#i'm good at that and i love sharing it with people
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archangeldyke-all · 3 days ago
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Consider the following cuz I think it's funny:
Sevika with a gf who's just... Kinda dumb? Just kinda ditzy and airheaded and it's kind of a miracle that she's still in one piece. Just a bit of a bimbo but goddamn does she love Sevika with everything she has.
-🌙
okay as a blonde who definitely has my fair share of Blonde Moments i love this l;askdjflskj
men and minors dni
sevika loves you so much.
so much.
she would kill for you. she would die for you. she would even wear matching pajamas with you-- that's how much she adores you.
that being said... sevika has to admit that sometimes you can be a little... clueless...
you aren't stupid! you're constantly reading and learning, watching documentaries and sharing interesting scientific facts with sevika. you're a whiz in the kitchen, always making delicious meals and treats, and you're incredible with couponing and keeping your grocery bill within budget. in sevika's eyes, you're one of the smartest people she knows...
but... sometimes...
sometimes, you can be a bit of a ditz.
you're horrible with directions. sevika's watched in horror many times while you hook a right, completely confident that you're headed left.
"babe, the bar's this way."
"you said left!"
"use your hands, babe..."
"...oh." you mumble, scratching the back of your neck in embarrassment as you turn around and start headed the correct way. sevika cackles and wraps an arm around you.
"where would you be without me?"
"wandering by the docks, probably."
"the docks are south of here, babe."
"yeah, south." you say, pointing east. sevika groans.
she gifted you a compass keychain for your birthday that year.
you struggle with spelling.
you love to leave sevika little love notes-- and she adores them! but sometimes, your notes have the unintended consequence of making sevika cackle while she tries to interpret your unique spelling. 'sevika, i've never been able to be so intimidate with somebody before...'
she teases you for the rest of the night about how intimidating you are together.
sometimes, sevika really wonders how you made it through life without her there.
like when you're behind the bar at the last drop making change for a twenty, and you hand the customer six fives.
"baby, that's thirty!" sevika squawks, smacking your hand before you can hand the man the money."
"what? no, babe, six times five." you say, scoffing and rolling your eyes.
"six times five is thirty, baby." sevika says slowly.
you groan and bury your face in your hands, embarrassed. sevika giggles and wraps you up in a hug, handing the man four bills and kissing your scalp.
"i'm an idiot." you groan.
"sometimes, yeah." sevika agrees. you gasp and elbow her, glaring at her. sevika giggles. "but the rest of the time you're smart! and i'm usually here to help before you can get yourself into any dumb trouble..."
"whatever. you're dumb too!" you say, pointing at sevika. she laughs.
"i am not!"
"you thought i hated you for months before we started going out." you say. sevika cackles.
"i didn't get why you kept looking at me!"
"'cause you're hot!"
sevika grins. "okay, i'm a little dumb emotionally. good thing i got you to balance me out, huh?" she asks.
you grin and kiss her. "you bet your ass."
taglist!
@fyeahnix @lavendersgirl @half-of-a-gay @thesevi0lentdelights @sexysapphicshopowner
@kissyslut @chuucanchuucan @badbye666 @femme-historian @lia-winther
@lavenderbabu @emiliabby @sevikasbeloved @hellorai @my-taintedheart
@glass-apothecary @macaroni676 @artinvain @k3n-dyll @sevsdollette
@ellieslob @xayn-xd @keikuahh @maneskinwh0re @raphaellearp
@iamastar @sevikitty @mascdom @nhaaauyen @annesunshiner
@mirconreadzztuff22 @veoomvroom @lushh-s3vik4s @katyawooga @lesbodietcoke
@strawberrykidneystone @sevikasfan @fict1onallyobsessed @dvrkhcld @sweetybuzz25
@sluttysierraaa @snake-in-a-flower-crown @ruiwonderz @littlemisszaunite @biblicalcrybaby
@blackgaladriel
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sabreurs · 2 days ago
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[ID: screenshot of a youtube video and five related comments.
the youtube video is entitled "A Japanese guy with schizophrenia cooks a miso soup." in the screenshot, he holds up a package of japanese spinach.
the comments are as follows:
"thyh7577: Hi. I am schizophrenic too. Its nice to see people like me, I know it's hard but it'll all be okay.
basiliachopin8719: I'm a cook with psychosis! You're a good content creator! I like you getting into prices and stuff.
blobymcblobface: I just wanted to say I'm also Schizophrenic. My parents made me learn to cook when I turned 12. I'm 29 now and haven't lost my love for cooking. Thanks, both for inspiring people to cook and for teaching them that schizophrenia isn't scary.
kovrizhka2: Hello! I live in Russia with some kind of disorder (I tend not to ask my doc to not scare myself, just silently and happily eating my meds...which somehow tend to be for schizophrenia folks? haha). And because my diagnosis is very light, I have the strength to support all my neurodivergent schizo and affective friends out there. We're all get through and live a happy life eventually... And eat delicious food! Cheers to you, chef!
Worsteverything: Both of my brothers have schizophrenia-- one of them is schizoaffective and the other is has just classic schizophrenia. I appreciate you sharing yourself with the world because people need to see that schizophrenia it NOT scary!! Schizophrenia is just a different way of experiencing life." end ID.]
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peace and love on Earth..
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burnforyou · 18 hours ago
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ALL MINE - LUIGI MAGIONE x READER
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!SUMMARY! your ex boyfriend Luigi buys you a drink and the rest is history!! cheating (reader, not luigi), smut!!!, both receive head, face riding (emphasis on the nose) use of the L word, creampie, kinda breeding but not really.
"can i buy you a drink?” a familiar voice asks from behind you.
you turn on the bar stool and you’re met with the face of your ex boyfriend smirking down at you. you instinctively smile at the sight of his face.
“buy away.” he calls the bartender over and orders you your favorite drink. he still remembers.
“what brings you here tonight?” he asks, leaning on the bar. he looks almost ravishing in the deep red lighting.
“just wanted a break from it all,” you sigh, studying the bottles behind the bar.
“what’s bothering you?” he peers down at you but you don't look at him. "hm?"
“just my stupid fucking boyfriend. and school.”
“you’re still with that loser?” the bartender slides your drink in front of you and you immediately take a couple big gulps. you need to be buzzed to be around him without wanting to cry.
“unfortunately.”
“you should leave him.” he whispers in your ear, his breath making your nerves tingle. "does he know you're here tonight?"
"nope," you shrug, still looking down at your drink. luigi swings his arm around your shoulders like he's done a thousand times before, pulling you into his warmth. instantly you forget about your boyfriend and all you can think about is how close you are. how if you turned your head just a few inches, your lips would brush.
"do you know how badly I've missed you?" he says deeply. his eyes burn into your skin and you turn your head to look at him.
"can we go somewhere more private to talk?" you propose. his stomach turns at the thought of being alone with you.
"yeah, good idea. I'll order us an Uber, if that's alright." you nod and turn back to your friend, telling her you're leaving with him.
"you ready?" he asks, holding out his hand for you.
"mmhmm," you nod, putting your hand in his. he helps you off the bar stool and you get an overwhelming sense of Deja Vu. it all feels so familiar, so right, you didn't even know you missed it. he leads you through the crowd, towering over most of the people there.
he led you out into the cold night and you shivered as the sudden wind hit your uncovered skin.
"you don't have a jacket, do you?" he looked at you, his eyes full of concern. you shook your head, your teeth beginning to chatter. you rubbed your arms with your hands, trying to generate any form of heat.
"oh, cm'here," he says, pulling you into him. he wraps his arm around your neck and the other around your waist, sharing his body heat with you. you try to wrap your arms around him, but can't completely just because of how large he truly is. you rest your head on his chest, close your eyes, and breathe.
unfortunately, his very public display of affection, his smell, his size, his height, his kindness... all of it is turning you on. all you wanna do is go home and jump his bones. and you know he's feeling the same way, you can feel his bulge pressing against your stomach. he knows its wrong but he's loving the slight friction he's getting from holding you.
before you know it Luigi has you pressed up against your front door with his thigh in between your legs. your lips move sloppily together in a kiss you've both been craving.
“where’s your little boyfriend at now, hm?” he breaks the kiss to ask, smirking, knowing that he has you all to himself. you push him off you and scoff.
"never bring him up again." you kick your shoes off and walk into your house, feeling his eyes burning into your figure, trying to memorize the shape of your body. he mindlessly follows you like a lost puppy. you suddenly stop on the stairs and whip around to face him.
"we seriously need to talk."
"I'm here to talk." he says, shrugging. you finally lead him to your bedroom and sit on the edge of your bed together. he looks around, noticing all that's different and all that's changed.
"I'm really glad I ran into you tonight," he confesses.
"yeah, me too." he leans in and pecks your lips.
"seriously, I've missed you more than anything. I want to try again, y/n, I want to try us again. I want this to work. I want you." his lips quiver with his confession. "and, when I saw you with him, it broke my heart to watch you be with someone that wasn't me, knowing that I love you more than you'll ever know, more than he ever could.
"I've always wanted you. you're all I've wanted. being with you was all I wanted. and, it didn't work last time, for reasons we both couldn't control. but now, you're here and I have faith we can make it work this time," you say, your hands shaking in his.
"yes, I want this, I want you, so much. you're all I want." he says, practically gasping for air. his arms wrap around you and bring you onto him for a deep kiss. slowly you both peel off your tops, leaving your bare chests touching. but it doesn't feel sexual, it feels intimate. tears well up in your eyes at the overwhelming sensation of finally being with luigi again. after all this time.
you slide off his lap and get comfortable on your knees below him. he smiles down at you, caressing your face.
you quickly tear his jeans off and sigh in content at the sight of his bulge through his boxers. you kiss the girth before slipping his boxers off too. you admire him completely naked in front of you, his hard cock pulsing, his abs flexing every time his chest rises and falls, his muscular arms holding him up, his pretty face.
he reaches down and grasps onto his own cock, desperately stroking himself slowly in front of you. his hand wraps around the girth so perfectly, you note. you find pleasure in watching him pleasure himself, wishing you were touching him.
“how often do you think of me when you jack off?” you ask, not tearing your eyes away from his cock. he doesn’t answer so you swat his arm away from his throbbing dick.
“please,” he whines at the loss of friction.
“answer my question.”
“every time,” satisfied with his answer, you take his cock in your mouth as deep as you can, “fuck!” he sucks in a breath and grips on the edge of your bed.
he taps your head and you take your lips of his cock reluctantly.
“hey, hey, i need you,” he practically whimpers. he grasps under your arms and effortlessly lifts you off your knees so your standing in front of him, in between his legs.
he brings you into him and kisses your lower stomach. you gently push him back on the bed by his shoulders and he flashes you a perfect smile. you slowly crawl up on him and sit right on his face with no shame. he immediately sticks his tongue in you like the munch he is and he has you gripping his shoulders immediately.
“you taste so good,” he groans on your hole, the vibrations have you moaning his name. he sloppily kisses your pussy and his perfect teeth slightly rubbing on you has you grinding on him. he gropes your ass and forces you to grind on him harder, leaving his whole face wet with your juices.
he continues eating you relentlessly as your legs begin to shake around his head.
“i haven’t cum in so long luigi.”
“he doesn’t make you cum?” he says angrily into your pussy, sucking on you harder than before.
“no,” you moan out, shaking your head.
“you’re so close, i can feel it,” he moans, nudging your clit with his nose.
you suddenly become aware of his perfect nose and start grinding solely on his nose. you feel his nose, wet with your juices, nudging at your hole.
“cum, baby,” he whimpers into you and pinches your clit between his fingers. “cum on my mouth.”
the knot in your stomach finally comes undone all over his face. you gasp and you tilt your head back, struggling to breathe. he licks it all up below you, never stopping. your legs shake around his head.
before you know it, he’s flipping you onto your back, flat against your pillows, and teasing your sensitive hole with his fingers. you reach up and pull his forehead down onto yours, never breaking eye contact as he fucks you with his long fingers. moans fall out of your throat against your will.
“you’re so wet, you like how i take care of you, hm?” he asks, stretching you out. “gotta get your pretty pussy ready f’me, right baby?”
all you can do is nod incoherently.
“you know that we shouldn’t be doing this,” he curls his fingers in you. “but you love it don’t you? dirty, dirty girl.” he laughs, shaking his head.
“please,” you whimper.
“you have to wait until i think you’re ready to take me baby. you know i’ve never been with anyone else? it’s always been you. always. nobody else even compares.” he talks sweetly to you while his fingers are rammed inside of you, stretching you in unimaginable ways.
“you think you’re ready now? you think you’re ready for my cock?” he asks, his forehead pressing harder against yours.
“yes, please,” you whimper when he slips his fingers out of you. he brings his soaked fingers up to his mouth and licks all your juices off of him, tasting every last drop.
“sweet like honey,” he moans.
he comes back down to kiss you and you can taste yourself on his lips.
"please, please prove it to me, lu. prove it to me that there's no one else.”
"there's never been anyone else. there will never be anyone else. it's always been you, y/n."
he reaches down and aligns his tip with your entrance, his eyes never leaving yours. his arms hold him up beside you, caging you in.
“is this okay?” he whispers.
“yes, please luigi,” you moan, digging your nails into his muscular back.
he slips the tip in and you both gasp. he thrusts the rest of the way in and your pussy welcomes him like a long lost lover. he waits momentarily for your pussy to adjust to him, before pulling out. he then bottoms out completely, hitting your cervix on the first thrust. he feels himself filling you up completely and collapses on you.
“oh, i love you,” he moans into your neck, his slight scruff scratching your skin.
you moan in surprise when he thrusts into you again, setting a fast but passionate pace. him non-stop thrusting into you fills the room with the lewd sounds of your skin slapping against his.
you don’t even get a chance to reply to his confession because he’s fucking you so good you can’t do anything but reach for him and moan. your foreheads press together, mixing your sweat with one another. his eyes stare deep into yours, never looking away from your face.
he catches your moans with a sweet and sloppy kiss, mixing his moans with yours.
he presses his hand on your lower stomach, feeling himself deep inside of you. his eyes darken.
“you feel that? how deep i am inside of you?” he groans. “fuck, it’s like you were made for me baby.”
he reaches down and rubs your clit, his other hand running groping your tit. your pussy grips him tighter than he thought was humanly possible.
“you’re close, aren’t you baby?” he groans at how tight you’re gripping him, his cock pulsing inside of you.
he keeps his pace, not once slowing down or stopping. your back arches off the bed and the knot in your stomach starts to let go again.
“cum baby,” he whispers and licks up your neck.
your eyes start to flutter shut and you see red. pleasure completely overcomes you as you grip onto him and grind your hips against his, feeling his cock fill you up. you cant even produce a sound, your mouth just falls open in silence.
he wraps his arms around your waist and without taking his cock out of you, flips so you're flat on top of him and thrusts up into you. you nearly scream at the new sensation in your sensitive pussy.
"I'm gonna cum," he groans, gripping on to your ass.
"cum in me, please, lu, cum in me," you sob in his ear, your pussy burning for him.
"fuck, you want me to claim you, hm?" he groans, his mind wandering to getting you pregnant.
"please," you moan, moving your hips back onto his and meeting each and every one of his thrusts.
"that's a girl," he moans in your ear.
before he can say anything more, he's completely bottoming out and shooting his cum deep in you. you gasp at the sensation of being so full. his orgasm sends you over the edge again, spilling out once again on him.
he grabs the back of your neck and forces you to kiss him sloppily. your whole body shakes on his and his soft cock finally slips out of you.
“i love you,” you finally return his confession. he flashes his bright smile, which makes you smile in return. he pushes you back down on his lips again and speaks through kisses.
“i love you too.”
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MASTERLIST - PREV. WORK
yall... should I write something in this same universe where he fucks you like near your bf/in your house and he makes you be quiet? omg maybe he sneaks in through the window? omg. guys. im not okay.
!TAGS!
@strawbrriess @bellobambino @f4nfic-lover @btcowboy @chmpgneprblem @soggysouppp @hereandqueer6540 @poohkie90 @bricapallen16 @miarosalie11 @v1rtualsalvat10n @hypnotizedbyhood @webanglikethat @croucify
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whateversawesome · 3 days ago
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Spy x Family Ch. 108: Fear
Don't get me wrong, that panel with Twilight remembering his friends was beautiful. I think he feels nostalgic for that connection with other people. However, I think what really caught my attention in this chapter was Melinda.
Come on, look at this:
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Look at this face of terror. And she was just remembering her husband's eyes!
A long time ago, when we just met Melinda, I wrote this theory about her being afraid of her husband. Today, it was finally confirmed.
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I feel so sad for her. Melinda has probably been carrying this alone for a long time. I doubt she's shared her fears with any friends or family members because, who would believe the illustrious political leader could be an abusive man? This is especially true if there's no actual physical violence in the relationship. However, like I said before, violence is more than that.
Something tells me that the violence in their relationship is mostly psychological. Donovan Desmond uses his authority to tell Melinda what to do, to create fear, to keep her away from their children.
Melinda appears as such a composed woman who has her life together in front of others, and only someone as emotionally perceptive and caring as Yor would notice something is wrong. There's a shame component in abusive relationships: "How did this happen to me? I used to be so strong and brave," combined with disbelief: "Am I overreacting? Is he really that bad? Why am I afraid of him if he hasn't really done anything to me?"
Hopefully, in time, Melinda will realize that fear is not only her responsibility; even if her husband wasn't physically abusive, his behavior caused her fear.
Without a doubt is a complicated issue, which brings me to something that will probably complicate things even more:
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Yup, Twilight.
I'll admit that this is the first time that I felt very uncomfortable with what Twilight is about to do, but that's exactly the point. Good fiction/literature is suppose to move something within us, even if at times, it makes us feel uncomfortable.
You probably imagine why: Melinda is a person in dire need of therapy. She deserves (and needs!) a true professional and instead, she getting someone who is only trying to gather information.
HOWEVER...
Time and again, Twilight has shown that despite his line of work, he'll always try to do the right thing and the least amount of harm. So, I'm hoping he will apply that in this specific situation. My guess is that it will start as a way to get information (his classic "for the mission") but then, as Melinda opens up, he will actually give her good advice and hopefully empower her, as a real therapist would do!
Something else to keep in mind is that Melinda story of domestic violence could trigger Twilight himself in some way, given his own family history. We will have to wait to see how that goes.
Bonus
A final note on Melinda's beliefs in occultism: it makes sense.
I won't comment too much on the specific meaning of the cards because my knowledge is limited and I'm skeptical about that. But I will say that it makes sense that someone with so much fear and uncertainty in her life would believe in something that would bring her reassurance that everything will be okay or try to know the future in order to protect herself. (I really want to give Melinda a hug.)
On the other hand, you know who doesn't believe in that?:
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Yup, our dear Becky, who is one of the most authentic character in sxf, who is protected and loved by her parents and Martha. That makes sense too.
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bunnwich · 2 days ago
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HELLO! Do you have a summary of how you portray Leona's personality in your stories? I'm a big fan of your Leona and Yuu stories and I've read them multiple times www /gen I always feel like you just nail how he would act and say things and you inspire me to work on my own fics and get better at writing scenarios with him. Than you in advance ily🙏 🦉anon
How I Portray Leona in General and in Romance
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HI ANON! So I've gotten this question a few times and someone in my discord asked me basically the same thing so I'll share with you what I wrote a few months ago about Leona and the general way I write him. (it's quite funny bc a lot of these things come up in Chapter 7 when we see his dream. I AM CURSED WITH APOLLOS'S GIFT OF PROPHECY WITH THIS MAN ISTG)
I hope this is helpful?? I would like to point out that the way I write Leona is fully based on my biases and life experiences. And that a big part of fandom is projecting what you wanna see in characters while still making them feel like the same character we know in canon, yk? Good luck with your fic writing! And thank you!! mwah mwah.💚 --
So Leona takes himself as a direct person, BUT he hides A LOT. He purposely misdirects people to get a reaction out of them. (Ex: pretending to be incompetent to anger someone) or he's playing with them. HE LOVES GAMES. Everyone is a chess piece, he has to feel in control bc that’s all he has ever had over everyone else; his wits. He’s a dickhead. He will say offensive shit to scare people off.
It’s a test to see who sticks around. He has no reservations when it comes to this. You take him as he is. And despite how some people write him he’s kinda silly? Like dad jokes. Why does he joke so much about eating people, who knows? (He says shit like Namby-pamby ffs) Why are you a 40y/o in a 20 y/o body?
I HC he purposely talks casually and gruff to distance himself from his upbringing. (I like to mix proper language and slang with him bc it feels right? Also lots of animal puns, and nicknames. HE'S CORNY AF)
In general, I don't think Leona is an entirely romantic person in canon, however in my timeline, I do HC that he, like Scar has this “want vs need problem” with connection to others. He thinks it's just praise he wants (or to be king) BUT he NEEDS TLC. What was Scar MOST jealous of at the end of the day?? Mufasa’s connections, a ✨queen✨, a family! BEING KING DID NOT MAKE SCAR HAPPY!! He needs to be needed and in Chapter 2 novella, he admits he HAS to numb himself to not care. I feel like this is something he constantly battles with. Yeah, he's lazy but it's partly bc he’s tired. He’s burnt out.
On the surface, he projects 100% nonchalance. He wants you to think everything he says is just "off the cuff", but it's not. He plans everything!!! He’s a mentor, big bro, caretaker. He is not the best at comforting words but he enjoys being a leader bc people appreciate him and look up to him. Something he never got at home.
Leona and ✨Romance✨
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He fools himself into thinking he has the upper hand at first and keeps his distance keeping an eye on the object of his affection. Why would you catch his eye? Well, his greatest strength is picking up on OTHER STRENGTHS. Chessmaster. He is a mentorrrr and caretaker lowkey, he wants others to NEED him and rely on him. HE WANTS YOU TO NEED HIM.
At first, he would place himself in your path, trying to be helpful in a very tsundere type way. But he would still be causal and keep ruffling your feathers to gauge how you feel for him. He guards his heart pretty heavily. And more and more he is slowly collecting info about you he would find more ways for these meetings to happen until he realizes: "Oh shit, I’ve caught feelings." This one is the winner. He’s the king of nonchalance but also...he’s a very overly sensitive person. No doubt he’s freaking out a little, he doesn't wanna screw this up. But, he’d never show it.
I do think he wants to be challenged and given some pushback (insert manga panel about "something being harder to get and therefore is better"), He wants to WORK for it, to prove himself to you that you SHOULD choose him. He wants to impress you. It makes him feel alive. A person who keeps him on his toes.
And once this ”game” of cat and mouse starts to happen. He might start to let his guard down if you are shown you can be trusted with his VERY VERY delicate feelings, that you DO accept his flaws, treat him differently than all others, and see past his gruff demeanor. It is a test of sorts. He is testing that you can “handle” him. MORE GAMES.
He’d let you set the pace though. He won't be the first to give in. To kiss you or confess first. But he would fall first HARD. He’s not been given much one-on-one attention in his life so he would crave that time with you. Physical touch is a big one, but he would not be pushy. He'd tease your boundaries and become addicted to your time together.
But yeah, this push and pull goes on for a while, all the while he’s gauging how you react to this. Memorizing it all.
He’s def one of those texters who erases their sentence like 5 times when they are nervous bc he is cookin' up the RIGHT response to endear you. (Not in a sappy way of course more in a: “I know you miss me, mouse.” snarky sorta way.) Though he can be self-deprecating on bad days. He’ll act confident, though soften up behind closed doors.
I think once he realizes that you have picked up on his simpery and there's no going back...all bets are off. He doubles down, no longer ashamed of hiding it. (Assuming at this point the person has reciprocated these feelings too!) He wants to be yours and he’s not subtle. Someone to be by his side.
Then you get the REAL simp Leona, who lowkey mumbles the sappiest shit to you in his native language when he holds you, (bc he’s still embarrassed to be vulnerable, though this will fade over time) He’ll be your biggest supporter, and wants you around him as much as you can be.
This just keeps going until you're married. Congrats you now have a lion to take care of forever.🦁 Hope this helps!✨
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lunaiz4-misc · 17 hours ago
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I'm glad this exists, it's important to understand that self-regulation tools can look different than we expect.
However, I have had a very different experience that I haven't seen represented much. My brain loves the stimulation it gets from a screen. The lights, the sounds, the movement, all of it. It's an almost hypnotic effect. So hypnotic, in fact, that I often feel trapped by the screen, unable to speak, move away, or otherwise interrupt the incoming stream of information. The less spoons I have, the harder it is to pull away and focus on literally anything else.
It's a big problem in restaurants, where TV's are often placed in clear view of every table. I can't enjoy being out with my family/friends because of the screen tugging at my attention. It's a problem when someone else is watching or playing something without headphones, at home or in public. It's even a problem when I'm by myself, because I have trouble turning off content I don't want to watch anymore. Everything from autoplay videos (harmless, other than wasting my time) to legitimately distressing content.
I feel like that experience doesn't get talked about. We have "doomscrolling" to describe getting stuck on social media, and I know I'm not the only one that gets stuck in tiktok style video feeds (I can't have tiktok itself - I wouldn't be able to put it down.) My brother would routinely get so wrapped up in a game he would forget to eat, or use the restroom, and I know that happens to other people, too. But when I share my experience, even with other ND people, I'm generally told they've never experienced anything like that.
How you can help:
If you think someone might be stuck (which can happen with any activity, not just media!) try asking "is this what you want to be doing right now?" or "when is the last time you checked in with your body? Does it need anything before you continue?"
TLDR: every brain is different. Media is soothing for some people, some of the time. It's a good idea to check in and make sure everyone is having/still having a good experience.
Let’s Talk About Screentime for Autistic Folk
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NeuroWild
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genderqueerdykes · 2 days ago
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hey anon saying "my abuser was a trans man so trans men hate trans women" I just want you to know I'm a transmasc person who was literally abused horrifically on the basis of sharing a similar pronoun and gender identity to my then-girlfriend's ex. she used the abuse of an entirely unrelated person as an excuse to insinuate I never respected her and would regularly scream at me and even invalidated my trauma over a relative dying using her own trauma.
she also, unsurprisingly, was a rampant transandrophobe, calling me horrible and transmisogynistic because I challenged her as a trans woman over saying blatantly transphobic things about trans men and transmascs (myself included).
because it was never about truth, it was about being on top and being the most inconvenienced and being in control of the conversation of suffering (this went beyond us fighting over my gender).
think why you feel that way, that you need sole dictation over the conversation and can't let anyone else breathe their words about experiences that may challenge how you feel, anon
if I were to do what she did, and say I was uncomfortable with trans women because they can be abusive, I would rightfully be ripped limb from limb for the transmisogynistic notion that trans women are remotely a monolith or are abusive based solely on my experience
but I guess trans men aren't owed that same equivalence. they are forced to live a double standard there. because you don't respect us enough for it. why is that.
"because it was never about truth, it was about being on top and being the most inconvenienced and being in control of the conversation of suffering,"
"if I were to do what she did, and say I was uncomfortable with trans women because they can be abusive, I would rightfully be ripped limb from limb for the transmisogynistic notion that trans women are remotely a monolith or are abusive based solely on my experience"
i had to highlight these bits in particulare because good god you worded this so perfectly. i am so sorry you have had this experience but you knocked the ball so far out of the park that i am genuinely in awe of how well you conveyed this, and how absolutely fucked peoples' double standards are when it comes to abuse and how people think that trans men and mascs have it "so much easier in life". you're dead on the money. NONE of this has to do with talking about oppression and looking out for one another.
this behavior is about control.
it's about controlling the narrative. some people literally get so insecure when the conversation turns away from them for even a moment, they think it means that everyone is their enemy. yes, trans women have an absolutely awful time in cisheternormative society. so do trans men.
i have been emotionally and sexually abused and harassed by 3 separate trans women. one of which struck me with an object, another who stole something out of my purse while i was asleep and continuously kept trying to get in my pants after she found out i had a vagina despite me repeatedly turning her down, and another who mocked me for my psychotic episodes and repeatedly swore up and down that i didn't have DID and just in general gaslit and emotionally abused the fuck out of me. the woman who hit me also constantly kept insinuating that penises are what make a man a man, and would not stop making me feel bad for not having a biopenis.
once everyone found out i had a vag, suddenly, i was a cishet woman in their house and i was public enemy #1. i had to deal with my cis gay male roommate shrieking about how he's gay, boobs and vaginas are disgusting, he's a MAN attracted to MEN. meanwhile, my ex girlfriend (the one who hit me) made me feel like shit for being a man without a penis almost every single day. she would guilt trip me about how she missed being with partners with biopenises and would spend all day telling me that she loved me, but then would turn around and scream and yell at me and tell me that i'm an evil asshole.
the transandrophobia i have had to deal with at the hands of other trans women has been absolutely fucking staggering. we need to stop fostering a culture where this is okay because it's genuinely getting people hurt. like you said, if a transmasc were to say "i hate trans women, they're all mean and shitty and abusive," they would literally be torn limb from fucking limb. and rightfully so, because it's a dogshit thing to say. but we HAVE to start telling people who do this to trans men to fuck OFF and stop it.
i am very sorry you went through that. i hope things improve for you, and that you're able to spend time in company that treats you with respect. nobody should have to deal with literal profiling just because of their gender.
is that what we're doing now? profiling people based off of their gender? how is that progressive? how is that liberating? how is that trans rights? it ain't.
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blueberrylovv · 3 days ago
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I think it's important to set realistic goals for yourself during holidays. because of the nature of how my family celebrates I can't just say 'im not gonna èat or I'm gonna rèstr1çt heavily' because I know it won't work and then I'll feel bad and disappointed and like I'm good for nothing so here's a list of my realistic goals/rules for holidays that I know I can realistically stick to - maybe some of you could get inspired!
I also urge you to not get too ambitious! if you know you won't be able to stick to it then save yourself the disappointment, aiming too high when you don't have the means to achieve it will only do you more harm than good I promise. not progressing/regressing during this time is a norm for more people than you think, it's not the end of the world, you're not alone in it and we know you have tried your best
a list of realistic goals for the holidays break:
- do not accept any seconds, stick to èating only one portion
- try walking as much as you can - go on a walk around your neighbourhood if possible, if you have a dog volunteer to take them out/play with them to move around
- if you're craving sweets go for fruits instead of baked goods like cakes or cookies
- hydrate hydrate hydrate
- be mindful of your alçohoĺ consumption
- be mindful of your attitude towards others - when you're frustrated because of your èď it's so easy to turn nasty towards others please do not turn nasty or hateful towards others just because you're hurting
if you have any goals/rules for yourself please share them!
here we always say that how you end the old year is how the rest of your new one will look like - let's not end the old one being miserable about fòod so we won't curse ourselves to be miserable about it for the whole next year!
sending you all the best wishes, i hope you will be able to rest during the holidays and i hope everyone will remain healthy
with love bea <3
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shiro-s2e2-erukinzu · 3 days ago
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Anime only watchers and people who aren't caught up with the Manga, BEWARE... Cuz I'm about to discuss Spy X Family Mission 108... You have been warned...! 👌
[SPOILERS AHEAD FROM THIS POINT ON]
WE ARE SO BACK!!! 🗣 And this chapter was... SO DAMN GOOD! 👏😆
What an awesome early Christmas present!! 💗🤗💗 Now let's get back into the swing of things, shall we...? 😉
To start off, we pick up right where we left off with Mission 107... With Yor and Anya finding out that Melinda is a fortune teller at the sheep festival!! 😲 (Also, @yumeka-sxf shared the Japanese version of the first page of this chapter the other day with other Spy X Family Jump Festa news!! 😁)
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Melinda then tells Yor to not tell anyone about her being into the occult...!! She even mentions how she believes in many things, including telepathy to Anya's surprise (though, I believe there might be a reason why Melinda is into the occult, perhaps she knows more than she's letting on? 🤔)
After Yor tells Melinda that she admires that she can do what she loves and Melinda happily thinks that Yor is into the occult too, Anya then asks Melinda to read her fortune:
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I was like, "Oh gosh, what's gonna happen...? What is Melinda gonna see...?!" 😵 So as I waited with baited breath to see Melinda in action, she lays out her tarot cards to read Anya's fortune and...:
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SHE'S HORRIBLE AT IT!!! 🤭
I mean, this could be all an act... 🤔 But for right now, I'm gonna believe that she really isn't that good at fortune telling, mainly because I think it's funny and cute...!! 😄
After reading that the grim reaper is behind Anya (A.K.A. Yor 👏😂) and saying that Anya will NEVER get another Stella Star, Melinda asks Anya if she likes Damian... Anya of course says NO because he bullies her, but Melinda appreciates that she is still trying to be friends with Damian...!! 😊 Soon Melinda starts to think about how she wasn't there for Damian during the Desmond "family" dinner back in Mission 106 and thinks that she needs to go and face Damian, then...:
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HOLY SHIT, DONOVAN JUMP SCARE!!! 😱
Ever since she introduced herself as Melinda Desmond way back in Mission 65, I didn't know how to feel about this woman, I just could not figure her out... But thanks all to of these recent developments in the last few chapters that she's been in, I think that I can safely say that Melinda needs to take Damian (and Demetrius, if he isn't too far gone) AND GET THE FUCK AWAY FROM DONOVAN!! 😫 I don't know what's up with that man, but if he can make his supposed "wife" THIS SCARED OF HIM, then he definitely NEEDS TO BE STOPPED!! 👏👏👏
Moving on, Anya hears all of Melinda's conflicting thoughts, which makes Anya wonder something...:
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It always warms my heart whenever Anya shows her concern and compassion for others...! 💗 Though currently for Melinda, she could not answer Anya's question and decided to leave as soon as possible... 😔 But before she goes, Yor stops Melinda to tell her something...
We then cut back the others as Anya and Yor make their return to the group...!! Becky asks how it went, and...:
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GODDAMNIT BECKY, YOU ARE JUST SOOO DELUSIONAL GIRL!! 🤣
Besides Becky thinking that her fortune teller is a hack (this girl, I swear 😌) and reacting to Anya's grim reaper fortune (with Yor being adorable about it 💗), she asks Anya about her love fortune and Anya lies and tells Becky that the fortune teller told her to get invited to his house, which makes Damian to start yelling...!! 👌😌
After Anya convinces Twilight to stay longer (because he was gonna go look for Melinda, though he doesn't know that she already left), they all stay until it becomes dark before everyone decides to leave the festival. Yor thanks the Eden kids for being friends with Anya, while Damian scoffs at seeing Anya holding her mother's hand, which causes Anya to say this to him:
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Which makes Damian flustered and then Yor chimes in reaffirming Anya's statement, causing Damian to run off...!! 🤭
After that, Jeeves and the other butlers say their goodbyes and even offer to get drinks again with Twilight sometime...!! 😊 But as they left, it reminded Twilight of something that broke my heart... 🥲
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ENDO!!! 😭 WHY DO YOU ALWAYS DO THIS STUFF TO ME!!! 💔
This was literally bringing me to TEARS!! 😫 THEY REMINDED HIM OF HIS FRIENDS, I CAN'T-- 😭😭😭
Ahem...! Sorry about that... 😢 Anyway, after *sniff* that, Twilight asks if Anya enjoyed the festival, she of course did enjoy her time there and the Forgers headed home...!! 💗
After that, we see Twilight at his psychiatrist job and he has a new patient...:
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IT'S FREAKING MELINDA!! 😵
Turns out the thing that Yor told Melinda was to go see Loid because he's a doctor (she also mentions that he does "concussive therapy" to his patients👏��), and now Loid can (hopefully) get some info from Melinda! 😲
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And that was the end of chapter, and boy did I miss this...!! 😁 Not only was this chapter fantastic on SO MANY LEVELS, but it's also great to talk about a new chapter again!! 😊 This honestly the best early Christmas gift that I could ask for...!! 💗🤗💗
I am so glad that Endo is doing a lot better and I hope that he takes it easy going forward because even though I love this series with all my heart, I'd rather have Endo get as much rest and take as many breaks as he needs then to have this man die on the job just for our entertainment. Endo is a human being like every last single one of us fans, so it's always very sad to me when I see people care more about fictional characters and their worlds over the real people that make 'em...!! 😤 More people should know better, but they don't and that just sucks so much man... 😮‍💨
Anyway, sorry about my little tangent there... This chapter was a wonderful chapter for the series to return with and as always, I can't wait for the next one!! 😊 So until the next Mission; take care, be safe out there and be kind to one another...!! Also...
MERRY CHRISTMAS AND HAPPY HOLIDAYS Y'ALL...!! SEE YA!! 👋😄
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treatbuckywkisses · 3 days ago
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I took it to the notes app bc dumblr posted my other review prematurely smh my head
Twice upon a time ( that's the note )
Oh to be taught to fight by nat & steve SO iconic 😭 
The chat but not share thing is so heartbreaking but completely realistic (I'm feeling the angst) 
"And you've grown determined to not intentionally hurt people with your powers. Not anymore." - Who did we hurt then who is hurting other than us.
"You don’t answer, just keep staring at his profile for a little while longer. Your eyes are drawn to the nape of his neck, to the center of his chest. You bite the inside of your cheek so hard it hurts." - I look at my man exactly like this too 
“Try the floor,” Bucky says as you’re almost out of the room. He doesn’t turn when you do, but he seems to feel your questioning gaze. “If you can’t sleep. It helps, sometimes.” - go sit in a corner for this
"Time is seriously out of your hands, and it’s only getting worse." - I tried to not laugh I did 
Also celebrity guest Stephen Strange thanks (or not??) for stopping by 
"He must have hit his head on the side of the big table, but the shield had protected him from the sharp edge. He’s pressing a hand to his wound and he’s conscious and fine. He’s fine. " - thank fucking God finally (with love) 
"You fling your knife as fast as you can, but his single moment of hesitation was long enough for the trigger to be pulled a second time. You turn just in time to see the realization on Bucky’s face, the shock and panic in his eyes as they meet yours." - ok fuck me then
The slight changes in the multiple loops is so good I'm like foaming at the mouth 
Bucky and reader dynamic I'm starting to seeeee !! I actually started kicking my feet and twirling my hair (I love when big man brood but show care) 
UGH I love that I have no idea where this is going (in a good way!!!!) I'm so worried for reader and how fast we seem to be literally deteriorating😭 get help bitch! (Lovingly)
time after time [2]
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series summary: After what starts out as a fairly normal mission, you find yourself stuck in a time loop. Which would already be bad enough in itself if it didn’t also mean having to watch Bucky die over and over again.
pairing: bucky barnes x f!reader
word count: 8.2k
chapter warnings: canon-typical violence, the angst continues, another reminder to read the fic premise; a couple of guest appearances; flashbacks are my establishing shots and i’m going to make it everyone’s problem
please note that my blog is rated 18+. minors dni. ageless/empty blogs will be blocked without warning.
a/n: 2am updates are kind of my brand at this point. big shout-out to @barnesafterglow who read a good chunk of this yesterday and is still talking to me <3 thank you all for your patience and your love for chapter one!!
series masterlist | main masterlist | read on ao3
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two: twice upon a time
The first time you met Natasha Romanoff in person, a few weeks after the Snap, she only had to look at you for a couple of seconds to be able to read you like a book.
They’d compiled a file, of course, filled with all the general academic credits and official family information that was still available to the public and definitely more than a few things you’d tried to bury, too. Even then, the folder was reassuringly slim.
She’d have to take you at your word about what you’d come to offer her, anyway.
“And why would we want to have you?” she asked. As if she were interviewing you for a job. Which, technically speaking, she was.
You were on edge and Natasha knew it, even though you tried to hide your ever twitching fingers in your lap under the table, picking at the skin around your nails until you felt it break. You took a deep breath.
“Look, I know that I’m not exactly a soldier, or a—a superhero type, but I … I don’t know, I would just like to use my … thing to do good, for once. You know, stuff that will help people.”
And do it on your own terms. It stayed unsaid, then. You didn’t admit that part until much later.
Natasha’s face stayed perfectly neutral through your rambling, and you weren’t sure whether that was calming you down or making you more anxious. You reached for your necklace, tugging at the chain.
“But I can’t really do that on my own,” you continued, “and you, well, all of you, you’ve done it for a while and you’re good at it. And I think I could help with that.”
She still didn’t say anything, just kept waiting while you sat awkwardly in that uncomfortable office chair, regretting your decision of ever following through with your crazy impulsive idea of coming here.
But where else would you have gone?
“Also,” you remarked in a sudden burst of boldness, “I think you could use every extra pair of hands you can get at the moment.”
There was something almost like bemusement that appeared in the curl of Natasha’s lip, but she didn’t kick you out, which you took as a sign that your little outburst might have been closer to the truth than you’d really expected. You leaned back ever so slightly.
You couldn’t be sure, then, if she’d pieced together what little information they’d had on you in your file or if she’d just figured you out while you were sitting in this office, but it didn’t make all that much of a difference. She didn’t have to ask why you’d decided to offer up your abilities to the Avengers now, after everything, when they’d been hidden away for most of your life.
“You’re lonely. And you need a purpose, like all of us,” she said, looking you up and down apprehensively.
Then, without warning, she threw her glass at you.
You flinched to the side and it shattered on the wall behind you. The leftover drink slowly sank into the carpet as you turned to stare at her in shock.
Natasha lifted one of her perfectly trimmed eyebrows. “You wanna try that again?”
Really, you should’ve expected the test.
You closed your eyes and raised your hands.
It’s a strange experience, going back in time. No one had really asked you to describe what it was like, and you probably couldn’t have if you tried. It felt a little like retracing your own steps in your head, relocating your conscience to an earlier moment, second by second, in a rapid backwards motion. Like very vivid remembering. Only, it’s not just that.
“You’re lonely,” Natasha said, swirling the dregs of her glass, her green eyes tracing over you. “And you need a purpose, like all of us.”
You were expecting it this time, but the glass still slipped through your fingers and broke into tiny shards on the floor. Not good enough. You didn’t wait for her reaction this time, cursing under your breath and pulling yourself back again. As always, it took considerably more effort.
You tried your best not to stare at the glass while Natasha spoke, but you didn’t really listen anymore. This time, you caught it, even though its contents spilled over your hand.
Natasha smirked. “Not bad. First try?”
“This is when I lie to sound capable, right?” You shook the liquid off your fingers, sure she’d already noticed the sweat on your temples. No use in lying to a spy, anyway, you supposed, so you admitted, “Third.”
“We’ll work on that. But honesty’s a good start.” She held out her hand and you returned the glass. “Have you ever done combat training?”
You could barely stifle a nervous laugh. “Do I look like I’ve ever done combat training?”
“I don’t tend to judge people based on how they appear,” Natasha said, uncrossing her legs. “Come with me.”
You followed her back out of the office into the wide, empty hallway. You hadn’t seen anyone else around on the whole Compound, even though it could probably house hundreds of people on the ground floor alone. The clacking sound of your steps on the tiled floor seemed to echo all around you.
It felt like you were announcing yourself to everyone within a two-mile radius while Natasha moved around on her bare feet without a single sound.
A glass elevator took you down to the subterranean level of the building. Once the doors slid open, Natasha marched straight to a double door with square windows and large metal handlebars.
“Leave your shoes and bag by the door,” she told you. She waited for you to untie your laces and awkwardly wiggle out of your boots before she let you both in.
The Compound gym was even bigger than you’d expected. You weren’t sure if you were more surprised by that revelation or by the presence of a certain super soldier kicking the life out of a punching bag on the other side of the hall.
“Hey Rogers,” Natasha shouted as it got smacked to the ground. “Brought a new recruit!”
“Really?” he called back, unwrapping the bandages around his knuckles.
“Really?” you said. Sure, that was what you came here for, but even so, you were a little shocked it had been that simple.
“Like you said, we’re a little desperate at the moment,” she winked.
“I didn’t say that,” you muttered anxiously as Captain America jogged over to join you, a towel thrown over his shoulder. Despite his workout, he hadn’t even broken a sweat.
“Steve Rogers,” he said, holding out his hand with a smile.
You shook it, slightly bewildered, and introduced yourself. He repeated your name back at you and you had to take a moment to think how strange this whole situation was, even in all the madness that’d been going on. How unreal.
“I’m sure it’ll be good to have ya,” he said, and you almost laughed at the absurdity of it all. Thankfully, you caught yourself in time.
Meanwhile, Natasha had dragged one of the thick foam mats away from the heavy equipment and rolled it out. Cracking her neck, she stepped onto it and pushed her hair out of her face.
“Okay. Show me how you’d throw a punch.”
She held out her hands flat in front of her and nodded her head for you to join her on the mat. You’d never felt so stupid in your life as you tried to rack your brains for whatever little you took from those self-defense lessons however long ago. At least Captain Goddamn America seemed to be politely ignoring you in favor of putting some weights away.
“Just move on instinct, you’re not getting graded,” Natasha said calmly.
Your instincts were telling you you were absolutely getting graded and this was your worst idea to date, but you tried your best. She had you aim at different heights a few times before she stopped you.
“Okay, your posture’s terrible. You have to straighten your back and bend your knees more, see?” She demonstrated the right stance, waiting for you to copy her. “There you go. That’s your standard pose.”
“Alright,” you said, testing it out with a little bounce. “And what do I do with that?”
“Depends on what you’re trying to do. With the right training, you can use your own weight to your advantage in a fight. Steve?”
“Oh, great, am I volunteering?” He joined you on the mat and you moved to give the two of them enough space.
“You love it. Now watch me,” she added, looking at you.
Before Steve could even properly raise up his arms, Natasha launched into a handflip and somehow managed to wrap her legs around his body. The sudden movement made him stumble backwards. He lurched his body forwards to get her off his shoulders, but she used the momentum of her fall to kick him off his feet onto the mat. She gracefully landed on all fours like a cat. It looked effortless.
“You’re right,” Steve groaned, “this is very fun for me.”
“Yeah, I’m not gonna be able to do that,” you said flatly.
“I don’t expect you to,” Natasha said, pulling her hair behind her ears again. “But you do have to be able to survive in a fight, even without your powers, if you want to join the team. We can’t babysit you.”
You pressed your lips together, slowly curling your hands into fists and opening them again.
“Alright,” you said, your voice strangely dry. “When do we start?”
*****
Your initial reaction is relief.
Relief, because it’s Friday again, which means nothing has actually happened, which means Bucky is still alive.
Then, the implications of that fact hit you all at once.
You must’ve blacked out for a second or two, because when you open your eyes again, you’re lying on the floor next to your bed, heart still pounding a mile an hour. Your breath comes out in short gasps, and you force it to slow just in time for the knock on the door.
“Rise and shine, McFly! Time to get your ass kicked!”
“Just gimme a minute!” you shout back and stumble to the bathroom.
Your hands and face are speckled with blood and you wash it off furiously, biting your lip as the tiny cuts on your skin left by the glass shards burn under your touch. Turning off the faucet, you keep leaning onto the basin and stare at your hands.
You’re not sure what you expected. Your rings are still the blackest you’ve ever seen them, and the dimly glowing symbols keep slowly circling around your wrist. It doesn’t take you long to put two and two together, because once is a coincidence, a strange, fateful accident, but twice is a pattern. And of course you’ve heard about this kind of thing happening. Only not like this.
Life everlasting.
No. Definitely not like this.
So it appears you’ve gotten yourself stuck in some macabre version of Groundhog Day. Alright. Cool cool cool. You can work with that, probably. Maybe.
“Did you get lost in there?” Sam remarks with a grin when you finally step out of your room, still looking slightly disheveled.
“I—” You stop yourself, blinking at him until he starts looking slightly concerned.
“You alright? You look …” His eyebrows raise even higher. “Shell-shocked.”
Well, this isn’t exactly an everyday occurence even for me, Samuel, you want to tell him. Instead, you say, “Don’t ever wake me up like that again.” It lacks yesterday’s punch.
“Sweet white teenage angst not your style?”
You hum, but don’t reply otherwise, still lost in thought as you climb the stairs, trying to assess your situation and come up with some sort of plan.
It’s fairly obvious you fucked up your reset the other day. So much for the precious space-time continuum; oh, you hate it when the wizard people are right every now and then.
You glance sideways at Sam while he stretches his back in the ring. He seems fine, completely normal, unaware of what’s going on with you, and of course he would be. Nothing unusual about that part of your powers. Or what’s left of them.
You raise your hands experimentally.
“I’m not high-fiving you until you get one kick in, at least.”
Not even the slightest hitch. It’s like your powers have just up and left you completely. A strange heaviness settles in your stomach. Fucking useless.
You avert your burning eyes from Sam’s gaze.
It’s not like you … talk.
None of you do, not really. Sure, you chat. You’re great at chatting. You’ve had years, countless tries of perfecting smalltalk, of knowing the things you can get away with saying to certain people. It’s made you reckless in the past, knowing you could probably replay entire conversations in the blink of an eye, the pressure of expectation gone completely.
Ever since you started coming out of hiding again, though, the fun has drizzled out of that more and more. It’s one thing to impress strangers and another to be several steps ahead of the people you’ve started to consider your friends.
Because even though sometimes it sure would be easier, having people un-live conversations they’ve had with you, particularly hard or emotional ones, is sort of a shitty move if you continue to spend your time around them afterwards. And you’ve grown determined to not intentionally hurt people with your powers. Not anymore.
So yes, you chat. You know Sam’s favorite color and the video games his nephews want for their birthdays. You know what kind of music Bucky listens to, mostly because he forgets to turn on the soundproofing in his room and Jazz trumpets are surprisingly loud. You know their habits, the foods they like, the movies they hate.
But you don’t … share. Nothing that goes deeper than the general stuff.
It’s moments like these that make you miss Nat the most.
There was something about that woman that made everyone around her open up, whether they wanted to or not. You’re almost resolved to call her as soon as you get back to your room before you remember.
You’re gonna have to do this on your own. Back to square one.
“What is up with you today?”
“I’m fine,” you grunt, but make no effort to get back up again. “Didn’t sleep well. Ow.” You narrow your eyes at Sam. “Did you just kick me?”
“I wanted to see if you’re still alive.”
“Horrible. I’m quitting. You can go spar with Bucky again.”
“At least he puts up a fight.” Sam crouches down next to you. “Anything you wanna tell me?”
Yes. You shake your head. He probably wouldn’t believe you, anyway.
“Alright,” he says, clapping you on the shoulder. You scrunch your nose. “I’m gonna hit the showers. But we’re doing a rain check for tomorrow, and you sort out your pea under the mattress situation.”
“Okay.”
You listen to Sam’s receding steps and the sound of the door opening and closing again. Then, there’s nothing but silence and the ticking of the clock on the far wall.
Even though you know you should probably just head out as well, you can’t help but linger again. Just in case.
“You look like shit.”
Your head rolls to the side. Fuck you, Barnes. “Hey, Buck.”
Same spot on the bench next to the ring, same hunched over position, same concentrated look on his face while he cleans up the shimmering golden nooks in his arm.
“Buck?” He huffs, even though he continues to wear his usual exasperated expression. “Did Sam hit you in the head?”
You don’t answer, just keep staring at his profile for a little while longer. Your eyes are drawn to the nape of his neck, to the center of his chest. You bite the inside of your cheek so hard it hurts.
“What’re you lookin’ at?” Bucky says lowly. You turn your gaze back to the ceiling.
“Nothing,” you answer, pulling an arm over your eyes. The sweatband rubs against your eyebrow.
Maybe, you think, just maybe, it could still be a fluke. Only one more time to get things right, and then all will just go back to normal. Maybe you’ll be fine today. He’ll be fine.
There’s a buzzing in your ears, and you’re not sure if it comes from the green symbols gyrating around your arm or if you’re just imagining it altogether.
“What happened to your face?” Bucky asks unexpectedly, casually, as if he were talking about the weather.
“What do you mean?”
“You look like you dove head-first into a rose bush.”
“Hah.” You slowly sit up, your muscles aching for a hot shower. Three days of training and fighting in a row are not agreeing with your body. “Must’ve scratched myself in my sleep.”
If he sees through your lie, he doesn’t call you out on it. “Didn’t know you have talons.”
You raise your eyebrows in fake surprise. It’s so easy to fall back into your usual bickering, even with everything that’s going on. “You’re right, I don’t. Your cat probably got into my room again and let out her past week’s aggressions.”
“My cat slept soundly, thank you very much,” Bucky says dryly.
“See, that’s exactly what she wants you to think.”
“Funny.” He stands up, hanging the piece of cloth over the side of the boxing ring to air out. “Take the towel on the right, I already used the other one.”
“Thanks, Buck,” you say with a smirk. He ignores you.
***
The shower is what brings your mood back down again. In the silence of the water hitting your back, there’s enough time for you to think about the upcoming day that you’ve already been through twice.
Up until the mission, it’s gone by fine, unremarkably so, which only makes the build-up to the evening even worse, in your opinion. You face the stream of hot water directly, trying to rid yourself of the image of Bucky lying on the floor, bleeding out in front of you.
You need to be rational about this.
First, you need to figure out what’s going on with your powers. Then, you have to make up your mind about lunch, because while you don’t exactly resent the thought of your third pizza in as many days, your stomach sadly doesn’t agree with that notion. And finally, you’re going to break this damn cycle you’re in. Easy as that.
You turn off the shower with your newfound resolve and grab the clean towel.
Your determination lasts up until you get back to your room and realize you don’t actually know how you are going to fix your powers. They’ve always been somewhat fickle, unpredictable even to you, acting up whenever it’s most inconvenient. Impossible.
No one has ever been able to tell you where they came from, nor how you could properly control them. Everything you know you had to figure out through trial and error, replaying the same scenario over and over again, and, more often than not, lucky coincidences.
Usually, when your rings are black and your powers are weakened, it helps to let your body regain its strength first. In other words, you need to sleep.
This is something you probably should have thought through before getting your morning coffee with an extra shot of espresso, out of habit, but that’s not something you can change right now.
The living room area wouldn’t usually be your first choice for a midday nap, but you’re not ready to face the bloodstains on your bedding quite yet, so you’ll have to make do with one of the suspiciously IKEA-looking throw pillows on the couch. The TV is chattering away in the background, just loud enough to somewhat distract you from your own thoughts.
It’s not enough to fall asleep, though.
You keep tossing and turning, half-listening to three or four episodes of some nineties sitcom, while your anxiety gnaws away at your insides. There’s a constant low pounding in your head that drives you up the wall, and again you swear you can hear the symbols looping around your wrist. You keep scratching at your sweatband, but it’s no use.
You don’t know how much time has passed before the pattering of small paws makes you sigh in disdain.
There’s an obnoxiously loud meowing close to your feet, followed by a sudden weight dropping on your stomach that almost invites your garlic bread back up for a double feature. You peer out at the white shape on top of you, innocently toying with the hem of your shirt.
In general, you like cats just fine, but something about Alpine has always unsettled you. Sure, she’s a cute-looking ball of fluff, but she’s also quick to scratch unsuspecting people bending down to pet her, and she seems to have a particular bone to pick with you.
“Maybe she’s just a good judge of character,” Sam jokes whenever you complain about it.
“She doesn’t like you any better.”
“Yeah, but I’m allergic to her,” Sam shrugs. “The farther she stays away, the more a favor it’s doing me.”
In truth, the only person Alpine likes is Bucky, and she loves to show it every chance she gets.
“You’re in her spot.”
Alpine graciously allows you to push up to your elbows with a groan. Bucky’s tall figure is looming over your head; there’s a bemused expression on his face. He must’ve just walked in through the door, because he’s still wearing his jacket.
“Why does the cat need a spot on the couch, exactly?” You try to shoo her off your lap, but Alpine digs her claws deeper into your shorts and you wince. “You really need to teach her manners.”
“You gotta be gentle with her,” Bucky says, pulling her off you without a hitch. “Move over.”
You swing your legs off the couch with a roll of your eyes. “Can’t you sit somewhere else?”
“Nope. This is my spot, too.”
“Great,” you sigh, angling yourself away from him. “I’ll be sure to make a reservation next time.”
Alpine starts purring as Bucky scratches her under the chin. “You watchin’ that?”
“I was trying to nap,” you mumble, throwing him the remote with a little more force than necessary. “What time is it, anyway?”
“Thirteen twelve hours.”
“Please stop just saying numbers when I ask you that.”
Bucky smirks again and switches channels. “Quarter past one-ish.”
You blink at him tiredly, surprised to find out he’s been back so early. The past two days, you didn’t see him around again until the broadcast was about to start. Then again, you didn’t really pay attention at that point, either.
There’s that tick in his jaw that he always gets when something is bothering him, even as he’s distracted by a playful cat in his lap. You’d better relieve him of the burden of your presence.
“Well,” you say, standing up. Alpine whines indignantly at the sudden movement. “I’ll try to find a cat-free spot in this tower, then.”
“Try the floor,” Bucky says as you’re almost out of the room. He doesn’t turn when you do, but he seems to feel your questioning gaze. “If you can’t sleep. It helps, sometimes.”
You hide your hands in your pants pockets, even though it’s far too late by now. He’s already noticed your black rings.
With a short hum, you briskly walk back to your room, leaning against the door as it closes behind you. This is getting ridiculous, you think, worrying the ring on your pinkie finger with your thumb. As if you didn’t have enough reasons to get a hold of your powers again; you don’t know what you would do if Bucky really got suspicious of you now.
Taking a deep breath, you eye your bed. Compared to yesterday, the blood stains on your sheets are barely more than a few specks, because you weren’t as close to Bucky when it happened. Somehow, that doesn’t make you feel any better.
“Fine,” you mutter in annoyance, grabbing one of your pillows and throwing it on the floor next to your bed. “FRIDAY, can you wake me in time for Sam’s speech?”
“Of course,” FRIDAY tells you. “Do you want me to use the same song as this morning?”
“Please don’t.” A little idea pipes up at the back of your head. “Do you have any record of playing that song before?”
“Last dates played. Friday, July 4th 2025, 07:50 a.m. Playtime: forty-five seconds. Thursday, March 13th 2014, 02:49 a.m. Playtime: one hour, twenty-seven minutes, eighteen seconds. End of record.”
Interesting night for Tony, then, but not exactly telling when it comes to your time loop situation. With a sigh, you get settled on the floor, staring up at the ceiling until your eyes get too tired.
You’ll think of something once you’ve had a bit of sleep. He’ll be fine.
And then, just as you’re finally about to drift off, you feel a sudden jolt go through you. It’s a bizarre sensation, like you’re falling and jumping at the same time, but your body isn’t actually moving with you. Like someone pulling at your very consciousness.
Your eyes fly open and you gasp for air.
You’re still in your room, which should be good news, but everything looks … weird. Not as out of focus as it would be if you were simply dreaming, but somehow crooked, the angles unusually pronounced. The colors are all off, the lights way lower than they should be this time of day, and when you reach out for the edge of your bed, your hands—
You take a sharp breath. Your fingers are bare, no trace of your rings anywhere, and even worse, your hands are partly transparent. Cautiously, you get up on your equally as see-through legs and turn around.
When you see your own body still lying in bed next to where you’re standing, you almost trip over your own feet.
You stare at yourself in disbelief. One of your body’s hands is tucked under the pillow, and it’s breathing regularly. Carefully, you take a step closer and reach out your noncorporeal hand. Your shoulder feels warm and solid underneath your fingertips.
Your body wrinkles its nose in its sleep and you jerk back again, losing your balance and falling to the floor. Your body doesn’t react at all, even though you pull part of the blanket with you as you go down.
“Okay. This is a dream,” you tell yourself, even though you feel your heart pounding. “Just some weird-ass dream, and I have to wake up.” Again, you can’t help but look at the sleeping body lying in your bed.
You press your hands over your eyes, willing yourself to slow your breathing. The edge of your nightstand jabs you painfully between the shoulder blades, too real to be nothing more than an act of your imagination.
“You’re not what I expected.”
The man’s voice makes you flinch slightly. Slowly, you peek through your fingers.
You either didn’t notice him while you were taking in your surroundings or he’s just blended in with them seamlessly, although you’re not sure how that last one could even be a possibility. His back is turned to you, his frame covered by a long, deep red cloak with intricate patterns stitched along the seams. He’s perusing your bookshelf, picking up old copies seemingly at random.
For some reason, your shock at the sight of him is outweighed by immediate irritation. Something about the man instantly irks you.
“Thanks, I think,” you tell him, throwing the edge of the blanket over your sleeping body again as you get up, never letting the man out of your sight.
He turns around, one of his eyebrows raised. Your eyes immediately fall on the amulet around his neck and your heart gives a stutter. You ignore it.
“Not a compliment.” He holds up a book. “This is how you spend your time, then?”
It’s one of your favorite comfort novels. You take good care of your books for the most part, but this one is quite battered; you’ve been bringing it with you on missions for years. A bit of home that fits into your pocket and helps calming you down on countless quinjet rides better than pictures ever could.
“Sue me for trying to relax in between saving the world,” you say, crossing your arms.
“Of course,” the man says wryly. “Because god forbid you use those powers of yours to their full extent, we wouldn’t want that.”
“And what’s it to you?” you snap.
The man calmly puts the book down again; not where he picked it up from, you notice in annoyance.
“My name is Doctor Stephen Strange,” he says, watching your face for your reaction. “Ah, so you have heard of me.”
Of course you have. You know who he is, you must’ve seen his picture hundreds of times during the Blip, and even before that, you’d heard about his reputation. As one of the keepers of the time stone back when it still existed, he’s on your list of people you least want to see, ever.
You narrow your eyes at him. “How did you find me? What—” You take a quick look back at your own sleeping form. “What is this place?”
“The astral plane,” he says, swiping your bookshelf for dust and inspecting his fingertips contemptuously. They’re shaking ever so slightly. “Something you would know if you hadn’t spent the past decade avoiding every single chance to use your powers responsibly.”
“Wow,” you huff. “You don’t know anything about me or about my powers.”
“Don’t I, Y/N Y/L/N?” Strange’s cloak flaps slightly as if it were shrugging.
“I spent the last couple of years trying to save lives.”
“You’re riding on luck and pretend it’s control. You have no idea what this could do to the grand scheme of things.”
“Well, I never asked for these powers, okay?” you say defensively. “I just have them. What I don’t have is any interest in being a pawn in some grand scheme of things when I never wanted any of this.”
“People don’t generally get a choice in that matter.” His gaze drops to your wrist. “And now look where your resistance to accept your responsibilities got you.”
The green band of symbols is still leisurely circling around your arm. You bite your tongue. “I don’t know how that happened,” you say, your voice breaking slightly on the last word.
“It happened because you activated the time stone,” Strange sneers. “Your powers are a lot stronger than you even care to realize, and it was idiotic to keep them a secret.”
“Why, so you could use them for your own gain?”
“So I could prevent this exact kind of thing from happening.”
You throw your hands in the air in frustration. “So end it, then. Or did you drag me here just to berate me?”
Strange chuckles humorlessly. “This is not something others can just fix for you, Miss Y/L/N. You cast a very powerful spell in creating this loop, and you are the only one who can lift it again.”
“Great. I’m screwed, then, is that what you’re saying?” You might not be inside of your body at the moment, but you can still feel your cheeks heating up. “I want you to leave me the fuck alone.”
“You need to calm down,” Stange says sharply.
“Don’t tell me to calm down, get out of my—head, or whatever this is. Get out!”
“Alright then. Continue to play stubborn. See how far it gets you.” He holds out his right hand and there’s a crack in the air behind him; almost like a doorway, or a mirror. “I’ll be here when you’re done acting like a child.”
You come to on your bedroom floor, feeling almost more tired than you did when you laid down earlier. It takes your bleary eyes a moment to adjust to your surroundings again. When you sit up, a thin throw blanket that you don’t remember pulling over your shoulders falls into your lap.
This really is just a whole bunch of disasters stacked on top of each other.
You don’t even have to look at your rings to know there’s still not the slightest green spec in sight. Your fingers find your necklace and you tug slightly to reassure yourself of its presence. How the hell did Strange even find you?
There’s no time to think about it for too long, because once again, there’s a knock at your bedroom door.
“We got a lead on that lab,” Sam shouts on the other side. “Jet’s leaving in half an hour, get ready.”
You blink at the clock on your wall in confusion. Even though you feel like you only spent a couple of minutes in this other dimension you were dragged into, several hours have passed in this one.
Time is seriously out of your hands, and it’s only getting worse.
***
“Don’t you think that maybe they have an alarm set or something?” you say, contemplating the explosives laid out in front of you.
Sam raises his eyebrows, adjusting the intercom chip in his ear. “Is that a hunch or are you telling me?”
“Both.” You flex your fingers. “It’s just that announcing ourselves probably isn’t in our best interest right now.”
“And you couldn’t have said that earlier? As in, before we landed?” Sam sighs.
Bucky snorts as you shrug your shoulders helplessly. Your body desperately needed the half hour of uneasy sleep the flight has afforded it, even though your powers seem to be unimpressed by it.
“Look, it’s gonna be fine,” Sam continues, squeezing your arm. “We’ve handled worse. Besides, if they do have an alarm set, they’re gonna come to us whether we knock down that wall or not.”
“I guess,” you mumble, grabbing the explosives. “Let’s play knock-knock with terrorists then, that oughtta be fun.”
“Reminds me of ‘44,” Bucky says, more to himself than to either of you.
When you follow Sam down the hallway once again, you can’t help but search for the cameras you know are hidden here somewhere, but it’s impossible to tell in the dingy light. You should bring a stronger flashlight next ti—no.
You blink, stopping that thought before it’s fully formed.
There won’t be a next time. This thing ends tonight, once and for all.
Third time’s the charm, right?
About as charming as a kick to the face, you think as you find yourself delivering just that.
Sam takes off. “We better get moving. If you take care of the drive and these idiots, I’ll clear the tunnels for a way out of here!”
Bucky catches Sam’s shield as you disarm the white jacket with the knife and duck as the shots ring out. You’re sweating in your kevlar vest.
“Two o’clock, Bucky,” you tell him, throwing another punch. You’re so sick of this white-coated asshole in particular; it’s like they think you’re in the rumble from West Side Story. “And whatever you do, don’t throw that shield, alright?”
“You’re bossy today,” Bucky huffs, taking out the one with the blaster.
“I think you mean thorough,” you reply as Riff finally goes out cold.
“You tell yourself that.” He reloads his gun instead, shield firmly locked around his right arm. “How much longer for the transfer?”
You glance at the monitors and try to remember. “About a minute, maybe two.”
“Sam, you copy?” The last white jacket goes down.
“Ready for take-off in five,” Sam confirms cheerfully. “Heads-up, there’s at least another dozen heading your way.”
“Got it.” Bucky bumps your shoulder as he starts back towards the computers, leaving you only a second to process the different turnout of events.
Shouldn’t he insist on leaving?
The only thing that differentiates this mission from the first one is that you haven’t had to jump back to know what to look out for, and therefore don’t suffer the immediate side effects a redo usually has on you. You suppose that’s what they initially expected your powers to be like; flawless, useful, magical.
It’s like a slap in the face, even though Bucky doesn’t realize he’s doing it. The fact that he really does think lesser of you because of your stupid, faulty powers stings more than you care to admit.
You shake yourself back to the present moment. “Take the drive and then get away from there!” you shout, trying to catch up with him. Your lungs are burning. “They’re gonna blow up the—”
The blast of the explosion throws you backwards and you land on one of the unconscious bodies on the ground. Coughing, you roll to your hands and knees.
“Wha—ppening?” Sam’s cut off voice comes through the broken comms.
“Bucky?” You stumble towards the flaming mess that was the lab corner.
He must have hit his head on the side of the big table, but the shield had protected him from the sharp edge. He’s pressing a hand to his wound and he’s conscious and fine. He’s fine.
You can’t stop a relieved laugh as you crouch down next to him. “Wanna get out of here or what?”
The reflection of the flames makes his eyes almost look green as he squints at you, groaning. “Geez, I hate you.”
“Come on, tough guy,” you say and he lets you pull him to his feet, almost toppling over at his unsteadiness. “Let’s get you home.”
You keep turning around as you make your way to the tunnels, keep looking back towards the staircase you came down, worrying about the reinforcements Sam told you about. Maybe that’s your mistake.
Because you haven’t made it this far before, you don’t think to check that the unconscious white jackets are all still unconscious.
You still have Bucky’s shield arm around your shoulder as he jerks, sensing the motion on his left before you do. He catches the first bullet with his metal arm as you twist out of your hold on him, grabbing your knife and whirling back around. He makes a side step, taking a big swing—
Only you told him not to throw the shield.
You fling your knife as fast as you can, but his single moment of hesitation was long enough for the trigger to be pulled a second time. You turn just in time to see the realization on Bucky’s face, the shock and panic in his eyes as they meet yours.
And then you wake up with a start to the sun in your face and–
“Okay, alright, turn it off, FRIDAY!”
By the time you wipe your mouth and flush the toilet with shaky knees, hair and face still caked with blood, you’re finally starting to understand how well and truly screwed you are.
***
You lean against the fridge, staring at Sam while he’s typing away at the kitchen island. He likes working standing up for some reason, particularly when he has to write some sort of statement.
“If I have to give the speech standing up, I’ve gotta write it standing up,” he’s explained it to you once. You can’t pretend to get it, but you suppose it’s also a perk to be within an arm’s length of snacks at all times while you’re getting stuff done.
“What do you want?” Sam says evenly. His gaze remains fixed on his laptop, his fingers never stopping to move.
You bite your lip. It’s a bad, very bad, terrible idea. You shouldn’t be bothering him with your fuck-up. You don’t even know how to go about it without having him laugh in your face.
“What if I told you that I’m stuck in a time loop?”
The question comes out weirdly flat, as if you’re joking. Fuck, what’s happening to you? You’ve always been fine with being the person who knows more than anyone else in the room. This situation though …
It’s different. It unrattles you in a way your powers never have, because even though it’s your own doing, it also seems so out of your control.
Sam raises an eyebrow, still not looking up. “I’d ask when you started drinking today and why you did it without me.”
Honestly, you should have expected something along these lines as long as you have no way of proving it to him.
“Well,” you say light-heartedly, as if you’re merely chitchatting. “What would you do if you were reliving the same day over and over again?”
“Enjoy my time off, probably,” Sam says, rubbing his eyes with the palms of his hands.
“I’m serious.”
“And I’m starving. Shouldn’t the food be here by now?”
You check your phone. “About half a minute.”
It gives you an idea for the future.
Lo and behold. You startle the poor delivery guy, opening the front door right before he can knock. “Hi,” you smile, handing him a generous tip. “We don’t know each other, right?”
“Uhm. What?”
“Do you have like, two minutes?”
“Did you have to haggle for them, first?” Sam calls over when you finally make it back to the kitchen, closing his laptop and helping you put down the boxes and containers on the counter.
“Had to convert to Pastafarianism,” you say, getting out the cutlery. “Ready for blasphemy?”
Sam chuckles.
By the time lunch is done and Sam has left for Madison Square Garden, another wave of exhaustion catches up with you. You pull your rings off and leave them on the table before you lie down on the second couch in the living room area, hoping that maybe this time, you’ll get a little bit of rest.
Only once again, it’s no use. Every time you close your eyes, you’re back in the lab, watching Bucky get shot. The background buzz of the TV isn’t loud enough to drown out the sound of your cursed memories.
Or the sound of the cat whining next to your ear.
“You’ve got to be kidding me.”
Alpine settles on your chest this time, leaving long white hairs all over your shirt and hitting you in the face with her tail. You grimace, trying not to inhale any of her fur.
“You’re in her spot.”
You don’t bother turning your aching head. “I thought her spot was over there!” you say accusingly, gesturing vaguely to the other side of the living room.
“Who told you that?” Bucky says, a bemused tone in his voice as he scoops Alpine up in his gloved hands, careful not to touch you. “Move over.”
You blink at him. You did.
You feel his expectant glare on you and sigh.
“Really, you too? We have plenty of room, you know.” You pull your knees in.
“I do,” he says, sitting down next to you and reaching underneath the cushions. “But you’re always hoggin’ the remote.”
You put your cold feet on his thigh in retaliation. Bucky tenses.
“How are you so cold, it’s like ninety degrees outside.”
“Emphasis on outside,” you shrug. “I just run cold.”
“That you do.” He switches channels, then pulls his gloves off and puts them on the table next to your rings.
You bite the inside of your cheek and roll to the floor inelegantly. Alpine meows in disdain, like a knife scratching the whole diameter of a dinner plate.
“Please tell your cat to chill, geez,” you mumble, slumping down on the other couch and stretching your legs out again with a contented sigh.
Bucky doesn’t reply.
“My dear girl,” a thickly accented voice on the TV says, “you cannot keep bumping your head against reality and saying it is not there. The evidence was definite. We can’t remove it by wishing or crying.”
“He trusted me,” a female voice answers. “I led him into a trap, I convicted him. Is that real enough for you?”
“There is no one to blame,” the first voice continues. “The case was a little deeper than you figured. This often happens. You must realize now one thing, it is over for both of you.”
“What are you watching?” you ask.
There’s a short pause before Bucky answers. “Hitchcock. Spellbound.”
You can’t help your reaction.
“Why’d you just do that?” Bucky says.
You stare at the ceiling. “Do what?”
“You flinched.”
“Did not.” You can taste blood in your mouth.
“Why won’t you look at me?”
You turn to the side and demonstratively stare at him, even though it makes your insides twist. Bucky’s face doesn’t change at all as he gazes back at you, frown deepening between his eyebrows. It’s like he’s trying to drown you with the endless blue of his eyes.
You drop your gaze and shake your head.
“What’s your point, Bucky? Not everyone likes staring at people like you do.”
“Why not?”
“Because it’s weird. And invasive.”
“It’s invasive to look at you?”
“Yes,” you say, “if you do it like that.”
“Like what?”
“I don’t know!” You sit back up again in exasperation. “What do you want from me, Bucky?”
You look at his face this time, not his eyes. It still makes your cheeks burn, because his jaw sets that way again and he doesn’t immediately respond.
“Something’s wrong,” he says, finally, and you hide your face between your hands in what you can only hope looks like frustration. Then you realize that that’s only making your missing rings more obvious.
“Nothing’s wrong,” you snap, balling your hands into fists.
“Tell me.”
“I don’t have anything to tell you!”
“You promised,” Bucky says coolly. “Remember?”
Your stomach plummets.
“Yes,” you say, forcing your voice to stay calm. “But I’ll take care of it. You don’t have to worry. I’ve got this.”
You feel his eyes on your back all the way to your room, and you’re not sure if you’re lying to him or to yourself, even as you slam the door behind you and look anywhere but your bed.
Your book is lying in the wrong place.
*****
“Honestly, Nat, you could’ve killed her.”
“Don’t be dramatic. She’s made of stronger stuff than that.”
There were yellow dots dancing across your vision when you opened your eyes, groaning at the bright neon lights hitting you in the face.
You were lying on the mat in the gym of the Compound and your nose had been ripped clean off; at least that was what it felt like. Judging by your red-soaked shirt, your guess wasn’t that far off, though.
“Hey,” Natasha said, kneeling down next to you. “Sorry, that must hurt like a bitch.”
“Your head is bery solid,” you replied, touching the blood still dribbling down your face. “Ow.”
“Thank you,” she said and handed you a wet towel. “Put that in your neck and lean your head back.”
“Di’ I faind?”
“You knocked yourself out, honey,” she said with a sly grin.
“It isn’t funny, Nat,” Steve shouted. You snorted, then winced in pain.
“Don’t worry,” Natasha winked. “You’re gonna be as pretty as before once you clean up. Already reset your nose while you were out.”
“Thangs.”
Surprisingly, this was the first serious injury you’d sustained in the past couple of weeks you’ve been living as a rookie Avenger; though in truth, that was mostly due to the fact that Natasha had only had you build up your stamina and agility up until today. Your first proper day in the ring was nothing short of humiliating.
“You could always go back to the moment before you decided to headbutt me,” Natasha said once the bleeding had finally stopped.
You wiped your nose carefully, taking a few breaths to clear your airways. “Sadly, that’s not how it works,” you said, letting her help you slowly come upright again. “I’m the one moving through time, so I stay exactly the same. I can help you guys avoid the punches, but I’ll still be the one receiving them.”
Cursed to stay the same, just like you’d always said.
Natasha tilted her head. “That seems like something you could work on with proper help.”
You grimaced. “I’ve tried that before. There’s no one who can help me, no one who can … fix me, or my powers.”
There was worry in her eyes, then, and you were taken aback by how genuine it seemed. It left a crack in your shell.
“I don’t think that’s true,” she said quietly.
But it was. “I mean it,” you said, your lip twitching. “You can’t tell them that I’m here. For all they know, I got dusted just like everyone else.”
She knew; it had been the one condition you’d set in exchange for your help. That didn’t mean she had to like it.
There was a prolonged pause until Natasha nodded. “All the more reason to get you proper training,” she said, getting back to her feet and helping you up. “Let’s get you some ice cream. Good for the healing.”
You smiled when both she and Steve kept worrying about you the entire way to the kitchen, even though both of them tried hard not to make it obvious. It still filled you with a strange sense of warmth that almost had you forget about the pain.
You were safe here.
Things were finally starting to look up.
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chapter three
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lexirosewrites · 3 days ago
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I look forward to slick Sunday every week it's always so fun! Had a fun little idea that's slightly different too!
O!Steve is known to be home alone a lot but what if it wasn't because both his parents were shitty, just his dad. People assume Steve is all alone but every year when December starts Steve gets to pick up his favorite woman in the world, next to his best friend Robin, from the airport and after months away he's holding his mom so so tight.
Mrs. Harrington comes home every year because she never wants her sweet sweet pup to be alone during their favorite holiday. They decorate, her inside and him out because he loves hanging the lights all over the house, they bake cookies and cakes and brownies and while she wraps presents and shops in the city he delivers them all around Hawkins. It's their little tradition but now tradition gets to be shared.
Steve invites B!Robin, A!Nancy, O!Jonathan, B!Argyle, the pups and of course A!Eddie and all their parents (except Argyle because they don't talk much anymore but he's chill with it, he loves Joyce and calls her mom) over for Christmas this year and everyone agrees because they don't ever want Steve to be alone. Eddie is the first to show up, he arrives early in the morning with Wayne because he's eager to see the omega who stole his heart and he's been trying to ask to court officially for a year now, and when they knock a sleepy, bleary Steve answers the door and he just smiles and says "My Eddie." He just woke up so he doesn't even notice he let his inner thoughts out instead of his normal response.
Eddie? Over the freaking moon. He knows Steve was probably trying to tell him good morning but he just smiles and purrs, stepping inside and Steve just falls into his chest because he's sleepy and happy and content because now not only is the Alpha he loves here, his pack will be around later AND his mom is home. It's shaping up to be the best Christmas ever. Wayne is just chuckling as he closes the door behind them and that's when a soft and sweet scent is noticable and voice calls out. "Steve? Pup who's at the door?"
"It's my Alpha Mom!"
Eddie. Is. Ecstatic. Steve thinks of him as his Alpha. Fuck. Yes! He can't resist covering Steve in his scent as the heel clicks get closer and Dahlia Harrington, her breakfast apron on and spatula in hand, comes to the foyer and is smiling so bright. "Hello sweetheart! Oh Stevie you know how to pick them, the handsome Munson Alpha? My lucky pup. Come now everyone, breakfast is almost ready and I'm making French toast. We have lots to do before the rest of the pack gets here!" She takes Wayne's hand and leads him away while Steve and Eddie are still curled around each other by the door.
And later that day when their pack arrives, everyone gets to meet Steve's mom and they all adore her. There's games, music, dancing, presents and so much good food. The Harrington house is full of love and laughter and joy and if that night when Steve is surrounded by all his pups in a big nest next to the Christmas tree, his mom asleep in their nest upstairs with the other parents of the pack, Eddie right against his back and the rest of his friends bracketed around the pups to protect them and their pack Omega he tells Eddie to bite him. He doesn't even care their courtship was never official, he doesn't need tradition when he has Eddie's love.
The best Christmas present of all that day? Having his family together and his Alpha's mark. He's so excited for next Christmas.
what if i cry🥲
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cherryblooom · 1 day ago
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Enchanted - Oscar Piastri [introduction]
Summary: After being forced of moving mid-year of school, the least thing you expected was getting a crush in a cute boy who loves karting and actually being corresponded. I mean, you have always wanted to have a romance like the books but forgot all the struggles and challenges that comes with it.
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Pairing: Teen!Oscar Piastri x Teen!Reader
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Warnings: period shaming, bullying, reader has some questionable thoughts and self-contempt, animal abuse (no details). mostly narration.
Author note: This is my very first work ever, please be nice and reblog if you liked it!
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Everything felt very surreal. You can feel your eyes stinging, fighting not to let out those tears that you had been holding in since before you left the house.
There wasn't much traffic, but you weren't sure if that was a good thing or if you just wanted to delay the impossible. You knew it was necessary but couldn't help feeling guilty for your parents for having to move across the country and leave everything they knew behind. Your father had lived his entire life working and building his company from scratch and thanks to endless nights, you and your mother were just beginning to see the fruits of his hard work, of course, before all the shitshow happened. Your parents had done everything they could to make you understand that their anger was not your fault and not directed towards you, it was actually the opposite, but you couldn't help feeling resentful and like a freaking failure.
You played with the apps on your phone in a failed attempt to distract yourself but couldn't help to grimace when you opened the Instagram app and saw your now private profile. You followed some famous people but you only had 10 followers as all the others were deleted by your mother.
''I'm sorry for making you move and leave everything behind. Dad, the company...''
''Honey, no. Stop it!'' your father replied after lowering the volume of the radio while your mother, who was in the passenger seat next to him, turned around with a look of concern. ''We already talked about it, you're not guilty of what happened and we're not angry at you. We should have protected you and been there for you but we realized it too late but I promise you that we are going to leave all this in the past and although you don't want to believe it now, we love you and we always will.'' She was right, you couldn't believe her. Your mind was going down a somewhat dark path and you were sure that if your mother had even the slightest idea of what was going on in your head, she wouldn't hesitate to send you to a psychologist. ''Plus, you will love the new house! It has a beautiful patio and a pool where you can practice in case you want to join the swimming team at your new school.’’ She told you slightly excited, trying to pass on the feeling to you but you didn't have the heart to tell her that it wouldn't be possible, so you just nodded and looked out the window again.
You could feel your mother's gaze on you, perhaps waiting for an answer or even a smile but you didn't have the energy to do it or even fake it.
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You had become what they call a ''bookworm''. Despite having access to technology and internet, you had developed a great love and appreciation for physical books and the smell of a new book excited you more than what is perhaps ''normal'' but thanks to the fact that apparently not many people shared the sentiment, the library was empty most of the time (at least the one located in the junior wing of the school, you didn't know about the one in the senior wing, but you have heard that it has like three floors and a private cafeteria).
You were reading one of your favorite books again and even though you practically knew the story by heart, you couldn’t stop laughing and feeling your heart flutter at the thought of how it would feel to be loved like that. Would you ever be able to find someone who would love and admire you just for being you? Just for existing? You had a love/hate thing for romance books. You read about how the characters were loved, cared for, how they could let go and turn their brains off to just…be. Exist. You knew you had just turned 14 and that according to your parents and the logical part of your brain, you have a whole life waiting ahead of you, but you can’t imagine that someone could love you like that. You couldn’t even make friends, how the hell are you going out to dates? No idea, but you didn’t want to think about it and fall down that rabbit hole. You turned the page, excited as you were only about 10 pages away from your favorite part but decided to leave it for later to read in the comfort of your room.
The alarm distracted you from your book and with it, you knew that you only had 10 minutes left of lunch (you weren't a big fan of the cafeteria, lots of people and noise so the library was always a good choice) and that you had to go to the biology lab, not forgetting to stop by your locker to look for the essay that you have to hand in today. When you reached for your backpack, you felt a strange tug in your stomach that you didn't know how to describe, you had never felt anything like it before, so you were quite confused, but you ignored it since you knew you didn't have much time left.
Then you saw him. A boy your age was entering the library but you turned around facing away from him, so he was unable see you. You barely saw him for a few seconds but boy, was he cute. Is this what you always read about? You didn't even know the boy's name, but you noticed his short brown hair, his rosy cheeks and how tall he was. Was this your first crush? It’s dumb! You watched him for a few seconds but apparently that was enough to make you fantasize what it would be like to talk to him or what his name would be, if he was nice or a jerk like the rest of the boys in your class (which would be a bummer). All of the other girls in your class have no problem talking to boys or making friends in general but here you are, covering your face with your hair so the cute boy you saw for two seconds doesn’t notice your presence.
You walked out of the library with your coat hanging on your backpack, it wasn’t cold so you didn’t need it at the moment. You had 5 minutes before Biology started so you headed to your locker and you always walked close to the walls, that way you drew as little attention as possible. Apparently, old habits die hard. Up until now, you had done a pretty good job of being a regular girl and not drawing attention to yourself. The girls in your class dangerously reminded you of the girl responsible for you having to move and change schools mid-year and the boys in your class are jerks, is the best way you can describe them. There was no way you wanted to run into any of them. You wake up, go to school, go home, do your homework and then go to bed. Same routine, every day. You watched on social media as your other classmates went out, had fun, went to the mall, bought makeup and clothes, posted photos and videos in groups, laughing, and as much as you wished you didn't care, you felt envious. Why can't you be like that? Why do you have to be the little weirdo who always goes unnoticed, and no one pays attention to?
You had to take one more turn to get to your locker when you heard giggles behind you. You turned your head slightly and saw two boys who were a grade above pointing at you and laughing; your chest started to hurt and you felt like there wasn't enough air to breathe. Anxiety, you felt anxious. You ran to your locker as the laughter intensified behind you and you just knew that you were the reason for it. Suddenly, you felt that same tug at the bottom of your belly.
''Oh no, no, no, please don't...'' you whispered almost on the verge of tears. You felt something hit your head and then fall to the ground. You wanted to die when you looked down and saw a sanitary pad that someone had thrown at your head which made the laughter louder.
''Oh no, the weirdo is bleeding out! I hope she has another skirt because yikes.''
''Hey! You're staining the floor, how fucking disgusting!''
''If I was the janitor, I'd make her clean it up. How disgusting.''
''Hey, honestly, how did you not notice? Didn't you feel your vagina wet or smelly or shit? Fuck, I have to get my book, but my locker is next to hers, imagine if it smells. That will be so gross!''
''In case you prefer to put things inside rather than a pad, weirdo'' Someone had thrown two tampons at your head, one of which had gotten tangled in your curls. At this point, you were already sobbing, not being able to hold back the tears and humiliated, all the while you were still turning your back on everyone with the locker open, with fear and shame eating you away.
Suddenly, you felt someone's presence which brought you out of the little dazed status.
''Honey, come on, I'm going to take you to the infirmary. Come on, you're okay, let's go.'' You could tell by the softness of the voice that it was a woman. She was the school's duty nurse. Apparently, someone was kind enough to call her while the others were scoffing. You let yourself be guide towards the infirmary and could distantly hear the nurse demanding them to stop laughing. At this point, you didn't care anymore, you just wanted to get to your bed and cry, that's all.
5 Months Later
You were in the south courtyard of the school, the farthest of all, with your third sketchbook finishing what would be your second attempt at drawing your mother. It would soon be her birthday and although you had already bought her a gift at the mall, you wanted to give her something that only you could do. Besides, she was the number 1 fan of your drawings and she bragged to her friends that her daughter was a great artist. Sometimes it embarrassed you but at the same time you felt good knowing that you had someone on your side, supporting you. With each stroke, you felt your confidence increase and, you had even opened an Instagram’s account for your drawings, and you felt good knowing that there were people who recognized your talent and encouraged you to continue learning, even if they were strangers. Maybe you were not totally alone.
You felt stuck. You couldn’t draw the hands, and with each attempt you only felt like you were screwing up more. Before you got more frustrated, you decided to take a break and continue in the comfort of your bed after eating. When you were about to start packing your things, your notebook fell open right on the last page that always made you blush. The boy from the library, who you now know also plays on the school soccer team (not that you’re stalking him at all) was looking back at you in an unfinished drawing in your sketchbook. You had only seen him passing by the halls and you couldn’t admit out loud that you unconsciously tried to match your schedule with his, like when he had his sports class. Oscar, that was his name, and you knew it thanks to the fact that he was apparently the star in the games and his name was always shouted by the people in the audience. Apart from seeing him in sports class, you didn't get the chance to see him much since he was in a grade above yours.
It was Tuesday, 3:40 PM according to the alarm you had set. School had ended 10 minutes ago but the alarm reminded you that in 5 minutes the soccer practice, Oscar's soccer practice, would start. Pathetic? Yes, but it wasn't a crime to want to appreciate your crush from afar, right?
Before you could leave the courtyard, you saw out of the corner of your eye a cardboard box which was dirty and you swore that it moved for a second. It looked like trash, but it couldn't be since the school has a zero-tolerance policy regarding that and you can literally end up suspended for throwing trash outside the trash bin. They were really strict about that. You approached it with some caution and jumped a little in shock when you saw that it did move and that it wasn't part of your imagination. Your heart stopped when you heard a small sound...a kitten? You approached more confidently, and your heart skipped a beat when you saw that the box didn't have any holes in it and was in fact sealed with many pieces of tape.
In a hurry, you threw your backpack on the floor and took out your scissors to cut the tape. You could feel the adrenaline and fear of what you might find inside if it turned out to be exactly what you thought but still, you carefully but firmly cut the tape. If they turned out to be kittens, you were going to start crying. You took a deep breath and opened it, feeling your eyes water. There were 4 kittens that looked like they couldn't be more than a few weeks old. One was completely white; another was almost completely black but with a few white spots while the last two were a combination of orange and white. One of the orange kittens, unlike its siblings, wasn't meowing and was just lying there barely breathing. You felt your heart break. They looked cold and hungry, so tiny and defenseless. You have always been a cat person, kittens being your weak point. Quickly, you grabbed your backpack, hooking it on your shoulders so you could carry the box without dropping it and you couldn’t run but did your best to walk fast. When you got to the school gate, you called your mom to come pick you up telling her about the box you found and that you wanted to take them to the vet. Your mom knew there was no way you were going to leave them abandoned after finding them so after 10 minutes you were already on your way to the vet with four beautiful kittens with you.
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Your Instagram account dedicated to your drawings has gained 1,000 followers, which was a great achievement for you, but you decided to take that opportunity to post that you had 3 kittens up for adoption. It destroyed you knowing that you couldn't keep the 4 kittens, but your parents had already let you keep Cotton (cliche because the kitten was completely white, you knew it, but you didn't care).
You were appalled while looking at your notifications. Oscar. Yes, that Oscar was messaging you and after checking a little more you realized that he had been following you for a while and you hadn't even noticed. You could feel your cheeks turning red, but you took a breath and remembered that he was only doing that because he wanted to adopt a kitten, you were of zero importance.
my_cherryblossom
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Liked by Oscar_piastri and 57 others
A few weeks ago I found a box sealed with tape that contained 4 kittens inside. It's obvious that the intention of whoever put them there was for them not to survive but I found them just in time. Sadly, I can only keep one, which is why I am giving up the other 3 for adoption! They are so cute and playful.
If you're interested, write me.
P.S. These kittens are my life so if you give me weird vibes, I won't give you one lol
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Radio Check: As mentioned above, this is just the first part of what I hope will be a series telling Oscar x Reade's story. If you'd like to be tagged, let me know! Please Reblog and like!
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holdmytesseract · 2 days ago
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Wrapping up 2024...
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divider by @jiyascepter <3
Hello, there?
*taps microphone*
Fellow talented writers, dear mutuals, wonderful friends, and faithful readers... 2024 is coming to an end, and I thought it's time to take a look back at this year together with all of you - if you like, of course! ☺️
2024 has been a good year, I'd say personally. It wasn't the best, but certainly not bad. I was blessed with finding a lot of new friends on here... @chennqingg @angelwings-crossbowstrings @dixons-sunshine @mayday2007 @huntedmusicgardenn and @erebus-et-eigengrau ! Thank you for letting me invade your blogs, askboxes and DM's! I'm so grateful we became friends! 🙏🏼🧡 Especially @dixons-sunshine ... Gods, I'm such a fangirl of Krys. You have no idea. It's a wonder I didn't scare her off with my endless ramblings, lol. 😆
I also bumped into a lot of amazing, talented people on here this year - new faces and old acquaintances... @thevegandarkelf @loz-3 @buttercupcookies-blog @gigglingtiggerv2 @jiyascepter and so many more! You all have managed to blow my mind not just once, guys. Thank you for that! 🧡
I have also been blessed to spend another year with the gang on here! @smolvenger @eleniblue @lokisgoodgirl @mochie85 @vbecker10 @ijuststareatstuffhereok89 @mypainischronicbutmyassisiconic @anukulee @multifandom-worlds @jiyascepter - you guys are the best, and you damn well know how much y'all mean to me. Tumblr wouldn't be the same without you. That much is certain. Please never forget how freaking badass and magnificent you are! *BIG HUGS* 🧡
Yeah... I love the bond we all share on here. No matter writer, reader or 'lurker' - we all share the same passion one way or the other, and that's just beautiful, isn't it?
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I'd like to give out a special thanks to @muddyorbsblr . It feels like we have known each other for ages but only got closer throughout this year (and perhaps the end of last year - I unfortunately can't remember entirely. Please forgive me, bestie.) Almost not a day goes by without us texting - and that's awesome. I could always rely on you for advice and help - or just for thirst. 🤭 No matter what, you always have a sympathetic ear for me - and I appreciate this and you so much! Thanks for being here and sharing all those cool things with me! I love you, bestie! 🧡
Another very close friend of mine I met on here is @fictive-sl0th - my compatriot, hehe. She's just wonderful. You know what I'm talking about if you ever had the chance to talk to her. That girl's got a heart of gold, I swear. She ALWAYS helps me when I get stuck on a story. I don't know what I'd do without her. I enjoy talking to her a lot. Friend, I absolutely treasure you. I love you! 🧡
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What else happened this year on here? Well... I did a lot of writing - for which I'm very grateful. I'm still having so much fun doing this. I truly hope y'all have just as much fun with reading. I couldn't imagine a life without writing anymore. It's impossible.
My personal writing highlights this year:
• A Covenant for Eternity - a project I absolutely LOVED to write. It's been so cool to do this in cooperation with so many people. Love, love, love!
• Love In The Rearview Mirror - my newest series. I know I just started to post it, but I've been working on this already for quite some time. I love this series with all my heart, and I truly hope it won't disappoint you.
• Echoes of Hope - another great AU that I started. I absolutely fell in love with my OC's Teddy and Marlo. I just can't help but to continue this.
• Hunter & Prey - one of the steamiest things I ever wrote. I love this addition of the Baby Fever AU!
• ...what the future holds... - a spontaneous idea that turned into one of my favourite stories.
Do you guys have any favourite stories? I'm curious! Let me know - if you want! 🤗
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What else happened? 🤔
Oh yeah, and I reached 2k followers this year! TWO THOUSAND... This is insane... I'm still stunned by this, I swear. I would've NEVER ever thought this was going to happen someday. Not even in my wildest dreams. Thank you again for this! 🙏🏼
And oh boy, we celebrated big...
Campire Sleepover
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Well... It's been a wild ride - and I can't wait what the next year has to offer... I'm excited!
Thank you ALL for reading, commenting, reblogging, and interacting! Thank you ALL for spending this year with me - and fangirling together. No matter if it was about an mischievous God, or an archer with an angel-winged vest. Thank you ALL for helping me shape this blog. It wouldn't be the same without you.
Thank you - from the bottom of my heart!
I truly hope I didn't forget somebody... If I did, I'm SO sorry. I didn't mean to forget you! Please feel hugged. 🙏🏼
I love you all! 🧡
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Now there's only one more thing left to say - I mean, I already stole enough of your time...
I wish all of you a merry merry Christmas and happy holidays! I hope you are able to enjoy it! 🎄
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And now... *turns up Christmas music*
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P.S. If you made it until here, I'm gonna tell you a secret... 🤫 There's a Christmas-ish Loki oneshot coming your way in the next two days... 🤫
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grinchdelia · 2 days ago
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1. Anti-civ does not mean being against medicine. Every culture on the planet practices medicine, and this has been the case for as long as culture has existed. It's true that something like cancer is hard to treat without recent technology, but it's also true that we get a lot more cancer, autoimmune disorders, metabolic issues, etc now. The system that is capable of treating these problems is the same system that causes most of them in the first place.
2. The science thing is more complicated but let's get into what science even is. You can talk about science in the epistemological sense or in the institutional sense. This is definitely something a lot of anti-civ folks would not agree with me on, I'm not going to defend anyone else's opinion here. Speaking personally, my feelings on the scientific method of learning and knowing are messy but I'm not going to toss out empiricism completely. It's good to question beliefs.
Scientific institutions.... are primarily tools of the state. Certainly not all scientists or even the majority spend their time on the kinds of projects I'm talking about. But the reason science as a whole is valued is because it is used to make effective weapons and tools of control. Zooming out a little bit, I don't dislike empiricism itself, but I'm skeptical of the goal of amassing knowledge. This knowledge is part of the wealth of corporate and governmental powers and is far less useful to us than it is to them. Knowledge should be embedded within a living culture, not hoarded to be available as a means.
3. Curious to hear about the good way of making computers? My position is that even if human laborers were happy to work in mines for some reason, the mines would still be doing violence to the land. But for the sake of argument let's say there's a way to do the mining that causes minimal harm to the land. How much work do you think it would take to make one computer ethically? Do you think it would be realistic for very many people to have access to these fantastically complex tools, built in a cleanroom with machines built by machines built by machines built by machines? And again, how much space on our shared earth does this whole apparatus take up?
To be fair, I'd love to not have a phone, so in a better world where I can have a good life without one, that's at least one less that you'd need to make!
4. Which leads me to the basic hypocrisy that anti-civ folks are continually accused of. I actually don't have much of a defense to this one other than that it's difficult to live the life I want to live. I would really really really love to spend most of my time outside or in simply built shelters, never looking at a screen again. I have tried actually and I think the first issue is that it's a goal for a community, not for an individual. The community is by far the most important part and they've been systematically broken. Living alone on foraged food is still just barely possible, but it doesn't resemble the life I dream of. It's only superficially similar. The other point I want to make is that even for a community, it's damn hard to make this work in the world we live in. People are sincerely trying, and often failing, not because it's a bad way to live but because capital and civ culture will not let us. There's also some successes but the success tends to come with a lot of compromise. Still, we gotta keep trying, cause what else can we do?
5. Finally, we get to questions that I think need to be asked and don't have answers I like. How do we get there from here? Billions of people are dependent upon the system we live in functioning well. In short, you are right, there is no way for everyone to transition to non-civilized ways of living. A lot of anti-civ folks don't like to admit that. Some just live in denial and then there's the ones who actually advocate for mass death. Thankfully not that many in my experience but it's still an issue.
I certainly can't speak for anyone else and my views may not be representative of the anti-civ crowd as a whole, it's been so many years since I talked to many other anarchists so I don't know where people are at anymore and I no longer remember a lot from when I was in the scene. But let me try to elaborate a little on where I'm at personally.
I don't see a way for everyone alive now to get out of the machine and not die horribly. But as the godspeed track goes, it's also pretty clear to me that the machine is bleeding to death. It's almost certainly not going stop functioning all at once, but as the decline continues, things are going to get much worse for all of us trapped inside. Meanwhile the land and the waters have been degraded to the point where anyone who tries to escape by "living off the land" is in for a rude awakening. (This completely aside from the basic calculation that not every human would have enough space to feed themselves on our shared earth, even if our ecology was in a better condition.) Not incidentally, colonization of indigenous peoples is ongoing and anyone who remains on their ancestral land is still having to fight back attempts to force them off.
In short, we're pretty fucked. I genuinely do not understand how pro-industrial anarchists or communists think we're going to get out of this one (without mass death). In my opinion it's just as delusional as that section of anti-civ anarchists who are in denial. You can even make similar arguments that if they somehow manage to pull off a revolution, the transition is going to kill a whole lot of people because it's all quite fragile and keeping the machine running smoothly is necessary to forestall immediate catastrophe.
However, I'm actually not that bothered about a hypothetical situation where either pro-industrial ancoms or anti-civ anarchists are in that position. It just doesn't strike me as realistic enough to worry about. I cannot imagine myself ever having to make those sorts of decisions. I'm also not delusional enough to imagine that I could somehow strike at the global industrial system in a way which might bring the whole thing down and thereby cause mass death. Even if I wanted to do that, it's just larping, and I think taking that kind of thing seriously encourages people to develop unhealthy fantasies about something that will never happen. I won't theorize about how anarchists could solve these kinds of issues because it puts us in this mindset that we have to wield absolute power correctly to fix things. That's not how any of this works. The death machine has got us in this horrible position that can not possibly end well, and I can't do anything about that. Obviously don't trust anyone who has ideas about how to design the perfect world for us all to decivilize or whatever, that's completely missing the point and it's depressing how many people do think that way.
So, after all that pessimism, what do I stand for? I just want to live my life. I'd like to say that what I do doesn't have to have a purpose but that's actually not true either. I do feel like I have work to do. I think helping the people in front of me in little ways in really important, but that's not an anti-civ specific thing obviously. Maybe a more relevant thing to add is that we need to put time into the groundwork of living culture. Find ways to relate to other humans and the more than human world, because without that, there's not even a possibility of things being better. A long time ago I used to be all for "tear it down first" but I've more or less done a 180 on that. I live in the USA and right now, if the government and capitalism collapsed instantly for some unforseen reason, almost nobody would be ready to start building a better life. I'm not going to make predictions about the time scale here but I absolutely do believe that global collapse of civilization is happening, and I'm going to live with that in mind. No, it's not possible for everyone to go forage, but there are little things we can do to help heal the places we live. Maybe on the day I'm in need, there will be a fruit on the tree for me in return. The suffering of the world is truly monumental and the good I can do is so small but that makes it feel really important to start working on these things.
Hope you enjoyed the glimpse into some sort of anti-civ perspective, however different it may be from others! There are a lot more people involved in this sort of culture building work than you might think, but you won't hear from most of them since they're out doing the thing. I'm a rare case in that I know some of those people but I'm also online, at least for the moment. Might as well evangelize while I'm here.
Funny thing about that anti civ person is that like. They could just do what folks that live off the grid do, but more extreme. If you hate civilization you’re…allowed to live somewhere else. Hell since they’re so convinced in their own definition of civilization they have even more options! (Though they’ll probably be disappointed to find out first hand their definition was wrong)
I mean in a way I understand. If you truly believe that civilization is the worst thing to happen to humanity and you want the best for humanity, you will even use the tools of civilization to persuade other people to your ideas.
The thing of course is that I don't believe on that and it's so incredibly easy to point out that computers are made by, well, civilization.
I also think that to say "well go live in the woods then" is a bit rude but... honestly, if the anti-civ way of life is more rewarding, we would see more people trying to do it right? We would see people in third-world countries protesting against schools, hospitals, universities, transportation, etc. instead of wanting those, right? But instead you will find, surprisingly, that people want a better life for themselves and those who they love. And this isn't opposed to enviromental stewardship and protection, as it's often the same people who live in those places who also want enviromental protection.
It's often through organized systems, civilization, that people achieve human rights, a good life, and indeed, are able to organize how to protect nature.
It's just completely disconnected from the aspirations of most people.
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hejjhug · 2 days ago
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I'm Palestinian American and I wanna thank you for speaking out on the sonic movie. I don't go here in the sonic fandom, but I get how excited the fandom must be after being ignored for so long and how much of a fan fave shadow is, and I appreciate everyone who holds out in boycott or pirates. If possible, I'd love it if your followers would also email paramount saying why they're not seeing the movie. I don't know if it'll matter much, but I do have hope that enough people might change their minds
Gonna share this without much comment because I think it's a very good suggestion.
Spreading the word is important. I hope others do the same, and I hope many, many others reconsider giving Paramount any more money. All Sonic fans ought to consider learning a lesson from the hedgehog, himself:
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holidayslinger · 12 hours ago
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I can't make a donation right now, but I really want to share a bit for the Tommy/Lou fandom project going on right now. I love the time I've had in this fandom. So many people in the Buck/Tommy community have been so kind to me and I've made a lot of friends because of this fandom. The kindness of this fandom is really shining today. I keep seeing you all blowing the donation goals out of the water, and it just really shows what a group of fans is capable of when they come together for a good cause.
There was a time when I had been in this fandom for a short time and was already exhausted. I had only been here for a couple of months but so much of fandom was exhausting, and then I made some of the best friends I've made in a fandom. I love you all! I love my mutuals here, and I love this community. Even through some of the awfulness and nastiness we've had to deal with, even when the break up happened and many of us were sad to see Tommy go, it's been a great place to be.
To my friends in the Buck/Tommy or just Tommy in general community, I'm glad to have met you. I'm glad to be here and to continue to find joy in this community. I know I play in different parts of fandom, and I have friends all over the place, but this community is where I felt welcomed in and where I made my first friends and probably the biggest reasons I've stuck around in fandom. So thank you.
Thank you, bucktommy nation, thank you Lou for playing this character in a way that fostered such a connection between Tommy and those of us who love him. I hope we see Tommy again, regardless of what happens with Buck, because I love this character and want nothing but happiness for him.
I wanted to tag some of my friends here but I'm too afraid to forget someone so I just hope you know who you are. <3
If you can go to @alliwantforchristmasislou and check out the project or make your own donations to LGBTQ charities, please do it. It's a great project and this fandom is proving what we can do when we come together.
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