#i've been discussing cats a lot with my friends lately

[drdemonprince]

the man I've been seeing is cagey about his age (recently figured he's late 30s early 40s) and it makes me so sad that he's had to lie about his youth to feel comfortable. I don't blame him (he's very handsome and passes well for ~30, maybe a bit younger) because everyone seems to get so /weird/ once you're a gay man pushing 40.

no real question here, I just wanted to contribute to the age gap discussion (I'm mid twenties, so it's anywhere from 10 to 20 years depending on how accurate I am lol)

Yeah, this is so real. I have age display turned off on Grindr and it makes a palpable difference in how people respond to me -- a much wider array of people are interested and don't make as many assumptions about me when they don't see the 35 next to my display name. Some people who are older than me have expressed interest and then bounced when I told them my age, which is pathetic. A friend of mine who is a straight woman says that now that she's 41 she gets weird insecure belittling comments from younger guys who are into her but have their own anxieties about age that they project onto her, and the moment she rejects anyone younger than her, they lash out about her age if they want to get under her skin. It sucks.

I am very happy to be the age that I am with all the experience that encompasses, and I am also a disabled person who is, developmentally, a lot closer to people significantly younger than me in some respects, and have a ton in common with people who are aging in many others. You really can't know anything about who a person is based on their age and we need to stop obsessing over generations as if they're a strong reflection of a person's personality and outlook, or their value. I know playful jubilliant 50- and 60-somethings who explore abandoned buildings and make crazy noise music and throw parties and I know 21 year old homebodies who go to bed at 9pm and have five cats and people of every age of every possible constellation of traits. my life is richer from knowing and being close to people in their early 20s all the way up to people in their 70s and spending time with those groups all as friends. and if the connection was right i'd date someone anywhere in that range too.

[dimonds456]

Howdy!

I'm Dimonds456, and welcome to my garbage pile. I'm a bat who stays up way too late and cannot decide whether or not to be productive. I draw, write, animate, play/write music, and I'm also insane so watch out for that.

I'm neurodivergent, disabled, queer, white, a singlet, fictionkin, and a proud cat papa. I am a cartoon character who is way too bouncy for their own good lol.

They / he / xe!

This is my main blog, but my ADHD ass also has a bunch more.

@dimonds456-art - my art blog! Almost all art gets rbed there!

@dimonds456-but-only-hlvrai - my HLVRAI sideblog! Because yeah why not. This is one of me current hyperfixations lol it's bad

@rubberhose-roy is my sideblog used to gush about 1920's-40's aesthetics, music, culture, ect., as well as an animation blog! All my animations specifically will be reblogged there, as well as any animation rambles or gushes I do.

I have more but those are the main three.

My fandom-specific blogs are:

@dimonds456-but-only-hlvrai (again)

@hlvrai-stuck-together - HLVRAI AU I run!

@halfnautica - Half Life / Subnautica AU!

@a-second-chance-su-au - Old SU AU that has been discontinued, but the blog is still there!

@batim-rewritten - a Bendy and the Ink Machine rewrite I'm working on

@cuphead-contract-au - A Cuphead AU where Mugman makes a deal (discontinued)

And, I have my own OC story, Follychromatic! I reblog all that stuff here, but its main blog is here!

@follychromatic

To see pictures of my cats, check the #Checkers and Chess tag! :D

Okay great. Now, DNI, trigger warnings, disabilities, special interests, and more below the cut. Make sure you read at least once, k? Thanks.

Welcome to my cave!

DNI

Do not FUCKING interact if you are:

- Someone who ships pedophilic, incestuous, or abusive ships while portraying them as positive and a good thing

- A bigot

- An LGBTphobe / transmed / ect

- Trump supporter

- Nazi / fascist / conservative

- Weird about furries or furry art

- Weird about fandom headcanons (specifically trans woman headcanons)

Trigger Warnings

I will tag as much as I can, and if you want me to tag something specific, let me know! But as a general blog cover, things that appear on this blog often are:

- Current events

- Talk of / discussion of sexuality (sometimes boardering on NSFW but not usually)

- Blood

- Guns

- Flashing

- Talk of proshippers (I try to be respectful but also I don't stand for them and I don't support them. I block and move on, and try to explain why proship is bad, but eh. I've only been listened to like once lol)

- Swearing / swear words

- All caps

- Bugs

- Suggestive content / NSFW (RARE DONT WORRY)

I will add more if anyone wants me to, or we can come up with a custom tag, like what I do for one of my friends! (#dimond don't look)

DISABILITIES

Hiiii I'm disabled! Both mentally and physically. I talk about being disabled a lot and try to generate positive talk about it. I also vent about it. I've had quite a few of these, and I also try to reblog as much about others I don't have as I can to increase awareness and understanding. So yeah! These are just the ones I have, but they are not the only ones that appear on my blog!

Hyperthyroidism

Graves Disease

Graves Eye Disease

Astigmatism

Athsma

Audio processing disorder

ADHD

Autism

Trauma / PTSD

Brain fog / disassociation / memory loss

Anxiety

Depression

Cane user

Weak / trembling limbs / trouble walking / trouble holding onto things sometimes

More to be added lol.

This is also a meds/treatment positive blog, a self-diagnosis positive blog, and my general attitude is just "if you think something is wrong you're probably right, you know yourself the best, even if you don't know what exactly is wrong." This attitude has saved my life and other people I know. You don't need a diagnosis or medication to be disabled.

THIS IS A SAFE SPACE.

If you are Jewish, black, brown, Muslim, indigenous, any religion, any race, any sexuality, any weird gender, anything at all- I love and support you. I'm still learning, and I try to learn as much as I can, but I'm not perfect. If I say something offensive or something adjacent, it was NOT on purpose. PLEASE, PLEASE tell me what I said wrong. I will make an effort to improve in the future.

I directly support:

- All races

- All religions*

- All sexualities (except pedos, y'all aren't LGBT, I'm sorry. You're actively hurting children. I've seen it again and again. Stop.)

- All genders and pronouns

- All "weird" identities outside of that as well (I'm fictionkin myself)

- Protests and protesters

- Neurodivergent people of all types (and yes, this means NPD, schizo, and all those other types that are often seen as bad or evil. I love you, I see you, and I support you.)

- DID & OSDD systems

I DO NOT support:

- Antisemitism

- Genocide

- Cults (*stuff like Jehova's Witnesses. I support the members, as they are victims, but I actively dislike the people on top who perpetuate the cycle. Not just JWs, but those are the big ones who come to mind. Hearts out to all the victims, I hope everyone gets to a better place soon)

- Racism in any way, shape, or form

- Religious discrimination of any way, shape, or form

- Israel specifically

- Trump, conservatives, Nazis, ect.

- Endo systems

If I have reblogged or said anything that aligns with the bottom list, that was a mistake. PLEASE let me know and I will fix it as fast as I can. You reading this right now, I love you. I hope my blog can help you feel welcomed and like you have somewhere to go if you need it. /gen

MY FANDOMS / INTERESTS

I HAVE ADHD AND AUTISM AND I'M MAKING THAT EVERYONE ELSE'S PROBLEM /silly

The current special interests are HLVRAI and Half Life, current hyperfixations are Half Life and Poppy Playtime.

SPECIAL INTERESTS:

- Minecraft

- HTTYD

- FNaF

- Undertale / Deltarune

- BATIM / BATDR (unfortunately)

- Subnautica

- Biology

- Steven Universe

- Cuphead

- 2D Animation

- Writing

- HLVRAI

- Half Life

HYPERFIXATIONS (interests but not the special ones):

- Little Nightmares

- Hello, Neighbor (unfortunately)

- Petscop

- Portal

- Freemanverse (HELP ME)

- The Amazing Digital Circus

- The Owl House

- Gravity Falls

- Monster High (very first from what I can remember! I remember nothing though! But it's there!)

- Poppy Playtime

- Half Life

- Wild Kratts (I didn't even know there WAS a fandom until very recently, hi guys)

theres more but my brain is an egg :/

When it comes to ✨me,✨ I have a couple of original works as well! Specifically, Follychromatic! I won't get too into it here (bc shy) but it's 2D animation, rubberhose animation, magic, character-driven, action/adventure, mystery- yeah!

Outside of fandom, though, my special interests are biology, 2D animation, and writing. I am an animator and I suffer for fun.

YOU MADE IT! Have some Checkers and Chess pictures for your time! :)

[deathcrimson]

Disabled Transmasc Artist Struggling w/ Chronic Pain and Working on Top of Finding Work

(My mom's cats Moogle and Jiji, they are brothers!)

Hello, it's been a long time since I've had to make posts like this because it's not something that I want to do but I'm in need of assistance if anyone can spare or help share or spread this around. I've been diagnosed with polycystic ovary syndrome (PCOS) and endometrial intraepithelial neoplasia (EIN) and both have been slowly taking over my life the past few years and as of late I'm spending most of my time bedridden while ill or having chronic pain flareups, especially lately. I detail a lot of my conditions on my Bluesky and a recent post on here but they've both made my periods extremely painful, irregular, and also have affected my digestive system where eating pretty much anything causes me a lot of pain, discomfort, and distress where I was pretty sure I had developed a severe food allergy or IBS but turns out it's my uterus issues that have been causing issues with my intestines, bowels, and stomach. It's humiliating to discuss but I feel like I have to bring it up.

There's also a considerable risk of this having already developed into endometrial cancer, and if so, I imagine that things will get considerably worse and my medical expenses will be high.

Sitting up is painful for me and I often time have to take frequent breaks when I start having a pain flareup when I'm sitting at my desk to do commission work or using my PC and I often cannot sit at my desk for more than 1-2 hours at a time (sometimes even less). I can't even sit up and play games if I wanted to. On top of that, I've been struggling finding commission work as I've had to leave a community I was in for almost 15 years due to harassment for supporting friends and other people who were sexually abused by people in said community or adjacent ones. That being said, if I was getting regular work, I would be struggling to get it done and it would take much, much longer than it normally would.

I applied for disability but my application was denied and I've also been continuously ghosted by the SSI offices so I was unable to get that sort of assistance. If you're able to help at all, whether by donating or simply reblogging this or sharing it in any way, I'll deeply appreciate it. Thank you.

[strqyr]

i've been debating for a while now whether to write this or not. it's a bit... a lot more personal than i'm used to, but with V9: Beyond being nearer and nearer, i'm finding myself to be lacking the spark and excitement for new RWBY content that i'm used to have. for that reason, i've been doing some thinking, trying to nail down where the difference lies, and i think i finally figured it out:

the ending of V9, specifically how they handled ruby's arc.

[tw: suicide, if you decide to continue reading]

before i get any further, i want to lay down some "backstory": about two weeks before V9 started airing, i lost my beloved dog to an illness after fighting for her life for two weeks. those two weeks were a roller coaster straight out of hell, thinking the medicine given were working, only for things to get worse; and through it all, all i could think of was that if she didn't make it through the year, neither would i.

but then, afterwards, in some weird twist of fate, when every part of me wanted to stay in bed and never get up, it was her, my dog, that kept me going, simply because through the last couple of years of her life, she had slept the mornings in my bed, with me, with 1pm being the time she'd force me out of bed if i ever stayed in that late... and that following morning—or more like day lol—after her death, i happened to look at my phone, see the clock be around 1pm, knowing i had a choice to make.

and i got up. have every single day, way before 1pm, to keep part of her alive and with me.

so, perhaps needless to say, but ruby's arc in V9 hit close. i had enough time in-between to not be in middle of the worst of it, but i suppose not as enough as i thought, as not only did i lose some of the spark i had for this show, but i'm also still crying now while writing this.

for the duration of the show, the burden on ruby had been growing stronger and stronger. from being called special due to her silver eyes, to all her friends placing their trust in her leadership, believing that somehow, she always knew what the right thing to do was, to never quite feeling she could be open about her own doubts as a leader, having no one to talk to... V9 started out great. i was excited, for the first time in a long while, for the direction they were taking ruby in.

and everything seemed to be going great. all the issues, trauma, et al that ruby was holding in were slowly seeping over, until it all burst open, explosively, and she ran away; and with all of this and more thrown against her by neo, ruby drank the tea, not wanting to be herself anymore.

...then came the aftermath of her ascension, and it's here, where the writers lost me.

"you're broken! you break everything you touch! i call humans... weak! confused! incomplete!" the cat says, and it's hard to say they're entirely wrong; ruby has been broken, she has had her weak moments, she has been confused, and that's okay.

but her teammates, her friends, her sister, don't seem to think so.

the cat is wrong. ruby has never been any of those things, and that's exactly why they follow her.

like it was more important to prove the antagonist of the volume wrong, rather than offer genuine support to ruby by saying that it is okay to be broken and confused, and for her to have her weak moments because that's why they're there; to support her in good and bad. to make it clear to ruby that she can come to them and air her doubts and concerns without a fear of being shutdown, that they, too, will work on themselves to be better friends in that regard.

but that's not what happened, and even without properly registering it at the time, it felt like a punch to the gut.

during the roundtable discussion of this episode, the writers talked about ruby's arc being about impostor syndrome and i just... can't see it. not with the way they build it up. it's like a switch was flicked, and when before the problem was the burden that was solely placed on ruby's shoulder and how it was too much for her to handle on her own, now ruby ever doubting herself in the first place was the problem, and all she needed to hear was that she was perfect just the way she was; "retrospective" is not a known word here.

and for the first time, even if i do have some critiques over handling of certain storylines, i felt like what was delivered was not what was ordered. at all. and with the vague content warnings in front of episodes, it started to feel like suicide was used for the "shock value" it could provide, to get people talking on social media, rather than because the writers wanted to treat it with the seriousness it deserves.

maybe that's unfair to say; i certainly don't know their intentions. frankly i don't know the people who work on this show at all, and i've stayed far from forming any parasocial relationships to pretend otherwise. all i have is my own feelings about this, ones that i've gone over multiple times, going through episodes, seeing if there's something that i've missed that would make it make sense... i've done my due diligence, and this is the result.

this is not the end: i still love RWBY, the characters, the world and its lore... but some of the trust i had for the writers has definitely gone, as has of the spark that ensured the excitement i had for new episodes and content to the point that i'd be right here, on my seat, ready the moment a new episode dropped.

now if the birbs show up—

[li-vera]

Any light novels you’d recommend? :D

I've been reading a lot of Chinese danmei novels lately. It's difficult to recommend something because everyone has different tastes. But I can mention my favorites :D

Of the authors, I probably like Mu Su Li, Huaishan and T97 the most.

Mu Su Li:

• “Global Examination” is the story that actually fell into all my favorite plot tropes and is the first novel of the “unlimited flow” genre that I read (⁠人⁠*⁠´⁠∀⁠｀⁠)⁠｡⁠*ﾟ⁠+

• "First-class lawyer" - there's a bit of the "Ace Attorney" game vibe here and I like it (⁠≧⁠▽⁠≦⁠)

• "Black sky" - still in the process of reading, but again my favorite dynamic is enemies-lovers (⁠ ͡⁠°⁠ ͜⁠ʖ⁠ ͡⁠°⁠)

--------

Huaishan:

• Po yun duology (“Breaking through the clouds” and “Swallow the sea”) - I love the detective genre and it’s good here (⁠ ⁠ꈍ⁠ᴗ⁠ꈍ⁠)

• "HuiTian" is also still in progress. There's a lot of drama, but also a lot of moments where I laughed until my stomach hurt (⁠≧⁠▽⁠≦⁠)

----------

T97 (TangJiuqing)

• Most people probably know about her novel “Bring In The Wine” (I’m just planning to read it), but I really like her sci-fi novels. These are two related stories "Time-limited hunt" and "Right on target" It's a little dark and dystopian, but with a happy ending. “Time-limited hunt” is generally the most unusual story for me, which also shocked me a little with the climax of the plot.

Another plus is that the main character of “Right on target” is literally a cat-boy =^w^=

----------------

Another favorite...

• "Dangerous personality" by Mu Gua Huang.

Also a detective and two main characters with unconventional thinking and investigative methods (which drives their policeman friend to a nervous tic :D). One of the main characters is severely mysophobic and has the ability of telepathy.

• "Little mushrooms" by Yi Si Shi Zhou.

There is a lot of tragedy and discussions about humanity here, but there is a happy ending. ಥ⁠‿⁠ಥ (Yeah, the main character is a mushroom that mutated into a human)

• "The Earth is online" by Mo Chen Huan.

Survival games with very tricky riddles, but at the same time with a degree of absurdity (where else will you see the main character fighting a huge talking turkey with a pink umbrella or a giant match???)

Very, very, veeeeery slow development of the relationship between the main characters, but filled with funny awkwardness (⁠.⁠ ⁠❛⁠ ⁠ᴗ⁠ ⁠❛⁠.⁠)

• "Survivorship bias" by Zhichu.

Also still in process. Survival games, unusual characters, and an amnesia trope (⁠ㆁ⁠ω⁠ㆁ⁠)

-------

Okay, I think I've mentioned all my favorites. Thanks for the question! (⁠≧⁠▽⁠≦⁠)

[lantur]

An honest vent post,

I have had lots of things weighing on my mind for the past week or so and I am, as always, impatiently awaiting my next therapy appointment. I think that it would be helpful for me to write about and process some thoughts.

I have had fairly significant struggles with my mood lately, with more frequent and intense mood swings. I went to see the doctor on Wednesday and he referred me to a specialist to discuss medication options. I have been trying to manage my type 2 bipolar disorder without medication, and with lifestyle management, but the frequency of my mood swings are getting worse. It's frustrating.

I'm in a strange position where I'm ready for this year to end, and afraid of the struggles next year will bring. I cannot overstate how difficult this year has been, as I've dealt with my dad's advanced cancer and estrangement from my mom. At the end of 2021, I didn't know this was coming. I should have been fucking terrified of 2022, but I didn't know that. Now when I look at this year ending soon, I'm so eager for it to end and so scared of it too.

This year almost broke me. On paper, I've crushed it, despite major challenges in my personal life. I had professional wins, I spent time with my wonderful friends, my relationship with my husband is stronger than ever, I got to pursue my hobbies of traveling and reading and writing and cooking, and I got into the best shape physically that I have ever been.

It looks like a long string of wins. But I've also been in terrible pain and sadness and grief that is in the background, if not the foreground, of my mind for six months. On many days it takes all my strength to get through the day. My anxiety is worse than it ever has been. I've had bad dreams almost every night for the past 6 months, since my dad was diagnosed, and they've really kicked up in intensity and frequency lately. I had a terrible one last night about my favorite little cousin dying. In my dreams, I cry so much, because I don't often cry during my waking hours.

I'm terrified of 2023. It is almost certain that my dad is going to die next year, with his cancer and his response to treatment being what it is. I'm also terrified about the struggles that I don't anticipate, but that next year is going to bring. Every day I'm afraid of what's next. I'm afraid of something bad happening to my husband, or my cat, or myself, or my friends.

I got through it all this year, but at the cost of my mental health, which was never great.

I always try to be proud of myself and celebrate my accomplishments and the large and small good things, but I'm ending this year feeling defeated and afraid, and that's not a good way to feel.

[littlethingwithfeathers]

Hello friends!

I noticed I've got more than a few new followers (thanks, I think, to my recounting of my discussion with my dad about government funding. Good news! I still think it's MASSIVELY fucked up). So I wanted to make a little post and say hello and welcome and introduce myself. I'm Birdie, a late 30s polyamorous omnisexual. I use she/her pronouns, but They is also a-okay. I've got two partners and two cats and live in the Southeastern US. I enjoy cooking, baking, drinking too much coffee, doing yarn crafts, spoiling the aforementioned cats and partners, writing, and very soon I will be learning to oil paint. I'm also a professional stage manager, theatrical lighting designer, and fight choreographer and have been working in the live entertainment industry for almost 11 years at time of writing. (Unions are the best!) In the past this has been a largely fandom based blog... lots of MCU, Hannibal, Newsroom, Chernobyl, and other things I'm not remembering at the moment. I am less involved with fandom these days but occasionally the stars align and fanfiction will still fall out of me. You can find me at HesterByrde over on AO3. Also, if you're interested in Hannibal, I have a side blog for all that content at @drowningortolan. And my other side blog, which began as a place for me to chronicle my adventure in learning to play piano (I took lessons for about three years... I was not very good but I learned a lot!) is @mygrandmotherspiano. These days it's still music based, with a smattering of cats, advice about perseverance and good practice habits, and just general positivity. And I also have a polyamory blog over at @apolybird. These days, this blog is a smattering of a lot of things... recipes, art, photography, politics, humor... whatever makes me smile or laugh or think. There is definitely some NSFW and mature content on here. I'm also not super great about tagging, fyi. Feel free to message me or tag me in fun meme quiz things. I'm slow to answer but I will! Thanks and welcome to all the new folks who are following whatever this is. And thanks and cheers to all the people who have been following for a long time. Much love to all of you!

[daemion]

Hi! :)

I'm daemion (he/it 22) literally a cat in real life unfortunately sorry

trans (T💉since 3/21/23) and bi lol

I post art sometimes and make nonsense posts.

if i tag something with a name (ex. "david") its about one of my characters, not a fandom tag or a real person.

My interests/hobbies: Writing, drawing, comics/manga, and Video games (splatoon, balatro, slay the spire, minecraft, terraria, etc.).

dni: terfs, transphobes, etc. i block people !

My projects:

+: My main project. Currently on my tenth draft of it that makes pretty significant changes to the plot, structure, and characters. It's about a group of young adults trying to find out what happened to two of their friends who went missing.

I really like + and i enjoy talking about it more than any other project. I've been working on it since late 2015 so there are a lot of different versions of it. The most important drafts (ones I talk about the most) are draft 2, 7, 8, 9 and the most current one 10. Draft 6 is also relevant because it is the worst version that has written content. Drafts 1, 3, 4, and 5 most exist as notes and art, draft 1 is entirely physical comics I drew in 2015, so I don't have much to say about them.

If you're curious about any specifics about the project, please feel free to ask questions about it! I'm currently trying to motivate myself to write out comprehensive character information and make full designs for a lot of the characters.

When talking about specific aspects of + drafts I try to tag the draft (example: draft 9 +) and any characters discussed. This is mainly for me and a lot of them are contextualized fully because they're for me, but if you wanna look you can :)

Characters: David, Chris, Valentine, Eli, Clementine, Madi, Olive, Jay, Jaxson, Evan, Vincent, Vanessa, and a few more, but the main ones you'll be hearing about on my blog are the first 5 listed.

She Saw: My comic based on an old draft of +, draft 2. A 3 and half part long story about a lesbian who finds the dead body of one of her best friend's boyfriends and gets sucked into a conflict involving that, all the while experiencing high school and seeing horrific visions. What is complete of it is posted on tumblr and DA as well as a few other comic sites? I believe. If you're interested its @shesawcomic, I haven't worked on completing it since 2019.

If your curious about the + connection, every character in She Saw has a direct analog in draft 2 + character. The main character, who's name isn't revealed until the end of the current part, is Veronica (now Madi) from +, Faith is Valentine, the unnamed boy is Daemion (now David), Terrance is Chris (arguably also Eli, they are interchangeable in draft 2), Mary is Mary, Kate is Kathy. There was an additional character who was not revealed at the time I stopped writing, and was the only character without a + analog, though her situation could be based on a number of characters I've written before. Everything I write is derivative of itself.

Characters: Her (shesaw), him (shesaw), Terrance, Faith, Mary, Kate. (All of them got finished refs this summer :D)

WWW: New project. A comic based on an old draft of +, draft 2, 3, and 4. Unlike She Saw, which sought to recreate the high school segment of draft 2 (a, if I am remembering correctly, 16 page long section) WWW seeks to replicate and add on to the main plot of draft 2, taking into consideration traits added to the characters after that draft. The comic is about Cici who lives in the middle of nowhere on a dairy farm separated from the rest of society until a woman named Juliet comes and helps him escape. Juliet, a woman obsessed with obscure religious groups, practices, and magic, convinces Cici help her work towards her goal of achieving immortality. Unfortunately, when they do achieve something, it's not a glamorous as Juliet described it to be. - WWW is an abbreviation of a test/temporary name that might not stick.

Similar to She Saw, WWW characters also has connections to + characters, but they're really obvious in my mind so i'm just choosing to have that be a funny thing that people who know + characters would notice.

Characters: Cici, Juliet, Sammy.

Seagull: Another newer project. A comic/short story about a half wolf half human man who's sent to work and live on a "lighthouse" in the middle of the ocean to keep watch for "something in the water". He quickly discovers that his lighthouse has attracted a strange angel that resembles the seagulls.

Characters: Jupiter, Seagull (haven't named him yet), Coral

For the 3 projects that are not + listed above, I'm happy to answer any questions! WWW is my main focus aside from +, She Saw is in limbo, and Seagull is kind of a side project.

[witchcraftandburialdirt]

✈️😁😤😗

MUNDAY ASKS ✈️ — ever traveled anywhere interesting? 😁 — what’s your favorite part about being part of the rpc? 😤 — what do you dislike the most about being part of the rpc? 😗 — what are some of your favorite things to do when you have some time to yourself? ((Cut for length!))

✈️---I've been to a lot of places in my life, but I do have a few very core memories from those areas that I think fundamentally changed me as a person. This might be long, so, sorry!

One of my first times outside of the country of my birth was when I visited Mexico, I was maybe 8 years old, and I remember vividly there was a tiny black cat that kept following me. I spend every waking minute I could with this cat, feeding her, taking her into our hotel room so she could have a safe place to be, brushing her and holding her often. I think about her often, and I remember having to leave her behind, it was somewhat devastating for me and even thinking about her now makes me misty eyed. I know she grew older, and eventually passed, but I hope her life was filled with other little children who would take her inside and give her kisses and pieces of fish from their dinner. She deserved that. And it was a privilege to be able to love her.

😁---ALL OF YOU! It sounds immensely cheesy, but you all have really helped me improve my confidence in writing and my art. I've gained a very wonderful group of people I'm happy to call my friends that I feel like I can connect with so easily; it's a breath of fresh air. To be able to just..talk and discuss ideas freely is so calming. I genuinely didn't think Robin would be as well liked as he is, so that's been a very big boost.

😤---To be honest, I've only really had a single bad experience so far, and I'm very grateful for that. I don't like adding to drama or call-out culture because I think it's extremely immature haha--so I won't go over it here! I've buried the incident and would like to keep it under the dirt, I've healed from it, gained people I genuinely love, and won't let it bring me down or let that painful time define me. The world is so much more than that.

😗---Oh geez, well, I often write on here! I really love writing, plotting and allowing the expanse of my emotions to be placed into something positive! I also sew, cook and garden. Granted these are all also things to actively do, one of my favorite things to do, and due to my sleeping schedule it happens often, I love to go onto my porch late at night, maybe 2-3am, and just...look up? There's something so calming, and haunting, to me about just gazing up into the wide abyss above, an infinite stretch far greater than anything I could ever hope to imagine. Untouchable, and so distant, and yet, inspiring. I see the beauty of the stars and am reminded that that is what I'm built from, stardust and trillions of years in the making. I realize then that...I am alive, and I am here in the present moment...What a wonderful and rare thing, even if its only for a blip in the cosmic timeline, and even if I ultimately don't leave anything lasting I will always have the knowledge that I was here. I got to experience the world, my life, my loves, my anger, sadness, the cool grass under my feet, and moments of joy that make me laugh so hard I cry--and in that moment I feel truly relaxed and at peace.

[anonimouse-sewer]

Hiii!!! If it isn't too much trouble may I have (male) final fantasy matchup please. My pronouns are she/her. Im a Capricorn, my Mbti type is infj-a/infj-t. I tend to be shy around new people but I can be somewhat loud with people who im close to. My height is 5'0. Im not very athletic and im not a big fan of sports but I love to go roller and ice skating. I also love to read books and to also cook and bake food. I also like to garden. I've been playing the violin for 7 years. I love animals and im planing on becoming a wildlife veterinarian. I like to Watch nature/animal documentaries. I also like sweets. Somethings I dislike are people who bend or ruin my books and people who speak over me when im trying to talk.I love music, I can listen to any genre and like it but my favorites are indie,bedroom pop and classic rock. My ideal relationship would be with someone who is loyal and supportive. sorry if i spelt anything wrong. Hope im not bothering you:)

Hi~! Your spelling's perfect and It's no trouble at all, sweetie! Thank you so much for sending in an ask! Wow, you can cook/bake, garden, play the violin, and you're working toward becoming a wildlife veterinarian? You sound so amazing! Good luck with that, I hope your dream becomes a reality real soon!

I match you with Gladiolus Amicitia!

You and Gladio go way back. Maybe your families were friends or you guys met in school.

When you guys first met, he was a little worried about you. Maybe it was his brotherly instincts kicking in, but when he saw how shy you were, it made him think you might be fragile. Like he had to protect you or something...

But as you two got to know each other, he was pleasantly surprised at how knowledgeable and somewhat loud you were!

Lots of "playful" flirting with you coz Gladio

While he was training in the duties of the Crownsguard, you were working toward becoming a wildlife veterinarian.

You guys read books together, recommend them to each other, and have deep discussions about them for hours.

He would take care of all your books and handle them with the utmost care. Trust me, he shares your dislike completely.

Being that he loves the outdoors, watching nature/animal documentaries with you fascinates him and he just loves listening to all of your extensive knowledge on the subjects.

He feels like there's always something to learn from you and he loves that.

Even though you're not very athletic/a big fan of sports, he'll drag you out sometimes to run with him on the beach or do some other crazy workout at the crack of dawn.

If you manage to not die hold out and impress him, he'll reward you by taking you to a bakery or fetching you something sweet. If he outlasts you however, he'll make you go out for some Cup Noodles with him.

He'd go roller/ice skating with you and would probably bring Iris along a couple of times too!

Honestly, the first time you guys went skating is a special memory for you two. You had to teach him how to not fall on his face and let me tell you, he wasn't very successful the first twenty couple of times. Iris still teases him about it 'til this day.

Speaking of Iris, you two would grow to be quite close as you would always be the one he would call on to watch her whenever he was busy.

Lots of girls days/nights with Iris. You'd be like the sister she never had and she'd really look up to you.

You've gardened together a couple of times.

You'd be the first to know about her crush on Noctis.

And speaking of our little prince, Gladio would vent to you a lot about his gripes with him and their training sessions during those days. After the cat incident with Iris though (Brotherhood: Final Fantasy XV), you watched how his respect for Noctis blossomed out of that and it was really quite the turnaround.

If he was out particularly late, you would be the one to cook dinner for them. Because of this, your cooking is the only thing that competes with his love for Cup Noodles.

You've probably baked him and Iris some birthday cakes too, which they look forward to every year.

Ignis considers you his rival in the kitchen!

He'll listen to you play the violin while he reads sometimes.

During the events of the game, you'd stay behind with Iris to pursue your career as a wildlife veterinarian but also because you made a promise to Gladio to look after her while he was gone.

Once you guys meet up with the chocobros in Lestallum after the invasion of Insomnia, he's so happy to see you're both safe.

He's learned from accidentally doing so himself earlier on in your relationship how much you dislike being talked over, so when Prompto makes this mistake a lot with his excited way of speaking sometimes, he'll just look over at you with a knowing smirk/chuckle because he just knows you already.

You guys walk around as you catch up, trying various street foods while he asks you about Iris and your career. He'll tell you some funny stories about him and the boys too.

Maybe you'll hear it in passing from the chocobros banter or you'll see it for yourself when riding in the Regalia with them, but a lot of the songs you listen to are in his playlist either per your recommendation or just because they make him think of you.

As things grow more dire with their situation, he begins reflecting on his life and all that's precious and worth protecting to him.

After Iris, you're the first person that comes to mind.

As the king's sworn shield, he could lose his life at any given moment, and it's after truly letting that thought sink in that he lets his feelings for you swim to the forefront.

The thing about our big guy here is, he always knew how he felt about you. I mean, how could he not? You already checked all the boxes ages ago.

You guys get along, you have things in common, but your greatest strength is that you both complete each other.

You guys are similar in some areas and different in others. Not quite "opposites attract" but more like two halves of a greater whole.

You're the brains, he's the brawn. You two understand each other on a deep and personal level and learn from each other.

Not to mention the huge amount of respect he has for you because he just thinks you're the most amazing woman he's ever met.

And your smaller differences are where your cuter/happiest memories are born from. Like him liking savory foods while you prefer sweets or you teaching him how to skate.

And, of course, he just loves that you're practically like a sister to Iris.

Yeah, he's known for a long time you were wife material. He's just one of those "I wanna have fun now and I'll worry about settling down later" types.

Well, fun looks like spending the rest of his life with you now.

At some point he just stops flirting with everything in a skirt and everyone's worried he hit his head, until one day

"Hey, you got some free time?"

He takes you to a sweets cafe.

It's not a tux or anything but he arrives dressed to the nines and he smells really good

Everything is casual at first, it's really no different from when you guys used get food after your fatal workout sessions

Then after a bit of silence, those amber eyes just lock on yours with this penetrating gaze that you've never seen from him before but at the same time, his eyes almost look...vulnerable

"(Your name)."

He reminisces with you about the day you two met, all you've been through together, how far you've both come as people and as friends. But most of all, how much you mean to him.

Okay, this is starting to sound like a proposal...

"Will you be my girlfriend, (Your name)?"

....Oh

I won't tell you how he sealed the deal that night because nobody's ready for my nsfw headcanons but I'll just leave that there

It's literally his job to take care of Noctis and Iris as her big bro. As your boyfriend, he'd be more than happy to do anything for his girl and support her in all that she does.

And now that you guys have made it official, he just can't get enough of you. It's hard to believe this guy was ever a serial flirt with how loyal he is to you.

Flirting with you would intensify, but only because he enjoys reminding you of how much he loves you!

He loves picking you up and does it a lot!

Loves taking you out on dates and treating you if you've had a particularly long week!

Generally, he's always thinking of you and always taking care of you in any way he can. The chocobros are so happy for him because it's just so hard to miss how in love he is now! Ignis is a proud mom.

What you don't know, is that Ignis already helped him buy a ring for you already and it's with Gladio somewhere

They also already agreed on Ignis being his best man

He realized you were mother material a long time ago but now he's getting ahead of himself

"Yeah. At least not 'til all of this is over. Can't in good conscience leave a girl to worry, while I rush headlong into danger."

So, so, so sorry this took so long!!!😭 Honestly, you were just so interesting that I had too many ideas for you, so picking one was difficult. Even here, I had to condense it as much as possible because I went over the text limit! I didn't even get to fit in how I imagined you would care for some of the animals Noctis came across in the game and stuff...Oh well. I really hope you enjoyed this and I can't thank you enough for sending in an ask at all! I really appreciate it! Also, you'd make a wonderful Final Fantasy character😊

[sizzlingpatrolfox]

i saw that discussion too. not even logic will be able to convince jikookers at this point. they're set in their ways already and the only explanation they think is that people want jungkook to be a maid. like no we just want him to care a little bit. it's not hard to receive food that your s/o ordered for delivery when they're not going to be able to do it. it's not a demanding task and i wonder if these people actually have the relationships they claim to have because this is normal care.

Both sides had valid points.

In my experience, it's just like you said: it's normal care. I've never lived with a romantic partner, just to get that out of the way. I've lived with my brother, I've lived with friends, for the holidays I spend several days at my parents house. I've cooked for all of them while they were working so they'd have food when they home. I've been to my aunt's and she owns a business so she's home only a couple of hours a day and I've willingly offered myself to go to her house and cook so she'd have food when she gets home at 11pm. Currently, my friend and I live in the same building and I own a copy of her keys. Sometimes, she's at work or she's travelling and she knows I'm free and she texts me "hey, if it's not too much bother, could you feed my cat and turn on the water heater? I'll be home late." And I do it for her! It's not a burden to take care of the people you love in whatever way you can, even if it's just picking up their food at the door.

So, yes. Both sides have valid points because it was possible that maybe JK wasn't home, or he was already asleep, or who knows. But what's outrageous is that they're completely and absolutely against any discussion and whenever someone is like "but he could still do this..." they immediately have to jump to name calling and are hellbent that their opinions are facts. Like I've said before a lot of times; jikookers are always like "you've never been in a long term relationship you don't know how it works". Meanwhile a lot of the time jikookers sound to me like don't even know how friendships work.

Also, nothing is stopping people from still thinking that they're dating, tho I don't really know what they're clinging to; but at this point it seems to me it's just delusional to think that they live together or that they even sleep together at night.

[6okuto]

NIA THAT WAS AMAZING TY FOR ANSWERING MY KEIJI ASK 🫶🫶 and that bkak comic was so cute !!! pls tell me all ur thoughts on them Please 🙏 would love u forever if u did

Thank U Anon. love u. they're just niacore... the fluff! the humour! knowing each other completely! unwavering support! inspiring each other to be better! my cat and dog! ☹️

they're both vry comforting and lovely 2 me albeit in different ways, so Together. . .Wow. W-O-W. Stars Align Worlds Collide Heaven On Earth. put me in coach. furudate wrote them 4 me specifically 🫂

bkak hcs bkak hcs ouaghhh!!!

first and foremost. bkak rescued a cat together. Walk with me. the story me and my irl (summer) concocted long ago is that they saw a cat in a parking lot late at night and got vry worried !! bokuto is more outwardly panick-y and akaashi gets him to calm down (devastated inside) so they can run to the nearest pet store to get food... they go through the whole process of checking for a name tag + going to the vet etc but in the end !! they adopt the kitty!! YAAAY!! we never picked a gender or name or what it looks like or anything. i will have 2 ask my irls for ideas... if u have any Lmk.

^ they spoil the cat sooo much. SOO much the first day it's at their house they just watch as it explores and take so many pics... get a comfy bed and cat tree and treats and toys yeahhh spoiled baby. i know they were giggling over it having one of their last names btw. I KNOWWW 🙁

i really love the idea of bkak thrifting for home decor together actually. because u know they're gonna get something silly.. maybe start a little animal sculpture collection... a piece of abstract art they discussed for 15 minutes because bokuto swears he can see a giraffe in it and akaashi is stuck squinting confused. their place is really quite nice but there's these little things around!

bokuto asking akaashi to kiss him after each workout set as motivation 🥹 akaashi asking for a kiss after he's done reviewing another chapter 🥹

we must allow akaashi keiji to be a little weird. a silly boyfailure. WE MUSTTT WE MUST!!! bokuto knows this better than anyone... leans into akaashi's weird shirts and looks out for them when he's on trips... akaashi says something just so incoherent while he's tired and bokuto acts as a translator and or rubs his shoulders and chides him for staying up so late... yeah.

i know akaashi cooks for bokuto in the comic but 🥹🥹 bokuto trying to cook for akaashi as a surprise... puts on an apron, watches videos, reads recipes like he takes it Seriously! tries so hard and even asks osamu for help, so even if it isn't the best in the world akaashi thinks he might cry like omg 🙁

i think i've said this here before but. akaashi has so much access to official bokuto merch y'know. he's kou's #1 supporter fr fr and when kou gets him stuff for free he's like !!!! BUT! no akaashi merch :( ? this is devastating for bokuto... what does he do ? get custom pieces made of course. the pride and giddiness on his face while he wears his new sweater with akaashi's name. keiji's face is so red. BOKUTO GETTING A KEIJI DOLL. "now make them hold hands" "now kiss" yeahvyeah yehnayeau

akaashi broke his glasses once by accidentally falling asleep with them on so when bokuto notices he takes them off for him! and carries him to bed obviously.

rent a boyfriend with Bokuaka. Walk With Me. it truly works either way and in so many scenarios... one needs a date to a wedding? one was told to do so by a friend? one was drunk and said fuck it? the butterflies and tension... the confusion... being closer than they would be with a regular client... bumping into each other on a regular day... I love u bokuaka.

touches water and watches it ripple... bokuto inviting akaashi to play volleyball with him.... it's been ages since keiji's gotten to set... but then bokuto spikes and they remember what it felt like to play together.. and and amdnanffnff

here's translated versions of bkak letters that someone wrote. I actually felt my chest cave in before i found out it was a threadfic. IT HURTSOSBAD

and here's a bunch of art. for u. for me.

Twitter user 45__kk Means The World To Me. here are a few posts: one two three four five six. i could keep going. 45__KK U MEAN THE WORLD TO ME!!

this and this changed my lifoie.r. Thiswchsngemfylfirnd. and this

any art where akaashi wears bokuto's jersey... < This changed mylifr. It's over. Everybody Go Home. this one specifically has changed me forever. no joke. NOjoek. Ouggnggngn

MY LEG 😭

this video means the world to me. really anything where akaashi goes to bokuto for a hug. any. an. pelaspe.

MY FAWKING LEG

this art shifted something inside my soul 4ever

it can't be overstated what chengongzi123 has done for me. they don't do a lot of bkak anymore but they've changed my life forever. here's some: one two three four five six seven (< college au..)

i also love GyappiM... many sketches. Love my life. one two three

BARBIE! adore this artist too.

CATS 😭😭🫶🫶 national cat day.. Best day ever. MY BOKUAKA. yeah. can't scroll down enough on my twt to get more butbyeahh.

[hexagio]

── ( s.id/SOD-Manheattan ).

1. No specific names to mention, but I love watching you all interact. You guys can put me in a better mood.

2. I don't remember much about this kind of thing.

3. Honestly, I'm used to senior characters and being a young character is a challenge in itself. If I never fail to deliver senior's chara, then I shouldn't have any trouble either brought young chara, right?

4. No one.

5. I accidentally heard this song, and I like the lyrics. ( https://open.spotify.com/track/39kzWAiVPpycdMpr745oPj?si=rsf2Pea_T5WbwZNEbVHXKg )

6. Being the topic of conversation about what I didn't do, meeting the wrong friends.

7. If I'm interested, I'll chat with s/he for small talk.

8. He has a fur allergy but instead keeps 3 cats.

9. Live still going on.

10. Awdella.

11. Av7x.

12. Of course.

13. Nothing specific, I tend to feel outside the circle.

14. There are many, these days people have developed very well to play their muse.

15. Dan, Chuck.

16. Icelio's, Trial Kings, Kontrakan Hj Bolot.

17. Drink (1)

18. Hey CT Manheattan, I know we're not that close but you guys are awesome. I don't know all of you but you've done a lot for Attanie, so thank you for being this nice.

19. Havian.

20. Lol, I dunno.

21. Reuby, Jehno. I was amazed at the way they portrayed their characters.

22. Obed.

23. Obed.

24. Never.

25. Most female members.

26. I dunno.

27. Never been in that kind of situation, but if I was I probably would have forgotten about it in the first place.

28. I can't pick one because there are so many.

29. There isn't any.

30. So many dramas irp.

31. How they potrayed their muse.

32. I've never liked anyone before them first.

33. Playground.

34. Devan, Cebe.

35. Better not.

36. Get the best role for Park Chanyeol.

37. Getting involved in drama.

38. I was accused of doing things I didn't do by my ex.

39. Got married in rp, had a cute kid, and received an award for playing the best Chanyeol in rpw.

40. I liked everything about him. How he is, his voice and the way he behaves were the first things that attracted me to him. There were so many things that I wanted to know more about him.

41. Everyone is good and has their own way of building chemistry and no one fails in building an atmosphere as long as we get to know each other.

42. A comfortable atmosphere that doesn't discuss one particular thing.

43. Reid, Moses.

44. 11 acc.

45. Liar.

46. I'll go soon.

47. Not worth remembering.

48. My old friends.

49. Always said I'm good.

50. Faster - NCT 127.

51. (-)

52. Rizel.

53. Junk food.

54. Devan, Cebe, Voghoe, Rizel, Jovan, Zoe, Alfar, Kemod, Gabriel.

55. She is sick today.

56. Cool.

57. Got married and had 4 cute kids.

58. To all my cf, I'm so lucky to have you guys.

59. Last month with my gf, but i forgot what the movie is.

60. I want to correct my mistakes first, not all of them, just the important ones. Then I will continue living in the future.

61. This is what I've been feeling lately, I'm responding to it by thinking about other things even though it's not completely successful.

[modestcatholiclife]

What to Do For Lent?

My post last week left off on a more melancholic note. Thankfully, I've been blessed with a much better week this week.

It was my brother's birthday on Thursday. He is 11 now. Due to his school and my work, I wasn't able to visit him until this Sunday but I was able to get him a present (money has been tight lately so I wasn't sure I'd be able to). My fiance came along with me and gave him a present too which I really appreciated.

Speaking of my fiance, the two of us took our drivers knowledge test this past Saturday and I'm pleased to say that we both passed! We both have our learner's licence and will hopefully start learning the basics of driving soon enough. I don't want to put this off for too long.

Divine Liturgy was lovely as always. This week we were at St. Volodymyr's. The parish community here is mostly older folks, with some younger families attending from time to time.

For Christmas Eve last year, one of the older couples invited us, along with another of the couples and one of the women to a traditional Ukrainian Catholic Christmas Eve feast. It was honestly so amazing and really made us feel like part of the community. When we were at Divine Liturgy yesterday, the wife of the couple who hosted Christmas Eve gave me a booklet she'd made herself discussing the traditions of the feast, the foods typically served and recipes for them, as well as some Ukrainian Christmas carols. I absolutely love it and can't wait until I can put it into practise next Christmas season!

As for today, I had my second appointment with my new psychologist. This time the therapy dog was there! She's a six year old Labrador (I think) named Blossom and she spent most of our appointment sleeping but I love her immensely. I also got a start on writing up a new budget in the lead up to getting my first pay of the year. I'm a little apprehensive of how my grocery budget will change now that Meatfare has come to pass. I will be giving up meat for the entirety of Lent and I'm not sure how I'll fare with it. I'm trying not to go too hard with my Lenten fasts, since this will be my first Lent, but I'm feeling confident about what I have so far.

Here is what I'm planning to do for Lent:

Give up meat - I have an incredibly high metabolism and struggle if I don't eat well consistently so I won't be fasting from food as a whole.

Give up coffee - people who have given up coffee have expressed noticeable reductions in anxiety levels.

Give up coke - I'd say soft drinks in general but I only really drink coke. I usually only have it when I'm out but I think I'll be swapping it out for fruit juice/tea for Lent.

Give up my laptop - it's a major distraction for me and I live very close to a library with free to use computers. If I desperately need a computer, I can go there.

Give up wasteful social media usage - I'll be using it to keep in touch with friends since usually I'm very bad at answering messages, but no scrolling for me. It absolutely saps my productivity.

Take up daily cleaning - I'm thinking a solid hour each day would be good, with possible Sunday exceptions. My apartment is getting a little out of hand and this would help me get back on tol of everything. If I somehow can't find something to do, I have my bike in the garage that needs to be fixed. The front wheel is loose and a lot of it is rusted.

Mostly, I just want to stay productive with my prayers and spiritual life as a whole, as well as with life in general. I still have a week to finalise what I'll be doing and plan my meals for that time. I'd love to know what everyone else is doing for Lent! I'll also be including pictures of two cats I met this week!

Christ is Born! Glorify Him!

[hedgypeng]

Trying something new

I want to get these thoughts out but have no idea where to put them. So why not dump them on the world wide interweb? I don't have to worry about anyone close finding my written notes, I have no one who physically knows me on tumblr. I can just leave it here and probably no one will even notice. (if you do, that's fine! 😂😂😂 Like, feel free to comment if you want? Even if it's to say I'm annoying or whatever. Everyone can have their own opinion.... Just don't be a dick)

I just turned 26. And a lot has been changing in my life. I've always been 'alone'. I didn't have many friends, I didn't go out. Didn't want to go out. I had 0 self confidence. I was hiding behind series and books and such. (Still do 🤫 it's less)

But now, only quite recently I've become more open... More self confident. I still have a long way to go. But I'm getting there.

I am more myself at work. And things are actually pretty great at the moment. And I am grateful the people around me support me and acknowledge I changed.

But... This change also comes with new insecurities. About the future. I am daring to think of what could be... And I am also daring to think of what I'd like in life. Usually I put those thoughts locked up in a box deep deep down. Because ''I'd never get to experience those things. It wasn't for me''

But lately, because of a silly turn of events, I am warming up to the idea that I do deserve those things... And maybe one day I could experience them. The silly turn of events is A FICTIONAL MENTAL HOSPITAL AND SOUP . 🙈 LET ME EXPLAIN!

I got into a show called Takin Over the Asylum. And I found an amazing server with Amazing people on discord. (Special shout out to the McKenna Family ❤️) I felt so welcome and accepted. Even with my weirdness. I learned to embrace my weirdness and saw it as a plus, instead of a flaw. ("We are loonies, and we are proud"). And one silly day, we had this whole discussion about soup. Do you eat or drink soup. And that lead to me talking about this at work. And one thing lead to another.

Then there is soup guy, and he has the same humor as me, and ever since this soup thing, we've been joking around and just having fun all the time. And well, I've never ever felt so comfortable around anyone so quickly.

And that also made me think further. People are saying we would make a great couple and some say we act like a couple already and such. And I may or may not feel something... But that's not the point I'm getting at actually

It made me wonder what I'd want in a relationship... And that was actually what I wanted to write down. Just silly things I'd love in a relationship. People always ask me what I'm looking for. I never was able to answer that question because in my mind I didn't need to try? It was unnecesary, because I'd end up alone with 7 cats anyway.

So, what are things I'd like in a relationship

- someone I feel comfortable with

- someone who can handle my silly sence of humor and who likes making jokes

- someone who's happy to see me when I get home, or when they get home.

- I'd like handholding and a lot of hugs

-I'd like to be able to ramble about stuff I like, and listen to them ramble about stuff they like.

-I'd love doing mundane things together. Cooking, dishes, cleaning, ...

- little handwritten notes on unexpected times.

- I always said I didn't want to marry. But I suppose I said that to hide the fact that I thought I'd never get to marry... I do think I'd like a wedding. Not too big. With a meaningful opening number.

- someone you can have serious convo's with, but also silly ones.

- listening to music together, singing together... Spontaneously dancing through the livingroom

- someone who is there for me when I am having a hard moment. (anxiety or panic). Who listens.

Things like that...

I know they're silly. And maybe I'll never experience them... But we'll see? I suppose...

Thanks for reading. 🫶🏼

[smol-grey-tea]

I keep fucking avoiding making this post cuz bullshit keeps getting in the way but I have to get this off my chest n I'd rather put it on Tumblr than in a diary cuz other ppl might be able to help or relate to this

Also idk how to word it

Pls be warned that I'm discussing heavy topics, involving ocd, intrusive thoughts and suicidal ideation

Idk if I do have ocd. Madd is like a subtype of it, like an addiction, but addiction is also kind of a type of ocd.. Or vice versa? Well

I always thought it was just that tho. But lately I was thinking about if I do have intrusive thoughts. Idk if they do actually count as intrusive thoughts or not, but this is what I'm experiencing - imagining bad scenarios in my head, sometimes too vividly. But it's not like I'm imagining it on purpose, it just happens automatically when triggered

I always thought that the only types of those I had were involving friends or something. Two different kinds of those. One, where my friend tells me I've done something wrong (he has a lot of food issues, so I especially worry that I cook food for him wrong) and two, where I get the notification of him sending a message, and my mind instantly jumps to telling me that the message he's sent me is about not being happy with me/wanting to be friends with me anymore

The thing that got me thinking about these things more seriously is the one that's scarily caught my attention. When near moving cars, even if they're just passing, but especially if they almost crash, my brain will imagine the bloody scenario of the car crashing into me or mine.

This sticks out to me.. Cuz I can't remember if I've had this thought for a long time, or if I started having it after the day I was contemplating swerving into oncoming traffic on my bike.

I rly don't specifically remember having this thought before then. I might have, but it would make a lot of sense if this thought was caused by the aforementioned one.

Another thing to be pointed out is a mild issue I have with sleep. If I see someone asleep, I worry they're not actually asleep, but are dead. Especially my cat. Cuz my cat can't speak to tell me that he feels poorly, animals could just pass away in their sleep.. This is why I find snoring more relieving than annoying. I don't have to specifically look for the rise n fall of your chest. I can already hear that you're alive

Another one I noticed, tho I've only noticed it maybe once, was that when I was calling someone once and they didn't pick up, my immediate thought was that they'd been in a car accident and were even potentially dead, and that's why they weren't picking up

These do kinda sound like intrusive thoughts/obsessions now that I've written them down. But I was unsure, because these don't cause me to carry out any compulsions to try n prevent the scenario. And they don't cause me immense stress, they're just kind of...there? They're not things that I think about when my brain doesn't trigger them

Oh and yeah, idk how much this means, but I do have a mild fear of bathrooms, especially public bathrooms, and used to have a thing where I would lock, unlock, lock, unlock, lock my friend's bathroom door, but stopped myself upon realising that ppl could hear it. I still have frequent nightmares about bathrooms, they're the most common bad dream I have

Possibly it's a very very very mild sort of ocd. I hope that anyone who can relate could lend their own experiences in this ^^ it would be much appreciated!!! ^^