#i'm looking at you christine

[outlying-hyppocrate]

in line to the bathroom just to cry!!

[puekjh]

I drew some autumn tiny bmc because I'm really COLD

[locustsummers]

the path is new, the world is free · Done last year for 35th; originally-drafted layout fell apart but hey, in a pinch, a slapdash shit-tier collage works to salvage the pieces too.

[ title sauce: The Dillards - There is a Time ]

[bumblingbabooshka]

yessss the gorn and whatnot I am In-ves-ted...

[emin-folly]

Just a doodle based on the super cute scene from the TOS book, The Starless World where Chapel's unconscious and Spock, on his own accord, cradles her head and massages her temples~

[nursc-a2]

ENDLESS EDITS OF NURSC ( DON’T REBLOG IF YOU AREN’T @starsallalight / @whenthisstoryends )

I am longing to be with you, and by the sea, where we can talk together freely and build our castles in the air.

[unproduciblesmackdown]

as ever like: no two things Need to be juxtaposed, much less like material vs material deathmatch Only One Can Be Good, much less am i thinking i have thee objective word on fuckall b/c who does and it's like perfectly boring & unserious whenever someone just throws out Takes that are just "i think...[xyz] is [adjective]" like okay.

but anyways thinking of how, though differing in execution in a lot of ways ofc, deh & bmc start out in a v similar place & explore a journey to self-acceptance from a despairing starting point....it feels like a lot of the hindrance in deh's exploration of its own Theme there is in like, hey. :) hand on your shoulder. it's okay b/c you'll be able to be more normal. whereas w/bmc it's that it's okay b/c you'll be able to be more abnormal

[yourtrustyvault13canteen]

[deer-with-a-stick]

waldron go away

[potatoesandsunshine]

small jobs 7 when i GET YOU!!!

[soaps-mohawk]

Cherry Red, Crimson Blood

Chapter 40: Where Do We Go From Here?

Summary: Things aren't going as smoothly as anyone would like. Maybe they can fix it. Maybe they can't.

Pairing: Poly 141 x reader

Word Count: 6,723 words

Warnings: Angst, discussion of nightmares, PTSD, discussion of death and killing people, emotions, so many emotions, angst, a little sliver of comfort

A/N: And it is back!! not super proud of this one but I'm starting out on a filler so...yeah. Really just setting up for the next part where some action starts again. You'll see. Anyway, glad to be back at it and I hope you enjoy!

11/30/24: **This chapter has been edited and rewritten from its original version**

MASTERLIST | <- Previous | Next ->

John stands at the door, gazing out at the yard. It’s pouring rain, dumping buckets on the roof. The water has pooled on the planks of the deck, splattering with every big drop that pours from the sky. The weather once again mirrors your mood, your sobs audible from your room over the pounding on the roof. 

John holds his mug in his hands, staring at the reflection in the window. Kyle and Johnny are sitting on the couch, both looking like kicked puppies. They’re itching to enter your room and go comfort you, but they’ve been kicked out for now. You’re not in the state of mind to be around any of them right now, no matter how badly your sobs tear at their heartstrings. 

You haven’t been in that state of mind for a few hours now. 

Whatever nightmare had plagued your mind last night, it was particularly awful. You’ve been up since the early hours, waking from a nightmare with a terrified scream that had continued until Kyle finally got you to stop and breathe. His ears are still ringing with it, his mind still pulsing with that fear. Something happened. Someone got in. Someone hurt you. 

Nothing happened. No one got in.  

The only threat was still just in your mind. 

Graves. 

He knows that’s at least part of your nightmares. Christine had disclosed that to him quietly on the side. Even she doesn’t know everything that plagues your dreams, but Graves seems to be a common specter in the darkness of your mind. 

It makes his blood boil, and not just out of anger for what Graves did to you. 

It boils with anger at himself too. 

It’s his fault you’re in this state in the first place. He should have known, he should have seen, he should have suspected. He should have never left you there. You should have been his priority over anything else. 

How badly he’s failed you. 

He lets out a sigh, turning away from the window to move over to the couches. He sinks down with a sigh, resting his elbows on his knees. The little progress you’ve made has regressed with this new string of nightmares, the fear pushing you further and further back into your mind. He’s resolved himself to only get worried when Christine is worried, and right now she’s beginning to look worried. If you regress back again, the chances of bringing you out of that are slim. Sure, there are plenty of options to help, but you have to want them to help. 

He knows exactly what will help, you just don’t want it. 

He runs a hand through his hair as your sobs begin to quiet. It’s longer than he’s let it get for a long time. They’re all a bit scraggly and ragged looking, worn down and lazy now that there’s no strict rules guiding their lives. None of them quite know what to do outside of the regulations they’ve spent the better parts of their lives living under. He’s been in the military longer now than he hasn’t, and he’s been finding himself itching for that structure again. He can never bring himself to relax and put the job aside even on leave. He only takes it when he has to and usually spends it training and keeping his skills sharp. 

Now...now things have changed. 

They have no return now. There’s no clear, set time that they have to return to base. They can’t return to base. It would leave them too open to a possible retaliation from Shepherd. They were betrayed by one of their own already, who's to say someone else wouldn’t be just as eager to become a traitor for a chunk of cash? They’re not even truly safe here. 

How are they going to go back to base after this? Can he bring himself to take you back there, a place you never felt comfortable in the first place? 

Where do they go from here? 

He’s been trying not to think too much about it. That’s a dilemma for a different day. That’s thinking too far ahead. Day by day is as far as he dares to take it now. 

The door closes quietly, John’s head lifting to watch Christine as she approaches the couch. There’s a slump to her shoulders, something that’s been getting lower and lower as the days have progressed. She’s struggling with this just as much as they all are. 

She sinks down on the couch, letting out a long breath. Your sobs have quieted, no sound coming from the room now. The silence is almost eerie after days of constant sounds, good and bad, from your room. You were doing better. You were looking more alive and well. 

Then this happened. 

“She’s asleep.” Christine says, her voice strained. “Finally calmed down enough to nap.” She covers her eyes with a hand, sitting there still for a moment. 

“The nightmares?” John asks, glancing at Christine out of the corner of his eye. 

“Worse.” She says, her gaze far away. “She's remembering what happened.” 

John stares at Kyle and Johnny for a moment, the betas returning his worried gaze.

“Those shadows she killed...” Johnny says.

Christine nods. “She's, uh, not taking it well.” 

John runs a hand over his face. He knew it was possible you'd start to remember what happened during the time your omega took control. It wouldn't remain a dark spot forever, though he hoped it would. The things you were forced to do are coming to light now, the things you did to survive because they failed you. Taking the life of someone who deserves it is nothing to them. Taking the life of someone who would take yours just as quickly isn't so much as a second thought. 

You're not like them. 

You've never had to face that reality before, and you shouldn't have had to. 

“One of us should talk to her.” Kyle says.

“I don't think that's the best idea right now.” Christine shakes her head. “She's...regressed a bit. Pushing that on her, while well intentioned, might do more harm than good...” she trails off, her gaze still far away. 

The three of them sit there, waiting for what she’s going to say next. He’s not even sure Johnny or Kyle are breathing as they wait patiently for whatever solution Christine might be able to come up with, whatever move she thinks is the best one to take next. 

“I want to take her out.” Christine says. 

“What?” John asks in surprise. 

“She needs to get out of the house. It’s not doing any of us any good sitting in here all day.” She rubs her eyes. “She expressed interest in going for a walk a couple days ago. She needs to get up and moving, start regaining some of her strength.” 

John lets out a breath leaning back against the couch. He’s tempted to say no. His knee jerk reaction is to refuse. The world outside isn’t safe. If anyone is watching, if anyone sees them...

There’s always going to be that risk though, and Christine is right. Sitting in the house all day isn’t doing any of them any good. They’re at the mercy of the rain, but even then, he doubts it will keep any of them trapped inside for long. 

“When the rain clears up.” He finally says. “We'll discuss it more. But, I think that might be a good idea.” 

“What can we do?” Kyle asks, staring at Christine. 

She lets out a sigh, covering her eyes with her hand. “I don’t know. I’ve helped hundreds of omegas in crisis and yet I don’t know why this case is so hard.” 

“This has become more personal than those cases.” John says. 

Christine’s shoulders slump even more. “I know. I try so hard but she’s just so...different from other omegas.” 

“This entire situation is different from what you’ve done before.” Kyle says. 

“You’re right.” Christine sighs. “The best we can do is let her lead. Do what she needs, give her what she wants. The worst thing that can happen right now is regression. If she regresses too far, we might never get her back.” 

“What is it? Tell me what ye need.” 

“Can you make me forget?” 

“I wish I could.” 

“Hit me hard enough on the head I might forget everything. Then we can all just start over.” 

“That’s not funny.” 

“It wasn’t supposed to be.” 

“Kitten,” Johnny sighs, leaning his elbows on his knees. “I wish I could make those thoughts go away. I wish I could make them mine.” 

“I killed people.” 

“I know.” He reaches out, touching your hand. “I wish ye didnae have to. Ye were just defending yerself. Those Shadows would have done worse to ye if ye hadn’t.” 

You curl up in your chair, turning away from him. “That’s not helpful.” 

“Sorry.” He says, letting out another sigh. “We just want to help ye.” 

You’re silent for a moment, sitting there listening to the waves. It’s cold this morning, not even the thick blanket draped over you offering much respite. It’s the first morning it hasn’t poured rain in days and you were determined to take full advantage of it despite the objections of your pack. 

“I know.” You finally say, staring out at the grey clouds looming on the horizon. The rain will return, just like the dark thoughts constantly swirling in your mind. They make you sick, nausea constantly churning in your stomach and threatening to rise. 

Johnny wraps his hand around yours, his palm warm against your cold skin. “Should head inside. Gonnae catch a cold.” 

“You know that’s a myth right?” You say, tilting your head to stare at him. 

“No it’s not.” He says, pulling your hand between his. “It’s not good for ye being out in the cold.” 

“I’ll live.” You say, trying to pull your hand from his, but he holds you firm. He’s stubborn, but so are you. 

“Kitten...” He says, almost whining at you. “Go inside please.” 

You let out a sigh, staring out at the horizon again. The clouds promise more rain soon, another downpour on its way. You hate it, how much it’s been raining. You just want to be outside, down at the beach, going on walks. Your pack won’t let you though, not while it’s raining, even though they often leave no matter the weather. 

It’s not fair. 

You’re not a fragile flower and you’re tired of being treated that way. Even though your brain feels like it’s in a blender constantly. Even though the pain of what happened still drives into you like a knife, you just want to be treated like a normal human being again. 

“Fine.” You sigh, pushing yourself up to stand. “I’ll go inside.” 

Johnny grabs your arm before you can head back in the door. “Ye know we just want the best for you.” 

You stare at him for a long moment, emotions swirling in your mind. They are trying. You’ll give them that credit. They’re trying, but not hard enough. “What you think is best and what’s actually best isn’t always the same.” 

He looks like a kicked puppy as he lets you go. You turn away before you can feel guilty, heading back inside the cottage. 

You pull the blanket tighter around you as you stare at the flickering flames in the hearth. The heat is intense so close, but it’s warming the chill under your skin. It’s getting colder at night, foretelling the upcoming winter. All the blankets in the world couldn’t fight off the chill that’s settled in you at night. You know what might help, but you’re not brave enough to approach that solution. 

The footsteps on the stairs don’t startle you in the otherwise silent house, the creak of them audible over the crackle of the logs in the fire. 

“I’d add another one.” A voice says from behind you. 

“I’m going to.” You say, reaching for the stack next to the fireplace. 

“Careful. Put it on the side.” 

“I know how to make a fire, thank you.” You snap, shoving the log in before moving it into place with the poker. “I’m not useless.” 

“Didn’t mean to imply you were.” It’s silent for a moment as you settle back into place. “What are you doing out here?” 

“I’m cold.” You answer simply, not feeling up to giving an entire expose on your current state of mind to the person you want to speak to the least right now. 

“We can turn the heat up more.” John says. “Whatever you want to be more comfortable.” 

I want you to leave. You bite your lip, suddenly not brave enough to say it out loud. 

They are trying. 

“Why are you down here?” You ask instead. 

“Couldn’t sleep so I came to get a snack.” He says. “You want anything?” 

“No.” You say quickly, wrapping the blanket tighter around you. “I’m alright.” 

“You sure?” He presses, standing off to your right. 

You hesitate for a moment, curling your toes under the blanket as one of the logs snaps. It’s not food you need from him. Your appetite has decreased again with this new wave of horrible things plaguing your mind. You want answers. 

“I want to know why you decided to leave, why you went on that mission and left me when you knew things were not right.” 

John shifts on his feet behind you, the wood floor creaking just slightly. He’s silent for a long moment, so long you almost think he’s walked away. 

“I was too trusting. I got caught up in the mindset of a soldier and chose to trust my superiors when I knew I shouldn’t have. I wanted to send you somewhere else, to stay with Kate, but things didn’t work fast enough to make that possible. I shouldn’t have just left you there, even with Johnny and Simon. It’s the worst mistake I’ve ever made.” 

Tears burn your eyes as you stare into the fire. At least he knows he made a mistake. At least he thought up other plans, but that doesn’t excuse the fact he did nothing and just left you there so easily. 

Another question burns at the forefront of your mind. You think back to that conversation with Dr. Keller just a few days ago. You want to trust her, you know you can trust her. She’s given you no reason not to. She wouldn’t lie, even if the rest of your pack did. 

“You really didn’t leave me with Graves?” The words slip out before you can stop them, spilling forth from your lips, revealing part of those inner thoughts that have plagued you for the last few hours. 

“I would never have left you with him.” John says, the floorboards creaking as he takes a couple steps forward. “As soon as we found out we turned around and went to Kate’s safehouse. She was already looking for you. We did everything in our power to find you as quickly as we possibly could.” 

The tears start sliding down your cheeks as you sit there, taking in his words. They’re spoken with such conviction and match what Dr. Keller had told you. Some deep, dark part of your brain wants to think it’s all a lie that they’ve conjured to try and make you feel better about everything, to try and jumpstart the healing process. Yet, at the same time you want to believe they are telling the truth. 

Your other option is to trust Phil and what he said to you. For all you know, everything he said was a lie. Some sick justification to torture you as some kind of revenge towards your pack. Maybe it was all about revenge. 

Who can you trust more? Phil, or your alpha. 

Maybe if you had just held on a little bit longer. Maybe if you hadn’t believed Phil’s lie, you could have saved yourself the terror of letting your omega take over. Maybe you wouldn’t have had to take that risk and corrupt yourself with blood-stained hands. From what you can remember and have managed to weasel out of Dr. Keller, they were right behind you. A few more minutes and maybe none of it would have had to happen. 

Maybe you did do the right thing in the end. Phil might have ordered his men to kill you as soon as they arrived. Maybe they would have done it as soon as Simon and Johnny entered the room. Saving yourself might have been your only option. 

Those men would have killed you or worse. You did what you had to do. 

You’re shaking. The tears are cascading down your cheeks, warmed by the heat of the fire. You’re crying, your breaths nearly hyperventilating as you sob quietly. 

“Talk to me.” John says as he kneels down beside you. 

“I can’t do this.” You whisper, your knuckles white where they’re gripping the edges of the blanket. The words are coming out and you can’t stop them. Maybe it’s because deep down you remember the better times, when he was a comfort. Someone you could trust to catch you when you fall. “I keep seeing them, seeing what I did, what happened. I killed people.” 

“People that would have killed you without a second thought.” He says. “You were defending yourself in a situation where that was unavoidable. It’s not your fault. None of it is.” 

“She scares me, my omega.” Your inhale stutters. “She’s angry. She won’t settle. I’m scared I’m going to lose control and she’ll come out again.” 

“You’re not going to lose control.” John says. Despite the heat of the fire you’re not much warmer, a cold chill shooting through your veins. “If it were to happen, we’re right here. We’ll get you through it.” 

You stare into the flickering flames, your breaths slowly coming back down to normal. John sits there, as still as a tree. You don’t want him so close to you, yet you can’t deny how comforting his presence is. For the first time in a while you don’t feel quite so out of control.

“Can we ever move past this?” You ask, your voice quiet and broken.  

“I like to think we can.” John says. “It won’t be easy, but if that’s what you want, we sure as hell will work to make it happen. Things won’t go back to the way they were, and they shouldn’t. You deserve better than what we gave you.” 

You don’t respond because you can’t. His words float around in your mind, replaying over and over. You want to believe him. You desperately want to believe him, but a deep part of you can’t. He’s made promises before and then broke them. How can you trust this time will be different? 

The creak of the stairs wakes you. It’s jarring, pulling you out of a sleep you didn’t know you were in. You’re on the couch in the living room, bundled under a blanket with a decorative pillow under your head. You don’t remember moving to the couch. The fire is nothing more than embers now, but it feels warmer in the house. It’s dawn, the grey light streaming in through the window, chasing away the shadows of night. 

“What are you doing out here?” A gruff voice asks you. 

You groan, rubbing your eyes. “Fell asleep.” 

“On the couch?” 

“Think I was on the floor first.” You yawn, pressing your face back into the pillow. “Don’t remember getting to the couch.” 

“Why?” 

“Got cold.” Your voice is slightly muffled as you pull the blanket up higher. 

Simon lets out a sigh before moving around the couch to the fireplace. He adds a couple logs in before lighting it again, the fire crackling back to life. You’re half asleep already as another blanket is draped over you, tucked up around your neck. There’s a feeling of a hand brushing over your head, but that may have just been your imagination as you drift off back to sleep. 

You don’t get to sleep long, more footsteps coming down the stairs waking you. A hand does brush over your head this time, the scent of the beach filling your nose. You let out a groan, trying to snuggle deeper into the blankets. 

“Sleeping out here this morning?” Kyle’s soft voice reaches your ears. 

You grunt, chasing the quickly fading edges of sleep in your brain. 

“Breakfast is ready, if you want to get up.” 

You are hungry. There’s a quiet rumble of your stomach as you begin to register the smells coming from the kitchen: bacon and eggs and coffee. Johnny is making the coffee most likely. Maybe you’ll have some this morning. You might need it with how groggy you feel. 

You stretch out on the couch, trying to breathe some life into your limbs. It’s not the most comfortable couch, definitely not for sleeping, but it’s better than the floor. It was likely John that moved you. You’re not quite sure how that makes you feel. 

You don’t remember falling asleep after your little talk last night. You’re not sure how that moment of vulnerability makes you feel either. There was a time when you wouldn’t have thought twice about going to your alpha with such concerns and tumultuous feelings. There was a time when you would have sought him out for the comfort and stability you need right now. 

Things are different, though. Things have changed. 

You run a hand over your face, thinking back to the groggy conversation with Simon this morning. You’re not quite sure it even happened, or if you dreamed it. There’s two blankets on you, however, and you distinctly remember feeling the second one being draped over you. 

It’s a touching gesture from the specter in your life. Once again he’s been reduced to a shadow, a figure lingering only because he has to. The distance that had once been so close to closing has widened into an impossibly wide canyon. You’re not sure it’ll ever fully close again. Too much has transpired in such a short amount of time between the two of you. He’ll never forgive himself, and you’ll never be brave enough to force it again. 

You push yourself up to sit, joints cracking from being stuck in one position for so long. You blink slowly as you sit there for a moment. It’s warm in the house, almost too warm now with your body warmed from sleep. Dr. Keller is sitting at the table, a steaming mug in front of her. Tea, most likely. Maybe coffee. You’re not quite sure. She gives you a soft smile as you rub a hand across your face again. 

You feel groggy as you push yourself up to stand, letting your stomach and feet guide you towards the smells coming from the kitchen. Kyle guides you to the table with a promise of making you a plate and you take your usual seat at the end of the table facing the kitchen. Dr. Keller is to your left this time, coffee in her mug judging by the smell. 

“How did you sleep?” She asks, her hands wrapped around the mug. 

“Fine. Got cold.” You say, resting your head in your hand.

“John turned the heat up a bit. We can get you more blankets if you need them.” Dr. Keller says. 

You hum, letting your eyes close for a moment. You won’t complain about more blankets, more soft things to lay with. There is one thing you wish you had, though. You’re not quite sure how to ask for it, or that it would even be possible to get. 

You jump when a hand touches your back, not realizing you had even dozed off sitting there. 

“Sorry.” Kyle says, setting a plate on the table in front of you. “Food’s hot. You want coffee or tea.” 

“Coffee.” You say instantly, earning a wide grin from Johnny as he takes his own seat at the table. 

“Even split this morning.” He says cheekily, setting his own mug down. “Three against three.” 

“Tea is still the superior choice.” Kyle says from the kitchen. “Better for you anyway.” 

“Coffee has a lot of health benefits as well.” Dr. Keller says. “So long as you don’t add too much sugar into it.” 

“See.” Johnny says, giving them a victorious grin. 

“She said so long as you don’t put too much sugar in it.” Kyle says, carrying over your mug of coffee. “You’ll get diabetes from how much you add in.” 

“Two spoonfuls isnae too much.” He turns to look at Dr. Keller. “Is it?” 

Dr. Keller gives him a worried look. “You might be pushing it there.” 

Johnny’s grin turns into a pout. “What do ye mean?” 

A ghost of a smile tugs at your lips as you quickly shovel a forkful of eggs into your mouth. As much as the deep pain of trauma and their decisions ache in your chest, you have to admit you missed this. It’s the least tense you’ve seen all of them in the last few weeks. Even Dr. Keller’s shoulders don’t seem quite so squared as they have been. 

A part of you feels guilty about it. It is your fault deep down. You’re the one keeping them all on edge, driving that wedge between them over and over again. Deep down you’re the one causing the heavy weight that’s settled over the house. You wish you could just go back to normal, you wish you could just wave a wand and make yourself okay again. You wish you could ease their pain just a little bit. 

The eggs suddenly don’t taste quite so good anymore. 

You force them down regardless in favor of causing another scene, in favor of dragging the mood down. They deserve a little lighthearted moment after everything. They don’t need to know the inner turmoil plaguing your mind. 

Simon shifts next to you, his eyes darting to glance at your face. You can feel them, the intensity of his gaze just as sharp as it had been back in the beginning, back before he looked at you with fondness. He’s stiff as he sits there, almost as if he can sense the storm raging inside of you as you force yourself to pretend that you’re fine in favor of keeping the bright mood that’s settled over the table. 

Maybe he can sense it. He is an alpha after all. It’s his job to know, to understand. You glance across the table at John, his eyes on his phone as he sips his tea. 

Your gaze drops down to your plate as you pick up a piece of bacon, your heart shattering just a little bit more. 

“‘S too early.” You whine as hands pull the blanket off of you. Cold air nips at your skin, making you curl up in a ball. 

“It’s noon. Come on.” A hand closes around your arm, gently shaking you. “You want to get up.” 

You let out a whine, pinching your face up. “No.” 

“Trust me. It’ll be worth it.” Kyle says, brushing the hair back from your face. 

“Why.” You say, letting out a huff. 

“We’re going on a little trip.” Kyle pulls you up, forcing you into a seated position. “Dress warm.” 

You’re alone in the room again, the door left open. Light streams in, making you squint against the harsh intrusion. A quick glance at the clock reveals it is, in fact, a little past noon. You took a nap to make up for a night of tumultuous sleep, one of the few things you have to do here in this prison. Nap and read. It’s a lot like your life before the cottage, before everything that happened, except now you’re stuck with your pack around you at all times. 

You almost miss the times they were away. 

You’re half tempted to go back to sleep, but you’re too awake now, and the light streaming in the doorway is making it hard. It was done on purpose, left that way to prevent you from falling asleep again. 

You let out a huff as you maneuver yourself so your legs dangle over the edge of the bed. You try to blink the drowsiness away, no matter how much your brain is trying to chase the last lingering threads of sleep quickly receding. The nap hadn’t been nearly long enough, but judging by Kyle’s eagerness, they let you sleep a bit longer than they wanted. 

You let out a sigh before pushing yourself off the bed, moving to the dresser. You pull out warm clothes, quickly changing. You have no idea what they have planned, what’s going on. There was no frantic rush, Kyle’s energy more excited than anything. It makes you a bit worried as you step out of the room into the living area. 

They’re all waiting by the door, watching you as you approach them, rubbing your eyes. 

“Come on,” John says, setting a pair of shoes on the floor. “Boots on.” 

“What are we doing?” You ask, moving forward automatically. 

“We’re taking a little trip.” Kyle answers, repeating what he told you in the room. 

You look at him cautiously as you step into the boots, pulling them on. You haven’t been away from the cottage since you arrived two weeks ago. You’ve barely been let outside, weather permitting. It’s an overcast day today, the world grey outside, but grey is better than rain. 

“Ready?” John asks as you stare at him. 

“I guess.” You say, still a bit hesitant. 

They make no effort to ease your discomfort and nerves. 

You’re led out the door and towards the cars by Dr. Keller. Her face is brighter than it has been lately which doesn’t help your nervous energy. She’s excited too, just like the rest of them. You’re not sure why you’re so nervous. Maybe it’s the anxiety of leaving after being trapped inside for so long. You just want to know where you’re going, what it is you’re going to be doing. 

Dr. Keller ushers you into the back seat of one of the cars, getting in the other side. Kyle and John climb into the front while Johnny and Simon get into the other car. 

You watch the green pass by as they drive, taking in the new landscape. You don’t remember arriving at the cottage. You don’t remember most of the trip at all. It’s all a blur in your memory, much like the events that transpired after your omega took over had been. You wish you could remember the trip over those events. You’d take green rolling hills over your own hands taking lives. 

It had been jarring waking in the cottage for the first time. A new place, the lack of memories getting there. You’re beginning to get tired of the pattern. You half expect to fall asleep and wake up somewhere new again most nights. You wouldn’t know any better. A slip of a pill into some food and you’d wake up somewhere halfway across the world. 

You like to think they’d at least warn you beforehand. 

John pulls the car into a parking lot, parking near a line of trees. Johnny pulls into the parking lot behind John, parking near the entrance. It’s on purpose, you know that much. Everything is about safety and making things look as inconspicuous as possible. Anyone could be a rat. Anyone could be watching. 

It’s windier here as you step out of the car, even though you haven't gone far from the cottage. Walking distance, if you were up for a hike. You’re not. 

“Come on, kitten.” Johnny says, guiding you through the parking lot and towards a path. 

You still don’t know what’s happening as you follow them, Johnny holding your hand as you step onto the rocky path. He leads the way, the others following. John is behind you, hovering in case you slip in the gravel. You do your best not to, despite how quickly Johnny is leading you. He’s more eager than Kyle had been, and you’re sure he’d be running if you could keep up. 

You begin to figure out what’s happening as the sound of waves crashing on the shore gets louder and louder. Your chest starts to constrict with emotion as the trees start to get sparser and sparser, a cliff edge visible over Johnny’s shoulder. You want to run now, you want to break ahead and race your way to the edge of the cliff. Johnny, even in his excited state, would catch you before you could take off and potentially hurt yourself. 

You might hurt yourself just trying to run. 

You hate it. 

The land opens before you as you reach the edge of the cliff. The expanse of the sea seems daunting so close, grey and choppy from the wind. Salty air blasts you in the face, rustling your jacket as you stand there above a small beach. It’s empty, but that’s expected for late fall. All the tourists have gone home, those with vacation homes back in better weather for the winter. 

You’re glad you’re alone. You wouldn’t want anyone else ruining this moment. 

Kyle’s fingers wrap around yours as you stand there, staring down at the beach below. “Come on.” 

The gravel turns to dirt as it winds down the side of the cliff, getting steeper as you near the beach. You do nearly slip as you follow Johnny and Kyle down to the sand, your boots quickly getting muddy. You’re glad for them, understanding why John chose boots over more comfortable shoes. 

You pause as your feet sink into sand. You stare out at the water, at the white crests of waves crashing onto the shore. It’s real. It’s not just some mirage, some painting in the background of your life. It’s really here. You’re really here. 

No one says anything as you take a few steps forward before squatting down. You scoop up a handful of sand, letting it slip through your fingers. It’s coarse against your cold skin, thicker and rockier than the sand you’re used to, but it’s still sand. It’s still a beach. 

You’re at the beach. 

You scoop up another handful of sand, letting it run through your fingers again. You want to put some of it in a jar and set it on the nightstand at the cottage. You want to stare at it and remind yourself you’re really at the coast, you’re really just a short drive away from the sea. You want the sand to sink into your skin and flow through your veins and fill every crack that’s formed in your mind.  

You’re really here. 

You stand up straight, staring out at the water again. Your pack is still behind you, silently watching you. You shuffle forward a couple steps, waiting for one of them to stop you, to grab you and keep you from getting closer, but none of them move. You widen your steps, treading through the soft sand until you reach the edge of the wetter sand where the water was earlier. It’s easier to walk on as you continue to approach the water, the sound of your pack treading through the soft sand disappearing behind you as you get closer and closer to the water. The waves flow up the beach, your feet getting closer and closer to where that water stops. 

You half expect them to stop you as you step forward, letting the waves hit your feet. The salty water washes away the mud and sand clinging to your rubber boots, rushing up over the tops of your feet. You stare down at the water, watching it surge upward and around your ankles. You’d keep walking if you were brave enough, let it get higher and higher until it soaked your clothes, but you know they’d stop you. It’s far too cold to risk getting wet. You can feel the chill of the water through your boots as it flows over your feet. 

You’re not sure how long you stand there, watching the water rush back and forth, feeling the pressure of it against your boots as you stand in the waves. You’re really here. You’re really standing in the sea. 

You finally turn after what seems like an eternity, making your way back up to the softer sand. All of them are standing in a line, watching you. You wonder what’s going through their heads, what they feel standing here. Relief? Happiness? Guilt? Shame? The wind whips at your back, coming right off the water, blowing their scents away from you. What you wouldn’t give to be able to smell them right now. 

Tears burn your eyes as you make your way up towards John, trudging through the sand. His cheeks and nose are pink from the cold wind, his beard longer than you’ve ever seen it. You don’t remember the last time you’ve really looked at him up close. His gaze is uncertain as he stares down at you, trying to gauge your next move. He can’t. You know he can’t and it makes you feel powerful. 

It shouldn’t, but it does. 

“Thank you.” You say finally, a tear sliding down your cheek. “Thank you.” 

You can hear them. They don’t know it, but you can. They think they’re speaking quietly, but in the silence of the morning, you can hear almost every word. Dr. Keller’s protests, John's quiet insistence. 

Leaving. 

That’s the word that caught your attention. Leaving. Someone is leaving. Someone is separating themselves from the pack again, and not just for a trip to town to go to the store. This meaning is different, it hangs differently in the air. 

“I don’t think this is a good idea right now.” Dr. Keller says, her voice just barely audible through the open sliding glass door. It’s open just a crack, just enough to hear what’s transpiring inside. 

“We won’t have another chance.” John says, his voice insistent. “We have to do this. She deserves it.” 

She. You. Whatever it is, it involves you. It always does. You can’t remember a time over the last few weeks when it hasn’t been about you. It’s always about you and you hate it. You almost wish things would go back to the way they were before, when you were a second thought, the one left behind.

You’re going to be left behind again. 

“John-” 

“I know.” John’s voice is louder again. “We have to do what’s best for our pack, and right now this is it.” 

The sliding door opens, the conversation over. Your stomach is churning, nausea eating its way up your esophagus as John crosses the deck towards where you’re seated. His steps are slow and quiet, almost like he’s approaching a wild animal. He might be, depending on how this conversation is going to go. 

How are you going to react? You expected it eventually. They’ll always leave, they’ll always put you last and think about themselves first. Are you upset? Are you angry? Is it a relief? 

You wish you could feel something right now. Instead you feel numb. Another promise broken, another lie told. 

“You’re leaving again.” You say, staring out at the horizon as John takes a seat next to you. You need to get it out first, say what you know before he can say it and break your heart again. 

He lets out a quiet sigh, leaning back in the chair. “We are, but you’re coming with us.” 

You turn to glance at him, taken aback by his words. You’re leaving too? You hadn’t considered this. The cottage is your prison. You are Rapunzel trapped by the Mother Gothel that is your pack, stuck in the tower for the rest of time. 

Leaving? 

“There’s something we need to take care of back in the states.” John explains. “You’re coming with us.” 

Back in the states? What could possibly be there that is left for you, for your pack? 

You don’t like the sound of that. You don’t like the sound of that one bit. 

NEXT ->

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[xnxthinglastsfxrever]

// Finally charged. Napped and ready to tackle drafts, currently have nine threads to reply, zero asks and two can of Celsius. 

[chaos-bringer-13]

Well it was space as stars and planets in my mind (he could meditate by closing his normal eye and looking at cool space with his weird one) but now it's gonna be remote viewing because it's a cool idea. And he still can use it for looking at space - as soon as he learns to control it because he absolutely is just getting bombarded with random images. Poor boy. I hope he can stop it by closing that eye. He would cosplay as a pirate or put tape over Phantom's mask eye slot just to stop seeing stuff. Migraines are awful :(

(I liked your pun)

Omg a fic I'm gonna read it! (looks at a pile of fics I wanna read, pretends not to notice it)

The closest I've seen to this idea is an AU where Danny went blind and got lost in ghost zone after turning on the portal and he can only see ecto-infused things and uses his ice to see. He ends up in DC-universe and is thought to be a villain because he freezes a whole city Elsa style. I loved that idea so I'm happy that there is another take on Danny and his seeing of ecto-infused stuff

Duke! Yes! Danny bonding with Duke! They do not see auras the same. They argue about it. They're confused about it. They see auras wildly different and it's actually weirder when they see someone's aura the same way. They try to make a comparison table and find patterns. They fail but they still keep a table of comparisons on how they see batfamily and other mutual friends. There are bad drawings attached. They have the dumbest arguments about correct colors of people's souls. Every single time. It's their way of bonding.

I want you to know that I went to google to find out about shrimp colors and the first site I got was an article named "Shrimp do not see a kaleidoscope of colours, they are just really stupid" and I was distracted for several minutes because of laughing. And then I went into memes and laughed more.

I say they see shrimp colors. I don't mean it as colors that shrimp see (especially because it's sadly just a myth), I mean it as colors that they can't neither describe nor draw. They're stuck as the only people seeing it. They were extremely excited to meet each other because they thought they could finally share this experience and talk about those colors and show each other people with their favorite auras. They were disappointed to the point of almost crying when they found out that they still can't share it because they see it differently. They're still sad about it. They still show each other people with cool auras because often it's still cool even though different. They made up several words only for describing auras. They're not sure if they mean the same thing when they use those words. They still use them. They understand each other's aura vision better than anyone and yet not enough, not nearly perfect. Before meeting, when they just heard about each other, they thought it would be useful for finding people (for example if Duke saw someone's aura and not their face, Danny should have been able to recognize them) but it's useless. They still enjoy each other's company.

The Literal Phantom of the Opera (DpxDc prompt)

When Cassandra Cain first began taking ballet, her fellow dancers quickly warned her about the ghost haunting the theater.

"He likes to watch us. I see him looking down at the stage from the catwalk all the time."

"It looks like he stole one of the Phantom of the Opera masks last time a tour came through, but its been covered in stars!"

"I heard him when I was acting in Wicked. I was alone in the green room doing some last minute practice and I swear he was humming along while I was singing!"

"It was the phantom who stole my makeup from my dressing room I just know it!"

"Haley from front of house didn't believe he existed until they came backstage to grab supplies for seat repairs. I don't know what they saw, but now they refuse to go backstage."

"That ghost is evil. It pushed me down the stairs to the office and I tore my suit on the railing. Do you know how hard it is to find an all white suit on short notice? I'm lucky it didn't break my ankle!"

"We used to have balconies before the renovations. Sometimes it sounds like someone is moving inside the walls where they used to be."

"I'm not sure that the ghost is fully aware we're performers. A few years ago when Heathers was here, the actress for McNamara said that it felt like someone was hugging her after Lifeboat."

"I've seen him without the mask. His face looks like it was just... shredded. I only saw it once, but I'll never forget that face."

"I heard that he likes to mess with the equipment in the control booth."

Cass isn't sure that the ghost is real, but she is sure that the other dancers think he's real. They often gossip about the theater ghost in hushed whispers, knocking on wood at the very mention of him. Her teachers prefer not to talk about the ghost at all, but they don't deny its existence.

It's not until she is practicing alone on stage and feels eyes on her that she thinks there might be something to the ghost rumors.

[sunrisesfromthewest]

First Encounter Part 4

|Warnings|:Marcus Freaks out😭,Steamy Make out sesh with your boy Armando tho😌,Reader has a kitten,sorry puppy lovers,it’s for the plot

Here's all the parts I have so far: 1 2 3 4 5 6

|Enjoy✌️|

_____________________________________________________________

Gazing up at Armando you feel his form tense up, upon hearing that, Mike eyes trace over his sons form as he says. “Who is this," already knowing who the possible speaker could be. 

 “I think you already know who I am, Mike... the real question here is your boy or your Wife...” Hearing the man pause you hear screams knowing that he’s hurting Christine. Seeing Mike face Harden, he goes to speak but is cut off by McGraths deep sharp voice,"Be at Gatorland by noon or your precious little wife want live to see another day." As Mike calls for Christine through the phone, the line is disconnected. 

Seeing Mike walk outside, you feel Armando release your hand following after him. Watching your dad walk out as well, you look back at Dorn and Kelly with a solemn expression. ” Shit just got real." you say heading to your purse to grab your phone and car keys. Noticing this Kelly walks over to you, eyebrows screwed together. "Where do you think, you're going Y/N.”  

Crossing her arms she waits for your reply, "Kells I gotta go home and grab something.... it’ll be quick." Hearing this Dorn walks over as well”Y/N,did you not just see what happened on the monitors, the Hell wrong with you.” 

Gazing at your friends you see them with firm expressions on their face, arms crossed.”Guys, I'll be fine you think Reggie is the only one that knows how to kick ass.” 

Before they can say anything else Mike cuts in, "I need you two to go help Rita, I think Lockwood has been up to know good.” 

 Hearing this they move to put on their respective gear, and weapons. Realizing that they are distracted you make you way out the door, but before you could sneak to your car you hear Mike call your name, which makes you freeze. 

Turning around slowly you see him looking at you crazy, "Now where the Hell, you think you going Y/N/N!” Watching as your father walks up as well, Armando not too far behind, you see them giving you the same facial expression. Pointing behind you, you say “I gotta run to the house real quick.” 

Seeing Mike and your father face screw up they both begin to yell "THE FUCK WRONG WITH YOU-, DID YOU NOT SEE WHAT JUST HAPPEN!,Y/N/N YOU GONNA MESS AROUND AND GIVE ME ANOTHER HEART ATTACK," Standing their silently you watch as they both go off on you voices combining as they question your actions. Moving your gaze to Armando, you see him shake his head in disapproval muttering some words in spanish, questioning you as well. 

Dorn and Kelly pass by quickly shooting you a look as they head towards their AMMO Van. Getting annoyed you shout ”Calm, the FUCK down, I just need to go grab some of my shit.” Not waiting to see their expression you turn back around heading towards your car.  

Hearing footsteps you hear a deep accented voice say, "I'm coming with you then." Stopping you look up wanting to disagree but the face he was making left no room for discussion. Huffing you say fine and move faster to your car, not realizing you were giving Armando the perfect view of your ass. 

Making it to your car you unlock your doors, but before you could enter it you hear your father yell. "Armando take care of my baby!” looking up to reply, you hear a sly voice say, "Don't worry she’ll get well taken care of!" Quickly moving your eyes to him you see him smile and wink at you, making you feel warmth in your stomach. 

Closing the door, you start the car and proceed to back out, choosing to roll the windows down since it was night time. 

Mike looks at Marcus chuckling to himself, "I don’t think you just realized what you done.” Looking at Mike, Marcus frowns, "What you talking bout Mike?" Shaking his head he walks back to the dock, "You just let your baby girl leave with Mike 2.0” 

Pausing Marcus face drops before, he starts yelling running after the car,”Y/NNNNNNNN, NO BABY, DON’T FALL FOR IT," Dropping to the ground dramatically, he looks up to sky saying, "WHY DIDN” T YOU SHOW ME THIS IN THE VISIONNN, OOHHHH LORDD!” Mike stands by shaking his head at his partner, "Boy get your old ass up before you give me a panic attack.” 

Blasting your music you have no clue, of your father freaking out, turning it down, you glance at Armando asking if he heard something, he smirks and say no. Shrugging you turn your music back up, proceeding to speed towards your apartment complex.

“What the hell is at your apartment, mamá?”, Armando says wondering why you risking your safety. "You guys might need my medical assistance, I already got a bag ready just in case of emergencies and plus I need to check up on my baby." you say keeping your eyes on the road. 

Turning to look at you eyebrows raised he said "Baby...... you got a kid?" Hearing his confusion you shake your head, "Not an actual child, but I got a kitten." From your peripheral vision you see Armando sit back, and release a sigh. Smirking to yourself you say “What scared of kids?" Turning into your apartment complex you hear him say, "No.....Just thought someone beat me to the punch.” 

Slamming on the breaks you fly forward slightly but force yourself to look at him jaw dropping. You sit there studying him giving you a smug look like he didn’t just ‘threatened’ you with pregnancy.

 “Close your mouth princess, I ain’t done nothing to you...... yet." he says amused by your reaction. Just as you lean over to hit him, you hear a cark honk behind you, making you realize that you haven’t parked yet. Closing your mouth, you bite your tongue as you quickly pull into a parking spot. 

Turning the car off, you get out slamming the door, while pressing the lock button on your keys two times. You make your way towards your apartment not bothering to look back to see if he was following. Giving a quick wave and smile to the receptionist you make your way to the elevator pushing the up button. 

“Y/N....I know you not mad, mamá.”Armando says leaning against the wall, while he stares at you, arms crossed against his chest. Shooting a quick glance at his tan muscle arms, you hear the elevator ding, barely giving it a chance to open you walk in pressing your floor number. 

Walking in as well Armando waits until the elevators closed to pull you against him. "You know that’s not funny." you said glaring at him, still in disbelief about his comment. 

Watching him lean down as he grabs your chin, he whispers, "Don't act like you didn’t like it.” 

Taking in his heavy gaze,your eyes flick to his full lips.

“Sometimes, you just need to shut up.", you say wrapping a hand behind his head.” And if I don-” Not even giving him a chance to finish you pull him into a searing kiss, moaning as he trails a hand to your ass gripping it. 

 Raising your leg to wrap around his waist he leans you back against the elevator wall grinding into you as he breaks the kiss, lips pressing against your jaw and neck. Breath, hitching you moan his name, repetitively,” Mando.....MmMando.......Baby ........Arma.....you" sighing as he reaches a spot on your neck.  

You pull him more into you, feeling him grip your hip as he drags his hips against yours. “He estado queriendo hacerte esto todo el día nena, tú también lo querías, ¿eh?(I've been wanting to do this to you all day baby, you wanted it too, huh?)” Armando says pulling away from your neck while running his thumb against your mouth.  

Not knowing what he said you just nod your head nipping and licking at his thumb. Letting out a growl as he feels your moist mouth wrap around his thumb, he mutters,” I knew you was a littl-”getting cut off by the elevator ding. He pulls his thumb out of your mouth with a pop, mumbling in spanish, grinding a little more before pulling away from you. 

Clearing your throat, you set your leg down, fixing your scrubs as the elevator opens. Walking on to your floor body feeling like its vibrating, you look back to see him suck on his thumb before smirking at you. Shivering you hurriedly, walk up to your apartment door pulling out your keys. Gasping as you feel him press his hard length against your ass. 

He teasingly trails his hand around your waist to take your keys. Moving you behind him, you snap out of your drunken state, asking what he was doing. "Still gotta make sure no one here, I'll go in first. "Nodding your head, he opens the door entering with caution. Walking in you hit the light switch, looking around as well, checking if everything’s the same. 

As Armando does a quick sweep of your apartment you hear familiar little scratches against the floor.

Looking down to see your small fur baby running towards you,letting out cute meows,you smile happy that he’s okay.

Closing and locking the door behind you, you pick your baby up, rubbing at its belly. "There mama’s baby, what you been doing, huh?” you say smiling down at the kitty as you, set your keys on the table by the door.

Hearing it let out a small hiss, you look up to see Armando returning giving you a small nod confirming that the house is clear of any threats.Pausing he watches you play with your pet.

“What I can’t love on my baby?", you say walking past him to your room, still holding the kitten like it’s an infant. Laughing to himself his eyes scan your apartment, looking at all the photos and pictures you had hanging up. Spotting one of you he grabs it, eyes tracing over the happy moment of you that’s frozen in time. 

Making sure that you're in the room he slips it out the frame and sticks it in his pocket. Following in the direction you went; he sees you set a duffel bag and a pair of fresh clothes on your bed. 

Walking over to Armando, you hold out your baby to him, asking if he could watch him as you take a quick shower." Running his brown eyes over your body he says, "Need me to join you.”

Shaking your head you push the kitten against his chest. Saying that you be quick, as you enter your bathroom leaving the door cracked slightly. 

Armando looks down at the small kitty holding it against his chest,humming, he says, "I rather be playing with your mamá pus-” “DON” T BE TALKING NASTY TO MY BABY "you yell cutting him off from the restroom before hoping in the shower. 

______________________________________________________________

Authors Note:Now I know after this you guys gonna want some more action between Armando and Y/N.Y’all gonna have to bare with me now I ain’t typed no smut before,I just read them😭😭😭,so we’ll see in part 5 stay tuned✌️✌️(Previous Parts On My Page💓)

[gothwineaunts]

I tried my best to replicate the post that Tumblr ate earlier.

It’s not as good but you'll get the jist I think. :’)  

---

Hi again! I wanted to follow up on my post from yesterday. I’ve been mostly offline since then, and I feel much better now, especially after seeing the thoughtful responses y’all left. Where did you all even come from!? I don’t think I’ve ever posted this account anywhere, haha. But thank you so much. I’m horrendous at taking a damn compliment but I read all the replies and reblogs and I’m just incredibly humbled. You all brought up my mood a lot and highkey made me feel sane again. I’ve been so confused at why everyone in the WEBTOON comments seems to be so mad all the time, it kind of does my head in if I’m being honest.

But please don’t worry about me or Flynn. Or about Nevermore! We’d never change the story to fit what we think the commenters want us to do, for a lot of reasons. The most important of which is. If we had to do that, I think we’d rather just stop making it. What they seem to want is a story we’re not really interested in telling.

Wholesome wlw is a wildly important thing to be able to find if you’re looking for it. That really cannot be overstated. Until very recently, queer characters have been subjected by popular media to a disproportionate amount of anguish and violence. So the concept of seeing two women just, living a safe and fulfilling life together? I get why people want to see that so badly. And there’s so much beautifully written aspirational content for queer audiences out there now, and I’m pleased to death over it. But the thing is, it’s just not what we’re making.

Nevermore was always intended to be a dark gothicky romance with horror elements. Like Wuthering Heights, or Phantom of the Opera. Because those were the stories that always inspired us when we were young. Bloodsoaked stories of melodrama, intrigue, grief, and passion. Those stories would captivate me and get me asking all kinds of questions. Why can’t the Phantom be a beautiful woman? Why does Christine have the agency of a desk lamp? Why can’t sapphics have something cool like this?

So we decided to make it. Nevermore is not a wholesome romance. It doesn’t try to be. The point was never to explore sapphics having a healthy and (heavy air quotes here) “normal” relationship, like heterosexual couples get to have in real life. We already have that, together, Flynn and I. We live it, everyday.  In Nevermore, what we wanted most was to explore a sweeping sapphic romance full of danger, like heterosexual couples get to have in fiction. That’s why we love those kinds of stories so much, because of how divorced they are from the mundanity of real life. They’re fantasies.

I know that I'm preaching to the choir, aha.

But my point is: if you go to a hardware store to order a cake, you’re probably going to be disappointed. If what you crave is aspirational wlw content, there are so many bakeries you can go to that will give you exactly what you’re hoping for, and more. I especially recommend Muted by Miranda Mundt. It’s also on Webtoon, it’s completed, and it’s free to read.

And please know that I’m not saying to stop reading Nevermore, just maybe to adjust your expectations a little bit. We don’t sell cakes here, but I am pretty sure I've got a few 12ft tall skeleton lawn ornaments in the back if you're interested.

[loggiepj]

illicit affairs

part 3 | part 4

"SOMEONE got flowers," Yelena teased the moment you set foot inside your office.

"What are you talking about?" you asked, brows only knitted in confusion.

When Yelena finally let you through, your eyes quickly caught sight of a bouquet of daisies on top of your desk. It came with a note that says 'Have a lovely day!' , and even if it had no name who it was from, you immediately knew it was from Wanda. She was the only one who knew you liked daisies anyway. And she now owned her own flower shop.

Anger and shame only filled you as you hastily threw the bouquet of flowers into the bin next to your desk, making Yelena gasp in horror.

Kate laughed. "That's the fourth bouquet she threw this week."

Yelena then grabbed the flowers and shook the dust off gently with her hands. "It's such a waste. Do you know how expensive flowers are these days? I'm gonna take this if you don't want it. This could be useful—"

"Why? You planning to reuse them?" Kate intervened with a nervous laugh, leaving her desk as she approached the blonde woman. In the untrained eye, it looked like she was only joking. But you knew there was a hint of jealousy in her words.

"What's in it for you?" Yelena replied, stepping back from Kate, hiding the bouquet behind her back.

"Nothing, nothing, of course," Kate nonchalantly answered. "So . . . you asking anyone for a date?"

Yelena sighed. "That's none of your business."

And as you listened to your friends banter on, your thoughts swam back to one specific brunette. One that had always occupied your mind these days.

You hadn't seen the woman since that very night. The very next day, while Wanda was still deep in slumber, sleeping peacefully like an angel in disguise, you silently crawled out of bed and left her in your apartment.

You didn't dare come back for two days, seeking for Kate's help as you took residence in her guest bedroom for the meantime.

Wanda sent a couple of messages asking where you were, and it only stopped when you blocked her. You hated yourself for feeling this way, for still feeling like a lost schoolgirl completely head over heels with the professor. You were weak. You were stupid.

Kate assured you that you were only human, it was natural to respond to natural urges, especially that it had been a long time since you'd had sex.

But you knew better.

If it was really a physical urge, and not Wanda herself, you needed confirmation.

MIRACULOUSLY the day after, the confirmation was in the form of your neighbor barista, Christine.

Christine had been writing her number a couple of times on the cup of the coffee you'd order everyday, next to your name that came with a cute heart drawing. But you hadn't entertain one single thought of finally asking her out.

You knew it was petty. Cruel. Selfish. You knew it would only hurt one of you, especially innocent Christine. As the saying would go, you shouldn't mess with the person who handles your food.

But on that weekend, you found yourself walking with Christine as you wander the streets of New York, finding strange street foods to try and fun carnival games to play. It would be wrong of you to admit you didn't enjoy any second spent with the girl.

Christine was nice. She was friendly, talkative and sweet, she even brought you your cup of coffee when she met you after work. You found out that she was also taking a couple of classes in the same university you worked at, wanting to become a lawyer one day.

And maybe Kate was right. If you only allowed yourself to be happy, just for one time, you'd be happy. And you thought life was finally merciful towards you.

Until you both bumped into Wanda and her twins as you and Christine headed towards the park. The twins were carrying bags of stuff from the nearby night market, while Wanda was holding two sticks of corn dog, probably she bought for her boys, and a cone of ice cream in the other.

And it was as if life had gone back on being cruel to you. Because all you could think about that moment was how Wanda looked both so beautiful and cute wearing a beanie around her head and a coat larger than her body as she licked her ice cream, trying to keep it from melting.

It tugged a string in your heart. And it hurt.

"Y/n!" Tommy said enthusiastically. "We didn't expect to see you here."

And if Wanda's glares sent your way were only daggers, you'd both be killed.

"Tommy," you replied. "Nice to see you without a cast. How's your arm?"

"Never better," he answered, as he swung his arm full of bags, pretending he was hitting a home run.

Billy added, chuckling, "He's always whining about it though, because it was itchy—"

"Shut up! I was not!"

You both laughed until you felt Christine hold your hand.

"Oh sorry, how stupid of me," you said. "Christine, these are Tommy, Billy and their mother, Miss Maximoff." You met Wanda's eyes quickly. "I used to babysit them when they were just kids. Guys, this is Christine, my . . . "

"Girlfriend," Christine confirmed, offering her hand towards them. And you froze, not really expecting her to say that. It was Wanda who reacted badly as she shook the offered hand of Christine's rather hurriedly and harshly.

"Hi," Tommy said, shaking Christine's hand last.

"How recent?" Wanda asked coldly.

"Come again?" Christine asked, giggling. "Sorry, it's just too loud here."

"Nothing," Wanda said, forcing a weak laugh. "It's just that Y/n is quite picky to date anyone. You're a lucky one, I guess."

"I'm sure she has no problem finding one, Ma'am," Christine replied with a challenging tone, making your lip tug upward. Her arm snaked around your waist as she pulled you closer towards her. "I've been trying to ask out this cutie here since the first time she bought coffee from our shop. Now, she took the bold move to finally send me a message."

"Is that so?" Wanda chuckled tauntingly, licking the melted drop of ice cream dripping down her fingers. The action made you grit your teeth. "Intriguing."

The conversation changed when Billy announced there would be an acoustic set playing that night near the park, inviting you both to watch it with them. But you respectfully declined, saying you didn't want to bother, your eyes never leaving Wanda and hers at yours, provoking you more.

AFTER you and Christine left them, Christine immediately apologized. "I'm so, so sorry, Y/n. Gosh, you might think I'm so forward—"

"For what?"

"For saying I'm your girlfriend. I know I'm not and we just dated." She sighed. "It's her, isn't she?"

You swallowed a lump in your throat as she went on. "I remember her face, she was the one who was looking for you I believe months ago. And you were so cold and frozen earlier when I touched you, thinking you were uncomfortable and all, so I panicked and decided to help. I don't know if that really helped anything. Gosh, I'm rambling—"

"Christine," you said, stopping her as you smiled. "It's fine. I'm not mad."

"Are you sure?"

"Yes. I'm actually grateful. Thank you for saving me from that awkward interaction."

You went on walking in silence, her arm looped in yours. The night was still young but you already wanted it to be over. Not because of Christine. But because Wanda had already spoiled the wonderful night. And you hated yourself for letting her affect you like that.

Seeing your dilemma, Christine tried to lighten the mood. "Would it be bad of me to assume you dated the milf?"

You both exploded into laughter before you began to talk about it. And Christine was very understanding. She realized then that the persistent way of her trying to ask you out made her realize that it was just a silly crush. And when she got to know you, it would be terrible to start a relationship with someone who was still not over her ex. And you completely understood her.

It was a mutual decision that you and Christine remained to be good friends and nothing more.

It was a happy night well spent with a newfound friend as you both met up with Kate and Yelena afterwards, who were apparently on a date that night. At least, it made you forget about a certain brunette.

WHEN you came back to your apartment some time later, there Wanda was sitting on the floor just outside your apartment door. She looked weary and tired, hugging her legs as she buried her head in her knees. When she heard footsteps, she immediately lifted her head to look. She quickly stood when she saw it was you who arrived and you could tell from her eyes that she was just crying.

"What are you doing here?" you asked calmly. You were tired to argue with the woman.

"Where's Christine?" Wanda asked, looking behind you.

"I gave her a ride home," you answered, picking your keys from your pocket.

Wanda nodded. "I thought . . . I thought she'd be staying here tonight—"

"And you see it best to wait here just to check?"

There was a small pause. And you knew you were cruel. But you wanted to hurt Wanda because she hurt you so much.

Wanda wiped the tears from her face as she quickly apologized and walked past you, heading to the elevator.

But maybe it was the haze from that night that made you wrap your hand around her wrist, stopping her from leaving. Maybe it was the bottle of beer you had earlier that made you kiss the old woman with fervor, pressing her against the nearby wall.

And maybe, it was the terrifying thought that you're not into Wanda anymore that made the brunette kiss you back with desperation and need, clutching your jacket so tight, claiming you as hers and only hers.

You both managed to enter your apartment with difficulty as you two began to devour each other, hitting vases and lamps along the way as you pulled her inside while taking each other's clothes off.

But maybe it was lust that made you settle on the couch as you both stumbled upon it, not wasting another second to head towards the bedroom, that made you crave for the woman straddled on top of you.

Wanda took off her brassiere then went to cup your face for another kiss. You stopped her, holding both of her wrists. Your eyes were on her breasts, her perky hard nipples.

Maybe it really was thirst that made you stare hungrily at her, how she still looked so perfect even at her age, that made your hands slide across her hips through her stomach just to cup her breasts and squeeze them.

The brunette let out a gasp on the harsh way you held her, but as she wrapped her hands around your wrists, you yanked her hands away, keeping them behind her back.

You leaned forward to suck one of her waiting nipples, closing your eyes as you savored the moment.

"Fuck, Y/n," Wanda moaned, squirming before you, helpless.

Your hand held unto her while the other slipped down to her back, inside her underwear as you played with her warm slick entrance. And it was so cruel to feel her dripping like this and you had barely touched her.

Wanda whined and shook her body, making you finally take mercy and let her go. Her hands automatically clasped unto the back of the couch as you went to devour her other nipple with same intensity, and three of your fingers finally slipping into her hole, fucking her slowly and torturously.

"Oh, god!" Maybe it really was the way Wanda sound that night that made you so aroused. You fastened your pace, making her grind her hips to meet your thrust.

Disconnecting your mouth, you leaned back to stare up at her and watch her ride your hand desperately. Hugging her waist to pull her closer to you, breasts pressing against your chin, you deepened your thrust.

"Y/n . . . Y/n, I'm—" And she sobbed a moan, her body trembling in waves as she came, her warm hole clenching around your fingers you thought they might break.

You helped her through her high, watching the angelic look on her when she comes undone before you.

Maybe Kate was wrong after all. It wasn't just any physical urge. Maybe you were still in love with Wanda. And no one could compare to her.

Maybe it was that thought that made you give up as you let Wanda kiss you fiercely, let her kneel before you as she took off your pants and underwear and let her worship you with her mouth.

THE NEXT morning was the worst as you slowly creeped off the bed, careful as to not wake the woman. But to no luck.

"Am I just a good fuck to you every now and then?" Wanda's weak sleepy voice brought a tear in your heart.

You went on dressing yourself, deciding whether to interrupt Kate and Yelena just to find a place to stay.

Hearing rustling of sheets, you turned to look at Wanda as she moved towards you wrapped only in your blanket. And she looked so helpless, that you want to take her back right that instant, to hug her and say how sorry you were for making her cry.

But you knew you couldn't. She almost killed you. It wasn't fair.

It brought tears in your eyes and you hoped she didn't notice them. "Y/n—"

"What do you want, Wanda?" you answered bitterly, almost yelling. "Do you want to cuddle under the sheets? You want a relationship? Well, you should have thought about that when you crushed my heart years ago!"

You fought back another angry remark from your throat as her eyes began to glisten with tears. "I'm so sorry."

You exhaled a frustated sigh, hand on the door. "Then I also apologize that this is all I can give to you. That you can't always get what you want."

You finally stepped outside, leaving the poor woman alone.

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