#i'm sad to be leaving home
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It's actively hilarious being at the other end of figuring out my autism like I thought I was such a lost cause due to my "random nervous breakdowns and self harming behavior" and the cure all this time was chicken nuggets and spinning in circles for a bit
#not art#like I'm sooo good at recognizing what I need and when im practically a wizard harrey#i used to be like oh wow what a heartless bitch I am for leaving the function so soon but im SudDenLy sO SaD 🥺#now im like IT'S TOO LOUD IM GONNA GO HOME AND DRAW BYE
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I wonder if Jedediah and octavius ever celebrated the 4th of July together? (also your leftover veggie dish looks like it would make Gordon Ramsay cry with joy :) )
They probably, most definitely did celebrate together I think
Featuring my failed attempt at drawing fireworks 🎆
If Gordon Ramsey were to see that dish he'd cry in general I think, given the fact that I forgot to put enough salt :')
#you're lucky I'm still home to draw that#I'm leaving tomorrow morning. sad but true. I can still draw stuff I'll just be lacking my usual inventory of a billion art supplies#ok a little context gor the food. I didn't exactly forget the salt. it's just that usually I put soy sauce which is pretty salty itself#but this time i didn't have any. so the balance in spices was broken. I don't know who cares about that but whatever#ask#anonymous#answered#night at the museum#natm#natm octavius#natm jedediah#octavius#gaius octavius#jedediah smith#jedediah#jedediah and octavius#jedtavius#art#fanart#traditional art#4th of july#july 4th#fourth of july#I guess#you should have sent me that ask earlier actually. we missed the actual date but whatever. time is an illusion anyway
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Man.... I can't stop thinking about Pac and the Risus Pill arc
Pac saying he took the pills because he didn't have any other choice, he was so hopeless he wants to take them until he doesn't remember anything
Pac saying "At least I’m not crying in some random corner in the Island expecting my friends to come save me, and nobody comes save me"
And then the thing he said immediately before that: "I lost my friend, I lost my friend’s friend, I lost my Egg, I lost my child, I lost everything, I'm– I was completely hopeless– so yeah, maybe I wanna be drugged and live my miserable but happy life. At least I’m not in that saddest place anymore."
The blood at Chume Labs
The three graves at Chume Labs
The message he wrote to Cellbit asking Cellbit to kill him if things got too bad, then changing it and saying "lock me up" instead.
The conversation with Fit, Fit pleading with him, and Pac saying "I don’t want to go back to that bad and sad place."
Pac, despite his grief and depression, finding an antidote and saving himself (with the help of his friends)
Literally everything from the Risus Pill arc makes me so heartbroken
#i talk#qsmp talk#the crazy thing is is I still haven't seen the stream where they give Pac the antidote#I was busy that day and rushed home trying to catch the tail-end of the stream#and made the mistake of leaving Twitch open on my phone on the counter as I hopped in the shower#and then mid-shampoo I just heard a SCREAM from my phone and I was like ''UH OH''#didn't get a noise complaint but it scared the hell out of me#I never did find that clip of him and Cellbit talking after everything went down and he was cured#but I remember the quotes from it#aghhhh#suicide mention#sorta implied#ask to tag#I'm briefly touching upon the Risus arc in my fic but I really want to dig more into the arc#I know it'll just make me sad though#tw drugs#drug mention#addiction#qsmp analysis
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I feel like i never really blended in this dorm the way i expected to and this was another reason why i decided to move (besides the fact it was more than hour away from uni and it was starting to become so hard doing anything) BUT of course today when my request was accepted the woman at the reception (who also happens to have my name) said it was a pity i was leaving and the cleaning lady also told me so and suddenly everyone is sad AND I'M SAD TOO. Like i've wanted this for six months and it's my last night here and suddenly i don't wanna go even though i know i gotta do it and it's the best decision 😭
#i really hope i don't regret this#this place has been my home for the past six months and it feels weird to leave now#not to mention the whole crush thing which i'm totally handling like a pro#now i can finally live in the city and hang out with my uni friends and explore and have fun#but it's sad to think i will likely not see most of the people here again :(
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My beloved river Ogre, my source of energy and power holding my dearest childhood memories. You have cradled me in your gentle hands through all my life. You are the sacred spring I wash off all the darkness and emerge new and charged. I know every wave, every sandcorn on your shore. You are my home, my heart, my everything. I've been swimming in your dark waters in the middle of the night and felt your energy sipping through my veins. This is for you!
O Ogre, source of life and quiet power, In every season, every fleeting hour, I’ve drawn from you a strength that never fades, A light that shines through life’s most shadowed glades.
You are my river, steady, calm, and true, In every drop, a part of me and you. For all you’ve given, all you still impart, You’ll always hold a place within my heart.
So here I stand, beside your flowing grace, With gratitude, in this familiar place. To you, dear Ogre, endless thanks I give, For teaching me what it truly means to live.
O River Ogre, flowing wild and free, Your waters sing a timeless song to me. In every curve, each ripple, every wave, You’ve been my guide, my guardian, strong and brave.
Through childhood’s days, beside your gleaming shore, I found my peace, and sought for nothing more. Your gentle flow, a constant, steady stream, Has fueled my spirit, shaped my every dream.
Beneath the skies of endless blue and gray, You’ve whispered secrets, led me on my way. In your embrace, I’ve grown, I’ve learned to stand, To trust the earth, to hold the river’s hand.
You are the pulse that gives my heart its beat, The flow of life beneath my restless feet. With every glance, your sparkle in the light, Reminds me of the joy within my sight.
O mighty Ogre, source of strength and grace, In you, I find my calm, my sacred place. From dawn to dusk, your song will ever be, The hymn of life, the rhythm guiding me.
#personal#I'm a bit sad#I'm leaving tomorrow#I've found my second home#but nothing compares to this small place on earth#that holds my most sacred memories
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Afternoon plans
#today was actually pretty stressful but this was the highlight of my day#and we have a sofa FINALLY#i don't ever want to leave it#but alas I'm going to Scotland on Tuesday#both excited for it and sad to leave home 🥲#personal#me#mine#home#my mountains#coffee#books#reading#interior#spring 2024#2024
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why is everyone pretending like cyberpunk edgerunners is good. the writing is so bad i hate it
#i'm rewatching it for the third time 😋#i remember seeing a post i think from demilypyro abt how 2077 was a shitty game that everyone forgot how bad it was because of the anime#and the anime is terrible#all of the reviews online call the ending sad but it's literally just 🧍♂️ okay so. big whoop.#which would've been great for like to explore the futility of doing jack shit in this world bc it can be taken from you like that#they did a good job of this in the first 6 episodes before the timeskip#but the timeskip ruins everything#and u have to balance how unsatisfying that kind of thing is w the reality of that's just how it is#but NO#it's SAD because EVERYONE DIED#we didn't get a chance to slow down with the characters and get an update post timeskip#and the timeskip negates everything interesting about lucy (my fave 4evr)#and it changes her from a strong independent character that's scary good at her job because she was a lab baby and trained since birth and#an archetype of character i like in cyberpunk (a character that looks sexy without sexualising themself or getting sexualized by others)#(and in context most people wear something similarly revealing regardless of gender or presentation and modesty is the outlier)#wait i take that back she does flirt with david in her introduction scene. but i think it was done tastefully to show that she's confident#in herself and her abilities. and not in like an i'm hot do what i want way. we see her in the same episode being genuine and vulnerable#on multiple occasions. and then it reveals she was just buying time for her group to ambush him#she's a really interesting and cool character guys i swear#but the timeskip takes that and turns her into a stay at home expecting mother damsel in distress wanting to settle down and start a family#and the domesticity is so disturbing bc its like. i guess she wants to leave the edgerunner life behind to live on the moon.#BUT THAT'S SO MUCH DIFFERENT THAN WHAT THEY DID HERE#she doesn't pass the bechdel test anymore suddenly. who is she#they mischaracterised my blorbo so bad#it's like their writing budget got slashed mid show.
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Two intense hurricanes hitting Florida back to back is fucking insane and like we already know Milton is gonna be category 4 (iirc) when it makes landfall but the fact people were downplaying it when they thought it would be a category 3 is crazy because HURRICANE KATRINA, KNOWN FOR BEING CATASTROPHICALLY DESTRUCTIVE, WAS A CATEGORY 3 HURRICANE (though a lot of its destruction was due to the levees failing in New Orleans). Milton's storm surge is going to be 15-20ft and the fact that anyone at all is CHOOSING to stay is absolutely fucking bonkers. It's one thing about people not being able to leave, which is the majority of people who have not yet/will not evacuate (which is a whole different issue because, by all means, people who are incapable of evacuating for any reason at all SHOULD be receiving help so that they CAN evacuate, but they AREN'T) but choosing not to? Crazy. Insane. Putting you and your family at risk because you want to be a stubborn fucking moron. And the people who are upset about having to cancel their Disney vacations, or people who are REFUSING to cancel their Disney vacations even with the current situation, should be ashamed. Those poor workers have to come to work, worried about their own safety, worried about the safety of their families, and the reason they have to be there is because they're expected to be there by people who don't give a shit about anyone else. What the hell are you going to do at Disney anyway? It's literally going to be raining for DAYS STRAIGHT.
#people make me angry#i don't even live in florida i'm so worried for y'all though#to everyone who can't leave i wish you and your family and your pets so much safety and protection#and to everyone who refuses to leave putting your pets and family at risk fuck you!#you don't want to leave your home behind? you can't OWN a home if you're dead. your family members will never own homes if they're dead.#your children will never grow up and have homes and find someone to spend their lives with if they die because you decided to be selfish#florida#hurricane#hurricanes#hurricane milton#i saw a video of traffic on the bridge from overhead and it gave me such a horrible feeling#if you're alone and choosing to stay because you think you're built different or whatever. fine. do whatever you want with your life.#but any parents who are refusing to evacuate even when they can afford to are so incredibly fucking selfish#everyone's telling you to get the fuck out because it's going to be catastrophic and you're just sitting there going “whatever”#i'm not laughing about it or saying “i told you so” because it's NOT funny#it's rage-inducing and so incredibly sad that you are so stubborn that you'd take everyone down with you for your pride's sake#again i am aware that most of the people who are not evacuating CAN'T evacuate
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Every time I draw Mamagi it does AoE damage (I am also in the area of effect)
Lighthearted bonus:
#enstars#hiiro amagi#rinne amagi#i don't know if this is a bad time to be amagi-posting given that hiiro's fs2 just dropped but. oh well#also this might be the last thing i draw for a bit because i am in the final stretch of this semester#if you sent in a request. i will get to it and thank you for your patience#anyways i know i'm kinda being like 'haha rinne mama's boy' which like. yeah but also sometimes--#--sometimes you're an adult in their 20s and like. yeah sure you're technically an adult or whatever but you still feel like a kid yeah?#and sometimes you just maybe want your mom to help you when you're lost or confused or when you need someone to tell you it'll be okay#but you won't get that for whatever reason#sincerely: an adult in their 20s#....can you tell why rinne is like. a vibe to me now#anyways i'm not saying mamagi dying was a necessary evil but if hiiro and rinne had an adult who actually loved them at home they probably-#-wouldn't have left and we wouldn't have the main story#if she was alive today tho she'd be going to their lives sorry i don't make the rules (yes i do)#if she ends up being exactly like the rest of their village in some future lore i'm gonna be so sad.#she'd throw hands with niki's parents#imagine leaving your sons behind because you straight up died (couldn't really do anything about that)#meanwhile your son's boyfriend's parents just. up and left him because they could#also posts with her will be tagged mamagi#if you read all that <3#mamagi#she'd adopt all the bees and alkaloid too#imagine if they got their singing skills from her#also mamagi 1 rinniki shipper (also does not care it's not legal)#rinniki
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#idk if it's because i've given autism a very in depth look now or if i just always been like this and never really thought about it#but i'm finding it harder and harder to match my feelings to what i guess i'm supposed to feel?#like when something sad happens and i have no reaction to it#it's not that i'm not sad or that i'm glad it's happening but i just have no feelings?#which in turn bring put feelings of guilt because i'm not sad or worried enough...#it's such a weird experience and i'm of course not saying that autistic people have no feelings#that's so not what i'm saying#but it is a trait of autism to have difficulty pinpointing what you feel and also difficulty expressing it in ways other people usually doit#so perhaps it is because i've learned about that that I'm accepting that maybe i just don't feel things ''the normal way''#but i'm having a weird one tonight because my mom had to leave because of an emergency with my grandma#and it's 1am right now#and i am worried. of course i am. I don't want my grandma to suffer (although i have accepted she's not gonna live much longer)#but i still don't want her to die obviously#and most importantly I don't want my mom to have to go through that... to see her mother die? that's horrible#i'm obviously sad and worried#yet i'm sitting here drinking coffee and laughing at funny videos like nothing's happening#and i feel fine... like as if my mom was just sleeping at home like every night and not at a hospital visiting her dying mother...#and i know that years back i would have gone ''what the fuck is wrong with me?!'' and perhaps maybe forced myself to feel worse#or to cry or whatever because I can't be chill when something bad is happening...#and maybe i'll feel that way when my mom is back because I can't be calm and happy is she's sad#that would be rubbing it in her face#so maybe i'll feel more guilty then?#idk it's a weird feeling that i wanted to put into words#mostly for when it happens again i'll have a record of it somewhere#idk#angel talks#personal
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Authors making literary choices about their characters that add an edge that could be hard for the audience to sit with is, in fact, a good thing
#and it’s not even that hard because Eowyn never really suffers for the choices she made in the sense that: Edoras is fine#Sauron’s forces from the eastern front are stopped before they hit Rohan#but it could have gone very differently then she would have to be like: glad I had glory on Pelenore but all my people were#massacred and are dead and my home city which is also the capital of our country is sacked#it could have been different!!#we read her actions from knowing the outcome of the books#but the characters in the books don’t know this is going to be the outcome!#writing#lit#drives me nuts#let! Eowyn! have! flaws!#Eowyn#lotr#lord of the rings#I honestly hope she got flack for it#eomer: I'm glad you’re alive and healthy and beat the witch king#Eomer: but never leave a capital city undefended ever again because you’re feeling sad about missing out on the war
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i am freeeeeeeee [collapses into a pile of dust]
#the last hour went okay bc we were just playing a card game and doing gifts/cards phew#also i found out theyre celebrating my bday on... august 25th? hewwo?? they didn't tell me until now 😭😭#my sister will be back at uni in sept and my parents are leaving on a trip the first day of sept so i'll be alone again for it fsdjkl#which. mixed feelings about that. i won't have to be afraid of them interacting w me but also :'( a little sad to be home alone for it#for the third year in a row fsjdkl#OH WELL. i should just be grateful tbh fdsjkl#the one thing i'm very sad about though is i can't go upstairs anymore bc the new security system has motion detectors#last year i watched jerma on the TV up there and sat on the comfy chairs... it was so fun fdsjkl. can't do that this year though AUGH#alas!!! i will somehow make it fun anyways maybe i will just ask if i can use the oven so i can make myself a cake again this year#SORRY FOR PERSONAL POSTING SO MUCH TONIGHT BTW. its been rough this evening fsdjkl but im going to go draw now :3#dandy.cmd#vent //#ALSO CONGRATS TO ME FOR BEING RLY QUIET AND AGREEABLE AND NOT ADDING ANYTHING NEW TO CONVOS HURRAY#finally i have gone back to highschool me thank GOD i've gotten too comfortable having opinions around them since i graduated fdsjkl#being around people (in the workplace and going to a counselor) who treat you like a Real Human Person will do that! wow!#abuse cw
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saw a post about projecting your ethnicity onto a character and started missing vespa ilkay. so so bad
#pov u grow up in a 3rd world country(/planet) where healthcare workers are exported by the thousands like cheap produce to richer countries#it's your ticket out of poverty as long as you can deal with the loneliness the separation from everyone you know the discrimination etc#ive never talked about my hc that vespas mother was one of them sending money every month visiting every couple of years until it just stop#like why return to the swamps when youre doing fine working on a richer planet w much better living conditions#cost of living rises every year. sending home a % of your salary used to be enough to support your husband and daughter and then it isnt#you know how it goes#vespa is also dead set on this path until ranga realizes that hemorrhaging healthcare workers leaves them with little to none of their own#students on scholarships or in community/state universities are bound by return service agreements and are forbidden to leave the country#until theyve rendered a few years of work on ranga to pay back their tuition + as a really shitty solution to the brain drain problem#this is real in my country btw but my professors say a lot of ppl do break their rsa's and fucked off to work in other countries LOL#our state unis can barely afford decent facilities they do nottt have the budget to chase down their own alumni in other countries!#but the mental image is a bit funny#vespa ilkays first crime: tinakasan ang rsa#i do also think it lines up with her having a network of med friends everywhere in the galaxy (heart of it all) you kind of go into pre/med#expecting most of your classmates to leave to work in other countries eventually. mine are aiming for the usa / uae / europe / japan etc#anyway whether vespa breaks her rsa or not she leaves ranga asap decides to switch careers and the rest is history#i also deeply love the fact that she's superstitious i'm very sad it wasn't highlighted more (i've only heard s1-3)#as someone who did grow up in a rural area and went to more albularyos/folk healers than doctors in my childhood. (they never failed me)#lots of folk illnesses (ex. balis; pasma) local medical superstitions (dont eat noodles in hospital; youll have a really toxic shift) etcc#theres also a lot of potential in tying her past as a rangian + med student + assassin to me idk how to word this properly#being raised on cautionary tales of not to touch/disturb anything in the swamps then being given free reign to poke & prod at things in her#lab classes (now with the proper ppe)....she was having so much fun with the curemother prime too lmao#years of walking hanging bridges docks boathouses in ranga etc gave her great balance & stealth#cracking open alien shellfish in the swamps to cutting open bodies for studying then for assassination....#I MISS HER SO MUCH BALIK KN SAKEN 😭😭😭😭😭😭#i get why most people + the canon focuses on her being an assassin bc people find that cooler i guess#but vespa being a swamp girl > 3rd world med student > assassin is so personal To Me. the whole pipeline. eugh.#skl.txt
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rahhhh i hate applying to jobs i hate the job market i hate interviews and building my resume and asking my references to be references
#i'm so excited to be moving home but i am so sad about leaving my stable decent paying job in a low cost of living city#especially since i'm technically applying to long distance jobs for now#but i havent given my two week's at my current job yet so i cant ask anyone at my current job to be a reference yet which is kind of a#roadblock#and i know the job market is terrible and competitive rn and it's stressing me out 😖#just give me the job please i promise i'll be good at it
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so tonight starts the first night of me living alone in a farmhouse for a full month. bthe closest town in 15 minutes away (and is also the town they filmed friday the 15th in) and i'm gonna have to both clean the house and take care of some animals. but! luckily my cousin only lives 15 minutes away (not in the town) so we can hang a lot and i can get her husband to teach me how to do work on cars and how to play guitar or smth :3
#im lowkey sad about leaving my brother at home esp since we're in the middle of watching a show together#but tbh he's been a straight up dick lately to me so fuck him lol#like i GET IT he wants to spend as much time as possible with his girlfriend I GET IT#but if you say we're gonna have a night to just smoke and watch as much of our show as we want#DONT COME HOME AT 11 PM AND THEN STOP AFTER 3 EPISODES JUST SO YOU CAN CALL YOUR GF AFTERWARDS#OR AT LEAST GIVE ME A HEADS UP BC I WILL UNDERSTAND!! AND DONT BE RUDE TO ME WHEN I TEXT YOU A MEME BC IM APPARENTLY INTERUPTTING TIME WITH#UR GF WHO YOUVE SEEN EVERYDAY THIS WEEK LIKE LITERALLY YOU DIDNT EVEN HAVE TO RESPOND TO ME IF IT WAS THAT MUCH OF AN ISSUE#anyways. yeah glad to get some space from him and also i'm gonna start making him pay more for his cut of weed.#also he said he didn't want to hang with me on my birthday so he's legit just being a dick#anyways#rant over#lonely farmhouse time :)
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i wanted to post some pics of my trip since i'm leaving morocco tmrw also face reveal 😓‼️
@kryscent i love u and tysm
#posts this and runs away#i'm sad to leave#i'm gonna miss morocco a lot#but i'm also kinda glad to go home#morocco is my home but ykwim#i miss the usa#well#i miss my friends#i hâte goodbyes#im gonna have to do that tomorrow#ugh 🙁🙁#beanxiv talks!
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