#i've always just phrased it as 'i'm not a very romantic person'

[nostalgia-tblr]

i saw your tags on the reply post to the anon ask where you mentioned how at some point there were a lot of sylki baby fics and you didn't read them,

and i have to say, same. like, i think it's great if one wants to write/read the baby stuff, but from some point on, it seemed like ONLY the baby stuff was being written for sylki, which kind of turned my off from the fandom.

again, it's 100% okay to write/read the baby stuff, but i feel like sylki has a potential for more... versatility in fanon? idk, whatever it is, your tags validated my own thoughts bc i felt like if i said anything about it i would be kicked out of the fandom (i knew at least two sylkis who were ganged up by other shippers for saying that they didn't see sylvie's journey being satisfyingly completed by having loki's babies).

anyways, i definitely do not try to start this drama all over again. i'd just say, write/read as many baby fics as you want to, but it would be nice if there were more sylki fics that weren't all about sylvie's pregnancy and babies...

that's about when i stopped regularly checking the tag on AO3, i must admit. I *think* there was a babyfic challenge somewhere - maybe a Discord server? - but they didn't seem to all be from that, it was like a sudden trend hit, wasn't it?

i have myself written sylki baby fic but it followed my own interests with it in that it mostly didn't have actual baby/pregnancy stuff in it, i was just trying to cause problems for them LOL. though it's not a topic i am that into generally, regardless of pairing. a lot of people are though and indeed That Is Fine! most of the time i've never thought anything either way about the amount of sylki babyfic, just for a while there it seemed to dominate for some reason.

and surprisingly little of it involved either a) the myth-'canon' stuff where Lokis have weird monster-babies or b) the hilarious vexing question of whether the child of two Lokis is itself a Loki. And if you combine those two you can blame the monster-babies on them being the same person - it practically writes itself!

i think for me domestic fic is like Mundane* AU fic - it's v popular and there's (obviously) nothing wrong with it, but it's just not what I am into so when there are brief floods of either of that sort of thing I just end up skipping a lot of stuff. (before anyone complains about me complaining - i didn't like so i didn't read, which is exactly what one should do in such a situation. SO THERE.) i generally am more into Canon Divergence for AUs, which might just be cos i mostly into sci-fi canons fannishly so when every SF element is removed in fic I am then less interested? maybe? and of course many sylki AUs just lack the selfcest aspect - oh no!!!

(*i don't mean Mundane in a value-judgement way, that just seems like the best term for the sort of AU that's modern day/real world settings which lean towards Very Normal things like coffee shops and academia and Sylvie working in a McDonalds retail work & the like. if there's a well-accepted alternative pls let me know, thnx.)

[hiddenreamers]

F1 Drivers x foreign!reader

SUMMARY: When they know social norms and the local language, sometimes it might be hard to spot a foreigner. Even then, there are details to their daily life that might give away their heritage. Whether they're strange, funny or heartwarming, it doesn't really matter. Your boyfriend wouldn't have it any other way.

Featuring: Lando Norris, Lewis Hamilton, Daniel Ricciardo (it's my delulu I set the rules), Max Verstappen, Carlos Sainz Jr, Charles Leclerc, George Russell, Oscar Piastri

Note: I'm a Polish gal, so the examples I've used are quite specific and probably not universal

Lando Norris

You're unsure if his terrible pronunciation is genuine or just a ploy to make you laugh. As time goes on, you're leaning towards the latter. The comedic timing of throwing out mispronounced random phrases and words is almost too perfect to be accidental. Considering the cultural differences, you have your quirks and superstitions that are largely funny and meaningless to him. Despite his lack of understanding, he adheres to them like the letter of the law (except speed limits, of course). While it might seem pointless to him that you have to knock on "something unpainted" after talking about misfortune, Lando will never make fun of you for it. He might laugh, yes, but he just finds those little rituals endearing. Secretly learns to say "I love you" in your first language but this time, he wants his pronunciation to be impeccable. He really means it, after all.

Lewis Hamilton

He's been showing genuine curiosity from the very beginning. While he wants to get to know you better as a person, he also wants to know more about your home. Consequently, Lewis jumps at any opportunity to travel with you to your native country. When you're pointing out different buildings as well as memories associated with them, he feels like he's getting a better understanding of who you are and why. Like Lando, he's mindful of the cultural quirks and sticks to them but doesn't find them as funny. While he's well aware you don't expect him to follow them, Lewis still refuses to kiss you over the threshold once you tell him it's said to bring bad luck. He's not going to risk it, is he?

Daniel Ricciardo

The ever-charming man is interested only in learning swear words and pick-up lines in your native language. Not very surprising. Even less surprising is the fact that you might have (on at least one occasion) taught him nonsense or a silly phrase while claiming it's something sexy or romantic. He is yet to be corrected that a certain phrase is not a heartfelt confession but a simple question of "Where is my sauerkraut?". There's something impossibly attractive about you speaking your mother tongue, according to Daniel. You could read aloud a random Wikipedia entry and he's down bad by the second verse.

Max Verstappen

Practical as always, Max has learnt to read your first language just to occasionally help. You're busy and someone is texting you? Maybe you forgot the next ingredient or step for the recipe but your hands are dirty? Max is there to help. Despite not much practice, his pronunciation is really good. He does, however, have a secret. All the random things he's been reading for you? They got him familiar with the language, at least the basics. Still, Max pretends that he doesn't understand 99% of what he's reading for you because he doesn't want to miss out on all the ego-stroking "Max is wonderful!!" messages you receive from friends and family. The king of keeping a straight face. He's so used to hearing you refer to him by pet names in another language that when he hears it in a movie you're watching, he instinctively looks towards you.

Carlos Sainz Jr

Similarly to Max, Carlos has picked up some of your mother tongue. Pretends he doesn't because he's living for the gossip you exchange with your friends. Most of all, he HAS to know what you're talking about after hearing you say his name. Are you happy with him? Does he fulfil your needs? Although each time you're gushing over him, he can't help his curiosity. Carlos might or might not have overheard you talking to your friends about a sexual fantasy and later on used that knowledge to his advantage. But if anyone asks, he doesn't know more than a "hello" in your first language.

Charles Leclerc

Like many multilingual people, you have a habit of directly translating sayings and idioms or just getting confused about which ones work in what language. Funnily enough, Charles unknowingly picked up some of the phrases you use. He realises only when someone gives him a strange look for saying "happy as a whistle". On another occasion he says somebody "stuck to him like thistle to a dog's tail", which sparked a landslide of memes. Charles insists on you calling him pet names in your first language exclusively. He claims they sound more loving when you say them in your mother tongue but maybe he's suffering from the same ailment as Daniel Ricciardo...

George Russell

As adorable as they are, George's random questions can get slightly annoying. He might be working you up on purpose, not that he'd ever admit. This man has a curious tendency to suddenly point to a random object and ask you what's it called in your native language. When you tell him, he exposes you to possibly the worst attempt at repeating the word. George is trying his best, okay? He might not be able to pronounce or write it but when you say it, he quickly learns to recognize the word. This has lead to seemingly strange situations when you can't remember the English expression and say it in your mother tongue, while George without a problem gives you the answer or passes you the item. Some of the other drivers are now convinced he knows your first language and George somehow can't find the right occasion to correct them. After secretly practising, he says "I love you" in your mother tongue and despite the rather awful pronunciation, it's the best thing you've ever heard. It's not flawless but it's perfect.

Oscar Piastri

Similarly to Lewis, he's genuinly curious about your homecountry. The difference is, Oscar is more leaning towards the literature and pop-culture side of things. He has a list of books, poems, movies and plays that are considered important to your homeland. If there are English translations, he'll at least try to read them (on a few occasions he's settled for the cheat sheets and summaries). Multiple times Oscar has talked you into reading the original to him and afterwards claimed that despite understanding nothing, that's his favourite version. Movies, however, he wants to watch with you. It's a cozy date, yes. But! It is also an opportunity to learn more as you have a tendency to pause the film and explain jokes, give broader context or share a fun fact about something on the screen. Through all of that, he learns certain unspoken social rules and superstitions. You tell him he really doesn't have to follow them for your sake when you notice he refuses to put your bag on the floor or switches seats with you if you sit at the corner of the table.

[robin374]

ROBIN HIHIHIHI, THINK FAST

*throws u silly HCS ideas yet again aggressively*

SOOO I KINDA GOT ATTACHED TO OUR ASSHOLE OF AN ANGEL, ADAM SO I WAS THINKING:

Adam x Sweet angel reader

basically reader is the most sweet person u can encounter, like always complementing Adam, giving him hand made gifts and etc, and then theres Adam.

wanna know how this dynamic will go

luv ya

"ᏖᏂᏋᏒᏋ ᎩᎧᏬ ᏗᏒᏋ, ᏕᏬᎶᏗᏒ ᏖᎥᏖᏕ!"

Character: Adam x reader (Romantic)

Notes: I'M BACK, I've finally finished my exams YIPPIE

Summary: Reader is a sweetheart and Adam somehow falls in love with them.

I'm pretty sure that he's always trying to make you angry in some way. For example, he will be trying to annoy you all the time, and you will answer him with a sweet smile asking him if he's happy that day because he seems more enegertic.

We all know that he sometimes says really morally questionable things, so whenever you hear him say those things you will hit the back of his head and scold him.

At first he thought that your kind and sweet nature was a sign of weakness, because well, he's always around Lute and the Exorcist angels. However, when he saw you ruining someone's day with just a smile and two sarcastic but bold phrases, all those negative thoughts about you dissapeared. Now you have a supportive angel behind you everytime you argue with someone. And with supportive I mean that he's flipping the other angel off while saying "That's right, bitch!" or "You tell ém, sugar tits!"

Yeah, he's pretty obvious with his crush on you, and he's not ashamed. He told Lute about it, she was bit confused at first, like... She's sure that your blood is pure sugar, how could he fall in love with you? You're the total opposite. But, she was happy that Adam found someone after the events with Lillith and Eve...

He's a bit insecure of those events, I mean, he's afraid that Lucifer goes to heaven and steal you away from him. Then, he realizes that you don't even know about the exterminations. He won't tell you, and if you were at the council when Charlie tried to talk to Heaven's leaders. He will be very afraid that you turn against him, that you see him as a monster. Of course, you don't want to accpet that he's been killing souls, even if they are in Hell, they don't desever to die permanentely.

He tried to apologize telling you that those souls desever it, they were in hell for a reason, right? You told him that as long as he didn't kill any children or people who didn't really deseve it, you would let him go down to Hell. If not, you would tell Sera and even God about it and forbid him to go to Hell.

Before the extermination he wanted to talk to you in private. "I want to tell you something, sweetcheeks." You looked at him with a smile. "I... Sorry, you..." For the first time in centuries he was at a loss of words. So, he decided to kiss your lips. It was a bit aggressive at first, but when you softly put your hands in his cheeks his tensed up body loosened a bit. When you separated, you looked at golden eyes, which were looking at you softly. You caressed his cheek, you knew that Hell was going to fight back in that extermination, you knew that he was in danger. "Just don't die, please." You whispered. "I won't die, sugar. I'm Adam, the Adam, the original dick! They can't kill me." He said while hugging you. The, he put his helmet on and flew off to Hell. You gave Lute a gaze that asked her to protect him.

What you didn't expect was to see Lute without an arm. You rapidly rushed to her and started to treat her wounds. While you were stitching up her arm, she took something from a bag. It was a halo similar to Adam's. Suddenly you felt a knot in your throat, was he dead? The look that Lute gave you told you everything. "I tried... But... I'm so sorry..."

You took his halo and put it next to your heart. Tears were falling from your eyes, Lute didn't know what to do, should she comfort you? Should she walk away? Call someone? She just decided to stand behind you waiting for you to say something Now, you had mixed feeling about Hell, you were sure that souls could be redeemed and that extermination was wrong. But how could you fully believe them when they killed your lover?

[edges-of-night]

hi! I've just discovered your blog and I love it - from the url, profile pic, everything 😍 and most importantly your writing, it's so cute and you're able to write so many characters 🥰 as a fellow fic writer - I'm impressed 💜 can I request how they would first realize they love you, and how they would say it for the first time? No pressure, and thank you so much if you end up doing it. 🥰

- @wordbunch (sadly can't send asks from my Tolkien sideblog, so I'm on anon lol)

Thank you so so much for your kind words!! ♡ I’ve actually had this scenario in my “to do notes” already, so I’m very happy you requested it haha! Sorry again for posting so late, I hope you enjoy the read!

･ﾟ✧ Aragorn.

Aragorn is not someone to make the first step in romance, even if he is the one falling in love first. He’d probably realise it during the ranger job you do together, like looking for herbs or reading traces – where his hand brushed against yours! But Aragorn is very much the person to respond to a love confession of yours, after which he tells you that he reciprocates your feelings in a very romantic manner: “Me too. I am bound to you by honour and affection alike. If you would have me…”

･ﾟ✧ Arwen.

Arwen would fall in love with you after dancing together. It could be on a ball her father’s giving, or just the two of you under the moonlight, where she’d laugh of bliss. You’d notice a slight change in her behaviour afterwards, more smiles, stolen glances – but you could only be sure after she finally told you, “It is because I have fallen for you, melethel. And there is nothing you can do about it!”

･ﾟ✧ Boromir.

Boromir takes a casual approach to love and romantic relationships. This is why his love confession to you would be rather nonchalant, maybe over a lunch you’re preparing together over the fire. “I love you, you know that?” he’d say, all cool – as if he didn’t fall for you when he saw you fearlessly wielding a sword and shield during combat training…

･ﾟ✧ Elrond.

Elrond would fall in love with you so gradually he wouldn’t be able to pinpoint an exact moment of realisation. Maybe it would be over a book you’re reading together, or when he told you about all the ancient stories he witnessed himself – or a grand love story. And then he’d turn to you and say, “Are you aware that this is how I feel about you as well?” He’d be very tender and playful about it, but earnest at the same time. He is very considerate toward you.

･ﾟ✧ Éomer.

Éomer doesn’t fall in love easily. Maybe due to this lack of experience, he has trouble expressing his feelings after that one horseback ride you did through the rain, where he helped you out of your dirty clothes afterward. His love confession would be a tedious process, with lots of phrases like, “Don’t make me say it. I lack the words to tell you…” – before he eventually leans in for a kiss and quietly adds, “Forgive me. I hope this tells you all the same.”

･ﾟ✧ Éowyn.

Éowyn is always brash and joyous around you, so her love confession would take you quite by surprise. She’d pick “an old Rohirrim tradition” to show you, maybe a special exchange of gifts, a traditional dance routine etc. “This is how the people of Rohan express their love,” she’d tell you with a soft smile and hopeful eyes. If asked, she would tell you when she realised she loved you: during sword lessons, of course!

･ﾟ✧ Faramir.

Faramir falls in love with you as soon as he meets you. He’s always been like that, heart racing with as little as a soft look or touch of a hand. For this same reason, and Gondor’s marriage policy, he swallows down any confessions because he has little hope in his own feelings. But after months, maybe years of courting and mutual affection, he’d finally tell you, in some grand romantic spot he chose – on his knees – because he’d connect it to a marriage proposal!

･ﾟ✧ Frodo.

Frodo would realise he loved you on a warm summer morning, as you’re walking barefoot in the grass – and then not tell you. He’d keep his secret to himself (haha), just smile to himself and subtly check the way you’re feeling before confessing to you – probably while holding both your hands, because that’s how sincere he is! “It gives me hope to hear you say that, because I, too, hold you very dear and love you very much!”

･ﾟ✧ Galadriel.

Thanks to her powerful telepathy skills, Galadriel probably knows you love her before you yourself do. She knows all about your feelings – but nothing of her own. I like to imagine her as blissfully oblivious, right up until the moment you confess to her. Then something would click inside her, and with a blank stare ahead, she’d whisper, “I love you, too. I haven’t realised it until now – but I do.”

･ﾟ✧ Gandalf.

Gandalf would realise he loved you after you’ve said or done something incredibly smart, like maybe found the solution to a problem that he was unable to solve. It’d make his heart skip a beat, he even looks away with a blush! And then he’d despair trying to find a “suitable moment for courtship”, as the old ways suggested, full of ceremony – and probably end up telling you his feelings very casually over a cup of tea he invited you to.

･ﾟ✧ Gimli.

Your usually hard-shelled Dwarf gets very flustered when he says the three words to you – followed by some nervous babbling, like, “There! I said it first. And I mean it very earnestly.” The moment he fell for you was probably connected to seeing you in a new light: Working in the mines all day leaves little room for elegance, but after seeing you in your beautiful banquet outfit, Gimli was walking into walls for the next three days!

･ﾟ✧ Haldir.

Haldir has always dreaded falling in love. But when you smiling at him makes his heart skip about three beats, he cannot lie to himself any longer. He can lie to you and everyone else though, needless to say. Not that anyone actually believes his denials… But Haldir would only confess his love in a life-or-death situation, when he thinks he’d never get the chance again. Then, of course, he’d be as elegant and romantic as all Elves are.

･ﾟ✧ Legolas.

If you are near Legolas the moment he realises he loves you – on a scouting trip, for example, or during preparations for a ball in Mirkwood – he’d tell you right away. He’d give you an analysing look, with a smile dancing around his lips, and say something like, “How I love you right now! I love you very much, my dear.” Thanks to his royal training, of course, he’d respectfully draw back until you’ve made your own feelings clear.

･ﾟ✧ Merry.

While he’s usually rather easy-going, Merry would plan out his love confession (meaning: a speech!) step by step, including an outfit plan and meal schedule designed specifically for you. He is the thinking type, and when it comes to this, he tends to overthink. He’d include a line like, “From the moment I first saw you…” when in reality, he probably fell for you when you joined one of his shenanigans without any reservations, proving just how similar you two are at heart.

･ﾟ✧ Pippin.

Pippin strikes me as a very “love at first sight” kind of person. At the same time, he’s really casual and playful about it. He’d only talk about it in return of your confession to him, like, “I never thought about that! I fell in love with you the first time we met!” – and probably shower you in a million compliments in the process!

･ﾟ✧ Sam.

Sam would realise he’s in love with you while thinking of new poetry to write – because all he thinks about is you! Somewhen along the line, he’d lean back in his chair, starting at the dozens of pages he wrote about you – and then have the overwhelming urge to go up and meet you to tell you right away, in his adorably sincere and gentle manner ♡

[userautumn]

You are always 100% right and valid btw. Because like buck and Tommy are broken up, but you also have several interviews released today where Ryan calls Buck and Eddie “brothers” and where Oliver explicitly says Eddie is straight so they will most likely continue to be just friends. So if it wasn’t for Buddie, what was the point in throwing away a relationship the audience was actually behind??

Yeah, this has always been my problem with the idea of Buck and Tommy breaking up and, now that it's happened, I can finally unload all my thoughts.

Listen, my Buddie mutuals are very assured that Buck and Eddie will get together and have this lush and beautiful arc where they settle into a relationship and feel out the kinks in their dynamic and really blend together, and I respect that. I would love to see that happen. But I don't have that same confidence. Don't get me wrong, I DO think Buck and Eddie will probably get together, I just don't think it's going to happen until the last episode of the last season in a way that's more reminiscent of Johnlock "canon" (for those who did not watch BBC Sherlock: John and Sherlock continued to live together and raise John's daughter, but this was revealed in a montage without ever actually seeing them get together, or confirm that they were in a romantic relationship) than anything.

Why? Well, because it's easier to tease your audience than it is to follow through.

Don't get me wrong, I don't think Tim is teasing the fandom in a malicious way, and—if nothing else—I know he is very aware of what these boys and the implication of their relationship means to people. 9-1-1 has always handled their relationship with a particular gravitas, and I don't see that changing now. But Tim has been writing Buck and Eddie for years. He knows what gets people going, he knows what this fandom likes to see, and what they'll read into. So why would he rush into making them "endgame," especially if he knows he already wants to take them in that direction? He has no incentive to make it happen Right Now because everyone will lap up what he puts out anyway.

And I get it, because I do love Buck and Eddie's relationship. I love the way they interact with each other and, yes, I will lap up any scene between them. But that's the part I find so draining too. I'm going to be honest, I've never liked a "will-they-won't-they" couple. As a personal preference, I've always liked to have a clear vision of a story's trajectory when I go into it. That's how I write, and that's what I gravitate toward in fiction. So the idea of going through any number of love interests until Buck and Eddie are "ready for each other" (so sick of that phrase. sob.) is literally... exhausting to me, and not in a fun way. Because this is a loop that could theoretically continue on, and on, and on, until whenever the powers that be decide enough is enough.

Sure, Eddie is happy and free now. Great. But he still doesn't know he's Queer. What happens when he does realize that? Does he need to date a guy first in order to be "ready" for Buck? Similarly (because their romantic arcs always run parallel to each other), when Buck fucks and sucks his way through Los Angeles, does he stumble upon a hot girl/guy and date her/him until Eddie's "ready" for him? How many times, exactly, am I going to sit through another love interest until they're on the same page after, by my count, three false starts? You know?

I'm obviously along for the ride. Always have been, always will be, and I fought too hard over the summer to maintain my love for these boys and their relationship to let it waste away now. But I desperately, desperately need Tim to give me something substantial that CLEARLY, and EXPLICITLY indicates IMMEDIATE strides toward ROMANTIC Buddie Canon. And I mean crystal clear. Not "building a thousand words of meta off a single line/moment" clear. Not "this look probably definitely means Eddie was thinking about ripping Buck's clothes off" clear. I mean, I want it so damn clear, a sixty-five year old grandpa with cataracts can see it.

Otherwise I'm just going to get really annoyed.

[nighttime-horrors]

hey! I saw your request for asks and was wondering, could you do brian/tim with an autistic s/o? I feel like tim honestly might be more understanding but I just wanna know your personal headcanons :)

☼︎ Autistic S/O ☼︎

⊹ฺ Requested by a lovely Anon! ♡

⊹ฺ Characters: Tim Wright, Brian Thomas (Marble Hornets)

⊹ฺ Contains: Romantic or Platonic context, really (both work); Mainly me just kinda thinking about the boys, haha; SFW

⊹ฺ Note: Thank you for the request!! I would have posted this closer to when it was sent in, but I wanted to be awake enough to properly think about it! (⁠ ⁠ꈍ⁠ᴗ⁠ꈍ⁠)

(Edit Note: I'm sorry if these are underwhelming, I've had a weird few weeks. <3)

—

✧ General

⊹ฺ I fully agree with Tim being more "understanding." And it's not that Brian isn't - I don't know how to explain it.

⊹ฺ Tim is more "sensory friendly" (I can't think of another way to phrase it, I've had an exhausting last few days, haha).

→ Tim is more low-key. He likes comfort and control and predictability. He's also on the quieter side.

→ That's not to say that Brian isn't also like that! To me, he just always seemed to be the one more open to change, surprises, etc. He's sillier, more outgoing.

⊹ฺ Both are very considerate, though.

→ Tim and Brian are both very mindful, even if it takes a second to catch on if you need something.

→ I feel like there are times where Tim is so focused on whether or not he is doing okay at any given moment that he forgets about those around him.

→ Brian is the opposite most of the time, where he's distracted by things around him, but will also occasionally be focused on himself to the point of not thinking of anything/anyone else.

( → Both are indicative of nearby

danger.)

[crownmemes]

Not So Happily Ever After Sentences, Vol. 1

(Sentences for the aftermath of a broken relationship. Adjust phrasing where needed)

"Don't you dare try to deny it. Not to me."

"I'm sorry about what happened between us. I think I just got scared."

"You're clinging onto me because there's nothing else going on in your life!"

"Love is a very costly pursuit."

"I just don't know how you can still be interested in me."

"You were right. It's time to move on."

"I think my husband is going to divorce me."

"I'm seeing someone. I thought you should know."

"I feel ashamed of how I've treated you."

"I don't care where you go, but I want all and any part of you gone."

"You thought this was a romantic engagement?"

"For a long while now, I've suspected that connection with another person - real connection - simply isn't possible for me."

"We both made the same mistake. Falling in love. We were both stupid."

"You mean nothing to me."

"I must warn you, a relationship between us could never go beyond the physical. No offence to you, of course. It's just not my way."

"Do you still love me? Like you used to?"

"Things don't always work out the way you want."

"You're never just anything to me."

"I simply cannot love you the way you want me to."

"I don't know how I can forgive you for this."

"There was this woman, once upon a time, right? And to me... To me, she was the woman."

"You never felt as I did. Never."

"It's best if you forget about me."

"I've thought about this moment so many times - all the things I would say to you if I ever saw you again."

"You just wait for me to make a mistake, don't you?"

"When did we ever have a real conversation? We were always avoiding what we actually wanted to say."

"Couldn't you see I was in love with you?"

"Maybe you like keeping your distance from people, but I don't."

"It was nice while it lasted, but it's over."

"You should have been the best thing that ever happened to me."

"I'm jealous. There, is that what you want to hear? I'm jealous because you seem to be doing alright without me."

"Somewhere along the line, I stopped putting you first. I forgot that you had dreams and ambitions too."

"Who said anything about love?"

"I've missed you. I've missed all the things we used to do together."

"Any time anyone starts to matter to me like this, I get cold."

"When the one that you love is revealed to have a dark heart, it is... Well, it's excruciating."

"I didn't want to fall in love with you!"

[i-heart-hxh]

Hey! I’ve absolutely been loving your posts and re-posts lately. I’ve been heavily getting back into HxH recently and the Killugon brain rot is real. I’d like to get your opinion on something though. I’ve been thinking a lot about the scene during the “Palm date arc” where Killua and Gon are working out at the gym and Killua asks Gon if he’s been on a date before. Obviously this is a pretty famous scene for a number of reasons, although personally I’ve always found it to be one of the most misunderstood scenes in the entire series, as I’ve yet to see anyone really share my thoughts for what I think Togashi was trying to do with it. It actually showcases his writing skills very well imo, and I think that (besides the very surface level comedy of the interaction) there’s 3 things this whole scene is trying to tell us:

1. Killua and Gon have two entirely different conceptions of dating and what it means, with Gon being either oblivious or innocent to any romantic or intimate meaning while Killua is very much the more mature one who understands those parts of dating. This is probably the most.

2. Killua is clearly upset and put off by the idea of Gon going on dates with anyone, and arguably very jealous when Gon tells him about past “dates”.

3. Killua has no desire to go on dates with people, and just wants to stay by Gon’s side “forever” when the subject of dating is brought up.

Now, I have much longer form explanations and evidence for all of these points I can give but I’d like to see your interpretation of my thoughts first, as again, I think this is both of one of the most misunderstood scenes in the whole series, and one of the most important for understanding Killua and Gon’s dynamic and how they feel about relationships

Hello! Thank you so much, it makes me happy to hear you're enjoying my posts. I've been internally cultivating my HxH brainrot for years and it feels good to finally be able to share more of it. I'm so glad you sent this to me so I can weigh in, I'd love to hear your additional thoughts as well!

This is an excellent analysis and you're spot on! I love that you're focusing on a small scene rather than the arc as a whole, because it makes it easier to pull apart each aspect of it and the intended meaning without having to leave things out. I think the larger context of this subplot does nothing but support what you're saying, too.

The thing that stands out to me with these panels is how much Togashi is emphasizing Killua's shock and stress over this. The huge metaphorical boulder, his expressions, he is clearly bothered. And sure, it is comedic because Killua is not understanding Gon here because of their different levels of awareness, but I don't think that takes away from what is being said. The scene could have been set up in a way that doesn't immediately conjure up the concept of jealousy on Killua's part, but Togashi makes it clear over and over again in this arc how panicked and upset Killua is at the thought of Gon going on a date (with someone who is unhinged, but while Killua is certainly concerned about that, he seems just as bothered by the thought of Gon going on a date specifically).

As the audience, I think we gather by Gon's line about Mito that he's not talking about real dates, and that the things they were teaching him were probably innocent (I sometimes see people taking this at surface level, but I really think Togashi is being tongue-in-cheek here and showing us that Gon's view of what dates are is innocent and lacks context). But of course Killua is in the middle of a gay crisis here and he doesn't catch on and misunderstands.

Then, so shortly after, we're into Killua stating he wanted to stay with Gon forever (ずっと). I didn't like how the English version of this line was phrased, seemed like it was being downplayed a bit and didn't contain the word "forever," so here it is in Japanese. I think it's incredibly telling how it goes immediately from thinking about Gon going on dates and denying that he has been on dates (because he was learning to kill and then with Gon) into this line, and especially with how downright pained Killua's expression is at the thought of having to leave Gon, as he promised himself. It's hard to come up with any other explanation for this scene, you know?

This is more my own interpretation than straight-up analysis, but I think this is maybe another straw in the pile of Killua thinking his feelings for Gon are one-sided as well, as he struggles with through all of CAA--in Killua's misunderstood/mistaken view here, Gon has been on multiple dates and has experience with romance and therefore he might be more "normal," while Killua feels like his whole world is Gon--and he doesn't seem interested in the thought of going on dates himself, all he comes back to is wanting to be with Gon. It might widen the chasm between them a little bit in Killua's eyes.

Anyway, all of this is basically just expounding on what you already said. I appreciate how you summed it up so clearly and succinctly! I agree that it's a great example of Togashi's writing, which is very rich, and often even small scenes like this have multiple meanings and intentions we can take from them if we look at them carefully. His eye for detail is incredible.

Like I said above, the full arc's context surrounding this scene only supports the conclusions you came to--there are more examples throughout of Killua's jealousy in this specifically romantic context, Gon's lack of full awareness on this topic, and Killua's devotion to Gon. It's so telling of Togashi's intentions that ultimately the Palm subplot concludes with Palm of all people emphasizing that Killua is the one Gon needs.

[mischief-lies-and-stories]

You want me to talk about Verity Willis? I'll fucking talk about Verity Willis.

Spoilers for Agent of Asgard, maybe some other comics beyond that. Let's crack into it because I love Verity.

They're soulmates. The God of Lies and the Human Lie-Detector? Are you kidding? They were made for each other! They were meant to find each other, they were meant to oppose each other. If they aren't soulmates, they're (I'm not a Homestuck person, so I don't know what the opposite of soulmates are) meant to be rivals. But, to steal a phrase from Merlin, they are two sides of the same coin, essentially.

What the universe did not anticipate, however, is that Verity's ace. I don't make the rules; Verity is ace. And so, not a love interest. However, that doesn't mean they're not soulmates. They are, have been, always will be, in any life, in any world, in every iteration of Loki and every variant of Verity Willis, in every dimension, in every universe, queer-platonic soulmates. They're best friends. They're not "just friends". They're best friends.

You want me to talk about Verity? I'll fucking talk about Verity.

Even when shit hits the fan, even when Loki has been off doing god knows what shit for months on fucking end, and drives her insane to the point that she's like "I don't know if I can do this anymore, Loki," and he's like, "I'm sorry, I'll try to be better," she still sticks around and she still wants to be by his side.

And that's love, bitch! It may not be romantic love, it may not be sexual love, they may not be love interests. But that's love, bitch. He loves her. She loves him. They were made to be a match. Just not a romantic one. Just not a sexual one.

And in that moment of reckoning, that final moment when Loki is grappling with himself, and waffling between remaining in the void with the other versions of himself or going back to his brother's heartbreak and anger and Asgard's distrust and the All-Mother's betrayal and the chains of the future or die and not return. Or to transcend, undergo ego-death. To change, to transform, to do something that's ultimately going to be very painful and very hard, and what might not end up doing what he thinks it's going to do for him in the end. In that moment, she calls him. And he is on an alternate plane of existence, his phone should not even work, should not even exist. He is talking to previous iterations of himself and grappling with his own ego, he's not in a physical plane, he shouldn't even have his phone. But she calls him, to tell him she's on his side, still, after everything. She was there, when he told Thor what he did, she was already on the outs with him, before he told Thor what he did. She left.

But she's calling him, across planes. A love that transcends logic, that transcends planes, that transcends the existence or lack thereof of cellular towers. The human lie-detector, whose name literally means truth, calls the long-hated, long-condemned God of Lies, to tell him she's on his side, and that it's not the end.

Now, for my personal thought, I think she saves his life. I think there's a part of him, however small or large, that is not planning to come back from this, that is not planning to undergo this metamorphosis, that is like "What the fuck is the point? No one thinks I can change. Why the fuck should I change for them? Why the fuck should I change for me? Why the fuck should I even try? Why the fuck should I come back after I've changed, even if I manage it?"

But that one phone call from his best friend, from his fucking queerplatonic soulmate, saves my boi's life. And I don't think it's the first time she saves his life, nor am I convinced it will be the last. And she has no idea. Not a clue. She's got this lingering sense that he's about to do something stupid while they're on the phone, and she's like "Don't do something stupid." But I don't think she really knows that she saves his life.

And then he undergoes ego-death, and she is the first person he goes to. We don't know how much time passes between when he comes back from ego-death, figures out there's an incursion (I think that's what the event was. It might have been Ragnarok again), and goes to her. He could've gone to her and then been like, 'Oh shit, there's an incursion, I guess I'd better save her now.' Or if he knows there's an incursion and decides to save her first. We don't know, but we do know that they go to her first. And I think that's telling. Yes, Thor is mad at them; yes, the All-Mother betrayed them; yes, there's a sadistic future version of themself in their apartment right now (maybe), so there's not a lot of options. But they have options, and they go to her first.

Because they love her. And she loves them. Because they're best friends. And soulmates. And they were made for each other.

Literally. I mean, the future Loki created her for AoA Loki, more or less. He didn't plan on her eating the ring as a baby, but that's basically what happened.

You want me to talk about Verity Willis? I'll fucking talk about Verity Willis. Verity Willis is the shit. And I'm waiting for her to come back. Because she needs to. Because Loki needs her to. Because all this nonsense about being cursed and unloved and unwanted? Verity nips that shit in the bud. And Verity would stand there in front of Naglfar, and be like, 'Yeah, I know you think you're telling the truth, dipshit, but just you think it's true does not mean that it's true.'

And I think Loki needs to hear that. So they can stop feeling sorry for themself and start doing some shit.

[insanewaykathy]

FOR ME J/C IS CANON

We all know that J/C was developed to be a friendship and a romance at the same time. But I've been thinking about something… It's a fact that the fandom is very divided on whether J/C is canon or not, and it will continue to be that way. I'll go further… This division exists because some people need kisses, sex and declarations to believe that there is love between them. And others don't need that. And that's okay. For me, their (romantic) love is more than canon, and I'm a very realistic person, but I'm also sensitive and attentive to details. And certainly everything that exists between Janeway and Chakotay is made up of so many nuances and so many layers, that it's not for the faint of heart, it's a romance that you need to go beyond the tip of the iceberg, you need to have the courage to go to the depths to see what's there. Dumbledore once said "You only see what you want to see…", seeing how people treat J/C, I always remember that phrase. We will see this relationship according to our personal projections. And that's fine 🙂 But I'll just say this, if you don't agree that these people love each other deeply and romantically and are soulmates… maybe you should give yourself a chance to zoom out a bit and see the rest of the iceberg.

[sunwarmed-ash]

🔥Sinful Sunday🔥11/3 🔔new wip dropping 👀

Chapter 1: You're not the first or the last, but you're possibly the prettiest

Fandom: White Collar Ships: El/Peter/Neal, former Neal/Matt/Kate (with flashbacks) Rating/Trigger Warnings: Explicit; Self harm, Suicide attempt Tags: The Minor A/B/O rewrite, Alpha!Peter, Beta!El, Omega!Neal, pre-poly, angst, hurt/comfort, Heat/ABO cycles, Protective Peter, bi Neal Caffrey, eventual smut, more tags to be added Preview:

When Neal comes out the south gate, he’s got quite a bit more pep in his step. Peter supposes getting released from prison can do that to a person’s attitude. But he can’t let Neal get too excited. Because this isn’t summer camp, this is a federal punishment. One that would come down hard on Peter if it failed. It needs to be treated accordingly. 

“Let me see it,” he instructs when Neal is only a few steps away.

Neal stops walking to pull up his pant leg. 

“You like,” Neal smiles, showing off the ankle monitor. “I’m officially yours.”

The phrase catches Peter off guard, because Neal’s always been flirty, buts it's never felt this direct. And that's why his neck and cheeks are flushed. No other reason… And he will be sticking to that story in court. 

“You know what this means right,” Peter pivots. 

“Yeah,” Neal agrees, “I'm released into your custody as property of the FBI with this horrible eye sore on my ankle as a permanent fashion piece. Anything I'm missing?”

“Yeah. if you run, and I catch you, which I know I will because I’m 2-0, you're not just back here for four years you're here for good. Got it?”

“Yeah Peter," Neal sighs a little irritably, "I got it.”

“You're going to be tempted to look for Kate, don’t.”

Neal’s earlier smile fades.

“Trust me, she doesn't want to hear from me.” 

It's a very different dismissal than the way he reacted weeks ago. Harshly confident enough Peter almost buys it. Almost.

“Alright. Let's get going then.”

“Hey, uh, Peter?”

“Yeah?”

“Why... you decide to do this? Let me go, I mean?”

Peter opened his mouth to answer but his tongue freezes in his mouth. 

"Because..."

Because, as soon as I set eyes on you today the bad feeling i've been feeling for weeks compounded tenfold. Almost like it was congratulating me for locating its source and scolding me for waiting so long. 

Because, you looked like you were on death's door less than an hour ago and if those bandages are what I think they are, my mistake was seconds away from causing me to lose you for good. 

Because, I can't have one more soul on my conscious. Especially not yours...  

“my wife thinks you’re a romantic.” 

kofi ao3

[bloggingboutburgers]

hi! Just wanted to say that I've read your series "no one can know I don't like sex" and it's great 🙂 I found you through your most recent post and the way your phrase "being confessed to romantically IS what leaves me heartbroken" is pretty on point made me feel really good/understood (I actually reblogged it with a bunch of really personal storytelling on the tags but tumblr messed the order of the tags and I just reblogged the post again without the overexposition, but it did make me think back on it). Kudos! Also congrats on your engagement

Thank you so much for the kind words! Also I'm really glad those words could resonate with other people than myself tbh, I was very much just thinking out loud there (like I kinda always am when I draw those things TwT) and it's always very validating to know I'm not alone in that feeling

[dyradoodles]

Hiiiiii! 💕 I was just wondering….. what are your preferences for Zack & Seph? Do you ship ‘em, is it up to circumstance, does the age matter to you/do you consider their age and their gap? Why not even throw in how you fell in love with Zack & Seph to begin with? Do you have sources?? MLA format for Zack’s fandom page???

*plops down on floor*

Details plz! ❤️

Ah yes hello person that I definitely do not know, who definitely didn't see me say I could write an essay about this very subject on discord LMFAO

I'll put the actual essay under a cut for people who don't want to scroll through my Many Feelings about these two lol As a TLDR to your questions:

Yes I ship them, but also Yes it's up to circumstance! Yes I consider their canon ages/the age gap (which most visibly manifests in me only drawing them platonically if I'm drawing Zack as a Second/with the puppy hair, or writing a fic taking place during CC)! I was actually into Aeriseph first and stumbled into ZackSeph fics, and realized it was a similar dynamic, but with someone who spent time with Seph canonically before he went bananas! All of this was before CC came out and I've been loving these characters for 20+ years!

To borrow a phrase (from crylin iirc), honestly, I like just seeing them standing next to each other, romantic or no LMAO <3

NOW, FOR THE ESSAY.

So to expand on what I said earlier, I think it's obvious from my blog and ZS server that I ship these two LMAO That said, the way I ship them is based heavily on the era of fandom before CC was a thing. I got into FF7 around 2002 (possibly earlier, I just don't have the dates on drawings that old), five years before CC came out. At the time, we knew next to nothing about Zack beyond the very short clips of him in OG. So, fandom did what fandom does best, and tried to fill in the blanks!

Some of the efforts to figure out who Zack was went all the way down to his name, because it's Zakkusu in Japanese. So you'll see him as Zax, too - There were heated debates on whether to use Zack or Zax. And no last name! Fandom had to come up with surnames themselves. We also didn't have much of a reference beyond his polygon model, which seemed to have darker skin and, (as many fics described it) violet eyes. It was also assumed that, since he was a First who worked closely with Sephiroth, he was probably around Sephiroth's age. You likely already see where I'm going with this, laying all that out lol The Zack I draw and write is very much based on that time period, and if I'm honest, that's the character I really ship with Seph. I still joke in my fics sometimes that Zack's last name might be Donovan or Darklighter, etc., which are old fandom surnames!

Now, obviously CC came out and threw all this on its head, because we finally got a whole GAME about this (important!) minor character. I have many beefs with CC's writing and Square's insistence that so many of their characters need to be child prodigies (they can't ALL be prodigies, Square!!!). With Zack going from an assumed early 20s to suddenly being 16, and all the craziness of CC's plot, the way I approached the ship changed as well.

This is where I would firmly say my stance is: I don't think Seph had any interest in Zack romantically, in CC. Because that's a kid lmao If I'm engaging with the Compilation as a whole, I definitely lean way more into the mentor/mentee relationship for the two of them. As a personal rule, I only draw them platonically if Zack's got the puppy hair, because that was the most obvious visual cue I could think of that could draw that line between Zack's teen years vs. adult. If Seph managed to not go insane, then yeah, later in life I could still see them getting together! But clearly that's already AU territory lmfao

Ultimately, what I like best about Zack & Seph is how they treat each other (while Seph is still sane lol). That goes for platonically and romantically. Zack is so genuine and kind, and treats Seph the way he always wanted to be treated - like he's human. He can joke around with Seph in a way most people simply can't. Meanwhile, Seph treats Zack's feelings with respect, even during the times he's laughing at Zack for being ridiculous. He's also honest with Zack. He answers truthfully when Zack asks what's wrong, and it's clear that it's because he knows Zack is not a threat; Zack will take Seph's feelings seriously, too. I can enjoy the drama of the trauma and heartbreak that comes with Sephiroth's descent into villainy, but my favorite stuff definitely involves a lot of Nibelheim fix-it fics lol

Despite all the changes CC made to Zack and his relationship to Sephiroth (RIP Second in Command Zax Donovan/Darklighter/Knightblade, my beloved), their actual dynamic with regard to how they treat each other stayed, miraculously, intact. That's the real reason they're still my favorite characters, and how my enjoyment of FF7 has remained as strong as it is after literal decades. Square can retcon as many things as they want in the Compilation, but they'll never stop me from making art and fic of the characters I grew up with. Unless I get a C&D for some reason LMFAO Until then, I'll keep enjoying my AUs (and if anything, I have even more reason to enjoy them now that AUs themselves are canon - you bet your ass I'll be in the AUs where ONLY OG happened and I can ignore everything else LOL)

Thank you for the questions!! It was fun to get all my thoughts written down in one huge chunk, as opposed to my typical disjointed ramblings to my friends. Hopefully it was an interesting read!

Sources:

Fanlore. “Zack Fair.” The Organization for Transformative Works, 2 Jan. 2023, fanlore.org/wiki/Zack_Fair.

Doodles, Dyra. "Way Too Much Fandom Lurking." Dyra's Childhood to Adulthood, Copious Amounts of Fanfiction, 3 Apr. 2024

[gaypastabake]

Explanation-isms

Really need to talk about my style, writing and in general. I have autism (Shocker I know), and because of my autism and a mixture of mental health issues on top of that, everything I do is different from the way allot of other people do. The way I phrase myself, the way I talk to people, the way I write, the way I draw, the way I even think is just wildly different than other people both online and offline (worse offline let me tell ya). In case you read my fic (Lemon Sorbet Sunshine) and noticed how strange my writing style is, that's why- I genuinely struggle to think and write like a normal person. I have always done things in a way that nobody but me understands without realising (people tell me that's how I know), I don't know how to remedy that unfortunately.

You might wonder why not just get a proof reader? First off I'm terrified of online interaction with people I don't know IRL (Its an irrational fear, please be patient with me), second off I actually think my strange rambling style suits the narrative. Lemon Sorbet Sunshine, Popsicle and anything to do with Popsicle is a product of my own fandom related daydreams, daydreams of which occur when I space off into my own world- a trait I have because of my autism. Scenarios I make in my head involving Popsicle are often a coping mechanism when I'm bored or overwhelmed, and I often put my own struggles onto Popsicle because its something I can imagine based on my own experiences. While I don't consider Popsicle as a version of "me," Popsicle experiences most of my struggles- autism and mental health related, even my own romantic fantasies. In a sense the very creation and existence of Popsicle and the fic are because of my weird autistic train of thought. It may be confusing to other people, but I write what I write because I enjoy it, and I upload purely on the idea that maybe somebody like me can enjoy it. Everything I do is just un-apologetically me.

Thank you for reading, I've been struggling a bit as of late but I'm actually doing much better right now :)

[waywardsculs-a2]

This place is a ℂ𝕀ℝℂ𝕌𝕊,

you just see the surface They cover shit under the rug

You can't see they're 𝔽𝔸𝕂𝕀ℕ𝔾,

they'll never be naked

Just fill your drink with tonic gin,

this is the American dream

Hey yo what's up you filthy fucking sinners welcome to my little multimuse blog for Vivziepop's HAZBIN HOTEL and HELLUVA BOSS , featuring characters like VELVETTE , LILITH and FIZZAROLLI .

That said, I go by Ritsu, She/Her or They/Them, 30, Australian and just generally tryna chill. You can find my rules below.

OTHER BLOGS

@constellaris ( multifandom multimuse, sideblog ) @harmonysheart ( robin from honkai star rail, sideblog )

AFFILIATED WITH: @bittcnneck , @hellshoard , @cxncrie , @ochtendster / @dageraadster , @sinfuldxgenerates ♥

Header & Promo Credit. || Pinned Credit. Dash Icon Credit. || Icon Template Credit. MDNI & 18+ Warning Credit. || Divider Credit.

IMPORTANT NOTE : if you ship adam with charlie, for both of us, it would be best you do not follow me if you don't intend to tag it. i'm sorry, but it makes me so vehemently uncomfortable that i just would prefer to keep my distance.

Keep the setting of the show in mind when looking to interact. Not all muses will be friendly or even remotely nice. Don't take it personally.

I'll be as canon divergent as I feel like. Let's face it, the second we take up writing a character we're making shit that ain't ever gonna be canon. Let's just have fun.

Muse ≠ Mun. Shouldn't have to say this, but I will anyway. Some muses might be assholes, but I try not to be. You're free to come talk to me any time, I'm usually just tired lmao.

I will not be following any pre-conceived relationships with OCs unless specifically discussed prior to interaction. For example, one of my OCs (Ambriel) has her main story tied to Velvette, being that she works for her, however this only applies to my Velvette. I will not push this on any others who write Velvette, and I expect the same in return.

I am very into shipping. Our muses should kiss. Bang. Fuck around. You know what it is. I'm a ship hoe and I don't care.

NSFW content may be present. I'll make sure it's tagged as #nsfw cw or #suggestive cw for easy blocking if you guys need it, but don't be surprised if it shows up from time to time. You shouldn't be, not with the nature of the show.

Mutuals only. Meaning you need to be following this blog and be followed in return from my main blog for us to count as mutuals. If you are using a hub blog, please have your blog(s) linked somewhere so I know who you are. Otherwise I block personals on sight.

Due to personal reasons, I will only ever touch on angst threads / content in general with people I feel I can trust immensely. Please do not push me for this. I may also post occasional ideas, but I will be very picky about who I explore these with.

Every ship is in its own verse and completely separate from one another. There will never be any form of infidelity occurring on this blog in any way. To expand on this, I also will not partake in any polyships or any situations where my muse has more than one romantic or sexual partner.

I never try to hide the fact that I do struggle with my mental health a lot, and I cannot stress enough that I need any and all of my partners to be understanding with it. I have been formally diagnosed with Borderline Personality Disorder, General Anxiety Disorder, Social Anxiety Disorder, Major Depressive Disorder and Autism Spectrum Disorder. All of this is by no means an excuse in any way for anything, I simply hope this may help explain some of my behaviour at times.

I have a life away from Tumblr. I won't always be around to write replies or chat. That's how life is. I work, I have responsibilities, and those take priority.

I don't do passwords/pass phrases. If I follow you, it's safe to assume I've read your rules. I always do before following anyone.

I'm not here for drama. I know you see this everywhere, but I'll be real - I barely have the spoons to live lately. I just wanna vibe and enjoy a hobby, not take part in any bullshit. Leave me out of things unless it's absolutely imperative I know about something.

No art on this blog is mine unless I openly state otherwise. The usual. Let's leave it at that babes.

Ships I Will Not Write / Do Not Like

I will not be elaborating on why I dislike them or won't write them. These are simply things I've found I really don't like and, if possible, would prefer tagged so I can simply block them.

AdamsApple (Adam/Lucifer), Velmilla (Velvette/Carmilla), Charlastor/Radiobelle (Alastor/Charlie), Valentino/Angel Dust, Adam/Charlie, Valentino/Charlie

[qqueenofhades]

Genuinely hope this isn't too weird or personal or a rant but here goes

Recently I've been having a bit of a sexuality crisis and I don't know what's going on. I'm a cis woman and I've never had any interest in men at all for my entire life and knew I wanted to be with a woman, I was completely confident I was gay because I just never felt anything toward men that I do women. But recently I have this one male friend who I'm very good friends with and he recently asked me out on a date. I've known him for a while and looking back, it's embarrassingly obvious that I had a crush. Like I quite literally described it as a platonic crush (spoiler alert: it was not platonic) to one of my friends and compared it to the exact same feelings as a romantic one and I would not shut up about him and how he's an amazing, wonderful person, which he absolutely is.

And I've had crushes on women before which was probably why I was... in denial, for lack of a better phrase? And I didn't want to ruin anything I had with him as a friendship, I had no idea how I felt, and apparently every single one of our mutual friends realized that something was up except for me. He also knows I'm some flavor of not-straight even if I've never explicitly been "hi I'm a lesbian" just because it's never come up in conversation and he's cool with that, even if he's straight himself. But he's such a nice and amazing person and I'm really excited for whatever might happen and I feel like even if it doesn't work out romantically he'd still be a great friend.

I never had the "oh my god am I gay" sexuality crisis, I was just always gay and confident in that about myself, and to make things even worse, I'm not publicly out but basically all my friends do know that I thought I was lesbian and it's actually kinda hard trying to be like "yeah I thought I was gay too, apparently I'm straighter than I thought" but this is an incredibly recent development, I still feel more comfortable with a lesbian label than bi or pan or anything but I'm completely and hopelessly attracted romantically to a man and I feel like I've lost the right to use that label as someone who is apparently NOT exclusively attracted to women when up until about a week ago, I spent my entire life thinking I was. And everything that's going on all of a sudden is just weird and confusing and frustrating and there's a lot of good stuff and a lot of not-so-good stuff all associated with this.

So I dunno, if you have any sort of advice or anything to say, I'm not sure, I just feel like I need to talk about this somehow and try to figure out who I am and how I'm feeling, and this is really hard

Welp. Oh honey. I feel bad that instead of being able to just enjoy the possibility of a new romance with a great person, you have to worry about whether you're the "right" kind of queer or whether you "can't" identify as a lesbian anymore or all of this. I can definitely see the rhetorical roots of what's worrying you, and especially the way it is viciously propagated in online queer spaces, so yeah.

First of all, and most important: absolutely nobody, NOBODY, in the entire world gets to tell you which label you should or should not use, or try to strip it from you. I know the younger queer community in general is INCREDIBLY fond of restrictive gatekeeping, attempting to devise micro-labels for everything, and insisting that you have to be Just One Thing and Not Another, but it's... not true. It's not that you're "straighter than you thought" (which in this framework is automatically pejorative/less worthy than being "properly gay"), it's just that sexuality is fluid, the queer experience is fluid, and you've found someone that you're attracted to regardless of gender -- which is the whole concept of queer sexuality in a nutshell. If any of your friends want to give you grief or insist that you're a Bad Lesbian or whatever, I cordially invite them to take a nice perambulation into the nearest body of water. It is NOT THEIR BUSINESS and if they want to shame you for discovering something new about yourself, rather than support you, then fuck 'em. I am so serious. If you're still most comfortable identifying as a lesbian, that's what you are! Over time, you might decide to move to more of a bi/pan label, or just "queer," or whatever else. Or you may not. Either one is totally fine.

Secondly, this feeling has its roots in the radfem ideology of the 1970s, which has been repackaged, reheated, and distributed in TERF spaces today, and obviously fuck TERFs, we don't welcome TERFs or anything they think about in this space, so yeah. The idea was that women who had any kind of romantic or sexual attraction to men at all were "inferior," that "gold star lesbians" only ever had sex with/romantic relationships with women, and that any queer woman/wlw who had any kind of attraction to men was just obliged by the patriarchy to pretend that they did. In other words, bisexual women were just "lesbians in waiting" who were deluding themselves about wanting men at all, sexual contact with men made you "impure" or less "worthy," and all kinds of other gross things. This is obviously a) wrong, b) hella biphobic, c) and still harmfully prevalent in modern TERF spaces, which do their utmost to convince the younger queer generations that this is the "only right way" to do it. Which, since being queer is all about breaking singular paradigms and embracing fluidity, is total nonsense. It's why they hate the word "queer" itself and try to convince people that it's the "q-slur," because it's too deliberately broad, non-determinative, and inclusive.

Take me for example: as a younger person, I first experienced attraction to/romantic interest in men, so I assumed (HA) that I was straight, and totally ignored the part where I also had those feelings about women. (The amount of "I bet straight women also have these thoughts!" that I did was, uh, a lot.) It wasn't until my late 20s that I consciously acknowledged it and went uh hey, super not straight here, so I began identifying as bisexual. Now in my mid-thirties, when I'm only attracted to women in real life, mostly want to spend time with women, and would only think about marrying a woman, I've decided that "lesbian" is probably the best term for me. But I still do experience attraction to men from time to time! Usually a man that I have no chance of ever actually meeting or having a relationship with; i.e. blorbo from my shows or something like that, and when the hyperfixation fades, the attraction often (if not always) does as well. So maybe there's an element of knowing that I WON'T actually have to do anything about it that plays into it. Who knows. The point is, I still call myself a lesbian, because it's what makes the most sense for my orientation as I experience it, and I do not have to drum myself out of using this label because I still sometimes find men attractive. There are a lot of people in the world! There are a lot of experiences! There is no one RIGHT way to be LGBTQ, and anyone telling and/or insisting that there is, and that you should be shamed if you don't do it exactly in their narrow-minded, bigoted way, should safely and swiftly be completely ignored.

Anyway: you should feel absolutely free to pursue this relationship, you should feel absolutely free to call yourself whatever you damn well please, and if that evolves over time, great! If it doesn't, also great! You alone know who you are and have the most right to define your identity and experience, and anyone who would give you grief over it is definitely, DEFINITELY not worth the time of day.