#i'm trying to be patient with myself

[bcbdrums]

So, October through early-June were the worst mental health months of my life. Especially February through May (and May was nearly the death of me).

To everyone who may feel I abandoned them in the past year, especially @gothicthundra @sharperthewriter @flowery-laser-blasts and @legendary-guest I’m so sorry I just didn’t have many spoons, and most went to survival.

Endless thanks to @asymmetryestablished @cannibal-nightmares and @midnightcaptions who each held me up in your own unique ways. There are some days/nights I don’t know what I'd have done without you.

Recovery is a slow but steady process, but I'm on the way. And just want to say if you’re out there and wondered what became of me, I haven’t forgotten you and I miss you.

[iesnoth]

I have a new hobby! This is my first book binding attempt, and I'm really happy with it!

It's a sketchbook made of watercolor paper and chip board. Obviously I had to decorate it, so I used my favorite band, Steam Powered Giraffe, for inspiration.

[twisted-wonderland-shenanigans]

Past Me: *-struggles for months on end to figure out how to write the next chapter of Kaiju!AU-* "I know what I want to write and I have the scene in mind, but how do I get it on the page????"

Today Me: *-decides to do a web diagram of potential scenes for said chapter after seeing the success I had with a different story's plot point and suddenly has a new plot device to give Yuu a bigger role in the story-* "????? How????"

Soooooooo...yeah, I've been productive, I swear, just words being stubborn with me 😅

[lazylittledragon]

apologies to everyone who ordered from the mini restock and hasn't had a shipping notif yet!!! nothing is wrong i just ran out of envelopes and had to wait for more

[eggwishing]

h

[t-errifier]

today is my last day of work before four days off !! but i just need to say, i have the MOST positive reviews right now out of all the pharma techs & i'm so ... proud of myself for this accomplishment. i always try to put my best foot forward at work & it really touches me that people actually felt the need to write nice reviews about me on our company website ;;

[nostalgiaclown]

houghu- help me

[nexus-nebulae]

me as a kid: i have all these problems

every adult around me: you're not old enough to know what's wrong with you, you're fine

me as an adult: i still have all these problems

my doctors after i finally got the opportunity to choose them myself: oh my fucking god why have you never gotten help for all these problems. you should have seen me 10 years ago

[dogboner]

personal growth is crazy because it seems like nothing has changed until you're crying because you don't want to die. you learn something about yourself that ten years ago would have actually killed you, and now you're thinking about what you can do to heal and make peace with it. nothing may have changed to you, but to the person you were however long ago, you are the "it gets better"

[vaguely-concerned]

I was just ambushed within the turbulent halls of my own mind by some headcanons about rye ingellvar's childhood that did 15000000 points of psychic damage to me and my heart personally and also made me almost sure of how I want to play it all at the end (very very differently from how I imagined going in!). some 'oh holy fuck this changes everything' rocking my own world bullshit going on in my neurons right now I'm reeling

[tenebriism]

// ... the day of American reckoning.

Bright side is that my 7 day vacation starts tomorrow. Part of it will be spent at Sonic Expo in Dallas, but majority of it will be spent rotting in my hotel room, gorging on take out. I'm hoping to be very productive here during that time.

[imeriayapping]

I'm so happy that at least in motogp i can breathe without seeing russians because they are always lased in f1 history, they still try to push that fucking shwartzman there too and into indy, they are in wec. THEY ARE EVERYWHERE

And I can't even express my fury because I'm not gonna be called racist/nazi/xenophobic but when people do same thing to Israeli it's ok. I can't be angry at nation that killed my granddad my uncle and probably many more in my family tree. I can't be anything other than thankful for support even if it's never fucking enough because my timeline looks like necrolog.

All i see when I'm online is either other Ukrainians trying to crowdfund ammunition for our soldiers without much success because everyone and our economy is exhausted or news about how new forces join russians to kill us. It's their only goal.

And you can't just fucking cherry pick those russians you like to say that they aren't guilty. They need to embrace consequences of what their politicians are doing. You can't be innocent and russian at the same time, one of very few truly good russians died recently fighting on the side of Ukraine. Our outlook on life becoming so individualistic we don't realise that power is hold by masses, that if they wanted for war to stop those "simple russians" could just stop going to war. Their system is extremely corrupt, it's easy to escape being drafted. Only times they protest is when they get denied another app. There millions of them and somehow just dozens of those caught by police for protest. They just don't fucking care and you continue to defend them online

[14dayswithyou]

are you a compsci major :0

✦゜ANSWERED: I wish I had the brains and dedication for that ^^; If anything, Ren would be the compsci major (if he chose to go to university with you)!! As for me though?? I'm currently double majoring in digital media and social working ;v;

[futurewife]

Ven please, I'm begging you to go to therapy. Your posts hurt me so much cause I recognize myself and people I've loved in them and I always wanna say smth to make you feel better but I know from experience that that only helps for a little while or doesn't help at all or can even make things worse. But you don't have to suffer like this forever!! You can get better and there is help!! And as a fellow pmdd sufferer you can get help with that too. Idk how you feel about medication but going on birth control continuously so you never have periods or using antidepressants or mood stabilizers just for the two nightmare weeks after ovulation can help so much. Please please please I worry about you and I know you can have a good life if you get help! you're beautiful and creative and you have everything you need you just have to figure out how to access it and use it and I know you can do it. I know your F/Os would want you to and I know your future real life S/Os who are waiting for you would want you to too. You deserve to be happy instead of feeling like a ghost all the time.

Thank you anon I appreciate the concern, feel a little bit embarrassed about oversharing now but you know what...sometimes you just have to say it out loud somewhere. As you would know the nature of the disorder means there's often not much that can be done in terms of talking myself out of the way it feels cause biology is so (detrimentally) overpowering and intensifies other mental health issues and generally all pre-existing negative feelings about ones' existence. The ghost analogy is apt and I've often used this to describe how I relate to life and connecting with others. now idk if I can overcome myself and thrive but maybe I could switch some things up and see if it makes it suck a little less

I was on ssris constantly for years previously (edit: and therapy on and off) before I stopped taking them but your ask has me considering intermittent dosing even if I dislike the side effects just to see what happens. I thought I could just grit my teeth and bare it (put myself to sleep between being wracked by ugly crying as I cannot stand being conscious in my own mind) every month in lieu of meds but maybe I can't rawdog slog through dark funhouse mirror evil pmdd reality on my own/shouldn't feel that I have to in order to not "lose"

I was very touched by your reaching out and compassionately disagreeing with me (lol) and it means a lot from another person with pmdd. It helps to think someone out there sees the value in me as I am right now, and that someone else is also fighting their own good fight. When you said I have everything I need I just have to figure out how to access it and use it and you know I can do it you sound just like my grandma. (<3)

[pollen]

i've been diving a lot deeper into adhd symptoms and comorbidities and misdiagnoses and whenever i tell my boyfriend something i learned that sounds like me he responds with something like

[musical-chick-13]

I mean. I guess the good news is that I am now 100% sure I'm not in love with Her™ even a little bit at all anymore, but like. At what cost.