#i'm not doubting your experience or others' i'm just wondering if the reason isn't because it isn't the case for everyone

[ryanthedemiboy]

Genuine question: is this documented? Because while it would make sense, how much does it change?

For me, I actually need a lower dose (60mg/wk, compared to the usual 100-200mg/wk), and could still go lower.

Or could it be because I inject subq instead of IM?

Today I found out because of another fat trans guy who has been through the same thing that being fat means you need to be on a higher dose of HRT for it to work.

I've been on testosterone for three months now and I've had no effects. I was wondering why because in transition timelines I've seen, their voices started to get deeper after three months.

I knew I was on a low dose, but I didn't consider it wasn't working in particular because of my weight. Nobody ever taught me this INCLUDING other trans people. Probably because most of the other trans people I've encountered were skinny.

[velvetvexations]

my personal take on "antigonism" is that it's entirely what you make of it. which is to say, i agreed with your post explaining why you felt such a term was necessary, and i do think this mentality of "most of us are normal about each other" and simply assuming we understand each other's experiences by virtue of being trans is reinventing artificial gender solidarity between cis people ("bros before hoes", "girl's girl") but superimposed onto trans people. which can be particularly contentious, given that we're an extremely traumatized bunch with a lot of baggage and massively diverging perspectives on all kinds of things. relating to each other outside of conventional gender relations means we have to put in that much more work to bridge the gaps between us, because we can no longer rely on the common assumptions made about men and women to carry our interactions, if that makes sense.

i do think a whole word for transfem-to-transmasc solidarity does toe a line between being unnecessarily inflammatory and conditionally useful. i'm genuinely glad for the people who felt seen and appreciated by the fact that a transfem made so explicit her stance on intracommunity issues. i'm also sympathetic to the people who feel put-off by such a word. when does allyship become chauvinistic? there is no word for a non-misogynistic man to signal to women that he is explicitly anti-antifeminist, for example. do we need one? i think a vast majority would say no, on account of simply stating he believes in feminist principles to suffice. so i'm wondering what specifically the push was for you to coin a word around tfem4tmasc solidarity, because while i do think trans people as a whole need to take significantly more initiative about rooting out transmisogyny and transandrophobia both, i'm not quite clear on what could signal more clearly a transfem's stance on intracommunity dialogue than just saying "i believe in transandrophobia and condemn all radfems". all feminism, transfeminism included, has had their malicious actors-- the existence of transradfems isn't really anything noteworthy as far as the broader feminist conversations go.

i hope this doesnt come across as confrontational because i think the people who found comfort in the fact that you are willing to go that far for them is truly heartwarming. i just don't want to see us splinter further into microfactions over something like one person coining one maybe-overenthusiastic word on the internet

Sincerely, there is a word for men who are anti-anti-feminist, though, they're feminists. Granted, self-identified "feminist" men have somewhat of a negative stereotype associated to them, but still, feminist men are feminists.

One of the biggest reasons I think a term would be useful is because so many people feel unsafe in the trans community because of trans radical feminism right now that it can help them relax a lot when they see a trans woman identifies as such. Just reminding people with assurances that most trans women are Normal doesn't really help that when they keep running into ones who aren't over and over.

TRFs are aggressive about this stuff. Seriously, every single day, post after post, their primary form of activism is crying about TMEs stealing kinks and liking a children's toy too much. I feel strongly that should be countered. Even if they aren't the majority, they sure as hell act like it and repeat how great it is that every single trans woman except velvetvexations alone agrees with them.

To be absolutely clear, I do not think I'm the only non-weird trans woman! That is just literally what they say about me! They may be the minority now but that frog is boiling.

IRL transmascs are forced out of spaces and talked over when they're let in because mascuwinity is scawy, No doubt transfems have similar problems because some spaces are TERF-y, but that problem is exacerbated when social media is filled with TRF rhetoric because it gets drilled into people's heads they need to be worried about that, and I don't think "touch grass" is a good response to that.

Hell, what if someone touches grass and then they do happen to end up having people be transandrophobic/exorsexist/intersexist/etc. to them? "Oh, well, that didn't count, try again somewhere else, I prommy that's not Normal."

It's all about volume. I feel very, very strongly that volume is necessary here, to combat the feeling that that radical feminism is around every corner and help people feel at ease and know trans women are with them.

[kani-miso]

hngngngnggngn guyss what if the dude in the ending of the t2 summary, will influence es even further into their warden role (and maybe something really bad will happen)

we all know that the dude used "watashi" instead of jackalopes "ore-sama", this is really important. since we know in the novels, jackalope's aren't technically "jackalopes", they are technically "human", sort of. maybe, the dude who used watashi could be jackalope off of work, or the dude in the novel (the boss). the identity of that man isn't really important in this discussion, but i just want to find out ig.

what's important is, do you remember about the aviot collab? es' last test line is the main topic. (im to lazy to take the image). the line, "i(boku wa)... i(watashi.. wa..)...." iirc. the 1st "i", uses boku, their usual 1st person pronoun. boku is usually used by young boys, but in this case they're using it since boku is used by workers (boku is also gender neutral). the 2nd "i" uses watashi, they have NEVER used this 1st person. what if, the reason why they used watashi, is because of that dude in the ending of t2 summary using watashi. only we can hear that dude since he appeared when es is put to sleep, if they are taking reference off of that dude, how did they hear it? the viewers mind and es' mind is sorta connected (the reason why es can hear our thoughts).

before es is put to sleep, jackalope is awfully manipulative i will rip my guts out. "and anyway, whatever happens to them, none of it can be taken back. its not for the guard to worry about. that's right, you are the guard. don't doubt it. that is your job. as long as you dont forget that, it's fine. now that you understand, go to sleep, es."

its not for the guard to worry about : jackalope knows that es has their full trust on him, he's using that as a chance to take advantage of their own feelings, making them slowly lose empathy for the prisoners. also, maybe jackalope said this because he knows es feels guilty for what happened to the guiltied (…I'm sorry. I'm responsible for the fact that you've ended up like this.) ig he is supposed to be the representation of the all seeing eye in the panopticon.

that's right, you are the guard. don't doubt it : in some occasions, es doubted their role of being the warden (ex: "Guard-san"... Is that really... me?). since they're doubting their role, i think jackalope is trying to push the warden role onto them so they wont ever give up and become a vulnurable target of "manipulation" for the prisoners.

as long as you dont forget that, it's fine : yeah ig its self explanatory.

also, the last line, "oh yes, just as i predicted, you have all turned out to be...." its so smart. in the original milgram experiment, there are three results: 1. those who followed the rules but blamed themselves for what they did 2. those who followed the rules and felt great for what they did (because they thought they actually hurt the person) 3. those who rebelled and halted the experiment. in the back of the undercover cd, there's 3 es'

and i think they can be connected to each of the results. the one on the top could be the 1st result, the one on the middle could be the 2nd result, and the third one could be the 3rd result.

i love how they just cut it off before he says what we all turned out since there's three results that could happen. because we technically have the idea of what es could end up after t3, i wonder how much farther would they go to be the ideal warden (especially with how jackalope is persuading es to not worry about what happens to the prisoners).

(+edit: a jp person translated the ending part where it glitches, its "you have all turned out to be psychopaths who enjoy other people's misery", which is technically the result of the real milgram experiment, even stanley milgram himself was horrified of the results, "a very high proportion of subjects would fully obey the instructions, with every participant going up to 300 volts, and 65% going up to the full 450 volts.".

i might be reaching too far so take this with a grain of salt

tldr; the dude at the end of t2 summary will worsen es

[myun-saidthoughts]

But once the feeling passes, I question "was this feeling ever real?" When it fades, so does the importance it once held:

What is internal emotional permeance and emotional object constancy? (Disorganized attachment style edition)

Individuals with a disorganized attachment style or Borderline Personality Disorder (BPD) often struggle with these concepts, but in this post, I’ll focus on a different manifestation of these patterns. Instead of seeking constant verbal reassurance or relying on continual acts of love to confirm that someone cares for you, I’m exploring how this dynamic unfolds internally. It's about the emotional barrier between you and your mind—where you can only care about or desire something or someone if that feeling is constant and always present. This habit can influence your emotional responses toward yourself and others; it may even bleed into your way of thinking and how you process emotions, on some days you might even experience moments of despair or hopelessness, but once the intensity of those feelings fades, so does their significance. In those intense moments, nothing else feels real, and no words or actions can alleviate them. But once the feeling subsides, the desire to understand it further also dissipates. This can cause a sense of disconnection from your own emotional experiences, leading you to question their validity or reality. When the emotional intensity drops, there's a difficulty in maintaining a "mental representation" of that feeling. This leaves you with a sense of emptiness or confusion, as if the emotion evaporated or never mattered to begin with. If your emotions can feel so real one moment and vanish the next, it's hard to believe in their authenticity, which feeds into a fear of abandonment. If you can't trust your own feelings, it's natural to worry if what you are feeling is real or true. This uncertainty makes it challenging to desire or pursue romantic connections, even though there's a part of you that longs for them.

When you struggle with this, it's not just about needing reassurance from others-it's about needing reassurance from yourself that your feelings are valid, even when they change.

In essence, it's the inability to feel something unless it completely consumes you. Subconsciously, you don’t allow yourself to want, care, or love another unless the emotion fills every part of your being. You start to question, doubt, and dismiss any thought or feeling once it fades. You may find yourself questioning your authentic feelings toward someone because "you can’t feel it anymore." The overwhelming emotion is no longer occupying your mind or causing that deep sense of longing, leading you to wonder if it ever truly existed.

It's when you meet someone new and there isn't a spark or an instant longing looming over you, you may dismiss it altogether. You tell yourself, "He can't be important; there is no instant desire, therefore I can never want him. If he leaves now, there won't be a part of me that cares." Instead of allowing them in, you enumerate every reason why this person won't fulfill your suppressed needs, and the cycle continues. It's when you do find yourself wanting another, they check every insane box on your list, and suddenly one day, the feeling just passes. You then ask yourself "I think I don't want him anymore? Why don't I care as much as I did before? And why does it feel like I'm no longer attracted to him?" Suddenly, any permanence or consistency you once felt with them withers away, leaving you stuck in a feeling of stagnancy and dislike. You think, "These feelings aren’t consuming me anymore, which means he won’t be an important person in my life. If he were, my feelings would remain constant and present, and I wouldn’t be questioning my desire for him."

It's when you’re listening to a song that stirs a hopeless emotion within you—suddenly, there's a resonance that lingers at the back of your mind, and for those moments, all you can feel is that intensity lurking in the shadows. But once the song ends, so do the emotions it brought.

It's like sitting on your bed, feeling the weight of the world pressing down on your shoulders. In that moment, you feel nothing but despair and hopelessness, as if there's no purpose, no meaning, no desire to continue. The heaviness feels so real, so present. But when that feeling eventually passes, as all feelings do, you can’t grasp it again.

You dismiss those feelings, telling yourself, "I feel okay now." The weight is gone, and so you question whether you truly felt it at all. If the feeling can pass, then so does the importance of it; now you question if it ever meant anything in the first place.

And the cycle continues.

You tell yourself that feelings must be constant in order for them to be real. "I have to always feel this way," you say, "and if I don't, then the feelings were never significant."

These habits quietly build barriers, creating emotional blocks and distance, preventing you from desiring someone or something deeply again. Allowing emotions to consume you isn't realistic or healthy. Instead, your brain may be constructing a barrier that hinders genuine care for others, often rooted in abandonment wounds and a lack of self-trust, You find reasons why this person isn’t right for you or downplay the significance of your feelings once they start to fade. However, this habit only serves to keep you at a distance, preventing you from truly validating your own emotions. As a result, you end up trapped in a cycle that you long to break free from.

At some point in your life, there was a moment when the trust you extended to another was broken, the love you offered went unrecognized, and the safety and care you longed for never arrived. To protect yourself, especially with the deep emotions that naturally arise within you, you’ve begun to view romantic connections and feelings in a black-and-white lens. If you can’t always feel something, you conclude that the emotion isn't permanent and, therefore, not real.

Now, without even realizing it, you navigate through life with a lens designed to keep you "safe." However, this approach creates distance within yourself. You yearn for a partnership and want to feel secure in someone else’s presence, but despite your efforts, something continually stalls the connection from forming. You experience moments of longing for a soul who can provide the ease you’ve never felt. And in some other cases, even when you find someone who brings you the sense of wholeness you've desired, something always seems to block your progress. If you're unaware of these subconscious patterns and unable to recognize the self-undermining behaviors you cling to, how can you ever break free from them?

As humans, we inherently long for, wish for, and seek to hold onto loving connections that provide us with a sense of security and love. This is a fundamental aspect of our nature. Although certain moments may seem fleeting, these feelings never truly vanish. Instead, something in your mind tells you, "It's time to let that part of you go." Yet, in reality, that feeling doesn’t disappear; it merely fades from your conscious awareness. The question remains: how can the same emotions persist? Whether it’s through desiring a partner or dealing with internal emotional turmoil that leaves you feeling hopeless, if the feeling came once, the feeling will come again. 

This is especially true for those who seem to struggle with finding a partner. You may search for connections that won't ever leave you wondering or questioning, you search for eyes that whisper to you "you won't lose feelings for me." This is a self protection tactic that your body searches for because of the fear that comes within when it comes to allowing yourself to want another. Your body is afraid to care for someone who might ultimately leave. You worry that the person you choose may not choose you in return. As a result, you set impossible expectations for yourself in your quest for a partner. You think, “If they can meet these impossible standards, then I’ll feel safe choosing them.” If they can last through your emotional turmoil or confusion, then they “must” be significant and “must” be someone meant to be in your life.

Accept your desire for connection. Acknowledge that there is a part of you longing to be held by someone else. It’s okay to allow yourself to care and want another, even if those feelings don’t always remain constant in the beginning.

Connections are meant to be built; they should happen naturally over time. You can’t expect yourself to automatically know someone, especially if their eyes are the only reassurance telling you, “You’re safe.” Trust their actions, and trust your gut. I understand you may long for a deep love that no one else can recognize or even become accustomed to; but often, this expectation of always yearning keeps you at a distance from choosing someone who is already choosing you. If the person you’ve allowed yourself to love causes you to question your feelings, acknowledge those emotions, but also reevaluate their origins.

Consider where these hesitations are stemming from. Is it your subconscious? Is it your fears? Is it because, once upon a time, the person you chose ended up choosing another? Is it because your mother never cared for you in the way your soul wished for? Is it because your father abandoned you emotionally in times of need? Is it because your emotional needs were never acknowledged or met? If so, then understand that those lost feelings activated a switch within you—a switch that tells you to run before it's too late.

Healing is not a straightforward journey, and it won't happen overnight. The first step in overcoming these patterns is to acknowledge them and recognize that there is a part of you still operating from a place of fear.

You are not alone, and there is a way out of these self-undermining patterns. You are capable of change, and your soul is asking for acknowledgment. Grant yourself the grace and validation you seek; it is the first step toward healing.

[internetgiraffekid1673]

It says in your little thing that your Mormon, are you still Mormon cuz respectfully I've heard a lot of shit about Mormons and how they are very transphobic and homophobic! So not trying to be rude just genuinely wondering if I read that wrong or something.

Hey! Yeah, I am a mormon, but I love all my queer siblings, including/especially my trans people. But it's a complicated religion and I have a complicated relationship with it, so I understand the confusion.

The short answer is that I was raised mormon, continue to find a lot of comfort and truth in SOME of their teachings, and I am perpetually very pissed with a lot of their other teachings, cuz yeah, a lot of them are Not Good. So I'm mormon and mad about it. It's kind of like. . .imagine if you were raised Catholic and only really have good memories of your Catholic community and find a lot of comfort in teachings about God's love, but you absolutely despise the administration of the Catholic church and like, everything they say about queer people. It's like that.

The long answer is this:

A) The mormons get a bad rap on the internet for stuff that isn't actually true. If you ever have a specific question, I am happy to answer to the best of my abilities.

B) Having said that, a lot of the teachings of the mormon church regarding queer people are really really bad and I do not support or encourage this even slightly. I myself am queer, and I have to put up with hearing all kinds of queerphobic shit from the church all the time. And I hate it and I speak against it whenever it is safe for me to do so. It just. All of it goes soooo against the other teachings of the church. I am not the only queer member. There is an entire community of us on tumblr over here. We all work and suffer through it together.

C) I still believe in the stuff that's at the fundamentals of the gospel though. Namely, God exists and he loves all of us unconditionally. He sent us to Earth so that we could learn and grow and become happier through our experiences here. Free agency/the ability to make independent choices is very VERY important to him. He sent Jesus Christ to suffer for our sins so that when we do fuck it up, we don't have to live with that guilt forever. Jesus also suffered for our pain and sorrow so that we didn't have to and can bring us healing. We're supposed to love our neighbors with our whole hearts.

I also believe that Joseph Smith did translate the Book of Mormon, although he was still a human being who made mistakes and I don't believe in a LOT of the stuff he said and did. I doubt you've read the Book of Mormon, but it's really just The Bible Extended Edition. There's a reason it's full name is The Book of Mormon: Another Testament of Jesus Christ. It covers what the hell was going on in the Americas during the biblical times.

I also believe that God has chosen prophets for our modern day to continue giving us revelation. I also believe those prophets are mostly crusty old men with outdated personal opinions that they mistake for revelation, that they fuck it up a lot, and I wish a lot of them would hurry up and die so I no longer have to listen to their bullshit.

D) Religion and faith are personal. I'm not here to convert anyone, especially other queer people. I continue practicing my religion because I have had literal years and some really amazing people to help me sort out what is good and bad and to figure out what parts of it are best for me as a person. I understand that what's best for some people is literally none of it, and I also understand that while some people could benefit from just doing what I do, that the way the church treats queer people (and also women sometimes) does more harm than the good parts help. So while I talk about my religion sometimes, it's always more about my personal relationship with it and never to try to convert people. I fully support ex-mormons who left the church, because sometimes the environment can be truly toxic and the religious trauma they have experienced is real.

E) The culture of the church and the actual doctrinal teachings of the church are two very different things. Utah mormon culture is also different than regular mormon culture. All of these things have good aspects to them, but church culture and Utah mormon culture also have a lot of really harmful things too, and these don't even have anything to do with the crusty old men being homophobic/transphobic. I am also mad about this, and I also complain about this fairly frequently.

I'm glad you asked because I understand that this stuff can be confusing. I think it's impossible to be any kind of religious queer person and not have a really complicated and deeply personal relationship with your religion.

I hope that answered your question, and I completely understand if this makes my blog feel like an unsafe space for you and you feel like you need to unfollow me. I do, however, tag every church related post I make, both with a religion cw and the tumblr mormon tag. Do what's best for you, and much love.

Also, unrelated, but I really appreciate all the posts you make and every time I see a little notification from you on one of my posts, it makes me so very happy.

[paula-of-christ]

hey I'm an atheist, and I have a question, I'm not sure if this comes off as offensive or anything but if it does I really don't mean it that way.

I saw some things about like... neurodivergent people (autism, ADHD etc) being seen as like people who were possessed by the devil in Christianity. and im just confused because I'm not sure whether all Christians think that neurodivergent people are like possessed and sinned or something, or if it's just those people. sorry if this doesn't make a lot of sense, I'm autistic and I was just wondering what you thought.

That's largely an Evangelical/Fundamentalist Christian idea nowadays. Way back when in medieval times everyone thought that (including other Abrahamic religions) but that was when in general we didn't understand the science behind mental illnesses and other similar diseases or neurodivergency. It really is just those people. Of course you will find a Catholic that also believes that, but the difference is, it is not taught by the Catholic Church, officially or unofficially, and that would be considered private opinions those people hold. Granted, Catholic-Christians still believe in demonic oppression and possession, but we realize that it is much less likely for people to be possessed. Can demons cause symptoms similar to those? Yes, but you have to without a reasonable doubt rule out those neurodivergencies prior to any kind of investigation into the demonic. And at that point, you probably have symptoms that go above and beyond those neurodivergencies.

Now as far as my personal opinion goes, I think depression and anxiety are demonic oppression in much more of an amount of time than we generally give credit for. However it doesn't extend to something like ADHD or autism, I think that's a stretch, my opinion is just based on my experience with depression and my observance of other people's depression and anxiety. Both of those things are almost totally cleared in most of the population by meditation (which a lot of prayer is), focusing on an object, or becoming aware of your surroundings (I cannot for the life of me think of what this is called but it's like, picking out things around you of the different senses). While medication can help, I do believe that the reason we see so much more anxiety now is because of the moving away from traditional religions, which almost all include multiple senses in their forms of worship. It isn't until American Protestantism really kicks off in the 18-19th century that we see these things become real issues, and at that time as well, a rise in anti-theism, rather than just agnosticism or atheism.

[e-steamedtea]

I played the Arlecchino story quest- it's yappin time! Or time for a kinda long post.

I'll fix the spelling eventually

Spoilers ahead

More analysis! Except we're going through sequentially because that's how I remember it!

1. Lyney is the big brother to everyone in the house

The way he could talk everyone so easily was cute to see. He seems so unbothered by everyone's little quirks. Like- taking to those kids and dropping the most diabolical lore? Kinda scary I'm not gonna lie. Even if unintentionally, a lot of people look up to him. Although, there is the question of how much of his interactions are masking because he does have a silver tongue. Either way, he's definitely the ring leader.

2. Lyney is the cooking sibling

This one isn't actually all that important but I think it's cute. His big brother energy is strong.

3. Lyney hates having secrets kept from him

I think that this one is kinda ironic, but then again, it could be because he keeps secrets he knows how it feels. Also- that line about Freminet lying to him was disrespectful. My jaw hit the floor when he went "You're not like me- your lying skills still need some work." Even if it's true just damn. It's very clear though that the fact Fremi was hiding something hurt him. It seems that at moments like this his passion can be the downfall as we witness the world's most awkward argument. Which resulted in Fremi crying and I must wonder how often this happens.

4. He has the entire roster memorized.

I for one, am still not over this fact. When you ask about Clervie's name he's instantly like: Nope! Not in the roster. It's the same with Perrie. Perhaps this is just me, but that seems like a lot of people to just know of the top of your head.

5. Lynette is almost as good at stealth as Arlecchino.

When they do the first bump and Lynette scares the soul out of everyone involved made me realize something. Maybe it's a combination of her cat features and personality, but she's quiet. The way she made her entrance was so reminiscent of Arlecchino earlier and she was definitely trained in it by her. It's absolutely adorable how much she emulate her "Father."

6. Lyney's voice rises when he breaks composure.

This is possibly just because of the amazing acting of his English VA but I'd like to think it's true. So you can able this one more of a headcanon with evidence. It happens a few times, mostly towards the end but this it the first time it happens. He was so surprised by Lynette that he just completely loses his composure for a second and practically squeaks for a second. He then obviously fixes it but it's a nice moment. Later, he's just desperate but we'll get to that.

7. A lot of the stories we hear about Arlecchino are misconceptions.

This woman is so freaking scary. I just have to say it, I could feel the tension through the screen as we talked. Thank god for child because I was stressed. What we do learn from this besides the fact she's not one for conversation is that they're a lot of half truths about her. This woman would let you call her by the wrong name of it benefits her so everyone saying she's a backstabber and crazy is far from the full story. Childe got his information from the Rooster which uh- was phrased in a weird way. However, she saw no reason to really correct it, so she didn't. Scaramouche however, I'm starting to wonder if he's speaking from personal experience. He's clearly witnessed something and now I wanna know what.

8. Lyney's lying skills were definitely improved by Arlecchino.

Miss Girly is the queen of misinformation and it's clear Lyney learned from him. Like I'm talking to this woman and she's so manipulative I'm doubting myself- AND I WENT IN KNOWING THE STORY! The way she side steps and misdirects is so reminiscent of Lyney that I got deja vu. The main difference is Arlecchino is so much colder so she doesn't break easily. Lyney is an absolute softy and can break way easier.

9. Arlecchino is not fond of the other harbingers.

This is pretty clear in her voice lines and is also obvious because of her personality. However, this is something about watching her shit talk her coworkers in front of me that I'm just living for. Especially with the new plan Project Stuzha? Girly pop isn't having that shit. If she pulls up, I wanna witness this.

10. Lynette is Lyney's voice of reason.

I feel like I've said this before but it deserves to be said again because she's the second baddest bitch alive. Arlecchino is the first.

11. Lyney's angry eyes are unnerving to me.

Maybe this is just me but then is eyes narrow it makes me wanna back away. I don't know if it's because of the way he presents himself but it just gives a certain vibe. I find that vibe slightly terrifying.

12. The reason Lyney is the next king and his passion.

Now, this was a question I had ever since Lyney came out. Seeing him in the Archon Quest had me wondering why he was the next director. Then during the last part of this quest I realized something. It was like a moment of recognition. I think when he stood up to defend everyone. The way he was so determined was really touching. It's also something I already knew. In the Fortress when he charged at Wriothesley was a moment of desperation. Then here, he stands to duel the freaking Knave. He obviously knew the was no way he could win but he wasn't gonna give up with his family on the line. His passion and conviction for his family know no bounds, after all, it's how he got his vision in the first place. Every part of his character and lore just screams family man. The way he's so dedicated to the big brother role and protection those close fits perfectly for what the Knave hopes the House becomes. However, it's this same damn passion that has him disregarding his health and jumping in front of Lynette with no way to parry and his squishy ass body.

[greghatecrimes]

Usually I aim to keep my autistic Thirteen headcanons about 85-90% based on things I've seen in canon and as close to realistic as possible. However right now I am in the trenches a little bit, so today's autistic Thirteen headcanon is brought to you by a combination of canon observation, guilty pleasure/wishful thinking, and yeah, a bit of projecting.

Autistic Thirteen & hypermobility

So. I think I established in another post that autism & hypermobility are highly correlated (current estimate is that up to 80% of autistic people experience some type of hypermobility, I believe?), so in the hypothetical of Thirteen being autistic, there's a pretty good chance she'd be hypermobile as well. Hypermobility has a whole range of different ways it affects the body, one of which is decreased internal stability (basically feeling like your body isn't supported enough when you're just standing on your own). As an autistic person with (extremely probable) hypermobility, I've dealt with this my whole life, and there are a whole host of creative ways to work around it and get the body some extra support. I actually see a decent amount of them from Thirteen in canon.

1. Leaning against a chair

This is THE biggest one for me, hands down, without a doubt. Like, literally that exact position. It makes my body feel stable more than any other position I've tried, it reduces soreness if my muscles are tight, and it's all around comfortable. So of course when I saw her doing that, I immediately thought "I wonder if that [autism & hypermobility] could be a reason why Thirteen would do that, too." Even if not for hypermobility reasons: has the vibes of general silly Neurodivergent Stance

2. Slouching and bracing arms against the table for support (while sitting down)

Pretty similar to the first one. Slouching + getting support from the table via arms or elbows gives some extra support to the shoulders, and means your body doesn't have to do all the work of keeping them properly pulled back and in position.

3. Slouching & hugging yourself for support

This one kinda just feels nice because it's like you're simultaneously relaxing (not working or straining to keep shoulders back) and propping yourself up a little extra (arm around the torso in place of a chair or table to lean on).

4. Sitting in chairs weird

Being so real here, I sit in almost this exact position all the time and always have. Knees up, feet on the chair, legs and my side pressed against the arm and back of the chair, nestled into the corner. Optimum placement and position to get the most support from the chair possible. Also just super comfy and 10/10.

Could it just be bad posture or tiredness from some other reason? Is it more than likely that? Yeah. Absolutely. (Ex: Huntington's can cause muscle pain and aches, but I'm not sure yet if that's in the early stages as well as the later stages, or only in the later stages). But, do I resonate with it as a hypermobile afab autistic person, and enjoy seeing a little bit of myself that's been called weird/unusual so casually on TV? Also yeah. And, is it hurting anyone? Nope, not at all.

I'm gonna go take an epsom salt bath and remind myself a bajillion more times that it's okay to write things I want to write, it's okay to write guilty pleasure things, it's okay to see yourself in characters and appreciate it. Sometimes when I write these autistic Thirteen posts I feel "too autistic". But then I step back and think: who am I actually writing this for? The answer is me. And if you guys enjoy it too, then it's a great bonus and I'm glad. As my roommate and I say: writing things for yourself and like three other people on discord/tumblr/etc. is the best and most fun way to write.

[ikamigami]

So what if I told y'all that this is actually a "Moon's paranoia" arc? And what if showrunners hint that Sun will try to help or reach out to Eclipse behind Moon's back.. and they hint that with Moon's words that he trust Sun?

Cause let me tell you something. I've watched many shows and movies to know that this line reminds me of that type of foreshadowing in which one character says "we'll meet again" but they never had the chance to meet again because that other character dies. You know what I mean, right?

So with Moon saying that he trusts Sun - it's not the first time when he says that btw cause he told Earth that he trusts Sun with his life - and Moon being more and more paranoid, I have a heavy suspicion that Moon will stop trusting even Sun..

But ofc it won't be like that that Moon will abandon Sun or anything like that.. He most definitely will be mad at Sun.. but I think that this is what may lead to Moon locking Sun on the island..

Moon really acts paranoid. Some of you may not believe me but what Moon is doing is something that paranoid person would do. What I mean is that Moon devides what informations he shares with whom. No one receives full picture. Only Moon holds all the cards all the time.

Cause look at what he did. He decided to not tell any info to Solar at the moment, right? He did the same thing with not telling anything to Sun and Lunar before. But he eventually told them everything, right? Yes and this is another thing that hints to Moon being paranoid.. because he is the one who always shares things with others. It let's him feel in control of situation.

"Everything is fine as long as I keep my finger on the pulse"..

Getting back to Moon locking Sun on the island. Moon would obviously think that this would be the best for Sun. To keep Sun safe. Even from Sun himself.. or maybe especially from Sun himself.. because remember what I wrote in this post !

I think that everything is adding up nicely. Like many people were wondering about the purpose of Evil Sun's appearance in the show, thinking that maybe he's behind Eclipse's return. But it doesn't make any sense because E Sun doesn't have any agenda to meddle with our dimension. There weren't given any hints that our dimension has anything to offer to E Sun (yet, obvi lol)..

That's why I think that they made Moon go there so he could get paranoid for legit reasons and not out of the blue. Also it's important to do a good build up for rising paranoia in character for it to be more believable..

And most of the time paranoia is piling up before it'll reach a critical point when person snaps and starts doing things that endangers their and their family lives. It never starts right off the bat..

Paranoia is no joke. It messes with your mind badly.. especially if you feed your paranoid thoughts!

I'm saying that from personal experiences. I'm still struggling with paranoid thoughts. Who's read that one post of mine then knows what I'm talking about 😅

Also it might be actually just like @nightixx (hope you don't mind that I tagged you) said in one of their posts that Moon is probably realising to what lengths Sun is willing to go to protect his family. Maybe Moon actually sees that Sun can and would probably put himself in danger in order to keep his family safe. And maybe Moon actually suspect Sun to act behind his back and maybe even he may suspect that Sun may try to give Eclipse a chance just like he did with BM.

Cause Moon isn't stupid. He might not be the best with reading emotions etc but I won't doubt that he is quite observant. Like even Old Moon was noticing that something was wrong with Sun but unfortunately he didn't do much to help.

I think that New Moon is probably noticing that something is wrong with Sun as well. But unlike Old Moon he'll do something about it. He'll keep Sun safe no matter what. And why I think that Moon may be suspecting that Sun may try to give Eclipse a chance? Because I think that in Moon's eyes Sun is too nice, too naive, too stupid - he learned that in Ruin's dimension when Sun wanted to help that dimension so badly and he learned that with how Sun tried to give BM a chance.. Both of these situations were dangerous and yet Sun was willing to help and act on his kindness even if it meant endangering himself.. Moon sees that. I think that Moon realises that Sun is the biggest threat to himself...

Also I think that it's very possible that Moon may suspect that Sun will act behind his back because Sun already lied to him about that whole being a conduit for star's power thing which like Moon said was killing Sun every day..

And important thing to note is that paranoia may induce a hypervigilance in someone. Which explains why someone who is paranoid plans things in advance and with suspicion that others will break their trust.

Old Moon was paranoid af.. and we can see that New Moon starts becoming more and more paranoid as well...

But like I said it'll most definitely end up with Moon restricting Sun's freedom in order to prevent him from endangering himself. Which I'm afraid will lead to a tragedy.

[dearweirdme]

Not relevant to tkk, more about fandom I would say.

I am in my late 30s, married with two toddlers, super busy and successful in my very special field. I am also ARMY, heavily Tae based and following tkk love (?) story. The thing is, both of these sides of me have to remain hidden. I would never dare to mention in stan twitter my age or the fact that I have children cause the first slightly deranged person would call me all sorts of nasty things based on that. "Go feed your children grandma" or something like that lol. And I would never dare to even try and explain to my husband the delulu state im in with tae and taekook. Poor man would think I lost it. He already looks pressed when he hears me and the girls sing Korean and choose our biases lol.

I wonder if other people/women in the fandom have similar thoughts.

Hi anon!

I'm very certain that you are not alone in this. The agism is real! Speaking for myself (41.. yes be shocked everyone who hadn't clicked that yet 😂) I've had the craziest shit thrown at me just because of my age and for having a kid. For some reason there's people who think you stop enjoying music and everything that comes with it after you've turned 25 or something. Sure, life gets buzy.. but that doesn't mean you aren't allowed to enjoy BTS or whatever music or entertainment you prefer.

But I totally get it. While my friends and family know I like BTS's music (I play it a lot, so it's hard to miss) no-one knows about me being a Tkkr, no-one knows about Tae being my bias, and no-one knows about my blog. It's not on purpose, it's just that nobody around me is actually also a BTS fan.. so the topic never really comes up (and I doubt I would ever let anyone in my real life know about my blog to be honest). It's a bit of selfpreservation for me. I just don't like the feeling of being mocked for something I love.

There are many 'older' fans around though and I've been lucky to find some Army/Taekook friends on here. It's so good to be able to scream in someone's dm's about how good Jk and/or Tae looks. And I've really loved sharing last year with so many of my anon's and followers. I think being a bit older (and really... 41 isn't old by any standard) gives us a bit of life experience that makes us understand some things better.

[ahiddenpath]

Life Talk

Discussing how I'm dealing with Things beneath the cut.

I doubt I'll be able to say anything about the US election results that you haven't seen a million times before. I wasn't sure if I should bother commenting. I'm not sure where I am in the processing stages, so... Forgive me if my tone is weird. I definitely feel weird.

First thing's first; I've anticipated this outcome since people started blaming Biden for inflation. That's a typical thing in American politics; whoever is in charge currently is blamed for everything, which often causes the presidency to swap from D to R and back, regardless of where problems began. Of course, if voters really were worried about the economy, well... The Trump tariffs are a laughably, horrifically bad solution. But... I don't think the average American voter understands tariffs. So like. Whelp. There's a very real reason why Rs want to gut public education. Well, there are several, but yeah, a less educated populace is easier to fleece.

Obviously there are a million other horrible things going on here; if I tried to get into them all, I would never finish this post. But I can't say I'm experiencing shock or betrayal. I knew many Americans hate women, POC, the queer community, and others more than they care about their own self interests. Although most, I think, are simply not educated enough to understand that their self interests are at risk, and many others were sucked into the far right cult stuff years ago. Rs always scream about the liberal media, but so much American media (and social media!) is owned by the right, or is at least paid off by them. I'm wondering, as education continues to fail, especially given the next administration, will Americans have any hope of thinking beyond whatever Facebook posts and news in the pocket of (or in fear of) the right tells them?

We're in a bad way, but this didn't happen on the day of the election. We've been living in this environment for years, now. Are things about to get worse? Yes, of course. I think it's an important time to remember who your friends and loved ones are, to lean on them and check in on them, to do stupid fun stuff with them. And I think it's time to step away from the doom scrolling and inventing horrible what-if scenarios. Obviously this is a scary time; I'm not trying to diminish that. But spiraling causes pain now, PLUS more pain later if the bad thing comes to pass.

I've seen some interesting posts with actionable ideas. Get a passport ASAP, look into moving (to blue states, out of climate change buffer areas, or internationally if you can, although obviously that is not easy nor readily available), think about if your industry will be impacted by tariffs and sweeping federal government layoffs, get sterilized if you know you don't want kids, get that medical appointment you've been pushing off. Actionable stuff is productive! Spiraling isn't. Although uhhh, that's easier said than done. I'm just trying to push myself in a better direction, here.

As for me, here are some fractured snippets of how I've been feeling:

-Mourning. Shit, I'm 35. Trump will be in office until I'm 39. My child bearing window is closing. Are we not having a family bc of orange oompah loompah and his country and world destroying policies?

-I'm aware that I will be buffered from some things, purely because of how I look, where I live, etc. And the fact that I'm married to a safe man who adores me affords some protection. I feel weird about it, but must acknowledge it, so I don't get uhh. Disconnected from people who are more vulnerable than me. I think that Democratic politicians who mean well, but don't experience what so many Democrat constituents go through/suffer with for various reasons, becoming so... Out of touch and unrelatable... Um, I think that played a role in getting us here. It's difficult for these politicians to organize or affect change when their life experience is... Just overall safer by default. And this applies to people who aren't politicians, too, just on a less official level.

Those of us who are comparatively safer for various reasons need to hear people who are less safe and acknowledge that some things impact us differently, and we need to prioritize what the most vulnerable need.

-On the day before the election, I started Googling how to become a witch and books on witchcraft. I did it with a wry grin, because I'm aware that magic/witchcraft/New Age stuff/tarot/crystals/mysticism/etc surge in popularity during times of political and economic strife. Meaning that they are SUPER FUCKING POPULAR right now, and have been for a while. You might know that I'm a Seeker (tarot practitioner), but I'm also a scientist. I'm... not the most spiritual person.

But, like, FUCK IT. Time to become a witch. Time to creep into the wild woods and make a hut and live with the bears. TIME TO CURSE SOME MF-ers!

I told my reasonable friend. Here is our conversation:

Hidden: So I'm googling witch books.

Friend: No. We don't turn to magic in the face of tragedy. We drink hot cocoa.

Hidden: FINE I GUESS (hrmph!!!!)

I told another friend the same:

Friend: How are you holding up?

Hidden: Googling how to become a witch. So... yeah.

Friend: How... how DO you become a witch?

Hidden: IDK, that's why I'm googling it.

Sigh. I might still buy that book on the history of witchcraft and paganism. What, it's history! xD

-Otherwise, I've been weirdly fortunate that work has been so demanding. I've been learning more about in silico analysis lately (using huge protein databases to predict how developable a new antibody based drug might be, which residues to change, and how immunogenic your antibody might be). I'm learning and doing so much that I come home exhausted, but like. Maybe that's the lack of sleep on Tuesday night talking.

-I've been leaning into the animal of myself these last few days. The soft, squishy, vulnerable meat of me. Sleep and work and food and relying on my partner bond with my husband. Listening to his heartbeat, feeling the low rumble of his voice when we cuddle, letting skin on skin release safe and happy hormones.

-I think I need to get off reddit and its eternal doom. Like, permanently. Tumblr and Insta are the only other social media I use, but Tumblr is all digimon and Insta is all cats and dolls. I'm hoping the political posts that aren't primarily actionable die down on Tumblr soon, so I don't need to spend less time here, but obviously people need to post what they are going to post. If I'm here less, this is likely why.

Most of all, do what you can to beat back despair. I don't really have comforting words, except that you're not alone. Other people DO think and feel the way you do now. Let's all try to be there for each other, distract one another, and maybe have some hugs and hot drinks. Or like... start a coven, idk.

You are loved. Ask for help if you need to, offer it if you can.

[bloggingboutburgers]

Today you answered a lot of questions, so if you want this to just sit in your inbox it's okay

Not tryna burden you or anything, just wanted to wish you a good day, and tell you that I admire you and how confident you are with your identity. It's truly heartwarming for me from my little confused bicurious/bisexual demisexual genderfluid place (Ik, it's a lot), because I get confused and sometimes awkward when I doubt on whether what I am or what I'm not. Mostly because it discourages me a bit when I'm talking about my identity and the same friend jumps in and says "but weren't you *this* a few months ago?". She's very insensitive most of the time and questions me about my choices because she thinks I strictly have to have 'had a crush' on someone to be sure. Idk man, I just realized just now that when I was a kid I found Elsa from Frozen prettier than I did with other characters, shut up. I just know, but after being fed with that if I found them attractive (or rather, sexually appealing) then I had a crush on someone, realizing if I liked someone or not was a huge fucking struggle.

Whatever, I'm just ranting by now. Just wanted to thank you because thanks to you I felt like someone understood my situation because I had been wondering why I never had liked someone my whole life. Then I realized, I can, it's just that it takes a bit more than just finding them appealing to the eye for me. You gave me a safe space, where I could laugh and relate (or not, it depends on the context but I still nod and chuckle) to being ace.

Also, I could be asking on my main but I feel embarrassed to say this since we're mutuals and you probably know who I am, but I'm still shy :P

Have a good night :D

IIIIII have totally let this sit in my asks for quite a while because the stress of the visa process got to me... TwT Sorry it took me so long to respond! (...Tbh I haven't guessed who you are either TwT I'm so sorry, I hope that isn't too hurtful, I'm kinda stupid in that way...)

I feel you though. I'm lucky I myself have such a strong and stubborn sense of self that I can still be like "no I AM this because I know and naysayers can f off" even in times where there's ground for doubt, because it IS genuinely so hard to figure oneself out. First off, people impose on you, from your very childhood, the common denominator that everyone's heterosexual and heteroromantic. Next, and even stronger than that, people impose on you that everyone feels sexual and romantic attraction, and that if anyone likes anything at all, if any person interacts positively with any other at all, if any character shares screentime with any other at all, then it must mean they're romantically/sexually attracted, because that's all it ever can mean. No wonder it's a struggle!

It's an honestly unfair situation to always have to be surrounded by "yeah but"s from people who don't experience your experience yet somehow think they know better. It makes it so that sometimes, all you have to trust is your gut, and that's a tough pill to swallow in a world that tends to erase or disvalue your experience, and in a society where it's encouraged not to be too self-centered and seek other opinions for guidance, for valid reasons. But it's sometimes so tough to find support, that trusting oneself really IS what one needs.

Either way... I consider myself really fortunate in that sense, but I know it's definitely a tough one, and I sincerely wish you the best T^T I'm really glad if I can help, even a little! And please don't let external forces make you lose too much confidence in yourself, as honestly hard as it is at times TwT You're all good as you are and you have every right to be who you are! It sounds so obvious put that way but... Yeah TwT

[kodzuken-chan]

🪻Lilac Skies🪻

Pairing : Geto Suguru x Fem.Reader

Genre: Angst/ Hurt-Comfort/ Fluff

Warning ⚠️: MANGA SPOILERS (read at your own risk) / Hurt-Comfort / Might include Trauma and Traumatic experience / emotional distress / Pretty much angsty stuff

A/N: So Imagine that Kenjaku possessed Suguru's body in a different way from what we know, and instead, Suguru eats Kenjaku as an exocrised curse and it goes wrong, just the way Sukuna possessed Megumi's body completely making him fall in his own darkness and losing control over his own body.

Okay, so I'm kinda recovering from my writer's block and I'm telling you honestly that this isn't the best thing i wrote and it contains unlogical stuff from my imagination, but hopefully you can enjoy it.^^

----------------

Summary: In which Suguru still loves you after getting possessed by Kenjaku

----------------

It was Something about the purple flakes in his eyes and the curl of his soft lips when he smiled, they were always what made you fall in love with him in the first place. Where did it go wrong? You didn't know, all what you know is that you're helpless and you can never see your lover again, he wasn't your lover at this point.

-

You and Suguru met 10 years ago, back when the two of you were just ambitious sorcerers at Tokyo's Jujutsu high Tech. Of course him and your other bestie Gojo Saotru were Special grade sorcerers, while you were just a semi-grade one sorcerer, but still, your friendship and bond was stronger than anything else.

-

At some point of time, you and Suguru discovered your unspoken feelings ending up dating each other. He was sweet, loving and understanding...you loved him wholeheartedly and he did too, you never imagined your life with anyone else but him.

-

But after Amani Riko's incident, you started to see how he was losing it slowly, you tried to talk it over with him, to comfort him, but he decided to listen to the voices in his head and follow a path he shouldn't have, he knew that it was wrong and childish, he didn't expect someone to understand him, not even you. Your morals and beliefs forced you to take a different path than Suguru's because the only thing you couldn't do to him was supporting him in something that was against your beliefs.

-

But despite the awful and filthy crimes he committed, your heart still belonged to his, the two of you still longed for each other. Even after what happened, you'd find yourself late at night by the doorstep of the temple he's staying at. And he'd welcome you to his embrace like nothing of this have happened, kissing and showering you in affection. You knew its wrong, going behind the back of your jujutsu colleagues and friends, especially Gojo, but you couldn't help it, to you life was unbearable without Suguru's wamrth.

-

However, at a day and night, he changed...he wasn't the Suguru that you've always longed to...the Suguru you've always wanted to hold in your arms, he became cold, he was distant, the aura around him changed and he never wanted you again like he always did.

-

You wondered what went wrong, what was the reason behind his change, but you could tell, that there is something wrong with him, the purple flakes in his eyes that you always adored, had a hint of melancholy, as if his irises were silently screaming for help, for your forgiveness.

-

It was later when you found out by Nanako and Mimiko that he started acting differently once he ate a certain exocrised curse and that confirmed your doubts. You had so many questions spinning inside of your head, was it the curse that changed him, or is the curse affecting his being as a whole.

-

You knew his cursed ability was the cursed spirit manipulation where he can harness and control cursed spirits bending them to his will, but you knew how difficult it was for him to swallow these cursed spirits as they didn't taste like anything but a rag wiped in a vomit, it was basically one of the reasons for why he lost his way away from being a sorcerer, asking himself why does he need to suffer in order to save commoners who never knew about all what sorcerers have to go through.

-

Then you made your mind, wanting to save your lover knowing for sure that he's probably there deep down his own body, you wanted to confirm that this was the case, you had hope that you can bring your Suguru back, so you started investigating and observing the so-called Geto Suguru.

-

It went smoothly for first couple of days where you were unnoticed by Suguru, or that's what you thought. It was the matter of minutes before your eyes were covered in black, falling unconscious. One hour later, your ears perked up on a distant voice, your eyes slowly started to wake up as you adjusted them to the lighting of the room, until you realized that you can't move.

-

You pulled your arms and legs but it was useless, you were tied up from both sides to the floor, and You suddenly heard a chuckle approaching your figure.

-

"Well, well, well, what do we have here? A little stalker I see" smirked Suguru as he sat next to your figure crossing his legs

-

"You're not Suguru...who are you ...and what did you go him" you said after staring into his eyes deeply noticing that there is something off, His eyes are full of sadness and sorrow, contrasting with his malicious facial expressions.

-

"Kenjaku at your service, now would you like to tell me what is this stalking about miss?" Said Kenjaku in Suguru's body with a mischievous smile holding your chin and tracing his fingers all the way down to your neck and collar bone, but suddenly his hand twitched forcefully taking it away from your skin.

-

"UGH....this dude is still resisting..." Said Kenjaku Talking to himself as he examined his body while referring to Suguru, who was somewhere deep down his soul angry that his girl was being touch by Kenjaku

-

"I know how to make you obedient, maybe we should just kill your beautiful girlfriend ~" Said Kenjaku as if he's talking to Suguru inside and Your eyes widened at the sudden statement

-

It was a matter of of few seconds before you found Kenjaku sitting on you, both of his hand surrounded your neck, putting a pressure on it choking you. Your face turned purple eventually the more pressure he added on your neck

-

"S....Sugu...." you said barely able to breath, tears running down your cheek.

-

Kenjaku didn't help but laugh at how ridiculous the scene before him looked

-

"Getting choked to death by your own boyfriend, how ironic" He said making fun of you.

-

But soon when you were hanging on a thread between life and death, You felt the grip of Kenjaku's hand around your neck began to loose, but slightly pressing harder the second after it, as if Kenjaku was getting resisted by Something.

-

"Leave her...Alone!" Suguru's voice echoed Infront of your figure as he fought Kenjaku to get his body back by choking himself this time, and some how he managed to suppress Kenjaku temporarily taking the control over his body again.

-

But it was the matter of few minutes before Saotru broke in the place attacking Suguru with no hesitation upon seeing your figure on the floor, he's been following you ever since he knew you're seeing Suguru secretly after what happened 10 years ago, making sure that Suguru won't do anything to you despite him knowing that you two have been together since you all were teenagers. As he attacked Suguru now, his own former best friend called out his name.

-

"S..Satoru...s..Stop...its me....." he panted, recovering from the attack and Satoru stood there with a pierced expression looking at him. Suguru's eyes soon landed on your figure on the floor and he stumbled on his knee dropping next to you and scoping you into his arms.

-

However your vision was blurred, you were barely able to focus on your surroundings, the choking earlier caused you to have lack of oxygen in your body. All what you were able to hear was Suguru's desperate faint voice calling out your name in fear before your blacked out.

-

Later you were taken to the hospital, the doctor had you staying in one of the room with an oxygen mask attached to your face and with a bandage around your swollen bruised neck. Satoru have taken out Suguru from your room to have an individual talk with him

-

"Suguru...I'm sure you have an idea that you should be executed ones found by the the Jujutsu high-ups..." Said Satoru in a firm tone and Suguru stayed silent

-

"But .. for Y/N's sake....I'm going to pretend i haven't seen you here, because she loves you...and i don't want her to wake up later not finding you next to her" said Satoru before he went inside Yui's room, glanced her one last time before he left.

-

Suguru pulled a chair next to your bed and sat, his hand slowly made its way to brush some hair strands off your face, he felt like touching you now was no longer legal to him, his hands, were the reason you're laying unconscious on this hospital bed, He ended up blaming himself for what happened drowning in his usual puddle of thoughts.

-

This when your weak delicate fingers started moving bringing his attention back to you, He stood up knealing next to your figure gently placing his hand on the top of your head as his eyes welled up in tears

-

"Y/N-chan?" He called in a soft voice

-

"Sugu ..." you uttered tiredly looking at him with barely opened eyes.

-

"How are you feeling now ... sweetheart...?" He looked at you with his reddish eyes, gently tracing the bandage on your neck.

-

"You're Sugu..ri...right...?" You uttered tiredly again, this time coughing a little

-

Suguru couldn't hold back anymore, he drew closer and kissed your forehead uttering a "Sorry" into your forehead

-

"Yes...I'm Suguru...your Suguru....." he smiled softly caressing your cheek with his fingers tips

-

"W..what happened to you...wh..what was that......a..are you okay..." you said tiredly, giving his hand a little squeeze

-

"Its seems...that the last curse i ate...was kinda unique, and it didn't go well... but its fine now...you don't have to worry sweetheart..." he said softly gently stroking your hair

-

A tear ran down your cheeks and he kissed it away, nearing your lips, pressing them softly on yours

-

"Shh...its okay...I'm here now ..you dont have to worry....I promise I won't go anywhere...and will never let such thing happen again... now get some rest sweetheart" he said softly to you

-

After the incident, the two of you continued your love in secret, hoping that no one ever will be able to take you away from each other again.

-

The End

[bleue-flora]

I just watched the finale again and what was the idea of c!drunz killing the server and reviving the server again supposed to mean, was that whole saw trap scene staged? because how were they gonna gather everyone and kill them all, and then revive them till they got their simple peaceful family and life back and if is staged, why even say all that to c!clingy if they were sick of c!clingy fighting c!dream all the time and seeing him as the big bad. If its not staged, why is it something that they thought would work? I feel like I've misinterpreted it as like c!drunz gathering everyone around like they're sheep into a pen lmao. Another thing is, they wanted to test the heroic/sacrificial limbo but the way they phrase the conversation is as if the person that died is gonna die forever while the other person leaves to tell everyone what happened which makes me believe that part was also staged because lets say if c!tubbo stayed behind and died making the sacrifice, then they'd revive him, find out the limbo and then would they like kill him again? like what would they do, put him in prison, let him be free, treat him like vikk and lazar despite saying that they made a mistake with those experiments and revived and killed too many times.

And if the server is off balance by revives and kills why would they want to kill everyone on the server then revive again to begin with. I'm just a little confused on the plan and I think you were the blog that said that it was all staged iirc and I wanted your insight into it because oh man I am struggling here. I do get their plan isn't meant to make sense though I feel like I missed something which has made me more lost.

Hmmm asking all the good questions. Well I should say to start that while I do think we should look at what staged duo does and says with skepticism, after all these two have shown they are liars especially to clingy duo so there are a lot reasons to doubt them. On the other hand 1) technically it can’t really be staged because it wasn’t super planned out, clingy duo came and they were not expecting it. 2) It is the finale and the content creators would know this so they would try and give us at least some answers…

Anyways while their actual Plan remains unclear, though I have some theories and thoughts about it [here], there are things we can determine pretty reasonably are legit or not, because we know they tell both lies and truth. For example, we know they experimented with Lazar and Vik - so they do spill truth obviously. It’s just how to determine what is and wasn’t true.

The biggest thing I can say we probably can say pretty strongly is that that saw trap was such a load of bs. For starters, it wasn’t meant for clingy duo, and when I’m thinking about characters who are willing to be selfless and die a hero, that would be significant enough to Dream or Punz to do this, not a whole lot of options come to mind. I’ve talked about it [here] about who it could be for, but since then I’m starting to wonder if it was supposed to serve a different purpose entirely… anyways the other thing and perhaps most noteworthy is that staged duo doesn’t seem to give a damn about the trap one way or another. When Tommy shows up in the finale and says Tubbo is dead, Dream doesn’t believe him, double checking with Punz to make sure he checked [clip] (checked what? No freaking idea, limbo I guess or more likely to see if there was a body probably… I don’t know). So the fact that they seem to care so little about their experiment and clingy duo in general is telling to me. The other thing is that the variables that change limbo seem to me to be pretty minor differences, like I’m not even sure if there’s a way to replicate and make it back to the same limbo, if it matters both on how you die and what happens before. I mean multiple people have died to a sword or axe, presumably specifically Dream’s sword or axe, I mean how different is Tommy dying in the finale to him getting beat to death in the jail cell with a potato, I mean plus technically Ranboo’s death could be seen as selfless right? Dying for his son seems kinda selfless, (but they didn’t even go talk to him in limbo anyways, so do they really care about limbo that much?), therefore I don’t really think that point matters. Hell even if it did, I don’t see why they couldn’t test this on Vikk or Lazar (maybe that was their original plan?…). I mean it just sounds so stereotypically evil - especially the way he presents it, the way he says they couldn’t test it because they are evil [clip], and the fact that it aligns with the hero dynamic fueling Tommy’s ego and such. In other words, playing into his world view. And whenever they are doing that I’d say it’s a major red flag. So, the saw trap I think we can say pretty reasonably, based on what we do know is facetious, the question of what the room is for and who however remains up for speculation.

As far as them killing everyone, I don’t think this is true either. I mean for starters why not kill Tubbo and Tommy to start the process, why not kill Sapnap like he talked about to Foolish, while on his own. Like if the goal is to kill everybody why let someone go tell everyone to come after them. Killing Sam, Sapnap, Foolish, Quackity… etc is a lot easier than trying to kill then all teamed up together. And we know unless they have some super weapon that they aren’t confident enough to even kill them all as they said in the finale and here [clip]. So unless they plan on trapping them in the prison and nuking them, or summoning a freaking dragon, or teaming up with XD or something, I don’t think that’s a feasible plan and they may be very screwed up mentally but they aren’t stupid.

They also are all about the balance but yet have no issues bringing Tommy back after he gets murdered, and they seem just in general so calm to whatever unbalance of such is going on. I mean we do know to some extent that it’s truth, XD tells Foolish his lives are limited because he’s low on power and he needs more death to fuel him, and we know the book is directly connected to XD since in the prison podcast it summoned him. So the unbalance is pretty confirmed as true even if perhaps their ‘solution/plan’ may not be. All the best lies have truth in them.

Which brings us to more questions than answers. Why bring clingy duo to prison in the first place? What and or who was the saw trap actually for? What was the actual plan? And why monologue to clingy duo at all? To which I unfortunately have little satisfying answers, which trust me frustrates no one more than me ;). What I can say perhaps their reason for lying and putting on a show at all was that I think they planned on letting someone go and for some reason wanted them to tell the others. And I base this on two things - their utter nonchalance, the way they just don’t seem to even care about clingy beyond being infuriated by them murdering Dream , and just the absolute unhinged way they act at times. The villainous, “This is so cute. We shouldn’t interrupt them” [clip]. The way they talk about the saw trap/experiment - “we’re just too evil” and like Punz’s ominous “choose wisely” as they leave [clip].

I don’t know but a good portion of that monologue feels very - we were practicing our evil laughs backstage before we walked out here, ya know… ;D

[cosmicjoke]

So yeah I went to bed and woke up still thinking about Levi and AoT. I guess this is just my life now.

Specifically, I was looking at an imageset from Levi's childhood where Kenny's watching his fight before abandoning him. I didn't catch it while watching the OVA, but looking closer, Levi's expression after beating the guy down and threatening him kind of says it all. There's such desperation there, and the first time I thought it was just part of the natural emotions of the fight. But after examining and thinking about it more, I think he's desperate because he doesn't want to have to take it further. He wants the man to give up and not put Levi in a situation where he has to hurt him worse or take his life. And then he looks up and sees Kenny walking away, and he looks so stricken - and I think this is actually even more of a character defining moment than it seems at first. I think Levi thinks Kenny has seen that desperation not to go further, that compassion that's still there in him, and given up on him because Levi just couldn't manage to kill that part of himself. It's not "oh no, what did I do wrong, why is he leaving" - it's thinking he knows exactly why, that he's failed, and that Kenny isn't willing to put up with it any more. And then later we see him so sad, probably thinking about what would have happened if he had managed to kill that compassion and lived up to what he thinks Kenny wanted from him. And I wonder if that's part of what helps him listen to Erwin later, or even part of the rage we see in him when Levi finally meets Kenny again after having all those years to learn that his compassion is actually something valuable (and precious! though I doubt Levi could see anything about himself as precious given his self-esteem issues).

I don't know, I guess this is less of a question and more of me excitedly throwing some word vomit into your ask box, but I'm curious if you have any thoughts on it.

I'm always ready and willing to talk about Levi, so please feel free to share any thoughts or ideas you might have!

You know, that's a really great observation and theory! Levi really does look almost frantic during that fight, like he's playing a role, trying to whip himself up to engage. That all that energy drains immediately out of him when he looks up and sees Kenny walking away also supports your theory, I think.

I've talked a lot about how Levi's violence isn't innate to him at all. I wrote a whole post on it, specifically contrasting Levi's violence with Eren's, to really demonstrate what inherent violence looks like versus learned violence.

Levi was never naturally inclined toward violence. It was something that was forced onto him in order to survive, and indeed, I think violence in general actually goes against Levi's very nature. I think, naturally, meaning if he'd been born into circumstances which allowed him to be this way, Levi is actually an incredibly gentle person.

So this idea that Levi was trying to hold back against the man he was fighting doesn't seem far-fetched to me, or the idea that Levi believed that to be the reason Kenny left him. Kenny taught Levi to be merciless, but he never was able to be that, he never became that. I've talked a lot too about how Levi's relationship with Furlan and Isabel is really testament to his inherent goodness as a person. Because despite every experience and lesson in his life forcibly trying to turn Levi into some antisocial psychopath, like Kenny, he instead turned out to be the kindest, most compassionate and caring character in the story, and his ability to form friendships and relationships with other people, really in spite of what he'd been through, is proof of that.

[blessedarethebinarybreakers]

Hello! I was wondering if you had any resources for doubt in your faith and God? I know doubt is a very healthy part of faith, but it still feels very scary. I've always believed in God but lately I've been doubting lately, and it genuinely makes me sad. I feel like God has held me so many times and has been there for me and others so many times, but for some reason I still doubt. I have OCD and it attacks the values I care about the most, and I'm pretty sure why I'm doubting God so much is because of that. It just scares me because I genuinely don't want to let go of my faith. It also feels awful because sometimes I pray and try to connect with God and im very content and believe in God, and then a couple minutes later I'm back to doubting His existence and it just feels so awful, having these ups and downs. I don't want to let go of God, especially the God that loves me so much. I have nothing against atheists or anything, I just can't imagine myself not believing and trusting in God. If you could also please pray for me that would be amazing. Thank you so much, may God always be with you <3

I'm sending you love and support, anon. Doubt is difficult; it's okay to feel scared or saddened or anything else by it. Doubt being a natural part of faith doesn't change that. Especially when you know your OCD is at play; I feel deeply for you as you struggle with that sense of an internal attack on what you hold dear, and I know God aches for you, too.

I want to start with the promise that when you have doubts, God isn't mad at you for it, or disappointed. God is with you in it. You won't lose your relationship with God, not ever! I know it's one thing to know that logically, and another to truly feel it, but I hope the knowledge brings a little comfort.

My main recommendation is Barbara Brown Taylor's book Learning to Walk in the Dark, which explores a "lunar spirituality" that accepts that faith, like the moon with its phases, waxes and wanes naturally. It also invites the reader to sit with difficult emotions like fear and sadness as important parts of the human experience, with advice for feeling more comfortable with emotions and experiences that those of us raised with a "solar spirituality" are taught to avoid at all costs.

If you're interested, your local library or even church library may have a copy; if not and you're unable to afford a copy for yourself, message me and I'll buy you a copy (ebook or used paperback). (You can read a few excerpts here first if you're not sure whether it's the book for you.)

Beyond that, you may find some helpful stuff in my doubt tag, or my #faith tag.

I will be holding you in my prayers <3

O God who knows our pain, our fears, our sorrows intimately, enfold this person in your comfort and warmth. Help them feel how your love is without end, without conditions, and is far stronger than any doubt they could have or thought their OCD could construct. Hold them close as they journey through their doubts, and learn to ask questions without fear. In time, may they come know to a joy that is deeper than easy answers, a faith that can weather the chillest doubt and even draw nourishment from that doubt. Amen.