#i'm not going to waste any more of my energy on this
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I will be blocking Trumpists as I spot them.
I will also be blocking anyone I identify as a Stein voter, anyone I can ID as "I can't vote for Kamala because she doesn't share ALL my values," anyone who says "eh it's all the same; they're all corrupt," and anyone who says "voting just perpetuates the oppression," and so on.
Are those evil people? No, not all of them. Not even all the Trumpists.
Do we need them to build a better world, to make the communities we want to happen? Yes.
But I don't need them in my Tumblr feed.
If they want to talk politics with me, they can meet me at the coffee-and-pastry shop at my local train station. They can ask for an invite to my weekend tea parties. They can join FAPA and we can chat via quarterly paper fanzine exchange. They can show up at Worldcon next year and find me between panels.
Oh, they're not local to me, not in scifi fandom, don't like tea, don't go to conventions?
Well, then I'm certainly never going to notice any results from blocking them.
My focus for the next few years is boots-on-the-ground solidarity and support. Online is for my happy fluff time break from stress, and strategizing with other people with similar activist goals. I am not going to waste that time arguing with people shilling for fascists, no matter how innocently uninformed they are.
There are people whose ignorance is understandable and not their fault. But if there here - on Tumblr, in the politically-active progressive areas online - they can damn well figure things out for themselves. There are plenty of resources for them; I no longer have time or energy for spoon-feeding fascist apologists.
(Oh, but if they have an epiphany and get better, won't I still be blocking them, now that they are potential allies? Fuck yes. I have plenty of people to talk with, more than I have time for. I am focusing on the ones who didn't fuck us all over in the 2024 election. If I run out of those, maybe I'll consider unblocking.)
("Hey elf, nobody fuckin' cares who you block." Um, fine? I am not here to be an Influencer. I am here to help my friends and find enjoyable fannish content. I am setting personal block policies for me, not to change the shape of social media.)
The "if you voted for Trump unfollow me" posts are returning, but given then general makeup of your average tumblr user I think there's a different message I'd like to give.
If you didn't vote because "both parties are the same" or "it won't make a difference" or because Kamala wasn't the pure and perfect leader that you wanted or you "didn't want blood on your hands", honestly whether or not you follow me doesn't make a damned bit of difference. But I want you to look. Take a good look at the despair around you right now. And every godforsaken thing that follows I want you to fucking look. Look and know that you could have helped prevent it. We still haven't recovered from his last four years, the world hasn't fucking recovered, and now we're staring down the barrel of god knows how many more years and a river of fucking blood to come along with it.
But your pride and your principles were more important to you than the actual real fucking world we live in.
I hope, if nothing else, that you can take this in. I hope you learn. I hope you grow. I hope you find it in you to realize that in this country they soak our hands in blood the second we take our first breath and the only thing that matters then is what you fucking do with them. What you fight for. Who you fight for. Who you defend.
I hope you wake up. And you step up. And you fucking fight.
But until then. Don't you fucking dare look away.
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Bby siren SJ & spoiled kid SY
I cleaned up a ficlet from a sprint I did with @danmeichael while ago! Cw implied murder & cannibalism (none depicted, just normal siren stuff)
"My parents said I'm not supposed to get in the water," The young human— Shen Yuan, he called himself— explained with patience but no small amount of self-importance, as though Shen Jiu was the one being difficult and the human was being the bigger person by humoring him.
"I can't play on land" Shen Jiu said with a put-upon pout, flicking his tail above water-- the small, short glimpses of his shiny scales were usually enough to beckon the human children closer. They were, in all honesty, usually quite easy to trick. Safer, too– even if humans were softer and weaker, Shen Jiu was still far too small to over-power an adult. When it had been the two of them, he and Qi-ge had been able to catch larger prey, but now– well now, Shen Jiu had to look out for himself, and that meant smaller kills, even if he had to venture much much closer to shore than he would have liked.
“We could, um,” the human paused, “I guess you can’t have games or books underwater…” he trailed off for a moment, before his face lit up with a charming smile. “I can read to you! I can read chapter books now,” the boy said with great aplomb, as though it should mean anything to Shen Jiu, “wait here, I’ll go get one from my parents!”
"NO!" Shen Jiu cried out. If the boy left, there was no guarantee he would return, or worse, he might come back with his kin trailing behind him. Shen Jiu hadn't eaten in weeks; he couldn't allow this chance to slip through his fingers.
Shen Yuan blinked at him, and then sat back down on the rocks, his cross legs out of reach of the lapping waves. Still not close enough for Shen Jiu to drag him under before the other humans heard his screams. Then, miraculously, and without any further beckoning the boy leaned closer. Shen Jiu's body tensed, tracking the movement, waiting for the boy to reach an angle where gravity would do most of the work to send him toppling into the waves.
"Are you lonely?" Shen Yuan whispered.
Shen Jiu jolted. "What-?" The anger was immediate and instinctive. He snapped his teeth. His hand jerked up, but no, the human was still too far from the edge, from Shen Jiu, all Shen Jiu was doing was flagging his intentions as plainly as a whale, like an idiot--
"Hey, that's-" annoyance flickered over the boy’s face, and for a second Shen Jiu thought he had caught on, that he would run, and Shen Jiu too would have to flee, wasting more of his energy with a failed hunt– but then Shen Yuan was once again the picture of a young lord. The boy cleared his throat. "I mean, you don't have to be embarrassed. I would be upset too if I had no brothers or gameboy," he said with the air of someone delivering sage wisdom.
Shen Jiu blinked. “Yes,” he repeated, perhaps unconvincingly, “I’m very sad without a ‘game-boy’ or… my brother.” he finished with a whisper. Shen Yuan nodded sympathetically.
“Ah!” His eyes widened and then curved, sparkling in the midday sun. He shoved a hand into his clothes and dug around, before pulling out some kind of small white and blue object.
“Da-ge always gives me milk candy when I fall and skin my knee. It’ll cheer you up!” He explained, dropping the thing towards the water.
Shen Jiu fumbled to catch it, only for the crisp white and and blue paper to start dissolving in his hand. He dropped it on instinct— bright colors spreading through the water could only mean poison. He glanced up and sent the human a viscous glare.
"Nooo, you have to eat it before it gets soggy!" Shen Yuan urged, seemingly oblivious to Shen Jiu’s ire.
Shen Jiu considered for a moment. This creature was far too stupid to poison someone, and seemed to have been carrying this for some time without any precautions or fear of it. It probably was just food. Shen Jiu’s stomach grumbled. Cautiously, he grabbed the ‘milk candy’. The blue had fallen away to reveal a white pellet that sat nicely in his palm. He put it in his mouth.
“Mm—“ Shen Jiu couldn’t suppress the noise. His head fins fluttered in delight as the creamy, sweet taste spread. He held it there carefully, letting it slowly melt over his tongue.
“It’s good, right?” Shen Yuan asked, just a little smug. Shen Jiu reluctantly nodded. He reached down to pat Shen Jiu’s head, as no one had done in so long. “You don’t have to be sad. If you’re lonely, I’ll be your friend.” As the boy gently stroked the siren’s silky hair, Shen Jiu decided that lunging up to bite wasn’t worth losing the treat in his mouth. It was okay to stay like this, just for a little while.
#svsss#shen jiu#shen yuan#jiuyuan#fish fic#I hope the children aren't painfully unrealistic lol-- working on that for a future project.#siren SJ AU
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I genuinely don't know where all my life energy comes from. People don't live like that I'm pretty sure.
I make things every minute, every second of my life. I work hard, and when I'm tired I'm doing some other interesting things and relax hard. My job, my many hobbies, my every day walkings and my chores. I can't just sit and watch some tv series, I need to do something at the same time. Haha that's why I looove Hamilton musical, I find it relatable. No time to waste, spend your life as good, productive and sorrow-less as possible. I'm living like if I was hit by a car tomorrow, I wouldn't regret any of my decisions, because I tried to find a balance between my aspirations and reality.
I have a burning energy that makes me do things on weekends. Learning new skills after working days. There's no time to try these new games or watching youtube. Going for a walk? Then listen a podcast about science. Experience new things? Remember them for future inspiration and understand the world more and better.
I was asked to do some additional job tasks on free time (being paid of course). And even after doing them I still have a willing to do things. My last vacation was 7 months ago btw.
And I want to quit my job. My perfect 9-5 job, being an artist with a good salary and being able to work from home. Yes, I want to quit it and continue my own art business that I started before it. Because I want to have more time to learn more and do many other things. I have energy to work hard so this business would succeed. And when I'll get bored of that I will think about other things and proceed to succeed them too.
My mind goes really fast and I need to drink coffee so my body would keep up. Don't wish me to rest well, I take care of my mind and body because it's in my best interest for a long-run.
I don't know.
I think I'm burning bright and one day this unknown power source will end. I genuinely don't know how on earth I'm not combusted right at this place.
Here's the part of a Hamilton musical song that always gives me determination.
(The sketch about times when I was learning and practicing to do a hand stand. Just for fun.)
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Are you seriously accusing Marina of harassment when you all bypass the lock yourself and climb into her blogs to take a screenshot of any of her incorrect posts? You and your friends created a blog to stalk her, not she.
try jumping to conclusions a little harder and you might just win yourself a medal in the olympics.
#i'm not going to waste any more of my energy on this#if you want a civil conversation about the situation - you're free to dm me#idm explaining things but i'm not going to do it through anon asks#though the tl;dr is: marina has harassed me repeatedly - before and after her apology. i have the screenshots if you want them#i havent bypassed any ''lock'' wtf. i dont seek out stuff that upsets me. i curate my online space (something /someone/ should learn <3)#also when said ''we'' in the prev post regarding this; i meant me & the other people marina has harassed. theyre not my friends??#most of them ive never even interacted with; big exception for lakka bc i know him personally#anyway i implore you to find something better to do with your time. go read a book or something#cw drama#cw discourse#anonymous#answered#bunch of huppelkutjes in my inbox smh
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two nights in a row gripping ice cubes like i'm 14 this is fucking pathetic
#i feel like my bones are filled with concrete#i spent the day doing all the things i've been putting off#emails to orthodontist and dentist and accountant#found a gp to hopefully get a mental health plan set up with#and went searching for a psych#but fuck me that's been less that fruitful#it feels like a waste of time and energy and money#as soon as you set suicidal ideation as an issue the pool of psychs goes from 1251 to 152#and adding queer filters to that?#psychology today says go die fag#and of those how many do you reckon is eligible for the medicare rebate?#because i've emailed 4 and of those i think maybe 1 will be eligible#BUT!#they cost so much that even WITH the rebate I'd be paying $130 for a 50 minute session#it's just a waste of money#i could see a therapist every day and still see no improvement#medicare offers a rebate for 10 sessions IF i'm lucky#so that's $1300 for 50 minutes a month#i judt can't see how that's going to do anyone any good#alternatively i can sit down with rika and get my will sorted and that money can go somewhere useful#that math isn't right#it'd be $1800 for 50 minutes a month#even more wasteful#i think i'm better off finding a comfortable and private place to decay#mum might be mental but maybe she was right when she told me i should just kill myself when i was 14#i've been inhaling smoke for so long
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i got two replies out , woo . now i'm going to sleep .
#⚡ ⸺ ❝ moghome . [ ooc ]#just kind of. want to clarify i'll still pop in here to reply to stuff#i'm not burnt out on muse soasmuch as i am just#discouraged and uncomfortable#and unsure of what to do#i don't rly. want to steep myself further rn in theory talk anymore than i have or focus on trying to figure roche out.#i've spent too much time and energy on that and tbqh? the more i stress about whether or not square makes him an interesting chara or w/e#the less i want to write roche so i'm just. not gonna bother. lmk if you want to try out any potential avenues concerning my theories#and whatnot#i'll be operating on a strictly au basis so like. assume everything on this blog is bullshit for now#and ig if i don't like what they do w roche in part 3 i'll likely drop him as a muse#i'm not going to waste my time and energy wallowing on omg!!! they didn't give this character his due!!#i'm so tired of muses i write being done dirty man. i just expect it by this point and the less attached i get to it all the better#it just happens way too often so i just gotta. stop thinking so much and having another muse to focus on will help w that#i think i've reached the pt where i'm tired of 'fixing' characters. so i'm not gonna do it
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As it turns out, there are still few things that make me as happy as posting a fic/chapter hour(s) past midnight, switching off my laptop and basking in the glow of my silly little creation the next morning at work. <3 I will not be depriving myself of it again.
#rant in the tags so probably ignore those#I spent so long thinking that if maybe I pushed myself just a little more I would finally find Peace#but I did push myself past any limits for other people - the majority of them not deserving it but denanding it of me - and all I got of it#was misery and lack of any joy in life#so going forward I will not be doing that#I will be doing things that bring me joy and that I'm looking forward to#it really takes being pushed to the absolute limits of what you can take to realise that people are right#and you can't hate yourself into being a person you love#and that led to the realisation that I don't need to hate myself at all#because now I have people in my life who want to hear what I have to say without treating it as a nuisance#or some sort of blabbered out insanity#it's a little bittersweet; realising it could have always been like this#but it is now#and that's opened for me the possibility to go back to doing things I was depriving myself from because I was wasting all my energy#on trying to please my way into the approval of people who will never give it to me#just like they haven't since I was a child#so essentially fuсkallthat#I'm enjoying myself again#personal shit#fanfic#rant#just in the tags but still
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Idk man if you're constantly talking about your crushing loneliness and feelings of being ostracised and left out when you ostensibly have a bunch of friends around you then maybe the feelings of loneliness aren't the problem there
#i would always feel really empty and distant and 'act out' after our hangouts#and i always framed it as like 'i get the high when i'm around people and then i crash afterwards'#and didn't really consider that maybe sitting in a vc for 4 hours feeling left out while other people have fun is just soul sucking#it was always framed as my behaviour that was the problem. 'you did this and you did that.' so i just kinda internalized that#if i felt like shit it must be my fault. everybody knows i'm the one who causes problems so i'm just causing more problems#if i say that something made me uncomfortable and the response is 'i wont make accomodations and how dare you even ask' it must be my fault#idk. we filled out consent forms in the game i'm really not excited to play and i was reminded that nobody ever asked my consebt#and when i tried to advocate for myself and voice that i wasn't consenting it was treated like i was causing problems by trying to say that#and i saw that as a reasonable reaction at the time cause i had been so deeply convinced that i was broken and horrible#that if i was trying to revoke my consent or even just negotiate it then i was ruining everything for everybody else#that if i was uncomfortable with what was going on i needed to just shut up and live with it#i wish i had realized that and dropped out months ago. maybe that could have preserved some semblance of my relationships with those people#far too late for that now. i'm trying to accept that#and all that effort was wasted anyway#i tried to say once that i was putting in a massive amount of effort and i felt like nobody was recognizing that fact#and i still kind of feel that way#i put hours of mental energy into trying to be enough for people who kept demanding more from me and kept giving me less in return#did that do me any good or did it just cause me 3 months of grief and an empty bank account from therapy?#the problem is that i still wish things had turned out better even though i know i had no control over that#if i had kept advocating for myself it just would have been over far faster. i guess that might have spared me a bit of money#if i tried to talk about the problems it would have just been dismissed with some quick quippy therapy phrase amounting to 'not my fault'#we're already living in the universe where i put all my effort into changing in the ways i was told to change and look how well that went#idk. the attitude was never 'let's fix the problems.' it was always 'you need to fix it.' and then when i did it was#'now there's a new problem. fix that one too. and this one. and that one.'#and to do all that work for somebody and then be told they thought you never even cared about them. man it just stings#idk. it's in the past now. but i can't build new relationships. i'm trying and it's impossible#i try meeting new people and they all suck. i try strengthening relationships with old people and they all get too busy or leave.#the only reason i post these things on tumblr is cause i don't have anybody else to talk to about it#the only person i could talk to has their own shit going on. there really just isn't anybody else#personal
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#woke up today with a looming sense of dread#i'm sitting here with tears rolling down my face because of minor inconvenients#i have no energy and find no joy in anything...#wouldn't you guess i'm due my period any time now...#every month i'm more convinced i have pmdd... and every month i'm full to the brim with anxiety and depression...#this is SO FUCKING FUN!#also yeah yeah i need to go to a doctor i need to speak to someone about this and i need to get medicated#i don't deserve to feel like this periods shouldn't debilitate you this much etc etc...#i don't think there's a human professional in this country that believes pmdd is a thing enough to medicate me#i know for a fact that my mother (a person i live with and in some way still holds power over me whether on purpose or by my own issues)#doesn't believe is a thing because she's the kind of person who says depressed people just need to ''choose happiness'' so...#not exactly a possibility now#not to mention i FUCKED UP the only regular client i had and now i won't be earning enough money to waste on doctor appointments#just to have some old male doctor tall me my ''womanly problems aren't bad enough'' so... yeah not doing that#ANYWAYS i don't see hope in the world today this will pass in a few weeks and everything will be fine#why don't i go watch good omens and maybe i'll calm down am i right?#lol#angel talks#personal
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i feel like life right now is me trying to juggle approximately 127 different things, and none of them are life-or-death but they’re all equally important to me, so those 127 things are like simultaneous balls in the air that i am holding up while the adderall shortage makes it harder to remember what they are let alone keep from dropping them, and at this point even my to-do lists have lists which got so out of control that i stopped even keeping lists but also i’m so tired every day that i’m lucky if i get a single thing done and if i don’t set alarms then i depression-sleep for fourteen hours because oh yeah my adderall was also the only thing that helped my bipolar meds work all the way so i’m crying and thinking about everything that makes me sad 24/7 while i try to keep juggling
#...so if i owe you a reply that would be why#also i need to review the enola holmes sequel and write a huge disenchanted rant (watched that one last night)#but i don't know when i'll have the energy#today at least i did get some things done--returned stuff to a store and got my flu shot and covid booster#...i was actually out to return things and get my adderall but at least those vaccinations were also on my general to-do list#it's just a lot less stuff than i NEED to be doing#and so much of it comes down to the fact that i sleep a lot i wake up i feel so tired it's like i didn't sleep#and then i just spend the whole day waiting to go back to bed#and under those conditions it's really hard to accomplish anything else#but i genuinely can't tell how much of my exhaustion is depression-based#and how much is physical because i've felt under the weather and had weird symptoms in one way or another since the summer#and at this point it's like...my doctor brushed me off when i tried to get help in the summer so i waited like she advised#for things to improve on their own#and they haven't but i'm so tired physically and emotionally and psychologically that i can't say i have any more self-advocacy fight in me#like it's obviously bad that the alternative is me continuing to feel like i'm maybe slowly wasting away and just letting it happen#but depression makes it pretty hard to care#randomness#mental health#depression#bipolar disorder#adhd#life stuff#health#/tag abuse
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i'm still mouring romantic love
#i thought it was real for waaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaay too long#and it's heartbreaking to come to the realization that romantic love is just a way to control women in society#now i'm kinda like damn i guess my ex was right#marriage and relationship don't make any sense in real life#ntm if i compliment another women then “you're a pick me who deserves to be cheated on”#SHEEEEEESH#how about i never touch a male again and instead go hang out with my friends#i call call anyone hot around my friends without worrying that they'll ditch me for the prettier girl lol#so anyway relationship and love and marriage and just being a couple#i'm coming to terms with the reality that it's all fiction#and trying to make something fictional work is nothing but a waste of energy#and it sucks that fiction rubs it in your face so much!#like bitch fuck love give me more dragons if we're going fictional tf#urdtarah complains
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Why go to bed early, when you can't bring yourself to wake up early anyway
#gonna rant#i am 💫staring at the ceiling💫#kind of hate this#was studying but then I got to the end of the part I decided I would do today so suddenly I couldn't bring myself to continue#even if I had the energy for it#but I couldn't bring myself to do any other activity as well#because I should have been studying or because everything felt too time or energy consuming I guess?#so obviously the best solution was to just stare in space trying to decide what to do#which led me to lying on my bed staring at the ceiling#why don't you just go to sleep then you might ask#what are you even suggesting? that I either get up before 7 or that I sleep more than 7 hours??#because I know that 7 hours seems to be the amount of sleep most likely to make me feel a little rested#(no more and no less. but it's summer so it's even harder to get up and I feel horribly when I do)#and because getting up before 7 feels so early and what am I gonna do with all that time??#(my productivity is at its worse in the morning and somehow I end up losing so much time with literally nothing)#i hate this#you know that post I made about wanting to shake myself by the shoulders#yeah#why the fuck do I have to find a problem in anything#and I get anxious if I get up after 8 because that as well feels like I'm wasting time#I'm not tired enough to fall asleep quickly and I can't bring myself to do anything and and-#plus my brother is also going to wake up early tomorrow cause he has some extra classes in school#so I'm gonna be slowed down in my waking up routine if we get up at the same time#i guess I'll try to sleep and be bothered that I'll take too much time#hopefully if I got to bed earlier and my alarms are set for earlier I'll manage to get up at just the right time#funny cause I am interrupting my wangxian queue with my ranting#IF I HAD JUST BOUGHT THE RIGHT PEARLS I COULD HAVE BEEN MAKING MY CHOKER BUT NOO#maybe it is truly just that that messed up my plans#vaneggiando#rereading the tags and they make no sense great 💀
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can I request some cute fluff with Astarion - I think something cute would be tav’s never worn a dress and they put one on and Astarion is just mindblow by how good they look? 🥺
maybe he can do some chivalrous acts as well~
She Looks Breathtaking
pairing : astarion x (fem) reader
summary : astarion has never seen you in a dress, you haven’t been in one since you were taken from baldur's gate. you both find it hard to hide your excitement.
warnings : none :)
authors note: I hope you like this anon! (first, i finally played baldur's gate. second, i'm going to try and pump out the requests that I haven't gotten to.)
“Oh! Look how pretty this is!”
You turn your head to look towards Karlach’s booming voice, much too loud for the small space you were in. She held up a dress, something you hadn’t thought about wearing in months. You hadn’t had any important events to attend.
Walking over to her side, you take the fabric between your fingers. “It’s beautiful..”
“You should get it. I think you’d look great, and I bet Astarion would like it too.” She nudged at your side, teasing. Your face flushed, and you ran your fingers along the hem of the dress, avoiding Karlachs gaze. She likes to poke fun at the obvious crush you had developed on Astarion, and everytime she did you regretted telling her more and more.
Eventually, you find a small paper attached to the fabric showing the price of the dress, eyes widening at the disgustingly low price.
“When would I even get a chance to wear it? It would go to waste, just weigh my bag down.” Karlach huffs, taking the price tag and reading it for herself.
“Are you kidding me? Even if you don’t wear it, you’d be a fool to ignore this price. Maybe you will attend some noble party when we get to Baldur's Gate!” She was way too excited but her energy almost made you agree with her, the dress was so cheap even if it went unworn for a long time. And you hadn’t worn one in..you couldn’t even remember.
You thought about it for a moment before moving for your coin pouch, pouring the amount into your hand and handing the coins to the trader. They slip out of your hand much faster than you'd care to admit, hiding your excitement from Karlach proving to be a challenge. “Don’t say a word to anyone, Karlach, I mean it.”
“Fine. But I better get to see you in it, at least try it on for me when we get back to camp!” You shake your head, amused by Karlachs childish antics, but you yourself can’t help but feel a little bit excited by the idea of dressing up.
When you returned to camp that night you had forgotten about the dress in your bag, slipping your mind amidst the constant thought of being attacked or having to talk your way out of a hostile situation.
So when Karlach came bouncing over to your side, your tent tucked away in a corner secluded from most of your party to keep your privacy, you could only give her a confused look. She seemed so excited and you had no idea why, and she was beginning to return the confusion.
“You gonna put on the dress or just make me stand here?” Oh! You let your bag fall to the ground, crouching down to rummage through its contents, searching for the dress.
When you found it you laid it over your bag, standing back up to remove the leather from your body. You could hear Karlachs giggles as you shimmied out of your much too tight leather pants, only to have to pull the dress over your body right after.
Your hair was up, but you untied it and allowed your hair to fall over your shoulders. When you turned back to her, she stared at you with awe. “Woah..”
“What?”
“You look..nice.” You giggled, which made her laugh along with you, both of you unaware of the approaching footsteps. His eyes trace along your figure, and he allows himself a moment of greediness to take in the full effect you have. You seem so happy, a smile appearing on his cheeks as he watches you smile gleefully and so..so..carefree. You're finally allowing yourself to have fun, and not worrying about protecting everyone else around you. And Gods.. you’re breathtaking.
He would never admit to a living soul, or a non-living one for that matter, but he had been infatuated with you since the moment you asked him to join your party. You made him weak, and with his newfound freedom he wasn’t sure what the correct way to deal with it was. Obviously he could use his charm to lure you into his bedroll, but he wanted more, he wanted to be the reason you felt giddy enough to show your teeth with a smile. He wanted to be the reason you laughed, and fooled around, the reason you felt safe enough to have fun.
He takes a deep breath in, to regain his confidence and charm, and he proceeds towards the two of you.
Until his voice filled your ears and caused your eyes to shoot in his direction, “Well well..don’t you look nice.”
“Astarion!” He approached the two of you slowly, staring at you and paying no mind to Karlach’s presence.
“I’m gonna leave you two alone..” Karlach let out an awkward chuckle, making eye contact with you with wiggly eyebrows before sneaking away.
You look back towards Astarion, who is unable to make eye contact with you as his eyes roam along your body, preoccupied. You're certain he doesn't even realise Karlach has left from beside the two of you.
“Where did you get this pretty thing?” He looks back up to meet your eyes, smirk big enough to show his fangs which sends a nervous shiver through your body. A tingle in your neck reminds you of the favour you allowed him. Your arms cross against your chest, suddenly more nervous in his presence than ever before.
“Just something I picked up from a merchant..”
“In all the time I’ve traveled by your side , I’ve never seen you look so.. elegant.”
“Wow thanks..” You roll your eyes with a snort, crossing your arms tighter across your chest.
“Now c’mon darling..you know I mean you no disrespect. Only pointing out the obvious. May I?” At first you're unsure what he’s even asking permission for, but when you see his hands reaching out to touch you, you give him a nod.
He doesn’t hesitate, hands finding your hips. “See…usually you’re wearing that menacing leather, always so serious.” Your face scrunches up at his words, you’ve never thought your armour to be very menacing nor did you believe you were ‘always serious’. Only when the situation called for it.
The heat of his skin can be felt even through the fabric. His thin fingers squeeze into the plush of your hips, then run along your waist, feeling the fabric between his fingers. “But right now, in this dress, with your hair undone,” He brings his hand up to run his fingers through your hairs, “You look so free. You’re beautiful darling..so beautiful.”
You feel your face relax, and it only softens more when Astarions eyes meet yours once more and his pupils are blown . The softest smile blossoms on his face, which turns out to be contagious cause not soon after a cheek burning smile is on your face. Face hot as you look into his eyes, his hands still on your waist, thumbs massaging your skin through your dress.
“I should take it off, I don’t want to get it dirty.”
“Could you humor me?”
“Humor you? How so, Astarion?”
“Keep it on, just for an hour. It’s been a long time since I spent an evening with a woman as beautiful as you..”
#astarion#astarion x reader#baldurs gate astarion#x reader#oneshot#drabble#female reader#baldur's gate 3#fem reader#bdg3#bg3#bg3 astarion
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Only you.
pairings: Agatha Harkness x Reader
word count: 3.4k
warnings: smut, slight fluff, angst, hurt but with comfort, reader has chronic illness, death mentioned, slight violence, mind control, spoilers if you haven't seen Wandavision or Agatha all along, kind of canon, witch!reader, reader struggles a lot, Agatha is obsessed with them, g!n!reader, reader has a vagina, dry humping, degration kink, rough sex, oral sex, top!agatha, bottom!reader, lesbian agatha harkness my beloved.
a/n: first fic I've posted in months, god I miss writing long oneshots, the inspiration is to the fact that I'm obsessed with this milf.
Agatha Harkness had always admired you. From afar, there was no real reason why, unlike most of her motives, she’d always want one thing and one thing only; power. You on the other hand gave her something else much fun.
She was always going to be obsessed with power. That’s just who she is and who everybody else knows. But she likes to think you know her differently, maybe even better. She couldn’t wrap her head around it when she first met you, of course, your arrival in westview was unexpected. With others not hearing of your name in a while, where you have been, what you have been up to. She knew you liked to keep to yourself, it was a skill really. Especially in the witch world.
Yes, it added more energy to those names everyone admires or fears away from, for instance, every witch in history and till this day has heard of the scarlet witch. They've heard very little of you, but your name does travel around.
Since the Salem times.
Maybe you just didn't like the attention yourself, you were a silent one. Despite your magic.
Agatha knows that every witches magic reflects who they truly are on the inside. Just no one would expect it from you.
Obviously, she had checked the most obvious place, Westview. But there was no sight of you, she would have sensed your energy anyway, she just couldn’t feel you anywhere.
After finally returning back to her true self, not the “agnes” from the last three wasted years of her life. Her first thought was wanting to find you.
She used to feel you everywhere, now, it was just a memory.
She wasn’t going to allow that to happen. She knew her mind had been twisted and you wouldn’t have gone that far.
So why couldn’t she feel you?
Agatha started to panic from the worst case scenarios that could have happened to you while she wasn’t keeping an eye on you. Did Wanda do something? No, this doesn’t seem like something she’d do without a good reason. Unlike her, you actually made an attempt to be close to Wanda, to try and be her friend, you were casted the role as her best friend, it only made sense.
She hated that. Watching how friendly the two of you were, how you always were laughing around the other witch, how happy you looked. She wasn’t blind to how Wanda was very touchy with you either.
It made her sick.
If only she had the one book that made her feel more powerful than anything else in this world and it didn’t fall into the hands of her.
But was the dark hold really going to save her?
Why was she thinking so little anyways? Probably the side effects to what Wanda did to her.
She didn’t like it.
She needed to find you.
She had to.
There wasn’t really any reason to explain herself, just her feeling.
-
Sometime, somewhere in Salem, 1600s.
Your body ached.
Everywhere there was pain.
Constant, irritable pain. You couldn’t do anything. There was not much to do when you were bedridden most of your life since you were a kid. You didn’t exactly have the luckiest childhood, where you got to experience going to school, having friends, making memories, first love, first kisses. No. it was just seeing doctor after doctor.
You got sick easily compared to most children, there was never any reason behind it. Some thought it was the usual with the body changing, puberty, growth, but it was more than that. It wasn’t fair. You shouldn’t have to live like this.
Then one day, it got better.
You were still young, you had just turned 18. A big time for people your age. You were becoming an adult. And finally, for once you could breathe fresh air without feeling any sort of pain.
And of course, that was the year the Salem witch trials began.
On your birthday, you were to be trailed.
Then to be dead.
-
Somewhere, sometime, in modern world.
Times have changed.
There were no burning witches, no more trails, it was even considered more accepted. Instead now, they had guns, more firepower than before.
You’d much prefer the bullet to the head than being burned alive any day.
It was quick and effective. Well, if used right.
You should be dead. Even after your trial, you shouldn’t still be alive. Maybe you should consider being more “positive” . It's kind of hard to when you spend most of your youth in bed.
Now things were different for you, which should be a good thing, but it didn’t feel so. You worked, had your own place to call home, didn’t really bother making any friends, you didn’t care if people thought you were strange to be a loner at your age, you liked that.
Even so, you don’t even know your age. You know you were once 18, then you made it to your twenties or something, and then it all stopped. You didn’t have the ageing effect everyone else got. Witches aren’t immortal beings, though, we possess the power to live longer than humans, we still age, and look “older.”
You still looked like you could be a damn college student. And yet you didn’t feel like you were at all.
God, you were born centuries ago. You can’t even remember your birthday. You usually have to make one up to please those around you, so they don’t have another excuse to make you look even weird.
You didn’t really understand what the big deal was.
Sure, now, there were real life superheroes, straight out of the comics, captain america, Iron man, the black widow, Thor, whoever else there was, there were too many of them.
You wondered why witches didn’t also get this much attention as well. Hell, you could literally move things with your mind, okay, so can some special people with abilities, but they weren’t witches.
They weren’t born with the ability blessed to know witchcraft. Sure, it can be easily accessible, but only you yourself knows that part of you.
It was all rather complicated stuff really.
In all of your time being alive, there weren't that many people who moved you, not quite like her.
There wasn't just one her.
These women who impacted your life more than you could have imagined, changed it for the better or for the worse, you wouldn’t know. The names that were carved into your skin, so you could never forget.
You wouldn’t be able to anyways.
You never spoke of their names out loud, fearing that they would pop up at any moment, you knew that possibility would be low, still, you couldn’t help but wonder.
The connections you shared with them is what you miss the most. And their touch.
You sometimes still see her. Either walking outside of where you worked, in a crowd, in the train, in your apartment, staring at you.
Just in a blink of an eye, a flash of hair the color of scarlet would pass by, then hair dark as night.
It was a never ending torment.
You couldn’t get rid of them.
Even if you had the choice you wouldn’t.
It would probably kill you if you tried.
-
Westview, 2023.
When you arrived, it was late. Most of the residents of this town would have gone to bed already, not you. You wanted to introduce yourself, the new neighbour moving in, this town didn’t seem that bad, everyone so far was nice to you, welcoming.
Then you finally met her.
She came to you first, already expecting your arrival. You were surprised when you opened your door and it revealed a woman standing in front of you. And she was absolutely gorgeous.
“Hi! I’m Wanda, welcome to Westview!” she greeted with a bright smile, your heart immediately warmed at the sight, the sound of her voice soothed you, you felt so relaxed around her, like you already trusted her.
It was your turn to introduce yourself, you did so, shyly.
“What a beautiful name” she complimented with a chuckle, enjoying how flustered you easily got as you avoided her gaze, how you fidgeted with your fingers together.
“May I come in? I made chocolate chip cookies for my boys, I seemed to have made too many, I always go overboard with my baking. Here, try some, I hope you like them!” she grinned, handing you the container of freshly made cookies that made your stomach growl with hunger.
They were even wrapped in a cute pink bow.
You wondered how someone so perfect could exist and breathe the same air as you at the same time, you even questioned if she was really and truly real. But when she leaned in for a hug, you couldn’t resist, and you knew she felt real.
You didn't mean to end up in Westview, and yet here you are.
Wrapped around a certain witch's finger, who wants you all to herself, while she watches, from afar.
-
Shortly after meeting Wanda, you met Agnes.
Though you felt like you already knew her. From somewhere, sometime, you weren’t sure. She looked familiar. You didn’t get this feeling when you had met everyone else, so why was she different?
You soon found out why.
Not very long when chaos struck.
-
You were running, out of breath, you forgot why you were running in the first place. Were you chasing something or was something coming after you? No. You were heading somewhere. The town that was Westview, now turned to shit, as above you, far from your view, two witches fought. All you could think about was one thing only; fuck the dark hold.
Fuck whoever created that stupid overly powerful book. It had ruined everything for you, it ruined the ones you loved.
You couldn’t even do anything about it.
It was so powerful that someone like you couldn't withstand it.
And it was crushing everything you loved.
You wish you could burn it.
It turned the one witch who saved you all those centuries ago into something twisted, dark. She wasn’t always like that, not the woman you first met and knew, fell in love with, who saved you. Who would walk through hell just to get to you. She will still do that, just she doesn't feel the same to you anymore.
In her eyes, you still saw the soft Agatha hidden behind all that darkness. Her heart was tainted, you weren’t sure if you liked this Agatha now or the one you met, you can’t help but fall more in love with her.
And she knows it.
When she heard you cry out in pain, being thrown by the scarlet witch’s power, she stopped. You were her weakness. Wanda saw that.
How her eyes immediately went to you, how your body was in pain, as you groaned out. You were no match for the scarlet witch, so what the hell were you doing? She didn’t think too much of that, her main focus was Wanda, still she kept her eyes on you.
Only you.
Her heart thumped loudly in her ears, there was a loud ringing noise, she couldn’t focus, her breathing turned ragged, out of her own stubbornness, She flew to you, in front of you, you saw an angel, she was far from one.
She cupped your face, it sent a chill down your spine as you let out a shudder, wanting more of her, to be closer, as you slowly moved your body towards her, the best you can with whatever energy you had left inside you.
“No” she whispered, forcing your body to not move, you only managed to look up and see her face despite your vision going blurry, you were so so tired. “I want to make this right, I need to, for you, it’s all I ever want, I need just you, I shouldn’t have left you by yourself, it was cruel, a mistake, but I knew we’d always find each other again. From the vow we made all those centuries ago, now, close your eyes, I’ll make it right, rest, you’ll see me soon” and then she kissed you.
You felt yourself break out in a sob, this made you hate her, made you angry, as you watched her walk away, you couldn’t do anything.
Then everything went black.
-
Sometime in 2024.
Now you can breathe again.
Just a bit.
You have always felt like you were suffocating, or drowning underwater, begging, grasping for air. Your lungs tightening, your throat closing, you couldn’t scream, make a sound, it was the worst torture you’ve experinced. Until you had to watch your lover get erased and completely forget about your entire existence.
You would have preferred getting killed.
But the scarlet witch didn’t show mercy like that.
Even if you begged her.
You wished it was you who had their memory erased, but you remember every single thing that happened. How you got to Westview, when everything turned to shit, it was already going bad from the start, you saw reality break in front of you and everyone else.
You remembered waking up, Wanda was gone, so were her boys and Vision, and you had met Monica, who helped you off the ground in the first place, she was nice, you were grateful she didn’t suspect you to be working with the Scarlet Witch.
Even then you found she was trying to help her, instead of imprisoning her, she wanted to help everyone.
When you had asked her of Agatha, she was quiet.
“She’s… Agnes now. I’m sorry.”
You didn’t know why she even apologised to you, knowing Agatha could have quite literally killed her if she wanted to, maybe she felt pity for you, how she saw it in your eyes of you felt for the witch.
Despite it all.
Now you were living quite nicely, the apartment building of where you rented your place wasn’t too loud even during the day, at night, you like to go on walks, enjoying the lack of people around, your neighbour had protested to you going out by yourself but you preferred it that way. You worked in a cute book shop just a few streets from your place, everyday you wake up at the same time, sometime sleeping in longer if you wanted to, as you always went out and got your favourite coffee, enjoying the warmth of the morning sun. you’d come back home, slipping out of your work clothes and into something much more comfortable and outside there would be a beautiful sunset.
As you sit at your desk, drinking a cup of coffee, writing down your day in your journal, keeping track of everything that’s happened, adding down stuff you needed to get from the market, what you wanted to cook, or bake.
Then there was a sudden knock at your door.
Weird.
You weren’t expecting anyone coming over, unless it was your neighbour, who often was a bit nosy but she was relatively nice.
Letting out a sigh as you’d hope they would have walked away if you didn’t answer the first knock, but then there was another, it sounded urgent, strange. As you stood up, placing your cup down as you walked towards the door, putting on a smile, you opened it.
The air was knocked out of you in a heartbeat, before your eyes, you couldn’t believe who you were seeing, after all these years, how, why? You couldn’t wrap your head around it.
“Agatha?” you whispered, not wanting to say the name outloud in fear of her disappearing.
She bent down on her knees, her hand reaching out as you grabbed it, your hands shook, she stared into your gaze, helping you stand up.
“How did you… is it really you?” you asked with a gasp, she smiled, walking into your apartment, stepping closer to you as she didn’t let go of your hand. “How did you find me?.”
“My precious kitten, I'll always find you.”
Your heart skipped a beat hearing her voice again, it was real, she was real, her touch, her voice, everything.
You wanted to know how, but you didn’t care. She knew that, she saw it in your eyes, how much hunger there was inside them, your skin felt like it was on fire, you needed her.
“Kiss me” you whimpered, she closed the door behind her using her foot, as she grinned.
Agatha pulled you in closer, you smelt her scent, lavender, she always loved lavender. So did you. It became your favourite. You felt her hands grip your waits, as her lips kissed yours, you moaned, wrapping your arms around her neck. She groaned into the kiss, sending a chill down your spine.
She pushed you against the wall, her lips leaving yours as she kissed down your neck, sucking hard on your skin,causing your body to shudder, leaving a visible mark. You wanted more. You whined, pushing yourself into her more, she chuckled.
“Needy.”
You huffed, “you like it.”
“Touche.”
Her lips found yours again as she hummed, she was enjoying this, teasing you, your Agatha hasn’t changed not one bit. You felt her knee pressed in between your thighs, with the little clothing you wore to bed, you were grateful, moaning as you ground yourself on her leg. She chuckled, her nails digging into you to keep you still as you fucked yourself on her.
“So innocent, yet you fuck like a whore” she grinned, kissing along your jawline, her tongue licking your skin, as your head fell into her neck, you were getting close, she knew this, she wasn’t a stranger to how your body reacted around her, it was building up inside you, fast. You cried out as you came, embarrassingly quick, but she didn’t seem to care, as she lifted you up, you thought she would have used her magic, like she would have done, but you soon realised she didn’t have any.
Agatha didn’t let that stop her from getting what she wants, yeah, she feels more useless and powerful, weak, around you she gained a little of that power back, you made her feel powerful, beautiful.
She pushes you onto the bed, making you lay down on your back, her hands quickly pulling at your clothes as she rips it off, revealing your bare chest, as she admires you, you shy away. It's been a long time since she looked at you like that.
“Gorgeous, you’re so beautiful” she murmured softly, your cheeks heated up as you bit down on your bottom lip. You let her pull down your panties, she moaned at the sight, how wet you already were, practically soaking, your wetness dripping down your inner thigh.
She licked her lips hungrily, she felt like she was a starving dog, about to devour. She kissed up your thighs, using her hand to spread them more wide for her, she stared up at you, you watched her eyes darkened, you missed this, you missed her.
Your hands found their way to her hair, still felt so soft, you always loved running your hands through her hair, she pretended not to like it, but you saw the way she’d lean into you more, asking you to do it again without saying it outloud, she loved it.
Her tongue licked up your cunt, making you gasp as you gripped harder, she kept going, still fucking with you, even now, with her head in between your thighs. You enjoyed it. You didn’t want her to stop as you pressed your legs against her head, forcing her to stay there as she wrapped her mouth around your clit, earning a moan from you as more came out as she sucked on it, she didn’t let go until she made you come as many times as she wanted you to, she loved the way you tasted, how sweet it was on her tongue, as she consumed you.
Your body went limp as you had to practically beg for agatha to stop, you’d reach your limit, and she broke through. She pulled herself away with a wicked grin, your wetness all over her chin, as she leaned into you, kissing you, you tasted yourself on her lips.
You wanted more.
You grabbed agatha by her hips as you moved the both of you so that you were now on top, she smiled, giving a small laugh.
She reached up and cupped your face, her eyes set on you. “Is it your turn for a taste?” she whispered.
You didn’t answer, with a flick of your wrist, she was naked, as you went down on her, kissing along her skin, biting her, wanting to make her cry out.
You won’t stop until you’ve consumed every part of her.
#agatha x reader#agatha harkness x reader#agatha harkness smut#agatha harkness fluff#agatha harkness angst#agatha harkness x you#Agatha harkness imagine#Kathryn hahn
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i put in a request for full time at d*sn*y (and a transfer to a location where i’m not yelling) and if I get this I’m gonna quit the museum bc ya boi needs decent health insurance and titanic has been going so downhill that i just can’t really stand to be there anymore. it was nice while it lasted lol
#genuinely my favorite job i've ever had#i had more fun and had a more satisfying time at that job than i ever have in my life#but it's time to move on bc they won't pay for me to live#and i'm so sick of not having any communication ever#while corporate gets richer and then implements stupid rules#i also have complicated feelings about the ethics of it too#it's been almost a year but i think i'm ready to just cut ties#cutting back on hours was nice but i think it's time to be done#and stop wasting my energy#it's made me cry now a couple times and i think that's a sign that it's time to go#and it's a shame too bc i'm so fucking valuable to them#oh well#they've lost a LOT of amazing people over the months and they'll continue to do so until they decide to acotually treat their employees#with the respect that they deserve for what they do#but it all depends on if my full time transfer goes through so we shall see
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PICK A CARD - MASCULINE WOUNDS
You can find my brief breakdown of masculine energy in the natal chart here. Tip Jar
PILE 1
tw: sexual trauma
Anger and sex drive, the people in this particular collective may have experienced sexual trauma at any point in time that has developed into an issue with emotional security. In order to heal you need to learn how to develop trust in your perception, self expression, decision making, and any chronic pain or issues need to be given more thought and care. Not accepting the bare minimum, not pushing yourself for the sake of others, not letting others take your power.
Taking your power back for the sake of yourself.
This is an energy of being conscious of chronic issues, extreme trauma, healing from extreme abuse and allowing yourself to let go of the cycle of releasing your power in order to survive. You are not helpless, you are not incapable, you are not weak, you are not bad, you are not a waste of space, energy, words, time, effort, or love. You are a worthy being, you have earned your place, your reputation, your successes, and your desired future. You have suffered a lot, in some way shape or form.
This could've been mental or sexual anguish in pre teen years.
Feeling almost disgusting or gross for existing as a sexual being. Disdain for sex, astonishment I heard as well? I feel like there is potential religious trauma regarding sex in this pile.
There may also be a sense of pain or confusion about life in general, perhaps you are someone who struggles with feeling destined for failure. Like part of you still doesn't believe that you're not destined to suffer, you've learned so much and I feel like a lot of you are like older gen z or late teens.
It feels like you've always felt very judged, and very misinterpreted. Like others could've been offended by your mere presence. Something about the way you thought, or spoke, or expressed yourself was or is very upsetting for people. You're not afraid to talk about the truth? Is the exact way I'm hearing it be described.
You have very powerful voice, and your words pack a punch in more than one way.
Your words project veryyy quickly into your reality, and I heard "reaffirming reality" as well, treating your brain like a science project I heard? LMAO it's giving aquarius 😭
So do mirror affirmations, some of you could have an affinity towards mirror magick. That being said handle that carefully, and know to be careful in approaching that. Make sure you're researching and covering your bases. I heard Aphrodite, so Aphrodite could be trying to work with someone. I also heard keep your peace, so chill out, don't engage with anyone. You're in the process of taking back your power so sometimes people act up. LITERALLY not a you problem, and if they make it a you problem stand your goddamn ground and show that person, no matter who they are, what role they play in your life, that you are under no circumstances going to continue to take their shit. The universe is testing you, lock tf in and don't worry about anyone else. Worry about YOU and YOUR DREAMS, and YOUR DESIRES. Plant the seeds that truly matter to YOU, you won't know if it works until you try it. Don't be afraid to do what you're passionate about. Don't be afraid to be yourself, your authenticity really resonates with others in some way shape or form. It's how you connect with people, you show them that being yourself is a lot less painful that you'd think.
This could be black Moon Lilith in cancer and Scorpio or 4th and 8th house Chiron energy. you could be a cancer rising, some of you could have a leo descendant? I heard polish and German as well for some others, someone could be polish another person could be German. If this pile resonated and you'd like to purchase a personal reading on this topic you can purchase one for just 55$ or send over a tip on Venmo or Kofi if the message resonated and helped in some way! https://ko-fi.com/blackmoonoracle @blackmoonoracle is my Venmo!
PILE 2
Self Worth, and Value/Honorary Systems This collective has very powerful values. This could be Taurean, or Aquarian energy, possibly also Aries. You could be mars dominant or have a prominent mars in your natal chart. Your mars may also be in the 11th, or 2nd house! Or you could have Uranus in the 2nd house or Venus in the 11th house. Suffice to say this could also be mars in Taurus, or Aquarius as well. 2nd house Venus, or 11th house aquarius. There's something with individualism in this pile as well. A lot of deeply practical energy, possibly very venusian as well. Could have Venus in pisces, or Venus-neptune interactions in the natal chart. You could have Venus in Taurus, or you could have Venus in aries I'm hearing. You are going on a deep journey of transforming your masculine will. Understanding you are worthy of making your creations, that what you create is valuable and is of quality. You are worthy of abundance, you are worthy of success. I feel like there could've been a sense of detachment since a very young age for this pile. It feels like affection could've always been a touchy subject. I'm also seeing a connection to religion here, especially with Venus being in Virgo. Virgo Venus has always reminded me of catholicism due to the very intricate and detail oriented nature of Catholic symbolism. As well as the emphasis on purity, which is an aspect of Virgo. Seeing as it is the virgin. This can also look like your love always coming with deep criticism. Perhaps you could've felt like the ways in which you expressed love were not respected. Or you could've felt like there was a feminine presence that seemed to bring you a great sense of regret. It feels like a self criticism wound. It feels like a disconnection from the mind in order to attain purity. Like, this pile could feel that they need to fully embody some aspect of a pure, or virginesque energy in order to be worthy of recognition?
Soooo specific, but hey! if it resonates it resonates. There's a deep wound here in regard to knowing how to accept help. It's like accepting help in your mind makes you feel like you're worthless, or as if you are not contributing enough. It's like you feel the need to contribute the most, so that others know you are serious and worth taking serious. Being undermined, minimized, having your values be overlooked, or being seen as unremarkable could've been something you struggled deeply with. I see a lot of pain dealing with women here. Significant Mother wounds that could've led to these wounds in your masculinity. Perhaps experiencing silencing, being forced to not do, say, act, or be in some way shape or form because it is "unsightly" or "shameful" Being disregarded, possibly some bullying here, feeling like an outsider. Like no one could grasp your values, your morals, who you TRULY are.
Almost feeling like you lack an identity.
finding balance in yourself, learning how to accept that you are worthy of being helped. That being helped does not make you unworthy, that being helped is something that is okay, that accepting care, and nurturing, and love is a good thing. starving yourself of intimacy in hopes that by taking the lashings of yourself, and others, while remaining in this "pure" state of being will finally make you worthy of being seen. vision is a general thing here. You may feel like your vision doesn't come to light, or that others don't understand your vision. It's unique, it's you, it's not what everyone else might expect of you. You're groundbreaking, no one could ever be you, learning how to be in love with your individuality. Accepting what makes you weird, and accepting yourself in spite of the way others feel. Knowing that accepting yourself is the deepest form of self connection and that you deserve to feel loved and supported.
Accepting that the embodiment of authenticity may cause issues in connections with people who cannot accept themselves or live in their own truth.
Understanding that you can find purity in your search for your authentic self, authentic truth, and your life purpose. Through embodying yourself in your truth.
If this pile resonated and you'd like to purchase a personal reading on this topic you can purchase one for just 55$ or send over a tip on Venmo or Kofi if the message resonated and helped in some way! https://ko-fi.com/blackmoonoracle @blackmoonoracle is my Venmo!
PILE 3
You may feel stuck in what you were once defined as, as if other people's perceptions of you cut extremely deeply. Your honor is important to you, you like for things to run smoothly. It's important to you to feel secure in who you are and how you express yourself.
I think that, it would be significantly healthy for this pile to learn what makes them feel passionate.
Maybe you feel that you are judged harshly, or in response to a harsh judgmental world you disconnect from yourself. Extreme self consciousness, fear of being "naked" or "vulnerable". Fear of connecting with yourself and others. Fear of relying on or connecting with your community. Feeling like an outcast, impostor syndrome. Lack of self awareness, TOO much self awareness. Untraceable, or difficult to uncover pain. Not understanding the root of things. Beauty that feels skin deep, unrealized depth, and unfulfilled potential. Learning who you are, finding the drive to connect with yourself. Understanding what it means to be you, and that you have to choose yourself at some point in order to lessen suffering. Fear of risk, and Fear of reward, a very loud self critic.
Accepting and acknowledging the mother wound in order to integrate and heal it. Connecting with earth, trusting nature, allowing yourself to think about the things you fear most. Understanding that you cannot hide from certain truths, and that looking the other way doesn't make it go away. There's a song that went viral on TikTok by MGMT called Little Dark Age. I specifically channeled the part that's like "Forgiving who you are, for what you stand to gain, just know that if you hide- it doesn't go away."
Having to understand that you are not responsible for other people, you are not Jesus, why do you bare the cross. Why do you punish yourself for not meeting the "standards" that others are projecting onto you. Are they standards, or are they control tactics, is it manipulation? Are you in alignment with YOUR thoughts, feelings, and desires? Or are you taking on the thoughts, feelings, desires, and expectations of others who want to strip you of your individuality?
Transforming your self concept, looking at what traits, qualities, and authentic self expressions are ACTUALLY in alignment with your highest good & will call in passion, success, happiness, and stability into your life?
Being proud of your intelligence, your ability to perceive, to be know how to think outside of the box.
Having a lot of eccentric natured personality traits and understanding that those are attractive to others. That what makes you different is what makes you likeable, because it's what's uniquely you. Embodying your truest self form, writing affirmations. Creating lists and notes of the hard to integrate topics and realizations in order to make them more tangible.
Excessive mental energy, very deeply tapped into divine creative expressions. Having blessed thoughts, words, and ways. Knowing that you deserve your blessings, and that you are a generator of luck and karma. That you have to ability to move mountains.
Taking it less personal when people throw rocks from glass homes, knowing that you are worthy of better, worthy of more, worthy of success. Feeding your hunger to succeed, knowing that you have the skill, knowledge, creative drive, and capability to connect with others through your art and creativity.
Uncovering what beauty means to you?
I heard Capricorn, Taurus, Virgo, PIsces, cancer, Gemini, mercury, Sagittarius, 9th house, 6th and 5th house.
Sun in aquarius, Moon in Taurus/Capricorn, Moon in gemini, Moon in Aries, Moon-mars aspects.
Mother Gaia
Disconnected from ancestors and spirit team, but willing to learn and receive.
Looking for a new outlook, looking for a way out, remaining steadfast and faithful in what you believe.
Not allowing others to dictate your thoughts, feelings, or reality.
Co-Creating with divine consciousness.
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