face and neck as she snaked her tongue to the back of his teeth again.

Selina shoved him back on the bed and threw off her robe. She straddled Nikolai like a woman possessed, took his hands and placed them on her breasts as she rode him. Still not penetrated.

Nik lost himself for a moment. He massaged the breasts. One hand teased a nipple, pinched it, before sitting up to devour it. Selina held him to her chest, clung to the hair on the back of his head and pulled in her excitement. Her fingers found the gnarly scar and she rocked harder on his lap.

“I want you to fuck me until I cum.”

Nikolai looked up and held her back, “It is not fucking at this point. Not for me, Lina. Also you must not compromise your principles for anyone. I do not want this for you.”

Selina groaned with exasperation. Her walls were swollen and slick and wanting. “It's not a compromise, Nik. Everyone jumps in my family and trusts they’ll fly while I stand on the cliff pacing back and forth.”

He blinked, mouth just slightly agape. That face. Selina knew that face. She loved that face. She loved this face. “Lina, you are extraordinary. You don't need to have a big life just yet. It will happen.”

“Kolya,” her words softer now as she relaxed, “I love you.”

“Do you?!” a dopey grin spread across Nikolai's face. “It is the same for me I think? I've never done this, you know. “That I love you.”

He kissed Selina before turning under her to rummage around the nightstand drawer. “Now we will go back to the way you prefer? If I need to I will get..” he stopped and held something aloft. Now his smile and dimples were devilish.

He studied it before making it buzz with a push of a button. “Pocket Rocket?! Lina, are you secretly naughty?" he giggled.

"I don't think it's a secret to you anymore,” she reached for it. Her cheeks turned red.

"Who do you fantasize about when you use it?" Nikolai held it to Selina’s breasts. He watched with fascination as her nipples hardened. He let it travel over her stomach and back up.

Selina moaned and twisted. "You're just trying to get me to say you, but I've had it since I turned twenty. So mostly you know.. Keanu Reeves..”

“But not me?" his eyebrow cocked. Nikolai traced the vibrator along her hips and over her pelvic bone.

"Once in a while,” her words came out breathless.

"As a Russian, I'm already superior at using it because rocket?” he waggled his brows now. “We can now? With you on top?”

The toy found her slit and slid inside easily. It buzzed and made the air rush out of Selina’s lungs. She dug her nails into Nikolai's chest while he started to use the vibrator to have sex with her. Found a pattern of in and out while she bucked and writhed.

Selina reached back to anchor herself on one of Nik’s thighs. It allowed him better access to her clit. He Marveled at the way she agonized under his hand as it manipulated her. His free hand on her ass to coax her faster as SHE undulated now as he had done on the couch. Her hips danced separately from her upper half.

Nikolai rolled Selina on her back all of a sudden. Her hair hung off the bed as he propped up on an elbow. He worked the vibrator in circles. In and out of her slick walls before going after the clit.

Selina got tangled up in the sheets as she felt a warmth spread from her stomach to her sex. Her thighs started to tighten around Nik's hand as she thrust her hips off the bed. Eyes clamped shut as the first wave washed over her body. Neck exposed for him to suck and bite which urged another orgasm to burn through her.

Nikolai was stunned by her silence. Selina’s mouth opened in a silent cry as she came a third time in succession. This last time she managed a strangled scream of his name which he swallowed with a kiss.

A shiver ran through Selina while she relaxed. Her fingers traced patterns along Nikolai's bicep as her eyes closed. Cumming was like a sedative. Nikolai cupping her face and drawing it to his for a lazy kiss was a sedative. The rain she had no idea was pouring in buckets outside her window was also a sedative.

The vibrator continued buzzing until it didn't. The room grew quiet save for the breaths that came from Nik’s nose. Still heavy with his still hardened bulge pressed into Selina’s hip. There was no move to get on top of her. To have sex with her so he, too, could cum. She started to idly jerk him off.

“Lina stop,” he gently took her hand. “This was about you, not me. It'll go away eventually. Like I will,” he said that last bit with a challenge in his voice.

Selina curled on her side towards Nikolai. “Or maybe don't go?”

“Ty khochesh', chtoby ya ostalsya?” You want me to stay?

“Po krayney mere, yeshche odno polnoluniye.”

At least one more full moon.

Tag list: @elliethesuperfruitlover @super-unpredictable98 @messengeronthemoon @nightmonsters @070188 @rob-private @firstpersonnarrator @ghouls-buddy @frogs--are--bitches @maerenee930 @duck-noises @bwritesstuff @sylvertyger @a-ghoulish-tale @icecoffeegirl @iamsexytrash @clumsyramen @falloutby @inspiremeandsetmefree @philodenmonstera @seancekitsch @the-freckled-luba @violetrainbow412-blog

#robert sheehan #robert sheehan character fic #robert sheehan imagine #nikolai x selina #song of sway lake fic #robert sheehan smut #moonbrella lake

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sims-half-crazy · 3 years ago

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Reminiscing about The Sims

😁share how you discovered the sims franchise & the very first sims game you played (e.g. ts2)

Thanks to @sasaofastora for the tag!

Oh gosh.....It was just after high school and I remember having the original Sims game, but I never got any of the expansion packs or anything. It was kind of like digital barbies and I did get bored with it. When Sims 2 came out, I played a little but built a lot. I was hooked. I remember after moving in with my now-husband that we'd both play all night on our respective computers with whatever game he was playing, but I was building houses.

There was a lull in between TS2 and 3 for me though because we moved and I was pregnant with our 2nd child, and I didn't really get into TS3 until 2010. I built so many houses in TS3 - I loved manipulating the terrain to build multi-level homes. I miss the burglar.

I was hesitant to buy TS4 when it came out. I liked TS3 and I liked the mods and cc I had acquired, but it was shiny and new so in the end I ended up purchasing it and I never looked back. Of course, by the time 4 came out we had had our last child and the dynamic of how I was playing had changed and while I still enoy building houses and the like, I've gotten more into gameplay and challenges. I don't know that I'd enjoy just playing the sims without the challenges. The next challenge for me will be to actually complete a challenge. 🤣

COVID really brought me into the simblr community and while I mostly still lurk and stay on the fringe, I do really enjoy the escape that it offers after a long day at work or just when I need an escape. It's nice that the whole family has video game days, and because my office set up is currently in our living room I can still be part of the group, because my husband or one of the kids or all the kids are piled onto the couches in the family room all playing the PS5 or their Nintendos. I hope that when I'm 50 (in ten short years 😬) that I'll still be playing sims and building.

If you made it throught all that, thank you and it took more thought than I realized. Also realized just how long this game has been part of my history, kind of neat. I'll tag @eggysimblr and @moon-simmers

#ts1 #ts2 #simblr

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padawanlost · 5 years ago

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Hi, I really enjoy your blog and your insights into the prequels. If you have time, could you explain a bit more about how the clone army was commissioned. I've watched the prequel movies and Clone Wars several times, but I'm still a little confused. The Kaminoans say Sifo-Dyas commissioned the clone army. Jango says he was hired by Tyranus (Dooku) and has never heard of Sifo-Dyas. And Obi-Wan thinks Sifo-Dyas was already dead when the army was commissioned. So what is the deal with Sifo-Dyas?

Sure, I tried to make a timeline. Maybe it’ll help see things a little more clearly :)

Before 52 BBY: Jedi Master Sifo-Dyas becomes close friends with Jedi Master Dooku.

52 BBY: Sifo-Dyas, along with Dooku and his apprentice Qui-Gon Jinn, attend a meeting where they meet Magister Hego Damask (Darth Plagueis). He and Hego discuss their worries about the future of the Republic. At some point during their talks, Plagueis suggest the need for a military force to keep the peace but Sifo-Dyas rejects the idea.

“Lest you’re thinking of investing in military enterprises, Magister, I can assure you that the Republic will not reverse its stance on demilitarization.” His words were forceful, but lacked certainty. “The Ruusan Reformations will not be repealed.” Plagueis showed the palms of his hands. “And I can assure you, Master Jedi, that my questions were in no means motivated by thoughts of profit. We—that is, I—don’t wish to see the Republic caught off guard. For now I’ll place my faith in the Jedi, and in the belief that an army could be raised if necessary.” Sifo-Dyas’s gaze faltered. “Out of thin air? Unlikely, Magister.” “Grown, then.” “Manufactured, you mean.” “No, I was being literal,” Plagueis said. “But I know of only one group that might be up to the task. The group who grew laborers to work the mines of Subterrel.” [James Luceno. Darth Plagueis]

52 BBY to 32 BBY: Over the next 20 years as Dooku’s concerns for the Orde rand the Republic grew, so did Sifo-Dyas own worries. Like Dooku, he also tried to warn the Council about the approaching darkness but they didn’t listen to him. At some point he was invited to join the Jedi Council but his seat was removed after he considered too extreme for them.

“Prior to the blockade of Naboo, Sifo-Dyas sat on this Council until we judged his ideas to be too extreme. Indeed, he said he foresaw a great conflict and that the Republic would need to raise an army. At the time, the Council rejected those ideas.’ – TCW 06x10

During this period, Sifo-Dyas and Dooku meet Senato Sheev Palpatine from Naboo. After this, Dooku and Palpatine become friends, having many conversations about politics and the Jedi.

“By right of birth. My family is agreeable. Now it’s simply a matter of informing the High Council.” “Has anyone ever left the Order?” “Nineteen before me.” “Have you shared your discontent with any of them?” “Only Master Sifo-Dyas.” “Of course.” Dooku looked up. “He worries that I’m going to do something rash.” “Leaving the Order isn’t rash enough?” “He fears that I will denounce the Council openly, and reveal how divided its members are about answering to the Senate.” He looked Palpatine in the eye. “I’ve half a mind to join your cause.” [James Luceno. Darth Plagueis]

32 BBY (right before the events of The Phantom Menace): Sifo-Dyas once again meets Magister Hego Damask, but this time he’s interested and willing to listen to what he has to say:

“You said that you have some vague recall of our conversation on Serenno. Do you remember my mentioning a group of gifted cloners?” “I’m sorry, I do not.” “They are native to an extragalactic world called Kamino. I have on occasion done business with them on behalf of clients who desire cloned creatures, or require cloned laborers capable of working in harsh environments.” The Jedi shook his head in uncertainty. “What does this have to do with anything?” “I believe that the Kaminoans could be induced to grow and train a cloned army.” Sifo-Dyas took a long moment to reply. “You said yourself that the Republic would never sanction an army.” “The Republic needn’t know,” Damask said cautiously. “Neither would the Jedi Order have to know. It would be an army that might never have to be used, and yet be available in reserve should need ever arise.” “Who in their right mind would fund an army that might never be used?” “I would,” Damask said. “Along with some of my associates in the Banking Clan—and in conjunction with contacts in Rothana Heavy Engineering, which would supply the ships, armaments, and other matériel.” Sifo-Dyas fixed him with a look. “Come to the point, Magister.” “The Kaminoans will not create an army for me, but they would do so for the Jedi Order. They have been fascinated by the Jedi for millennia.” Sifo-Dyas’s dark brown eyes widened. “You’re not proposing cloning Jedi—” “No. I have been assured that such a thing is impossible, in any case. But I have also been assured that a human army a million strong could be ready for deployment in as few as ten years.” “You’re suggesting that I circumvent the High Council.” “I suppose I am. The Kaminoans need only a modest down payment, which I could provide to you through untraceable accounts I maintain in Outer Rim banks.” Again, the Jedi remained silent for a long moment. “I need time to consider this.” “Of course you do,” Damask said. “And when you’ve reached a decision, you can contact me at my residence downside.” [James Luceno. Darth Plagueis]

32 BBY: Qui-Gon Jinn dies and Master Dooku leaves the Jedi Order 32 BBY: Sifo-Dyas places the order on Kamino;

Obi-Wan turned to face Yoda. “Master, did Sifo-Dyas order the clone army?” Yoda nodded. “Contacted the Kaminoans, he did.” “Without your knowledge?” “Without it, yes. But exists, a record of his initial contact.” [Labyrinth of Evil. James Luceno]

“And Master Sifo-Dyas?” Dooku frowned. “He knew that my leaving was simply a matter of time. Although he did say something I found to be rather curious. He said that if I had any designs on instigating dissent, he would be one step ahead of me.” [James Luceno. Darth Plagueis]

32 BBY: Palpatine kills Plagueis and takes Dooku as his new apprentice. Some time after that, Palpatine tells Dooku about the clone army, so he kills Sifo-Dias. After, he finds Jango Fett – whom he had fountgh in the battle of Galidraan – and convinces to become the template for the clone army.

One of your former confidants at the Jedi Temple has perceived the coming change, Sidious had told him. This one has contacted a group of cloners, regarding the creation of an army for the Republic. The order for the army can stand, for we will be able to make use of that army someday. But Master Sifo-Dyas cannot stand, for the Jedi cannot learn about the army until we are prepared to have them learn of it. And so with the murder of Sifo-Dyas, Dooku had embraced the dark side fully, and Sidious had conferred on him the title Darth Tyranus. His final act before leaving the Jedi Order was to erase all mentions of Kamino from the Jedi archives. Then, as Tyranus, he had found Fett on Bogg 4; had instructed the Mandalorian to deliver himself to Kamino; and had arranged for payments to be made to the cloners through circuitous routes … Ten years passed. Under its new Supreme Chancellor, the Republic recovered somewhat, then grew more corrupt and beset with problems than before. As best they could, Sidious and Tyranus helped things along. Sidious had the ability to see deep into the future, but there was always the unexpected. With the power of the dark side, however, came flexibility. Having traced Fett to Kamino, Obi-Wan Kenobi had turned up on Geonosis. All at once, here was Qui-Gon Jinn’s former Padawan, right under Dooku’s nose. But when he had informed Sidious of Obi-Wan’s presence, Sidious had only said, Allow events to play out, Darth Tyranus. For our plans are unfolding exactly as I have foreseen. The Force is very much with us.

22 BBY: Obi-wan Kenobi discovers Kamino and the Clone Army. The kaminoans have no idea Sifo-Dyas had been dead for 10 years or that he had nothing to do with choosing Jango Fett as the template.

In conclusion, the Sith manipulated a Jedi Master into creating an army for them to destroy the Jedi.

#ask #droidrightsbill #gffa politics #jedi politics #sw meta #worldbuilding #clone troopers #meta: clones #sifo dyas #count dooku #darth plagueis #meta: dooku #meta: plagueis #meta: palpatine #txt #palpatine

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theyilinglaozus · 4 years ago

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I'm definitely joining you in the XXC/SL bubble haha. The cultivator event was so much fun!! I'm really going to miss it as well! And I've yet to listen to Blackpink's album, been putting this off for too long😂 Vinyls are so great!! My dad has a vinyl player and lots of old (80s/90s) vinyls and to me, listening to them is just comfort, comfort, comfort! I've actually given him some of my favourite albums on vinyl, too, but mostly I listen to his W.A.S.P./Warlock/Steeler/Accept etc. stuff -✨

Even though my top Spotify band of 2020 was one of my oldest favourites, I've discovered so much new stuff this year! My favourite releases (albums) would have to be HUMAN:||:NATURE by Nightwish, Folkesange by Myrkur and folklore by Taylor Swift. As for songs, I really loved Endlessness by Nightwish, Abyss of Time - Countdown to Singularity by Epica, exile by Taylor Swift, God's Menu by Stray Kids and Zombie by Day6. There are lots more of course, but those are the top ones! -✨

As for books, I actually only just got a little spark for reading back, too, I really didn't read a lot this year unfortunately. My top 3 books I read were The Night Circus by Erin Morgenstern, Steppenwolf by Hermann Hesse (compulsory school lecture) and The Child's First Life by Jun Cai, which I actually haven't even finished but oh well. I aspire to read a lot more (and MDZS) next year, though! -✨

Now that the year is almost over, I'd like to ask you to list the good things that happened! It's been quite the tough year but still (or maybe especially because of that) it makes me very happy to find out more about the good things that happened to others! -✨

There’s just something so cosy about listening to music playing on a record player, isn’t there? 🥰 My Mum’s always been a huge music lover, so she has a rather large collection of vinyl’s she brought when she was younger. She likes to listen to some of the vinyl’s I have too, especially since it means she’s found a few new singers she likes like Florence Welch and Lana Del Rey. My Dad mostly likes listening to movie soundtracks he has through them, which is always super nice! 💕

Reading this year has just felt so difficult to do, hasn’t it? 😫 Here’s hoping 2021 will be better for kicking us out of our reading slumps! I have the Night Circus in my too read pile as well, so I must get to that at some point! I also have the authors newer book too, The Starless Sea. I’m a little anxious to start it though since I’m not sure if I’ll like it or not since reviews for it seemed a little mixed, but I’ll never know if I don’t try it 😊

Oh gosh, that’s a really good question CC! Lemme see ...

After a tough 2019, sticking to my 2020 promise to myself and trying to focus more on my own happiness rather than constantly pleasing others helped a lot with my mental health. It wasn’t easy, but it was necessary to do and even though this year has been tough and isolating in general for everyone I’ve felt a lot better in myself knowing I’m not going to let certain things bother me anymore.

In a weird way, I feel like I’ve connected more with some of my friends this year despite seeing so little of them? Whether that’s down to reaching out and communicating through other ways or not, it’s been really nice! 😊 I kinda feel that things like all the lockdowns have also had this weird way of strengthening some connections just through how creative we’ve all had to get with keeping in touch with our friends and loved ones, and although I miss the friends and family I can’t see like I usually do, at least we’ve kept in contact!

This one’s going to sound a bit mushy - but finding a real comfort in a fandom circle again. I’ve been on tumblr for a little over ten years now, and I’ve never really felt like I’ve been a part of a fandom, despite having been involved in a number of other fandoms. The Untamed / MDZS fandom has honestly and truly been the loveliest, most inviting fandom, and I absolutely love how connected it feels. Being a part of it has given me the confidence to take part in fandom events and wanting to return to making graphics properly for the first time in years, and I now find it really relaxing to return to. The community built here is honestly so lovely, and I’m so glad I get to be a part of it 💖

Finding the Untamed, and it reigniting so many of my old loves. A love of creating content, a pull out of a long writing slump, a return to loving dramas after so long. It’s a story I know I’m going to be thankful for for a long time, because it’s just brought me so much happiness in a year that’s just been difficult for everyone. It’s given me the drive once again to explore and learn more about Chinese traditions and cultures, so much so that it sparked me buying other novels that I’m eager to enjoy.

Some of the video games I’ve played have honestly been little pockets of happiness throughout the year. I got to fall in love with Final Fantasy VII all over again through remake, which is honestly such a dream in and of itself as I never thought we’d see such a stunning game get to shine with a remake. Animal Crossing has been a godsend, and I’m so thankful for it being there as both a relaxing escape and a way to keep in contact and connect with others. I have friends at work that play it now, and it’s brought us so much closer! Games like Ghost of Tsushima and Jedi: Fallen Order reminded me why I love single player games as much as I do, and despite the disappointments of some titles I was looking forward to, I’m really happy I got to find new (and old!) favourites through what I got to play this year.

Seeing a childhood favourite character return into the Star Wars universe. Again, it sounds sappy, but it can mean a lot to see a character you’ve grown up with and loved so much finally come back in a way that revives that little child in you for a few moments 🥺

And finally, all the lovely new friends I’ve had the pleasure to make this year. The lovely people I’ve been able to speak to through this little fandom, the older friends from before Tumblr days that I’ve been able to speak with more due to our timezones finally matching somewhat in these crazy times.

Thank you, CC, for being such a bright spark throughout my December ☀️ It has honestly been such a joy speaking and getting to know you throughout this month. You’ve asked such incredibly interesting questions, really made me think about things in MDZS in a way I haven’t before and might not have done so otherwise, and you’ve made me laugh and smile along the way. If you’d like to keep in contact after reveal still, I’d be more than happy to! 💖 I wish you a very happy New Year, and I hope 2021 treats you and your loved ones well!

#replies #anonymous #classified cultivator ✨#mdzsnetcc

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gracie-p8-officialblog · 5 years ago

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Defending Raoul, the Vicomte de Chagny

Ah oxymorons, one of my favourite literary devices... If you don't know what an oxymoron is, let me enlighten you: it's a phrase that contradicts itself (kinda like verbal irony), like "jumbo shrimp", "chilled hot chocolate," "clearly confused" or "defending Raoul, the Vicomte de Chagny".

Because, you know, Raoul doesn't need much defending. Seriously. If there's going to be any defending going on here, Raoul's the one who does the defending for most of the play (up until Final Lair where the roles are reversed and Christine is now the one who does the defending but more on that later.) Are we clear on that? Good.

And it has come to my attention that Raoul has got a lot of flak from phans for various reasons. And in this post, I'm going to refute the stupidest Raoul bashing arguments.

Also, we're not counting Love Never Dies because I think it's just an alternate universe and that it ruined Raoul's character for the sake of that fanfiction.

It is a truth universally acknowledged (or at least in the wee Raoul Defense Squad Circle) that Raoul is one of the greatest and most underrated boyfriends to ever exist in musical theatre. There seem to be two kinds of people in this world: those who appreciate Phantom of the Opera, and those who don't know what they're missing. The ones who appreciate Raoul as the hero, prince charming and cinnamon roll he is, and then there's the other camp. The ones who villainize Raoul and think he is nothing but a stupid, wimpy, abusive fop who crushed the Phantom (aka. Erik's) dreams and never truly loved Christine. They seem to be laboured under the mistaken delusion that Raoul is a cowardly pretty boy who is pretty much Gaston 2.0. (Technically, there's a third group: those who know nothing about Phantom of the Opera (POTO) but we can only hope that they will come out from under their rocks as soon as possible)

In case if you couldn't tell, I'm Team Raoul. And the bashing he recieves is unfair tbh. This is where I will appreciate and explain why I love him.

First of all, I'd like to combat the theory that he is boring. Ladies, puh-leeze. He's much more relatable than you admit and that we all have a little bit of Raoul in us. Failure to see things staring us in the face, saying or doing the wrong thing at the wrong time, having a 'see it to believe it' attitude when we have little-to-no evidence on something... yeah, don't pretend you don't see a trend. Raoul is relatable whether we want him to be or not.

And just because Raoul has boy-band hair and dresses well, that doesn't make someone a fop. He's a navy man and a nobleman so he is expected to look nice. But Erik is the one who takes it to the extreme. I mean, c'mon, a fedora?

I also noticed that when he asked Christine out for dinner after reuniting with her ruffled the feathers of many phans. What right has Raoul to fall in love with Christine? What does he need from her? He only fell in love with her for her voice and beauty! And he only noticed her when she was in Hannibal! Can't he just go get someone else?

News flash people. It's been YEARS since Raoul last saw Christine. And they were kids when they last saw each other, along with the fact that he travelled in order to train as a navy man! So it's understandable on why he got excited to see Christine again after so long. Plus, his love for her is more than just her voice and beauty. Sure, they have mutual memories and he likes the way she sings, and he likes how beautiful she is. But there's nothing wrong with thinking of how beautiful a girl is AND how beautiful is her voice (within reason).

I admit, Raoul and Christine's relationship at first struck me as being sappy and overdone. You must know that I was only nine or ten when I first discovered POTO, and so excuses must be made. By the time I listened to it again at fourteen, I was completely won over. Raoul fell in love with her because she was a nice, beautiful person (both on the inside and out) and they knew each other since they were kids! His love is genuine AND stable for Christine. He represents everything she needs- stability, protection, a guiding hand and affirmed affection. She represents everything he needs, in turn, someone to show affection to and the woman he has loved since childhood. Plus, he was brave enough to ask Christine to marry him despite their class differences, risking that his family might disown him for being married to someone inferior to his rank. It just shows how strong his love for her is.

And now, let's get this point clear, I believe the claim that he was gaslighting Christine is bogus. He's been raised as someone who doesn't believe in the supernatural and 'phantom' literally means 'ghost'. But here’s the kicker. He doesn’t leave. Like, no matter how much he doubts her love of what she says, he still loves her and stays with her. And there’s absolutely nothing wrong with him thinking Christine is a little delusional with all the Phantom stuff. None of it added up to him, and it all seemed illogical. Its natural for any human being to not believe those kinds of things, so stop using that to make him look bad. Plus, if he said something like "Oh Christine, you're SO stupid!" and laughed at her about it, phans could definitely have a valid reason to hate him. But he doesn't do that! Instead, he tries to find the Phantom's voice calling out to her and when he saw nothing, he began to comfort her and was like" There, there, shh... Don't worry... Everything's gonna be alright. I'll help you make all the bad things go away." And due to dramatic irony, he has little-to-no evidence to prove the Phantom's existence compared to the audience who saw it all!

If you still aren't convinced, then listen very closely to what I'm about to say: Here's some 'Raoul's I highly recommend to look up before y'all hate on him.

I highly recommend John Cudia, Michael Shawn Lewis, Jordan Donica and Patrick Wilson who play VERY princely and adorable Raouls. Trust me, their Raouls are IMPOSSIBLE to hate!

One last point before I wrap this up: The only reason Raoul asked her to agree to be the lead is because he realized that if Christine does that, the Phantom would be there. And he knows it's their chance to get rid of this elusive Opera Ghost. And the only reason Christine doesn't want to is because she is afraid of what the Phantom will do. Now this annoys many Raoul-haters and call me a broken cassette tape but... Even though I agree it was a teensy bit callous of him to persuade Christine into performing her stalker's opera, Raoul hoped it would catch the Phantom, and he was willing to do it to get protect Christine from the Phantom in the future. Was his plan risky? Probably. Did he honestly think Christine would be in danger? No! He was going to get all the cops to come and protect her. How was he supposed to know the Phantom had other plans? Plus, running away is a big no-no for Raoul. Because as shown in "Why Have You Brought Me Here/Raoul, I've Been There" and "Wandering Child", whenever and wherever they run to, the Phantom ALWAYS finds them! Therefore, to his naive, young mind, he believed that doing Don Juan Triumphant would stop the Phantom from doing more harm to Christine and the opera house. So stop using this to vilify him!

I should like to also take this time, while I still have your attention (you are paying attention, right? Right? Hey! Wake up!) to point out some other important events that showed Raoul's character and bravery; namely, him fighting his way through the French sewer system (aka. The yuckiest parts of France) to save Christine, he didn't keep his hand to the level of his eyes to comfort a terrified Christine, he dodged some fireballs thrown at him in the graveyard just so he could protect Christine AND last but not least, he nearly died for Christine in order to save her from Stockholm syndrome/an abusive relationship!

In short: Raoul de Chagny is a knight in shining armour who loves Christine more than his own life. He stands by her, fights for her, comforts her AND was willing to sacrifice everything for her! And how the audience writes him off as an one-dimensional bad guy who does not love Christine, I will never know why. Are you convinced yet? If not... *hands list of what are the differences between a healthy and unhealty relationship* Yours, I believe.

#raoul de chagny #Raoul defense squad #phantom of the opera #POTO #just some tea #Defending Raoul de Chagny #no raoul bashing or you get a timeout #spilling tea

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