#i'm so sorry this ended so shittily

[meta-squash]

I'm so irritated by the entire Ian and Mickey get an apartment storyline because it's just so inaccurate on like every count. I know this is fiction and also the show's been over for ages but still. The last few series had such terrible writing and made no sense.

The map location that Ian looks at when they first find the apartment is like in the UIC/medical district area, almost in the loop. But also like. There are not a lot of apartments in Chicago with pools. You want a pool in your apartment complex, you're gonna be paying a lot more than $900 for a 1 bed 1 bath apartment. I mean, you're gonna be paying more than $900 period in that area. Plus like their income is better but not stable-stable from the security gig (and isn't it mostly under the table?) so I seriously doubt landlords there would even consider them.

(Not to mention the whole bullshit about Ian signing the lease without talking to Mickey about it first. (And Mickey would have to also sign the lease before it went into effect, unless everything is in Ian's name? So Mickey could have just said no.) Like that's such shitty behavior in terms of relationship stuff.)

But anyway, most of the actual west side is barely better off than the south side in terms of poverty. If they'd moved to the north side area or even north west it would have made more sense to have all the drama about bougie apartments and quiet and blah blah blah. (But then they absolutely would not be able to afford rent.)

My headcanon is that they move to the Hermosa/Austin/West Humboldt-ish area because they can actually afford it, and Mickey gets a mechanic job and Ian goes back to school at Malcolm X to get some medical-based associates degree or something that will let him do some sort of helping people job. Mickey actually learned Spanish while he was in Mexico (because he's not stupid and because how else was he going to get respect in the cartel) and ends up making friends with the old Puerto Rican guys that hang out in his neighborhood. They have an apartment that's not amazing but it's better than either of the falling apart houses they grew up in. They actually communicate and talk to each other and are friends and shit like that.

I know it's nitpicky as shit and the Shameless writers gave up realism and emotional interest for bullshit comedy in like series 7 or whatever but it's just so frustrating that not a single part of that storyline made sense or was at all interesting or compelling.

[crows-of-buckets]

For some reason whenever I brainstorm for my eventual solasmance Lavellan I always imagine her leaving on bad terms with him and swearing to stop him no matter what it takes. However. Just had the idea of Lavellan solas and Varric being in a weird love triangle. during inquisiton only Solas and Lavellan would happen, then They break up and Lavellan is with Varric within a year. Queen of moving on or whatever. Cole gets dropped right in the middle of whatever the fuck they've got going on. Rest of the inquisiton is immensely intrigued by them

[horanghaeluvsinniehae]

BF!STRAY KIDS ASKING YOU TO BE THE ONE INSIDE THEIR SKZOO MASCOT

//hyung line|maknae line\\

Pairing: bf!skz maknae line x gn!reader

Disclaimer: author's not at the end please read, way too much use of skzoo and mascot(please let me know if there's anything else!!)

《masterlist》

Enjoy!!

Author's note: I'm sorry for always disappearing for a month and then coming back with a barely acceptable post:( I know I've asked for reqs like a month ago and that this isn't any of them but this randomly came to mind and couldn't not do it! I'll start to work on them and I've actually came up with something for a seventeen req tho anon requested it so idk if they'll ever see it which makes me sad but it is what it is okay enough self pity now...I'd like you guys to honestly tell me your opinions (like was it boring or too monotonous or just not interesting at all or shittily written or anything like this) on this one bc I really need feedback and want to know what you guy's thing and want to interact with you guys! Thank you if you've read this far!

Please takes care of yourself and be safe!🫂❤️‍🩹

Taglist: @justwonder113 @ihrtlix @mon2sunjinsuver (if you want to get added/removed comment or write in asks)

[rubra-wav]

Husk x shy/insecure reader? Him helping reader be more confident and to stand up for themself!

Maybe even a lil scene where he calls them out for always agreeing to everything without second thought, calling them naive (and maybe stupid. He is a bit rough). They could react by either crying and confessing they hate conflict and thats why they do that, or they could whisper the confession (no tears, up to you).

Husk x shy/insecure reader : Above Whispers

A/N I wasn't sure if this was supposed to romantic or platonic so I went with platonic, sorry.

I NEED to remake this banner istg

Cw: SFW, gn!reader, Husker is tough loving in his callout (idk how to tag it properly)

- You'd been a resident of the hotel for several months, during this time catching the eye of the resident bartender.

- You quietly did as you were told, never raising your voice even when it was obvious you didn't want to do something or didn't agree with something someone was saying.

- Anything to avoid conflict.

- These things not only irritated the bartender about you but also concerned him.

- He'd pushed several times intentionally testing the waters with you, and you hadn't done a single thing against it, just going along with his will.

- A sinner like you would be taken advantage of sooner rather than later in hell, possibly even by certain other residents.

- On multiple occasions, he had forced more malevolent forces Alastor to stay away from you, but it was clear he'd be working himself until the end of time to keep you from falling into someone's clutches if you didn't actually change yourself.

- Despite Husk's more apathetic side telling him to stay out of it, he confronted you upon it after a long day of group activities, cornering you to speak with you.

- You looked up at Husk in slight discomfort as he stood in front of you in the shittily carpet lined hallway looking very serious. Despite being a rather cute looking demon, all things considered, he was still intimidating.

- "That whole time you were letting that overly obnoxious bleeding heart push you around like a lost puppy." Husk said bluntly.

- You jolted like you'd been zapped at his words, going to try and protest that you just didn't mind, really, but you were cut off short.

- "You aren't foolin' me with the 'oh it's fine' bullshit. Drop it and be honest." Husk took a step forward towards you, watching you starting to shake slightly, eyes going misty.

- You shuffled uncomfortably, looking away with clear discomfort, chest aching at being called out. You just wanted to disappear.

- "..You're right." Your lip quivered as you fought and failed to keep your voice from quivering like the rest of you. "I hate causing issues. It doesn't matter if I'm uncomfortable as long as there's no negative attention on me, I-"

- Husk's hand came to rest on your shoulder, cutting you off from rambling. You looked up to his yellow eyes, clearly a vision of irritation bordered by his bushy eyebrows. "You're naive and fucking stupid." He announced, startling you.

- You sighed heavily, a tear slowly sliding down your cheek. You slowly nodded in agreement after a couple of seconds of heavy silence, prompting the demon's ear to twitch.

- "Dont agree! Fight against me! You need to get over this complete avoidance of confrontation!" Husk pat his hand on your shoulder. "This shit in hell is just going to get you either shackled to someone for all eternity like I am or fucking killed!"

- You were surprised to watch him go from annoyance to seemingly being extremely concerned for your safety so quickly. Husk was concerned about showing as much as well, forcing his face to be a mask of indifference and taking his hand off of you.

- He looked back at you coolly as he turned away to leave. "Do what you want, but don't come crying to me when you end up owned. God knows I have enough suckers whining to me in this dump." He grumbled, walking away with heavy steps.

- You stood in place, thinking about his words and the actions from him that you now registered as him trying to help you out of the situations you had gotten yourself into.

- He was right, and you knew it. It wouldn't be easy to get yourself out of being a yes-man, but.. something inside you had the feeling the overly pessimistic bartender would help you through it.

- Husk on the other hand, was facepalming about it. He just knew he'd be cursing himself for caring about another one.

[arsen1cs4ng0]

(prev tags)

adding on. and knowing absolutely everything else that happened to everyone else (excluding The stuff. marked in green because... *gestures*) makes me so upset because. a small fandom shouldn't have been able to cause so much fucking damage. a community about funni blue robots shouldn't have turned into a fucking toxic wasteland!!!! i see why so many people left. you needed a hazmat suit to even look at the shit

it's fucking awful how everyone just had some sort of bad experience in this godforsaken fandom. the cons of being in a small community is that the loud minority will do absolutely anything to ruin shit!!!!!

[veryinnovative]

Author Interview

thanks for the tag @messymoony mwah

How many works do you have on AO3?

on my marauders one it's 5. i also have like 4 on my old multifandom one i think

What's your total AO3 word count?

269,383 on veryinno !!

Your top 5 stories by kudos/likes:

pom poms and footballs

tarte tatin

youre so hypnotizing

millionaires shortbread

pandeonium

i had no idea pom poms made the top of the list so quick after i unpriv-ed it but im also not surprised bc the smutfics will always scratch that itch for most

Do you respond to comments?

I TRY !!! i only have comment notifs enabled on mail and read them like that and then forget to respond :(

What's the fic you've written with the angstiest ending?

tarte tatin's first ending that still lingers somewhere in my scrivener files. it's so fucked up </3 i still want to polish and publish it eventually. currently filed under 'fics that will reveal to everyone i was going through some shit'

What's the fic you've written with the happiest ending?

pom pom and footballs i think... theyre just some guys

Do you write crossovers?

i do! havent gotten around for marauders however. not if you don't count aus.

Have you ever received hate on a fic?

yes <3

Do you write smut?

yes!

Have you ever had a fic stolen?

wish i cld say no

Have you ever had a fic translated?

no!

Have you ever co-written a fic before?

currently in the process of writing two!! both with two different people. thoroughly enjoying it and feeling v grateful to be able to write with such talented minds (who are willing to put up with my very disorganized ass)

What's your all-time favorite ship?

i don't think anything can beat sakuatsu for me. it was my first ever brainrot ship that even had me write for them. i cringe reading back anything from like 2019??2020? but god i love them so much

What's a WIP that you want to finish but don't think you ever will?

i will finish all published wips even if it means i die. even if the completed version is 3 pages of bullet points explaining how the story gets wrapped up. e.t. was one of those. it's just a longfic i don't think i can do (bc i got 2 other longfics) unless i get more time to write in my schedule which will never happen bc bills exist

What are your writing strengths?

dialogue most definitely but also ino-specific prose that's just me shakespearing my way through adjectives nd nouns nd sentence grammar rules. im pretty good at introspection as well but im lazy

What are your writing weaknesses?

building descriptions. i hate it so fucking much. also i love describing environments in fantasy and scifi but anything modern and i DESPISE it. im sending u telepathic visuals that's all ur getting

What are your thoughts on writing dialogue in other languages in a fic?

flashbacks to the shittily translated french in tarte tatin im so embarrassed. im all for it!! i just struggle in Arabic when i don't know how to spell out like 7 or 3 for example but i also don't feel like leaving the numbers in

What's a fandom/ship you haven't written for yet but want to?

ARCANEEEEEE!!! arcane for sure. i really want to write for jayvik and melvika eventually. a marauders ship would be anything involving more evan. marylily as well!

What's your favorite fic you've written?

pandemonium. no doubt

np tags for I'M SORRY IF U HAVE ALRDY BEEN TAGGED..... @annori @sonwar @sommerregenjuniluft @wordsofwilderness @magswrite

@spacexcowgirl @thisliminalspacedaydreams

[victimsofyaoipoll]

Round 2

Propaganda under the cut

Shiv Roy

She's honestly kind of a canonical victim of yaoi almost. She and her husband Tom have a loveless marriage but never end up getting divorced. Tom has a weird psychosexual obsession with Shiv's cousin Greg and at one point literally compares them all to the time Emperor Nero pushed his wife down the stairs and then castrated and married a slave boy named Sporus (Tom is unwell). Anyway the show just ended and long story short Tom is now CEO of Shiv's family's evil company and she is reduced to being his pregnant wife (which is the result of her voting not to authorize either of her brothers as CEO in order to save them from themselves) and Tom made another weird comment about literally owning Greg. And now people who ship Tom and Greg are like "omg it's canon we won" but I don't. Think that they did. Sorry I'm rambling it was just a really good finale idek if this counts but

I will be honest I'm not really tuned into the tomgreg fandom, but tons of people wanted tom to leave shiv and get with greg and tons of people thought shiv was the devil incarnate and refused to see any nuance in her character and I don't think those two things are a coincidence. 

She gets a lot of hate from fans, largely just for being a woman who reacts in a non pretty way to abuse and for doing the exact same shitty stuff her brothers do. But also a large part of the hate she gets comes from the people who ship her husband with her cousin. To the point where people claim she's abusing her husband who views her as an accessory, a baby factory, and a ticket to money. Don't get me wrong, their relationship is incredibly toxic and unhealthy, but it is so on both of their parts. But Shiv's the only one who gets criticized for it

Han Sooyoung

han sooyoung is one of the main trio protagonists yet people constantly ignore her in order to ship the other two males despite the fact that they are all doomed by the narrative TOGETHER!!! fanon content is even worse because it either slaps a lesbian sticker onto her to shittily write her off in fanfic OR they make her so one dimensional its like a cardboard stand in. han sooyoung arguably has a more important/interesting dynamic with the main male protagonist yet everyone ignores her because they want their uwu gay babies IM SO SICK OF ORV FANS

Dokja and Joonghyuk are a very popular ship (rightfully so, i get it) but usually Sooyoung is seen as in the way of their relationship or not as valued as the other two even though her place in the story and relationship with the other characters is just as strong. Recently there was a post on twitter being rude about people who ship her and Joonghyuk (which is a super valid ship) and i saw a lot of hate that i believe just stems from her getting “in the way” of a yaoi ship. 

99% of that kind of symbolic fanart REFUSES. to acknowledge her existence man. even though she is part of the main TRIO man

[orange-orchard-system]

how do you deal with the grief of knowing your life will never be truly yours? im very romantic, want a girlfriend, want to study history abroad and go into academia, want to be a pretty woman. But I only front like once or twice a month and headspace doesn't work for me like it does for other systems who have headspaces you can live an actual life in (i'm often sort of unaware of myself when not fronting. idk it's difficult to describe, like i know what happened but during the moment its like i dont exist and only know what happened afterwards.). I only have two other headmates, and they both align on a lot of big things (both are aroace, both want a body on T, both want to study psychology). So I never end up actually making any decisions, I have to live my life according to them. It's so disturbing existing in this ugly body with scars across my chest, gross body hair everywhere, I can't even touch myself down there without wanting to throw up. The I think I'm experiencing some really severe dysphoria due to the T and top surgery. The shittily dyed and cut neon green hair that's fading to a puke color ruins any outfit I'd want to wear. I'm failing a boring degree in the most boring state instead of studying what i love in some cool european city with actual culture. And apparently neither of my headmates considered having friends a priority so I'm always lonely. A girlfriend is out of the question, and so is sex both due to my ugly body and due to what my headmates would do if they found out I had sex using "their" body (be really fucking annoying and whiny and probably get some ugly ass tattoo to "cope with the trauma"). So I'm definitely going to die being a virgin even though thats something id really like to experience at some point (its one of the only things that sounds fulfilling in the span of a few hours, its literally down to sex and food when it comes to things i can enjoy :/). Communication has basically broken down, they've allied against me and ignore anything I say. And since I get so little time fronting there's nothing I can do.

And even if they listened to my wishes. I still only get a few days each month to do anything. That's so little. I'm basically going to live for something like 5 years, all of the days disconnected from each other. Hating my headmates gives me something to focus on I guess, but whenever I get too deep into thinking about this I start crying. I don't get to experience anything, choose something and live through the consequences. If I decide to go to a party next week, I'm never going to actually go to the party (and one of my cunt headmates will probably start crying and having a panic attack about having to talk to actual people instead of ai bots of anime characters and end up not going in the end anyways.)

sorry if this is very emotional and angry, i dont have anyone to say this to. it all just came out of me. im constantly so lonely, i dont have friends, i hate my headmates. the only people who know i exist are doing their best to ignore me. if i decide i want to go to therapy, my headmates will just cancel the appointment the next day. if i decide to make friends online, they wont want to befriend a stranger they have a window of a few hours each month to chat with. i can completely forget about irl friends. i have no ability to follow through on anything or to fix my life. fuck.

That sounds awful, I'm sorry you have to go through this. No one should have to go through this kind of intrasystem abuse. Let me repeat: no one should have to go through this. Your headmates should be making room to include you where they can, they should be respecting your decisions, they should be listening to your desires and helping to make this life as bearable (or, dare I say, enjoyable) as possible, even if you don't front often. Your headmates are in the wrong for their lack of respect and lack of support towards you.

For the limited time you have to front – perhaps you could try grounding techniques to begin fronting for longer periods of time? When we do those occasionally, it can help our fronters stay in front for longer, especially when we start feeling blurry or switchy. You may also wish to look into hobbies you can pick up or put down whenever, like writing or reading short stories, or maybe video games on your computer (emulators are great for this, though I do have to stick within the law when I give advice, so *clears throat* be aware that using, say, Pokémon ROMs with your emulators is a terrible, awful, horrible, horrendous thing to do as it's illegal, and pay no attention to how it may help with dysphoria to be referred to as a woman and see yourself as a woman within the game.

For friends – I think there may be more out there who would be supportive and willing to go along with the limited time you have to talk than you think. You don't have to start a friendship "naturally"; you could make an advertisement post asking for friends who would be okay with only being able to talk occasionally! I (accidentally, it's a whole story) made a post like that some years ago, and ended up having many chats with someone I think I still follow on Tumblr! I see plenty of folks out there who are perfectly fine with having friends they can't speak to on a regular or predictable basis. This door of opportunity is not yet locked shut.

While this isn't a total fix for your dreams being distant, perhaps getting into academia aesthetics (which may also help give you a sense of community) and studying your passions on your own could help? You may be limited, but with a notebook, access to the internet, and occasional visits to the library, you can carve out some studies in what you like rather than what your body/headmates are "officially" studying.

I almost want to say "let me at 'em" at your headmates, because the way they're treating you isn't acceptable at all. Don't think this situation is your fault for a second. Just because they have their own issues doesn't mean they get a pass to completely ignore yours. I am so, so sorry that you have to go through this, and I hope they get their heads out of their asses and realize this is not appropriate behavior towards anyone. Jfc. Miss, feel free to throw them at me if you want me to rip into them for their behavior. You don't fucking do that shit to your headmates.

Please note that I don't say this next bit to diminish how you feel about not getting a lot of time to front. It does suck to only be able to have a portion of an outerworld life, especially if you don't have an innerworld life. But you not fronting that often is not an excuse to not help or accommodate you, because a couple days a month is a lot more often than some of us front, and we still do our best to listen to each other!! You only being able to front for a few times a month is not an excuse to lock you out of decision making and refuse to listen to you when there are systems like ours, who have headmates pop up again after years and still get offered the chance to make their own decisions, even if they don't stick around to see the results. Your headmates' jerk (*cough* abusive) behavior is not your fault. You are not asking for too much. Asking to be listened to, to be given a voice, to have opportunities to be happy in your body and live your life to the fullest – none of these are "too big" requests, no matter how little or how often you front.

It's okay to grieve. It's okay to feel upset, especially in a position like yours. Let yourself feel it – and then do something to bring yourself contentment, if not joy. Let it come in waves, but make sure you're not always in the ocean. Just because the grief of the life you could have lived is strong and needs to be acknowledged doesn't mean you can't achieve happiness, whether that's now or in the future. Hold onto that hope.

I feel for you and all you're going through. Don't give up and don't let them get to you; they're in the wrong and they should know that. Keep fighting for the right to be yourself, my fair lady – that's always a right worth fighting for.

[transmutationisms]

hi! would you mind explaining a little bit more about sexual inverts? i have been reading maurice and thinking of clive along similar lines, but i think i'm missing some of the context in not understanding 19th to early 20th century's views around sex. i don't really know where to start digging around either ehehehe.

also, if you have time, would you say that while we now think of sexuality and gender as separate, there is still an underlying understanding of sexual desire as comprising the sexes, perhaps in a general context, especially as it relates to heteronormaitivity? thank you~

sorry this took a minute i have gallstones maybe. sexual inversion appeared in medical literature starting in about the 1870s and was popularised more during about the 1920s. the theory was that homosexual desire was the result of normal sexuality located within a person who was constitutionally abnormal, specifically in the manner of mentally having the 'opposite' of their anatomical/genital sex (bisexual desire was thus configured as a kind of intersex/bi-sex position). so, inversion as formulated in this period relied on a notion of a strict human sexual dimorphism, specifically with the two accepted sexes configured as opposite to one another; sexual desire and behaviour were simply part of this configuration of sex. one important thing to note here is that inversion was embraced by some practitioners and homosexuals in an effort to shift away from the idea of homosexuality as a criminal choice and toward homosexuality as an inborn trait (though i would argue that this was not a wholly new idea, as plenty of medical and political discourses viewed criminality itself as an inborn moral defect throughout the 19th century). so, in the invert framework, a gay man had the 'soul' (/mind/desires/&c) of a woman, and vice versa with lesbians being in some sense 'men' internally. homosexual desires were conflated with, and part of a larger narrative of, cross-sex identification and gender nonconformity. crucially, the fact of this desire in itself was already a transgression of assigned sex/gender; thus, in some sense the invert framework really doesn't ontologically allow for, eg, a masc gay man, as the fact of gayness is already and always considered to be a gender deviation.

it's been a really long time since i read 'maurice' and i don't remember thinking of either of them as inverted, but i certainly could have missed that. forster wrote homosexuality as basically inborn and unchosen (hence the failure of maurice's hypnotist, and the quiet tragedy of clive's ending) so there may be some overlap/similarity there.

in the 21st century, gender expression and identity certainly still have a relationship to sexuality and sexual desire; for example, it's fairly common to hear from gay and bi people that even if they do continue to consider themselves cis, they feel some disconnect from their assigned genders in relation to their sexual orientations. the legacy of the invert theory is also part of the puzzle in terms of why transitioning used to be wholly prohibited in the us for trans people who would not be transitioning 'to be heterosexual'. although this is no longer part of the medical guidelines as articulated by wpath &c, there are certainly still plenty of doctors who hold this belief implicitly or explicitly, particularly in their 'evaluations' of trans women (ray blanchard's theory is maybe the most infamous example of this, but is certainly not its only manifestation). i would argue that for the most part, our conception of sex has shifted so much that the invert framework no longer makes sense in most contexts; even strict blanchardians believe on some level that sexuality is something besides a component of sex, and you can tell from how shittily they (and others) actually treat trans lesbians that they in fact do not see them as being equivalent to straight men, but as another category, without access to any of the social benefits men receive (this is a critical aspect of how transmisogyny functions). although sexuality is still part of how people are expected to act out their sexes (bc ofc sex is as socially constructed as gender), you would be hard-pressed to find anyone these days who would defend the argument that the origin of homosexual desire is a constitutional perversion of sex in the way that the invert framework describes. on tumblr at least, there have been some circles of t/erfs and cryptos who tried to 'reclaim' the invert framework but, i would argue, have never really understood what they were actually reclaiming and how it functioned historically, so the appeal was simply to the word "invert" with a peculiarly 21st-century content ascribed to it.

i'll leave some reading recs under a cut; sorry they're almost all british context:

sexual inversion: a critical edition, by havelock ellis and john addington symonds, ed. ivan crozier

'scholars, scientists, and sexual inverts: authority and sexology in nineteenth-century britain' by heike bauer (ch. in: repositioning victorian sciences: shifting centres in nineteenth-century scientific thinking, ed. david clifford)

'historicizing inversion: or, how to make a homosexual', by matt t reed (history of the human sciences, 2001, vol. 14, no. 4, pp. 1–30)

'theorizing female inversion: sexology, discipline, and gender at the fin de siècle', by heike bauer (journal of the history of sexuality, 2009, vol. 18, pp. 84–102)

'the origin of italian sexological studies: female sexual inversion, ca. 1870–1900', by chiara beccalossi (journal of the history of sexuality, 2009, vol. 18, pp. 103–120)

'nineteenth-century british psychiatric writing about homosexuality before havelock ellis: the missing story', by ivan crozier (journal of the history of medicine and allied sciences, 2008, vol. 63, pp. 65–102)

[compassionatereminders]

This is, I think, a vent post. Even though I want to beg anyone and everyone for answers to the impossible questions swirling in my crazy head.

I've been in a toxic living situation for a long time and my CPTSD near-constantly triggered. This year between escalating abuse and suicidality, I lashed out at nearly all my closest friends with years worth of built up resentments, causing them to end their friendships with me. All the hurt they've caused me is still playing in endless loops even months later, while all the love and help they gave me feel distant and vague. I don't know how much of my pain is valid and how much this is just my traumatized brain distorting everything. It doesn't help that this is a pattern of behaviour with me. I invalidate my feelings and internalise hurt until I'm at too much of a low point to fight them, lash out, and lose the relationship. Granted, some of them really did treat me shittily, but it's still a dysfunctional and destructive way to interact with people.

I know I should find a therapist, but they've consistently invalidated and traumatized me, and the last one was so bad she made my suicidality go turbo. But I can't help thinking this is all my fault for not trying harder to get help, even though it's hard to pencil that in between wanting to die and stressing about money. My OCD is insisting that I'm a terrible, toxic person who's dangerous to associate with and has no appreciation for anything my friends have done for me over the years.

I just feel torn apart. I'm so angry at my friends but I can't figure out whether I just inflated it all in my head. I think the correct answer is that I didn't deserve the way I hurt them but my feelings insist they did, because they hurt me for so long. I can't figure out why they ended our friendships just because I was angry at all the wrongs they did to me. I think this might not be true and I probably really did mess up. I think I'm making my feelings everyone else's responsibility.

I want to know the correct answer. I want to know whether I'm a bad person who's not worth helping or befriending. I think I probably am, because I hurt everyone who loved and helped me and I'm not even sorry. I think I'm in a lot of pain and being very unkind to myself, but who could be kind to someone so self-pitying and destructive that behaves like this?

I'm so tired of hurting people and being hurt. I feel like those are the only two options as long as I'm living like this, and I can't see a way out of this situation, so I'm never going to be a good, safe person worth loving.

The thing is, even IF your trauma/mental health issues caused toxic behavior in past relationships, this does in no way equal you being irreparably broken and not worth loving. All that this would mean is that there are some patterns you would need to be aware of and work on in future relationships

[lavendertowerarchives]

My end-of-year presentation went shittily. It kickstarted the worst couple days I've had in a very long time.

To start the day, I woke with a migraine. Too hungry to walk. Too sick to eat. Too pained to take care of either.

I don't want to give a blow-by-blow narration of the whole day. I would if I wasn't concerned with this being boring. Stuff happened, I got better. Importantly, the meds fucked with my head.

I presented my little trifold poster with my teammates to passerby. I learned my lines and knew what to say.

I got into the presentation room and felt nothing. My anxiety had skyrocketed so high it hit the integer limit and generated an underflow error. It wrapped around to zero. I felt no emotion.

I got up to the front of the room (full of recruiters and professors and my mother, not a student in sight save for the group which presented last) and picked up after my teammate ended his portion. I flubbed my lines. I lost my info. I flushed red in the face. I said "I'm sorry. I can't do this." My teammate picked up my slack.

Afterwards, I apologized profusely to everyone involved. Everyone I could find, that is. I was glad none of my friends cared enough to watch, especially JH (who came of her own volition, after I asked her to come by and give me a hug).

My first thought was to get as high as I can when I got home. My partner came to stop me, and left when I said I have friends with me. They chose not to ask for more info and as a result abandoned their painting. Due to complications, this kickstarted their need to leave me for a while. They do this like twice a year so it was easy to sit back and let them be pissed at me for things that are not my fault. They saw that eventually, they just "wanted to hurt me" (verbatim).

I know it doesn't sound like much. I'm leaving the minor things out. I've hardly eaten since then. That day was pivotal in my life. I hate it with a passion. I'm a performer, I love to perform; Why can't I perform when I need to?

[shadowraven101]

ok hellooo I dont use tumblr at all (nor do I feel like logging into my account hence why im anonymous) so idk how exactly this works but. i recently logged back into my wattpad account and the memories just came rushing back, i fucking remember you, you were one of my friends at the time we shittily roleplayed a shit ton asjkfskh, i called myself Wolf and i cringe thinking about it so like if you remember me then thats pretty pog and i sorta wanna talk so if ur up for it maybe we can???

WOLF IT'S BEEN YEARS

I'm so sorry it's taken me four years to respond to you, I logged back into my old tumblr account to look at fuckin dungeon meshi fanart lol

I never forgot you or any of the roleplays we did, the rainbow roleplayers have lived rent free in my mind for so long, but even if your message is from ages ago I'm so glad to know you're around! I hope you kept up with art and drawing, I always loved Wolf (the character but also u), and you Twi and Cat still have a little section to yourselves on my doodling file

Idk if you kept in touch with anyone else but Sophie (goes by a different name now idk what just yet) messaged me as well if you want to get in touch with them, out of everyone I ended up keeping on and off contact with them, I haven't heard from Twi, Cat or Tanner in years

Allinall I hope you're still happy, healthy and doing stuff you love, if by some miracle you get this message feel free to message me your preferred platform I'd love to catch up on all the time that's passed, and just so it doesn't take me another 4 years to respond my discord is @ shadowraven101 (I know it's just as edgy as it was in 2015 shh XD )

[thybirbman]

Sorry but I'm gonna ignore half the post bc I read the first two paragraphs and now can't think about anything else, so you're getting me trying to logic religion instead of Tobi!Kakashi (tho I will say I saw a fic once with the Obito-Kakashi role reversal where they had it that Kakashi was pretending to be Tobirama rather than Madara bc of the hair and smarts and it even fits with the Tobi nickname! It was amazing, don't remember it tho, so sorry.)

Anyway! Here are my Hatake religion thoughts, presented as facts rather than just my headcanons bc I love writing fake facts:

The Hatake do worship multiple gods/vague spirits of the land rather than one specific god, but like a typical pantheon religion where there's a buncha gods, but then there's the one special favorite guy that's in charge of everyone, and to the Hatake, that's Kaguya. Yeah, they worship the gods of plants and harvest and whoever brings the rain, but the Hatake are wolves first, farmers second, so Kaguya, the goddess of rabbits (aka usually the first thing a young cub gets to catch on their first hunt, something something a symbol of coming into their own and becoming their own person as well as a sign of good things to come and that they'll be powerful enough to live by themselves, just lots of good meanings to the Hatake) that also resides on the moon, is their special lil gal.

The Hatake's beliefs are kind of... vague? They don't really have a set mythology, or they didn't in the beginning, because they used to be a bunch of small vaguely connected family units all over the Land of Iron just doing their thing, but they slowly got whittled down to the few that are now left. And each of those units had their own spin on things, ranging from Kaguya being their sworn enemy who was cursed into a rabbit so they could hunt her for all eternity, to more positive stories of Kaguya either always being a rabbit, inventing the concept of rabbits in the first place, or willingly transforming into a rabbit permanently to be hunted by the Hatake for all eternity as a kind of game. (aka go with whatever suits the story, you want bad Kaguya where the Hatake were systematically wiped out by Zetsu bc those fuckers were literally engineered in a fucking lab by God to be perfect Kaguya killers? Want good Kaguya where Sakumo and Kaguya get to be freaky together and have Kakashi be a half god? Whatever works for you!)

Most of them, however, end with Kaguya either returning to her home on the moon right before dawn breaks or being sealed away on the moon by mean people who don't want the Hatake to have their fun ritual hunting game. Very sad. It's a tradition to not eat the first rabbit you ever catch, and instead wait for nightfall before holding it up to the open sky and then burying the thing in the dirt under the moonlight, to show Kaguya that they still remember their old hunts and that no earth rabbit will ever be as great a catch as her. Unless you were part of those guys that didn't like Kaguya, wherein you would wait with your first ever rabbit til nightfall before absolutely ripping that thing to pieces and eating it's heart raw while glaring up at the moon. And then go pray and apologize to Tsukuyomi for glaring at them (the moon).

Back when Kakashi was a kid, Sakumo always burried any rabbits he got, which was kind of extreme when usually it's just the first rabbit you ever kill. Sakumo's only explanation was that they'd never be as good as the first rabbit he caught, and it would be an insult to that first rabbit for him to ever try another.

(Picturing shittily drawn Kakashi frowning down at a scraggly rabbit in a dirt hole thinking damn must have been one good rabbit, rabbits don't even taste that good, meanwhile in the background in full renaissance style oil paint Sakumo is just on his knees absolutely sobbing his heart out at the moon)

Concept of the Hatake, as a wolf clan, worshipping Tsukuyomi, the moon god, as their god. Alternatively: it'd be incredibly funny and ironic if you leaned into Kaguya-hime as a moon rabbit, being worshipped by a wolf clan.

I have no specific thoughts (yet) bc I also love the idea of the Hatake not worshipping any one god but instead honoring just the vague spirits of the land (leaning into them as farmers) but like. Where's my "The Hatake worship Kaguya-hime" AU where things get really awkward when it becomes clear she's kind of trying to blow up the world or whatever from her prison in the moon.

Zetsu goes to a young Kakashi or Sakumo or smthn for help with freeing his mother bc the Hatake's have worshipped her for so long, so surely they'd help

Or if you have one of those role swap Kakashi and Obito aus, add a bit of flavor to differentiate between the villain, brainwashed, Akatsuki, Madara-impersonator Obito-- with brainwashed, Akatsuki, Kaguya-hime worshipper Kakashi, helping Zetsu, potentially with full knowledge of the eye of the moon plan bc he genuinely wants to free Kaguya.

In an AU like that, maybe Zetsu would be more open with him in general too, like, they share the same genuine goal, and also potentially the love for Kaguya. So I can see Zetsu maybe opening up to him a lot more than he would if he were fr just a puppet. At the very least, they could commiserate about "poor" Kaguya hime, trapped in the moon.

I just think it'd be interesting

[horanghaeluvsinniehae]

BF!STRAY KIDS ASKING YOU TO BE THE ONE INSIDE THEIR SKZOO MASCOT

//hyung line|maknae line\\

Pairing: bf!skz hyung line x gn!reader

Disclaimer: author's not at the end please read, mentions of bullying seung (please let me know if there's anything else!!)

《masterlist》

Enjoy!

Author's note: I'm sorry for always disappearing for a month and then coming back with a barely acceptable post:( I know I've asked for reqs like a month ago and that this isn't any of them but this randomly came to mind and couldn't not do it! I'll start to work on them and I've actually came up with something for a seventeen req tho anon requested it so idk if they'll ever see it which makes me sad but it is what it is okay enough self pity now...I'd like you guys to honestly tell me your opinions (like was it boring or too monotonous or just not interesting at all or shittily written or anything like this) on this one bc I really need feedback and want to know what you guy's thing and want to interact with you guys! Thank you if you've read this far!

Please takes care of yourself and be safe!🫂❤️‍🩹

Taglist: @justwonder113 @ihrtlix @mon2sunjinsuver (if you want to get added/removed comment or write in asks)

[adultswim2021]

VACATION

Oh, hello there. Oh, this? I'm just using this online shopping website to look at some birthday cards online. You see, it is my birthday on Thursday, and it's one of the ones where the number has a zero at the end of it, and I'm looking for the perfect card that I can demand my family and friends all buy for me, so I can have "one happening birthday". Finally!

I've taken some time off work, and I'm more-or-less going to dedicate the weekend to taking a couple of day trips and doing some other things I've put off for a while. And, I just realized, this would be much easier if I didn't have to worry about updating this while doing all that. So, I'm taking this week off, effective last night when I was GONNA do a post, but then I realized I didn't have all of my research materials handy, and it took all night to get those things downloaded, and then it was late, and also I wanted to watch seven episodes of "Tanner '88" instead.

So this is my announcement of my intent to not post, probably until next Monday. Some of you might say "that sucks dick", but it's a dick that we all have to suck.

So here's a big Mail Bag post:

In reference to my pondering about Marc Summer's absence in a Robot Chicken sketch about Double Dare:

apparently they did get marc summers for some later episode. i know this because i watched him interview tim heidecker on some webshow/podcast he has and i remember him bragging that he'd been on robot chicken and asking tim if he ever had, and tim kinda going "uhhh, no, i don't think so" lol

LOL. Tim & Eric couldn't be more at odds with Robot Chicken. I am going to guess that when they were younger and much more "punk rock" they probably shit talked them when being interviewed for cool magazines like Time or Zillions.

One time my job hired a guy with whom I had maybe one of the worst personality clashes I ever had (I am a demon from hell and I have zero ability to not show it when I'm annoyed or angry with somebody, sorry to that guy I wish I weren't like this okay), and he got it out of me that I liked Adult Swim and he immediately tried to talk to me about Robot Chicken, and I was like "I don't really watch that show" and he immediately asked "don't tell me you like that Tim & Eric crap!"

whats your favorite thing you bought at a second hand store to make yourself not look like a looky loo

I have a B&W video monitor I bought at a garage sale. It's beautiful, very flipable, but I paid 5 bucks for it and like how it looks. VHS tapes actually look amazing on it. I wanna figure out a way to rig it up with some kind of raspberry pi machine that just loops old cartoons on it or something.

did you do something to the banner? it seems more...expansive.

I tried to get it to display more "properly" because it bothered me how pixelated it looked but I think I sorta fucked it up. I tried to change it back but tumblr's edit feature sucks. I guess I should just do an AI upscale or something. But yes I shittily drew on it to make it look wider, you caught me.

Me love the way you walk sometimes The way you talk is so hot Now you know let’s have a shot of rum Then me can make you come With me to the ocean That would be phat You can be my bow cat Nice ital breeze Bring you to your knees We're jammin'

punani likers everywhere, this one is for us

That's Shenmue 3, dipshit

Dang it, you are right.

Brownies was probably the best episode they did that season and I was surprised they weren't willing to do that style of show for the entire series. It seemed more like what Adult Swim wanted from them?

Something for "da" stoners... as a weed-taker myself., I would have to agree!

When was the last time you POGGED off?

What bitch?

Lol I was being silly telling a stupid joke. Chapotraphouse has the ice cream as his sound bite now.

I tell you this guys, I had a weird dream that Toonami Tom said he would sponsor me I'd have to sell out and let him hold the Adult Swim 2021 brand. And I'd have to suck his dick. It was a disgusting dream. No Tom, I would never do that in real life.

[hyacinthsdiamonds]

Because of Haas, next year is going to be the first year since 1990 that we haven't had a Schumacher and/or Vettel on the grid.