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kindnessoverperfection · 1 year ago

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There are two paths before me.

One is overgrown, full of thorns and bristles and broken branches. The other is sunny and clear.

Surely, the first will lead to nothing but risk, danger, and pain, while the second will be a blissful, joyful walk.

But there's nothing for me on that clear path. No food, no life, no person out there besides myself. I know that the overgrown path can grant me all those things and more, if only it weren't such a wretched way to go.

So I spend some time on the clear path, walking forward until I can't take the loneliness and discontent anymore, and I turn back. But when I arrive where I started, the first path is still overgrown, worse still than before. Frustrated and feeling helpless, I start down the clear path again. When I decide to take care of myself and survive instead of starving to death on the barren trail, I turn back again. And again, the other is overgrown and terrifying.

I go back and forth, until I fall to my knees, crying and begging for someone, anyone, to help me. To remove the thorns and bristles and branches.

And then I realize, this entire time, I've been running from the pain. I've been waiting for the trail to clear up on its own, to grant me safe and easy passage.

It wasn't my fault I was never taught wilderness survival - I don't know how to make it through such an area, bandage the scrapes and wear functional gear and step over the branches. But I can learn, even if I'll experience some hurt along the way.

#i've been improving but #i decided to spend my time on things that matter instead of spending it on my appearance #i've been practicing doing that a lot #but it's still really hard sometimes. i feel so desperate to prove myself. to hide the autism and anything else they've ridiculed.#prove to them that i can. that that's ''not me''. trying to heal inherently means taking care of myself and investing in my actual #interests rather than wasting my life so i can look pretty and come off appealing and confident and NT and whatever else #but the shame and desperation are so strong i've spent the day crying just because i didn't spend the time to make myself the #most impressive person in the room lmaooo #anyways. realized that i always run into the same roadblock. ''this hurts really badly so i'm going to run back into the arms of NPD becaus #that feels safe and stable''#people can look down on me. not take me seriously. assume i'm incompetent or incapable. find me shameful or embarrassing or flawed.#they can make fun of me. talk about me behind my back. show disgust or disdain. abandon me with no explanation. exclude me. reject me.#and yeah it hurts. it hurts so fucking bad. but hiding who i am and turning everything into a source of approval-seeking is making me #actively want to die. and i'm incapable of getting close to anyone or anything like this. i need to acknowledge the pain and let it hurt.#learn to deal with it instead of run from it.

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romansleftshoulderpad · 11 months ago

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As a writer, I love going back through the comments I've gotten on AO3. I promise that the minute you take of your time has been appreciated for hours/months/years

#I still get comments on a fic I wrote about??? 5 years ago?? and it means so much to me #It's also genuinely such a nice boost of confidence #It's really easy as humans to dismiss anything old of yours as bad #But it makes me happy knowing I've improved #Your comment saying I'm a good writer based on that? Oh BAYBEE it's been constant practice since then

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pigeonstab · 3 months ago

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A little softness for the Soul

comm for @/58local

#ARGGGGGHGGHH #Anyway #This took forever but like look at it #I've been drawing basically everyday and I think it's helped my art #Comms making me Improve ùwú #my art #undertale au #utmv #sans au #pigeon's art stuff #undertale #kustard #Kinda #underfell sans #sans undertale #undertale au sans #sans underfell #commission

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drivebypainter · 4 months ago

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Redraw of this, plus some doodles!!

#I've been using my art tablet more!!#you can see my improvement in the doodles HAHA #I got way more confidant in my art skills the more I was drew on my tablet #svsss #shen jiu #original shen qingqiu #shen qingqiu #drivebypainter art #my art

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egg-noodle · 27 days ago

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#danika doodles #I've been trying to improve my painting skills recently #I've always struggled with values so I'm slowly learning how to achieve something that's a little more rooted in realism #Gotta keep my brain active by learning something new :D

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sulfurzee · 2 months ago

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Something about the Trawlerman having two faces

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kiwidaru · 5 months ago

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I want them to be the gambling power couple they were always meant to be 😩

#huskerdust #hazbin hotel #angel dust hazbin hotel #husk hazbin hotel #been sitting on this one for a while #couldnt get it to look quite how i wanted #but i like to think I've improved since this one!

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squalamander · 1 month ago

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while I was studying for the mcat 2 years ago, I drew some self-motivators after every practice test :)

and now that I've got an interview tomorrow for my dream school, I drew em again!!

these are how my self-pep talks went btw. they went uh.. two very distinct ways.

and of course, a very special guest :)

wish me luck!!! <3

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poorly-drawn-mdzs · 8 months ago

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Thank you all for an incredible 500 days of love and support. I offer you: answers to questions that no one has asked.

(As always, more can be found in the tags <3)

#poorly drawn mdzs #mdzs #wei wuxian #a-qing #jin ling #wen ning #jiang cheng #“Hey wait this feels like there should have been way more content for questions” Yes. There was.#I was not strong enough to redraw *all* of what was lost. Rest in piece the original (lost to tea related accident)#But I'll tell you all the fun other things that would have been drawn out right here in the tags!#Did you know my longest posting streak was 61 days? And my longest hiatus was 6 days?#Did you know I missed posting on 92 days of those 500 days - meaning I posted 82% of the time on a daily basis?#I'm normal about collecting data. I have so much data on this blog for normal reasons. I'm also so normal about art. The normalest.#Honorable mention for the character rankings: Lan Wangji! for “Most improved in rank”.#Sorry Lan Wangji fans but until the audio drama I honestly was...pretty indifferent towards him.#I think a huge part of that was due to the fact he's constantly paired up with WWX; who has *so* much charisma and steals the scene #But I've really come to like him a lot more since starting this project. He rose from mid-tier to being in the top ten!#Dishonorable mention: Nie Huaisang. Who fell out of number 1 spot and out of the top 5.#He just hasn't shown up a lot! And my rankings are fickle! They will probably change once I finish the third season!#My favourite comics are: A lot of them! And the ones I have yet to make!#I'm very sleepy at the moment while writing this but I do want to give a huge shout out to YOU.#Yeah! you reading this! Thank you! If you've been here since the first week or just started reading: THANK YOU!#If you've only ever lurked and never even liked a single post but still read my comics: THANK YOU!!#In creating this blog - I have found 500 days of more happiness that I could have ever imagined.#Thank you for joining me on this journey. Thank you for giving me your time and your support.#It means more than any 'thank you' could say B'*)

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evercelle · 2 months ago

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2024 art summary! it sure has been a year

#ever makes art #i bsky tweeted a bit but it feels weird talking there still so ill do my usual rambling into tags here :)c #i burned out super bad in the middle of this year for months where it felt like i couldnt draw anything good no matter how hard i tried #and the harder i tried the worst it felt - to the degree that i legitimately thought i wasnt going to be able to draw anything again #which sounds SO dramatic i know i know. but feelings arent always rational!!! and so many others things were going wrong at the same time #so it was strange putting together this year's art summary and realizing Huh. i did still have paintings to put in every space #that fear/anxiety spiral seems even sillier and more meaningless now that i have distance and proof of how irrational it was...#...but in reflection i'd like to think of it as proof that even when you feel at your worse it's worth it to keep trying...!!#after the Black Hole of Nothing i've been working every day on never ending doujin and xv anthology and orv sketchzine and merch #i can't say that i feel my artistic skills have like. improved or anything... but the passion i feel for the stories i read and #the stories i want to tell is still there!! and the happiness from getting to put form to those feelings large or small is worth it too #anyway......... lotta words to say tho i haven't posted much anymore and socmed is imploding and the world is dark #thank you very much for staying with me another year. i am - as ever - always grateful

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renata-dp · 3 months ago

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Got really nostalgic about those two after watching the last Underverse episode and rewatching the whole X-Tale series again so I felt the need to make some quick fanarts (they will always live rent free in my mind)

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uncanny-tranny · 9 months ago

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Periodic reminder from your friendly neighbourhood gymbro: The work you put in will come back. If you modify your workouts, the reward will still come to you.

So do knee pushups (no, we're not calling them "girl pushups"). Do weight machines. Put the resistance or weight low on machines.

The reward of fitness still benefits you because fitness is not a punishment. It should never be used or seen as a punishment for existing. Fitness is just... part of existence for many of us. However your fitness looks is fine. Don't let the broader fitness culture tell you that you need to do things their way. You'll be fine with what you're doing. If you stop needing modifications as you start doing more intense workouts, great! But if you never stop using modifications, then that's fine because fitness isn't a punishment or admittance of failure.

#anti fitness culture #anti diet culture #positivity #gentle reminders #i use the weight machines and i still benefit because i put in the work just the same as if i did free weights #i've INCREASED my weights significantly since starting #i lift more than my body mass regularly on some of these machines - how is that not improvement?#i love being a non-toxic gymbro <3 #BACK TO MY WORKOUT #also i'm like... sixty pounds away from maxing out a couple of the leg machines. like i have been IMPROVING #like guys. please be normal to yourself about your fitness level PLEASE

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mikesbasementbeets · 10 months ago

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Sometimes I think it's just scary to open up like that. To say how you really feel. Especially to people you care about the most. Because what if... what if they don't like the truth? // Sometimes people don’t really say what they��re really thinking. But, you capture the right moment… it says more. // I didn't say it. // You didn't have to.

[remake of my very first gifset one year later]

#byler #mike wheeler #will byers #stranger things #mikesbasementgifs #hiii i rly love making gifs i'm so glad i started it's been so much fun playing and learning and i'm genuinely so surprised and also #proud of myself for how far i've come in a year. theres so much more i want to learn and seeing how much i have visibly improved is #great motivation to keep pushing myself and trying new things... like this actually i've never done a set like this before dhjsfdsdjhs #also if you’ve ever said nice things about my gifs please know that i love you it means the world to me <3333333 #anyway look at these gay boys they want to kiss each other on the mouths!!! (and they will!!!!!)#ok byeeeeeeeeeeeee

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blingblandart · 9 days ago

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