#i'm so tired of being
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sorry again for the radio silence guys... i have been... unwell
#ooc.#personal //#i am so fucking mentally ill#and i've been realising that more and more these past few weeks#i'm so tired#of being this way#i'm so tired of being#just of being#and i want to just sleep all the time#but i can't#even going to ride my horse is some kind of chore now and its terrifying that it's that way#i love him#but im so tired#and papa's death is only really now hitting me#the same with gran's#and i have to go to a funeral on monday and be Brave for mum#and i'm just so tired#idk#i dont know
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dadkarios doods sponsored by my stress migraine
#bg3#baldur's gate 3#galemance#dadkarios#gale dekarios#tav#and ft cyra's fancy cane!!#the only thing that got mabel into the world was cyra knowing she couldn't kill gale until it was over#and of course she's just a smaller version of gale bc life isn't fair#i'm so fucking TIRED bc i had a job interview today and my body has just come down from being in panic mode all week#these were almost done days ago but i was in a Lot of pain and we didn't have any painkillers
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You don't wish your disability was worse or more visible, you wish your disability was taken seriously. Please stop confusing the two, I guarantee you would not get the support you need JUST by being more severe or more visible. Please listen to visibly disabled people when we tell you it isn't better on our side
#m/cc#mine#I tried extremely hard to word this nicely because I KNOW people don't mean bad and often even know there are unique challenges#and believe me I know the challenges of invisible disability too!!#I have invisible disabilities!#but as someone who has also been at least visibly 'off' since they were 10 I am SO SICK of invisible disabilities being hailed as like#a unique extra oppression that us lucky visibly disabled people don't have to deal with#there are challenges to invisible disabilities that visibly disabled people DON'T have to deal with!#but you need to understand that *the reverse is also true*#there are MASSIVE benefits to being able to lie about your disability for example#or not dealing with the overt ableism that comes with your disability being obvious to everyone#*I do not have the option to pretend I'm not disabled.* that is never an option I have#I walk weirdly. I use a mobility aid now. my speech and face are 'off.' I lean to one side#for a long time I wore sunglasses 24/7 and often didn't make sense. I sometimes can't speak or won't react to others#for the most part people will always know that at the very least something is wrong with me#and more obviously I have people telling me they'll pray for me; telling me I can't do things I'm already in the process of doing;#wanting to shake my hand to tell me I'm an inspiration for not killing myself; giving me dirty looks for existing in public#and yes. I'm aware that this is very much an in-community issue. I know the average abled person doesn't know invisible disabilities exist#that's why there's so much awareness happening for it#but as a visibly disabled person I get SO TIRED of constantly hearing 'I wish my disability was visible :'('#it's just 'I wish I had your disability!' but from other disabled people
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I want to see characters being taken care of in an explicit and worshipful way. Home-cooked meals. Hair brushed and braided by gentle hands. Little gifts just because.
I want to read about characters who are not used to kindness being bombarded by acts of service. This trope works romantically and platonically. Give me found family and acts of service - all the ways a character is wrapped up in wordless, explicit care after years of cruelty and having no idea how to handle. I need it.
#fanfiction#this is the 'comfort' part of hurt/comfort#but i want to take it to the extreme honestly#not just comfort immediately after a traumatic event#but consonant daily comfort!#being taken care of because you are loved always and unconditionally#this is the real reason why i sometimes read sugar daddy AUs even though i don't like them#i want to read about characters being SPOILED#this is also why i love the mdzs love interests so much#luo binghe is the ultimate worshipful house husband and i love that#my posts#you can tell i'm irrationally tired when i start getting tear-eyed over someone being cooked a meal
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I wonder how fast I'd die of alcohol poisoning if I did a shot every time someone in my notes boiled one of my posts down to "but are you pro or anti ship."
How many times, tumblr? How many times must I say that "proship/antiship" is a completely asinine way to frame this discussion, and no matter how much my opinions may align with one side, I'm not using a fucking shipping discourse label to discuss my media studies and censorship research?
"Are you pro or anti ship?" Neither. I am not engaged in shipping discourse. I am much more concerned with the ways that censorship is used to specifically target marginalized people raising awareness and making art about their own experiences and worldviews. You cannot enact any form of censorship without it hitting marginalized people the hardest.
I do not care about your ship wars when I am discussing things such as the Hays Code and 2024 book bans, and I am incredibly exhausted by how often people derail my posts into shipping arguments. It's slightly more tolerable when teenagers do it, because they're still figuring out how shit works and lord knows I fell into my fair share of rancid discourse as a teenager, but I am appalled at how often it's dragged into my notes by grown-ass adults.
"Proship/antiship" is a reductive framework grounded in bad-faith internet discourse drenched in purity culture. It is not a useful framework to use when discussing dark fiction, censorship, free speech, or obscenity laws. "Proship" and "antiship" are loaded buzzwords that make people stop thinking critically and engaging in good faith, and I have no tolerance for it.
I'm not interested in declaring my side in tumblr ship wars when I'm focused on things like, "when is the next local school board meeting regarding book bans, and am I eligible to run for the citizen advisory council that helps decide the fate of specific books?" and, "with the overturn of Roe v. Wade, in what ways do we need to be concerned about, and what ways can we raise awareness about, the enforcement of the Comstock Act?" and, "as a trans person living in Florida, how do I navigate my existence being treated as an inherent pornographic threat to children that should be censored and legislated out of existence?"
I do not care! About! Fucking! SHIPPING!
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anyone else have multiple traumatic memories associated specifically with holidays/family vacations? because that is a topic I never see discussed in all the So You Had A Shitty Childhood, Now What? self-help books i've been reading. but for me, it was a significant thing. and the more i think about it the more it seems like this would be an (unfortunately) common experience. would be grateful to hear if this matches other peoples' experiences...
#not a shitpost#serious post#ask to tag#tw trauma#cptsd#c-ptsd#and if so we should TALK about it#because it means there are a whole group of survivors out there whose mental health regularly worsens during holidays#like i know i am most certainly not the only person who feels an undefined Dread hanging over christmas/my birthday/july 4 etc#bc too many shitty things happened during those times and now my brain is hypervigilant bc traditionally these are the Danger Times#and this seems like it would be particularly common for survivors of abusive/dysfunctional households (aka most people with c-ptsd)#because holidays/vacations typically mean 1) the whole family is together/being forced to interact#2) and undergoing external stressors e.g. travel/relatives aka 'outsiders' visiting/routines & coping mechanisms being interrupted etc#3) there is social pressure for this to be a Fun Family Bonding Experience which only highlights the cracks in the foundation#and exposes the common Everything Is Fine/We Are A Happy Family lie#4) the cognitive dissonance of feeling tired/anxious/stressed/afraid during a time when you are 'supposed' to be Making Good Memories#and then everyone is angry/tired/anxious/triggered and things boil over and something or someone goes Very Wrong#weird that i'm posting this in october when halloween is...sort of the ONLY holiday i have only good and happy feelings towards#i got lucky there#also i have positive feelings towards Labor Day but that's for socialist reasons
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"Luke Skywalker isn’t like the old Jedi. He saves Vader with his attachments!”
Wrong!
Luke Skywalker, at the end of Return of the Jedi, after his confrontation with the Emperor drags Darth Vader through the destructing Death Star. He’s desperate, knuckles white under the heavy weight of his father’s body, a little boy dragging his dad to safety. He sets Vader down for a moment, to catch his breath or maybe to get a better grip. He goes to grab Vader again, but Vader, uncomfortable and in pain, asks Luke to take off the mask. He wants to see Luke through his eyes instead of the eyes Palpatine built for him. Luke refuses, says that removing the mask is a sure way for Vader to die. Luke doesn’t want Vader dead, he wants Vader alive. Not to hold him accountable for his many evil acts, but for the same reason why Luke Skywalker can’t kill Darth Vader; Vader is his father and Luke loves him.
And yet, after a moment, Luke removes Vader’s mask. He doesn’t want to, he hesitates, but he removes the mask with enough slowness to allow Vader to take it back. In that moment, Luke sets aside his desire for Vader in his life, sets aside his desire to see him live, and sets aside his entire mission, the reason he was even on the Death Star in the place. In his compassion for his father, Luke stays with Vader until he dies. It is this moment where we see him be the best damn Jedi he can be. I’d even argue that this moment is the greatest example of non-attached love we see. Because Luke lets Vader go! He lets his father die, and in some ways, by removing the mask, he too kills Vader, he stays with him until his last moment, gives him the kindness of granting his last wish and finally chooses Vader.
And Luke doesn’t have to do this. If Luke Skywalker’s love for his father was an attachment, he would ignore Vader and continue dragging him to the escape pod, put his desire for a father as his central focus and ignore Vader’s wants and discomfort. Maybe he would even save him. But he doesn’t. Instead, he watches as Vader dies.
He builds a Jedi burial for his father and watches it burn the remnants of Vader and Anakin Skywalker away. He mourns Vader, he mourns what they could’ve had as father and son, considers what ifs and maybe-if-I-did-this. Vader/ Anakin is released from his mortal body, from his ‘crude matter’ and Luke lets him go. He says one final goodbye to Anakin. Then, he joins Leia, Han, Chewie, Lando, and the rest of the Rebels and celebrates their victory. He lives in the present and celebrates what he has instead of what he lost.
Luke Skywalker is THE Jedi. Everything about Luke Skywalker serves as the foundational cornerstone of the Jedi, everything about the Jedi as a culture and philosophy is reflected in his character. Luke’s desire for the New Jedi Order isn’t to throw away the values of the old Order, but to vitalise them, breathe life back into dying lungs, and rebuild a path that people set out on their way to destroy. (Yes, his Order is different from the Old, but that’s because it has to be. He doesn’t have the resources or the safety of the Old Order.) The philosophies of the Jedi are difficult and they aren’t for everyone, and like the perfect Jedi that Luke is, he struggles and stumbles and sometimes he even rejects it. But, no matter how far he falls, it is a way of life he chooses again and again and again. It is a way of life that welcomes him back each time
#luke skywalker#star wars#pro jedi#jedi positive#luke skywalker meta#luke skywalker loves being a jedi and i'm so tired of people pretending he doesn't#I hate you 'time-travel fics where Luke judges the Order for how they've handled things'#Luke would be the people's padawan actually chasing everyone down to acquire every bit of knowledge that they have#star wars meta#jedi order#the jedi#anakin skywalker#darth vader#the original trilogy#a new hope#empire strikes back#return of the jedi#if I tell you that luke outgrows anakin/vader? if I tell you that Vader is just the start of his Jedi growth and the end of it? then what?#Iong post#it kind of ran away from me
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to anyone missing my writing please know i am also missing my writing
#about me#long span depression episode#plus tired#plus family issues#I'm looking after myself but I do miss just being able to get the words down#writing#right now I am also ill so that sucks#but hey#got an autism diagnosis a few months back which explains so much
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i don't wanna die, i just wanna never have existed in the first place.
#depressing shit#i'm lonely#i'm sad#i'm so tired#i'm tired#sad quotes#sad thoughts#sadgirl#tw depressing stuff#depressiv#tw depressing thoughts#sorry for being depressing#actually bpd#bpd feels#bpd thoughts#bpd vent#bpd shit#bpd#lonliness#mentally tired#im so tired#im tired#tired#tw sui ideation#suic1de#sh cvt#cvtt!ng#i want to cvt#sh tumblr#fionas post
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Identity shenanigans are a hallmark of all superhero fanfictions and i will never get tired of writing them.
This is from chapter 19 of my fic Better Halves (and other such falsehoods) which is like 100k (so far) of Tim and Danny being idiots like this please go read it it's a labor of love.
just the painted bit below the cut :) if you want it
#my art#art#better halves (and other such falsehoods)#danny phantom#dp x dc#tim drake#dead tired ship#KNEE DEEP IN THE PASSENGER SEAT AND YOURE EATING ME OUT IS IT CASUAL NOW#i will never be normal about them#if you noticed the quality drop in the last three panels no you didn't#I kept getting to tim's face. the *-*. you know. and I kept laughing so hard that i would not finish#but on account of the chapter being posted today I packed my ass up to a cafe#bought a large ice coffee#and worked for four hours straight to finish it#and here it stands before you#i'm posting this about 15 minutes before the chapter goes live so if you try and get the newest chapter before midnight mst im sorry#it will not be there#the three of you that will see this in that time frame#anyways#aster spreekt
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it's the way american leftists will insist on separating themselves from their government because, you know, a single governing force does not represent an entire country full of people with differing opinions. and then they absolutely refuse to apply that logic to non-western countries.
#apparently being across the globe from the people that actually matter means your country is a hivemind of npcs#which are either to be saved or destroyed by said people who actually matter#i'm so fucking tired#i'm done pretending western leftists aren't being horrifically xenophobic about this conflict#leftist hypocrisy#i/p#hila has spoken#lukas rants
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I recently had to do a project in one of my psych classes, and man, I knew that CBT was used for every little thing, but seeing over and over, "do CBT! CBT is the best for every mental illness!" was so jarring. I'm absolutely biased because of my own experiences, but I just don't think it's as universal a treatment model as it's touted.
If you didn't benefit from CBT, it's not because you're lazy or didn't try hard enough or lacked intelligence or foresight into your own needs. Frankly, it's a therapy model that (I think) shouldn't be the only readily-accessible model and among the only therapy models covered by insurance. Some of us should not be treated in a CBT model and that's okay. It's not a sign of poor character or unreasonable demands, and if you don't think it's a model that works for you, then it's your right to express that!
#mental health#mental health advocacy#it was just so annoying because every resource i could access for this project often ONLY recommended cbt and#that just doesn't seem helpful for a good chunk of people#because i know i never benefitted from that model of therapy#obligatory: i am not against this therapy. me having a negative experience with it is not indicative that i believe it should be abolished'#if it works for you: KEEP DOING IT. cbt is not inherently harmful for MANY people and it's a good and valuable tool for many#but the overemphasis of cbt as the Only Therapy Model You Need sends this message that YOU failed...#...if you don't miraculously recover with that therapy model. it often feels like you'll Fail Recovery/Therapy and you're now a Bad Person#i've tried for over a decade to stick out cbt with a dozen therapists to boot. so i think i know a thing or two about my experiences with it#and overall its an unimpressive model (for me) as someone whos had a history with abuse and miscellaneous mental knickknacks rattling around#it's also frustrating because i genuinely like psych and i love learning about people#it's just. i'm tired of only being exposed to cbt (because i hate it honestly)#i feel similarly about cbt as i do with sigmund fucking frued#anyway i just want other insane people (affectionate) to remember that they deserve to not beat themselves up over this#if you're an insane person reading this: i love you i love you i love you i love you#i will share a slice of cake and homemade bread with you <3
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My apologies to the hard working, unfairly treated, writers, directors, cast and crew but I am not exaggerating when I say I am one more cancelation from not being willing to start any more new shows. I can't keep getting attached to these characters and excited to see their stories only for them to canceled after one or two seasons and never be told. Especially when most of them only get eight episodes or less. I wouldn't mind short seasons if I got a complete story but that rarely happens anymore.
#i'm so tired of being disappointed#i get enough of that irl#stories deserve endings#willow series#shadow and bone#first kill#cursed#lockwood and co#my lady jane#the acolyte#renegade nell#paper girls#our flag means death#prodigal son#half bad#the brothers sun#queen sono#shadow#how i met your father#grand crew#october faction#uncoupled#glamorous#pushing daisies#the nevers#still star crossed#flack#too many more to list
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lets run to a new world together! ✨
#pjsk art for you for surviving my isatism#ok hold on.#project sekai#pjsk#prsk#emu otori#proseka#tsukasa tenma#nene kusanagi#rui kamishiro#polysho#wxs#wonderlands x showtime#ok. So.#AUEIGUGUVUKHJUBYFFBGIUF%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%^%%%%%#MY TIERRRRR IM SAD ABT NOT BEING SBLE TO DO T100 but like i wouldnt have had enough energy even if i did have the time. im around 800 rn..#cause i was too tired... i'm so lazy now but ill claw my way back to t500 at least. sorry i couldnt be siffrin on the leaderboard..#anyways.#this was one of the drawings i made to be stickers for fanexpo !! ^_^#maybe i'll post the ichisaki + ena idrew.. the rest were just for specific people or for my performance#i also have sif and odile but i'd like to draw the rest of the party to go with them :) mirabelle.....
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do you think vox has one of these with velvette too
probably as a soft copy posted online with a caption instead of a physical photo though. just to complete the unholy trinity of it being a requirement to take a photo with vox if you're associated with him
#osrs.txt#it would probably most likely include all 3 vees too though#but part of me wants it to just be vox and velvette just so they all line up as being vox + 1 other person#sorry for becoming obsessed with these photos again#hazbin vox#hazbin hotel vox#vox#hazbin alastor#hazbin hotel alastor#alastor#hazbin valentino#hazbin hotel valentino#valentino#hazbin velvette#hazbin hotel velvette#velvette#the vees#scheduled post for later cause I'm tired#1k
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Another link to this post. Meet the parents style.
So, Danny and Jason have been fake dating for a while now, and ended up marrying each other solely for tax benefits. Also, they got cool ass fucking friendship rings that they just couldn't not wear everywhere and being married is convenient so...
Anywho, so Jason has met Danny's parents but Danny hasn't met Jason's parents. Danny knows that he has some ties with the vigilantee scene due to being a Crime Lord-he still doesn't know what to think of his parents connecting the dots immediately when they only met him once while it took him more than that while living with the guy.
He thinks Jason may have been an ex-vigilantee at some point before turning to crime.
Then Danny gets blinded by rich people aura when he finds out that his bestfriend is the long thought dead child of Bruce Wayne. Frankly, he's insulted.
You mean to tell him that his could've been buying ice cream from that high class place all this time!? He shook (literally he grabbed and shook him) that point into Jason, he doesn't care that Jason never told him he was rich but he could've at least bought some high class ice cream once in a while.
Jason who was busy solidifying his power as a crime lord, avoiding his family and making sure not to leak his identity at all: I'm a literal crime lord, and the only thing you care about is me not buying you ice cream?
Danny: YES!!!!
Jason: Dork.
Right anyways, so Jason takes Danny along to meet Bruce and his fam but did say as soon as he started being uncomfortable they're leaving. The batfam is a bit blindsided by Danny, because they thought Jason was bringing his partner but its good to also get a feel for Danny's personality.
Danny and Jason did what's normal for them when Danny starts getting comfortable around the manor full of things that cost waaay more than his rent. Like half-heartedly insulting each other, being snarky, leaning on each other and other such things.
The batfam start thinking that there's more there than they know of. So they start watching a bit closer and ask a few round about questions that fly over Danny and Jason's heads. They just forget they're married often, unless it's regarding taxes.
All of this sends the wrong message when they walk into the same room and, being nosy, one of the batfam comes up to the door and uh. They hear the bed moving quite a lot.
So.
Meanwhile, Jason is trying to wrestle with Danny because this man does not pick a lane. He'll either be the human octopus (who is cold as hell) Jason has ever seen, he'll try to kick him off the bed in his sleep as if Jason personally offended him in some way, or he'll sleep in some wacky position that interrupts Jason's sleep. The last one is tied to the other two, however.
So, Jason has to frequently wrestle this man into a proper position where they both manage to get some sleep and it wouldn't have been so bad if Danny wasn't a goddamn sleep fighter. He would know, he had to nurse a bruised jaw for a few weeks.
Why do they sleep together? Listen, when you're in an apartment with not a lot of money, you gotta cut costs where you can alright?
#dc x dp#dp x dc#dpxdc#dp x dc crossover#dcxdp#dc x dp crossover#Danny and Jason are platonically married#I'm not gonna put this in the post but I had a random thought of Jack and Maddie meeting Bruce Wayne and they instantly clock him as Batman#It's not even Maddie#Jack just took one look at him and sniffed out something sus until his himbo brain connects the dots to him being Batman#The thing is they managed to find this out with barely any evidence so they think they might be wrong without knowing that they're actually#right#Anyways#Jason is tired of this mfer Danny and how he sleeps#Every time they go to bed Jason walks into their shared bedroom like he's about to wrestle a fucking bear#The batfam think they be fawking but they actually aren't it's just Jason wrestling to get a good night's sleep#Why did I make this?#I have no clue
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