#i've been carrying this idea in my brain for months

[minhtblue]

heart beating 95!

[allpiesforourown]

OKAY SO I have way too many WIPs to write a role reversal fic and I meant to just yap about my au and ended up writing 2k words about it if you want to read it below...

oblivious shizun luo binghe / oblivious disciple shen yuan

First of all i've been reading a lot of role reversal fics lately but big shout out to ao3 user anqlbean for this fic because it really gave me "fuckboy shizun binghe, hiding that he's a demon lord" brain rot

Okay so anyway. In fair cang qiong sect where we lay our scene-

Luo Binghe is the Qing Jing peak lord. He’s also the heavenly emperor of the demon realm. No one knows both of his identities except for mobei jun and a handful of other people from his inner circle. It’s risky for a demon to hide as one of the cultivation world’s most prominent figures, but he likes having the best of both worlds!

Enter Shen Yuan: Shen Yuan's cultivation history is somewhat similar to Shen Jiu's in that he started cultivating late and joined Qing Jing well into his teens. He’s about 16 when he becomes Binghe’s student, but the thing is… Luo Binghe is kind of just the peak lord in name.

He spends his free time getting laid in the next town or going on an adventure with some hot demoness instead of giving classes. He’ll go on cultivation missions and take requests from villages and whatnot, but he doesn't bother teaching his disciples, just gives them a cultivation manual and tells them to figure it out. Half the time when students greet him on the peak he just nods because he doesnt even remember the disciple’s name. It’s fine though, once every few months he’ll take a break from all the one night stands and actually take a student along with him on a mission, just to keep the sect leader from complaining. “See, I teach my kids! Last month I took what’s-his-name on a night hunt!”

By the time Luo Binghe bothers to take Shen Yuan along for a mission, Shen Yuan is already 20 and has been on the peak for 4 years. Luo Binghe barely knows he exists, and he justs wants to collect this herb he was tasked with retrieving, send Shen Yuan back with it, and then get nasty with the woman back in the village who gave them directions to the cave that grows it. 

Unfortunately for Binghe, the cave is also home to one of the few flowers that can affect a demon lord. Binghe can’t move as he falls to the ground and hears his student yell “Shizun!” and run over.

They can hear monsters nearby so Shen Yuan’s two options are to 1) heal his shizun by taking advantage of Binghe's body or 2) abandon him to die and leave by himself. Binghe has experienced both multiple times, and is ready for either one. He's not ready for Shen Yuan to choose a third option that no one has ever chosen before: heaving Luo Binghe onto his back, transferring him qi, and using every bit of strength to carry him to safety. 

By the time they return to the cave’s entrance, Shen Yuan only has enough energy to use a talisman signalling the sect for help before they both pass out. 

When Luo Binghe wakes up, the Qian Cao peak lord is asking him how he feels while his head disciple is yelling at a sheepish Shen Yuan for doing something reckless again! Apparently this is not the first time Shen Yuan has exhausted himself for the sake of another person. 

Over the next few days, he can’t think of anything other than his student. 

(Also, he secretly feels kind of… angry??? Was his body so unappealing to Shen Yuan that he'd rather half-die than dual cultivate with him?? He's not sure why he's so pissed off by the idea, it's not like he's ever wanted to dual cultivate with a man before, but still…)

Finally he decides he has every right to be curious about shen yuan, that’s his disciple! Unfortunately while Binghe was ignoring Shen Yuan's existence for the past few years, his disciple has managed to build up… a reputation at Cang Qiong. 

Oh Shen Yuan selflessly saved Luo Binghe? Big deal, saving people is an average Tuesday for Shen Yuan, apparently! “He stopped my qi deviation” this, “he threw me out of a poisonous demon's way” that. 

For the first time ever, Luo Binghe is not special. If anything, he has less pull with Shen Yuan than anyone else at Cang Qiong, because everyone else knows Shen Yuan better. Luo Binghe doesn’t know Shen Yuan’s birthday, but the rest of his students make sure to throw Shen Yuan a party every year to thank him for all his tutoring. Binghe is SO far behind, which is a feeling he hasn’t felt in YEARS. 

About a month after the mission, he finally sees Shen Yuan sparring alone. Luo Binghe walks over, acting unbothered and nonchalant even though he's screaming internally. He greets his disciple and says, “This master has yet to properly thank Shen Yuan for his assistance at the cave… join me at the bamboo house tonight.” 

Shen Yuan apologizes, says he has important plans but would love to join him another night, then spends the rest of the day off the peak with the An Ding head disciple. 

Luo Binghe is flabbergasted. He's less important than an An Ding disciple???? Really??? Fucking An Ding????? 

After that, Luo Binghe……. He isn’t stalking Shen Yuan, despite what Liu Mingyan (Xian Su peak lord) might say with excited eyes. He’s just keeping an eye on this interesting disciple he never knew he had! In secret. 

He walks in on Qingge and Shen Yuan “sparring” and sees the exact moment Shen Yuan oversteps, loses his balance and goes tumbling on top of Liu Qingge. Binghe storms over, picks Shen Yuan up by the back of his robe like a cat, and physically separates the two of them. The two disciples gawk at how weird that was and he has no idea how to come up with an excuse for whatever the hell that just was. 

Instead he asks what they’re doing. 

Shen Yuan, being polite and answering the question: Liu-shidi and I are heading on a mission soon-

Luo Binghe: this master shall join you.

Shen Yuan: uh… it's a very simple request, two disciples are more than en-

Luo Binghe: this. Master. Shall. Join. You.

Liu Qingge: ???? What the hell is his problem 

Shen Yuan: Okay… this disciple is grateful for shizun’s assistance…?

Their flight to the village is dead quiet. 

The townspeople sigh theyre so glad they’re here, some demonic creature has been destroying their wildlife! This area makes most of their money with lumber exports, so if the creature continues to destroy their trees, it’ll result in huge losses. 

When they find the demon, Shen Yuan starts yapping non stop. It’s like he’s suddenly transformed into a textbook, explaining that this little beaver-esque demon needs to chew up trees for its survival. Luo Binghe is bored out of his mind and pulls out his sword. 

Shen Yuan gaps and picks up the small creature, holding it protectively against his chest. “This species isn’t even violent! We can’t kill it!” 

Luo Binghe crosses his arms and says they have to complete this commission somehow. Shen Yuan argues they can simply relocate the demon somewhere else! Luo Binghe expects Liu Qingge to complain or brutishly try to kill it, but he shrugs and says he’ll follow Shen Yuan. Apparently this happens regularly…

By the time they rehome the creature somewhere it won’t be a bother, it’s too late to fly back to the sect.

The only close by inn apologizes and says they only have two rooms left, and each one is a single bed. They can have a mat sent up, but…

Binghe says he should room with Shen Yuan because they’re both from Qing Jing, and (he glares at Liu Qingge as he says this) Liu Qingge is an outsider. Liu Qingge narrows his eyes and says it would be inappropriate for a peak lord to share a room with a lowly disciple, so he should room with Shen Yuan. 

Shen Yuan cheerfully chimes in that he and Liu-shidi sleep together all the time! “Whenever shidi and I camp outdoors, he says he prefers sleeping on the ground. He’ll be happy to take the mat.”

Luo Binghe's smile becomes a little forced, but shen Yuan doesn't even notice the murderous intent rolling off his shizun, aimed at his friend from Bai Zhan. 

In the end, Shen Yuan gets one room, and Liu Qingge gets the other. Luo Binghe insists his cultivation is high enough he doesn’t need to sleep, and had no intention to sleep tonight anyway.

This is a perfect time to go and find a brothel or a hookup. He realizes this is the longest he’s gone without sex in a long time, all because he’s been obsessed with Shen Yuan so much lately. But he’s got too much on his mind to do that tonight… He’s still thinking of the loving way Shen Yuan protected that small helpless demon, going as far as defying a peak lord for its sake.

Shen Yuan is… someone with shockingly good character. Despite being surrounded by cultivators, meeting people who are good is surprisingly rare. He doesn’t want his sweet disciple to have that lovely sense of justice stolen away from him by… gross perverts like Liu Qingge lusting after him! 

(He’s not projecting!)

He’s already neglected Shen Yuan as a shizun for so many years. Now he has to step and make up for all that time! He’s decided what he has to do. 

First thing in the morning, he knocks on Shen Yuan’s door. He hears a sweet ‘Come in!’ from inside and for some reason he feels… really nervous. Inside, Shen Yuan is sitting on his bed, brushing his hair, and he smiles when he looks up and sees Luo Binghe. “Good morning, shizun.”

Good morning??? How can he say something so casually, without a hint of shame, looking like that?? He’s wearing nothing but one layer that’s not even thick enough to hide his body! He can see Shen Yuan’s milky thighs and small chest!!!! What the fuck!?

(Is this how he walks around the shared dorms on Qing Jing? Do all the other disciples see the outline of his body through his thin layer every morning?? The longer he stares, the more he tells himself he’s making the right decision by doing this.)

He cuts right to the chase. “Once we return, Shen Yuan shall move his belongings into the bamboo house. This lord will teach him all there is to know about being Qing Jing’s head disciple.” He makes it clear that this is a statement, not a request – he’s not giving Shen Yuan a choice. 

Shen Yuan gawks at him, and Luo Binghe says they’ll discuss things more in detail once they return to Qing Jing, but from this moment on, he represents himself as Luo Binghe’s head disciple. It takes Shen Yuan a few minutes to really comprehend what’s going on, but eventually he bows in thanks and throws on another, thicker layer. Shen Yuan moves for the door and says, “I better tell Liu-shidi-”

Luo Binghe’s hand moves before he can stop himself, and they’re both surprised by the deathly tight grip he has on Shen Yuan’s wrist. 

Luo Binghe clears his throat and lets go. “You should let him be. Sometimes if you spend too much time with a person, it can become off-putting.” There, surely that will keep Shen Yuan away from that brute, right?

Shen Yuan says, “Ohhh,” and then smiles. “Don't worry shizun,” he says gently, “This disciple understands what you're saying. Once I move into the bamboo house, I'll make sure to give shizun his space.” 

Then Shen Yuan walks away and closes the door behind him. Luo Binghe can hear Shen Yuan telling Liu Qingge the good news, “I don’t know if shizun is joking or not, but wouldn’t it be nice for us to do our head disciple work together?” 

Luo Binghe realizes that Shen Yuan is going to RUIN him, and he’ll do it without even realizing. 

[lostfracturess]

be my prom date — satoru gojo

what happens when the notorious playboy satoru gojo is determined to win your heart and asks you to got to prom with him?

You've always been wary of Satoru Gojo, the school's resident heartthrob. His reputation as a notorious flirt and heartbreaker precedes him, and you have no intention of falling for his charms.

So, when he approaches you at your locker with his signature cocky grin, you're immediately on guard.

"Hey, how's my favorite girl doing today?"

You glance up from your locker, barely suppressing an eye roll. "What do you want, Satoru?"

"Straight to the point, huh?" He leans against the locker next to yours as if it was the most natural thing in the world. "So, I was thinking… prom's coming up. How about you and me go together? We'd be the hottest couple there."

You stare at him blankly, trying to process his words. "I'm sorry, what? You're asking me to prom?"

"That's the idea, yeah."

"But… why?"

He blinks, looking genuinely surprised. "Uh, because I want to go with you?"

"Is this some kind of joke? Did one of your friends dare you to ask me out or something?" You narrow your eyes, suspicious of his motives.

"What? No!" He looks actually offended, his brows furrowing. "C'mon, give me a little credit here."

"Satoru, we've barely ever spoken," you point out, crossing your arms. "And aren't you taking one of your many, many admirers?"

"Hah? I've been trying to get your attention for months now. Don't tell me you haven't noticed." He runs a hand through his hair, looking a bit exasperated.

You frown, trying to recall any instances of his supposed attempts at getting your attention. "What are you talking about?"

"Oh, come on! Remember when I complimented your hair?"

"You mean when you said, 'nice hair, is it as soft as it looks?' and then tried to touch it?" you deadpan, raising an eyebrow.

Satoru rubs the back of his neck, looking slightly sheepish. "Okay, maybe not my smoothest line. But what about when I offered to carry your books?"

"You mean when you took them out of my hands without asking and then flexed obnoxiously?"

"…Okay, point taken. But there was also that time—"

"Satoru," you cut him off, your patience wearing thin. "I'm not interested in being another notch on your bedpost, or your arm candy at prom. I don't do casual, and that's clearly all you're after."

He gapes at you, his blue eyes wide. "Wait, is that really what you think of me?"

"You have a different girl every week," you say flatly. "What else am I supposed to think?"

"Okay, I know I've got a certain reputation, but I swear, I'm not that guy. I like you, okay? I just suck at showing it." His tone is sincere, and for a moment, you almost believe him.

You bite your lip, considering his words. He does seem genuine, but the logical part of your brain keeps screaming that this is Satoru Gojo, notorious heartbreaker, you're talking about.

Seeing your hesitation, Satoru presses on. "Look, forget prom. Just give me a chance to prove I'm not who you think I am. One date, that's all I'm asking."

You glance at him, only to find him pouting at you, his lower lip jutting out in an exaggerated manner.

Was he serious right now?

"I'll think about it," you finally say, closing your locker with a soft click. With that, you walk off down the hall, feeling his gaze on your back the whole way.

As you make your way to class, your mind races with questions. Why would Satoru Gojo, resident fuckboy and notorious flirt, ask you out?

You, of all people?

But the real question is — what are you going to do about it?

© lostfracturess. do not repost, translate, or modify my work.

[doki-doki-imagines]

Not sure if you take requests but could you write about Shang Tsung (and others) with breeding kink?🙏

feat. Shang Tsung, Bi-Han, Liu Kang, Syzoth (aka the guy I think would be into it)

tw: smut, afab!reader

author note: requests are open! It's been a while since I wrote smut, I hope you'll like these.

Shang Tsung: -He is staining your soul, putting his seed of evil into you. -The thought gives him goosebumps, his right hand keeping your leg up and open wide, while to other play with your nipple and at the same time pushes your back against his front. -The hand that way playing with your chest slides lower, now drawing patterns on your tummy that in a few month will be round and full. -Shang Tsung bites his lower lip, and close tight his eyes, it's a sinful thought that is bringing him too fast to the end. -"Let me cum inside, you want it too right? You always tell me, don't you remember?" He whispers into your ear, voice weavering at each of his thrust in your core. -You seriously don't remember ever telling him that, but you nod, too fucked, too lost in the throes of pleasure to formulate a coherent thought. -"I knew it, you will be an excellent brood mare." He smirks, wide and wicked. -Shang Tsung almost hope he didn't impregnate you this time, the idea so good he wants to try again and again. -Not that he will stop anyway…

Bi-Han: -He is the Grandmaster, you know? He needs heirs! -But Bi-Han isn't doing this to follow orders, his eyes liquid lust while looking at your soft body, phrases way too broken and badly formulated to be of a man following his duty. -"I'll make you full of my cum, I'll fuck you so good-" The sudden grip of your core make Bi-Han stops in his track, lost in the pleasure of your pussy suiting his cock like a glove. -It's not like you are doing any better, legs up his shoulders, hands scratching his biceps the only stable thing to keep you anchored to this moment, mind wandering in the sea of bliss at each of his hard thrusts. -Bi-Han can't stop thinking of your chest, filled to the brim with milk, soft and round begging to be touched, nipples hard desperate for some attention, tummy full of yours and his child. -His mind plays a dirty trick and he cums with just one last thrust, falling on top of you, groaning into your neck, while he fills you with his cum. -"Keep it all in, don't make a single drop fall."

Liu Kang: -He waited his entire life to be in peace and in love. Now it's time to step up the game. -The idea of you carrying his baby, your entire body glowing of happiness make his brain vessels close really fast, blood flowing to his crotch pathetically fast. -That's why now you are on your hands and knees, taking him like a champ, his thrusts hard and fast, the fat of your ass red from the slaps you counted a minute ago, the sound you are both making obscenely lewd. -Liu Kang isn't a gentleman. He is a man with a goal that he needs to accomplish if he doesn't want to become crazy. -Something that you already are, tears running down your face, drool escaping your open mouth, moans escaping freely. -"Please, lemme cum-" You sob "I've been good." You gasp out. -Liu Kang whines after hearing your voice. You always sound so good, and he is too weak to you. -"Take it all, my darling, you can do it. I know it." He prompts you on, close to the end himself. -And you do, not even a sound escapes your mouth, too tired and desperate, total opposite of Liu Kang whom cum into you, an high pitched moan blessing your ears. -You lay down, knees and arms weak after the intense session, trying to stabilise your breath, while your lover stay behind you, pulling out and admiring his work. -Liu Kang notices some cum rolling down your core, so he scoop it up with his index and middle finger to plunge it inside you again, earning him a whine. -"Don't waste any of it, keep it inside. It's holy, you know?"

Syzoth: -He gets a bit insane thinking of you having his kids, honestly. -That's why for the longest time, Syzoth won't say anything and keep this thought for himself, ashamed you may get scared. -But then he finds out you share his kink and his wall drop. But he'll ask to repeat yourself because Syzoth thinks his intrusive thought pulled a bad joke on him. -Syzoth prefers to enjoy his kink when he isn't in "heat", when his mind is a bit more stable and he can control himself a bit more. You tell him he is fine either way, but please respect his decision one step at a time. -Doesn't mean Syzoth won't rock your world anyway; you should know how hot your shy boy is. -Syzoth would bite your neck, tell him if he is being too rough, he may not be in "heat," but the blood isn't pumping only in his brain right now. -Don't tap out! For lizards, it means you are being submissive, and it is like an okay sign to keep going, Syzoth didn't agree on a safe word with you just for fun. -"You are so fucking big-" You turn your head back as best as you can, face still pushed into the mattress, voice almost a little whine "Fill me up, please cum inside!" -Syzoth doesn't have to mind to reply, but he understands enough to act, filling you to the brim, the idea of your full tummy and soft glow the last push he needed.

[ilys00ga]

𝘄𝗶𝗹𝗹 𝘆𝗼𝘂 𝗺𝗮𝗿𝗿𝘆 𝗺𝗲?

➞ pair: yoongi x female reader.

➞ word count: 897

➞ synopsis: just shy bf yoongi proposing to his gf :)

➞ genre: established relationship, shy bf yoongi, marriage proposal, fluffy fluff.

➞ A/N: I honestly can't believe I managed to finally write something just in a few hours lmao. BUTs this is actually inspired by a tiktok/reel i watched a while ago. i lost it now but it was about a guy proposing to his gf and the gf was so freaking cute she kept screaming and jumping around, he ended uo jumping along with her and screaming too lmao it was so cute i hope they r happy rn! enjoy babes <3

- ignore typos and mistakes :)

★ MASTERLIST.

─ ⋅ ⋅ ⋅ ─── ♡ ─── ⋅ ⋅ ⋅ ─

Yoongi’s hands were trembling on his lap. The longer he waited, the more sweaty his warm palms got.

He would’ve enjoyed the atmosphere he was wrapped up in at that very moment, really. If it weren't for his irritated nervous system completely isolating him from the world outside of his mind, his being.

Outdoors, under the sparkling night sky, Yoongi laid on the grass with his lover by his side, stargazing. A blazed fire pit closely by their feet, paired with the splendid view of the mountains and the lake surrounding them, that was the kind of atmosphere he'd been preparing for his girlfriend for the past two months.

The rythmic, pulsating sound of night crickets chirping somewhere in the distance added a nice shade of color to their painting.

Perhaps, renting that vacation house for a few days was the one of the best decisions he'd made for his lover, but his plan was hanging off his entire body like some heavy metal armor, and it almost felt as though the small ring box hiding in his pocket was close to exploding at any moment.

Turning his head to the side, the sight of his girl smiling so brightly as she gazed up to the sky soared his heart up. Yoongi loved people watching. It’s almost in his nature, being a quiet, introverted person in his very core. He loved admiring people the most when they were busy with the things they loved the most, the things they found mesmerizing and beautiful the most. He loved watching people being people.

He loved it more when people were his person, his girl. And when she told him a few weeks ago about her love for stars, the idea popped in his head, and he couldn't help but make a secret promise in his heart. A promise that he'd make her spend one of her best nights under the shining bright sky, with him by her side.

So, when her eyes met his staring ones questioningly, he realized he'd bsent-mindedly uttered her name out loud.

That's when he took a deep breath in, felt the chill night air filling his chest up, and knew it was the right moment.

He dipped his hand into his pocket, feeling the hard box with his sweaty fingers. “I've been planning this for a really long time.”

Her questioning gaze turned confused when he sat up, attentively curious, but she let him speak. It only made him blush, though. And he tried to brush it off by looking down at the fist only he knew what's hidden inside of it.

Between his shyness and her amused chuckle, he pressed on his brain to function properly and carry his mission out.

“I had everything figured out. From renting this place, to setting this fire up. Yet, as I sit down here under the stars, with you right in front of me…this is all I can manage to do.”

With trembling, long fingers, Yoongi carefully and slowly opened the small box, presented it to the girl.

He watched her eyes leaving his to land on his hands, on the ring sitting prettily right in the middle of the box. In a matter of seconds, she stood up and gasped. The way her resting face snapped into a shocked one and her hand flew to cover her ajar mouth almost had him barking a short laugh out, but Yoongi smiled nervously nonetheless.

“Oh my god…!” She started screaming, jumping around in her place with so much excitement and glee. Yoongi couldn't decide whether to be grateful that her reaction helped quietening a lot of his nerves down, or burst out in laughter. Either way, his cheeks ached as he grinned so widely, too relieved and happy to even pop the question to his lady.

“Damn, you really were waiting for it!”

He waited patiently, letting her have her moment. His heart never slowed down, however. It beat so fast that he could swear he was getting slightly dizzy.

It didn't take too long for her to—momentarily—calm down, allowing the man who's been staring every so lovingly at her to finish what he started.

“Hold on, im supposed to be on one knee.” he said, but she stopped him right away.

“Youre doing just fine. Go for it, I don't care.” She took his free hand in hers and beamed at him. Yoongi was long since gone, by that point.

“I don't know what to say anymore. I'm usually a very careful guy.” He gulped timidly, “I'm too wary to take huge steps like this one. But somehow, whenever I'm with you, I always know that I want to spend the rest of my life with you. I'm just… too sure to be reluctant about it.

“So, __, will you marry me?–” before he could even finish the last syllable of his little speech, she yelled out a series of ‘yes, yes, yes, yes!’ and jumped right into his arms.

Yoongi thought that all puffs of air left his lungs and that he stopped breathing as soon as the first ‘yes’ eagerly escaped her lips.

His arms wrapped up around her so tight, his eyes closed shut as he buried his face in her shoulder, and the stars shone bright above their heads. A silent key witness of yet another new stage of their love.

[shnarky-blogs]

Ok sick man got me acting up, so it started off as a casual day right, reader and sick man just hanging out until reader gets the genius idea to talk about his past lover(the one he had before he died) and he keeps on talking about how good they were in bed and sick man gets really jelly so he decides to punish reader :3

Apologies of the casual use of breeding kink, im just having a brain rot, pookies ヘ⁠（⁠。⁠□⁠°⁠）⁠ヘ..

ᵗᵒᵗˢᵒᵐᵒᵗᵒ ʸᵘᵘˢʰⁱ ˣ ᵍʰᵒˢᵗ ᶠᵗᵐ ʳᵉᵃᵈᵉʳ

𝐒𝐔𝐌𝐌𝐀𝐑𝐘: 𝐣𝐞𝐚𝐥𝐨𝐮𝐬 𝐘𝐮𝐮𝐬𝐡𝐢 𝐦𝐚𝐤𝐢𝐧𝐠 𝐲𝐨𝐮 𝐟𝐨𝐫𝐠𝐞𝐭 𝐲ó𝐮𝐫 𝐨𝐥𝐝 𝐥𝐨𝐯𝐞𝐫<33

Its has months since you two got together in a relationship, Yuushi is soso kind with you! So loving, always bringing you new clothes whenever he have extra money to buy you one, He's just the sweetest person you met and your grateful just having him.

You love him alot but sometimes.. you just love ticking him off till he's pissed.

Now currently you have your legs spread while Yuushi's cock thrust inside you, mercilessly fucking your whorish boy pussy, telling you how much of a slut you are.

"Can he even make you feel this so fucking good like what im doing to you? Fuck- you're tightening up again.. you like it, dont you?"

Yuushi spanks your ass causing you to cry and cum on his cock from just that spank.

It all started around a minute ago, You were sitting on Yuushi's lap while he played with your hair, you were getting bored and decided to play with him.

"Yuuuuusshhiii~"

"What?"

He spoke out softly, nuzzling into your neck.

"Y'know.. I've been- missing my old lover.."

You sighed trying to look sad, You just got a hum as a reply.

"His cock is so big!.. i just miss him.."

Now that snapped something inside Yuushi.

"What?"

Yuushi spoke more sternly, Grabbing your cheek forcefully.

"Are you pissing me off?.."

"W-what?.. n-no..(yes >:3)

You replied, your eyes peeking through your long bangs that cover half your face already, you could tell he was extremely pissed.

And now you found yourself on your shared futon getting pinned down by Yuushi as he thrust into your boy pussy.

"Tell me.. who's dick is bigger?"

Yuushi grunted as his tip nuzzled against your cervix causing you to whine.

"Y-yours! P-please Yuu~"

You squirm, letting out cute squeaks of pleasure.

"Please W-what?"

He growled against your ear causing your spine to shiver.

"I-im sorry Yuu.. P-please stop, c-cant take it a-anymoreee!"

You cried softly his tip kisses your cervix, while balls slap against your ass.

The sight of you was soo so cute, he just wanna knock you up! Claiming you as his while having you carry his child.

He smirked at that thought as his thrust gotten faster.

"Gonna.. b-breed this cute pussy of your, pretty boy.. you're so cute.

But i bet youd look cuter with a tummy plump with my kids, sweetheart."

Yuushi chuckled.

"Get ready because I'll be filling your holes with my cum till you get pregnant and forget about that useless shit."

[multi-fandom-imagine]

You're beautiful || Gregory House ||

A/n: I've been wanting to write a fluffy moment for House.

Warnings: self doubt, body insecurity

It had been a long day. You were sitting on the edge of the bed wearing one of House’s old T-shirts, staring at yourself in the mirror. Your son was finally asleep after a bout of fussiness, and the house was quiet for the first time all evening. Yet, your thoughts were anything but peaceful.

You tugged at the hem of the shirt, frowning as it clung to your soft stomach. Your postpartum body was a daily reminder of how much your life had changed. Stretch marks lined your hips, your waist wasn’t as defined as it used to be, and you couldn’t help but notice the weight you hadn’t quite managed to lose.

The insecurities that had been building since the birth of your son, it now felt overwhelming. The logical part of your brain knew that these changes were normal, that your body had done something incredible by bringing your son into the world. But another part—the irrational, emotional part—kept whispering that you weren't the same woman House had fallen in love with. That maybe he didn’t find you attractive anymore.

Your thoughts spiraled further as you remembered the women House interacted with at the hospital: slim, confident, and effortlessly beautiful. The idea of him comparing you to them sent a pang of jealousy through your chest. You felt ridiculous for thinking it, but the feeling lingered.

You didn’t hear House come in until his voice broke the silence.

“Y/n?” he called out, his tone softer than usual. He leaned against the doorway, his cane in one hand. “What’s going on? You’ve been quiet all evening.”

You glanced up at him, tucking a strand of your hair behind your ear. "It's nothing....just tired."

House tilted his head, his sharp blue eyes narrowing as he studied you. “Uh-huh,” he said, unconvinced. “You forget who you’re married to? I can read people, remember? You’re radiating ‘something’s wrong’ vibes from across the room.”

You sighed, unable to meet his gaze. “It’s stupid," you muttered out

House stepped closer, limping slightly as he made his way to the bed. He sat down beside you, his presence solid and grounding. “Stupid is my specialty. Spill it.”

You hesitated, fidgeting with the hem of the shirt. Finally,you whispered, “I just… I don’t feel like myself anymore. My body’s changed so much since I had our son. I don’t look like I used to. And I can’t help but wonder if you… if you still think I’m attractive.”

House blinked, momentarily taken aback. Then his brow furrowed, and he let out a short, incredulous laugh. “You’re kidding, right?”

Your face warmed for a moment, as you turned away from him, embarrassed. “See? I told you it was stupid.”

“Hey,” House said, his voice gentler now. He reached out, cupping your chin and turning your face back toward him. “Look at me.”

Reluctantly, you met his gaze, your eyes shimmering with unshed tears.

“You just carried a human being for nine months and then brought him into the world,” House said, his tone serious. “Your body changed because it did something amazing. And for the record? You still look hot. Like, really hot. I mean, I’d jump you right now, but our kid might wake up.”

You couldn’t help but let out a surprised laugh, the tension in your chest easing slightly. “House…”

“I’m serious,” he interrupted, his hand moving to rest on your knee. “Do you honestly think I care about a few stretch marks or a little extra weight? You’re gorgeous. You’ve always been gorgeous. And now, you’re the mother of my son. That just makes you even hotter..."

Your lips trembled, as you looked away, overwhelmed by his words. “I just… I see the way other women look at you at the hospital. They’re all so… perfect. And I feel like I can’t compete.”

House scoffed. “Perfect? Sunshine, those women are boring. They don’t have half the wit, charm, or spine that you do. You’re the only one who’s ever managed to keep me in check, and you think I’d trade that for some airbrushed fantasy? Please.”

You felt a tear slip down your cheek, and you quickly wiped it away. “You really mean that?”

House rolled his eyes dramatically, but his smirk softened into something tender. “Of course, I mean it. You’re it for me. You always have been. And if you ever doubt that again, I’ll have to remind you in more… physical ways.”he muttered as his hand slid underneath the hem of his shirt you wore, fingers brushing your belly.

You let out another laugh, your heart feeling lighter than it had in weeks. “You’re impossible.”

“And you’re beautiful,” he shot back, leaning in to press a kiss to your forehead. “Now, let’s go to bed before our son decides he’s done with sleeping.”

You lent into him, a small smile playing on your lips. For the first time in a long while, you felt a sense of peace. House might be a pain, but he was your pain, and he loved you exactly as you was.

[samsm2mstories]

Damian the Stud

Damian here has been on my radar for many months now, his body was fucking stunning, his face was god like and his personality was perfect. Everything about Damian is everything I've ever wanted in a guy. The only problem was that I didn't fit his ideal boyfriend material.

I didn't care anyway as I had bigger plans, it was my turn in the family to claim a new body to continue our family's traditional line.

That night I was helped by my brothers at the gym to swap out Damian's water bottle. It worked perfected as my brothers spoke to him for ages and helping him to lift, suddenly Damian started to feel worn out and he luckily collapsed outside by their car.

Here I am sitting next to him passed out, that soon will be mine. I couldn't help but to feel his abs and his huge package below. It's got to be 20cm or bigger compared to what you see on his OF.

We got to his place as my brothers carried him into his bed. They wished me the best of luck for that evening and they can't wait to gym together again as it's been year's since we were young.

After a hour of checking him over, I had his cock hard as nails ready to start the procedure. I had to recite a few words and suddenly the current body disappeared as I turned into a worm-like creature. I slowly crept up onto the bed and went diving into his huge cock. I felt his pre-cum covering me as I pushed deep into his body. After a few minutes I got into his brain and started to merge in. His body was sweating so much as I slowly took his muscles over. I was enjoying every memory of him as he didn't have any idea that I'm now Damian.

I woke up feeling completely renewed, everything felt so powerful, and I couldn't resist getting up feeling my newly gained youth and strength. I was perfected in every way. My whole body felt so alive and my new cock was loving every second of it. This all is mine and I'm finally Damian!

The next morning I couldn't resist checking out the Halloween outfit I recently wore.

Can't you tell I'm so sexy now!

[mistywaves98]

Hello! Can I request a mean dom!Scaramouche (Wanderer) with a s/o who has a degradation kink?

✧･ﾟ:* ->Scaramouche x Fem! Reader

✧･ﾟ:* ->¡Warnings!: NSFW, Degradation, he's Wanderer but is referred to as Scaramouche, Choking sorta (he pushes his fingers into your mouth), Fingering, he's just a meanie here, Not proofread (I apologize for any spelling mistakes)!

✧･ﾟ:* ->Finally posting something after months of hiatus 😭😭 I'm sorry I left so suddenly but I hope this will make up for it 🥲 It wasn't meant to be this long but I got carried away...Enjoy!!

✧･ﾟ:* ->Minor writing smut! DNI if uncomfy!

Scaramouche doesn't hold back his opinions and thoughts, no matter how harsh they sound to others. You, his significant other, are no exception. Not that you're complaining...

"You're such a slut, you know that? Bucking your hips up for any kind of friction like a needy bitch. Are my fingers not enough? Move them? How about no...I quite like seeing you all desperate like this." You let out a frustrated groan as he denies you yet again. You're on his lap, your back pressed against his chest and legs spread out. His fingers are buried in your cunt, just barely nudging your sweet spot. It's been like this for what feels like hours and he refuses to move them at all. You're so sensitive now and every little movement you make sends pleasure rippling through your body like waves. But it's not enough. If only he could just give in and...

You try to grind yourself against his hand once more, but this time he's quick to put a stop to it by using his free one to hold your hip in place with a bruising grip. This emits a low whine from you and tears well up in your eyes, a cruel smile crosses his face when he realizes. He brings his mouth to brush the shell of your ear as he speaks in a condescending tone,"Awww, gonna cry? Is the little whore not enjoying herself? Good. This was punishment anyway, you brought this upon yourself. So fucking needy...you couldn't wait till I got home to satisfy you so you decided to hump a damn pillow like an animal in heat. It's utterly pathetic and shows just how helpless you are without me" his voice gets lower and his words progressively become filthier and harsher.

Tears spill from your eyes and one would almost think you were hurt from them, but the way your walls clamp around his fingers even tighter tell a different story. As he continues to whisper vile things into your ear, you feel your face get warmer and your thighs twitch, a sign that you're getting close. He takes note of that and scoffs,"Are you seriously going to cum? I've barely touched you, unless...you enjoy being berated? This is a new low for you and here I thought you couldn't become even more of a slut than you already were, but it's okay, you're my slutty little girl, aren't you? Go on, come on my fingers like the whore you are" he pushes his fingers in even deeper, his fingers pressing against your g spot. That was all it took to have you arching your back and cumming around his fingers, moaning loudly.

You lay back against his chest, breathing heavily as Scaramouche pulls his digits out and observes the way your juices glisten on them, chuckling to himself. Suddenly, an idea comes to him and his smirk widens as he says in a partly sarcastic tone,"You're so messy...it's only fair that you take the responsibility and clean it up, right?" Without warning, he uses his free hand to force your mouth open as he shoves his coated index and middle finger past your lips, making you gag and cough as they hit the back of your throat.

Your reaction makes him grin as he pushes down on your tongue and moves his hand back and forth slightly, making you taste yourself whether you want to or not. This leaves you with no option other than to obediently wrap your lips around them and begin sucking. Your actions earn a hum of approval from him,"So you do have a brain after all. That's it. Keep sucking on my fingers just like that, imagine it's my cock" his words make your mind wander and your face grows warm as you feel yourself become aroused once more. Scaramouche notices it as well and an amused laugh reaches your ears. He brings the hand that was previously holding your mouth open down to your soaking pussy. He rubs circles around your clit, making you shudder and clench your fist,"So wet and ready for more...Was one orgasm not enough? Oh why do I even ask, of course it's not enough for a stupid whore like you...you're so desperate it's almost funny. But fine then, if you want more, then I'll fuck you till you're screaming for me to stop. Don't get ahead of yourself though, I'm not done punishing you just yet..."

He then gives your clit a hard pinch, making you jump and let out a muffled yelp. Scaramouche then runs a finger down your slit, coating it with your slick before pushing two fingers inside of you till they're knuckle deep. You writhe on his lap as he thrusts them in and out roughly. The assault on your pussy has you seeing stars and slightly muffled whimpers leave your mouth as you clamp your thighs around his hand. The pleasure is short lived as he suddenly pulls out his fingers and gives your pussy a sharp smack, earning a loud cry from you as he growls lowly into your ear,"I didn't tell you stop sucking, slutty bitch. And keep those legs spread for me"

You immediately begin sucking on his fingers once more but hesitate to open your legs. The hesitation doesn't linger though and you slowly spread them apart, making him smirk at your obedience. The two that were previously in your pussy resume their actions, not being gentle in the slightest. Within a few minutes you can feel your second orgasm of the night approaching and you know he's aware as well. The way your moans get louder and higher in pitch make it obvious. However, as you feel yourself about to reach your peak, he pulls his fingers out of your mouth and pussy, leaving you high and dry, a sadistic look adorns his face as he glances down at your teary expression.

"Why...why did you do that? I was about to—!" Your protest is cut off as he grabs your hips and effortlessly lifts you up, turning you around so that you're facing him. The smug look on his face makes you want to slap him. Suddenly, he grabs your face in a tight grip and pulls you closer to him so that you're looking into each other's eyes. His pupils are dilated and his irises seem to be literally glowing as you see the sadistic lust swirling around in them, making you shiver,"I know, that was part of the punishment," he says bluntly before adding in a much more ominous tone,"But now I'm done playing with you"

He then presses his lips against yours in a heated kiss. His tongue pushes it's way into your mouth and dominates yours instantly. Your hands grasp his shoulders as his keep their firm grip on your hips. You tense up for a moment as you feel him grind your bare pussy against his obvious bulge and you feel him smile into the kiss as he swallows your squeak of surprise. When he finally pulls away, you're left panting and out of breath while he looks better than ever besides the light blush on his cheeks and beads of sweat.

He licks the saliva off his lips before unzipping his pants with one hand and leaning in to whisper in your ears,"Better prepare yourself, because I have no intentions of holding back tonight..."

[thefallennightmare]

That December Night- Matt Dierkes x Reader: Mini Series

A/N: Ok so, this whole idea started when @artificialbreezy and I saw one post on Tumblr earlier and could not stop talking about it. This will be a mini-series with three chapters. I will only be working on this for the time being because the Matt brain rot is real(sorry JP readers, don't fret though. The next chapter is coming). Let me know if you don't see your name in the tags and would like to be tagged!

SNEAK PEEK BELOW THE CUT!

"I've never been one to half-ass anything, Y/N!" Matt bit out with a clenched jaw. His hands were perched low on his hip as my sudden news turned his world upside down.

My hands rested on my stomach as I took a deep breath, preparing myself for what he said next. The large group of people a few feet behind him pretended to keep themselves busy with work but I knew they'd been eavesdropping since I showed up a few minutes ago.

Matt let out a deep breath to calm himself. "If we're going to do this then we're doing it together. We can't do it together if you're halfway across the world from me."

I scoffed, not quite ready to jump into the idea of packing up my life for the next month to live on the road with a man I had only met one night back in December.

Five months ago.

"And if I say no?" I scoffed.

Those dark eyes sliced into me from underneath his hat and he took a step closer towards me. "You're carrying my child, Y/N. There's no way I'm letting you leave now. Not again. Not like I did that night."

tags: @loeytuan98 @thatchickwiththecamera @dsireland86 @iknownothingpeople @bngurngheart @malice-ov-mercy @cookiesupplier @heyyoplayer @myownthoughts12 @vinyardmaurao @missduffsblog @hayleylatour @sleepyomens @artificialbreezy @marvelousmal @lma1986 @wild-child-7747 @calleyx13 @illmakeyousaywow @jaded-and-hollow-souls @itsafullmoon @shilohrosechicken @klutzy-kay24 @shadowseve @blueskylinesx @exitwoundsx @thisbicc @pathion @cookiesupplier @sammyjoeee @whenthesummerdies @flowery-mess @xxkittenkissesxx @its-inourblood @madomens @collidewiththesavannah @xserena-13 @cncohshit @rain-down-on-me @sorrowsofsilence

[watermelonlovershigh]

12 Little Things Harry Does >

AN: so thank you to my brain for coming up with this idea. i've done one of these similar to this concept before except that one was specifically dadrry. hope you all enjoy and feedback is encouraged.

This contains: mentions of sex, mostly fluff, mentions of being sick

{ husbandrry - softrry - current harry era }

word count- 1,392

Twelve small things Harry does out of his love and admiration he has for you.

1. No matter how heated the moment is getting, Harry will always stop before things get too carried away and take off each of his rings, setting them in the little ring dish that sits on his bedside table. Sometimes it can be annoying when you've just stumbled into the bedroom, making out and tugging on each others clothes for Harry to just stop and remove his rings, but you know he has good intentions. His good intentions are that he never wants to hurt you by accident with his rings, beings his hands love to roam your most sensitive areas and sometimes even go inside those sensitive areas.

2. If Harry wakes up before you do to go on his morning run or trip to the gym, he always leans over your sleeping body before he leaves and pecks a kiss on either your cheeks, nose, or parted lips. Most of the time you stay asleep through his act of love but there have been times you've woken up. Harry just can't leave the house without giving you a quick kiss, even if you won't know it happened because you were asleep.

3. Harry knows you are severely allergic to lettuce so he makes sure when ordering you food that he mentions no lettuce. If he ordered you burgers or tacos, he'll even open them up, digging through the meat and toppings with a fork to make sure there are no traces of lettuce before giving it to you. And if he eats a salad himself, he makes sure to brush his teeth right after so when you kiss each other you don't come in contact with any lettuce he just ate. His kind gestures make your heart nearly burst.

4. When he's away on trips that you unfortunately couldn't come with him on, Harry will always send you a goodnight text. Even if the time zones are totally different. If he's in America and he's going to sleep, he'll send you a little goodnight message even though for you in England are half way through your morning activities.

5. When Harry is feeling a bit sad or down about something, he'll crawl into your lap and lay his head either on your chest or shoulder. This can be when you're on the couch watching a film or in bed about to sleep. He doesn't even ask you if he can do it, he just does it and you don't question it. You welcome Harry with loving arms and hold him to you tightly so he has that security feeling he's longing for.

6. Harry will track your periods each month and make sure you have enough pads and tampons stocked up in the bathroom. When he sees you're about to start your period within the next couple of days, he'll look in the bathroom cabinets and see how many products you have left from your last cycle. If you're running low, he'll make a trip to the store and grab you another box of whichever ones you were running low on, pads or tampons, sometimes both. Since you've been married you've never gone a month without enough period products.

7. He'll tell you he loves you about a million times each day. Harry's love language is physical touch and words of affirmation. If he's not physically showing you he loves you with hugs, kisses, or even sex, he'll say "I love you". When you first wake up, Harry tells you he loves you. When you're driving down the street, he'll say" I love you" over the radios music. When he's cooking you both dinner, he'll turn around from the stove and tell you he loves you. When he's in the shower and you're at the sink getting ready, he'll yell out from within the steamy shower, "I love you". During sex, no matter if its a casual quickie or love making, he moans out "I love you's" over and over again, making sure you know he really does love you alot.

8. When Harry's asleep, he's always gotta be touching you in some way. When you first got into a relationship that part was a hard one to get use to because you loved your personal space when sleeping. But after a while you got use to it. Harry is either spooning you, you're spooning him, he's laying across your chest, you're laying across his. If you are sleeping side by side, he'll have an arm stretched out so his hand is on your arm or belly. Sometimes subconsciously rubbing your skin with his thumb in gentle circles in his sleep. You're legs are usually twisted together somehow as well.

9. Harry will cry at sad films and not be embarrassed about it either. Well, when you first started dating years ago, he was, but now in your marriage he's not at all. He's watched The Notebook a thousand times before but still cries at the ending every time he watches it again. Every time you watch Titanic together he bawls his little green eyes out, which in turn has you holding him like he's a baby and kissing his tears away. You love how as a man he's not afraid to show his emotions. It's a sexy trait for males to have in your opinion.

10. When you're sick, Harry goes above and beyond to make sure you're okay and well taken care of. If you have a cold, he will run to the store in the middle of the night to buy you some cold medicine. He'll set a timer on his phone for each new dose you're suppose to have and check your temperature every few hours to make sure it doesn't spike. If you have the dreaded tummy bug, he'll sit with you on the bathroom floor while you're puking your guts up in the toilet, rubbing your back and holding your hair away from your face. He'll make sure you stay hydrated with plenty of fluids and even feed you some plain crackers in hopes they stay down. And when they don't stay down and you can't make it to the toilet or trash can fast enough, he will pull out the cleaning supplies and clean up your vomit. All while comforting you and telling you it's okay and not to worry about the mess.

11. When Harry is sick, he is such a baby but you truly don't mind because nothing brings you more joy then taking care of your lover when he's in a vulnerable position. Though he is scared he'll get you sick, he can't help but need your cuddles and care when he's not feeling very well. If he has a cold, he'll ask you nicely if you can bring him some warm tea and run him a bath. After you make his tea and fill up the bathtub, he'll beg you to sit beside the tub and keep him company. Then you'll see just how weak and fragile he is and end up washing his hair and body yourself. Him loving every second of your gentle hands on his body. When his stomach is not well, he'll ask for tummy rubs. When the tummy rubs don't settle his swirling stomach, he'll tell you he's gonna be sick and have you lead him to the bathroom because he hates being sick alone. You'll clip his hair up and rub his back as he kneels down and pukes in the toilet. And Harry hates throwing up so he'll end up crying and you have to comfort him even more then you already were.

12. If you have a date planned for the night and you're getting ready, when he first views your sexy outfit he has to palm himself through his pants because you turn him on. Harry will walk up to you, wrap his arms around your body, give you a smiley kiss on the lips, mutter how beautiful you are, and tell you how he can't wait to get you out of these clothes when you get home later. Then throughout the drive to the restaurant, in the restaurant, and the drive home, Harry will be supporting a boner. He's not only turned on by your appearance but also just has a love boner from how much he loves you.

(PLEASE REBLOG BECAUSE WRITING IS NOT EASY AND IT'S FREE SO JUST DO IT)

(no more tags are allowed because i've hit my number limit. sorry : ( )

tag list: @one-sweet-gubler // @harryscherrysugar // @japanchrry // @lollypopsx // @harrycanyonmoonn // @itfeelslikemytherapisthatesme // @damnasstyles  // @mrsstylesharry // @softmullet  // @meetmyblondemuffins  // @thegirlnextdoorssister // @stanleystyles  // @haarrrys // @michellekstyles  // @skyangel57   // @the-gardener-31 // @lhharrylilpumpkin // @yousunshine-youtemptress // @clairestylessss  // @kissmyaxe140  // @goldenmelonsugar-hi // @kaitieskidmore1 // @florencepughily  // @alienorknight //@dancearoundthelivingroom  // @swiftmendeshoran

 // @luv-flor7777  // @alohastyles-x // @tenaciousperfectionunknown  // @sleutherclaw // @siredtohybrid // @whoscamila // @a-strange-familiar  // @golden-elodie // @mrspeacem1nusone //  @goldenkhae // @lntwithharry // @shadowygladiatorlight  // @manifestrry  // @mendesblurb // @sunshinemoonsposts  // @depersonalizationsucks // @academiaghosts // @zendayassimp // @reveriehs // @vsnnstuff // @dancinsunflowerkiwi // @quinnsgrapejuice // @theroosterswife24 // @justlemmeholdyou // @stylesmygucci // @hsonlyangelxo // @luvonstyles // @howdey

______________

My Masterlist Masterpost

[an-abyss-of-stars]

𖤓 Don't You Dare Do This Without Me 𖤓

Pairing: Rhaena x Aemond

Warnings: Smutty hints...mainly consensual

Word Count: 4.6k

Summary: Rhaena THOUGHT she was merely dismissing her husband's call for affection after an argument. Little did she know, her rebuffing had instead sent her petulant husband off on a tirade to burn an enitre village to ash.

.

Ch. 2 | Ch. 3 | Ch. 4 | Ao3

Note: (THIS fic is intended to be a little mini-series. It's a piece of a plot I've been toying around with for a month or two. A Dark King Aemond story with Queen Rhaena grappling with her horrid situation. I do have an entire long form story/idea for this premise, that would start immediately after the war and span over several years. It would be much darker than this smutty snippet, like practically 'dead dove' really! But this little fun fic here entered my brain and I just figured I'd throw it out here as a mini 5-6 part thingy.)

So hopefully it's an enjoyable little something something!!

——

"I can't believe him, I can't fuc-" Rhaena's anger induced muttering died upon her tongue as she stepped into her shared royal chambers, her feet halting almost immediately as her legs stiffly stood right in front her three-year-old son. Little Aemon had run up to her as soon as the doors flew open, rushing to hug her skirts as he stared up at her expectantly.

What was he doing here? 

It was early, still the middle of the afternoon, she was certain that by all accounts her toddler should only be nearing the end of lessons now. Not dawdling around in her chambers to play-

"Darling! Sweetling, you are early," Rhaena schooled her previously set scowl into a bright affectionate smile, lilting her voice as her eyes took in the visage of her charming little boy. It was beginning to feel like such an effort, schooling her emotions from her son these days, seeing as he seemed to be so perceptive already. Any slight twinge upon her face, and his sweet little face would scrunch into a look of instant concern for his mother's wellbeing. Followed by the little hand he'd place upon her leg before he asked 'are you well, mama?'. 

It was a wonder where he'd managed to inherit such sweetness, surely not from his father. 

With a gentle sigh, Rhaena began to crouch herself down to Aemon's level, careful to keep her balance as her swollen belly carried a true weight to it now. Her back felt it, her thighs and her knees worked to compensate for it. Offset the weight she'd put on for the health of this third babe. Though she was eight moons along, so she was nearly to term. It was a motion she navigated with skill now, for she knew her body well and so she knew her limits when it came to this stage of her pregnancies. Soon enough she'd seat herself down or lay abed for an hour or two before the ache creeping along her calves worked down to her swollen feet. 

In the meantime, however, she placed a soft hand upon her eldest son's check and smiled warmly at him. Eliciting an equally dazzling giggle from her little boy, the adorable sound almost immediately soothed her heart. Allowing her to push aside the stresses of the day, the endless aggravation only her husband could muster within her, just long enough to focus in on her child. Meeting his gaze, she sought to pry just a tad, "what of your lessons in the library, sweet one? Have they truly concluded or have you managed to escape from your maester yet again?" 

At that, Aemon teetered on his toes for a moment. His hand absentmindedly holding onto Rhaena's shoulder for balance as he happily gurgled at the playful accusation. Gently biting his thumb with his free hand, a near bashful blush spread upon the apples of his cheeks as his attention was just as quickly drawn away. Distracted already, the mop of curly platinum blonde hair that reached the nape of his neck swished with the motion he'd made. His pale cinnamon brown skin glowing in the rays of the afternoon sun. 

Ah, dear...she did love her son dearly, but his mind did tend to wander off all too easily at times. If he was not obsessively focused on something of his interest, his mind was liable to dawdle. It was Rhaena who had to work to lure his attention back to her, nudging his chubby cheek with the caress of her thumb. Adding an accompanying prodding hum for him to both listen and follow the sound. 

Thankfully it was enough, her toddler was quick to turn back to her. His distraction, the glittering rays of beaming sunlight, had poured in through the paneled windows of the room. Illuminating everything within sight of the spacious solar, the various deep crimson red furniture, the large round oak table that was just off center. It was still covered with stacked books and rolled scrolls that Aemond had left out to continue analyzing later in the day. Toys still remained scattered by the fire upon the maroon fur carpet, Rhaena supposed Aemon had been sat there waiting for her return. Most likely playing there with his young wet-nurse, Elaya. 

The nineteen-year old maid from the Riverlands was currently sat by the fire in one of the cozier armchairs, rocking Rhaena's second born son, Daemion, in her arms. Now, Daemion shared many features with his elder brother, the same almond eye-shape and rounded bow-shaped lips…both a blend of their parentage. They held the same curly hair texture, although, Daemion’s little tuft of curls shone more silver than Aemon’s blonde in the sunlight. And Aemon’s skin was slightly paler than Daemion’s. His eyes were a shade of bright lilac as opposed to Aemon’s pale indigo. Daemion’s little button nose reminded Rhaena more of her own than Aemond’s, although the point at the end of it still spoke of the boy’s inheritance from his father. 

In either case, little Daemion’s eyes were levelled low as he relaxed in the arms of his wet-nurse. It was to be expected, Rhaena had only nursed the babe but an hour ago, so it was more than likely that her one-year old was simply feeling the drowsy calls of his milk-filled stomach. She'd left her younger son in the safe arms of her trusted wet-nurse perhaps a half hour ago when she'd initially left her chambers to visit her twin sister, Baela. 

In the case of her eldest, however, Rhaena knew well that the bright afternoon sun was an enticing thing to a young Targaryen. It promised games in the garden, playful training in the training yard...but most of all, it promised the possibility for dragon riding. Aemon was newly minted in the activity, having gone for his first flight with his father just a few days ago. It was all he would talk of, on and on he happily talked the ears off of anyone who'd listen. From Maesters to maids, to his aunt, Baela, to his uncle Aegon, and especially to his equally young cousins Maegelle and Laena. The two daughters Baela had birthed for her husband under Aemond's reign as King. All of a part of rebuilding their family's line, restoring the Targaryen bloodline. 

A bloodline Aemond more than single handedly destroyed himself...but Rhaena had gone down that road before. It never led anywhere, it never returned what she'd lost. 

It was easier to focus on what she did have. The title of Queen may have been thrusted upon her, as well as her first born son...but she'd found her stride. Settled herself into motherhood, her new station, her new title, her seat next to the throne. She'd even willingly taken to her main duty as Queen, found her own pleasure in conceiving her second and soon to be third child. She'd found her way to loving and at times controlling the psychopathic irate dragon she'd been made to call 'husband'. 

Besides, he had his moments, she supposed, he was always good to their sons and their nieces. He quite frankly adored all of the young children they’d brought into the world for House Targaryen. He was prideful over their very existence, especially that of their own two sons. He spent every moment in their presence showing them love and acceptance. Their young princes were dotted on ever since their births, they wanted for nothing. They were always made to feel wanted. A sense of innate yet nurturing compensation on Aemond's part, Rhaena was sure. He went wordlessly about it, but she could surmise that he wished to give his sons everything he did not have in his youth. 

Everything his own father failed to deliver. 

As seen by the flight he'd taken Aemon on, their little boy had loved flying upon Vhagar so much. The experience improved greatly by the fact that Aemond had eagerly taken the time to indulge their son of his own accord. Vhagar was the most magnificent dragon to her young son, his favourite of all that he'd seen in his little life. 

And that was why he'd loved that day more than any other. 

Though it was unfortunate, Rhaena always thought. 

For while she agreed, Vhagar was a magnificent dragon, a relic of times long gone...a living piece of history. But she couldn't help but think that her young Aemon had missed a truly glorious age of dragons, he'd never be able to meet his true Targaryen grandparents or two of his other aunts…the rest of his uncles. He'd never be able to see any of their dragons...Caraxes, Syrax, Vermax, Arrax, Tyraxes, Meleys...so many lost. So many gone...and sometimes four years seemed just long enough to put the darkness behind her, to call it all history so that she might distance herself from the pain of it all.

But other times, it was just too blatant...just too obvious. 

So many members of her family were missing from this current family portrait. The chasms were there, Rhaena’s current life would always lack because of their absence. The vacant holes they'd made upon her person, upon her heart, forever cutting slivers away from her there. No amount of new Targaryen babes could replace them. 

They were all dead and gone...and she was made Queen of the rubble in the aftermath, wed to a kinslayer...the second usurper King. 

What a fate. 

And her little son knew none of it truly. 

"No, mama! I finished, my lessons are all done! Maestwer...um...maestwer Alfa...Alfadwer-" Aemon blurted out his little rambled response, finally recalling that he'd been asked a question nearly ten minutes prior. He'd taken so long, Rhaena's mind had drifted to far darker memories. Though as she'd learned through her experience with motherhood, it didn't do to dwell on such things with children around. They always noticed it...they weren't naive enough to miss it entirely.

"Maester Alfador, you mean," Rhaena gently corrected, smoothing a couple of his curls back behind his ear. 

Aemon was quick to nod eagerly, pointing towards Elaya to add, "yes and...and he told Elaya how papa went out!" 

'Out' was putting it mildly, for while Rhaena knew not the extent of Maester Alfador's knowledge on the matter at hand. She did however know exactly what sent Aemond 'out' of the castle just a few hours ago. As she recalled it, Rhaena had received the order from the Kingsguard guarding her door earlier this morn. 

See, earlier in the morning, before the sun had properly risen. Rhaena had awoken to a rather...regularly expected act, a warm delicious pleasure that crept up between her thighs in long wet languid swipes. The feeling seeped into her peaceful slumber until the aching arousal dragged her back into consciousness. Where she'd awoken to find her husband settled between her legs, his arms tangled around her thighs keeping them spread as he lapped at her quivering wanting cunt. 

Eventful as it was... she'd awoken to many mornings with such activities to pull her from her sleep. Aemond was always eager, he had been ever since he’d stolen her from the Vale and made her his wife. Only now the urges seemed heightened, especially since she began to reciprocate his wantings. The conception of little Daemion was the birth of these feelings...and now the conception of another babe barely a year later had shown the realm and their present court that their union was—mending.

Into what, exactly? 

Something feral and animalistic, surely. A complicated mess of attraction, love and loathing. 

In either case, once Aemond had brought her to the brink of ecstasy itself...he pressed a kiss upon her rounded belly and readied himself for the training yard. From there, she hadn't seen him. Assumably he'd returned to bathe and dress himself again for the early morning council meeting, but she'd fallen back to sleep in-between that time. Only normally, he would have woken her. Normally, they'd have readied for the meeting with his council together...she'd negotiated that right of hers from her husband after the birth of Daemion. As his Queen, she wanted a spot upon his council, to be an active participant in his rule. Time after time, whether it was another one of their vicious volatile arguments between them or an instance of a sweet and tender domesticity as they lazed naked within their bed. Aemond had spent the last two years echoing the sentiment to her, that she was more than just his broodmare. 

And then he did this. 

He removed her from the council this morning. Without even the gall to tell her himself, he left for the meeting without her and then left the information for their guard to relay to her. 

Of course, later upon his return, when Rhaena was properly woken. Bathed and dressed herself in a lovely velvety gown, a dark Targaryen red with intricate black lace linings. With added black lace and sewn jeweled dragons and floral embroidery woven along her bodice and the hem of her skirt. She'd been sat upon her favourite chaise, providing their second son with his early morning feeding.  

That was when Aemond burst through the doors with a look of exhaustion and a need for attention. 

A need she had no intention of abiding by as he sought to exclude her so soundly this morn with no warning once so ever. In all honesty it had tainted the way she'd sweetly awoken in bed with him, as clearly that was more than just his hungered need to taste her first thing in the morn. As it was just as equally his act of service to placate her for what he had planned on doing all along. 

As it happened, Rhaena had burped their babe upon her shoulder, before she swiftly handed him off to Elaya to take to the nursery. It was only once the young wet-nurse had left the room that Aemond moved for Rhaena. Taking long strides to meet her upon the chaise, she'd scoffed at him then, knowing exactly what he wanted. His heated gaze lingered on her still exposed bosom, lustful and wanting...though she was too annoyed with him to indulge him. 

Perky and engorged as they were, she knew he more than likely wished to lay with her. To rest his head upon her swollen breasts as she caressed his hair and allowed him to unwind from his otherwise stressful meeting. And perhaps, had she'd been present for said meeting...or at the very least privy to the information that had been shared or delved into there...she would have sympathized. She would have given him exactly what he wanted, she'd placate him, hold him as he sometimes wishes to be cuddled. 

But no, not then. 

Instead she pulled the buttons of her chemise closed, lifting herself up off of the chaise, she walked around him and made her way to the long ornamented wall-length mirror that stood on the northern side of their chambers. There she stared purposely at her reflection only, working to ignore the way his perplexed expression morphed into one of burning irritation. As Rhaena casually touched up the ends of a few of her long loosening twists, it would soon be time to undo them, free her curls and wash her hair. A task she'd take to later this evening before bed. 

In the moment, however, Rhaena focused on herself. The vast majority of her maternity gowns had elegant buttons upon the front of the gown, made for easier access to nurse her babe at any given time of the day. A stipulation that had always been a part of her marriage, Aemond would have no one but her to nurse their children. 

Though it was in that mirror's reflection that their argument had started. He'd made his way towards her, and she'd turned her dragon's fire directly upon him. Perhaps she'd been warranted in it, that inundated rage of feeling belittled and undermined felt all too consuming for her to ignore in the face of Aemond's condescending rebuttals. That she was apparently in no 'condition' to need to be present for council meetings, that she would be filled in on the most ‘pertinent information’ when needed. 

Perhaps it was her body now, so late in her pregnancy, hormones ran amok fluttering dangerous levels of heightened emotions throughout her. Though even still, she was certain of it. 

He was sidelining her...she could feel it. 

And she didn't know why. 

‘Confinement’ felt like such a half-assed answer. 

He was hiding things from her and yet he still sought rewards for such blatant behaviour. Was it any wonder she denied him those rewards, she was in no mood to lay tangled in bed with him. She was in no mood to allow him to nuzzle his cheek upon her ample chest while he caressed her belly and teased her core with soft presses of his slender fingers. She knew him far too well for that. The progression of him starting off by claiming that he just wished for her to 'set him at ease'. Only, within the hour he'd seduce her to the point of having her gown torn off with his cock working her with rough deep wanting strokes. 

It was something he could never resist, especially when she was this far along with one of her pregnancies. All he wanted was to be inside of her, to feel her heated walls clenched tightly around thick length. His ever constant need to sink into her warmth, soak himself in her wetness. All as he held her tightly against him, nestled between her thighs as he rocked into her with perfect rhythm. Set at a pace of his choosing, with his teeth grazing her neck marking her body. And that ironclad grip of his, enough to set bruises, enough to make her shudder with want…the sort of hold that prevented the mere idea of escape. 

Letting her go...it was never an option, it always seemed a foreign concept to him.  

This would have been no different and seeing as she was cross with him. She chose to stand her ground, to hold fast to her willpower against his handsome seductive charms. It was a hard thing sometimes these days, seeing as her body almost always wanted for him...a true traitor, really. Her body had always betrayed her when it came to him. Ever since her early days, even when she firmed her way through every bedding session. Even the nights she cried through the utter heartbreak of allowing the acts done upon her…in the name of her safety…in the name of her duty. 

It’d been disgusting then, to think that her body had still enjoyed it even when her mind screamed the opposite. The thought of taking in the cock of the man who’d killed her first love, her second love…her grandmother…and then her father. 

Perhaps some days still…she found herself disgusted with herself. Because she didn’t hate it as much as she should anymore…because she’d found her way to enjoying it all. 

Surely the Gods’ frowned upon her. 

Thankfully, though, in that moment, when she denied him she stood by it. And because she stood so harshly against his whims, he stormed out of their rooms. A dark thunderous slam of pent up aggression and building animosity, he needed a different outlet seeing as his preferred choice had repudiated him. And in that knowledge, Rhaena knew well that he'd only ever go to Vhagar next. 

In this world Aemond Targaryen had two sanctuaries. 

Vhagar…and Rhaena, herself. 

And if one would not have him…then he’d storm his way over to the one that would. 

That however, had been several hours ago now. Rhaena had spent the rest of her morning in peace, she'd bathed and dressed Aemon herself. It was a good distraction from her own frustrations. She broke her fast with her young son, watched on as he ate his oats and banana slices messily. Biting back small amused smiles as she corrected his loose hold of his spoon and dabbed a napkin to his grubby mouth. Nibbling on her own custard pastry, delicately sipping her spiced tea in between. Their meal had been nice, they'd spoken about the day's activities her son wished to partake in. The lessons he was most excited to learn about today, as well as his hope to go flying with his father again later in the afternoon. 

Seeing as Morning was still growing, now a much larger beast over the last four years...she was still too small for Rhaena to fly upon herself. Let alone for her to take her son up with her. No, the choices were limited. Aemon could either fly with his father upon Vhagar, with his aunt upon Moondancer, or his uncle upon Sunfyre. As his own little golden hatchling, Golding...was his current name for his bonded beast, the he-dragon was still far too small for him to mount. Though Golding was surely a temporary name as Aemond intended on convincing their son to choose a more suited name for the dragon. But that was a conversation they'd have to shelf for now. Aemon was still a toddler and so he quite enjoyed the name he'd chosen.

In either case, as Aemon's choice for dragons to fly upon was scarce...he would always choose Vhagar first, he was painfully enamoured with every facet of his father. Even the less than savoury parts of him. 

Once Maester Alfador came to fetch Aemon for his lessons to attend with his cousins, Rhaena turned her attention back to her younger son. Playing letter blocks with Daemion, reading to him and singing lullabies as he grew sleepy in her arms. She'd taken him and sat upon the balcony overlooking the courtyard so that her babe could take some sun and fresh air as he slept soundly, there she listened to sounds of the busy castle. The birds chirping in the wind and the distant roars of the dragons near the pits. 

And there she'd thought of Vhagar and her husband. There was so much she still wished to say, so much he'd simply chosen to walk out on just because he could. With the full freedom that came with the title of King...he expressed that power either as intelligently as he wished or as childishly as a man of four and twenty could.

But now with Aemon in her company once again, she'd have to deal with the boy’s father, Aemond later...once he returned from his petulant flight upon Vhagar... she'd deal with him then. 

Returning her focus to her son, she pressed a sweet kiss upon Aemon's forehead. Gazing down into his pale indigo eyes, a mirror of his father's own. In fact, in all honesty…Aemon's entire visage was simply a little mirror to Aemond's own. They shared the same face shape...or at least the pudgy round face Aemond once held in childhood. It was a good indicator for the features their son would one day mature into. The two of them also shared near identical noses and lip shapes. Although, Rhaena's own added genes had ensured that the tip of Aemon's nose was just a tad bit more rounded. His lips more rounded than Aemond's own plush sharp bow-shaped lips. 

It was in the little things, Rhaena supposed. How their son had inherited her curly hair, a pinch of her tawny complexion. Her soft curved eyebrows and her almond shaped eyes. 

Yet still, all in all, their son was the living embodiment of a namesake, one Aemond had purposely bestowed upon their first child. Either to flood his own ego or in a dubious if not blindingly obvious attempt to flaunt his supposed legitimate reign over the one he'd stolen. The one he’d slaughtered in order to usurp the throne.

Though surely the realm was privy to the fact that it was Rhaena's own blood that made their son and the rest of their children so pure, they'd made both a purebred Valyrian heir and a spare for the throne. A union that started with a form of forced coerced duty...now led by something far more complicated. 

Something that existed between the bounds of love and hatred. 

For the moment, Rhaena gave her son leave to return to his toys. He'd want to play with her, but she needed a moment to herself first. She'd only just returned from spending some time with her sister in the gardens, where she'd divulged a splintered version of the events of this morning. Not that it mattered really, Baela may have joined Rhaena in their unified ridiculing of their King. But at the end of the day Baela would remind Rhaena of the same fact she always had, that Aemond Targaryen was a fickle psychotic being…and that she should be careful to never push the bounds and risk her life in the process. 

Because she’d already done so years ago…she’d already made such attempts in the past. And while she still had her life granted to her, she did not walk away the victor in those situations. 

So in that way, her elder sister’s advice had always been sound…but it was hard to swallow at times. Seeing as Rhaena’s forced marriage barely compared to the near bliss Baela was lucky enough to experience with her own spouse. In their case, her union with Aegon was a long time coming, a match Baela had hoped for since she was six and ten. Though it was a shame that just as she'd gotten used to the idea of marrying their sweet and loyal Jace...he'd been plucked from their lives. 

Although Rhaena always supposed that as devastating as his loss was, he was spared in a way. For while he’d come to love his betrothed, his daring Baela…she…she still secretly harboured feelings for the enemy. The night before Viserys had died, Baela had spent one final night with Aegon before he was set to wed Helaena. She'd left that passionate encounter with the settling seed of a man she was most likely to never see again. The Gods, though, they could be funny in that way. Tearing the realm apart, bathing a family in blood and tragedy only for the fates to align yet again. For Baela to finally have Aegon as she once wished, just in time to make her not-so hidden pregnancy legitimate before it was too late. Only now both their hands were tainted. War had taken both Jace and Helaena. War had taken everyone away from the dragon twins except their lone grandsire, Corlys Velaryon and his now legitimized heir Alyn Velaryon. 

*KNOCK, KNOCK...KNOCK* 

The pounding knock at the door drew Rhaena back out of her thoughts once again, she was losing it slowly but surely. She really did need her husband to return, she needed to clear her own mind...she needed to focus on something, anything else. The knock was hard, blunt and formulaic, it could have only belonged to a member of the Kingsguard. So when Rhaena swung the door open to see Ser Willis Fell, she was not surprised to come face to face with his hardened visage. Expressionless as he was, the redheaded man simply stepped aside for a young squire to hold out a silver platter in front of their Queen. 

"For you, my Queen. A raven hath just arrived," the young lanky boy bowed his head, as a sign of sheepish reverence and respect. 

A small scroll. 

A missive.

How odd. 

Tumultuous as this reign had been over the years, at this point in time, nothing beyond yet another rebellion could warrant the urgency of a missive like this.

—

Part 2 coming soon...maybe Friday!

[nausikaaa]

2024 Roundup

hello! it's that hazy period between christmas and new years, so i didn't even know what day it was until i got tagged for SSS by @that-disabled-princess. i don't have anything to share presently, but Rose, @run-for-chamo-miles @forabeatofadrum and @confused-bi-queer also tagged me for a writing roundup, so here i am!

i wrote 8 fics in 2024, and as i looked through them i realised i wrote literally all of them for events or as gifts. i also worked a lot on an original wip, and started another! however this still leaves the months pretty spotty, so i decided to add in some other achievements hehe.

this is long, but i added photos!

January

i started writing a fantasy novel i have been rotating in my brain for literally years, featuring beloved OCs i've also had for years. it got to 7k words by the end of the month. however i was also attacked by a new novel idea.

books read: Percy Jackson- The Chalice Of The Gods by Rick Riordan, Atalanta by Jennifer Saint, All The Violet Tiaras by Jean Menzies.

February

this is the month where i really knuckled down and got to grinding on my greek myth retelling. i sat in a wetherspoons for an entire day, edited everything i had so far, and wrote until i finished part 2 of 7 (the parts aren't equal lengths) i ended up with 37k words.

books read: The House With The Golden Door by Elodie Harper, Emperor Of Rome by Mary Beard, American Hippo by Sarah Gailey.

March

no writing in March, but i did visit Whitby for my birthday and help with lambing. i also saw Natalie Haynes talk about her newest book in York.

books read: Dragged Up Proppa by Pip Fallow, Helen Of Troy by Bettany Hughes, The Amber Fury by Natalie Haynes, Divine Might by Natalie Haynes.

April

i wrote two fics for @carry-on-sapphic-week!

Spitfire- In the morning, someone will come to collect me, and I will have to leave Niamh, and Simon, Baz, Penelope, Shepard. The friends I have made, and the love I have forged. Back on dry land. How am I supposed to return to the life I had led before, how am I supposed to agree to some other arranged marriage, to another man I have never met, who cares nothing for me? How am I supposed to give up the pistol I have kept close for over a month and pick up my embroidery again? 1.9k words.

Rosebud Girl- I never thought it would be an art class that finished me off. I had hoped it would be a bit of stress relief, a creative outlet sorely needed between my real classes. It’s at a community centre on campus, a short walk from my morning law class. I should have just stuck to football, and said fuck creativity. We’ve moved on from fruit to figures, and the table in the centre of the room has been replaced by a model. A nude model. A nude Simone Snow, my first year roommate. 2.7k words.

books read: The Thursday Murder Club by Richard Osman, The Man Who Died Twice by Richard Osman, The Bullet That Missed by Richard Osman, The Last Devil To Die by Richard Osman, Great Goddesses by Nikita Gill.

May

my goat Juno had her kids, Olive and Jem, but decided she didn't like them very much, so i became their second mother, topping them up with milk. this was a sleepless, stressful month, so i didn't write very much.

books read: Caligula by Simon Turney, In The Shadow Of Vesuvius by Daisy Dunn.

June

my OC wip got to 14k words! and that's about it. i didn't even manage to go to pride this year. i mostly just continued to bottle feed the goats.

books read: Protest- Britain On The March by Mirrorpix Photo Archive, A History Of The Roman Empire In 21 Women by Emma Southon.

July

i wrote two fics for @carryon-disability-week!

comfortable coats, calico cats, and collapsible canes- Simon plans a spontaneous date, but Baz is worried his bad leg will put a damper on things. Luckily, Simon has come prepared. 2.4k words.

a fist amidst the hands- Simon can wield a sword, but not a pen. Baz thinks he's figured out why, and wants to help. Simon just wants to sleep. 2.5k words.

books read: A Short History Of The World According To Sheep by Sally Coulthard, Facing Down The Furies- Suicide, The Ancient Greeks, And Me by Edith Hall.

August

i wrote a fic as a friend's birthday present. i also visited Edinburgh for the fringe, saw the best production of Antigone in my life, and visited the art gallery while i was there.

A Day In Epirus- Pyrrhus is running late. Hermione has a way of distracting him, when today of all days she should really know better. Not that he can hold it against her, when he was so enthusiastic himself. But it’s Molossus’s fourth birthday, and he has a full itinerary to cross off. 2.3k words.

books read: Roman Mysteries- The Thieves Of Ostia by Caroline Lawrence, Roman Woman by Lindsay Allason Jones, From A Rock To A Hard Place- Memories Of The 1984/85 Miners' Strike by Beverley Trounce, Dynasty- The Rise And Fall Of The House Of Caesar by Tom Holland.

September

no writing except for chipping away at my original works. my trojan war retelling hit 60k words!

we also got a new puppy, her name is Suzie. she's mad as a box of frogs.

books read: We Solve Murders by Richard Osman, Percy Jackson- The Wrath Of The Triple Goddess by Rick Riordan.

October

again, just writing my original stuff. it was my nephew's first birthday though! not really my achievement, but still. we went pumpkin picking to celebrate.

i also saw Terry Deary and Edith Hall give talks at Durham Book Festival, and Terry Deary answered my question!

books read: A History Of Britain In Ten Enemies by Terry Deary, Alcestis by Katharine Beutner.

November

i wrote a sequel to my previous year's fic for @carryonthroughtheages! honestly, shoulder to shoulder is probably my favourite fic to have written, and this was a close second.

give them hope, give them strength, give them life- A look into Simon and Baz's life through the years. 7.9k words.

books read: Home Fire by Kamila Shamsie, The Sheep's Tale by John Lewis Stempel.

December

my OC wip stands at 15k words.

my trojan war retelling stands at 65k words!! my goal for the end of the year was 69k, because that sounds funnier and less daunting than 70k, but there are only two days left. let's see if i can manage it, 2k a day?

i got to see my friends for christmas, we met in Manchester. all of us simply making it through this year is the achievement i'm proudest of.

i also wrote a fic for a secret santa exchange in a classics discord server i'm in, it was a lot of fun!

sweet music playing in the dark- Penelope and Odysseus, throughout the years, together or apart. 3.8k words.

books read: Small Things Like These by Claire Keegan.

this has been so fun, it's nice to reflect! i tag @cutestkilla @roomwithanopenfire @prettygoododds @bookish-bogwitch @ic3-que3n @blackberrysummerblog @j-nipper-95 @youarenevertooold @larkral @orange-peony @aristocratic-otter @artsyunderstudy @thewholelemon @alexalexinii @shrekgogurt @comesitintheclover @raenestee @hushed-chorus @you-remind-me-of-the-babe @noblecorgi @shemakesmeforget @ileadacharmedlife @supercutedinosaurs @otherpeoplesheartachept-2 @ninemagicks @otherworldsivelivedin @meanjeansjeans @jasonfunderberkerthefrogexists @carryonmylovelies and anyone else who wants to do this! sorry if i hit anyone who has already done so.

[sweet-star-sketches]

Sketches + Colour from December 9th-11th, 2024 oops! new blorbos unlocked ¯\_(ツ)_/¯

listen December is Dread Month™ for me so I take whatever my brain can get to survive it emotionally, so in this instance it's joining my buddy @eleanorose123 in her current hyperfixation like I have for the past while :D So while she is still my "target audience" so to speak because she loves Yu-Gi-Oh and I like making art for friends, these are for me too :] (like all of my art is, really. I would not spend this much time on it if it wasn't at least partially for me!) I'm more or less a "fandom tourist" at this point; I don't officially go here but a friend does so I'm here visiting to have a good time, and whatever "souvenirs" I get are all the funny scenes and funky little guys that live in my head rent free now! Yippee :D I have more doodles that are actually older than this set, but I want to do a little more with them so I'll post those later :]

I have a lot to say so I'll put the rest under the cut! (apologies in advance for my verbosity but also this is my blog lol)

I have no reasoning behind why my brain arrived at the idea of Kirby crossover art that parodies an iCarly meme but do I really need it??? Naaaaaaaah :] Two of my funny space creatures together <3 I enjoy the idea of Saiou just carrying him around like "yep you're mine now :)" Ponder the orb (and buy him a smoothie) Unironically this is some of the best art I've made all year, like it turned out so absurdly well that I took it to clean lines and colour/shading, and that too came out well! They both have their respective anime colours, but with some additional highlights and coloured line art because my boys deserve it <3333

This is honestly the most fun I've had with art in a while too, though I know fan art tends to do that for an artist! Don't get me wrong, I've loved everything I've put out for my own projects and commissions this year, as I am not predominantly a fan artist despite how many things I love in that regard.

But considering I've been largely unable to actually let myself do this kind of art as frequently as I used to (the ever-looming anxiety of not getting enough commission work to live or personal project work done to tell my stories is a strong one) I really needed this, even if it was born out of necessity to survive Dread Month than anything else. That's as good a reason as any, I suppose! Might be an odd thing to reflect on for such silly/lighthearted art such as this, but I think that's the point.

I'm a firm believer in the idea that no artistic endeavour is ever truly wasted, even if you don't know how or when it'll come back to you! I actually got some really good analysis of my own art journey and style during my adventures in exploring the Yu-Gi-Oh art style here, which was as unexpected as the rest of this, honestly!

I'm already an introspective person to begin with, but the end of the year makes me reflect on things even more than usual, so thanks for reading this far! If nothing else, I hope you enjoyed the sillies :]

[xthe-writing-vampirex]

Hi, I don't know if you still will take requests but could you do fnaf ruin eclipse vore with borrower reader? I was thinking that reader was friends with sun and moon before the pizzaplex collapsed but was never eaten by them, and had to escape when the pizzaplex started to collapse and came back to see if they were ok. Perhaps eclipse was worried they would get hurt because of the rubble and so eats them to keep them safe. Fearplay would be nice to have but I was a bit confused with the rules in it saying that you don't do non consensual, but some of your other stories have fearplay elements, so you don't have to if your not comfortable. I really enjoy your stories and your very talented, but I know it takes time to do so take your time and make sure you take breaks if you end up doing this one!

Gonna be honest, I've been trying to write this for a literal year and am hoping my brain will finally let me. This is kinda my own take on Eclipse since I honestly can't fully get an idea of his personality from how little we see of him in the DLC. Anyway I hope you like it Anon!

FNAF Ruin Eclipse x Borrower! Reader ⚠️Vore⚠️

🌿🌿🌿

You run through the now crumbling remains of what was once Freddy Fazbear's Mega Pizzaplex, now reduced to a crumbling ruin with broken animatronics wandering around inside. As a borrower, you'd be living in and hiding in the walls of this place for years and the sudden appearance of the sink hole was almost your death. You frantically ran towards the exit, many humans doing the same, and only just managed to get outside the building before things started to collapse. Somehow the building is still standing for the most part and now your focus is on getting back inside and finding the one animatronic you cared about, Sun and Moon.

You hadn't seen them since before the sinkhole incident and you'd been worried sick since, constantly thinking about them and desperately trying to to figure out a way to safely get back in and to the daycare. It took you almost a month to plan things out and find a way to actually get in that couldn't just crumble on top of you but now that you have absolutely nothing will stop you from getting to the daycare and finding your friend. Now all you can hope for is that they'll actually be okay.

Crawling on your hands and knees you move through what's left of some of the metal air vents around the daycare, having used them to come see both Sun and Moon many times before. The darkness you notice when you actually manage to get into the daycare tells you Moon will most likely be active, unfortunately the familiar starry ceiling the two of you usually look at while you're there with him is badly damaged and there's a random array of lights on in different places throughout the daycare. Parts of the play areas lay under large pieces of rubble, while others seem fully intact and even usable. Pushing on you use a bit of string and a fish hook to hook yourself to the rim of the open vent, letting the string fall loose and down to the floor. Carefully and slowly you make your way down the rope, all the while searching around as best you can in the dark environment for any sign of your friend.

Once your feet hit the floor you take in your surroundings, starting to walk through the rubble and make your way towards the play sets in the middle of the daycare area, every little thing towering over you at your small stature. Usually you'd just have Sun or Moon carrying you around and trying to make sure no one accidentally steps on you. Now you're honestly wishing for that again, hating feeling this vulnerable and exposed.

Suddenly, you hear a thud nearby and the loud noise causes some of the now crumbling playsets to begin to fall towards you. You let out a scream, not caring who hears you, believing this is very much it for you. Then you feel a metal hand close around you and you're moved into an oddly dark, warm environment. You open one eye after a moment, carefully scanning your surroundings for any threats. What you do see confuses you. White, dull, teeth like protrusions around you, a dark almost navy blue pillow-like object below you, and a long dark tunnel like a slide just beyond all of that. After staring at the tunnel for a moment, you notice much to your surprise that there's a sort of soft light coming from it. You're drawn to it, moving further and further in until you slide down the long tunnel in question, falling into a dark, pillowy, open space. The warm glow slightly illuminates the area, dull like an eclipse, and faint stars can be seen decorating the navy blue fabric like walls around you. You don't know where you are for a moment, until you actually stop and think for a moment. When the realization dawns on you that you have in fact just been swallowed and ended up in something's stomach you start to panic, banging on the soft walls as hard as you possibly can.

Eclipse grunts at the sensation, holding the area where his stomach would be. Originally he'd simply planned to keep you in his mouth for a moment, wanting to get you to a safe area to avoid you being almost crushed by any more falling objects, then you literally walked into his throat and slid down it like it was a literal slide. He figured it wouldn't hurt to just let you stay in there where you'd actually be safe from harm while he tries to find somewhere he can take you where you'll be safe and he can actually talk to you. After all he does remember you, he's Moon and Sun both and has their memories, at the same time though he is a bit different.

"Hey!! Let me out! Please!! I don't want to die here! I just want to find my friend, please!" You scream, actual terror in your voice while you continue to bang on the animatronics fake stomach. Eclipse flinches again at the sensation, feeling bad for having scared you like this.

"Y/N. Calm down. You're safe with me. I'm not.....I'm not who you were looking for exactly but I'm still them. Just together." He explains, causing you to pause, thankful he's actually talking at a lower volume. If he spoke any louder it would physically hurt your ears since you're right below his voice box. You don't recognize the voice at first but the cadence of it is so familiar.

"W-Wait.....Moon? Sun?" You ask nervously, hoping beyond hope that this is in fact your friend.

"In a way....yes? My name is Eclipse. I'm both of them. You're perfectly safe starlight. I'm just trying to take you somewhere you won't be in harms way when I let you out." Eclipse explains, voice gentle and melodic. It's higher pitched than Moons but a bit deeper than Suns. You can still hear the similarity though. Calming down a bit, you move away from the walls of what you assume is his 'stomach' and look up towards where his voice is coming from.

"I-I.....I-Its nice to meet you Eclipse.....I'm sorry if I hurt you.....I was really scared for a moment there." You manage, voice still shaking a bit, as you move to sit down on the soft surface below you. "You....don't have any way to digest me do you?"

"Heavens no! You're perfectly safe in there Sunshine! I'm sorry for scaring you but I promise I'll let you out as soon as we get you somewhere safe!" Eclipse says, seeming offended by even the implication that he might be able to harm you. You nod in response at first before remembering he literally can't see you.

"A-Alright.....thank you Eclipse....I'm glad I found you." You reply, grateful to know your friends are okay.

"You're welcome Starlight."

[underneath-the-sidras]

I'm Addicted to the 'If Only'

for @nessianweek Day 2: Yearning

Summary: There were times. Times when the ale in her cup had softened the roaring in her head to a dull hum. When she was half asleep, or bewitched by a particular tune the string players were playing at the tavern. Times when Nesta's mind would wander towards the shimmering light in the back of her mind, and picture what could have been. With Cassian.

OR

Nesta gets drunk and is simply a woman with fantasies / ACOFAS AU?

A/N: Felt cute, might delete later. I'm going to be honest, I've never done this before. Done what you ask? All of it! Unfortunately, an idea wiggled into my brain and I needed to write it out. Fortunately, the stars aligned and this worked out for Nessian week! That and @separatist-apologist is very good at convincing others to write their first fics. It's very imperfect, but I'd like to think of it as a way to thank all the wonderful writers in the Nessian community who have kept me well-fed with all their beautiful work for so long. This fic is inspired by the song "I Look in People's Windows" by Taylor Swift.

On AO3

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Snow was falling over Velaris.

Nesta watched as flakes the size of silver coins dropped onto roofs and the heads of passersby as they bustled by the tavern window. The city would soon be completely covered in white, the snowflakes layering on top of one another in the street until they became an impenetrable sea of snow. She used to hate the winter in the mortal lands, how it ran their food scarce, how it forced her to rely on snuggling close to her sisters for warmth. But as she observed from the warm interior of the tavern, she was beginning to appreciate the harsh beauty of the coldest season. She liked the hard structure that came from the cold, finding it far more appealing than the dripping nature of the summertime. That, and maybe she had also begun to appreciate the isolation that came with the onslaught of colder weather. Fewer bodies on the streets meant less chance of running into certain fae. 

It had been four months since the final battle with Hybern, and Nesta had since effectively removed herself from the inner circle. Her sisters were now free to live their lives without her, no longer having to dwell on old wounds and painful memories. And Cassian…her thoughts stuttered. She tried not to think about the Night Court’s general when she could help it, casting any lingering thoughts of him to the farthest corner of her mind.

But.

But there were times. Times when the ale in her cup had softened the roaring in her head to a dull hum. When she was half asleep, or bewitched by a particular tune the string players were playing at the tavern. Times when she would wander towards the shimmering light in the back of her mind, and picture what could have been. With him. 

Would he hold her hand while they sat at the tavern, she wondered, his thumb slowly stroking the back of her hand as the music played. Would he press soft kisses into her hair and carry her home after she complained about her feet hurting? The corners of her mouth threatened to lift at the thought. 

She would teach him how to dance, firmly placing his hands on her waist and admonishing him when they slipped lower. His warm laugh would rumble across his chest, and she could feel it now. Feel how they were pressed together, how warm and smooth his skin felt against hers, and how her heart would thunder as he leaned in to press a soft kiss to her lips. 

One kiss would turn into two, then three until he was backing her up towards the wall of her apartment, his hands fisting in her hair as she cried out “Cassian–”

“Miss?” 

Nesta jolted up from where her head rested at the bar, the bartender looking over her with a mixture of pity and weariness. Her head turned over her shoulder to survey the room, suddenly aware of the vast emptiness of the tavern around her.

“Bar closed about a half hour ago,” he said apologetically, “Is there someone I can get to take you home?” Nesta shook her head, her cheeks heating. She rose quickly from her seat, swaying slightly from the alcohol.

“That won’t be necessary, thank you.” She said in a clipped tone. Using everything in her power to remain balanced, she made her way to the door, decidedly ignoring the concerned look of the barkeep. 

The cold wind greeted her instantly, a welcome sobering feeling brushing across her face. Nesta breathed in the chilly air, the ale having warmed her enough that the cold was almost enjoyable. But the bartender’s question still nettled in her mind. Was there anyone to take her home? Who would want to take her home?

The image of the Night Court’s general flashed across her mind. Cassian, her mind seemed to sigh at his name. Would Cassian have taken her home? Perhaps if she had not refused to speak to him after the war, and he had not given up so easily, he would be here. It was impossible given their history, she knew that, but it was at times like these when Nesta’s mind liked to play games of pretend. Pretending she lived in a world where she wasn’t broken and Cassian had stayed. Would he come to nights at the tavern with her or meet Nesta to walk her home, not wanting her to walk alone on the street? 

Nesta didn’t even know if Cassian liked music, or what kind, where his favorite tavern was, or what he liked to drink. 

She didn’t want to know. 

She was desperate to know. 

It was nonsensical to wonder about these things, she knew, but Nesta’s whole body ached with how much she did not know Cassian, and how much he did not know her. He should not know her, the roar in her head tried to scream out, but the foolish part of her was louder as she continued to walk through the snow-laden streets of the city. 

Did it feel alright for him to not know her? Was he tormented by it, wondering what she liked and where she was at every waking moment? Her stomach fluttered at the thought of it. Her drunken mind liked that idea, of him aching for her. 

She pictured taking Cassian to places she liked to go, her favorite tavern where they had string players on weekends, the bookstore on the corner of her street, the bakery next door to it with the chocolate-almond pastries. Letting him get to know her, and enjoying it.

As her mind wandered, Nesta found her feet continuing to walk deeper into the city, eventually pulling her to one of the main shopping avenues of Velaris. There were crowds on the street this evening for some kind of street fair, bundled but smiling fae faces gathered around food stalls and art vendors in the street. Children chased each other, throwing snowballs with all of their might in sorts of make-shift battles. 

Nesta’s foolish heart warmed at the scene. Had she been in her right mind, she would have turned back as she usually did from crowds. But tonight was different, tonight it was almost as if there was a soft golden glow around the edges of her vision, making everything seem beautiful and soft. 

She pushed forward, staying at the edge of the busy street, her stomach grumbling at the scents coming from the food stalls. She watched as a tall male turned from one of the stalls, half of his long dark hair tied in a makeshift bun. 

Nesta froze as her heart dropped into her stomach. It couldn’t be. What were the chances he’d be in this part of the Velaris? 

She should run. She would say something stupid to him, she knew she would. Something recklessly idiotic. But as her heart beat faster, it was not from fear but from hope. Had he come to see her? Desire surged in Nesta’s chest, but her thoughts halted as the male fully turned.

It wasn’t him.

Stupid. The male wasn’t even Illyrian, he had no wings. She was losing her mind this evening. 

Nesta didn’t often come to the busier parts of the city, instead opting to stay in her secluded area of Velaris where she wouldn’t happen to run into any of her sister’s chosen family. But on the rare occasions she did, she couldn’t help but wonder if Cassian would be wandering the streets as well. Both fearful and hopeful while imagining their eyes meeting while sitting in a cafe by the Sidra, or finding him drinking in the tavern next to hers.

If they did cross paths, would he reach out for her, or would he simply pass by? Nesta’s traitorous fingers twitched as she pictured it. Knew how her hands would unconsciously trail after him, how she would inhale his lingering scent to memorize it, even if he paid her no mind.

Her mind was running wild now that she had opened the floodgates. Fantasies of lives she could never have, dreams she would not share aloud even if someone tried to torture them out of her. Marriage ceremonies, children’s names, what their home would look like, and where they would live. Nesta would at first insist on living separately, the thought of living unmarried with a partner a bit scandalous still. But Cassian would sleep over so often, she would eventually acquiesce and he’d move in with her. They would have dinner together every evening when he was not away, Cassian cooking his favorite Illyrian meals for her. She would sleep on the left side of the bed, and him on the right, closer to the door. On hard nights, he would hold her extra close and run his fingers through her hair, soothing her with soft Illyrian melodies. For once her home, their home, would be warm and safe. 

Again it was as though she could feel it now, how her ear would press into his chest and hear the steady beat of his heart, lulling her to sleep. Her eyes closed.

A boisterous male laugh sounded out from nearby, warm and mirthful. Nesta’s eyes flew back open as she jerked towards the source. 

It wasn’t his laugh, but Mother did she want it to be. She closed her fists and took a breath, frustrated and entranced by all thoughts of him. 

Home. She needed to go home. 

Nesta’s steps finally took her back towards the quieter residential side streets of Velaris, her pathway illuminated by the soft glow from the windows lining the homes. She focused her eyes forward, deliberately looking towards the cobblestone at her feet. Cassian was likely in Illyria, as he usually was, training Rhysand’s armies or whatever he did up in those mountains. She had at least had enough sense not to glance towards the peaks that loomed in the distance, a subtle ache nipping at her to think of him so far. 

Instead she turned her gaze to one of the windows of the homes on the street, a rose-golden glow emanating from within. A table of friends, four males and three females gathered around a verifiable feast of a meal, laughing and chatting amongst themselves as they ate.

Nesta stood there entranced, trying to picture herself at that table, with a group of friends enjoying her company like that. Friends. What would it be like to have friends? She had a few in their village growing up, most abandoning her when her mother passed and father fell into debt. The roaring in her head started, threatening the blissful barrier the alcohol had provided. 

Would she ever feel at ease with a group of fae like that?

One of the males looked up and met her gaze, and for a moment she swore hazel eyes pierced hers. Her breath caught, as she fumbled back towards the street, walking once again, embarrassed to have been caught spying. 

It wasn’t him, Nesta assured herself. But she couldn’t get the image out of her head, of him in one of these houses, seated at a dinner table. It was ridiculous. She wasn’t even sure if Cassian had friends in Velaris outside of the Inner Circle. But the idea had sunk its claws into her mind, a desperate, pathetic hope. Every building she passed, Nesta’s eyes flitted to the window, hoping to catch a glimpse of who was inside. She had to know if he was there. She couldn’t live with herself if she didn’t know.

From that point on, each home she passed was like a scene laid out before her, inviting her to insert herself into the lives of the fae within. Countless lifetimes and possibilities transfixed her, as she continued to watch. It was no longer strangers she was gazing at, but her and Cassian. They were in their living room, dancing with their two children, Cassian picking her up and spinning her while their girls shrieked with delight. They were snuggled up on a sofa together, in front of a roaring fire, Nesta closing her eyes and leaning onto his shoulder. Not a single flinch crossing her face. They were cooking together, Cassian stirring and adding spices to a pot on the stove, while Nesta chopped up something on the counter. Her turning to put what she had been chopping into the pot and pressing a kiss to Cassian’s cheek, who turned to beam at her. They were seated on the floor of their living room together, her handing a beautifully wrapped box to Cassian, who proceeded to open it. 

Back on the street, Nesta reeled back as though she’d been struck. A horrid thought clanged through her. 

What day was it? 

She remembered she had gone to the tavern earlier to listen to some music and have a few drinks before going somewhere. 

To Feyre’s, she realized. 

Feyre had asked her to come to the townhouse this evening because it was…solstice. The tavern had closed early and there was the street fair because it was solstice. She had gotten drunk in order to prepare herself to face Feyre and her family at solstice. 

Suddenly the festive lights and music ringing through the streets came into a sharp clarity, overwhelming her fae senses. 

Panic clawed at her throat, she could not go. She was not ready to face Feyre on her birthday, or Elain. Or Cassian. He would be there, her heart swelled, pulling her feet forward. On this day, she knew where he would be, who he would be with, she just needed to see him. Maybe this could be her one solstice present to herself, she reasoned, to prove that Cassian was not just a being made of whispered fantasies and alcohol-infused delusion. She would just take one look, and then she could go back to her apartment. It was madness, she knew it was, but the sharp sting of reality had not yet taken hold this night. 

Her pace began to quicken, every step faster than the next before she realized she had no idea which direction to turn, thoroughly lost in the maze of the city and her mind in the dark hour. She spun around, almost losing her balance in the slick snow, completely at a loss. The ache in her chest had now turned into a sharp stab of hurt, only to be soothed by the sight of the dark-haired general.

She should turn back, she thought, towards the bustling avenue to start her search there, maybe she would even ask someone for directions. The idea of doing so would usually sour her stomach, but something stronger than fear was driving her tonight. 

She began to walk purposefully, taking only a few steps before her feet skidded to a halt. 

As though it had been dropped from the sky, the massive townhouse loomed before her. Bright festive lights twinkled among the bushes that lined the windows, taunting her as they danced, inviting her to step closer.

Her traitorous feet had been leading her this way the whole time, unbeknownst to her. Nesta bit her lip, did she dare to risk facing her sister’s family tonight? There was a split moment of hesitation before she moved past the front gate. It would only be a brief glance, as soon as she saw those hazel eyes and dark waves she would leave. It would only take a moment.

Nesta didn’t bother going towards the door, electing instead to creep along the outside of the home. What room would they be in at this hour? She made her way towards the right set of windows she remembered as part of the living room. She could only pray the Shadowsinger and her sister’s mate were inebriated enough to not be on their guard tonight while she spied. 

Her heart pounded erratically in her chest as she drew closer, a rainbow glow of holiday lights from within grazed her face as she peered up. She had guessed correctly, the inner circle was gathered around the fire, wrapping paper strewn all over the plush carpet. They must have just finished opening presents. Her breath caught in her throat as she looked at her sisters, so at ease in their new lives, openly smiling as they engaged in conversation. Good, she thought, though a hint of bitterness flooded her tongue, it was good that they were happier without her. But her sisters were not who she needed to see this night. Her gaze turned frantic around the room, trying desperately to alight on the male who haunted most of her waking and sleeping thoughts. Her gaze made no purchase. He was not there.

Was he in Illyria after all? She wasn’t sure she could bear that after all the torment this evening. So she waited, watching her sister’s chosen family enjoy their holiday, as they laughed and shared stories with bright eyes, drinking deeply from their cups. It was not too far off from what she would be doing inside the house anyway, watching the inner circle play their little games while she kept to the outskirts. She was growing restless waiting for him, the urge to barge inside and ask where he was, growing by the minute. But at long last she was rewarded.

Cassian stepped, or stumbled rather, into the room with a grin plastered across his face. His dark hair was mussed, likely having fallen out of his bun hours ago, and two bottles of wine clutched in his hands. The room let out a cheer at his entrance, and Cassian handed off one of the bottles to the Morrigan. Azriel made to reach for the other one, but Cassian waved him off, uncorking the bottle with his teeth before drinking straight from it. She could have sworn she saw a look of concern pass between the Shadowsinger and her sister as they watched him, but Nesta was not interested in them. Her gaze fixed upon the male seated towards the end of the long couch, his hand gripping the wine bottle like a lifeline. 

She had said she would take one look, but she was a liar. She could not move even if she tried, her eyes greedily drinking in the male she looked for in every window and every sky. Her focus snagged on his lips, remembering the soft touch of them against her own on the battlefield. How often did she feel that phantom press in the late hours of the night. He was dressed in a dark red sweater this night, one that clung to the contours of his large frame, as if to torment her. Nesta could not help but imagine trailing her fingers over the material, what it would feel like, what the skin beneath that sweater would feel like. 

Cassian let out a booming laugh at something that was said, loud enough for her to hear through the window, and never did she wish so much to have a device to bottle sound. But the smile that remained did not quite meet his eyes, which were intermittently flickering towards the door. 

The Night Court’s general was drunk, that much was clear, but something was troubling him despite the merriment he tried plastering across his face. The Shadowsinger clapped a hand onto Cassian’s shoulder, in what seemed to be a comforting gesture. 

So badly did she want to be the one comforting him, and yet hadn’t she been the cause of most of his misery when she was around? A sober realization made its way to the forefront of her mind; all she could do was cause him pain . Those beautiful dreams of their life together could only ever be dreams. The reality was that everything she touched had crumbled and turned to ash, but she would be damned if Cassian did as well. She needed to leave, go back to her apartment and try and forget this whole night had ever happened, for both of their sakes. Preferably with the assistance of alcohol. Nesta’s foot stepped back from the window, yet couldn’t stop herself from one last glance at the male inside.

Hazel eyes met hers from across the room. Shit. Cassian’s eyes blinked slowly before widening. There was the sound of glass shattering, as the wine bottle left his hand and dropped onto the floor. Shouts of alarm rose up from the rest of the inner circle, as they jumped up to help clean up the mess. Cassian’s form quickly disappeared out of the room, his hand bracing against the door frame as he pushed around it. She needed to leave, now. 

She scrambled backwards, towards the gate, snow hitting her shoulder from the tops of the bushes as she darted by. She rounded the outside gate and stopped out of breath, hidden by the tall bushes that separated the townhouse from the street. There was the sound of the front door being wrenched open and frantic footsteps down the entry stairs. She didn’t dare to breathe as the footsteps crunched closer, hoping they obscured her own.

“Nesta?” Cassian’s voice was soft, almost hopeful. She had expected him to yell out in his drunken state, alerting the whole inner circle of her presence, but he hadn’t. The quiet sound of her name from his lips was a different kind of bliss altogether, pulling at something deep within her core. Her lips parted, desperately wanting to tell him she was there, that she was ready to try together this time, but no sound came out. 

A second pair of footsteps followed from the front door.

“Cass? What is it?” Feyre’s concerned voice floated through the entryway. Nesta bit her cheek, to keep from making a sound. The only thing worse than Cassian finding her out here would be Feyre and Cassian finding her together. She didn’t think she could survive the look of pity she knew would cross Feyre’s face if she discovered her out here.

“I saw her,” His words slurred slightly from the alcohol, but were determined nonetheless. “I saw her at the window.” Feyre did not ask who it was he had seen, seemingly understanding, but she waited a moment before softly saying,

“I miss her too, Cassian.”

A weight had dropped into Nesta’s stomach, she could not bear to hear this conversation. 

“She was at the window,” Cassian insisted, “She was here, I need to…” he trailed off. Nesta’s ears strained for the end of his thought, but nothing came. Perhaps he did not know how to approach her either, also frozen by the neverending stalemate the two of them found themselves in. Feyre inhaled a slow breath, as though she were about to explain something difficult to a small child.

“Sometimes it can seem like we see things that aren’t actually there. Things that we want to believe are there, but they aren’t,” she said gently. Another moment of silence followed. Feyre tried again.

“Why don’t we go inside? I think Rhysand and Amren were going to pull out the chessboard.”

No reply came from Cassian. Had they gone back inside? Nesta didn’t hear the door slam shut, but her heart was beating so loud she easily could have missed it. 

“I think I’m going to stay out here,” His voice quietly sounded once more.

“Cassian–”

“Just for a bit,” He amended. Nesta could hear the smile he forced onto his face, “Go, enjoy your birthday, Feyre.” She must have listened, as after a moment Nesta heard the soft snick of the front door closing. It was agony being so few steps from him now they were alone, even if he did not know it. But she wouldn’t risk him, not again. So Nesta quietly made her way from her hiding spot back onto the main road, and for once she did not glance back.

The holiday lights in the street now looked garish against the soft white snow frosting the streets. Golden glows that had once emanated from the windows, now dulled to a pale yellow. The wind blew fierce as flurries turned blizzardous, but Nesta did not bother to close her coat against the chill. Already she could feel the press of a hangover against her forehead, the walk having sobered her from the peak of her drunkenness. With it, the starkness of her reality began to return, as though she had never left. 

But as she turned the corner to her apartment, she allowed herself one final solstice present. She let her mind drift to a world in which she had run from her hiding spot that evening and into Cassian’s arms. He would lift her up off the ground, and they would stay there intertwined, swaying with unspoken apologies to one another. She would bury her face in his neck, inhaling his pine and woodfire scent, and it would smell like home. Her home. 

One last time Nesta closed her eyes, inhaling deeply as though she would smell it now.

But only the cold rushed in.