#i'm sorry for the stray @ americans but it had to be done

[starktonyx]

Are we out of the woods yet?

Pairing: John Walker x reader. Word count: 6.2k

Description: John Walker and you are nothing more than two idiots who can’t stand each other. But when a mission goes wrong and you fall through cracking ice, he does everything in his power to keep you alive.

Warnings/Tags: Enemies to ‘you saved my life, what are we now?’, hurt/comfort, drowning in frigid water, CPR, body heat. You might fall in love with him. Thunderbolts make a cheeky appearance.

Notes: This was the most voted option for my next fic, it’s uh … it’s a bit long, yeah 🤭. Enjoy 🫶🏼

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You'd lost a stupid bet to Yelena, so stupid you couldn't even remember what it was, but you were currently living the consequences of it.

Which meant being paired on a mission with none other than John Walker.

Yes, the myth, the legend, the annoying, all star american asshole.

You'd managed to avoid being paired with him for a while. After all, the last few missions you were together had ended in setbacks, for the simple reason you two just couldn't get along. We're talking about a history of missed targets, blown covers, a few stray bullets aimed in each other's general direction, and maybe ... one crashed jet.

So Bucky and Yelena avoided it at all costs when planning for missions.

That was until now, all because Yelena had gotten bored. A lost bet landed you back on another jet with him of all people.

Mission site was in the middle of a frozen forest, where sunlight hadn't touched the snowy ground in years. Even inside the jet, you could feel the cold creeping through the metal walls as you got closer to the drop point.

You were sent to retrieve intel from a highly guarded facility that had made enemies with Valentina. Maybe eliminate a few targets if it came to that. Quite standard, even easy if you actually knew how to work together as a team.

The worst part? Their security perimeter stretched for miles. Which meant you had to go through a rough landing between the trees, far away from the base, and then hike through thick snow and unforgiving cold just to get in there.

Any enhanced teammate would've been better than you. Either Bucky or Alexei ... maybe they just didn't want to stroll around for miles with Walker either.

Couldn't blame them.

So Yelena, influenced by Bob surely, thought it would be funny to send you. Now that was the worst part, doing all of it with him.

You didn't even know what it was about Walker that riled you up so badly. Maybe it was his superiority complex. Maybe it was his agressiveness when he didn't like the way you planned things. Or how he never took the blame when things went sideways, even when he'd done something reckless too. Or maybe, just maybe, it was the way he looked a little too good when he was pissed at you, those veins in his neck, chest heaving, strands of sweaty hair sticking to his forehead—stop.

Let's go back to 'You simply don't get along'.

It was easier to hate him than to name ...whatever the hell this was.

"Can you stop doing that? I'm trying to land this thing, or are you looking to crash another plane?" Walker snapped from the pilot seat, not even turning to look at you.

You stopped for a second, realizing you'd started pacing in the back of the jet. It was the only thing keeping your body warm, and your mouth shut.

Until he had to open his.

"Oh, I'm sorry. Is the super soldier getting distracted?" you said sarcastically. "Maybe if you actually paid attention to the plane this time, you won’t crash another one."

"We crashed because you couldn't sit still for five seconds … like right now."

"Wow, you're right. I brought it down with my bad attitude. My apologies, Cap."

You noticed the way his posture tensed on the seat, knuckles immediately flexing on the controls ... why was he so easy to rile up?

And why the hell was that kinda ... No. Stop it.

John didn't know what it was about you that riled him up so bad either. Maybe it was the constant defiance, that bratty attitude he just couldn't allow. Maybe it was how you never followed his orders, even when he was right. Or maybe, just maybe, it was the way you kept running your mouth and he could only think about his mouth on yours to shut you up—no.

He just hated you, that was it.

"Just sit your ass down and put on your belt. We're about to land," he muttered, trying not to sound like he wanted to throw you out mid flight. "I don't know how bad it's gonna be landing into the woods."

You figured it was better to comply, not for him, but because the mission hadn't even started yet and part of the bet with Yelena was to finish the mission successfully, without killing each other in the process.

A lost bet was a lost bet, after all.

You plopped down into the copilot seat beside him, letting your eyes roll as you buckled in. John just side eyed you.

"Good girl," he muttered under his breath, but loud enough for you to hear.

You went upright in your sit, looking at him with disbelief. "What the hell did you just call me?"

All you saw was a half smirk on his face, but before you could unbuckle and force him to say it again, the jet landed harshly into the snowy woods, trees scraping against the reinforced windshield as the aircraft rolled for some distance until it came to an abrupt halt.

You groaned when your head knocked hard against the leather copilot seat. From the corner of your eye, you saw his head snap toward you.

"You okay?" he asked, already unbuckling his belt.

If you really looked into it, it sounded a bit off from someone who had made very clear how much he didn't care about you. But apparently he seemed to have forgotten that for a moment, as he walked over and knelt in front of your seat, fingers working quickly to unbuckle you as he scanned your face for any signs of a concussion.

And for a moment you believed the hit gave you one, because there was no way in hell this was real.

John Walker...being nice to you? Caring?

You blinked a few times at the sight of him crouched at your feet, heart thumping so loud on your chest you were sure he could hear it. John's eyebrows furrowed to your lack of response.

You considered faking the concussion so you could blame your dazed state to that and not to the fact that his large hands rested on your knees like he wasn’t the last person who wanted to touch you.

"I'm good," you finally replied, barely audible, but enough for him to let out a breath he was holding.

Your eyes dropped to your lap, and he was suddenly aware of the placement of his hands. He quickly cleared his throat, standing up to somehow pretend to shrug it off. He grabbed his shield from the floor and tightened it up in his arm, maybe a little too hard so he could control his own heartbeat.

"Okay then … time to go to work."

You cleared your throat too, nodding and trying to ignore the heat that flushed across your cheeks.

Must've been the landing... yeah, just that.

——

The rough landing seemed to had messed with the jet's communication system, leaving you unable to notify anyone back at the watchtower that you'd made it safely.

You barely got two steps outside before regretting every decision that led you to this point. The stupid bet with Yelena. Stupid Bob.

Actually, scratch that ... Yelena was taking the yelling for the both of them.

Even layered head to toe with Valentina's high tech tactical suit, the cold crept in through every seam and zipper. The forest around you was quiet, and too white, just frost covered pines and the sound of boots crunching the snow below you.

And... him.

He walked ahead of you, carrying the map completely unfazed by the freezing air, head high and posture perfect, with that ridiculous bent shield attached to his arm.

"Walker, why do you get the map?" you asked, not even trying to hide your irritation.

"Because I actually know how to read it," he replied without looking back.

You rolled your eyes. Honestly, you didn't even want the map, your crossed arms were staying glued to your chest for warmth. Picking a fight with him was just the most entertaining way to stay conscious.

You walked in silence for about fifteen minutes before you started talking again, not because you had anything relevant to say, but because it kept your jaw moving.

"How much longer?" you asked, not intending it to come out as whiny as it did, but the cold sinking in your bones was making your brain foggy.

"Can't keep up, already?" he mocked. "Want me to take out the Sentry I keep in my pocket? Maybe he can fly us there."

You inhaled sharply, resisting the sudden urge to stab him. No one would know ... right? Mission incident. Just an incident.

You shook your head, you still needed him to get out of there. That didn't mean you couldn't mess with him a little longer.

So you sniffled.

"You're so mean, John," you mumbled, voice laced with fake hurt.

He stopped in his tracks, shocked about two things. First, did you just call him John? And second ... were you sobbing?

He immediately spun around to check, and Jesus, not a single tear. Just a goddamn grin spreading across your face.

His was jaw tight as he turned away, clearly realizing he'd been played.

"You're impossible," he muttered, shaking his head as he began walking again. You laughed.

"I'm actually cold ... not that you'd get it Walker, you're biologically incapable of suffering."

"Can you just be quiet for two seconds?" He groaned. "Maybe shutting up will help you preserve some energy."

"Oh, I'm sorry," you huffed, "Are we saving that energy for all the arguing we're gonna do later?" you were panting now, hating the way your breaths came shorter from the lack of oxygen.

He stopped again, turned just enough to glance at you over his shoulder.

"You good back there, or do I need to carry you?"

There was a part of it that sounded like he actually gave a fuck, but most of it was just him being sarcastic. Or at least that's what you told yourself.

"Oh, please," you scoffed, trudging past him in the snow. "I'd rather get naked here in the cold than be carried by you." He let out a short, dry laugh, and continued trailing behind you.

Yes, fighting with you was entertaining to him too.

The two of you went deeper into the snowy woods for a while, until the trail curved into a clearing. There, a wide, frozen lake stretched in front of you, splitting the path you were supposed to get across. It was lightly dusted in snow, surface thin enough to be a problem but not so fragile you couldn't maybe cross it if you were careful.

If you were careful.

Walker stepped in front of you, eyes scanning the amount of space the lake covered. He cursed under his breath, realizing going around was not an option if he wanted to get this mission done before the night fell and you froze to death.

"I don't like the look of this." He muttered, shaking his head.

It didn't take long for him to get into his I-was-a-soldier-once persona, running through scenarios in his head until he chose the one he seemed to be satisfied with.

Surprise, it was always the same one.

"Okay ... you're gonna have to stay right behind me. I'll check the ice as I go, you step where I step, got it?" He turned to you, lifting his eyebrows expecting an answer while you looked at him with an annoyed expression.

Yes, you knew it was the safest way to do it, he just didn't have to sound so condescending about it.

"Yes ... got it Walker, thank you," you rolled your eyes, eager for him to just go so you could get this over with.

He sighed, and turned his back to you. He adjusted his shield on his arm and stretched his neck from side to side. You snorted, why was he so dramatic all the time?

"Let's go," he muttered, before testing the first step by tapping into the ice with his boot.

You made your way like that, he gave cautious long steps, first putting part of his weight to test it, then all of it, before he could step forward with you behind him. You kept yourself close to him, as much as you told yourself you didn't enjoy it, the broadness of his back covered you from the chill air and his body was so warm you could feel it through his suit.

You didn't notice when he came to an abrupt halt, lifting his right arm up as a 'stop sign' a second too late, causing you to collide against his back.

"What the– ouch!" You cursed when you crashed into him. He didn't even budge from his spot, it was like hitting a wall. A six foot two brick wall. "Do you mind warning me before stopping like that? you are literally made of concrete," you complained, rubbing your forehead.

"I literally signed it when I stopped," he furrowed his brows, pointing the hand he kept in the air. 

"You are supposed to sign it before you stop, soldier boy. Or how about you just talk like a normal human being?"

"Listen, I think this is a thinner section, so we have to walk through slower, s l o w e r, is it clear enough for you now?" he said, spelling the world 'slower' as he made a walking motion with his fingers on the palm of his hand.

God, stabbing him never sounded like a better idea.

"Jesus Walker, do you even hear yourself when you talk? Just because you're leading doesn't mean you have to be a dick about it." You were almost yelling, completely fuming at this point.

"If you don't like the way I lead," he snapped, gesturing sharply in front of him, "then by all means, go ahead, take the lead. Break the ice if you want. I won't catch you if you drown."

You narrowed your eyes at him.

He didn't expect you to actually move.

But you did. Because you'd rather drown out of spite than let him think he had the final word. So you squared your shoulders and strode right past him without hesitation.

His hand shot out to grab your shoulder. "What the hell are you doing?"

"I'm taking the lead," you shrugged, and he looked at you in disbelief.

"Are you serious right now–"

You yanked your shoulder from his grasp before he could finish. "Dead serious."

You kept walking without testing your steps, John's eye twitched at the sound of your boots hitting the ice. At this point you had forgotten how cold you were, just from the anger at him alone.

"Oh great ... yeah, keep stomping like that. You want me to throw the shield too? Maybe help you break it faster?"

"No, Walker, I don't want your stupid taco shield. Besides, I'm lighter than you."

You kept your pace, ice creaking faintly beneath you, but you ignored it. You were almost halfway through. When his firm hand latched onto your forearm, rougher this time, stopping you in your tracks.

"Stop doing that!" he snapped, holding you firmer so you wouldn't let go. "You can't just walk off and–"

"God, stop stopping me!" you shouted back, twisting violently in his grip. "Let go of me, Walker!"

But this time, he wasn't gonna let you. You exhaled loudly, feeling helpless, so you stomped your foot on the thin ice. Great … you were letting John Walker make you throw a tantrum. He just got angrier at your reckless move.

"I gave you an order!" He finally snapped, making your eyes go wide in surprise to his audacity.

Where the hell does this man get off?

You just stood there in silence for a few seconds that felt like an eternity, his grip still firm on your forearm. Your brows furrowed, chest rising up and down from the confrontation. You swore your head was about to explode.

"You know what, Walker," you muttered, your voice was low because you felt that if you raised it any louder you were about to have a stroke. "Maybe if you used half of the brain inside your big stupid head you would realize you're not the boss of me."

He opened his mouth to talk, but nothing came out. His posture relaxed slightly, letting out a frustrated sigh.

"I'm just trying to keep you alive," he muttered, like he was trying to make you understand something he couldn't quite put into words.

You saw a flicker of something different in his eyes, making you lower your arm to stop resisting against his grip. You wanted to believe him, you really did. Flashes of the way he'd looked concerned about you back in the jet invaded your mind.

But no. You wouldn't give him the pleasure.

"I don't need you to do that," you whispered, and when you noticed a slight falter in his grip, you forcibly pulled yourself back.

The sound of cracking ice didn't even register to him until it was too late. You turned around to continue making your way, planning to ignore him the rest of the mission.

"Wait, stop—" he blurted out, reaching a hand to stop you, but you had already stepped forward.

The clear layer beneath your boots gave way in an instant.

Freezing water swallowed you whole as you lost sight on John, who stood on what was left of the ice on the surface.

It wasn't just cold, it was paralyzing.

Your breath got caught somewhere in your lungs, never making it out. You tried to swim up but everything was so heavy, your limbs, your thoughts ... the world. You could only watch as you were dragged from the light above.

This was it. Your last dumb mission, stuck with him of all people.

John's knees hit the ground hard, scrambling to the edge of the crack you'd fallen in, peering into the dark, freezing water. But he could see nothing.

"Shit—shit ... where are you?” he looked frantically, but there was no way he could get you out like that, the current had pulled you under.

He inmmediatly dropped the shield attached to his arm, the goddamn map, and didn't even think twice before diving in. The cold punched the air from his lungs, but he didn't care, he could take it. You couldn't.

His eyes went wide in the dark, searching through the blurry water for you. Minutes passed, but he refused to acknowledge how long it was taking him to find you, how his enhanced body was already pleading for oxygen.

But then, in the distance he saw something. A figure ... your body, sinking like it didn't belong to someone fighting for their life.

Maybe you weren't fighting anymore.

No. God please—no.

He got to you in three large strokes, grabbed you with one arm, and pushed up, only to be met with thick, unbroken ice above. He cursed, accidentally swallowing some water. He slammed his fist into it once, twice, he didn't know how many it took until it broke wide open, cracks stained with the blood of his hand.

It didn't matter, he would heal.

John bursted through the surface with you held tight to his chest, coughing, ignoring the cold sinking into his bones as he dragged you into a thicker part of the ice like his life depended on it.

Because it did. Because yours did. But you weren't breathing anymore.

"No no no ... hey, hey, come on–" he groaned, laying your head on his lap, gently tapping your cheek, but you didn’t open your eyes. "Fuck."

He cradled your head to place you flat on the ice, and kneeled beside you. You were still, too still, the image of your limp body broke something inside him he didn’t even know was there.

"Don't do this to me," he muttered, as he started CPR with just one blood stained hand so his strength wouldn't crack your ribs on top of everything else. "Come on. Come on, don't– not like this ... I didn't mean it dammit!"

He shook his head, wet hair splashing cold water everywhere, aggressively wiping his eyes with his free hand, before going down to blow oxygen into your mouth.

"Breathe .. please breathe. You're not–you're not allowed to go out like this, you hear me?"

He kept just kept going, didn't plan on giving up, not on you. Compress, oxygen. Compress, oxygen. Over and over.

Until you finally jerked under him.

Water burst from your mouth in a choking cough, body lurching forward, your hands reaching out to cling on something, anything.

John.

He exhaled like he hadn't since he saw you go under the water and immediately scooped you up against his chest, a large hand placed behind your head to steady you. You gasped as you shivered, and he just felt this excruciating pain in his chest.

"Okay ... okay. You're okay," he mumbled, more to himself than you. "You're going to be just fine."

He just stroked your hair, as he kept muttering 'you're okay' 'you're alive'. You coughed a few more times, clinging into the heat of his chest that escaped the wet fabric of his clothes. That's when you realized he was soaking and shaking too, he'd actually pulled you out.

"You ... you went after me," you blurted out.

John wanted to punch himself in that moment. Repeatedly. Why did he have to say all those things to you? He knew damn well he would go after you every time.

He held you tighter, and placed a kiss on your forehead.

“I’m sorry,” he apologized, voice cracking, something you never thought would hear from him, but man was he holding you like his life depended on it.

You wanted to say something else, but your teeth began chattering uncontrollably. You weakly pulled apart to look at him, maybe to let him know you felt your body giving out, maybe to look at him clearly one last time before your eyes began blurring more. And he saw it, he knew.

"No–no don't do that. Stay with me, alright? Listen to me! Just this once."

You're not the boss of me, Walker, you thought.

He finally stood up, pulling you up into his arms, one hand braced under your knees, the other across your back. "We're heading back to the jet. I need you to stay awake for me."

You just managed to nod, curling against his chest.

He left his shield behind, Val would get it back and if she didn't who cares. That wasn't important to him now, you were.

He miraculously managed to make it out the frozen lake without it breaking again, running right back into the forest path you'd already hiked through.

At this point, he didn't feel the cold anymore.

Didn't feel the bite of ice in his clothes, or the burning ache in his chest as he launched himself through the trees. You were trembling in his arms, he knew you were getting worse the longer he took to get you to shelter.

"Hey," John barked, louder than he meant to, like volume would anchor you to him. "C'mon. Say something, just keep talking."

You wanted to roll your eyes and laugh at him. He sounded way too desperate, for someone who couldnt stand you this morning. "You suck," you managed to blurt out, and you felt his laugh vibrate in his chest.

"Good girl," he replied, trying to get you mad at him like he'd done earlier in the jet, just so you talked to him.

Just so you stayed alive out of pure spite.

But you didn't fight him this time, you didn't want to anymore. He could boss you around all he wanted as long as you could feel the warmth of his body. As long as he kept running through the woods, holding you like you were the only thing that mattered to him.

"Eyes open. Stay with me." He groaned, when he didn't get the reaction he wanted. "Just a little longer, alright? Yell at me, go ahead, just keep saying shit. Insult my haircut. Tell me I ruined your day ... anything."

You made a noise, maybe a word, but it sounded wrong. Your head lolled against his shoulder and your lips were turning blue.

"Fuck," he hissed. "You're not dying on me."

The jet was on sight now, slightly buried in snow between the crashed pines. The second he reached the ramp, he stumbled up with you in his arms, kicking the door open. The inside was less cold than outside, but it was not enough.

He laid you gently on the copilot seat, and turned to the controls, desperately flipping switches to get the jet's heating system going, and fiddling with the comms settings to try to get to the team.

"Bucky? Yelena? Anybody, come in–" he barked, looking at you over his shoulder. "We need immediate extraction."

Nothing came back, the signal was still down.

"Goddammit." He slammed the control panel, a let out a string of curses under his breath.

He finally turned to your figure on the seat, and felt his whole chest cave in. You weren't moving anymore, just breathing shallow and slow. He could hear your heartbeat slowing down as you stared at him with half lidded eyes.

The jet had barely warmed up. It was like being inside a fucking freezer. There was no time, he knew what he needed to do.

"Fuck it."

He stripped off his gear quickly. The heat of his body had already dried off most of it. Still, he got rid of his tactical suit, gloves, the compression shirt he wore inside, until he was left in his underwear, body steaming against the crisp air.

He knelt by your chair, then hesitantly placed his hands on your soaked layers.

"Sorry ... I have to do this," he muttered, as his fingers found your suit's zipper. "I know you hate me. I know this is the last thing you want ... but I need you to live more than I need your permission right now."

His hands were careful. Gentle, even as they worked fast. He took off all layers, except for your underwear. His jaw clenched the whole time as he tried to keep his eyes from looking more than necessary.

He then lifted you off the seat so he could sit instead, placing you on his lap. He pulled you as close as he could, chest to chest, arms wrapped around your freezing body trying to trap as much heat as he could between you. He tilted your face gently, tucking it under his chin.

And God, he was warm.

By this point you had stopped shivering, but he knew it meant you were just at the worst stage of it. Your lips were blue, skin worryingly lifeless, and you couldn't quite figure out what was going on anymore.

"I got you," he whispered, kissing your head like he did when he got you out of the water. But that time you'd gotten back to him. Right now you were drifting away. "I've got you. You're gonna be okay."

"John?" His name came out unsure. Like you didn't remember he was even with you. Like you didn't remember you never called him John.

"Yeah it's me ... it's Walker. You hate my guts, remember? ... come on, stay with me," he held you tighter, wishing there was a way to give you all the serum going through his veins, even if it was him dying instead of you. "I didn't mean it. Any of it. You can punch me when you get better. I'll let you."

His hands tan through your back, your arms, rubbing warmth into your skin, trying to coax you back.

"I'll carry you through another mile of snow. I'll lose all the bets to Yelena if it means you get to yell at me one more time."

He didn't know what he was saying anymore. And it's not like you were hearing him anyways, time got strange after that.

You drifted in and out, sometimes aware of his arms around you, sometimes lost in the static of your own head. But slowly, like fog clearing, your mind began to catch up with your body. You felt heat all around you, like you were wrapped in something solid and safe.

And... bare.

Your cheek was pressed to bare skin.

John Walker's skin.

You blinked against the soft rise and fall of his chest, his heart thumping under your ear.

"...you're warm," you whispered, barely audible.

For a moment, he thought he’d imagined it. But you shifted in his grip enough to let him know that you were there, that you were real again.

Thanks to him.

"You're alive," he exhaled. His hand instinctively cupped the back of your head, fingers threading carefully through damp strands. "Jesus ... you're alive."

"You sound surprised," you rasped, lips ghosting a smirk.

"I watched you fall through the ice." His voice cracked on the word fall. "Yeah ... I'm fucking surprised."

"I can tell ... your heart is racing," you mumbled, voice coming out hoarse from your dry throat.

The adrenaline was still screaming through his bloodstream. He wanted to play it off, crack a joke, maybe roll his eyes and say yeah, thanks for ruining the mission, but none of that came out.

"Yeah ... well," he breathed out. "You scared the hell out of me."

There. He said it. Fuck it.

"I thought you hated me,"

"I tried to.. . God knows, you make it easy."

That made you huff a shaky laugh. He ignored the way his heart skipped to that. You were laughing again. Alive. In his arms.

"You're not exactly sunshine yourself, John."

John. His name sounded so pretty coming out your lips when you were not dying.

"I know."

That was probably the first conversation that didn't end with you wanting to punch him in the face. Something had shifted.

Maybe almost dying was all it took.

It was like the cold had finally frozen the part of your brain that hated John Walker. Or the heat of his body had melted the part of you that still tried to pretend you did.

You nestled your face closer to his neck, trying to soak in the impossible warmth of his skin. "I didn't mean it either ... you know. All the times I said you were insufferable."

He didn't say anything.

"I mean, you are ... but–" You exhaled. "I think I just didn't want to deal with whatever this was."

You felt his fingers twitch against your back, still careful, like you weren't almost naked in his arms.

"Yeah," he said. "Same."

John looked down at you, still cradled to him like glass. You were watching him now, really watching him, and not with the usual disgust behind your eyes. This time it was something... gentler.

And he was close. Too close. You could feel the heat of him everywhere, arms still locked around you like you belonged there. And his gaze had stopped hiding whatever had been buried under all those arguments and insults.

He tilted his head, eyes flickering down to your lips for a second too long. That's when something snapped inside you. You surged forward before your brain could catch up.

It wasn't cute, not at first. It was cold dry lips, desperate touches, and months of pent up tension crashing together. But then he softened, his hand cradled your face like you were something fragile, and yours clung to his neck like maybe if you held tighter, this wouldn't end.

But it did, because he pulled apart, like he was still holding himself back. He shook his head.

"I want you alive first ... fully conscious," he whispered against your lips. "Not ... not like this."

Of course he wasn't sure if this was real. If this was just some kind of 'thanks for saving me' type kiss. Like tomorrow you would wake up and remember you hated him, and he wasn't sure if he could take that.

You shook your head, you have never known what you wanted more than in this moment. Maybe it was the adrenaline wearing off. Maybe it was the brush with death.

"No," you shook your head. "Ive never felt more alive ... and I'm not wasting another second."

John opened his mouth to argue, but you kissed him before he could. You took all the strenght left in your body to kiss him deeper, until it was less about the anger, the insecurities, and more about everything else you hadn't said yet.

And you showed him, with your hands running through his hair, with your tongue playing with his, that this kiss wasn't a just a thank you, it was an apology ... a finally. Because you still didn’t know what the hell this was, but neither of you wanted to fight it anymore.

You pulled back breathless, but you were still so close that you could feel his chest rising and falling against yours. And then ... you both laughed.

Awkwardly. Like you didn’t know what to do with each other now.

"...What on earth was that?" you whispered, smiling through the adrenaline crash.

"I ...I don't know," he muttered, a little dazed.

You knew you should be panicking, overthinking. You should be denying everything that just happened. Yet still, you're both laughing again, naturally, like you didn't spend the last months wanting to stab each other.

Something loosened inside you, and you closed your eyes. His warmth, John was so damn cozy and soft ... almost unreasonably so.

Until he oppened his mouth again. Because he was still John Walker after all.

"So... what was that about you rather being naked around here than letting me carry you?" He allowed himself to tease you, because he could now.

Because everything you said in your stupid argument came true. You just didn't expect him to rub it in. You opened your mouth in surprise, hitting his chest, but this time it was playful.

"Haha, very funny. What was that about you not going after me if I drowned?" you snarked back.

He chuckled, and god ... it felt so easy now. He didn't have to say something mean back this time, too many months wasted on that.

So he just leaned in and crashed his lips against you.

Because you were cold. Because you were warm. Because your lips were right there and he just saved your life. And he was sick of pretending he hated the sound of your voice.

This time what interrupted your little make out you was the voice of someone else.

"... h-hello? ... guys come in. We got your message, Walker. Already on our way. Are you both okay?"

Yelena's voice coming out the jet’s comms made your tongues freeze mid kiss. You split apart like teenagers caught making out in a janitors closet.

You were suddenly aware of your very compromising position ... almost naked.

"Oh my god ... oh my god, John," you panicked, looking at the pile of wet clothes on the floor. "She's not even gonna let us explain it to her."

"Just ... don't answer yet," he hissed. "Give me a second to ... it's just my face, I can't—" He turned away from you.

"Are you blushing?" You chuckled through your panic.

"No ... It's the cold, shut up."

"Guys, do you copy? Hellooo ... this is Yelena … I swear to God if you two are dead, I'm going to be very upset."

You scrambled upright, before she thought about accessing the jets cameras or video calling, and tapped the console to talk to her.

"This is Walker and uh ... me," you said, voice slightly breathless. "We're alive, mission compromised. But we're... okay."

There was a pause, and you thought maybe you saved your asses.

"Why do you sound like you've been making out?"

You didn't answer inmediatly.

"Hold on ..." she hurried, and you panicked.

A white light flickered, signaling image was coming through. A fucking video call.

Before you could launch towards the control deck to cut the communication, a hollogram showed the inside of another jet, and Yelena's face. Or more accurately, Yelena's extremely judgmental face. Her eyes went wide, jaw almost falling to the floor.

"What the fuck are you guys doing?"

John cursed under his breath and reached blindly to get his tactical shirt, laying it over your shoulders to cover what was left of your dignity. Bob's voice came in behind her.

"Wait, wait ... move, lemme see—holy shit,” he covered his mouth with both hands, in half amusement, half disbelief.

Ava shoved herself into frame next, squinting. "Are you guys... naked?"

Bucky just peeked his head in, horrified. "They are."

You covered your face with both hands, muffling a mortified groan. John just tipped his head back and let out the most dramatic sigh of his life.

"I swear to god," he muttered. "We weren't ... we're not—it was hypothermia!"

"And your solution was...?" Yelena teased.

"Body heat, Belova," he snapped, rolling his eyes. "It's called first aid, look it up."

"Well ... clearly you got aided." Ava smirked at you.

Bob's voice chimed in again. "I bet that's not the only thing he—"

"BOB."

Yelena mouthed a sorry to the camera after shutting him up, and gently pushed him to the side. Ava disappeared next to them. Even off frame you could still hear their muffled laughs.

Bucky just scanned your face through the screen. "You okay?"

You nodded, because you were. You finally were. "He's really warm."

John cleared his throat.

"We need evac. She's stable now but still cold. Jet heating wasn't enough, I did the only thing I could."

"Copy that," Bucky nodded, biting his cheek to not say anything. "Reaching your coordinates, just please... put your shirts back on before we get there."

[ataleofcrowns]

i only mean that it isn't typical/representative of that subgroup, i would ask the same thing if there was an asian kurd character

Did you take geography classes in the United States of America? Be honest now.

[spaceycat]

part 3 of all-american sin???

YESSS!!!

════ ⋆★⋆ ════

༉‧₊˚ ɴᴏᴡ ᴘʟᴀ��ɪɴɢ ... ✄┈ ╰┈➤ 𝐚𝐥𝐥-𝐚𝐦𝐞𝐫𝐢𝐜𝐚𝐧 𝐬𝐢𝐧 𝟹/𝟿 ᶻ 𝗓 𐰁 .ᐟ

⋆★⋆ a not so small offer ⋆★⋆

𝙿𝚊𝚛𝚝 𝟷 & 𝙿𝚊𝚛𝚝 𝟸

♫ ᴘʟᴀʏɪɴɢ: sharpest tool by sabrina carpenter (3:38)

✰ pairing: neighbour!pornstar!steve rogers x fem!reader

✰ cw: talk of the porn industry, swearing, dirty DIRTY thoughts, p in v sex, steve is a dirty minded loser, masturbation (male), lowkey kinda tame

✰ word count: 0.9k+

✰ summary: as fees start coming in, steve starts suggesting things trying to be lighthearted. (steve's perspective is in this!!)

✰ a/n: YIPPEEEEE

════ ⋆★⋆ ════

Fees keep coming in, piling up on top of eachother over and over again. College fees, rent, groceries - it's almost too much. You grabbed some more envelopes from your apartment's mailbox, sifting through them. "Important" "ASAP" blah blah. You were on your way to your apartment when you accidentally knocked into someone - some of the envelops falling out of your hands onto the floor.

"Shit-- shit, sorry." You didn't look up, immediately sinking to the ground to pick them up. "You're good." You realised you bumped into Steve, he'd grab a few stray notices - looking down at them for a split moment before passing them to you. "You doing okay?--" "I'm fine.." "Financially, I mean." "Steve-- that's.. I'll be fine, it isn't your problem." "Well it could be-- with so many of these, you might need to join the industry too." He tried to joke, you just stared at him - a blush creeping up to your face. "Thanks for the help, Steve, sorry for bumping into you--" You'd move past him, into your apartment.

You'd set down your letters on your kitchen counter, dragging a hand through your hair as you looked over them all. Confused and overwhelmed just staring at the envelopes, god knows how much you have to pay. You took a breath, you didn't want to but you contemplated what Steve was talking about - it wouldnt hurt, right

⋆★⋆ Steve's POV ⋆★⋆

Steve walked back into his apartment, leaning up against the door as it closed - his mind mulling over the conversation from before, he felt his cheeks flush with embarrassment "You might need to join the industry too." Nice going, Steve - now she knows that you want to fuck her.

He ran a hand through his hair, trying to flatten the strays. Walking over to his bed, sitting down on the edge of it as he pulled out his phone. He opened your contact, questioning whether or not to text you and apologise for his idiocy but his mind spiralled, spiralled somewhere it shouldn't have.

He was already awake last night, unable to sleep for whatever reason - then he heard your laugh in the hallway. Turning down the volume on his tv, he heard you talking with someone - loudly at that. He didn't think much of it, returning back to the tv.

But a couple minutes later, he heard it. A moan come from your apartment. Your apartments being right next to each other, and having very thin walls didn't leave much to his imagination.

Thinking back to the night before, he let out a groan - trying to divert his dirty thoughts from you. But as he felt his cock twitch in his pants, he knew he was done for.

He leaned his head back, colliding with the wall behind him. He kept imagining you beneath him - whimpering and moaning like he heard next door, and him being the person extracting those noises from you.

He imagined how pretty you'd look as he fucked into you, pushing your thighs apart - your hair spread across the pillows, face flushed. And he felt envious of the person who was able to see you like that yesterday.

His hand pushed down his sweats and boxers enough for his cock to bob out, grazing his stomach - already hard and leaking. He was embarrassed from how much you had an affect on him.

He took his dick in his hand, taking slow strokes - earning a groan or two from himself, trying to imagine that it was your small hand wrapped around his cock or your tight cunt. Running his thumb over the tip, collecting the beads of pre-cum that collected there.

He already felt the tight coil settling in his stomach, pushing his sweats down further as the heat of it all set in.

He came embarrassingly fast with you on his thoughts, hips bucking up into his hand - groans falling from his lips as he came in his hand, landing across his toned stomach.

As the high settled, Steve dragged himself off his bed, going into the shower. To clear his thoughts and wash away everything. He'd eventually get out, wrapping a towel around his waist, using another towel to dry his hair. He'd walk out of the bathroom, his phone buzzing with a notification on the edge of his bed - smiling as he saw your name light up the screen.

--- --- --- ---

Today 5:09pm

maybe i should

???

join the industry?

oh right i forgot i said that

yeah

you sure?

if it pays good, then i will

there's other ways yknow

id rather have faceless sex than find another job in nyc

you'll need someone to show you the ropes then

srsly?

think of it as an endorsement

very funny steve

im serious!! you can record something with me, no one will see your face - i already have an audience so it'll pay good

ill think about it

listen, you dont have to at alter

at all*

it's just a suggestion

no strings attached

no strings attached?

no strings attached.

ill get back to you on that, okay?

dont ghost me now sweetheart

yeah yeah

--- --- --- ---

Steve could practically imagine your smile through the screen, he'd toss his phone down - sitting down on his bed. He'd let out a sigh, this is suddenly becoming very real - this relationship you two are having. Steve dragged a hand down his face, looking down at his phone expecting you to have already texted him back but it was just another payment from his work. This is what he has to live with, and now he's pulling you in with him.

[ethereacals]

so american <3

CHAPTER 8: ALL I WANT

synopsis: Remus grows attached to an American exchange student from Ilvermorny

pairings: remus lupin x reader

cw: profanity

a/n: sorry for the waittttt

a/n at the end!

"HOW LONG HAVE YOU BEEN drugging Remus Lupin?" Lily spat, her smile (which usually was infectious) was filled to the brim with poison.

Emilia's face went pale, as if she had seen some sort of ghost.

"I- What?''

"Are you that dense? Or do I need to repeat the question?" Lily riposted.

"H-How could you say that to me? You- You are awful! Just Awf-" Before Emilia's hand could 'clutch her pearls', Gilderoy cut her off.

"They know! They know! It's over-" Gilderoy shook like a frightened animal.

"How- How could you turn on me? Accept their lies? They are lying!" Emilia attempted to hoodwink the audience but- it was quite obvious that most weren't very convince by her attempts.

"Oh, drop it." Marlene flung back, her muscular arms crossed over her chest.

"Well, there you have it, folks! Emilia Sallow, self-proclaimed love potion enthusiast!" Mary raised her glass.

This was sure to be interesting.

But on the flipside...

James snuck away as you saw yourself out- seeing as the next phase of the plan was crucial, and it was about to begin.

"REMUS, YOU'VE GOT TO understand it's not your fault." Sirius tried, as Remus paced around the room.

"I- I can't! She... They- I feel so stupid!" Remus kicked his books about their dorm room as Peter clung to his bedframe.

"You were drugged, Moony. There was no way of you having any suspicion..." James leaned against the doorway.

"I've done harder things." He insisted, trying so desperately to place the blame on himself.

"Remus! You were practically brainwashed!" Sirius was one strike away from going ballistic.

''You don't get it! I could've broken out, I- I should have!"

"Remus, you need air." Peter mused compassionately, yet he still clung to the bedside.

"I- Peter is right, I'm getting air." Remus stated simply, and pushed his way out of the common room.

Remus was used to prying eyes, but they felt different this time.

"REMUS?" You called out softly, as you found him curled up in the corner of the moonlit courtyard.

Remus didn't respond, he didn't even look up.

You sat down next to him, keeping a simple distance as you reached for him.

His form trembled, like he might shatter into pieces.

"Remus..." You mused, your hand retracting from his body.

"Do you need water?- or... air to breathe?" You tried, until his head perked up from it's position on his knees.

His honey-brown eyes- usually filled with warmth and sweetness- were cold, dull, haunted.

"Please talk to me, Moons..."

"I don't know what's real anymore." You hated how broken he sounded.

"I know."

"It was all fake..." He reinstated.

"Not everything."

"How do I even know that?" His voice was hoarse, desperate.

"Because I was real?" You tried.

He sucked in a sharp breath- like your words struck deep inside of a painful place inside of him.

"I saw you slipping away. So I fought for you, Remus, even when you didn’t know you needed fighting for."

Remus exhales shakily, leaning back against the wall. He looks at you, his eyes glassy—full of guilt and regret.

"I hurt you." He whimpered.

"Yeah, you did." His face crumbles. He looks away, jaw clenching. You can see it—the way he’s beating himself up for something that wasn’t even his fault.

"It was still my hands. My words. My choices." He exhaled roughly, eyes shut tight.

"I let her touch me. I let myself believe I loved her."

"But it wasn't you." You cupped his cheek gently, wiping a stray tear away from his eye.

"How do I fix it?"

"You don’t have to fix it, and you can always come back to me." You smiled gently.

Then, slowly, hesitantly—Remus reaches for your hand. His fingers tremble against yours. You let him.

It’s small, but it’s real. And that’s enough.

IT'S BEEN DAYS SINCE THE INFAMOUS PARTY. Since Emilia was exposed. Since Remus started looking at you the way he used to—like you’re the only thing keeping him grounded.

Emilia- since she is still underage and can't face insane reproductions- was fined 200 Galleons and her head girl position was revoked.

She was also given detention with Slughorn for two months to scrub cauldrons after school, and a strike was placed on her personal record of illegal potion use.

Gilderoy was fined 50 Galleons since he was technically an accomplice and was required to work in the library every weekday after school until the year was over.

As for you and Remus... well...

you’re avoiding him.

It’s not that you don’t want to be around him—it’s that you don’t trust yourself not to break. Because you want him. You always have. But you need him to want you, not just as some desperate attempt to fix what was broken.

No feelings, you swore.

But you felt you both needed space.

So, naturally, Remus corners you.

He’s standing right in front of you, breathing hard like he chased you down. His hair is a mess, his tie loosened, his dress shirt slightly wrinkled—he looks unhinged in the best possible way.

Dare you say- It was your favorite side of Remus.

"Are you going to keep running away from me?" Remus panted, his hand next to your head on the wall behind you.

"I’m not running." You scoffed, sounding quite defensive.

"You turned the other way when you saw me just now." He deadpanned.

Damn, you were totally caught.

"Maybe I didn’t feel like talking." You crossed your arms. "That's bullshit, dove." Your stomach flips. Because this isn’t calm, collected Remus. This is determined, restless, I’m-done-holding-back Remus

"What do you want from me, Remus?" You asked softly.

"Everything." He admitted, still close to you.

"Don't say that unless you really mean it." Your fists clenched your sides.

"I mean it. I’ve always meant it. I was just too much of a coward to say it before." He pressed desperately.

"Then why now?"

"Because I lost you. And I never want to feel that again."

Your chest ached. He stepped even closer—so close you could count his freckles if you weren’t so busy trying to keep your heart from shattering open.

"I was gone, but you—you fought for me. Even when I didn’t know I needed you to. And the entire time I was with her, I still—I still looked for you." His voice was soft and raw.

"I'm not saying this because I feel guilty, I'm saying this because I have loved you since the second you stepped through the doors the first day." He insisted, and your breath stopped.

"You..."

"I love you, always have, always fucking will."

Your sturdy walls crumble the second he gazes into your eyes.

"I... I love you, too."

It's him, it's always been him.

One second you’re standing there, frozen, and the next your hands are in his hair, his arms are around your waist, and you’re kissing him.

A long awaited kiss- if you do say so yourself.

And it’s not slow. It’s not careful. It’s everything you’ve been holding back, months of tension and pining shattering all at once.

He groaned against your lips, his hands fisting in your sweater like he’s afraid you’ll disappear. But you won’t. Not now. Not ever.

Not on his watch.

Once the kiss broke, you stared up at him.

Did that really just happen?

"...Was that snogging?" You asked jokingly.

Remus laughed sweetly.

"Oh, Dove- you are so american."

THE END!!!

Wowwowowow

Thank you all endlessly for all of the support on this series! It really means a lot to me and I am so glad you all enjoyed reading it as much as I enjoyed writing it!

xoxo! -Calli

so american taglist

@hisparentsgallerryy @lydpop @amatoanima @po3tbbygirl @thequeen0fhearts @yourlittlefries @jsprien213 @liviessun @wandasbitch22 @michtellch @hellokitty-girl666 @bmyva1entine @n1ght-vngel @anehkael@wolfstcr @assorted-knives @mrsblackx @moonyswifee @sunset-toast @sammyreid @wsplalala @msfandomsblog @yimthesynonym @flowerytombx @rubyinthebooks @cattleray @moonlightphilosopher

[megapteraurelia]

hiii just saw your post about needing distraction and if i can help you even a little bit then i’d be happy to!! so id like a drabble with akaashi, f!reader or gn!reader, fluff, at uni?? if that’s fine?? have a lovely day <33

ZEUGMAS AND FEELINGS.

🫧 SUMMARY; — akaashi keiji and you found each other while trying to survive deadlines. or: how to not get anything done because akaashi keiji is just so damn pretty.

🫧 WARNINGS; — meet-cute and fluff; fem!reader

🫧 WORD COUNT; — 4449.

🫧 AUTHOR'S NOTE; — elie, i love you, you precious!!! thank you for this and i'm sorry that i didn't keep to the idea of a drabble. for the life of me, i could NOT pass up writing several moments of akaashi so there's 4.5k words full of them instead T_T i hope i made it justice, though :3

please let me know what you think! -` ♡ ´-

the library was silent on sunday; eerie yet comforting in a way. 

the sun had long since set, the last of the rays that came through the windows bathing everything in a light that felt more nostalgic than it actually was before it dipped everything outside in a dark cloak. among the typing sounds on different kinds of laptops, their engines more than ready to take off after being used for so long, there was only the ticking of the clock, sometimes a soft clearing of throats or the gentle clink of a thermo cup being set down.

looking up from the mock exam you were taking for your cultural studies class, flexing your cramped fingers and rolling your shoulders, your eyes found the only other person sharing your space that late. you didn’t mean to look over at him lest you made anybody feel awkward, but in an entire picture of stillness before you, the movement drew your eyes naturally.

his fingers were swift, flying over the keyboard, gaze trained at his screen, trusting his hands to instinctively and automatically follow the letters. you couldn’t see his eyes properly, though, the glare of the laptop reflecting off his glasses. though you could see the little furrow of concentration in his brows, his teeth worrying his lower lip as he halted for a second, thinking. then nodding to himself, they resumed their display of a gear having turned in his brain. 

your eyes wandered away from him to your own screen, the words staring at you, and you wondered once again whether you should have chosen a different topic to cover in this assignment. would american history work better? did you have enough characteristics to explain the relevance in the corresponding text? or did you perhaps want to stay focusing on orientalism? 

after all, american history was your current topic discussed in class, its myths and ideologies, transformation of gender roles, the age of realism and science. it would be easier to just focus on any of those: the harlem renaissance, counterculture and postmodernism, the gilded age— 

you rubbed your eyes, and a sigh escaped your mouth, strong and carrying a lot of exhaustion; your lungs pushed the air out forcefully. you were too far in to scrap everything and start anew with a whole nother topic, so there was only one plausible and logical conclusion to draw:

get more coffee and force your brain cells to work.

standing up from your spot, senses tuned into the stillness of the library, you noticed something. or lack thereof. no typing noise anymore that had accompanied you for hours on end; the seat in front of the man’s laptop empty, his notebooks still open on the table, though no cup on the empty coaster. 

as you walked by with your empty mug and passed the little area that his pens and his dispersed papers claimed as his for the time being, you let your eyes flit over his screen. walls of paragraphs comparing two different works of literature on one half of his desktop, another document open with several similarities and differences listed on the other half. 

“japanese lit, huh?” you mumbled to yourself, tired eyes straying away from his possessions and your feet automatically carried you to the coffee machine at the entrance of the library that the students of various classes had invested in to aid them during their emotional breakdowns…uh, quest to finish their essays and assignments in time. 

zoning out, gripping your mug in one hand, you barely recognised the familiar movement of a person occupying the space in front of you out of the periphery of your eyes as you neared the coffee machine, so you only came back to reality when your nose was suddenly squished against a warm barrier that smelled like cappuccino and old books. 

“easy,” a deeper voice than yours called out close to your head, one hand having already come up to steady you when you lost your balance. his hand was warm against your back, the heat seeping through the layers of your woolen turtleneck, and for a second you both occupied the same space, the only sound the ticking of the clock.

“oh, sorry,” your response was automatic, sheepish and you stepped back, “i probably saw you but my brain didn’t work quick enough to actually see you.”

your gaze found the missing person whose laptop you snooped through (did it count as snooping if you only quickly looked at the screen enough to see what he was working on? you didn’t even touch anything, promise), and this time you could see his eyes, unhindered by any light reflection. 

pretty, you thought off-handedly, really pretty eyes.

“no stress,” one shoulder heaved up, and when his fingers stopped supporting you once he saw you didn’t need his help anymore, your back felt weirdly cool. it was nice having felt the heat of his arm around your body in the absence of any human contact in the face of studying. 

he filled water into the reservoir of the coffee machine, a cup of beans already measured from before you walked into him. you cleared your throat and nodded in thanks; he bowed his head quickly, waving off your thank you, his hand nudging up his glasses perched on his nose when they threatened to slide down. 

they were a bit big, but the earnest look of the dark blue eyes accompanying them made them all the more alluring; like they caged a ton of unsaid thoughts behind them, like there was so much those eyes wanted to tell but they had to get through the barrier of the glasses first. 

a transparent mask to hide behind.

“sooo, how’s the coffee?” you asked to fill the silence when your eyes met again, looking away just as quickly, because you hadn’t expected that his sharp pupils found you the same way your eyes found his. stupid question, to be honest, when the coffee machine whirred in answer, and there was a slight smile playing on his lips.

“i don’t know yet,” he held up his opened thermos cup to show you the lack of liquid that he could not judge on yet, and your cheeks flared up at the obvious demonstration, mumbling quietly to yourself, thinking that the coffee machine was too loud for him to understand: “sorry, that was…an incredibly stupid question.”

“you’re okay,” his quiet and steady voice came back to meet your ears, held back amusement lingering in the folds of his tenor. he heard you just fine, “though probably just like bitter water.”

leaning back against the wall, he joined you in waiting, and then there was comfortable silence between you both. he was close enough to feel the air warm up, close that if you glanced up again, you could see his lashes brush his cheek as he closed his eyes for a quick reprieve, the curls of his hair, messy and falling over his ears, his lips sitting together calmly, sometimes twisting when he chewed on the inside of his cheek.

you looked away again, to the coffee machine that went from grinding the coffee beans to finally pouring the hot water through it and dripping into the pot. you thought you recognised him from somewhere, this boy with the gentle, kind eyes and the charming glasses. you couldn’t help but steal another glance at him, trying to gauge where from, whether you had met him on campus before.

“i can feel you staring.”

whirling your head away from his still closed eyes and the fingers messing with his hair, you felt embarrassment brewing within your chest alongside the coffee in front of you. stupid, stupid.

“sorry.”

“don’t be. i don’t mind,” he said, still the same reserved amusement hiding behind his words, and then he did open his eyes to turn to you, and you returned the favour of looking over him again. your gazes met for a split second, dead-on, before they parted again to look at other features, “you’re in professor yoshida’s class, right?”

“right! that’s where  i know you from,” recognition finally bloomed, and you tested out the name that was continuously popping up in your mind during the short wait, wondering whether it was him, “akaashi keiji, right? you looked familiar.”

akaashi opened his mouth to respond, but halted for a split second; his cheeks and ears using this one moment to turn into a soft pink. when he caught himself and talked, you had an inkling that he meant to say something completely different: “yeah, exactly. what are you working on?”

“cultural studies. incredibly boring.”

“japanese lit,” he nodded in sympathy, then moved to pour coffee into both of your cups. you wanted to thank him, take the cup yourself and move, but he beat you to it. reflexes sharp and swift movement, he maneuvered around you easily to carry both of your coffee mugs back to the table you both shared. 

“thank you,” you said at last, seated away from him at your own laptop with the steaming cup warming your hands, the same old words on the screen staring back at you, and he responded in likes; his voice comfortable and easy, deep and as warm as the drink in your hand, “of course.”

both of you continued working, though amongst the clicking of keyboard keys and the silent breathing were the little glances both of you threw at the other now that there was some common ground found. when you got stuck with how to phrase a certain sentence, chin supported on your hand, your eyes wandered to him out of their own volition and instinctually, and you watched him focus on his work. 

the way his teeth would not stay still, constantly picking on his lips, his fingers rubbing his chin when he thought; the light warming up his face and making it seem like his hair was draped over him like a dark curtain. 

then you’d attend to your work again, and it was akaashi’s turn to let his eyes and mind wander over to you to watch you get stuck with another paragraph, biting your nail while the other hand was tapping on the keys lightly without pressing too hard, eyes intently focused on the words. 

you had an intense look in your eyes, and everytime, there were little butterflies erupting behind his ribcage when he felt you dedicate it to him.

those moments in between, when both of your eyes passed the others, belonged to nobody but the empty library. moments, in which you allowed yourselves to bask in the heat of fading instances, of arcane glances, interrupted by little sighs here and there or random occurrences, in which you both just couldn’t help but talk to each other:

“i’m jealous of your concentration,” you groaned at some point, allowing your forehead to thump onto your arm to bury your face away from the screen and its cruel, glaring light, “you look like you’re about to solve all the problems in this world.”

akaashi had stilled in his work, startled, eyes glancing up over the rim of his glasses up to you, and his teeth finally let go of his poor, swollen lower lip; mouth curling into a small embarrassed smile, “not quite. but i may be able to help you with yours, if that’s a start.”

you laughed at yourself for the strange thump your heart produced, hand waving him off, “sweet of you, but i just need some of that laser focus you’ve got.”

“sending you some.”

pretending to catch the energy he threw your way, you perked up in your seat and flashed him a grin, “you’re a lifesaver.”

“oh fu— shit.”

he was already beside you with napkins, big hands dabbing up the spilled lukewarm coffee as you worked to put away your electronics and books lest they’d get ruined by the deep brown liquid. he was close, leaning over you, hands working fast and precise, feeling his chest bump against your shoulders ever so slightly. your body warmed up at the contact, and you had to try not to lose your mind over that.

“ugh, i swear this is not my usual.”

“i’ll believe you when i see you prove the opposite to me,” he said quietly, a certain openness in his voice, a silent offer to spend many more moments together like this. 

you looked up at him, a smile stealing itself on your lips, “i suppose if you’re asking to be humiliated and be proven wrong, then i won’t say no.”

the skin underneath akaashi’s glasses had warmed up, and as he went back to his seat, he had stuttered back, “that’s— i didn’t— nobody said anything about humiliation! also, you’re the one who barely escaped electronic and academic death. gotta tone down the murderous intent a little.”

“never. every essay is my arch-nemesis, so they got what was coming for them.”

akaashi had shook his head, and laughed quietly to himself; the sound as honeyed as your favourite dessert. 

when he returned from his bathroom break later on, he brought you back a new cup of coffee, anyway, despite his fear of you murdering your hard effort of having added only three extra paragraphs to your text in all the time (you were a little busy staring at akaashi keiji’s pretty eyes; nobody was allowed to judge your slow pace).

you fell back with a big oohmpf and a yelp. 

dazed, you looked up at the ceiling, the low warm light of the library in the midst of the dark outside looking enticing enough to fall asleep right there. you stayed on the ground for a second, most of your fall cushioned by the chair, though your butt still throbbed with the impact. 

“hey,” a couple steps resonated before a messy head of curls peeked over you, one hand holding the glasses in place, while the other was reaching towards you to help you up, “you alright?”

“y-yeah,” you sat up, shaking your head a bit to clear it from the zoning out you were doing before gravity decided to take you down, “i suppose that’s why teachers always say not to rock your chair back and forth.”

suppressed laughter, mild concern, and a warm hand engulfing you, “what a delinquent. i bet the teachers loved you.”

“hey! what’s that supposed to mean? they loved me! incredibly so!”

“okay. i think i need help.”

“of course, what do you need?”

“do you understand what i’m trying to convey when i phrase it like that? ugh, i’m scared it’s too convoluted.”

“give me a second,” he finished up his sentence, then came over, “let me see.”

his chest pressed against the back of your (now upright) chair as he leaned over you to read your run-on sentence was distracting you. he wasn’t touching you per se, but the placement of his hands on the arms of the chair could cage you in, make you feel like he was embracing you from behind, so much taller than you. the warmth emitting from behind you made you want to fall asleep and let your head land in the crook of his neck.

he was breathing softly, the air caressing your hair, and when he reached out to point at your words, your eyes followed the red knuckles, his clean nails and the size of his hands. 

“you mean that the west created orientalism as a cultural and intellectual framework, right?” — a quick nod of yours — “alright, then i think if you cut this in two sentences, for one to showcase the interpretation of the east and then dive deeper into the colonisation in the next sentence — that would make it more understandable. say, am i making you nervous?”

blinking, “w—what? where did that come from?”

he leaned down slightly, face hovering next to yours, his voice slightly raw and close to your earshell, “don’t forget to breathe. also, you have a typo — row three, the fourteenth word.”

“evil,” your breathing was clipped from the insinuation that he may have had an effect on you, heart pumping blood through your body like crazy as if it was held at gunpoint, “i bet the teachers really disliked you.”

despite that, you brought him a cup of coffee when you returned from your bathroom break, too.

“you alright, akaashi?” you asked.

akaashi keiji looked up, his hand rubbing his neck, kneading the knots out of his tense shoulders. his eyes, until just short of when you called him, had been glazing over, a little bit of a vacant look entering the blue of his eyes, but when you called his name, he had snapped out of it, and his features relaxed slightly, away from his troublesome thoughts. his dark brows furrowed deeply above his eyes.

“yeah, just thinking about all the deadlines coming up. it’s…” he sighed, allowing his shoulders to sink, and he leaned back in the uncomfortable library chairs; another big sigh escaping him, “...a lot.”

“yeah,” you agreed and stood up, walking over to him. his surprised gaze followed you, and when you stood right next to him with his head tilted back, the wavy strands of hair following gravity, looking up at you with those eyes, you felt a tug in your chest that told you to kiss him. you didn’t. 

instead, you nodded to the window, “let’s take a walk and a breather,” and then, because you couldn’t help yourself, “a zeugma. get it, mr. japanese literature?”

his shoulders stayed relaxed, and he laughed again; a brilliant smile on his lips and you thought of how you wanted to kiss him even more. his eyes felt lighter, too, when he pushed back his chair and stood up, body entirely too close for what probably should have been appropriate for two students who had only properly met today for the first time. or was it already the next day?

but neither of you moved for a second, drinking in the presence of each other, before he grabbed his jacket off his backrest, “i think you can do better.”

“well, i think it was pretty good.”

akaashi shrugged, a teasing glint in his eyes, competing with the sparkle of the glasses when he turned and the light hit him just right, “and i think i have you beat there.”

you grumbled but caught up to him nonetheless.

it was cold outside. 

the kind that slithered through between the folds of your clothing to nestle deep in the crevices of your soul. the kind that had you shuddering and sending remnants of cannons into the air with every breath, the moisture immediately misting up. 

akaashi keiji was walking next to you, his hands stuffed deep in his pockets, though his exhales were shaky too, chest trembling with compressed and suppressed shivers. you were already as close to him for warmth as possible without being weird or too straight-forward, though you wish you could just cling to his arm — it was that icy.

“i feel like i can’t even think,” you mumbled, already feeling your lips starting to numb, the tip of your nose burning. 

“me neither, but maybe that’s a good thing,” he breathed out, the warm air blowing past your temple, and his cheeks were so pink, it was cute, “sometimes it’s all too stressful, and i wish i could turn off my brain.”

“does that happen a lot?” 

you referred to the way his face looked like there was a headache incoming, how his fingers froze and his shoulders locked in; the way he seemed to absolutely crumble under the prospect of the things he needed to do and that awaited him. 

akaashi had an embarrassed smile on his face, shoulders drawn up for some warmth, the fuzziness of his jacket’s hood surrounding his reddening cheeks, “sometimes. there’s a lot of expectations riding on passing my classes. not just passing them, but passing them well.”

“by whom?” you leaned forward; curious eyes trying to catch his, “expectations set by the profs or by yourself?”

he stared at you, and his lips were slightly open; with every exhale, condensation snaked up the air like smoke, dissolving in the cold atmosphere all around you, though the air between you was slightly warm. his eyes looked kind and vulnerable for a second, “what a callout. guess i can’t even pretend that it’s not me, huh? you caught me.”

“not yet, i didn’t,” you dared say, and he stopped walking, even though it was colder to stay still than to move. you stopped, too. a snowflake floated between you, landing on his pink nose, melting at the warmth. 

the entire evening long — ever since you had bumped into him making coffee and you both went from studying alone to studying together, little jokes and jibes passing between you, curiosity and interest swapping between you with every glance, solitary and shared, you felt there was maybe a chance for something more. not necessarily all the way if it didn’t work out, but more to explore, more of him and you to meet.

“what does that mean, miss cultural studies?”

you blinked up at him, “i don’t know, mr. japanese literature. you’re the one who reads between the lines of books and analyses everything.”

“i’m not that far into my course,” he told you, seriously, and for a second you almost believed him, but then his eyes crinkled as he hid his smile behind the fluff of his jacket, and you pulled out one of your hands from the pockets of your coat to lightly pull his ear, not enough to cause pain but enough to chide him.

“you liar,” you said with no malice, voice soft and as your hand trailed down to hide your fingers in warmth again, his hand, fast as ever, pulled out of his own jacket, grabbed yours and stuffed both your hands in his pocket instead. 

incredibly warm, fingers locked between each other, soft skin kissing yours, “let’s go, it’s too cold.”

sometime around 2 am in the morning, you decided that you were going to fall asleep right then and there. sadly, coffee barely had an effect on your body anymore after having put your body through caffeine abuse for so long. 

during the hours of studying together, one of you moved closer to the other, so both of your books and notes were strewn together, sharing a space. his thermos cup stood next to a bunch of other cups both of you had drunk out of, because you kept forgetting to take the mug you were using with you and were forced to bring new ones. 

scrutinising a well-read book in the dim light, you ask, “is this mine?”

“unless you want to take home a copy of the setting sun with you and dissect the theme of youth in crisis, then i’m sorry to disappoint you.”

“ugh, i can’t even read anything anymore,” a beat of sly silence, “or you know, maybe i do want to. then i’ll have an excuse to see you again.”

“or,” akaashi butted in and gently offered you his phone, his smile straightforward yet a shy edge sweetening it up, “you can give me your number and we’ll meet up for another study session when you’re available. how’s that sound?”

in lieu of an answer, you saved your contact in his phone; your fingers caressing his under pretense of giving it back to him, and his movement was delayed, allowing the contact between you two to linger for a moment more.

“i’ll walk you back.”

“it’s not that far, so you don’t have to. it’s cold, too.”

akaashi sent you a look that very much told you he did not care how cold it was, there was no way he would let you walk alone at night. and when he did, your hands were buried in his pocket again. 

the world was quiet and still, as if you were caught up in another plane of existence for the past hours. a limbo of sleepy nature, perpetually falling snowflakes, the constant of the warmth akaashi offered, the bumping of arms as you walked in silence, subtly pulling him either to the left or the right when you needed to change the path.

“when is your assignment due?” you asked, lips barely moving from the cold, so you had to hiss out the words, barely understandable.

“four days ‘til friday. yours?”

“monday.”

another shaky exhale, the tremble evident in your shoulders, and you opted to walk a bit faster, even though you didn’t want to part with him yet. but cold was cold, and you would like to keep your toes still alive and kicking. so, it was no wonder that you arrived at your dormitory relatively fast, though even then, both of you stood in front of the entrance, not ready to say goodbye yet, not ready to leave the world of the dead and wake up the next day to greet the same usual bullshit. 

“meet me tomorrow,” he said with blue lips and red cheeks.

“okay,” you responded, heart fluttering when he didn’t let go of your hand. instead he took a step back and you were forced to follow, because you didn’t let go of his hand, either.

one step, another, a third one, then the tentative meeting of cold mouths. his breath was warm, his tongue warmer, and gradually your lips returned to their soft, mellow state. kissing him felt gentle, it felt safe and it felt like you could sink into him, like awaiting and catching you was a giant cloud that kept you floating up.

he kissed like he was a romantic. like he lived and breathed words meant for you, with the dedication and attention to detail only a writer or an artist could have, every stroke, every painted image on paper. he kissed like he had known you for a long time and intended to know you for even longer.

when you both parted, your lashes were brushing the rim of his glasses and your nose caressing his cheek, lips only inches away so it was only natural to kiss him again. 

“see you,” he let go of your hand at last.

later, an unknown number texted you, and you thought yourself corny, but you couldn’t help the smile that overtook your features at the cheesy line akaashi keiji thought he had you beat with:

from: +81 3 1762-3468 i left my other book and also my heart with you

and then:

from: +81 3 1762-3468 i really do need the book though, bring it tomorrow please :( goodnight x

[stormblessed95]

https://www.tumblr.com/tarus18/784865229774471168?source=share

Hi I'm sorry if this is stupid but is this true? I went to search for the translation and the bts translation account did post one that says the same thing. Idk the context of this as I'm a new army. What do you think?

RM did comment that, he was clearly feeling spicy that day in a million different comments and replies lmao

As for why, idk. But he made all these comments in a cute/affectionate tone. So I really doubt it was meant in a mean way. Otherwise he wouldn't have been cute with it. Maybe because he was talking to ARMY and someone commented about Jimin and so he jokingly was like no no, just me right now. And Jimin was just catching strays 😂 for a lot of people the comments brought them back to AHL from 2014 too. When Tae taught some American girls a Korean phrase to go say to Jimin but it was really just "Jiminie is a fool" 😅😂 I really don't think anyone was meant to take this seriously. And Jimins response seemed more of like a "the fuck bro?!" Then actual upset. Lol

Jhope posted his on a totally different post:

Which didn't seem like it had anything to do with what anyone else was saying but more like hey, you two (JM and RM) are blowing up my phone on weverse, but won't answer my text/call?! Excuse me, answer the phone! Lol again, who knows for sure, but this didn't seem like a silent warning to me.

I mean, we just gotta think about it logically. If there was some serious hatred/bullying going on between members towards Jimin or any of them. They would not seek each other out outside of work like they do. Even if they are "presenting a script" or a "forced show of love." There would not be times that Jimin goes out of his way to go hang out with them outside of said script then. Like all the minimoni hang outs, bike ride dates, meals, long walks and talks they go on. There is genuine care and affection there that they aren't good enough actors to fake. Especially when it's not required of them. There are plenty of famous groups who are only friends at work. You can tell the difference.

And honestly? Namjoon hating Jimin? Of all people? That man has low-key a cuteness aggression crush on Jimin. He wants to eat him he loves him so much

Do not even get me started on how much those 2 love each other. I could talk about it FOREVER with a million different quotes and moments as receipts

Try not to listen to solo narratives too much. Because while the hate against Jimin specifically is insane, horrendous and vile. It's not coming from his team members. Something needs to be done and needs to change, but that something is not sowing discord and distrust about the other 6 members.

[forbidding-souda]

Hi! I was wondering if you could do korekiyo, hajime and makoto with a shsl underground surgeon

I'm sorry if it's to much 🙏🏾

Shinguuji Korekiyo, Hajime Hinata and Makoto Naegi with a SHSL Underground Surgeon S/O

I rated american mary as 4 stars on letterboxd bc oh my goddd i love underground surgeon shit in high school i used to dream to be one.

straying from the usual formatting until I get my feeting in ykwim so this isn't gonna have the scenarios written in the indentation like i used to do. but i tried. also sorry if things are written incorrectly grammar and wording wise.

also guys send me requests rn so i can keep posting daily

-Mod Souda

Shinguuji Korekiyo

.

❤ The moment you two had your first conversation there was an immediate connection. Your actions are too vile for his sister's liking, but they were just vile enough for his. And you're very knowledgable about your studies, it's not as if you're working out of anger or malice towards normalcy. You're like him.

❤ He finds you two very similar.

❤ Oh how the two of you will have a blast talking about anatomy. You both are extremely educated and experienced in human anatomy, tearing into people, often 'fixing' them (if you believe it to be that way).

❤ Wait omg you'd be so good at finding victims for him. There can be a sweet lady who just wants teeth sharpening and you're like omg I have someone you'd want to meet.

You'll be taking off your latex gloves, wiping the blood from your face when he comes into your studio. "My dear," he announces himself so you won't get startled. As if he'd startle you anyway. You always know when people enter. He stares at the patient, alive but unconscious, on the table before glancing back at you. "I suppose you're busy?" "Depends," you turn away and focus yourself on wiping the bloody body next. "What do you need? Is it life or death?"

❤ You know about the gruesome things he can do and he knows about yours. Fairs fair. You're both doing illegal things.

❤ He finds most interest in the requests you've been given. People request you to remove their limbs? Their eyes? Their teeth? Humanity is so interesting...

❤ He'd rock a split tongue just saying.

❤ ^ Moaned.

❤ The first conversation was def you two mentioning niche body mod things from history. He wanted to use trivia to inform you on disturbing things but you'd be like "oh yeah I've done that before, easy peasy" and he's like you've what.

❤ On a cuter note, imagine teaching him all the surgical stitching patterns you know. If there's a tear in the pillow you can highkey fix it, just in a unique way.

❤ People from around the world come to you for commissions and you get to surprise them with your knowledge about their country and customs. It makes you even more popular. Where once you were admired, now you are loved. You make people feel at home.

❤ Morbid ass pictures hanging on the walls of your shared home. Crazy shit that both of you find beautiful.

❤ If you're the type to want a big wedding, imagine how insane the audience would appear to onlookers.

.

Hajime Hinata

.

❤ Yeah he knows an interesting group of people. He never thought Hope's Peak would be able to introduce him to such a versatile group. His class holds a lot of illegal activities, fair's fair. Whenever he wanted to avoid Fuyuhiko, somehow he'd end up in your view. No matter where he turned to run, there was somebody scary beside him. But unlike him, you didn't threaten him, you were kind. The stare you gave him had compassion.

❤ Everyone involved in Japanese street fashion and alternative cultures know your name. And as a man who is usually indoors, he hadn't the clue of you.

❤ You can't be too scary with the way Ibuki keeps fawning over your medical abilities like you're a superhero. And to make your credibility even more astonishing, Sonia was thoroughly pleased to hear all of the things you've done. Class 77-B would love you srry.

❤ ^ Ibuki immediately pulls up her phone to show Hajime how you gave her friend pointed ears.

❤ ^ He's like woahh I see the vision.

❤ You have a certain glow in your eyes when you get to explain your work to him. Sure, the elf ears are pleasing, but there are so many other things you can do.

❤ At least once a week you try to convince him to get some form of body mod. You should make a argumentative slideshow.

❤ Your hands are really steady. He notices this almost instantly. You have the steadiest hands he's ever seen, very different from how shaky Mikan can appear.

❤ ^ Oooo you wanna imagine you sitting on the bathroom counter doing his eyeliner so bad oooo.

❤ ^ "You'd look good with tatted eyes."

❤ ^ "No."

❤ Sometimes he'll catch you staring at him, and you do this thing where you tilt your head as if you're examining his features. You have a hawk-like stare. Though, when his eyes reach yours, you look away with a small smile. In some occasions it creeps him out but in others, he finds it flattering.

❤ You are often forced to hear the life stories of your clients, depending on their modification, some of them feel the need to justify their decision to you. It reminds you of how Hajime gets along with others so well. He's such a good listener and mediator.

❤ Last thing but. Listen okay so realistically how likely is it lore-wise that a SHSL Underground Surgeon would help implement Izuru. Very likely, right? Anywho.

.

Makoto Naegi

❤ Be careful with him because if he's not gonna know how to hold his tongue if he finds out some of the stuff is illegal. But he has to remind himself that he is friends with the Toko Fukawa, so his lover being an underground surgeon isn't that bad, right?

❤ It's not as if you're torturing anyone... right?

❤ Your SHSL is scary to anybody once they learn it. You just know how they'll look at you when you have to announce it yourself. But like enjoy your craft; your life's work.

❤ He researched you ahead of time, of course he did, but he stopped at the pictures of people with tatted eyeballs, it made him queasy. When he researched your name, he saw a gallery of your work. You're world renowned.

❤ You do carry photos of your work in your backpack. You have a good portfolio of things you'd do. Silicone horns, rare piercings, skin removals. Nothing murderous or bloody like he thought when you pulled out a big, scary leather folder.

❤ And you're not openly sadistic towards him, you never have been. You're likeable - loveable. Nothing like the scary monster other people claim you to be.

❤ When you explain some things you do he's like "oh, so things like nipple piercings?" and you're like "well it's a little more complicated than that-".

❤ He meets one of your patients that has lip plates and he's like ykw not as scary in person as in the photographs you showed me sweetie.

❤ When he talks to you at night, he's always scared to ask "what did you do today?"

❤ ^ Or if you're in your workshop he's scared to ask you what you're doing.

❤ He doesn't have a job, so his time is mostly free, and you always seem to be busy. You're either talking to a new client, refreshing with an old one, or working on somebody. Your life is filled with your business, but that's what makes you a SHSL, doesn't it?

❤ Can't say his family is the most stoked when learning your SHSL.

❤ Slowly but surely he'll want to be apart of your world, but sitll, he'll always get nervous around your more extreme clients. There are times where your client will enter your workshop and have another people with them, and Naegi is more likely to get along with that person, especially if they're just as unaware of this scene as he is.

❤ You think it's a bit funny.

[ihave-atummyache]

do u like chase atlantic?

Stray Kids Imagine

OT8

summary: chase atlantic x skz

NSFW!!! drugs, alcohol, sex, toxicity

trigger warnings: abuse of drugs a little bit, use of recreational drugs but not much emphasis on exactly what drug.

angsty, fluffy, toxic, some sweetness

6.8k words

(u don’t have to know the song to understand the story)

Bang Chan- OHMAMI

Call Maria, lets get drunk

I haven't been out for a month

Got a two-liter in the back and another bottle in the trunk

Columbian gold in the front seat

The foreign girls showing me love

Telling your friends that you hate me

But I know that you can't get enough

—

"Come on, Chris. You haven't went out with us in weeks! We're in America, for Christ's sake. We're destined to have a good time," Felix whines at the foot of Chan's bed. He glances up at Felix from his computer than back down. The use of the name “Chris” definitely catches his attention.

"If I go out, will you leave me alone all day tomorrow so I can get this done?" he raises his eyebrows at his younger friend who rolls his eyes in response.

"Yes… Well, probably not. But Scout's honor," he holds up three fingers before continuing, "I will try by best," he smiles and Chan can't help but to laugh.

"America is rubbing off on you. Fine. Let me get ready," Chan closes the laptop and Felix bounds out of the room, excited to tell Han and Hyunjin that he finally got Chan to come out.

What he wasn't expecting when he walked into the club, was seeing you. A familiar face but on a stranger. The same girl he had been practically obsessed with for the entire American leg of their last tour.

You were different though. Expensive jewelry hung from your neck and adorned your delicate wrists and fingers. What have you been doing since he last saw you? What had you been doing for the last year since you two parted ways.

He know it was no more than a hookup that he had gotten unreasonably close to but still, you had a hold on him that was unexplainable. He dragged you on the tour with them for the duration of the rest of the American portion then, he practically ghosted you.

"Y/n?" His voice fills your ears, his accent thick with every letter of your name. You snap your head towards him, your eyes locking with his. Before you can reply, however, a girl steps in front of him, drawing his attention from you for just long enough for you to slide off the bar stool and disappear into the dancing crowd.

"Why the fuck is he here?" You speak to yourself and an arm is slung over your shoulder, stopping you from taking anymore steps. You turn your head and meet eyes with the guy you came here with.

"Where are you going?" he questions, a slight slur in his voice. After seeing Chan, this guy suddenly seems far less appealing. He doesn’t have the sexy accent or the kind eyes. Hell, his body isn’t even half as godly as Chan’s.

"This asshole I haven't seen in a year just happened to be at this bar. I can't stand him. Just seeing him makes me wanna hurl," you grumble and run your hand through your hair before turning to your date.

"Wanna dance?" You question but before he can reply, someone has their hand wrapped around your wrist and is pulling you to the edge of the crowd. You look down and recognize the cuban link bracelet instantly. Chan.

You let him pull you until you're outside of the club then you finally snatch your wrist from his grip. You bring it up to your chest, rubbing slightly at the dull string.

"What the hell? I'm literally here on a date! What could you possibly want?" you exclaim and he takes a deep breath before turning to face you.

"Why did you run from me?" His voice is gentle, it almost has an undertone of guilt in it. Good. He should be guilty.

"Fuck you, Christopher. You fucked my head up. You fucked my heart up and you fucked me up. I'll never be the same because of you," you spit at him and take a step towards him, closing the space.

"Y/n. I'm sorry. I didn't mean to-"

"Oh, please, shut the hell up. It's too late," you growl at him and turn towards the parking deck where your car is. Honestly, just him being here was enough to ruin your night and you wanted nothing more than to just go home.

"Y/n, wait. Baby, please. Can we just talk about it?"

"There's nothing to talk about, Chris. I hate you. I'm sure you know that by now. Seeing as the amount of my friends that you reached out to while trying to contact me," you reach your car quickly, luckily you parked on the first level.

Chan freezes when he sees your car. Ferrari? Since when have you been able to afford this? He approaches the other side of the car at the same time you unlock it and pulls the door open.

His eyes practically fall from his head when he sees what's sitting in the front seat of the car. Was that... drugs? Had you been selling drugs?

The expensive jewelry, the expensive car, the suspicious and sleazy looking man you were with.

"Are you a drug dealer? What the fuck?" His voice is much louder than it should be and you quickly get into the driver side of the car.

"Shut up, you idiot. You want to call the police and tell them about it too? Fuck off," you snap at him and reach across the car, pulling the door closed and locking them before pulling out the parking spot and leaving him in the vacant place.

Did he really fuck you up this bad?

Lee Know- Church

And I'll keep leading you on

If you keep leading me into your room

The drinks are all gone

But that's fine, baby, so am I

I'm about to take you back to church

Well, tell me your confessions, baby, what's the worst? Yeah

Baptise in your thighs 'til it hurts

'Cause I'm about to take you back to church

I'll keep you up until the sunset

Speaking in tongues, yeah, we ain't done yet, yeah

"Y/n, you sound like an idiot. He's a dog. You're being just as naïve as all the other girls he has led on!" You friend exclaims and you turn away from her to glance down at your phone again.

minho: can I come over?

You let out a sigh. Maybe she's right. Maybe it was just because of the amount of wine you had been drinking but you suddenly found the confidence to just leave him on read.

"I just feel like I need him so bad. I can't explain it but... I don't know. Maybe I am an idiot," you trail off and drop back on the bed, the half empty bottle of wine tight in your grip.

"He's just no good. You need to give him a taste of his own medicine! He's toxic! He want you at his every beck and call and you always reply. Maybe if you just-" she gets cut off when your phone starts ringing loudly between the two of you.

You grab your phone from the bed and pull it up to your face before letting out a groan. You slide the phone and press answer, putting it on speaker phone.

"Come open the door," Minho's deep voice echoes out of the phone's speaker before you can say a word and you peak over at your best friend, who is just as confused as you.

"Minho I didn't say you could come over," you reply and he scoffs on the other side of the line, obviously annoyed with your lack of cooperation.

"Baby, I've been drinking. Just let me in so I don't have to drive drunk. I'll sober up and leave. I'm already here and my place is too far. Plus, I can't find a ride right now," You groan and sit up in the bed. When you throw your legs over the side and stand, you feel much more warm and fuzzy than you did when you were laying down.

"Lucky for you, it appears I'm a bit buzzed too," You grumble out and then hang up the phone.

"Don't seriously tell me you're letting that asshole in our house," your best friend complains from beside you and you let out a laugh at her face.

"Okay. This is the last time. I'm seriously done after this. I just need to get his magic mouth and fingers and co-"

"Okay! Stop. I don't need the visual right now. Just get to the point," your best friend cuts you off and you chuckle, walking towards the front door and she follows you.

"It's gonna be like goodbye sex. It's just so good..." you trail off and then exhale deeply before pulling your front door open. You hear your best friend mumble something along the lines of “all this to get your dick wet” behind you, but you don’t comment on her statement. Minho looks heavenly, leaning on the wall across from your apartment door and chewing on what looks like a straw from the bar.

"Hi," you breathe out and he pushes off the wall to walk towards you. You move to the side to let him in and he slings and arm over your shoulder before eyeing your best friend.

"Hey," the smug smirk on his face is enough to make you roll your eyes and she narrows her eyes at him. They aren't too fond of each other and both know it.

"Oh fuck off, Minho and fuck you," she spits at him and he chuckles. You start guiding him towards your room and he looks at your best friend again with that cocky smirk.

"The only one getting fucked tonight is y/n," he replies, wiggling his eyebrows at her.

"Minho!" You object before pushing him into your room and slamming the door behind you. He really is shitty and you know it but God, the things he can do with his body and the way he looks is just heavenly.

He walks to your bed before plopping down and laying back. You slowly approach the bed and he glances over at you.

"Sit on my face, princess. I've been thinking about your pussy on my tongue all night. I need your thighs on either side of my head while I drown in you," he says it so nonchalantly, letting out a sigh but you just stare at him for a moment before he glances back at you.

"Come on, baby. I know you want to leave me. Let me prove to you how I can worship this body like no other man will be able to. Let me make you want to stay," he's practically begging which is very uncharacteristic of him and you approach him slowly. He sits up when you reach him and reaches towards you, pulling your shorts down your legs.

He gently kisses up your thigh before planting two more on either one of your hip bones. He grips your hips, his thumbs rubbing over the same spot his lips just were. He begins to fall back again, pulling you with him until he has pulled you over his face.

"The only thing I want you to remember is my name. If that means making you cum over and over until the sun comes up, then that's what I'll do," his voice is low and he suddenly pulls you down, his warm mouth making contact with your pussy that he has been craving all night.

Changbin- Friends

And what the hell were we?

Tell me we weren't just friends

This doesn't make much sense, no

But I'm not hurt, I'm tense....

"Binnie? are you home?" Your voice cracks over the phone and Chnagbin immediately sits up in the chair at your tone.

"I'm at the studio. What's going on? Are you alright?" His voice is full of concern and you feel more tears well up behind your eyes.

"Even closer. Is it okay if I come see you? Just for a little bit. I..." you trail off, taking a deep breath, "I have had a bad night and I just want to see you," your voice softens and he feels a small smile make its way to his face.

"Of course. I'll meet you in the lobby," he confirms and stands from his chair to make his way down to where he knows you're walking in. It'll be easier for him to guide you in personally since you don't have a visitor pass.

When the elevator dings, your head immediately snaps towards the sound. Changbin walks off the elevator, looking the epitome of relaxed and sexy. You gulp as you let your eyes drag down the shirt around his buff arms.

"Have you been crying?" His voice echos in your head as he closes the gap between you two. You reach up and gently touch your cheek. You find dry residue, obvious evidence of tears. When had you cried? You know you wanted to but you didn’t realize that you actually had.

"I guess I have been," you reply, your voice completely deflated and he wraps his arms around your shoulders tightly. You don't have the energy to hug him back and instead let out a sigh, allowing your head to fall into his neck.

You close your eyes and take a deep inhale. His scent instantly invades your senses and relaxes you. You have been best friends for years and sometimes just being with him is enough to calm you.

"Come on," he wraps an arm around your shoulders and guides you to the elevator. The entire ride is silent. You were completely caught in your head by your own thoughts. You barely even notice when you're gently guided to sit on the couch. Changbin sits beside you and grabs your hands in your lap, making you turn to face him.

He closes the few inches in front of you and presses his lips to yours. You sigh into the familiarity of the kiss and let your hands squeeze his tighter.

"Y/n, what happened? You can tell me," he whispers, carefully choosing his words in case you start crying again.

"Do you think I'm a slut?" you ask suddenly and he immediately drops his eyebrows to a furrow, shaking his head.

"What are you…" he cuts himself off and you run your hand through your hair messily, letting out a low cuss under your breath as more angry tears spring to your eyes.

"I was on a date and this guy... fuck! And this guy tried to kiss me. I swerved it and he went off on me. Telling me about how he only asked me on a date for some ass. Claiming that I fucked his friend last week and- why are you looking at me like that?" You interrupt yourself when you notice how tense Changbin has become.

"You fucked someone else? You went on a date?" Changbin questions, suddenly becoming much more angry than he was before he said the words out loud.

"Yes? Why wouldn't I?" He snatches his hands from yours and stands, walking towards his desk and leaning over it. He slams his fist down, making a few pencils drop to the ground and making you jump from your spot behind him.

"Binnie, are you-"

"Don't." He whips his body around to face you, pointing an accusatory finger at you, "Don't fucking call me that. What the fuck, y/n? We have been fucking each other for months. How many other people were you fucking?" His voice is suddenly loud and you're sure it would be echoing throughout the hallway if you weren't in the studio.

"Wait... Changbin. We're best friends. It isn't supposed to be exclusi-"

"Best friends.” he scoffs before continuing, “Maybe you are a slut. One cock isn't enough for you that you had to go let yourself be fucked by however many other people?" His words are laced with venom and you blink at him a few times before standing up and grabbing your bag.

"Fuck you, Changbin." You spit out before storming from the room.

Hyunjin- HEAVEN AND BACK

She's high

She lives in the sky

Tonight, she's satisfied

Rolling back her eyes

But then she starts to cry

Everything is turning to black

All in one night

She just went to heaven and back

"Fuck, Jinnie. Don't stop," you moan out, pushing your friend(?) and his heavenly tongue deeper between your legs. His tongue had been ravishing for what felt like hours but also felt so good, like nothing you have ever felt before. Although it felt like hours, it had only been a few minutes.

His licks a long stripe up your sopping cunt before kissing up your body and stops at your nipples, taking one into his mouth and using his fingers to play with the other.

"N-no more teasing. Just fuck me already. Please?" you whimper out and he chuckles pushing back onto his heels and lining himself up with your entrance. His slowly pushes in, causing you both to let out a groan at the feeling.

"Fuck, darling. You feel so fucking good wrapped around me," he groans out, his head falling back in pure pleasure and absolute ecstasy. Your eyes roll to the back of your head as he slowly picks up the pace.

Suddenly, he bottoms out and you yelp, immediately beginning to shake at the feeling. It was borderline painful but you also felt so full and it’s felt so good.

"Yeah. You like that, don't you?" he asks again and you nod mindlessly, already feeling like you've reached the clouds. Hyunjin feels like he could die a happy man, completely content being balls deep in your perfect cunt, made just for him.

He drops to his elbows on either side of your head and you instinctively wrap your own arms around his neck. He grabs your chin and gently pulls your face towards him, making your eyes pop open. His eyes meet yours and then he suddenly stops, complete silence falling in the air.

"Are you high?" he suddenly asks and you blink at him a few time, opening your mouth to reply but he sits up, falling back onto his heels and pulling out of you. You shiver at the loss of warmth and sit up on your elbows to look at him.

"Hyunjin, it isn't-"

"Don't tell me it isn't what I think. I see you more fucked up than sober nowadays, fuck. Do you not see that you have a fucking problem? I ask you to be sober for one fucking night and you can't even do it. This is pitiful, y/n," his voice is full of anger and you don't even think he notices the way he's switching between languages, making your brain spin.

"Baby, pick a language. I can't follow what you're saying," you sit up and reach forward to cup his cheek but he pulls away from your touch, stands, and pulls his pants up his legs then his hoodie over his head.

You feel the tears immediately come to your eyes and start to pour down your cheeks. You don’t even really know why you’re crying. Maybe it’s because this moment between the two of you got ruined or maybe it’s because you can tell how pissed he is at you.

"Baby what are you-"

" 'Baby, this. Baby, that'. Just stop talking. Stop. Fucking. Talking," His voice raises and more tears pour from your eyes. You hurriedly grab the t shirt you were wearing from the floor, which happens to be his, and pull it over your head.

"I don't understand why you're so mad. This doesn't have anything to do with you! It doesn't effect you," your voice is slightly shaky but you finish the sentence nonetheless, making him scoff and run his hands down his face.

"Because I fucking love you. I love you more than anything and I want you to love yourself even half as much as I do," his voice is quieter again and you bring your face down to your hands as the tears keep pouring from your eyes.

"Why are you crying?" His voice breaks you from your quiet sobs and you look up. He's already looking at you, an unreadable expression on his face.

"Are you leaving me?" you ask quietly and he sighs, looking at the door then back at you again.

"We aren't together. How could I leave someone I never had in the first place," he walks towards you and tilts your chin up. He uses his sleeves to wipe the tears from your soaked cheeks and you just look up at him, eyes bloodshot and dilated.

"I'm so disappointed in you, angel. I thought I meant more to you than your substances but it seems I can't compete," a sad smile covers his face and he exhales gently before leaning down and pressing a kiss to your forehead. You quickly reach out and wrap your arms around his waist.

"You do, Jinnie. I'm okay. I promise. I can stop when I want," you swear to him but he doesn't reply. He grabs both of your arms from behind his back and pries you off of him before taking a few steps back.

"I'll wait for you, y/n. In the future, when you love yourself, come find me," he replies before turning and walking towards the door. You quickly throw yourself from the bed and chase after him.

"Hyunjin! Wait! I-I-" you're interrupted by your front door slamming shut in front of your face.

Han- Meddle About

Cause it's not just a figure of speech

You got me down on my knees

It's getting harder to breathe out

We only met each other just the other day

But you already got me feeling some type of way

Now if I could figure it out

I'd take you back to my house

So we could meddle about

Jisung's breath hitches in his throat when he sees you at the bar. His heart immediately starts pounding in his chest and he turns away, locking eyes with Chan next to him.

"That's her. She's right there at the bar, hyung. What do I do?" Jisung feels like his heart might actually leap out of his chest. Chan glances over at the bar but he can't figure out exactly who Jisung is talking about.

"Leather skirt. Mesh shirt," Jisung whispers to Chan, still not turning to look at you. Chan can't stop the chuckle from falling from his lips.

"You really are down bad. You looked at her for a total of 3 seconds and know exactly what she has on. Any other details you noticed?" he teases and nudges Jisung but he's too thrown off to realize Chan is joking.

"Red lipstick, red hair clip," he adds on and Chan's mouth drops open. He's never seen his friend so infatuated over a girl in all their years of knowing each other. What had you done to him?

"Would it freak you out if I said she's heading this way or would that be a good thing?" Chan leans over to whisper to his friend. Jisung's eyes grow wide but before he can reply, your honey voice rips through the music at the club.

"Hi, Jisung. It's good to see you," your voice went straight to his cock and he can't help remembering all the filthy things you had said to him the other night. The things you were whispering in his ear while he was balls deep in you.

"H-Hi. How are you?" He clears his throat and you giggle, sitting yourself down next to him as your friend sits on the other side of Chan, making a friend of her own to give you and Jisung a bit more privacy.

"I've been thinking about you," he suddenly blurts out and instantly regrets it when your perfect eyebrows shoot up in surprise but the look is instantly replaced with a smug smirk.

He's so fucking cute.

"Oh? What have you been thinking about?" you inquire and wrap your lips around your straw. Jisung can't stop himself of looking. He remembers the way those same lips were wrapped around him. The way he was down your throat. The way your perfectly manicured hands were rubbing him in a way in which nobody had, not even himself.

He gulps deeply and glances at your eyes again. Your’s are already trained on his. His big, sparkly, chocolate, doe eyes had you in a chokehold like no other. You wanted nothing more than to bring him to tears again and he wanted nothing more than for you to bring him to tears again.

"Everything. You've invaded my mind," he suddenly confesses, a bit of a dazed look in his eyes. You let out a light chuckle as you lean over, placing your glass on the table. Jisung's eyes trail over your back and then he finally eyes your legs, stunning thighs and calves. He wants to worship you so badly, show you exactly how you should be treated.

"Oh really? Does it bother you that I've invaded your mind?" you ask, sweetly before resting your hand on his knee. You turn towards him and rest your other arm on the back of the couch, letting your head fall into your hand. You look almost bored, not entertained by Jisung in the slightest but you know that the slick in your panties was an indicator of just how much this boy had also invaded your mind.

He gulps again and adjusts in his seat. You let your hand fall from your head and reach forward, gently playing with the longer hair at the base of his skull.

"As pretty as you are, my Jisungie, I asked you a question," you speak up and let your hand gently trail up the back of his head until your fingers dig into his head and you tug on his hair, rough enough that it definitely hurt but not rough enough for anyone to notice.

"Do you like that I have invaded your mind, my pretty boy?" you ask again and scoot closer, placing a wet kiss to his throat. You pull away and the slight red residue from your lipstick makes you smile to yourself.

"Yes. I like it," he replies and you look up into his glazed over eyes again before releasing your grip slightly in his hair and your other hand makes it's way up his thigh more before brushing lightly against his bulge. His takes a sharp inhale of breath and you chuckle.

"Yes, what?"

"Yes, mommy," his reply is instant and almost pathetic. Gosh, you want nothing more than to just have him on his knees for you again, begging to eat your pussy.

Felix- Consume

She said, "Careful, or you'll lose it"

But girl, I'm only human

And I know there's a blade where your heart is

And you know how to use it

And you can take my flesh if you want, girl

Felix knows she isn’t his. That doesn’t stop him from feeling green (GREENGREEN lol) with jealousy. Seeing you wrapped around someone else, your tongue down some strangers throat that he has never seen before.

“Lix, calm down,” Hyunjin’s voice sounds from behind him but Felix doesn’t even pay the man a glance.

“It’s not fair. She’s mine,” Felix groans out and Hyunjin pats him on the back before looking over to Minho with a ‘help me’ look in his eyes. Minho clears his throat before leaning towards the pair so they can hear him over the party’s music.

“If she’s your’s, then why are his hands all over her ass?” Minho’s voice is casual and Hyunjin swears he could have slapped him in that moment.

“You dumbass! That isn’t what he needs to hear!” Hyunjin practically yells but after at his older friend, though it’s all background noise to Felix. He stands abruptly and marches over to you. He puts his hands in the back of your jeans and pulls you away from the man who is standing dazed by your lips.

“Piss off, mate,” Felix’s voice is full of anger and jealousy and the man blinks at him once before scurrying away. You let your body lay back slightly, resting against Felix’s chest. His hand instinctively wraps around your waist and his hand splays possessively across ur stomach.

“Lixie. I’ve missed you,” as soon as your voice makes it’s way to his ears, he feels like he could melt into you. You have him absolutely wrapped around your finger and you know it. He knows that you know it and just lets you use him in whatever way you want.

“You have a funny way of showing it,” he pulls you tighter against him, “Who the hell was that?” Felix’s deep voice rings through your ear and he places a gently kiss just below your ear.

“Mm. Forgot. I just wanted your attention,” you confess and push back against Felix, your ass bumping against his cock, begging to be in you.

“Well you have it. I should fuck you right here so you remember who you belong to, sweet girl,” he grumbles into your ear before sucking slightly on the same spot he had just kissed, leaving a hickey, marking his territory.

“Oh, my love, you know I don’t belong to anyone but myself. We’ve been over this,” you turn in his arms and wrap your arms around his neck. He tucks both of his hands in the back pockets of your jeans as you make eye contact.

You reach up and tuck his hair gently behind his ear before leaning in and pressing your lips against his, he immediately kisses you back and licks the seam of your lips, asking for entrance. You let his tongue into your mouth and he immediately pulls away.

He can taste a liquor on your breath that he knows for a fact you don’t like, then he remembers why he stormed over here in the first place.

“I can taste that fucker on your breath,” he growls out and you chuckle, only making him angrier.

“Oh, I’m sorry honey. Do you want me to brush my teeth or are you just going to kiss me until all his taste is gone? It’s your choice,” you reply and twist his hair around your fingertips gently.

He probably looks pitiful right now to any onlookers. He probably looks like some guy who is completely whipped by a girl that doesn’t even want him and just had her tongue down some different guy’s throat. But honestly, Felix couldn’t care less.

He presses his lips against yours again and you kiss for a few minutes before you grab his hand and place it over your racing heart.

“If I give you a piece of this, will you be careful with it?” You ask, touching your forehead against his before pulling back and looking into his eyes again.

“Give me the whole thing and I promise I won’t lose it. I’ll be careful,” he swears, no trace of a smile on his face.

He wants nothing more than to have just a tiny corner of your heart since you were already taking up the entirety of his.

Seungmin- Tidal Wave

Passion drippin' off the wall, baby

Damn, you make it easy

And drop a little acid on our tongues, baby

We can make it freaky

Don't you think about turning the lights out

I want them to see this

And I say fuck the rules and let 'em find out

But that's just how I'm feelin'

“S-slow down (wink). I c-can’t stay quiet like this,” you whimper out but your boyfriend doesn’t listen. Instead, he leans forward, his chest pressed to your back and his cock impossibly deep in you.

You can’t stop the groan that leaves your mouth, a mix of pleasure and pain forcing the noise from you. He places a kiss on the back of your shoulder then sits up again. His hands gently rub down the arch of your back. The beauty that is you is truly out of this world and he can’t help but just look sometimes.

“Minnie, move,” your voice is whiny and Seungmin lets out a deep chuckle behind you.

“I thought you wanted me to slow down. Now you want me to speed up? Needy little thing, aren’t ya?” his voice is laced with a condescending tone and you clench around him. He suddenly pulls out completely and in one quick motion he flips you to your back and scoots down the bed, his head between your legs.

“What are you doing?” you question, your voice slightly shaky from the constant teasing.

“What do you think I’m doing? I’m going to eat this pretty little pussy until you have no choice but to scream for me,” He raises his eyebrows at you as a blush radiated up your neck and to your face.

“But… they’ll hear. They’ll know,” you whisper shout at him. His band mates were scattered throughout the house. If you get quiet enough, you could hear them. From what you could tell, two of them seemed to be playing some kind of video game together and another was in the kitchen, listening to music and probably cleaning.

“Good. That’s fine with me,” he suddenly replies and plunges a finger into you. Your back arches off the bed and you bite down on your lip to stop the moan.

“B-but you said-”

“I changed my mind. After seeing the way they were looking at your ass in those pants today, I want to make it clear to them that you belong to me and nobody else,” he speaks up and glances down at where his finger is knuckle deep in your pussy before adding another finger.

His lingering gaze makes you nervous and you subconsciously close your thighs, trying to hide yourself from him. This quickly earns you a gentle slap to the inside of your thigh and a firm grip prying your legs back open.

“Why are you looking so much? Let’s turn the lights off. I’m getting shy,” you mumble out which causes a smug smile to break across your boyfriend’s face.

“Never. I love looking at this sweet cunt. All mine too, isn’t that right, baby?” he asks as he slowly begins to pump his fingers in and out of you. You groan and bite down on your lip again but Seungmin moves his hand from it’s spot on your thigh and pulls your lip from between your teeth. He pats your cheek, not enough to be considered a slap but definitely a warning.

“I asked you a question, pup. Don’t tell me my babydoll is already fucked out. I haven’t even made you scream yet,” he gives a fake pout and you groan again.

“All your’s baby. I’m all yours,” you ramble as he speeds his fingers up inside of you.

“Who do you belong to? Say my name.” He demands as he starts to curl his fingers inside of you. He leans forward and licks your clit, making you jump at the contact and he chuckles, the vibrations ricocheting throughout your body.

“Fuck, Seungmin,” you moan out and he slaps the outside of your thigh before kneading the flesh and pulling his mouth away slightly.

“Louder, princess,” he commands and dives back in. He feels you clench around him before suddenly you’re cumming all over his face and fingers.

“Seungmin! Fuck. Don’t stop. Feels so good!” You finally scream out as you grind your face against his tongue, riding out your high.

“Call me what you like to call me,” he demands, another shit eating, smug grin on his face. His fingers are still pumping in and out of you and starting to send you into overstimulation.

“Mmm, daddy! Please slow down! ‘S too much,” you slur your words together and a smirk covers his face as he kisses each of your thighs then climbs back up your body, slowly pulling his soaking wet fingers from inside of you.

“Now I’m going to fuck you and I want you to keep screaming my name just like that. I don’t even want them to think about ever looking at what’s mine again,” he bites down on the skin covering your collarbone, making you buck your hips against him.

“Do I make myself clear?” he pulls back to look you in the eyes and you nod. He raises his eyebrows at you, a warning, “Words, darling. Use your words,” he adds on and you clear your throat

“Yes, sir. Crystal clear,” you nod and her kisses you gently on the forehead before sinking back into you, your wet cunt pulling him with ease.

I.N- Right Here

It's happening again

Well, I don't give a fuck about your friends

I'm right here, here

Oh baby take a look around

I'm the only one that hasn't walked out

I'm right here, here

Hearing the door slams makes you jump at your spot on the couch. You weren't expecting your boyfriend today, but he's the only one who knows your code so it has to be him.

"Innie?" your voice echos. You hear him slip his shoes off before you see your boyfriend walk into the room you're in. His hair looks disheveled like he had been running his hands through it and his face looks wild.

"Innie? What's wrong? What happened?" You immediately snap your book closed and turn your body towards him. He runs his hands through his hair and that's when you notice the bruises on his hands and arms.

"Yang Jeongin. What happened to you?" You jolt up from your seat and walk towards him. You grab him by the elbow and pull him towards the kitchen, flipping the light on as you enter. You turn again and look over your boyfriend's hands.

"Have you been fighting?!" You exclaim and finally meet his eyes. They're unusually cold, the subtle shine when he usually looks at you no where in sight.

"I heard that jackass talking about you. Your ex," his words have a bite behind them and he clenches his jaw. He had seen your ex? He only knows of one ex, he would only recognize the face of one of your exes.

He's a more recent ex. You two only dated for about five months but he took well to the friend group so he has kind of stuck around since you broke up. You ended things amicably and besides it being awkward for a few hangouts with everyone, the two of you were able to put the relationship behind you and be around each other comfortably.

"What does he have to do with anything? Was it him? You fought him?" You start rattling off questions, studying his expressionless face.

"I did," his reply is curt and his eyes finally meet yours again. You have shock all over your face. This can't be happening.

"Jeongin! Your reputation, your career. You have things to worry about. Why would you even fight that guy?" your voice is shaky as you try to organize your thoughts and understand exactly what could have sent him over the edge.

"He was talking to that girl he's been dating. You should've heard him, y/n. God! I fucking hate that guy. If I ever get my hands on him again, I swear I'll k-"

"Stop!" You interrupt him and slap your hand over his mouth to stop his words, "What was he saying? I still don't understand, baby," you use the pet name in hopes that it'll help calm him down. His eyes soften slightly and you pull your hand from his mouth.

"He was talking about how uptight you are. And calling you a bitch and all kinds of names. Told her that you 'gave up your pussy for any man that had a black card'. As if his money isn’t all daddy’s money. That piece of shit hasn't worked for anything in his life," he slams the side of his fist against the wall.

He turns to you again and places his hands over your shoulders but you're staring into space. He said all that about you? Why would he say that? You thought the two of you ended on good terms so what's with the shit talk now?

"Listen to me, babe. You don't need them. You only need me. You always catch them hanging out without you and talking shit. Fuck them. Just me and you. Is that okay? Does that sound good?" His voice is almost pleading and you meet his eyes again. You feel hurt about what he's telling you but at the same time...are you surprised?

"Okay," your voice is barely more than a whisper and Jeongin places his finger under your chin, tilting your head to face him.

"Okay," he replies and places his forehead against your's. You let out a shaky breath then he places both hands on your cheeks and presses his lips to yours.

Jeongin can’t help the feeling of satisfaction in finally having you completely to himself. He doesn’t care if the mentality is toxic but he wants to be all that you ever need. He wants to be everything to you without anyone else standing in the way.

imma start putting a lil author’s note at the end tee hee. i just wanna say that possessive felix>>>. mega fuckin heart eyes bruv. also seungmin is soo pull out, eat it, put it back in and i cant explain why. source: just trust me.

[burntsaltsblog]

shiny new toy

(felix catton\reader)

chapter one

details: a saltburn inspired short story.

content warning: profanity, explicit sexual content, and mentions of abuse (physical and mental)

MNI 18+

✼　 ҉ 　✼　 ҉ 　✼ ✼　 ҉ 　✼　 ҉ 　✼ ✼　 ҉ 　✼　 ҉ 　

"I'm sorry," I said with an evident crack in my voice as I sank my teeth into my lower lip to keep my emotions at bay. The last thing I needed was to break down in the middle of the quad.

"Save it," Eric, my boyfriend, snapped. "Your apologies don't mean shit."

His glare was lethal before turning to walk briskly toward the dining hall for lunch, and I hurried behind him, attempting to catch up. But I halted my movements when he whipped his head around, regarding me sternly.

"Don't follow me. You're not allowed to eat lunch with me today."

"But-"

"No. You can eat by yourself. That way, you'll finally learn your lesson."

My eyes stung with tears as I grew desperate not to be shunned by him, whimpering, "Please, Eric, I-"

Eric raised his hand above his head, and I instantly cowered back, trying to avoid the impending blow.

"Don't make me do it," He whispered darkly, referencing his hand in the air that could strike me at any moment.

Before I could form a coherent response, my boyfriend spun back around and continued on his way while I hastily wiped the few stray tears tumbling down my cheeks and glanced around the quad to ensure no one had seen what had transpired.

Students were lying down on the lush, green grass as they attempted to soak up the few rays of sunshine England rarely offered, and luckily, they all seemed completely unaware of my presence.

All except for one.

I almost hadn't noticed him. I was about to turn toward the library when we locked eyes. Deep brown. Warm like the sun and soft like the grass beneath our feet. He was beautiful. But I couldn't miss the look of pity on his face. 

My cheeks warmed when I realized that he had seen the altercation between Eric and me, and I was sure he considered me to be as pathetic as Eric did. Because I was...right?

My shoulders drooped in shame as I looked away from the beautiful stranger, but the sound of footsteps caused my eyes to shoot right back up, and I stared wide-eyed as the man gracefully swept over the emerald landscape in my direction. 

I ceased to move. I was utterly shocked that someone like him would approach someone like me willingly. 

"You alright?" His melodic voice washed over me, and a calmness accompanied it.

"What?" I asked, dazed and confused.

"I was just wondering if you were all right. I saw that bloke giving you a hard time and wanted to ensure I didn't need to straighten him out."

A surprised laugh bubbled up from my throat. The idea of anyone being able to straighten Eric out seemed preposterous. 

I regained my composure before replying. "Uh, no, everything is quite alright. My boyfriend is just having a bad day. School seems to be stressing him out at the moment."

I mentally applauded myself for how smoothly my lie rolled off my tongue while the the stranger regarded me curiously.

"You're American," he said, referring to my lack of an English accent.

"Yup," I answered, shifting my weight from one foot to the other.

"Well, does the American have a name?" he asked, teasing me gently. I couldn't miss the twinkle in his eyes as he waited for my reply. 

"Iris."

"Like the song?" He stepped forward, closing the distance between us. 

"Yeah, my parents were massive Goo Goo Dolls fans," I chuckled softly.

"Well, Iris, would you like to have lunch with us?" He threw his thumb over his shoulder, directing my attention to one of the groups of students sprawled out on the lawn.

"Oh, that's ok. I couldn't possibly intrude."

"Rubbish. You wouldn't be intruding at all," He said, slinging an arm over my shoulders. "Besides, someone's got to welcome you to this country properly because, by the looks of it, your boyfriend has not done a very good job."

I let him guide me towards his friends as I asked, "So, what's your name? It's only fair that you return the favor."

I lifted my chin, and our gazes clashed, causing my heart to beat erratically. 

"Felix." The name tumbled from his full lips, and I relished the sound of it. His name was perfect. Just like him.

We arrived at a tangled group of limbs on the grass. Felix's friends prattled on together as they lay in a small heap on the ground.

"Ignore them if they start bothering you," Felix whispered, leaning in close, "They can have a habit of coming on too strong. Especially Farleigh."

"Which one is Farleigh?" I wondered aloud

"You're about to find out." His breath tickled my neck as he drew his lips away from my ear. Tiny tingles danced down my spine, and goosebumps littered my skin most deliciously.

"And who do we have here?"

The question came from one of the two boys on the lawn. His skin glowed a golden brown, and his eyes swam with many questions.  

"This is Iris, and she will be having lunch with us today," replied Felix merrily. 

The one, who I assumed to be Farleigh, did little to hide his assessment of me. His dark eyes ran the length of my physique before a sly grin stretched across his face.

"Nice job, Lex. She's even prettier than the last one."

I didn't miss Felix's sharp glare at Farleigh but was quickly distracted by the other brunette boy as he attempted to pass his snicker off as a mere cough. He sat beside Farleigh but made no move to interject himself into the conversation. 

I loitered before them awkwardly. They didn't even know me, yet I could feel their judgment wafting off them potently. 

"Play nice, Farleigh," Felix chastised.

"My apologies," Farleigh replied as he rose to his full height. He stepped forward and courteously extended his hand. "I'm Farleigh, as I'm sure you've already figured out. And that's Oliver over there," he said, nodding his head towards the previously snickering boy who hadn't bothered to stand up.

"Just Ollie," he muttered from his place on the ground.

"Iris," I mumbled quietly.

Farleigh continued to hold my hand for several beats too long before Felix cleared his throat loudly. My hand was promptly dropped. 

Felix made himself comfortable on the thick grass before reaching up with his hand and gently tugging me down with him. 

"Where's V?" He asked as I gingerly sat beside him.

"Blowing her TA," Farleigh casually replied as he picked up today's paper and pretended to examine its various articles. 

"I knew you transferring here was a terrible idea. She's learning all your bad habits," Felix retorted.

Farleigh merely snorted before changing the subject to gossip about the World History Teacher. A student had found Mr. West's Grindr account, and now the pupil was threatening to tell his wife unless Mr. West gave him an A for the rest of the year. 

I resorted to picking the fraying cuff of my jeans out of sheer awkwardness and boredom. My eyes wandered the quad full of laughing, elated students before finally resting on the meager boy still seated beside Farleigh. His gaze flew back and forth between Felix and Farleigh as if he were watching a riveting tennis match. It was impossible not to miss the adoration and longing painted on his features. I felt his obvious emotions had nothing to do with Mr. West and everything to do with the two people in front of him. His silent reverence would convince one that he was in the presence of gods and not men.  

But maybe that's what they were to Oliver: gods, not mortals. 

"Sorry, I'm late!"

I whipped around to locate the voice that rang through the air and saw a majestic sight. Blonde hair flew behind a brightly smiling, pale girl as she hurtled towards our huddle on the ground. 

"It's about time, V," Farleigh said. "We were beginning to think Jason had kidnapped you."

It's Mr. Fellcraft," she corrected as she flounced down on the other side of Felix and made herself busy spreading her long, floral skirt around her on the earth.

"Yes, but it's Jason to you. And that's what matters," Farleigh countered. 

The girl known as "V" only responded with a scowl before returning her attention back to her skirt.

"V, we wouldn't tease you about it if it wasn't so glaringly obvious that you're shagging the guy. And as your brother, I need to know if everything is consensual because I will happily have a chat with the fellow if need be."

"Calm down, little brother. All is well. It's just a bit of fun.”

I wasn't sure I would regard hooking up with a teaching assistant as a "bit of fun."

"Besides," She said, "I don't particularly want to discuss my time with Mr. Fellcraft. I'd much rather talk about the girl sitting next to you, Felix, who looks like she'd rather be elsewhere."

Felix gave a small roll of his eyes before swiftly introducing me to his sister. 

"V, this is Iris. She's going to be joining us for lunch this afternoon. Iris, this is-"

"Venetia. Venetia Catton," she cut in before her brother could continue with the introduction. "The pleasure is all mine, I'm sure."

Venetia extended her hand, palm down, as if she expected me to kiss it. Unsure of what to do, I grasped the ends of her slender fingers in what appeared to be an uncoordinated handshake and she giggled at me as if I was a small, confused child who was too stupid for their own good.

I adverted my eyes as a quiet fell over the group, and breeze came by, sweeping my long, honey-colored hair off of my shoulders. 

"Let's head inside, yeah?" Felix asked, breaking the silence. "Since everyone is here."

"Everyone and a guest," Farleigh muttered under his breath as we all stood in unison.

I stuck close to Felix's side so as not to hear what other snarky things I was sure Farleigh and Venetia were saying about me. They walked several feet ahead with their heads bowed together, whispering back and forth. No wonder this group was so small. They obviously didn't like newcomers. 

Except for Felix. 

I looked up at him and found his eyes already settled on me. He offered a soft smile. "Don't mind them. We're all rather protective of each other, so new additions can be met with some skepticism."

"I don't know if I would call it skepticism. It seems more like downright disdain to me," I chuckled faintly.

"No," Felix replied, shaking his head adamantly. "Once they see how I've accepted you, they'll follow suit."

"Are you their leader or something?" I asked, suspicion and curiosity lacing my voice.

"Or something," He murmured, shifting his gaze straight ahead as we entered Oxford's primitive dining hall.

✼　 ҉ 　✼　 ҉ 　✼ ✼　 ҉ 　✼　 ҉ 　✼ ✼　 ҉ 　✼　 ҉ 　

chapter index

chapter one

chapter two

chapter three

chapter four

chapter five

[jackiemychoom]

[OC Interview]

Tagged by @pinkyjulien thank you so much 😊

[Valentina Torrez]

☆NICKNAME: People used to call me Tina, but I started going by V when I left my clan.

☆GENDER: Cis female, she/her

☆ORIENTATION: Bisexual with a preference for women I guess. I dont know, it's complicated.

☆NATIONALITY/ETHNICITY: I'm American. My mother is Mexican and my father is Hawaiian.

☆HEIGHT: 5'9" / 175.26cm

☆STAR SIGN: Aquarius

☆FAVE FRUIT: Kiwi

☆FAVE SEASON: Spring

☆FAVE FLOWER: Sunflower

☆FAVE SCENT: Citrus

☆COFFEE, TEA or HOT CHOCOLATE: I occasionally drink tea. The type depends on my mood. I've never had hot chocolate, but I'm curious.

☆AVERAGE HOURS OF SLEEP: About 3-6hrs depending on if I got too much shit to do or I'm able to get a good night's rest.

☆DOG OR CAT PERSON: Not really one or the other. However, I have become fond of the stray cats that I've met.

☆DREAM TRIP: Never really thought about it. Maybe up north, where there's mountains and snow. I also like the idea of going to Mexico. I always wondered if I had any family there.

☆NUMBER OF BLANKETS THEY SLEEP WITH: I typically sleep with two, but when it's hot, I prefer a sheet or really light blanket.

☆RANDOM FACT: I grew up eating whatever was available because we didn't always have much to choose from. Maybe that's why I hate certain foods and became a picky eater.

Tagging (no pressure ofc and sorry if you've done it already) @maschinen-mensch @fonfan121 @medtech-mara @leota-nexus @fly-amanitaa @wanderingaldecaldo @ghostoffuturespast

[heeliopheelia]

Im sorry but i dont understand how people support stray kids...theyre so racist...chan literally did the jim crow pose and hyunjin mocked black people...

Okay so I don't think I'm in the right place to talk about it since I'm white and the things the boys have done don't affect me personally. I'm not defending anyone but I wouldn't necessary call it plain racism by maybe more of a racial ignorance?? Okay please don't come for me!!

Okay like I said before i'm NOT defending anyone but I also think that some of you, especially americans, need to understand that in the most of the countries people are not taught or told about things such as cultural appropriation. I can tell you guys by my own example that EVERYTHING I have learnt about what's offensive or not was through internet. I had no idea how many things are considered cultural appropriation and the second I read about it and understood why, I immediately stopped doing such things. For example, when I was in kindergarten, half of the kids were dressed up as stereotypical native americans or indian women... Now as I'm older I see fault it in, but i can bet my life that none of the parents buying those costumes actually knew that that was offensive... I also had no idea what the Jim crow pose was until like last year I think.

I'm not trying to excuse what they've done, I don't feel like it's my right to speak about it either, all I'm saying is that I'm not going to stop stanning them because of these mistakes – if they do keep happening again though and they won't acknowledge that what they're doing is offensive, I will do so then

Hope what I said isn't gonna bring no controversy and I hope you guys understand what I mean by that.

[brainfilehasstoppedworking]

Takaaki adjusted her skirt, shirt, whatever else she could. It was hard to find outfits her size. As she wasn't made for the female body. She was too tall, broad shouldered…

It made her insecure.

She'd been lucky enough to find things in the American sizes spot in the back of some stores. They fit well enough to not suffocate her to death. She didn't always have to feel the need to adjust the entire outfit and itch whatever scratch she had from how uncomfortable the clothes were.

But she still adjusted and fixed the clothes.

This was hard.

She breathed in and continued to stare in the mirror. Her makeup was done after a while of not doing it. Her hair was neatly brushed and put up into a ponytail. She didn't feel pretty. Not enough for Taichi to love her like he did. She'd never been "pretty" in any way.

She had never been handsome. She was so far from pretty. She hated how she looked. They were all right. She should just disappear. She was the ugliest woman she's met. And the ugliest man to have had existed.

"Father…are you okay?" Kiyotaka asked, sitting next to her.

Takaaki didn't realize her son had entered the room. Neither did she realize her tears that fell at the moment. "Taka…" She quickly wiped away her tears. "Yes, I'm fine. It's nothing." Takaaki said with a smile as she continued to wipe away tears. Her makeup was going to smudge.

Kiyotaka took her hands in his. He was smiling at her. But Takaaki didn't look at him. "I'm sorry for crying in front of you, Kiddo…I just don't know what to feel anymore." Takaaki said. Kiyotaka tucked whatever stray hair that poked out from behind his "father's" ears. Tucking them right back. Showing her face better. "You look very pretty, Father." Kiyotaka said with a smile.

Takaaki stayed silent.

"I think Taichi is going to like it." Kiyotaka only said, he grabbed one of the pearl necklaces that belonged to his mother before she died. Takaaki never wore them. Never even glanced at them after she died. "I think Mother would love to have you wear this on such a nice night." Kiyotaka said as he wrapped the pearls around Takaaki's neck.

"Taka…" Takaaki continued to wipe away her tears as her son clasped on the necklace. Kiyotaka sat right back down next to her and looked at her. "They're absolutely beautiful on you!" Kiyotaka exclaimed with a bright look. Takaaki laughed as she cried, "Oh, Taka. You're so sweet to me." She said.

Kiyotaka hugged her, "You're very beautiful, Father! Taichi is going to be absolutely amazed by it." Kiyotaka said.

The two heard a knock on the door and Takaaki hastily got up. "Oh, dammit. Guess I have to fix my mess of makeup before I leave. Please tell him I'll be out in a second." Takaaki said as she grabbed some makeup wipes to fix the running cosmetics.

Kiyotaka nodded and went to the front door. "Hello, Taichi. Father will be out in just a minute. She just needs to fix some of her makeup." Kiyotaka said. Taichi's smile grew and he nodded, "Alright. May I come in?" Taichi asked. Kiyotaka nodded and let the man in. They sat on the couch as they waited for Takaaki to be ready.

Kiyotaka felt tensed a bit. He'd never seen his father cry in a while. And…it seemed to be with her looks. She seemed afraid of being looked at by Kiyotaka. "Taichi…do you love my father?" Kiyotaka asked. "Yeah. Of course!" Taichi said.

"She seems insecure about herself…so I'm a little worried." Kiyotaka said.

"Is she okay?" Taichi asked with concern. "Maybe I should take her out another time if she doesn't seem well to go out tonight!" Taichi said, not wanting to make Takaaki feel worse. "No, no. She'll be fine. I talked to her and if you see her…I think she'll feel better." Kiyotaka said with a chuckle.

Taichi looked at him confused. Takaaki was pretty to him. What was she so insecure about? Taichi sighed and sat down, nervously twiddling his fingers. Maybe he didn't say she was pretty enough times. Did he make a face?!

"I'm ready." Takaaki's voice interrupted Taichi's thoughts.

Taichi looked up, eyes getting bright as he looked at her. His cheeks flushed red and he got up. "Aki…holy shit." Taichi murmured as he held her face in his hands. Her beautiful gaunt face made him swoon. She was so pretty.

He kissed her sweetly. "You look stunning, Aki." Taichi said with a bright smile. Takaaki leaned into Taichi's touch, "You really think so?" Takaaki asked. "Yeah. So pretty as always." Taichi nuzzled his nose against Takaaki's nose. He wrapped his arm around Takaaki's, "Shall we go?" He asked. Takaaki nodded and turned to Kiyotaka. "Bye, Taka. Be safe. Call me if you need anything, okay?" Takaaki said.

"Yes, Father. Be safe." Kiyotaka said with a smile. Takaaki nodded and the two left the house. Taichi continued to smile at Takaaki, really just in love with her. "Aki…I love you." Taichi said. "I love you, too." Takaaki responded, leaning on Taichi.

[lala-blahblah]

ok reblogging to add my Media Analysis Feminism thoughts just for @paroxysmaljune because this was too long for a comment. MY THOUGHTS ARE SCATTERED I'm sorry.

Anyway hiiiii, so I'm not going to track down any sources for this so you just gotta take my word for it and understand that I am widely condensing this and thus missing out on a lot of important history stuff. But basically I've done a few papers throughout college focusing on pieces of media and the year they came out and how their representation of women mirrors the wave of feminism at the time. American feminism has had 4 waves as of now, you have the suffragettes with the right to vote, you have the 60s and seventies with women aiming for job equality in the work place and free sex/birth control, you have the 90s early otts which has never been explained well to me but it's the riot grrrl girl power movement with female punk which had some good stuff but also some weird stuff with gender roles being pervasive still. It was kinda the "not like other girls" era, where women tried to empower themselves by pushing down certain forms of femininity, but still frowning upon women who strayed too far from the feminine ideal. Also there was an effort to include more women of color (I think of bell hooks but I'm sure there are so many more). And then you have fourth wave which people say was started by the me too movement. Academia is like a decade behind current events so fourth wave was never taught to me in school, but my understanding is that it is about how the internet has impacted the reach of feminism AND a large focus on intersectionality, especially with queer folks and I would say we are still very much in the midst of this with fighting for bodily autonomy alongside trans folks with right to abortion and everything. So for example, the first comics with Peggy Carter came out in the 70s and she is in a comic book where she is on the front lines in the war effort, which is when there was the big push for women to have the right to getting the same jobs as men. And Percy Jackson came out during the early 2000s where Annabeth was really cool and powerful and smart and she didn't like makeup or wear dresses. These were both feminist at the time even though today we can see some of the flaws (Peggy Carter's life focuses on a hetero romance plot and men do all the big fighting, Percy Jackson makes fun of women who care too much (aphrodite campers) and not enough about their appearance (clarisse)). But we have to still acknowledge what it was doing at the time, because these are important stepping stones to where we are today.

Ace attorney is something that is both not feminist now AND not feminist at the time. Ace attorney came out between 2001-2008 (AND to be fair this is a game in adaptation so Japan's culture would have had a big impact on the characterization and plot of these characters. AND I never studied feminist movements in Japan so this is not actually gonna be the most in depth analysis but I'm not in school anymore so it's whateverrr). But it is sooo palpable to me that we are in the space between second and fourth wave. Because yes Mia is a woman studying law! She is up there amongst the men having the same job and she is just as capable as Nick is (maybe more so because she doesn't get nervous and seem to bluff as much as Nick does). So ok, second wave, check. But there is zero self awareness about the treatment of Mia (which is so dumb because Legally Blonde addressed the issue with overlooking women in law in 2001. So why are we still here... maybe they didn't watch legally blonde in japan). The me too movement was important in that it brought up the concept of calling out behavior from men that had been swept under the rug and ignored (also bigger themes of acknowledging the prevalence of SA of course that's just not relevant here) and NOBODY IS CALLING OUT THESE MEN!!! All the men in positions of power are engaging in this behavior! And nobody is saying anything so they're just getting away with it as a joke. So Mia may have the same job that men do but she is not being treated as an equal. Gumshoe the detective comments on how hot she is while on the stand in front of everyone. Miles and Armando both insult her by calling her young and stupid and inexperienced but they do so in a way that calls out her femininity. Miles uses bimbo, a term specifically associated with women that are stupid, and Armando asserts his masculinity over her in a weird paternalistic way by calling her kitten and emphasizing how young she is (even though there's only a 3 year gap) while also kind of flirting with her??? And it's like! Ok yeah the court rooms are ALWAYS insane in this game. Everyone ALWAYS makes fun of the defense attorney and the prosecution gets away with crazy stuff for comedy reasons. BUT NOBODY CALLS NICK KITTEN!!! Nobody flirts with him on purpose to make him uncomfortable while exercising power over him. Nobody is like "wow you've got a great ass Nick"! Ok I don't know if anyone actually calls Mia out on her boobs explicitly I think that would be too much even for this game but you get it! I think the closest comparison to make my point would be, what if every time they demeaned Nick they made a comment about his race. Like instead of being like "wow you sure are dumb nick" if they went "Wow you sure are dumb Nick which is weird because you're asian aren't you supposed to be smart hahaha". Likeee that's a microagression baby. In that same way, all the jokes suddenly get very pointedly about her femininity when Mia comes on stand! Yes it's not meant to be taken seriously but if we don't have anyone shutting down that behavior or being admonished for it in the narrative, then like... you don't see the gravity o f the situation. This is a real thing that happens in male dominated fields and it's awful! And it shouldn't happen! And it's not actually funny because it's too real. You can tell that this game happened during third wave because although it doesn't do anything noteworthy as far as empowering women, it DOES explicitly make markers of "good" and "bad" femininity. Specifically when women go on the stand with a lot of cleavage they are BAD because they're being SEXY and PROVOCATIVE which is a sign of BAD MORALS and they deserve to be MOCKED! But not before we objectify them!

Ok, I was kind of exaggerating at the end. I still really enjoy a lot of it and I've talked before about how I think Ace Attorney is kind of iconic for the range in acceptable forms of masculinity that they include, specifically for having Nick being a caretaker who saves the day by being in tune with the emotions of others as the male protagonist. And we DO see Mia held up as a super capable and smart lawyer who Nick relies heavily on. Nick always shows respect for her, which holds weight because he is the protagonist and the one whose eyes we are meant to see the world through, he is supposed to have the morally correct opinions. And Maya is really cool with her powers! But then again Maya is constantly getting kidnapped or something and needs a guy to save her, and Nick never stands up for Maya when people like Larry who is 7 years older than her try to flirt with her, he just silently stands there and thinks "wow Larry sure is weird". So it does some cool stuff! But not enough cool stuff! And most importantly, we as the audience aren't told that the bad stuff is bad in a strong enough way for it to feel like commentary. So in my ideal world, when people make comments about Mia, Mia would have one guy character on her side who supports her and they both say wow you guys are weird freaks and that's not ok! And ideally they would make fun of Mia for dumb things like her asymmetrical bangs instead of her womanhood. And also ideally Nick would slap Larry for being weird to Maya. And also Miles Edgeworth would reference Judith Butler to show how much he supports women. And also -

"ace attorney trials and tribulations turnabout beginnings" more like "ace attorney and the numerous instances of workplace harassment", why is literally everyone oogling Mia or demeaning her for being a woman GET ME OUT OF HEREEEEEEEE!!

[f1letters]

the great war | dr3

"my hand was the one you reached for all throughout the Great War"

summary: after the media was filled with cheating rumours involving her husband, she faced hard times trying to rebuild what was left of their relationship

warning: angst, mentions of cheating allegations, the other woman involved has a name (Skylar James is a fictional character), lack of trust, temporary separation between a married couple, fluff ending

pairing: daniel ricciardo x reader

word count: 3.9k

note: everything in bold are song references and in italic are thoughts, which includes memories from the past, and a public statement.

I'm sorry I took this long to post it, but I'm so happy I was still able to finish this today as I initially promised! hope you enjoy this one!

masterlist

My knuckles were bruised like violets

Sucker punching walls, cursed you as I sleep-talked

Spineless in my tomb of silence

Tore your banners down, took the battle underground

And maybe it was egos swinging

Maybe it was her

Flashes of the battle come back to me in a blur

Isn't it sad how in a blink of an eye one single person can destroy your entire world?

Y/N felt exactly like at that moment. Her floor had collapsed, the walls around her had caved in, her roof had fallen on top of her.

She couldn't believe what her eyes were reading on the small screen she held in her hands. A thousand unanswered questions, a thousand unexplained feelings, a thousand screams trapped in her throat.

I might be sleeping still, this is a nightmare, it has to be, she thought as she looked for an excuse. 

After all, it all started when she woke up in the middle of the night and decided to pick up her phone, expecting to see a message from her husband that should be on his way home after a week of work. 

What she didn't expect was to have so many texts from her friends and family, and complete radio silence from the person who held all the answers she was looking for.

"Daniel Ricciardo caught in 'cheating' storm after an eventful night in Miami"

"McLaren's Daniel Ricciardo packs on the PDA with American model amid divorce rumours"

"SINGLE HONEYBADGER: everything we know about the Australian driver's wild night behind his wife's back"

"Divorce? Ricciardo seen with woman in Miami club... Spoiler alert: it wasn't Y/N Ricciardo"

It was everywhere.

In every magazine, every gossip page, every social media platform.

They were photos of her husband at a nightclub, clear as day. She couldn't deny it. She could recognize the distinctive curls of his hair, the characteristic smile that was always plastered on his face, and the shape of his body that she knew as if it were her own.

There was something that she couldn't recognize though. Maybe it was her. 

Model body, long red hair, short white dress that reflected the purple lights of the bar. And especially Daniel's arms wrapped around a body that wasn't hers, but some other girl who was grabbing her husband's neck, with one hand straying through his hair, just as she had done dozens of times before.

She never felt like this. Somewhere in the haze of the media, she could only get a sense that she'd been betrayed.

She stayed like that for hours. Reading all the news, seeing all the photos, looking at all the comments. It wasn't at all what she needed at that moment. But in an act of masochism and in the absence of the man she loved, she stayed there, seated against the headboard of their king-sized bed, in the cold of dawn, all alone in the house the couple had called home for so many years.

Completely destroyed from the inside out.

All that bloodshed, crimson clover

Uh-huh, sweet dream was over

My hand was the one you reached for

All throughout the Great War

What a fool, her mind kept repeating. But what to expect from a relationship that has advanced at lightning speed?

She still remembered the day they met as if it were yesterday, and she was perfectly aware that it was a moment she would never forget, no matter what happened.

No matter how much of the world she might travel, Canada was always going to be her home, right next to the people she loved.

One of them being her childhood best friend Chloe Stroll, with all her craziness and her giant heart. No one in the world understood Y/N better than the singer, and it had always been that way from the moment they became friends at the young age of 7.

The two of them were sitting on the terrace of Y/N's favourite Italian restaurant in the beautiful city of Montreal. 

It all started when Chloe wanted to introduce her new boyfriend to her best friend. No relationship lasted without the seal of approval from the other half of the duo, so they both knew the importance of this meeting.

However, the two girls were taken by surprise when Scotty had the same idea and didn't show up alone, seeking the approval of his fellow Aussie friend. And what a surprise. Daniel simply stood out in the crowd, radiating from all sides like the star he was.

And without even realizing it, a casual lunch to celebrate the beginning of a relationship became a double date that symbolized the start of a whirlwind romance.

She had spent all day glued to Daniel, her eyes almost unable to remove themselves from his image. But the same thing happened on the other side: the driver couldn't have been more fascinated by her, something that provoked an exchange of suspicious glances between Chloe and Scotty, aware of the chemistry between their two friends.

And as crazy as it might sound to the people around them, in the space of nine months, the two of them were walking out of a church in Perth, hand in hand, wedding bands on their ring fingers, her in a long white dress, him in his best navy blue suit.

They couldn't care less about others' opinions and fears about their relationship. They were head over heels in love with each other and that was enough to be sure they were making the right decision.

However, at that moment, the young woman did not know if this was true.

She couldn't stop thinking about the countless times she'd been warned about the playboy fame her now-husband had before he met her. 

Did he really cheat on me? Had he done it other times before? Was it the end of us? Their dream love story was over.

The sound of the apartment's front door opening and closing brought her back to reality. 

It was him.

Always remember

Uh-huh, tears on the lеtter

I vowed not to cry anymore

If wе survived the Great War

Her body stayed still as she heard the sound of keys being placed on the kitchen counter and the suitcase being dropped on the floor in a hurry. But she just stood there, almost as if she was frozen in fear of facing reality.

The wooden door to their bedroom was opened and she immediately noticed Daniel standing at the bottom of the bed. His eyes were on his wife who, in return, couldn't even look in his direction, her gaze drawn to the white sheets that covered her body instead.

"Baby?" He broke the silence, his voice trembling.

She kept silent on the outside, but on the inside, her thoughts spoke too much. She searched for words to say, but sentences seemed impossible to form in the state she was in.

"I didn't do anything, I swear." He said, in a pleading tone. Y/N felt the mattress drop with the weight of Daniel's knee on it as he tried to get closer to her.

As soon as she felt his icy hand touch her thigh, she unconsciously reacted, pulling her body away from his touch, as if it burned like fire.

"Please." Daniel pleaded, revealing the pain her action had caused him. "Trust me, baby. Please. I didn't do anything." He repeated.

"It didn't look like that." The coldness in her voice was everything he didn't want to hear after the torture that had been the hours of silence during his flight from the United States to Monaco.

"She was trying to talk to me and I didn't think too much of it because she came with some of Lando's friends. You have nothing to worry about." He tried to justify himself. "The media is just exaggerating to sell some non-existent drama stories."

"Just exaggerating?!" She replied, with a louder volume than she perhaps intended, as she allowed herself to look at him for the first time. "Have you seen the photos? Can you imagine what people are saying about you? About me? I look like a fucking idiot."

"And so what they think like that?" His shoulders shrugged, in complete disinterest. "Let them talk. What matters here is that you and I know that these things are nothing more than ridiculous rumours."

"And do I know that?" He was sure he could hear his own heart break at the words coming out of his wife's mouth. "The issue here isn't what people say or don't say. What about me? What about my fucking feelings?!"

"You don't believe me. Is that what you're saying?" Daniel kept up with Y/N's change in tone and now also spoke angrily in his words.

"You've been playing with fire and now you expect me to sit here, watch this shit everywhere and still trust you blindly. How do you want me to believe that nothing happened when there's a bunch of photos of you clinging to some other woman?!" She rose from the bed, placing herself directly in front of him.

"Because we're married! Because I took a vow that I would be loyal to you until death do us part!" He yelled, taking a step closer to her, outraged at the lack of trust in him she was showing. "Because I fucking love you… That should be enough for you." He whispered, realizing they were walking a thin line.

You drew up some good faith treaties

I drew curtains closed, drank my poison all alone

You said I have to trust more freely

But diesel is desire, you were playing with fire

And maybe it's the past that's talking

Screaming from the crypt

Telling me to punish you for things you never did

So I justified it

As soon as the last sentence left the driver's mouth, he left the room and walked at a fast pace to the room, with Y/N following his path right behind him.

This is it, she thought when she saw him reach again for the suitcase he was carrying before. This is the end of us, right here.

"Where are you going?" Her voice cracked as tears threatened to escape her eyes.

"I'd better not spend the night here. If I stay, things will only escalate and I can't risk losing you because I said shit I shouldn't since I'm upset about this whole situation." Daniel admitted with his eyes mirroring hers, also in tears. Both were surrounded by fear and anger, even if it was for different reasons.

Her body physically ached when she saw his figure disappear through the door. She let her back lean against the hallway wall and descend until she sat on the tiled floor.

The only thing left for her to do was cry. And she did just that. For hours, she stayed there, crying uncontrollably, releasing all the hurt and heartbreak that consumed her.

Eventually, she gained enough courage to get up and walked over to their bed, trying to get some sleep. However, as exhausted as she felt, she spent the rest of the night awake, with the numbers on her nightstand's clock tormenting her, seeming to go slower and slower as time advanced.

She didn't even know where he was. Was he with Max? With Lando? With ... her? She didn't even want to think about that awful scenario, but God, it was hard not to wander in painful thoughts without him there to reassure her.

As soon as the woman saw "6 A.M." displayed on the alarm clock, she decided it was a waste of time to stay there, so she got up, sat on one of the benches on the marble kitchen island and prepared herself a bowl of cereal to eat.

She picked up her phone for the first time since her husband left the apartment and hadn't even unlocked it when she read two words: I'm sorry.

Two words from Chloe, not Daniel. And followed by a link from TMZ.

When she thought she couldn't get out of this with her soul more crushed, she read the title in very big and bold letters.

"EXCLUSIVE: Skylar James reveals all about scandalous affair with Daniel Ricciardo, model claims he cheated on his wife with her multiple times before"

That was the last nail in the coffin.

In a matter of minutes, Y/N packed a suitcase with some of her clothes and her essentials and was ready to leave that house towards her real home in Canada.

But not before she took off her engagement ring and her wedding band and left them both behind on the entryway table.

All that bloodshed, crimson clover

Uh-huh, the bombs were closer

My hand was the one you reached for

All throughout the Great War

Later that day, Daniel mustered up the courage to return to his wife, motivated by his friend, Max, with whom he had stayed overnight.

Such was his surprise and shock when he immediately sensed the silence that filled the house, her abandoned rings only confirming his greatest fear.

She was gone.

That silence lasted for weeks. Both were at extreme ends of the world, on different continents.

Daniel had to restrain himself from catching the next plane to Montreal, something he thought about doing dozens of times during those agonizing days of separation. But Scotty had been in contact with him, telling him that he and his fiancée Chloe were with the driver's partner and that he just needed to give her some time.

Until then, he could only dedicate himself to his career and racing as an escape from the real world.

The girl's absence from the paddock was not missed, especially by the media, who continued to sell stories on top of stories about the most scandalous topic of the moment in the motorsport world's gossip.

It was torture trying to avoid that subject day after day, knowing he had lost the love of his life to greedy people who were trying to make a career out of lies. It turned into something bigger unnecessarily, and he could only blame himself for being in that situation, even though he was also a victim of the whole thing.

That's how Daniel decided there was only one chance to work this out and try to win back his girl. And against the orders of the McLaren's PR team, he sat in his hotel room and released a statement about the false case on his social media, not knowing the consequences that could bring him.

They couldn't be worse than losing her.

For the first time in weeks, Y/N was able to breathe when she opened his Instagram story and read the words he wrote.

"Over the last few weeks, there have been a lot of rumours and lies spread around about my marriage and my alleged involvement with another woman.

I come here to clarify that I don't know that woman and that I have never cheated on my wife with her, or with any woman.

From the moment I met my partner, my life was completely dedicated to her. She is the most special woman in the world and I thank God every day that I was the lucky one chosen to be by her side.

I am the first to admit that the photographs published in the media look wrong and that I shouldn't have even let myself be put in that position. But not everything that appears to be true is true and I need to make clear again that all the claims made by the other person involved are pure fabrications.

My body and soul belong to my incredible, beautiful wife and I couldn't live another day without publicly asking for her forgiveness for the terrible position she was placed in through no fault of her own."

Reading that, she couldn't help but wonder if she shouldn't have trusted him more freely, if she hadn't punished him for things he never did.

At that moment she made the decision to return to Monaco. She wasn't ready to give up on their love just yet and to be defeated by this Great War.

Always remember

Uh-huh, the burning embers

I vowed not to fight anymore

If we survived the Great War

After 10 agonizing hours of travelling from Montreal to Monaco, Y/N finally found herself in front of the familiar door of the apartment where she had lived over the past years.

I was so unfair, this is my home, come what may, she thought.

She let herself in silently and walked slowly to the open room at the end of the hall, coming face to face with the image of Daniel, sitting on the foot of the bed, elbows on his knees, head in his hands.

He looked so distraught and so tired. It was evident he hadn't even heard her come in. The girl approached him cautiously and ran her hand gently through the brown curls of his hair as she crouched in front of him.

As soon as he felt her touch, a touch he could recognize anywhere in the world blindfolded, he looked at his wife. His eyes told her everything he was thinking about: the fear of losing her, the despair of someone who didn't know what else to do, the maddening love he felt for her and only her.

"You're here." He said, more to himself than to her. "You're really here."

"I am, baby." She gave him a weak smile, trying to reassure him that she'd come to make amends, not to fight anymore.

"I swear to you that I don't even know her, she showed up at that nightclub in Miami with some of Lando's friends. Everything that woman said is a lie. I never cheated on you, I could never do such a thing." He reached for her hand. "I am completely and truly obsessed with you. No person makes me feel the way you make me feel, and I would never put what we have at risk for anything in the world."

"I know, Danny." She leaned her forehead against his chest as they embraced each other. "I'm sorry I didn't trust you from the start. I don't care what she's been saying to the magazines. I know the man that you really are and that you would never do anything to hurt me on purpose."

"But that's the problem, Y/N. I still hurt you, even if I didn't mean to." Her husband grabbed her face with both of his hands, making her look him in the eye. "I'm the one who has to apologize to you."

"She was trying to say something to me at the club and she walked over to me so I could hear her. When I realized, she suddenly leaned over me and put her arms around my neck and I only had the reflex to grab her around the waist because I honestly thought she had lost her balance or something." He explained what really happened that night. "What I didn't realize was that she had a whole plan to spread those images on the internet in search of her five minutes of fame."

It turned into something bigger

Somewhere in the haze, got a sense I'd been betrayed

Your finger on my hairpin triggers

Soldier down on that icy ground

Looked up at me with honor and truth

Broken and blue, so I called off the troops

That was the night I nearly lost you

I really thought I'd lost you

"We are going to be okay, baby." She said. He had looked at her with such a sense of honour and truth. There wasn't a shadow of a doubt in her head that he was being sincere.

Simultaneously, seeking each other's touch, Daniel and Y/N got up on their feet and hugged each other, making sure their bodies were as close as possible.

And they spent the rest of the afternoon like that, in each other's arms, in comfortable silence, just cherishing each other's presence, at peace at last.

We can plant a memory garden

Say a solemn prayer, place a poppy in my hair

There's no morning glory, it was war, it wasn't fair

And we will never go back

When dinner time came, the couple ordered their usual Chinese takeaway, as they did every Friday when they were both at home, and sat on the sofa on their balcony while they ate under the beaming light of the sunset.

The only difference to the other Fridays was their phones. Instead of being a part of their conversation as they showed each other videos or photos from their week, this time they chose to turn them off and leave them in their dresser drawer so they couldn't be distracted by the outside world.

These were the moments that made it all worthwhile. These moments of peace, comfort and love all outweighed the war.

"I really thought I'd lost you, you know." She said, as she put her head on his shoulder, sighing. "I've never been so afraid in my life."

To that bloodshed, crimson clover

Uh-huh, the worst was over

My hand was the one you reached for

All throughout the Great War

He looked at her, appreciating every little detail on her face, from the small scar she had above her eyebrow to the delicate mole she had on her chin.

After experiencing the world without her, Daniel knew that life would never be as colourful as with his lover by his side.

"You could never lose me, baby." He placed a small kiss on her lips. "It's me and you against the world, forever and always."

Always remember

Uh-huh, we're burned for better

I vowed I would always be yours

'Cause we survived the Great War

Although they didn't need validation from others to make them feel good about their decision to stay together, after a few weeks, the truth eventually came out.

Y/N was getting out of the shower when she got a call from her best friend.

"Hey, Chloe!" The girl said excitedly.

"Y/N, you're not going to believe what just happened." Chloe was always up to date with everything that was going on, but Y/N couldn't help but fear what was coming, especially after the painful weeks she had thanks to digital rumours.

"Skylar was just exposed on Instagram by a 'friend'. She leaked some audios that show it was all a set-up to take advantage of Daniel." Y/N couldn't believe karma worked so fast. "She apparently joined Lando's friends to get into the club but she didn't even know them at all! Can you believe the audacity of this girl?"

Without warning, Y/N disconnected the call, wrapped a towel around her body and ran to Daniel who was in the living room playing PlayStation. 

She quickly told him everything that had happened and it was possible to see the driver breathe a sigh of relief when he realized that his reputation was clean again.

Time had stopped when his lips found hers, making her knees go weak. Everything about him consumed her. Her focus was only on him and how he invaded her every sense.

"I vowed I would always be yours." He reminded her, as he leaned his forehead against hers, both of them with their eyes closed in a gesture of calm and tranquillity. "I love you more than anything in this world. You know that, right? We survived the Great War, Y/N Ricciardo."

I will always be yours

'Cause we survived the Great War

I vow I will always be yours

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[daydreamingfuel]

Freak Like Me

Chapter 1

Eddie Munson x Fem!Reader

AO3 // next

Y/N has just moved to Hawkins from England with her parents and is starting at the high school in the final term of her senior year. Eddie immediately takes a liking to her and they become fast friends, deciding to take her under his wing and falling to her charms. This is Hawkins however and things are never quite as they seem...

WHOLE FIC TAGS & WARNINGS: gratuitous use of Y/N (I'm not sorry), friends to lovers, slow burn, mutual pining, eventual smut, semi-fix-it-fic, angst, injury, canon dialogue and events used, canon graphic violence, no main character death :)

Chapter Tags & Warnings: suggestive tension at most, tooth-rotting fluff at the least, supervised underage drinking??? smoking, swearing, Eddie is a sweetheart

Chapter Word Count: 6.5k

A/N - this is incredibly self-indulgent of me but I have had Eddie brainrot since he first appeared on my screen so sue me.

“Y/N! Wake up honey, you’re gonna be late.” A voice called through the door, disturbing Y/N from their slumber. Mother dearest.

God, what time is it?

Checking the little alarm clock next to her bed, that they forgot to set before going to sleep, they saw it was already eight and that her mother was right – they were going to be late if they didn’t hurry the fuck up.

“I’m up! I’m up!” She called back and heard their mothers’ footsteps retreating “Barely…”

With a huff, they pulled back the covers keeping her safe and warm in bed and forced themselves out of its confines, stumbling slightly as they tripped over a stray shoe on their way to a bag of clothes that had yet to be unpacked. Quickly rummaging through, she found an outfit that should pass the dress code – jeans, band t-shirt, slightly holey cardigan - muttering a small ‘this’ll do’ as they started to dress. Once fully clothed, an attempt was made to make their hair slightly more presentable and freshened up in the bathroom, before picking up her backpack from her room and heading to the kitchen. 

“You look nice darling,” Commented her mother over a hot mug of tea, she leant against the kitchen counter watching as their child frantically found something quick to eat in a cupboard, “There are granola bars of the top shelf…”

“Thanks mum,” smiling slightly as she spoke, and reaching for the box and pulling two out, stuffing one in their backpack for later, not sure whether she could trust unknown cafeteria food to suffice getting through the day.

“Are you nervous? I understand that it’ll be a tough adjustment…” She trailed off and furrowed her brow slightly as Y/N quickly ate their small breakfast.

“Understatement,” Y/N mumbled between mouthfuls, before moving to pull on her shoes. “But I know it couldn’t be helped, this is a great opportunity for dad…my education be damned.”

“Language.” Y/N quirked an eyebrow, her mother rarely commented on their cussing, “You know I don’t mind it but the people at your new school…they might. And as for your education, you’ve always been bright, I’m sure you’ll be fine…besides from what they said of the syllabus, you already know most of it.” Y/N hummed dismissively, so her mother continued,  “Y/N, you’re eighteen, you’ve already done most of the work, this last term will be a breeze and then you’re free.”

Y/N knew she was right, but she was still annoyed about the whole situation. “I gotta go, I’ll see you when I get home. Love you.” She kissed her mother on the cheek, picked up her bag and left for school. Hawkins High, last term, senior year, class of ’86. This should be interesting.

The receptionist at the front desk was kind, as she led Y/N to the principal’s office, chatting mindlessly on the walk whilst Y/N took in their new surroundings. It was so different to what she was used to, but it was only for a few months. The banners on the wall supporting the school team of whatever sport it was they played here, probably basketball if not American Football. Cheerleaders in their small uniforms dotted around made Y/N feel like she as in some kind of movie as opposed to real life. Green and yellow, the school colours, could be seen everywhere, it was an odd combination but somehow it just worked, as she noticed the green and white varsity jacket with the yellow trim. People stared as they passed - she was the shiny new toy, fresh meat - and made comments to each other, but she paid no mind to the whispers. Once they reached the office, Gladys the Receptionist knocked, and a man’s voice called to enter.

Y/N plopped down in one of the dark leather chairs in front of the desk, on older man she had met once before sat behind it, a practiced smile on his lips. Principal Higgins. He was an older gentleman, in a brown suit and starch worn shirt, the tie his wife had obviously chosen for him, sitting snug around his neck.

“Miss Y/L/N, it’s nice to see you again.” Higgins spoke calmly, “I’ve got your transcripts here, you’re all ready to go. How are you feeling?”

She knew she would be getting that question a lot, but they smiled anyway. “I’m okay, it’s all just very different.”

He chortled slightly before standing, file in hand. “I’ll take you to your homeroom, you’re with Miss O’Donnell. Here’s your schedule, and a map of the school. Come see me at lunch so we can talk over a few things and sign a few bits of extra paperwork, we could’ve signed them now but…” He trailed off, checked the clock and, as if on cue, the warning bell rung. He handed Y/N two sheets of paper, which she immediately folded in half, she would look later, as he walked over to the door before turning back to Y/N, “Ready?”

“As I’ll ever be.”

The walk to the classroom was quiet, allowing Y/N to focus on where she was going and try to memorise it as best as possible knowing she would have to make her way back to the office unguided. Once making it to the classroom, Higgins and O’Donnell had a quick hushed conversation and Higgins left the room as the second bell rung. Miss O’Donnell, an older looking lady with glasses and an ill-fitting shirt tucked into a lavender skirt, turned to face the horde of students in their desks. Most looked bored and uninterested but a few seemed practically enthused at the new arrival.

“Class, we have a new student, Y/N Y/L/N.” Y/N fiddled with a stray thread on her cardigan to avoid eye contact “She has just moved over from England, and will be joining us for the rest the year.”

“England?” A boy called, making Y/N’s head snap up, “So do you know the Queen?” A blond boy in a varsity jacket asked as his friends on the surrounding table smirked slightly at the question and looked at Y/N in earnest.

“You’re American. Do you know the President?” She couldn’t stop the words as they tumbled out of her mouth. The boy’s face dropped. She heard a muffled laugh come from the back corner and her eyes found the source immediately. An older looking boy, probably held back, sat leaning on the desk hand covering his mouth, long curly hair framing his face and brown eyes glinting with mischief. Y/N smiled to herself slightly, as she moved to her seat, ushered by Miss O’Donnell who was grumbling under her breath about being polite and welcoming.

The rest of the morning was much of the same, teachers introducing her, silly questions asked and sarcastically answered and keeping her head down in class as she slowly caught up with where they were in the syllabus, comparing it to the notes she had brought from her old school.

‘Mum’s right, this is gonna be a breeze’ Y/N thought to themselves as she read through the calculus notes and saw that she had already learned everything important. Though she was never top of her class, she had always prized herself on being intellectual, though it most came off as being a smartass to her peers and wasted potential from her teachers when she wouldn’t pay attention.

By the time lunch came she was pretty confident that educationally, she would be fine, now just came the trouble of a social life. The dry humour she was used to was lost on most American ears so talking to peers had already arisen an issue, not that she hadn’t tried. She had mostly gotten confused, but polite smiles and quirks of the head and a few people believing her when she was being sarcastic. Brushing it off, she smiled at the lunch lady, as they doled out her food onto the tray and paid quickly before turning to face the rest of the cafeteria. As her eyes scanned the room, cliques could easily be seen sat at their tables, engrossed in loud conversation – the jocks being the loudest, the blond boy from homeroom leaning against a pillar laughing boisterously - until she found a semi empty table and made their way over to it. She sat in quiet solitude at the head of the empty table for a few minutes, eating peacefully before, surprisingly, someone joined her.

“Well, look who I found,” he looked up to meet those same mischievous brown eyes from homeroom. “You’re kind of sat in my seat, but I’ll allow it cause you’re new.” His voice was playful but welcoming, immediately making her feel more at ease.

“How generous,” she replies dryly, and he snickers, taking the seat adjacent to her on the table, “I’m Y/N.”

“Eddie, Munson.” He smiles softly. Now able to actually look at him, she saw the Metallica t-shirt fitting snug to his chest under his leather jacket and denim vest, the logo slightly fading from use, heart skipping slightly at the sight of her favourite band’s logo. “You know, normally I’d say that you shouldn’t be seen with me if you wanted to have a slight chance of peace at this school but with the way you bit back at Jason this morning, I don’t think that going to be an issue.”

“What’s not gonna be an issue?” A younger voice piped up from behind them, and Y/N looked up to see that suddenly there were more boys stood around the table, some sat down quickly once Eddie’s head snapped up to look at them, but the two youngest looking still stood. They seemed surprised, like they’d never seen a girl before, or that Eddie had just grown two heads.

“Didn’t your mommy ever tell you it’s rude to interrupt, Henderson.” Eddie addressed the shorter curly headed boy, voice stern but mischievous, almost brotherly. The taller, lankier boy next to him was just staring at Y/N as Eddie and ‘Henderson’ bickered about manners.

“Are you gonna sit down or are you just gonna stand there all lunch?” Y/N asked picking at her food, which made the boy snap back into reality. Slightly shaggy black hair ruffling as he shook his head slightly and made his way around the table.

“Oh, yeah…um, hi...” the boy said as he sat down opposite Eddie, dragging the smaller boy with him, “I’m Mike, this is Dustin,”

“Hi!” Dustin chimed in, with an adorable gummy smile, bright blue eyes lighting up, “Are you the new English girl everyone’s talking about?”

“Guilty,” Y/N leaned back in her chair as the boys leaned in slightly, intrigued. “Moved over here last month,” Dustin nodded along, saying a small ‘cool’ under his breath, going to ask a question but stopping when Y/N spoke again “what were you saying before, Eddie?” Her eyes finding his again as he stopped squinting at Mike and Dustin at the call of his name.

“Oh, just that what you did the morning may get you shit from the basketball douches for the rest of the year, especially now that you’re talking to the freaks of the school, but…from the seams of things, I think you can handle it.”

“Freaks? You don’t seem like freaks to me…dorks definitely,” Y/N nodded at Dustin and Mike who gasped in mock offence, “but freaks? I don’t see it.”

“No?” Eddie said with a cock of his head, “What if I told you that this is my third attempt of finishing my senior year?”

“So you’re 20 and still in high school, because you failed a few tests?” He nodded slowly, and she scoffed, “Standardised testing a bullshit, not everyone learns the same. That doesn’t make you a freak, it just means the system sucks.”

“Well then, it looks like you chose the right table.” He grinned, before turning to the boys at the table, “So,” he spoke louder, to address the group and they all turned to face him instantly, “first meeting of Hellfire this term is on Friday night, bring snacks it’s gonna be a long one.” The boys chattered excitedly at the announcement.

“What the fuck is Hellfire?” Y/N asked incredulously, and Eddie turned to face her with a devilish grin, going to speak before Dustin’s voice piped up again.

“It’s a D&D club!” He spoke excitedly, before Eddie shot him a glare across the table.

“What did I say about interrupting Henderson?!” Eddie snapped at him, and Dustin sank into his seat a little.

“Dungeons and Dragons?” Y/N questioned slowly, with a small smirk, and they nodded “Wow…definitely dorks.”

“First you sit in my seat, now you insult me?” Eddie questioned with a slight twitch to his eye, hands flailing slightly as he gestured to Y/N, leaning into her a little, making her snicker under her breath at the boys antics and clear passion for the fantasy game.

“Who said it was an insult?” She replied with a laugh, closing some more of the distance between them “Personally I’d much rather be a dork, or a freak, than be whatever…that is.” She nodded at the group of boys in varsity jackets across that cafeteria, Jason from homeroom still in the centre of it all. Eddie laughed slightly, before Y/N continued slightly quieter, “Besides, D&D seems like fun…”

“You- You’d want to play?” Mike asked in shock, having been listening on the whole conversation “Do you know how?”

“Well, no…but I do love fantasy stories, and I’m a fast learner.” Y/N responded a little shyer, and the table erupted into what if’s and how’s, some of the boys obviously not wanting or seeing the need for a new member. Dustin on the other hand seems practically delighted by the idea and was instant that it would be a good idea and that he would teach Y/N himself if he had to.

“I could teach you.” Eddie chimed in, making the table fall silent at their leader’s remark. “If you wanted to play with us, I could show you the ropes.”

“Really?” Y/N asked as she picked at the loose thread again, suddenly feeling more anxious than they’d felt all day, “I don’t want to be any trouble if you already have an established group.”

“We’re starting a new campaign anyway, if you wanted to join the party now would actually be the perfect time.” Eddie explained, leaning on his hand and picking at a splinter in the table with the other, he looked calm and unbothered but his voice was hopeful. His words calmed her nervousness somewhat as she considered her options. She didn’t want to be a social pariah, but it was just a fantasy game, what could be the harm in that? And she definitely didn’t want to have no friends forever…

‘What the hell.’

“Okay then,” Y/N said through a sigh, and smiled as Dustin’s eyes grew wide and he drummed a small rhythm on the table in happiness, she giggled slightly and Eddie felt his heart beat a little faster at the sound, before she turned to him and almost took his breath away completely with her next words, “Are you free tonight? I want to get familiar with the rules as soon as possible.”

“Y-Yeah, should be. I think I have a erm- meeting,” Eddie stammered slightly, obviously flustered and hiding something but covering it well, “right after school but I can meet you at 4ish?” 

“Great,” Y/N pulled a piece of paper and a pen out of her backpack and quickly scribbled a note, “here’s my address, I’ll see you there?” She asked sliding it across the table to Eddie who picked it up immediately and put it in his lunchbox, Mike and Dustin watched the whole interaction in awe.

“See you there.” He affirmed with a slow nod as Y/N stood to leave, “Going somewhere?”

“Almost forgot that Higgins wanted to see me at lunch, I still got time right?” She asked throwing her bag over her shoulder.

“Yeah, you’ve got about 15, maybe 20 minutes.”

“Cool, I’ll see you later,” she smiled at Eddie and he smiled back in response, before she turned to leave and called over her shoulder with a small wave, “bye guys!”

Eddie watched her walk away dumbfounded, until Dustin clearing his throat brought him back to the table. He found the entire group of boys staring at him like he’d completely lost his mind. They immediately bombarded him with incredulous questions about ‘what on earth just happened’ until he shut them up with a laugh.

“What just happened gentlemen, is that I think I just met my future wife.”

The second she stepped through the front door after school, her mother pottered over with a mug of tea and handed it to Y/N, asking, “So? How was your first day?”

“Can I at least sit down before you interrogate me?” Y/N replied with a laugh at their mothers familiar behaviours, and made their way over to the kitchen table and relaxing into a chair, “It was fine, I got asked if I knew the Queen like three times so that was fun.”

Her mother laughed heartily and sat opposite Y/N, her own steaming mug of tea cupped between her hands, wedding ring clinking against the ceramic, “Did you make any friends? I don’t want you being lonely.”

“Yeah, I think I did, he’s coming round at about 4-ish,” Y/N spoke carefully, watching their mothers reaction. It was all what she expected, her mother spluttered slightly on her drink as her eyes widened.

“A boy? Already?” Her mother exclaimed, hand reaching across the table to take Y/N’s in her own, “Your dad’s not gonna like this, you know how he was with-“

“Eddie, is nothing like him.” Y/N quickly interrupted, “Honestly. I know it’s only been a day but they are polar opposites, I think Eddie would despise him.” Y/N finished with a laugh, “He’s a nerd and a metalhead, he plays D&D, that’s why he’s coming round, he wants to teach me the game before I try to play with the rest of the group,” at this, her mother’s panic subsided and was replaced by a soft, knowing smile.

“Right, of course, I forget you actually have a chance to act like yourself at school now,” leaning back in her chair, and releasing Y/N’s hand, she watched as Y/N nodded in agreement, “Well, either way, if he hurts you-”

“It’s not like that…” Y/N grew flustered slightly at the thought, cheeks growing hotter by the second, “He’s just a friend, a new friend, I don’t want to fuck it up.” Her mum nodded in understanding and stood up to leave Y/N to her thoughts at the table, “Mum?”

“Yeah sweetie?”

“I won’t ruin things again, will I?”

“You didn’t ruin them the first time.”

Her mum left the room and Y/N slumped back in her chair, head tilting back with a sigh. Her mind raced with all the memories of her friends from her old school, how different they were from the people she had connected with today. How different she was. How different she had to be. Shaking the feeling off, she kicked off her shoes, grabbed her backpack and disappeared into her room, trying to neaten up around the boxes before Eddie was due to arrive. Though they had moved a month ago, Y/N still wasn’t unpacked fully. The only things cleared away and presentable was her bed and her bookcase. The doorbell sounded, and Y/N’s head snapped to the clock. Quarter to. He was early.

In a small panic, as she heard he mother answer the door and greet Eddie, she cleared some floor space and threw some of the cushions from her bed into the space to sit on later, and made their way back to the kitchen. Eddie was leaning against the kitchen counters talking animatedly to her mother about something, fluffy hair flying around and hands flailing.

“Have you ever seen them live?” Mrs Y/L/N asked, nodding to Eddies t-shirt, “You should, they’re amazing.”

“You’ve seen them-!” Eddie started before noting Y/N watching with an amused smirk in the archway, “Hey, Y/N, your mom was just telling me about-”

“Metallica?” Y/N finished for him and he nodded excitedly, “Yeah we saw them in London in 84’, best Christmas ever.”

“I’m so unbelievably jealous,” Eddie looked like he could explode with excitement, and Y/N couldn’t help but grin, as she walked over to him, “Anyway, I brought everything we need to get you started, you ready?”

“Absolutely,” Y/N affirmed and turned to lead him out of the room, “I’ll see you later mum.”

“Have fun,” She said, smiling in approval as they walked out of the room and towards Y/N’s bedroom.

Once inside Y/N sat down on one of the cushions and patted the second for Eddie to sit on but he paid no mind it. He stood in the doorway unsure of what to do with himself now that he was there, scanning the room, seeing band posters and photographs of Y/N and their old friends and family. He could smell her perfume. It was all overwhelmingly Y/N and it stunned him. When he finally clocked Y/N again, it made his heart skip a beat seeing her sat on the floor leaning back on her hands watching him so intently, head cocked slightly, like he was the most interesting thing she had ever seen.

“C’mon, sit your ass down, unless you want to teach from the doorway,” Y/N spoke, amused at his sudden lack in confidence after seeing him so exuberant in the kitchen. He cleared his throat and made his way to the floor, sitting next to her and pulling a few books, a few sheets of paper and a small metal box from the bag that he brought with him.

“Do you have a pen?” he asked suddenly, and she nodded reaching behind her and pulling a pen from her backpack, presenting it to him “Good…good. So, what do you know of the game?”

Y/N explained the little that she knew - that it was a roleplaying game, that you could make your own character and that it involved a lot of mythology and lore. He nodded along as she spoke, affirming that was she said was correct, before explaining a few of the finer points of the game. Y/N quickly found out that, as founder of the club, Eddie was ‘Dungeon Master’ and ran the whole game, planning the story and what obstacles the party would encounter. Then came how to actually play. He picked up the metal box and carefully tipped out the contents onto the floor and out rolled many dice in a dark red colour, and black embossed lettering.

“This, is a D20.” They found themselves laying on the floor facing each other, open books and many-sided di between them. He held up the small di between them with his free hand, Y/N’s eyes fixed on the icosahedron. “This is what makes the game fun, for me at least as DM, if the player rolls too low of a number, they don’t hit and it causes more chaos – fun for me to watch - and if it rolls high, more damage done to the target and one step closer to winning.”

“Right, I think I get it…I guess using the different di will mostly come with practice.” Y/N spoke and Eddie nodded, “Now I know the basics…”

“Now, we can create your character, so what’ll it be? Dwarf? Human? Elf? Princess?” He quirked an eyebrow and gaged her response, noting the slight catch in her throat at the final word.

“When you say elf, do you mean Santa’s Workshop or Lord of The Rings?” Y/N asked with a cheeky smile, already knowing the answer but wanting to see him laugh. She succeeded as Eddie snorted a laugh, rolling onto his back and looking up at her.

“Lord of the Rings,” He responded, “Is that what you want to be?” and Y/N nodded.

“I know in reality I’m more of a Hobbit by nature, but the Elves were always my favourite.” With a smile, she glanced over to her bookcase where her weathered copies of the saga sat in prized position. It was one of the only things her and her father bonded over, as he read The Hobbit to her growing up and then finishing the series herself and continued talking to her father about the stories as she grew older.

“You just keep getting better, Y/L/N,” Eddie closed his eyes and shook his head in disbelief, “but this is just too good to be true, there’s got to be a catch.”

Y/N watched him as thoughts of her past life and new thoughts of Eddies smile and adorable brown eyes flickered through her mind. ‘Too soon. Not yet.’

“Maybe I’m just that perfect,” she smiled and leant over him a little, reaching for the character sheets next to him. “My extensive knowledge of Middle Earth and music taste speak for themselves.”

Eddie’s eyes opened to find Y/N closer than expected and he startled. Quickly sitting up and reaching for the Starters Guide, making Y/N sit back slightly as well. She scanned the character sheet and filled in a few things herself before getting to the interesting parts that she knew she would need more help with. Time flew as they created Y/N’s character, rolling the di for each trait and smiling with each new addition, Eddie taking on his Dungeon Master role instantaneously and making her laugh as he enthusiastically read through the guide. Not realising how late it was getting until a call came from the door, Y/N and Eddie were engrossed in their own little world, now sitting shoulder to shoulder and talking animatedly as they read the guide together.

“Y/N, dinner’s ready, can you ask Eddie if he’s staying to eat?” Y/N and Eddie both laughed at the question, Mrs Y/L/N not realising that she had just asked him by proxy.

“Are you staying?” Y/N asked quietly turning her head slightly to look Eddie dead in the eye, with a soft smile on her lips.

“Only if you want me to.” He replied as his eyes flickered down to her lips and suddenly realised just how close they were.

“He’s staying!” Y/N called back without turning her head and heard her mothers’ footsteps retreating, “You hungry?”

“Starving.” He leant in a little further and their noses bumped, both of their breathing a little laboured at the proximity before Y/N pulled away and stood up, reaching a hand out to help him up as well. He took her hand, and the cold metal of his rings made her shudder a little but it went unnoticed. They walked hand in hand back to the kitchen, where the table was set with three plates of steaming food, at which Eddie sat down instantly and thanked Mrs Y/L/N for the food. But Y/N stood in the doorway, staring at the empty space.

“Where’s dad’s?” Y/N asked and saw as their mother sighed and sagged slightly at the stove.

“He called, he’s going to be working late all week.” She answered sadly but quickly brushed it off, “but that just means I get more mother-daughter time with you.”

Eddie stopped mid-mouthful then swallowed, “Are you sure it’s okay for me to be here?”

“Don’t be daft, I wasn’t going to let you go home on an empty stomach.” Mrs Y/L/N replied earnestly, “What kind of host and mother would I be if I didn’t feed my guests and my daughter’s new friend?” she seemed positively offended at the idea.

“Mum’s always been a feeder, it’s how she shows her love and appreciation.” Eddie made a noise of understanding, nodded, then started eating again, “You really were starving.”

Y/N laughed at Eddie’s sheepish face but continued eating anyway. She sat next to him and dug in herself, before Mrs Y/L/N placed three glasses on the table.

“Wine?” She asked cheerily, pouring herself a drink and Eddie spluttered again when Y/N nodded and said a sweet ‘thanks mum’ when her glass was poured, “Eddie?”

“Is that a trick question?” Eddie asked cautiously, and Mrs Y/L/N cocked her head, confused, until Y/N chimed in.

“Ah! Um, the legal drinking age in the UK is 18, it’s a little hard to get used to suddenly having to be 21 to drink…” Y/N explained but Eddie still looked unsure as to whether he was allowed to except the offer so Y/N continued, “but my parents have always been pretty liberal about it, they’re not idiots and know what they were like at our age - we’re going to drink anyway so why not do it safely, where they can keep an eye out. So, wine?”

“There you go again, being too good to be real.” Eddie takes it all in then smiles at Mrs Y/L/N, “I’ve never had wine before…”

“It’s an acquired taste but it goes well with food,” She pours him a glass and smiles, starting to eat, “Eat, drink, relax, I’m not gonna call the police.”

Y/N laughs and takes a swig of her wine before digging into her food again, watching Eddie in her peripheral as he took a sip and coughed at the unfamiliar taste, making her snicker slightly. He glared at her before trying again and managing to drink without choking. Raising an eyebrow at him, as he swallowed before smiling and focusing on eating. The evening went by smoothly, Mrs Y/L/N continuing to ask Eddie questions, obviously trying to sus him out but doing it so seamlessly that he didn’t notice and answered honestly. Y/N learned that he lived in the trailer park not too far away with his uncle, that he worked part-time at the record store, that he didn’t have that much contact with his parents but didn’t really mind – he only tensed and got a little shy when Mrs Y/L/N asked about his romantic life, laughing awkwardly and muttering a small “it’s non-existent” before moving on and saying his one true love was his guitar anyway. They laughed, and ate, and finished the bottle of wine, Mrs Y/L/N muttering about how her husband wouldn’t be happy they didn’t save him any. With empty plates and full bellies, they all leant back in their seats as they let the food settle.

“Thank you again, Mrs Y/L/N, the food was delicious,” Eddie said and rubbed his belly slightly, “Best meal I’ve had in ages.”

“It was no bother,” Mrs Y/L/N shushed him and started clearing the plates, at which Eddie stood up to help, carrying the empty dishes to the sink. Y/N smiled to herself at how well Eddie fit in with her family, like he wasn’t a complete stranger that morning.

“I’ll wash up mum, you go sit and read for a bit.” Y/N said to their mum with a hug and kiss on the cheek before she pottered off to the living room.

“I love your mom.” Eddie said as soon as she was out of earshot, leaning against the counter as Y/N filled up the sink with hot soapy water and gave Eddie a tea-towel, “I don’t think an adult has ever treated me this kindly on first meeting.”

“That woman does not have a hateful bone in her body,” Y/N said with a smile, starting to clean up, handing the cleaned plates to Eddie to dry, “she’s always been like that, my gran said it got her into trouble a lot growing up, always being quick to trust people that she maybe shouldn’t but she still always see’s the best in people.”

“Must be where you got it from,” Eddie said and Y/N flicked some foam at him, he dodged it and lightly hit her with the towel making her laugh, “I’m serious, you very easily could have told me to fuck off when I interrupted your peace at lunch today, you could still tell me to leave you alone, and yet you haven’t, why?”

“Well…” Y/N started but didn’t finish, not really knowing what to say, so she sighed, focusing instead on scrubbing a glass.

“Well?” Eddie prompted, putting the towel down and folding his arms across his chest, looking at her expectantly. She could feel his gaze on the side of her head, as though he was trying to force his way inside it and figure out what she was thinking. The trouble was even Y/N didn’t know what she was thinking.

“I don’t know.” Y/N said letting the glass fall into the water with a small sploosh, and resting her hands on the sink, “What do you want me to say?” She sighed, collected her thoughts and bit the bullet, letting a stream of consciousness pour out of her mouth without really thinking about it, “I think you’re cool, we like the same things, not to mention that you were the only one who didn’t ask me a stupid question about England. Plus, you actually understand my humour - you were the only one that laughed in homeroom this morning and you’ve bitten back whenever I’ve teased you today. You’ve made me genuinely laugh for the first time in a while and I think you could be a really good friend to me…why would I tell you to leave?”

There was silence for a second before Eddie spoke.

“You think I’m cool?”

“That’s what you picked up on?!”

They laughed at each other, as equally as astonished at the other. They fell into comfortable silence for a few seconds before Y/N flicked some more water at him making him gasp as it hit him, causing Y/N to erupt into giggles.

“You did not just do that.”

“Oh, but I did.”

“You’re gonna regret that.” Eddie grinned, splashing water at Y/N, it hitting her décolletage and dripping down her front. She glared at him, her eye twitching slightly before she sprung into action.

“It’s on, Munson.” Y/N stated, quickly picking up the sponge she had been using to clean and squeezing it, the water spraying all over Eddie before she moved to run away, in hysterics at the fire in his eyes, and the exasperated look on his face as water clung to his curls.

“Oh no you don’t…” he murmured as he grabbed her wrist and pulled her back towards him, locking her in place with her back to his chest with one arm as the other hand hit the still full sink and covered her in water, drenching her. Shrieking through the laughter, she admitted defeat.

“You win, you win!” she struggled in his arms as he leaned in to rest his head on her shoulder.

“You’re not gonna hit me with more water if I let you go?” He spoke into her ear, and he felt her tense up a little, smirking to himself as she shook her head. “Okay.”

He released her and she turned to face him immediately, almost slipping on the water and laughing even more at the site of the mess they made.

“Dad’s gonna kill me if I don’t get this cleaned up…” speaking to herself and she retrieved the mop and bucket, Y/N quickly cleaned up the puddle, then finished the dishes as Eddie pulled a cigarette from his back pocket.

“You want one?” He asked and tucked his own over his ear, Y/N thought for a moment then nodded, and he got a second from the packet. Once all the dishes were on the drying rack, they made their way out of the house and Y/N led him to a large tree at the end of the path leading to the house. Y/N had found this spot within the first few days of moving. Their house was small and didn’t have a garden, it was the only one her dad could find on short notice, so Y/N had to venture out to find a good place to rest and smoke if she wanted to. Luckily, she found the large tree with its twisting roots that made the perfect little seat, otherwise she would’ve been stuck inside with her dad complaining about work and mum cooking away the sadness. She sat on her favourite root, the perfect size to sit on and leaned back against the trunk of the tree watching as Eddie lit his cigarette in front of her then motioned for her stand up. She walked over to him bewildered, before he held up her cigarette and nodded slightly towards her. Smirking slightly as he placed the cigarette between her lips and lighting the cigarette himself, she blew the smoke in his face with a quirked eyebrow. Retreating back to her seat, she inhaled again savouring the feeling of the nicotine calming her from the inside out and blew the smoke from her lungs up into the air before looking back at Eddie who was looking at her in awe.

“Thank you for making my first day bearable.” Y/N said raising her cigarette in a small ‘cheers’, he snorted and took a seat next to her.

“Don’t thank me yet, you could still hate me,” Eddie said with a knowing, poignant smile, “I can almost guarantee that you’ll be labelled a freak like me pretty soon, and when the rest of the school looks at you the same way they look at me…I’m not sure you’ll be thanking me.”

“Hey, don’t do that.” Y/N said sharply, turning to face him, “From where I’m standing, you have been labelled unfairly. Besides, if this,” she gestures around her, “is what makes you a freak in this town, I’ll call myself a freak with pride.”

Eddie gazes at her with wide eyes and slightly agape mouth, cigarette hanging between his fingers.

“Where have you been all my life?”

“England.”

He laughs heartily and Y/N joins in, leaning into him and resting their forehead against his shoulder. They continue talk and laugh about anything and everything, smoking until the cigarettes are dead and even then, they lay on the grass and look up at the stars for a while longer, feeling as though they had known each other for years.

“It’s getting late, I should probably be heading off.” He sighs and sits up, resting on his forearms, looking over at Y/N, “but I’ll see you tomorrow…I drove in my van but then your mom gave me alcohol so…I’ll come by in the morning and drive you to school?”

“I’d like that, but fair warning, I think you’re stuck with me now,” Y/N grins at him, happy to have made such a good friend on her first day.

“God help me.” He jokes and she pushes him slightly making him collapse back onto the grass. Eddie pulls himself back up and rises to standing before helping Y/N up as well and walking her back to the front door. They said their goodbyes, Eddie winking, before turning on his heel and walking off into the night.

next

[writer-monster]

11 reasons why cap 4 should reintroduce Bucky Barnes as the love interest, an essay

to start this off, i am not writing this essay from a shipping place nor do i believe that this would have any influence at all over the upcoming movie. i expect nothing. this is simply something that i would personally like to see. (of course no hate to anybody who thinks differently)

here are 11 reasons why i think making Bucky into Sam Wilson's love interest in Cap 4 would be a good move for Disney.

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1. on the Chinese film market - and why it's an irrelevant argument against the inclusion of homosexual themes in Cap 4

the Chinese film market is something that has been blamed for a lack of diversity in Hollywood films a lot lately. many people claim that this market with a lot of buying power has been responsible for the lack of gay and black representation in particular within Hollywood films.

and we have certainly seen Hollywood treating it as such, going so far as to cut gay scenes from movies for their Chinese releases, and vastly minimising John Boyega's (a black actor's) presence in the Chinese poster of Star Wars The Force Awakens.

[image ID: on the left is an image of the American poster for Star Wars The Force Awakens, featuring John Boyega prominently on the right-hand side. And on the right is the Chinese poster for the same movie, in which John Boyega is barely visible.]

so we know at the very least that Disney believes this through their own actions and efforts to self-censor for the different markets.

but Captain America 4 is a black-led movie, don't you forget. and Disney can't minimise Sam Wilson/Anthony Mackie in the movie or the poster because it's his movie and his poster. and no amount of creativity in the editing room can change that (thank God!).

so if by their own argument the film is already going to be either banned, panned or slammed in China... then what do they have to fear from making it a gay movie too?

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2. oh, the queerbaiting

queerbaiting is an unusual cultural idea. and sometimes i find myself thinking that the term is far too easily used, but then all of a sudden i will stumble upon a movie or show that is so quintessentially cruel and overt in it's... well... queerbaiting that i will start to wonder what the hell kind of a bizarre relationship all these straight people seem to have with their friends. take Troy and Abed from Community or John and Sherlock from Sherlock as the perfect examples of this. (in which my reaction to the show's creators saying the show wasn't gay was to ask so then why did you make it so gay?!)

i felt that Sam Wilson and Bucky Barnes in tfatws were getting quite close to this level of queerbaiting.

there was the field scene, the couple's counselling scene, the boat scene, the couple's counselling scene, Bucky going with Sam to face Karli when she told Sam to come alone, the couple's counselling scene, ALL the staring scenes, Sam checking out Bucky's ass here as they said goodbye, the "i would move in with him but" hidden scene, "Uncle Bucky" showing up at the cookout scene, the romantic walking off together into the sunset together ending scene, and the couple's counselling scene. did i forget anything? but i mean seriously, the couple's counselling scene!!! that thing they did with their legs and their crotches while staring deep into each other's eyes, would any straight guy willingly do that? do straight guys crotch-snuggle now?

[image ID: an image of Sam Wilson and Bucky Barnes during the therapy scene with the quote, "Isn't anybody going to drag me into impromptu couple's therapy and slot my legs firmly between theirs before staring deeply into my eyes?"]

(yeah i stole this image from a buzzfeed article on the fan reactions to the couple's therapy scene. but given that they stole 80% of the content of that article from fandom tumblr, i think it's pretty even-steven.)

there's also the fact that people started talking about bisexual Bucky Barnes a lot after the tiger pictures line, and the lead writer Malcom Spellman responded to the talk of Bucky's bisexuality with "just keep watching". well we watched, Malcolm. but it's beginning to feel like you were just jerking us around.

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3. the writing

seriously though, what else is Bucky Barnes doing right now in the MCU? his only remaining connection to anything going on right now is through Sam. there is literally nothing else established that's left for him to do that doesn't involve Sam. he moved to Louisiana to be closer to Sam (canonically), he hangs out with Sam's family (canonically), and Steve is presumably gone and is definitely not coming back for more adventures.

he has no villains or loose ends left. he has no other superheroes that he appears to be in contact with. he has no girlfriend or potential love interest, or even other friends or family. he is living in a tent that he has secretly set up in Sam's backyard and is mysteriously appearing from the bushes when it's time for dinner like a stray cat.

in my opinion there is no other meaningful and pre-established progression for Bucky's character that wouldn't just feel cheap.

plus, i don't think the general audience would be all that surprised if they kissed. i think a LOT of people picked up on all that tension. i think a lot of straight people picked up on all that tension too.

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4. the chemistry between the actors & the chemistry between the characters

the original pitch for tfatws was essentially just this, it was the chemistry between Sebastian Stan and Anthony Mackie and their respective MCU characters of Bucky Barnes and Sam Wilson.

now obviously Anthony and Sebastian are simply friends, and i wouldn't mean to imply anything more. but they are also not their characters.

Sam and Bucky's scenes together before tfatws were both limited and short, and yet audiences still fell in love with the dynamic between the two characters.

in interviews, these two actors are constantly slipping into character and flirting with each other and frankly it's adorable. plus it's really entertaining. i'd love to see that dynamic, unfiltered, in a movie.

because believe it or not the flirting is actually even more open in their interviews than it was in tfatws. and i'm leaving some links as proof.

this here is known as the "married" compilation

and here's a "lucky dip" selection of interviews - 1, 2, 3, 4, 5,

and here's Anthony trying to get Seb to take his jacket off.

i'm just saying, why not let their chemistry shine? these two are so talented and so entertaining, especially when you put them in a room together. and can you imagine how absolutely hilarious and brilliant it would be to watch them navigate being a couple?

(and for those who bring up the "friends would be uncomfortable pretending to be dating" argument, i'm not here asking for a sex scene or anything. i don't think anyone would expect them to show any more intimacy (physical or emotional) while playing a couple than what they've already shown together in say... tfatws or in their own interviews. not that i actually expect anything regardless.)

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5. if they were a man and a woman they would've gotten together in tfatws

i have no more to add here. just that... yeah, they would've.

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6. and i'm not talking about the comics here, i'm talking about the MCU.

i understand fully that none of what i'm saying here falls in line with these characters from the comics. but the mcu itself doesn't fall much in line with the comics either, and these two characters especially are very different from their comics counterparts.

i'm not asking for these two to get together in the comics. tbh i don't think that it would work.

but the mcu Sam and Bucky are different and closer than their comics counterparts. they've got different histories, different backstories, and a very different dynamic. please rest assured that i am only talking about them in the mcu.

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7. Bucky Barnes is believably bisexual. and Sam Wilson has never been proven to be straight in the mcu, nor has he had a love interest.

(now please continue to keep in mind that these points only stand for the mcu versions of Bucky Barnes and Sam Wilson, and not at all for their comics counterparts.)

Sam Wilson has never had a love interest, which is crazy because have you seen that man! he has had two blink and you'll miss it moments of verbal expression of attraction to women, both in TWS. and that's the extent of it, through his entire history in the mcu.

Bucky Barnes has had a number of surface-level female love interests, but none of them even came close to the level of connection and chemistry that Bucky shares with Sam.

and i'm sorry SarahBucky fans, but i just don't think there's very much to their relationship either. i love Sarah, i really do. but it's Sam who shares all the meaningful moments and history and chemistry with Bucky. and i don't see what making her into a love interest would do for Sarah's character either, what would that add to her story?

[Picture ID: Bucky at the cookout with Sam, Sarah, Cass and AJ. Bucky and Sam are looking at each other and smiling.]

and also there is the whole tiger pictures thing... again. which does strongly suggest that Bucky is bisexual whether this was intentional on behalf of the writers or not.

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8. it's representation... AND it feels natural

marvel hasn't had a lot of queer representation that's been noticeably present in the MCU at the time of writing this.

there have been a lot of failures so far, from the bisexual erasure of Valkyrie in Thor Ragnarok to the wlw erasure in Black Panther.

there was queerbaiting almost identical to the bisexual Bucky baiting for Guardians of the Galaxy Vol 2. when asked if he had considered featuring a gay hero in gotg2, director James Gunn stated that "We might have already done that. I say, watch the movie." after the movie's release audiences were understandably confused about the lack of queer representation. To which the director followed up his comments with, "But we don't really know who's gay and who's not. It could be any of them."

there is also Loki, considered by most fans after the airing of his six episode series on Disney+ to be both a poor attempt at both genderfluid representation and bisexual representation. with both attempts being summed up fairly well by the term "blink-and-you'll-miss-it". (also it's just terribly written and Loki doesn't wear any interesting clothes! fanficcers are a Goddamn blessing in this hard time!)

and let us not forget that Andrew Garfield was apparently FIRED for pushing for a bisexual spiderman. a bisexual spiderman within an interracial mlm relationship no less.

so for all these failures, marvel, why not allow us queer fans this? two brilliant and heroic men in a loving interracial relationship. two heroes that we can look up to.

now, one of the biggest detractions from the argument for representation is the idea of "forced diversity". and some poorly written characters certainly do end up feeling forced into the narrative. take Iceman in the comics for example, with Jean Grey just straight up suddenly telling him he's gay. like, marvel, sweetie, that's not how this works! and i don't know a lot of queer people who thought much of that "representation".

but the crux of the "forced diversity" argument is almost always that it feels unnatural within the story, right? and i don't think that anyone could say that about MCU Sam and Bucky ending up together, given these characters' existing chemistry and their history. they've both played characters in gay relationships before so we know that it's not outside of either actor's wheelhouse. and y'all know that Anthony and Seb can act, people. if it's in the script i believe that they'll make it seem like the most natural thing on earth.

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9. it'd be a nice change

there's been an ongoing meme lately about "Disney's first gay character", the joke being that they continually announce gay characters without really ever including gay characters in their films.

this is to the point where Disney has formed a reputation amongst queer audiences of being homophobic.

if Sam and Bucky were to become a couple, then Disney could have its first actual gay character within a gay relationship. AND have him be in the lead of his own movie, no less.

it's also worth keeping in mind that there's likely an overlap between the people who were outraged by a Sam Wilson Captain America, and the people who'd be outraged by a gay Captain America. and if they were already not seeing the film, then i don't think much is gonna change that.

queer audiences would definitely love it, and the media attention would be guaranteed to be huge. i mean, simply look at the amount of media attention mere rumours of a character's queerness gets you and multiply that by a canon confirmation of said rumours.

but i'm pretty sure that Disney already knows this.

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10. and yet, in truth, it's not about the representation

in truth i've never felt that i had any trouble relating to characters of any sexual orientation, race, gender, sex, body type, etc. (although that is not to throw any shade at all on people who do wish to see themselves represented) but for me, i think it's more about the story than the packaging.

and yet, a love story is still just a story. straight or queer, monoethnic or interracial. when two characters have chemistry and history and have sacrificed for each other time and time again, and they also can't keep their hands or their eyes off each other, then i'm pretty sure that that's a love story.

straight or queer, monoethnic or interracial, it shouldn't be about these simple labels. it should be about how well written the relationship is. it should be about chemistry, and history, and sacrifice.

because i'm fucking sick of all the hollow, forced romances in media no matter the genders of the participants. i'm sick of lazily written, shallow relationships where any two people sharing the same space for any extended period of time will simply fall in love. it's boring, it's repetitive, and as a writer myself it drives me up the wall!

romance stories suck! and everyone knows that romance stories suck. between twilight, and most of the entire YA genre, and love triangles (so boring), and romance used as poorly-written throwaway subplots in Hollywood movies, the world is in agreement that the romance in western media is simply dreadful. and yet we still want love stories. it's an entire genre that sits at the heart of the human experience (<3), and yet one which so few of today's best known writers seem truly able to capture.

i don't think that i'm the only one who feels this way, either. i suspect it's actually a large part of why fandom is so romance-centred in the first place, that we're all just starving for a good love story.

(btw i think fandom has a reputation for being something that as a whole that it is not. it has this reputation for straight up demanding things and harassing people until they get their way. while unfortunately there are a few people who do this, they're fucking annoying and i swear that they're far from the majority.

in my experience fandom is mostly about writing a five thousand word story at three am while drunk off your ass because it might make someone whom you've never met smile, editing it in the cold light of day, and then posting it. expecting nothing. sometimes getting nothing. and sometimes getting someone send you kudos or a comment so heartbreakingly wonderful that it makes you smile in return.)

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11. so once again, it is all about the writing.

i want to see Sam and Bucky get together in the mcu, not because they would be a gay couple but because i genuinely believe that their story has potential to be an amazing love story.

and i know the mcu isn't about the romance. it's why in my personal opinion we haven't gotten a lot of good canon romances besides Peter Quill and Gamora. and i don't think that the mcu should be all about the romance either. i fucking love the action and the fighting scenes. i love the comedy. Captain America: The Winter Soldier had no romance and it was a fucking treasure, it was an amazing spy-action-thriller and it made my little gay heart dance. Thor Ragnarok had no romance, and it was an utterly brilliant comedic spectacle action film. not every movie needs romance.

but mcu Sam Wilson and Bucky Barnes were doing couple's therapy and fixing a boat and walking off into the sunset together in tfatws. they were inseparable on the battlefield. they've got a dynamic. it's beautiful, it's romantic, and it's gold.

a budding relationship between them in the next movie would be a good way to explore both characters more without the narrative feeling too stilted and separate. at the end of tfatws, both Sam and Bucky fans found that their respective fave felt somewhat underutilised and that their characters were underexplored.

now, that problem would be even more difficult to remedy in a movie, because the plotline of a movie needs to be really tight to work (giggity). and we know that the central conflict of the movie is gonna be action-based (which is good), but we still need each character's personal journey and growth to tie into the main conflict. (which is another issue that some fans found with tfatws, that these characters didn't really feel connected to the action-based plot on a more personal level.)

if Sam and Bucky are already in a relationship, however, this whole dynamic changes. first, their relationship has already been set up for nicely since TWS and through tfatws and they would officially be the best-fleshed-out couple in the mcu. but most importantly, a relationship gives them a perfect vehicle to explore both of their pasts comparatively and connect them personally to the action-based plot.

do you want to establish that Sam is a little too trusting and naïve? then establish this through his relationship with Bucky, and through showing his placing his trust in Bucky. (rather than through having him sympathise with a villain who threatened to murder his sister and his nephews).

perhaps you want to show Bucky recovering from his trauma? show us how comfortable he is with Sam. they get along, they're enjoying each other's presence, we see more of Sam's life and of his family, and then let Bucky tell Sam something that's raw and dark and honest about his life as The Winter Soldier. something about a memory, one that he only just recalled. he's opening up. and maybe what he tells Sam is even something that sets up the future action-based conflict, to ground that in something real.

you want to explore that Sam has trauma too? do this through Bucky. he tells Bucky a story about his time in the military. in the form of a flashback, he shares his own story of loss to evoke before the audience the shared theme of feeling at fault even when you're simply a helpless bystander to an act of pure destruction.

then, action sequence! and it's directly connected to Bucky's time as the Winter Soldier. explore the grief of someone whose life the Winter Soldier tore apart manifesting into a villain perpetuating the cycle of pain. establish your villain.

Later, Sam is dragged into battle against this villain for protecting Bucky. But Bucky doesn't want Sam to protect him. He feels guilt for what he can't control and he doesn't want Sam getting hurt because of him. Bucky reminds Sam that he has a family, one who needs him and who loves him. He tells him to go home.

Sam reminds Bucky that he's a part of that family. And that sure Sam's a hero and his job is to protect anyone and everyone, but that he's doing it because he wants to. It's not simply to prove that he can, or to prove that he's not a bystander (this connects to Sam's trauma here), but that he's doing it to help people.

and this gets Bucky thinking about who he is and what he's doing here. is he a hero who stands by Sam's side? or is he an ordinary man who stands aside? or perhaps, does he stand alone? what does he stand for? Maybe Sam knows. But does Bucky?

Sam and Bucky fight off the villain again, and for the first time Bucky meets this adversary face to face. And Bucky recognises this villain, and has a flashback to the genuine pain that he inflicted upon them in the form of the Winter Soldier. Bucky freezes mid-fight, he almost dies, and Sam has to save him.

Sam chews Bucky out for almost getting killed because he was afraid for him. but Bucky takes this the wrong way and goes off to fight the villain alone, or perhaps to die alone, he's not quite sure.

He puts up a half-hearted fight. He apologises for what the Winter Soldier has done, and he waits for the killing blow, when Sam swoops down and he saves him. He asks Sam why he saved him and Sam calls him a moron. And then, Sam asks him what sacrificing himself would solve. He tells him that you can't choose your past but you can choose your future (connecting to his own experience of loss and guilt and grief). And that no matter what Bucky Barnes still has a future, whether that's as the Winter Soldier or the White Wolf or just some dork with a day job. And that he has a future as a part of Sam's family too.

Sam fights the villain, and it's toe to toe. He delivers a few good blows, but receives a fair few himself. And then the villain tears off his wings, first one and then the other, in a manner reminiscent of what the Winter Soldier did to him in TWS. Through Bucky's eyes there's a flashback to highlight the parallels. Sam gets back on his feet and he fights his best fight, but is now losing.

And then the heavily injured Bucky steps up and fights by Sam's side, and only together do they take down the villain.

"So... I inspired you, huh?" Sam teases with a smile, utterly exhausted. "With my heroism and-"

"You inspired me." Bucky said, equally exhausted. "Let's leave it at that."

Together, Sam and Bucky go back to the safety and warmth of their family. Sam fixes his wings. Sam goes back to being Captain America. And Bucky... he's around, but it's unclear what he's doing.

That is, until the very end. When Sam is in a fight, and suddenly Bucky shows up and helps him out.

"What are you doing here?" Sam asks.

"I've made up my mind." Bucky says. "I'm the Winter Soldier. But now I'll save lives, Sam. Now, like you, I'll be a hero."

Sam smirks. "So does this make you my sidekick, then?"

Bucky smiles. "C'mon, at least make me a partner." He says.

"How about co-workers." Sam says (in flashback, he remembers back to the death of his last on-the-job partner).

"How about friends." Bucky says, with a wry look.

"Bucky... I don't want to see you put your dumbass self in danger." Sam says.

"Oh, and it's ok for you to go running off into danger on your own all the time?" Bucky asks.

"Yes." Sam says stubbornly. "Absolutely it is."

"Why?"

"Because I'm not a dumbass?!"

"Sam, if you think I'm not gonna be watching your back for the rest of time... then you're the biggest dumbass I know. And I don't care if you need me or not, I will be there for you."

"Because Sam, you're more than Captain America. You're more than a good soldier. You're a good man. And I think sometimes, the world forgets what the difference is."

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...or something like that.

(i only spent like 15 minutes on that. you know if i were actually writing this movie i would come up with something much better. and if anyone from marvel is seeing this, yes i can come work for you. i will make the time, let's do this thing right!)

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finale

at the end of the day, whether or not the mcu chooses to make Sam Wilson and Bucky Barnes a couple, it's their decision. and they don't owe me anything.

i'm just some random person on the internet. who thinks that Captain America 4 should #givecaptainamericaaboyfriend