(please/don't) call me baby
soundtrack <3
pairing: tetsurou kuroo x f. reader
content: fluff, crack humor, kuroo acts like a loser virgin LOL, way too many pet names, it girl energy reader !!!
warnings: swearing, like one sexual joke, ooc
word count: 1k
for the lovely @chososcamgirl <33 i've had sm fun in your w this idea !!!
you call everyone pet names. it's kind of your thing now, really. everyone, from yaku (darling!), to kenma (sweetheart!) to lev (angel!). that is, everyone except kuroo. to you, kuroo is kuroo. occasionally tetsurou, if he's lucky, but mostly he is just kuroo.
he doesn't mind it, he swears. he doesn't even care! or he wouldn't, but he also unfortunately happens to be head-over-heels in love with you. how embarrassing. and he's totally not jealous of the other guys.
which leads him to his current situation. his head tips back over the back of his chair as he runs one hand through his hair. "y/n, do you hate me?"
"no, why?" your answer is sharp and fast from the desk next to his.
oh, shit. now it's awkward.
"because, like... you don't call me any of your stupid cute names or anything," he explains sheepishly.
you sit up straight, lips curving up into a beautiful, evil smile. "you wanna be called pet names, kuroo?"
he flushes, shakes his head. "naaah, just asking."
you don't seem to believe him, head tilted to one side as you regard him curiously. and then you're getting up and making your way towards him, bending down to get on his level, and he thinks he might spontaneously combust in his pants. your fingers dance across the broad expanse of his chest, and your eyes are like a predator's, stalking its prey. his breath hitches as he waits for you to speak; when you finally do, he thinks he might have be going insane.
"whatever you say, baby," you purr, and holy fuck, kuroo is so ready to get down on his knees for you or bark like a dog or do whatever the fuck you want right now. he is pathetically down bad for you — it's embarrassing, and like you can read his mind, you just have to go and make it worse.
you twirl his tie around your fingers, careful and calculated, and for a split second, he imagines being pulled up by it, letting you kiss him in this empty classroom, just like that. and oh, apparently you're satisfied with how much you've messed him up right now, because suddenly you're back at your desk, and he's watching you fix your skirt with a beet red face and even redder ears.
today, for whatever reason, you're taking longer than usual to pack up when class ends, so he takes the opportunity to extricate himself from this terrible, terrible situation that he's created for himself. but when he's finally halfway out the door, someone calls his name.
"kuroo," you call after him, sickeningly sweet voice pulling him back to you. "baby, don't say you're leaving without me!"
his knees give way.
"you haven't forgotten my offer, though, right?" what a perfect gentleman, walking you home like this. he's even limiting his strides so you can keep up with ease.
"what offer, baby?" you hum distractedly, eyes glued to your phone. manicured fingers fly across it as you text someone, and you only look up when he chokes unceremoniously.
"you okay—"
"yes! i'm fine!" he yelps before you can say another word — or rather, one very specific word — and looks away to hide his reddening face. "as i was saying—"
"yes, b—"
"stop talking! i mean, let me speak!"
you frown, surprised at the way he won't let you get in a word edgewise. "okay, weirdo. go on?"
"the manager position is still open," he huffs. he's still embarrassingly red; his heart has not yet calmed down. “if you want.”
"mm, i don't know, baby, i'll have to think about it."
he will die. or he will run into oncoming traffic and die. this is so unfair, it's torture—
"thanks for walking me back, baby, i'll see ya."
he trips and falls on his face. "fuck— i mean, see you later!"
"you seem awfully happy today," kenma observes. "did something happen?"
"what? no, why?" he splutters. splotches of red begin to appear on his face, and kenma smirks.
"sure."
"say, kenma."
"what?" he sounds annoyed even though he's the one who started this conversation.
"how do you deal with y/n's nicknames?"
"what d'you mean? they're okay."
silence. kuroo rolls this new piece of information over in his mind. "so... you don't feel like exploding or dying every time she calls you, like, baby or something?"
kenma looks confused. "no? i think that's called a crush, kuro. also you know she said she thinks that's too romantic for her friends, so no, 'cause she doesn't even call any of us that— are you okay?"
"kenma."
"what?"
"shut up."
kuroo is pretty. it's not an unknown fact, and you, having known him for several years at this point, are no stranger to it either. with sly honey-brown eyes and bedhead that he manages to make look good in a way that you just cannot fathom, he is — in short — just your type. this is also where you shamefully admit that yes, even his derisive remarks and general air of disdain when it comes to his opponents is very attractive indeed. not to mention his biceps— actually, let's not go there.
but biceps or not, he has been driving you insane as of late. and now, it's apparent that you're finally getting to return the favour. you're not stupid; you've been noticing his reactions to the nickname from the start. and it's almost satisfying to be able to toy with him the way he's — unintentionally — been doing with you. maybe he'll even catch the hints you've been dropping if he's lucky.
meanwhile, it's taken kuroo exactly one hour and twenty-three minutes to desensitize himself to (the thought) of your voice. anyways, it's not like he'll see you any time soon, so it's okay. first there's volleyball practice, then he'll go straight to bed.
kuroo hates himself — it's like everything he does comes back to bite him in the ass. or rather, in the lungs this time, question mark. because as he struggles to breathe properly, you're waving at him from across the gymnasium in a very oversized NEKOMA jacket.
"i thought about it it!" you yell. "i'll be temporarily managing the team!"
maybe he should quit.
author's note :: whenever i'm describing kuroo i swear i start typing w one hand😭😭 reader's pov was NAWT necessary to the story i just wanted to salivate over him ok.
also this is going to be a series so like :) that's why there's nothing major here really
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X-Men go to Disneyland for the First Time
first post! tag along for more delusions, asks are always open -alex
Cyclops
not just the group dad or the paranoid leader but a secret, third, worse thing
this guy has a stomachache the whole day you can't convince me otherwise
has carrots in his backpack?! and trail mix?!
yeah laugh it up until you're standing in a disney line for 45 minutes and you start getting peckish- oh nowww you want to appreciate him
please do not put him on that stupid Pinocchio boat ride he will puke
gave everyone a map at the beginning of the day and is exceptionally stressed that he's the only one with one at the end of the day
Jean
half of her job is making sure Scott doesn't walk into a pole and the other half is making sure no one gets lost
SHE MAKES SURE EVERYONE HAS A "it's my first time" PIN
all the people around her is overwhelming- not just in a powers way but in a general sensory overload way
likes the classic stuff, loves the snow white ride
she's not too invested in things like disney but she likes doing the touristy stuff upfront (they're popular for a reason right?) which is why she's the first to buy a set of mickey(minnie?) ears
her favorite part of the day is watching the fireworks with Scott, letting herself get almost misty-eyed as she listens to the swell of music, Scott's arms wrapped around her securely
Storm
certified churro enjoyer
weirdly enough loves the dumbo ride?
"Ororo. You can literally fly why do we have to go on th-" "Party of six please"
get her ass away from star tours, she will have a panic attack
the one who pulls up games to play during wait times. she is comically bad at charades
likes the parade!! makes sure to have nice seats on the sidewalk to watch it happen!
a part of her inner child is healed going around disney enjoying the day with her weird mutant family
Rogue
she does a little dance in her seat at the end of the haunted mansion ride with all the partying ghosts (she gets excited to see which ghost is hitchhiking with her) (she loudly whispers the entire intro to the haunted mansion word for word to gambit every time they go on it
her and jean are the only ones to get mickey ears, Rogue going for one of the dessert-related ones (I'm going to project a little bit and say she gets the churro ears)
takes photos with every single character she sees
silly photos with gambit in front of the disney castle
incredibly cranky when it comes to long lines!! her and scott teaming up and eating trail mix from his bag from boredom (Scott picks out the m&ms and gives them to her while he eats all the nuts and granola)
Gambit
HIS FAVORITE RIDE IS INDIANA JONES IDCIDC
okay him and Rogue would have way more fun in california adventure but I fucked myself over and wrote Disneyland so now I have to suffer the consequences of my actions
he's sooo pretentious about the quality of the beignets
competitive teacup ride, him and rogue are teacup spinners
he really likes Batuu and the star wars stuff in general, I can see him liking the ronto wraps
HATES the millennium falcon ride if he's not the pilot. will skulk.
#stealfromcorporations
a little sizeable pang of homesickness in the chest as he walks through the New Orleans Square, which is specifically modelled after the french quarter
Logan
free him from this hell
"oh but he secretly enjoys-" no he doesn't.
barely made it past security, as the... you know... adamantium fused to his bones make the sensors go off
jean steps in and says he's got several joint replacements. it's humiliating (for him)
I get the vibe that he's scared of the peter pan ride when you're in the ship "flying"
bristles like a cat tbh
once he's sat at the hungry bear restaurant chowing down on a burger he calms down a little
complains about the california heat incessantly
would rather die than admit that a part of him looks at the families on the carousel and gets deeply sad❗️
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Do you ever read 570,000+ word, 130+ chapter fanfics that were started nearly 8 years ago and have current year updates, and as you get to the end of certain chapters along the way, you keep going "wow, I would have hated to be here in 201x and have to wait for THAT cliffhanger, those poor readers, those sad, desperate historical souls" and you're just so glad for yourself because you know you don't have to stop until chapter 139, and you arrogantly assume that's probably just extended epilogues or something (because you were previously conditioned by another fic to believe that), so everything will be fine?
Only to get to chapter 139 and SCREAM OUT LOUD because you jinxed yourself right into THE NEWEST WAVE OF CLIMATIC PLOT CHAPTERS WHERE ALL THE SHIT IS GOING DOWN and now you, too, have become the reader you felt such pity for?
Wait, you don't?
THEN GO OVER THERE AND DO WHAT I DID SO I DON'T HAVE TO BE ALONE IN MY HUBRIS. It comes with art. So. Much. Wonderful. Comic. Art.
I would like to stress (as I have done before) that I have never played this game. Not once. I had never even heard of it originally. Yet this is now the second absolutely massive Sans x reader/OC fic I have read in this fandom. Everything I know about Undertale, I learned because one day on a whim I decided to read a 480,000+ word, 170+ chapter fanfic because I liked the way @tricktster used words on some tumblr post (don't ask me which one, I've forgotten). I have re-read that fic at least once a year, if not more, for multiple years in a row because it's like a favorite book to me now.
If anyone needs me, I'll be comfort-reading it, again.
And then probably going back and re-reading JoAT, because oh my god that fic. I'm just so in love with it for a million reasons.
(Yes, it took me this long to see there was another glorious treasure in plain sight under @capnhanbers despite following @mod2amaryllis and it's just really embarrassing to be confronted by that kind of obliviousness, okay? Can I blame it on how, multiple times now over the years, I've gone months and months without looking at this app unless it notified me of something specific?)
I swear, I have never read fic in any other fandom where it was this easy to immerse myself in it with nothing more than some light googling along the way (the first time with CoBC), and the googling was just because I'm me and I like to know all the things. In both cases, you don't have to come to the table with anything other than an interest in supernatural-elements stories (monsters, magic, etc) and a love for snappy dialogue and funny (dad) jokes and HEART-WRENCHING FEELS and watching the author having a life journey in the notes.
(And yes, sure, an open mind about a skeleton monster and a human having magical sex, but if you know you're in a rated fic about monsters and humans, you must know that's going to be a thing.)
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