#i'm not doubting your experience or others' i'm just wondering if the reason isn't because it isn't the case for everyone

[ryanthedemiboy]

Genuine question: is this documented? Because while it would make sense, how much does it change?

For me, I actually need a lower dose (60mg/wk, compared to the usual 100-200mg/wk), and could still go lower.

Or could it be because I inject subq instead of IM?

Today I found out because of another fat trans guy who has been through the same thing that being fat means you need to be on a higher dose of HRT for it to work.

I've been on testosterone for three months now and I've had no effects. I was wondering why because in transition timelines I've seen, their voices started to get deeper after three months.

I knew I was on a low dose, but I didn't consider it wasn't working in particular because of my weight. Nobody ever taught me this INCLUDING other trans people. Probably because most of the other trans people I've encountered were skinny.

[velvetvexations]

my personal take on "antigonism" is that it's entirely what you make of it. which is to say, i agreed with your post explaining why you felt such a term was necessary, and i do think this mentality of "most of us are normal about each other" and simply assuming we understand each other's experiences by virtue of being trans is reinventing artificial gender solidarity between cis people ("bros before hoes", "girl's girl") but superimposed onto trans people. which can be particularly contentious, given that we're an extremely traumatized bunch with a lot of baggage and massively diverging perspectives on all kinds of things. relating to each other outside of conventional gender relations means we have to put in that much more work to bridge the gaps between us, because we can no longer rely on the common assumptions made about men and women to carry our interactions, if that makes sense.

i do think a whole word for transfem-to-transmasc solidarity does toe a line between being unnecessarily inflammatory and conditionally useful. i'm genuinely glad for the people who felt seen and appreciated by the fact that a transfem made so explicit her stance on intracommunity issues. i'm also sympathetic to the people who feel put-off by such a word. when does allyship become chauvinistic? there is no word for a non-misogynistic man to signal to women that he is explicitly anti-antifeminist, for example. do we need one? i think a vast majority would say no, on account of simply stating he believes in feminist principles to suffice. so i'm wondering what specifically the push was for you to coin a word around tfem4tmasc solidarity, because while i do think trans people as a whole need to take significantly more initiative about rooting out transmisogyny and transandrophobia both, i'm not quite clear on what could signal more clearly a transfem's stance on intracommunity dialogue than just saying "i believe in transandrophobia and condemn all radfems". all feminism, transfeminism included, has had their malicious actors-- the existence of transradfems isn't really anything noteworthy as far as the broader feminist conversations go.

i hope this doesnt come across as confrontational because i think the people who found comfort in the fact that you are willing to go that far for them is truly heartwarming. i just don't want to see us splinter further into microfactions over something like one person coining one maybe-overenthusiastic word on the internet

Sincerely, there is a word for men who are anti-anti-feminist, though, they're feminists. Granted, self-identified "feminist" men have somewhat of a negative stereotype associated to them, but still, feminist men are feminists.

One of the biggest reasons I think a term would be useful is because so many people feel unsafe in the trans community because of trans radical feminism right now that it can help them relax a lot when they see a trans woman identifies as such. Just reminding people with assurances that most trans women are Normal doesn't really help that when they keep running into ones who aren't over and over.

TRFs are aggressive about this stuff. Seriously, every single day, post after post, their primary form of activism is crying about TMEs stealing kinks and liking a children's toy too much. I feel strongly that should be countered. Even if they aren't the majority, they sure as hell act like it and repeat how great it is that every single trans woman except velvetvexations alone agrees with them.

To be absolutely clear, I do not think I'm the only non-weird trans woman! That is just literally what they say about me! They may be the minority now but that frog is boiling.

IRL transmascs are forced out of spaces and talked over when they're let in because mascuwinity is scawy, No doubt transfems have similar problems because some spaces are TERF-y, but that problem is exacerbated when social media is filled with TRF rhetoric because it gets drilled into people's heads they need to be worried about that, and I don't think "touch grass" is a good response to that.

Hell, what if someone touches grass and then they do happen to end up having people be transandrophobic/exorsexist/intersexist/etc. to them? "Oh, well, that didn't count, try again somewhere else, I prommy that's not Normal."

It's all about volume. I feel very, very strongly that volume is necessary here, to combat the feeling that that radical feminism is around every corner and help people feel at ease and know trans women are with them.

[kani-miso]

hngngngnggngn guyss what if the dude in the ending of the t2 summary, will influence es even further into their warden role (and maybe something really bad will happen)

we all know that the dude used "watashi" instead of jackalopes "ore-sama", this is really important. since we know in the novels, jackalope's aren't technically "jackalopes", they are technically "human", sort of. maybe, the dude who used watashi could be jackalope off of work, or the dude in the novel (the boss). the identity of that man isn't really important in this discussion, but i just want to find out ig.

what's important is, do you remember about the aviot collab? es' last test line is the main topic. (im to lazy to take the image). the line, "i(boku wa)... i(watashi.. wa..)...." iirc. the 1st "i", uses boku, their usual 1st person pronoun. boku is usually used by young boys, but in this case they're using it since boku is used by workers (boku is also gender neutral). the 2nd "i" uses watashi, they have NEVER used this 1st person. what if, the reason why they used watashi, is because of that dude in the ending of t2 summary using watashi. only we can hear that dude since he appeared when es is put to sleep, if they are taking reference off of that dude, how did they hear it? the viewers mind and es' mind is sorta connected (the reason why es can hear our thoughts).

before es is put to sleep, jackalope is awfully manipulative i will rip my guts out. "and anyway, whatever happens to them, none of it can be taken back. its not for the guard to worry about. that's right, you are the guard. don't doubt it. that is your job. as long as you dont forget that, it's fine. now that you understand, go to sleep, es."

its not for the guard to worry about : jackalope knows that es has their full trust on him, he's using that as a chance to take advantage of their own feelings, making them slowly lose empathy for the prisoners. also, maybe jackalope said this because he knows es feels guilty for what happened to the guiltied (…I'm sorry. I'm responsible for the fact that you've ended up like this.) ig he is supposed to be the representation of the all seeing eye in the panopticon.

that's right, you are the guard. don't doubt it : in some occasions, es doubted their role of being the warden (ex: "Guard-san"... Is that really... me?). since they're doubting their role, i think jackalope is trying to push the warden role onto them so they wont ever give up and become a vulnurable target of "manipulation" for the prisoners.

as long as you dont forget that, it's fine : yeah ig its self explanatory.

also, the last line, "oh yes, just as i predicted, you have all turned out to be...." its so smart. in the original milgram experiment, there are three results: 1. those who followed the rules but blamed themselves for what they did 2. those who followed the rules and felt great for what they did (because they thought they actually hurt the person) 3. those who rebelled and halted the experiment. in the back of the undercover cd, there's 3 es'

and i think they can be connected to each of the results. the one on the top could be the 1st result, the one on the middle could be the 2nd result, and the third one could be the 3rd result.

i love how they just cut it off before he says what we all turned out since there's three results that could happen. because we technically have the idea of what es could end up after t3, i wonder how much farther would they go to be the ideal warden (especially with how jackalope is persuading es to not worry about what happens to the prisoners).

(+edit: a jp person translated the ending part where it glitches, its "you have all turned out to be psychopaths who enjoy other people's misery", which is technically the result of the real milgram experiment, even stanley milgram himself was horrified of the results, "a very high proportion of subjects would fully obey the instructions, with every participant going up to 300 volts, and 65% going up to the full 450 volts.".

i might be reaching too far so take this with a grain of salt

tldr; the dude at the end of t2 summary will worsen es

[internetgiraffekid1673]

It says in your little thing that your Mormon, are you still Mormon cuz respectfully I've heard a lot of shit about Mormons and how they are very transphobic and homophobic! So not trying to be rude just genuinely wondering if I read that wrong or something.

Hey! Yeah, I am a mormon, but I love all my queer siblings, including/especially my trans people. But it's a complicated religion and I have a complicated relationship with it, so I understand the confusion.

The short answer is that I was raised mormon, continue to find a lot of comfort and truth in SOME of their teachings, and I am perpetually very pissed with a lot of their other teachings, cuz yeah, a lot of them are Not Good. So I'm mormon and mad about it. It's kind of like. . .imagine if you were raised Catholic and only really have good memories of your Catholic community and find a lot of comfort in teachings about God's love, but you absolutely despise the administration of the Catholic church and like, everything they say about queer people. It's like that.

The long answer is this:

A) The mormons get a bad rap on the internet for stuff that isn't actually true. If you ever have a specific question, I am happy to answer to the best of my abilities.

B) Having said that, a lot of the teachings of the mormon church regarding queer people are really really bad and I do not support or encourage this even slightly. I myself am queer, and I have to put up with hearing all kinds of queerphobic shit from the church all the time. And I hate it and I speak against it whenever it is safe for me to do so. It just. All of it goes soooo against the other teachings of the church. I am not the only queer member. There is an entire community of us on tumblr over here. We all work and suffer through it together.

C) I still believe in the stuff that's at the fundamentals of the gospel though. Namely, God exists and he loves all of us unconditionally. He sent us to Earth so that we could learn and grow and become happier through our experiences here. Free agency/the ability to make independent choices is very VERY important to him. He sent Jesus Christ to suffer for our sins so that when we do fuck it up, we don't have to live with that guilt forever. Jesus also suffered for our pain and sorrow so that we didn't have to and can bring us healing. We're supposed to love our neighbors with our whole hearts.

I also believe that Joseph Smith did translate the Book of Mormon, although he was still a human being who made mistakes and I don't believe in a LOT of the stuff he said and did. I doubt you've read the Book of Mormon, but it's really just The Bible Extended Edition. There's a reason it's full name is The Book of Mormon: Another Testament of Jesus Christ. It covers what the hell was going on in the Americas during the biblical times.

I also believe that God has chosen prophets for our modern day to continue giving us revelation. I also believe those prophets are mostly crusty old men with outdated personal opinions that they mistake for revelation, that they fuck it up a lot, and I wish a lot of them would hurry up and die so I no longer have to listen to their bullshit.

D) Religion and faith are personal. I'm not here to convert anyone, especially other queer people. I continue practicing my religion because I have had literal years and some really amazing people to help me sort out what is good and bad and to figure out what parts of it are best for me as a person. I understand that what's best for some people is literally none of it, and I also understand that while some people could benefit from just doing what I do, that the way the church treats queer people (and also women sometimes) does more harm than the good parts help. So while I talk about my religion sometimes, it's always more about my personal relationship with it and never to try to convert people. I fully support ex-mormons who left the church, because sometimes the environment can be truly toxic and the religious trauma they have experienced is real.

E) The culture of the church and the actual doctrinal teachings of the church are two very different things. Utah mormon culture is also different than regular mormon culture. All of these things have good aspects to them, but church culture and Utah mormon culture also have a lot of really harmful things too, and these don't even have anything to do with the crusty old men being homophobic/transphobic. I am also mad about this, and I also complain about this fairly frequently.

I'm glad you asked because I understand that this stuff can be confusing. I think it's impossible to be any kind of religious queer person and not have a really complicated and deeply personal relationship with your religion.

I hope that answered your question, and I completely understand if this makes my blog feel like an unsafe space for you and you feel like you need to unfollow me. I do, however, tag every church related post I make, both with a religion cw and the tumblr mormon tag. Do what's best for you, and much love.

Also, unrelated, but I really appreciate all the posts you make and every time I see a little notification from you on one of my posts, it makes me so very happy.

[paula-of-christ]

hey I'm an atheist, and I have a question, I'm not sure if this comes off as offensive or anything but if it does I really don't mean it that way.

I saw some things about like... neurodivergent people (autism, ADHD etc) being seen as like people who were possessed by the devil in Christianity. and im just confused because I'm not sure whether all Christians think that neurodivergent people are like possessed and sinned or something, or if it's just those people. sorry if this doesn't make a lot of sense, I'm autistic and I was just wondering what you thought.

That's largely an Evangelical/Fundamentalist Christian idea nowadays. Way back when in medieval times everyone thought that (including other Abrahamic religions) but that was when in general we didn't understand the science behind mental illnesses and other similar diseases or neurodivergency. It really is just those people. Of course you will find a Catholic that also believes that, but the difference is, it is not taught by the Catholic Church, officially or unofficially, and that would be considered private opinions those people hold. Granted, Catholic-Christians still believe in demonic oppression and possession, but we realize that it is much less likely for people to be possessed. Can demons cause symptoms similar to those? Yes, but you have to without a reasonable doubt rule out those neurodivergencies prior to any kind of investigation into the demonic. And at that point, you probably have symptoms that go above and beyond those neurodivergencies.

Now as far as my personal opinion goes, I think depression and anxiety are demonic oppression in much more of an amount of time than we generally give credit for. However it doesn't extend to something like ADHD or autism, I think that's a stretch, my opinion is just based on my experience with depression and my observance of other people's depression and anxiety. Both of those things are almost totally cleared in most of the population by meditation (which a lot of prayer is), focusing on an object, or becoming aware of your surroundings (I cannot for the life of me think of what this is called but it's like, picking out things around you of the different senses). While medication can help, I do believe that the reason we see so much more anxiety now is because of the moving away from traditional religions, which almost all include multiple senses in their forms of worship. It isn't until American Protestantism really kicks off in the 18-19th century that we see these things become real issues, and at that time as well, a rise in anti-theism, rather than just agnosticism or atheism.

[spindle-girl]

Flare 2.7

walking to the train stop with new friends/mentorees + Sveta

“What Victoria was saying, how she was saying she was happy, seeing the kids happy, and how she felt energized after.  I don’t have that.  I don’t have a way to recharge when I’m not at one hundred percent.”

same

“I like people, parties, noise, really letting the walls drop away and having fun.  There are things I’d want to go out and do which I can’t.  Things I’m not comfortable talking about with Kenzie present.”

or not

“Weld’s kind-of dad figure was the Director in charge of the Boston PRT,” Sveta said.  “He was also kind of in charge of looking after Ashley, because her town was close to Boston.” “Making sure she didn’t do too much damage?” I asked. “Yes.  And gradually trying to get her used to the idea of cooperating with the good guys, making sure she was staying reasonably healthy.  They reached out regularly, letting her know there were better options.  Except that Ashley was a different Ashley.”

i wonder if he was the guy that wanted to recruit Rachel and she was his first run at it since it didn't seem to go as well. i do have a hard time believing that any of the Directors would try something like this to the extent Sveta is describing. i know not all the Directors were the same per se, but that kind of job typically has a specific type of person in it just through standard policies

That put Tristan, Byron and Chris close to center, Kenzie out west, Rain out to the far northwest, me a bit to the east, and Sveta and Ashley a bit further to the east.  With the trains I was figuring it might take about four or five hours for Kenzie to get to where Sveta and Ashley were situated.  It would take Rain another couple of hours, depending on how far north he was.

has anyone made a map for Gimel? just asking out of curiosity since i've seen a couple ones for Brockton Bay

“Tinker stuff breaks,” I said. “It does,” Kenzie said. “It would also be liable to break or break down when you needed it to work the most.  During disasters, or times when there aren’t a lot of downtime.” “That’s very true,” Kenzie said.

lay off the girl Victoria she's trying to help :/ am i forgetting a time where she had a bad experience with tinker tech or is this just wildbow trying to tell the audience tinker stuff isn't as good as they make it out to be? the one time i remember tinker tech not working out is maybe the Arc 4 fight with Leet, but that's his whole thing, and the explosion Coil used to fake his death, but that was on purpose.

Oh, Leet's teleport failing to drop the real Skitter on a bomb in Arc 16 too, but again that's Leet's passenger hating him. Every other case tinker tech worked exactly as intended and even better

“It’s an attempt on my life,” Rain said.  “Lives could be lost.  I don’t want yours to be one of them.  I would feel insanely shitty if you jumped in to help and you got hurt or killed.” “Insanely?” “Yes.”

not too surprisingly to hear from the guy who's power make a guilt aoe attack

“Whatever you’re going to say, I’ve heard it before,” Sveta said. “What the fuck’s going on with you, huh?  What’s wrong with you?” he called out. I turned my head to look at him.  Sveta squeezed my arm, then shook her head a little. “Hey, you’re weird,” he called out.  “You’re freaky.”

i hope no one tried saying this was unrealistic like they did with the bullying cause yeah, people will just be assholes for no reason

I stopped in front of another piece of graffiti.  It wasn’t crowded in with anything else, so it stood out, almost a piece of art in how it was spelled out on a ruined wall, half-toppled. THIS IS HOW THINGS ARE NOW I had the paper in my hand, I had my doubts, but the nagging feeling ceased being nagging and became acutely clear as I looked at the statement. “Fuck that,” I said.

a bit on the nose, but fair enough

End thoughts:

yay Tattletale! fair warning, i'm not going to be unbiased when she comes on screen. also, Victoria joins Taylor in never fucking sleeping and going out to do dangerous shit lol

[e-steamedtea]

I played the Arlecchino story quest- it's yappin time! Or time for a kinda long post.

I'll fix the spelling eventually

Spoilers ahead

More analysis! Except we're going through sequentially because that's how I remember it!

1. Lyney is the big brother to everyone in the house

The way he could talk everyone so easily was cute to see. He seems so unbothered by everyone's little quirks. Like- taking to those kids and dropping the most diabolical lore? Kinda scary I'm not gonna lie. Even if unintentionally, a lot of people look up to him. Although, there is the question of how much of his interactions are masking because he does have a silver tongue. Either way, he's definitely the ring leader.

2. Lyney is the cooking sibling

This one isn't actually all that important but I think it's cute. His big brother energy is strong.

3. Lyney hates having secrets kept from him

I think that this one is kinda ironic, but then again, it could be because he keeps secrets he knows how it feels. Also- that line about Freminet lying to him was disrespectful. My jaw hit the floor when he went "You're not like me- your lying skills still need some work." Even if it's true just damn. It's very clear though that the fact Fremi was hiding something hurt him. It seems that at moments like this his passion can be the downfall as we witness the world's most awkward argument. Which resulted in Fremi crying and I must wonder how often this happens.

4. He has the entire roster memorized.

I for one, am still not over this fact. When you ask about Clervie's name he's instantly like: Nope! Not in the roster. It's the same with Perrie. Perhaps this is just me, but that seems like a lot of people to just know of the top of your head.

5. Lynette is almost as good at stealth as Arlecchino.

When they do the first bump and Lynette scares the soul out of everyone involved made me realize something. Maybe it's a combination of her cat features and personality, but she's quiet. The way she made her entrance was so reminiscent of Arlecchino earlier and she was definitely trained in it by her. It's absolutely adorable how much she emulate her "Father."

6. Lyney's voice rises when he breaks composure.

This is possibly just because of the amazing acting of his English VA but I'd like to think it's true. So you can able this one more of a headcanon with evidence. It happens a few times, mostly towards the end but this it the first time it happens. He was so surprised by Lynette that he just completely loses his composure for a second and practically squeaks for a second. He then obviously fixes it but it's a nice moment. Later, he's just desperate but we'll get to that.

7. A lot of the stories we hear about Arlecchino are misconceptions.

This woman is so freaking scary. I just have to say it, I could feel the tension through the screen as we talked. Thank god for child because I was stressed. What we do learn from this besides the fact she's not one for conversation is that they're a lot of half truths about her. This woman would let you call her by the wrong name of it benefits her so everyone saying she's a backstabber and crazy is far from the full story. Childe got his information from the Rooster which uh- was phrased in a weird way. However, she saw no reason to really correct it, so she didn't. Scaramouche however, I'm starting to wonder if he's speaking from personal experience. He's clearly witnessed something and now I wanna know what.

8. Lyney's lying skills were definitely improved by Arlecchino.

Miss Girly is the queen of misinformation and it's clear Lyney learned from him. Like I'm talking to this woman and she's so manipulative I'm doubting myself- AND I WENT IN KNOWING THE STORY! The way she side steps and misdirects is so reminiscent of Lyney that I got deja vu. The main difference is Arlecchino is so much colder so she doesn't break easily. Lyney is an absolute softy and can break way easier.

9. Arlecchino is not fond of the other harbingers.

This is pretty clear in her voice lines and is also obvious because of her personality. However, this is something about watching her shit talk her coworkers in front of me that I'm just living for. Especially with the new plan Project Stuzha? Girly pop isn't having that shit. If she pulls up, I wanna witness this.

10. Lynette is Lyney's voice of reason.

I feel like I've said this before but it deserves to be said again because she's the second baddest bitch alive. Arlecchino is the first.

11. Lyney's angry eyes are unnerving to me.

Maybe this is just me but then is eyes narrow it makes me wanna back away. I don't know if it's because of the way he presents himself but it just gives a certain vibe. I find that vibe slightly terrifying.

12. The reason Lyney is the next king and his passion.

Now, this was a question I had ever since Lyney came out. Seeing him in the Archon Quest had me wondering why he was the next director. Then during the last part of this quest I realized something. It was like a moment of recognition. I think when he stood up to defend everyone. The way he was so determined was really touching. It's also something I already knew. In the Fortress when he charged at Wriothesley was a moment of desperation. Then here, he stands to duel the freaking Knave. He obviously knew the was no way he could win but he wasn't gonna give up with his family on the line. His passion and conviction for his family know no bounds, after all, it's how he got his vision in the first place. Every part of his character and lore just screams family man. The way he's so dedicated to the big brother role and protection those close fits perfectly for what the Knave hopes the House becomes. However, it's this same damn passion that has him disregarding his health and jumping in front of Lynette with no way to parry and his squishy ass body.

[gutsondisplay]

Time to take anti down a couple notches

Cw : paramisia, transID hate, sui and self harm mention

By now, I'm sure a good portion of you have seen someone by the acc name "fuckradqueers", so let's go over their shit in *this* post because i DO NOT wanna have to deal with them bitching in my replies <3333

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"they should be treated" for what, *how* is someone treated, because as far as I know, this isn't something therapists or any mental health work thinks is a problem!

What does a "happy adult life" entail? Why are these things specifically adult? How do you know this person *is* an adult and not a teen? What mental illness do *all* these people have?

Also the label doesn't make them think their kids..? Using the label transfem does not make people think their transfem, it's their experience and want for that label etc etc

And lastly, it's gross to point at healthy ways of dealing with things and say it's bad and horrible! Genuinely so close to saying horrible things because GET OFF YOUR FUCKING HIGH HORSE <333 you don't decide whats healthy and what isn't for all victims! Not even mentioning that not all transage are victims, some people just wanna be kids man

Next

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Oh wonderful, people with eye problems must LOVE you.

"You're not valid" validity as a concept sucks, try again

"You're a mockery" yes I am! I am a mockery of the human experience, as I am not human but a horrific forest creature forced to seem normal

"you're harmful".... Oh TransHarm people, how do we feel about this one, do we tell him?...

"you're stupid" that's not how that works, also, anyone who gets euphoric over getting called stupid (I know you guys exist) pspspsps

"You're not a part of the community" mmmm yes we are, we have our own community but also most of us are queer in other more "normal" ways than this. I haven't actually met a single cishet allo and perisex person in this entire community

"you're genuinely rancid" this is literally giving me euphoria, I love being a rancid lil nightmare <333

"and you will always be invalid" incorrect statement, you cannot disprove how someone feels something

"you're harming real trans people" hi, I'm real trans people, transIDs aren't the reason republicans hate us, nor is catgender, and it wasn't nondysphoric's either. People just want us dead, no smaller minority caused that to happen

"and you will never have the shit you claim to have" that's literally not how that works, you can very easily become disabled, schrodingerID and others exist literally because some people don't know if they are cis or trans something

Nextt

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Hi, schizophrenic here, I *would* actually like if people fetishized my experiences

I don't like being treated like a criminal or danger or whatever else, and so I'd rather be seen as hot than bad, might even want someone to call me crazy or insane in bed (might be hot, who knows)

Fetishists at least acknowledge I have personal agency in regards to my life and sexual situations! Cause while it gets their rocks off, all fetishists I've met are MAJORLY on top of communication! The same cannot be said for other people INCLUDING YOU

And people usually don't have a say in what they find hot, so someone being into delusional people is something I doubt they had a full say in, and even if they did have a say in it, they aren't negatively affecting me, what affects other schizo-spec is people believing they have no agency (including sexual agency !!!!)

Nexttt

(Warning as here's where it gets a lil worse)

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"para's are fine as long as they aren't the ones I personally don't like!"

Repeating who can and can't consent doesn't make people stop having paraphilias. Also "it's not just a simple fantasy" and then proceeding to call it a fantasy RIGHT AFTERWARDSS?? funny as fuck, also if it's a *fantasy* specifically, it doesn't have to be rape, like in fantasy land, something like this doesn't *have* to be rape (tho more power to ya to those who do fantasize about rape)

Also a little interesting how this for some reason *didn't* include necro's... Weirddd

Para's shouldn't be targets of shame, it's just a part of people and no one chooses to have them or not, and "you should either die or get locked up" is what causes actual rape!!! People thinking they can't get help when they do actually need it, people thinking that they're just a ticking time bomb, social pressure and ideas about para's made the issues we have today! Para's don't just do that on their own!

And this doesn't ignore people who don't need help and are just chilling, as this person also includes those who don't do anything as being just as bad as those who do act, he sees everyone as rapists

And for the end, where cyen says "never to be near children or animals" whatever whatever

I need you to keep in mind that minor para's exist, those who went through abuse and now are pedos or zoos exist, 8 year olds who accidentally found out how they feel about things online and now feel ashamed, 10 year olds who have those fantasies cyen mentioned and want to die over it

Does a family deserve to lose a child because this person thinks the child is bad?

But it only gets weirder

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Cyen thinks someone can... Choose to not be a para?... And if they don't their.. bad??

Somehow being incredibly ignorant to accessibility when it comes to therapy often being a problem for people, and even more so ignoring para's who don't need professional help

Also the testosterone thing isn't true????? You cannot be medicated for para's??????? Don't ask me where cyen got this from, he just pulled it out of his ass

But theres a bigger problem with cyen that you've now probably seen.

Cyen likes to put a lotta words in others mouths, like saying maps are trying to hide from the word pedo (that's literally never what happened, it was just made as an alt term, in a therapy group no less!). Or yelling at this person in is comments trying to make them seem like a pedo despite that not at all being what dude was doing or saying

This includes these 2

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[ end screenshot ]

There is literally no context for the first one, someone just said "take the L" and cyen somehow takes that as "this person is a rape apologist and doesn't understand anything!" While proceeding to be very wrong (I swear if you showed cyen age regression I think he would explode)

And the second was how he started out his blog, just going haywire insane at his own community, WILD that is (and antis wonder why we think their community is bad)

Thank you all for letting me rant, and hhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh

[zshiftsrealities]

i want to hear your opinion? https://www.tumblr.com/scentedpeachlandcreator/773755763391889408/have-you-ever-stopped-to-wonder-how-all-this?source=share

If the link doesn't work

" Anonymous asked:have you ever stopped to wonder how all this: manifestation,the void state happens,I'm not putting doubts on ur end,have you ever thought about the source of the void state comes from? Forget this it came because I wanted it to nonsense . I think you're muslim too , do you really think humans have god like power where just by getting into a random brain state you can say you want something to exist and it does ? Because to me that's kinda shirk ( 36:82) you're giving yourself God's attributes [ also if ur down for a discussion i can continue sending mssg as 🌾 anon]"

honestly, I think the anon — whoever they are, should also do some research of their own.

the void doesn't "come" from somewhere else. the void is you — the soul that is you. souls don't have limits. the limits are put onto the human body, since the only purpose it serves is to experience the 3d.

the "it came because I wanted it to" isn't nonsense. it is the law. you have been given a mind that operates different than every other living thing for a reason. to use it. when you want something, you get it. why? because the desire only appears because Allah let it. you only wish to have it because Allah let you. you can only make dua/pray if Allah lets you! it's all from him ultimately. these things work together, not separately!

manifestation is literally akin to making a dua and believing that you will hear an answer. it literally is that!

humans don't have god-like power. not even souls, nothing but God has god-like power. and the point is, you don't need god-like power to have what you want. you only need to realize your own power to have what you want.

and before talking about anything else, do people even realize just how powerful Allah created the human brain? because it's so powerful that Allah himself said that He will be as you think of Him.

this brain can make assumptions, and can hold them as true until the end of the world. this brain can transform your whole self by just you believing that you are deserving of good things. it's that powerful, because it's created by The Most Powerful.

again, no one is saying you bring to existence something that never existed. that's false, a lie. it existed in your 4d — your imagination. it existed so it was realized. if it didn't exist, then — shocker — you wouldn't even know about it. why? because it doesn't exist.

again, not everything beyond "human" comprehension is God. yes, there are many posts that do say stuff like "you are God" and I mean — that's their belief, and for them it's totally valid. but you know what you believe in, so even if you see posts like those, just ignore them? or just take the meaning they are trying to convey — which is just realizing how powerful you are in your own self — and then move on.

so all that i'm sensing from this anons question is :

1- they haven't really done their research on manifestation and void properly.

2- they don't know how strong the brain is proven to be scientifically.

3- and they definitely are not getting what these posts are trying to convey. the core message that you have to trust yourself and believe in yourself, because you are created powerful — by The Most Powerful.

[bleue-flora]

I just watched the finale again and what was the idea of c!drunz killing the server and reviving the server again supposed to mean, was that whole saw trap scene staged? because how were they gonna gather everyone and kill them all, and then revive them till they got their simple peaceful family and life back and if is staged, why even say all that to c!clingy if they were sick of c!clingy fighting c!dream all the time and seeing him as the big bad. If its not staged, why is it something that they thought would work? I feel like I've misinterpreted it as like c!drunz gathering everyone around like they're sheep into a pen lmao. Another thing is, they wanted to test the heroic/sacrificial limbo but the way they phrase the conversation is as if the person that died is gonna die forever while the other person leaves to tell everyone what happened which makes me believe that part was also staged because lets say if c!tubbo stayed behind and died making the sacrifice, then they'd revive him, find out the limbo and then would they like kill him again? like what would they do, put him in prison, let him be free, treat him like vikk and lazar despite saying that they made a mistake with those experiments and revived and killed too many times.

And if the server is off balance by revives and kills why would they want to kill everyone on the server then revive again to begin with. I'm just a little confused on the plan and I think you were the blog that said that it was all staged iirc and I wanted your insight into it because oh man I am struggling here. I do get their plan isn't meant to make sense though I feel like I missed something which has made me more lost.

Hmmm asking all the good questions. Well I should say to start that while I do think we should look at what staged duo does and says with skepticism, after all these two have shown they are liars especially to clingy duo so there are a lot reasons to doubt them. On the other hand 1) technically it can’t really be staged because it wasn’t super planned out, clingy duo came and they were not expecting it. 2) It is the finale and the content creators would know this so they would try and give us at least some answers…

Anyways while their actual Plan remains unclear, though I have some theories and thoughts about it [here], there are things we can determine pretty reasonably are legit or not, because we know they tell both lies and truth. For example, we know they experimented with Lazar and Vik - so they do spill truth obviously. It’s just how to determine what is and wasn’t true.

The biggest thing I can say we probably can say pretty strongly is that that saw trap was such a load of bs. For starters, it wasn’t meant for clingy duo, and when I’m thinking about characters who are willing to be selfless and die a hero, that would be significant enough to Dream or Punz to do this, not a whole lot of options come to mind. I’ve talked about it [here] about who it could be for, but since then I’m starting to wonder if it was supposed to serve a different purpose entirely… anyways the other thing and perhaps most noteworthy is that staged duo doesn’t seem to give a damn about the trap one way or another. When Tommy shows up in the finale and says Tubbo is dead, Dream doesn’t believe him, double checking with Punz to make sure he checked [clip] (checked what? No freaking idea, limbo I guess or more likely to see if there was a body probably… I don’t know). So the fact that they seem to care so little about their experiment and clingy duo in general is telling to me. The other thing is that the variables that change limbo seem to me to be pretty minor differences, like I’m not even sure if there’s a way to replicate and make it back to the same limbo, if it matters both on how you die and what happens before. I mean multiple people have died to a sword or axe, presumably specifically Dream’s sword or axe, I mean how different is Tommy dying in the finale to him getting beat to death in the jail cell with a potato, I mean plus technically Ranboo’s death could be seen as selfless right? Dying for his son seems kinda selfless, (but they didn’t even go talk to him in limbo anyways, so do they really care about limbo that much?), therefore I don’t really think that point matters. Hell even if it did, I don’t see why they couldn’t test this on Vikk or Lazar (maybe that was their original plan?…). I mean it just sounds so stereotypically evil - especially the way he presents it, the way he says they couldn’t test it because they are evil [clip], and the fact that it aligns with the hero dynamic fueling Tommy’s ego and such. In other words, playing into his world view. And whenever they are doing that I’d say it’s a major red flag. So, the saw trap I think we can say pretty reasonably, based on what we do know is facetious, the question of what the room is for and who however remains up for speculation.

As far as them killing everyone, I don’t think this is true either. I mean for starters why not kill Tubbo and Tommy to start the process, why not kill Sapnap like he talked about to Foolish, while on his own. Like if the goal is to kill everybody why let someone go tell everyone to come after them. Killing Sam, Sapnap, Foolish, Quackity… etc is a lot easier than trying to kill then all teamed up together. And we know unless they have some super weapon that they aren’t confident enough to even kill them all as they said in the finale and here [clip]. So unless they plan on trapping them in the prison and nuking them, or summoning a freaking dragon, or teaming up with XD or something, I don’t think that’s a feasible plan and they may be very screwed up mentally but they aren’t stupid.

They also are all about the balance but yet have no issues bringing Tommy back after he gets murdered, and they seem just in general so calm to whatever unbalance of such is going on. I mean we do know to some extent that it’s truth, XD tells Foolish his lives are limited because he’s low on power and he needs more death to fuel him, and we know the book is directly connected to XD since in the prison podcast it summoned him. So the unbalance is pretty confirmed as true even if perhaps their ‘solution/plan’ may not be. All the best lies have truth in them.

Which brings us to more questions than answers. Why bring clingy duo to prison in the first place? What and or who was the saw trap actually for? What was the actual plan? And why monologue to clingy duo at all? To which I unfortunately have little satisfying answers, which trust me frustrates no one more than me ;). What I can say perhaps their reason for lying and putting on a show at all was that I think they planned on letting someone go and for some reason wanted them to tell the others. And I base this on two things - their utter nonchalance, the way they just don’t seem to even care about clingy beyond being infuriated by them murdering Dream, and just the absolute unhinged way they act at times. The villainous, “This is so cute. We shouldn’t interrupt them” [clip]. The way they talk about the saw trap/experiment - “we’re just too evil” and like Punz’s ominous “choose wisely” as they leave [clip].

I don’t know but a good portion of that monologue feels very - we were practicing our evil laughs backstage before we walked out here, ya know… ;D

[greghatecrimes]

Usually I aim to keep my autistic Thirteen headcanons about 85-90% based on things I've seen in canon and as close to realistic as possible. However right now I am in the trenches a little bit, so today's autistic Thirteen headcanon is brought to you by a combination of canon observation, guilty pleasure/wishful thinking, and yeah, a bit of projecting.

Autistic Thirteen & hypermobility

So. I think I established in another post that autism & hypermobility are highly correlated (current estimate is that up to 80% of autistic people experience some type of hypermobility, I believe?), so in the hypothetical of Thirteen being autistic, there's a pretty good chance she'd be hypermobile as well. Hypermobility has a whole range of different ways it affects the body, one of which is decreased internal stability (basically feeling like your body isn't supported enough when you're just standing on your own). As an autistic person with (extremely probable) hypermobility, I've dealt with this my whole life, and there are a whole host of creative ways to work around it and get the body some extra support. I actually see a decent amount of them from Thirteen in canon.

1. Leaning against a chair

This is THE biggest one for me, hands down, without a doubt. Like, literally that exact position. It makes my body feel stable more than any other position I've tried, it reduces soreness if my muscles are tight, and it's all around comfortable. So of course when I saw her doing that, I immediately thought "I wonder if that [autism & hypermobility] could be a reason why Thirteen would do that, too." Even if not for hypermobility reasons: has the vibes of general silly Neurodivergent Stance

2. Slouching and bracing arms against the table for support (while sitting down)

Pretty similar to the first one. Slouching + getting support from the table via arms or elbows gives some extra support to the shoulders, and means your body doesn't have to do all the work of keeping them properly pulled back and in position.

3. Slouching & hugging yourself for support

This one kinda just feels nice because it's like you're simultaneously relaxing (not working or straining to keep shoulders back) and propping yourself up a little extra (arm around the torso in place of a chair or table to lean on).

4. Sitting in chairs weird

Being so real here, I sit in almost this exact position all the time and always have. Knees up, feet on the chair, legs and my side pressed against the arm and back of the chair, nestled into the corner. Optimum placement and position to get the most support from the chair possible. Also just super comfy and 10/10.

Could it just be bad posture or tiredness from some other reason? Is it more than likely that? Yeah. Absolutely. (Ex: Huntington's can cause muscle pain and aches, but I'm not sure yet if that's in the early stages as well as the later stages, or only in the later stages). But, do I resonate with it as a hypermobile afab autistic person, and enjoy seeing a little bit of myself that's been called weird/unusual so casually on TV? Also yeah. And, is it hurting anyone? Nope, not at all.

I'm gonna go take an epsom salt bath and remind myself a bajillion more times that it's okay to write things I want to write, it's okay to write guilty pleasure things, it's okay to see yourself in characters and appreciate it. Sometimes when I write these autistic Thirteen posts I feel "too autistic". But then I step back and think: who am I actually writing this for? The answer is me. And if you guys enjoy it too, then it's a great bonus and I'm glad. As my roommate and I say: writing things for yourself and like three other people on discord/tumblr/etc. is the best and most fun way to write.

[ikamigami]

So what if I told y'all that this is actually a "Moon's paranoia" arc? And what if showrunners hint that Sun will try to help or reach out to Eclipse behind Moon's back.. and they hint that with Moon's words that he trust Sun?

Cause let me tell you something. I've watched many shows and movies to know that this line reminds me of that type of foreshadowing in which one character says "we'll meet again" but they never had the chance to meet again because that other character dies. You know what I mean, right?

So with Moon saying that he trusts Sun - it's not the first time when he says that btw cause he told Earth that he trusts Sun with his life - and Moon being more and more paranoid, I have a heavy suspicion that Moon will stop trusting even Sun..

But ofc it won't be like that that Moon will abandon Sun or anything like that.. He most definitely will be mad at Sun.. but I think that this is what may lead to Moon locking Sun on the island..

Moon really acts paranoid. Some of you may not believe me but what Moon is doing is something that paranoid person would do. What I mean is that Moon devides what informations he shares with whom. No one receives full picture. Only Moon holds all the cards all the time.

Cause look at what he did. He decided to not tell any info to Solar at the moment, right? He did the same thing with not telling anything to Sun and Lunar before. But he eventually told them everything, right? Yes and this is another thing that hints to Moon being paranoid.. because he is the one who always shares things with others. It let's him feel in control of situation.

"Everything is fine as long as I keep my finger on the pulse"..

Getting back to Moon locking Sun on the island. Moon would obviously think that this would be the best for Sun. To keep Sun safe. Even from Sun himself.. or maybe especially from Sun himself.. because remember what I wrote in this post !

I think that everything is adding up nicely. Like many people were wondering about the purpose of Evil Sun's appearance in the show, thinking that maybe he's behind Eclipse's return. But it doesn't make any sense because E Sun doesn't have any agenda to meddle with our dimension. There weren't given any hints that our dimension has anything to offer to E Sun (yet, obvi lol)..

That's why I think that they made Moon go there so he could get paranoid for legit reasons and not out of the blue. Also it's important to do a good build up for rising paranoia in character for it to be more believable..

And most of the time paranoia is piling up before it'll reach a critical point when person snaps and starts doing things that endangers their and their family lives. It never starts right off the bat..

Paranoia is no joke. It messes with your mind badly.. especially if you feed your paranoid thoughts!

I'm saying that from personal experiences. I'm still struggling with paranoid thoughts. Who's read that one post of mine then knows what I'm talking about 😅

Also it might be actually just like @nightixx (hope you don't mind that I tagged you) said in one of their posts that Moon is probably realising to what lengths Sun is willing to go to protect his family. Maybe Moon actually sees that Sun can and would probably put himself in danger in order to keep his family safe. And maybe Moon actually suspect Sun to act behind his back and maybe even he may suspect that Sun may try to give Eclipse a chance just like he did with BM.

Cause Moon isn't stupid. He might not be the best with reading emotions etc but I won't doubt that he is quite observant. Like even Old Moon was noticing that something was wrong with Sun but unfortunately he didn't do much to help.

I think that New Moon is probably noticing that something is wrong with Sun as well. But unlike Old Moon he'll do something about it. He'll keep Sun safe no matter what. And why I think that Moon may be suspecting that Sun may try to give Eclipse a chance? Because I think that in Moon's eyes Sun is too nice, too naive, too stupid - he learned that in Ruin's dimension when Sun wanted to help that dimension so badly and he learned that with how Sun tried to give BM a chance.. Both of these situations were dangerous and yet Sun was willing to help and act on his kindness even if it meant endangering himself.. Moon sees that. I think that Moon realises that Sun is the biggest threat to himself...

Also I think that it's very possible that Moon may suspect that Sun will act behind his back because Sun already lied to him about that whole being a conduit for star's power thing which like Moon said was killing Sun every day..

And important thing to note is that paranoia may induce a hypervigilance in someone. Which explains why someone who is paranoid plans things in advance and with suspicion that others will break their trust.

Old Moon was paranoid af.. and we can see that New Moon starts becoming more and more paranoid as well...

But like I said it'll most definitely end up with Moon restricting Sun's freedom in order to prevent him from endangering himself. Which I'm afraid will lead to a tragedy.

[dearweirdme]

Not relevant to tkk, more about fandom I would say.

I am in my late 30s, married with two toddlers, super busy and successful in my very special field. I am also ARMY, heavily Tae based and following tkk love (?) story. The thing is, both of these sides of me have to remain hidden. I would never dare to mention in stan twitter my age or the fact that I have children cause the first slightly deranged person would call me all sorts of nasty things based on that. "Go feed your children grandma" or something like that lol. And I would never dare to even try and explain to my husband the delulu state im in with tae and taekook. Poor man would think I lost it. He already looks pressed when he hears me and the girls sing Korean and choose our biases lol.

I wonder if other people/women in the fandom have similar thoughts.

Hi anon!

I'm very certain that you are not alone in this. The agism is real! Speaking for myself (41.. yes be shocked everyone who hadn't clicked that yet 😂) I've had the craziest shit thrown at me just because of my age and for having a kid. For some reason there's people who think you stop enjoying music and everything that comes with it after you've turned 25 or something. Sure, life gets buzy.. but that doesn't mean you aren't allowed to enjoy BTS or whatever music or entertainment you prefer.

But I totally get it. While my friends and family know I like BTS's music (I play it a lot, so it's hard to miss) no-one knows about me being a Tkkr, no-one knows about Tae being my bias, and no-one knows about my blog. It's not on purpose, it's just that nobody around me is actually also a BTS fan.. so the topic never really comes up (and I doubt I would ever let anyone in my real life know about my blog to be honest). It's a bit of selfpreservation for me. I just don't like the feeling of being mocked for something I love.

There are many 'older' fans around though and I've been lucky to find some Army/Taekook friends on here. It's so good to be able to scream in someone's dm's about how good Jk and/or Tae looks. And I've really loved sharing last year with so many of my anon's and followers. I think being a bit older (and really... 41 isn't old by any standard) gives us a bit of life experience that makes us understand some things better.

[bloggingboutburgers]

Today you answered a lot of questions, so if you want this to just sit in your inbox it's okay

Not tryna burden you or anything, just wanted to wish you a good day, and tell you that I admire you and how confident you are with your identity. It's truly heartwarming for me from my little confused bicurious/bisexual demisexual genderfluid place (Ik, it's a lot), because I get confused and sometimes awkward when I doubt on whether what I am or what I'm not. Mostly because it discourages me a bit when I'm talking about my identity and the same friend jumps in and says "but weren't you *this* a few months ago?". She's very insensitive most of the time and questions me about my choices because she thinks I strictly have to have 'had a crush' on someone to be sure. Idk man, I just realized just now that when I was a kid I found Elsa from Frozen prettier than I did with other characters, shut up. I just know, but after being fed with that if I found them attractive (or rather, sexually appealing) then I had a crush on someone, realizing if I liked someone or not was a huge fucking struggle.

Whatever, I'm just ranting by now. Just wanted to thank you because thanks to you I felt like someone understood my situation because I had been wondering why I never had liked someone my whole life. Then I realized, I can, it's just that it takes a bit more than just finding them appealing to the eye for me. You gave me a safe space, where I could laugh and relate (or not, it depends on the context but I still nod and chuckle) to being ace.

Also, I could be asking on my main but I feel embarrassed to say this since we're mutuals and you probably know who I am, but I'm still shy :P

Have a good night :D

IIIIII have totally let this sit in my asks for quite a while because the stress of the visa process got to me... TwT Sorry it took me so long to respond! (...Tbh I haven't guessed who you are either TwT I'm so sorry, I hope that isn't too hurtful, I'm kinda stupid in that way...)

I feel you though. I'm lucky I myself have such a strong and stubborn sense of self that I can still be like "no I AM this because I know and naysayers can f off" even in times where there's ground for doubt, because it IS genuinely so hard to figure oneself out. First off, people impose on you, from your very childhood, the common denominator that everyone's heterosexual and heteroromantic. Next, and even stronger than that, people impose on you that everyone feels sexual and romantic attraction, and that if anyone likes anything at all, if any person interacts positively with any other at all, if any character shares screentime with any other at all, then it must mean they're romantically/sexually attracted, because that's all it ever can mean. No wonder it's a struggle!

It's an honestly unfair situation to always have to be surrounded by "yeah but"s from people who don't experience your experience yet somehow think they know better. It makes it so that sometimes, all you have to trust is your gut, and that's a tough pill to swallow in a world that tends to erase or disvalue your experience, and in a society where it's encouraged not to be too self-centered and seek other opinions for guidance, for valid reasons. But it's sometimes so tough to find support, that trusting oneself really IS what one needs.

Either way... I consider myself really fortunate in that sense, but I know it's definitely a tough one, and I sincerely wish you the best T^T I'm really glad if I can help, even a little! And please don't let external forces make you lose too much confidence in yourself, as honestly hard as it is at times TwT You're all good as you are and you have every right to be who you are! It sounds so obvious put that way but... Yeah TwT

[kodzuken-chan]

🪻Lilac Skies🪻

Pairing : Geto Suguru x Fem.Reader

Genre: Angst/ Hurt-Comfort/ Fluff

Warning ⚠️: MANGA SPOILERS (read at your own risk) / Hurt-Comfort / Might include Trauma and Traumatic experience / emotional distress / Pretty much angsty stuff

A/N: So Imagine that Kenjaku possessed Suguru's body in a different way from what we know, and instead, Suguru eats Kenjaku as an exocrised curse and it goes wrong, just the way Sukuna possessed Megumi's body completely making him fall in his own darkness and losing control over his own body.

Okay, so I'm kinda recovering from my writer's block and I'm telling you honestly that this isn't the best thing i wrote and it contains unlogical stuff from my imagination, but hopefully you can enjoy it.^^

----------------

Summary: In which Suguru still loves you after getting possessed by Kenjaku

----------------

It was Something about the purple flakes in his eyes and the curl of his soft lips when he smiled, they were always what made you fall in love with him in the first place. Where did it go wrong? You didn't know, all what you know is that you're helpless and you can never see your lover again, he wasn't your lover at this point.

-

You and Suguru met 10 years ago, back when the two of you were just ambitious sorcerers at Tokyo's Jujutsu high Tech. Of course him and your other bestie Gojo Saotru were Special grade sorcerers, while you were just a semi-grade one sorcerer, but still, your friendship and bond was stronger than anything else.

-

At some point of time, you and Suguru discovered your unspoken feelings ending up dating each other. He was sweet, loving and understanding...you loved him wholeheartedly and he did too, you never imagined your life with anyone else but him.

-

But after Amani Riko's incident, you started to see how he was losing it slowly, you tried to talk it over with him, to comfort him, but he decided to listen to the voices in his head and follow a path he shouldn't have, he knew that it was wrong and childish, he didn't expect someone to understand him, not even you. Your morals and beliefs forced you to take a different path than Suguru's because the only thing you couldn't do to him was supporting him in something that was against your beliefs.

-

But despite the awful and filthy crimes he committed, your heart still belonged to his, the two of you still longed for each other. Even after what happened, you'd find yourself late at night by the doorstep of the temple he's staying at. And he'd welcome you to his embrace like nothing of this have happened, kissing and showering you in affection. You knew its wrong, going behind the back of your jujutsu colleagues and friends, especially Gojo, but you couldn't help it, to you life was unbearable without Suguru's wamrth.

-

However, at a day and night, he changed...he wasn't the Suguru that you've always longed to...the Suguru you've always wanted to hold in your arms, he became cold, he was distant, the aura around him changed and he never wanted you again like he always did.

-

You wondered what went wrong, what was the reason behind his change, but you could tell, that there is something wrong with him, the purple flakes in his eyes that you always adored, had a hint of melancholy, as if his irises were silently screaming for help, for your forgiveness.

-

It was later when you found out by Nanako and Mimiko that he started acting differently once he ate a certain exocrised curse and that confirmed your doubts. You had so many questions spinning inside of your head, was it the curse that changed him, or is the curse affecting his being as a whole.

-

You knew his cursed ability was the cursed spirit manipulation where he can harness and control cursed spirits bending them to his will, but you knew how difficult it was for him to swallow these cursed spirits as they didn't taste like anything but a rag wiped in a vomit, it was basically one of the reasons for why he lost his way away from being a sorcerer, asking himself why does he need to suffer in order to save commoners who never knew about all what sorcerers have to go through.

-

Then you made your mind, wanting to save your lover knowing for sure that he's probably there deep down his own body, you wanted to confirm that this was the case, you had hope that you can bring your Suguru back, so you started investigating and observing the so-called Geto Suguru.

-

It went smoothly for first couple of days where you were unnoticed by Suguru, or that's what you thought. It was the matter of minutes before your eyes were covered in black, falling unconscious. One hour later, your ears perked up on a distant voice, your eyes slowly started to wake up as you adjusted them to the lighting of the room, until you realized that you can't move.

-

You pulled your arms and legs but it was useless, you were tied up from both sides to the floor, and You suddenly heard a chuckle approaching your figure.

-

"Well, well, well, what do we have here? A little stalker I see" smirked Suguru as he sat next to your figure crossing his legs

-

"You're not Suguru...who are you ...and what did you go him" you said after staring into his eyes deeply noticing that there is something off, His eyes are full of sadness and sorrow, contrasting with his malicious facial expressions.

-

"Kenjaku at your service, now would you like to tell me what is this stalking about miss?" Said Kenjaku in Suguru's body with a mischievous smile holding your chin and tracing his fingers all the way down to your neck and collar bone, but suddenly his hand twitched forcefully taking it away from your skin.

-

"UGH....this dude is still resisting..." Said Kenjaku Talking to himself as he examined his body while referring to Suguru, who was somewhere deep down his soul angry that his girl was being touch by Kenjaku

-

"I know how to make you obedient, maybe we should just kill your beautiful girlfriend ~" Said Kenjaku as if he's talking to Suguru inside and Your eyes widened at the sudden statement

-

It was a matter of of few seconds before you found Kenjaku sitting on you, both of his hand surrounded your neck, putting a pressure on it choking you. Your face turned purple eventually the more pressure he added on your neck

-

"S....Sugu...." you said barely able to breath, tears running down your cheek.

-

Kenjaku didn't help but laugh at how ridiculous the scene before him looked

-

"Getting choked to death by your own boyfriend, how ironic" He said making fun of you.

-

But soon when you were hanging on a thread between life and death, You felt the grip of Kenjaku's hand around your neck began to loose, but slightly pressing harder the second after it, as if Kenjaku was getting resisted by Something.

-

"Leave her...Alone!" Suguru's voice echoed Infront of your figure as he fought Kenjaku to get his body back by choking himself this time, and some how he managed to suppress Kenjaku temporarily taking the control over his body again.

-

But it was the matter of few minutes before Saotru broke in the place attacking Suguru with no hesitation upon seeing your figure on the floor, he's been following you ever since he knew you're seeing Suguru secretly after what happened 10 years ago, making sure that Suguru won't do anything to you despite him knowing that you two have been together since you all were teenagers. As he attacked Suguru now, his own former best friend called out his name.

-

"S..Satoru...s..Stop...its me....." he panted, recovering from the attack and Satoru stood there with a pierced expression looking at him. Suguru's eyes soon landed on your figure on the floor and he stumbled on his knee dropping next to you and scoping you into his arms.

-

However your vision was blurred, you were barely able to focus on your surroundings, the choking earlier caused you to have lack of oxygen in your body. All what you were able to hear was Suguru's desperate faint voice calling out your name in fear before your blacked out.

-

Later you were taken to the hospital, the doctor had you staying in one of the room with an oxygen mask attached to your face and with a bandage around your swollen bruised neck. Satoru have taken out Suguru from your room to have an individual talk with him

-

"Suguru...I'm sure you have an idea that you should be executed ones found by the the Jujutsu high-ups..." Said Satoru in a firm tone and Suguru stayed silent

-

"But .. for Y/N's sake....I'm going to pretend i haven't seen you here, because she loves you...and i don't want her to wake up later not finding you next to her" said Satoru before he went inside Yui's room, glanced her one last time before he left.

-

Suguru pulled a chair next to your bed and sat, his hand slowly made its way to brush some hair strands off your face, he felt like touching you now was no longer legal to him, his hands, were the reason you're laying unconscious on this hospital bed, He ended up blaming himself for what happened drowning in his usual puddle of thoughts.

-

This when your weak delicate fingers started moving bringing his attention back to you, He stood up knealing next to your figure gently placing his hand on the top of your head as his eyes welled up in tears

-

"Y/N-chan?" He called in a soft voice

-

"Sugu ..." you uttered tiredly looking at him with barely opened eyes.

-

"How are you feeling now ... sweetheart...?" He looked at you with his reddish eyes, gently tracing the bandage on your neck.

-

"You're Sugu..ri...right...?" You uttered tiredly again, this time coughing a little

-

Suguru couldn't hold back anymore, he drew closer and kissed your forehead uttering a "Sorry" into your forehead

-

"Yes...I'm Suguru...your Suguru....." he smiled softly caressing your cheek with his fingers tips

-

"W..what happened to you...wh..what was that......a..are you okay..." you said tiredly, giving his hand a little squeeze

-

"Its seems...that the last curse i ate...was kinda unique, and it didn't go well... but its fine now...you don't have to worry sweetheart..." he said softly gently stroking your hair

-

A tear ran down your cheeks and he kissed it away, nearing your lips, pressing them softly on yours

-

"Shh...its okay...I'm here now ..you dont have to worry....I promise I won't go anywhere...and will never let such thing happen again... now get some rest sweetheart" he said softly to you

-

After the incident, the two of you continued your love in secret, hoping that no one ever will be able to take you away from each other again.

-

The End

[ahiddenpath]

Life Talk

Discussing how I'm dealing with Things beneath the cut.

I doubt I'll be able to say anything about the US election results that you haven't seen a million times before. I wasn't sure if I should bother commenting. I'm not sure where I am in the processing stages, so... Forgive me if my tone is weird. I definitely feel weird.

First thing's first; I've anticipated this outcome since people started blaming Biden for inflation. That's a typical thing in American politics; whoever is in charge currently is blamed for everything, which often causes the presidency to swap from D to R and back, regardless of where problems began. Of course, if voters really were worried about the economy, well... The Trump tariffs are a laughably, horrifically bad solution. But... I don't think the average American voter understands tariffs. So like. Whelp. There's a very real reason why Rs want to gut public education. Well, there are several, but yeah, a less educated populace is easier to fleece.

Obviously there are a million other horrible things going on here; if I tried to get into them all, I would never finish this post. But I can't say I'm experiencing shock or betrayal. I knew many Americans hate women, POC, the queer community, and others more than they care about their own self interests. Although most, I think, are simply not educated enough to understand that their self interests are at risk, and many others were sucked into the far right cult stuff years ago. Rs always scream about the liberal media, but so much American media (and social media!) is owned by the right, or is at least paid off by them. I'm wondering, as education continues to fail, especially given the next administration, will Americans have any hope of thinking beyond whatever Facebook posts and news in the pocket of (or in fear of) the right tells them?

We're in a bad way, but this didn't happen on the day of the election. We've been living in this environment for years, now. Are things about to get worse? Yes, of course. I think it's an important time to remember who your friends and loved ones are, to lean on them and check in on them, to do stupid fun stuff with them. And I think it's time to step away from the doom scrolling and inventing horrible what-if scenarios. Obviously this is a scary time; I'm not trying to diminish that. But spiraling causes pain now, PLUS more pain later if the bad thing comes to pass.

I've seen some interesting posts with actionable ideas. Get a passport ASAP, look into moving (to blue states, out of climate change buffer areas, or internationally if you can, although obviously that is not easy nor readily available), think about if your industry will be impacted by tariffs and sweeping federal government layoffs, get sterilized if you know you don't want kids, get that medical appointment you've been pushing off. Actionable stuff is productive! Spiraling isn't. Although uhhh, that's easier said than done. I'm just trying to push myself in a better direction, here.

As for me, here are some fractured snippets of how I've been feeling:

-Mourning. Shit, I'm 35. Trump will be in office until I'm 39. My child bearing window is closing. Are we not having a family bc of orange oompah loompah and his country and world destroying policies?

-I'm aware that I will be buffered from some things, purely because of how I look, where I live, etc. And the fact that I'm married to a safe man who adores me affords some protection. I feel weird about it, but must acknowledge it, so I don't get uhh. Disconnected from people who are more vulnerable than me. I think that Democratic politicians who mean well, but don't experience what so many Democrat constituents go through/suffer with for various reasons, becoming so... Out of touch and unrelatable... Um, I think that played a role in getting us here. It's difficult for these politicians to organize or affect change when their life experience is... Just overall safer by default. And this applies to people who aren't politicians, too, just on a less official level.

Those of us who are comparatively safer for various reasons need to hear people who are less safe and acknowledge that some things impact us differently, and we need to prioritize what the most vulnerable need.

-On the day before the election, I started Googling how to become a witch and books on witchcraft. I did it with a wry grin, because I'm aware that magic/witchcraft/New Age stuff/tarot/crystals/mysticism/etc surge in popularity during times of political and economic strife. Meaning that they are SUPER FUCKING POPULAR right now, and have been for a while. You might know that I'm a Seeker (tarot practitioner), but I'm also a scientist. I'm... not the most spiritual person.

But, like, FUCK IT. Time to become a witch. Time to creep into the wild woods and make a hut and live with the bears. TIME TO CURSE SOME MF-ers!

I told my reasonable friend. Here is our conversation:

Hidden: So I'm googling witch books.

Friend: No. We don't turn to magic in the face of tragedy. We drink hot cocoa.

Hidden: FINE I GUESS (hrmph!!!!)

I told another friend the same:

Friend: How are you holding up?

Hidden: Googling how to become a witch. So... yeah.

Friend: How... how DO you become a witch?

Hidden: IDK, that's why I'm googling it.

Sigh. I might still buy that book on the history of witchcraft and paganism. What, it's history! xD

-Otherwise, I've been weirdly fortunate that work has been so demanding. I've been learning more about in silico analysis lately (using huge protein databases to predict how developable a new antibody based drug might be, which residues to change, and how immunogenic your antibody might be). I'm learning and doing so much that I come home exhausted, but like. Maybe that's the lack of sleep on Tuesday night talking.

-I've been leaning into the animal of myself these last few days. The soft, squishy, vulnerable meat of me. Sleep and work and food and relying on my partner bond with my husband. Listening to his heartbeat, feeling the low rumble of his voice when we cuddle, letting skin on skin release safe and happy hormones.

-I think I need to get off reddit and its eternal doom. Like, permanently. Tumblr and Insta are the only other social media I use, but Tumblr is all digimon and Insta is all cats and dolls. I'm hoping the political posts that aren't primarily actionable die down on Tumblr soon, so I don't need to spend less time here, but obviously people need to post what they are going to post. If I'm here less, this is likely why.

Most of all, do what you can to beat back despair. I don't really have comforting words, except that you're not alone. Other people DO think and feel the way you do now. Let's all try to be there for each other, distract one another, and maybe have some hugs and hot drinks. Or like... start a coven, idk.

You are loved. Ask for help if you need to, offer it if you can.