#i'm just really tired of it here man
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I know that I wasn't ready at the time and it's really unhelpful to just dwell on things you did in your past that you can't change, but man it's sometimes hard not to think about how much I regret just not having gone to a four-year university right after high school so I could finally get away from home and my current situation that was and still is making me miserable and then proceeding to fail my community college classes because I was depressed
#hard not to feel like a total fuck-up eh#i guess everything comes full circle#i'm just really tired of it here man#i feel like there's nothing for me here and that i've just kind of been letting myself endure the same shit for years now#like i've lived in the same house since 2012 and the same bedroom since 2014#time for a change#my family's really not great and i guess my mom can be alright but my dad and my brother are just straight-up rotten people...#...and i would just really love to be away from them for good (even though my parents are divorced and i hardly see my dad)#i just really don't have anyone here so of course that's isolating and has made me really yearn for a change#i mean i have a few friends but i don't really fit in with them or see them very much so i don't really get included in anything...#...and then when we do have a plan to do something usually it just ends up not working out because no one's free at the same time#and i know i suck too because a couple times ago i said i couldn't hang out but really i just didn't want to hang out with them#i guess that's not a good sign though because why wouldn't you want to hang out with your friends#plus why is it that every 'friend group' i've had in my life has been exactly like this and full of people who don't care about me lol#on a different note pretty much everyone in my town and even in surrounding towns is or seems stuck-up as hell lol#like we get it your parents are rich great no one cares#i'm normally overly sentimental and nostalgic but if it were possible for me to just leave here right now i would in a heartbeat#i remember when i was a high school senior i got accepted to this school that was across the country and it's like shit...#...maybe i should've just forced myself to get over my fears and gone there#my plan now is to actually complete another year of CC classes (i'm basically just starting over) then transfer to a four-year#but i'm gonna try and not fuck it up this time#i'm seriously still angry at myself for having totally wasted an entire year but can't change that now either#sorry for another stupid teenage angst sounding rant#i like to get things out sometimes even if it just falsely makes me feel like i actually accomplished something#personal#txt#rants#vent post
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One of my first digital pieces (2010) versus one of my recent ones (2024)
We all start somewhere!
#picked these cause they're in a similar pose lol. i mean not at all. but sort of... more than my other art at least...#oh fuck im so tired im saving this to drafts and coming back later#my anxiety meds wipe me the fuck out so im trying not to take them in the day#and they're like legit borderline a sleeping med for me. i take one and in 30 mins im OUT.#so I'm. i mean i was already only taking 1-2 in the day and then 2-3 at night#anyways it makes me sad when people say they dont have an artistic bone in their body#and especially when they say they could never draw like me :(#dont put yourself down to lift me up! i don't want my art to be used for you to be mean to yourself!!!#lots of experiences of people comparing themselves to me and being mean to themself...#feels bad. it's okay if you're slow it's okay to be learning it's okay!!!#I'm me and you're you and we're here to learn from each other. i just wanna hang out..#y'know what I'm just gonna post without saying anything i WILL forget I made a draft#i have so many things i intend to post and then forget#it's a wonder I post anything#i only do it when i get bored. and run out of stuff to scroll through#like whelp. guess if i want a post I have to make one myself.#also the second one is really good idc that it's a study i still drew it#art growth#this was in 2010 btw#i started highschool in 2011#I've grown a lot and you can too.#also I've never really been one to dislike my old art. like idk I was trying... if it's bad I just won't look at it whatever#like i wouldn't be mean to someone else who made that so i don't get a free pass to be mean just cause it's to me#man my thoughts are bungled. okay sleep time#if my phone made typos you didn't see it
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Alright. I really didn't want to make this post, but it's one week before the next Trigun "deluxe edition" drops (Oct. 8th), and Dark Horse hasn't addressed the plethora of printing and text issues despite the very loud response on social media and the reviews on storefronts. If you don't want them to keep making cheap cash grabs and want a quality release, consider canceling your order.
I know all of us who missed the first print run are desperate for this manga--me too! Of course you don't have to listen to me, I'm some just guy on the internet. It's just, to me, the corporate greed of this is upsetting. The basic ask is that they do a quality check and proofread. That's it. They already knew the peeling gold on most copies was an issue, and they had the rights to change the text to add ellipses and sfx/translation notes.
Regardless of any discount, it's $50 MSRP for this, and I just feel like Nightow and his work deserve better. I don't know if we'll ever get that with Dark Horse, but I would hate myself if I didn't try.
#Trigun Deluxe Edition#Trigun#*jazz hands*#Do what you gotta do#I'm just tired man#I maybe shouldn't complain considering I'm broke and have a million things wrong in my life rn#At least this saves me money lol#But man...#I'll continue to not post about this really often here don't worry lol#This is my last hurrah for the first volume#Idk how much I'll see about the next volume#Since a lot of people are just tired of this crap#Regardless of if they're buying it or not#Anyway
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Apparently in my absence this post had its 1000-notes-iversary.
This time we get to see the culprit responsible for ruining our heroes' lives as well.
I've really missed you guys, by the way. I know I've said that already, but I'm serious. Once or twice this year I've been right on the brink of coming back but schedule stuff always keeps me from letting myself commit to that again, and that in turn has kept me from posting anything at all. But I've been in an unexpected drawing mood lately and so if I can get enough stuff to set up a queue we might pretend I'm back for a month or so sometime this year. Maybe. Hopefully. We'll see. No promises though. That's why I'm hiding this paragraph under the cut.
Transcription:
[Beren:] "Uhhh...barkeep...I think he's had enough now..." [Tolkien:] "No, I don't think he has...!"
#beren#bilbo#frodo#tolkien#túrin#the man the myth the legends#beowulf except everybody is short#one shiny#three shinies#everyone deserved better except mîm#what's this a happy ending#my trash#is this actually funny or am i just tired#i'm sorry professor tolkien#/end classification tags#túrin keeps becoming a bigger and bigger guy in my drawings and at this rate he's going to be way taller and broader than he should be#canonically he was really tall and broad but i don't think the professor meant like THIS#at least it makes him really distinct i guess#gonna be sufficiently intimidating for the dagor dagorath#but in the meantime he's just making beren look like a schoolkid in this doodle#(and as i'm sitting here writing these tags i suddenly realize i forgot túrin's white hair streaks again)#(tsk tsk shame on me)#(and didn't it say somewhere that beren's hair also turned grey...? i can't remember where it said that though)#(0 for 2 i have failed all of us)#ANYWAY in my absence tumblr apparently changed formatting again which is not cool but whatever#it's nice to draw again#i've had art block for like 9 months straight#and suddenly this month i suddenly was able to write AND draw again as if i never stopped#i've had writer's block since maybe 2021 so that was the most surprising part#weirdest thing ever but i'm not mad about it
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😭😭
#got tired of wishing someone would gif princess patt (aka the woman whose face card never declines)#so I decided to contribute with my own#shitty screencap posts (TM)#because this bit!!!!!#I know we're all here for anin and pin but this relationship is also v v important to me your honour#I love a good 'dna doesn't make a family love does' situation#(I know princess patt actually IS pin's aunt but you know what I mean)#and I love how you can tell how much she genuinely loves pin and that she really took it upon herself to raise her as her own#which shows in the fact that pin has become an amazing young woman (who has my dream job! you go girl!!!)#and idk man I'm emo :((((#also I was really hoping this scene would end in a hug because they don't seem to ever do it#so it just made me so happy all around#I would die in a battlefield for them#(but seriously CAN WE TALK about how beautiful princess patt is I want to claw my face off#ma'am... I am a weak lesbian please have some mercy)#the loyal pin
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He is a creature to me do you understand?
@lindentree @helsknight-daily
#spazzcat doodles#lindentree#helsknight-daily#helsknight#hermitcraft#helsmets#dragon!helsknight#i am tired and sore and i am coping with my new favorite wing-man#i was thinking really hard last night about how tired i am and it got me thinking about how sometimes you get so tired all you wanna do#is sit down and then i thought about how that would apply to wings and suddenly people with wings sounds like an olympic sport to me#could you imagine the energy it would take to hover#sure gliding on wind currents conserves energy but it's still the equivalent of holding your arms outstretched for a long time right?#anyway take all the scary what if you got tired stuff and flip it you know how after you get out of a pool and you've been swimming all day#you're just absolutely ravenous#what i'm getting at here is i bet you he descends on unsuspecting gas stations and makes off with all their snacks#the hermits wake up see helsknight and grian have broken in just to steal their high calorie chips and fuck off#that's it that's my vision
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i wanna scream at the perisex trans people on my post so badly. like yes you do make good points but you're coming onto my post that was first and foremost about intersexism in trans spaces and framing yourself as having a stronger vantage point to criticize the tme/tma dichotomy than intersex trans ppl.
like it's not that you're wrong, it's that i made that post specifically to vent my frustrations about how perisex trans people looove to ignore the concerns that intersex trans people have about the black and white language they use. and then you came onto my post and basically said 'well as a perisex person, i can confirm that your concerns are valid' as if intersex people need perisex validation in order to discuss or vent about intersexism
#i kinda just wanna turn reblogs off but i'm not going to. i'm just tired of perisex trans ppl man#i know i'm being pretty incoherent here but i don't really know how to word it without implying that they're Wrong#because the thing is that their points aren't wrong!! it's their dismissiveness of the original post's intent that's the problem#just another day of being vocally intersex online i guess#lelei speaks ★#intersexism cw
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Back to what I do best (bare minimum Putting My Guys In Situations shitposts) 😌
Inspo under cut!!!
#fire emblem#feh#got so mad at my other thing i finished this one out of spite.#this shitpost is also what spurred on my recent fairy posts! really really funny and unironically cool#how shitpost redraws can just. help you get a better feel for a chara and/or their dynamics w other charas#or in this case makes you REALLY think about them like!!! yeah haha funny plumeria hatemail#but like how am i gonna draw her actually? how am i gonna portray her? i need to figure these things out as i go#which led to my redesign and oops! uh oh! she's in my brain now. she's taking on a life of her own.#i def needed the break/detour though... if i ever want to get to my fairy lore i have to. develop the fairy lore.#also kind of fucked up and evil i think i finally hit a point where i was tired of drawing alfonse. insane.#to be fair... that other project i've been working on.... has hands.#again just a much needed break/shifting of gears. it was a lot of fun!!!!!#this was a rush job though i will admit that. again. finished out of Spite.#okay okay now that i'm done complaining. about the piece itself i feel like i have to say#THE CHARACTERIZATION... IS SO PEAK SILLY HERE I LOVE IT SO MUCH. ESPPP SHARENA#sharena just being a yes man to moe. bc they're besties she HAS to be in its corner and defend its good name!!! 😤😤😤#moe just. being oppositional just for the sake of it. guy who loves to just Say Things so long as it gets a good reaction.#(CAN GO. SO POORLY FOR IT.)#alfonse.#i just loooove... putting guys in situations... it's soooooo fun#fe plumeria#sharena#fe alfonse#moe tag#summoner oc#my art#my comics
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Okay Here Is The Problem: everything costs money and yet money is something that i just literally never have. solution? kill the idea of money so that nothing costs anything Please. i'm so tired
#despite making more money w/ my commissions than ever before this year#i am still. not able to save up literally even one (1) single penny of it bc of bills#i have to make like 600 every month just to break even at like 5 dollars in my acct#please i am so fucking tired#i want to get myself things and do shit#i want to buy things for archie and jack's dog and for the house so that things are better for all of us#i want to be able to afford snacks more than once every three months like if i maybe want a bag of chips#instead of saving up for three months and going 'yeah okay 5 dollars for a normal sized bag of chips is finally worth it' ?????????????????#why the fuck are chips so expensive that is potatoes and spices and like all of it is automated hello?? what are we fucking paying for?????#ANYWAYS.#i am just fucking. Tired#due to recent events I was like#'okay how much are dog treadmills.... oh. i see. i will never be able to afford that even after three years saving. got it'#there are five hundred fundraisers on my dash (BARELY hyperbole) every single day and everybody needs help#so i COMPLETELY get people not having a ton of disposable funds this isn't me complaining about that i'm just.#i wish that i sometimes had money so that i could MAYBE save anything up or y'know. have ANYTHING to show for it#bc right now i am working full time at this job (commission/freelance artist and adopt maker etc) and making like maybe 4 dollars an hour#which is great bc when i started i was only getting about $0.11 an hour but like. that's still not. Good. For all the time i put into it#but due to circumstances and situations this is about all i'm physically and mentally able to do here and i LIKE doing commission but it's#not really. getting me anywhere and i just want to afford things finally.#i'm 27 and everything i own fits in one room and almost all of it was gifted to me for free bc i couldn't afford to get it on my own#delete later i'm just so tired man
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VARGASTOBER - day 1 : edgar vargas
#vargastober2023#vargastober#THESE ARE LIKE SO RUSHED BUT I REALLY WANTED TO DO SOMETHING .....#the rest of these probably will be small doodles too .... i don't have time for anything else ughhh ugly crying#ALSO i want to thank everyone for the support i got today ! WOAH SO MANY NOTIFICATIONS !!#everyone here is so sweet i love this fandom ...#i'm like actually super excited over this project even though i know i won't have the time to make something pretty and detailed .....#i hate school so much ugh#but for now .... here .... *hands you this drawing* have this .... i hope it's enough .#ohhh he's so dear to me . like . for real .#fun fact i know almost every line of his part on issue 2#i just keep repeating it !! it's fun to say the dialogues out loud !#i went to a party today . oh so tired .#really stressing days ! sighhh .#LET'S JUST PRETEND IT'S STILL OCTOBER 1ST OKAY .#man i should be sleeping . see you tomorrow .#hope i can do at least a small doodle for nny . sighhhh !!#vargas#vargas zarla#edgar vargas#zarla s#doodles#sunny's art
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Also I quit my job of what would in about a month or two have been 10 years, and perhaps now I will get to actually be a human being again.
#honestly? honestly?#last week i told the two (2) godawful egomaniac lab head Man In Academia bosses i quit and that we need to formalise it asap and i just#felt like a little feather about to float away on a breeze#maybe now i can do normal people things like eat and sleep and have a routine of some sort idk#i have been slowly losing it for at least 3-4 years now#i took a screenshot and last year i had no fewer than 14 fucking travel orders fulfilled#most of which consisted of like 12+ hour days on ships and docks#i'm just so tired man#not for reblogging obviously#i don't really wanna vent anymore or ponder them and the entire godforsaken institution but like#good riddance tbh#which is really really sad when you think about it! but here we are#it was just... no trace of future anywhere to be seen! entirely a Void!!#gonna post a beefy lesbian paladin real quick to push this post down lmao#but i felt like sharing because i know there's good and concerned people who follow me here and i both appreciate and miss you all#and lord knows some of you have been listening to me vent and whine for ages#am i going to miss some great people and the research community of my field? of course but also it was all just completely unsustainable
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i saw you were reposting some of the SU videos you had made and i was wondering if you could repost the Sky Full Of Song one? it was one of my favorite edits ever and i had been wondering what had happened to it/if it had been copyright claimed
Sky Full of Diamond Song
You heard something--from the sky, a sound… a song?
man, I didn't even know this one had gotten blocked, haha. QuQ Here you go, anon!
#Steven Universe#Splickedyvids#SU#Rose Quartz#Pink Diamond#Pearl (SU)#Amethyst (SU)#Garnet (SU)#Greg Universe#I still always think ''Be careful oh my Diamond'' when she says ''Be careful oh my darling''#I do really like this one#a meditation on the nature of Pink running away and why.... 'i'm so tired now' and then 'leave me where I lie' (aka: in my son)#it's escapist! it's selfish! it's also a really understandable way for a character arc to progress anyway here's this lol#VERY proud of the various refrains of 'I want you so badly but you could be anyone' haha#such a theme in her relationships agh#man I wish tumblr didn't always manage to like just slightly mess up my timing
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25 Vox expressions and a couple alternate ones under the cut :D
Confused + Sillyyyy!!
for the first one, i wanted the practice of drawing a confused face, not just a joking loading circle, so here's a bonus expression i'm happy with :)
OKAY, SO THE CLOWN EMOJI WAS SUPPOSED TO BE FOR "SILLY," BUT I JUST KEPT GETTING "OH HE IS ABOUT TO MURDER SOMEONE" VIBES. SO THIS IS A FANTASTIC ALTERNATE "SARCASTIC" EMOTE
fun side note: i didn't realize just how sarcastic Vox is until i STRUGGLED to not draw from memory his faces from his lines "Oh God here I go. Valentino. just another fUckin' day with Val" (ep 2) or "Oh, it looks like your little hotel didn't work out so well" (start of ep 8). (when i told a friend this, they delighted me by gleefully saying, "There's not a genuine bone in his body") (ALSO HI @clownmoontoon THANK YOU FOR THE SILLY CALLS) (...AND IT'S SO LAME THAT YOU CAN'T TAG SOMEONE IN CAPS LOCK)
#hazbin hotel#hazbin hotel vox#hazbin vox#hazbin hotel vees#hazbin vees#...is that it#have i Done The Tagging#idk man lol but here he be.#did this as prep/study for a project i May Or May Not Complete. and i'm just as surprised as anyone that#it features Vox and not Lucifer lol#rexan's art#I REALLY WANTED TO HAVE THE SCREEN OFF FOR 'HOLLOW/BLANK' BUT I'D ALREADY DONE TWO 'NO FACE' JOKE EXPRESSIONS JSQFKSKKS#(for confused and tired)#(also turns out another person [valc0] who did these expressions for Vox did the 'blank screen' joke. bUT IT'S SUCH A GOOD JOKE QJKSFKSKKS)#-RIPS THIS LOSER APART WITH MY TEETH- (AFFECTIONATE)#...just realizing that with the thumbnail pictures getting smaller and smaller in each row it looks like an eye exam#i want Vox pictures in my next eye exam
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Under the cut are mostly self-insert doodles of decreasing quality. Again, not much directly tied to Team Fortress 2. Might as well toss these out while I have no access to my puter. Much yapping under the cut and in the tags incoming.
Another self-insert, this time less of a "here's me as a tenth class" and more of a "here's my game experiences translated into the class I would take the place of". The Cleaner. Although I guess they could still be wearing either suit. It doesn't matter that much.
That one Convict's Case taunt with Backup would be extremely funny, because the man would be on the verge of a breakdown (he does not want to go to jail so bad you have no idea). The second image- I owe no explanation. You know what I am. You see the pattern with my favourites.
The duality of the man. Resting face versus "just heard you express interest in religion/Russian folklore" face. He's not that hard to make friends with, when you pull him away from all the explosions.
Some doodles of trying to figure his face out. Unfortunately, the more I stare at him, the more I worry that he looks like A Certain Guy With The Last Name "Kazarin", and the fear of never being original in my life caught up to me.
Don't look at me, don't perceive me, I refuse to explain any of my actions to you.
#team fortress 2#tf2#that's it that's the only tags i am putting this in. maybe someday i will have the balls to do more but for now that's about it#while i have the chance - and since posts with more of my yapping in the tags don't pop in people's feeds much - i might as well ramble-#-about these guys here. self-inserts or not i'm projecting only half of my bullshit on each one of them. creativity 👍#backup is tall and pale and has sharp canines and more of a dull brown hair colour with tired grey eyes. no amount of babyface or soft-#-hands can really help a motherfucker when he's grimacing so much because he just Hates being around half the people on the team.#cleaner meanwhile is on the shorter side and has constantly flushed skin and brighter colours and whatnot. you can't see it because of the-#-mask most of the time but they do smile a lot more and have a more cheery disposition towards life and see the whole team as their friends!#backup transitioned fully (albeit not very legally lmao) and is scared shitless of not being seen as a man although the last time that ever-#-came up was years ago. he holds onto his last name as part of the heritage he loves and loathes at the same time - attached to his culture-#-and religion and bloodline while also resentful of his family and the regime he knows someone else on the team suffered under.#cleaner just kinda binds and calls it a day. he only does it to confuse the team because while he doesn't identify with being a girl he-#-loves the confused looks his epic gender reveal moment gets. they do not remember their family name or where they grew up or what even got-#-them to this kind of mental state. and he's chill with it he values the here and now way more than some dark edgy backstory.#backup despite trying to be an honest man is afraid of vulnerability as well. he stubbornly refuses to express love towards certain people-#-lest they feel disgusted and turn away. he's afraid of consequences afraid of losing the people he loves afraid of his ''interests'' being-#-what drives them away. it doesn't by the way and he just wasted time being a cold indecisive loser for several months lmao#cleaner wears a suit that hides all of them yes but they pretty much never lie. he is always his truest self and he can always just burn-#-people who don't like him enough to make it a problem. they are a lot more comfortable indulging in their interests - be they innocent-#-and juvenile or violent and dangerous. he is quite open with his affection and his fascinations that backup would rather keep secret.#i want to establish that these two can only exist in separate universes because they both have feelings towards the funny assistant lady-#-and the funny inventor guy (selfshipping for the winnn) and would fight over those two. cleaner would win by the way#it's also a really funny point of comparison. cleaner is objectively more fucked up than backup and still managed to be more normal about-#-their feelings and live as a healthier and happier person than that guy. comedic gold honestly#OKAY I'M DONE if you read up to here you get uhhh a cookie :-)
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"Chainsaw Man is ugly". Yeah, I think that's kind of the point, actually. Hell, I think the griminess, the ugliness of it, is actually what adds substance and character and feeling. Like. Whatever. You don't like it. You think it's ugly. Fine. Okay. What I can't really understand is... Why is that a bad thing?
#chainsaw man#bri blabs#i saw a post#i don't know#i really really like the stylization of csm#i love fujimoto's faces#i love that they're 'ugly'#i love that they're not super clean and polished#hyperrealism is tired to me#i've read some fucking great western comics here and there and it's not like i'm going 'thing japan! :O'#it's just good to my sensibilities it is so style and shape it's 'ugly' and unclean but i think that's what makes it good and beautiful#when everything is clean lines and hyperrealism i just get tired like yes sure it is so perfect and realistic but where is the heart#where is the feeling the emotion where is the fucking blood#you're pulling up a comic page as an example of 'good art' and sure it's vivid and pretty and realistic but the face gives me nothing#it was just flat and sure it's pretty and sparkly but more than that it's boring#it's too clean it's too bright it's flat it's shiny it's pretty looking but there's no just no feeling behind the face so it's nothing#who cares if it looks pretty when there's no feeling?#that's something i can't understand
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wink blink look !!
#art#my art#artists on tumblr#digital art#sona#ouuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuhgghhhh#am i RIGHT guys hfhvs#:33#//not many thoughts recently#not many thoughts for a while actually lol#must've talked myself weary! huh!#/let me try at this though - i feel like i have some little part of my brain that's all stopped up#it's been like that for a minute !#/ah but a question - do you ever stand by a bit of forest and hear what are distinctly Whispers ?#i know it's definitely the wind but it's fun to think it's anything else lol :>>#ghosts or fairies or the road down the hill for whatever reason#/oh and speaking of hearing i got a weird + shrill + loud tone in my ear the other day and it just didn't happen again#a sudden EEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE and then it stopped lmao#funky stuff man. wonder what's up with that hfhs#//anyway i'm working on my artfight references rn lol :)#i've finished one! what a miracle!! hfsh-#it looks a lot better than the one last year like Wow. don't think the same person made these you know what i mean hfh#//ah i've also started using padlet for realsies this time :>#it's a neat spot - it's gonna be great to just have the palettes i need on another device loll#that's the biggest problem i have on this planet! having to scroll my blog for palettes is not the most fun thing hfsh#/anyway gonna get back to it!!#i'm sort of tired but i Really wanna make kira and hid's this yearrr#they are very ~+~+~ <3 ~+~+~ to me lol :>>#so toodles ! here i go again hfhsv
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