#i've been barely eating
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diana of themyscira plotting call , i really do want more things with her.
#[ ooc. ] Β πππ'π ππ ππππππππ.#making dinner#which is the first time in a week i've done so#i've been barely eating#so like mental health back up there#and then i'll find all my diana threads
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Spain lied about not selling weapons to Israel.
Even after October 7th, Spain has sold more than 1 million β¬ of weapons to Israel. Norway and Finland make it possible.
In January, Spain made headlines word-wide when the government's Minister of Exteriors, JosΓ© Manuel Albares (PSOE), claimed in Congress and later again in a radio interview that Spain had stopped selling weapons to Israel ever since October 7th. Israel's intensification of violence in Gaza following October 7th meant that, on top of decades of apartheid and ethnic cleansing, between October 7th and January 23rd Israel had already killed 28,000 people and forced 2 million out of their home. In this context, many people were demanding their governments stop arming and funding the genocide of the Palestinian people, and here on Tumblr and other social media sites like Twitter I think we all saw the many posts praising the Spanish government for this.
Well, it turns out it was a lie.
According to Albares, "Since October 7th there are no more weapons exportations [from Spain] to Israel". But in November alone, Spain exported weapons to Israel for 987,000β¬, as was published on the Spanish Government's official website dedicated to exterior commerce (Comex). A researcher from Centre DelΓ s (an independent centre for peace studies) found it and published it, and it has also been verified by newspapers such as elDiario.es.
This 987,000β¬ worth of weapons in November was not the only ammunition that Spain has sent to Israel in 2023. In 2023, Spain exported a total of 1.48 million β¬ in war material to Israel.
All of the weapons sent in November come from the factory of Nammo Palencia (Castilla y LeΓ³n), a corporation that is 50% property of the Government of Norway and 50% owned by a public Finnish business. However, even if the owners are foreigners, the ammunition was sent from Spain and thus it had to be authorized by the an organism of the Spanish Government named Junta Interministerial de Defensa y Doble Uso, whose deliberations on whether a weapons exportation is accepted or denied are kept secret. The only cases where they have denied exporting weapons to Israel have been when they thought that Israel would re-sell these weapons to the Philippines.
Spain has had a close relation with Israel for years. As published by the Spanish Government, Spain has sold 20 million β¬ of weapons to Israel between 2012 and 2022. Spain also buys weapons and military software from Israel (for example, the Spanish Intelligence Service has been using the Israeli software Pegasus to illegally spy on Catalan activists, journalists, politicians and civil society members and their relatives to attack the Catalan independence movement), and Spain has continued buying from Israel and allocating defense contracts to Israel even after the October 7th attacks. It is very difficult to track the concessions of public contracts such as buying weapons, but some contracts have been known. For example, on November 24th 2023, Spain bought 287.5 million β¬ of missiles from Israel. This is not unusual: between 2011 and 2021, it is publicly known that Spain bought war material from Israel for at least 268 million β¬, but experts say that the real number could be two or three times as much.
Spain has also continued allocating concessions to Israel. For example, on December 15th 2023 Spain allocated a contract worth over 576 million β¬ to Israel for a rocket launcher programme. On November 22nd, Spain allocated another another Israeli company to provide missiles for 237 million β¬ at the same time as the Spanish army bought Israeli inhibitors for 1.4 million β¬. The very next day, November 23rd, Spain signed another military allocation to Israel for 82,600β¬. The following week, Spain signed yet another allocation with a different Israeli military corporation for 3.7 million β¬.
Spain also allows Israeli weapon manufacturing companies to produce weapons through their branches located in Spain. This way, Israeli weapons make their way to markets with which Israel doesn't have diplomatic ties but Spain does, like Saudi Arabia. And since Spain is a member of NATO, Israeli weapons produced in Spain are approved according to NATO standards and access it easily. In the same way, these Israeli weapons manufacturers also access European Union defense funds through their branches in Spain. (source).
As I said, I saw a lot of positive posts around when Albares said Spain was going to embargo, but I haven't seen any post about how they didn't do it. I also (personally) haven't seen anything on international media, and barely anything on Spanish media, which is already busy with the PSOE covid material corruption scandal. So I share this in the hope of helping put pressure on Spain to cut all ties with Israel immediately.
SHAME ON EVERYONE WHO GIVES ISRAEL THE MATERIAL AND MONEY THAT WILL BE USED TO MASSACRE THE PALESTINIAN PEOPLE. SHAME ON SPAIN, NORWAY, AND FINLAND.
#i've been meaning to post this for a few days but never manmaged to finish writing since i don't have internet at work and i barely have#time to do anything else than sleep eat and prepare work stuff when i'm home#so I'm late but this is still relevant#palestine#gaza#israel#free palestine#spain#norway#finland#espaΓ±a#end genocide#bds#boycott divest sanction#free gaza#peace#anti military#π¬
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Getting into the Halloween spirit by experiencing the unmatched horror of living inside a human body
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just want to give a little heads up, but i'm going to be away for several days until tuesday next week! heading on an international trip for family obligations and will likely have little to no internet access!
i have a few things in the queue (gifts mostly) but won't be around to respond to new posts, dms, asks, etc, until i get back.
take care, see you on the flipside!
#starstruck dee#my art#starflungs personal tag#unlike starstruck-- as much as i love the sky-- i am terrified of flying *in planes*. i know all the tricks and have done all the therapy#i remain mortally and irrationally terrified of flying in planes. i can barely eat knowing i have to go on one soon.#i've also been quite running behind on socmed as a whole (due to this looming terror). i hope to catch up when i get back.#if i've missed a piece of yours lately i'm sorry!
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it's still NMJ's birthday in my timezone, so have some happy Nie Bros !
#nie mingjue#nie huaisang#and maybe someone else too...#mdzs fanart#cql fanart#nmj's official unofficial birthday#i've been busy preparing for an exam so i could barely think about his birthday for the longest time#and i decided to just have the two of them hanging out; drinking; eating some snacks#and i used concept art of the unclean realm as reference#then i spent a lot of time worrying about whether the table was actually like meant for tea and if it was bad that they were on the floor#i almost made them play weiqi but their faces were already done and they wouldn't be all smiley while playing#anyway it's done#i hope my inaccuracies can be interpreted as the boys being alone and carefree#and maybe nmj likes plum blossoms more than chrysanthemus because i couldn't get them right XD
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#IM TIRED OF FEELING LIKE SHIT#ITS BEEN FIVE DAYS. I HAVEN'T SLEPT MORE THAN TWO HOURS AT A TIME#I'VE TAKEN SO MANY PAIN MEDS THAT LITERALLY EVERYTHING MAKES ME NAUSEOUS NOW#CAN'T TAKE THE STRONG MEDS BECAUSE THEY'LL MAKE ME THROW UP AND I'LL RIP MY STITCHES#CAN BARELY EAT ANYTHING. IN PAIN CONSTANTLY#AND NOTHINGS EVEN FUCKING WRONG. THE SURGEON SAID I'M HEALING NORMALLY#I'm going to lose my fucking mind#my dad says I'm getting better but I gotta be honest I do not feel it
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Thank fucking god actually I'm on break right now because if I had to go to lectures and labs and god forbid take tests in this condition I'd be dead on the floor I'm so incredibly serious right now
#THE AGONY#THE UNBEARABLE AGONNNYYYY#sp-rambles#My fucking chest my sides my legs my arms my abdomen my head my head my head everything hurts everything aches#What plague did I receive from that plane ride because I swear to god this is like some medieval torture method of a virus#Apologizes for the unjolly behaviour but god in heaven I am in so much pain#My chest feels like a tick about to burst and my abdomen feels like glass and steel wool is tearing everything to shreds#My head is swimming my heart is pounding I can't tell you how many times I've been convinced that I was having a heart attack#I can't move too much less it gets Worse#I can't eat I can't sleep I can barely drink and it's only really been water and peppermint tea#I'm so...tired. I just want like a nice dinner and a good sleep and to breathe again for once
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well. did you fucking miss me.
#random thoughts#apologies for sounding in such a sour mood. life is fucked as of late.#scheduled post. i made this on 10.08.2024.#everything has just gone to shit. so far i've been eating less than ever. feels like my stomach is eating itself augh (':#(technically the so-called relapse started on 24.12.2023. but we are not unpacking that today or ever.)#and i am filled with this desperate urge to cut myself. really really deep. not sure how to cope with it#i also?? hate how i look??#and yet i spend all my time?? in this dark dark room?? taking pictures of my face?????#i'm not killing myself off just yet don't worry. i considered it but it won't be happening any time soon.#i originally planned on disappearing for twelve days. partly to make my friends feel bad because i'm awful#which. obviously didn't work. as i don't think anyone noticed or cared particularly.#but mostly because i can't fucking handle it. it being everything. my future feels so uncertain#i am barely alive. i love all the people in my life. but they're too far away physically and emotionally.#but yeah. back finally. although ciel disappears for a lot longer than me and if you know hym my absence would be a small stint.#ciel if you're here when i post this i love you please come back. ):#this place is so scary to come back to. i'm not sure why. i'm just. scared.#i'm not even sure if i want to return really. i'm having second thoughts now. i haven't gotten worse enough#and i can't say what that means. because in theory there's nothing wrong with me that's been speculated upon. so.#i don't think anyone would care if i disappeared for longer than this.#but being away is torture. and then again being here also sort of is. it's scary#fuck.#i can't get out of bed without feeling like shit. i don't know if i can come back. i'm so sick of everything.#if you're seeing this i'm so sorry.#I NEED TO CUT MYSELF I NEED TO CUT MYSELF NOW. I NEED TO. I MADE SO MANY PROMISES BUT I NEED TO DO IT NOW#I'VE GOT THE SCISSORS I NEED TO DO IT#I NEED TO DO IT RIGHT THE FUCK NOW#(<- tags canceled for now)
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a quick reminder to everyone
I have SEVERE LEARNING DISABILITIES
I am literally disabled because of my learning disabilities, I have faced literal descrimnation because of it.
everytime you call us retarded or a retard you are ACTIVLY upholding the systems in which I am trapped in.
I take more offence in being called a retard than anything due to the literal DECADES of systematic abuse and descrimnation from the medical system, every single government resource, and almost all school alternatives.
fuck you greatly if you use these words against us, I have to live in a country where they hate people like me and would rather us dead than to do literally anything to help people like us.
call us what you will, but I will never call anyone retarded because itβs a basic decency reserved for everyone.
Iβm a very happy retard, fuck your ableism!
I will happily live and love and learn even if THE LITERAL GOVERNMENT doesnβt want me too.
(yeah being a mid supports autistic with other learning disabilities and disabilities in general that made me unable to attend a school just means I deserve to die. 100% legit I deal with this literally all the time always fuck the Australian government)
so again fuck you all greatly, for using a literal slur against me one that has been used against me since I was a baby.
fuck you all, genuinely.
did I forfeit my rights to be treated as a human being the moment I had a bit of trouble learning things? Because if I did Iβd like to break someoneβs teeth with a brick.
Edit: the language and lines between what the fuck developmental disabilities and intellectual disability are is confusing as fuck.
I have gotten very confused between the 2 because they are grouped together half the time.
My apologies to everyone for being utterly confused where I fall because it is extremely confusing to figure out, and internationally it varies wildly according to my brief reading.
I did not mean to be mean or anything I just was genuinely going off what Iβve been told most my life lol.
Shout out to my developmentally disabled brethren you are loved
#-pop#activism stuff#disability#Learning disabilities#learning disability#dyslexia#anticapitalism stuff#anarchism stuff#mental health stuff#dysgraphia#adhd#autism#Iβm actually somewhat on the intellectually disabled spectrum lol. Not that itβs changed my tune (I got other severe devoplmental disorders#I still had to experience insane ableism my entire life and like continue to into my adulthood with no sign of it stopping soon#like genuinely fuck some people. Those are not your words to use#r slur mention#r slur tw#(idk what even counts but man I have so much wrong with me. and like it's not like this shit does not run in my family LOL my bisnonna was-#actually illiterate and had severe learning disabilities lol she was awesome and made a life for herself so again this shit does not stop-#anyone it just sucks because the education system is fucked screw that shit. idk :shrug: I've never actually looked at my medical record-#I actually should because I have a strong feeling I'm diagnosed with some crazy shit that none of my family remembers bc we just have shit-#memory (for my parents it's the trauma ngl. for me it's also the trauma and the ADHD LOL)#so at this point I just have been disabled by fuck do I know there's literally more maladies that run in my family than I can describe. lik#it's not that weird for me specifically to have severe learning disablities and also devoplmental ones it makes sense with what I know.#I was literally a tinny tiny failure to thrive child actually. who could barely eat anything due to severe allergies and more shit!
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well.
I'm 30.
#one minute ago#damn I really REALLY thought I'd have my life more together#I mean to be real I 10000% did not expect to live until 30 good grief#but in my day dreams of 'what I might have been like if I lived to be an adult' this was not it#not still living like an emancipated minor in a 1 1/2 that's not even official it's more of a charity by the people who own the garage#that it's built in#not remembering to eat every day and eating the same 'gotta eat something' random assortment of whatever is in the cabinets#that I've been eating since I was 4#still working 4 jobs and not having my phd yet#literally never gone on one date and still feel too young for a relationship because I don't ever EVER want to be that guy#who doesn't know how to do anything and expects their partner to take care of them#I can barely do laundry and I straight up refuse to do dishes#I buy paper plates and cups#I'm not going to impose that on anyone#I keep thinking when I grow up I can have a relationship but I'm not old enough yet#but buddy I'm a freaking grown up now#30 is no joke#it's official#I just suck.#it's not about age its about being a garbage person#like i would never ever EXPECT my partner to take care of me but in practical terms I would fail at keeping the house clean#and they would pick up the slack becuase they don't want to live in a trash hole and would get mad and/or bitter with me for making them#living alone my bad choices only effect me#when i've lived with roommates in the past this has always been a key point of breakdown#even when I've tried to be extra dilligent I would forget a glass somewhere becuase I planned to reuse it and my roomate would wash it#and be mad that I felt entitled and expected them to clean up after me when I absolutly did NOT in fact I was horrified#that they needed to clean something up after me- I just simply lost track of it. and that was 10000% unfun for everyone involved#I was ashamed 100% of the time and they felt used 100% of the time and no one had a good time
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i hope im not just the piss girl to u guys but also a friend
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99% sure i oversalted my food, yet i can't taste it
*squints* sus
#hacker tips from me btw#if u like me have chronic fatigue but have a tendency to feel the Most Spry and Energy in the morning#just cook food then#u can eat breakfast later in the day it's fine#I cook food now and then when i am barely good enough to sit up i simply eat toast if i don't feel like microwaving my leftovers#win win#but yeah everyone i know are sick so im now side eyeing my immune system real hard#i've been wearing mask at work#and also to and from work#and to the grocery store#and yet.............#well hopefully my immune system wins this battle#it's finnicky like that#sometimes it bodyslams covid and other times a cold bodyslams me
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resignation letter is the most potent painkiller. i love you resignation letter i love you one month notice <3
#tmi but im regular again and literally the only change is because i've been eating enough to shit daily#i was in such a bad headspace these past few months that i could barely bring myself to eat#i'd go to sleep with my work uniform still on and wake up willing myself to get up for 30 mins and then brushing my teeth and going to work#with the same clothes i slept in#i stopped hanging out with my friends. i had nightmares abt my job.#i can only take care of myself on my days' off and i cant grok anything other than shallow entertainment like wrestling#everything else is too much for my brain to handle. i'd simply forget everything i read or play or even listen to#those three months are miserable lmao#its not just my job... its also the family issues i've been dealing with#yknow remember when i said i could have died? yeah that shit was real. fuckin love it when my mom admit my dad have the capacity to be a#family annihilator. but... since my dad have a job to keep him busy and we moved to a house where me and my sister and#my mom and dad get to have our own rooms... and my dad get to live near his old friends and family...#things have been getting better. usually we had a physical fight every two months but it hasnt happened yet and i seem to get on with him#better now. so... i guess im gonna be okay. i've been so tired and trapped#stuck between two places that are both physically and emotionally draining with no reprieve#things are changing. and i find that to be comforting despite how up in the air the future might be. i might be screwed but also? what if#i'll be fine? im at a point where im accepting any drastic changes even if its for the worse#funny how i used to like my job a lot. i guess im not to be comfortable with anything long term#posts about my life
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CONGRATS ALFONSE FIRE EMBELM YOU ARE SO EPIC AND SO COOL FOREVERβΌοΈβΌοΈβΌοΈβΌοΈππππππππππππππππππππππππππππππππππππππππππ
Plus some zoom ins of the most worked on panels, slightly better lighting maybe hopefully π
And of course
The micro organism (about a pinky small)
#fire emblem#feh#it's tough! esp the way i've been coloring sharena and alfonse's to an extent skintones lately#i really don't want them to get washed out ....#i also really wanna know if this combo looks good. the more heavy/worked illusts w the one layer almost soft coloring#on the less focal point panels#i think it has a neat effect actually. you can really see how heavy i layer/work the pencils for fuller illusts#and also kept to just doing hair/facial features. some clothes details. but the bare minimum#if i did the skin it would be so over . i'm layering the fuck out of that. though obvs for darker skin tones#i'd find a way to incorporate it into that simplier style π«‘#REGARDLESS. artist talk aside#a very special very loving and affectionate hearty congrats to mr alfonse fire emblem for winning cyl!!!!!!!!! πππππ₯Ίπ₯Ίπ₯Ί#i need to eat him.#i'm putting him in my mouth#chewing on him#forever.#fe alfonse#sharena#moe tag#summoner oc#my art#my comics
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#hey like. not to be really annoying i shouldn't be doing this aged 32 but i'm really struggling#every time the weather gets cold i feel like i am entering winter with more and more despair#i am really struggling this time#every day is a struggle to get through#i'm losing my hair#i'm losing my reasons to live#i keep putting on a full face of makeup and clothes in my room at like 2am just to desperately try to feel human#i keep saying i don't know if I'll survive the winter and people keep laughing but I don't mean it as a joke#i'm sadder than i've ever been and everything feels like it's falling apart#whenever i get the chance to confide this in people i get told that i'm strong and i'm a survivor#and that i should do some shit to make me happy#and yea i can stave it all off for a few minutes with like a trip out or some makeup or something but it all feels like bandaids#for a serious wound that's going to go septic soon#like this isn't a way to live a life#i don't want to 'be strong' or a 'survivor' anymore i want to be fucking happy#i'm tired and promises of brief happiness between ever worsening pain feel almost patronizing at this point#i woke up the other day in the middle of the night and as soon as conscious thoughts hit my brain i almost doubled over#if i had been not on the first floor i think i might have jumped then and there#i want to be loved and feel like my love is worth something#i want a clean apartment of my own and a career that doesn't feel like it's designed to kill me#i'm 32 and still essentially feel like i'm living my life like a teenager#i want sun and suncatchers and healthy plants and a wardrobe that fits my clothes#and i want the will to actually get up in the morning#i endured all of this for so long on a delusional belief that things were going to magically get better#but i realize now they won't#i became aware of the bounds of my cage with no means of escaping them#i'm sick of living each day oscillating between numbness and grief i can barely eat i can barely work i can barely laugh#and no one's coming to save me#i'm agonized by the idea that this is maybe what life always is for everybody#is this how it's supposed to be
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Dying dying dying dying dying dying dying DYING*
*has a stomachache
#i mean that's severely downplaying this pain for comedy's sake but it's for the bit#this is the worst intestinal pain I've had in twenty five ish years of having Crohn's disease#but the ER won't take it seriously and my gastro is out of the office until next week#and the sub gastro doesn't think it's concerning because my blood labs are normal#meanwhile i can barely eat and I'm in constant agony and this has been going on for weeks#crohn's disease#just chronic illness things#medical ableism
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