#just because you are so hungry for their art
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pink-toonss · 4 days ago
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inkskinned · 1 year ago
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at some point it's just like. do they even fucking like the thing they're asking AI to make? "oh we'll just use AI for all the scripts" "we'll just use AI for art" "no worries AI can write this book" "oh, AI could easily design this"
like... it's so clear they've never stood in the middle of an art museum and felt like crying, looking at a piece that somehow cuts into your marrow even though the artist and you are separated by space and time. they've never looked at a poem - once, twice, three times - just because the words feel like a fired gun, something too-close, clanging behind your eyes. they've never gotten to the end of the movie and had to arrive, blinking, back into their body, laughing a little because they were holding their breath without realizing.
"oh AI can mimic style" "AI can mimic emotion" "AI can mimic you and your job is almost gone, kid."
... how do i explain to you - you can make AI that does a perfect job of imitating me. you could disseminate it through the entire world and make so much money, using my works and my ideas and my everything.
and i'd still keep writing.
i don't know there's a word for it. in high school, we become aware that the way we feel about our artform is a cliche - it's like breathing. over and over, artists all feel the same thing. "i write because i need to" and "my music is how i speak" and "i make art because it's either that or i stop existing." it is such a common experience, the violence and immediacy we mean behind it is like breathing to me - comes out like a useless understatement. it's a cliche because we all feel it, not because the experience isn't actually persistent. so many of us have this ... fluttering urgency behind our ribs.
i'm not doing it for the money. for a star on the ground in some city i've never visited. i am doing it because when i was seven i started taking notebooks with me on walks. i am doing it because in second grade i wrote a poem and stood up in front of my whole class to read it out while i shook with nerves. i am doing it because i spent high school scribbling all my feelings down. i am doing it for the 16 year old me and the 18 year old me and the today-me, how we can never put the pen down. you can take me down to a subatomic layer, eviscerate me - and never find the source of it; it is of me. when i was 19 i named this blog inkskinned because i was dramatic and lonely and it felt like the only thing that was actually permanently-true about me was that this is what is inside of me, that the words come up over everything, coat everything, bloom their little twilight arias into every nook and corner and alley
"we're gonna replace you". that is okay. you think that i am writing to fill a space. that someone said JOB OPENING: Writer Needed, and i wrote to answer. you think one raindrop replaces another, and i think they're both just falling. you think art has a place, that is simply arrives on walls when it is needed, that is only ever on demand, perfect, easily requested. you see "audience spending" and "marketability" and "multi-line merch opportunity"
and i see a kid drowning. i am writing to make her a boat. i am writing because what used to be a river raft has long become a fully-rigged ship. i am writing because you can fucking rip this out of my cold dead clammy hands and i will still come back as a ghost and i will still be penning poems about it.
it isn't even love. the word we use the most i think is "passion". devotion, obsession, necessity. my favorite little fact about the magic of artists - "abracadabra" means i create as i speak. we make because it sluices out of us. because we look down and our hands are somehow already busy. because it was the first thing we knew and it is our backbone and heartbreak and everything. because we have given up well-paying jobs and a "real life" and the approval of our parents. we create because - the cliche again. it's like breathing. we create because we must.
you create because you're greedy.
#every time someones like ''AI will replace u" im like. u will have to fucking KILL ME#there is no replacement here bc i am not filling a position. i am just writing#and the writing is what i need to be doing#writeblr#this probably doesn't make sense bc its sooo frustrating i rarely speak it the way i want to#edited for the typo wrote it and then was late to a meeting lol#i love u people who mention my typos genuinely bc i don't always catch them!!!! :) it is doing me a genuine favor!!!#my friend says i should tell you ''thank you beta editors'' but i don't know what that means#i made her promise it isn't a wolf fanfiction thing. so if it IS a wolf thing she is DEAD to me (just kidding i love her)#hey PS PS PS ??? if ur reading this thinking what it's saying is ''i am financially capable of losing this'' ur reading it wrong#i write for free. i always have. i have worked 5-7 jobs at once to make ends meet.#i did not grow up with access or money. i did not grow up with connections or like some kind of excuse#i grew up and worked my fucking ASS OFF. and i STILL!!! wrote!!! on the side!!! because i didn't know how not to!!!#i do not write for money!!!! i write because i fuckken NEED TO#i could be in the fucking desert i could be in the fuckken tundra i could be in total darkness#and i would still be writing pretentious angsty poetry about it#im not in any way saying it's a good thing. i'm not in any way implying that they're NOT tryna kill us#i'm saying. you could take away our jobs and we could go hungry and we could suffer#and from that suffering (if i know us) we'd still fuckin make art.#i would LOVE to be able to make money doing this! i never have been able to. but i don't NEED to. i will find a way to make my life work#even if it means being miserable#but i will not give up this thing. for the whole world.
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tropicalcontinental · 3 months ago
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Human fear is the window to the soul or whatever ://
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kkoct-ik · 4 months ago
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some vaguely on model doodles as i try to work out what is wrong with them (what they look like)
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doomedclockworkdotmp3 · 1 month ago
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i thiiink hes soooo prettyabyway
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marclef · 2 months ago
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Day 24, ACTUALLY a week until Halloween now, spooky 👀
(aaaahhhhh been busy with stuff today so i'm a little late! it's STILL the 24th for me though so this counts!!)
but, today's is some silly little Fakelings, strange little goopy blobs that are extremely curious about the world and will shove just about anything into their mouths... so, not very different from normal babies, huh? 😅
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(we've seen 4 out of the 5 of these little ones grown up and out in the world now though.... i wonder which one of these is the last? maybe you'll find out, very soon.... 👀)
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mint-termsandconditions · 1 year ago
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Kirby and Bandana Dee’s Expedition to Toadstool Thicket
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Based off:
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Some world-building for Toadstool Thicket because I was bored:
In Toadstool Thicket, you’ll find many inhabitants here, such as:
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And most importantly:
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Many craps decided to move to Toadstool Thicket after wanting to do more than just falling apart and exploding in a Kirby sub-game in a Kirby spin-off game (Mass Attack, my beloved). Craps love living in Toadstool Thicket and will clean up whatever trash they find! Which usually means they self-destruct, destroying the trash but also themselves in the process.
Tree:
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Scientific name:
Arecaceae Muscaria
Other names include:
Palmstool:
The most common name for this tree is because it looks like a fusion of a palm tree and a toadstool.
Toad Trees:
Kids often call these trees Toad Trees, due to the Toad Trees having a large mushroom on the top of their base that can be bounced on. Most kids don’t know that toads can’t jump and frogs can.
Coconuts:
The trees mutated these coconuts to look and sometimes even taste like a mushroom. These coconuts evolved to no longer have their green outside due to their pattern being enough to ward off any animals. This energy that was used to make the green outside is now used to maintain their life expectancy. Due to the large mushrooms they host acting parasitic in nature.
Instead of there being a seed inside, there's a mushroom that has rooted itself in the meat of the shell. The mushroom seed makes the coconut dangerous to eat, but it's not impossible. With enough skill, the inhabitants of Toadstool Thicket learned to carefully remove the roots from the meat, allowing it to be consumed. The water, on the other hand, is much easier to prepare by filtering it through activated carbon.
The meat on the outside of the shell has the texture of a mushroom and the flavor of a coconut. The coconut water, on the other hand,  is more complicated. Depending on how big the mushroom in the coconut is, the water can have a broth-like taste to it. 
Notice the graph above:
Dot 1:
At dot 1, the mushroom is small, basically giving the coconut the classic coconut taste with barely any hint of mushroom.
Dot 2:
At dot 2, the mushroom is at its ideal size, the coconut water has a mushroom broth flavor with hints of coconut to balance out the saltiness of the mushroom. Perfect for any recipe that includes these coconuts. Chefs have killed to get the perfect coconut. It's also great bragging rights to say your dish is all natural and not modified to taste like the ideal coconut.
Dot 3:
At dot 3, the mushroom is large, giving the water a mushroom broth taste that's a bit too salty for anyone's liking.
Some dishes that can be made using the coconuts:
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The coconut shells can also be used in dyes and give off a lovely red to maroon color.
Bird Statues:
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These bird statues can be found everywhere in Toadstool Thicket. No one knows why they were made, but popular theories are:
-They were made to please their gods
-They were made in the image of their gods but were also used as guides to keep track of where you were in the forest
-They were made for their rulers who usually associated themselves with the gods.
But the even stranger thing about these statues is that there's a third version of this bird statue with longer wings but their heads are completely destroyed and with what researchers assume to be the beak, tucked under their wing. And unlike the other statues, are hollow.
There are three popular theories about what this statue could've been:
Theory #1:
They were large instruments designed to be performed for the Gods.
The reason for this is because the statue closely resembles a Bird God who is the embodiment of music and karma. This is due to its large wings and tail. There are also traces of DNA inside these mysterious statues.
Theory #2:
They were used to contain and filter water. This is because the statue could also resemble the Bird Goddess of water and life, who also had large wings and a tail. This one is the weakest theory of all three.
Theory #3:
They were used as coffins to respect and bury the dead. This is because (this is the final one) the statue could also resemble the Bird God of death. Along with the DNA that was mentioned earlier found inside the statue.
Alternatively, there's another theory that stems from the previous one that the statues were used for punishment. Forcing the person who has committed the crime to be trapped and sealed away in the statue until they die. This is because some people believe that the Bird God of music and karma is the same as the Bird God of death, making this an oddly poetic way to punish criminals. The DNA, and a more recent discovery that the old civilization was more strict on what was right or wrong with them having punishments being cruel and unusual, like eating a coconut with its shell on.
That’s all I want to say about Toadstool Thicket
I’m going to watch Over the Garden Wall now.
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kjzx · 1 month ago
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Miro missed an opportunity to make the other transmutation spell turn stones into bread omg
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bobombun · 10 months ago
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Seere is basically immortal in that he'll die if he's killed, but he won't die to old age. And he's the Hierarch because of an innate ability of his (prophetic visions) that I have no clue how it manifests in people. How long do you think he'll be the Hierarch? Do you think he would be kept as the Hierarch even when he no longer wishes to stay as such? After all, who could replace someone who receives prophetic visions of the future, and who has seen such peculiar events? And whose form makes Goddesses more likely to trust him and feel more at ease and not do anything hasty like Garden of Light kinda mentioned-
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ribbonknot · 7 months ago
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need a main kpop girlie to leave their company and succeed in a massive way that is also consistent
#the hope and pillar for me used to be sunmi but now she's almost exclusively only releasing singles#im praying it's going to be one of the bp girls#'cause we all know no members of twice are willing to end that contract anytime soon#but i do wish that these artists had the capacity and assurance that they could make it without their companies holding them hostage#i feel like there are kpop stars who are really in this for the art but just aren't being able to do what they could be doing#because of the image or brand or genre or concept that their groups are attached to#but i think that if a kpop artist did make it out of a group alive and well and flourishing – it could change kpop in a massive way#00#but then again sometimes i feel like it's futile to expect individuality to succeed in kpop anymore#the kpop ecosystem is literally built on copying and pasting whatever's worked before#(whether it be other kpop songs or songs/genres that are popular in the west)#these companies (esp the big 3/4) are obviously first and foremost concerned with earning profit !! so they'll block anything#that gets in the way of that#so i bet there were so many killer songs and ideas that were thrown out there that just never came to be because it wouldnt be commercially#- successful#all im saying is. its hard to expect idols to break free when they were literally TRAINED by these money hungry pigs for all of their lives#im sure the pressure to remain loyal is immeasurable#esp. when they control everything and could make or break you in a matter of seconds sigh
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kaisollisto · 9 months ago
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tried something new
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todayisafridaynight · 2 years ago
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every day i thank god for the like. one or two japanese minedai artists who make mine the embodiment of 🥺 while also still making him. mine.
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saltinesinsoup · 3 months ago
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going to go eat dinner and see how i feel about my roommate after
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spark1edog · 6 months ago
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im in a terrible mood today idk why
#punktalk#punkvent#i realized i forgot to ask my mom to give me a ride somewhere 2 days in advance so shes probably gonna say no#apparently my 3ds charger or the port is broken#which is kind of sad#so i need to ask a friend to lend their charger to the Diagnosing Cause#and im like. not mad about that im just kind of sad because if its broken that really fucking sucks. i bought it with my own money#for like my 16th birthday or something#and its also jailbroken#idk#also my laptop isn’t showing my cursor and i cant use the touchpad but it SAYS the tuouchpad is on so. it’s anyone’s guess ig#but there’s only one mouse in the house rn and it’s being used currently so i cant. test that#so i guess ill have to order a mouse or wait until it is out of use#i could ask but i dont want to deal with myself if the answer is anything but yes of course#which makes me feel very deflated. i dont want to be mean or shitty but im in a shitty mood so i Should TM not subject anyone else to it#idk im just in a weird mood#i do need to do my t shot#thats another thing#we dont have any groceries and my mom said shed do them yesterday but didnt#so ive already been waiting on my t gel prescription for a week and a half because she hadn’t gotten paid#and now that she did we still dont have any grocery OR my t gel#so i need to do my shot to get my funny juice and become normal again#and also im hungry for something that isn’t cereal or ramen or mac nd cheese#im going thru it with the First World Problems today aren’t i#i wish i were a real adult with like a car and real money and shit#but alas. minimum wage part time work be upon me#i kind of am just being lazy wrt my art stuff though that is on me#but can you blame me for not wanting to feed the instagram machine day in and day out just to make like maybe 50 more dollars through a year
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Daily "avoiding hopelessness" checklist
Hey, friends. I know I've been really struggling to look towards the future with any kind of hope, so here are some little things I've been trying to do every day that might help you, too.
Accept that your productivity might look weird right now. Don't expect yourself to act as if nothing is wrong.
Make art. I try to write something every day, even if I don't really feel like it, and I've found that once I get into it, I'm grateful I did.
Do something to plan for the future. Doesn't have to be big. Even getting some ice cream you know future you will thank you for counts.
Eat. Even if you're not hungry. I keep skipping meals because I don't feel like eating, and then I force myself to make something and realize I was absolutely starving.
Clean up one thing in your space. If doing all the dishes and sweeping the floors and putting away laundry all feel too overwhelming, try just doing one of those things.
Lean on your online and offline communities. I live in a county that voted trump by a margin of eighty percent. My world feels scary and hostile right now, and it's my communities that are helping me feel hopeful.
Try to find one thing that feels normal. One thing that feels safe and normal and helps you feel a bit more grounded. My local grocery store just got their shipment of chocolate oranges in for the season. That's my thing.
Try to find one thing to look forward to, no matter how small. My thing is checking my ao3 inbox for comments on my fics.
Love you all <3
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ayyy-pee · 6 months ago
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ℍ𝕚𝕕𝕕𝕖𝕟 𝔸𝕗𝕗𝕒𝕚𝕣𝕤
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Discord 18+ - Twitter
Pairing: Sanemi Shinazugawa x Female Reader
Summary: But you can see - in those deep violet eyes of his - three little words swimming behind them that he's been itching to say to you for quite some time now. You want to say them too, have for as long as you can remember. 
But you're both Hashira. It's already enough that you both keep towing this dangerous line, finding yourselves in this exact predicament more often than not.
or
Sanemi is just so down bad for reader.
Story Warning: Smut, Alley Sex, P in V sex, Profanity bc c'mon...it's me, Vaginal Sex, Jealousy, Jealous Behavior, Fingering, Unprotected Sex, Creampie, Sanemi being bad at feelings, Secret Flings, Secretly in Love, Sneaking Around, Some canon Giyuu hate from Sanemi, Reader is a Hashira too!
Art by: krit961 (Twitter)
A/N: This is my first time writing for this fandom ever, but the Sanemi brainrot has been so INSANELY strong I just had to write SOMETHING up. It's nothing crazy and I'm rusty because it's been awhile for me but ugh. THIS ONE IS FOR YOU SANEMI!!!! Also shoutout to @lemonlover1110 for helping me with the title!
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“We should head back…” You sigh, breaths coming rapidly. “Before…” A quiet gasp interrupts your words when you feel the sting of teeth sinking into your neck. “Before the others notice…”
”Fuck the others,” a gravelly voice growls into the juncture of your neck. Large hands grasp your thighs hard, holding them wide open as a hard form sits between them. “Don’t give a fuck if they notice, either. Maybe Tomioka will stop staring like a lovesick puppy if he figures it out.”
He buries his face further into your neck, grumbling against your skin. Something along the lines of “I hate that guy” and “I should gouge his eyes out”.
Your fingers slip into the snowy white tresses at the nape of his neck, gripping hard and pulling so that you can see his face. Pretty, long lashes cover hooded purple eyes that soften the moment they catch sight of you. The softness is such a contrast to the deep, pitted scars scattered along his face. But he’s beautiful all the same.
“Sanemi…”
At the sound of his name on your lips, he rolls his eyes. “If you’re gonna defend him–”
“Sanemi –”
“I don’t wanna hear it.” 
Your lips set into a deep frown, and Sanemi matches your expression, stubborn as ever. “What is your issue with Giyuu anyway?”
Sanemi scoffs, “Giyuuuuuu,” he mocks with a nasally tone. “Stop talking about him.”
“You brought him up!”
His mouth finds yours, rough and hungry, all consuming. It’s all teeth and tongue, nipping at your lips because he knows they’ll still be just swollen enough by the time you both get back. He’s marking his territory in his own way, as much as he can. Possessive and jealous, even when he knows he has no reason to be, no right to be. But he can’t help it.
You don’t belong to him, you don’t belong to anyone. Because you know it wouldn’t be smart to commit to any one person. Not in this line of work.
Sanemi has you pressed against the bamboo fencing in the darkest part of an alleyway, just outside of the Ubuyashiki Mansion with your legs wrapped tightly around his waist. It’s your usual meeting spot when you’ve been separated for some time, both of you too impatient to wait until the early morning hours when the Hashira meeting has finally ended to see each other.
“Fuck me,” Sanemi groans against your lips. He places an arm beneath your ass, holding you up as his other hand hikes your uniform skirt up to your waist. “Swear this gets shorter every time I see you.”
A giggle slips past your lips, because it absolutely gets shorter every time he sees you. You do it on purpose because you know it drives Sanemi up the wall to see little peeks of your ass and not be able to do anything about it. Makes him even crazier that he knows others can see it, too, and he can’t do anything but shoot death glares at anyone who dares to let their gazes roam. 
But you can’t let Sanemi know that. So you pout, laying your palms against his exposed chest and tracing his scars with your fingertips. You watch as his eyes flutter, sensitive to the touch. “You don’t like it? I can always request a change in uniform…”
Sanemi groans, leaning forward and kissing you hard. “Don’t you fuckin’ dare.” He presses his groin into your, evidence of his arousal against your soaking core. “You look so good in it.” His hand slinks between your bodies, thumb going straight to your clit, where he presses down, a shit eating grin spreading across his face when your back arches off the wall and you moan. “Look even better in it when you’re making that face.”
Your nails dig into his scars and Sanemi’s reaction is automatic, hips rocking forward roughly and now you’re both whining into each other’s mouths. You’re sure if anyone came across the two of you, you’d appear as this horny couple who couldn’t bother to wait until they got home to dry hump each other. And outside of the couple part, they’d be correct. Sanemi ruts against you, his erection running deliciously along your clothed cunt. Your lips slot together, tongues deep in each other’s mouths as Sanemi grunts into yours, and you keen into his.
There’s not much time to waste, you’re meant to be at the mansion soon. It would be suspicious if one Hashira, let alone two were missing when the Master arrived and if asked, the crows would spill your secrets in a heartbeat. You need to hurry. And Sanemi feels the pressure too. Even though he loves to annoy you pretending he doesn’t care about being late or cluing in the others on what’s going on, he would never disrespect the Master. 
Pausing his movements and leaning back to peer down at you, Sanemi sighs. He’s so painfully hard, his length throbbing within the confines of his uniform as he drinks in the sight of your kiss swollen lips, just the way he wanted them. And your face flushed, pupils blown wide as all hell with arousal. He’s sure he looks much the same, knowing you’re just as possessive as he is, though you hardly show it. It’s simply easier to hide your little territorial marks, the scratches you leave on him when they blend in so well among the rest of his scars.
Your fingers ghost along his chest, finding his nipples and you pinch the hardening buds, smirking when you see the way Sanemi’s eyes almost roll back. He can’t take another fucking second of this teasing. Not after he hasn’t seen you in who knows how long. He wants you badly that even your voice is enough to make him ruin his pants right now. It’s the semi-annual Hashira meeting tonight and he’s not willing to wait until Himejima is done yapping to have you.
Sanemi tugs at his uniform, getting his pants down just barely enough to pull his cock out. The tip is angry, red, just as desperate to be inside you as Sanemi. It glistens with his desire for you and you only.
“Gonna fuck you now, okay?” He tells you, hooking a finger into your undergarments and pulling them to the side. He runs his digits through your folds, hissing when he feels how drenched you are. It helps when he slips two fingers into you, mouth falling open when you throw your head back with a cry, your walls clamping around him. This Sanemi’s favorite part. Watching the way your brows knit together, how your pretty teeth dig into your plush bottom lip to bite back your moans, how your pussy makes the most lewd noises as he pumps his fingers into you.
You are glorious.
Always have been. It’s why he can never get enough of you. You’re insanely strong, clearly. You’re a Hashira, standing alongside him and some of the strongest in the corps. But you’re also blessed with a beauty that rivals every woman Sanemi has ever laid eyes on. He’s drawn to you in ways he cannot explain, ways he doesn’t need an explanation for. It’s why he hates catching the little glances from a certain other Hashira. Not that anyone knows what you two have going on, but all Sanemi knows is that he –
“Sanemi…” you whimper, eyes gazing softly at him. “Please. I need you.”
And he doesn’t need to hear more. His lips crash against yours as he swiftly pulls his fingers from you, gripping his length tightly and pumping himself. “How bad do you need me?” He asks. Because he needs you so fucking bad right now he can’t think straight. His mind is foggy, his body burns with his lust for you. 
“So, so bad, Sanemi,” you loop your arms around his neck, kissing him just as eagerly as he kisses you. “I need you more than anything.”
Sanemi groans, pressing the tip of his cock to your entrance. But his eyes never leave your face, even as the tip breaches your walls and makes him want to shut his eyes and focus on not cumming embarrassingly fast. He wants to see you, watch the way you lose yourself when he splits you open. The thought of it has him pulsing painfully in his hand. He rolls his hips forward, slowly, gritting his teeth when your wet warmth envelops him. “Still so goddamn tight for me,” he grunts. “Your greedy cunt is sucking me right in, fuck.”
Your nails dig into the fabric of Sanemi’s shirt, hanging on for dear life as Sanemi pushes deeper and deeper into you. As many times as you’ve been in this position with Sanemi, it always feels like the first time. He’s so long and thick, you have to adjust every time he slips into you.
“Oh my god,” you whine, and Sanemi pauses.
“You okay?”
“Yes…just…fuck me, please, Sanemi…”
He grips your thighs, pushing you back against the bamboo fencing to hold you in place. And then he thrusts forward, bottoming out in one swift motion and you both cry out in unison, the overwhelming pleasure making you both shudder.
“Fucking hell,” Sanemi sighs. He places his hands beneath your ass, keeping you still while he rears his hips back, only to slam back into you over and over. He pounds into your pussy at a relentless pace. Half because you’re on one hell of a time crunch, and half because he can’t help it. He feels animalistic when it comes to you, fucking into you mindlessly because it just feels so goddamn incredible. Every thrust feels better than the last, your warm walls clenching around him with each snap of his hips.
“I can’t go that long without you again…” Sanemi croaks, catching himself because he feels he’s getting too sentimental. “...without your pretty little pussy.”
“God, just say you missed me, you asshole.” You tell him, moving your own hips to meet his strokes. Though your words come out as more of this pathetic whimper than an actual demand and it makes Sanemi’s hips stutter. Just briefly. His hands on your ass lift you up before pulling you to sink back down on him.
Sanemi chuckles, leaning back just enough so that he can look between your bodies, watch the sticky strings of your slick connecting you, watch how his dick disappears. “Did you miss me?”
“Yes!” You cry when Sanemi hits a particularly tender spot. “Shit, I missed you so much, Sanemi.”
His brows rise, a little surprised by the confession, and a loud one at that. “Oh?” He kisses you hard, keeping his pace. Your confession turns him on more than he’s willing to admit. He missed you, too, though it’s harder for him to say so. Instead he fucks all of his feelings into you. 
How he misses you when you’re apart, because his thoughts are dangerously distracted wondering what you’re doing, who you’re with, if you’re alive.
How he wishes you’d be assigned missions together, so he could watch you tear a demon's head straight from their shoulders. Then find somewhere to stay the night so he can fuck you on every surface possible (He’s done this with you before. He wants to do it with you again).
How he wishes he could open his mouth and tell you how he truly feels.
But those feelings have always been foreign to him. Sanemi is lucky you understand his silence, that you accept his actions for what they are and let them speak for him. You accept everything he gives you happily. And as you tighten your legs around his waist, as you quietly let your pleasure be heard by him and him alone, as your walls clamp down around him with your release, convulsing and pulling him into you, Sanemi can only thank the Gods for every shitty circumstance that led him to you.
Does he deserve you? Probably not. Does he care? Absolutely not.
Because you chose him. This secret…whatever this is. Out of anyone in this world, you chose Sanemi.
And it’s enough to send him over the edge with you, gasping desperately for air as he tries to find your lips again. He closes his eyes, pushing himself as deep as he can as his release floods your walls. It’s so much, a build up over time and he knows his seed will be dripping out of your core before he’s even had a chance to pull out. It’s always this way. Because Sanemi doesn’t bother entertaining other women when he’s away. He only wants you. So the second he’s within the same vicinity as you, he has literally so much to give.
You never seem to mind.
Sanemi breaks the messy kiss, placing gentle, sweet pecks to your cheek before he leans back to stare down at you. That fucked out look on your face almost has him getting hard again. But you don’t have time for that, so he just watches you and you watch him. And he’s glad for the fact that you can’t see the way his mind is racing with only thoughts of you, thoughts of this feeling he’s buried so deep trying to claw its way up Sanemi’s throat.
But you can see - in those deep violet eyes of his - three little words swimming behind them that he's been itching to say to you for quite some time now. You want to say them too, have for as long as you can remember. 
But you're both Hashira. It's already enough that you both keep towing this dangerous line, finding yourselves in this exact predicament more often than not.
It's a little more than ridiculous actually, the way neither of you can resist sneaking glances, hiding touches, making excuses to leave on missions together. You and Sanemi…you're drawn to each other, your strings of fate knotted tightly together. It’s become impossible to leave each other alone. You don't think you'd be able to resist what you're doing even if you met as two civilians on the street. Hell, you couldn't resist each other all those years ago when you were low ranked corps members. 
Training was a confusing hell back then, every session filled to the brim with fury and a strange and thick tension neither of you could put your finger on until way down the line. It wasn't until one particular training session when Sanemi had you pinned to the ground, his strong hips pressing into yours, that you then understood what that tension was. The evidence was apparent in the way Sanemi's hard stare bore into yours, how the heat between your legs began to ignite when you felt Sanemi’s thick length pulse against you, how something akin to a whimper fell from his lips when his gaze snapped down quickly just in time to watch the hem of your uniform skirt slip further, enough for him to see the way your bodies seemed to just…fit.
Then his eyes were back on your face, your lips, now parted as harsh breaths escaped you. Your eyes, wide and wanting, peered up at him from beneath your lashes and Sanemi remembers this being the very moment he stopped denying what he had always known. You are breathtakingly beautiful. He also recalls this being the moment he knew he was done for. 
So when your hands found themselves placed against his not yet scarred chest, balling the sweaty fabric of his shirt in your fists…when he leaned closer and curiously rolled his hips against your clothed core and heard you let out the most captivating sound he'd ever heard, a sound he's been obsessed with since he's heard it…when he pressed his lips lightly to yours and you whispered into his mouth “I've never done this before”.
Yeah, Sanemi knew then that he was fucked. 
And though that night was not the night you'd given your virginity to Sanemi - that would happen years later - it was the night Sanemi tasted you for the first time. And he devoured you time and time again like a man starved. He would have you any way and any time that he could, if you allowed him. 
That was only the beginning.
Not much has changed in the years that you have been keeping up this arrangement with Sanemi. It's the only thing that you both keep coming back to, the only thing that feels solid. Though you both know it's stupid to feel as if anything in this line of work is not at risk. 
Every night that you lie awake, together or not, is a reminder. Every semi-annual meeting with the Hashira, mentally taking a headcount of everyone is a reminder. Every Hashira meeting without Rengoku, without Tengen is a reminder. 
Death is always standing just outside your door.
You can't afford to delude yourselves into thinking you can freely love and care for each other. Not until this thousand year war is over. Not until you are free to roam beneath the stars together without the scent of blood, the cries of pain and loss tainting the night. 
So, as you and Sanemi slip into the gates of the Ubuyashiki Mansion, your fingers brush together just briefly - a silent display of those words you dare not mutter aloud. You make your way to your respective places amongst the strongest of the Demon Slayer corps; you, next to Tomioka and Sanemi beside the Serpent Hashira. And while you quietly mingle with those around you before the Master appears, you miss the hushed conversation further down the line. 
“You reek of her,” Obanai remarks. Resting around his shoulders, his snake whips his tongue out at Sanemi in almost an agreement. 
“Shut up.”
“You're more tense than normal. Did you finally confess? Did she reject your advances?”
“I said shut up,” Sanemi growls. The chatter of everyone is already grinding on his nerves and your voice is not helping. He wants to look at you. See what - or who - has you giggling and speaking so sweetly that it's making him sick. It shouldn't matter. You can talk to whoever you want.
‘Except Tomioka,’ Sanemi thinks. But it's only because he's so clearly in love with you! He can't understand how you don't see it.
“Looks like Tomioka is making his move,” Obanai notes quietly, like he read Sanemi’s mind.
Sanemi can hear the teasing tone in his voice. The asshole is really getting a kick out of this. Even still, it's enough to have Sanemi’s gaze snapping over to you just in time to see Tomioka and you smiling sweetly at each other, nodding and whispering amongst yourselves. 
It shouldn't make Sanemi as upset as it does, just seeing you enjoy yourself with him, seeing him enjoy himself with you. Your smiles, your laughs, your kindness. It should only be for Sanemi. But you're a kind person…too kind. So kind you'd allow a monster like himself to fall in love with you.
Tomioka is much kinder, more understanding, better for you than Sanemi could ever be. 
And so, seeing you and him bond…Well, it fills Sanemi with a rage so hot he finds himself standing, eyes locked on the back of your head. You must feel it, his gaze beating down on you like rays of heat from the sun itself, because you fall silent and your head snaps around. Your eyes find Sanemi's immediately, gaze wide and questioning. 
Tomioka looks confused as well. ‘Good,’ Sanemi thinks. He can't wait to see the look on the Water Hashira's face when Sanemi does what he's been wanting to, but admittedly too scared to do for so long – claim you as his in front of everyone.
He lets the fumes of his anger fuel him, gritting his teeth so hard his jaw hurts. And then he's opening his mouth to speak, tongue on the roof of his mouth as all other chatter dies and the eyes of the other Hashira land on him. 
“I lo-”
“The Master has arrived!” Twin voices call in unison. 
And it's like muscle memory for every single Hashira, falling in line on one knee with their heads bowed as the Master approaches. His arrival extinguishes the fire that burned hazardously within Sanemi just seconds before, soothes the scorching left behind. His head is clear now, the reminder of why you both choose to keep your meetings between just you two evident.
You have a job to do. Defeating this evil comes before all things, even you. Though with the way Sanemi almost blew the lid off of your secret, he's not sure how much longer can go on without openly being with you. 
But it sparks something within him - a new fire. One that burns solely for one purpose. 
To defeat Kibutsuji Muzan…so that he can finally, and fully have you. 
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