#i'm not wasting any more time on this
Explore tagged Tumblr posts
Text
I've never mentioned how I feel about people using/sharing my art, because I'm too lazy to do anything about most things. And people misusing my art will NEVER be a reason for me to stop sharing it. Anyway, if you LIKE my art, I'd appreciate if you kept these guidelines in mind:
My art isn't up for grabs to be turned into AI trash. Don't use my art for AI learning/creating AI 'art'.
You can use my art as profile pic, banner etc. I really don't mind. I actually find it cute. Please credit me though!
You can share my drawings in whichever place I don't post (I only post here and on instagram) ALWAYS with credit though! Please people, it's not that hard...
You cannot use or repost my commissioned art though. Because it involves other people who actually paid for it.
You can talk to me if you are not sure if it's ok to share something or how to share it! I promise I don't bite!
You can create something inspired by my works (just credit me!) I would like to see it though (mostly because I'm curious). (this does not apply to AI art as mentioned above. When I say 'create' I mean with your own hands/mind lol)
Never associate any of my works with bigoted views.
Don't associate my works with fandom discourse. Please, don't do that, not even in the tags. It makes me genuinely sad that people go out of their way to bash my favorite characters in the tags of my drawings...
My works cannot be used commercially (like, really, i had to fight someone about this on instagram once... i draw fanart for nintendo franchise mostly...)
Honestly, I'm too old and tired to reinforce any of this, but if you like my art, it makes sense to respect my wishes, no?
I hate policing people. It really bothers me that I even have to say all of this...
As always, thanks a lot to all of you who are super sweet and reblog my stuff and leave super cute comments! you're awesome and you are why the things above will NEVER be the reason for me to stop sharing my art!
#i took forever to do this#precisely because i hate policing people#sorry if my english sounds wonky#i'm not wasting any more time on this
65 notes
·
View notes
Text
finally at that age where i'm thinking i should get a tattoo. not bc i feel strongly about it, just seems like a waste not to. i've got so much skin i'm not using
#feels so selfish like. all this skin what am i saving it for?#open to design suggestions! (please make me regret this offer)#maybe some deep sea horrors. a pretty watercolor of a gulper eel#once saw a person on the subway with various Skeleton Tattoos on all their limbs#i respected their commitment to the theme#but more than that i respected how all the skeletons were engaged in Activities#dancing in a ballgown. juggling its own (and two other???) skulls. swordfighting. being a mermaid skeleton#ANYWAY. the only reason i haven't already gotten tattoos is i just couldn't be bothered#i'm old enough to know i don't have any strong-but-potentially-temporary feelings driving me towards it#aesthetically i prefer decorated to non-decorated surfaces. but i'm not artistic or thrilled with commitment#honestly it feels like sheer laziness. indecisiveness--nay. immaturity!--that i HAVEN'T gotten a tattoo yet#letting all this blank canvas go to waste. tut tut i need to grow up and be an adult and get a tattoo sleeve already.#really i've put off my responsibilities long enough#(in fairness i DID at one time have 18 different piercings)#(but i took most of them out bc they interfere with wearing headphones and/or shoving my face in my pillow during Sleep Time)#(i only kept the nape piercing bc oddly enough it ended up being the most convenient. and the least painful to get now i think about it.)#(neck piercing? no problem. normal pair of earrings? Tribulations And Suffering. i don't make the rules i just poke them with a stick.)
3K notes
·
View notes
Text
![Tumblr media](https://64.media.tumblr.com/a6efaa432bbdf18d79d42ca3f57127f3/b18ca2e4b6a43c49-5c/s540x810/f598e215be250654abb506912b9805e56e1d8609.jpg)
Making Incorrect H:SR Quotes Until I Run Out of (hopefully) Original Ideas - Pt. 4 - Nuthin' but Boothill Edition
[Pt. 1] [Pt. 2] [Pt. 3] [Pt. 5] [Pt. 6]
#boothill#honkai star rail#hsr#hsr incorrect quotes#hsr memes#honkai star rail memes#hsr meme#honkai star rail meme#hsr textpost#hsr boothill#boothill hsr#hsr spoilers#hsr 2.2 spoilers#hmmm... don't think it's worth tagging the others in the 9th image. this ain't about them#still unsure abt how to do the alt text for these kinda posts properly but hopefully i'm improving#anyways. don't think i've ever seen heard and typed "cowboy' so many times in one day as i have while making this good lord#i did a bit of digging around and haven't Seen any of these done yet so. here's hoping that's the case!#i'm only ~3/4 of the way through the 2.2 main quest but the need to make these compelled me to put these out Now#i can already tell u that there Will be more of these for Boothill tho bc i'm crazy abt him. probably enough to make another dedicated post#but i'm gonna wait until i'm fully caught up on the plot (and will probably spoil myself for more of his character lore after that as well)#speaking of. i'm gonna go eat mac n' cheese and stay up too late playing through the rest of the main quest#i'm loving it so far. many thoughts head full abt it all but in a good way. hoping for more Boothill moments as we approach the end#he's def not the main character here but he is to Me okay. he is to me. i'm scarfing down every crumb he drops#i'm also suffering from Aventurine withdrawals out here. Argenti mentioning him was Interesting but i need More. Where Is He.#also. was Argenti intentionally not voiced or was it a game issue?? the hell was that. threw me off so hard when i couldn't hear him speak#anyways i'm getting off topic and wasting precious gaming time so i'll be takin' my leave now
660 notes
·
View notes
Text
ribbonwood
#linked universe#linkeduniverse#lu hyrule#(also zelda 1!!! but idk how people would feel about me tagging it since I used Jojo's design?)#(ya'll can always tag my gen loz art as LU (or as any linkverse honestly if it inspires you to think about your favs) and vice versa)#(I want to inspire you to think and create! If you see my gen loz art and want to add that to your headcanons or it changes how you think??#take it! play with it! invite me to play as well haha!)#(not ocs but like- gen stuff??? ye go for it)#mom walked in and looked at the comic I was working on#so I started rambling about my plans with it and what my peers are working on and how cool it all is and how I want to have more of that#and she said “what a waste of time”#so I got loosey goosey with it :\#nice exercise to just draw w/o doing guides or being careful#did this in like under 15 minutes! >:D#but anyways#I haven't slept yet so gn!#.. he's holding stuff in the wrong hands!!!! a#look up ribbonwood / redshanks trees! If Hyrule was a tree- this is it#I imagine zelda 1&2's landscape to be california chaparral!!! I'm really passionate about it!!!!!#check out the california chaparral institute's website -> chaparral -> chaparral types#it's Hyrule's Hyrule!
785 notes
·
View notes
Note
You doing ok?
hi
#i'm alive. simply being chewed upon by multiple things#work is more stressful than i'd like it to be. for instance i'm hoping that i submitted my time off notification for tomorrow correctly#because otherwise it might read as a no call no show and i would . like to continue having a job#now to be fair. i do have it on the system that i requested it at the beginning of the month and i emailed my supervisor about it last week#so even if i didn't submit it correctly i'm likely in the clear#but nonetheless. i also got a firm talking-to the other day and now i am on ✨thin ice✨ for dicking around too much#because they track ur idle time at my work (computer) and mine was Quite High so my supervisor was like man what the hell is this#but even though she was kind of baffled at me spending so much time dicking around#she couldn't even really be all that mad in the end because i'm still doing good numbers and have made no (zero) mistakes#so she was just like. it's kind of impressive that your numbers look this good when you literally have 50% idle time#so she goes imagine what you could do if you weren't wasting so much time#and yeah i can whip out some Really Good Numbrers when i put the effort in.#so the problem is not my numbers it's just that i'm not spending long enough doing my tasks for the day#but i don't want to drag out those tasks intentionally so i've just been upping my own standards/goals#as much as i hate giving any more of my brain power than is necessary to giant corporations#it's still easy to feel smug after you get Talked To and then immediately turn around and show off#like yeah i coulda been doing this good the whole time. literally pulling up by 20 points. i just didn't want to.#trying to keep everyone's expectations low but accidentally toed the line of um. not working enough to keep my job#...anyway. EAS national weather system issued a . hi#i haven't forgotten about all of you i'm just having trouble tracking all my shit that i got going on ✨ yaaaaaaay#im gonna post things on AO3 soon. i promise. my weakness is that i get sidetracked trying to unwind from work#...i know i said 'soon' last time. but this time for real#asks#not sexy#anonymous
49 notes
·
View notes
Text
I've been thinking about the tragedy of Elizabeth Woodville living to see the end of her family name.
I don't mean her family with her husband, which lived on through her daughter and grandson. I mean her own.
Her sisters died, one by one, many of them after 1485. When Elizabeth died, only Katherine was left, and she would die before the turn of the century as well.
All her brothers died, too. Lewis died in childhood. John was executed. Anthony was murdered. Lionel died suddenly in the peak of Richard's reign, unable to see his niece become queen. Edward perished at war. Richard died in grieving peace. For all the violence and judgement the family endured, it was "an accident of biology" that ended their line: none of the brothers left heirs, and the Woodville name was extinguished. We know the family was aware of this. We know they mourned it, too:
“Buy a bell to be a tenor at Grafton to the bells now there, for a remembrance of the last of my blood.”
Elizabeth lived through the deposition and death of her young sons, and lived to see the end of her own family name. It must have been such a haunting loss, on both sides.
#(the quote is by Richard Woodville in his deathbed will; he was the last of the Woodville brothers to die)#elizabeth woodville#woodvilles#my post#to be clear I am not arguing that the death of an English gentry family name is some kind of giant tragedy (it absolutely the fuck is not)#I'm trying to put it into perspective with regards to what Elizabeth may have felt because we know her family DID feel this way#writing this kinda reminded me of how I am just not fond at all about the way Elizabeth's experiences in 1483-85 are written about#and the way lots so many of the unprecedentedly horrifying aspects are overlooked or treated so casually:#the seizure and murder of two MINOR sons and the illegal execution of another;#her sheer vulnerability in every way compared to all her queenly predecessors; how she was harassed by 'dire threats' for months;#how she had 5 very young daughters with her to look after at the time (Bridget and Katherine were literally 3 and 4 years old);#how unprecedented Richard's treatment of her was: EW was the first queen of england to be officially declared an adulteress;#and the first and ONLY queen to be officially accused of witchcraft#(Joan of Navarre was accused of her treason; she was never explicitly accused of witchcraft on an official level like EW was)#the first crowned queen of england to have her marriage annulled; and the first queen to have her children officially bastardized#what former queens endured through rumors* were turned into horrifying realities for her.#(I'm not trying to downplay the nightmare of that but this was fundamentally on a different level altogether)#nor did Elizabeth get a trial or appeal to the church. like I cannot emphasize this enough: this was not normal for queens#and not normal for depositions. ultimately what Richard did *was* unprecedented#and of course let's not forget that Elizabeth had literally just been unexpectedly widowed like 20 days before everything happened#I really don't feel like any of this is emphasized as much as it should be?#apart from the horrifying death of her sons - but most modern books never call it murder they just write that they 'disappeared'#and emphasize that ACTUALLY we don't know what happened to them (this includes Arlene Okerlund)#rather than allowing her to have that grief (at the very least)#more time is spent dealing with accusations that she was a heartless bitch or inconsistent intriguer for making a deal with Richard instead#it also feels like a waste because there's a lot that can be analyzed about queenship and R3's usurpation if this is ever explored properly#anyway - it's kinda sad that even after Henry won and her daughter became queen EW didn't really get a break#her family kept dying one by one and the Woodville name was extinguished. and she lived to see it#it's kinda heartbreaking - it was such a dramatic rise and such a slow haunting fall#makes for a great story tho
126 notes
·
View notes
Text
Everyone who makes jokes about Vulcan hand sex is ignoring the REAL Star Trek hand sex species.
The Ocampa.
#Kes Voice: Neelix we have to hold hands for six days it's the only way to have a baby#Kes Voice: -looking at anatomy books for the first time- Hmm weird!!! <- no pussy haver#star trek voyager#st voyager#I do like the idea that Neelix is now really skilled at hand sex#and he hears about Vulcan hand things and is like 'this could be my in' <- unaware it doesn't work like that and it's about telepathy etc#HEHEHE god Kes looks so deranged in this episode#Kes: Why don't you want to hold my weird sticky hands.#you may ask how does Kes pee if she has no pussy? one very small hole intended for liquid waste disposal and nothing else#I'm sure the writers intended for it to be like 'we have to be holding hands WHILE having sex' but you know what? I disagree.#<- my entire explanation. I just like things being more alien.#especially since most star trek species look necessarily (for the show) humanoid#Ocampa pon farr is just feverishly holding hands for six days straight while staring at each other and lunging for any bugs you spot
29 notes
·
View notes
Text
To those who choose third party or abstained to "teach the democrats a lesson":
I hope the moral hill you chose to die on was fucking worth it.
#us elections#american politics#us politics#2024 election#kamala harris#donald trump#i would say more but i've got better things to do than waste my time with those people#like get in touch with any friends over there and check if they're okay#and to reblog anything that can be of use to anyone#also i'm not american just for anyone curious
21 notes
·
View notes
Text
Day 10: Anode beetle
![Tumblr media](https://64.media.tumblr.com/a1290d5e6c87ddf5ced7a4340aab98c2/6e9144038647ea53-7f/s540x810/cc41e881bd5d60b2d12609f1830294d6b5ccb67b.jpg)
It's Fictional Bug Friday! I think a lot of these are going to be from Pikmin because I adore their bug designs... According to the Piklopedia they're in the scarab beetle family, so that means I have been drawing scarabs for a full week lol.
#bug party 2025#Pikmin#Bugs/#Insects/#This is my first time using brush pens!!!!#Despite what the past 6 days might have you think#I actually want to mess with different media during the course of this project#Cure myself of my fear of using any art supply more “nice” than a pencil or a sharpie pen#It's not “wasting” them if I'm having fun and getting practice with different things!#Anyway my wife is learning Japanese and practicing writing a lot#This is nothing compared to how she goes thru them lol#Ink
15 notes
·
View notes
Text
too cold and miserable for a mental health walk so we're watching this instead today, lads
#it's no more a waste of three hours than scrolling any social media at all right now is.#today's mission is to not scroll so much that I lose my optimism. that might be the mission for a long time going forward#but we do what we can for the next few years.#and all I can do right now is keep myself feeling okay enough that when the opportunity to do something comes up-#-then I'll have the fortitude to be able to.#but as of right now it's just a matter of 'keep your eyes on the end of the tunnel'.#what we WON'T be doing is reading 'you're just as bad as they are if you don't watch every bad thing happen in front of you' takes.#I'll be a lot more helpful if I'm alive and hopeful and semi-in the loop and helping when I can#than if I'm fully in the loop constantly and ready to take a long walk off of a short pier because of it.#energy is best spent reasonably rationed to important causes than spent calling hotlines.#if you need a break and to mute words like trump or elon or whatever then do it and don't let anyone tell you otherwise.#intentional ignorance and self-preservation are not the same thing and misery without action is not activism.#don't conflate them and be sure to take care of yourselves and your neighbors right now.#uspol
7 notes
·
View notes
Text
![Tumblr media](https://64.media.tumblr.com/03d1f469298fd209b1fc7bb0a8b0b6ef/0f5c426921dcdd2a-61/s540x810/8149d673ca2518b1b5899715b391ef4922334baf.jpg)
![Tumblr media](https://64.media.tumblr.com/534e4f68cec6cf3cd727f6310cf5bc4e/0f5c426921dcdd2a-ef/s540x810/8c6d5f7ee1d5115d3e007478cb8eb411ddb03357.jpg)
... why he sit like this
#in this position his face is extremely 'cartoon cat' shaped.. like the perfectly round cheeks and little#rounded bump of a snout.. big round eyes. etc. stretched over the arm of a chair like a weirdo#cats#It's still Hot Evil Summer time and I have so much to do so am just aimlessly hopping between various projects but not actually#getting anything done. as usual. Also so so so so tired. I almost fell asleep in the middle of the floor like 3 times today lol#Trying to finish some costume photos and also another poll adventure thing. plus I do really want to do a sculpture sometime#I haven't finished one in a while. Hopefully my tiredness is nothing bad.#Maybe I'm anemic again so that's making me tired. Or maybe it's just a Listless phase. not that I'm ever really THAT productive considering#all of the health problems and etc. always holding me back. but still. I'm not usually 'sleep or just stare at a wall literally all day' ty#e unproductive.. at least not for multiple days in a row so. hmm... Sometimes especially in the summer though I will have periods of time#that are listless like that. I am under low level phyiscal stress for months at a time due to summer heat so I guess it makes sense#that would eventually take a toll. I just have SO MANY THINGS I WANT TO DO!!!!! AAUUGhhh#I also came up with a new idea for a game that is so so cool and I wish I could make it but I have to finish the other one first lol#which I will NEVER do. if I spend all day just sleepy unfocused barely able to do anything#I also really need to sell some clothes and sculptures because I'll probably have to buy a new computer soon so I need money. (plus still#recovering the costs of having to euthanize my other cat.. wehh) There's nothing clearly wrong with it right now but it's getting gradually#slower and there's more weird glitches happening randomly and idk.. just weird things that make me think 'hmm... bad.. possibly.'#ANYWAY... I just have so much to do that I both REALLY want or need to do - so it's perpetually frustrating that I just can't for whatever#reason like. Time is always mving forward. every day I waste is a wasted day. The year is already almost half over. I havent finished#any of the projects I wanted to .. and there's only more and more things to do each day. It's overwhelming and stinky#and thats not even considering having to do all of my tasks also with the background noise of economic inequality. everything increasingly#going into an even scarier political direction. active climate change crisis. pandemic that still exists and is insane to act otherwise. et#etc. HOW am I supposed to solo make two whole games . write 3 book series. finish sculptures. do costumes. make outfits. game videos. make#stable network of social connections. do my little side crafts. take care of myself and cats. pay rent. manage health issues. keep a routin#.try to make some sort of money. go to doctors appointments. handle regular maintenance like cleaning and cooking and self care#and buying new plates when old ones break or etc. make sure to do other things like backup my computer data regularly. do shopping lists.#take care of plants. pursue like 6 different academic interests. do the other side side projects I have for fun (like music or carving avoc#ado pits). eat in a healthy way thats okay for my Special Health Issue diet. exercise so i don't die early. etc. etc. etc. AND all while it#82F in my apartment all the time and I have tiny income and also need to move to another country/climate somehow??? lol......#ANYWAY.. ..very frustrated today over my chronic Tired Sleepy.. time for Cat Photos - which cure all of life's ailments lol
118 notes
·
View notes
Text
youtube
see too many ppl still defending jdepp or running with the "mutual abuse" angle so here's a video presenting basically all the (publicly available btw! for anyone to be able to look up!) information on this case. Let it be known if you still support jdepp i am assuming you have never done a grain of research into this in your life and just ran with public opinion and misinformation
#amber heard#r.txt#debating on whether or not i should send my siblings this video bc they're a) pro-jdepp b) saying it was mutual abuse or c) don't know#whose side to be on anymore after previously being pro-jdepp. but like i'm convinced they haven't actually ever done any research to base#their opinions on bc once you know all of this it's pretty obvious that amber was the victim in the situation but i don't want to offend an#of them by implying they haven't done their research. which would also be rlly disappointing bc why are u saying shit abt this topic if you#haven't properly informed urself LIKE. just say u don't know in that case instead of just going with popular opinion no. 1 aka pro-jdepp or#popular opinion no.2 aka it was mutual abuse blah blah they were both toxic af blah blah. anyway it would be rlly random to just send them#the vid and they probably wouldn't even watch it bc it's 2 and a half or so hours long and i just KNOW they're gonna be like i am not gonna#waste my time on smth i don't care that much abt or whatever. maybe the eldest will watch if i send bc he's already someone who watches#videos even if they're long asf i think he doesn't have a problem with the runtime but it's likely they don't think it's worth investing#time into or that they don't care abt rich famous people that much that they'd watch 150 minutes of info abt said people but at the same#time he's most likely to be open to other opinions. the second eldest is SO not gonna watch the vid bc it's too long but even so there is#still a chance she might at least watch a little of the video bc she is the one that was pro-depp before but said she doesn't know anymore#now. the third eldest is probably least likely to watch bc again it's a long vid and i don't think he'd watch + idk if he's that open to#hearing abt a different side. like this isn't specifically a pro-heard video it's at its core a video documenting depp&heard's relationship#and giving you all the relevant information in an orderly put togethet easily overseeable way but bc the evidence so clearly speaks to ambe#being the victim it is essentially also pro-heard but that's bc IT'S SO EASY TO SEE THAT SHE WAS THE VICTIM IF U ACTUALLY PUT THE EFFORT IN#TO READ UP AND CONNECT THE DOTS IN THE PUBLICLY AVAILABLE DOCUMENTS ARGHHHGGHH#anyway. maybe will send the video maybe not idk it does piss me off that they seem to have not put in research of their own before coming t#a conclusion abt this case and i want them to have the information and i also just want them to know where i'm coming from when i say i'm o#the sure opinion that amber was the victim in this case and that i HAVE done my research into this when the case was around and i'm not jus#talking out of my ass and being extremely feminist to a fault or wtvr ppl are saying#depp v heard#video#there is a pt 2 and 3 to this btw they're also good but pt 1 is the most information abt the case itself during the time they were together#while pt2 is more history of the hatred towards amber heard that was arouns since the beginning and jdepp's violence in life and love +#substance abuse issues and pt3 is more abt the most recent 2022 trial and why that was an unbalanced trial to begin with (jdepp literally#has an estimate of 150 million dollars at his disposal to use and amber heard has an estimate lf 500k. one of many unbalanced things in this#trial) & also discussing why so many ppl jumped on the hating amber heard bandwagon so readily. still both good vids that i'd recommend
7 notes
·
View notes
Text
Haven't had the time to update the assets because the launcher hates my PC but here's a summary of the last month or so of content.
![Tumblr media](https://64.media.tumblr.com/f0cd2611b09eea68daa540afe9aa6579/927c7f14327d82ab-78/s1280x1920/904dec1acc2a9c2c4752e21200ccf6723bb7235c.jpg)
![Tumblr media](https://64.media.tumblr.com/b82df0bd89b487eb36a16096e4e71842/927c7f14327d82ab-1e/s540x810/7f7653141aeb63c5e5805a628fab09a68303bd1a.jpg)
![Tumblr media](https://64.media.tumblr.com/62b63c4de4ab2e75d1c9f2b09768534b/927c7f14327d82ab-47/s540x810/2faa2e164b8ac8f112ee9bbe8510c21c7b5b65f9.jpg)
![Tumblr media](https://64.media.tumblr.com/68dcc3b2ce44f7e877e88493134af17f/927c7f14327d82ab-33/s540x810/ede7ae9c5c9865c347e10dde1b399659fb4f8f84.jpg)
![Tumblr media](https://64.media.tumblr.com/5de8c922fa93a304d027b5fb000f7edb/927c7f14327d82ab-dc/s540x810/a2dba5b9f91fecc6660de82c7d32078a3fec148a.jpg)
![Tumblr media](https://64.media.tumblr.com/d3471a47586a322951045b8e1e12459f/927c7f14327d82ab-4c/s540x810/4c45193fc360939129b359c1a04ac65a91772f5f.jpg)
![Tumblr media](https://64.media.tumblr.com/f2f9f66e300b02a6298e6665297c56cc/927c7f14327d82ab-12/s540x810/740fb2ffcc807e156a6fd9d6ef9bd8644ce9f7a5.jpg)
(and a bonus silly one for discord emote purposes)
![Tumblr media](https://64.media.tumblr.com/0a83ff2e173a832267dc4ccd22609fe3/927c7f14327d82ab-03/s540x810/327c16a2625844274cf848f224217bdb53272734.jpg)
#jonathan bailey#this is a joke ive kept going on for way too long#g'raha tia#jonny bailey#ffxiv#final fantasy xiv#graha tia#jonathan bailey as a cat#low key JP looks like something id watch for a laugh#like me and my sister needing to waste 2 hours so go to vue and go to any PG-13 film thats like £7#also the ears will be updated for DT#just i thought i had some time you know#then he comes back#i cant remember if i did Richard II so missing that im sorry#I'm still on the Dawn Trail Vibe so guess that's a thing?#im also not changing the profile photo its iconic at this point#i didn't do one of the shoots as it was just more photos from an older one sorry there's so much in 6 weeks since i came out of the DT hole#i am aware i probably missed things but this is making me up to date and also meme the JP one for twitter
10 notes
·
View notes
Text
how to say "I missed you" without saying "I missed you."
#netflix onmyoji#abe no seimei#minamoto no hiromasa#onmyojiedit#my gifs#love how they go immediately from make-up to date#zero time wasted#they're besting who date again and it's time for them to go back to their favorite brunch-drinks-with-bae dates#fun fact: the working title for this gifset was#drinks with bae#in a better world i might spend more time to reformat this to make is less vertical gifs#but i've been working on this since january and that is already too much time so i'm letting it go into the wild#also hiromasa makes such great reaction faces while seimei is talking and it would be a shame to cut any of those out#thank u ep 6 you gave us much good stuff
23 notes
·
View notes
Text
two nights in a row gripping ice cubes like i'm 14 this is fucking pathetic
#i feel like my bones are filled with concrete#i spent the day doing all the things i've been putting off#emails to orthodontist and dentist and accountant#found a gp to hopefully get a mental health plan set up with#and went searching for a psych#but fuck me that's been less that fruitful#it feels like a waste of time and energy and money#as soon as you set suicidal ideation as an issue the pool of psychs goes from 1251 to 152#and adding queer filters to that?#psychology today says go die fag#and of those how many do you reckon is eligible for the medicare rebate?#because i've emailed 4 and of those i think maybe 1 will be eligible#BUT!#they cost so much that even WITH the rebate I'd be paying $130 for a 50 minute session#it's just a waste of money#i could see a therapist every day and still see no improvement#medicare offers a rebate for 10 sessions IF i'm lucky#so that's $1300 for 50 minutes a month#i judt can't see how that's going to do anyone any good#alternatively i can sit down with rika and get my will sorted and that money can go somewhere useful#that math isn't right#it'd be $1800 for 50 minutes a month#even more wasteful#i think i'm better off finding a comfortable and private place to decay#mum might be mental but maybe she was right when she told me i should just kill myself when i was 14#i've been inhaling smoke for so long
8 notes
·
View notes
Text
holiday season sucks
#im chill about it and that's the part that kinda breaks my heart#being home these days feels like a freakshow#sucks worse this time because i actually was so excited to come home this year#and it really hit me like wow. this is just not the place for me#there's just no scenario where i feel good about it. even though i'm chill??#i guess what i mean is like. i'm not tearing myself up over any of it#i could be a lot more sad angry upset etc about it if i wanted but i just don't really mind#and there's a part of me that wishes that i cared more because i deserve to feel safe and welcome with my own family#but instead i just still here like :/ well. i guess this is just how it is.#and i'll spend the rest of my life coming home and feeling like the court jester#and i dont rlly miss it at all.#but its like i have this weird sense of duty. that i should be the best son i can be because i wasn't the daughter they wanted#and i just think of all the things i want to do that i know i'll never do because i have this thought in my mind of *maybe*#if im good enough for long enough then they'll get used to it. but i cant do anything else#i wasted all my rebellion on transitioning and anything further would be over the line#i should be proud of the person that i am and to almost everyone else i am proud#but to them i just feel like. well this is me i guess your disgusting cringefail daughter with mental illness#tryiing to make up for existing. whatever#and thats what the holiday season has become. which sucks.
3 notes
·
View notes