#i'm still having a hard time believing
Explore tagged Tumblr posts
Text
#sherlock#it might be the cough medicine but I'm really feeling the bbc sherlock wedding episode today#a good feeling ₍՞◌′ᵕ‵ू◌₎♡#like finding an old block of cheese in the back of the fridge you forgot about and its gotten super hard and chewy#i currently have half a block of gouda curating in the vegetable cupboard#waiting#how are you doing friends!! C:#I'm good! I still have the cough but I also got a new scarf#I'm still thinking about buying window colors as well but I am waiting if that is also just because of the cough medicine#I can't believe it's already been a year since I have moved! last year I was doing everything here for the first time#and now everything is happening for a second time! that year was both very long and also happened very fast#our floor in the “office” my father wanted to install still is not completly done but he threw up last time he tried#he did not threw up because of the floor but because every time he does a home renovation project he drinks 3 liters of Cherry Coca Cola#we are trying to not make him drink 3 liters of Cherry Coca Cola but he doesn't want anyone else to finish the floor I think so we just do#not mention the hole in the floor#have a nice autumn day friends!! I hope you're doing well! ( ´͈ ◡ `͈ )#♥
3K notes
·
View notes
Text
How do you sleep at night? No one to hide behind Betrayed every alibi you had You had every chance to make amends instead you got drunk on bitterness And you still claim that you're innocent, it's sad
#daniel ricciardo#dr3#christian horner#for the blacklists#I recognize that christian horner in a gifset is NOT the kind of content people in ricnation are looking for rn#debated posting this but fuck it#me 🤝🏼 daniel: two bitches that love a depressing song lyric#it's about breaking free from a toxic relationship and the importance of prioritizing one's own needs#and that it can take a long time to recognize the dynamics at play in those relationships#and removing yourself from that situation can be just as hard and that just kind of epitomizes daniel with christian for me#in the return to rbr I think daniel trusted that CH would at the very least be straight forward and upfront with him#even if the end result wasn't what daniel wanted or hoped for#daniel could handle not getting the rbr seat#but something he couldn't handle was the truth that the one person he believed he could trust was gaslighting him and using him#and daniel had a light bulb moment - the point where you realize that sometimes the best thing you can do for yourself is to walk away#and so he got out#also this is obviously my interpretation of a relationship that I have zero insider info on and maybe they are chill now#as always…thinking too deeply about people I don’t know in the tags#also i recognize that this song is actually about a tiktok hype house but whatever rbr are that immature so it fits#this is my first go with this type of editing in PS so if you have any tips on style and execution i'm all ears#Apparently i also owe CH an apology bc i was so sure he didn't shake daniel's hand pre-race in singapore but he actually did and i missed i#during the breakdown i was having anyway fuck him still
159 notes
·
View notes
Text
I know it may look like I'm doing nothing but the truth is behind the scenes I'm actually doing something
#wips#spoiler#ts4 cc wips#i'm suffering from overinspiration rn#combined with too little time#the current plan is:#palettes first#proto-tartan swatches based on those colours second#then that 'very simple project'#'just a casual t-tunic/dress'#'let's make it modular that'll pay off in the future'#'totally won't make me stuck on this project for a month'#and then i don't know what#i still don't dare to believe i'll ever get there lol#i'm getting modding inspiration to make things worse#probably inspired by the lack of hobbies in the upcoming hobbies pack#like... proper modding#with new objects and craftables and all that jazz#and animations#ngl it's cool to have so many exciting ideas#on the one hand#but on the other it makes it hard to get anything done
50 notes
·
View notes
Text
Happy Mutation Day, Slash!







10 years ago, on this day, the TMNT episode Slash and Destroy aired!
#it's hard to believe it's been ten years!#i still remember my first reaction to the episode#if it wasn't for this show slash probably wouldn't have been my all time favorite characters#so today i'm doing a lot to celebrate this episode#teenage mutant ninja turtles#tmnt 2012#tmnt 2k12#tmnt slash#slash tmnt#tmnt spike#tmnt raphael#tmnt raph#tmnt leatherhead#mighty mutanimals#mutanimals
174 notes
·
View notes
Text
.
#I struggled so hard today#and for no apparent fucking reason#I struggled with something at work that I've done for the first time while also constantly task switching#and I STILL NOTICED MY MISTAKE#but the fact that I made a mistake in the first place is fucking killing me#I feel like I will be executed for it#it makes my skin crawl#and to know that I'll have to go up to another human being who I respect deeply and be like hey I made a mistake please don't hate me#is the first fucking thing#BUT IT DOESN'T NEED TO BE#part of science is noticing your own mistakes so why is this so terrible to me#I know upbringing bla#yes I was raised to believe that among all other things I'm smart#and I have had this proven to me over and over and over growing up#so when I actually struggle with something I can no longer be smart therefore I am nothing#utterly worthless#and nobody even meant me any harm by telling me I was smart#this is such a STUPID FUCKING problem to have#uh I was told I'm smart#bitch what#yes being yelled at from 10 through 28 by my father for completely unpredictable reasons did not help with me thinking this is terrible#BUT STILL#get your shit together#see and even now I'm beating myself up for struggling with something#URGH#I just want peace and not existential dread whenever I make a mistake that is definitely my fault#personal#so and if you've actually made it till down here I'm giving you a big hug#we'll make it somehow
28 notes
·
View notes
Text
Holding out hope that the writing in veilguard will get more bearable but rook saying to lucanis that it's "not nice that Spite hurt him" and he "shouldn't accept that it’s fine bc it wouldn't be ok if a person did that" like. That is a demon. Built off a single emotion called SPITE. Rook I am finding it really hard to believe that u have lived in thedas for more than 30 seconds.
#wow the demons which are one of the consistently evil forces in these games did something bad#hey players do you know that that was not nice#ok thank you. do u think I am 4#dav spoilers#veilguard spoilers#dragon age the veilguard#also grinding my gears that everyone (including dalish elves???) just immediately accept the evanuris are evil/have come back#like the first person to not immediately believe it is the first warden and honestly he is the only character so far I respect#like maybe if this was like inquisition and a huge hole in the sky/rifts opened everywhere#but it seems like nothing like that happened but everyone somehow magically knows about the ritual and instantly believes everything rook sa#the more I think about these things the more annoyed I get#guys did you know being a leader means u sometimes need to make hard decisions... varric taught me that in my ma15+ game#i am enjoying the combat at least lol and I like Bellara and want to see Babylon so I'm in it for the long haul#why does everyone have a gun to their head making them nice though like it's so painfully out of place sometimes#and being able to only say the same thing but in a slightly boring slightly funny or slightly serious way is driving me insane#like I seem to be the only one who had no problem w the limits on dialogue in inquisition but this is driving me insane#Mourn watch rook what if you were somehow boring and nice. yay thank you bioware#ALSO rook stop talking and forming opinions without me getting to choose what u say like no I don't want u to day we have to save that perso#ok I swear I'm done now.. I need to go back to writing my thesis instead of grinding my teeth about this game#this is all coming from an inquisition enjoyer as well (sorry) but like so far I have found nothing I enjoyed about inquisition in this game#maybe if the inquisitor and Ghilan'nain are cool latee on I can focus on that (big maybe)#I am only early on still (just met first warden) so there is still time... i guess..
36 notes
·
View notes
Text
...you know with a fandom that has lasted 30 years I'm sure I'm not saying anything new here, but 'right after his best friend from when he was thirteen (who he newly reunited with and asked to sleep over at his apartment. For Reasons) seemingly flicked his nipple (!!???? mark I have questions) to set him up for a prank and then cupped the back of his neck with rough affection in a deeply homoerotic way' sure is an incredibly specific moment for the camera to deny us access to fraser's expression fhksjafhas
(especially with the pattern over the many many times we see a woman hitting on him where his face will be clearly visible, with his expression placidly (one could be forgiven for starting to suspect tactically) uncomprehending/confused or uncomfortable. though we see him speak of specifically victoria for the first time turned away from the camera -- from behind, and only getting the faint reflection of his face in the window, to much the same effect. I think I might be on to something here.)
#I am definitely going to be looking out for that all over the place now haha. what does it mean. what does it MEAN#due south#benton fraser#listen actual overt queer rep is of course a good thing for us to have now. many MANY things sucked about how it used to be#we should not go back there. it was a dark time. how quickly some of us forget now that we have a wealth of things to choose from#but it used to be you had to suffer through things like the SGA episode 'the shrine' which is an amazing episode but ends#with the most intelligence-insulting no-homo inserted heterosexuality bullshit you've ever seen. and you just had to take it#you just had to grin and bear it. children I tell you those were dark days and we must not return to them#BUT we used to get some absolutely insane shit when the love dared not yet speak its name on network tv that's hard to match#we must put this amount of Texture and Insane-Making Implications into our current day queer fiction#we have to level up our sublimation game I think that's partly what makes the locked tomb so powerful#this show is incredible at the queercoding not queerbaiting balance honestly. probably because it takes even its silly characters#so seriously and so rarely surrenders even an inch to meanspiritness#(can't believe we had an episode with a whole kink club in it and I didn't flinch even once. i wasn't even worried I'd have to flinch#at any point. such is the acceptance and generosity of the tone we're working with here the majority of the time)#and then of course the riding off into the sunset together ending does cement all of that definitely at the end#for which I am very grateful haha#'I'm still proud (of you)' is such an INCREDIBLY kind and extremely fraser thing to say to mark in that moment tho. what the fuck
11 notes
·
View notes
Text
> Rose: Confess to Kanaya!
Rose: I love you.
Kanaya: Y Yo Ati, Rose.
> Rose: Get swallowed by something that looks like Venom.
> Rose: Get sent to super hell!
> Kanaya: Have something very gay and homophobic happen to you.
Kanaya: ...
What an absolute diversity loss. You find yourself thinking "love loses!"
#Okay this is my highest possible effort post so far; please spread it around like it's the flu or something#I put so many hours into this like actually lmao I surprised myself with how late I stayed up#going on a content hiatus soon so I suppose that fits that I put out a high effort destiel meme & scene recreation as a last hurrah#send in requests though; i'll get around to them when I get around to them! love to see what you folks come up with!#the sprite assets are up on my main but I'll reblog them here later; not sure if I'll have a tag system or not for it yet#new supernatural & homestuck memes format dropped along with a couple of spn AU designs & beyond canon too#yes I even included a shot of super mega turbo hell; it's got a little bit of everything as it should 🔥#rosewheresheshouldntbe#kanaya maryam#rose lalonde#rosemary#homestuck#originals#hs rose#hs kanaya#spn#supernatural#destiel#dean winchester#castiel#please don't expect me to commit to the bit this hard every time because that's absolutely not realistic; I just got super into this 😂#I can't believe I designed entire new outfits around rosemary just for the bit of doing this joke; just for this little side blog#the rose outfit is just an edited version of her hs beyond canon outfit; but still! I'm happy with how she & her wife look 💜
48 notes
·
View notes
Text
You think of me.
#Nacho Varga#Lalo Salamanca#Better Call Saul#I'm still having a hard time believing that it's finished now#big thank you to all the people how had to endure me complaining/rambling about it while I was working on it <3#and for the advice!#It's driven me absolutely insane multiple times#and you know I had to shower them both in the bluebells <3#chocopinda's art tag
359 notes
·
View notes
Text
'To Catch a Changeling' was the first episode where Jim actually kills someone (not counting goblins), and I've always wished there had been some kind of focus on the moral ramifications he experienced because of that.
Because there's no way he just went from being unable to kill a gnome, a creature considered a common pest, to killing a person with no afterthoughts other than: "oh man! I killed our only evidence of changelings in arcadia!"
Though I guess he could've just been doing a shit ton of compartmentalizing as well as justifying it to himself with the fact she was going to kill both him and Toby. But still, there's no way he didn't feel at least somewhat guilty.
#despite the fact he quickly learns to see trolls as people rather than 'creatures'#i feel like theres definitely a mental dissonance when it comes to killing them#because it's opponents that either explode into dust or turn to stone and crumble upon death#conpared to human deaths which are much messier#and much more traumatizing to a child than#again#opponents that literally turn into statues and crumble#but still I'm having a hard time believing he just killed that changeling lady and immediately moved on#without any kind of lingering guilt#tales of arcadia#wish we got to see the mental toll being trollhunter had on jim more in general#there is no way this kid isn't severely traumatized#but thats what fanfictions for ig#trollhunters#jim lake jr#also this is going off memory so i might be wrong abt her being his first kill#Moth.txt
96 notes
·
View notes
Text
simon the harrowed watching simon riley degrade further into insanity and when hunter gary sanderson shows up in the nightmare he warns him to watch out for a skull masked hunter annihilating anyone who gets near him with a beasthunter saif
warnings of “in another lifetime maybe he could have been your ally…but i doubt someone as far gone as he is can be reasoned with anymore” doesn’t stop sanderson from trying; he didn’t get the nickname roach for giving up easily
even as riley tries to obliterate him with the deadly precision of a practiced hunter coupled with the unhinged blood lust of a hunter intoxicated by the hunt sanderson keeps fighting back until he has riley flat on his back, his threaded cane pressed down tight on riley's throat to keep him still, looking into the covered eyes of the unhinged man that he knows can still see him, quietly reminding him of the hunt he abandoned before he gave in to his clear grief and agony; telling him they can take on ludwig together, take the research hall and the astral clocktower together, free the poor wizened child from his suffering together, if only riley would come back to himself, remember who he is and his purpose as a hunter; they could transcend the hunt together, gain true insight together, if only riley would remember who he was and could still be
#cod x bloodborne au#fully insane about this btw#i think i'm gonna have both father g and father tav exist at the same time in this#this takes place after my fic where soap and ghost fuck at the tomb of oedon#ghost has become *extremely* unhinged since then#i'll probs stick to the canon that henryk is dead and father g is alone now tho#also probably gonna pull some non-canon bs about him transforming back#its *MY* insane au and *I* cherry pick the canon bits to include#also djura#my beloved#my aroace king#i just KNOW him and mactavish would be gruff older man besties#i'll have roach encounter djura at some point in old yharnam#probably have roach befriend him too cause i fucked up my run trying to do that and wanted to sob#HATE the blood starved beast fight still omk FUCK that shit#cause apparently u gotta run through old yharnam without killing anything; kill the BSB to get the gaolers to spawn; go to hypogean gaol#trigger paarl (dont have to kill him yet); and THEN go back to djuras tower without him seeing you and he'll be friendly#getting through the area without killing anything isn't that hard but collecting items???#i was going insane trying to kill the bsb because i wasnt getting all the antidotes & beast blood pellets around old yharnam bc believe it#or not even earlier on running around in bloodborne trying to collect shit without killing anything is INCREDIBLY difficult!#so i was missing the fucking beast blood pellets around that one corner where the scourge beast drops down off the wall at you cause. well.#a scourge beast drops down off the wall to try and attack you AND theres that one that bursts out of the doorway by the stairs#so like#being cornered in an alley by two of them at once when theyre both aggro'd???#i dont even like trying to kill two at once and theyre really not that hard to kill#theyre easy enough to dodge theyre just annoying#plus i still need to go back to hypogean gaol to get the tonitrus cause i missed it in my last run and fuck buying it#i'm upping my arcane in this one to 15 so i can try out ludwigs holy blade eventually once i get to him cause i just wanna try it#i focused on my skill & strength stats in my other save file bc those make the game a lot easier#i'm doing a bloodtinge build this time which doesnt pay off like forever bc the good shit is all at cainhurst and you cant get the summons
10 notes
·
View notes
Text
nothing like a 12 am spiral over religious trauma lol
#over the past year i've been struggling a lot with my beliefs and how i was raised#i am still part of the church and i want to pull away from it so badly#but i am not in a safe place to do that at the moment#so i am stuck in this vicious cycle#and at times i feel very trapped#and i'm not quite sure what to do or how to get myself out of it#it's really hard when it's all you've ever known#and you feel like a heretic and like you're sinning for questioning god and his existence#there are just things i cannot reconcile#and it's especially difficult when you've always been the 'good girl' and you know it would rock everyone's world if you came out and said#you didn't believe what you've been taught your whole life#don't even get me started on if i ever came out as queer to anyone in my life lmao#anyway ignore me i'm just having a moment#tw religious trauma
12 notes
·
View notes
Text
Bunch of comic wips that are all riffs on the same thought: let rook serenade harding with the "scout lace harding" song. they made up dance moves and everything
#rook x harding#lace harding#rook aldwir#rook dragon age#dragon age#datv#oc: felanaris aldwir#nb rook#will I ever finish any of these to a level I'm content with? probably not. so I'm posting the wips instead. enjoy#in the first one they have a whole speech about how it's a crime for people NOT to know about their gf's theme song#which incidentally happens to be the first time they called her that outloud#anyway.#my art#wips#funny that the pose I like most from the third comic is the one I DIDN'T trace from an existing reference#my brain just said: ah yes ichigo opening still from orange range's asterisk bleach ending 01 on it boss#in my brain the more fun and dynamic pose when harding turns to ask them “are you going to do this every time?”#is them deflating while firing their make believe bow but I do not have the ability to draw that (I tried)#so you get shrugging instead
9 notes
·
View notes
Text
hey guys who wants another round of tmi
#ive been#this entire day has been a lot and i have no idea how to feel about it#i've never cried this much in an entire day and i can't stop myself from tearing up but it's not because of something sad or traumatic i'm#not used to being loved. or appreciated. or meant to feel like i belong anywhere. i've struggled with being excluded and ostracized and it#has been an uphill battle for a long time and deep down despite my many attempts to heal and get better i've always felt like something was#fundamentally wrong with me. it has been wrong with me from the start and whatever evidence to the contrary ive gotten was rationalised awa#by fluke or maybe people like me because of what i can provide and what i can do for them and not because of who i am and who i am will#always be tolerated or ignored at best and i genuinely was not expecting anyone but a few close friends to care about this and just. andjus#i think something in me is healing and it's still hard to accept but i can conceptualize it and any negative thought in my brain is being#countered by “hey why would you think that when people care about you” and i know it is obvious right. its something i should know but it#has always been so hard to believe that anyone would and the fact that it's hitting right now? i cant fucking stop crying#its almost fucking embarrassing im like this. im a grown ass adult. why the fuck am i still crying like this. i fucking hate trauma man#keeps making me feel like im that kid who was never loved in the ways that mattered. sorry im just#thankful. grateful. i feel like some parts of that gaping wound is stitching itself together and i cant stop crying and for once im not#crying because i'm being hurt. i'm just grateful to be here. genuinely fucking grateful that i'm alive#funny isnt it. how much love can save you if you let it#tmi#rant#embarrassed myself enough i think#sorry about that we'll go to our regularly scheduled ghoap program soon enough#i'll be okay
9 notes
·
View notes
Text
soooooo guess what i learned about myself today
#i know i've said this a few times already but this time i mean it for realsies#i keep going back and forth and back and forth but i think i'm coming to terms w it#it's hard though because what do you MEAN these past two-ish years i spent as a straight girl might've been clouded by comphet??#i guess it makes sense though because in 2022 i decided 'HA this whole sexuality thing is dumb!! i'm straight now! n if i turn out not to b#i'll think about it later.' well guess what bestie. Later has arrived and it turns out you're GAY just like you believed you were at 13-16#me in january: 'my biggest goal for the year is to go to more male-dominated spaces and meet a guy and have a boyfriend!'#but is this comphet? it still doesn't feel quite right to call myself a lesbian or use the word comphet because it feels like appropriation#like i'm using a word i shouldn't. but listen i watched 'but i'm a cheerleader' and it stirred up feelings in me that i never knew existed#god.... i'm a homosexual?????????#<< i say whilst having a fem f/o#i'm so full of contradictions man. i'm a mess. i contain multitudes.#sapphic#lesbian#yapping#sorry for screaming into the void i just feel like i need to put these feelings out there for some validation otherwise i feel False
10 notes
·
View notes
Text
What people often confuse, I think, is the idea that you can have specific benefits in different situations, but that is not the same as having systemic privileges for whatever identity/presentation/assumed identity or presentation that was given benefits.
If you want an example of what I mean, I have experienced some better treatment as people have recognized me as male, but society doesn't offer me systemic benefit because I'm a trans man - my transness, even in a context of being seen or assumed as a man, is not granted to me. I'm not saying that I don't ever get treated better in certain instances where I am seen as a man (even if I'm seen as a cis man), what I am saying is that that is different than systemic privileges. I think that difference matters, since people see systemic benefits as indications that people don't need help, or even that those people need to be "taken down a peg." This viewpoint isn't conducive to helping people, if that's what your goal is.
I use myself as an example just so people aren't confused. This is a complex topic that is, fundamentally, intersectional. If the only voices being heard are one type, we will be coming away with a dangerously narrow view of how social benefits and societal privilege work.
#politics#conditional benefits are still *conditional*#people that treat me better because they assume i am a cis man for example will...#...take that benefit away the picosecond they smell transsexuality on me...#...and i have a hard time believing that is *systemic* benefit on my end y'know#the conversations around societal benefits and how systemic privileges exist are (and should remain) complex and intersectional#and i just don't buy into the idea that minirities should never have *any* benefits because that is 'systemic privilege'#having it a tiny bit better does not a systemic privilege make is my point#and while i do have some benefits granted while i am assumed to be a cis man... i'm still seen as not het and i'm seen as a *queer* man#have probably talked about this before but i still see people doing this so 👍
109 notes
·
View notes