#i'm sad! and lonely! sometimes things suck!

[connanro]

sometimes i'm like “oh yeah i'm SUCH a catch. women DEFINITELY want me.” and then other times i remember that i have seventeen hundred problems, most of which are arguably my own fault, and am single for a reason (the reason being a woman didn’t want me that much lol)

[madesofgold]

.

[harrowharkwife]

having an ableist #Autism Mommy narcissist for a mother never gets less tiresome/hurtful/infuriating/disappointing/just plan embarrassing, huh?

[kneelingshadowsalome]

I'm sorry to come here to distract you with my horny thoughts but I feel like you are the only one that will understand me.

I can't help the thought of a lonely cute housewife reader who's husband spend all day at work and didn't pay attention to her. One day a man knock at the door and she found a big muscular blue eyed man (König 🥴) that says his husband has hired him to fix something at the house. She let him in and can't help but stare the whole time at his muscles as he works. She offered a cup of water like the cute housewife she is and after they exchange words she says that she think his husband is cheating on her. And something inside his head made 'click'. How a man can cheat on such a perfect woman? She's so precious and gentle in her cute silky robe. If she was his wife he would praise her everyday and made love to her every minute of the day. And when he came back to Earth he was already bullying his cock inside her over the kitchen counter.

Of course he will come back everyday to fix her house and bully her pussy like she deserve it.

Yes, König is so bad in scenarios like this, he absolutely sucks.

Tells himself he’d never do love triangles, he’d never touch another man’s woman, marriage is sacred & bla bla bla. But this one girl is so heartbroken... She’s absolutely desolate, just look at her, she’s so so sad! Offers him cookies and milk, coffee and pastries, a home cooked meal one day like he’s her husband instead of the one who’s never at home.

There’s always something that needs a little fixing in her house; the oven, some plumbing, her car. Her man doesn’t seem to care at all that his girl is unhappy, and living with broken, beeping machines. But nowadays she’s smiling so sweetly, telling him he’s far too good and kind. Tells him about her serial cheater husband, how she feels so unwanted and lost but how it brings her hope to see that there are still good men around. Good, gentle men like him.

Next thing he knows, she’s crying in his arms, soft little sobs sighed all over his neck. Next thing he knows, he’s telling her she’s the sweetest thing he’s ever seen... Next thing he knows, they’re somehow on the floor, and she’s still sobbing in his ear. Next thing he knows, he’s tugging her panties to the side while she begs him to fuck the pain away.

Lovely pleading doe eyes stare at him softly as he pulls the throbbing cock out of his pants, hellbent on fixing whatever needs fixing in this house. She’s a paying customer, after all, and if he and his cock can make the crying stop then König can gladly call it a job well done… It’s just that he sometimes gets a bit carried away, whispering in her ear how he could be her husband instead. How she could give him twins and they could move to the seaside, wouldn’t that be nice, hmm? – just when she’s about to cum...

[inkskinned]

being single in your late 20s & 30s is so fucking wild bc on one hand it's fun and flirty and you skip a lot of the bullshit because you know what you're looking for and you know how to spot a red flag from a mile away and you've learned to set boundaries and communicate your own and be upfront about your needs and most of the time they've learned it too - and if they haven't, you can tell after the second date that they haven't been to therapy

and every time you feel lonely and dried up and an ugly husk there's a whole community of other single people out there who are just as unhinged and want to hang out with you because they just need a plus-one like you do and you get introduced to like. people in their 60's and 70's and 80's who are all like - nope, single life is my choice and i love it and you feel warm and seen and like okay, it's not the end of the world if i'm not seeing anybody. and yeah it's hard and sometimes exhausting but part of getting better is that you do make like so many friends and do so much wild shit because you made a promise to yourself that you'll actually get out there and try shit and actually work on your hobbies and skills and friendships because to be honest in relationships you wouldn't push yourself this hard and it's actually been super rewarding because it came from you and from what you wanted

and yes of course the apps such and dating in general can suck but after one of the bad dates you go back to your apartment and call up those friends you made and make jokes about what the other person said and it rolls right off your back and you have plans for self-care in the morning. you prioritize yourself and your happiness and you really actually don't mind it, a lot of the time, unless it's like at a wedding and they're doing one of those couples-related things. most of the time it's not even a problem except when you can tell people pity you for it and you're like - i'm actually fine, babe, even without a partner i am still, like a person and yes of course it would be nice to have a partner but you have established yourself as a person and as an adult in a way that feels really hard-won and well-earned and you're protective of that and of the life you're living and honestly you're pretty happy, all things considered

and at the same time you do have to tell your father that you are single on purpose right now and that, yes, believe it or not, they're letting women be single past the age of 30 these days without burning us at the stake (can you imagine!) and you have to kind of sit pretty while people make jokes about how you're losing your marriageability and you're like, a little too old for the bars and the clubs and whatever but you do still want to go out dancing and it's like. the other day you went to a board game party and had the time of your life and then your mom calls you and says she's worried because what if you never find the one, shouldn't you be spending more time looking? and you're like - trying to balance this place where you're actually, like, perfectly okay? except you hear this thing over and over and over - oh no. that's so sad. i hope you find your lover. and you weren't really upset about it until someone suggested that you're running out of time and until someone said that it's so miserable that you live without someone to kiss and you're like why can't anyone believe that i'm genuinely happy. like. joy. like. bliss.

and then they look at you and they look at their partner and the look passes between them that says - poor thing. you're just lying to yourself about this.

[lizzieisright]

Trust exercises

Abby, your friend, helps you with some of your therapy homework (just fluff, no smut)

-/-/-/-/-/-

It doesn't happen often, but sometimes before your scheduled meetings (since two adults need to schedule hangouts) you go to therapy, which means you come to Abby's place after therapy.

Sometimes you're happy, sometimes you're sad, sometimes you don't come at all, and Abby understands.

When she first met you, she thought you were the most kind, sunny human being - you were so nice to her, and Abby couldn't help but try to spend more time with you. You gladly let her and soon you two were practically inseparable - Abby trusted you, shared her worries and fears, even the stupid ones, and you supported her through it all. You were soft and kind to her, and you told her the stories of your past which made her cry. This is why Abby didn't notice that you didn't share anything from your present, not anything deeper than a complaint about work.

Abby knew you were in therapy - who wasn't in this economy? - and she thought you were so nice because you were healing. But during one of your shared evenings in Abby's apartment you both got drunk, very drunk, and you spilled something.

"Do you know why I'm in therapy?"

"Because your childhood sucked and your parents can eat shit for that?"

"Well, yeah." You laugh. "I have like, major trust issues."

"You?" Abby stared at you, even though she saw two of you by now. "Really?"

"Yeah." You nodded and even if Abby was super drunk, she noticed how your voice was strained.

"Fuck." Abby sighed, not really having a better response in this state of mind. "Do you want to talk about it?"

"So I can regret it later? No."

It stuck with Abby later, and she couldn't let it slide, so she talked to you about it. You were very reluctant about sharing what are your triggers, but the fact that you told her some things was already groundbreaking. (I won't ever ask for any help and I hate when people baby me, you told her, and it meant that when she bought you coffee you got literally offended - which led to another "you need to tell me if I hurt you because it's unfair" conversation, which led back to "If I could trust you, I would")

So Abby started getting more gentle with you - it rarely worked, but you always reassured her she wasn't the problem, which broke her heart even more.

But slowly, even through you shot her some weird looks when she took care of you in any way, you started to accept it. You started talking to her little by little, and Abby was happy - even if it was "holy fuck I cried me eyes out last night, kill me please" message. You shared some of your feelings, and Abby couldn't help the protectiveness she felt about you. You were so nice and kind to everyone and you were so lonely and broken inside it made Abby angry at anyone who made you feel like this. So she tried to give you everything she was able to.

One day you came from therapy, eyes red and puffy, your face empty and you just asked if Abby could cuddle you. Abby felt like she won life this day - won a glimpse of your trust.

So today you came after therapy as well, grumpy as fuck, which looked cute on you - Abby couldn't help her adoring gaze when she looked at you, even if you gave her a weird look now and then. It wasn't agressive, but Abby knew you struggled to accept she loved you for who you are, even though that was something you desperately needed.

"I have fucking homework." You told her and Abby laughed: you hated when your therapist gave you homework, since it was embarassing and you wanted to throw up.

"What is it?" Abby asked as she heated some food for you: which was also a struggle for you, accepting her care, but you were trying your best. These small things were just a trial before bigger things, and you promised to at least handle this for now.

"Fuckin' trust exercises." You sighed and rolled your eyes, but Abby saw through you: you wanted to do it, wanted to see there was someone you could trust. "You know this shit when you fall back and someone catches you? Disgusting."

Abby laughed and placed the plate in front of you, nodding when you said thank you.

"It's scary."

"It fuckin' is. And I don't want to do it." You grumped and Abby waited. "I mean I do, but I'll hate every second of it. Anyway, the point of this is, will you do it with me?"

Abby saw how it physically disgusted you to say it, and she knew it was your reaction to being vulnerable, so she just smiled: you hated being vulnerable, but she couldn't express how much it meant to her that you chose her to be vulnerable with.

"Of course."

"You don't have to, obviously-" Here you go again, Abby thought.

"I want to. I don't go to gym for nothing, I won't let you fall." Abby flexed her biceps and you got flustered.

You both knew you liked each other, and you flirted all the time, but Abby didn't rush you: you couldn't handle her heating the food for you, you were not ready to be in a relationship by any means. So Abby was waiting for you, calm and sure one day she will get to kiss you and you will accept her love.

"Thank you."

"And don't you fucking dare to do something nice for me in return, I'll kill you."

"...Fine."

You look so uncomfortable with the whole idea, but Abby knows you'll push through anyway - you are a masochist like that. So you stand in the middle of her living room, Abby is relaxed and just waits for you to go through your conflicting emotions.

"I'll catch you, I promise."

"I know that. It's not what worries me." You tell her as you fidget with your fingers. "It's so fucking scary."

"Well, you're not here alone. I'll hold you after."

You struggle again with accepting this, but you don't reject her - every time when this happens Abby feels proud and happy: you are trying to trust her.

"Okay, can we like. Start with smaller distance? I don't think I'll be able to do the whole metre."

"Of course."

You stand awkwardly with your back to Abby, barely twenty centimeters away from her - if Abby leans down, she will be able to put her head on your shoulder. So this is not even the fall exercise, you're going to lean on her.

"Holy fuck." You curse. "Okay."

You're so tense and anxious even like this, and Abby stretches her arms by your sides, letting you see she is supporting you. So you slowly lean back until you feel your back touch Abby's front. She is solid and warm, and she hugs you, holds you, and it's almost too much, and you want to cry. Abby is safe and Abby loves you and really, it's too much.

"I've got you." Abby tells somewhere in your hair and you break. You sob quietly and move away: it's unbearable. "Too much?"

You nod, not ready to talk and embarrass yourself.

"Do you want me to be quiet?"

You shake your hand yes and no, and Abby understands.

"Okay. Want to try again?"

You nod again and go a little further: if Abby doesn't catch you, you will fall, but not painfully. Again, her arms are stretched out and you take a deep breath before letting yourself fall back - the air gets stuck in your lungs from a millisecondary fear, but then you feel solid warm Abby who chuckles into your ear, but keeps quiet, even though she wants to tell you how proud of you she is - and you feel saved. It's strange, but the relief you feel is visceral and you want to cling to Abby's arms around you.

"Okay." You sigh, the anxiety leaves your body as adrenalin gets replaced with dopamin. "Okay, I get it."

"m?"

"Like. I'm so scared when I fall, but because you catch me, I instantly feel safe. What kind of pavlovian shit is this?"

"Are you suggesting we train you into trusting me by doing this every day?"

"It might work. I wanna do it again."

And then you get giddy and giggle when Abby catches you for the seventh time, the dopamin doing its job. Abby is happy to help, especially since she gets to hold you and be there for you and lets you see you are safe with her. It's a long way down the road, but eventually you'll get there, and you will trust her.

Abby can't wait.

[donnabenevientosimpingzone]

🔫

Can I have more Donna headcanons plz. I'm a lonely lesbian who loves fiction female Italians

Lmao I got plenty<3

- y’all probably know I interpret her pretty differently. She’s a lot stronger and independent than the normal but she’s still a super anxious and shy individual. She’s a beautiful paradox I cannot begin to describe.

- She’s high functioning depressed and autistic. On the surface she’s someone who has order and routine- who can handle being at meetings with others and talk to people as equals- but spend enough time with her and you’ll see that she will just lay in bed and not get out. That she thinks herself as smaller than others.

- Angie is a side of herself she’s stored away, the memories and personality Donna had with Claudia. In order to keep that final happiness, all those memories are stored in Angie and has influenced the doll to be the way she is.

- Donna has never experimented with her powers to know their full capabilities. Even the concept that she can cause nightmarish hallucinations to kill someone without raising a blade terrifies her.

- She has an accent that comes through when she’s tired or just not thinking about it. Sometimes it’s so heavy that even she’ll jump at the sound of her own voice.

- Cursed solely in Italian. Angie’s the one that says “fuck” and Donna can live through her.

- Donna cannot take full control of Angie, just heavily influence her- if Angie doesn’t want to do something then Donna can’t force her hand. It rarely happens though.

- On uncommon days she’ll walk through her woods around the manor with Angie. Her anxiety, esteem, and motivation must all line up but every time she doesn’t regret it and comes home with a sense of peace.

- A horrible fidget when she’s not aware of it. During meetings or talks or anything that her brain is running anxiety on- she’s still as stone. But at home, she’ll speak to Angie with her mind unable to focus on one thing. Her hands will play with her hair, tug at her dress, tap against a teacup- head swaying to watch strands of hair swish in and out of her vision- feet shuffling against the floor, picking at scabs or the peeling skin beneath her fingernails- just to name a few. You’d have to be very close to her to see any of it in action for yourself though.

- Existentially stuck in the past. Although she’s aware of the present and what the future may hold- she’s constantly thinking about the past, comparing it, using it to determine what person she is. Getting close to her is a difficult task when the past still haunts her and controls her.

- During episodes of breakdowns where she just does not want to live like this anymore, she’ll pick and pull at the Cadou infesting her eye. Cursing it for keeping her alive.

- Her anger manifests in two ways; a depressive self hatred that causes her to coil in on herself- where she feels guilty for being angry at all and tells herself over and over to just suck it up, it’s not a big deal- or an expressed destruction where she loses majority of control over her powers and dolls run rampant.

- Her sadness is a building cycle. She’ll get upset at something and cry, but absolutely hate herself for it and scold herself for being weak, which then makes her feel worse, and she’ll continue this cycle until she’s exhausted and just can’t cry anymore.

- She’s a mix of self loathing and self love. On one hand she will destroy any mirror she sees her reflection in and go days punishing herself for simply existing, but on the other hand she really does want to love herself. It manifests as a weird ball of complex feelings- she could be proud of an accomplishment but also feel shit that it isn’t the number one best accomplishment ever- and that she’s a fool for being happy about it. Yet she keeps it around, calling upon it as a comfort… even if at the same time it brings her pain.

- Simultaneously wants romance and affection but also absolutely terrified by it. She’ll read the books and let her creativity run wild, surprisingly a hopeless romantic, but if it’s even an inch close to her in reality- she’ll rather run.

- She’s on the autistic spectrum to mistake normal, platonic affection as romantic. Hell even if she doesn’t have feelings for that person- she’ll gaslight herself to “catch feelings.” In the past, she’s fucked up a relationship that way- becoming an aggressively toxic person for the attention, affection- wanting the person only for herself and herself only- and unknowingly manipulating them to fulfill that selfish, unconscious desire. She’s realized her mistake months after, and has become much more reserved and mindful because of it.

- A sponge for knowledge. She’s a big ole nerd, loves anything to do with science, has little mock research she’ll do with her own garden that’ll tickle her. While she herself is more on botany, Angie ends up soaking in more zoology, both of their knowledge combined is beyond impressive.

- She feels music very deeply in her heart. Doesn’t matter if it’s instrumentals or with lyrics, it resonates with her strongly and she has strong attachment to particular songs based on memories, feeling, and hope.

- Sleeps with some sort of noise- white noise, music, the rain- sleeping in complete silence unnerves her.

- Wakes up to Angie screaming in her face every morning. Wouldn’t have it any other way<3

- Angie eats and drinks in small amounts, the Cadou is still a parasite that needs substance, but since it’s a part of Donna’s Cadou- Donna can sometimes feel the effects of what Angie eats. Woman could be taking a stroll and suddenly taste dirt cuz Angie ate shit chasing a squirrel.

- Protective of the remaining eye. The Cadou took away the sight in the eye it infects so Donna has learned to deal with challenged depth perception. She’ll often reach for things too far right or left if she ever got full vision back.

- Silent walker without even meaning to be. She also somehow manages to silently run (if she is on the unique occasion to jog through the woods).

- Doesn’t sweat easily. Her body is already naturally pretty cold so any form of workout will need to be pretty long/intense for her to start sweating.

- She is aware her body (especially at the ends) is pretty cold. She refuses to give anyone hand shakes because she’s secretly Elsa and will freeze yo’ ass.

- Angie jokes that Donna stands in the sun to photosynthesize, rather than to warm herself up like some kinda sunbathing lizard.

- Surprisingly very warm during the winter, Donna’s an ice pack in the summer and a heat pack in the winter.

- No she doesn’t know why either wheeze.

- On the few occasions she’s free from her anxieties- Donna is quite chaotic. She used to be the prankster of the family and still has part of that alive within her- Angie especially has to be the victim of said pranks (but she loves it no matter how loudly she complains)

- Doesn’t like to have pictures of herself taken, but Donna does have a rare few in-the-moment photos she adores.

[i-literally-cant-with-this]

A/N ::: Roommate!Kats is on the brain who tells you he can hear you getting off to him in your room when you're so sure you're being quiet. He wants to show you how good he can fuck you and makes a bet with you that you're probably going to lose. Get your checkbook ready.

C/W ::: A bit of misrepresentation of the situation (but god who cares), Unprotected sex P->V, sex bet. *aged up Kats*

Bakugo shrugs. "I don't care if you agree with me or not. I see how you look at me. I hear you at night sometimes. Bah! Who'm I kiddin'. I hear you a lot. 'Oh, oh god ... Kats ... fuck yes. Right - oh fuck - right there!' 'M not stupid." He realized what he'd just said and how he'd just said it. But he wanted to prove a point to you: That he knows you're solely after his cock.

You think it would be in your best interest not to argue with him. But he was being so presumptuous right now.

"How can someone who thinks so little of himself have such an ego, huh, super star? Jesus. I'm not saying 'Kats', I'm ... I'm saying ..." You squinted your eyes at him and pursed your lips. "... um, I'm saying 'THAT'S'. Not your stupid name. Arrogant much. Fuckin' hell." Your face was turning a few shades pinker the more your arousal puddled out of your cunt. Even looking at him while he has that angry snarl on his face. All you can think about is pulling his pants down and taking his cock all the way down your throat and sucking on him until his balls are so empty that he can't possibly squeeze out one more little microscopic particle of cum.

The thought made you shake your head and roll your eyes.

He stood there with his eyes trained on your little nervous tics in reaction to his comments. And to your filthy thoughts, that luckily, he wasn't privy to.

Yet.

He knows he has you cornered. Worse yet, you know he has you cornered.

You avoid his gaze and try to step around his large body. He's almost completely blocking the hallway of your small, shared apartment. "Goin' somewhere, puddin'?" Your body stiffens at the name he calls you. He pushes himself off of the wall so that he's standing directly in the middle of the way now. "Tell ya what, if you can get by me or somehow manage to move me, I'll shut up about this and we'll never speak of it again.

"You're full of shit, Kats. There's no way I could ever get passed you. You're practically taking up the whole damn area as it is and you're not even huffin' and puffin' yet. Look, I'm telling you, I'm not fucking myself and thinking about you. Just get over yourself. Now move, I want to go lay down."

He smirked. "Lay down." He said with air quotes. "Is that code for fuck yourself stupid while you're thinking of me? You know, I could just fuck you, roomie. You've been lookin' at me extra close these last few months. And what long months they've been. Huh?"

You hated him. The second the words 'I could just fuck you' left his mouth, your cunt clenched around nothing. You swear you felt a tear run down your leg from how sad and lonely the poor thing was. "You couldn't make me cum if I told you how to do it. Just ..." You pushed on his stomach trying to get him to budge. But you were only met with resistance. You weren't prepared for how hard his body was. Like, you'd seen it plenty of times when he's running around shirtless. Those damn sweats hanging off of his hips.

"Hnno-gaw." You made a noise that resembled something along the lines of "No" and "Oh my god." Neither of you knew what it was supposed to be. What you did know, is how fucking tempting his offer to fuck you and get it out of the way was. "NO! Goddamn it, Kats. M-move. Now!"

"I'm not goin' anywhere until you admit that you stuff that little cunt of yours full of your fingers and say my name. I'm off for the rest of the holiday, so I got nothin' but time. Balls in your court, loser.

You stood there glaring at him. Trying to come up with a rational reason why you shouldn't let him rail you. But you couldn't think of one. And that made you even more angry. "Fine." You said, throwing your arms up and then placing your hands on your hips. "I'll play your fucking game, Kats. I do masturbate. I say your name ... sometimes. But ... ugh. Are you happy?"

He had the most devilish shit-eating grin on his face. "Mmm, not ... not yet. I wanna hear all about what you do with your fingers."

You put one hand on each shoulder and got on your tiptoes to whisper in his ear. "I ... have ... toys for that." The way he gasped at your admission you'd think he'd never even heard of such a blasphemous thing in his life.

But it wasn't that.

No.

It was how he grabbed you and hoisted you up onto his hips and held you there by the fat of your ass. It was the way he kissed your neck and lips so hungrily like you were the first breath of fresh air he'd had in months. It was how he slammed you against the wall and smashed his groin against yours. And how you groaned into his mouth when you realized he was already hard.

You could feel his cock throbbing against your stomach, begging for release. "Shit." You whispered, breaking the kiss. "Katsuki, I - uh - I ... fuck. I've been thinking about this for a while. Oh god. I can't ... fuck. Ok? Yes! Yes I think about you when I'm stuffing my cunt full of toys! When I'm playing with my clit in the shower!"

He bit your neck and moaned. "So, so dirty. I ... I fucking love it. You have no idea how hot it is to know you get off to me."

You pulled back from the his lips, "Wait, I ... I thought you already ... knew?" He closed his mouth and wouldn't look you in the eye. "You little fuck! You didn't know?"

"What's it matter now! I mean, I was just giving you shit. But it is, y/n. Shit. It's so fuckin' hot." He slid his hand down to your cunt and felt how wet you already were. "Fuck. So wet. You want my cock yeah, huh?"

"Yes, Kats." You glared at him playfully and slid down the front of his body and followed him to his room.

As soon as you walked in to his space you were met with a wall of his smell. It was so warm and sexy; Sandlewood and Cedar. It felt strange to be in there with him. Almost like a dream.

But it was real.

You watched him strip down and get completely naked. His cock was ... really, really nice, to say the least. The head was so plump and swollen, you almost didn't want to take your eyes off of it. "Kats."

"What the hell are you lookin' at, dumbass?" He got on the bed and laid down. "Come over here and ride me. Let me see those tits bouncing while you fuck yourself on my cock."

You took your clothes off and crawled on top of him. He ran his hands up and down your sides, feeling your curves and how hot your skin was. "I'm gonna make you cum so hard, roomie."

You sank down onto his cock and gasped. "Holy ... Kats! ... o- oh, fuck ... oh god, Kats. You're so fucking big." He moaned into your neck and let his hands roam all over your body.

"Let's make a bet?" He ran his tongue over your nipples and then continued his proposal. "I make you cum 3 times in 30 minutes and you pay my share of rent next month. I don't, I pay your half and electricity."

You were well on your way to having your first orgasm and he wasn't even doing anything special. "Mhm, mhm ... fuckfuckfuck ..."

He looked up at you and smiled. "I'll take that as a yes."

"Just - oh goddd, oh fuck, Kats - just shut the fuck up. I'll pay. I'll pay it anyway." You said as he flipped you over and showed you why it was worth your time (and money) to give him a chance.

Taglist ::: @millennialmagicalgirl @callm3senpaii @darkstarlight82

[anonymityisfunwriter]

Timeless - Part 1: "An Antique Shop"

"Down the block there's an antique shop, and something in my head said "stop", so I walked in..."

Summary: It's the kind of love you find once in a lifetime, the kind of love you don't put down, and somehow, you know you would've found each other in every life.

'Timeless' Chapter List | The Grumpy Sunshine Series

"Are you sure you're okay?"

"Yes," you dramatically sigh into your phone. You appreciated Sam's concern, but the truth was you just missed Bucky. You miss him so much it aches deep in your ribcage. You'd never gone this long without him being by your side, and while sometimes missions like that couldn't be helped, you couldn't help just how badly you missed your person. "I told you, I just felt like getting out today."

"I'm just a little worried about you."

"And I appreciate you checking on me, but I'm really fine, Sam. I'm just walking around, hopefully, it'll take my mind off James."

"He'll be home before you know it," Sam reminds you for the dozenth time. 

"I know," you softly exhale, ambling down the quiet streets of Upstate New York. "It's just- this is the longest we've ever gone apart, it sorta sucks."

"I can't believe it's been two months. I can't believe I'm saying this, but I actually miss him. No one's yelled at me in 8 weeks. No one's told me to shut up. Or tried to kill Redwing," Sam continues listing, though his inflection lifts from sad to upbeat and cheery, "What am I saying? This is great! This is-"

"Sam," you halfheartedly admonish. 

"I'm just kidding," Sam teases. "Kinda."

You shove your hands in your pockets, wedging your phone in the crook of your neck, "He said they're trying to wrap things up, so I'm hoping he'll be back soon."

"I hope so too," Sam quietly agrees. "For you, I mean. I don't miss him at all."

You playfully roll your eyes at him, "Sam..."

"I miss him so much," Sam finally admits with a loud groan, "I can't believe it's been eight weeks! I'm so bored. There's no one here to mess with. There's no one to pull pranks on. What the hell am I supposed to do with my free time?"

"I know, I know," you console Sam. "I miss him too."

"Are you sure you're okay?" Sam practically whines. "Because I hate him half the time and I miss the grumpy bastard."

You chuckle, a faint smile tugging at the corner of your mouth, "I'm fine, I promise. I'll call you when I'm on my way back."

"Alright, be careful."

You stuff your phone back in your pocket and continue your lonely walk. The streets are quaint. The store fronts even more so. It's a comforting place to be when comfort ran scarce in the last few weeks. 

You missed him. There was no other way to put it. Your heart yearns for his presence. You wanted him back home, safe, and with you. 

But sometimes, these things just couldn't be helped. You knew that. Sometimes, it was you on the other line with Bucky impatiently waiting for your safe return home. Right now, it was your turn to put on a brave face for him. All you could do is remind him that you would be there waiting for the moment that he made it back home to you.

It was a small price to pay for the kind of love you only find once in a lifetime. 

But still, eight weeks was starting to really hurt.

It didn't help that your own work was uncharacteristically slow. Your own assignments ground to a vicious halt while everyone else was off working around the clock. It was a cruel irony that everything seemed to come to a halt without Bucky by your side. 

You did everything possible to keep yourself busy, to keep your mind off his absence. 

You spent days with Sam, doing your best to entertain yourselves with your shortage of work and a missing member of your trio. 

Trained with Natasha. 

Meditated with Bruce. 

Listened to Steve telling old war stories. 

You even went on an early morning run with Sam - that was how desperate you were to fill your time. 

With only the sounds of your shoes against the cobblestone filling your ears, you stroll down the empty streets.

Today hurt more than any of the other days. You'd woken up in a cold, lonely bed. The weight of his absence felt like lead in your bones, making it hard for you to even get out of bed. Your apartment was one giant reminder that you were all alone. The Compound wasn't any better. Everything screamed his name. His presence was nowhere, but his absence was everywhere. 

So you took off. To find some place where it hurt just a little less. 

Down the block, you see an antique shop that catches your eye. Something in your head tells you to stop, there's something calling you inside, and you don't fight that feeling. You shrug to yourself, what was there to lose?

A bell softly dings above you as you amble into the antique shop.

And it's like you're transported to a different place, a different time, somewhere where it hurts a little less. You'll take the relief wherever you can get it. 

Your eyes rake over the old shop, your eyes don't know what to take in first. It overwhelms you, all these precious things forgotten by time. 

Boxes lined the counter, book lined shelf after shelf, knick knacks and little trinkets filled the store from top to bottom. A cardboard box sitting beside the register with a small sign that said 25 cents each calls your attention as you amble shuffle through the store. You peek inside and see dozens of photographs.

You smile down at the black and white pictures, each one takes you to a time and place you didn't know but to a feeling you know with your entire being. You remind yourself to take a closer look before you leave.

You keep strolling through the shop. It doesn't seem like there's a rhyme or reason to any of it. 

Your eyes rake over the shelves and shelves of books. An unexpected clang of an unseen grandfather clock startles you. It's when you jolt that your eye catches a brown leather bound book calls out you. You gently stroke the embossed spine of the book, a thin layer of dust covering the gilded title.

"That's my favorite."

You flinch, startled by the sudden proximity of the unfamiliar voice, "Huh?"

"The book." A kind, graying woman appears from behind one of the shelves. You smile at her. There's something strangely familiar about her that you can't quite put your finger on. She nods to the book on the shelf, "It's one of my favorites."

"What is it?"

She plucks the book from it's place on the shelf, placing it in your hands, "It's about a couple in the 1500's, off in a foreign land, torn apart by fate."

You frown down at the book, "How were they torn apart?"

"She engaged to another man."

Your lips press into a tight smile. "Oh."

"It's a fantastic story. It's yours, if you like."

Your eyes snap up to her, "Really? You don't have to-"

"I insist." She offers a warm smile, patting your hand, "You look like you could use a bit of cheering up."

"I'm really missing someone right now," you explain. "He'll be back soon, but I- I just miss him."

"Tell me about him."

"Oh, he's perfect," you sigh, walking through the store with the shopkeeper just beside you. "I couldn't ask for a better person. He was a little rough around the edges when we first met but we just work. It's just - he's just -"

"It's the sort of love you find once in a lifetime."

"Exactly." You smile at the woman. It sounds like she speaks from experience. You look around the store. There's so much tucked in each nook and cranny of the store that you wonder how all this found its way to this little store in upstate New York. You could hardly imagine all the stories that could be told here. "This place is incredible."

"I'm very proud of it. Each and every piece was found by myself or my husband."

You softly exhale, "Wow..."

The two of you amble through the store together as the shopkeeper tells you story after story about her and her husband's adventures from their youth. You're not sure how long you're there. If the slowly setting sun in the store window is any indication, it's been at least a couple hours. Though you have a sneaking suspicion that there's so many more stories that you could hear, you know you should be on your way. 

You peek into the box of photographs, asking the shopkeeper, "Do you know anything about these?"

She smiles at you, nodding as she begins to tell you the story of each of those photos that called out to you.

You listen to her every word. Though you've just met her, you don't doubt that every word she tells you is the truth. You can see it in each of the photos. Each a love like yours. A love that you find once in a lifetime. A love that you don't put down. A love that time could not break. Somehow, you know that they all lasted a lifetime.

You know because for a split second, you can only see yourself. You and Bucky. Together. A love meant for the ages. For a moment, you swear you're living each and every one of their love stories.

School lovers at a dance.

On a crowded street in 1944.

In the 1500's, off in a foreign land.

A graying couple on their front porch. 

There's no proof but you just know, they were timeless...

AnonymityIsFun Masterlist Inspired By Taylor Swift Masterlist Bucky Barnes Masterlist

As always, let me know what you think! Reblogs and comments are always appreciated! 💛

Taglist: @marianita195 @meli18gonzalez @ludicbouquetfromearth @matchat3a @famousbreadcherryblossomsstuff @valoraxx @blue786sworld @buckyandgeraltsupremacy @geminigengar @ansaturn @ecolle @lexhalstead3 @ybflkmj @mediocre-daydreams @shanye1112 @thegirlnextdoorssister @toomanyfanficsbruh @moonlightreader649 @breathtaking-cynthia @mirikusashes@beans-and-toast @niyahcoca @katiechikin @elxvrr @antiheroxsblog @infamouslyclumsy @krissydclayton93 @buckysbarne @deadheadwbedhead @qualitygiantshoepsychic @whitexwolfxx310 @getosprettyboy @matchat3a @weallhaveadestiny @mostlymarvelgirl @honeydew3064

[drdemonprince]

how did you know that seeking institutional help was the right step to take?

For four years I was always in high levels of care. When I transitioned out of that, I was a "revolving door patient" to ip units living with a carer the rest of the time. I sometimes self-harmed or did other actions intentionally to get hospitalized during that time. I'm going to focus on mostly that because I don't want to get into the weeds of how different psych treatment programs are categorized and run.

I would say that my goal of being hospitalized usually was to change something in my outpatient life - let my therapist know I wasn't willing to do something, get my companions to let me go for walks alone, whatever. I'd get hospitalized or call the cops on myself or send scary texts to my therapist and then try to end my life, eventually being stopped. I didn't want to die, but if I could prove to them I was willing to, they'd listen.

Another person mentioned a desire for closeness+physical touch, and that was a huge part of it for me. i even got restrained sometimes just because I wanted any touch, which is something commonly heard from incarcerated people. I had certain nurses and other staff who I saw as my family, calling my therapist "dad" and interacting in a needy, childlike way with floor staff.

I also liked how much it pared down my life. I was in college at the time, and found the social habits of the other students confusing and overwhelming, so I'd get hospitalized to miss class.

what helped you trust the professionals or the institution enough for it to be beneficial to you?

i wouldn't say I trust any of the institutions, but some staff earned my trust. I was a scary mean noncompliant patient so the few who actually bothered to get to know me were usually moments away from some kind of burnout where they realized all this shit sucks.

One of the things they did that earned my trust was to share about their own mental health or addiction history. This is encouraged in sud places, but usually VERY discouraged in psych units, moreso the higher level of care it is.

Another big thing was to allow me to break rules or break them themselves. My ex-therapist used to meet with me for extra time, give me my DVD player when I wasn't allowed, etc. and it felt like he saw me as equal. Turns out he sucks. but. during the time he was treating me he definitely helped me a lot with my thinking patterns, so the trust still ended up benefiting me, even if the relationship didn't always. He also talked A LOT about his family and life outside of work, and showed me pictures, and I even met his dog once.

for me this is an example of why therapists are kind of. not great? because he earned my trust enough to help me, I was at his defense. I felt like not getting better was something I was "doing to him", and his displays of sadness (once something I'd considered a positive aspect of his self disclosure) became a way to manipulate me into the hospital when I didn't want to go, without having to resort to force or law. i agreed with the assertion of psychology that he knew me better than I know myself, and gave every part of my personality, personhood, to the medical model.

so yes it helped as in now when I'm suicidal or about to bpd-style destroy my every relationship I think "play the tape forward what happens next" and don't. which is lame bc it means most of the people who treated me get to leave patting themselves on the back about how well im doing now.

which kinds of institutions have been *less* traumatic than the others?

A few times I got to live in supportive group home style places, and those are kind of nice! It was cool to be in a place surrounded by other mentally ill people. Much less lonely. In general, places that let you outside independently, let you access food independently (e.g. no staff in the kitchen), and let you keep some secrets from staff are the best. My quality of life was 100% better when all the program heads knew we were vaping in our rooms but just let it happen unless someone started setting off alarms. Ditto with like, being able to stay up late on Devices.

Having that independence, a place for my sense of self other than being a patient, was sooo sooo helpful.

is it sometimes worth simply not being able to act on the ideation, even if it means putting up with lots of institutional bullshit?

I didn't find the hospital particularly good at getting me to not act, instead they just prevented the worst consequences. All three hundred stitches I got for self-harm were while I was institutionalized. But like, my nerve damage is less than it could've been. I am not sure how to evaluate if that's better than having just died, because I have no idea how much the institution itself caused self-harm and suicidality.

all things being equal, would it always be better to be able to stay at a friend's house instead?

yes

if you could get 24-7 company from a loved one, would that be better?

yes. however. i think it would be good if people had some information about how to talk to suicidal people. like... i forget the training. but its similar to what they teach helpline volunteers. thats its ok to say suicide. to ask if they have a plan. to ask if theyd be willing to get rid of the means. etc.

SORRY IF THIS IS IMPOSSIBLE TO READ

this is a wealth of information, thank you!

[our-transgender-experiences]

I'm a trans man and today is my birthday, I received messages from friends and family alike and was happy if even a little uncomfortable because I have been deadnamed (because I haven't come out to most of my family), but mostly happy.

Yet I've been referred as 'female friend' by a person that I thought that was my friend for more than half of my life (13 years), when I came out to her 2 years ago, in my birthday...

It just made me sad, I feel betrayed even when she wasn't exactly an ally, but I thought she was trying.

I've been losing many friends (trans and cis) as the years go by and feel more and more lonely, and the worst part is that she's best friends with one of my dearest friends. I'm afraid of losing this other person too.

Maybe I should move from here and leave everything behind but my dog, I think most people won't miss me, not really. Maybe there's something inherently wrong with me? And that's why things just don't work with me and people, maybe I should stop trying to make friends and flee away from here.

By the time you see this its probably not your birthday anymore but Happy birthday!

Theres nothing wrong with you, sometimes people suck, but that doesn't mean you should give up, keep trying, at least a bit more. if people leave you over small things, they aren't worth it. maybe you shouldn't be friends with the people you are with now, but that does not mean you should stop making having friends altogether

[solleilx]

SFW Alphabet of Sun& Moon:

Note: Hi, I guess yall didn't expect me writing this lol. Also this is my first time writing SFW of Sun & Moon. Lots of bad grammar and I'm suck at understanding love so it might be bad!! And also Im bad at words hhh, English isn't my first language🤧 Just wanna drop it here for everyone ;p Reader is GN just so some of yall don't feel left out🫡 And I'm lazy and pretty much don't have time so only A to M. Enjoy XD Inspired by: purple-plum-petals!! I'm very obsessed with her writing so check her out

A = Affection (How affectionate are they? How do they show affection?) ♡Sun: Affectionate, yes I mean like a lot... But only if you're comfortable with it, of course.(Tell him, alright?) He doesn't dare to make you sad or frown at his teasings, it's just...Cruel since it was you. Instead, the guy would hug you, pulling your small form to his chest with that exhaled sigh of his. It’s just his way of showing you that he does care, just bad at showing you his love for you. ☆Moon: He shows his affection by making things for you or comforting you when you have bad days. He knows he can't help much but at least he was trying, he just doesn't like you being sad. He wanna sees that smile of yours, always so adorable and brightens his days. And he would do it until he sees it B = Best friend (What would they be like as a best friend? How would the friendship start?) ♡☆Sun & Moon: First off, they would be such a great friend. Though, being friend with them both already hard enough considering how they held some.. grudges toward adults. The friendship at first is so so so awkward as Sun always gives you the odd stare, unamused at your presence. And when Moon takes over, it becomes more awkward as the animatronic only ignores you. Never wave, never talk or whatever. •But with enough patience and kindness, they will welcome you with open arms. Tho, having them as friends means that Sun’s nagging will be lessened and Moon will keep his eyes on you in case you’re overworking. They now view you as one of their special friends! (The children do count) C = Cuddles (Do they like to cuddle? How would they cuddle? ♡Sun: Mocks you if you ask. “Cuddle? Well, aren't you clingy today??"

But still, he pulls you to his chest when you're about to walk away with a frowning face, saying how you’re so easily to be tricked by those words of his as he runs his hand through your hair, never wanting to let you go. And yet, he knew it was impossible knowing you have so many tasks and cannot stay here that long, the solar animatronic reluctantly lets you go with a strained smile on his face!

"Go do your job. I'll be waiting when you're done. Don't overwork, ok?"

☆Moon: You don’t dare to ask unless Moon wants to. He just wasn’t used to this kind of thing judging how some kids, the STAFF members always stay away from him because of how scary he is. But sometimes, you ask if he wants one whenever he feels sad. And the answer is always ‘yes’ with him pulling you to his chest with your neck on his shoulder. Deep down inside, the lunar animatronic wishes to be loved, he wants the attention that Sun had. He wants to know what it feels like to be surrounded with praises and hugs, not those glaring eyes and the pure darkness, how no one welcomes him and always calls him a monster:<. It’s just...So cold. And lonely (Yall, my grammar gone STOP) D = Domestic (Do they want to settle down? How are they at cooking and cleaning?) ♡Sun: okay...About the cooking part, he isn’t sure about his abilities when it comes to cooking. He would just stare at you as if you were stupid for asking him to cook for you. Would leave it to you or Moon to handle, he’s out. ☆Moon: Pretty good. Since his system or whatever the fuck it is can access to the Internet, he can just follow the instructions and boom. A delicious food for you. Though, he did a great job, right right?? E = Ending (If they had to break up with their partner, how would they do it?) ♡☆Sun & Moon: No, they actually won’t break up with you. Buttt..There could be a possibility. If you did something bad or just whatever the fuck that is negative or just so incredulous to them both, that will be changed. But well since you treated them both very nicely anddd equally, they won’t and always stick by your side till thick and thin. F = Fiance(e) (How do they feel about commitment? How quick would they want to get married?) ♡Sun: Doesn’t think about it since-! First of all, he was made to entertain children and can’t leave the Daycare so the thought of marrying you...well, never came to his mind. But it’s quite nice..He does dream of being domestic with you, able to take care of and love you, etc... Just some thoughts already made his day! ☆Moon: Doesn’t know what to say about it. Well ..He does like the thought of it but it’s just..he can’t leave and has to stay here like his counterpart, Sun. Yet there's a thought that lingers on his mind... Will you love him the way he loved you? Still, the thought of marrying you, adopting a child and living together in a small house always made him feels slightly flustered 🤧🩷 G = Gentle (How gentle are they, both physically and emotionally?

Sun & Moon: Very gentle! They both were made to calm the children down if they're panicked, etc...So whenever you feel like you want some assurance words or anything, they're always there.

H = Hugs (Do they like hugs? How often do they do it? What are their hugs like?)

♡Sun: Very much like it. But only do it when he has your consent! If you don't like physical touch, he has another way to show you his love, he would never and ever want to make you comfortable and that would be the last thing. I hc his hugs to be very comforting like you can't help but melt when this jester hugs you 😞. And gosh, you swear if he could smirk, he would definitely do it to show how proud he is for making you happy.

☆Moon: Rarely do it. As I've said before, he wasn't used to this kind of thing. But his hugs though, more comforting and warmer than Sun (cause he's a Naptime Attendant), it makes you wanna fall into a deep slumber while being cradled by Moon. Oh how he loves you so much that he wanna protect you from this cruel world.🥲 I = I love you (How fast do they say the L-word?) ♡Sun: Doesn't say much. But occasionally, he randomly says it in a nonchalant tone. And he would get a bit flustered when you say it back. Sun hates the fact he's such a softie for you when you tease him, maybe because you're his partner. (Yes.)

☆Moon: This guy takes more time to say it. It's because there's always some thought that keeps FUCKING BOTHERING HIM. Is he being cheesy? Too rush? Or anything? Is he being too clingy? Would you think badly of him?

"Moon?" "Hmn....?" He looks away in embarrassment when you notice that he's spacing out. And you asked if he's alright... to which he replies that he's simply fine and nothing more. He doesn't want you to know about his thoughts.

J = Jealousy (How jealous do they get? What do they do when they’re jealous?)

♡Sun: Gets pretty sour quickly when you're being flirted by other parents. Not at you but at the parents. How dare they do that when you're literally his partner? Shocking, stupid, such things can't be accepted! But it's okay, he can just tell you some kids ended up fighting just so you could handle it. Then he went to the parents and warned them to stay away from you. Making them run away with his threats. You belong to him and Moon only! No idiots are allowed to flirt with you.

☆Moon: Scared the fuck out of the parents with his eyes if they made you uncomfortable, ink ink inkyyy eyes. He can get jealous easily like Sun too and you kinda hmm...aware of that!

K = Kisses (What are their kisses like? Where do they like to kiss you? Where do they like to be kissed?)

♡Sun: Can't kiss you because of his frozen ass grin. But would make a 'mwah' sound as he planted a kiss(or put his stupid circle plate) on your forehead, then later would tease you with anything that came to his mind. But his kisses tho...Imagine he has a movable mouth or lips, his kisses would be very warm and always leave you speechless. Always give you kisses every morning or when you two meet cause he's a sucker for your attention and giggles >3. As for where he wants to be kissed, he kinda likes when you kiss his cheeks hehe. ☆Moon: Always so gentle and makes you feel fuzzy inside 🥰His kisses are very comforting, I had to admit like how can you not giggle at it when he kisses you? And he also likes his cheeks being kissed like his counterpart too hehe. L = Little ones (How are they around children?) ♡☆Sun & Moon: Literally good around them cause firstly, they were made to entertain children with all sorts of activities, arts & crafts, etc,...Secondly, they both literally have the patience of a saint around the kiddos(but not for adults...Sad). Sun is very good at handling children and the same goes for Moon. They both are very protective of them and always want the best for every child, ensuring their safety is what they both would do. So if by any chance you want to adopt a child or more, Sun & Moon are the best fathers 👀. So you don't need to worry about it and just let your idiot boyfriends handle it! • M = Morning (How are mornings spent with them?) ♡Sun: Gently shake you awake and when you do, he kisses your forehead! Every morning, he always does that just because he's a fool in love with you. Though if you're too lazy to wake up, he immediately scoops you up in bridal style and goes to the kitchen. He never wants you to miss out on any breakfast, it's all for your health after all. ☆Moon: Doesn’t like it much mainly because the light irritates him. He wishes it was always nighttime just so he could cuddle with you, hearing your heartbeat and all. But such things…Well, kinda impossible because you have so many works to tend to. You couldn't stay here that long so it's always such a pity seeing you left. But before you leave, he would give you his morning kisses with his hands cupped your face and put his faceplate on your forehead. And there's his kiss, now go and work, silly! He's rooting for you. N = Night (How are nights spent with them?) ♡Sun: Somehow, he hates nights. Mainly because he had to drag you to bed when you're overworking. Do humans really have to ruin their health? Won't that affect their body, life and ages? Isn't that so stupid...to ignore your own health? His mind would ask this question repeatedly. And yet, your stubborn ass still insists to stay awake, which he had to take your laptop/phone away for the sake of your health. Putting it in a high place just so your tiny hands won't be able to reach it, hah! ☆Moon: After Sun managed to convince you to go to sleep, Moon takes over. "What did I tell you, Starlight...? No overworking at night." He chides softly, giving a soft flick on your forehead as a warning for not taking care of yourself and also disobeying the rules. But seriously, he would just sigh and tell you to go to bed as he sleeps beside you. And if you have insomnia, he would tell you a fairy tale. But little did he know that his voice was enough, his gravelly voice that always comforts you, it always manages to make you fall into a deep slumber as a lullaby song from his chest cavity started to play, his hand playing with your hair while he watches you sleep 0and how your chest going up and down. He just wanna make sure that you're real and this isn't a dream.🥹

[papayatori]

This Side of Paradise/ Miya Osamu x Fem!Reader

Oneshot!

"How does it feel?" He asked me softly, a curious but seriously look in his eyes. I gave him a glance, one that was almost unreadable, but made perfect sense to me.

"Lonely." I answered honestly, a sad sparkle in my eye. He hummed in response. I lay my head down on the little table we had huddled into in the small coffee shop we usually loitered in, sighing deeply to myself. "I thought I'd feel better, but I really don't."

He nodded in response, giving me a look that I didn't see, one full of affection. "You know, you don't need another person to make you happy, y/n. Sometimes you just have to be lonely."

I looked up at him now, my gaze meeting his. I gave him a soft smile once again. Recently I had been trying to date again, and after one too many failed attempts at date nights and trying to start new, to get a feel for what I thought would work, I had slowly started to give up.

"You're probably right, Osamu.." I said, standing and stretching, ready to leave this place. He followed me, standing up and leading me out of the tiny spot we loved.

I walked beside him, my posture slouched slightly from the lack of motivation to move, but his presence made it slightly more bearable.

"Mine or yours?" He asked softly. I shook my head.

"If Atsu is home, we're going to mine." He laughed at my statement before shrugging.

"You know the answer to that." He chuckled. I groaned.

"Mine it is then."

He practically drug me into my own apartment, letting me drop down onto the couch with a saddened expression. I huffed.

"This sucks." I said, staring at the wall in front of me, this caused him to laugh.

"Yeah, it does." He smiled at me, but his voice had an undertone to it that I was too unstable to pick up on. "You know, being lonely isn't always a bad thing... that's what you've got me here for, yeah?" He said gently, squeezing my shoulder. I easily relaxed under his touch, as I always did, but this time it seemed a little different. I felt a small blush creep into my neck, that I'm sure didn't go unnoticed by him.

"As usual, you're right." I said softly, rolling my eyes. He chuckled.

"At least you're finally coming to terms with that."

We sat in silence for a while, his arm wrapping around my shoulders and pulling me into him while I wallowed in my own self pity. This was a usual occurrence between the two of us; however, once again, this time it felt oddly different, nicer than usual. Samu was warm, and it felt nice to be in his proximity, it felt nice to be held by another person, and I was telling myself that that was the only reason I was enjoying it so much.

I had my eyes closed, but I felt him moving around, pulling his phone out of his pocket. I was confused, but I didn't let it bother me until an earbud was being shoved into my ear. I looked up at him with a confused glare, one that he returned with a grin.

I gave up fighting it, and just listen to his music. I placed my hand on his stomach, tracing little patterns as I did. I felt his head drop down to mine, his grip around me tightening gently. A sigh escaped my lips, a content one.

"If you're lonely, darling you're glowing..."

I looked up at him, his song choice quite ironic. As if he didn't notice, his eyes closed slightly. giving me a moment to trace his features, and I once again found myself flushing.

"If you're lonely come be lonely with me."

I felt his lips on my forehead as the song came to a close, and with a tiny blush on my cheeks and a small smile, I leaned a little further into his side.

"Thanks Osamu." I whispered. He didn't give me a response, instead just rubbing small circles on my arm as the music continued playing softly.

[unheavenlybody]

xxx whining abt my friend AGAIN

decided not to send a draft of a breakup text to my friend yet cuz i fear i am being too hasty and impulsive with this. but i rly don't know what to do... i feel very lost and i dont want to end a 8-9 year friendship over this. but we've already talked about it once a couple months ago and i dont rly feel like anything has changed. i am just worried that she is going to leave first and in my mind i'd rather rip the bandaid off myself and spare myself more prolonged pain lol.

i think the two of us have extremely different social needs and expectations/wants out of a "best" friendship and i'm not sure its something that can be reconciled?? like we may just be 2 fundamentally different ppl and aren't compatible anymore. i think it would be unfair of me to expect her to change, cuz she is a very introverted person that likes her alone time, or so she says. she also is busy with work, which i understand. she just seems completely chill/unbothered with only hanging out once every 2-3 months, sometimes longer, and virtually never talking via phone or text (cuz she doesn't respond when i reach out LOL). i want to be sensitive to her comfortability levels, her social battery, and take into account that there other ppl and things that she has going on in her life. like ik i'm not the center of the universe u know what i mean?... but it also sucks to miss my friend so so much and feel like im the only one that seems to mind our lack of contact, that when we eventually hang out months later she'll tell me about all these hangouts that she's been having with other people, and that it takes her several days or weeks to respond to a simple text and then she offers no explanation. i dont feel like i am asking for much, but yet i still feel guilty for even daring to feel unfulfilled by our friendship. i just want some kind of indication that she misses my presence, but in the past she's mentioned that she doesn't feel that way about anybody unless its romantic so lol i guess.

when i brought it up 2ish months ago she reassured me that she values our friendship and that this is just how she is, so i want to take her at her word but it feels like her words and actions aren't matching up... i really hate how this feels cuz my sadness feels so unjustified and selfish in my mind. it's not like we're in a relationship or anything so by her standards i shouldn't care this much... but damn is this just how best friendships are as an adult fr?? cuz this feels like i don't have a best friend at all most of the time. it feels so lonely that i just want to cry its pathetic lol. so much happens in the months we dont speak that it feels like i am not even a part of her life when i just want us to be closer. it's like we're slowly becoming strangers. i think i tend to center best friends in my life in a way that has never been reciprocated, that even when they say they consider me their best friend im always an afterthought lol. i just want to feel secure and appreciated in a friendship lol

[livebloggingmydescentintomadness]

This is a heavier ask so please ignore if you don't have the spoons or the desire to answer this. Also I hope you're doing well and having a good day and feeling happy and whole. I know I'm just a stranger on the Internet but you've been very helpful and sweet to my asks before, so I figured I'd try.

Momdad, can I have some gentleness? The best therapist I ever had just told me that she can't help me anymore and will refer me to someone else, but I feel so bad and broken and ashamed of my trauma and my mentally ill brain. I've been working a physical labor job so much, averaging 12-13 hour shifts, and I am so, so tired but I can't rest. I really want a hug but I have nobody around to help me.

oh, sweetie, i'm so sorry, that sounds really rough. i think you really deserve to just sit down for a minute and let yourself really know that this is an incredibly difficult situation and anyone would struggle underneath its weight.

i mean, if you grabbed anyone off the street and saddled them with this hard of a job and the fatigue it causes, the trauma you've been through, the mental illness you're dealing with, the loneliness and isolation, and then took away one of the few things that was helping keep them afloat, they'd have a really hard time with that, don't you think? i don't think it's feeling sorry for yourself to just let yourself acknowledge that life is really hard right now, and it's okay to struggle with something that's really hard. struggling in a really hard situation is not failure.

and you know what, if you need to cry about that, that is completely okay. if you need to rant to an imaginary person about every difficult thing you're facing, that's totally okay. it's taken me a long time to learn, but bottling it all up just doesn't help. you've gotta let the pressure out somehow.

the fact that you've made it this far tells me that you're really, really strong, but as someone who is also strong, i know how that can almost feel like a curse sometimes. because we shouldn't HAVE to be this strong, should we? we shouldn't have to carry loads so heavy that all we want to do is fall apart, but we know we can't, because we have to be strong. it fucking sucks.

it's so damn hard to internalize, but being weak isn't the end of the world. being tired, and sad, and damaged, and lonely, and sick, and wanting everything to be different... it doesn't make you less. it just makes you human. all of us are fucked up and flawed and broken, no matter how hard we pretend otherwise.

please give yourself as many little moments of weakness that you can, honey. give yourself crying, give yourself telling someone how you feel, give yourself something soft or funny or warm. give yourself not making things harder by telling yourself it shouldn't be this hard. it IS this hard, and no, somebody else wouldn't be handling it better. it really does suck this much, and you're doing the fucking best you can.

i really hope the new therapist will turn out to be really good for you, and i hope you get that hug from someone. i'm here, of course, but try to be gentle with yourself too, love. take care. <3

[galaxygirl8880]

Hi hi

Remember this post??

I like- really want to write the fic

And I'm thinking of naming it something along the lines of "Alone and Asleep"

Actually maybe a series

Idk I suck at naming things

But anyways I have an alternate idea about how this au could go-

---

Cale's memory goes *blip* after two thousand years.

He only remembers his past life, really blurry memories of the people living in the villa, and the fact that he's supposed to take care of it. (and figure out a way to wake up the sleeping residents)

So he just sticks to a routine, ignoring the intense feelings of sorrow when he goes to each room to dust or change their sheets.

Especially the kids rooms.

He makes little to no attempts at gaining his memory back, figuring that he's content with his life as it is. What if it's like his time as Kim Rok Soo? He wouldn't want to remember that.

Although possibly he may have to find another place to live once they wake up. His job will be done after all. His current bank account status should be more than enough to buy himself several castles-

The grocery runs to the nearby village aren't really too eventful. Sometimes the villagers look at him with sadness, which he doesn't particularly like.

There is a kitchen in the villa that he tends to avoid, unless it's for cleaning. Then he leaves that place spotless. Perhaps one of the residents asked him to clean it? Either way, he uses a kitchen right next to it to cook his meals, (sometimes finding it hard to even make himself eat once per day) even thinking about using the other kitchen makes him shiver.

Cale tends to gravitate towards lemon tea.

He hates bitter things.

He makes periodic checks on the current king or queen of Roan. They've become familiar with his presence as he makes sure the children aren't learning anything bad or being neglected. (They're quite fond of him for some reason-)

The greenhouse is where he spends most of his time. Journaling his discoveries on poisons and all sorts of plants. The ones that are used to wake up coma patients are the majority of plants in his journal.

The butterflies are quite friendly. He's lonely

---

Ah.

They're waking up.

He's been all over the place, listening to the steadily growing noise all over the villa and making sure they don't fall over after being basically dead for so long. (He almost attacked the red head who stumbled into the greenhouse, not being used to noise that was not his own)

His first priority are the children, of course.

Cale answered the many questions to the best of his ability. Why they called him "young master" or "Cale-nim" was beyond him.

As they gathered into the dining room to hear what had happened, Cale had to work hard to repress the feelings that made him want to burst into tears.

When he'd explained that they'd basically been in a coma for years, they were understandably pretty shocked. There were tears, people who wanted to take a moment to themselves to process, and questions. So many questions.

How long has it been? Over three thousand years.

Were you also asleep? No.

Why are you acting so off? He's acting normally.

What did you do then? Took care of you.

Do you remember us??

....no.

----

So this is another route this au could go, different from the original post-

Apologies because this is a bit all over the place-

(I wanted to mention something else but forgot ;-;)