#i'm usually kind of ambivalent

[akiacia]

silly next gen thoughts 👶 (inspired by a comment! no one asked for a whole post, but i took the excuse to brainworm 🤣)

[brittlebutch]

Desperately trying to make sense of Alex's motivations in Season Two and you know, I do eventually have to wonder if maybe Alex wasn't actually lying in the majority of those tapes.

Like, we tend to assume that Alex's motivations have been a consistent throughline since the college years, but do we actually know that that's the case? Do we know for sure that Alex was acting in deliberate, calculated ways in 2006; or could it be that he's telling the Truth on those olds tapes when he says he's blacking out and can't remember what's happening to anyone? After all, if we're assuming that Season 2 Alex's motivations are the exact same as his motives in Season 3, then it doesn't make any sense at all that he spend months working with Jay to try to find Amy; Season 3 Alex would have attempted to kill Jay like, on sight just to get things over with as quickly as possible and contain the spread of contamination as best as he could.

But, maybe, if Alex really had been separated from Amy after the events of the 04-04-10 tape, and if he really doesn't know where she is, then maybe that could make things start to make more sense. Maybe he really had been watching Jay's channel, and seeing Jay start going through the same things he went through in college without things devolving into violence and disappearances, and wondered if things maybe could play out differently this time. Maybe he really did send that tape to Jay to ask him for help, maybe he really was just trying to find Amy.

But then, instead of actually being helpful, Jay makes it extremely clear that he's a lot more interested in stalking Alex than he is in finding Amy. Alex asked for help, and instead there's a bunch of masked dudes on Jay's heels that keep attacking him, Jay is breaking into his house, stealing his things, leading the Operator right to him all over again, keeps trying to get other people (namely: Jessica -- if Alex is being honest when he says that his call reassuring her that Amy had been found was an effort to make Sure she stayed away from everything that was happening) involved; and instead of anything getting better, instead of anyone finding Amy, things are just getting worse all over again.

It's not until after the incident at the tunnel that things seem to start rapidly devolving. Rather than a calculated attempt to finally follow through with his need to curb the spread of contamination, this is very clearly an outburst of rage and terror. Alex's "I told you not to follow me" line in conjunction with Jay speculating that Alex didn't know who that guy was, to me, pretty firmly seems to speak to Alex having mistaken that stranger for Jay. From his point of view, Alex knows that Jay and totheark know where he live, have broken in before, he suspects that Jay stole a key to make it easier to get into his house, and he's been followed on the daily for months -- Alex is sitting at the tunnel because he doesn't know where else he can go without being constantly surveilled, hunted, and assaulted. And instead of getting a moment by himself to breathe, Jay followed him out there all over again (it feels like Alex looks directly at the camera in Jay's footage of him from this day; he knew for a fact that Jay was there), and then to make matters worse now 'Jay' won't even keep his distance anymore.

So Alex lashes out. And it's not until afterwards that he looks down and finally recognizes that this wasn't Jay -- it was someone completely innocent. Things have finally reached the low point he was at in college all over again; maybe even worse this time. If Alex doesn't remember attacking anyone in college, but he was at least partially conscious of it this time, then things have reached an entirely new rock bottom, they've reached an absolute point of no return.

He has no idea what happened to Amy, and he's spent months trying to find her with no hint of where she could be; he doesn't know where Jay actually is or what additional trouble he could be causing at this point; he does know that now innocent people are getting caught in the crossfire (in regards to the stranger in the tunnel, and also Jessica now that Jay has her phone number, and the untold number of people Jay got involved when he started posting videos to the Marble Hornets channel); things are spiraling out of control and there's no one left to ask for help. The situation isn't getting better, it's getting worse; things aren't getting easier to handle, they're just getting more out of hand; the negative impact is spreading and who knows how much further it can still go?

So, Alex decides to go scorched earth. He disfigures the body with the rock either to hide evidence or to make sure the guy would actually stay dead and not just get back up to start his own cycle of contamination in a few years. He tries to give Jay one last chance to back off, and Jay instead admits he's been talking to Jessica, acts obstinate and lies about not having Alex's spare key, and then breaks into Alex's house a second time (minimum). If Alex doesn't stop him now, who will? Alex met with Jay planning to kill the others, and then himself, so he could put a stop to this once and for all and keep things from getting any worse than they already were.

Maybe it makes a lot more sense if, rather than being a strangely incomprehensible detour on what should have been a straight path, the events of Season Two were the breaking point that put Alex on that path to begin with.

[bonefall]

Do you have any ideas for Owlnose, the least qualified dude to be leader and the first one to immediately say "Fuck it, I can't do this." And refuse the lives?

For one, I want the dude to be consistently kind of a silly loser. I don't rewrite arcs until they're done, but it's always a good time to start doing setup for the future!

Him and his brother Jayclaw had a bit of a clique with Podlight. The three of them were a little group of party boys.

Owlnose developed an interest in drums (Owlfaces) from a young age, partially because of his name.

And, partially, because Jayclaw was a FANTASTIC dancer. Jay became proficient in playing Jingleshells (a full body instrument made of netting and clicking shells) but he loved practicing with a drumbeat behind him.

Podlight is pretty good at improv and singing. Cat band.

Jayclaw fell hard for Curlfeather and Owlnose was a great wingman, but Owl's not interested in romance himself.

He just wants to drum

I need to wait for ASC to wrap up before deciding on if he was in cahoots with Curlfeather's plot, but I'm leaning towards no.

I CANNOT stress enough. He just wants to drum.

Lazy boy who does his jobs and catches enough fish. But you know what's better than fishing? Sleeping

Fish have no reason to fear me. Women are generally ambivalent towards me.

His name in Clanmew is Weearchoop. Barn Owl Button.

"Choop" is the fleshy part of the snout. Clanmew has a lot more words for various parts of the muzzle, but Owlnose's name translates to what a human usually thinks of when you hear the word "nose."

It's a pretty cutesy name, which is fitting for him. He likes the name a lot, actually.

You could translate it as "Hootboop" and you'd get a good idea of how it sounds to a Clanmew speaker.

That's him so far. Guy who Frostpaw is fond of, as her goofy uncle, but absolutely wanted no part of power. Boy on the bongo.

[alittlebitofloveliness]

The Outsiders and Attachment

Ohhhhhkay y'all I finished my human development final two hours ago (we love exams that end at 10pm) and I'm currently functioning on two hours of sleep and and a wee bit of hysteria but part of my cramming studying today was focused on attatchment styles and it was super easy for me to link these to the outsiders so here you go (Im sleep deprived and a psych nerd so this might get rambly and chaotic and hard to follow and LONG- you have been warned)

Ok SO first a shit ton of background info because I love psych. Basically there was this experiment conducted by this psychologist lady Mary Ainsworth and her goal was to measure and catalogue attatchment in infants so she set up this 'strange situation' experiment which (coles notes version) basically involved babies and their mothers being in a room and then leaving the kid alone with a stranger, mom returning, and then leaving the baby completely alone in the room, and they looked at all sorts of behaviour in these babies, things like levels of distress, whether they engaged with the stranger in the presence of their mom vs when they were alone, but the main thing they were interested in were the babies reactions upon being reunited with mom. Ainsworth observed 3 trends in babies and grouped them based on their behaviour.

Group A - babies who didn’t care if they were left with a stranger, and were uninterested in reunion with their mothers. A1 was babies with no interest with their mother, A2 was babies with slight interest in their mom and a desire to stay away from them

Group B—babies who may or may not have been distressed at separation, but were happy to be reunited with their mothers. B1 was babies not distressed at separation and slight interest at reunion, B2 was babies who were mildly distressed at separation, and approached caregiver at reunion, B3 was babies who were mildly distressed at separation and actively sought contact at reunion.

Group C – babies whose behaviour was not consistent at reunion (sometimes would engage with caregivers and then immediately run away). C1 was babies who were very distressed at separation, and C2 was babies who were very passive and did not respond at all to separation

*Note: mild distress would be whimpering and crying, very distressed would be like screaming and beating the ground with their fists kinda thing*

A N Y W A Y here's when things get interesting IMHO because these behavioural trends are the basis of our attachment styles

Group A babies have what's called an Anxious-Avoidant (also sometimes known as Dismissive) attachment style to their caregivers- these babies don't know if their caregiver will be retuning and they don't expect to be reunited. Parents of babies with this kind of attatchment style are visibly unhappy to be with their offspring and their resentment/displeasure is clear enough that babies as young as a few months old can pick up on it. Approximately 20% of babies fit this attatchment style

Group B babies have what's known as a secure attatchment style. They're your run of the mill happy babies, and their needs are met consistently enough by their caregiver that when their caregivers are out of sight, not only do they expect a reunion, they're happy to be reunited. This is most likely due to the aforementioned consistent care. A lucky 80% of babies fit this attatchment style.

Finally we have our Group C babies, who have an Anxious Ambivalent attachment style. Babies in this group have conflicting emotions to being left alone. (some babies might be screaming when the caregiver leaves, others are so apathetic as to have been considered unbothered by researchers). Babies with this attatchment style usually have caregivers who are unresponsive to their needs. These are babies who are abused or neglected, who have no sense of security or routine. apprximately 10% of babies fit this attatchment style.

*Also important to note that babies can have different attatchment styles with different people.*

ANYWAY so while I was studying earlier I sorted the outsiders characters based on what kind of attachment style I think they'd have as babies (fun fact- you often carry your initial attachment style with you throughout your life unless you consciously work to fix it)

Goup A (Anxious-Avoidant)- Steve & Tim Shepard

-Steve's mom split and we know his dad routinely kicks him out even though it isn't usually permanent. To me, it makes sense that his parents would do the bare minimum to make sure he was decently ok as a kid, but their resentment would be clear that even toddler steve could pick up on it. Thus we get sullen little Steve, who avoids or is indifferent to being left in a playpen by himself, and doesn't care when he is eventually picked up

-I like to think Tim Shepard's ma was a little different when he was a baby than when Curly and Angela were born, and while I don't think she was ever a great mom I think she might have given it a go, even though she wasn't the most attentive and was bitter about having him. Thus, Tim becomes another dismissive baby, who doesn't notice or care when he's left to his own devices

Group B (Secure) - The Curtis boys, Two-bit Matthews, Dallas Winston (to his mom)

-We know from the book the Curtis kids had a happy childhood, and that Two-bit's mom is lovely even though she works a lot. thus, we get healthy secure attatchments for these boys

-I like the headcannon Dally had a happy(ish) childhood and was a total mama's boy when his mom was still alive so I think he'd form a secure attachment to her at least.

Group C (Anxious-Ambivalent)- Curly & Angela Shepard, Johnny Cade, Dallas Winston (to his dad)

-This one involves little explanation. I think Curly and Angela (who I hc as twins) were definitely oops babies and by then the Shepards ma was too far into alcoholism and hatred to even attempt to parent, thus Angela and Curly never got used to her being around so the didn't notice when she wasn't. (The securest attatchment they formed was to Tim.)

-Johnny very clearly wouldn't form an attachment to either parent though I could see him being the type who's confused, especially when he was young, because I don't think the Cades were 100% horrible from day one. I think as a baby he would have never known if he was gonna get a cuddle or a kick, so he'd be the baby screaming when left alone, then running up to his parents and away when they came back to whatever room they'd left him in. Lots of turmoil and confusion poor thing, leading to the anxious-ambivalent attatchment

-We know Dally didn't like his dad, so I think an anxious ambivalent attachment, one characterized with a baby dally not noticing or caring when his father is around or when he leaves or returns to be the most likely of the attachment styles for him (i hc he was indifferent to him until dally got a bit older and mouthier and thats when the physical abuse started).

ANYWAY sorry this was so long I'm just a psych nerd who psychoanalyzes fictional characters for fun. If you actually read to the end of this bullshit you're a real one fr.

[presidentbungus]

you wanna do a sniperspy snippet for me...for little ol me......?

always 🥺

ao3

Sniper's not a huge fan of the weather at this new base--they're somewhere in the Northern US, and he wasn't exactly bred for temperatures below twenty-five, but he finds it's worth braving the perpetual moistness for the new base itself.

It's a drab, rickety old building, just like the lot of them, except this time it's built out of rotting wood that someone puts a new hole in just by walking four times a week. But--but, it's an abandoned factory, aged out of utility for that purpose, and old buildings like this are full of nooks and crannies.

Sniper is some kind of burrowing animal at heart and small spaces have always been a favourite of his, so this is an arrangement that works out well for him. It's something besides sitting in his van playing jazz and thinking about his guns, even if it is sitting in a small dusty room in silence thinking about his guns—and no one really cares for exploring so it's usually a safe bet he'll be left alone.

Usually.

The good thing is that the stairs leading up to this particular room, fulla dusty tables with a nice look out into leaves and just about nothing else, act as a built-in intruder alarm with how creaky the stairs are. The bad news is that right now someone is thundering up those bloody stairs and he's in the middle of making great progress knitting himself a scarf.

It's not exactly Scout who he expects to see turn the corner--mostly because he's usually a lot quieter, has this tendency of sneaking up on people, and Sniper coulda sworn he just heard him calling points, or, laps or... is pitches a baseball thing? Somewhere outside.

But the little bugger is fast enough to make that plausible and more importantly looks like he wants something. "Hey... Snipes."

No harm in starting this off with a nice, round, "I'm busy."

"... Sunshine 'n rainbows," Scout mutters. Then he sees the knitting needles in Sniper's hands--a hideous smirk stretches across his face. "You fast-trackin' your grandma career already? Heh."

Scout brought a smell with him into the room. Something dark, and smoky, that settles itself in Sniper's chest. It's so intensely familiar but he can't quite place it. "What do you want?"

“What, is this weird? Something wrong, big guy?” And Scout gets a lot closer, wringing his hands together in a way he distinctly doesn’t do—

Metal flashes in Scout’s hand—Sniper grabs his wrist with unexpected ease and takes out his own blade, and his kukri glides into Scout’s stomach like a nice hot knife through butter. He lets out a high, pinched wheeze, though the lopsided grin keeps spreading across his face--as the shitty cotton crumpled under his fingers ripples into pinstripes, and the hand on his bicep morphs into smooth black leather.

"Maybe it'd do ya some bloody good to stop wearing that cologne," Sniper mutters. He steps away as much as he can with half his weapon sticking outta Spy--the closeness makes him dizzier than he'd like to admit, the smell of smoke and whiskey.

Spy just wordlessly clutches Sniper like any of this still hurts at this point in their jobs, and a thin line of blood starts trailing out between his teeth.

He already knew it, but the confirmation of it annoys him. "You wanted to get caught," Sniper says, grimly—through what would be a carefully-crafted facade of ambivalence to anyone else, but he knows Spy can look straight through him, read him like a bloody book, so he keeps on pushing the knife through his stomach until he can see the tip come out on the other side, glistening crimson.

Spy coughs for a little while before he seems to be able to work up the breath to respond. "You are not a very good host, are you?"

"Figure there's a bit of a difference between a guest and a bloody intruder, mate."

There's blood all over Sniper's shirt. Oh well. "The fact that you are yet to kill me indicates you are unsure where that line lies…” His eyes flick up teasingly. “Mon ami."

And the right thing to do after that, the professional thing to do, is to pull his kukri out and then shove it into Spy's face until he can't tell the difference between brain and gristle, but he still just keeps standing there with their faces way too close for comfort, frozen to his spot.

Spy notices his hesitation, of course he does. And somehow his smile keeps twitching wider, even as the rest of his face knits itself together with the effort of standing. "You seem to have made your decision."

"Do you have anything to do besides..." He doesn't want to find the word. "This?"

"Dinner," Spy says quickly. "Ah, picnics... weekends away..." He glances up at Sniper long enough to imply, and teasingly: "But no, nothing I can do alone."

"What about sitting here and bleeding out while I go find someone better to talk to?"

"But who is better to talk to," Spy gurgles, "than the man you spend all day on the battlefield ogling through your scope?"

He can't stop the blush from crawling across his face. "Not—ogling is a—I'm just doin' my job."

"And I am very much not doing mine. All I ask is one night." Then that hand shifts over to his chest, trails up to his neck.

"You have a motive you’re not giving here." They both know this isn't true. Sniper already knows he's going to leave this room having promised something he's not entirely sure about, but there's no point in dropping the charade just yet.

"Do you want me to beg, monsieur?" He must not respond quick enough, because he follows right away: "You have no perception of how dire the romantic prospects stand on my team, and you are, regrettably… so very handsome.” Smart fingers pass all the way up his cheek, dip just under the collar of his shirt, like there isn’t a knife in his stomach. “And I know there is something about me that attracts you, and you seem to be completely unwilling to cross the distance on your own, and I will refuse to continue standing for it." Spy pauses for a second to spit the blood out of his mouth and then turns back to Sniper and grins. "Kiss me."

That's the first thing he's said all day that actually makes sense. The next few seconds is a blur; thankfully there's enough blood in both of their mouths that covers up the fact that Sniper has no idea what he's doing and Spy very much does.

At some point Spy's legs buckle and he hits the floor with a loud thump--Sniper doesn't go with him, really takes him a couple of seconds of standing and blinking to figure out what just happened to him, and finally, finally, the image of Spy laying on the ground and choking on his own blood reminds Sniper that he is currently being paid to do a job.

The sound of him pulling his rifle off his back doesn't seem to perturb Spy at all; in fact, his smile still defies physics and finds room to grow, even as he writhes in the ground out of... what can't really be called pain anymore, but instinct.

With a gun-barrel resting on his forehead all Spy does is raise his hand and say: "I will see you on Friday. Shower."

All Sniper can find to say to that is "I shower," but that's muttered in the middle of the gunshot and at that point it's a losing fight. He knows Spy's just getting on his nerves. That's all the bugger does.

Arsehole didn't even bother to confirm that Sniper had any interest in seeing him, but... Sniper knows, with a heavy dose of shame, he probably implied the answer well enough on his own. Piss.

[axilog14]

Just thinking out loud, but blind box BJDs kind of have an awkward spot in the doll community as a whole.

They stand apart from conventional blind box toys - they have a fashion doll element (basic articulation and fabric clothing) unlike Kidrobot, Sonny Angel, Tokidoki or Pop Mart figures.

The most popular styles are smaller than classic 1/6 scale fashion dolls (Barbie, Monster High, Rainbow High etc.), and don't have rooted hair.

The larger BJD fandom is somewhere between ambivalence and frustration towards them. At best they're considered a nice gateway to the hobby, at worst their mass-produced style is incompatible with how personalized "traditional" BJD culture is.

In practice they're probably closest to a Nendoroid Doll or Obitsu 11, since they're roughly the same scale and can share clothes. Yet they're still considered separate fanbases since most Nendoroids are based on anime and other Japan-based properties. Blind box BJDs meanwhile draw mostly from Chinese fashions and aesthetics.

The only other doll line I think they're similar to are those articulated Molly figures, which are usually much more expensive and targeted at high-end designer toy collectors.

I'm weirdly spoiled since my location makes blind box BJDs more accessible than popular Western dolls. I prefer smaller dolls in general, and a Penny's Box or Simontoys BJD is cheaper for me to get than the 6" Magic Mixies Pixlings or Rainbow Brite dolls (which cost WAY more here due to either store markup or shipping costs).

Overall blind box BJDs owe more to fashion dolls and art toys than the "hardcore" BJD aesthetic, which isn't a bad thing but does create dissonance in fan expectations. I wish there was a more clearly defined fandom for them, but then you run the risk of overlap with the larger BJD or obitsuroid fanbases. Maybe a general "1/12 scale doll" umbrella could work, buy it's not exactly social media-friendly.

[koipalm]

HI YES HELLO HI HI HIHI HIHIHIHIHI. HI. SORRY, I'M TRYING TO PROCESS. YOUR. SY ASSISTANT AU. Hey. Hi. I'm in love with it. I'm in love with your au. I keep thinking of the hijinks that Shen Yuan gets into with the other peak lords. I'm sorry, but I'm going to ramble about it - if anything, it's all your fault for making such a brilliant AU. Shoot me down if I'm wrong about any headcanons I'm making about it, but teeheeheeehehehehehee. Okay, so first, thinking about Xian Shu peak. Because Shen Yuan is so irrevocably fruity that, when other guys could be being creepy over the girls upon the peak, Shen Yuan is just trying to stay upright and not pass out because of the ✨gay thoughts✨ that stop him from sleeping. The girls could even find him sweet in the way you see a dishevelled rat and go "awww!", whereas Qi Qingqi just occasionally nudges him with her foot to make sure he isn't dead. Next, next, Liu Mingyuan. The chaotic shipper herself. She sees Shen Yuan glancing at Liu Qingge occasionally and just cracks her knuckles like, "oh, this is is going to make a great book series" and, in typical fashion, starts writing everything. She, at one point, writes Shen Qingqiu as a love rival, which is something that Shang Qinghua holds over poor Shen Yuan's head forever. Liu Mingyuan is the kind of gal that has locked Shen Yuan and Liu Qingge in close quarters together just so she can make new writing about it later. Liu Qingge, who sees this pathetic blob of a man sometimes dragging himself around the different peaks (usually in spirit but, on a couple of very strange occasions, literally), has no idea where Shen Yuan came from. So, after asking his sister, he decides to ask the man himself - in what he thinks is a very normal fashion. Shen Yuan, however, sees Liu Qingge (terrifying Peak Lord of Bai Zhan) storming towards him and promptly cornering him, and just passes out. Hands down. After this, he is utterly baffled. When Mu Qingfang asks (read: scolds) about it during what can be described as a supply drop, Liu Qingge is treated to a lecture that is basically "Shen Yuan is like a little mouse whose heart will give out at any moment because he doesn't take care of himself." Liu Qingge listens and hears "Shen Qingqiu bad." It's not like he's actually trying to steal Shen Yuan in any sense of the word, he just likes the little mouse not looking ready to pass out (he would definitely force a cup of tea into the man before he lets him leave, because he's helping right? Toootally.) I did say I would ramble...I did say I would- (Sorry, I just love love love it)

thank u so much for liking it!! im actually really blown away that this many people like the au it was very simple when i thought abt it <3

& unfortunately (& i probably should have specified earlier my bad lol) shen yuan has a lot of fraught relationships with the other cang qiong cultivators! most won't say it to his face but plenty think he's putting on an act or scheming with sqq and because of how close he and sqq work he can't escape sqq's reputation in the sect. a lot of the disciples from xian shu peak actively despise him for working under sqq, while qi qingqi herself is suspicious but mostly ambivalent. liu mingyan is reserved because she eventually sees lqg and sy get along fine, and she would have a lot of fun with his stupid humor. lqg is ALSO mostly ambivalent to him bc of sqq but they grow closer together due to proximity. his whole confusion on sqq and sy's relationship would have to be a completely new post lawl

that being said shen yuan is actually fairly close to mu qingfang in a coworkers way in that mqf actively worries after his health but he's mostly unwilling to interfere in sy and sqq's relationship due to fear of retaliation. all in all i find it really fun to take the popular views on shen yuan and his relationships and make them more complicated SORRYY my bad i just think its really interesting ^^ it's not to say that he won't ever have friends its just that i think cang qiong mountain has a whole host of problems they should address and im having fun with it HAHA

[loopy777]

So I've read 'The Reckoning of Roku'

This isn't a real review, just my impressions and reactions. No spoilers.

I'll start by admitting that to me, Randy Ribay is no F.C. Yee. I vibe perfectly with Yee's stuff, to the point where he's on my "Read Anything They Write" list; I vibe with his genre choices, his dialogue, his characters, his scope, his storytelling, etc. By contrast, Ribay's writing is functional for me, but nothing more, and feels bit more narrow. There are a few instances, even, where I think he made some amateurish wording choices, but most people probably wouldn't be bothered by it and that's likely me just being snobbish. What I'm leading up to is that I think the story is Fine, and I don't have the enthusiasm for it that I do for the earlier Avatar novels, but neither do I think it's bad.

Part of that ambivalence is our familiarity with Roku. Compared to Kyoshi and Yanchen, we know a lot more about him. We have an entire episode of AtLA devoted to his life story. This book finds a slot we haven't explored before, but I think I could summarize the feel of the story by describing the prologue: the book opens after Roku has learned he's the Avatar but before he says goodbye to Sozin, then skips the scene where said goodbye is said (since we saw it the cartoon and I guess there was no desire to novelize it), then resumes the next morning for their final public formal goodbye, all while trying to achieve the same feel and impact of the actual goodbye scene from the cartoon. Similarly, my impression is that the book covers a character arc for Roku which feels very much like what was covered in 'The Avatar & The Fire Lord,' presented as a kind of microcosm of that lifelong story, via events set shortly after he begins his Airbending training.

For all that, though, it fits poorly considering what we already know about Roku. These novels have been very free with retcons, especially when it comes to Avatar Kuruk, but I've been pretty tolerant of that since so little was known about those characters previously and they obviously weren't constructed to be protagonists of their own stories, just props to Aang's. But Roku was a bit more developed and got a whole episode devoted to his life story, so I feel like some things are revealed about him in this book that should definitely have been mentioned in 'The Avatar & The Fire Lord.' Likewise, what we see of Roku's Airbending training in the cartoon doesn't really fit with this story, and I feel like a hint about Sozin's father in the cartoon is interpreted in an awkward way here. None of it "breaks canon" or anything, but it sticks out as a poor fit.

But I'm sounding pretty negative so far. Let's talk about what I like in the book.

Young Gyatso is wonderful. 10/10 no notes, as the kids say.

Sozin is a real piece of work, as he should be.

Ta Min is a lot more interesting than I expected.

As I've noted in a lot of my talk of the AtLA comics and the other Avatar novels, I'm usually very down on forced references to random stuff in AtLA/Lok, and especially needless explanations for elements of those stories which would be better just as something random. However, there's something in this novel that's both a forced reference and a needless explanation, and I thought it was hilarious and wonderful. So good on Ribay for making that work for me. I'm still grinning about it.

The plot is more straightforward than the previous novels, but still creates tension and mystery. It also has a few beats that feel rather mythical, which I always enjoy. And I think it does a great job creating a balanced set of stakes, where things feel urgent and important without leaning on the old Fate Of The World too much.

The story feels complete while also having some very clear paths for the sequel to follow.

So, overall, I think the Avatar novels continue to outshine the comics, even if I don't want to kiss this book.

[bittersweetresilience]

Adrien Agreste and Borderline Personality Disorder

DISCLAIMER: I've been a bit low on spoons this week, so I haven't gathered as much evidence as I probably could have. Also, I am but a humble student in clinical psychology. This is mainly a thought compilation for @moonieratty!

To introduce the topic, without going into it too much, personality is described by features and behavioral patterns, or traits, consistent across situations and across time. Personality disorders are therefore enduring patterns of highly maladaptive traits evaluated in personal and sociocultural context (Dozois, 2019, p. 290).

Like other disorders, personality disorders have diagnostic criteria. The DSM is used primarily for diagnosis in the US and Canada while the ICD is used more widely in Europe and other places. I'm more familiar with the DSM, but I've included a brief section on the ICD to be comprehensive. It ended up a bit longer than anticipated, so let's go below the cut. Warning for discussions of abuse, self harm, and suicide, and a brief mention of substance use.

Overview of Borderline Personality Disorder

BPD is prevalent in a small percentage of the population, about 1-2% by varying estimates, and is characterized by instability across domains of emotions, identity, interpersonal relationships, and behavior. Its onset is usually in late adolescence or early adulthood and symptoms may diminish with age, after one's thirties or forties, especially with therapeutic intervention. Along with ASPD, it has been the focus of a lot of clinical research; it is unfortunately associated with high rates of non-suicidal self-injury and suicide (APA, 2022, pp. 754–755; Dozois, 2019, pp. 308–309).

Etiological factors for BPD include both biological and environmental disturbances. Of note to our discussion is the heightened risk for BPD in cases of child abuse or neglect, as well as growing up with another family member with a serious mental health condition (NHS, 2022). It's been well established that Gabriel is emotionally neglectful if not outright abusive toward Adrien in multiple ways, so this is a clear risk factor. In addition, although I won't argue definitively for Gabriel having a psychological condition, he did keep Emilie's body in the basement, so there is clearly some kind of disturbance going on.

From a cognitive-behavioral perspective, Linehan argues that BPD stems from families who consistently invalidate childhood emotional experiences and "oversimplify the ease with which life's problems can be solved," which may cause children to learn to seek attention and communicate with others through emotional outbursts (Dozois, 2019, p. 297). This rings true for Adrien and Gabriel as well.

I have to apologize for my son, Ladybug, he's like his mother. Way too overly dramatic. (Jackady)

It doesn't seem like this is the first time Gabriel has thought this, and labeling an emotional reaction as being overly dramatic is very much invalidation of it. As for emotional outbursts, Adrien has had quite a few, mostly as Chat Noir. More on this later.

To round out this first section, attachment theory proposes a connection between poor parent-child attachments and BPD relationship difficulties. Specifically, maladaptive behavior in relationships may stem from childhood development of an anxious-ambivalent attachment style, where intense fears of abandonment interfere with a strong desire for intimacy (Dozois, 2019, p. 310). You can clearly see this in Chat Noir's relationship with Ladybug, and I'm sure other people have discussed Adrien's attachment style more in depth, but suffice to say I think this is an apt description.

Argument from DSM-5-TR

In the DSM, personality disorders are primarily diagnosed on a categorical model. There are a few general criteria which I won't be going into, but I will highlight that personality disorders are stable and pervasive, and would be diagnosed only if they were leading to significant distress or dysfunction. Adrien's mental state is not great, so the latter shouldn't be a problem, but this show does not always pay attention to consistency, so I'm going to be speculating some. Everything in this section is cited to the relevant DSM entry unless otherwise stated.

The DSM characterizes BPD with instability in relationships, self image, and affects, as well as marked impulsivity. It has no exclusion criteria, so BPD can be and frequently is comorbid with other disorders like mood disorders, PTSD, and ADHD. Of the below criteria, five need to be met in order for a diagnosis to be made.

Frantic efforts to avoid real or imagined abandonment

Hey, where're you going? . . . So you're allowed to know her true identity, but I'm not? (Syren)

You're not really replacing me with a turtle, are you? (Anansi)

A lot of people have delved into Adrien's abandonment issues, which feature most prominently in his relationship with Ladybug. His fears of being replaced result in him seeking reassurance from Ladybug, and he can lash out if he does not receive the response he hopes for. Ladybug is his world, and he wants to be hers, so anything infringing on that feels to him like a threat of being abandoned, and he does not like it very much.

Impulsive behaviors like giving up his ring can be interpreted under this lens: he can avoid abandonment by doing the abandoning first. Then it will be him leaving, and not the other way around.

I also interpret Adrien's nightmare (Le Marchand de Sable) as being a fear of being alone as much as it is a fear of being trapped.

Unstable and intense interpersonal relationships alternating between extremes of idealization and devaluation

We'll be united, more powerful and free. We'll defeat Hawk Moth, then we can both run away to an island! Far away from everything. We will live off nothing but fruits, and we will have a little pet hamster and we will name it— (Le Patineur)

I just can't do this anymore. I give up… on everything. Even you . . . If I become Chat Noir again, Ladybug will just end up rejecting me, over and over. (Kuro Neko)

Even though Adrien mostly keeps his head on straight regarding what he's owed and not owed by other people, his relationship with Ladybug is full of highs and lows. He thinks Ladybug is the most amazing girl, but this can recoil quickly into feeling as though Ladybug doesn't care about him enough or isn't meeting his needs.

Furthermore, he developed this idealization of Ladybug as a potential lover or caregiver at one of their first meetings (Cœur de Pierre), and continually sought to spend time together and share the intimate details of their secret identities early on. These are all common to individuals with BPD, as is the switch from idealization to feeling as if the other person "does not care enough, does not give enough, or is not 'there' enough." Ladybug is the only person Adrien consistently projects this instability and intensity on, which might be something interesting to explore.

Identity disturbance: unstable self image or sense of self

When I was a kid, I always wanted to be what my parents wanted me to be! (Exauceur)

But, does that mean Chat Noir is who I really am? Deep down inside? (Kuro Neko)

With all the secret identities, it isn't surprising that Adrien fits this criterion, but canon even explicitly draws a link between Adrien's unstable sense of self and his childhood experiences. He doesn't know who he is, and he distracts from this by being Chat Noir, only to struggle even more when he feels useless and underlooked as his hero self. His behavior shifts dramatically between trying to prove himself with grand gestures and refusing to participate or lashing out. There is definitely something to discuss on this front.

Impulsivity in at least two potentially self-damaging areas

Giving you some extra time . . . I trust you to bring me back, m'lady. (Gamer 2.0)

There are only two liars left in Paris and one of them knows the ultimate way to catch her attention . . . Crazy about you, m'lady. (Mensonge)

This is walking a thin line between impulsivity and suicidal behavior, which would be excluded from this criterion, but I'll list self sacrifice here because I can see an argument for Chat Noir's impulsive behaviors being out of love or the desire to be useful. There may still be some self injurious intent or euphoria, but Chat Noir does have faith in Ladybug to bring him back eventually. Nevertheless, this is impulsive and unhealthy. Chat Noir jumps too quickly to this option to have thought it through.

I can't think of another area, because Adrien isn't old enough for reckless driving, spending, substance use, or sex. This is also a kids' show. Just presenting these options for fanfiction writers out there.

Recurrent suicidal or self mutilating behavior, gestures, or threats

I... I don't know what to do! (Chat Blanc)

This is all our fault . . . Cataclysm. (Culpabysse)

By itself, what happened in Chat Blanc would not be solid evidence, as that was an unprecedentedly traumatic situation. Combined with Culpabysse, though, there is a strong case to be made for at least passive suicidality for this to be able to come up as an option.

You could also interpret the self sacrifice in this category. Suicidal behavior in individuals with BPD is often preempted by fears of rejection or abandonment, so an interesting analysis could be made on this front.

Affective instability due to marked reactivity of mood

He's still only thinking of himself! I just want this terrible day to be over and done with! I hate Christmas! (Pire Noël)

Sorry! Sorry! I didn't mean to make you so mad. I get it. You're sick of me . . . No one can help me, Kagami. (Glaciator 2)

Adrien's prolonged episodes of anger and despair reflect a high reactivity to emotional stressors, especially interpersonal ones. In general, he just doesn't feel very well unless something is actively bringing him joy. Most of his outbursts are brief, though, and I will discuss them as part of a later criterion.

Chronic feelings of emptiness

I'm not Adrien, so I wouldn't know if this is the case, but I can say he has experienced at least one depressive episode (Kuro Neko) and emptiness would not be unfamiliar. You can look at him and decide.

Inappropriate, intense anger or difficulty controlling anger

How was your amazing evening with your "friends"? . . . What do you think? (Glaciator)

Why not? No one'll know if I quit. No one'll care! (Syren)

A two-person plan?! There's only one two-person plan, and that's Ladybug and me! (Sentibulleur)

Give me a break, Miss "I can't even come up with a superhero name"! (Hack-San)

Anger in individuals with BPD can manifest as bitterness, sarcasm, or recurrent verbal outbursts, which Chat Noir absolutely exemplifies. These outbursts are often followed by feelings of shame or guilt and contribute to a feeling of being bad. Chat Noir apologizes after being harsh in Glaciator, and I wouldn't be surprised if he felt badly about the other times. Again, these outbursts are often precipitated by interpersonal fears and perceived threats of abandonment. Unlike other symptoms, this specific one tends to be unique to BPD.

Transient, stress-related paranoid ideation or severe dissociation

I cannot recall any evidence for this but headcanon away, my friends.

All in all, I think Adrien has a strong case for BPD presentation according to the DSM. Canon is not always consistent, but I think it presents an interesting and mostly coherent narrative for this lens. From this perspective, Adrien's behavior reflects a deep intolerance of being alone and a dependence on other people to define the self.

As a corollary, BPD behavioral patterns are frequently linked to self sabotage and self undermining right when a goal is about to be realized, which could manifest as dropping out of school right before graduating or ending a relationship when it seems to be going well. Food for thought. Individuals with BPD may also feel more secure with transitional objects like pets than with interpersonal relationships, which could reflect in Adrien's relationship with Plagg.

To add some subjective understanding to this clinical mumbo jumbo, I've added a source of genuine BPD experiences below (Mind, 2022).

Argument from ICD-11

With the release of the ICD-11, a dimensional model for diagnosis of personality disorders became the new standard. What this means is that individuals are no longer labeled as having 'histrionic' or 'dependent' or, indeed, 'borderline' personality disorders, but are rather assessed as having any form of personality disorder on a sliding scale of severity and with trait domain specifiers (Swales, 2022). To put it more simply, people are diagnosed only with a general personality disorder or personality difficulty which can be optionally specified as deviating on one of the personality traits in the Big Five model, which is well established in personality psychology.

This move has several benefits. Stigmatization related to particular personality disorders can be reduced, and differential diagnosis and comorbidity between personality disorders becomes irrelevant. However, people retain access to treatment and support. Evidence-based treatments like dialectical behavior therapy are particularly well established and crucial for BPD; for this pragmatic purpose, the ICD contains one additional specifier for borderline pattern personality disorder (Bach et al., 2022; Swales, 2022).

The DSM and ICD are designed to be compatible with each other in many ways, and in this case, the borderline specifier in the ICD is directly lifted from the criterion of the DSM (WHO, 2023, 6D11.5). Based on our previous discussion, Adrien would be equally qualified for a diagnosis in France. I would likely describe his personality disorder with moderate severity, where multiple areas of functioning are affected and self harming behaviors may be present, but not all areas or relationships may be equally impacted and traits are not as rigid and inflexible (WHO, 2023, 6D10.0–6D10.2).

Interestingly, the ICD includes three additional manifestations of borderline pattern which are optional and may vary across time (WHO, 2023, 6D11.5).

A view of the self as inadequate, bad, guilty, disgusting, and contemptible

An experience of the self as profoundly different and isolated from other people; a painful sense of alienation and pervasive loneliness

Proneness to rejection hypersensitivity; problems in establishing and maintaining appropriate levels of trust in relationships; frequent misinterpretation of social signals

I'm fascinated by the number of adjectives in here. I simplified very slightly, as I did with the DSM criteria, but I had to keep all these adjectives. Anyway, I won't elaborate for too many more paragraphs, so let's say sentimonster moment and leave it at that. I will spare you my mirrored Félix essay. For now.

Qualifications and Limitations

First of all, Adrien is a teenager. The distinguishing factor between a personality disorder and regular adolescent difficulties would be longevity and identity concerns beyond his developmental phase (APA, 2022, p. 758). Second of all, Adrien has a uniquely terrible home life and magical problems. Some of his behaviors could be normal considering his experiences and sociocultural context, and this matters when it comes to psychological evaluation. Take everything with a grain of salt!

More generally, the categorical model of the DSM has several issues, not to mention diagnostic issues related to culture, gender, and stigma. Some but not all of these issues are addressed by the dimensional model it includes in a later section, which shares theoretical foundations with the model of personality disorders in the ICD. Even so, issues remain. Diagnosis, access to treatment, and political statements are intrinsically linked in complex ways. I won't get into all of the nuances, but be safe, remember this is a fictional character, and keep an open mind.

REFERENCES:

American Psychiatric Association. (2022). Diagnostic and statistical manual of mental disorders (5th ed., text rev.). https://doi.org/10.1176/appi.books.9780890425787

Bach, B., Kramer, U., Doering, S., di Giacomo, E., Hutsebaut, J., Kaera, A., De Panfilis, C., Schmahl, C., Swales, M., Taubner, S., & Renneberg, B. (2022). The ICD-11 classification of personality disorders: A European perspective on challenges and opportunities. Borderline Personality Disorder and Emotion Dysregulation, 9(1). https://doi.org/10.1186/s40479-022-00182-0

Dozois, D. J. A. (2019). Abnormal psychology: Perspectives (6th ed.). Pearson.

Mind. (2022, September). What does BPD feel like? https://www.mind.org.uk/information-support/types-of-mental-health-problems/borderline-personality-disorder-bpd/experiences-of-bpd/

National Health Service. (2022, November 4). Causes - Borderline personality disorder. https://www.nhs.uk/mental-health/conditions/borderline-personality-disorder/causes/

Swales, M. A. (2022). Personality disorder diagnoses in ICD-11: Transforming conceptualisations and practice. Clinical Psychology in Europe, 4(Special Issue). https://doi.org/10.32872/cpe.9635

World Health Organization. (2023). International statistical classification of diseases and related health problems (11th ed.). https://icd.who.int/

[liketwoswansinbalance]

Sources of Conflict, Secondary Characters, and Agency in SGE

The supporting cast of the prequels is awful as far as them as human beings with the barest shreds of common decency goes. I'm tempted to say they have no restraint. They are madmen—take the Pan for instance—unlike the Coven, Agatha (not that she's a side character), and even book one Beatrix, who all have some ethical standards and rationality to them. Really.

The brothers are the only "Good" characters, possibly along with Kyma, Midas, and Rufius, albeit, about two of these three don't have the most major impacts on the plot. (And classing either of the brothers as moral is a stretch by itself.)

Literally everyone is against them, if we're operating with protagonist-centered morality. The brothers have a solid relationship, and external factors tear them apart. It's a man vs. society/world conflict with them.

And, nearly all the supporting characters, the jerks in particular, enter the narrative by themselves. They are out for their own personal gain. Aladdin fits this description, to a point; he's on a fine line. And, Vulcan, Marialena, and the Pan definitely fit without question. They are invaders. I'd add pre-reformation Hook to the list, but to be fair, Rafal "recruits" him by kidnapping/human-trafficking.

In contrast, the main series cast of secondary characters are mostly decent people, which makes for a completely different atmosphere, however hostile the Schools may be with Evil Rhian at their head. These side characters were simply trying to live their lives, have a normal school year. Then, Sophie and Agatha arrive, and their appearance creates a major disruption.

Things don't go on as they normally would because they are meant to overhaul the status quo while Rhian and Rafal were meant to uphold it, which is an interesting juxtaposition by itself. The creation twins and the destruction twins. Both forces/freaks of nature, the pairs. Inevitably leading to upheaval and uproar. They're forces of order and chaos, plain as day.

Nearly all the supporting characters in the main series are ambivalent and are dragged into the plot/tale by the sheer force of Sophie's drama. She's the prime mover, with the magnetism of a black hole. She's the will of Man, the engine for conflict. The supporting cast is just trying to stay alive and exist alongside our all-consuming protagonists. They're not truly out to get anyone until they're offered the chance to leap at, until they're given any kind of motivation to take offense. They revolve around Sophie and Agatha and the tale, while the prequel side characters revolve around themselves and their own desires.

The main series' supporting characters aren't active agents in their own stories—unlike Marialena, Vulcan, and Aladdin, all with indisputably ulterior motives—they're along for the ride: the Coven, Tedros, even poor Agatha... The story revolves around Sophie and her decisions/actions. The conflict stems from them, her and Agatha.

Meanwhile, in the prequels, the conflict arguably stems from a wide array, a multitude of sources, and the brothers themselves are only one factor or source of conflict among all the rest. Rhian and Rafal are along for the ride in everyone else's games (the Storian's included). And the brothers are both active and reactive.

Their decisions matter, sure, but the determining factors are often out of their hands. For two immortal School Masters who would/should probably have control over a lot of the Woods/the future of civilization under usual circumstances, they sure don't have much agency on an in-narrative, plot level.

Look at Rhian, even on a lesser, personal level: his soul seems to override his self, sort of, and he ends Fall as if he's been possessed by his own inherent Evil. That's the most obvious example I can point to.

Basically, my point is that, unlike Sophie, unlike even Sophie and Agatha as a duo (and they are mere, seemingly powerless Readers), Rhian and Rafal do not orchestrate the events of their own plot nearly as much. You'd think the brothers, as aware of their genre and the workings of their world as they are, would have the advantage, but no.

They aren't the "authors of their own misfortune," at least not entirely. It doesn't matter how much claim free will seems to have. (It doesn't have much, considering we have a non-negotiable prophecy in play at all.) It doesn't matter how much the narrative claims they have free will (it doesn't really claim that to begin with). They're both far more beholden to the yoke of fate than Sophie and Agatha could ever be.

The dynamics in these pairs of twins are similar, on a small scale, but how they interact with their plots is different. Therefore, Man/free will/choice wins in the main series, and Pen/Fate wins in the prequels.

[donnerpartyofone]

We are now entering the holiday season, more or less, which starts early for my family due to a birthday, and I wish this didn't fill me with ambivalence. I like my family, they have interesting things to say, they're great hosts, they can create an idyllic sort of environment; but meanwhile, there is the exhausting obligation to somehow promote oneself, to find something to take to market, and I don't have anything like that and it causes problems. I'm the only person in my family who isn't outrageously accomplished. I had all the same opportunities as everyone else, it was just never going to happen, I'm not good enough. Which sounds self-pitying but honestly it only sounds that way because our ears are conditioned to hear it as some kind of criminal admission of an unacceptable circumstance, instead of a casual acknowledgement of a completely normal circumstance. I think I would feel a great, cathartic relief if it were socially acceptable to just concede that you're a loser, that you're not going to amount to anything due to personal limitations. I mean, I feel like this should not be controversial actually, but it seems to make people feel frightened and confused and angry and if you even come close to saying "This is about it for my personal potential, nothing really worked out"; anyone who hears this will immediately go to great pains to try to force you to take it back, even if they believe it themselves.

I think this might be more true than usual in my family. I think they're embarrassed to know me, but admitting such a thing could make anybody feel like a bad person even though they shouldn't, they have a right--but to avoid feeling guilty (about something they shouldn't feel guilty about), there has to be this endless, exhausting game of make-believe where we all pretend to like me and to be interested in what's going on with me. So I have to like "bring something to the table", I can't just say I have nothing going on; I have to describe one of my dumb little hobbies that I kind of just nominally get paid for once in a while, and they don't understand what it is or what is the context or why any normal person would care, is so I have to describe it in a lot of boring detail, and then by the time I finally get through clarifying what the service/product is everyone's eyes are totally glazed over but they still have to find the energy to respond as if they are somehow impressed. And then the next time it comes up, we have to do the whole entire process over again because no one ever remembers what I said because they didn't really get it the first time, and it's really something they wouldn't even have to know about if it weren't for me, and it's at least as exhausting if not more so.

Recently I tried out a strategy of just saying less. I thought that if I just clammed up and didn't draw attention to myself, then that would put everybody at ease. (Asking other people about themselves only gets me so far, they always seem a little annoyed, like when you're trying to explain fashion to your uncool aunt or something) Sometimes it's like I'm not really there anyway; when I got engaged they threw a dinner for me, and there was about twenty minutes of discussing the wedding before the rest of the evening was devoted to someone's restored, vintage BMW and the drama of where to park such a beautiful and valuable object. Then there was the birthday outing where nobody asked me any questions, the whole afternoon was devoted to someone else's brand new Audi, which distraction prevented them from attending a super important professional event I had actually-on my birthday. The deflection to someone's fancy car whenever I require attention has become a private joke between me and my spouse, who frankly I sometimes think they are not nice enough to because he's married to me. He's an interesting person with a serious career that tells him a lot about how the world works, but sometimes I think they kind of see him as another stunted child because marrying me reflects poorly on him.

Which could totally be a projection on my part, but anyway. The point is I tried out my policy of only speaking when spoken to, or at least not saying anything personal, and everything indicated that this should have worked out, but it seemed to just make people even more mad at me. Admittedly there was an extenuating factor, that someone's famous friend came over and immediately challenged me to say that I was a professional writer like everyone else, and when I confessed that I was just unemployed, he kept trying to put words in my mouth about how successful I must be in some other way, and it was mortifying for me but more importantly it was mortifying for him that I couldn't reward this behavior. Meanwhile, another relative asked me exactly one question about myself--a career question--and when I didn't have an answer, that was the end of all conversation until we were all departing and she accused me of refusing to commune with her even though she missed me and was dying to talk to me. I don't really know what I'm supposed to do.

I feel the need to defend these people. I'm certain it's true that they care about me in that deep-down, fundamental, blood ties way. That's a lot more than many people get from their families. And it's mostly true that they have not been openly hostile or insulting; I mean this is absolutely not true historically, some pretty fucked up things have been said to my face and in front of groups, but this hasn't happened in long enough that I think it's right to try to let it go. In some ways it would be easier if everything were just bad enough that we could all give each other the finger and part ways. What I'm grappling with is this feeling that if I don't work really hard, I'm going to become estranged, which I think would be bad both spiritually and strategically, if you have a family who doesn't actively harm you I think you should keep them around for many different reasons. But it's an established thing that if one family member pulls away, there's a loving conspiracy to draw them back, whereas if I seem to become a little distant, I'm going to get accused of something, like even in writing sometimes. So I have to be on my best behavior all the time, and I have to keep playing this game where I pretend that big things are happening for me and I have to do a whole marketing presentation on this total lie even if everyone is bored to death and not a little embarrassed. I don't know, I guess it's nobody's fault. There's no way we would ever know each other if everybody weren't forced to be related to me, I might as well try to make it easier for them. It's just hard because there is nothing about me that would make it ACTUALLY easy for them to be associated with me, so I'm dutybound to kind of just laboriously smile and make shit up for the rest of my life in order to keep clinging to the fringes of our existence.

It just sucks because I love the fall, I love Halloween and Thanksgiving and Christmas and New Year's. And it's not NEVER fun to be with my family. But the season I love is just tainted with this anxiety because it's like illegal to admit that you're just sort of a loser, and my family could never admit that they just basically kind of dislike untalented, unsuccessful people, because there's a cultural prejudice that that's a moral failing--which it isn't, it's just a personal preference, but I guess we're all saddled with the same baggage. Everything would be so much more relaxed and intimate if we could openly accept the way things really are, but it's definitely never going to happen. Stress.

[politemagic]

Hi so I listened to Alpha Wolf for the first time today and was SUPER surprised at how much I dug them. I don’t usually get into bands that have only harsh vocals (I love the screams but usually I’m like PLS A MELODY OF ANY KIND) but despite that, I REALLY fuckin liked them. Like stank face in the car laughing to myself over how much I was into it.

And I was super shocked at how clearly I can make out what he’s saying??? Like I’m used to squinting through “please enunciate ffs” with literally every band I listen to (fall out boy fan over here.) but this I was like “OH!!!! I can hear those words!!!”

Anyway, genuinely and thoroughly enjoyed the two songs I listened to, please tell me your favorite picks so I can enjoy more

!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! YOU CAN'T EVEN BEGIN TO UNDERSTAND HOW HAPPY THIS MAKES ME!!!!!!!

genuinely, lochie keogh is one of my favorite vocalists for the EXACT reason that i can actually understand him. and that is saying SO MUCH coming from someone with auditory processing issues but i think that they're honestly such an approachable band in terms of harsh vocals. they definitely have some heavier tracks, but they have a lot that's a perfect balance.

here are some of my favs (i'm going to try to pick some that i feel like you'd vibe with if you're not as into super harsh vocals)

so this one is currently my most played song and probably my favorite from their new album.

i'm not sure which two you listened to, but you need to listen to this one. this is from the split ep they did with holding absence (so it is featuring mr. lucas woodland of the delightful video i posted yesterday)

this one got that final-track-on-the-album razzle dazzle✨

i will definitely recommend this one for you because i'll play it around my partner, who does not like metal at all.

when you say that you can understand what he's saying, this is one of the first songs i think of. because the way i was blown away by how well he enunciates in this song!!!!

okay i'll leave you with that top five <3

fun fact: every time someone tells me that they started listening to alpha wolf my health bar expands. the amount of love i have for this band is unreal, and i love seeing other people enjoy them.

[goldenguillotines]

💔 | K. + R. + O. - Capture

Word count - 1.6k

Characters - Koukoi, Clementine (Beloved meow meow), Oskeus, Raiden, Luxsol (Mentioned / Ambivalence-and-torpor), Prexes (Mentioned/Cadavertrolls) and Cormai (Mentioned)

TWS: Violence, Kidnapping and overall just a bad no fun time.

Summary: Happy Not Quads day! ... A date that never happened..

--------------------------------------------------------

"A date.."

Koukois heart hammered in his chest.. he felt like a wiggler. Standing in front of his mirror, he fiddles with the vest he had put on, unsure if this would be appropriate for his red and going out. Usually, he didn't mind... He had been on a date with Luxsol before. This isn't new, he knew that.. but perhaps the fact it being quads day was enough to make the butterflies in his stomach flutter.

A sigh escaped his lips- the tension refusing to leave him. This is fine, he would be fine. Of course he would be fine!

"Meeeeooooowwww!"

Koukoi's eyes widened at the sound of his cat, Calico laying lazily at the edge of his bed. Stretched to show his belly, paw outstretched..

"Oh my, my apologies. Have I neglected my little boy? You know I'll always make time for you.."

A soft smile graced his lips, reaching down to give Clementine pets.. under his chin.. back and most importantly. His belly! A purr gently leaving the Feline. Some of the tension leaves his frame. How can he be worried when his companion was being so sweet..

"Sorry~ It seems that I'm rather anxious today.. Papa is going to see his boyfriend, you know who. Right? Luxsol."

He leans in and presses a kiss to his forehead, receiving another meow. A giggle leaving the anon's mouth.

"I'll have to get going, can you forgive me?"

Koukoi's eyes briefly cross the drawer on his nightstand. His thoughts were loud.. too loud in fact. Usually, meeting with his partner, this would never happen.. He had a worry.

That worry in his mind was too loud., should he bring his gun with him? Why should he? Would he need it? What if he needed it... The worry stemmed from the fact he had felt watched these past week. Even before going out with his Pale, he had felt.. Scared. The feeling of eyes following him, hate. There was nothing but hate being drilled into his skull. He was used to rather nasty looks, people who didn't understand.. and people who didn't approve. But this.. was new.

It made him shiver, even thinking about it now.. did not make him happy.

The anon sighed, shaking his head. It was his nerves. It had to be. He stood up, leaving his kitty to his kitty antics. He always wondered what Clementine did all day, he was sure he slept or hunted the toys around. Maybe sunbathe..

"Ah~ I'm being rather silly. Papa has to get going, you can stay on my bed if you'd like."

He exits the room.. and unsurprisingly. A chitter follows behind him as Clementine chases after him.

"Or not. Ehhe, seeing me off? How kind."

He feels more relief as he makes his way to his living room, picking up the gift in his hands.. He sighs, a gentle flush on his cheeks as he thinks about his red. Ah.. He's so nervous today.

"I wonder if he'll like this.."

He presses his glasses up his face, he feels like he should have gotten him more. He always deserved more, he wanted to make him things.. but without skill and time.. Ah. He's being rather silly again, isn't he? Maybe he can get him something extra when he's out? Yes! Flowers, maybe flowers? Mm.. Maybe not? He could maybe spot a candle or some sweets? He could always get him a silly little desk trinket, something goofy? He loves the thought of him smiling at it.. or maybe a picture of them together framed? Too many possibilities..

"I'm overthinking it.."

Well.. he should pick up his things.. Grab his phone and wallet.. A-

THUD.

An incredibly loud thud was heard, the anon froze, eyes looking to his door.. and then another. The sound of wood splintering, bending, creaking under the force.. Followed by a wall shaking slam, his door smashing into the drywall. The color on his face draining, was this a trick? No..

Two trolls stepped through the door, covered head to toe in tactical gear.. but one had stood out to him. Horns too familiar and a white tail sticking out. Wagging slowly, that familiar burning hate burning into his skull. So.. that's what he was feeling. Time felt slow. Too slow.. He should be dead, he saw him dead.. Perhaps he was just simply delusional. Mistaking his dead friend for someone else.. His grip on the present was tight.

"Raiden..."

"XwÓ... Don't make this harder than it needs to be."

Kous eyes dart to the other troll.. No horns. That helmet was rather advanced. Fleet technology. There was no denying it. No civilian could have such a piece without ample money to spend.. and considering the attire. It was something that could be looked into.

"What are you talking about?"

"XwÓ Surrender yourself or be taken by force."

He swallowed dryly.. and then. It began. The gift was unceremoniously thrown to the side, Kou hopping back, barely dodging Clementine behind him. The Feline sprinting to hide, a hand barely missing grabbing the front of his vest. Followed by missing a grab to his arm. The lights on the others helmet flickering purple.. ah.

So this was why. He knew this one.. He knew both of them. An Olive from his childhood.. and the Desmus' retainer.

The anon ducked, as much as he wanted to fight, he knew that he would not hurt them.. His mind was racing. He tugged a nearby chair out, taking the small coffee table down with him, as he swung forward. Crashing the chair into purple blood, the man stumbled back, making room for the olive to strike. The grip on the chair changed, smashing it into his arm as hard as he could allow himself to do. His anger was palpable as a hiss ripped out from the pain. Kou quickly tossed the chair at the purple, who caught and threw it. The sound of glass shattering behind him, what he assumed was his desk being destroyed.. That was unimportant, he dipped down. Barely dodging the arms reached out to grab him. He could hear the wall shake next to him, rattling the photos and knocking a few to the ground. The familiar sound of drywall ripping beneath something made his heart race..

"XwÓ Kooouuuuuukooooiii~"

A loud growl echoing down the hallway as the ripping grew closer, out for the corner of his eye.. Raiden was rapidly approaching, nails digging into the wall.. the purple cursed under his breath.. Oskeus was restraining himself. No.. both of them were. The anon knew if he was to be dead or harmed they would have done it as much.. They could not hurt him in the same matter they usually could. Despite the comfort- he could not let them take him for whatever reason they had.

"XwÓ Run Run Koneko~ Make it FUN!"

Kou skidded into his bedroom, bumping over a stool that was between him and the pistol in his nightstand. The feet pattering grew closer... just as his fingers brushed the handle a hand gripped the back of his head. Shoving him face first against the desk edge with enough force to hurt. His glasses press up against his face, cracking and snapping from the impact. He hissed, the grip on his hair unrelenting as they shoved him once more against the nightstand..

"XwÓ Aw~ What were you trying to grab? Huh? Koko... tsk tsk.."

He was pulled back, the bruise already forming on his forehead.. straining against the pain and desperately attempting to yank open the drawer to no avail.

"XwÓ Lemmie guess.. a gun? No no no~ You shouldn't play with something like that."

Raiden turned his head to look at his companion. Who began to fish out items from inside his coat. Koukoi couldn't fight back, he was desperate... but the only thing he could do is give up. What could he do? His vision was impared, the pain in his skull.. and his thoughts were swimming. He couldn't help but flail his fingers desperately as Raiden backed him further and further from his only line of defense.

"XwÓ You didn't make this any fun... Boo~"

Raiden's free hand became occupied by a rag.. and the anons heart began to race in fear. Jerking his head away in vain, cloth shoved to his nose and mouth. Pressed firmly against him. His hands clinging to Raidens wrist.. Feet pinned by the Olives..

"XwÓ Shhh~ No need to be scared. You'll just be sleepy for a while.."

A small hum left his mouth hearing Koukoi struggle... The sweet smell overpowering, air becoming less and less from the rag.. Kou shutters, vision going tunneled.. cold feeling overtaking him.. and he fell unconscious. Limp against the Olive.. Raiden pockets the rag, shoving the anon against Oskeus.

"XwÓ Carry him, ya?"

The purple huffed, catching the target.. he threw him over his shoulder. Shaking his head.. Eyes glancing at the pattern ripped into the drywall, broken glass and broken furniture in the wake..

"You made a mess."

"XwÓ Oh boo hoo~ They can certainly come and find me. I don't mind."

The olive fished out his phone, walking out of the bedroom and down the hall. The ringing buzzing in his ear.. The heel of his boot digging into the present, crushing it rather quickly.. He won't be needing whatever the fuck this is!

A voice on the other end picked up.. Raiden smirks beneath his mask..

"XwÓ Master Piquii, we've got the target for Master Uskieh~... Oh and happy Quads day to you. Hope you're enjoying your day. Shall be over shortly."

The pair leave the tattered apartment, leaving nothing but chaos in its wake.. and a frightened Calico under the couch..

[anonymouspuzzler]

Hey, Puzz— hey!! Look OVER hERE

Get QUESTION GAUNTLET'D! ! !

• Between Buck and Davey, who's the neat freak and the messy partner of the relationship (or like. Who is. The one who. Cleans often while the other makes a mess lol)?

• How does the trio personally unwind after a long day of work?

• What's their favourite chores if they like doing em?

• Who would be most likely to get excited abt buying new sponges and dishwashing soap...... (I personally am very guilty of this LMAOOO)

• Who is most likely to impulsively buy. Things?

• Does any of the trio collect things? Ik Minnie likes animals a lot but I'm talking more of. Trinkets and stuff. And if so, what would they usually collect? (Can they show me..... /Nf)

Found myself suddenly thinking of domestic fluff for your OCs while I was washing dishes woops ehehehe. I'm also a sucker for. The mundane and the sweet little things that can happen during that 👍

THE BLORBOS FRO MY HEAD HAVE INVADED YOURS AND NOW I GET TO REAP THE BENEFITS BY TALKING ABOUT THEM ON PURPOSE!!! HAHAHA YIPEEEEEEEEEEE

Generally speaking, Buck's the neat freak of the two - Davey isn't exactly a mess by any means, but he's pretty laid-back about stuff, whereas Buck likes things A Certain Way and spends a lot of his free time on chores and tidying stuff up. (It's exactly the opposite in their workspace, though. Davey's Actually Professionally Trained and tends to try and keep tools and supplies properly cared for and sorted and such, and their tech and whatnot maintained as professionally as he can manage, whereas Buck is full. yeah yeah just slap some duct tape on that bad boy. put another fan down there to deal with that thing that keeps spewing smoke. it's fine. don't be a baby about it)

Davey's big on just putting something on TV or playing video games to unwind, as is Minnie. Buck kind of does the same, but he's more about just kind of sitting back and having something making noise in the background vs. actively watching or doing something, if that makes sense. Minnie also enjoys doing some reading (as does Buck on occasion, but to a much lesser extent, and not usually after he's been working and is already exhausted), and Davey will occasionally take a jog to wind down if he's got the energy to spare. (Buck and Davey are also big on some good ol' fashioned post-work Casual Physical Affection, but less so now that Minnie's living with them. They Will Not Be Making Out In Front Of Their Niece Actually)

Buck, despite complaining, actually generally likes most if not all chores. He likes getting his living spaces Clean and In Order! Davey and Minnie, by contrast, are pretty ambivalent at best to chores - I don't think there's any they'd say they "like." (Secretly Minnie's come to enjoy helping to keep the workshop clean, though.)

Buck. One Hundred Percent Buck. Davey and Minnie Do Not Understand but like Davey at least is happy his boyfriend's happy.

They all have their weaknesses for this, with asterisks - Minnie's both an impulsive shithead 13 year old and actually Very Recently comes from a background where she Could just kind of buy whatever without consequences, so in that respect she's the most likely. Davey, meanwhile, likes little useless trinkets and such and can be a little bit driven by impulse on occasion, but 1) he's a reasonable adult who has learned, sometimes the hard way, that he doesn't need and shouldn't have everything that briefly strikes his fancy, and 2) if he decides he wants it anyway he's a supervillain he's just gonna steal it. he don't have money lmao. Buck is the least likely EXCEPT that he's very susceptible to like... dark pattern type marketing-slash-game things? What I'm trying to say is Buck spent a lot of money on Cookie Run until Davey got it off his phone and password locked the app store

Davey collects video games! especially older ones he played growing up. He's also got a soft spot for weird old technology in general, but doesn't actively seek it out so much, though occasionally Buck or someone like the Junkyard Queens'll gift him something they find along those lines. Speaking of I guess technically Buck collects junk and scrap and such to tinker with. Like i Guess that counts

[karizard-ao3]

My reactions to Evangelion episode 18: Ambivalence

It sounds like this episode is going to be intense based on the preview from the last episode. It was something like, "It's great everyone got to be happy for a little bit before tragedy struck" and I'm wondering if it's time for the spoiler i saw about Toji when I was looking up his last name :(

Kensuke, you do not want the job.

God, what's he going to do when he finds out his two best bros are both pilots

They mention the second impact a lot at this school.

I'm not sure why Asuka is taking out her issues with Toji becoming a pilot on Shinji. I feel like I missed something in the last episode. Although, thinking about it, Toji being a pilot has made Rei worried about Shinji, so I'm now thinking Asuka is worried about him, too, but is expressing it in a very... uh... vibrant way. I guess they're worried about how he's going to take it when he finds out, since I'm sure he doesn't want any of his loved ones going through that kind of pain/struggle. I thought she was mad about having to share the limelight with someone she dislikes, but I don't think that's really it. When/ if I rewatch this, I'm going to have to pay closer attention when I watch the last episode again.

Kaji talking about not ever really being able to know someone reminds me of the stuff about how many different versions of oneself there are. I do really wonder what effect piloting the Evas has on the selves. I feel sure it's doing something to them, but I don't know what.

Oh, class rep brought the lunch for him :(

Ugh what if Shinji finds out Toji is the pilot after he's dead?

Wait wait wait. An Angel in the Eva or the Angel was the Eva? I'm rewinding.

Are they using the dummy capsule or whatever its called?

I am still mystified.

Did anyone survive?

Oh fuck they're going to make Shinji kill Toji. He's probably going to deliver the killing blow and then find out.

Fuck, Asuka!

She can't do it because she knows him.

Oh, shit! Rei!

Fuuuuck.

Rip the entry plug out, Shinji!

This reminds me of what happened to Shinji's Eva with the sphere. Like, how it was roaring and tearing things up.

Gendo, that is your kid!

Shinji, my beloved!

Switching to the dummy plug, huh? Unit 1 is about to go apeshit

And Shinji, who refused to murder someone, has to sit there and watch.

Did I know Evas could bleed?

Oh, fuck... Toji.

He's alive for now, it sounds like, unless they were referring to a different living pilot and Shinji (and therefore us) thought they meant Toji. Either way, what a gut punch

In Conclusion

I feel like I need time to let this one settle. Like, there wasn't a lot revealed about NERV or anything like that. This one definitely seemed more character driven. We for sure saw Gendo prioritizing the Evas and the war on the Angels against Shinji's well-being, which is like... How are you going to sit there and watch your son choke to death? He was really quick to sever Rei's arm without turning of the nerve link or whatever it's called, but I feel like that could also be interpreted as him being much more quick to save her than Shinji.

Also, the Evas behavior when they are not synced with a human feels very significant. I feel like once I reach all the reveals I'm going to be like, "Oh, duh!" but I'm still kind of turning it over in my head. We've seen time and again through the series that they are erratic and, except for that time with Shinji in the first episode, they default to violence when they are not under a pilot's control. It must be mentally exhausting to control something so alien and feral for sure. Maybe it's because a personality without a heart/soul regresses to the worst parts of itself. Which part of the psyche is the one that succumbs to all its impulses? The id? Anyway, I don't know but I'm wondering if this was the Angels' plan when they vaporised Base 2 (?). Infect unit 3, get it back to Japan, and then rampage.

We got to see a side of Shinji that we usually don't get to see, where he refused to take orders based on his own sense of right and wrong. I'm proud of him, especially since he stood up to his father in the process. It's awful that he had his agency stripped away from him and was forced to watch himself do it anyway. What a violation.

Anyway, I have to get to bed but I'm hoping to get another episode in tomorrow.

Lol what if it's the dark glasses are making Gendo evil and if he put on a normal pair of spectacles again he would become a chill guy. I kid, I kid.

So long for now!

[weer02]

Here's some of Max's outfits in chapters of my fic "Ambivalence":

I haven't drawn in ages (in 2 years to be exact) and kinda gave up on it, but lately as I saw so many amazing artworks here, I got inspired to draw something myself!

Fanfic outfits seemed like a perfect warm-up,  I chose Max first cause she's ✨the main character✨, but what she was wearing was described the most (I also added her outfit from chap20 which I'm working on rn).

I forgot how much fun drawing was... and I might do more of this.

Here's single pics for more detail:

and fanfic excerpts describing the outfits if anyone cares:

CHAPTER 4: "[...]She pulled on a long-sleeved shirt with a geometric deer print and a warmer, dark grey hoodie on top of it. She went ahead with her plan and started to dress up in more layers. She ran her hands through her hair, and gave up on doing makeup, even though she knew how awful she looked after taking a look in the mirror, her dark circles under eyes even more prominent these days." CHAPTER 7: " As they were slowly pacing through the junkyard, Max could feel the icy, November wind. She was wearing all black today, black jeans, boots that she found deep in her closet, and a black coat borrowed from Chloe"

CHAPTER 15: "[...]She dressed up — her outfit was a white buttoned up shirt with a navy-blue skirt that went down to her knee. She looked down at herself and was so uncomfortable, it all felt too tight and too formal for her, reminded her of some kind school uniform she would hate to wear. She also took the oversized black coat borrowed from Chloe, just to have something over the top and not feel cold. [...] she couldn't bear looking at herself, she looked awful. Dark circles under her eyes from chronic lack of sleep, her bangs covering her eyes and hair overgrown to the point it almost reached her shoulders.[...]"

CHAPTER 18: "(the dress) was pale pink, reached below her knee, and didn't have any leg slits. It had short sleeves, because she didn't want showed off shoulders, and was plain, because she didn't want to draw much attention with lots of fabric and sparkly sequins. [...] She also had shoes of a matching color with a two inch heel, as anything higher than that she had tried on made her trip within the first step. She wore a thin silver chain necklace and a flower corsage on her wrist. [...] she took a look in the mirror and almost didn't recognize herself in the layers of makeup she had on her face. She never tried to do it before, because she was too self conscious about heavier makeup, and by heavier she meant what she had on right now, smoky eye shadow and a dusty pink lipstick."

"[...]She smiled at the thought, catching a glimpse of her expression it in the mirror. She realized she was wearing the same white shirt she had worn at the trial, but it didn't make her uncomfortable anymore, she paired it with black jeans and it surely felt more like her." CHAPTER 20: "November had already started and temperatures began to decrease, so Max pulled out a beige knitted sweater from her wardrobe, one she found in the boxes of things she didn't take to dorms. She wore it under her recently thrifted, oversized brown hoodie, and paired it with the usual blue jeans. She changed the black converse into a pair of brown boots to not get drenched in the puddles of rain."