#i've been losing my mind and having shit hit the fan since the start of june and it just keeps fucking coming

[alo-piss-trancy]

If I could have one fucking week that doesn't involve a new crisis every other day so I could breathe for once, that would be nice

[pruneunfair]

My feelings on: part 8, Tears on a withered flower: the most annoying fandom to date so far.

I ask if this one was really that great since I've been seeing it all over the place on tiktok and Instagram and reading it myself, I can see why it would garner an audience because it's another "working woman finds a better man after her loser ex cheats on her with a stupid damsel girl" type story. It's kinda good but in my opinion: it's not THAT good but there is only 23 chapters I read so far so I'll let it marinate before I actually start going after it for the plot.

What I really wanna talk about is the fanbase of tears on a withered flower because while the manhwa community does have a problem with internalized misogyny this specific fanbase takes the cake.

I don't like saying the term "glazing" but it's the only way to accurately describe the way they treat the FL Na Haesoo because they are absolutely feral. First off, I've seen them lose their shit over other fans simply saying "I think that this female character has a prettier design then Hae soo." And these stans reply with the most immature and even down right laughable comebacks. I took some screenshot of a tears of the wither flower slide show to give you an idea.

"Hae soon is the main character for a reason."

Who's gonna tell them that protagonists can be written poorly?

Trust me, I'm sure no one's jealous of a fictional character.

Okay the context basically was that Hae soos coworker was just being real with her based on what she knows about Hae soos life and apparently fans took that as her being jealous and when people who actually read the god damn plot and use their critical thinking to point this out, the stans basically go "nuh uh" and continue to scream even louder. Personally when I read that chapter i took it as brutal honesty, from her perspective Tae Ha was hitting on a married woman and the two barely knew eachother. A little harsh but she's not jealous of Hae soo 😭 like we barely know this girl!

I think the most complained about aspect of tears on a withered flower is the anatomy, specifically the anatomy of all the characters your supposed to really like/care about.

I don't mind that Hae Soo is built like that cause while her anatomy definitely is unrealistic it's also a cartoon comic and cartoons have lots of bizarre forms of anatomy that don't always need to be accurate. With that said I don't find it a coincidence that the FL who is the most fleshed out and only grown woman who isn't meant to be disliked or made fun of is a tsunade cup sized babe with big thighs, a tiny waist, a nice butt, and a baby face.

Yeah I'll say it: Hae soo is another example of authors wanting to make a non conventionally attractive woman since she's supposed to be older (like 33) who is also overworked so she doesn't take care of herself but in the end they didn't have the balls to actually go through with it so they not only gave Hae soo an amazing figure and hair but they also gave her a clear face, tiny lips and barely noticeable eye bags which I still can't tell if they're even eye bags or just her eyelashes.

When anyone even dares to point out that Hae Soo's design is weirdly propionate compared to the other female characters you get hid with the "Your just jealous that you can't have a man like Tae Ha!!"

look i don't mind disproportionate anatomy in cartoon comics but if you give me character designs with more accurate proportions, I'm going to choose the latter for prettier looking designs.

Another thing about this manhwa was the dialog. I like it at times because it can be so poetic.. and then they just throw in some comically evil sentences for the villains that most sane people would not make the public aware of in a modern day setting. It's not something that really annoys me I just thought it was fun to laugh at every now and again while reading.

conclusion: I think the best way to describe tears on a withered flowers fanbase is kinda like how Netflix treats Bigmouth. No, TOTWF is definitely no where near levels of uncomfortable as Bigmouth but it's in the way that it really isn't as good as everyone claims, it's okay at first and then it got old and some people started opening up that the thought Bigmouth was garbage only for a bunch of stans to barge in with "You just don't get it!!" People won't let it go, they keep insisting it's the best piece of work to exist and anyone who doesn't like it is a jealous loser.

[leonenjoyer69]

I hope you don't mind this ask, but I'm in a huge Jekyll and Hyde hyperfixation rn (both TGS and OG novella) and I saw a post from you about how "Cotard's Solution" fits his Vibe; did you ever go on a ramble of Will Wood songs that fit Jekyll/Hyde? I'd love to hear them! I'm usually either an emo rock or hyperpop fan but I'd love to dip my toes into more Will Wood ever since my friends have shown me his songs :] I hope this isn't too much of an ask!

OF COURSE I DON'T MIND HEHEHE >:3 (also I'm so so sorry I kept forgetting about this 💀 BUT I'VE FINALLY DONE IT), I did originally connect a bunch of will wood songs to TGS characters in this post, and then I talked a bit about my Jekyll and Hyde playlist here (tho these are all various artists and Chonny Jash, not will wood, still a good collection of songs imo! Especially if you like emo rock and Hyper pop!!), but I would gladly go into detail about a bunch of Will Wood songs and how I connect them to TGS/J&H once more >:3

I LOVE WILL WOOD I'M SO NORMAL (also if there's any specific song from that first post, the honorable mentions in this, or my playlist that anyone wants an explanation for, just ask, bc idrk off the top of my head what to explain lmao, and if I have the thinking capacity to, I love explaining my reasoning!! :3)

OKAY OKAY, I'm probably not gonna hit many songs, but I'll try to get a few :3 I usually don't do these this in depth and I don't wanna make it too horribly long 💀

FIRST UP, A FRESH ONE I HAVEN'T TALKED ABOUT (bc apparently it hasn't been on my main playlist... I'm kinda slow sometimes): SKELETON APPRECIATION DAY

HEAR ME OUT, the "bones" could be interpreted as Hyde, or just all of Jekyll's hidden parts-- anything that isn't the perfect gentleman he prefers to show. And like!!! The lyrics can be connected so easily!! "While my cracking backbone lacks but backs up my false starts" transformation, next.

"All nightmares start as dreams and I hear my subconscious screaming" I don't even feel like I gotta say anything on that one.

"All love starts as a scheme, So wake me up, I'm tired of sleeping" bro literally didn't believe Lanyon loved him, the 'waking up' could be the first transformation.

And like!! The chorus!! "Bones, bones, bones, let me see your bones / Well, I don't wanna know if the feeling follows home /Bones, bones, bones, hell, we're all alone / If I come home, baby, will you show your bones?" Hell, I can see this as Jekyll asking (or at least wishing for) Lanyon to be more vulnerable, but!! Better yet, Lanyon asking/wishing that of Jekyll, since he knows how Jekyll just tends to cover everything up.

Idk, maybe I'm just talkin outta my ass, but I think this is really up there on my list of TGS-able Will Wood songs.

NEXT (another fresh song I haven't rambled about before): HALF-DECADE HANGOVER

I LOVE THIS SONG SM!!! I EAT IT UP EVERY TIME IT COMES ON!! PROBABLY MY FAV WILL WOOD SONG RN!!

Anyways, this song is so so soooo angstily Jekyll coded, let's go straight to the lyrics >:3

"Wonder how I didn't die / This is not my life. I'm no survivor, I only happened to survive" right out the gate, first lines. Bro literally drank chemicals and now shares half his life with an entirely different consciousness.

"Down the days I have left, with one eye open"- could be him drinking the potion, with the one eye open being only half of him--"That was me screaming "Bitch, I am reality" / And stumbling off to lose myself in a brown paper bag cause me and / Sweet Evan Williams got a date down on Avenue / A staving shakes scraping change till daybreak / Turns out anyone can eat out the trash / Then wake up on the freeway mid-crash" could literally just be Hyde doing stupid shit and Henry regaining control 'mid-crash', ie when problems arise because of either of them tbh.

And the chorus!!! "Cause I was drunk when I made my bed / Now with a half-decade hangover I lay down in it /What have I done? Don't know what I've said / It's a half-decade hangover, either this, in jail, or dead / It's a half-decade hangover, Jesus Christ my aching head" bro was at his worst when he made that potion, and now he's stuck with the consequences. And the "this, in jail, or dead" those are the only options he thinks he has to deal with Hyde now!!

"Tripped on a couple steps, and collapsed on the stairs / Broke my neck on the backs of those who I've hurt and scared" my guy has been lying to everyone around him for years, but now everythings falling apart and it's coming back to bite him in the ass so hard now.

LAST LYRIC BC AT THIS RATE I'LL THROW THE WHOLE SONG IN-- "Sober, but still so much still hangs over / Please believe me when I say I poured my whole past down the drain / Say that a second chance is a chance I can take" first of all, the poured my whole past down the drain could be him literally giving up the man he was and taking the potion, OR, him dumping all the potions in that one scene, teehee. Secondly, the second chance part and the lines that follow in the song, totally him at Lanyon.

Next: OUTLIARS AND HYPPOCRATES

This one to me is a very Hyde song, specifically him talking to Jekyll.

"Cause I doubt that you would even if you could change / You think it makes you special, but it makes you strange / I doubt that you would even if you could change / The things that make you special are the things that make you strange" could be Hyde tellin Jekyll that he wouldn't get rid of him, even if he could, because it makes Jekyll fell better about his "lonely prince" persona, as Jasper put it lmao.

"I am the shadows cast aside by gallows, and you the red-hot sky" I just really like thinking about this line with them bc ✨imagery✨. Like, shadow Hyde, check. Gallows? Hell yeah. Red-hot sky? We got color AND, by proxy, sun and moon references, Let's go 🗣️

"You become immune to my toxic fumes / My dose-dependent presence in your life / It's all subjective, all due respect to the collective mind" I mean like. Toxic looking green potion. 'Collective mind', they're both parts of the same guy.

"Horrified at the sight of my reflection in your eyes, I don't belong there" mmmmm bodyswap mishaps 🤤

"Well, it's your conclusions that make mine delusions, so I make you sane / You can thank me later" idk how to explain it but the way this is said just gives major Hyde vibes, you get it, right chat?

"Who'd want to belong to anyone? (Ay, ay, ay, ay) I mean, what do people even do? / So, if you love me, let me let you go, my love (ay, ay, ay, ay), so I can be no one" him and his little crush/loathing on Lanyon, the silly

Next!!: MR CAPGRAS ENCOUNTERS A SECONDHAND VANITY

Literally the Jekyll and Hyde song ever. I mean, it starts with "you're trying to replace yourself" 💀

"Carving out a fact from a reckoning! /Beckoning your back, skin sagging off its skeleton / Levitating off the ground / Is another man wearing your face" LIKE DO I EVEN GOTTA SAY ANYTHING? This whole song is about false identities 😭

"All the other false identities / Remedies or enemies to mitigate your memories / Shuddered at what they found / When they stripped away the grace" like...

"Damn, I thought you're not your imposter / You're so sure you're not gonna get caught / Dead in your own skin / But you didn't choose what you were born in" this song gives big vibes for chapter 14 and 15, with the constant switching and fear of identity reveal and such.

"What you feel and what you do, are those things really you? / And if not, then what is? (Never, never, never) / So, my God, what's wrong with you? / And I'm still asking who that is" I really like thinking about this part as Lanyon asking Jekyll those things, even without an identity reveal! Since he puts up this gentleman facade and hides everything, Lanyon barely knows who Jekyll is.

"You'll never take me alive, baby (this is not enough) / You'll never take me alive (this is not enough to prove it yet) / You'll never take me, you'll never take me, you better pray that I die (no, I need to hit the bottom)" This part feels like a simultaneous Hyde and Jekyll part, with Jekyll being the parenthesised parts. Hyde being all cocky n shit while Jekyll tries to figure things out or something, idk lmao running low on explanation brain cells.

Honorable mentions that I just don't feel like explaining in depth rn, but probably could!!

The Song With 5 Names- very Jekyll coded

Dr Sunshine is Dead- kinda Jekyll coded, but VERY Hyde coded

2econd 2ight 2eer- the Hyde song ever

6up 5oh Copout- another mega Hyde song, if I could animate it would be over for y'all

Against The Kitchen Floor- Jekyll and Lanyon, these gay people make me upset

Cicada Days- also very Jekyll and Lanyon :(

Hand Me My Shovel!- Jekyll coded, I like to think of him making the potion

Basically, 90% of Will Woods discography can be spun to fit these silly characters. I love Will Wood guys :3 sometimes I wish I could verbally ramble about this kinda stuff, but also words are hard (and it makes me feel annoying lmao) 💔💔 but anyways!!! Thank you for the ask! I hope Will Wood consumes you just as well as it has most of the TGS fandom :3 <333

[ilovewhiteroses]

Dangerous Attraction

Pairing: Clement Mansell x GN! Undercover Cop Reader Genre: Smut, drama, romance Warnings: Unprotected sex, cursing Rating: 18+ Note: This fanfic was requested by @spider-bren. Thank you for the idea, sweetheart!🥰

You find out that the infamous outlaw, Clement Mansell is in town and it will be your task to go undercover and get close to him. However, you didn't expect to get too close to him…

As one of Detroit's best cops, you have been involved in undercover operations for years and thanks to your help, several criminals have been caught.

One morning, your boss called you in and told you that the "Oklahoma Wildman", Clement Mansell, is in town, a cruel killer who was once in prison, but was released relatively soon thanks to lawyer, Carolyn Wilder, and has been killing freely ever since. Your job will be to get close to Mansell, to learn as much information about him as possible, so that you can catch him at the right moment.

You learned that Mansell often spends his time at the casino. To be in character, you put on a shirt, jacket and jeans. While you were waiting for him, you started playing on one of the slot machines. Not long after, your person of interest arrived and you saw him sitting down at the poker table. You continued to play on the machine until Mansell left the poker and you walked over to him. He was hitting on one of the waitresses at the bar when you pretended to bump into him.

"Shit! I'm so sorry, sir! I apologize for my clumsiness, I'm just angry as I've lost a small fortune on the slot machine.”

"It's okay, I understand, I can't think straight when I lose money either. Come and have a drink with me!” he invited you in a friendly way. At first glance, you would have believed everything about this charming, attractive man, except that he was a real killer.

After Mansell told you to feel free to call him Clement, he told you a little bit about himself, which you expected because that was the main reason you were there.

"I am a businessman, or I could call myself an entrepreneur. Anyway, I deal with money.” he looked at you mischievously as if he was hiding something from you.

You knew very well about his ”job” and appreciated how strikingly he presented himself. He had something that other criminals didn't have: charisma.

"And what do you do?" he asked you.

"You know, I've been a fan of cars since I was a child and I knew that I wanted to work with them when I grow up. I work in a car dealership, they sell me the car, and I pass it on to whoever needs it." you told him the made up story and then moved closer to him. "I'll tell you that most of these are vehicles that don't have papers, which I know is illegal, but what does that matter these days, right?" you told him with a smug smile. You could see that Clement was into the story and he believed it.

But he liked you even more.

He took your hand and his mouth turned into a sleazy smile.

"How about we continue the evening at my place?" he asked, to which you didn't say anything, just nodded.

Yes, you are on track! It crossed your mind that if you continued to play your role so skillfully, the handcuffs would snap on Mansell's wrists sooner than you thought.

You got into a black Range Rover and Clement drove, even though he had been drinking. Fortunately, he was still able to drive well and you reached his apartment safely.

When you entered, it was dark and only the light of the moon shone through the huge glass windows. You didn't see much of the apartment, but you could tell that it was spacious and it had nice furniture.

You were a little drunk and felt a bit dizzy, but you were sane and tried not to hit anything. Clement took your hand and led you to the window.

"Look at this view! Do you know how cool it is to see this every day?” he told you while hugging you from behind.

"It's really beautiful. My apartment overlooks an apartment building." you said. It was the only true thing you told him about yourself. His body radiated such warmth that you almost melted in his arms… although you attributed that feeling to the alcohol.

He turned you to face him and slowly leaned in to gently kiss you, you let him. You thought that if this is what it takes to get closer to him, then so be it.

He carefully pressed you against the window, resting his palms on the glass and turning his head to kiss you even deeper. You clung to his waist and let yourself drift, immersed in the passionate kiss. You haven't kissed many criminals so far, but you had to admit that Clement kissed you the best. Compared to what you've heard about him, you were surprised how gentle he can be.

His hand moved to remove your jacket before you broke the kiss.

"Wait, don't...look, I'm not that type. I barely know you yet and I don't want to jump into bed, do you understand?" Clement was a little disappointed, but luckily he understood.

"Yes… You know, I find you very interesting and exciting. I'd like to see you again, but only if you want to see me too."

"Of course! I had a great time with you, thank you for the evening.”

"My pleasure!"

You discussed where and when to meet again, and then you called yourself a taxi.

You always tried to meet him in public places. You made up new and more interesting stories about yourself to him, with which you were able to impress him more and thanks to them, he also told more about himself. He confessed to you where he gets money by fraud or by using a gun, and you pretended to be interested in the subject.

During the time you spent with him, you noticed that you were becoming attracted to him. Being attracted to a murderer is quite a dangerous thing...

He was often in your mind, although no longer as the criminal who needed to be caught, but as the hot guy who swept everyone off their feet with his mere appearance alone.

You felt guilty. Clement was like a forbidden fruit to you: you knew he was bad, yet you wanted him.

You didn't have to wait long.

After a few meetings, you ended up at his apartment again and as soon as you entered the door, you were already ripping each other's clothes off. Only the pants remained on both of you, you knelt down without a word, freed Clement's cock and took it in your mouth. It didn't bother him at all that you were already in the middle of things, in fact, he liked it. You sucked him carefully, but firmly, sometimes running your tongue along the sides and tip of it. Whatever you did, he really enjoyed it. He carefully put his hand on your head to guide you a little and to take him even deeper in your mouth. His erotic moans were music to your ears, which made you suck harder and soon you felt hot liquid in your throat. You took him out of your mouth and as soon as you caught your breath, you looked up to see him gasping for air as well. It was good for your self-confidence that you managed to drive such a determined, controlling man crazy.

You stood up and placed a soft kiss on his lips.

"Can't find the words, huh?" you asked with a sexy smile.

"You blew my mind, baby! Just wait, I’m gonna fuck you so hard that you'll even forget your own name!" he said and picked you up to carry you to the bedroom and threw you on the bed. He pulled your pants off, then took off his own and knelt on the bed, between your legs. He slowly started caressing the inner part of your thighs, then he got closer and closer to your most intimate part.

"Gosh Clement, why are you torturing me like this?" you asked him half impatiently, half laughing.

"Really good things take time, darling!" he said, then grabbed a pillow. "Lift your hips." he said firmly and placed the pillow under your ass, intending to penetrate you as deeply as possible. He started stroking himself, even though he was hard enough again and he leaned in to kiss you. He returned to his starting position, then put his dick in you and lifted your legs up by your ankles. He kept his promise and soon he was fucking you fast and hard. You bit your lip and moaned and groaned. One of your hands was clutching the sheet and with the other you started masturbating.

"Damn, Y/N, you know how to drive me crazy!" he said amidst fast paced hip movements and loud moans. Clement fucked you so ferally that for a moment you were thinking that he was called ”wildman” for a reason, because it seemed that he can be wild in other, pleasant areas of life as well...

After sex, you rested a bit, then went for another round, after which you fell asleep as if you had been knocked out. You could hardly get out of bed in the morning, but you didn't mind it, because Clement gave you pleasure you hadn't had in a long time.

You have realized two things: firstly, what a good lover Clement is, and secondly, that you feel very comfortable with him. You had to remind yourself that he is a killer to watch out for, even if he was having sexy time between the sheets with you…

You didn't see each other for a few days, because Clement had something to do - you guessed what - and you went to your boss's office and told him what you had learned about Mansell. You obviously didn't tell him what happened in the bedroom.

Next time you were at your place. Clement looked around your apartment, made a few comments, and after dinner, which you prepared to please him, you ended up in bed again. This time you weren't so wild, you took your time. You undressed each other slowly, kissed all over each other's body, then you lay on your side and Clement fucked you from behind. This romp was more intimate and passionate than the previous one.

The next day you didn't find Clement in bed. You thought he had left, but when you went into the kitchen, he was sitting at the table with your police badge in the middle.

Fuck. You knew you were in big trouble.

"Sit down!" Clement said demandingly. At any other time, you wouldn't have tolerated someone talking to you like that in your own apartment, but this time was different. You sat next to him at the table and saw in his eyes that he would like to hit you. Or worse, shoot you.

"What is this?" he asked quietly but angrily. "Are you a fucking cop?"

"How did you find it?" you asked scared.

"I was looking for a pen and thought, since here is a desk in the living room, I would find one there. I reached into the drawer and found this instead.” he said pointing his finger at the badge.

You didn't say anything because it had obviously dawned on him that you really were a cop.

"Why didn't you tell me? Huh? Why did you lie?" he asked angrily.

"I didn't lie, I just didn't give myself away."

"So you just made up everything you said about yourself?"

"Yes." Clement thought to himself for a while.

"I think you also have a gun somewhere. You’re lucky I didn't find it, otherwise you wouldn't be sitting here now."

The situation was very awkward and you felt helpless. You ruined weeks of work with one small mistake...Why didn’t you hid your badge along with your gun?

"I think I better go now." he said, then got up from the table and went to the bedroom to get dressed. You didn't follow him and when he walked out the door, you didn't stop him. Even though Clement didn't hurt you physically, you still felt like he slapped you in the face.

Slowly, more than a week has passed since your fall out. You didn't dare tell your boss, instead you lied to him that Clement hadn't said anything useful, or that he had something to do and you two wouldn't see each other for a few days. You were very afraid that your blunder would come to light, because it could even cost your job.

One night someone knocked on your door, you were surprised that it was Clement. He wanted you to let him in, he wanted to talk to you. You went to the living room and started to explain to him.

"Clement, I..."

"Wait! Let me tell you something. Look…I've had a lot of feelings swirling since the fight. At first I was very angry, but as I thought more about you and what you were doing right now, it turned into something more serious and deep. I don't know and I don't want to explain. It's just that there's something about you that I simply couldn't forget you."

You couldn't decide if he really said all this honestly, or if he was just pretending so he can kill you. Although you had learned to pick up on the smallest signs in body language during your career as a police officer, you felt he was telling the truth.

"You know, I also thought about you a lot and it's true that I didn't tell you the truth, my feelings for you were real. And they still are.”

Clement turned away for a moment, as if he didn't want you to see him get caught up in his feelings.

"Really? Aren't you going to arrest me?”

"No. After all that, I wouldn't be able to do it." He was visibly relieved to hear this. You stood in silence for a few minutes. There were many things you wanted to say, but you listened to your feelings instead and kissed each other.

After this, you slept with each other several times, sometimes at his place, sometimes at your place. As your feelings for each other deepened, your love makings became more romantic. You knew that the circumstances were not easy and that there would be consequences, you did not concern yourself with that.

The only thing that mattered to you was the two of you and your love for each other.

Tags: @i-like-the-eyes @demi321win-chester

@thefloatingpickle @merryandrewsworld @delicateteenagerunaway

@sadnessanninthedark @e-dubbc11 @ray-is-dead

[nancydrewwouldnever]

I've been in the CE "fandom" since 2014/2015, and the thing I find notable is the level of disinterest right now. A lot of fans have dumped him, so to speak, and haven't looked back. Gossip forums are deader than I've seen them before, new edits are almost non-existent. It's remarkable.

I agree. During the height of the Jenny years it was busy, lots of stuff was happening, there was a lot of discussion to be had and people were invested. Even if a lot of people were pissed because of her, there was still interest in talking in issues around her, or about work, etc.

Interest is just dead right now, you're right. And that's really, really bizarre, given he has three projects releasing this year. But no one gives a shit at all, and that's a direct consequence of the drama of the shitshow. So, if they were hoping all the attention from this would bring attention to his new movies, then they really miscalculated.

My interest has severely waned, you can see it in my posting amount. I used to have regular days of about 60-70 posts. Today I struggled to hit sixteen. Because I just have little interest in talking about him now. Like, I'd really better get back to working on The Receipts posts before I lose interest in even that.

That's what gets me about the PR push since October: it has not created interest, it has destroyed interest. And then I start to wonder - was that destruction the point? Because, otherwise, they completely missed whatever point they were aiming at.

But, that's just tired and unfocused mind wanderings. It doesn't really make much sense, but then I guess nothing lately does.

[fatherentropy]

I know a lot of you aren't going to read this or care but I needed to get my thoughts about Veilguard out of my head so I can go back to just indulging with it's content without caring anymore so: Veilguard review.

Gonna keep it non-spoilery until it's not then I'll put a big ol warning there for you to swerve outta there if needed.

(warning for 4000+ words) TL;DR:

I think this may become my favorite Dragon Age game to play and I love these characters so much

This is by far one of the worst Bioware games I've ever played

Firstly and to be completely transparent, at the time of writing this I have STILL not been able to get past Lothering in Origins (my computer got worse while i was running a playthrough.). DAII was my first Dragon Age game and is my favorite of the series. Inquisition is pretty good, much better imo after some DLCs were added and it feels more like the full on epic it deserved to be I think. At the end of the day, I am a Mass Effect fan first and a Dragon Age fan sometimes. I'm also not terribly versed in every single development problem Veilguard has gone through except for the unfortunate canning of important developers and some notes from articles I spied.

So, you know, keep that in mind.

I!! wanted to start this by talking about the things I loved in the game. Because I do in fact love this game. It's just that the love gets tangled up in the things that are disappointing because I can see the big picture and see how much better it could have been and it gets wrapped up in one big ball of-not to be overly dramatic-kind of hurt? Thus me needing to talk about it so I can get back to just loving the thing and hopefully not being haunted by my regrets like it's Christmas Eve and I'm a wealthy businessman with questionable practices.

The story is pretty great and fun if you don't think about it too much but Dragon Age fans think about these sort of things a lot and if you put a little scrutiny on some of these things it's gets kinda ???? Funky.

It feels like a lot of the heavy lifting for why anybody is willing to work with you is done by Varric in whatever he was doing the past 10 years which you aren't really told. Except in half a dozen comics and books I frankly don't have the money for and should be bonus material instead of things-you-need-in-order-to-know-what's-up. Kind of spiel.

I also think a major pain point is the neigh absolute lack of contention in most areas of the game outside the bad-vs-good guy shit (and Solas) and the lack of any meaningful choice really did shoot the game in the foot. Now I do understand that choice in particular was a thing that was eventually going to get hit. There were just too many big world wide decisions you've made in the past couple of games and that shit gets kind of hard to keep track of. However, there were choices made in Veilguard that is made for the longevity of the series while also salting the earth and it severely undercut the narrative.

I think one of the things people love and adore about the series is the choices you make. Many of these aren't even about having a hold over the narrative but having a place in it. It's been a minute since I've played it, but I think even DAII has several choices that literally have no baring on anything but netting gains or loses on companions and just choose what kind of menace you're going to be. It's fun! I don't need them to be big. Maybe just if I refuse the reward or push for bigger rewards or yadda yadda yadda. It's the little things! You cannot get rid of these things entirely but boy howdy did they ever try.

I also have gripes about the choices they make you make but I can't bitch about that without spoilers so... LATER.

I wanted to talk about the lack of contention first but realistically it combos in with the choice thing so here we are talking about it after but there is just no political or social nuance in this game at all except for maybe exactly only Solas. After playing the first three games (or playing the last two and reading about Origins like me) you kinda get the impression that Northern Thedas is actually mostly fine except a little inequality and the Venatori and maaaybe the Antaam but mostly everyone's friendly and the South is just REALLY fucking violent about everything for no reason.

With the reputation grind and the narrative's insistence that you hAVE to strengthen your allies and friends this would have been kind of a great time to have quests about winning them more strength by actually kind of doing important shit? Like maybe having to make decisions about whether or not to convince factions to accept help from shady persons or forgo it knowing you'll be weaker but maintaining the faction's ethos. Maybe some negotiations between greater nevarran Mortalitasi politics and why they should let the Mourn Watch concern themselves with shit outside the Necropolis? In fighting between in-faction groups that feel one way or another about choices you've made. It all ends with them helping you in the end, just maybe not as strong or stronger but what we get is kind of some bare bones sidequests that don't always feel connected to the faction you're helping or... important?

Which I don't think I'd have a problem with if there were more of them that gave greater scope to the world but that's also not really a thing. Tbf, there's no reason to have them. You're only grinding to 50 and faction reputation and you probably wouldn't want to do all the sidquests in Inquisition to get there. I just want to have ones that matter, give more shape to the world and aren't hunt-monsters-that-aren't-even-in-this-faction's-jurisdiction. (game that simultaneously made me fall in love with Nevarra while giving me fuck all about it outside Emmrich's quests)

I think it should be noted that this is the first time we are seeing some of these people as not enemies or illusive factions from abroad.

I need you to know this is my third draft of this document and I keep having to leave and come back because I just have a lot of thoughts. So to start off with, I have to reiterate that I am a Mass Effect fan first and a Dragon Age fan sometimes. I can see Mass Effect's influence all over the game and as a Mass Effect fan I have to say: I am... upset. Which is a thing I have been planning to write about since the beginning of trying to write this document but today's dev AMA confirmed that this was supposed to be a "Love letter to Mass Effect 2" and I am no longer upset! I am LIVID.

To recap for those of you who don't care about Mass Effect but are reading this for some reason: Mass Effect 2 has one of the worst main stories in the entire series. Nothing you do actually matters in the long run because ME3 undoes all your work and everything set up for you at the beginning of ME2 you destroy yourself by the end.

Most people regard it as one of the better if not the best game in the series.

This is because the characters are fucking phenomenal and make up 90% of the game so you know this journey is about THEM who gives a shit if your mission is whatever, it's about the satisfaction of winning their loyalty, making sure they're a team so you can focus on being Big Goddamn Heroes at the end (or fucking it up and watching a few or all of them die).

This is the game that made me paranoid about doing all sidequests as soon as I got them because *I* managed to get all my companions to live BUT at the cost of my ship crew dying which I did not know was a thing that could happen and your medic's traumatized lines "I watched them die. they were processed ─ rendered down into some kind of raw genetic paste ─ and pumped through these tubes." haunts me forever. (partly because I listen to the death whispers from ME3 to feel something but nevertheless, the delivery? raw)

This may sound familiar to you if you've played Veilguard because they... tried but there's just a fundamental misunderstanding of how ME2 impacted it's players and how players impacted the world in ME2 that made it feel the way you were supposed to despite the plot being silly.

This brings me back to the lack of conflict which especially fucks over your companions and your relation to them. Yes there's like one kind of weird conflict between Davrin and Lucanis while they're going through shit and yeah Taash and Emmrich have a situation briefly but there's nowhere near the heat there has been in past games. One of your crew in DA2 will straight up tell another one that he is sad her mother died for her not because it's sad but because she's not worth dying for. And that's the game regarded as having the best found family dynamic in DA and probably a better comparison to ME2 in the regard of fighting to keep your crew together.

In ME2, what you do matters and the order you do things matter. Mass Effect has a Paragon/Renegade system which are ways you can change a scene IF you've accrued enough points in being more diplomatic or more points in being a complete asshole. Some of your companions are diametrically opposed to one another and the minute you complete both their loyalty they WILL come into confrontation and if you don't have a sufficient enough paragon or renegade score to get the appropriate response either then or after you WILL lose one of them. If you dedicate yourself to Paragon or Renegade or the other it's easy enough to get the points but if you're trying to get an optimal playthrough, doing solely paragon or renegade isn't always the best way to go.

I'm not saying I want some of your companions to hate each other. I enjoy the friendships they've developed but the moment Rook said something like "We're a family" I cringed because I realized what was happening because they just weren't putting the work in to make that believable to me. People are messy and the stakes in DAV are the biggest they've ever been so our crew should be at their worst and there is material for contention THERE but what we get the Disney Channel version of it where they almost immediately makeup and you're really not apart of it.

One of the confrontations in ME2 pits an Alien girl who's people were forced off their home planet by the own synthetic life they created and have suffered severe biological and cultural degradation because of it and one of said creations who's rebellion for autonomy caused that. The next game, they come back and if you don't (or can't which is an important distinction in it's possibility) use their work as a catalyst for peace but choose one people over the other they both express regret for the loss of the other's people despite the contention between them and stringent desire to save their own people. The kind of orchestration required to pull off peace and this dynamic feels earned and heart wrenching and that is the level of story telling old fans of Bioware expect from it's games.

The 3rd Mass Effect game was largely disliked despite the complexity of choices that intertwined and character dynamics. It was very obvious the ending didn't match up with the narrative spun by the rest of the game and was changed last minute from another which probably would have been liked less but the choice was too big and landed the series in hot water which lead them to try and do a complete divorce from the series with Andromeda which was also largely disliked because it was just a weird jump with a very weak story. I didn't actually mind it. It had no lasting impression on me so I can't tell you exactly what happens in that game but I didn't mind the leap conceptually because I understood they did back themselves into a corner with the last decision made in ME3.

So I sit here looking at Veilguard NOT disgruntled by the prospect of change. Change is usually good and made in order for the greater prosperity of the series. The problems in Veilguard isn't simple change but the lack of care that resulted in a lesser product over all. DA2 suffered in a similar respect with it's over use of previous assets in a repeated and monotonous level design and the fact some fans felt that it didn't successfully break away from feeling like a glorified DLC to Origins. But the storytelling is still done in a way that it lives rent free in many people's minds. It's not an epic, it is a story about some shlub and their crew of messy nobodies who try vainly to protect the city they all live from increasing social pressures of the world which boils over and consumes all of them no matter what you do.

ME2 is about a soldier who is forced to work with a human supremacy agency because they are the only ones that are taking a new threat seriously so without support from the usual greater forces, you seek out specialists and old friends to go on what is quite literally called a suicide mission.

Veilguard is a direct continuance of Inquisition where some random agent is made the herald of a revived religious movement that leaps up around them after an accident only to find out that one of your friends is directly responsible for that and going off to put the world in even greater danger.

Veilguard wants the found family in DA2 to fight a threat even greater than Inquisitions while honoring ME2 (badly) but also there are a bunch of disjointed small focused factions that are helping you and while I think this could have worked and been quite possibly one of the best Bioware games of all time, the ghost of its would be greatness haunts the narrative buried under the bones of development issues and missteps which just makes it hurt in a very not good way.

I don't think old fans who complain about Veilguard are upset it's not the same as what they were expecting but, to go back to my scrooge analogy, we're haunted by ghosts of Bioware past that laid the groundwork for what to expect, and the ghost of Bioware present which is incomplete and the future which can only really get worse under the capitalistic pressures that have long run the video game industry in the ground in the name of greater profits over quality. The only people producing good games at a reasonable price are indie developers who aren't really trying to produce a game with the scope that Bioware games have typically provided.

I'm sitting here and thinking my main take away from this is that I simply don't care about the new Mass Effect game Veilguard is getting abandoned for to produce. If this was supposed to be a love letter to ME2 then it just showed a fundamental inability to create Mass Effect games that would honor it's predecessors while bringing it into the new age and if it somehow manages to be good it's just another slight to Dragon Age fans and the fumbled production of Veilguard. I don't want to see Ryder or Shepard or another N7 specter at this point. I want to see Rook and their crew in a game where I feel okay leaving them in there because DA has a very specific need to abandon it's old protags and I'm not okay with that this time! I don't feel good about where any of them were left and the state of the world!

SPOILER WARNING! I'M NOT HOLDING BACK ANYMORE. GOING ON HERE'S YOU'RE WARNING.

(don't ask me about the image, it was there. it's big, has the vibes. She was iconic for that.)

POV: You are me. Your controller has some slight drift so the little laser beam managed to slip from the target and you're trying to figure out how the fuck you messed up the puzzle because there's no way to get to an island and this is how you accidentally spoil yourself that there's a secret ending and you're about to get a part of it.

Then like the genius I am I googled it again to try and figure out how to get it, skim read something that makes you think they based this off of ME2's model and go oh! Okay. I should look up optimal assignments so nobody dies.

Then I find out Davrin or Harding dies no matter what depending on you choose to lead the distraction team and you just have to stare at a wall for awhile because that is NOT Mass Effect 2 where everyone can absolutely live if you do everything right. That is Mass Effect 1, Virmire come to haunt me again.

I need you to know when I got to Mythal it's almost the earliest you could get to her give or take a side mission because I'm bad at combat and those fuckin' ogres were kicking my ass. So when Rook drops the "We're a family" line while taking to Mythal I had to once again stare at a wall because I already spoiled this for me and I was going "what the fuck are you serious? This is what we're doing?"

I'm telling this to you because I need you to know after I figured all this out I was turning over the plot while going through it looking for one specific thing and that's the narrative that would have supported the kind of storytelling that would have gained the right to kill off one of your companions. (the wording on that was labored but I really needed to say all of that like that because I meant it like that.) It just is not there. Or at least not in a way where it feels like the inclusion of that actually added ANYTHING to the narrative and honestly reading interviews under headlines that say shit like "Devs know that you had no problem leaving stroud in the fade 🤭 and made sure they were gonna hurt you this time" feels like it was literally just thrown in for shock factor rather than a conscious effort to create a compelling story and I'm just not here for that kind of garbage.

Like, I need you to understand I straight up had to save mid mission to kill Ghilan'nain and leave in order to leave and watch the last part of Arcane. I came back and immediately rolled into the fight with her and the bit where you're trapped in the fade and yeah I cried but I was feeling ever so fucking JARRED by the difference of satisfying tragedy I felt at the end of Arcane to that stupid ass bullshit in Veilguard.

And the fact this is a wind up to reveal Varric is dead is just further insulting to all three of these characters. Two returning characters and one new character who, and I hate to be this guy but I haven't seen ppl point this out and as guy who's played a lot of Bioware games, is black. Which, Bioware has historically been REALLY FUCKING WEIRD with it's black companions. (No, I have not forgiven for the shit they pulled on Jacob Taylor and I shan't ever I don't think considering they pulled this.)

I don't mind that they killed Varric. That one I picked up on almost immediately from the hints they were putting down and I was waiting for more hints and shit but the longer it went on I realized the game wasn't even interested in setting up a pretense of giving him and his fans a satisfying ending and goodbye. This man has been here since DAII. There's not enough lingering around his memory because he's competing with whoever else died.

Frankly Rook's connection to him has to be kind of made up by the player because they don't really set up anything for you except you've been traveling with him for almost a year and he's just an amicable guy which also just kind of has to lay on the laurels of having to have known him. I love the cold opening into Minrathus, it's very cool but I feel like THIS would have been the game to go back to it's roots and have a personalized opening to each Rook's origin to establish both a connection to Rook, Rook's place in the world and their connection to Varric and Harding and just had you kind of live with Varric as a leader for a hot goddamn minute making the transition of power feel more natural and not forced. It's weird.

But then the player just doesn't feel like they mattered to the greater story actually. Not as Rook and not as Inquisitor. Not that Rook is a bad character, just weirdly hooked into the plot. Gods forbid your Inquisitor wasn't romantically involved with baldie then they're only role is to tell you every choice you've ever made doesn't matter anymore because Southern Thedas got wiped the fuck out.

I know everyone and their mothers have been kinda leering at Taash's companion quests and like yeah they're not great. Neither is like the Rivain. Like not the map tbc, I love that map and all the maps actually. Down with empty open worlds, long live intentional map design with fun puzzles makes my brain go brrr. Kissing guy who made those on the mouth. At least I think the maps are built around the needs of the script and not the other way around unless problems arise in making the stage (which happens) because that'd be kinda silly. It's just our glimpse of Rivain is around a Grey Warden keep with some chasind stuff and Antaam. All of Rivain is kind of just not about Rivain and it annoys me deeply like where the fuck is the people who aren't Lords of Fortune. I don't even know what the culture is supposed to be inspired by besides like orientalism I guess.

ALSO I need everyone to know I had JUST got done ranting about one reoccurring trope with biracial/bicultured people in another game only to turn around and run directly into Taash's dumbass choice about making them pick between their cultures.

THAT IS NOT HOW ANY OF THIS WORKS.

I'm a Filipino German American and I look Asian so I have to fight to be German American because that's what I fucking am no matter what anybody expects from me from my face. Meanwhile my Pinoy roots were stolen from me by a woman who came to the states with the idea that her kids would be American but that just ain't the way the world works when you're not white passing. You cannot run and "choose" the other culture. You will forever be expected to be what you aren't because you look and there's not a lot to do about that brokeness inside you but try and come to terms with it and embrace all that you are anyway.

I also just find using modern day identity labels to be boring and lazy world building for a fantasy world. Even modern day LGBTQIA+ folks can't agree on what to call our shit and we're so very messy about everything and we have been here for so very goddamn long and have had many different names. That's just a bit of a pet peeve, I'll admit.

I think the crowning moment of Taash's quest their mother's moment when she declared Taash's strengths before sacrificing herself for her and Taash's grieving over her passing but I'm also gonna attribute that last bit more to Taash's VA doing good work.

Think the weakest quests for me otherwise were actually Bellara's? Not that it's bad conceptually. Just that it feels like duct taped together oddly where I kind of lost track of the emotions and logic in any given scene. Like over all I got yeah turning people into demons bad but we go from 0 to 100 real goddamn quick and I just felt left behind. Just confusing. Like it's fine, but confusing.

Kal-Sharok should have been it's own faction and I will die on that hill. Dwarves have gotten the short end of the stick for SO long and they finally have a fairly comparable moment in the story and it's just nothin'. BYULLLShit

You know I haven't really cared for Solas. I think I was on copium for a bit during Inquisition because my friends liked him so I was like "yeah I like this guy" but nah, I've kind of considered him a poor man's Ascian after playing Shadowbringers (sorry) but they really leaned into making him kind of a fucked up dude in Veilguard and I do enjoy him a lot more. But also the Rook/Solas dynamic is so much more messier than Lavellan/Solas dynamic. I feel like it was a loss to not have a meaner romance path there if you weren't a Solavellan. Guys who are dragging each other down to hold the other accountable by the throat.

NGL I think I kinda hate endings where it's like "and the bad guys lost and everyone who lived were happy :)" endings like man I wanna know what they're all up to now so I can be sure they're good. That's probably a me thing but it does put me on Copium that they'll drag Rook and co back out to do more with them but I know I'm asking for too much. I am in pain.

I'm descending into less concentrated rambling now I think I just!! Love the game but like I want it to be good and it's not and that hurts me a lot and I'm afraid what corporate will take from this because it's never the lesson they should because everything is all numbers.

EDIT: oml I forgot the line I tied to complaints I'd have later about choices they make you make. Like it was largely about Taash but also like Neve where the Thread guy is like "yeah we're gonna help you for this" like isn't that why we're here? Why am I getting a say in this? Why is this the place I'm suddenly putting my foot down? Why don't I get to ask Neve for her opinion before I just become the most annoying person in the world about this like ayo? WEIRD

Lucanis, Davrin and Bellara at least straight up ask you for your opinion and Harding, Emmrich and Taash obvs need some help even if they don't explicitely ask for it and this one for Neve isn't even the BIG choice it's just a dialogue choice that can lock you out of being able to make the choice which is kind of cool because it's about the only way to shoot yourself in the foot with any of the companions which I'd like if it just didn't just kind of come from nowhere. It's like Rook suddenly remembered they're a person who has opinions in the middle of a conversation and it's just OK. anyway

[golbrocklovely]

I really do think Corey does a lot of talking behind people’s backs. I remember Jake talking about (I believe this was on Trisha’s podcast) how he’s happier now that he doesn’t have certain people in his life who are two faced like that. And sure it’s vague enough that it could be about anyone but I always kind of got a vibe that he didn’t feel 100% comfortable in the trap house friend group (especially in some of the haunted videos they did when snc first started getting into it) Jake always looked like to me like he wasn’t completely comfortable in the group and I always wondered if Corey was partly to blame. Obviously this all just my assumption though 🤷‍♀️

this became extremely long for no reason, so my apologies

my opinion of corey has always been that he doesn't like working and would rather do the bare minimum and ride the coattails of other ppl than actually try and make a name for himself bc that's too much effort lol

and i think he feels that way bc he thinks he's too good to work for it. he should just magically be successful.

i mean, think of it this way: when the trap house first began all the way back in 2017, snc weren't even remotely as popular as they are now. if anything corey and elton were the more known ones. corey was relatively known bc of vine and elton was known bc he was besties with everyone in the vlog squad circle. snc were doing well for themselves, but they didn't even hit a mil subs until 2018. they were just starting to gain momentum in their careers.

corey benefitted from living with them and everyone else in that house bc they could all be in each other's vids and bounce ideas off of one another. collabing constantly got him well known amongst fans without him having to really try. then when they all moved into apartments, that's when snc's career started to really go up bc they were doing the haunted content with corey and jake. so corey was, again, becoming well known bc of snc. and mind you, dude wasn't posting that often. he's never been consistent in his content. which is so dumb bc the amount of money he would have been making if he was would have been crazy.

then when they all move back in together, again, he benefits. but a riff of some kind ended up happening in that friend group (i've always chalked it up to snc becoming landlords since this was their house and not just a place they were all renting and i think they may have laid down the law a bit too hard and that pissed off corey and jake) and so they all start to split ways. this is also when snc were losing everyone bc i think certain friends of theirs thought that snc were gonna start losing for the first time instead of gaining. snc were starting to switch their content over from haunted to 25x25. snc's old friends saw the writing on the walls, realized snc weren't gonna be collabing as much, and thus dumped them for knj's friend group.

corey claims that he wanted to move out and pursue dancing and music, since that's why he moved to la in the first place. he made like three songs and moved in with elton and immediately started doing tfil/overnight.

and around this time, snc weren't doing well. views were down, 25x25 was flopping hard. and this is when elton and corey weirdly start hating on snc bc they think they are copying them bc of tfil and 25x25 were semi similar. and then when snc start to shift back into haunted, i think corey got pissed bc here he was, leaving snc behind and shitting on them, but now they were stepping into their space once more and instantly doing significantly better than him and elton.

and as time has gone on, he's still this way. with all the shit happening between him and elton, i've basically been proven right: he doesn't like to work. he doesn't try, but expects fantastic results. it's hilarious.

what's funnier about all of this, if he wasn't such a shit talker, they could have all collabed and it would have worked out so well for him. but instead, he wanted to act like snc were lesser than (for whatever reason - most likely jealousy) and that sullied any collaboration that could have happened. and i wouldn't be surprised when elton has alluded to "ppl made me think snc were talking shit about me when they really weren't" he was referring to corey, but didn't want to outright say it. and if that's the case, that's also why snc don't fuck with him anymore either.

sure, they can all be cordial and whatnot, that's a given. but to be friends again? don't think so. i mean, corey couldn't even publicly wish colby well when he got cancer. fuck him. idc, that man can go the way of vine and have his career die off for all i care lol

as for jake, yeah… idk if he's referring to corey. but them not hanging out is kind of proof of that. but who knows. maybe something else happened that we don't know about.

[beauty-grace-outer-space]

Oh my god I'm going to lose my mind.

Back in Fall of 2017, I auditioned for a local professional choir. I got in, I joined up, yippee. I did the fall/winter season and then returned for the spring season, and it was fun. I did choir my entire life growing up, audition/honor choir 12-18, and musical theater in college. I had missed singing with other people a lot, and it seemed like a good opportunity to be social and get to sing in a group. I even got a few solos; good times.

Fast forward to Fall of 2018. I return for the fall/winter season. Shit is hitting the fan with my grandmother and that whole situation. My mental health is in the gutter. My self esteem tanked out entirely. I was barely making it through. Then the conductor starts introducing "choreography" and I tried, I really did, but I ended up leaving rehearsals (repeatedly) in tears because I was so embarrassed. Finally I hit a breaking point and went "I can't do this anymore, I need to get myself together". So I made my apologies, notified the proper people, and withdrew from the choir. Thought about going back in 2019... didn't. Then COVID hit, and things went virtual for 2+ years. I wasn't interested. Then my mom got hurt, and I have essentially been a caretaker since then. My time was not my own. The choir started meeting in person again this January. I missed singing. I missed the people. I rejoined. Six weeks later, my uncle got sick and died very suddenly. It was extremely traumatic for my family. I became overwhelmed emotionally and in regards to time management. When it became clear I was going to miss more than three rehearsals, I made my apologies and withdrew from the choir, but always with the intention to return for the Fall season. This is something I made explicitly clear to the conductor, the manager, and the staff as a whole. Then in August, my grandmother died very suddenly. Far less emotional fallout, but my time was-- once again-- not my own. I had no idea what dates or deadlines we'd be dealing with, what all needed to be done, etc. but I knew we would have to clean out their apartment, move my grandfather in with family, and handle all of the post-death bureaucracy. The choir season started; I did not join. One week later, everything wound up resolved and wrapped up and I realized I really miss choir and will be able to make rehearsals, at least September - December... so I send a message to the conductor asking if it's alright that I return. No response. I messaged a friend who is in the choir and she told me to just come to rehearsal (something that is done all the time). I notified the manager and relevant staff, filled out the paperwork, and went to rehearsal. I had the most fun I've had in weeks. People were excited to see me, and I them. The music for this season is gorgeous and it felt good to remember that I can look at music and know how it reads and how to perform it. It felt good to remember another language I speak outside of writing alone in my room: music. I went out for drinks after with one of my closer friends in the group and we chatted for hours. I made plans to hang out with a few others, and I got excited about the prospect of the retreat this weekend, spending a whole day working on music in a beautiful building instead of the usual pre-birthday sobbing alone in my room for three straight days. And then the conductor emailed me. I am certain I'm reading too much into it, but it basically said, "You're a flake and I want you to think long and hard about the commitment you're willing to make to this choir." And she CC'd the new head of the organization, a woman who has never met or spoken to me. All the good feelings instantly vanished. I'm sad and frustrated and angry. I waited a while, and cried a lot. I drafted a few different replies. I finally returned her email (and CC'd the same person so she'd see my reply as well). I politely but pointedly said "I had two deaths in the family this year unexpectedly, which changed my schedule dramatically in a way that was out of my hands. I did ask your permission to come back, but since you didn't reply I figured it was better not to miss another rehearsal than to wait on an answer. Let me know what you want me to do. If it's preferable I'll just return the music ASAP and remove myself from the roster."

I'm not going to the retreat on Saturday. I'm convinced I made up all of the positive reactions to my presence in my head and now am wondering if people asked her to try to get me to leave because they probably don't like me, anyway. I'm reviewing and overthinking every interaction I had, and I keep coming back to standing in a group of a few of us, looking for an excuse to go out to dinner or karaoke, and one of them saying, "Well my birthday is October 3rd." I said, "And mine is September 24th!" (which is stupid and I should not have said anything and I hate that I said anything at all). And then they just continued, "Oh, yeah let's go out for (other girl's) birthday!" and that was that. And I do not like my birthday. I do not want to do anything for my birthday. It's already miserable and it hasn't even come yet. But now, of course, in my head it's like, "No shit, Sherlock. No one gives a fuck about you or your birthday, just keep your fucking mouth shut, idiot." When the conductor finally replied to my email, she basically just said that they expect singers to commit September - June, and not much else. I feel like I'm out of ways to say, "I can give you September - December, but I can't promise anything past that. If that's not ok, please tell me now." I just want her to tell me, because if *I* make the decision to leave based on what she's saying, I'll look like I'm proving her right and flaking out. But if she tells me, hey, sorry, that's not gonna work then I can at least be like, "Oh, there were logistical issues." So now I'm just stuck in this spiral of: no one likes you, no one wants you around, everyone thinks you're unreliable and a bad friend and annoying, just shut the fuck up and go away and for the love of god stop trying.

[the-invisible-queer]

Who is the Frenchie?

If you're asking who's face I blocked out in the family photo that would be the grand CUNTess who is currently dragging Eddie through an ugly divorce

And who just decided to tell people my sexual trauma story because she's a fucking asshole

I watched that bitch abuse my brother for 9 fucking years and had been WAITING to be able to stop putting up with her and I guess she's fucking mad I stopped talking to her as soon as shit hit the fan

I only had a relationship with her because of Eddie

I knew if I didn't make peace with her I'd lose my brother

And now I'm going through the same shit with Josh whose gf I very much don't like

KEEP IN MIND she dragged me into the divorce drama against my will when she used my phone to be sketchy and call someone Eddie works with who she wrongfully thought he was cheating with

My brother is not a fucking cheater and she has been accusing him of cheating SINCE DAY ONE so he just decided that this last time was the final straw and started standing up for himself

She never explained why she needed my phone and that night I was suicidal and too exhausted to fight for an explanation and she just never said anything

That was almost 2 weeks before Eddie finally told me what was going on

And if I fucking KNEW why she needed my phone I'd have told her to fuck off

Also she knows I don't do confrontation and she knows I fucking hate being in the middle of shit so if I was gonna pick a side OF COURSE I'M GONNA PICK MY FUCKING BROTHER

She hospitalized herself after he told her he wanted a divorce and while she was at the hospital he asked me to dogsit and she ended up coming home and I RAN out of their apartment

And she texted me "so our friendship was just conditional?" And when I didn't respond sent a follow up "I'm truly asking"

Like yes it was because you're a terrible person

I've been avoiding her since Eddie told me the drama because I don't do confrontation

BUT getting the new update that the cunt has the AUDACITY to tell my fucking business I HOPE I run into her because I do want to understand what the fuck is wrong with her

I know why she did it which makes it even more fucked up

I fucking hate her now because of what she did

Like I know it's fucked up to wish ill on someone but best fucking case scenario for us is she kills herself

Because she's a piece of shit

[stcveskent]

their little miracle; chris evans

pairings: chris evans x reader

warnings: fluff and a bit of swearing

request on wattpad

_____

its been 8 months,since you heard that you would be giving a little miracle of yours and chris, soon. You still remember the day when both of you saw the baby for yhe first time, as it moved around your belly.

you remember how Chris held your hand when he saw your baby, and said, "it's ours" while crying, you remember the day when he found out it was a baby girl, and he was so happy, and when he told his family about it, they were crying too, because their son's dream came true. Since then he never left your side. Well, he haven't announced it on the internet too . He used to talk to your baby, late at nights, when she won't let you sleep, by endless kickings.

"Hey honey, don't do that to Mama." He says, slowly, and calmly as you laid down next to him, and his hands on your belly rubbing it gently.

"I won't leave your side, y/n." He whispered softly and kissed you. During those times, when Chris got intimate with you, for eg, he would kiss you more often, and lay next to you all the time, hold your hands all the time, you used to blush alot, as if it was a school crush, you could say it was the hormones.

"i love you so much." He says and you smile.

"I love you too and more." You reply and he wraps his arm around you, and kiss your head, and then you gasped as soon as your baby kicks you, because you were giving all the attention to her daddy and not her and even daddy didn't give her attention.

"alright baby, i love you too." He says as he keeps a hand on your belly and you laughed at how your daughter already had control over her Dad, even before her birth.

your smile grew wider, as all those thoughts came to your mind, and Chris noticed how you were smiling, and thinking about some things. He smiled looking at how adorable you looked.

"what're you smiling at, sweetheart." He asks as he comes closer, and kisses you gently.

"thinking of how our girl, already has control over her dad." He smiles as he heard you, it was a very different feeling for both of you.

"Well, trust me, the queen has more control than the princess." He says referring to you and you roll your eyes.

"oh stop!" You said as both of you chuckled, just then, to ruin the moment his phone rang. He groaned, and you laughed at him.

"Always messing up my moments, with my queen." He said, and you blushed at how he made you feel so good.

"Chris, i'm sorry to call you now." His manager spoke, as chris answered.

"No its fine, Joshua? what did you need?" He replied.

"Well, the agency has been calling up alot, for your photo shoot, and i tried to decline it, because you wanted to stay with your wife, but they aren't listening , and said you're their hope."

"alright fine! I'll do it."

"ah thank god!! I'll arrange the dates and timing and inform you."

"Alright!" Chris says as he ends the conversation and looks at you, smiling.

"What's wrong?" You asked

"I have to stay away from you for a couple of hours."

"and what would be the reason?" You asked as he sits next to you and pull you closer to him, and you put your head on his shoulder.

"There's this photo shoot they need me to do it and I honestly don't wanna stay away from you, even if its for a couple of hours, you're now close to your date, I can't just leave you here all alone, when you'd need me." He spoke.

"Chris, i'll be fine, you're worrying too much, babe. I can manage on my own, honey!"

"I know you can, i just don't want to be away from you and our daughter." You smiled as he said that, how your daughter's and his bond was so strong.

"babe!!" You squeeled and hugged him and he kissed you multiple times. Just then the phone rings and he groans again.

"Its the agency, i'll have to take it, i'm so sorry!!"

"Its fine, honey." You said and he answered the call, going into the living room to talk while you watched some TV

"Thank you so much, Chris for joining us!" He said and chris smiled.

"The pleasure is all mine!"

"Is there any arrangements we can do for you?" Just as those words left his mouth, he smiles thinking of an idea.

"Yes! Could i get my wife with me? I want her to be next to me."

"Ofcourse sir! It's our pleasure to have her with us, and we can have some couple photoshoot too!"

"Thank you! See you, soon!" He says and walks to you.

Chris comes back to you and tells you that he's made arrangements for you to come with me, you denied at first but he made you to agree to it, typical christopher  and then the day comes when you had to go with him. You were nervous about something which he had completely forgot about. Announcing about your little miracle.

As soon as both of you entered, the photographers welcomed you both so warmly, and as expected they were shocked by the news, and they were happy for both of you.

As soon as chris finished his part of the work, you two had to pose together, it was all cute with him, and then the photographer requested that you should have a photo or two of your own with your bump and Chris happily agreed to it.

Just after you completed your work, you told Chris, that now seems to be the right time to tell everyone about it. No , only family and some of his close friends knew about this, so he was just concerned about how his fans and co workers would annouce, but you knew things would fall back into a perfect position.

"I posted it." He said and breathed.

"i did too!" You said and smiled.

Just a second later, yours and his phone were filled with notifications, hundreds to thousands, and all were really happy about it, because all of them understood that this was Chris's dream and you could only turn into his reality.

a week or two has passed, Chris had to go through a lot of press , and interviews where the main interest was your pregnancy. As you waited for him to get over with the last interview for the month, and after that he promised he'd take a break, he comes to you.

"How was it?" You asked as he kissed you and sat next to you.

"It was good, i was happy to tell them, how you made me happy, and they obviously wanted you, but i said you were resting."

"Thank you —*gasps* oh shit!" You said and his eyes came out if his eye sockets.

"Baby what happened?!"

"She's coming omg!! My water broke!!!" You said and he panicked, he was roaming around the house finding the baby bag, and you felt contractions, which were going on for a day which you tried to ignore.

"Chris where the fuck are you?!" You yelled, as the contractions hit you again.

"I found it!! Let's go." He said as he helped you get up and rush you to the hospital, through out the ride he didn't leave your hand, and just made you breathe, but it was true, when you're about to give birth, your temper loses, and poor Chris had to listen.

Now you were in the waiting room, with him and yours and his family started to visit you both.

"Hey!" Your mom said and rushed to hug you as you breathed.

"Hey Mom! I'm good? Are you?" You asked and she laughed at you.

"I know, the temper, i gave birth to three kids!" She said and hugged Chris, and he chuckled and stopped as soon as you gave him a death glare.

"come on! my little girl needs a break, how are you feeling honey?" Your dad says and you roll your eyes.

"P A I N!" You said and then your siblings laugh at you.

"Y/n , for real, you need to calm down, also guess what i already have done half of the preparations for my niece!!" your brother says while your sister argues with him that it was she who did it, and that made you laugh, and Chris smile looking at you.

His mother stayed longer with you but then you told her to go, because she looked tired, and she agreed, time passed and you were ready to deliver the baby, Chris started to breathe heavily, he was nervous, more than you.

"Its gonna be fine, babe!" You said and he nods

"I'll be next to you the whole time." He says and you nod.

Slowly the doctors start to give you instructions to how to push till they count till 10 and you agree to it, clearly understanding their instructions.

"Push!" They said and you pushed while your groaned and your grip on chris's hand tightened.

"You're doing amazing honey!" He encouraged and honestly, that made you stay strong till the end.

Just few more pushes later, the cries of your baby girl were heard and you sighed as both of you burts into tears. They laid your little miracle on top of you as Chris adored both of you, he starts to wipe his tears, and the doctor takes your little girl away.

"No where are you taking her!" Chris says and you chuckled at him.

"they're cleaning her, she'll be back soon, with us." You said and he looked at you with  a smile.

"You did so good today!" he says and you smiled at him.

"It wasn't possible without you." You said and he shook his head.

"You're the most strongest women i've ever seen, and  how beautiful you look today! Your glowing baby!" He says and you laugh as he pressed his lips onto yours in a sweet and filled with love kiss.

"I love you so much." He says

"I love you more!" You reply and they bring the baby back to you, and Chris holds her, tears falling from his eyes, as he met his daughter.

"She's so beautiful just like her Mama!" He says and you feel your tears falling.

"Daddy loves you and your Mama so much! He'll do everything to protect both of you!" He says as he holds her in his arms and kisses her multiple times on her head.

"Okay now, Mama also needs attention!" You said and he laughed and kissed you again, and just then you met your family, already waiting and excited to greet their grand child, neice and goddaughter.

Yours and Chris's mother couldn't hold back tears and were crying with joy, while Scott hugged you and cried and you were crying because he was crying , which made everyone laugh and later Scott Shanna, Carly and your siblings already started giving suggestions for the baby names for your little miracle.

It was the best day of your life, you for the first time witnessed how one life can bring so much happiness to so many people, and you were only concerned about your husband, who was on cloud 9 because of his happiness and you couldn't stop smiling because of him. You won't be able to forget this day ever!

------

done with your request!!hope you liked it❤️

also, but Daddy!Chris is making me cry😭😭

[logicheartsoul]

how to deal with poor fic reception? i have an ocxcanon series that i put a LOT of my heart/soul into. i just started posting the first few chs. bc it’s oc/canon + a smol fandom, i have no delusions abt how much attention it will get. it has gotten a nice number of kudos so far….but no comments. i’m trying to tell myself it’s OK but it’s kinda hard to feel OK…i’m not sure how to deal with this so i can still keep writing the whole series since i do love the story very very much

I guess it depends on the definition on what you mean by 'poor fic reception' because depending on the fandom and depending on how many fans are in it and how active it is, something that may have low numbers in a bigger, more active fandom, may actually be doing pretty well. I've been in a variety of very rare, small, niche fandoms and some extremely big, active ones. Something like 15 kudos in a small af fandom is pretty significant, coz the smaller the pool of people, the more likely most of the fans have seen it, you know? Even in a big fandom, 15 isn't bad either -- in all the content they had to choose from, those 15 decided to look at your work? That's pretty damn good I feel.

Just by the general nature of things, any fics that are primarily only oc/canon fic is gonna be harder to get more reception than if a fic has canon/canon only ship or if it's a fic with canon/canon and oc/canon. I could probably get into it, and there's lot of meta essays discussing the why's about it, but the fact is, it's just naturally harder to get more readers into it. Since you've mentioned about having no delusions about the attention, I'm sure you know the reasons that I do too.

It's good you got a lot of kudos so far! I dunno if you've seen the Meaning of Kudos post (which is a survey done by readers of ao3 on what they actually mean when they kudos a fic) but all those kudos do mean something, and it's all positive.

I totally understand though, wanting to hear what people think about the work and effort you've put into a story, and how it may seem like silence. A good thing to keep in mind is that [x] amount of people read your work and liked it. Sometimes it's hard to lose sight of it because it's numbers on a screen, but a good trick I've learned from someone is picture being in a room. Imagine the number of people you got for those kudos or hits. If it's 26, holy shit, that's 26 people, that's almost the start of a big party! If it's 100 or more, that's the size of a big college lecture class.

Another thing I know from reading fic for a long time and writing fic and being friends with fic writers for years, is that many people might enjoy the premise/idea of an on-going story but will wait for it to be completed before reading it. Some of them they got burned by amazing WIPs and then the authors abandoned the stories or it doesn't update for years or they have limited time to read fic and wanna read it all in one go. And even if people are reading your on-going fic, they sometimes don't comment for the same reason -- they want to save all their thoughts and opinions til the very end.

That being said, there's nothing wrong with asking in the author's notes about leaving a comment. Of course, not in a rude way, but something like 'oh I spent a lot of time working on this chapter this week because...[insert reason], I'd love to hear your thoughts and comments!' or something along those lines. Sometimes readers just need some nice encouragement to leave a comment, even if it's just an emoji reaction.

If the story is one you love writing, I hope you keep going at it! I hope these things might help make it easier, coz it can really get tough. But I hope it won't discourage you to keep going.

Now, if you want to potentially get more eyes to look at your work -- and therefore increase the chances of a reader who does comment to show up -- there are ways to do that. They're not all guaranteed, of course, and I've known MANY an amazing fic writer whose works can get overlooked for lots of reasons and the most popular work can be someone who's just managing to be striking it hot while the timing is right with the most popularly sought out tropes with decent enough execution on the ideas. Popularity does not equal skill and does NOT indicate people who are not popular enough are bad writers.

This response is getting kinda lengthy, so I'll leave it under the cut.

Some of that is of course making sure you're not posting in the AO3 dead zone hours (which I recently found out is a thing, wtf) (check this post out for more info ) so that it allows your chapter updates to show up on the front page of your pairing's tag and a better chance at new readers to see it.

There's also promoting the fic on a tumblr account (either a personal tumblr, a writing only tumblr, or a fandom only tumblr, whatever you want to choose) and using the right tags to get eyes on it (first 5 for it to show up on tagged pages and first 10 for in search results). Please don't use tags that have nothing to do with the fic --characters or pairings that aren't relevant -- because the fans of those tags will most likely just block you, but also it's easier to maintain tagging to relevant stuff as well. Also, it just makes fans of those characters or pairings annoyed, to the point of possibly writing posts about that very thing. And annoyed/mad fans will spread the knowledge of who is doing that kind of thing if they're mean/petty enough. Just better for everyone around to stick with fandoms, characters, and pairing tags that are relevant.

And don't be afraid to reblog your own work to promote it -- people have busy lives and also live in different timezones and countries and so whoever might be seeing might be like, 'oh! This fic updated!'

Another good tip is to regularly update but not post like 5 chapters at once. Max 2 chapters in one go is ok, but space out the chapter updates if you aren't already doing so. That allows people time to read each part through. The only exception I can think of for more than 2 chapters if it's like... the very end of the story, then people can be like 'oh this 20 chaptered fic is complete! I can start reading it now!'

Also, people love following authors they like on other platforms, so if you're comfortable with it, you can also leave in the author's notes the tumblr account you'd want them to interact with.

There's too making friends in the fandom you're in -- people who can understand and share your enthusiasm for why you wanna write this. Sometimes what we're searching for when wanting comments for our fics, other than validation, is just someone to connect to and seeing how what we created connected with them. Sometimes just getting a friend's comment can be better than a random person's.

And, while not all fandoms do this, some do, and that's to find a person or a fandom blog that helps promote other writers for their works and getting someone's eyes on it. Like a pairing/reading library or someone who routinely recs works and encourages others to send their fics in so they can check it out. That could also help! Of course, that's no guarantee the person or people running it WILL read it but sometimes you just gotta put yourself out there. You won't always strike but you never know.

Anyways, I hope all of this was helpful, anon! I do hope you get more good feedback on your fic, that someone will comment, and that you continue enjoying writing this story you love.

And of course, if none of this helps, sometimes it IS ok to step back and take a break. Take a break from the writing or in fandom, whether that's a day or a week or longer. No comments is not an indicator of your worth as a person or as a writer. Sometimes, stepping back to distract ourselves or to not think about it for awhile helps refocus it all.

[forestwater87]

Okay, for all of you who don't feel like watching Miles RP as David

Here are some of my favorite quotes. Context may be added if I feel like it. Reactions are my goblin brain screaming. All of these came from a discord so if they don't make sense . . . see goblin brain comment.

(That link should start directly at the point where he becomes David; if it doesn't, skip to 1:40:33)

In roughly chronological order:

David: "Teachers are sort of like camp counselors during the rest of the year."

The thing is David is absolutely up his own ass enough to think this.

David: "Trail mix is expensive!"

^ said to show he understands why not everyone can donate to the charity for teachers. Very adorable, am crying.

David's "ooooh" seeing one dude was extremely non-heterosexual. Fucking bicon. Him losing his mind that one of the arenas is called "Survey camp"

David: "A person's hitting me -- I'm sorry I'm sorry I'm sorry this is just pretend!"

This is just canonically how David plays video games. Either this or he's unwilling to commit violence at all, but I'll defer to Miles.

David: "That's very goat of you!"

Spencer: "Is David popular amongst his campers?"

David: "I like to think so! There's only 3 staff members, so I'm definitely in everyone's top 3."

"That also means you're in the bottom 3."

David: "Well, I choose not to think of it that way."

(I have to keep adding reacts so you can tell when one quote ends and another begins. Judge not lest ye be judged)

I think the other person in the stream is named Spencer. Friend of Miles. I know literally nothing else about him and am not even confident on those facts.

Every time he says something so non-David in his David voice I die: "I have a lot of grenades!"

David: "Oh my goodness, would you look at this beautiful scenery! Can we hike that mountain?"

This is so goddamn cute. I am dying. Miles looked at his fans and said "they will eat tonight" and I am so relieved.

David: "Not to be a couple of Greedy Garys, but I say we get this [care package] and then I'll drop another one!"

The fact that Miles is grinning like a lunatic the entire time is very good. (Also if this is formatted badly then I'm sorry but not all that sorry. I'm doing my best and David would be proud of me.)

David: "Didja getim? Didja getim? didja getim? How 'bout now?"

Spencer: "I didn't get 'em."

David: "Well, you tried your best and that's all that matters."

He calls healing "a little health kiss." I'm not sure why but it's very important to me.

David: [while jumping to murder someone] "Hi! Scuse me!"

(i just need something to separate the quotes okay)

David: "Well you know what gang, we did our best. You don't always win the 3-legged race. You did a wonderful job!"

Then there's a bit where they talk about Spencer's time at summer camp:

David: "ooooh hand-holding's pretty serious!"

David is too pure.

David: [dreamily] "Did you fall in love, Spencer? A summer love?" [puts hands up to his face]

Then there's the fact that David/Miles gets to pick where they play each round, and he keeps insisting on going to the one called "Survey Camp" every single time because it has the word "camp" in it.

David: "Now, I don't like to disagree, but . . . I was thinking we could go . . . to Survey Camp!"

Spencer reminds him that technically since David's the one with the power to choose, his opinion is the only one that matters:

David: "Everyone's opinion matters. And my opinion is we're going to camp."

David just steamrolling over Spencer's interests is very good. There are these little selfish nuggets sprinkled in among the wholesomeness that really capture the full David experience.

David: "Well, he's climbing up . . . he's coming my direction . . . oh, he looks scary . . ."

Spencer: "Is he coming towards me?"

David: "Oooh, I don't know. I'm dead!"

The positivity is relentless. I think Miles said on twitter afterwards that this whole thing was exhausting and I can see why. Being David is no picnic . . .

David: "I have a question: do we have to shoot each other in this game?"

And then a few seconds later:

David: "I'm just wondering if maybe there's a way we can, you know, help others. Talk through our issues."

And a few seconds after that:

David: "I was asking if they wanted to be friends in the game!"

I believe that moved killed him, too. Precious.

Also we're interrupting the real Miles!David content to share something my friend suggested to me while I was watching this and giving her quotes; she said that maybe David just calls everything camp to make life more fun, and then sent me this imaginary exchange that actually killed me all the way to death:

David: Gwen Santos would you go to marriage camp with me

Gwen: I'm going to have to change this story when I tell everyone

It made me laugh quite a bit.

Anyway, back to the video!

Spencer: "How do you sign up for [Camp Campbell]?"

David: "Well, um, you can fax, uh, an application to CameronCCampbell@hotmail.realwebsite.noreallyrealwebsite.com. And . . . you can know that myself and Gwen and Quartermaster and sometimes Mr. Campbell will do our best to make sure they get what they need! Which more than anything is love and support. And friendship."

Spencer: "How many dollars does this camp cost?"

David: "You know . . . it is, um . . ."

And then the conversation switches subjects and David breathes a sigh of relief.

Very shortly after this he changed his character from a woman (she was wearing a yellow shirt, which he liked because the campers wear yellow shirts) to "a Forward Scout with a positive attitude!"

"I like his style."

Spencer: "Does everybody abuse David verbally?"

David: "You know, sometimes people have harsh words. Mostly Max, and Neil, and Gwen, and Quartermaster, and Nurf."

Spencer: "Did you just list almost everyone?"

David: "Mmm . . . I'd say maybe a third."

Poor David. Somebody please protect him.

Spencer: "Yeah, I think people abuse David. I get that vibe. Or at least, I feel it in my heart. Like I wanna put ants in your bunk or something."

David: "Well, I think that says more about maybe some of the hurt you're carrying with you. And sometimes when people don't know how to process that, they act out. Do you want some trail mix?"

David just said his favorite part of trail mix is the raisins which is so cute. "They have a little bit of salt on them, which isn't typical for a raisin."

And he keeps telling chatters to watch their language.

David: "Who is my favorite camper? Aww, you know I couldn't pick a favorite! . . . But I know who has the most potential, even if he doesn't want to admit it."

I KNEW IT!!!!!

I've been saying for years that David doesn't have a favorite and gravitates towards the ones he thinks need him the most AND I FINALLY GOT ONE RIGHT!

David: "Well you know, Gwen swears and that's okay."

shipping intensifies

David: [gasp] "The moss is growing on the north side of the rock!"

Every time he nerds out about weird shit in the game I gain 3 seconds to my life.

Spencer: "Did you get teabagged?"

David: "What's that?"

Spencer: "It's where somebody places their most intimate bits on you for . . . friendship."

David: [softly] "Oh, I don't know about that."

Also David confirms that the whole show has been a single summer, so please see the "vindication" gif above.

David: "I know a lot of fun camp songs."

Spencer: "Sing 3."

David: [starts singing] "Bum-bum-bumblebee, bumblebee tuna, I love bumblebee, bumblebee tuna . . ."

Spencer: "Okay, please stop. I immediately regret this decision."

David: "Max said the same thing! One of my campers. And, uh, and my co-counselor, Gwen."

He's literally made of sunshine. I would die for this fictional man.

Spencer: "Are people at camp against their will? I feel like they are."

David: "No! . . . They don't always like it immediately, but it grows on them."

Spencer: "It sounds like they're there against their will."

David: "Well I just think that's a negative way of looking at it."

FWIW Spencer makes an excellent foil to David. Not as aggressive as Max or as dour as Gwen, but he brings a very . . . like, straight-man energy to the conversation. Like how a normal person would react to David IRL. I'd enjoy seeing these two interact more.

Spencer: "It's like your overpositivity is wanting me to balance it out with negativity."

David: "You know, I feel like that dynamic's pretty popular with me."

eeeeeeee <3

And the last one that I personally found noteworthy:

David: "One day we'll be able to afford safety equipment. Until then, we'll just have to deal with Quartermaster's Ropes Course. And a lot of pillows."

There's point near the last 20 minutes where either it got kinda boring or I just got too tired to keep track. But if there are any quotes you think I missed, please share them! This was a really lovely bit of content to feed our starving maw, and I appreciate Miles very very very much for taking one for the team.

[yutaholic]

I am sorry to all my fan fic writers out there but the drama in your asks these past days is probably the most interesting thing I've read recently 😅

Let me sit down and eat popcorn with you while I take no bullshit from these shitheads who keep on kissing their k-fans' asses and treating us intl fans even less than the bare minimum.

To think that from what I know (tho I never really got to confirm it, I just saw this from a post from a long time ago), SMEnt artists get more of their profits from overseas engagements (like in Korea they only get 10% but overseas they get 50%, something like that). And still they treat i-fans like shit.

I am also waiting for another scandal so they lose their delulu kfans and make them realize how fickle-minded those asses that they chose to kiss are.

Doyoung saying he would never get a girlfriend just to please the kfans? Bro can have his dick dried up like a raisin if he wants to keep living like that.

Yuta is probably the only member I've never been disappointed with among all of them. He knows how to put the fans into place. He can hit me with a ball to my face like what he did to that fan in the Manila concert and I would be thankful.

lol I deadass just got an ask wanting to know if I’m doing all this discourse for clout and I’m like what? I’ve actually lost a shit ton of followers since all this started but I’m enjoying the hell out of myself. I absolutely love watching drama that don’t involve me it’s fun watching my besties fight with their boyfriends! 🤣

Whoa they get more profits for foreign schedules than domestic? That’s wild and now I really can’t put together why they acting like this. Part of me loves puzzles, combining that with my psychology degrees and I’m just thinking hm what is the motivation for this behavior? Money is usually the first answer, but why the hell are they jeopardizing the bulk of their cash then? So my next theory is a trauma response (what happened with Superhuman)

I feel like Doyoung probably one of the few that has a steady girlfriend since he’s so vocal about NOT having one. Men always be projecting lol but “dick drying up like a raisin” has me howling 😂

For real I want Yuta to throw balls like he’s pitching to home plate at the SK concerts like bonk those bitches on the fucking forehead maybe they’ll come to some damn sense. And whoever told intl fans not to sing him happy birthday, I hope you step on a lego every morning.

[liesareeasier]

‘Trust The Living’ Chapter 4

A Daryl Dixon/ The Walking Dead Inspired Smut Fan-Fiction

*mature content warning*

Word Count: 3,111 words :)

By: Me, MoonFlowerWrites On WattPad ‘Trust The Living’

•••

We weren't sure if Merle was heading back to the group, and knew he wasn't in a good head space. I hoped everyone back at the quarry was alright. I didn't know Merle, other than meeting him briefly on that rooftop, but knew he carried a rage that wasn't easily controlled.

I tried to put these thoughts out of my head. There was no use. Once my anxiety started creeping in, it wasn't easily quelled. The night had already darkened the sky; the most dangerous time to be caught out in the open was underway.

The easy trip back to camp suddenly came to an end. As we came up the hill beside the quarry, we began to hear an eruption of gunshots and screaming. Holy fucking shit, what is going on?

Had Merle actually come seeking revenge? Was another group invading? We had been relatively safe from the dead up here, but had our time run out?

As we reached camp, the screams and gunfire were now deafening. The sight was horrifying. Geeks were swarming the area. The still-lit campfire illuminated the carnage in an eerie, orange glow. Blood splatter was all over the cars. Members of the group were laid dead, being torn apart by geeks. They were everywhere. At least 20, maybe even more. I could hear the children screaming and knew we had to act quickly.

"Rick, the guns!" I screamed, as he tossed me a pistol.

We instantly get to work. I don't know what came over me. We had killed a few walkers on the way here, Daryl and Rick doing most of the work. They seemed to be the most comfortable with it, and I didn't mind. We didn't have a choice now, though. We have to protect these people. Our people.

I ran with Glenn, towards Shane, who was doing his best until we'd arrived. I plunged my knife into the skull of one of the dead and grabbed the pistol that Rick had given me. Thank the universe we had found the guns. I cocked the pistol, firing a round at a geek who was uncomfortably close behind Glenn. He screamed a 'thank-you' to me, before firing a few shots of his own.

I've probably killed about 15 geeks at this point. Since the world as we knew it had ended, I considered myself pretty lucky. As much as getting stuck in Atlanta had sucked, I was grateful to have had the hideout that I did. A part of me had always wanted to live in a city apartment, before all this. I guess it felt like an upside-down version of that fantasy. I felt safe from the dead there and didn't have much interest in stabbing dead people in the head.

Tonight, I had added a few to that list of kills... we quickly took out the rest of the dead and the reality of the attack began to set in.

When the quiet set in, I could hear Carol crying over her husband. His face and neck had been torn apart. He was such a cruel man that I only felt bad for Carol and her daughter, not for him. Just yesterday, I overheard people mentioning that he beat her. I guess he had hit her down at the quarry, and Shane had beat the shit out of him. What a last day on earth.

He deserved what he got. I know that sounds harsh, but I couldn't stand abusers. This world has no room for any more cruelty. The dead don't stay dead and to be frank, we didn't need scum like him making it any harder for the living.

I tear my eyes away from Carol and see Andrea kneeling on the ground. Her sister Amy was bleeding out from her neck and shoulder. No, I screamed in my head, not wanting to say anything out loud and add to her already visible pain.

She lets out a deafening cry and I can feel her pain. This can't be happening... She can't be losing her sister. I hadn't vibed with Andrea but I couldn't watch this.

I instantly couldn't get thoughts of Katie, my sister, out of my head. I was witnessing yet another person losing their sibling. My vision started to blur and I felt like the wind was getting knocked out of me. I clutched my chest and walked towards the edge of our camp, towards my tent. I hadn't checked for any more geeks but I needed a moment to myself.

Walking over to my tent, I see it has been completely trampled by the dead. At least I didn't leave my stuff and sleeping bag in here. There were items in my bag that I didn't want to lose or get damaged.

My tent looked ruined, though. The metal frame was bent strangely and the fabric was soaked in blood. Great, just what I need after a night like this. This was the last thing I could take. I have had enough.

What is the fucking point? What the fuck? What are we doing here? Camping out in the open when this could happen at any moment? Why are we pretending like it's okay to be this close to each other?

I need to stop. I need to calm down. Everything was hitting me all at once. I tried clenching my fists but my fingernails started to cut my palms from gripping them so right. I realized I was on the verge of a panic attack when the darkest thought crossed my mind.

What if the same thing already happened to Katie? I'm fooling myself by thinking I can have a happy ending with her. She's stronger than me. If she hasn't found me by now, if she hasn't made it, there's no chance for me... I should leave. I should give up. Maybe I'm not strong enough for this. Maybe I should have given up a long time ago. I should have known I was too weak for this world...

I started wishing that the men from earlier had just killed me, when a hand on my shoulder startled me. I was on the verge of tears and couldn't see straight as I turned around. I reached for my hammer, bringing it up and taking a step back.

"Woah, Woah! Put that fucking thing down! I'm alive, I'm alive!" A familiar rough voice spoke out. "You alright?" he asked, his hands raised defensively, keeping his distance. I had just almost swung at him.

Daryl. I could now make out his figure and instantly threw the hammer to the ground. I can't believe I had threatened him when he was just trying to help me.

"I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I just-" I didn't know what to say. My thoughts were racing. "My tent, and Andrea, and Carol, and today... I just needed a minute."

"It's okay, figured." He was being quite understanding, considering he had probably seen my mini breakdown and had almost been assaulted by me.

I had tried to walk away from everyone so nobody would see me. I didn't want to seem weak in front of them. I didn't want them to regret taking me in. I was already doubting myself, to have anyone else bear witness would have sent me over the edge.

"I don't know about the other shit, but let me take a look at this," Daryl continued as he walked past me and over to my tent. He picked up my hammer and handed it to me. My tent was laying in a bloody, mangled mess near where I had it set up earlier.

I don't know why he's offering to help me. I still haven't gotten a good read on Daryl. I think he likes it that way. He seems used to protecting himself. I felt bad for teasing him down at the quarry earlier. I know he's just as stressed as anyone, even though he hides it better than most, and I didn't want to add to that.

"It's fine Daryl, really. It's my problem. I can ask to stay in one of the cars or the RV or something until I can find a new one," I replied. I truly didn't want to be a burden on anyone. Resources were scarce as it is. "It's my fault for leaving my tent up. It was so easy to put up and down, I should have been more careful."

"Really, it's no problem. It's mostly this piece right here," Daryl said holding up a broken piece of the frame. "Should be an easy fix with a bar from an extra canopy..."

He trailed off what he was saying as he continued to examine the damage. "I'll take a better look in the morning. As for the rest of it, just wash the blood off, and you're good."

I think he actually cracked a smile at me but it was a little too dark to tell. The moonlight was dim tonight and the glow of the fire doesn't quite reach this part of the camp.

I appreciate him for being so kind to me. He had lost a lot today. We had never found Merle after we realized he had to cut off his hand in order to survive being left on that rooftop. Daryl had had a terrible day and here he was trying to lighten my mood.

"Well, seeing as we already had one invasion of the dead tonight, I'm not taking my chances down at the quarry until morning," I said looking at the bloody mess in front of me. My tent would just have to be cleaned tomorrow. I started looking around for Dale. Maybe he'd allow me stay in the RV for the night.

"Grab your sleeping bag. You can use my tent tonight." Daryl said to me.

"No it's alright, you helped enough. Thanks Daryl, really, don't worry about it." I replied, still in confusion at his niceness towards me. It was hard to let anyone in.

"Well, it's going to be empty anyways. I'm staying up on watch tonight. I'll sleep a couple of hours in the morning before we figure out where to go next. Ain't no way we're staying here after this." He wasn't going to let me say no to his offer. "Grab your sleeping bag, take my cot, get some sleep. You're no use to yourself if you don't get your head clear."

"Thank you, Daryl," I said while trying to meet his eyes the best I could in the darkness. I knew he must have seen me cry earlier and he wasn't making me feel bad for it. I could tell he was a little uncomfortable with my emotional response and was trying to fix it. I wanted to give him a handshake or a hug but didn't know if that would make him uncomfortable.

I walked over to the RV, grabbed both my pack and sleeping bag, and avoided anyone on my way back to Daryl's tent. I felt bad for ignoring Glenn. I noticed him looking at me as I grabbed my stuff, but he was talking to Rick and I could just find him in the morning. Thankfully nobody else tried to talk to me and I made my way over to Daryl quickly.

He was waiting for me when I got back, crossbow still slung on his back like it had been all day. He never went anywhere without that thing. Maybe I could go hunting with him soon, bag him a squirrel or something as a thank you, and he'd let me use it.

"It's not much, but you can sleep up on the cot. There are some old pillows, um, feel free to use one. Don't know how clean they are though, sorry. There's a light if you need it. Like I said, I'm staying up on watch, so I'll be right out here." He gave me a quick rundown.

I looked inside his tent to find a cot, a few pillows that looked clean enough, and a little table set up with a lantern and a few knives.

Daryl had been holding the tent door open with his arm for me to step in. He was so close to me, that I could feel the heat radiating off of his body. He seemed hesitant to enter with me, just staying outside. I either made him nervous or he was annoyed by me. I just really hoped he didn't regret offering me his tent. I had been reluctant to accept his offer, but I was so tired.

"Again Daryl, thank you. I seriously do appreciate this. Thank you isn't enough, though." I wanted to show him how grateful I was.

"If it pans out tomorrow, I'm going to go hunting for the group. It's the least I can do after all we've lost tonight. And I personally owe you some squirrels or rabbits for letting me stay in here. Daryl, I appreciate this so much." I leaned in for a half hug. He was stiff but let me hold him for a second before replying.

"Hell, I can't say no to an offer like that." He replied as I pulled away from him and I could definitely now see him smile in the low moonlight. "Wash that shit off your tent in the morning, and then we can go scrounge up something. Goodnight, Emma."

I had thought he had forgotten my name. I had introduced myself so quickly earlier and I wasn't exactly kind while doing so.

"I didn't think you remembered my name..." I didn't mean to say it out loud, sounding like a complete idiot.

"You did scream it at me earlier." Daryl quickly responded. "And you think I'm going to forget the name of the person that tried to help me save my dumbass brother today?" He rolled his eyes, but not in a condescending way. "Seriously? Goodnight Emma." He was almost offended that I thought our day together was meaningless to him.

"Goodnight Daryl." I smiled at him and held his gaze for a moment before he turned away. I liked the way my name sounded when he said it....

He didn't blame me for not finding Merle. That was a relief. Instead, he had essentially thanked me for helping him today. I felt grateful that I hadn't caused him any more pain. I could go to bed and put the horrors of the day behind me.

I turned on the lantern so that I could get changed into my pajamas. I felt safe enough to get out of my 'day clothes' with the others, and especially Daryl, keeping watch. I didn't think we would have to leave camp until the next day. I could just change back in the morning.

Luckily I didn't seem to get much blood on my clothes earlier, just a little on my face and arms. I really didn't want to have to wash all of my clothes along with my tent tomorrow.

I knew I had to get changed quickly, not wanting the light to attract any geeks to our location. I slipped off my jacket, shirt, and jeans, while leaving on my bralette and underwear.

I wet a rag from my bag, and used it to wash my face and body of blood. I would kill for a face cleanser and a moisturizer right now. I would have to grab some if I came across it. I missed any semblance of a routine, even if it was just skincare.

I started to wonder if Daryl could see me from outside the tent. The yellowish glow of the lantern provided plenty of light for me to retrieve my pajamas from my pack. I changed out of my panties, leaving my black bralette on, and began slipping my clean clothes on my tired body.

I didn't mind if he could see me. There was something about him that was drawing me in. I knew I was trying to deny it, but I couldn't stop thinking about him. Daryl seeing a glimpse of my silhouette from outside the tent could serve as a little 'thank-you' for him, for helping me earlier.

I laid down in my sleeping bag, on top of his cot. I pulled one of his pillows up so that I could rest my head. I was sore and trying to put off processing the long day that I had. I just needed to fall asleep quickly. The pillow smelled like Daryl and it was comforting. It smelled of cedar and musk and my mind, again, went to him.

When he had first asked, I didn't know if he had been offering for me to stay in here alone or with him. A part of me wished that he had wanted to stay. I felt dirty for thinking that, like he would have laughed off any notion of the possibility. There was something intriguing about him but I felt like he thought he was fine on his own. There's no way he could be thinking about me like this.

I had all but given up on anything like that. There wasn't much time to think about relationships or sex or anything like that with the threat of the dead around any corner.

Still, I was left wondering what it would be like to fall asleep next to Daryl. His strong arms wrapped around my curves, holding me close in this fucked up world, ready to grab his crossbow and defend us at the first sign of danger...

I started to fall asleep while imagining him holding me. For some reason, I felt embarrassed, worried he would somehow know what I was thinking. I could hear him pacing outside the tent, keeping watch as I tried to get some rest.

He had proved himself to be a great asset to this group and to surviving in this world. He was willing to put others before himself but stay true to who he was.

I decided that I wanted to know more about him, if he would allow me. I finally drifted off to sleep, the notes of Daryl's scent on his borrowed pillow comforting me. Fuck, I'm in for it with this man...

[alison-anonymous]

I Want to Write a Mikayuu Series

Okay.

So um.

If you're reading this, HELLO. All of you long time ONS fans probably don't know me, but I'm Alison and I'm a hardcore Mikayuu, Mitsunoa, Gureshin, etc shipper. I've been in the ONS fandom for almost a year and dear god. The amount of people telling me that Mikayuu is queerbait is just making me really sad 😅 I'm a writer, and I'm the type of person who honestly feels like the author of a series should have the ability to choose how a story ends without influence of their readers. I mean, if it's their story, then it should be their ending, right? However, I also do have some qualms when it comes to how this "love triangle" between Yu, Mika, and Shinoa is being portrayed. This is entirely my personal opinion, but I feel like Shinoa seems to be forcing herself to love Yu. I honestly don't think she cares for him in a romantic way, but more of a very deep-rooted admiration or even envy that she's trying to convince herself to be romantic love. And Yu has said multiple times that he values Mika's life above his own, that he doesn't know what he would do without him if he were to die again (I mean the fact that he suffered seeing his best friend and potential lover die a first time was definitely scarring enough, PLEASE STOP TORTURING OUR POOR BABIES). And it's basically confirmed by now that when Mika said I love you in the manga, it was in the romantic sense. Even though I wish, I hope, I dream, and I pray that Mikayuu will become canon, I honestly can't say for certain what I think will happen. I think it could sway any way, with Mikayuu becoming canon, Yu and Shinoa becoming canon, or it being one of those ambiguous endings where it's heavily implied but nothing actually happens. And in order to make myself feel better when stuff like this happens, I tend to rewrite the entire story with the ending that I would have liked to see ;)

You're probably wondering where the hell this stranger is going with this. Well, I want to write a book. A series, actually.

One that's inspired by Seraph of the End.

Now, if you're interested in hearing me out, then feel free to keep reading. But if not, continue on with your scrolling, no hard feelings. But if you do, and I really hope that you do, give me a chance to explain.

I want to write a series inspired by Seraph of the End called Bloodsucker (working title, obviously). And this series is going to be a reimagination of ONS with an ending that I would have loved to see in the anime and manga. I plan to have three main characters (please keep in mind that I'm going to have name changes): Yuichiro, Mikaela, and a brand new character, Epic.

Now, I would begin this series a bit before the anime and I'm assuming the manga begins. I'd start with introducing our main three characters as they meet in the orphanage (yes, Epic would be a part of this orphanage as well) and how Epic and Yu try to make moves to run away only to be stopped by Mika and Akane.

I plan to include a scene between Epic and Akane where Epic tries to run out in the middle of the night only to be stopped by Akane, and this is what caused Epic to develop a crush on her (Epic is a girl btw). Then I would begin the whole shit with the vampires and how they set the world on fire and shit, but instead of the apocolypse, I'd make it so that most of the adults died in the fire while the kids were taken alive (because young blood is better and whatnot). This includes our little Hyakuya family. The directors would have tried to trade the kids lives for their own, and due to their selfishness, the vamps killed them and took the kids anyway.

This would begin my first story arc: the prewar.

Epic, Akane, Mika, and Yu would all be living under the vampires at this point along with the rest of the kids in their orphanage. I plan to include lots of moments of bonding that heavily imply Epic loves Akane even though she doesn't know it yet and Mika loves Yu, but Yu is fucking oblivious. The four begin to plot their escape, but while Mika and Akane (yes Akane too) are making deals with the vampires to help out with their family, Epic is constantly finding herself getting dragged along to visit Queen Krul. The pink haired vamp has a soft spot for her for some reason and often tells her that Epic and her family are "special" or sum shit. And she's super confused and semi grossed out. But none of the vamps ever dare to hurt her so she thinks it's fine. Then one day they all plot their escape and it's much more planned out and lengthy and less rushed than it is in the anime. Things almost seem to work out until the vampires stop them

And Mika and Akane DIE.

I know. I'm horrid.

Epic is standing here in shock as she watches the love of her life die before her and Mika BEGS for Yu to take Epic and run while they can. So while in the series only Yu survives, he obeys Mika and both him and Epic survive this. They're found by Guren (a new character I haven't come up with yet lol) and Yu is super protective over Epic, not wanting anyone to take the only piece of his family he has left (he's a fucking mess without Mika let's just be honest) and Guren ends up taking them under his wing.

Now we hit the second arc. Still with me?

The War.

Hold onto your hats everyone because this is where shit is about to get complicated. So I do plan to have a bit of a time skip into the current spot where Yu and Epic are attending school with Guren as their father figure and they've become very close. So close that Yu refuses to work with anyone else but her. They end up getting onto Shinoa Squad (obviously going to be completely different in my version) and they get put onto the battlefield. But here's the catch. Well, two catches.

Yu and Epic do have demon weapons. I do plan to try to incorporate that into this. BUT the backstory is different. I plan to make it so that the vampires obviously see the humans as fies. Insignificant things that are more playthings than threats. And they didn't want to have to deal with killing all of them, so they sent demons in their place to handle it. But the humans were able to form deals or "contracts" with the demons and therefore turned the vampires' own secret weapon against them.

Now, catch no. 2

So, Epic, Mika, and Yu aren't seraphs in this. But they are something else. I'm going to try to explain this as simply as I can, but each of them (besides Mika since he doesn't have a demon) have 3 souls inside their body:

Soul 1 is their current soul, the one that identifies as Mika or Epic or Yu.

Soul 2 is their demon soul, like what Asuramaru is to Yu.

And soul 3 is their archangel soul (I might change that name later on).

So I'm just going to come right out and say it. In this series, Epic is the villain.

Yes.

You read that right.

Epic is the villain. But she doesn't know that she is. These Soul 3s were reincarnated into the current bodies of Mika, Epic, and Ari (and I know that's not exactly how it works but screw logic this is just a fucking concept) from their lives centuries ago.

These souls existed way before vampires existed and Epic (or Essie) was very close friends with Yu (or Aytigin). Aytigin was in love with Haru (Mika) but for one reason or another, they couldn't be together. Essie wanted to do something, willing to do anything to make the two of them happy. So she made a deal that brought the vampires into creation so that Haru and Aytigin could be happy. She was willing to sacrifice everything that they stood for so that the two of them could be in love together.

She had good intentions, but of course Haru and Aytigin were furious because now the vampires were turning against the humans and they all basically died. Until they were reborn respectively, but unknowingly.

Now picking back up in the present, Yu and Epic are fighting in one of the main battles and the two are very confused when the vampires make a very deliberate attempt not to hurt Epic. They're unsure as to why, but Guren tells them not to worry about it.

Suspicious bastard.

Anyway, it's revealed finally that MIKA IS ALIVE

BUT HE'S ALSO DEAD

Yes he is a vampire. And Yu falls in love all over again upon seeing him, and after a bunch of struggling, Epic gets kidnapped. At first she gets strangled by Lacus and then she gets kidnapped by Ferid who doesn't kill her surprisingly.

Oh and uh... Ferid is nice in this. He's still a fucking creep, but he's a lot nicer than he is in the series. I plan to make Queen Krul or whoever I turn her into be the villain.

Anyway, they take Epic back to the vampire palace or whatever and Queen Krul and Epic are reunited! And Krul is the one who reveals to Epic exactly who she, Mika, and Yu are and this is what sparks Epic's fall to insanity.

I mean, she's the killer. She's the one who brought them into this world. She's responsible for every death the vampires cause.

I would go crazy too.

So, she manages to escape (partially thanks to Mika) and the two join Yu and the others again and it's revealed a second time exactly what is going on. And while no one actually blames Epic on the Shinoa Squad, that doesn't stop people like Kureto and even herself from blaming.

And this causes her demon to go haywire.

She begins losing her marbles, almost killing her teammates and trying to kill herself, all while the three begin to experience dreams or visions of their Soul 3s.

While all this shit is going on, there's heavy romance between Mika and Yu because these two lovers just got reunited and FUCK did they have glow ups but yes -

Oh. And there is another spark for Epic, even though she doesn't think she's worthy of love.

Okay. I'm just gonna say it.

Lacus falls in love with Epic. Yes. You read that correctly too.

I plan to make the two of them get trapped together at some point and they have to work together to escape. It's during this time that Epic realizes he's not all that bad and has some form of self control and he realizes that she's the most interesting thing he's ever met in this disgusting and boring life and damn do her eyes look pretty-

But yes. She forms a permanent alliance with him that he jokes about as marriage and they meet on other occassions too, but lol yes.

Anyway, blah blah blah, more fall to insanity, the Soul 3s take over their bodies on multiple occasions and there's a lot of bonding and fighting and Epic and Mika somehow manage to get some of the vampires on the human side.

And in the end, Epic and Yu basically sacifice themselves to save the human race and kill Queen Krul. It's a very rough ending I haven't quite perfected yet, but Yu has a moment like he did with the King of Salt. But though he inflicted a lot of damage, it's not enough. So while the team is worried about him, Epic takes this opportunity to fix her and Essie's mistakes.

She allows both Essie and her demon to take control of her body and dies on the battlefield. Queen Krul is eliminated. Most of the vampires are gone. The humans won.

Horray.

Epic is dead.

Kinda. Yu and Mika take her back home and this is the preview to the last arc where everyone's in the hospital and Epic's in a coma. Mika and Yu barely ever leave her side and it's only when Lacus of all people comes to visit that she fucking wakes up.

Okay. Are you still with me? Now come with me to the final arc.

The Post-War.

No my friend. It doesn't end there. Because Mika and Lacus are still vamps and life still sucks and I drank too much coffee this morning.

No it's not over yet.

So flash forward a couple years and Kureto and Crew are working as the heads of this city. Stuff is being rebuilt, people are settling down in homes, Lacus and some of the other "good" vampires find jobs, and Mika, Yu, and Epic get a house together (in case I didn't mention before, Epic is pansexual. She loved Akane dearly and I plan to include scenes where she sees her in her mind and dreams like Mikayuu so she's never truly gone, but she falls for Lacus too when he's not being a sadistic asshole). Things are going strangely when

BAM. Epic and Yu come up with a cure for vampirism.

How, you may ask? I don't fucking know, I haven't read about it in the manga yet but before we come up with an idea for it, imma say they came up with it through a spell. They share their findings with Guren and soon all vampires are being cured, most notably Mika, Lacus, and even Rene.

BUT and there's always a but, Kureto passes a new law claiming all vampires to be property. That any vampire or previous vampire or even vampire supporter/owner that tries to disobey these new laws is to be killed immediately. Now Epic and Yu are in jeopardy because their ex-vampires are in danger (Epic and Lacus have been hanging out a lot more and he's proven himself to be a decent guy. Contrary to popular belief, I headcanon him as not really knowing what to do when he actually cares about someone since he's been a heartless vamp for so long. So when he turns to Mika and begrudgingly asks him for LOVE ADVICE of all fucking things, Mika is ready to die). So basically, Mika and Lacus end up getting locked up along with the other ex-vamps (including Ferid which was a pain in the ass) and did I forget to mention that there's a proposal?

Oh yeah, Yu proposes to Mika and the blond still has yet to give him an actual answer because poor baby is still having a hard time accepting that Yu can love a "monster" like him.

But anyways, now Epic and Yu are furious and SHINOA SQUAD IS BACK IN BUSINESS. With the help of Guren and Shinya and everyone, they form a sort of rebellion and blah blah blah they manage to get Mika and Lacus and everyone out and blah blah blah they all get separated and Lacus begins to get INSANELY protective of Epic and ends up confessing his feelings to her before he nearly dies and blah blah blah did I forget to mention that I'm making Mitsunnoa and Kimizuki x Yoichi canon and blah blah blah.

Epic kisses Lacus as an instinct. Lacus kisses her again. Mika accepts Yu's proposal then almost dies AGAIN. I kill off some characters for emotional tugs and after a ton of more fighting and revenge and psychological breakings later, Kureto is killed. And Guren (or someone else haven't decided yet) is the new head of their city.

Epic, Mika, and Yu finally let Akane and the kids go. There's a lot of Shinoa Squad bonding but this is a summary so I haven't included much besides the main three. Epic and Lacus becomes canon. Mika and Yu get married. Guren and Shinya get married. Shinoa gets pregnant.

And everyone gets the FUCKING HAPPY ENDING THAT THEY ALL FUCKING DESERVE BECAUSE FUCK

I do plan to be slightly ruthless like the creator and include a lot of heartbreaking scenes, but it's going to be much different than ONS but I still want it to hold on to some core relationships.

I just want them to be happy. And I just want to make other people happy because fuck I JUST WANT TO BE HAPPY

So. Yeah.

That's Bloodsucker...

So my question to you is... if I wrote this shit.

If I sat down and typed about 30 books roughly inspired by Seraph of the End and Mikayuu and Mitsunnoa and shit...

Would anyone read it?

♡ a.a.

[kiwikyuu]

━━━━━━━━ greatest asset ; oikawa tōru

summary — there was only one thing you could think in that moment; oikawa could not lose his greatest asset no matter the cost

word count — 1.3k

genre — imagine ; enemies to lovers, slight angst, fluff

warning(s) — car accident + coma, self sacrifice (read: not death). sort of cliché oops, cursing, not edited

a/n — i read a hand holding headcanon and something about it just spurred this idea in me. also this might be a little out of character but everything just kinda made sense in my head so oops. it has been so long since i've written imagines so please be patient with me

❝ IT ALL HAPPENED SO FAST, BUT HE SHOULD HAVE BEEN FASTER. ❞

They called him the Great King—Oikawa the Great. He was a star on and off the court. With his impeccable serves and his seemingly endless fan club of girls, people found it hard to believe that a guy so stuck up his own flat ass could ever yield willingly to someone.

Then you came into the picture.

You two clashed in every way possible from the moment you met. The dislike was mutual and unwavering. There were even whispers that Oikawa found you more intolerable than Kageyama Tobio, the infamous genius setter of Karasuno High.

"There's a thin line between love and hatred, Y/N."

"Yeah, it's called rationality, Tōru, and my balance is impeccable."

Bickering became but a pastime between you two, and considering that you took the same bus as Oikawa, it happened often.

It was foggy out this afternoon. Mondays were his day off, which meant you found yourself walking stubbornly beside him. Oikawa tried his best not to mind you, but his eyebrows furrowed in frustration regardless.

"Take a picture, Tōru. It'll last longer," you said, narrowing your eyes at him as the bus stop came into view just across the street.

He scoffed. "Like I'd want a picture of you in my phone."

You rolled your eyes at him. "Stop acting so high and mighty, you arrogant asshole."

Arrogant asshole.

There it was, the words he had heard so many times before whether it was directly at him on the court or behind his back when he was turned. Everyone always had something to say, something to critique.

Oikawa wasn't sure why it bothered him so much today, but it did. Maybe it was the recent loss against Shiratorizawa at Inter-High, or maybe it was the underlying fear of not wanting to be like Kageyama and knowing what you said sounded exactly like something that he would have said to insufferable first-year. Regardless, it struck a nerve and it struck hard.

You had never seen the expression that Oikawa had donned cross his face before, and for the first time, you worried you had overstepped. Sure, he was annoying, but your comments were always meant to irritate not cause genuine harm.

"You know Y/N, for someone who acts so smart you're really fucking dense," Oikawa said, his voice small but slowly getting louder. He let out a booming laugh as he turned to face you.

"Calm down," you said.

Oikawa shook his head. "I mean, arrogant asshole? Your vocabulary is shit. Why not pompous prick or ingenuine idiot?" He took a step forward as you took one back leaving the both of you to stand dangerously close to the edge of the sidewalk.

"You're going to – " slip if you don't be careful.

But the damage had already been done, and Oikawa felt his foot slide off the curb. He would have went flailing backwards if he hadn't had the reflexes of a skilled volleyball player. He steadied himself quickly, shoes coming down flat against the asphalt of the side of the road.

For a moment, you thought he was safe again because he hadn't hurt himself. The fog was thick but not thick enough to cover the blinding headlights of an approaching car that definitely did not have enough time to swerve safely away from Oikawa who didn't even realize what was happening behind him.

There was only one thing you could think in that moment; Oikawa could not lose his greatest asset no matter the cost. You weren't stupid. You knew if the car hit him, it would have affected his hands. What was a setter without functioning hands?

It was a split-second decision. Suddenly, you were pulling Oikawa back onto the sidewalk as the momentum propelled you forward to take his place.

It all happened so fast, but he should have been faster.

Everything went dark but not before you saw the abject horror in Oikawa's eyes.

A week later, you woke up in the hospital.

"If those are tears in your eyes, Shittykawa, I'm going to – "

"You're too mean, Y/N. You just woke up from a coma."

The doctors had informed you that considering your injuries, it would take you at least a month to recover and that was if you were lucky. You weren't overjoyed to be missing school, but Aoba Johsai was just considerate enough after a certain whiny setter complained to everyone he possibly could to provide accommodations so you'd be able to graduate in time.

Meanwhile, during your recovery, if Oikawa wasn't practicing for the upcoming Spring Nationals, he was to be by your side.

"I saved your life, Tōru, so you bet your flat ass that you're going to help me during recovery," you said when he objected to your request. Eventually, he agreed.

And so began an interesting friendship.

The students of Aoba Johsai were shocked when they found out. Oikawa Tōru, the Great King of the court, reduced to a compliant errand boy?

Iwaizumi was just glad Oikawa had finally met his match. Perhaps, this would turn to be for the better.

"Tōru, buy me milk bread."

"Only if we can share." THUD. "Y/N, you hit almost as hard as Iwa-chan."

"I'm bored, Tōru."

"Okay, and?"

"Stupidkawa, read me a story."

"Jared, 19."

"Oikawa, I want bubble tea."

"And milk bread?"

"You know me so well now."

Until finally you were discharged, and with your recovery, a strong bond with the pretty setter that made your heart flutter from time to time.

The volleyball team was still preparing for Spring Nationals which was slowly approaching. Oikawa, now able to turn his full attention to it, fully immersed himself into practice. He was the captain after all.

And it was only once you started to drop by that you noticed it.

It being the swarm of butterflies that pooled in your stomach whenever you found yourself around Oikawa now. For some reason, you could no longer overlook the handsome features of his face or the attractiveness in his confidence.

Really, you wanted nothing more than to disappear in a hole once you realized.

Iwaizumi figured out Oikawa's feelings for you before he did.

It was the way the usually level-headed setter would become even more boastful on the court if you were sitting in the bleachers during their practices. Sometimes, a slight pink even tinged his cheeks when you managed a smile at him.

Slowly, the two of you were falling for each other more and more.

Oikawa would take you home after practice if you were still there, getting off at your stop which was three earlier than his so he could walk you.

"You don't have to take me all the way, Tōru."

"I want to."

You would come bearing gifts the next morning after a particularly rough night, somehow managing to get through all his fan girls to give him milk bread packaged prettily and decorated with a post-it note holding a message.

"Cheer up, Stupidkawa."

"You really know what warms my heart, Y/N."

It continued like this for a while. Iwaizumi declared he'd kick Oikawa off the team if he had bear any more of this overly-sweet pre-relationship period. Then finally it happened.

Mondays were his day off, which meant you found yourself walking happily beside him. Oikawa and you were bumping shoulders—a back-and-forth that you were now used to.

"We should get bubble tea," you decided.

"And milk bread," he added.

You stared at him blankly. "You had milk bread like every day this week. How are you not sick of it?"

"I hang out with you every day, and I'm not sick of you," he countered.

"Yeah, but I'm not bread," you said, still looking at him blankly despite the bubbling pit of affection in your chest at his words.

Oikawa nodded thoughtfully. "You're better."

You scoffed, trying to play it off, though your cheeks burned. "Your fan girls would trample me if they heard," you joked. "Something about stealing you from them when we're not even – "

"Go out with me."