#i'm seriously so fucking angry right now
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zen-dayas · 2 years ago
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hey so tumblr (derogatory) is forcing us all to switch to the beta editor starting may 15th. do your themes work with posts made using beta? i love the theme i have from you and don't want to change it.
yeah i've lived in fear of this day for over a year now and unfortunately it's arrived 😭 so, to answer to your question: yes and no, i have included glenthemes' npf fix in my themes, meaning images won't look cropped whatever dimensions they are, the gutter size is also editable. basically, they're functional.
however, it still won't look the same as posts made using the legacy post editor. as most people are aware now, the beta editor turns all posts into text posts. this means in themes photosets will look like part of the caption. if there's padding in the caption (as it's the case in a few of my themes), it'll appear around the images in a very visually unpleasant way. op's username will appear on top or photosets instead of after the images and before the caption. also, no more rounded corners.
unfortunately there's not really a way of fixing of editing this, because while we're coding there's no way to differentiate photosets from text posts now, so these existing fixes are currently the best we can do :( personally i haven't made themes in a while but honestly, i would not be surprised if most thememakers just stopped creating entirely unless they fix this somehow.
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crownedwille · 10 months ago
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I've come to the conclusion that loving young royals doesn't mean I can't be critical about it, maybe especially bc I love the show so much I have such strong feelings about it, good and bad and I can love parts of canon and agree with it and appreciate it but I don't have to love it all. I have accepted that it's okay if I don't accept the ending and I don't have to force myself to support it. It's okay to not agree with all of canon and it's okay to not side with all of the creators' intentions/views. Loving a show doesn't mean you have to take everything the writers say on face value and that's the only version that is allowed to exist. Canon isn't everything and fandom is about curating your own experience that makes you happy and not miserable. You don't have to dismiss canon in every aspect and ignore it entirely, that's certainly not what I want but there is a fine line between being canon respectful, allowing some parts to exist and sometimes, yes, you just have to say "fuck canon" and move on for your own sanity and wellbeing
#yrtalk#young royals#personal#especically in the first two weeks of a new release everyone is feelings lots of intense emotions ranging from ecstatic to angry#everything in between is a part of it and i know i'm also feeling very strongly about it right now#i always try to stay levelheaded and rational and see things from an objective pov and be diplomatic about discourse#i don't want any of what i say drift off too much into meaningless hate instead of the constructive criticism it's supposed to be#but when you feel so strongly about something and sometimes you really just wanna say yeah i fucking hate it lol#but i always try to explain why and give understandable arguments and not just blindly hate on something#for example - I'm aware there are fans who have some problems with s2 and don't love the season whereas i do and it's my fave#and there is a difference between expressing some criticism and justified concerns which you can understand where it comes from#and those who are just like 'oh it's a horrible season. it was so shitty and we should get rid of it' which is dumb hate and just not true#and i can't support people like that and take them seriously#i can have my own issues with s3 from a subjective pov which can also include some justified criticism as well#but also still acknowledge it as a truly good piece of tv media and the quality is top notch#and that's why you have such high expectations and have critique because it is so good and sets such a high standard#with that being said i understand ppl not wanting to see any critic about it if they are riding the high of happy wilmon endgame#but that doesn't mean that i can't express my own opinions on my own blog and i will continue to do so#and maybe one day i will feel differently and accept or even like the ending who knows#but it doesn't have to happen. it's fine if it does but it's also fine if it doesn't
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strangefable · 17 days ago
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bloatware i hate you.
especially from you microsoft. stop making me have to fight for my life to get my computer to have only the programs I WANT INSTALLED.
also also. big giant huuuuuuuuuge fuck you to dell for royally fucking me up for so long. never again. you're dead to me.
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im2tired4usernames · 4 months ago
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I really love how fuckin asinine some of these weight loss tips people throw out at me (completely unprompted and unasked for also)
someone straight faced told me I should make my life miserable and sad and destroy a happy healthy strong five+ year relationship so I can "lose the happy relationship weight" and that "women gain weight when they are in safe relationships"
Which is fuckin insane I'm sorry? I'm glad you recognize I'm in a happy safe relationship with a good person such ye I fuckin love my wife dude! but I think you need to look at your relationship with yourself and your body and work on your own prejudices and self image because being willing to sacrifice a relationship??? To become thinner??????? Is fuckin miserable and unhealthy as fuck bro.
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wingsofhcpe · 10 months ago
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one of those fifty things was a classist af post about how fanfic writers can't actually write for shit, yes all of them apparently bc they aren't educated in proper literary devices or whatever.
are you fucking hearing yourself
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palmtreepalmtree · 2 years ago
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Why are people so bad at making plans!? WHY?
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eggsnatcheskneecaps · 2 years ago
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My inner child doesn't need that bitch teacher who abused/bullied me from 1st to 4th grade to die I need her alive so I can openly criticise her and call her a shitty teacher to her face I think that'd make her spontaneously combust
Unfortunately she died when COVID started (unrelated) so that ship has sailed
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cyarsk52-20 · 21 days ago
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I'm sorry for retweeting this ignorant a--hole, but for James Clyburn to even suggest that Biden pardon this bastid pisses me off so much!!!!! Where’s his phone number or email, I need to let my outrage be known! He pissed me off! He’s on my BTAed list hardheaded heifer!
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Sigh
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v-tired-queer · 4 months ago
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In. What. Fucking universe do these assholes I'm related to think that it's okay to schedule a meeting about my mother with the doctor and palliative care specialist and just go, "Oh, we can just call them, it's fine!" in regards to me not being there but everyone else is because no one told me this meeting was even happening?!
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vaguenotions · 8 months ago
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Oh, yes, I just love your unannounced sleepover where you both come back from the bar after carefully avoiding telling me that's where you were going, and also neglecting to tell me when you'd be home! I definitely do not want to knock you on your ass and take a bat to your dome! That would be rude and unnecessary :)
Oh yes, please do start talking about shit amongst yourselves and make me feel isolated and othered in ny own room! These moments are what I live for, of course. Naturally. Who would ever have any issues with this arrangement at all?
#txt#might delete this later but i also might not because my irritation and rage is real and i shouldnt have to so constantly discard it#i am so tired of constantly putting it aside#i want your blood in my fucking teeth. and it's your fault i want it there- certainly- because I TRY. I try so hard not to feel this way#but eventually you get tired of those little games too#okay I drafted this for a minute bc idk if this fucker is actually spending the night or not i just know he took off his belt. BUT THEN ONE#+ OF THESE FUCKERS DECIDED TO START TALKING ABOUT SPIDERS. A THING THAT I HAVE A VERY BAD PHOBIA ABOUT. I AM GOING TO FUCKING KILL YOU#thinking of killing and maiming and maiming and killing and killing and shredding and tearing and killing and-#seriously though what. the fuck. you even go ''oh they're not gonna like this'' THEN HOW ABOUT YOU DONT FUCKING SAY IT#ohh and now you're sitting here making plans for when you go out without me next! I'm going to make you a bloody smear on my fucking floor#i am going to Dissect you. I'm going to rip you apart and feed you to the local strays and csrrion birds.#not even getting up and leaving right fucking now would assuage me. i wish i wasn't so full of fucking hate but you just keep adding fuel +#+to the fire#im so tired. I'll come back with a ''im fine now'' if he fucking leaves but im going to seethe now. im so fucking angry.#how do you fucks continually just bounce between the topics that makes me feel Most Violent Towards You? literally how do you not realize i#+ want you dead at this point? how do you not realize the grave you've dug for yourselves in my mind?#i dont fucking mask it that well. i know i dont. and still you fucking do this#((part of why it being a bar specifically that bothers me besides the very deliberate and careful avoidance of mentioning it to me is that#+*one of you is at serious risk for becoming an alcoholic. why the fuck are you being enabled this way?*))#((if i was dating someone with a genetic predisposition of alcoholism i would make your regular dates nights- idk- NOT THE FUCKING BAR +#+ DISTRICT. DO YOU EVEN FUCKING CARE ABOUT THEM? DO YOU? This fucking boils my god damn blood.))#(ultimately its their decision if they want to fucking drink yeah sure whatever YOU DONT NEED TO REGULARLY AND READILY ENABLE IT. BASTARD.)#(If they want to drink so fucking bad- if they push for the bars- JUST BUY SOME ALCOHOL AND BRING IT FUCKING HERE. It limits how much they+#+can have for one- and it would isolate me from you two less! just as an added fucking bonus! but no very unreasonable of me. what was i +#+thinking? clearly not about them 🙄)#i might be a little out of line here. i can admit that. but if anyone spent a week in my fucking shoes back when they first got together +#+and then now? you would fucking understand.#and they just. keep. talking. to eachother. no attempts to include me. not even glances my way. like always.#''oh nothing will change'' IT FUCKING CHANGED. I want to hurt you so bsdly for that lie with ever passing day. do you even know it was a li#do you? anyway was abt to post this and noticed a gif i have of a woman ripping her shirt off so im going to stare at that until im calm ig.
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talkorsomething · 10 months ago
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Too [insert adjective here] for guard ...................
Well, it's only half related.
We "hit a pothole", "had a slipup", whatever you want to call it — sunday. Aka: for the sake of my sanity we are not labeling it a relapse but good god does it feel as though I have invited the demons back in.
I know why, but I don't really know why. Because, I mean... I never have, to begin with. So: when I decided i was doing it sunday, i accepted it. "Let it happen", as someone would probably say to me. It's not...
I've been thinking about it for a while now. It's like anything - it comes and goes, a few times a year, and no matter what, I always ignore it.
Except, maybe there's something I'm not paying attention to? Or, ignoring, is the better word for it?
Of course it would be the one thing I have happening in my life.
November, I was burnt out for unrelated reasons. It was a lot to take in. That made sense. Now? ... why now?
There's not really any pressure on me. Yes, I have to do things, yes, it will be noticed if they're bad, but ...... it's not important. We don't spend time on it. I'm coming back next year, but it might be at the cost of ... all of this. I think it's progress. I haven't touched my guitar in any serious capacity in over a year. I think it's progress.
I don't take compliments well. I can't tell if that's why I don't get them, but I'm not being corrected much either. Only when I drift too far from what the work is supposed to be, only after weeks of it going, I can only assume, unnoticed. I keep getting stuck.
...push it back down.
Telling me I'm doing good isn't telling me what I know I have to be getting wrong. I could take it, at the cost of... all of this. I'm anticipating, and I know it can come. This is not where I was when I started.
It's been said, I haven't been told, that not starting it means you're more of a burden, by making the other person have to do it first. I know that. I do. And still it doesn't help. I'm not drowning. It wasn't an accident, but it wasn't planned, either. I don't know you.
I don't know you.
I'm not a good person. I'm not a nice person. Every week I tell myself this is really it, and every week I come back, and ... what? Forget I ever said anything? Forget we're not friends?
Well, we're not, huh? Nobody is, with me. What you see I swear you misunderstand. You don't ask. If you do, well, I can't answer. We're at an impasse.
It's not even my fault we didn't make it. I shouldn't feel like this over nothing. I don't do anything. You will, correctly, not let me do anything, because potential doesn't matter if you can't back it up. If you won't back it up. I let things happen to me.
I don't even feel better. And, actually, ironically, i think i know what would let me feel better. If I can't be upset with anyone else, at least I can be with myself.
... but, well, not even that. Your heart in my hands, but I mean it diegetically. And metaphorically. I hate putting myself out there, I hate having to actually perform, and yet every time, no matter what, I do it. I'm fine. I only cared at the start, and even then not very.
I don't feel anything. Not a lot, anyways. I don't let it happen. I can't. I don't know what it'll mean if I start being honest with myself.
...
I've pulled myself out of this before. A few times, now. Different circumstances, but I've done it all the same. Seasonal depression notwithstanding.
I'm only here because I did things I was scared to. And still, I'm the same. No progress made. The only way out is to do it again but I feel like I can't. I can't.
Will someone just let me say that?
Will someone just fucking help for once?
#sh tw#(implied - i know i didnt actually say it in the post but yes i did c** myself sunday)#100% секретный дневник левы НЕ ЧИТАЙ#im cursed with being a bit too self aware so#i think its compounded by my nepotism hire ... not letting me do my nepotism hire things#(for legal reasons i cannot say)#and then to add to that not letting me do anything I probably COULD actually do given slightly more instruction (at guard)#its just ... im a very angry person actually . except right now thats because im not EATING RIGHT EITHER#BECAUSE ALL OF MY PROBLEMS ARE COMBINING INTO ONE BIG INTERCONNECTED PROBLEM#back to my point.#guard instructors decided that for my first year i will not do anything cool because i'm not able to learn in about 2 seconds flat#[read: get very upset very quickly when i get things wrong and then . cant do them because im trying not to have a breakdown over]#[something REALLY STUPID like NOT BEING ABLE TO DO A SIMPLE TURN WHILE MOVING WITH THE FLAG]#so like okay. i get it okay. i'm not good at this. could you at least TELL ME i suck so i can feel justified about feeling bad about it.#could you just fucking tell me this isn't a guard where you can show up with no experience. could you do me a real solid and tell me that.#i dont know maybe the real sign it wasnt for me was when i was seriously considering not turning up for the second 'audition'#really i just hate how much he yells at us. not even at ME because i do so little there is no room to fuck it up. just at everyone else .#it doesn't motivate me to come back but i NEED 'friends' so bad and i love performing so now i just get anxious enough that i cant eat ..#.. before going to rehearsal. which is stupid. because i've done it a million times before.#......#i'm just.... everyone says he isn't actually that bad. & he used to be worse. so it really is just me.#it's just me being oversensitive. because i've never had any REAL experience in ... just about anything#so; yes. it IS on me how I feel and obviously how I react. and I keep pushing it down because it's stupid; really; to still feel this way.#anyways. our last weekend without a competition is this very weekend#so you'll never guess who's having a REALLY FUCKING HARD TIME trying to practice#i'm like this close to going to bed early and without having done the dance warmup for the third day in a row.#лёва there is no TIME why are you STILL NOT PRACTICING for the love of god get it together#(oh also when i say 'friends' in quotes it is because i desparately want to believe we're friends but they dont even talk to me really)#(and because im not even IN most of the show theres not much to bond over. literally like i have everything down Decent enough (apparently)#so theres not even any 'i will help u with this toss' team bonding. no shared moment of we are all out of breath because i DONT DO ANYTHING
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luna0713hunter · 9 months ago
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"oh my gosh! you're unbelievable!i cant believe you actually did that-"
Sukuna follows you lazily as you stomp inside your shared apartment;high heels clicking angrily on the titled floor. He flicks the lights on and rolls his eyes when you throw your purse on the couch and turn toward him with your hands resting on your hips.
"what?"
"what?!" You ask, bewildered, "you have the tendency to ask what?!"
You throw your hands up in the air when he childishly crosses his arms around his chest and raises his brow at you.
"you fucking broke that guy's nose,Ryu!!!"
"so what,huh?" He says,voice deep and bored;it makes your eye twitch, "he was flirting with you."
"he was not!"
"oh,yes he was baby," and suddenly,his voice takes an angry turn, "did you seriously not realize how he was looking at you when i was right there?"
"I should've broken his fucking neck instead."
And you take a minute to calm down;after all, knowing your husband,he would take all night just to prove you he was right. So you just sigh and pinch the bridge of your nose.
"just..." You wave your hand, suddenly feeling exhausted, "let's stop. We both know nothing good will come from us arguing."
And Sukuna, without another word,walks past you to vanish inside the kitchen. You sigh again and open the bathroom door; turning on the water and staring at your weary form in the mirror.
Just as you're wondering how the fucking you're going to wipe your make up,the door opens and your husband walks in. He rests a glass of water by the sink and gestures to it by his chin.
"drink it. You'll get a headache later if you dont."
And silently,you comply while watching him rummage throw the cabinets and pulling out your makeup wipes. You tilt your head when he instructions you to,and as he gently starts cleaning your eyes,you swallow thickly. Which doesn't go unnoticed by your husband
"what is it now?"
You only shrug,and his face softens at you defeated expression . So he just cleans your face,and when you're done,he pulls you to his chest and rests his chin on top of your head
"sorry i got so angry earlier," you mumble against his chest and sigh.
There's a pause where Sukuna breaks it with a grunt.
"and I'm.." he huffs, "not sorry for punching that guy."
You giggle sleepily and nuzzle in his arms
"figures."
"i will punch more guys if they check you out too."
"fine fine," you huff and wrap your own arms around his neck, "can we go to sleep now?"
And without replying, Sukuna is swooping you up in his arms;and goes to your bedroom. As he lays down by your side,you immediately nuzzle close to his chest and let out a content sigh
"so you've forgiven me now?"
And you smile sleepily without opening your eyes.
"I'll decide when you make me breakfast tomorrow."
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gonnaeatyourgirlfriend · 1 year ago
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i have so much fucking hatred in my body. it's literally bleeding out of my vagina
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whorefordean · 1 month ago
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fetch r.c
rafe cameron x reader
enjoy this thing inspired by a tiktok i just saw
summary: reader makes rafe play fetch to find her ring after a fight
unedited//not proofread
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you and rafe had been arguing for the better part of an hour. it had started when rafe refused to take the weekend off for your anniversary after promising that he was yours for the next three days.
"rafe, please. you've been on the phone for two hours," you grumble, tapping your foot impatiently as you cross your arms. rafe waves his hand dismissively as he continues to argue with one of the guys he works with.
oh, hell no.
"rafe, seriously. hang up the fucking phone. he won't leave you alone if he knows you're just gonna answer every time he calls," you say, louder this time in hopes that the guy on the phone can hear.
"not now, baby. i'm busy. goddamn," rafe grumbles between sentences. you groan, stomping towards his desk and jerking the phone out of his hand.
"listen, asshole. mr. cameron is busy with mrs. cameron for the weekend so call someone else," you speak angrily into the cellphone before hanging up and tossing it aside.
rafe watches you, fuming, and he stands up abruptly. he tries to move around you to get to his phone, most likely to call back his worker, but you grab his arm.
"i'm asking for one weekend, rafe. three fuckin days of your undivided attention," you grumble. rafe shrugs you off.
"i'm fuckin busy! stop actin like a clingy bitch!" rafe yells in frustration. you clench your jaw, shoving by him. you make your way through the house, stepping out onto the back porch that overlooks the beach.
you can hear rafe following behind you. he knows what you're about to do, and he's already grumbling about it. it's damn near routine for this exact thing to happen every time the two of you fight.
"come on. don't do this today. please," rafe says, his tone less angry and more defeated now. you slip your ring off and look directly at rafe as you launch it onto the beach.
"have fun," you say, gesturing for him to go find it.
"you can't be serious right now," rafe grunts, crossing his arms.
"don't ever talk to me like that again," you scold your husband while pointing a finger at him. he sighs and nods.
"m sorry, baby," rafe mumbles, resting his hands on your hips and pressing a kiss to your cheek. you reach up and pat his cheek.
"you should be. find my ring then we'll talk," you tell him with a smile. rafe pouts before kissing you again.
"yes ma'am," he mumbles and sets off into the sand to find your ring.
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evie-sturns · 2 months ago
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avoid - Matt Sturniolo
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summary: when matt calls you out on you pushing him away, until a huge fight breaks out between the two of you. a couple hours later you find him a mess, you have no choice but to make things right.
contains: angst, crying, arguing, yelling, fluff, comforting, swearing.
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you didn't realise you were doing it, you just were.
you had accidentally been avoiding him and pushing him away for the past couple of weeks, there wasn't a specific reason but you just were.
9:04pm
i'm laying on the couch alone, watching some random romcom as i stare at the screen.
the floorboards creak as i hear matt coming down the hallway, his footsteps are heavy as he approaches the living room.
he stands in the doorway, just observing me for a couple of seconds.
i hear his lips part as he gets ready to speak.
"y/n..?" he mutters softly, his voice is weak and shy.
i hum quietly as a response, not even diverting my gaze away from the bright screen. i hear matt huff slightly, a hint of annoyance in his tone.
"what- why- can you at least look at me when im speaking?" matt scoffs.
"what difference does it make?" i mumble back, still staring at the television.
"makes me think you might actually give a shit about me still." matt spits, his arms fold over his chest as he leans against the doorway,
"pfft." i dismiss him which only sets matt off even more.
"why are you acting like this? seriously!" matt exclaims,
"why are you being so sensitive." i groan,
i know i’m being annoying as shit, but i can’t help it, i’m just doing what i can to tick him off.
matt just stares at me, his breathing heavy as i see him visibly start fuming.
“you wanna know what it is? you’ve been acting like a total stranger for the past couple months and i’m done with it, i’m done with you.” matt raises his voice
i stand up off the couch, standing a couple feet away from matt as i lock eyes with him,
“me? i’ve been acting like i stranger?” i laugh dryly, not cause this situation is amusing, i’m just in shock.
“yes! you’ve been treating me like crap for the past too long!” matt keeps his voice raises,
i point my finger at his chest as i walk closer to him, “you cannot be serious? i literally do everything for you? i gave up so many things for more time with you!”
“i didn’t ASK you to do that! nobody did!” he scoffs loudly, grabbing my wrist and yanking it away from his chest.
“so it meant nothing to you? clearly you’re not appreciating my love for y-“
matt cuts me off,
“don’t even. you’re trying to make me feel bad when i’m literally trying to talk to you about my feelings!”
his eyes are narrow slits now, his fingers wrapped tightly around my wrist.
“let me go, now.” i mutter angrily,
“just listen to me!” he spits, moving his hand off of my wrist to grab my shoulders,
he jolts me back and forth harshly,
“i fucking hate this new attitude of yours, you’re the most self centred bitch ever!” matt shouts,
his voice booms through my living room, making my heart race quicken.
“would you just shut up- shut up!” i scream,
matt shoves me back gently, not enough to actually hurt me, just enough to get his point enough.
“you’re just- you’re just being ridiculous?” matt mutters, turning on his heels and walking away from me.
“i fucking hate you! i hope you get that through your thick head!” i snap
i didn’t mean it.
not at all.
i was so angry, just doing anything i could to be mean.
i hear matt’s heavy footsteps as he walks up the stairs, followed by the door slamming shut.
i flop down on the couch, running a hand through my hair as i pant.
i don’t know why i said any of that.
(35 minutes later)
i’ve just been thinking for the past half hour, about things i shouldn’t have said, things i shouldn’t of done.
i’ve held back all my emotions, feeling somewhat numb, except for the intense feeling of guilt gnawing away at me
the whole house has been eerily silent, usually it would be filled with matt and i’s endless giggles, but it’s not.
i stand up off the couch, my legs somewhat wobbly and my stomach churning with immense guilt.
i need to talk to him,
i drag my feet over to the bottom of the stairwell, knowing matt’s at the top of the stairs, locked away in our bedroom.
one step,
after another,
i slowly walk up the stairs.
my heart pounds against my rib cage, not knowing what matt would say, nor think, when he saw me in the doorway,
the same person that just screamed at him, making him believe that i hated him.
i reach his door, my hand stalling on the doorknob as i let out a soft sigh.
i couldn’t bring myself to just twist the doorknob, my hand was lightly shaking.
i swallow harshly before twisting the knob,
i stand in the doorway, looking around the dimly lit room.
there’s a discomforting feeling in the air, the room is cold.
my eyes search around the room until they land on matt.
he’s laying down on the bed, his back facing me and his still.
is he asleep?
“matt..?” i call out quietly, my voice breaking.
i walk over to the bed, my footsteps light.
suddenly i hear him,
a choked sob escapes him.
he’s crying?
i made him cry,
matt’s never cried infront of me before
and i’m the reason he now has.
“baby- are you crying-?” i whisper, reaching down and brushing his hair away from his eyes. he shivers at my touch, rolling over so his face is buried in the pillow.
i quickly crawl into bed beside him.
“please- please don’t cry-“ i mutter, my tone is panicked as i reach for him.
i sit up against the headboard as he stays buried in the pillows beside me, letting out strangled sobs.
“please look at me- darling i am so sorry, seriously.” i speak softly, my voice just loud enough so it’s audible to him
“matt, look at me please.” i say, my tone shaky as my voice cracks again.
he gently lifts his face from the pillows,
i take the opportunity to grab him, and tug him to sit up beside me.
i run my hands through his messy hair, he looks like a wreck, i feel terrible.
his eyes are swollen, his lips are a deep red and puffy and tears roll down his pale cheeks.
i grab his hands, “matt,” i sigh, “y-you’re killing me.”
matt stares down at the bed, “can- can i have a hug?” he whispers with a small hiccup.
“of course you can have a hug.” i sigh, wrapping my arms around him and pulling his body flush against mine.
i hold him close to me as i lay down on the bed, his head buried in my chest.
he sniffs shakily as he just cries, letting everything out.
i can still feel the undeniable tension in the air,
we’re both so angry at eachother still, it’s hard not to be after argument like that.
“hey, it’ll be okay- we’ll be okay.” i whisper, running my fingers through his locks of hair.
he lets out another sob against me, the noise making my heart break.
“you’re gonna make me cry.” i whisper with a small sigh, holding the back of his head gently.
“sorry.” he sniffles.
i hold him in my arms, whispering small words of affirmation while matt slowly starts to calm down.
i fight back the tears in my eyes as i attempt to stay strong for him.
“could we- talk maybe?” matt sniffs, wiping his eyes on my shirt before slowly lifting himself away from me.
he sits up on the headboard beside me, his legs outstretched and his hands still gently shaking.
“i think we need to.” i nod,
we both sit in silence for a second, waiting for one person to start.
“i know i was-“ i start but matt interrupts me,
“can i go first- i just want to tell you… how i’ve been feeling.” he rambles, his voice cracking.
i nod, “yeah..”
matt starts,
“i mean it when i say you’ve been stupidly distant for the past months, everytime i try to initiate anything with you, i just get brushed off, all of our conversations are shallow and i can’t tell if you actually care about me anymore!”
i stare at him as he rambles, trying to take all of his words to heart without getting mad again.
“i love you so much, and it’s hurting me to see you slowly drift away from me, i just want to know what i did wrong..?” he follows on, swallowing harshly,
i nod slightly, my lips parting to speak but no words coming out.
“i’m not trying to push you away matt.” i whisper,
he goes to speak but i interrupt, “i think it’s just a mix of everything, i’m just so exhausted with work after half my coworkers quit, i’ve been working long hours and i don’t mean to push you away, i swear.” i ramble on,
matt nods slightly with understanding, his hands fidgeting in his lap.
“i love you so much matt, and i’m trying to do better, i promise.” i finish,
matt just looks at me, before finally nodding.
he lets out a breath, one that i can tell took a weight off his shoulders.
“i’m sorry about the argument.” matt says,
i shake my head, “no i was being a pain on purpose, it could’ve been avoided if i acted differently.”
“i came at you with like a confronting tone- i should’ve approached it better.” he speaks,
“and i also shouldn’t have laid my hands on you, i didn’t mean for it to ever get physical..” matt whispers, his eyebrows furrowing as he breaks eye contact with me,
“it’s okay, i needed it-“ i try to defend his actions but he cuts me off,
“no- no that was a shitty thing for me to do, i feel super guilty about it.” he sighs,
the room goes silent, my heart aches as i try to apologise for that one thing i said, the 3 words that exited my mouth, which is now eating me alive.
“i’m sorry- for saying i hate you.. i- i don’t i swear, it wasn’t true at all i was just saying it to make you mad- i promise, i love you more than life itself.” i spit it out.
matt’s gaze softens,
my eyes well up with tears, “i shouldn’t have said that, i’m so sorry-“ i whisper out,
matt reaches his hands up to my face, his hands caressing my cheeks and his thumbs wipe my eyes quickly.
“no tears.” he gently coos,
“i’m so sorry- i fucked up so bad-“ i continue, but matt cuts me off.
he presses his lips to mine, his hands still firmly on the sides of my face.
he rolls us over so he’s ontop of me, keeping our lips connected.
i kiss back, distracting myself from the swirling thoughts in my head.
after a few moments he pulls away from my lips with a small ‘pop’.
a warm smile appears on his face as he peppers kisses all over my face.
i squirm with a giggle as his pecks kisses all over me, before pressing a final peck to my lips.
“we’ll always talk things out next time, i promise this won’t happen again.” he whispers comfortingly, his hands gently running through my hair.
i nod in agreement, “i love you.”
“love you too sweetie.” he whispers, before going back to peppering kisses all over my face.
-
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