#i'm such a cliche

[minisugakoobies]

Have you ever seen this meme?

Tis Jay! Not his proudest moment considering before this elimination he told everyone not to cry.

He's a subtle menace. But still will shake up the Babygirl Bracket. Jungkook is not a fan of any of his competitors.

Jungkook needs to learn how to share, tbh. He's far too spoiled.

Jay plays the guitar?? Electric, no less?? My defenses are down 😫

[trisarahtops-sketches]

Sketch of Laika, Mars, Menya, & Yue from @laikascomet ! ✨☄️⭐

[sockich]

You think you can take me down twice?

BLUE EYE SAMURAI (2023)

[labgrownmeat]

[clowndensation]

pov you're roman roy, and you have a body that has reactions you can't control, and those reactions are pathetic and freakish and prove just how much you've gotten it wrong. you can't laugh, you can't talk, you can't even cry at your father's funeral without everyone seeing what a failure made flesh you are.

[so-i-did-this-thing]

Someone just tagged one of my tweedy selfies with "dark academia is problematic" and I'm just dying over here, especially since I associate my look more with riding horses than archiving at the Mütter Museum.

Anyway, "vintage style, not vintage values."

[pachinkofish]

bro is not vibing right now everyone needs to chill

[otome-dissection]

Idk man I just think that mizu/ena5 and its progression was really beautiful actually. I just think that the release of the ena5 song was also really beautiful and kind of the nail in the coffin for me and I haven't been able to get the event(s) out of my head all week and that I kind of want to talk about it, actually.

It's about being hurt so deeply and continuously that any kindness that could be offered to you manages to feel like a sin, that it makes you crumble and shatter but for all the wrong reasons, not because of the newfound safety, not out of relief, but something worse and more deeply ingrained in you than kindness ever was. It's about carefully measuring the distance at which you keep others away from yourself, to ensure that it never happens again ("To save yourself the trouble", if that makes it easier).

It's about realizing that the people you've been spending all this time with are drifting closer, that they just might bump up against the unsightly parts of yourself that you've tried to keep locked away, it's about turning around and sprinting at full speed and slamming the door shut and holding onto the handle behind you to stop it from turning, because you're as frightened of the possibility of another wound being inflicted on you as you are of the possibility that kinder, gentler hands will reach out and smooth over the exposed scar. It's about hating eyes that judge and silently condemn you as much as you hate eyes that simply see you and take all of you in without scrutiny, because no matter what they're looking and they're looking at you and they know that your hand's on that door handle and they know that you're hiding something because, as much as you try to keep it shut, they've seen through the crack that you foolishly left open.

(The prominence of eyes in Bake no Hana, specifically eyes looking and searching, and finally landing on you, the viewer, Mizuki, is so fucking. Visceral in my opinion. Every character in the MV stares at the viewer in a deadpan, almost judging way. Even though Mizuki knows deep down that niigo won't really hate them, won't judge them, she just can't stand their kindness either; any gaze directed at her is a loss, another prick in their skin. It screams "don't look at me" while making sure that you know, with horrific certainty, that they're looking for you, that you're being watched. You can't go outside, can't leave your room, because they're searching for you, and while that should be reassuring, to you it's anything but).

It's about not wanting to be dissected, whether it's with hands that want to pull your organs apart or stitch them back together because no matter what they're there, and they're getting frighteningly close to your heart. It's about blinding yourself and covering your eyes to it all because seeing means exposure and exposure means they're taking something from you and you can't do anything about it, much less take it all back, much less have a say in the matter. Everyone's just taking and taking and taking and you wish you could just be alone. You wish everyone would just disappear and you could live in a world all to yourself, for only yourself (but is that really what you want?).

It's about the way that, near the beginning of the Yoka ni Mitoreta MV, Mizuki and her loneliness is represented as a dark, splotchy stain in the shadows. No colors, no patterns, no way to clean it or wash it all away, just raw ugliness marring a blank canvas. It's about the way that Ena reaches out to it anyway, the way she startles when the glass shatters just when she finally starts reaching forward, the way that the rest of the MV/song represents her searching for and reaching only further out to Mizuki, even if the broken shards of glass will only cut her fingers, potentially leaving scars.

It's about how, in every way, subtly, directly, consciously, and subconsciously, Ena shows that she fucking cares.

It's about the way that Ena lets Mizuki have autonomy, despite the situation being so horribly out of their control. And it's such a delicate thing: If she really wants to, Mizuki can take the opportunity to just run away, keep running forever, repeat the cycle over and over, and maybe she'll just destroy herself with it again, but it can't be denied that it's something important to them, something she can't quite live without just yet, their means of survival. Mizuki's autonomy is their identity, it's her tailoring her own clothes and choosing her own ribbons and styling her own hair the way she does. Ena letting them have that is as much about trust as it is about understanding that Mizuki of all people should have this right, when control was something stripped from her throughout so much of her life. She couldn't control how she was born, how people look at her or why, can't control what they think of her; lacking control has only left Mizuki vulnerable to the cruelties of others, has only caused them to suffer, which is why it's so important that it's given to them now.

She had the control to make the choice to see niigo's welcoming love and run away instead of staying, and she has the control to make the choice now whether she wants to keep things the way they are or take a step forward to be at their side again. She has every right to have it, and I think the fact that Ena realizes and respects that, even if it's subconsciously, is really beautiful (there is an entire fucking Verse about this in the new song and just. God Look at this. It's so caring, unconditional, and for fucking What. I think there is something to be said about how much Ena is willing to put aside for Mizuki, and maybe deep down it isn't healthy, but for now I'm just kind of in awe)

It's about how insanely patient Ena has been this whole time. Mizuki says that she basically lied to Ena's face about telling her their secret, even after Ena said with such conviction that she would wait for Mizuki as long as it takes, and Ena is just kept waiting and waiting and worrying like this seemingly indefinitely. It's about how Mizuki danced around it, avoided it, kept the distance, straight up ran when she was finally pushed, but Ena still chased anyway when she saw that she couldn't wait anymore, kept chasing just enough to intervene and get a straight answer out of Mizuki when she really needed to, but still leaving her enough space to leave if that was truly what she wanted. It's about how relieved Ena is the moment that Mizuki finally says outright how much they want to be with her and niigo, how much she wants to try, how much more light Ena's voice sounds when she grabs her hand, relieved, the way that the relief she feels can be felt through the music, throughout the entirety of Yoka ni Mitoreta, the way that warm colors always follow her when she chases after Mizuki, just to hold onto her and stop her from running away completely.

It's about how that careful combination of Ena's directness, Ena's persistence, Ena's warmth, her patience, her bluntness about her feelings, the way she chases and holds on but not too tight and her regard for how unsafe and exposed Mizuki feels actually works and breaks it all down. It's about how she really did reach through to Mizuki, despite the thorns and broken glass shards and nearly-unfulfilled promises, the way that Mizuki did finally let her turn the door handle and step through to see what she'd been hiding all this time, the way that Mizuki's hand, limp, when Ena first grabs onto it, shifts to hold hers back as they cry in the face of Ena's gentleness.

Despite how harsh Mizu/Ena5, and even Ena herself as a character can be (or at least was in the very beginning of pjsk), everything is somehow gentle and warm in the end, blindingly so. And you know what, I think that's beautiful. And what's even more beautiful than that is how Mizuki allows themself to crumble and shatter under that kindness, that warm light, but this time, finally, out of relief.

On a final note, I just want to say that I also appreciate how all that didn't have to solve everything. The scars haven't disappeared, haven't gone away, and Mizuki knows that their desire to run hasn't gone away forever, and maybe it never truly will. But for now they've calmed it, at least a little. She's learning to allow herself to be seen, learning that when someone's fingertips brush over their scars the way Ena's did that it's only out of care, and that maybe taking in that care and allowing herself to feel kindness and safety is okay. They're safe, for now, somehow. They're learning. They're trying. And I think that's cool :)

[walkingstackofbooks]

"Are you happier? Now that the war is over?"

It had been meant as a serious question, but from the look on Kira's face, she hadn't caught onto that. "What sort of question is that, 'am I happier'?" she asked, laughing a little as she spoke. "Of course I am! Who isn't?"

Shrugging, Julian forced himself to smile back at her. "No, of course," he agreed. "Silly question."

His smile clearly hadn't been convincing: Kira's own smile had faded as she looked at him more closely, her eyebrows creasing into a frown.

"Have I done something to make you think I'm not?" she asked sharply. "Why wouldn't I be?"

"No-- no, nothing like that," Julian said hurriedly. "I mean, obviously Odo's gone now, and Keiko and the Chief, and Worf, and... and the Captain... But that-- That's different, isn't it, I guess. You can be sad and happy at the same time, right?"

He cringed, knowing that he hadn't quite managed to make sense there: years of practice had made him very good at recognising Kira's 'baffled' expression.

"All these years," said Kira, slowly shaking here head, "and I still don't understand you, sometimes. Of course I miss Odo, and the others -- and while we're at it, of course I'm still angry and-- and upset about the things that happened during the war..." She made a face, banging her fist lightly against the table. "Damn you, you know I'm no good with feelings, that's... there's a lot more there, besides," she added. "And I'm sure as hell not going into that right now...

"But if you're asking whether I'd rather be here, now, living without the threat of the Dominion or the Cardassians, knowing my friends are alive and safe -- and if they're not, at least being able to mourn them in peace, not having to make decisions that could get us all killed if it goes even slightly wrong... or if I'd rather be back there, in the war -- well. It's no contest, is it?"

"In theory, no, of course--"

"In theory?" Kira asked incredulously. "Julian, are you saying you were happier in the war?"

"No!" he exclaimed: that hadn't been what he'd meant at all. "The war was-- it was... Well, you couldn't be happy during the war, could you? Everything was too awful, it was impossible."

"A lot of the time, yeah," Kira said softly. "And that's gonna stick with us for a long time -- but they're only memories, now. We made it."

"We did," Julian said quietly, his eyes fixed on the table. "I just... I thought I'd be happier, I guess. Now that it's all over."

Kira reached forward, brushing her hand over his. "That's what this is all about?" she asked. "You aren't happy?"

"I never said I'm not," Julian objected hotly, looking back up at her -- but a sigh slipped out of him as he realised he didn't actually have an argument, and he shook his head, slumping back into his chair. Kira watched him, not saying anything.

"No, you're right," he admitted, pulling his arms across himself, almost too tight. "I know I'm supposed to be-- I know, after everything, it's so stupid... But, Nerys, I don't-- I don't think I am?"

Stopping to swallow the lump that had risen in his throat, he noticed he eyes had grown wet, which for some reason made him chuckle. "Isn't that silly?" he asked, leaning forward again. "We won the war, but I'm still not happy."

"No, Julian," Kira replied slowly. "I don't think that's silly at all. It's just... It's just very, very sad." She took a breath, reaching out to hold both his hands this time. "I'm sorry," she continued. "I didn't know."

"It's not your fault," he said, squeezing her hands tightly. "For a while, I just thought everyone else was pretending, too, so I just went along with it... And then I started to realise that no, you were all actually at least a little bit okay, and so I had to keep pretending, because happiness is so fragile and I didn't, you know, want to make anyone else feel bad just because I..."

He trailed off, shrugging a little. "I don't know, Nerys. I guess I just wanted to check that it wasn't just me, but it is just me, and now I've told you, and I'm sorry, I didn't mean to make you feel bad--"

"Julian, no," Kira interrupted. "Thank you for sharing this with me -- I'm glad you told me, okay?"

Ears growing hot, Julian ducked his head, not quite sure to do with the wave of emotion spilling over him. Now that he'd told her some of it, he kind of wanted to let everything out. Distractedly, he started tracing patterns on her hands, pushing into them with increasing intensity.

"It's just-- I'm just..." He stumbled over his words, struggling to give voice to the one thought that he'd been trying to ignore for months. "What if this is it for me? What if I'm like this forever? It's been years, Nerys--"

To his horror, his voice cracked, and he covered his mouth, trying to hold back the sobs that were threatening to burst out. Hoping that no-one else had noticed, he looked around the replimat; thankfully the other diners seemed more interested in their own conversations than in him and Kira.

"Would you like to go somewhere less public?" Kira asked. Not quite trusting himself to speak, he nodded, and together they left the replimat.

As they walked down the promenade and up to the habitat ring, Kira steered clear of their previous conversation, chatting about the station, her week, her latest grievance with Quark, and Julian was grateful for the respite. But as soon as they were sat down in her quarters, she turned to him with a most serious expression.

"It isn't right, you feeling like that, you know," she said. "I don't have the answers, I don't know how it gets better -- but we both know someone who would. You haven't tried telling Ezri any of this, have you?"

Julian's stomach tightened: Ezri was the last person he wanted to have this particular conversation with. "Oh, yes, because that would go so well," he retorted sarcastically. "Hi Ezri, I love you, but you don't make me happy. Don't worry, it's not you, I'm just unhappy most of the time. Most of the time? Yeah, it gets better when I'm around you, because then I just kind of feel... nothing. What an improvement!"

"Julian..." whispered Kira, but it was all coming out now and Julian couldn't make it stop. He rose from the sofa, starting to pace as he spoke.

"Did you ever make me happy? Maybe, sweetheart, but I'm not even certain of that. I might have been so desperate for anything even resembling happiness that I just deluded myself into thinking I was in love... Do I even love you? Who the fuck knows, Ezri. Is love even real, or did it die in the war along with every-fucking-thing else?"

His voice had risen louder than he'd intended, condemning him with every word it pushed forcefully into the air. He'd made Kira cry, he thought, but he couldn't quite be sure, his vision being clouded by his own mess of tears.

"How could I possibly tell her that?" he asked, sitting back down heavily, his voice dropping to a hollow whisper. "Kira, how the hell do I tell her that?"

"Come here," she said in way of a response, pulling him against her and holding him tightly, so that he could feel her lips move against his hair as she answered him. "I don't know," she was saying, "but you have to, Julian. I can be there with you if you want but, Prophets, Julian, you have to. How could you not?"

How could he not?

Julian closed his eyes and let himself fall apart against his friend, not even bothering to try to answer her. It was terrifying, after all this time, to finally allow someone to see how broken he really was, but he was far, far too tired to keep it in any longer.

[shevr]

yea we bnuuy move along

[t00thpasteface]

i only have eyes for Only One Bed

[paw-padss]

my humble christmas gift to you all! ^^

The snow softly blanketed the ground, and the wind blew strongly against the windows of your shared apartment. Usually you and your boyfriend were known for just staying inside together and being each other's company, playing games or watching movies while being cuddled up under each other. But it was Christmas Eve, and your closest friends had decided to invite both you and your boyfriend out for a little get-together at their house.

"Do we really have to go...?" He grumbled as he lazily slipped his arms through his jacket. While you definitely wouldn't describe yourself as the most sociable person in the world, the reason why you too had mostly stayed indoors wasn't because of you, but rather because your boyfriend was (in his own words) "not fit for social interaction."

"There's no point in whining; we'll only show our faces for an hour or two, and then we can come right back!" You said, giving your boyfriend an encouraging pat with your gloved hand.

"....Whatever." He said with a pout. After a few hours of protesting against this, it seems he had finally given up. You couldn't help but let a triumphant smirk sneak across your face as you watched the taller man dejectedly slip his hat over his head.

Placing your victory aside, you decide to take your scarf from the hook and delicately wrap it around your neck, tying it together with a stylish loop.

"Ready to go?"

"Just gimme a minute." He said as he reached for his matching scarf hanging on the other hook.

You hummed in acknowledgment as you watched him attempt to tie his scarf.

and then another attempt in which the scarf just seemed to get tangled within itself.

and then a third that left him flustered as he muttered frustratingly under his breath.

"Need some help?"

"Ya think?" He huffed sarcastically. You laughed lightheartedly as you watched his fingers continue to fumble around with the knot in his scarf before deciding to slip your gloves off and step forward.

"What's so funny?" he mumbled, his face flushing from embarrassment.

"The fact that you have the precision to full-combo the hardest tracks in your rhythm games but cant seem to wrap a scarf around your neck." You quipped as you gently arranged the ends of the scarf to hang off his shoulders.

He didn't seem to have a rebuttal to that other than another exaggerated sigh, so you kept going with the scarf, making sure to make one end slightly longer than the other. Then, in one swift motion you took the longer end and brought it around the shorter end to form a knot. Firmly adjusting it till you were satisfied with the look.

"Is it too tight?"

Your boyfriend seemed to look at you with awe, "How... did you do that?"

You shrugged your shoulders. "Practice, I suppose. Now are you ready to go?"

"Just one more thing."

He leaned down and placed his lips on the tip of your nose peeking out of your scarf and, with a touch light like a snowflake, gave it a little peck. It carried all the warm affection that he wasn't so great at putting into words, like an intimate Christmas gift.

"Merry Christmas."

You smiled and laughed heartily.

"Merry Christmas."

initially for gamer!danheng and gamer!kinch (which was a scrapped idea I've had since september) but it can be your favs <3 happy holidays!

[meowingshojofanatic]

How it feels to work an AMV

[jo6hny]

Casual - Hazel Callahan

Pairing: College student! Hazel Callahan x College student! Reader 

Contains: the angst that comes with a “casual” relationship, some fluff, a smidge of smut (for the plot), reader’s kind of an asshole in this, happy ending!! 

Word Count: 4.4k

Summary: Hazel and Reader are in a “casual” relationship.  Based on Chappell Roan’s song!

A/N: First time writing wlw please spare me and i also haven't written in a long time so :< I also take requests for hazel and kit, my inbox is open and i also need mutuals so hmu pls :)) 

Knee deep in the passenger seat and you're eating me out Is it casual now?

“Seriously, Hazel. Get a grip, she’s using you.” PJ rolled her eyes at the brunette after having to listen to the same story about you for nth time. It was always like this. She always yapped to her friends about how you made her feel in love but conflicted. How she never knew what your relationship was and how she could never find her grip over you loosening. 

Josie nods at PJ's statement. She knew that her friend could use better words especially since Hazel is sensitive, but she needed the truth. They were both tired of giving the latter hints. Josie especially couldn’t help but feel hurt on Hazel’s behalf after she’d heard about your ongoing “casual” relationship. 

“I don’t know guys,” Hazel trails off, fidgeting with her rings. “Maybe tonight will be different. I’ll have the courage to ask her about us again and we’re gonna be official. I know it.” 

The two girls couldn’t help but sigh at their friend’s hopelessness. But they couldn’t do anything but be supportive. They’ve tried their best to warn her about the dangers of being with you and yet nothing seemed to faze the blue eyed girl. She didn’t care, she was in love. She looked at you like you were the universe. It didn’t matter that you keep brushing her off whenever she asks about your relationship. It didn’t matter that she’s met half of your family but you only introduced her as a “friend” No, none of it mattered to her. What mattered was that she was in your orbit; that you saw her. 

2 years ago she would have never dreamed that you would spare her a glance. You were never the type to date losers. And yet here she was, knee deep in the passenger seat of her car, eating you out and having the time of her life. Hazel lapped up your juices, not wasting a drop. The brunette swore to herself that she would never get tired of how you tasted. How soft you felt under her palms. 

“Fuck Hazel, right there.” You moaned, gripping her hair as you found release. 

The younger girl looks at you with a sense of pride as she props herself up on her elbows. You take a hand and caress the sweet girl’s cheek, looking at her with admiration. 

“Did I do good?” She asks with a seemingly innocent tone. Oh, how sweet she was. How kind. It broke your heart to lead such a good person on. 

You nodded, adjusting your clothes and sitting up. The brown haired girl sat next to you on the driver’s seat. She looked nervous, like she was bottling something up. 

“Is something bothering you?” 

Hazel sucks a breath in. She was fidgeting with her rings and that’s how you knew that she was nervous about something. You put your hand on top of hers to calm her down. 

“It's just that,” She starts, not able to make eye contact with you, “I wanted to ask you something if that’s okay.” 

You purse your lips. You know where this was going. She was going to ask about your relationship again. You didn’t have it in you to break her heart today. Not when she just gave you the best head of your life. But you couldn’t exactly give her what she wanted. It wasn’t that easy. You adored Hazel more than anything in the world, and she meant more to you than any other person did. But you couldn’t bring yourself to make things official. It was all too real, too heavy. Being vulnerable and leaving your heart’s responsibility to another person was something you just couldn’t do. You couldn’t afford another heartbreak. It’s not like Hazel would, though. You knew that she would treat you well, but you couldn’t promise the same for her. 

“Hazel, baby.” You said, giving her hand a squeeze. “If this is about what I think it is, I’m sorry. I can’t give you an answer today. But you know what you mean to me.” 

Hazel nods, biting her lip as she tries to fight off tears. You could feel a crack forming in your heart at the sight of your girl with glassy eyes.

“It’s okay.” She breathed. It was not. But she had to pretend that it was. She didn’t want to lose you. She knew that many others sought after you. So she nods and she smiles. 

────────────────────────────────────────────

Hazel settles into class and takes a seat next to PJ and Josie. The pair looked at her expectantly and she could only give them a sad stare. They already knew what happened from the looks of the brown haired girl. The campus crush strikes again. Hazel spends the rest of the class with her mind not on the lesson, but on your relationship. Dark thoughts started to muddle her mind, she wondered what was wrong with her, why it was so hard for you to give her a chance. 

PJ puts a hand on her shoulder, shaking her out of her trance. 

“Hey, we’re going to the cafe and maybe study, you wanna come with?” She asks, both her and Josie look at her with sympathy. This was the only way they knew how to cheer their friend up. Neither were the type to be touchy or give words of assurance. Plus, they knew Hazel wouldn’t want anyone else but you to touch her anyway. 

Hazel simply nods, not having the energy to respond verbally. 

They head to the cafe nearest to their building and occupy a table near a window. This was your table. Well, both of yours. Hazel brought you here the first time she asked you out and it became your meetup destination from then on. 

Josie sets a drink in front of her and takes a seat across the table.Her friends look at her expectantly. They want to know what went down, expectedly. Hazel doesn’t know if she has the courage to tell her friends about her rejection. It wasn’t like this was the first time anyway, but it still hurt. She can’t help but feel ashamed of her hubris, how she spoke highly of herself and how sure she was that this would be the time you would change her mind only for her to come back like a scared dog with her tail tucked between her legs. It’s like she never learned when it came to you. 

Hazel opens her mouth, racking her brain for words to describe what went on yesterday. 

“Well-” 

“Shut up.”  PJ interjects, looking at something behind Hazel. Something beyond the window and on the outside of the cafe. 

“What’s going on?” She asks nervously. 

Josie gives her a disappointed look, nodding her head towards where PJ was staring. It was you. With a girl who wasn’t her. Now, she wouldn’t immediately assume malicious things whenever she sees you with someone else but this time it was different. You had your arm wrapped around the woman and the both of you were smiling at some stupid thing she couldn’t comprehend. Hazel’s body started to feel warm and tears started to well in her eyes. She felt stupid. Her lip quivered and she was holding back a sob. 

“We should go.” Josie says with caution. Her friend takes her hand and leads her outside away from the cafe. Away from you. 

“I’m sure that was nothing.” PJ says, which was very unlike her. Usually, she’d take this as an opportunity to spew insults and talk about how you were using her. How people saw Hazel as some girl that you fuck on her couch. But this time she chose to bite her tongue. She already saw how broken her friend was and she didn’t want to add to it. Especially not since Hazel was the only person left in the friend group without a solid relationship. 

“Right.” Hazel choked out. She couldn’t bring herself to speak. If she spoke, she was sure that it would continue on to a sob. The blue eyed girl didn’t want to break out sobbing in front of so many people. But she couldn’t help the hurt she felt. 

────────────────────────────────────────────

It’s been a week since the incident. Hazel was ignoring you. She didn’t need Josie or PJ’s words to convince her to do it this time. The hurt in her heart was enough. Though she couldn’t deny that it was difficult to do. You would hit her up and all she could do was ignore you. A small voice inside Hazel was deluding her, telling her that you care because you didn’t stop messaging her. But she knew better. Just then, her phone pings and it was another text from you. 

MY girl (mine): baby are you okay? It’s been a week. i’m worried about you, yk.  MY girl (mine): text me back, okay?  MY girl (mine): i miss you. 

Hazel groans at the last message you sent. You certainly knew how to reel her in. Did you actually miss her? Maybe it wouldn’t hurt to give you a bit of an update. No. She had to stay strong. This relationship had dragged on for too long. She was going crazy without confirmation from you. She needed security, stability. She needed you to tell her that you wanted her. But she knew better. The brunette throws her phone across her bed and decides to continue ignoring you. 

Just then, a knock on her door interrupts her train of thought. Hazel’s stomach drops and she feels nervous for no reason. Her mind was feeding her delusions again. What if it was you? Had you come to check up on her? The knocking continues and she forces herself to get out of bed to make way towards the door. Her hand hovers over the doorknob, she didn’t know how to feel if it was you on the other side and if it weren’t. She’d been doing so well at staying away, but her being called for you. Every part of her being yearned for your touch, for your voice, for you.

“Hazel? It’s me.” Your voice is muffled by the door but she definitely knew that it was you. Her heart jumped, her pulse was racing. Her mind was screaming right now. So you did come to see her! She couldn’t help but smile at the thought of your concern. Maybe you did care for her, maybe a part of you felt the same. 

She wiped the smile off her face before opening the door. She didn’t want you to see how excited she was. Not that it wasn’t obvious from how she glowed. 

“Hey.” She greeted, opening the door a bit too excitedly. “What are you doing here?” 

“I wanted to see you. You’ve been ignoring me.” You reply, looking at her with a bit of hurt. 

“Oh, I’m sorry. I got sick.” She lies, fake coughing. Hazel couldn’t help but feel guilty. She couldn’t tell you the truth, though. She wasn’t very confrontational and she was too scared that you’d shut her down. All she wanted right now was to bask in your presence and let herself enjoy the fact that you went out of your way to see her. 

“Aw, you should have told me, Haze. I would have brought you meds too.” The brunette looks down and sees your hand with a plastic bag full of what she assumes are snacks. 

“Are those for me?” Hazel replies with shock and fascination. You’d never done anything like this for her before. This caught her off guard. Usually it was her that did all the effort but here you were with all her favorite snacks. Her heart warmed at the thought. Maybe PJ and Josie were wrong about you. 

You roll your eyes playfully. “Obviously, dummy. Can I come in?” 

The blue eyed girl nods and lets you in. You settle on her bed and put the plastic bag full of Hazel’s favorite snacks and drinks on her desk. It took you a bit longer to come visit Hazel than you’d intended. You were well aware that she was ignoring you and that she was lying to your face. But you couldn’t blame her. She must have had her reasons and you knew that you were a major part of it. You felt guilty. Hazel didn’t deserve to be stringed around like a rag doll, but you couldn’t let her go either. Which is why you swallowed your pride and came over to hers with all her favorite snacks. You didn’t even have to make an effort on remembering what she liked because it was all ingrained in your mind. If it were any other girl, you would have let them stay away but Hazel was different. 

“Do you feel okay now?” 

“Uhm…yeah. I guess.” 

You pout, not knowing what to say to her. Instead, you pat the empty spot beside you and gesture for her to sit. Hazel takes the cue and as soon as she does, you wrap your arms around her. 

“I missed you, Haze.” You whisper, burying your nose on the crook of her neck. She smelled good, clean. She smelled like home. 

Hazel’s arms tighten around you as she reciprocates the feelings. You feel a weight fall off your shoulders, one that you never knew you had. It was always so easy to be with her. Sure, she was sometimes awkward, and sometimes she yapped a lot, but she was your girl. She felt like a warm cozy day in bed. She enveloped your mind and senses and it scared you dearly. 

“Tell me what’s wrong, Haze. I know you aren’t sick.” You mumble, holding her tighter. 

Your lover sighs and takes a minute before replying. Your heart was pounding. 

“I saw you the other day near the cafe.” She trails off, rubbing her palms on your back. “You were with a girl.” 

“It was a friend.” You reply, cutting off allegations before Hazel could make them. You knew where this was going.

“I knew that,” She says, giving you a reassuring smile. “I told PJ and Josie that too.” 

Hazel felt as if that wasn’t true, but she didn’t want to ruin the mood. It’s not every day that she has you in her dorm room all to herself. And it wasn’t like you two were a thing anyway. The thought of your relationship seemed to dampen her mood even more. The brunette couldn’t help but noticeably frown. 

You lifted your head from her embrace and looked at her, your eyebrows furrowed.  

“There’s something else that’s bothering you. I can feel it.” 

“It’s just…” She starts, readying herself for what she was about to say. She really couldn’t hold it in any longer. Hazel could just not get why you two couldn’t become official. 

“Don’t you want to be mine? Or like each others” 

Your face feigns confusion. “What do you mean?” 

“Like, girlfriends.” She shrugged, avoiding eye contact. “It’s not like we don’t already do couple-y things, you know.” 

“Hazel,” you sigh. “Please don’t start.” 

“I love you.” She blurts out. You could feel your breath hitch and your palms grow cold. This couldn’t be happening right now. Your chest tightens at her confession and you feel sorry for her. No words could leave your mouth right now and all you could do was stare. 

“I’m sorry.” She says, noticing the lack of response. 

You put a hand on her cheek. 

“No, baby. Don’t apologize.” She looks at you with her big blue eyes that were filled with regret and sadness. Hurt filled your chest as you saw how tears started to fill her eyes. 

Letting go of your embrace, she said, “I just don’t get it. I don’t get why you don’t want me.” 

“Haze, that’s not true at all. You know that. I do want you.” You counter, trying to get her to look at you. 

“Then why can’t you admit it? Why can’t you commit to loving me?” She shoots back at you, her voice cracked. 

A lump formed in your throat and you couldn’t find the words. It’s not that you didn’t love her, you did, with all of your being. But you couldn’t commit to being with her because of how afraid you were to hurt her. Hazel wasn’t like you. She’s pure, kind, and thoughtful. You on the other hand had a reputation for breaking hearts. You simply couldn’t bear the thought of breaking her heart. Being with you meant people would judge her more than she already was. More than you already were. 

“Please leave.” She whispers as she takes your hand off her cheek. The sound of her sniffles filled the room. 

“I’m really sorry, Haze.” You mutter, getting up. Maybe giving her space would be the right thing to do. Hazel deserved better than a girl like you, after all. She would be better off with someone who’d be proud to love her. 

────────────────────────────────────────────

Hazel looked at her phone for the nth time today, hoping that she might catch a stray message from you. Unfortunately, you seemed better off without her as she hadn’t received anything for the past two weeks. She even texted once and you didn’t even read the message. 

The brunette groans into her pillow. She regretted ever pushing it with you. Honestly, she wished that she kept her mouth shut. Maybe you’d still be in bed with her if she had. But a part of her was relieved. Relieved that at least everything’s clearer now to her and she managed to say what she always has. Hazel loved you more than anything in the world. More than her stamp collection and that says something. But she knew when to let go and wave the white flag. She couldn’t keep going in the relationship blind and not knowing what to do. Though, a small part of her still puts up hope that maybe one day you’ll choose her. Maybe. 

Her phone pings just then and her head shoots up. Hope fills her heart up as she looks at the notifications on her screen. 

MY girl (mine): Hey! Sorry I didn’t reply to your texts. LOL. I think I’m ready to be girlfriends now :))  Come over to the party over at Isabel’s later? 

Hazel frowned. Something wasn’t right. There was a tugging at her stomach that told her to be careful, but it was quickly overridden with excitement. 

Hazel: sure bby ill be there!! see u <33 MY girl (mine): Great :)) 

She arrives over at Isabel’s after a good fifteen minute walk. Hazel slowed herself down, she didn’t want to seem too eager to see you. Plus, she wanted to rehearse the potential conversation in her head before she saw you. In her hands was a bouquet of flowers and a handwritten letter that she wrote when she first met you. It was full of adoration and compliments about how captivating you were and how you captured the girl’s heart. To say she was excited was an understatement. The day was finally here. You two would be official. 

“Hey Haze!” Isabel greets her as she makes her way to the door. 

She waves her hand at her and asks your whereabouts. Isabel tells you that you’re over at her room, something about needing to lie down because your social battery is low. Hazel chuckled at that and thought about how you and her were similar in many ways.

Making her way upstairs, she rehearsed every talk point she wanted to bring up. Her hands were sweaty and her heart pounded but she was feeling optimistic. 

Standing in front of Isabel’s room door, she takes the knob and opens it. Her heart drops at the sight in front of her. There you were kissing the girl she saw you with near the cafe. Tears  flooded her eyes as she choked up a sob. 

The sound of Hazel’s sob alerts you and you push the girl away. 

“Hazel, oh my god. It’s not what you think-” 

The blue eyed girl storms out of the house faster than you could finish the sentence. You run after her but not before slapping your friend. She kissed you without prior knowledge and somehow you had a feeling that she might be the reason why Hazel was here. 

Catching up to your lover, you spot her walking away from Isabel’s house. 

“Hazel, wait! Please.” You pleaded, grabbing her arm. Tears were also evident in your eyes. Somehow you knew that this moment would define the way Hazel saw you and it burned you with agony. 

“You lied to me!” She yelled, not being able to contain her feelings anymore. She had always tried to be patient and kind. It was never in her nature to yell or be aggressive but this time all of the anguish inside of her built up and she couldn’t help but lash out. 

“Hazel I didn’t know you would be here and it’s not what it looks like, please.” You sob, pleading with her. She didn’t seem to believe you. Her eyes were filled with hurt and doubt. 

“You-” She said in between sobs, “You said you wanted to be with me. That you wanted to be together. You lied.” 

“Baby, I don’t know what you’re talking about, I’m sorry.” You said. 

Hazel takes her phone out of her pockets and shoves her phone in front of you. There, you saw a text from your number but it was not written by you.  You were right. Your friend did set the whole thing up. Disbelief filled your senses at the betrayal. You knew she had a thing for you but you couldn’t believe that she would do such a thing like this. Everyone knows not to approach you especially because they’ve seen you with Hazel and because you reject anyone else. 

“Do you know what they call me? They call me some girl you fuck on the side. I can’t believe I let this go on for so long, I feel so stupid.” She said, her voice breaking at every word. Hazel’s words were filled with venom and each felt like poison injecting itself in your bloodstream. The day you feared had come to be. In an attempt to run away and shield her, you broke her heart without notice and without care. 

“Hazel, I’m so sorry. You’re more than that to me, you know that.” 

“Just because you say that doesn’t mean I feel it.” 

It felt like something sharp struck your chest. How could you be so blind? You thought that keeping her at arms length would be the safest thing to do. But now you see your lover as she breaks in front of you. 

“You’re not stupid,” You say as you get closer to her. “And I do love you, Haze.” 

At that, Hazel froze. She didn’t know if she heard it correctly. But she did. Did she? It felt like a trick on her mind. The girl’s brows furrowed and her mouth hung ajar. 

“Do you really?” She whispers, scared that if she said anything louder that everything would disrupt. She was afraid that she was dreaming. 

You nod, wrapping your arms around her chest. 

“More than anything in the world, Haze.” 

Hazel looks at you, searching your eyes for any signs of trickery and lies. But all she could see was sincerity. 

“I’m sorry that I hurt you. I thought that it would be better for the two of us if we weren’t anything. I thought people would judge less. Stupid on my part, I know.” You apologize, breaking eye contact. 

“You’re not stupid.” She assures, her tone was soft and kind. 

“I kind of am.” You sniffle, giving her a shy smile. It was time to face your fears. You couldn’t handle seeing Hazel hurt and you had to admit that your heart screamed for her. It was as if you were made on this earth to love and care for her. 

“It’s okay, I am too.” She reassures you and it makes you laugh. Hazel smiles at hearing your laughter. 

“So where do we go from here? Girlfriends?” 

Hazel purses her lips, thinking about your friend she caught you in a lip lock with. 

“I don’t know, what about the person you were kissing earlier?” 

“That was nothing,” You said, shaking your head, “She was jealous of you. And she was the one that sent you that text. I’m so sorry for roping you in this, Haze.” 

“It’s okay.” She replies, Hazel believed in you. Her gut was right about that text message. Next time she saw that “friend” of yours she was sure to put a punch in. She hadn’t forgotten about her days at the fight club after all. Maybe she should put her skills back to good use. 

“So…” You trail off, cutting her thoughts off. 

“Girlfriends?” She asks, retracting from your arms and handing you the flowers and letter she had. 

You beamed at the brunette and nodded eagerly,  “If you want me to be.”

Hazel looks at you, bewildered. 

“What? of course I want you to be.” She said, not catching your teasing tone. This makes you laugh at how adorable she was. 

“Never mind.” You reply as you lean closer, putting your lips on hers. The kiss was eager but definitely not rough. It was a kiss shared between lovers that have reconnected. Lovers who finally bared their hearts with each other. It was soft, beautiful, and it made your head dizzy. 

“I love you, Haze.” You said in between kisses. Hazel smiles and continues kissing you. 

In the far distance, two girls had their eyes set on you from the beginning as the fight between you and Hazel ensued. They were both taking bets on what the outcome would be. When you kissed and made up, the other had to pay up. 

“Damn, I didn’t think they’d actually end up together.” PJ said disappointedly as she rummaged her pockets for twenty dollars that she lost to Josie. 

“I told you, dumbass. They have the hots for each other.” Josie replied, not revealing that Isabel told her all about how you wanted to be with Hazel but couldn’t because of your issues. She admits that she was iffy about you at first but now that she saw you going after Hazel, she decided that you weren’t that bad after all. Though, that was something she’d keep to herself. For now though, she’s enjoying her victory and beaming with pride as her friend finally gets the girl. 

[permanently-stressed]

"He told the moon and the stars 'I miss you too'" okay yeah sometimes shannon knows what she's doing

[leisplayhouse]

okay. hear me out.

jeremy jordan