#i'm extremely tired of this honestly
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*looking at isat ss discord* my power of being silly got out of control
or how I tried understanding rpg maker basics by literally trying to do one (1) thing I really wanted to see ever since seeing Loop unused sprites lying on wiki months ago
the reason I mentioned isat ss discord was simply bc guys were the first people who saw me trying to draw close to pixel sprite face sprite for Loop to,,, do something at some point just to see how it works
and nope I'm not making this into anything, but I really like the fact that I managed to do this
(now with video post edited into this sentence!)
#the Start and the Epilogue is still planned as a visual novel in my head#I got myself rpg maker to make my thing later which is entirely not related to isat (I already showed my OCs involved in that)#isat shitpost#isat spoilers#isat#isat loop#isat siffrin#isat head housemaiden#that one post about voices difference in isat really helped as it is a bit confusing otherwise#I learn by taking apart stuff - that's how I learn#and how I analyze too#break down the character break down the game to the point of literal out-of-bounds make it all make sense in your head#as my head REALLY likes to complicate AND simplify things#basically this was both#also I have a newfound admiration of rpg games as planning ALL this is honestly so cool#like you need to have EXTREMELY clear picture of what you see otherwise it'll break and you won't be able to fix it properly#also Loop's sprite was flying for so long before I understood the problem and it was funny as hell tbh#also they're not in my Seafoam design bc I was... honestly a bit too tired to make new sprites#so I jsut changed soe details on the ones I already looked over and called it a day for now#I'm sleepy and this silly thing took me 3-4 hours and it's like 3 seconds long#but to be fair I was confused for first 2 hours#anyway shout out to isat ss discord and a happy Loop Wednesday (it's 1 am of 5th so it IS a Loop Wednesday)#not art#sillied too hard#I also accidentally softlocked myself by putting Loop nest to Head Housemaiden so they're a bit futher from her#two hats spoilers#I FORGOT that tag
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I reiterate that if you're going to ask people for donations, you will come across as extremely suspicious if you spam their inbox. People are likely to report and/or block you, thinking you're a bot. If you need donations, I do not recommend going about like this. I really, REALLY do not recommend it.
#blog post#not helpol#i am tired of the spam y'all#literally every single day since I've opened my ask box back up#i have gotten a SHIT TON of random people asking me for donations#which is somewhat silly considering i was literally just running my own donations#so no I'm sorry but i won't be answering asks about donations#i don't think it's ok to that personally; it feels really invasive and is extremely suspicious#because you know who else comes into your inbox asking you for money? bots. bots do that exact thing.#it's extremely difficult to know who to trust especially when gofundme isn't supported in gaza#nor is paypal actually#they ciuld just be using a VPN but i don't know enough about VPN to comment on that confidently#but i feel it's important that people are sceptical honestly#because there are assholes who will scam you and take advantage of your kindness for others#don't buy into a potential scam especially at a time where supporting oneself is often already a challenge
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The portrayal of Gohan's feelings towards Goku by fanon vs canon really gives me a whiplash sometimes. For a lot of fanon, they make him so bitter or hateful towards Goku but then you turn to canon and you see Gohan about ready to throw hands with anyone who just so much as insults his dad lol
#dragon ball#son gohan#son goku#gohan#goku#i've seen about every argument on this topic at this point#i think if there were a more realistic exploration of this topic there'd be a lot more nuance and complicated emotions#goku's made a lot of mistakes and honestly it's by how dragon ball is written that gohan is as well-adjusted as he is#i'm on the side that goku isn't a perfect parent but he sure as heck cares about his family#but it makes me sad when ppl portray gohan and goku as extremely antagonistic towards each other#and i'm tired of goku's simple-mindedness being treated as pure callous carelessness/lack of care for his loved ones#gohan would legit beat someone into a pulp if he saw a lot of the things others say about goku lol#struggling jpg thinks
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Birthday Completed.. Am Thirtey Twoe
#i visited a rat cafe!! (it is not an eating or drinking establishment it's just a rat interaction establishment but i keep calling it that))#there was another american at the rat cafe and she took me to Dunch cuz it was my birthday and she also wanted to ask me about rat ownershi#note: in my brain Dunch is a meal combo like brunch -- a dinner so early as to overlap lunch -but at a less glamorous time and sounds worse#that was super nice and i think i now have another person on my small list of in person friends here!!! ;w;#then on the way home brief specter of disaster as i was like OH GOD... IVE PARKED IN A RESTRICTED BIKE LOT AND THEY TOWED MY BIKE#(because i had definitely just .. parked my bike in the area for monthly permit holders without noticing lol)#but it turned out instead they had just stuck it in a metered space where it should have gone to begin with so disaster averted lol#then when it was getting late i took myself out for a pot of tea and a fancy sweet at a local cafe! (actual cafe) (no rats)#honestly i'd been mad at myself for not planning anything with any friends and thinking i'd end up depressed and alone today#but i got just enough rat and human interaction and it was a really good day#i did a bunch of other stuff this week too#why did i write all of this in tags? unclear.......i'm extremely tired or i'd try to make a real blog post of it with pics etc. : I#eepy. so eepy
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Does anyone here draw in both desktop & mobile? I'm planning to get a galaxy tab at some point and since I don't really have any experience drawing on a (mobile) tablet, I'm curious abt how it feels to draw on one vs. drawing on pc w/ a graphic tablet 🤔
#once I have all my commission slots filled up that's when i'll buy one#i've been hesitating bc i'm not used to spending a big amt for something but honestly it's more of an investment than a simple want#my poor 10 year old laptop + monitor + keyboard setup is the 'pc' im currently using#both the laptop screen & keyboard isn't working properly anymore so i have a separate monitor + keyboard for it#it's pretty laggy most of the time#not sure how it's still holding up#ngl sometimes i'm worried it'll just give up on me & break at any moment#so I kinda wanna have a backup device#anyways! I get easily tired drawing on pc for some reason#I think it's bc i unconsciously tense my neck? whenever i stare at the monitor for too long#also my eyes hurt + the extreme hot weather lately is making me dizzy so i can't work for long periods of time 😔#I see a lot of artists use ipad so i'm guessing drawing on a tab would also feel nice???#also would that get you in the mood to draw more bc you can bring it w/ u anywhere?#i'm hoping to be able to draw more honestly.....#also the timelapse!! csp wont let me record timelapse on my current pc and idk why that is#might be bc im still on win 7#HOPING i could post timelapse vids when i finally have a tab#tbh i want to get one asap (like as in rn) but I want to make sure I have enough budget first so im waiting for my comm slots to be full#bam blabs
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Amateur Hour but I gotta outsource this. Aromantics. Heed my call. What is "romantic" love to a non-believer?
Bonus Round if you're not entirely ace -- does experiencing any amount of sexual attraction influence your answer? Also acknowledging that both aro/ace identities exist on a spectrum. Believe me. I am deeply familiar... with so many kinds of spectrums........... 🧍
Also if this breaches containment It's Not That Serious........... just a personal question. For a friend. Me 🙂↕️
#was so tempted to put 'sometimes 'love' is just autistic obsession' as an answer bc on god#i do think that's a factor for me. like. espppppp in moe's case. moe is just Obsessed w alfonse.#extremely weird about him constantly studying him. like. it does feel like love... the intensity of it..... but.#both me and moe. most romance repulsed motherfuckers out there.#like. like. not to get too personal but the one relationship i did have. i genuinely felt i loved him#but i also think. so much of it was me reflecting what i Think love was 'supposed' to look like.#most importantly he was my best friend (at the time). and i def did feel differently about him than i did anyone else/even other friends#which is why i'm so conflicted... like half i did genuinely love him half i've never been able to love correctly#and it's always taken some level of putting on a performance according to what i see to 'perform' love#like. like. am i just autistic. does it just come down to the autism again.#but also esp nowadays like. back on my bullshit. i actually ALWAYS hesitate to call whatever moe has w alfonse 'romantic'#like. i think he does feel/experience romantic feelings. but moe is just so dysfunctional and messy#that like. i don't think it would call anything it feels about alfonse romance.#but it still completely adores him. in a way that's distinct from how it loves sharena and how it feels about anyone else.#even charas it admires. somehow. which honestly jusy leads me back to The Obsession again#also extremely focal is how the demisexuality kicks in. like. it's definitely not devoid of sexuality.#IDK IDK I'M TALKING TOO MUCH I'VE TALKED TOO MUCH AND I'M SO TIRED. I'VE BEEN SO TIRED#i'm not in my feelings honestly i'm just frustrated LMFAOOO LIKE. SCREAMING. WHY DOESN'T IT MAKE SENSE‼️‼️‼️‼️‼️‼️‼️💥💥💥💥💥💥💥💥#why am i preordained by fate to never be loved OR understood. wjat the hell man!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
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non mentally sick people won't understand why struggling people do the things that they do
I had a really distressing thought about my mom about something she did pretty recently and I don't think she'll ever have any real sympathy for me and my struggles
a couple of weeks ago she saw my scars and asked me what were they even though I already told her what they were, what my problem is, and that I wanted her help with my mental health earlier last year (2024, for those who still hasn't grasped that it's 2025. it's okay, neither have I) and yk what she told me? she told me it was stupid that I resorted to hurting myself instead of going to her. in fact, the day that she asked me again what the scars were, she yelled at me for not "communicating" with her. which is crazy, because she's proven to me my entire life that she'll never truly help me, or believe me, even if I did tell her what's wrong. she doesn't understand that I don't tell her stuff because I'm scared of her. she doesn't take criticism, and she doesn't think she's done anything bad to me in my life.
even if the issue is somewhat unrelated to her, she'd still make me feel stupid for having negative feelings about whatever it was.
she doesn't even understand why I want to go to therapy. she doesn't understand why I want to kill myself. she doesn't understand why I'm anxious, why I'm paranoid. she doesn't understand why I'm tired. she doesn't understand why I get moody. she doesn't understand shit
and she never wants to hear why I act the way that I do. so why does she think that I'll go to her for the problems that she's mainly caused?
so, anyway. tbh, even if I do go to therapy, she probably won't be happy that I'm trying to get help from somebody, because it's not her that I considered to go to first. she won't understand why I'm going, and she won't be happy that I'm going in the first place.
#I'm kinda upset tbh#I'm tired too#I'm scared that I'll never get to tell her how deeply she's affected me in a negative way#or if I do she won't believe me and she'll just be upset at me for the rest of her life#because honestly...I can't live with her in my life. not properly#I want to cut her off when I'm older and stable#as extreme as that sounds. and it feels weird to say that because my trauma feels nonexistent compared to what others have gone through#she doesn't “spank” me anymore because I'm almost 18. but the emotional and mental negligence is absolutely baffling#anyway I'm done. I'm tired#-jael#vent#self harm mention#suicide mention
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[Insert literally every shit thing host struggles with here] holder culture is being so fucking prone to (PD) splitting that someone looks in my general direction and suddenly I need them dead.
#f rants#aspd holder#npd holder#anger holder#intrusive thoughts holder#I think that's all#likely not but at this point who fucking knows#I'm probably our bpd holder too#just more things for host to shove onto my shoulders#actually narcissistic#actually npd#actually aspd#actually antisocial#I'm literally splitting on the neighbor I have known for one day because their cat is annoying me#honestly being this angry is extremely tiring
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my mum supports me in getting accessibility aids when i break down about it but the moment i'm not upset or in tears then it's what if people don't want to talk to you because you're in a wheelchair and what if they think you're fragile and i want you to make friends but this might not help and-
#IM SO TIRED#you know why i'm not making friends. you know why i'm struggling so much#because i cannot go anywhere. i can't go to meetings i can't go to events i can't go to anything because i'm tired and in pain#i'm hoping to go to a talk tomorrow but honestly i don't know if i'll be able to. but it's on disability so i wanna try#i'm getting my covid booster tomorrow and i'm going to ask the nurse about it#'but what if-' i am struggling to go to class i am struggling to go to work i had to stand up the other day and almost burst into tears#i still have to get to work later and i'm thinking it'll rise but my heart rate today has been 49-164. and that's lower than average but#my pots is just getting worse. the pain is getting bad again. my brainfog is extreme#i'm done trying to get better i'm done being told i don't have to use mobility aids because people will fix me. i just want to make friends#vent tw
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Hey all, just wanted to apologize for the lack of new posts since returning. I've had some pretty serious burnout lately due to health issues leaving me pretty exhausted, physically and mentally. It's taken a bit of a toll on my creative output as I've been struggling to find inspiration and energy to do much of anything.
I'm still trying to work on getting at least something here and there that I can post, but it'll probably be pretty limited for a while until we figure out what's going on. And admittedly most of the time I have spent drawing lately has been of OCs, and I don't generally post OC art. <<;
Anyways, just wanted to explain that I haven't fallen off the planet or anything yet, just having a bit of a hard time right now. Sorry for the lack of content!
#I've been wanting to draw more AU stuff and I had a whole idea for a Halloween thing with Infidget but I was just so tired#even OC art wise I haven't been doing much either maybe a sketch once in a blue moon#I thought about maybe trying to write some things out to maybe draw at a later date? but I'm honestly a terrible writer#I need to try queuing up more reblogs too but I'm just so tired that it's easier scrolling through Bluesky or Twitter#I don't gotta worry about tagging or anything over there lol#this exhaustion is also why I took so long to finish game related stuff.. just didn't feel up to playing games#that and one of my more obnoxious symptoms is extreme dizziness and motion sickness#and Sonic games are reaaalllyy good at making those symptoms worse xD#anyways hopefully I'll have some answers within the next few months and can work on fixing it#I reaaaallyy wanna work on some of the comic ideas I had#at least two were based off some AUs and one was a kind of introductory/prologue and I wanna try making it so bad#I'm bad at long form comics but I wanted to tryyyy
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Christmas decorating that was done at work this week.
#it essentially took me a day to do the tree area and then 2 more days to do the rest of the store.#I'm going to complain/moan/vent/ramble a little bit more right here#I feel terrible but my mom wants me to arrive earlier than I have been to craft with her and I don't want to.#I want to stay home and hide away for the whole weekend#But I'm also supposed to take her to her eye appointment on Monday#again I'm at the point where I want to hide away for the whole weekend and hardly do a thing#just hunker down for the possibility of almost a foot of snow that might come overnight#and the thing is (jumping to a random point) the customers who bought machines from me this week were all lovely#like the sweetest 76 year old and her husband who have been married for 52 years and were uber cute and sweet and honestly#they reminded me a bit of my parents#she was extremely grateful for my help and complimented me on my patience#anyways a bit of a nice thing to go along with all my moaning about how tired I am#and how much I'm peopled out and just want to hide away
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Watching Wojack Horseguy for the third time and it is still so fucking good and still really annoys me in many ways
#Which has absolutely cemented my art/writing block because I am way too focused on Bojangles Horsedude#I think one of the annoyances for me is honestly just that like... It's Wacky Hijinks to Serious Business extremes sometimes feel like#distinct modes and not so much like places on a spectrum#Not that there can't be moments of pure dark sincerity and pure goofy shit but. YKWIM probably.#IDK I appreciate when dark comedy finds ways to make the comedy and horror/tragedy/etc occur simultaneously and be the same things#Which the show definitely does a lot of the time but not quite enough for my specific tastes sometimes... Though I did#absolutely love the last 3 seasons and I'm jsut getting to them again now#The first time I watched it I was kind of just tired of seeing the guy fuck up in pretty much the same ways repeatedly (Fully understood#that was the point. Still annoyed me) but this time I'm like yayyyy wooohoo yayyyyy. Though we'll see if I get tired again#eventually...
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Look at England sweating. 100%, that's how people react to their friends/family looking good. Don't know how anyone could possibly think they're not meant to be family. /s
#usukus#ukus#usuk#there are so many suggestive canon strips of them#honestly I don't know how the family fanatics can even read the manga#although to be fair it seems like most of them don't#which is probably why they make such audacious and accusatory claims all the time#they don't know what's going on outside the family obsessed fan circle and maybe the anime#probably the dub too#that's not to discount ALL family fans#some of you guys are chill and if you headcanon them as family then whatever#but I'm getting tired of the extremely vocal accusatory side that has nothing better to do but bully people#and act like the fandom purity police#those are the ones I'm focusing on
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i'm rereading / trying to finish reading shikimori's not just a cutie and saruogi's face & expressions would make a wonderful reference for kieran i think... 🤔
#he's got those downward slanted tired sanpaku eyes and extremely awkward vibes that fit kieran pretty well#it doesn't help that izumi kinda looks like florian's default design#honestly i'm not always happy w/ how i draw kieran's face so finding another character to use for influence & reference is nice#mj.txt
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one of the most annoying things when it comes to fanon Mike is him being homophobic
like i seriously don't understand why this fandom convinced themselves that he is/would be homophobic
yall focus on him saying one stupid thing that he regretted instantly to someone he doesn't even know is gay and are so quick to forget that he literally put himself in danger to stand up for Will when their bullies were saying homophobic shit about him
but yes let's make Mike into the "homophobic gay" because that just makes sense
#yall are so quick to forget and forgive Steve literally saying a homophobic slur to Jonathan because he's supportive of Robin now#and make him into a bi icon but at the same time treat Mike like this#and honestly sure make your stupid jokes i don't care but the fact that some people actually genuinely believe he's homophobic#and make it his characteristic and write him as such and shit just pisses me off so much#stop making Mike Wheeler homophobic just because you hate him and don't even try to understand his character#i am tired#this kid didn't almost lose his fucking life after standing up to homophobic pieces of shit for you to go around saying he's homophobic#get your shit together holy shit#mike wheeler#mike wheeler protection squad#blue's 'mike's extreme defender' ramblings#also no i'm not saying that him saying the 'it's not my fault...' shit should be forgotten#and that he didn't do anything wrong#he should take accountability and apologise#but using it to make him into something he's not is just fucking stupid okay
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Ok I gotta be honest I find Fear and Hunger TOO edgy to take it seriously. Sorry girlies
#PLEASE stop with the phallocentrism i'm begging you :anguish:#also i am quite honestly Tired of every dark fantasy having an entire thing about r*pe being extremely common#this just feels like f.a.t.a.l if it stopped being a tabletop rpg and became a rpg maker game at certain points#also let's not get started on some of the religious lore being only ankle deep instead of drowning-worthy#as some ppl think it is#i appreciate its art direction immensely and although it's a rpg maker game it has a VERY charming design#but boy oh boy. the lore's not as good as you guys seem to think it is.#maybe termina is better. idk#but the first one definitely suffers a bit#anyway.
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