#i'm just venting don't mind me

[silverloreley]

I'm having a second-hand anxiety attack because my brother has put himself in a mess (nothing illegal or anything, but it's going to be a huge deal here) and I have no idea how our parents are going to take it or even how to explain what happened without it all turning into a shoutfest, and I will likely have to help him fix it, provided it's fixable, and I'm trying to stay calm and not let it show but my head feels light and the last time I felt like this I fainted and I didn't need more problems now so idk what to do or how to calm down.

[plotholes-and-spellingerrors]

Addendum: Even when we talk about "The 1%", that means the top 1% of wealth; in the US, that's about $5.8 million https://content.knightfrank.com/resources/knightfrank.com/wealthreport/the-wealth-report-2024.pdf#page=15... which means that 99% of the US population fits within about 1.16% of one pixel.

But also... 1% of the US population is around 3.4 million AKA a little less than the population of Los Angeles CA https://www.census.gov/popclock/. But if you look at that graph, the range from $500 million to Elon Musk, that is, almost 100× the wealth necessary to be in the 1%, and the entirety of the graph minus 1 pixel, represents fewer than 2,500 people. That's 0.00074% of the US population. There are more people in Drumright city, Oklahoma than people who have more than $500 million https://www.census.gov/data/tables/time-series/demo/popest/2020s-total-cities-and-towns.html.

I'm sure the good people of Drumright, OK are fine, upstanding citizens, but would you call it a "democracy" if the political system were designed so that the mayor of Drumright could convince California to kill funding for public transit or take over one of the most popular websites? If about 15 Drumrightians could individually dictate global markets, take over important newspapers, and influence national economic policy or public opinion about trans people just by posting about it online, all without holding public office?

Yet we think it's cool and normal to organize our political and economic systems so that about 2,500 can absolutely hold that kind of power because they have the money to do so. AND it's a convincing argument for a lot of people that laws that impoverish them should be enacted because maybe they'll be in the 1% later, at which point the laws will make them wealthier.

"It turns out that if you put Elon Musk on the graph, almost the entire US population is crammed into a vertical bar, one pixel wide. Each pixel is $500 million wide, illustrating that $500 million essentially rounds to zero from the perspective of the wealthiest Americans."

- Ken Shirriff, Wealth distribution in the United States

[floofanflurr]

I! Am so tired of the infantilization of Papyrus. I'm so tired of the infantilization of autistic people, and autistic traits. I thought we were past this in this fandom... but NOPE.

I am absolutely NOT going to name any names, (especially because I don't think ANY of this is intentional!!! I don't think people are doing it on purpose!!! And I don't want to hurt people. And also because it's SO many people now. I see it all the time from so many different places. It would be impossible to list them all.)

But??? I am getting increasingly uncomfortable with the casual ableism in Papyrus fans, bloggers, and writers who don't even realize that's what they're doing. People who say they are against the infantilization of Papyrus.

(Sticking the rest of this under a cut so I don't clog any feeds)

I just!!!! It's all well and good to have your headcanons about Papyrus! He's a really mysterious character that we don't know a lot about! I'm not denying that! But I see SO many people just�� saying things like:

"Papyrus would NEVER do (insert autistic trait here) because he's an ADULT! CLEARLY it was a joke."

or

"People take him seriously or at face value when he does (insert autistic trait here) but he's not stupid???? Clearly it means something else-"

And so freaking many variations of that.

Just. Have your headcanons about what Papyrus means or doesn't mean. That's okay! If you think he's joking that's FINE! But PLEASE don't shit on other people and be so casually ableist by saying that he could never be these things, or that these things would mean he was stupid, or childlike if he ACTUALLY meant them or did them.

ITS LIKE. Taking the initial infantilization of Papyrus in fandom and spinning it on it's head so far it goes right back into infantilizing autistic people by just. REMOVING PAPYRUS'S AUTISITC TRAITS AFTER LABELING THEM STUPID OR CHILDLIKE.

"You're infantilizing Papyrus! CLEARLY he could never actually MEAN these things or do those things for real because he's an adult-" AND LIKE. BABE. THOSE THINGS ARE JUST AUTISTIC THINGS.

And just.

It's really really upsetting to see the traits that I personally relate to in Papyrus have people saying "he could NEVER actually mean/do that! CLEARLY it was a joke, or subterfuge or insert something else here-"(the very strongly implied "because only Children do that" is so clear it's nauseating) (And often stated, but just in slightly different language. "It's clear." or "Of course Papyrus wouldn't-" or "He's smart!" or "He's an adult!")

Most of the portrayals I see of Papyrus are wonderful. While I've seen this a lot in fandom, I don't think it's the majority of people who create or write, or blog Papyrus content. But it's a big enough chunk that it is incredibly worrying and upsetting.

I'm also not trying to wave away any level of subterfuge, or mystery that Papyrus has. Because he has a lot! And!!! He's a grown ass adult! (A HILARIOUS one who cracks a shit ton of jokes and is witty as hell.) Someone who is very sneaky about many things, and masks a lot, and is clearly hiding SOMETHING. Have fun theorizing about him, because there sure is a lot to theorize about! Sneaky, sneaky skeleton...

Just. While I'm not trying to change anyone's headcanons... It might be worth it to see if the Papyrus you create has been removed from all of his autistic traits that are deemed undesirable (a level of social ineptitude or not understanding others, routines like bedtime stories, and so much more) while only leaving the ones you think are quirky or fun (things like masking, or stimming with big, flailing gestures, special interest in puzzles, etc.).

And if that's true, why might that be?

If the answer is "because Papyrus is too smart/mature/clever/etc. to mean or do this seriously." then that is no longer an innocent headcanon. That is saying that people who DO have those traits aren't smart/mature/clever/etc. That is infantilizing autistic traits. (And yes! Autistic people can also do this by accident! I used to fall victim to internalized ableism that I didn't even realize was there, and I've seen other people do it, too.)

I was going to get into a more in-depth list of Papyrus’s traits that are autistic traits or could be caused by being autistic, and basically write an entire fan essay on the whole situation, starting from the beginning infantilization of Papyrus in fandom (equally as bad) and ending with where we're at now as Papyrus fans. (This right now is not an essay. It's a vent, and a plea. When I say essay, I mean with cited sources, properly structured... An actual ESSAY that would help people.)

But… I’m tired. I know it’s an accident in most cases. I know that most people probably don’t realize they’re calling autistic traits “stupid” or “childlike” or “papyrus would never because he’s not a child—“

And I know that this one simple post isn’t enough to explain how autistic peoples’ brains frequently work, or why these things don’t mean someone is stupid or childlike.

I know that without a thorough explanation there’s so many people that won’t realize that they’re doing this. And it’s certainly not as gentle as I wanted to be. I want to be kind, because I know that it's an accident, and that people aren't trying to be cruel or harmful.

But I’m just… tired. I’m so, so tired. It’s hard to gently explain to people that are actively harming you and your community why what they’re doing is hurtful.

Maybe someday I’ll actually write that essay, and I can include helpful tips on what autism can look like, or how Papyrus's differing things COULD be (not necessarily ARE) an indication or presentation of autism, and also some more tips on how to integrate some of Papyrus’s characteristics in different ways in a fic that keeps his wonderful autistic swag if that's what you want to do. Maybe I can delve into some more of the nuance of this discussion, of which there is much.

But right now I can’t.

If you're worried you might be doing something like this but you really do need an essay or more structure and specific writing breaking it all out, then. Well! I want to help people. If you have questions about what I said and genuinely want to learn, I can do my best to answer and help in an essay if there's enough questions, or in asks if its just a one off question.

(Though absolutely no promises. The entire discussion is draining and triggering, so... It's hard. Please don't be surprised if I'm unable to keep conversation about this going.)

I don't want to write the essay if it's not going to help anyone though. So… let me know. Maybe in reblogs. Just please not in my DMs. I'll turn on anonymous asks for the next month or so, and if people use them to be cruel, or confrontational, I will be taking that away again.

If you've made it this far... Thanks for reading.

...And, you know what? Shitty TLDR:

Papyrus is a grown ass man who can say fuck and be a bad ass bitch, and who can also be an autistic adult. These things are not mutually exclusive to each other.

Edit: Someone sent me a wonderful essay written by the-irken-pony about Papyrus and autism that was written in the earlier days of the fandom and Papyrus infantilization. (I have no idea how I haven’t seen this before.)

It’s not the current issue of “wow you became the thing you most sought to destroy (infantilization)” in Papyrus’s fan base, but it’s a wonderful breakdown of autism in Papyrus. It’s a good thing to read with this. You don’t have to accept the various headcanons as yours, but please take note of the various things that could be caused by autism. And then make sure that you aren’t calling those things childish.

[magentasnail]

Hey, how are you doing?

well I just started art uni and it's going so much worse than I expected,,, genuinely considering dropping out but that just makes me feel worse about myself !

so yknow, great !

[dead-core]

craving validation from exactly the wrong person. slay

[pandanomalous]

I didn't want to go into specifics, but because people are now trying to cause actual drama, this is about the weird surge of people who are saying disgusting things about rylan shippers while claiming their own rarepair (laura x ryan) is absolutely canon. Neither of these relationships are official, but one of them absolutely has a lot of writing indicating it's going in that direction and it's not the one involving the woman who is already committed to someone else. I'm not gonna go into the specifics on that; others have already done a wonderful job of explaining both dynamics much better than I could.

Look, I don't care what you ship, but when you waltz in and start personally attacking people who are creating amazing content and adding a lot of in-depth commentary and discussion to this community, you should expect some fucking pushback. This fandom doesn't "suck;" you're just wallowing in your own misery too much to see the good in it. Change starts with you.

TL;DR Stop hiding behind "canon" to defend your ad hominem attacks. Act like adults and ship your shit and don't be a weirdo about it.

P.S. You are absolutely not a misogynist who gets off on fetishizing gay men if you like gay relationships. Braindead take

I love my silly werewolf game where I can ship all of them together and even ship one person with multiple people without being weird about conflicting ships. Also if I don't like a ship I just simply ignore it and do my own thing. I love interacting with fandom positively ^_^

[phil-lestifer]

Had a 25 hour sleepover with my friends, came home and my dad talked to me about politics for 4 hours (can't leave or he guilts me into believing I don't care about his opinion) and then when I tried to tell him I was proud of myself for trying to fix my sleep schedule by aiming for 1am he called me a pathetic failure and refused to see how this made me feel awful and now I'm in bed with my cat how's everyone else's day gone?

[kiirous]

I just now figured out why I prefer not to read from the viewpoint of my favorite character, but rather from the viewpoint of the ship partner I read about. It's simple, really. I just want my favorite characters to be worshiped the way they deserve, and the best way to do that is by reading the viewpoint of their shipping partner. I do prefer to read my favorite character's viewpoint, though, when I'm in the mood to read about them suffering. Or it's none shippy.

[deoidesign]

I’m a trans man that recently got diagnosed with hyper mobile eds, so now seeing Steve makes me extra happy, because cool disabled ftm rep. Thanks for making the radical dude bro, he’s funky.

same disability (waving hand emoji)

Always extremely fulfilling to know my work makes people happy in some small way, it means a lot. Thank you for sharing with me

[2hoothoots]

i was having a chuckle to myself last night about Gristol, and how his plans are basically:

Restore Ford Cruller's memory

Find Maligula

???

Profit

but then... of course they are, right? this is Gristol we're talking about. Fatherland Follies drives home again and again that he's still operating on a child's logic, a warped and reductive version of the world that he never bothered to grow out of. both of his memory vaults center on the images of his childhood, this idealized version of the past that he clings to no matter what. and that's still how he remembers Maligula, too - as this saviour figure, who rushes in to help him when he's in trouble.

[ID: Two slides from Gristol's memory vault, Glory to Grulovia! Left: Gristol clings to Maligula's back as she summons waves to sweep away his assailants. Right: Gristol and Maligula waving from a balcony as the people cheer. Gzar Theodore brandishes a dagger in the background.]

like so much else, Maligula represents a return to this idyllic childhood - to the peace and simplicity of his youth, when he was free from worries and responsibilities. in his mind, he doesn't need to make any further plans - once Maligula's back, everything will go back to normal. Maligula will make everything better.

...is what i thought, but then i remembered this line:

[Screenshot source. ID: Gristol, in Truman's body, bows on his hands and knees in front of the newly-awaked Maligula. The caption reads: "Yes, High Priestess! I am here to correct the mistakes made by my father!"]

and that's kind of interesting, right?

to be clear: this happens directly after Maligula sees Helmut-in-Gristol's-body, and recognises him. her line before this is:

"Little Gzesaravich! Have you come to pay for your father's sins?"

my first thought was that Gristol hadn't expected to still be in Truman's body by the time he managed to find Maligula, and this was him trying to placate her and buy some time until he could explain the situation. but watching the cutscene back, that's clearly not what's happening here. Gristol is answering as himself, and his response of throwing himself to his knees before her is, as far as i can tell, genuine.

so what is going on here?

in Fatherland Follies, there's this line in the ride narration that stuck out to me:

"Why didn't the Gzar help Maligula in her time of need? No one knows, but historians agree - it is Gzar Theodore's biggest failure."

other lines mention Gzar Theodore's "mistake", and it's wording Gristol himself echoes in the screencap above. evidently, he believes that his father abandoned Maligula, leaving her to her fate at the hands of the Psychonauts, and it was that mistake that lead to them being driven out of the country - that mistake which he seeks to correct. maybe he even feels like he has a debt to repay to her for his family turning their backs on her all those years ago.

the 'High Priestess' thing, though - that's kinda weird, and threw me for a loop the first time i played the game. it took me until my second playthrough to connect the dots, and remember how the room in the Lady Luctopus - Gristol's room - was full of Delugionist scribblings and symbols.

[Screenshot source. ID: left, the walls of the hidden backroom in Gristol's hotel suite, covered in scrawlings of eyeballs and Maligula's name. Right, the pinboard from the hidden backroom. On its surface are photographs and newspaper clippings connected by pieces of string.]

i mean, look at this stuff! he had a whole conspiracy board and everything!

we learn very little about the Delugionists and their beliefs as a whole during the game, but i think drawing the connection here suggests two important things. one: that Gristol was in deep with this stuff. i don't know how he linked up with them - maybe via old family connections, or just good old-fashioned digging (we know he's skilled at worming his way into peoples' good graces, after all) - but it seems likely that he's begun to internalise their ideas, maybe even warping his own memories of events. and two: the Delugionists themselves are, if you'll pardon the pun, pretty far off the deep end.

like... i understand why PN2 didn't go heavy on the "mass-murderer cult worship" aspect of things, in the end, but man this is such a tantalising glimpse into the wider mythos around Maligula. Gristol is proud and haughty and thinks himself above everyone else; the fact that his first reaction seeing Maligula is to throw himself to the ground at her feet says so much about the way he's come to see her. he's not just trying to bring back Maligula, his childhood bodyguard. he's trying to bring back Maligula, the High Priestess of the deluge, the semi-mythical figure whose supporters believe even death couldn't stop. he doesn't even flinch at the way she confronts him, and maybe it's because he's bought in so completely to this deified figurehead, this idea of Maligula; more a living force of nature than a person. and it all comes back to the same place: an abdication of responsibility, not just to the person who protected him when he was little but to this avatar of floods and destruction. Maligula will make everything better.

i'd write more about my thoughts on the Delugionists but that'd be taking a hard turn into speculation, and this is already kind of long and rambling so i'd better end it here. but what an unexpected and evocative line, right? it's some of the only stuff we have to go off of regarding the Delugionists as a whole, but i think it does such a good job of hinting at the wider story - at teasing another layer to the mythos surrounding Maligula, one whose ripples we see throughout the game but which never quite breaches the surface.

[suddencolds]

.~

[entirelysein-e]

Turning anon off for a few days. I'm literally not on tumblr atm except earlier when I posted twice please leave me alone 🥹

[venacoeurva]

I do gotta say that I'm glad I have the privilege of parents supportive of me not wanting kids and being sterilized on top of having reproductive choices in general, I've talked about it with them before. At first as a teen and young adult they were the standard "Probably wait to see if you change your mind before anything permanent but you know yourself better than anyone else" reaction

but aside from me being firmly in the same camp since I was like 3 (I despised being around babies even though I was like. 2 years older than them lol, even as a preschooler my ass was being overstimulated and grossed out by them), lacking a nurturing reaction to them beyond the baseline "is this child safe? Do they need help? They are fine? Okay," and me not so subtly telling my mom if I was the sole parent to a kid I KNOW I would lose my mind and end up on the news and with a murder charge (assuming I didn't kill myself upon finding out) hence why I want to assure it never happens,

I think them watching way too many people we know have kids they don't want and the kids know it who then grow up to do the same thing and/or the bandaid baby did NOT save the relationship cemented that "YEAH WE'RE FINE WITH YOUR DECISION. PLEASE NONE OF THAT" attitude

[uhbasicallyjustmilex]

me facing off against the same paragraph for the third night in a row:

[solei-eclipse]

okay. hello guys. my bad for not responding to stuff or being as active recently, had a lot of work to be done and other stuff to focus on that took a lot of my time. I wanted to make more art, but I unfortunately had to put that energy into other things (which got to the point where I could not put them off any longer and had to stay working on it). I know I missed a lot of stuff and I'm sorry for it

[statusquoergo]

why do people post anti-ship things in the ship tag? why would you do that? why are you coming into my house to criticize the furniture? "so my post reaches more people!" no but for real like. get the fuck out of here.

seriously, what do you think you're accomplishing? a poll about darvey is not going to reach the right audience in the marvey tag. not to say there aren't people who ship both, but the venn diagram has a very small area of intersection compared to the sizes of the respective fandoms and you are much more likely to annoy and/or piss people off. and, i dunno, i have this sneaking suspicion that even people who are fans of both don't go into the tag for one of them when they want content for the other.

also, thinking that marvey fans are on drugs because mike and harvey "were like brothers" is...fine, i guess? as an opinion? i mean it's a little rude, seems kind of unnecessarily aggressive, but if that's the level of passion you have for your perspective, well, congratulations on your life choices. kindly get the fuck off my lawn.

...i've not been having a great week.