#i'm just... going through it fam
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i just want to sleep and rest and not have all this tummy pain
#life#i'm just... going through it fam#on top of that i'm also getting sick#been coughing and woke up with a sore throat today#doesn't help that waltz is screaming crying at our bedroom door every morning at like 7am#and i'm such a light sleeper that it just wakes me the fuck up#and i can't fall back asleep#so i'm just constantly tired and sleep deprived and can never rest#which in turn makes my stomach hurt more#which ruins my quality of sleep#and it's just this endless cycle of feeling like shit#anyway... i also downloaded don't starve together and tried playing a little#and i fear this might become a problem#i'm really bad at the game though lmao#but i can survive winter so there's that on that
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Growing up in an extremely ultra religious, cult-like family was a mindfuck for multiple reasons but that doesn't stop unfortunately, even when you escape. For example, see: The overwhelming feeling of boiling hatred and shame for who you used to be.
The angry hatred for the past person I used to be, the version of myself that mindlessly parroted my family's beliefs and listened to their every command, constantly simmered under my skin and invaded my every thought. I was embarrassed of what I used to be- even as I made friends of different ethnicities and faiths, as I listened and explored new ideas and worlds that I never knew existed, as I started the first LGBTQ+ club at my school and volunteered with kids who deserved so much more- there was always a little voice in the back of my head.
"They would hate you if they knew what you were. They would hate the horrendous teachings that were seared into your mind, the things that you used to say and believe. You are nothing but a pretender."
And it is true that my beliefs were bigoted in all the worst ways. It is true that I believed truly heart-wrenching things without a second thought and judged others in such harsh and unfair ways. I told myself that there was no coming back from that, not really. There was nothing I could do to ever make up for it.
Then I remembered that the person who said those things wore velcro light up sneakers and collected finger puppets that the librarians handed out as awards for reading picture books. The person that held signs at pro-life rallies and anti-LGBTQ+ protests had a cherished sticker book and hunted minnows in the creek after school and adored their puffle on club penguin and was really into greek mythology and had skinned knees from climbing trees at recess and knew every Disney song by heart and was absolutely terrified of the dark.
That person was a child.
I was a child.
It took a really long time. Years and years of reflection and distance, but I've decided that I can't hate the past version of myself anymore. I feel pity and remorse, I feel anger- I feel so much fury and violent rage- at what my childhood was and I grieve what could- no, should- have been, but I no longer resent who I was.
I'm not ashamed.
I am so, so, so unbelievably proud of that little kid. For being brave enough to leave the comfort and safety of what I was told was right. For not being afraid to be wrong. For seeking out information and knowledge in a culture that praised ignorance. For questioning everything, relentlessly.
I am by no means a perfect person, I never have been and I never will, but I am proud of myself in every iteration that has ever existed because I know that I have never stopped trying to understand and learn and grow, and I never will.
If you have ever been in a similar situation and feel similar things, first of all: My condolences on your lost childhood. Second of all: Please be nice to that past version of yourself and recognize all the hard work they did to make you who you are today. That person was a survivor and an inspiration. They deserve nothing but love.
#started anti depressants recently. kinda had an epiphany. i can't hate who i was. if i met me now i wouldn't blame that tiny child#for their rancid beliefs or for being dragged to protests. because thats a CHILD. i HAVE met kids in that position and i feel nothing but#pity and anger on their behalf. so why am i holding that version of myself to a higher standard?#i could not have known what i know now at 6 or 8 or 10. the same way that i could not have written a college level essay at that age#but i did what i could. in my own 8 y/o way. i believed in love and humanity and happiness. i was just misguided in the 'hows' of it all#and i am so so so so so proud. of every single microscopic step that i took. every question i asked. every thought that i hid and protected#and pondered secretly at night until new ideas and doubts bloomed like a dandelion through the pavement#and I'm so proud that i chased that doubt. that i asked why why why why until their ears bled and their voices were raw#until their answers stopped adding up. until i sought knowledge elsewhere with a mind dehydrated and malnourished and begging for knowledge#in any form i could get. i just. if i could hug that kid? if i could right now reach out and give that terrified and lonely child a hug?#i would. a million times over.#anyway sorry for the intense personal rant I'm just going through it rn and I'm like.... actually feeling alright#its wild. did you guys know about this??? anti depressants make you NOT depressed??? shits insane fam#irl#personal
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aye can i get a fuckin uuuhhhh
break. on my burger
#shit chat#family cw#got sicker than i have been in years my bank closed my checking account on accident work is nightmarishly busy#and my mother is sending strings of long voice memos in the family group chat again#i simply will not be listening to them. at most i'll ask my dad or brother for the sparknotes version#bc her pattern for the better part of this year has been radio silence. no attempt at communication whatsoever#and then BAM like 5-10 min worth of voice memos screaming crying sobbing shaking#I DON'T KNOW WHAT I HAVE TO DO TO GET MY CHILDREN TO FORGIVE ME. I'M CRAWLING ON MY KNEES ON THE DESERT FOR A HUNDRED YEARS REPENTING#WHAT THE FUCK IS FAMILY FOR YOU KNOW I LOVE YOU MORE THAN ANYTHING AND I'M SUFFERING SO MUCH AND I'M ALONE BECAUSE#MY FAMILY ABANDONED ME. I HAVE NO ONE. I DON'T KNOW WHAT I DID BUT I'M BEGGING. I NEED HELP I NEED MY KIDDOS AROUND ME PLEASE I'M DYING#followed by several minutes of sordid updates on her shitty miserable life#which is tbf pretty shitty & miserable. she's extremely physically disabled & mentally ill#her partner had a severe stroke a couple months ago and is still recovering. they've both been in & out of hospital#neither working. partner's adult son who lives with them is the only income in the household#partner's permanently disabled mother also lives with them. plus 2 large dogs 6 cats and 3 each of chickens & ducks#they're in court suing their landlord bc he's trying to evict them but the property is an uninhabitable shithole to begin with#but like. whenever i do make the mistake of responding to one of her groupchat tantrums#she's just like 'oh you know me im a survivor :) i just miss yous is all :) now that you're here i'm gonna bitch about my life for an hour#and ignore everything you have to say and show active disdain & boredom whenever you tell me anything about yourself or your life :)'#and if i offer help she refuses it#like it's just a bid for attention. expecting unconditional love and absolution and salvation from us bc That's What Families Do#she doesn't actually seem to give a shit about any of us as real people. just this ironclad delusion of unconditional family support#that she frankly has not earned#my brother actually did go visit her in the hospital on thanksgiving. driving 2hrs out of his way to do so#and she was a raging passive aggressive bitch to him and threw the gift he'd brought her back in his face#ma'am i know you're Going Through It but so are the rest of us & frankly you've given me zero reason to want to interact w/ ur caustic ass#plus this is petty but yet another way in which she doesn't listen to me & makes no attempt whatsoever at genuine relationship#i've told her numerous times that responding to groupchat voice memos is hard for me. that i love & miss her#and if she wants to see me or needs help or whatever to please contact me one on one either by call or text#nope. refuses to respond to/initiate individual contact. ONLY traumadumping in the fam chat. TLDR MY MOM IS A DISFUNCTIONAL TOXIC NIGHTMARE.
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barton creating a drinking game while watching house m.d. on the basis that him and matilda take a shot every time doctor house commits medical malpractice might be both the most dangerous but also genius game ever if you want to get drunk QUICK... a little too quick, if you ask me LMAO
#OF MONSTERS AND MEN: musings.#ooc post.#nooo but i'm being so serious about barton doing this with matilda sometimes when they've had like a long day or something BC omg...#this man is really out here committing medical malpractice the likes of which doctor TV shows have never seen LMAO#like IDK how frowned upon it is to talk during a TV show as i usually do that with my fam personally but barton is always saying-#stuff like 'oh that would DEFINITELY not fly in a real hospital' or 'jesus christ i cannot wrap my head around how this guy got through-#med school much less RESIDENCY' JSJSJ and by the end of them doing a little marathon of some of the episodes they're like-#wiped out + ready to go to bed which was the plan OFC but that also just tells you how many shots they had because they've-#both got a high tolerance to alcohol 💀 lolll
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@endweapon asked :
[ trace ] sender traces one of receiver’s scars ( eden's stellaron scar y/n )
nonverbal meme prompts. || accepting
─「エデン」─ EDEN hated the feeling of being exposed. the feeling of vulnerability, of being forced to reveal a part of her she would fight tooth and nail to keep hidden from sight. the trailblazer used to be quite open about herself, about what she was, about the truth behind her existence. she held no shame or need to keep a secret, however, things changed as time passed. as the JOURNEY went on, the more she knew, the less she shared.
perhaps, the STELLARON had taken such a liking to the living weapon stood before her, as eden found her memory fragmented whenever he was presented. the cancer of all worlds pushed her consciousness aside, took over the body that was created to be its vessel and commanded it as if it was theirs. it's old, the seed of destruction, it's always so loud when he was here.
this time was no different. it should've been no different if it weren't for a part of her being exposed against her will.
eden saw everything even when her body wasn't under her influence, she witnessed everything through her locked up mind only to forget the moment she regained control. the AWARENESS never lasted longer than a few seconds. it was like waking up from a dream, however, this time, it wasn't the same. was it a fight ? she knew the stellaron was provoking him. the pain of the wounds and injuries was familiar.
until she could feel it, the way the BLADE cut through her clothes, and her breath caught in her lungs, golden hues WIDENED and she screamed — her. not the stellaron. not the cancer of all worlds. not the corrupted self. her. eden. golden hues were blown wide, pupils dilated.
" NO — " but it was too late. the attack landed and her skin was exposed. there it was, the proof of her existence. the LARGE SCAR that stretched from the middle of her chest throbbed wildly. the gold swirling and curling at the tearing marred her what was once flawless skin. this ... was her. this was what she was, what she was created for. everything that was the trailblazer was reduced to this very mark.
the cold steel didn't harm her skin, yet, being exposed like this rendered eden completely silent, and the hold of the STELLARON slipped away. light returned to those aureate orbs, and instead of the sharp tip of the blade, she felt the gloved clad digits tracing along what looked like a crack in space and time, filled to the brim with liquid gold. life ? weapon ? both ?
it pulsed, silently, lethally. her head throbbed, once, twice, and there was a ringing. it echoed dully within the mind of the TRAILBLAZER, pupils quivering uncontrollably, and ...
... a single tear slipped from her eye. exposed. vulnerable. empty. empty. empty.
don't look at it. don't look at me.
don't look at me ... or else you'd realize i'm nothing but a pawn.
a living weapon. that's all i am.
#endweapon#.answered#.answered meme#.[ eden | trailblazer ]#[ this whole reply is so messy bC HER THOUGHTS WERE GOING 100 MILES PER MINUTE#HJKLJHHJLK & i'M NOT SURE IF I CAPTURED HER SPLIT SECOND PANIC#OF WEISS SEEING HER CORE#bc seeing her stellaron scar is basically seeing ALL of her and her first instinct was to NOT let anyone see#it's that gripping fear & just instant panic that kicked in#hOPE THAT MAKES SENSE#also i can't choose so i go both blade & hand HJKLHJH I HOPE THAT'S OKAY#the stellaron probably provoked him for an attack and ' eden ' herself broke through when he was about to see the scar#WEISS TRACING IT ACTUALLY MADE HER FEEL SO MANY THINGS TOO BUT EDEN IS SHORT-CIRCUITING#gosh this makes me emotional in so many ways i HOPE I DELIVER AT LEAST. THANKS FOR THE ASK FAM ]
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Yeah yeah that's nice but where 🧐 will the Equerries be seated??
#I'm kidding but also I genuinely wanna know#the Beckhams are going??? Ok 🥲#they missed out Sophie#Seating plan#Coronation news#Orlando bloooooom too? huh what?!#That seems like a real random mix of celebs haha#Is this the Coronation or the Oscars? I don't know if I like it but alright🥲#& you'd think Sophie Winkleman would be with the fam not the celebs#This is daily mail btw#& Liz truss awwhahaha she did what 30 days in office? & got all the fancy gigs lucky son of a gun!#But where are the Equerries? That's the main question#Hopefully in the pink & not the green#I'm just thinking this all through thoroughly#Anyway enjoy this quality post goodnight :))))
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I'm not enough of a book purist to not being able to enjoy headcanons, crackships etc (as a matter of fact I do love them). But seeing newbies unironically and completely serious considering aemond to "trying to be the perfect son", or "heleana is the people's princess" or "rhaenyra is calm, collected and strategic", "Daemon is the family's clown, the agent of chaos" legit gives me a headache because they are nothing like that.
And I'm not talking about ppl writing fanfics with this type of characterization, but ppl legit having takes based on the terrible portrayal of the show. And even when they go to read f&b they still have the image the show gave them because they don't seem capable of letting go.
it just feels like Jon Snow/Daenerys Targaryen character assassination all of again.
There are so many people who consider Jon to be basically ned 2.0 and Dany a mad queen-girlboss-slay
I just wish we could seperate books from adaptations. That's all
#don't be a jerk i'm just venting ✌️#anti hotd#I know the greens had 2% of actual characterization so fans are now making their own hcs but#my issue is they slowly legit believe them to be canon#rhaenyra was not chill. She was emotional. thought first with her heart. could be immature and had temper#aegon was not a loser crybaby. he was spoiled. had freedom to do as he wished and was simply lazy and unmotivated#aemond was already a psycho before his eye loss. and was obsessed with proving himself. he gave 0 shit about his fam#helaena only had 1 line in f&b and even that gives her more personality than the cringe show version#alicent was not a child bride. she was an ambitious woman. a big hypocrite who was obsessed w Rhaenyra and had beef with her since rhaenyra#Viserys was a girl dad and loved rhaenyra and heleana. he also loved alicent very much. aegon and aemond were simply red flags#daemon was not a deadbeat dad. he was ruthless and he wanted the throne and power. his marriage with Laena softened him a lot#and he became dedicated to his fam to the point he killed himself to take out Rhaenyra's biggest threat aka vhagar (not aemond)#otto was not a warm grandfather. he only cared about gaining power and he gave 0 shit about what his grandkids could be going through#grrm does write grey characters but he also writes ones who are meant to be interpreted as good/evil#and the greens are very obvious the antagonists of the dance#I'm not saying you shouldn't like them but fandom should stop trying to rewrite f&b with their hcs#people enjoy joffrey and ramsey but no soul says they were victims#f&b meta#hotd meta#anti ryan condal#Ryan will pay for his crimes
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it is not slacking off to write or create it is not slacking off to do things that are fun i am not slacking off or procrastinating right now i'm allowed to do things i enjoy doing for fun including playing games and writing and such
#if i say it enough i will remember it's true#can you guess which aspect of capitalism i'm struggling with today?#it does not help my bones are somehow WORSE than yesterday even after all of the rest i took so that's Super Fun:tm:#so i've got that on in the back of my head#ugh#i... am putting off calling my grandma - i meant to do it last week but i got too in my head about it#and uno reversed myself into forgetting to do it at all until the Worst Times Possible#(generally around Normal Fuckin Meal Times)#i want to call to wish her a belated mother's day and check in re: grandpa but also...#also i don't want to have to do a phone call i don't want to talk to them about anything at all#they stress me out to talk to and it makes me super uncomfortable to be on the phone in general let alone with a Heavy Topic over our heads#like.... i'm comfortable with where i'm at acceptance-wise with Grandpa's whole situation#and i know i am late for a better relationship with the pair of them in general#like i'm not going to repair a relationship that wasn't built to collapse down to this point this is as far as it got built up to#i'm not building more relationship between me and someone who i know is passing soon when they didn't take the opportunity either#like they had just as much chance as me to improve our relationship after i became an adult and they chose to use my mother as#an intermediary which has stunted their connection to me and that's not my fault#i admittedly did not reach out but i was not taught i could safely do that to anyone#because my parents badmouth literally any person they know for one reason or another#i regularly fuck up in conversations with my grandparents because i'll say somethign that is a holdover from my understanding of them#through my parents and it's like. kind of really insulting! and i've been doing it my whole life and i know as soon as i get their reaction#and i can't recover because i don't actually know them at all#so i can't be like ''oh my god i know that's inaccurate i have no idea why i said that'' because i *don't* know until after i've done it#every goddamn time it happened the last time i got a call from them too#like... my bio fam/family of origin is just not good at keeping in touch and i know i'm a product of that#and i know theoretically how to adjust for it but it does require work on the other end of the line too#and unfortunately i know my bio family too well and know they won't do their part#i grew up in the group project everyone hates#and i'm on my way to deciding they can show up to the presentation day without me#i've started a new family project over here with blackjack and hookers
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#i'm not bragging or anything#just genuinely proud of myself#i'm pushing through#really cutting back on my spending and just trying to be financially okay for my sister and her fam once this baby comes#her husband is gonna go 2 weeks with no pay to bond with the baby#and it kinda falls on me to provide for them#they need food? i got it. they need clothes. i got it. they need diapers? i got it#and it's really just mind blowing to me to be able to provide that for them or have them depend on me like that#i just never thought i would be in this situation#in like 15 years if my nephews can say they think im cool or love me#i will have done my job and i could die happy
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me when i ship zhaohan 😔 there's next to no content unless i'm just not looking in the right spots
be the change you want to see in the world my man.... if i can trick people into thinking masadai is real then i know you can rally the troupes with them lovable goobers......
#snap chats#zhao and yeonsu ARE cute to me tho thats the thing. theyre so sillay#i dont have many ideas with them but i love drawing them together when i get the motivation#i love drawing zhao and joon-gi honestly since Like Ichi i draw them kinda differently from everyone else#/kinda differently/ zhao's a foot tall motherfucker#BUT NO with joon-gi i want him to be a bishounen protag... so it's fun giving him all those sparklies and anime energy...#tho it'd be more appropriate to go for a manhwa art style huh#something to practice me thinks...#REGARDLESS i believe in you anon..... get that propaganda flowing you'll gather a small group in no time...#if you're sick enough in the head <- me#oh but if you arnet confident or know what to do yet !!!! pixiv and twitter generally has a good amount of art for them#i know i happen upon zhao and joon-gi art when i scroll through twitter sometimes#of course you have to follow eastern artists but they ALWAYS have The Best And Most Delicious Shit#they never miss they're the only artists i follow on twitter im p sure LMAO#if you don't know what artists to follow on twitter though pixiv's your best friend#some people are scared of her but not me...... i'm too numb to everything... plus she does have a LOT of good stuff there#'趙ハン' is the zhaohan tag on there. there's 101 works but i know not every thing is tagged sometimes#like a lot of arakawa fam stuff isn't tagged 'arakawa family' or even 'arakawa'- just generally 'yakuza' or 'rgg' and stuff like that#just gotta do a lil digging my friend ! best of luck to you ٩(๑❛ᴗ❛๑)۶
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-. there's this thing i just... violently don't understand about having tense/stressed out characters in film & tv start fidgeting and touching things and adjusting things that they are generally and socially allowed to mess with (as usually established by the context, for example, an array of pencils that anyone can pick up because idk free gift, just bear with me) and then another character just stops them, picks it out of their hands, smacks their arm, gives them a mean look, and i'm supposed to read the scene as 'haha they're so right for doing that make them stop' like??????? why. i know i'm preaching to the choir but why is this a thing, why is it any of your fucking business to be so genuinely annoyed with someone fidgeting to self-soothe, buddy you are Literally not involved in this, i hate those scenes, immediately kills empathy points for a character for me
#;ooc#just saw a gifset of one of those scenes and??? my mother would say i complain too much about nonsense things#and to be understanding of how Annoying it is to watch someone fidget but my brother in christ#how shitty do you think does it feel to be so overwhelmed you'd fidget like that in a public setting?#bitches be good at masking (me) so if i Drop the act i'm going Through It#or alternatively the character trusts the other enough to self soothe and then gets humiliated#and the show/film will play it off as if they don't mind NAH FAM they Do mind#you will never be trusted again if you humiliate/belittle me for doing things I Need To Do to feel some sense of#comfort and get through a place/scenario in a way that is appropriate and useful to everyone involved#fuck you you'll never see me again... you Will see me again just... not Me me#ANYWAYS a lil mornin rant i'll go make myself some hot cocoa and then IDK hope to be productive hehehehe~#have a wonderful timezone~ ♥#DEADASS THO i can Adore a character and then they become the Stim Police and oof nah
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ugh
i have 2 days off and am trying to make words happen
but theater bullshit and brain pain are preventing that from happening
#awake arise fam I PROMISE I HAVE NOT ABANDONED THIS WORK#i'm just going the fuck through it rn#writing is hard#transitional chapters are hard#life is fucking hard
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#do you ever scroll through someone's entire blog#just because you are so hungry for their art#cuz um yeah i totally don't know the feeling and i am melting and fiending and crying and shaking and sobbing for different reasons#100% trust trust#trust#trust me bro#mmghhhg#hhhhh#fukc#fuck#i'm cyring#and sobbing and shakign oh my god#i'm so unwell#/pos#it's not even 9 pm yet fam i'm going to phit my sants#sobs
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Suuuuuper duper big hugs and shout out and all the care in the WORLD to my brother j @wifiwuxians for making these little guys :D !!! Yi City fam is so so dear to me and I am so excited that they finally came in ough,,, everything is so so cute to me .
Also got these little fellers ( who were a surprise to me !!! ) too !! So big thanks to @/lanlanayang here on tumblr as well, bc these were soo cute to see included >:3
It's a little too late to try and get any of these guys afaik, but if you love art and fanart and mdz on a whole, both accs are for you to be following :0 but that's all in zag's opinion
#💫📷#c multiple : yi city quartet#i gushed abt these on personal ik but oughhhh j i care you 5ever . i wanted 2 tell u again :]#also for anyone over here reading these tags : best time as ever that i'll get i think that i won't be back until#some point after the new year . it'll be in janurary for sure ( unless smth RLLY wild happens ) but that's all i can say#the mental health is . well she's certainly attacking me . but anyway#anywayz* i'm available on discord and on my personal ( @sakuraaa-s ; i opened up my ask box again ) if im needed at all !#if anyone needs the disco just ask and i'll get it to ya ^-^#anyhow . hopefully when im back i'll have at least every draft here and on djoser / grandpappy's and hermes' blogs through#and most of sakura's at LEAST.... but again . while i don't like getting detailed over here the mental health is certainly doing#its thang so . i certainly have not completed even one draft as of now . a good few have some sentences down though#alas . i just had some good energy after getting these guys in the mail so i wanted to use it for a proper update#sorry j alfmmffm thats why i also posted these 2 personal whoops . surely u get how these go though#anyhow . look at the fam . for zag's sake . and them go look at j's acc and lanlanayang's for him too#and give them some love ( if u so want / feel inclined ) !!!
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literally i've been dreaming of the day i feel well enough to get back into drag like let me find masks that will match my gowns let me show up in my flats and blinged out cane and still look incredible
#s.txt#also contemplating a clear mask for similar reasons#idk i've been going through my stuff to downsize things i can't wear anymore#and coronation is this weekend and the rest of my drag fam is doing a tribute number for my sister that passed in dec and just.#i miss it i miss it so much but i'm barely keeping my head above water as it is healthwise and like!!!!#idk it sucks. it just all sucks#keep coming back to this feeling that i'm abandoning my community but also they've left me behind and its all just hard yk#sigh
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Enhypen hyung line when you send them a dirty text while being surrounded by family (mdni)
Heeseung: You try to bite back a smirk as you covertly type out the risky text under the table. 'Out with the fam but all I can think about is your thick cock stretching me open later…' Send. A few moments pass before your phone vibrates. You sneak a glance to see Heeseung's intense eyes narrow at you from across the room, his plush lips already parting subtly. There's a slight flush creeping up the back of his neck as he reads it. 'I dunno baby, might need you to send me a pic to really get me going while we're around your parents…' he types back with a heated look. You mouth an innocent 'What?' at him, going for wide-eyed before quickly typing. 'Like maybe a sneak peek of what's waiting for that huge cock later?' You can see the way Heeseung clenches his jaw, chest subtly rising and falling as his thick arms tense involuntarily. He's definitely getting riled already. With a wicked grin you fire off another. 'I'll be dripping and ready for you to just slam in to the hilt…' Heeseung's eyes damn near smolder as he hungrily drinks in your body before slowly, purposefully dropping his gaze straight to your lap. Even from here you can see the slight telltale tenting of his slacks as his tongue sweeps over his lower lip. Your phone buzzes again. 'Better be ready for this, baby…cuz I'm gonna wreck you raw when we're alone.' Arousal zings straight to your core at the sultry promise. Looked like getting him all worked up wasn't so hard after all.
Jay: You try not to squirm at the positively sinful text you just sent to Jay while surrounded by his whole family for dinner. 'I'm so fucking horny just thinking about those big hands spreading me open later…' You covertly peek up through your lashes in time to catch the harsh inhale and clenched jaw as he reads it. Jay's piercing eyes instantly find yours in a dark glare that has you suppressing a shudder. 'Pretty fuckin' ballsy to be sending me dirty texts while my parents are sitting right there,' he types with one thick finger. A fresh wave of arousal washes over you at the thought of getting caught. You shift minutely in your chair. 'Well maybe if you werent so goddamn thick I wouldn't be gagging for it all the time…' The muffled growl tears from Jay's throat as he reads the words, powerful forearms tensing against the tabletop. For a torturous moment you match his blazing gaze, skating your tongue over your lower lip. "Everything okay over there, son?" his father pipes up in concern. You have to duck your head to hide the smirk at Jay's visible stiffening. "Y-yeah. Just…something annoying. But it's fine." Your phone buzzes again as you catch that scorching dark look. 'This ain't over. Soon as we're alone I'm making you choke on this dick for being such a fuckin' tease…' You stifle a desperate whimper at the promise, already throbbing between your thighs at the mere thought.
Jake: You make sure Jake is within view before tapping out the scandalous text behind your back. 'God I can't wait to go home and just bury my face between your thighs later…' There's a choked sort of sound from across the room as Jake reads it, chest instantly heaving. You peek through your lashes to see his face flushed, jaw clenched and nostrils flaring as his fingers fly over his phone. 'Fuck, you tryna get me all worked up in front of your parents like this?' You bite your lip hard as you tap out your response. 'Maybe…get you so fucking horny you're leaking by the time I wrap my lips around that huge dick…' Jake damn near snarls as he reads it, free hand clenching into a white-knuckled fist in his lap. You can see the desperation kindling behind those heated eyes when they catch yours, speaking right to the molten need already pooling low in your stomach. Another buzz. 'Jesus fucking Christ. So fucking bad I wanna bend you over this table & eat you out raw till you're soaked and screaming for it…' You have to sink your teeth into your fist to muffle the desperate whine that escapes your throat. Your thighs press together instinctively, whole body quivering at the explicit visual his words evoke. You catch Jake's heated gaze again from across the room, holding it boldly as you mouth 'Bathroom?' at him with a devilish arch of your brow. His jaw clenches almost violently at the unspoken suggestion, thick chest visibly heaving beneath his shirt as that muscle in his throat bobs. For a moment, you think the sheer naked want coursing through his expression might make him snap and take you right there on the damn table in front of everyone. Then your phone buzzes harshly in your lap. 'You got 2 minutes to get that sexy ass in the bathroom before I come drag you there myself…'
Sunghoon: You try not to squirm in your seat as you send off that deliciously filthy text to Sunghoon while surrounded by his whole family. 'I'm so fucking horny just thinking about your huge cock deep in my guts later…' There's a tense pause before your phone buzzes with his response. You covertly peek up to see Sunghoon's intense gaze burning into you from down the table, jaw visibly clenched and the tips of his ears already turning pink. 'You keep talking shit like that and I'm gonna make you finish me under this table…' he warns, dark promise simmering behind those heated eyes. You bite back a whimper at the thought, surreptitiously crossing and squeezing your thighs together as another rush of arousal washes over you. Before you can overthink it, you're quickly tapping back with one hand discreetly in your lap. 'Maybe I want you to use me like a fuckdoll while your whole family's right here…' The way Sunghoon's chest expands with a sharp inhale, thick forearms flexing involuntarily against the tabletop…God, you're already soaked just imagining having that powerful frame pinning you down. Completely at his mercy while he claimed what was his with brutal need. Another buzz drags your attention back to your phone as you mouth goes dry. 'Be careful what you wish for, baby girl… you know damn well that this dick doesn't play fair.' Your cunt clenches hard at the utter sin dripping from those words. You can already picture him forcing your thighs apart to make room for his thick length sinking into your helpless body with deep, punishing rolls of his hips-- A sudden insistent nudge against your ankle makes you start. You glance up to find Sunghoon's smoldering gaze trained on you as he slowly, deliberately grinds the toe of his boot against your inner calf in a blatant tease. The breath stutters from your lips as your thighs instinctively part slightly, already desperate for more friction against your dripping center. Sunghoon's darkly amused smirk is the only warning before he's trailing burning paths all along your legs with little aborted thrusts and caresses. You have to sink your teeth into your knuckles to stifle a moan, whole body quivering with the effort of keeping some semblance of composure...
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