#also i am quite honestly Tired of every dark fantasy having an entire thing about r*pe being extremely common

[jorjin]

Ok I gotta be honest I find Fear and Hunger TOO edgy to take it seriously. Sorry girlies

[separatist-apologist]

Honestly whatever works best for you ^^ I just like seeing jealous Lucien

This ask was for jealous Lucien. It's sort of a remix of Elain riling Lucien up, wherein they actually DO stuff. it is NSFW, 18+, and "edited".

Also I like my little Feyre/Lucien moment. I HC them as pranksters

--

--

Lucien was later than he’d meant to be, walking into Solstice. He was still reeling from his day with Elain, stunned that Nuan had been right, and her plan had worked.

She wants you, Nuan had murmured halfway through the larger meeting Lucien had glanced over at Elain, carefully arranging stems across the hall on a glass table.

He’d rolled his eyes, but Nuan insisted.

Let me help you make her jealous.

He’d kissed her hand and now he wanted to kiss every other part of her. He’d settle for polite conversation and maybe a little hand holding. He was nervous, like a young male about to touch his first female. Elain had never given him the time of day before and Lucien wanted to get things right.

He ran his hands down his sage green jacket for the millionth time, his boots echoing off the marble in Feyre’s home. He followed the sound of chatter to a drawing room and paused in the doorway. His eyes immediately found Elain standing beside Azriel, gazing up at him with sweet, doe eyes…her hand on his forearm.

He was so fucking tired of seeing the pair of them. Jealousy burned in his gut and he almost turned around and left. Feyre caught him, perhaps reading his thoughts, and looped her arm through his.

“Will you help me with something?” She asked conspiratorially, walking him out of the cozy drawing room.

“How could I say no?” He replied easily, his mind still back with Elain and Azriel.

“I want to put snow in Rhys’ side of the bed,” she confessed, her eyes gleaming with mischief. “He’s been shoving it down the back of my clothes for days now and I haven’t been able to repay him.”

“Because he’s so tall, or you love him so much?” Lucien asked dryly

“Don’t be gross, of course it’s because he’s tall,” Feyre shot back quickly. “I tried his pants but he’s just a little too fast—”

“That’s quite enough. Of course I’ll help you prank your mate. Let’s go to the kitchen for some bowls, though.”

“Smart, I didn’t think of that,” Feyre said with a happy smile.

For the next hour, he and Feyre giggled quietly as they scooped up frozen snow in metal bowls and snuck through the River House. They put the snow on Feyre’s side of the bed, creating a snow person shaped like her body they hoped a very naked Rhys would attempt to cuddle up next to. Lucien didn’t want to think about what Feyre and her mate did in their alone time but he had to admit, it was fun conspiring with Feyre again.

By the time she walked him back to the drawing room, they were pink cheeked from the cold and still quietly chuckling to themselves. Rhys was instantly curious, not that it mattered. Lucien was almost relieved to see Elain had left though Azriel remained behind, standing with Cassian and Mor discussing who knew what. Lucien went to a little loveseat, still amused when he froze.

Elain was there, looking up at him with those same wide eyes. Ah, fuck, he thought, about to turn and find another place to warm up. She scooted, patting the cushion beside her and Lucien couldn’t resist.

She was so gorgeous, her hair curled gently down her back and spilling over her shoulders in a long-sleeved, off shoulder gown of lilac. He wanted to feel hopeful, but her eyes slid past him towards Azriel and Lucien wasn’t stupid. He recognized when he was being used as bait. He nearly rose, nearly left entirely but she set her small hand on his knee and Lucien quickly changed tracks.

She might want to make another male jealous but there was something between them. He could smell her anticipation. He didn’t know what had transpired between the pair of them, if anything had, for that matter given how determined Azriel seemed to be at not looking at her. It didn’t matter. If she wanted to play games, Lucien was leave knowing she was utterly covered in his scent. There would be no mistaking who she belonged with…who she was mated to.

“Are you having a good evening?” He asked, unable to take his eyes off her hand sliding slowly up his thigh. He was so, so hard just from one little touch.

“I am,” she agreed, looking up at him again. Good. He wanted her to keep her eyes on him. “And you, Lord?”

“It’s certainly looking up,” he replied truthfully. Feyre glanced at Lucien and he heard her in his mind.

You two look cozy. Want us to leave for a bit?

He hated when she did that, when she spoke to him mind to mind, worried that she knew every little thing he’d ever thought. This time, though, he was a little grateful for it.

If no one minds.

He heard Feyre chuckle in his head. I promise you, no one minds. I don’t think she’d notice if we left at all…

Feyre withdrew and Lucien looked fully back at Elain, her eyes wholly focused on his face, pink lips parted, her hand so close to his aching cock he felt half insane. He reached for her neck, his hands twining in her hair as he tilted her head towards him. Lucien glanced up when Elain’s eyes fluttered shut, watching as Feyre silently ushered people from the room. His lips curved into a smile and he nodded his thanks to Feyre once before she left, too, closing the door quietly behind her.

Elain sucked in a soft breath, angling her head. He couldn’t resist. He didn’t care if she had started all this to make Azriel jealous. She’d failed on that account though she’d very much succeeded in making Lucien jealous. He ghosted his lips over her own, delighted when she gasped a little, her fingernails digging into his thighs.

“It looks like everyone left us,” he told her, his mouth pressed against her jaw. Her eyes flew open and Lucien, still holding her head, let her turn just long enough to look at the now empty room. The only sound besides their breathing was the cheerful crackling of the fire and the soft hum of the wind tapping on the glass.

“I didn’t notice,” she admitted, proving her younger sister right. Lucien’s heart picked up at the admission, hope re-blooming in his chest. He smiled at her, rubbing his nose against her own. She reached up, cupping his cheek and Lucien was half-lost. He brought his mouth back to hers, kissing her for the first time. It was nothing like he’d imagined, and he had spent years wondering what she might feel like, how she’d taste.

She was better in real life he thought with a soft sigh. Like lavender and honey and warm, sunlit air all combined and mixed with something personal, something uniquely Elain that was sweet and inviting. She opened her mouth for him, surprising him again when her tongue very hesitantly licked against his own.

She moaned and Lucien was fully gone, utterly done. He was going to have her on this too small couch. He couldn’t walk, not with the erection he was currently sporting and especially not with the way her arousal was slowly curling through the air around them. He couldn’t think straight anymore, kissing her with more intensity than he might have. He leaned her back, one hand on the column of her pretty throat as he shoved his knee between her legs, parting them both.

“What do you want, Elain?” He asked before licking up the smooth, soft skin of her throat, his other hand holding her by the hip. Her eyes flashed open, dark with desire.

“You,” she breathed, dragging him back down to kiss her again. Did she knew the affect she had on him, he wondered idly a moment before her hips rubbed against his thigh? She moaned softly against his lips, her eyes closed again.

Would Feyre forgive him for fucking her sister in the drawing room? He hoped so, he thought to himself, devouring her mouth with a hunger that surprised even him. His fantasies could not compete with the real thing.

He ran a hand over her breast, hidden beneath glittery fabric. Elain arched into his hand, moaning softly again. He’d kill to hear her make that notice again, he thought desperately. More, more, more, the bond between them crooned, demanding satisfaction. Elain, too, seemed to be demanding it, given how her hips rolled against his thigh. There was not enough space to spread her out the way he wanted to. They’d have to move.

Lucien withdrew, pleased at the disappointed mewl that escaped her throat.

“Not for long, sweet dove,” he promised, pulling her easily into his arms. Her dress covered his tented trousers and her weight helped ground him back to reality, to slow him down just a bit. Her mouth on his neck, nipping the skin, didn’t make walking any easier, and leaving the drawing room for the bedroom Feyre had offered was difficult, given how badly instinct made him want to slam her against a wall and bury himself within her.

They passed her family, not that she noticed. Feyre pressed a hand over her mouth and Rhys actually winked, which made Lucien almost laugh. The jealous monster that still roared in his chest settled when Azriel, too, glanced their way, catching sight of Elain utterly lost, one hand in his hair, her mouth still licking his skin. What had he been so worried about, he wondered, half jogging up the steps that led to the hall he slept in?

He placed on her his bed with as much reverence as he felt in that moment and Elain sat up quickly, eyes wide. He froze, expecting her to tell him no, that they’d taken this too far and she wanted to leave.

Her fingers found the buttons of his jacket and with a nimble quickness, managed to undo them before he could inhale and exhale. She shoved them down his arms and without any hesitation, pulled his shirt out of his pants and attempted to yank it over his head. Lucien helped, utterly stunned with the image of his mate undressing him with hurried determination. He didn’t stop her when her fingers, trembling now, reached for the laces of his pants though he did gently pull them away when, having gotten them undone, she attempted to yank them off his hips. She was still fully clothed and the part of him that was still a gentleman knew he might be tempted to just flip her skirts up and have her without any other care of consideration.

He heard her swallow when, having divested himself of his boots, he climbed up the bed. He reached behind her for the little pearl buttons on her dress and undid them much slower than she had, reveling in each new inch of skin he revealed. Lucien dragged his hands down her shoulders when he finished, taking the dress with him until she her underthings were exposed, her dress pooled at her waist. He watched as she shimmied out of it, tossing it to his floor. It took her merely a moment to remove her under things as well, leaving her utterly exposed.

“Elain,” he breathed, gently guiding her back to the bed, unable to take his eyes off the peaks and curves of her beautiful, soft body. He almost asked if she’d done this before but the memory of snide, stupid Graysen strutting about flashed through his memory and he knew he might become overwhelmingly possessive if she admitted he’d ever touched her.

Some questions were better left unknown. He simply did not care how many lovers she had or if she’d had none at all. He’d pretend she hadn’t and let her set the pace.

“Now will you remove your pants?” She asked him, her voice catching in her throat. They were hanging embarrassingly low on his hips as it was, hardly keeping him modest and the fabric was beginning to chafe the crown of his cock. Lucien sighed, disappointed to climb off her and slid them down his body, well aware of how her eyes zoomed to the appendage bobbing between his legs. He wished he knew what she thought in that moment, if she found him lacking or not.

She gestured for him to come back, and Lucien obliged, hardly able to keep himself away. This was happening, he thought dazedly, his mouth covering her own again. Elain’s hands slipped up his chest and over his shoulders, her nails dragging down his back. He groaned even as he palmed at her now naked breast, desperate to feel her naked body arch against his own.

She gasped when he rolled her nipple between his fingers, her hips lifting off the bed. He was slowly being driven mad by every little noise that left her lips.

Taste, taste, taste his instincts chanted. She didn’t pull away when his head dipped to her chest so he could take that same delicate, pebbled nipple and roll it along his tongue. She squirmed, her nails digging into his flesh in the most deliciously painful way. More of that, his thoughts begged. The idea that his mate might instinctively know what he liked and how he wanted to be fucked was exciting to him.

She writhed against him when he took the other breast into his mouth, lavishing attention even as she ground against the bare thigh he had pressed against the heat of her cunt. His eyes rolled into the back of his head at the slickness she left on his skin, growling softly in appreciation.

“Please,” she begged, lifting her hips again and fuck did he want to take her up on the offer. His hand was gliding down her body and when he dipped one finger into the source of her wet he half died right then and there. She clenched hard around him, the sensation shooting straight into his cock.

“Taste you,” he said desperately, trying to position himself between her hips but Elain screamed with frustration and yanked him by his hair, pulling him back up.

“Later,” she bossed, her kiss a demand. He wanted to taste her so bad it was almost painful.

“Please,” it was his turn to beg.

“Fuck me, Lucien,” she ordered and Lucien’s eyes rolled straight into his skull. Later implied they would do this again, slower, perhaps all night even. He notched himself against her slick opening, groaning at the silky, hot feel of her.

It had been his intention to go slow. He slid in an inch and Elain offered him another soft scream, stopping him dead. She hooked her legs around his waist, dug her heels into his ass, and pushed, slamming him to the hilt within her.

Holy fuck, he thought, dazed. His Lady was practically wanton, he thought with pleasure, watching as her hips arched to meet his next thrust, her eyes half-wild with lust.

“Been thinking of me, have you?” He grunted out, his thrusts almost punishing in their intensity.

“Mm hmm,” she wined, her breath coming in short, shallow pants.

“Tell me,” he demanded, trying to fight back the urge to spill himself inside her like an untested youth. His hand slid between them, his thumb rubbing careful, precise circles over her clit.

“At night,” she gasped. “In bed.”

“Touching yourself?” He asked, needing to know.

“Mm hmm,” she keened, her voice rising an octave. He sped up, both his hips and his hand, dragging her to the edge.

“What do you want?” He demanded again.

“You,” she begged. “Lucien, you, you—” Her words were lost to a scream, so loud he was sure the whole house heard. Lucien snarled with pleasure, still rubbing as he fucked her, driving himself deeper still, desperate to be as close as he could.

“Lucien,” she half sobbed, her body trembling around him, her nails digging so hard into his skin he could scent blood in the air.

“Again,” he told her, his voice rich with authority. She tossed her head side to side. When she came again, the walls of her cunt slick with fluid as the fluttered tightly around him, Lucien couldn’t hold back any longer. His own pleasure burned beneath his skin, coiled tightly in his gut desperate for release. Every part of him tingled wildly. He thrust hard, deep, and pumped his release into her, snarling loudly with satisfaction. This was home, his mind screamed. She was home.

When his body relaxed, Lucien carefully lowered his body to hers. She pressed a lazy kiss to his mouth.

“Again,” he murmured against her lips. She giggled in response.

“Let me breathe, first,” she asked, her chest still rising and falling rapidly. Lucien couldn’t bring himself to pull out of her, to leave her.

So he stayed, nuzzling his head into her shoulder while Elain worked to catch her breath. Minutes passed, timed only by the synced beats of their heart.

“Okay,” she whispered after who knew how long. “Again.”

[catastrophe-at-sixteen]

strawberries and cigarettes (m)

Jungkook x reader

“For a biology project, you and your class are going on a field trip to collect evidence for your hypothesis. It is all going well until the dark haired nuisance called Jeon Jungkook decides to piss you off.”

Also - a nerd. The resident bad boy. The police. Annoying friends. A loose psycho killer. What could go wrong?

This is my first time ever uploading any fics !! im super nervous haha - i'll probably post a little of each one and see how it goes !!

Jungkook x reader.

This is your classic enemies to lovers but with a slight little twist!

This is set in the 80s/90s and is your typical bad boy/nerd girl trope- but , there is a killer on the loose. I mean this is kind of based on jack the ripper (serial killer) and my teenage fantasies of falling for bad boy jungkook. I hope you’ll give it a go and tell me what you think !!! <3

Tw : cursing, killings, descriptions of death and psychopaths, masturbation , making out, smut.

WC : 11K

also a big massive thank you to @ggukkiereads for helping me gain the confidence to write and dedicate time to finishing this ! ik its been a while since we spoke but much love to u angel <3 may u always have the best !

Begrudgingly the students lag off the bus at 10pm, finally having reached their destination.

Tired and sore from their journey the teachers find no trouble in distributing bedrooms for everyone.

When your name is called out along with Tiffany you internally groan - great you think one of the most plastic girls in the school all to myself.

You grimace but make no argument as you could have gotten worse you suppose.

As you grab your belongings and ignore her protests that she doesn't want to room with a loser like you, a dark clad figure pushes past you, almost tripping you over.

Angrily you shout

"Watch where you're going you prick"!

Yet he doesn't so much look in your direction.

Under the dim moonlight you can faintly make out the low blunt of a cigarette in a tattoo clad hand - so it was the infamous Jungkook.

Honestly you didn't understand why all the girls fawned over him when he was just a rude and ignorant asshole. Sure, he had a pretty face but no good soul to match.

Calming yourself, as it was unlikely that you'd ever receive an apology from the school rebel you just head to your new room.

The school had organised a biology trip so that you could gather authentic evidence on the correlation of birds and wood growth in a certain designated area and honestly you were excited- not having enough expenses to get out of town when you were younger meant that this was a treat for you and paired with you being a biology major your inner geek was surfacing pretty quickly.

You move into your room and begin unpacking your things ignoring the chatter coming from your new roommates.

You set everything nicely, precisely -just to your liking. Maybe some would call you fussy, but you like to think of yourself as organised and classy.

You don’t have many thoughts that night as you lay down for bed, but you do hear the news playing in the background.

" a killing has not been sighted for a time breaking the pattern of the 1-week intervals in which they have been happening, but police still advise to remain on high alert at all times. "

You shudder as you think about it, a killer on the loose in the country and everyone powerless to stop him.

He fed of the insecurities of people, the fear of not being safe. He did a damn well good job at it as well.

You look outside and see the police on night duty setting up, the country while terrified also was reluctant to admit the threat and instead of protecting you properly they had merely sent police force units as glorified bodyguards to ' keep you safe '.

You sigh, as you climb under your covers those problems seem like a long way away from you as you drift off with an empty mind.

It was morning, the sun was shining brightly through the windows giving an orange glow to the room.

You were up before your roommates, had brushed your teeth and were already preparing for your project.

You had to do well, you were depending on a scholarship for university, your family could simply not afford it otherwise.

When your first signs of morning hunger begin to strike you venture outside your room in order to satiate yourself. You find that it’s still quiet only a few students up like yourself, you find a coffee machine and immediately begin to make one for yourself.

“While you're at it could you make one for me too".

a deep voice drawls out.

You almost jump out of your skin at the sound his voice breaking the silence you had been enjoying. Jeon Jungkook.

You scowl at him, choosing to ignore him carrying on making your own cup.

He whistles under his breath.

“wow, edgy or a bitch? I can’t decide".

He taunts you.

You roll your eyes at him and sigh in annoyance, his eyebrows raise at this.

“you’re clearly not a morning person".

He speaks.

You mutter under your breath.

" or maybe I’m just not a YOU person, not everyone lives to be nice to you. "

He lifts his hands up in a mock surrender.

“Okay, okay I get it it's a bad time for you jeez.... I suppose I'll have to make my own coffee".

He moves closer to you, totally invading your personal space, clearly, he had never heard of a personal bubble! You scowl and try to move away but he’s faster and is hovering over you before you know it. He looks down at you with those pretty dark eyes.

They’re so gorgeous.

Not that it matters to you because he is still an asshole, and he still ruined your morning.

“get out of my face Jeon Jungkook".

You say between clenched teeth.

You’re not some sort of pushover.

Yes, you're clever, as society classes a nerd but you're not one to let people walk all over you.

If he’s shocked, he doesn’t let on, just hums and lets you walk away, which you do, a little aggressively. You got back to your room and let out a sound of annoyance, the girls are still sleeping.

You sigh.

This was going to be a long trip.

After an uneventful morning, the wait was over and finally the teachers had called you to gather in the common area. Much to your dismay however there would be no actual data collecting until the police had secured the area, which meant that your whole day was pretty much wasted. The other students were chatting and gossiping and being idiots as per usual.

It’s not that you thought you were better than them, it's just that they were so mundane, so lifeless. They were just living on with no sense of direction. You suppose that's what you get for attending a school for rich kids though.

You could never fit in.

So, you never tried. People took pity on you every now and then offered you a smile. You smiled back but that was it. Your thoughts are running and to clear your head you decide to go outside for a little breather.

There isn’t much, just a few abandoned train tracks that seemingly lead into nowhere, a few broken fences and lots of grass. Not much time after this you head to bed.

Finally, the day had arrived, you could collect your samples.

You are so glad that it’s an individual project because you honestly cannot even imagine working with one of those air heads.

You shudder at the memory of having to work with Taehyung last semester for a chemistry practical.

You had to basically pull all the weight for your grade.

So, you get on working your way through your work and proving or disproving your hypothesis.

You’re pleased at the work that you completed. Not entirely satisfied but satisfied enough, for now.

You let out a stiff yawn, you need to stretch and need a little fresh air since you had spent the last few hours writing up your data and making graphs to compliment them.

You forgo your jacket since the weather isn’t so bad.

It’s nice.

When you go outside there are quite a few students already there, goofing around. There is also a pretty scenery, that in all honesty you had not appreciated until right now.

“Wow" you mutter under your breath.

Maybe I should try living outside my own head sometimes.

You spot some students surrounding a police officer and the curiosity gets the better of you and your soon wandering around the outskirts of their conversation.

Alas, it was merely a fruitless conversation. The police officer telling the other about his escapades and how they will be good in hands.

You lose yourself to your own thoughts again and look at the scenery. Until a little scuffle, breaks you out of your thoughts.

“What was that? There was a movement down there!! “

A boy called Josh calls out.

The police officer had also noticed it, then a sound of a gunshot sounds through the air.

The police officers curse and begin to get ready to scout the area. They want you all to go away, be safe inside but you’re all young adults- you want to see what’s going on.

Everyone gathers, watching the officers.

You scan the area; you spot the balcony that looks over the area just in front of the cabins.

Perfect you think that’s the perfect spot to see what’s going on.

So, you begin to climb up the steps to that room, when you get there, you can see everything.

You see a dead dog, a dead bird and the gun which had killed them laid out to where the officers were heading.

Fear grips your heart; your heartbeat is erratic. You think you see the shape of figure retreating into the distance but before you can look again, you feel the ground give way under you.

You let out a shriek, feeling yourself falling.

Is this truly how my life end you wonder I didn’t even get to complete my PhD?

Yet, instead of the hard fall that your body had been anticipating; your landing is softer and lets out a low grunt.

You're sure you're dead and have entered heaven.

Slowly you register a warm feeling under your legs and a secure one at your waist.

oh, this feels nice.

you think, eyes still closed until you hear some chaos in the distance.

what's happening?

Why is heaven so noisy? Are they partying because I’ve arrived? Was I actually an angel all this time am I coming home?

Ah you think this must be the angels- I knew all those days spent doing charity would help me.

You open your eyes and you’re met with bambi eyes staring back at you.

Slowly you begin to piece the rest of your angel together.

“Jeon Jungkook? “

You try and raise your voice to compliment your surprise, but it comes out in a more whisper.

“But this, Jungkook, you were an angel all this time? “you say.

His eyebrows knot together in confusion.

“What are you talking about strawberry?”

You gasp.

"Do we all get code names in heaven? You’re a pretty angel Jungkook. “

Then your eyes zero in on the scar on his cheek.

“Aren’t Angel’s supposed to be blemish free? Is that? Are you fallen? Wait.... for me? Are you my angel Jungkook? “

His eyes, which had previously shown confusion are now coloured with amusement.

“You talk a lot don’t you my little strawberry”.

You vaguely hear the sounds behind you before you begin to feel drowsy and fall limp the arms of your unexpected angel.

Jungkook was, of course no angel, your delirious ass was just doing and saying delirious things. You were going to be mortified when you woke up.

When you come to your room in a dark room, tucked into a warm bed. Your headaches aches as if someone is using a sledgehammer to hit it every second.

‘Agh’ you let out a pained groan.

What even happened? you wonder in your head.

You move quickly, getting out of bed ignoring your protesting limbs.  You almost reach the doors until a pair of arms trap you.

‘woah woah where do you think you're going?’

You let out a scream, completely startled. A hand comes to cover your mouth.

‘man, you really do have a set of lungs, don’t you? ‘

You stop struggling in his embrace to match his voice to a face. Its familiar.

‘Jeon Jungkook?’ you let a little unsure and panic still evident in your voice.

‘your one and only’

You frown.

‘mine?’

He smirks at you,

‘that's right yours strawberry’.

You shake your head.

‘are you smoking something? Are you high right now?’

He pouts a little then, it changes his look completely. He looks a little cute.

‘you don't remember? ‘ he cocks his head to the side and points to himself. ‘I'm your angel’.

You scoff.

‘Please in what world are YOU an angel? You're far from it’.

Then it all comes back to you.

Jungkook watches as the realisation begins to show on your face.

‘Oh my god I had a concussion, you cannot be serious right now ‘

He chuckles.

'The words still came out of your mouth' Jungkook counters, he leans closer to you, his face way to close for your liking.

You feel your face grow warm from his proximity, but you don't give him the satisfaction of knowing that.

You scoff and push him away.

‘You're insane’.

He accepts the distance you've placed between the two of you and he chooses to smirk at you from where he is standing.

‘And you're crazy for me’.

You let out an incredulous laugh, not believing him.

‘Oh, my lord, please shut up for the sake of my sanity’.

He chuckles at your flustered state and you scramble your brain to find a change of subject.

‘okay whatever now just excuse me because I need to go back to my room’.

You move to begin walking to the door, but his voice halts your movements.

‘This is your room now’.

You whip around to face him.

‘What?! Ha as if Jeon, why would they room us together- were supposed to separate for the opposite genders- which I totally get when you're involved’ you say disbelief painting your voice. You whisper the last part though.

He puts his hands into his pockets and shrugs.

‘Protection?’

You set him a hard stare.

‘Save your lame ass men superiority talks for someone else i am having a severe case of I'm not interested’.

Why the hell would you need Jungkook for protection, it reeks of patriarchy and you hate it.

He shrugs.

‘Listen princess I don't know why either really to be honest but I'm not complaining-’

You don't bother entertaining him for much longer.

This can't be true. You cannot be paired into a room with him. He cannot be your new roommate - heck now tiffany doesn't seem so bad. Flirting asshole, you mutter under your breath as you begin searching for your teacher.

You only learn a bitter truth, due to the collapsing of the room you had to be relocated into another room and the only person without a roommate was Jungkook. They ‘trusted’ you enough that you would be able to handle it and not to do anything you were not supposed to.

‘We trust you, y/n’ was what she had told you.

You spend your time cursing out both her and Jungkook as you gather your belongings to move into your new room.

You're so caught up in your own thoughts that you don't notice a foot that comes out to trip you.

You look up and see the faces of three stupid bitches.

Tiffany Jessica and Irene.

They seemed to consider themselves above everybody else, though you've no idea why. Aside from flawless looks they seemed to live pretty empty life in your eyes. They were living definitions of empty shells walking around.

You get up quietly from the ground, you'll gain nothing from engaging with them, maybe you'd lose a few brainless. You just want to go back and rest - your head is killing you.

But to your disappointment they begin to talk.

‘Well, well well, if it isn't the school's new slut moving into MY boyfriend's room’.

You have to let a little laugh at this. This one is seriously deluded. Jungkook didn't do relationships you knew that. Everybody knew that. They had hooked up about 3 months ago and even though he does his best to ignore her she still insists that he is her boyfriend. It's just pathetic and a bit sad you suppose. Her obvious attraction to him which he just does not reciprocate.

She becomes enraged at your actions.

‘listen here you little bitch you better not even think of starting anything with my man-’ she spits out at you.

You snap back then, unable to hold your tongue.

‘I am not a slut, and I will not go after your man- which fyi  he is not. He is a human and he doesn’t belong to you he never has’

She grows red at your words.

‘you little piece of shit-’

She raises her hand but just then a voice interrupts her and she halts her actions.

‘well if it isn't my new roomie, l’ll take that from you strawberry’ Jungkook says, too cheery for your liking, your still contemplating hitting Jessica.

Jessica begins speaking up, but he ignores her turning to you.

Your mouth almost drops open at his dismissal of Jessica but then again, she is annoying, and he cannot be immune to that.

‘Jungkoooook’ she whines when he doesn’t respond to her the first time.

He still doesn’t entertain her.

He moves to take your things from you, but she speaks again, latching onto his arm.

‘just leave her -cshe's just an annoying stuck-up bitch’.

He responds to this under his breath laughing.

‘reminds me of someone ’

She doesn't understand his comment.

‘huh?’ she says almost comically.

‘who baby?’ she pouts at him ‘my poor baby having to deal with such people, just leave with me and we can-’

‘no’ he sets her with a hard stare.

It's like she has forgotten that you're there, so you decide to use this to your advantage, letting Jungkook deal with them. You move to get your suitcase, but a hand stops yours. Its Jungkook.

‘I don’t think so strawberry - I'll be getting those for you’.

You turn to look at him scowl adorning your features.

‘I don’t need your help Jeon’.

He smirks at you.

‘no no - I insist’.

He dismisses Jessica with a wave of his hand and begins to walk away your suitcase in his hand, which prompts you to follow along.

‘What. Was. That. Jungkook?!’ you say when the door closes, you’re fuming because he had made it seem as though you were dating or doing things together which meant that they would keep bothering you, which is just something that you don’t want.

He turns around to face you.

‘oh, don’t get your panties in such a twist, I just needed to get the fuck away from her’.

He sounds angry and this is the Jungkook that you are more accustomed to. Not the flirty one you have been seeing. Hopefully he had given up on whatever he was trying to achieve with that. He was a rude asshole who was just to used to seeing things come out in his favour.

‘excuse me, you just fuelled her whack ass thoughts and next time don’t use me as your escape route’ you say matching his hostile tone.

‘oh, don’t be such a priss, it saved you as much as it saved me’.

An exasperated noise escapes your throat.

‘well maybe you should have kept it in your pants lover boy’.

He sets you with a hard stare.

‘oh, shut up - you don’t know me’ he grits out.

You cock your head to the side much like he had done to you earlier in the day.

‘hmmm I think I know you pretty well Jungkook, you're not as unreadable as you like to think, Jeon Jungkook the infamous bad boy who uses girls to fuel his ego and is used by girls to fuel their own ego and status quo among their own stupid--’

You do not get to finish you sentence however because you're harshly being pinned to the door. His grip on you is hard and it stings but you meet his gaze.

‘shut the fuck up y/n’ the tone of his voice is almost carnal, animal like.

You seriously had hit a nerve.

‘I go beyond your perceptions of me- you little miss goody two shoes’.

You spit back in his face.

‘I've yet to see you act more like a crazed rabbit Jungkook and to be honest I don’t plan on finding out the depths of your character either. I don’t fucking care about you’.

You push him aside and move to unpack your suitcase.

He mutters something under his breath that you can't hear, and he walks out slamming the door behind him.

‘well, that was fun’ you say and begin to take out your notes and books that you will need through the day.

When you wake up the next you feel like you’ve been hit by a ton of bricks. The painkillers had given you the illusion that you were okay. You look a mess, you're tired, you cannot believe that this happened.  You had been looking forward to this for so long, they had told you that another student would be collecting your data. Your new roommate. Jeon Jungkook. He was going to be collecting your data.

This is preposterous! He would probably sabotage you on purpose! This cannot happen, but they wouldn’t budge from their choice. You huff as you look out of the window, where you could be collecting your data along with the other students. Darn you and your curiosity.

They always did say didn’t they- that curiosity killed the cat.

Your walking around the room, pacing- that’s how bored you are. You had reorganised your things 3 times and colour coded all you notes, redrew your graphs, you had done everything that you thought would keep you busy but here you are sitting with nothing to do.  You look around the room see Jungkook's things laying on the ground.

You sigh into the empty room again and just lay down waiting for them to come back. You end up falling asleep.

You're stirred from your sleep, quite rudely by a book being thrown at the foot of your bed. You sit up, still groggy and look at Jungkook.

‘what the hell man’

He stares at you blankly.

‘There's your work priss’

You're not bothered by his hostile tone instead open the book and seeing what he had done, or you suppose looking at it what he had not done. The more you look at the work the more the frown on your face deepens.

‘what the hell is this Jungkook?’

He looks up at you annoyed.

‘the work? Thought you were meant to be a genius?’

You scowl at him.

‘this Jungkook? Is unacceptable a nursery kid could do way better than this !’

He rolls his eyes at you.

‘and? That’s what you're going to get priss so deal with it’.

You make an exasperated sigh.

‘you've used the wrong measurement and everything Jungkook’.

‘look - I don’t care. I didn’t want to do this for you anyway’.

‘like I wanted YOU to do it for me’.

You sigh,

You keep bumping into him everywhere, you know he is your roommate but he is always there at the cafeteria taking the last donut which you had been craving pushing in line, making unnecessary comments and he makes the room so messy!

It’s the same thing for the next few outings, Jungkook comes with the same half assed versions of the data you need.

You try, you really you try so hard to use the data sets he provided but its no use. They're absolutely useless, so you decide to take matters into your own hands.

Your going to sneak out early in the morning, you have to sneak past the guards which as you’ve gathered won't be as hard as one may think because they are not good or much invested in their job anyway.

You prepare yourself and head to set out in the morning. You quietly get up so as not to disturb or wake Jungkook. If he sees you, you know that there will be trouble.

You throw on a hoodie and grab a notebook, a pen and your watch. You have to be back before anyone can notice that you're gone.  You steel yourself one last time, giving yourself a pep talk and sneak out. You hold your breath as you walk past the room of your supervisor and out the back door of the cabins.

This isn't so bad you think. Once you're out of sight of the guards and you think your safe, you let out a sigh of relief and do a little shimmy out of your happiness. You are so pleased and proud of yourself. What you didn’t know that behind you, watching your every move was a boy covered in tattoos with a cigarette in his hand watching you with an amused face.

Jungkook was, not as you thought asleep when you had snuck out. He was also outside, leaning on the side of the building a cigarette in his hand, he couldn’t sleep that night, it happened to him on most nights so he routinely wakes up to have a smoke. On this particular day there is not the usual eerie morning silence that he is used to, but a few grunts and hisses to accompany it. He furrows his brows.

Is that? He thinks y/n!?!?!?!?!?

No way he thinks what the hell is she up to?

Then he catches sight of your notebook and pen.

'Oh, what a nerd' he mutters under his breath. Then he smirks.

He can totally use this to his advantage.

He stubs his cigarette, pulls his hoodie over his head and follows you.

Your heart is still racing you honestly cannot believe that you. l/n f/n are doing this.

‘What a badass’ you say into the silence.

‘Badass? Sneaking out to do bloody work is your idea of badass?’ a voice speaks up behind you.

You shriek startled and are met with Jungkook.

Why is it always him?

‘what in the bloody tarnation's.... are you trying to kill me Jungkook?!’ you say putting your hand on your heart.

He grins pleased at the reaction he had elicited from you.

He cocks his head to the side.

‘what the hell are you doing here ?!’ you hiss at him.

‘could ask you the same thing strawberry’ he replies.

You look at him.

You were so sure that you had been quiet, how could he be here to ruin everything.

‘you do realise that I actually have name, and it's not strawberry’ you say to him.

He shrugs.

‘Yeah but you always smell like them’.

You scoff;

‘and you always reek of cigarettes.’

He frowns but then asks you again.

‘what are you doing here?’

You think of excuses,

‘I'm - I'm on a walk’ you say.

He lifts his eyebrow up.

‘a walk?’

You nod.

‘that's right for my daily exercise its been a pain to be stuck indoors’.

He snorts.

‘you're on a walk with your graph paper pad and pencil case?’

You curse inside your head.

‘yeah I am a nerd after all’ you say, hoping and praying that he’ll just let you go on your way.

He doesn’t

‘I don’t know, you look awfully suspicious to me, do tell why you're heading to the sight of our data collection points when the trail track is in the opposite direction?’ he says.

You rack your brains for an answer.

‘well, I like an adventure’ you say, standing straight.

‘oh, is that so?’ he says laughter infiltrating his tone.

‘yes’, you say meeting his eyes.

‘hmm’ he says ‘I don’t believe you’ he says.

‘do you wanna know what I think?’ he continues.

He takes one step closer to you.

‘I think that our resident miss goody two shoes is sneaking off when told specifically that she can't’ his gaze burns into yours

You feel yourself going red out of embarrassment.

‘I literally have no idea what you're talking about Jungkook' you say breathless.

He leans closer and you can feel his body heat, he continues to bore his eyes into your own and you almost fall into his gaze until you feel your book being snatched out of your hand.

‘HEY!’ you say reaching for it.

But he holds it higher than himself, opens it to the last written on page.

‘new data collection points’ he reads out ‘and oh would you look at that ! It has todays dates written on it’ he says looking down at you with a squint in his eyes.

You huff.

‘well obviously I had to do this because how on earth could I let your lame ass results and data reading be used for my final piece – I'm not looking to fail’ you say venom laced in every word.

He scowls at you.

‘there was nothing wrong with my results princess’ he grits out.

‘oh, please save it’ you snap back ‘you didn’t even use the same measurements – your hopeless’.

‘well, if I'm so fucking useless you should do my work for me’ he says.

You set him a level stare.

‘what?’

‘you heard me’ he says with a roll of his eyes.

‘and why in the hell would I do that? I don’t care if you fail Jungkook, heck I don’t care if you get kicked out’ you tell him.

He shakes his head.

‘well, I mean I could go back right now and tell Miss Taylor-’ he begins.

You narrow your eyes at him.

‘You wouldn’t dare’.

He holds a staring contest with you.

‘oh, wouldn’t I?’ he says.

You both hold each other's gazes before you give in.

You cannot believe the audacity of this asshole.

‘fine whatever asshole’ you say folding your arms and turning around.

He grins in victory and places your notebook back into your hands.

‘chop chop partner get to it’ he says.

You glare at him.

‘partners pull equal weight Jungkook ‘

He rolls his eyes.

‘I don’t really care – you just need to get a move on’.

You turn around no longer wanting to deal with his annoying ass.

You make it forward a few steps before you stop and turn around.

‘why are you following me?’  you ask him.

He rolls his eyes at your apparent dumbness.

‘well smartass, there is a killer on the loose if you didn’t know’.

You freeze up for a second,

Shit

You had almost forgotten. You don’t let him see that you're scared.

‘and? ‘ you say feigning composure.

‘what the hell are you going to do if he pops out of the woods anyway?’

He shrugs.

‘I dunno actually a lot more than you could do anyway’

You stare at him.

‘I could be a black belt in karate for all you know’.

He laughs.

‘okay princess whatever - I just need to make sure that you're not going to fuck this up’.

So, you turn going to the place you need to, to collect your data pieces.

With having to do Jungkook's work as well, it takes a lot longer to complete than you would have liked.

He is surprisingly bearable in the mornings that you both sneak off though. He doesn’t say much. Just watches you – pretends he isn't though.

You catch him once. Its been about 2 weeks since you started this godawful task, and Jungkook's notes and work were in dire need of help so its taking you time. This time however you meet his gaze before he is able to pull away.

You cock your head to the side.

‘what are you staring at?’ you say placing your hands on your hips.

He says something inaudible under his breath.

‘what was that?’

He snaps at you.

‘do you think you have tie to stand around making idle talk with me? The work ain’t going to do itself princess.’

You huff in annoyance.

How dare he! This was just plain wrong anyway I should not even be doing this, but you knew it was the only way. You couldn't risk getting caught and with Jungkook you wouldn't be surprised if he really did rat you out you to all the teachers. And if he did well, you wouldn’t be receiving a very good reference.

It was during an early morning that you hear Jungkook walk off into the distance. Probably to smoke, such a bad habit you tsk.

But you're also done for the day – so you begin to head back on your own.

You feel the grass brush against your feet as you walk back. You’re humming along to that song that was always on the radio, when you hear it. A little whimper - then a cry. You know that you shouldn’t go to look, you know that you're paying for your curiosity already and you don’t need another thing to happen, but you just cannot help yourself!

You follow the sound, going on a detour from the track.

You do consider yourself somewhat of a badass but a serial killer? Yeah, they kinda scare the shit out of you. You hold your breath and walk as quietly and slowly as you can. You hear the whimper again to your left but its deeper into the woods.

As you walk closer you see a pool of blood - your eyes widen, and your heartbeat becomes erratic.

‘what the fuck?’ you whisper into the silence.

You walk closer to the body of the animal and you can feel your knees grow a little weak you can see a white paper which has been tainted red with the blood of the animal that was killed.

You gasp, taking it up in your hands. Your hands also become stained with the redness.

It's in Morse code.

-.-- --- ..- / ... .... --- ..- .-.. -.. -. .----. - / -... . / .-- .- -. -.. . .-. .. -. --. / --- ..- - / .- .-.. --- -. .

(YOU SHOULDN'T BE WANDERING OUT ALONE)

You look at it for a while and rack your brains to be able to translate it but no such look. Your mind is busy running at 100miles per hour. As you try and clear your head and look at the note one more time, but a noise in the distance pulls you way from any semblance of concentration that you could have obtained.

You frantically look around trying to locate where the sound had come from. Your senses are all on a high right now. You shove the piece of paper into your pocket and begin to go back the way that you came. After the first few steps you begin running your head running wild with the idea of being found dead in ditch. Your nearly at the main path which you had strayed from. You make it onto the path, and you bend over catching your breath when two arms encircle you from behind.

You let out a scream.

A hand is placed over your mouth.

‘shut the fuck up y/n’.

You recognise THAT voice. Its Jeon Jungkook. Why is this motherfucker always trying to scare you? Your turn around and hit him on the chest,

‘what the actual hell Jeon, you gave me a bloody heat attack and a half’.

He doesn’t respond. He is looking at you, his eyebrows are furrowed and his eyes have a glint of anger. He is furious.

‘where the fuck did you go y/n?’ he says, he holds your wrist stopping you from hitting him again.

He holds it in the air holding your gaze.

‘I was.... walking back’ you didn't want him to know what you had found. He would probably tell you it was a bad idea to even translate it. Which it was, but what is life if not for taking risks?

You yank your hand from his grasp.

He looks at you an unreadable expression on his face.

“you’re a fucking liar “he says.

You scoff.

“oh please, what’s it to you anyway jungkook, you left me first “

He doesn’t say anything, but observes you, trying to look for signs of what you’re hiding.

He had found one too, a dead animal and a note written in Morse.

But he could read it and he knew he was in trouble

“Be careful, or your little girlfriend may be snatched from right under your arms “

He swore under his breath as he read it and immediately began to make his way back to you.

“strawberry?” he calls out but you’re not there.

You’re not there and he hates the feeling of dread that sits in his stomach.

He runs back the way you came, but he still finds no trace of you

“fucking hell where did she go?”

He almost gives up and is going to tell the police when you appear before him, out of breath and you look terrified.

He knows you’re lying, if you were where, you said you were, he would have seen you.

He narrows his eyes at you again.

“I left for two seconds and you ran off. Where the fuck did you go? “

He asks, he wants you tell him, needs you to, he’s overcome with this sense to protect you but you don’t trust him. He needs to change that.

He lets you believe that you have him fooled, that he believes your story and he begins to walk back to the cabins right before the call for breakfast is sounded. You follow after him breathing in a sigh of relief that he had believed you.

That night you find it difficult to sleep. You need to find out the meaning of the Morse code, but you don't have access to a book that will help you translate, meaning that you will have to ask around without looking too suspicious.

You decide that a police officer would do nicely, if you seem overly invested in their job, they would just give you the information.

You spot the officer who looks younger than most, you remember his name.

Park Jimin.

You approach him cautiously.

“Officer park?”

He turns around to face you, smiling softly.

Oh, he’s cute you think.

“yes miss?”

You smile at him warmly.

“nothing serious it’s just that I was wondering if you would like some company, it must be a little boring for you out here on your own “

You say to him and you’re glad you asked him because either way his face breaks out into a smile that has your heart fluttering.

“how very kind of you miss! And yes, a little company wouldn't hurt “, he grins at you.

As you strike up conversation, with the officer you fail to notice a figure dressed in black listening in on your conversation. Jungkook listens in as you try and get information out of officer. He knew it. You had also come across the same note, as he had. He wonders what yours said.

He leaves after a bit, leaving both of you oblivious to the fact that he was even there in the first place.

When you get back to your room, you see Jungkook sitting at the foot of his bed frown on his face.

You ignore him and write down the information you'd just got given by Officer Park. You felt a little bad manipulating him when he was so nice but you just had to know what it meant.

Jungkook speaks up.

“that was a nice conversation you were having with Officer Park “

He says,

You whip you’re head up to look at him and closing your notebook harshly.

“What? Were you eavesdropping on my conversation?”

He rolls his eyes

“Why would I be listening to the conservation of the school nerd with a cop? No, I just happened to hear in passing “

You let out a breath that you didn’t know you were holding.

“That’s mighty rude of y-" you begin to retort before he cuts you off

“what’s a biology nerd like you need with Morse code?” He asks.

Your mind malfunctions for a moment until you bring yourself back together.

“A little extra knowledge hurts no one you know?” you say appearing nonchalant.

He narrows his eyes

“I know it”

You look at him

“you do?”

He nods,

“why need something translating?” he tries.

You think about it, but ultimately decided against showing him the note you found.

You have no clue what it says. You don’t want him understanding before you do.

You shake your head,

“No, I don’t “

You say, deciding enough is enough and you need to sleep now to be up in the morning.

The next morning you sleep in, meaning that you couldn’t do the work that was set out for you. You stretch and moan as you get out of bed when you sit up and open your eyes fully your locks onto the Bambi ones from across the room. You let out a shriek!

‘What the hell why were you watching me you creeper!’ you say pointing a finger at Jungkook.

He rolls his eyes at you.

‘oh, please don’t flatter yourself’.

‘why didn’t you wake me up? Its so late !’ you question him.

He looks at you and says words that you don’t think that you would hear.

‘I think that we should lay off for a bit strawberry’

You look at him in shock

‘but why!?’

He doesn’t really give you much of an answer in his usual Jungkook manner.

You sigh.

Over the next few weeks, you rarely bump into Jungkook, you see him sometimes in the cafeteria and you can always feel him just watching you it makes you grow warm when you notice his staring.

Jungkook is also going crazy. You drive him crazy.

You guess that you'll have to work at the same pace as everyone, truthfully you had actually caught up with your work that was missed a while ago, you were just doing extra readings to stay ahead. One step ahead of everyone. But you guess that that is going to be changed now.

It had been a while since you had been on your morning trips with jungkook and though you hate to admit it, you kind of missed it.

He wasn't as bad company as you thought he would be, he was oddly quiet which meant that without him talking as much, you really got to admire his beauty. And good lord was he handsome, you understand why people are attracted to him, when his mouth is closed, he’s fine. Basically, you became a little horny when you saw him, it had been ages since you had had sex even masturbated, since you now had room with him.

Jungkook has such strong sharp features which sometimes go all soft, if he pouts while he’s thinking or a bird catches his attention, his eyes will go big and doe like. It's cute. Everybody had two sides you suppose, yours was your horny side (lol what)

Okay maybe, more time to admire him was a bad thing, you did not need to have sexual fantasies with him, no, that was a big no no.

It's been a few weeks since Jungkook had asked you to lay low for a while and in that time, you had been asking around about the killer to the police. You tried your best not to seem suspicious about it though, if they caught on – well it wouldn’t exactly end well. So, you make slow progress, you did make progress though, however.

You could now understand the note and while it scared you, it also ignited something in you that you didn’t even know that you possessed inside of you. You wanted to outdo him, you want to find him, lead him into a trap or something like that anyway. You want to catch him.

Something in the back of your mind is telling you begging you to stop being so stupid, but you ignore and continue to daydream about catching this bastard.

But it can only cure your boredom for a while – you get bored and what better to do when you're bored than to read erotica novels?

You had packed this book with you – the secrets of the alluring painter in France. You had taken to reading at night time on some nights.

Like tonight.

You need a wind down, so you pull out your book, and it has such racy scenes that leave you clenching around nothing.

Your sexual imagination goes wild when you read the erotica in the book and the way they make it seem so fiery, you were no virgin - you knew what sex was like, but never has it been close to the way it is in the book.

You’ve allowed yourself to fall into this horrible habit, at night, when Jungkook is asleep to touch yourself, play with yourself, pretending it is you who is being touched by Kim Taehyung the painter with many secrets.

You feel yourself growing more frustrated with each passage you read, it becomes a little irritating and, you have to touch yourself or you'll go crazy, the man in the book was doing it so well, so hot.

Kim Taehyung, he was described as an utter beauty, soft black hair and soft eyes, a deep voice that just made the reader swoon, you close your eyes and reach your hands down to your shorts, they slip past the hem.

You wish you could moan, wish that you could be vocal, like you were in your bedroom when it was just you and your pillow, but there was one big problem and that was Jeon Jungkook.

Why did you have to room with him?

You lighten your breathing and listen for signs of him being awake, but he seems to be breathing really deep, he is asleep you assure yourself.

You turn the lamp off, at the side of your bed, setting the book on the bedside table.

You trail your hand down your stomach, much like Taehyung had done to the main character, he slowly lets his fingers flutter over the top of her shorts, and you do the same. You build the tension, like it's his beautiful hands working against you.

You pause and let your fingers slip past the hem of your panties, you trace over the fabric covering you - first over your mound, stroking sensually.

How had Taehyung done it?

Right yes, he had used his nails slightly and grazed over lightly, a slight pressure but nothing that hurt - it was just enough to make you squirm under your own touch.

You feel your own wetness, feel how obscene it is in the darkness of the night.

Jungkook is right there, and while it scares you, it also thrills you, you feel a new wave of arousal and adrenaline when you remember he is there.

Slowly and as quietly as possible you shuffle, moving to take your shorts off, it's a little loud but you think that you're okay, Jungkook is out like a log.  After a moment you continue to tease yourself.

Running your fingertips over your lips, pressing down on your hole and clenching, withholding the need to hiss.

You raise your hand further and your fingers land right at the centre of your pleasure.

Your clit. Oh, the beautiful bundle of nerves.

You cover your mouth with a hand to stifle the moan that you almost let out when you begin to rub small circles around the sensitive nub.

When you can’t get enough your panties are next to go, and when the cold air hits your wet centre you have to hold your breath, shaky.

You reach down and gather your slick slowly, spreading it all over your centre, making yourself drown in your own arousal, you use your middle and ring finger to slide up and down at a pace that leaves you edged and eager for more, you need to bring yourself to the very edge to get yourself the release that you’re after, you free hand travels up to your ever sensitive boobs, you play with them, brushing over the nipple, making them perk and then groping them while you rub at your clit.

A dirty thought crosses your mind, when you remember the boy who was asleep across from you.

What if, he was the one to touch, the one touching you, with those beautiful hands of his, those big hands.

You stifle another moan, as you think about him, hovering over you, giving it to you just right. You had heard that Jungkook could actually make a girl cum while having sex, that made you a little interested. It’s just he always opens his mouth and is an ass and ruins everything. But right now, in your imagination, only his looks and reputation matter, you twist and turn his character to be someone that you can gain pleasure from.

You can the pleasure increase and you begin to fasten your speed until you feel the signs of your orgasm and then you pull away. Edging yourself.

Your breathing is a little heavy and your work on controlling it, both your hands go to fondle your breasts and you unconsciously lift your hips, humping the air, you lean down again and enter three fingers easily into your own heat.

The squelching sound heard is deafening in the silent room, your cheeks burn red and you pull out slowly, so that was a no no, you would have to focus on your clit for you orgasm. Which was fine because you were so sensitive from playing with yourself, you know that it would only take a few more strokes to get there.

You press the fingers that were just inside of you, against your sensitive bud and you rub in slowly circles and then fastening your place and then slowing once more.

Jungkook comes into your mind again, ugh, now his lips, his pretty pink lips and the way he licks them, and the way they glisten under the sun. What if they were attached to your clit, if he was using his face to give you pleasure, like Taehyung had done to the main character of the novel, God it was so filthy.

Its driving you insane and you love it, the frustration will only make your release all the more powerful.

After a while you feel the fire blooming in your bottom of your stomach, and you quicken your pace to the point where you feel light and the waves of pleasure rack over your whole body.

You press your hand to your mouth again to conceal the gasps that are escaping you, you sigh and fall back onto your pillow feeling so much better and lighter.

Gosh did that feel good. You were aware that in your mind alarms were going off in your mind. You had thought of Jungkook while masturbating. It was a line you have no idea why you crossed. How would you look him in the eye now?

After a while, you pull up your panties and shorts and you promise yourself a shower in the morning.

What you didn't know was that the raven-haired boy of your fantasies was in fact awake and now painfully hard as he listened to your filthy little moans and gasps, he grabs his own member in his pants, strokes slowly. He spreads the pre-cum over his member before setting the fast pace that he liked, his breaths through his nose – to conceal the way his breathing has become strained. His hair becomes damp from sweat and it sticks to his forehead. He came much faster that he would care to admit the thought of you right there yet unreachable the fact that you were so NAUGHTY under all that good girl.

Turning him on, making him needy.

He breathes heavy, thinking of you under him as he squirts out cum into his pants, Jungkook too showers in the morning after you.

After this Jungkook stays up at night, listening to you, seeing if you would do it again, you do and, on those nights, Jungkook cums at the same time as you. He feels a little pathetic, he knows that he can fuck a lot of girls in the class right, but it wasn't you, God he wants it to be you writhing underneath him.

It’s the next morning and you're getting ready for your shower.

You're gathering your clothes and shampoo and creams into a little bundle and are about to open the door to the shower, when it is opened for you. The song that you were softly humming gets stuck in your throat when you register that the door was opened by Jungkook.

A very naked Jungkook.

Your face grows red, and your eyes wander over his gorgeous body, the tattoos that trail up his arm and a few on his waist, God they looked amazing.

Your ogling comes to a stop when he clears his throat. Oh, shit you think - I was staring. You quickly look up and your eyes meet Jungkook's.

He is smirking at you and as soon as you meet his gaze, he lets his own wander over body – taken in the skin that was exposed in your pyjama shorts and a t-shirt that had been small for you since you turned 13 years old.

He looks up and down your body brazenly before meeting your eyes. He licks his lips, and you zero in on it. God it was so annoying that he was this hot.

How could this be happening now? When you had spent a while avoiding him? And him you? Why did this happen after you were thinking of him last night? Oh god you grow red again and you think what if he had heard you? God, that would be embarrassing. You look at his lips again, avoiding his gaze again but maybe his eyes would have been a better option because as soon as you look at his lips, the same filthy thoughts come back to you - you shift uncomfortably trying to calm yourself. In that time, you don't notice but Jungkook has come closer to you.

You register his closeness when a water droplet from his hair falls onto your cheek. You move away slightly.

You don’t realise it but in your extended silence of checking each other out the both of you have moved closer to each other. There is no longer what people would call a healthy distance between the two of you anymore. He looks down at you and licks his lips again. His hair is wet and the way he runs his hand through it – he looks so good like this. Your dirty thoughts run wild again. Its only when another water droplet from his hair falls onto your cheek that you finally snap out of it. You move a step back.

“You look a little hot strawberry is anything the matter?” He asks you, a teasing lilt on his voice.

It’s way too early for this, you cannot be dealing with this right now, not when your mind has gone on a memory flashback to last night and he was right here in front you, so very naked.

Still, you feign your ever composed self.

“I’m just fine” you say through gritted teeth.

“I need to shower and your kind of standing in my way” you tell him.

He chuckles, a deep chuckle, gosh how are you this horny in the morning? Stop it y/n you think.

“I don't think you really mind though do you strawberry, you seem to have a very different secretive side” he says, cocking his head to the side.

You blush, shit had he heard you?

“I have no idea what you're talking about Jungkook” you say to him “I need to shower though”.

You move to get away from his hearted stare but just before you enter the washroom, a hand grabs onto your wrist and pulls you back.

Jungkook looks at you, a deep and confusing stare.

“Be careful, it’s quite wet in there” he says and then his tongue pokes into the side of his cheek. Then suddenly, he lets you go and walks off to his side of the room, your left in shock at his words and quickly scurry to get into the bedroom before more heated tension breaks through.

You shake your head of all thoughts and quickly go into the shower, what you don’t realise is that you accidently drop something, the note with the raven-haired boy who you had left in the bedroom.

Its later on during this day that Jungkook approaches you.

'Hey strawberry’ he says to you.

You raise your eyebrows at him, what’s with his sudden kindness.

‘hey’ you reply voice dipped in surprised.

‘Oh, shut up, I just came to talk to you’.

You look at him.

‘I didn’t say anything but okay…. talk then’ you gesture your hands between your two bodies.

He lets out an exasperated gasp.

‘The note – did you find one?’ he asks. You still in the next sip of coffee that you were going to take. You feel yourself grow cold. How did he find out?

He looks at you.

‘So, you did’.

‘I didn’t say that’ you say tone slightly higher than normal – you were a terrible liar.

He laughs at you

‘Hmm is that so?’

‘I have no idea what you’re talking about Jungkook’.

He looks at you, more serious this time.

“Listen y/n there's no point playing dumb, I found your stupid note anyway”.

You watch mortified as he pulls out the note that you had thought was in your pocket. Well shit then.

“I- I have never seen that before in my life Jungkook” you can't let him know; he would ruin everything - you convince yourself.

He looks at you, he’s getting annoyed that you're lying to him. He pokes his tongue against his cheek again.

“I suggest you stop lying”.

You scoff.

“Why would I ever need to lie to you your nobody to me Jungkook”.

Something akin to hurt flashes across his face for a few seconds before he slams his hands on the table.

“I don’t think you know what you're even getting into strawberry”.

You gather your belongings getting up, you need to get away from him.

“And I don't think you know what the fuck you're talking about Jungkook”.

You walk off leaving him there, but he follows after you,

“Listen I found one too, you don't need to be miss hero or anything”.

You carry on walking, not bothering to give him an answer, he would want to tell the teachers and everyone, they would cancel the trip and then how would you finish gathering your evidence? No, he was insane.

“I don’t know what you're talking about”.

‘you think your so fucking slick, don’t you? Asking around and acting unsuspicious but your wrong I could sense your stupid plan from a mile away’ he says to you, pulling you on your arm effectively stopping you so you can't walk away from him anymore. You struggle out of his hold.

‘and so, what? So, what if you know? What the hell are you going to do Jungkook? Tell on me? Are you going to threaten to tell the teachers because you know what? I’ve been thinking about it and I think they would much rather take my word for yours and all this work I’ve been doing for you – I could easily go right now and show the teachers and say that you forced me to do it!! ’

He looks at you angrily, looks like he is going to swear or curse you out but then his face relaxes.

‘you say that baby, but the truth is I have money and you don’t if I want to manipulate something I can because I have the means and power to do so, my dad's made himself something while yours totted away in the fucking garbage can’.

You feel the anger come over you and he smirks at you.

‘real fucking classy Jeon, yeah insult my parents – like it's their fault they were born into a world where people are born with silver spoons on their mouth, and at least my parents love me Jungkook’

His eyes flash with hurt

‘how do you now my parents don't love me you little bitch?’

You laugh an empty laugh at his face.

‘just look at you – you’re the very definition of boohoo my parents don't love me so I'm going to kick up a mess, so they notice me for once’.

He groans in frustration at your words then.

Somehow amidst your confrontation with Jungkook you had managed to reach your room, why are you here? Why did your feet have to leave you here?

You walk into the room and as soon as he gets in, Jungkook grabs you by the wrist and pins you against the door, your books and pencils fly across the room and while your mortified - he doesn't even bat an eyelid.

Your breathing is both heavy as you look each other in the eyes, waiting for the other to say something.

You struggle against his hold, uselessly, curse him for doing his workout routine every morning.

“You found the fucking note y/n when you went missing in the woods that day, the note that’s in Morse code, the note that you spent a week trying to decode, don't act fucking dumb” he grits out.

You still try and keep up your act,

“I have no clue in the world what you're talking Jeon, I think you're going fucking insane” you seethe out

He growls, yes, he growls.

“Your seriously fucking pissing me off now, I know you did, I know you found it”.

“Fuck off, Jungkook does it look like I care if I am fucking pissing you off”.

He looks into your eyes again and whispers something like “fucking priss” before he is connecting your lips in a kiss, a kiss that is full of ego, passion and heat. You can feel in searing through your body so fiery, setting your nerves alight.

He is relentless in his pace. His mouth against yours and God indeed Jungkook is good kisser. Before you knees grow weak you move your hands to tangle in his hair and you pull at the end causing him groan against his lips, when he does you swipe your tongue into his mouth getting a taste. You pull harder, and he groans again. It was a sound that you know you would like to hear again.

His hands move from the door and one tangles in your hair while the other presses harshly on your waist. You gasp at the pleasure and at this he takes over, he fights your own tongue for dominance and once he wins, he is rough, he wants all his saliva in your mouth, wants his taste on you, wants you to feel him in every way.

When he knows that your just as enthralled by his kisses he pulls back to taunt you - whispering the words against you bruised lips.

“You act like such a fucking little priss don't you? Act like your better than me? Lying to me? Fuck you drive me insane”.

He attacks your neck now, leaving open mouthed kisses along your ear and neck. He nibbles lightly at a few areas and when he gets to just the right place - where your breath hitches and you move your thighs together he bites down harshly without warning and you try you best to suppress your moans. Not wanting to give him any satisfaction.

“I am better than you” you say to him breathlessly, “I don’t just act like it, I am”.

He bites harder at that and you wince - Jungkook is painting you skin wine and purple and your letting him and it feels so goddamn good. He pulls you back by the hair to look at him,

“You don't look much better than me when you are bending at my will, when you're looking so fucked out and I’ve done is fucking kiss you”.

Your answer is swallowed by a moan that you let out as he takes you breasts into his big hands, and squeezes hard, you pull him up from your neck and kiss him again, his lips, your lips bruising and fighting against one another.

He trails his hand down further and dances around the hem of your pants for a while, and you place your own over his, just as your about to lead him further down a knock is heard at your door.

You both freeze

“y/n?” A voice calls out.

You calm yourself before answering, still a little shaky.

“Yes?”

“Our guest speaker has arrived, I just thought you might like to ask him a few questions before he gives his talk”.

Jungkook swears under his breath, raking a hand through his hair.

“You fucking nerd”.

He pulls you back by your pony tail and the back of your head lands on his shoulder, he tilts you slightly, so he has better access to kiss and leave more marks against your skin.

“Ah- I thank you, I’ll come in an ah- while” you say, and you hear the footsteps walk off, Jungkook spins you around and he goes to kiss you again, but you pull away.

“No, just, stop I have to go and talk”.

He looks at you “you fucking nerd” he kisses you once more, like he can't get enough of your mouth.

You pull away again.

uh what in the fuck just happened you think.

This was not meant to happen.

“Look Jungkook, I did, that is my note and I- I’ll, we can talk just not now, okay? I-I have to go. This is important"

He doesn't say anything, just watches as you fix your appearance in the mirror, an appearance he had ruined, and he smirks a little in triumph. He watches as you gather your books that had been thrown onto the floor and he watches as your ass is on display for him and God, he wishes he could grab a handful, but he doesn’t. He just watches.

You walk out the room, without so much as looking at him again and he feels oddly rejected.

He knows that you had felt good, he had heard you groan against his mouth, grind against his clothed member but he hadn't ever been walked out on before. He's not sure what exactly he is feeling. Its not a good feeling - that he was walked out on and for some old ass lecturer too.

He watches the door close, and he sits and waits for you to finish being a nerd. But truthfully it is a little hot to him that you’re so independent, you do things for yourself, your confidence and your wit, it makes you fun, you piss him off, but your company is nicer than the ones that he is used to.

He sighs what the fuck is he getting himself into.

You take a breath as you exit the room,

What in the fuck just happened? you think.

Well, when you promised Jungkook that you would talk to him you hadn't been in your right mind.  Why did you agree to that like fuck? You have no idea what to even say. How do you even start that conversation like...?

"Hey, was just wondering if you would like to you know? Go on a hunt for a serial killer with me?"

Gosh this was so stupid and the kiss, gosh your face heats up as you remember the way he had kissed you - oh so sweet and so naughty!

Gosh you were in bad, as an adult you decide to deal with the problem logically, you'll just ignore him. That will work, Jungkook had a small attention span anyway. You're sure he would forget. You really hope he does.

[bump1nthen1ght]

Sick Day (Demon x Reader)

Pairing: Gender Neutral Reader/ Non-Binary Demon

Genre: Urban fantasy, Domesticity, Established relationship

Warnings: Mentions of sickness (fevers, body chills, headaches), but nothing graphic

Word Count: 2008 words

Summary: Your demon partner isn’t sure how to play doctor

A/N: Based of this prompt by @monsterkinkmeme

“It’s the first time you’ve dated a demon and it’s also the first time you’ve gotten sick since you’ve been together. A fever paired with a throbbing headache has you hiding in bed for most of the day, trying to sleep whatever bug you caught, off. Your demon lover, on the other hand, is beside themselves and has turned to Google and WebMD on how best to take care of you. They now think you are dying because of your symptoms and are devising a way to save you.”

The minute I saw this prompt I was immediately awash with PINING for a large demon partner to cuddle with and I knew I had to write it.

A week after finals, 7 months into your relationship with Motholg, your immune system gives up.

You had been leaving work, thinking the heat in your cheeks and the ache in your bones was a product of a 6 hour shift, walking to Motholg’s apartment for date night. The past two week had you cooped up, anxious and studying, meaning you barely were able to make time for your partner.

You probably should have expected it, it’s happened every finals week since high school; A couple days into break you get a high fever and are stuck in your bed for a solid 48 hours. But you thought that, perhaps, this year was the exception. After nearly passing out when handing Motholg their fresh-made lasagna, you knew you weren’t so lucky.

“Darling?”

You groan from your blanket burrito, eyes and sweaty forehead barely peeking into the dim light of Motholg’s bedroom. The thought of forming a coherent thought makes your brain pound, so you don’t even try.

“I’ve made you some...uh…”

The door creaks open, Motholg automatically ducking their head so their long horns don’t hit the frame. Their red, slitted eyes narrow at something steaming in a teacup. “Yas-mine? Jasmeen? Uh-some herbal remedy I ordered from your virtual shopkeep. It was touted by several women named “Brenda” to  be the best thing for human illnesses.” Motholg’s hooves tap against the floor, just below the line of “too loud” for your migraine. You give another non-committal hum as they sit down on the bed. Despite being custom-made for their 7-foot stature, the bedframe still creaks under their weight. The top of your blanket sarcophagus is pulled back, revealing your disgruntled face.

Motholg helps you prop yourself up and hands you the teacup. You take a sip, quickly realizing it’s still quite hot, but power through anyway. The scalding water melts from your mouth down to your toes, abating your shivers, if only temporarily.

As you drink, Motholg’s fingers card through your messy hair, massaging your skull before resting their palm on your cheek. Their hand covers almost the entire side of your head, spotting a glimpse of a frown between their fingers.

“You’re even hotter than before and still quite sweaty. Would you like me to take the blankets?”

You shake your head, setting down your cup of tea.

“No, it’s probably just my fever breaking. It’s actually a good sign, despite how shitty I feel.” The warmth of your cocoon is beckoning you, your exposed chest and arms already shivering. “The blankets are good for my chills, but a big glass of ice water would be nice.”

Motholg raises an eyebrow, clearly perturbed by your backwards human symptoms. But they pat your head once more before sitting up.

“Of course, dear.” Motholg leans down to kiss your forehead, but is intercepted by the palm of your hand.

“Uh-uh, I don’t need you getting sick too.” Motholg scrunches up their face, then blows a raspberry into your skin. You retaliate by pushing away their face feebly.

“As if your human illness could fell me darling.” The sigh dramatically, pushing your hand away. “Though you are very sweet to think it could.”

You stick out your tongue and shove them. Motholg relents, blowing a kiss as they back out of the bedroom.

Your brain is beginning to drift into sleep when a glass clinks on the nightstand. Not bothering to open your eyes, far too tired, you mutter a “Thank you.” Motholg whispers a “You’re welcome,” as they lay on the bed once more. Their warm fur tickles your neck as they cuddle up behind you, arm thrown around your side and nuzzling their face into your hair. A hot breath and a slight nip of their extended canines only wills you to dreamland faster.

Motholg won’t go to sleep, only needing a full 8 hours every 4 days, but are rather content to lay beside you. They lovingly stroke your arm and sidle farther down under the comforter, whispering occasional sweet nothings and rocking you into unconsciousness.

--------

The dull red of the bedside clock pries open your eyes, a stark contrast compared to the pitchblack of the bedroom. Your brain is still in a fog, but given then the 3 AM flashing nearby, you’ve been asleep for about 9 hours.

And I’m about to sleep 9 more.

Motholg had left the bed at some point, but their warmth still lingers on the blankets. You close your eyes and snuggle in.

Slam!

But then the door slams open.

On a normal night, the noise might’ve jerked you upright , but your eyes simply roll over to the doorway. Your brain already misses unconsciousness.

Motholg stands, their new smartphone in hand as they breathe heavily.

“Darling, what did you say your body temperature was?”

You prop yourself up on your elbows, slowly giving up on those peaceful 9 hours.

“99.7 last time I checked.” You tap your forehead with the back of your hand. “Probably less now. The sleep has been helping a lot. Good night.”

In an instant, Motholg is over to the bed, placing their hand on your forehead. You let out a disappointed sigh and try to go back to sleep anyways. The click of their hooves on hardwood, Motholg’s jittering shakes of your shoulder, and the strong smell of iron quickly eliminates that as a possibility.

You turn towards your partner, now noticing the sheen of liquid covering their hands. Red streaks follow their fingertips on their smartphone.

“Babe, why are your hands soaked in blood?”

“Goat’s blood, technically.”

Before you can even respond to that baffling answer, Motholg grabs your shoulder. The blood sticks to the short sleeves of your pajamas.

Damn, now I’ll have to wash this tomorrow.

“Here, it says the ritual-”

“The what?”

“-needs to be completed at 3:30 AM on a new moon.” Motholg pauses, checks their phone, then continues, “Yes, a new moon.”

Motholg begins to walk away, your arm still in their grip, but your resistance stalls them.

“Okay, Motholg, you’re scaring me. What’s going on? How the hell did you get goat’s blood at this hour?”

Motholg sighs and rolls their eyes, “Unimportant-”

You give Motholg a dissatisfied look, finally making them relent in heir tirade. They turn towards you.

“I fear for your life. I’ve consulted your online physician and your symptoms fall in line with many fatal illnesses.”

Now accepting that this is officially a conversation, you throw back your blankets and sit up.

“Do you mean WebMD?”

Motholg nods furiously and shows you their phone screen, tapping the glass with a long claw.

“See here? Full body chills are associated with pneumonia, so is a high fever. There’s also the possibility something is wrong with one of your organs. Not surprising, considering how squishy they are.” Motholg flicks their screen upward, a myriad of diagrams flips across it.

“Now, I know a couple of ceremonies my father used to perform to curse others with these illnesses, so I thought if I reversed the procedure-” Motholg pauses again, flipping to a new tab on their phone, “-So, I did some googling-”

Motholg pauses when your hand rests against their cheek. Their red eyes, which glow just slightly in the dark, look to you. You brush your thumb across their face, just barely grazing against the fur which starts at the base of their neck.

“Darling, I appreciate the concern really, I do. But these websites…” you pause, slowly pushing Motholg’s phone down and out of eyesight, “They really only show worst case scenarios. Honestly, they kind of just scare you into going to a doctor in person.”

Motholg’s eyes dart between your face and their phone, now pressed face down on their bed. They give off an aura of anxiety and stress, their hands fidgety and their hooves lightly tapping against the floor. “Here,” You pull up the covers, opening up the spot next to you. “Do you want to lie down with me for a while?”

“Oh, I don’t need to rest.”

“Just because your body doesn’t require it doesn't mean it won’t feel good. C’mon.” You pat the bed. “I think it will give you some peace of mind, keeping an eye on me.”

Motholg’s eyes shifted back to their phone, their brow furrowed. You pout your lips and slide your fingers up their chest. Their fur sticks and tussles under your touch.

“Babe, I would feel better if you relax, seriously.” You reach down to the bedside drawer, pulling out your sleep mask. “You can even bring your computer and get some work done.”

Hesitantly, they nod. You sigh in relief. Their hand unconsciously twirls your hair.

“I suppose….You would know about these things.”

“Yes, thank you.”

Motholg leaves to get their things, while you slip back under the covers. Before you put your sleep mask on, you shout to them.

“Make sure to wash that blood off!” You look down at your damp sleeve. “And could you get me a wet wipe as well?”

Motholg makes an affirmative noise, and you finally lay back and close your eyes.

Their body heat lingers above your as they sweetly wipe away the blood on your arm. You mutter a thank you. The bed dips as they down next to you, mattress bending as they adjust their laptop and fluff the pillows.

“Darling?”

“Hmmm?” You murmur, face still stuffed in your pillow.

“I just wanted to apologize for waking you. I feel very foolish for acting so paranoid.”

You flip your head to their side, keeping your mask on.

“No need to apologize, I get it.”

“Thank you for your understanding, but still, I feel so silly. To think a tiny sickness would force my emotions to overcome me.”

You slowly push up your mask, eyes peeking out from under the duvet. Motholg sheepishly picks at their keyboard, avoiding your eyes,

As disgruntled as it made you at first, Motholg’s droopy gaze stirred guilt in your gut. You wonder how many scenarios had run through their head while they googled, how helpless they must’ve felt. There might be a hole paced into the floor of the living room, given how flustered they were when they barged in.

You reach out to Motholg’s wrist, brushing your thumb over the back of their palm. Their red irises look over, and you think you see the tinies remnants of tear tracks at the corner of their eyes.

“Emotions aren’t a bad thing, they’re natural.” Grabbing the top of the blanket, you roll over to Motholg’s side. Their large body dwarfs yours and when you curl up against them, the tips of your feet barely meet the top of their calves. Their black fur is soft against your face, like a  mixture of a plush carpet and a goosefeather pillow.

Oh good, they used the Tea Tree soap.

“I’d probably do the same if you got sick.” You reach your hand up to their chest, cording through their thick fur. “We’re just gonna have to trust the other’s okay, huh?”

With your chin tucked into their ribs, Motholg smiles down at you. A claw runs up the back of your neck, stirring up goosebumps but relaxing your muscles.

“I believe so, darling.” Their fangs jut out from their lips as they continue to rub your neck. It’s quite goofy looking, for a demon, and gets a chuckle out of you.

You crane your neck and Motholg meets you halfway for a kiss, consequences be damned.

“Good night, I love you.”

“I love you too, sweetling.”

You fall asleep with Motholg’s fingers curled in your hair, the slight tap of their claws on the keys, a simmering contentment in your heart.

--------

A week later, when  you’re back to full health, you and Motholg are making dinner when-

“Ah-choo!”

You stop stirring the pasta and furrow your brows at Motholg. They’ve stilled, mid-movement while setting out the plates. Their face burns with embarrassment.

“A silly human sickness, huh?”

[delldarling]

confession | merrick

chasing truth | chapter five male faerie x gender/body neutral reader 6330 words lime | nakedness, cuddling, lots of smooches! but also some angst note: Not going to lie, this is one of my favorite parts. Hope everyone enjoys! chapter index? or chapter four?

⊱ ────── .⋅ 🜁 ⋅. ────── ⊰

Merrick is a faerie.

The knowledge knocks you for a solid loop, leaving your breath coming fast and your shoulders tense for all of three seconds before you’re shaking it off. You laugh instead, short and sharp. You can’t help it, even though you don’t really find any of this particularly amusing. It’s just.. you immediately want to reject the thought. Merrick. Sarcastic Merrick, with his aversion to most modern day tech and his disdain for questions. Merrick, who has wing tattoos and pointed ears and- He doesn’t glitter. He can’t be some kind of fairy tale creature... can he? You aren’t living in some kind of coming of age story, where the weird new boy at high school ends up being a vampire. You’re not in high school, and all that paranormal stuff is just...

Your eyes are drawn back to the wing tattoos. The top pair curls around his shoulders and biceps, while the second goes straight down his back and over his ass, laid flat along his fair skin. They look real enough. They have a strange texture to them even, but tattoos can do that, right? They can have raised edges, can make the skin rough, depending on ink or the kind of needle or- tattoos are like scarring, so texture makes sense. Though this is the most you’ve ever thought about tattoos while lying in bed next to someone in the dark 

You sit up, achingly slow, trying not to worry at your bottom lip as you keep staring. He has ear mods—or they’re real, your brain insists. And there had been some kind of light or glow in the room earlier.. 

This is silly. You lay back down, huffing before you focus on trying not to make any noise. You draw the tangled sheets up over yourself and Merrick, and the only thing left to do is grab some sleep. This will make so much more sense in the morning, you’re absolutely sure of it. 

It doesn’t. 

You wake before Merrick, still tired, but restless and turn to face him. His mouth is partially open, lips pink and soft, and his body is close to the edge of the mattress. His arm is thrown over the edge, fingers likely dangling close to the floor, but he doesn’t so much as twitch when you get up. You tug on your trousers, mulling over what you know of Merrick, trying desperately to come up with some other kind of solution. But it all makes a heart wrenching kind of sense. Faeries aren’t supposed to be able to lie, and you don’t know that Merrick has ever lied to you. Most people do, in small ways. 

Say someone moved something, and they’re not sure you saw them do it - half the time they’ll insist they never touched the item. Some people will peek over your shoulder, trying to catch a glimpse of the book you’re reading or the image on your phone and when confronted? They’ll lie. Plenty of people will spare feelings with white lies too. But Merrick? He's never spared anyone's feelings. Even if someone has asked him not to do something, and he does it, he’ll admit to it readily. He words answers so strangely, like he has to think over every syllable as he speaks, but he’s never lied. It’s part of why some people find him a bit irritating and others are drawn in. It’s why his laziness sometimes drives you up the wall. He’s so fucking honest about it that it’s hard to stay angry with him.

And why would Merrick—stoic, sarcastic Merrick—get faerie wing tattoos and ear mods when he’s never shown the slightest interest in anything to do with them?    

“Okay,” you whisper to yourself, turning to glance at your window, growing lighter with every passing second. You shove your arms through your shirt sleeves, but you pause before you pull it over your head. “Just ask. Just ask a direct question, and then he’ll have to answer—or he won’t, and that will be an answer too. Direct,” you repeat, sucking in a breath. Part of you thinks he might laugh at you as soon as you ask though.

He’ll drop the act and claim it’s because of some sort of… Vow, or whatever, something religious maybe, that makes him only speak truth. And the whole faerie thing? Is something he did before he took the vow and it was all just a joke. Just a weird, perhaps unhealthy interest in fantasy oriented things that he shook off after his religious vow.. You cringe. None of that sounds right when applied to Merrick. Not in the slightest.  

Merrick yawns, and you can’t help staring at his mouth, hyper-focusing on the beauty mark on his chin and the memory of kissing it—multiple times—last night. His eyes flutter open and for a moment he looks confused, gaze lazily sweeping the room until his eyes catch on your face. Then his smile is radiant. You’ve never seen him look so happy, so much like something out of a literal fairy tale book, with rosy cheeks and lovely curls.

You were planning on leading up to it, and even now you’re tempted to cross back to the bed, throw yourself down in it and let him pull you into his arms. It’s probably what he’s expecting, and you can’t lie to yourself and say you wouldn’t expect the same if the tables were turned. It's what you would want, but the knowledge sits heavy in the pit of your stomach. Tripping over your own tongue, cursing yourself for letting your thoughts run away with you, you blurt: “Are you a faerie?”

Your shirt still isn’t entirely on, so you tug it over your head, sparing yourself the sight of his face for a few seconds more. It’s nothing, you tell yourself, straightening the way the shirt sits on your shoulders, trying to steady your breathing. This isn’t anything to worry about. You chance a look at him, heart pounding. His face is blank.

“What?” He finally asks, and his voice is soft and careful. He probably just thinks you’re acting crazy, but his hands are clutching at the sheets a little too tightly and his shoulders are growing tense. 

“A- A faerie,” you repeat, and your heart falls. He doesn’t laugh, and the moment stretches, utterly silent. He still hasn't laughed, and now that you’ve said the words, you’re halfway convinced. “Those tattoos are- they’re intense, okay? People get weird tattoos all the time, so if that’s all they are, I’m not judging, they’re gorgeous but... And your ears. Did you really go out and get ear mods?”

Merrick just stares, all the sweetness having faded from his expression. He curls into his pillow, like he's trying to use it as a shield, worrying at his lower lip. 

“I didn’t get ear mods,” he murmurs, and… Doesn’t say anything else. You catch sight of his pulse jumping in his neck though, a furrow deepening between his brows and that makes you sigh. You walk back to the bed, trying not to twist your hands. 

“Okay, you didn’t get ear mods. Merrick, are you a faerie? Or some kind of elf? I don’t know what, what classifications there are, or-”

He laughs, though the look on his face isn’t funny at all and then he covers his face with both hands, rolling over until he’s muffled by both pillows. He says something then, just low enough that you can’t quite hear, though you don’t push for him to repeat it. You sit on the edge of the bed, reaching out, hesitating for barely a moment before you’re stroking your hand down his back. Some of the tightness eases out of his shoulders with every pass of your hand. 

“What if I was?” He asks, turning back towards you, letting his hands slide off of his face. He catches your hand when you start to pull away, unsure if you should stop touching him or not. He tangles his fingers with yours, not painfully, but tightly, holding on like he's trying to keep you both in place. “If I was, what would you do?”

All you can do is stare at him. He whispers your name, thumb stroking over the pulse in your wrist.

“I don’t know,” you tell him honestly. “I mean - Faeries can’t lie, am I right?” He doesn’t answer, so you forge on ahead anyway. “So that means you haven’t ever lied to me about anything. There are always people who omit things—and some people call that lying, but it’s not like I ever asked if you were human before, have I?”

“You haven’t,” he whispers, and his lips tremble, though whether it’s with happiness or sadness or some other emotion, you don’t know. 

“So you haven’t lied to me, and that’s nice? Truth is always appreciated. And I just- I really don’t know, Merrick. What does that entail? Do you- do you secretly drink morning dew-”

“I haven’t even answered whether I’m a faerie or not, and now you’re asking about morning dew,” he complains, and there it is. A bright spark of his normal self. Some of the strange tension eases from the room and you settle more fully on the bed.

“You’re not angry?” He asks, reaching up to cup your cheek, and then it’s your turn to scowl. 

“Merrick, can you answer the question?”

“I can,” he replies readily, lashes shading his eyes as they dart to your mouth. 

“Then are you going to tell me, because-”

“I’ll show you,” he interrupts, lifting his gaze back to yours. “If you’d like. For- for a kiss, I’ll show you.”

You hesitate for a fraction of a second. He makes it sound like he’s going to change so utterly that he fears you won’t want to kiss him. You trust him. 

“A kiss then,” you whisper, and lean down to press your lips to his.

It is... entirely more than a kiss. 

Kisses always sound like soft, sweet things. A kiss is the careful alignment and brush of lips, and that’s how it starts, of course, but this is more. This is the in and exhalation of air, this is shared breath and space and the taste of yearning. More than touching lips, it’s exchanging atoms, spiraling into the depths of your chest before your mouths are sealed together. Merrick raises a hand, those long fingers careful as they slide along your jaw and curl around the back of your neck. You aren’t ashamed to say that you forget why you’re kissing him for a few moments, lost in sensation. He raises himself up on his elbow and then he’s leaning into you so completely that you have to shift back onto the bed or risk being pushed off.

He straddles your thighs, changing the angle of the kiss, and you can’t help cradling his face in your hands, arching your neck to keep the kiss going as he slowly lays you back against the bed. 

You make a soft sound against his mouth, and his tongue strokes over yours, like he’s eager for the taste of your noise, and then there’s a brightness flaring through the room. Even with your eyes closed you can sense it, almost warm— and then you tilt your head to break the kiss. Merrick lets you go, but he doesn’t drop his hand from the back of your neck, and with his face so close you can’t quite see at first. As soon as your eyes adjust though, your eyebrows raise.

“Oh,” you whisper, and Merrick finally, slowly, releases you. He sits back, though he keeps his full weight from resting on your legs, hands balanced on his knees. His cheeks are bright and when he meets your gaze, he quickly turns his eyes down to the bedspread tangled under you both. 

There are four wings coming out of his back, larger than you had imagined. They’re thin and iridescent, and again you’re reminded more of bees or beetles than of butterfly wings. Suddenly they flutter, too fast for your eyes to follow, and there’s a soft buzz of noise that accompanies the movement, filling the room before Merrick’s shoulders hunch and they stop. You’re fairly sure he’s forcing himself not to move them.

Beyond the wings, his hair and eyes and ears are much the same, but there’s an… aura almost, that accounts for the feeling of light. You can’t focus on it—as soon as you do it seems to vanish, but if you stare at his face-

“Prettier than Fern Gully,” you tease, letting your hands come to rest on his thighs. He moves his hands, hesitating, hovering them over yours before he finally trails his fingertips over your knuckles. 

Merrick arches an eyebrow and a soft huff escapes his chest. “No more questions for me about morning dew?” He asks, and he hesitates when he starts to lean towards you. You solve the problem by slipping a hand out from underneath his, reaching up and tugging at his earlobe, urging him to come closer. 

It doesn’t matter. He can’t lie. He has wings and pointed ears and there is so much you don’t know about him, but.. He’s Merrick. 

“I can’t deny I’m still curious about that. You’re a picky eater, you know, and other than that one drink at Corner Pocket-”

Merrick makes a disparaging noise. “I don’t know that I’ve ever heard any of you get on Gar for his eating habits—” he starts, dark eyes narrowed, and then his mouth snaps shut and his wings buzz against his back, tickling your legs, even through your trousers. You have to keep yourself from kicking at the sensation, but then his words seem to penetrate your brain and you feel your jaw growing slack. 

“Gar,” is all you say, and then Merrick is closing his eyes and forcing himself to breathe rhythmically. “Garrick?”

“Is this all it takes?” He mutters, trying, and failing, to brush his curls off of his forehead. “One secret and then they all just fall out?”

“Is he a Gar-goyle?” You try, wondering, and promptly burst into laughter when Merrick gives you a decidedly unamused stare, dropping his arms back down to his sides. “Are vampires real too?” You ask instead of continuing to ask after Gar. You doubt, very much, that he wants to talk about your friend and his.. Erstwhile? Roommate. Not while he’s sitting naked on your thighs. And it’s not really his secret to tell, either. You don’t want to inadvertently have him betray anyone's trust, not when just having this small kernel of information might be too much.  

He ignores your question, leaning forward and bracing himself over you, eyes darting down to your lips and then back up to your eyes. “You’re not angry with me,” he murmurs, like he’s only just realized. “You’re not- not throwing me out or pushing me away. You know what I am and you still-”

“I told you,” you interrupt, brushing your thumb over the beauty mark next to his mouth. “You haven’t lied to me. Not really. I have questions because I’m human and we’re utterly curious creatures—but you’re still..” You search his eyes. He has the same ink-dark irises and pale eyelashes. He always gets that sour twist to his mouth when he doesn’t find something particularly funny. He’s always made your heart beat double time when he says your name. “You’re still you. And, I don’t know if you remember, but last night you told me you now have the only thing you’ve ever wanted and—that’s intense, coming from someone who can’t lie.” That thought alone makes everything feel utterly surreal. More than the wings on his back, or the pointed ears poking out from his curls, you can’t quite believe that he’s returning your feelings, that... that he felt the same, for so very long.

His eyes fall closed, eyebrows drawn together like he’s in pain, and then he’s kissing you again. He nips at your lower lip, hand pressed gently into the middle of your chest, and shifts his legs until his erection is pressed against you. You raise your thigh so he’s pressed a little tighter to you, hands sliding down to rest at his hips. Merrick pauses in his trail of kisses along your neck, breathing deep, but he still ruts against you, eager for more contact.  

“You’ve no idea,” he murmurs against your throat, and the whisper of his breath makes you shiver. “How relieved I am. You still- you want me?” He nips again, hand shaking slightly against your chest when you tell him yes and of course. 

A sucking kiss against the juncture of your neck and shoulder has you tugging on his hips. You regret putting your clothes on now. It’d seemed so important earlier, but- 

Merrick is a faerie. His wings buzz when you make a soft noise, and you catch sight of the barest flash of embarrassment on his face before he’s nosing at the collar of your shirt, hand slipping underneath the hem. That haze, that- corona of a glow, faint in the corner of your eye, brightens when his mouth touches your skin again.

“Merrick,” you murmur, and notice a slight twitch in his fingertips. You must stiffen, because Merrick leans back, eyes heavy lidded, but focused intently on your face.

Faeries aren’t supposed to share their true names, right?

“Is- Is that your name? Or, part of it, I don’t-”

The hint of wariness in him vanishes and Merrick’s mouth curls into a smirk. “You’ve heard about true names then?”

You push gently at his chest, laughing when his smirk only deepens. “Yes, I’ve heard about true names. Someone, somewhere can always quote stories about faeries and true names. Wait- don’t tell me, is it Rumpelstiltskin?”

He shakes his head and leans in close again for another kiss. “You’ll never cease to surprise me, will you?” He asks, a dimple appearing when you kiss that sweet little beauty mark on his chin. “No, it’s not Rumpelstiltskin. Faerie names are much simpler than a long, strange sounding word that we think no one will ever guess,.” After a moment, his nose wrinkles. “Though I suppose it’s that, too.”

“Faerie names are simple?” You ask, and you’re listening, you are, but it’s still so hard to think with him so close to you, let alone when you’ve been exchanging kisses. 

Merrick braces himself on his forearm and leans his chin against your shoulder, tapping his fingers idly on the sheets. “We are every name, every title, given to us. We are the names our forebears gave us, and the nonsense names our parents tease us with and affectionate names from our friends and loved ones. My name is Merrick, now. I took it before I came here, and having it shaped who I am, who I’ve been in my time here. I’m Mer and Rick, and-” He sighs. “I’m Merry Rick, as well,” he mutters, rolling his eyes as he says it.

One of the local drunkards at the bar had once slurred the name, laughing and repeating it for any and all who would listen. Gar had gotten a good laugh out of it, had even said something about Merrick needing a healthy dose of merriment in his life.

“That’s a lot of names,” you say, unable to fight the grin on your face. Merry Rick, indeed.

“I would be willing to bet, if this Rumplestiltskin truly came from Faerie, that his true names all start with the letters that spell out Rumplestiltskin.” Merrick shrugs. “If that were the case, I’m not entirely sure I could pronounce the string of letters I consist of. So yes, Merrick is my name. Not the only one, not even close, but it is the person I am, here.”

You have to concentrate, to force yourself not to ask him for any of his other names, but you wonder if he can see the desire in your eyes. 

“I was recently called Aodhfin, in Faerie,” he murmurs, and it sounds almost like Aiden, with a soft f in the middle, even though the word has a sharpness to it. The smile on his face turns a little brittle. “The King gave me that name. White Fire, because I have always burned hot. Because I don’t leave even ash behind when-” Merrick’s jaw clamps shut, blowing out a breath through his nose. A frown grows on his face.

“It’s not a name I thought I would ever share,” he mutters, and glances away from you. “It is the name of someone who lived only for the task at hand, and not for those who surrounded him. I thought I needed no one. Faeries are…” He huffs, leaning into your touch when you turn his face back towards you. 

“If you’re not ready to talk about everything, that’s alright. I mean- I just found out my- my boyfriend?” You say, almost breathless, and take Merrick’s quick grin for a mild agreement, though actual labels can be figured out later. “I found out you have wings and like a hundred names or something. I can be patient if you’re not ready to share other things.”

“It’s just this: The Faerie do not show affection so freely as humans do. There is.. Safety, in the detachment of the Fae, but nothing has ever warmed the core of me like the kindness and care you’ve shown.” Merrick’s expression is earnest, intense.

“Smooth talker,” you sass, feeling your heart jump when he arches an eyebrow. He looks brighter, but you can’t decide whether it’s his Faerie-side showing, or if it’s simply the endorphins, giving everything in the vicinity a rosy glow.

“There are things I don’t want to tell you,” he confesses, and you can’t help but feel the need to reiterate: you don’t ca—no. It’s not that you don’t care, it’s that, even as people, if you were both humans and you started dating, you wouldn’t expect him to share his life's story. You’ve known him for a year! You’re not exactly rushing into things here. 

“They can wait,” you finally get out, turning slightly, until Merrick has to shift so you can lay side by side. His leg is still thrown over yours though, and you have to force yourself not to look down, to get distracted by his nakedness. “I’m not going to force you to tell me, I promise.”

“I know,” he says, voice soft as he presses his forehead to yours. “But I need to tell you at least a few things today. Now, even.”

“I…” You feel like a break between bombs might be important, but if Merrick says he has to tell you? “Okay,” you agree, willingly letting him reel you into his arms, until your chin is hooked over his shoulder. 

In stilting, awkward tones, Merrick tells you how he came to be here. How he was chosen, and what exactly, he was chosen for. He tenses the longer he speaks, and for a second you think he’s going to pull you closer, afraid that you might turn away. Instead Merrick’s hold on you loosens and he leans back far enough to look you in the face. 

“I didn’t complete the task I was given. I didn’t kill Gar. I don’t want to. While I believe I made the right decision, that doesn’t change what my Court, or Gar’s Court wants. They’ve sent someone else, and while they might not be familiar with the human realm, I… I need to lay low.” He finally glances away, guilt written in the hunch of his shoulders as he continues. “I don’t know that I should even be here right now, because I don’t want to chance them finding you.”

You let him ramble about danger for another few minutes before you thump your hand solidly against his chest, mouth twisting into a frown. “You’re going to pull the whole it’s not safe for you, schtick?”

Merrick’s wariness fades almost immediately, and he scowls. 

“Don’t look at me like that! You said it yourself, okay, you need to lay low, and whoever came isn’t going to be familiar with the human realm-”

“We hope they aren’t,” Merrick corrects. “Those much older have little desire to leave Faerie, and it’s likely that anyone with experience of your realm will be centuries behind the times.” Merrick opens his mouth, waffles over the next words he plans to say and then shrugs, finally settling on: “It’s not a guarantee, though.”

“Laying low,” you repeat, ticking the list off on your fingers. “No glamour, keep in contact-" You pause, a thought occurring to you. "When was the last time you and Gar checked in with each other?”

Merrick doesn’t move, but the pause after he opens his mouth is all the answer you need. You make what you think is a decent attempt at copying his arched brow. “I was distracted,” he mutters, tone a little sullen. He still gets to his feet, even as he glances longingly at your legs, cheeks turning faintly pink. He moves towards the clothes he’d abandoned in the living room, wings fluttering as he walks through the doorway.

“Can’t exactly say I wasn’t,” you add, hoping you sound encouraging, because this—Learning Merrick is a Faerie? Surprising, but… okay. You’ve filed that knowledge into a place titled: Things You Can Handle. That he was employed as some kind of assassin? You shake your head, unsure what to do with that particular detail. You’re still kind of processing here. You won’t tell him it was a mistake to share the information—you’d meant it when you told him that truth was appreciated—but it’s a lot.

The thought of him up and vanishing to keep you safe is at the forefront of your mind anyway, so you let your brain focus on that. You follow him into the living room, arms wrapped loosely around yourself, and politely avert your eyes when he bends over to rummage through his clothes. Maybe you peek, eyes catching on the gleam of his wings in the sunlight, but only for a moment. 

“Yesterday evening he said he was fine,” Merrick mutters, standing back up and scrolling through his messages. Your eyes dart back to his face. The image of him now is absolutely surreal, standing in the sunshine with iridescent wings, holding a phone of all things. He looks like he should be posing for some kind of magazine. 

“Do you want to check in with him now, then? The sun is fully up, and—” You sigh, watching Merrick set his phone aside on the kitchen counter, his tongue flicking out to wet his lower lip. "You aren't going to?"

"I will soon," he reassures you. "I'm not trying to pull anything. It's the truth! Me staying here probably isn’t the best—"

"You said something about glamour?" You interrupt, heart jumping when he turns around and walks towards you. "Merrick, it is—it is difficult to talk about things like this when you- Do Faeries generally walk around naked?" You ask, knowing that your embarrassment is written all over your face. With the way he stands, the way his lips twitch when he knows you’re looking, it feels like an invitation to touch him.

Merrick's arms slip around your unresisting body, but instead of pushing for something heated, he gently kisses your forehead. "I wish I could say we do, just to see the look on your face," he says with a sigh, thumb brushing over your cheek.  

You scoff, tempted to push him away when you catch sight of the small smirk in the corner of his mouth, but you still lean against him, into him, eyes falling closed. Touching him at all might be distracting, it’s still so new, but being allowed this after a year of pining... Even if he never returned your feelings, you’ve always known he still cared. There’s always been something between the two of you, it’s still just kind of mind blowing, knowing it’s not friendship alone.   

"Then you're just doing this to try and distract me," you whisper against his neck, opening your eyes again when his wings buzz. You’ve kept your hands to his hips, worried about where exactly you should place them to keep from damaging his wings, but Merrick doesn’t seem to notice, even when the edges of them brush against your hands. 

"Maybe," he sighs, draping his arms over your shoulders. "Yes. You have to understand, I don't want to leave—"

"Then explain this glamour business to me again. Tell me how Fae can track each other using it, because it sounds to me like you don’t need to leave.” Your fingers twitch, half wanting to feel his wings buzz over your fingers. “Running around out on the streets sounds much more dangerous! Especially after you’ve said that you haven’t been using glamour here.”

Merrick grumbles, finally stepping away and picking his clothes up off of the ground. As much as you’d like to let him distract you, you’d rather him stick around for more than just a confession and romp in the sheets.

“It’s almost like… Heat, when we use our glamour. Or light. There isn’t actually any lingering residue that you can physically see or smell, but Faeries can feel it.” Merrick picks up his shirt, starts to lift it over his head, and then he frowns. He rolls his shoulder, dropping the shirt back down to the ground, and lays his wings flat against his body. He strokes his hands slowly over what he can reach of his shoulders, and the wings—You don’t quite have the words for it. Shift? Slide? They merge with his skin, until all that’s left of them is the larger than life tattoos. They’re still ridiculously cool looking on him, but it’s hard to be quite as impressed after having seen the actual thing. He picks up his shirt again, like he’s just done nothing at all.

“Was that glamour?” You can’t help asking.

Merrick’s smile is a little more genuine now. “Not a form that most can track, anyway. I’m not taking away a part of myself, only bringing it closer. What Gar usually does, the way he hides his ears and his hands-”

“His hands?” You say, before you can think better of it. You shake your head, sighing, as he proceeds to dress himself. 

“Who was it that was distracted?” He murmurs, a little heavy handed as he buttons his trousers. “What I was saying,” he continues, as if you never interrupted, “is that Gar’s form of glamour, taking away from himself, leaves a kind of… Gap. We might not realize at first, even though Faeries can see through glamour, but we’ll realize that something feels like it’s missing from them. More so when they’re trying to hide themselves entirely. This- wait,” he says, turning towards a soft buzzing from the kitchen. His phone is ringing. It’s probably Gar, calling to check in.

You turn towards the sliding glass door, intent on giving him a bit of privacy. He might be willing to share all the knowledge he has at hand, but there’s no need to eavesdrop. You slide it open, realizing as the fresh breeze blows through that the apartment probably smells entirely of sex. There’s no time to really be embarrassed about it though, because a heavy shadow falls over your face.

For just a moment, you find yourself wondering if this is what Gar has been hiding of himself. Merrick still essentially looks much the same, so you’re confused about why Gar would change his appearance so completely—But there is none of Gar’s soft smiles or contagious energy about the Faerie lighting down onto your balcony. 

The man standing in front of you is tall and thin, and sharply beautiful. His hair is black, as are his eyes, and unlike Merrick, he’s made no effort at all to hide his otherness. His wings are splayed wide, pointed and layered like a bird, but they’re still crystalline and reminiscent of an insect. There’s a strange paleness to him, trailing him like smoke, and there’s a smattering of freckles spread over his serious face. 

“Roran,” Merrick chokes out from somewhere behind you, and the faerie turns his eyes away from you. Then the room is chaos.

You know the unknown faerie made a grab for you, you felt fingertips just barely grazing your forearm, but Merrick has you wrapped in his arms and pressed against the wall next to the front door before you can blink. The couch is knocked over, as is an end table, and through Merrick’s phone, sitting forgotten on the counter, you think you can hear Gar’s voice, shouting repeatedly” “I’m coming, I’m on my way, I’m-”

“Aodhfin,” the faerie says, ignoring you entirely. He looks frightening. Frightened? He’s standing next to your overturned couch with pain on his face, hand still outstretched, searching Merrick over like he can’t believe his eyes. “The King believes you dead,” he finally says, and you don’t know him, you’ve never seen him before, but even you can tell that isn’t what he wants to say. 

Merrick’s arms are trembling around you, fingers smoothing awkwardly over your forearm, feeling for your pulse. You know there must be a reason for it, that something about your actions or the look on your face must have made him worried, but you’re not... You think you’re in shock. 

It’s one thing to find out that Merrick’s oddness was because he’s a Faerie. To have him reveal himself to you in a slow show of gleaming wings and a blushing face. It’s quite another to have an unhappy Fae fly onto your balcony with anguish rolling off of him in waves, near destroying your living room with one swipe of his arm. He must be the assassin that Merrick claimed was in town. Someone Merrick knows, it sounds like. 

“I know, Roran,” Merrick finally says, letting go of you only reluctantly. He tries to keep the other faerie from seeing you, angling his shoulders, pressing his back close to your face—but you meet the faerie—Roran’s narrow gaze and his lips thin with distaste. A chill settles into the marrow of your bones..

“I thought you were dead,” Roran adds, and he’s openly glaring now. Merrick shifts so until his line of sight is broken. Pressed between Merrick and the wall, all you can do is stare at his forgotten hat on your floor.

“I… I know,” Merrick says, and his shoulders droop.

A broken, haunting wail fills the apartment, followed closely by a thud. You bite down on your bottom lip, hands clutching awkwardly at Merrick, and try not to join in yourself. The noise is wretched, heart breaking, and then there’s a clatter as something is tossed towards Merrick’s feet. 

“I found this in the traitor’s home and I assumed the worst! The human realm is—it’s changed,” Roran whispers. “Even after I got here, I held out hope that you were simply taking your time. Never mind that you’ve never—I hoped, and then when I found that human-touched den, and this, this hidden under a bed? I was sure that he had taken it from you.”

Some part of you realizes that there’s another noise, far off, but getting closer, but none of you acknowledge it. 

“That was my room,” Merrick murmurs and the clack that reaches your ears sounds like teeth being clenched too tightly. “I left it there.”

“That’s what he told me,” Roran bites out. “I thought he was lying, was sure that the traitor was mad with lies, but then-”

The noise you’d heard blasts into the front door. The only reason it doesn’t bash Merrick in the face is because he has the reflexes to get out of the way, pulling you with him. Gar barrels in, breathless, his cheek bruised, lower lip bloody—and freezes when he sees Roran. His mouth opens, but he stops, hands unclenching as soon as he catches sight of you in Merrick’s arms.

“You cannot honestly be working with-” Roran starts to say, getting to his feet, and then you’re being pushed towards Gar, air rushing through your ears and muffling Roran’s speech. Gar steadies you, glances down at Merrick’s hat on your floor, and snatches it up. 

“Roran, I know you’re hurt—” Merrick begins and then you’re gasping and tripping as Gar pulls you out the door.

“Wait a minute,” you hiss, because you can’t leave him. That faerie, Roran is supposed to be some kind of assassin, isn’t he? If Gar leaves—

“I don’t know what you think you’re going to do, but Merrick will be handicapped if he’s attempting to shield you from harm. And his friend back there? I’m fairly sure that he’s a ‘take hostages now, ask questions later’ kind of guy.” Gar pauses and you stumble into his broad back while he glances between the staircase and the waiting elevator. 

“I, okay,” you say, because it’s.. It’s a reasonable decision, even if you don’t like it. “Uh, hi, Garrick, I hear that Faeries are real things?” 

He spares you a bright smile, and another flood of relief rolls through you. Faeries or not, Merrick and Gar are still themselves. Things are confusing as hell, but you can hold onto that much.

“Also, we’ve left behind my shoes, and while I am all about keeping you and Merrick out of the crossfire—I can’t exactly run around town barefoot.”

Gar’s smile wilts and he pulls you into the elevator, jabbing impatiently at the close door button. “Shoes, got it. We can make a pitstop. I’ve got to find a car somewhere anyway.”

“...A car?”

⊱ ────── .⋅ 🜁 ⋅. ────── ⊰

...turn the page?

[hummingbee-o0o]

Parting Gifts (Winters at Kaer Morhen 1)

The wind changes and the first whiffs of thaw begin to flicker in the air. Up in the peaks of Kaer Morhen the ice and snow still hold unmoved, but Geralt can smell the spring stirring in the foothills when the wind blows just right.

Eskel, Lambert and Vesemir can smell it too. His brothers pace like he does, knowing soon they’ll start making ready. Vesemir smiles, small and restrained, and hides in his study more than usual. The old man does get a bit misty sometimes when it’s time for the three of them to leave.

Except it’s not three this year. It’s four.

Jaskier, for all his lack of Witcher senses, seems to feel the spring in the air too. He keeps singing about flowers and mornings, entire landscapes crafted out of song, the plucking of his lute strings somehow fresh like a stream.

It’s his first winter at Kaer Morhen and it’s been... good. More than good. Kaer Morhen doesn’t have much luxury to offer, and most of its splendour has crumbled away when viewed up close, but it has plenty of fire in the hearth, a steady routine of filling meals, soft beds with furs and blankets for comfort, and all the hot water for bathing one could want.

To Geralt, these things are a luxury, never mind that they take turns peeling vegetables and chopping wood (Jaskier turned out to be remarkably skilled at both and was put to work accordingly), but there had been a thorn of anxiety prickling somewhere in the back of Geralt’s mind as he led Jaskier up the mountain, walking ahead to shield him from the worst of the snow billowed in their faces by icy cold winds. Jaskier is no stranger to sleeping rough on the road and making do with whatever food can be found in leaner times, and he does it with cheerful indifference or colourful swearing and whinging. But Geralt had worried that Jaskier might expect Kaer Morhen to be... well, more. More than what actually awaited him. He seemed to have built it up into a heroic fantasy of a fortress in his mind, and the higher they climbed and the more Jaskier shivered and murmured comforting things to himself about food and bedding, Geralt worried that he would be disappointed.

As it turned out, he needn’t have worried. Jaskier gasped his awe when the keep first loomed into view, and ate three helpings of the thick, hot stew they were greeted with. Even tired, he was delighted to meet Eskel and Lambert and Vesemir, and he grinned when Geralt was teased about finally bringing him along. And when at last it was time to retire after the final and most gruelling stretch of their journey, Jaskier slept like a log, in Geralt’s bed, in Geralt’s arms, wrapped in furs and blankets and snoring lightly into Geralt’s chest.

Winter drags slow and lazy, its days filled with chores and sparring and idleness, but it still comes to an end. And as much as Geralt enjoyed having Jaskier here, with him, safe and warm and filling the keep with his cheerful voice, he’s also looking forward to resuming their life on the Path. To warmer days and new sights and having Jaskier all to himself again – as quietly happy as he is that his brothers and Vesemir have taken to Jaskier so much, he’s looking forward to it being just the two of them again.

Eskel is the one to head out first, as he usually does, braving the mountain pass while it’s still snowed over. He exchanges embraces with Lambert and Geralt, and then he pulls Jaskier into one as well.

“For you,” he says, putting something small in Jaskier’s hand. “Thank you for my songs. I... look forward to hearing them on the road.”

“Oh,” says Jaskier, surprised but clearly touched. “Thank you, that’s quite terribly sweet of you, my friend!” He turns the small gift over in his fingers, a little confused (from where Geralt is standing it looks like a coin, but he has enough dignity to not strain to try and get a better look). “This is very, erm... what is it?”

Eskel grins.

“Relax. Geralt will tell you what to do with it. Just... something to keep you safe out there.”

Geralt bristles, because he’s very much dedicated to keeping Jaskier safe just fine, fuck you, Eskel – but he tries to stamp out that impulse.

“I must say, your brother is a darling,” coos Jaskier later, once Eskel is gone, and for all the teasing aimed at Geralt, there’s genuine warmth in his tone.

“Hmm.”

“Oh, come, come, you know you’re my favourite... so, my dear, what am I supposed to do with this? I’m intrigued!”

Geralt recognises the small metal disc engraved with protective symbols the moment it’s placed in his hand.

“An amulet,” he says. “Sew it into a bag or a case and it puts a mild protective charm on what’s inside. Helps keep things safe for travellers.”

And Jaskier does so love his lute. And of course Eskel noticed. It's... good. That he cares. Jaskier deserves care. Which is why Geralt hums and smiles a little as Jaskier trills his delight over his gift and proceeds to sew it into his lute case, tongue sticking out as he sits on their bed, dressed for sleep.

Lambert leaves next. Normally, Geralt would head out with him, keep him company on the descent, but this year he wants to wait a little longer, to make sure the pass is fine for Jaskier to cross.

On the morning of his departure, Lambert pulls Geralt into his room and shoves something into his hand.

“For Jaskier,” he grunts, because he’s never dealt well with being upstaged.

It’s another fucking amulet, of course. This one is to ward off the evil eye or something along those lines. Geralt can’t help but snort.

“Hey, fuck you,” snaps Lambert. “You’re the one always complaining about how many times you had to save his arse from a cuckolded husband! Or other enemies.”

“Yeah, and I always do save it.”

“You’re not always there! And Geralt, he’s so... you know. Breakable,” Lambert says with concern that clearly shows he’s never seen Jaskier kick a burly mercenary in the crotch.

Geralt has. Twice.

“Fine. Give it to him yourself.” He grins, leaning back against a wall, because he never passes up an opportunity to taunt Lambert.

Lambert hisses, which Geralt is going to chalk up to that mysterious Cat he’s been spending time with.

“Would you stop being a dick for five minutes – honestly, I don’t know what he sees in you!”

“Hmm,” says Geralt, because most days he doesn’t know either, and other days he tries not to wonder about it. “Fine, if you’re going to cry about it.”

“Fuck you!”

Geralt grins. “That’s Jaskier’s job.”

Jaskier may claim to be a lover, not a fighter, but Geralt has seen him handle himself in tavern brawls and other fights plenty of times. Still, Jaskier beams and prattles his delight at Lambert’s thoughtfulness and promptly slips the gift in his pocket. Lambert will definitely bribe his way into another song with this, the bastard.

When at last it’s time for Geralt and Jaskier to leave, Vesemir approaches them with a small, worn-out book in his hands, and Geralt uses most of his willpower to keep his eyebrows from climbing up to his hairline.

“With thanks for caring so for our library this winter,” the old man says, handing Jaskier the book. Something shrewd plays in his eyes. “You’ll always be welcome here, Jaskier.”

It’s a book about the uses of forest plants and mushrooms for poisons and antidotes (mostly poisons), and Jaskier’s eyes gleam eagerly at the sight. Vesemir has always been a sharp judge of character. Geralt bites his lip and turns his head away to hide a smile.

Up in the peaks the snow still lies thick, and Geralt makes sure Jaskier’s new winter cloak (a proper cloak, not a flimsy piece of decoration) is secure around him, but this high up, in the clear blue skies, the spring sun smarts hot already, and Jaskier tilts his face to meet it with a laugh. He sings to snowdrops when, a while down, they find them popping up through the snow, and he tells Roach about all the juicy meadows she’ll soon be grazing on.

“Ah, the freedom of the open road again!” he announces, spreading his arms wide in that way he has, like he’s embracing the whole world. “Don’t get me wrong, my dear,” he carries on, taking Geralt’s hand in his, “Kaer Morhen was lovely, and I’m very honoured to have been invited, but it’s nice to be just us two on the road again, is all.”

“Hmm,” says Geralt, because he understands, and because something still flutters in his chest whenever Jaskier expresses his happiness with staying at Kaer Morhen.

“What’s that I hear you say? I was a delight to have and I should come back every winter henceforth? Why, Geralt, you say the sweetest things!”

Jaskier grins at him, beaming in his face, but there’s a touch of performance about it, and Geralt tugs his hand and pulls him into a kiss.

“Yes,” he rumbles against Jaskier’s lips when they part. “That.”

This time, Jaskier’s smile is brighter than the clear skies above them.

The temperature drops as soon as the sun hides behind the peaks they’ve left behind, so they make camp before it’s completely dark. In their tent, shielded from the winds by a pile of snow (and which, in turn, shields Roach as well), they sit close together under blankets. In the light of their oil lamp Jaskier reads, engrossed in his new book of poisons, flicking eagerly through the pages and worryingly scribbling Valdo next to some entries. Despite the piercing cold and rapid variations in humidity, his lute is kept a little safer by Eskel's amulet sewn into its case, and Lambert’s gift stays tucked into his pocket.

It feels right, Geralt thinks, watching the light play soft and warm across Jaskier’s face as he carefully puts the book away. Geralt has his wolf medallion, something that signifies his bond with his brothers wherever he goes. Jaskier may not have one, but with these gifts, he too now has a link to the other Wolves, something to tie him to them until he returns next winter. And he did say he wants to return.

Pleased with the thought, Geralt pulls Jaskier closer and turns out the light.

(also on AO3)

[soulmatesinanimpala]

My thoughts on the SPN series finale

K.

First off let me preface this by saying I devoted YEARS and years of my life, I poured every ounce of my love and devotion, every shred of my inspiration and every fibre of my being into this show, many years ago. I wasn’t just a “fan.” I have this show tattooed on my body for a reason. It literally changed my life. It saved me. These two brothers, road tripping across America hunting down creepy things that go bump in the night. And their love for one another. The amount of love I have/had for this show is boundless. I carry it with me every day and I will for the rest of my life. It is a part of who I am. I’ve never connected with another show quite the same way as I did with Supernatural, and I know I never will again. The universe aligned to produce magic that day that I decided to watch the pilot. For me, it was never “just a show.” It was something tangible, like a life I was getting to live outside of my own. It was quite literally everything to me.

But, somewhere along the way, with the loss of the original creator Eric Kripke, and different writing teams coming and going, the show lost itself, and it turned into something unrecognizable. It turned into a mockery of itself, a joke. With writing so bad it was physically PAINFUL for me to watch. I held on for years, hoping it would eventually pick back up, or by some miracle I would start to see the original show I fell in love with come back. But it never did. So I stopped watching about four seasons ago, after a long, long journey with the show.

I see so many people torn up about the finale and shit-talking the writers when in reality, for me, the show actually died LONG AGO. The fact that so many are only angry with the writers NOW is what I truly find astounding.

I’ve had to sit back and listen to “fans” bitch and moan about how their fantasy ships aren’t being respected in canon, and it INFURIATED me. So many have lost sight about what the show is actually about, and the writers just play into their delusions. Everybody always talks about the SPN fandom being such a respectful, caring fandom and it couldn’t be further from the truth. The fandom ruined the show. It’s literally the worst fandom I’ve ever been a part of and ever will be a part of. So many so-called “fans” want their fantasies to be a reality that it POISONED the show and swallowed it up it until it became this dark, soulless entity. A shell, if you will, of what it once was. It could not be farther away from the show I originally fell in love with, back when the fandom was pretty much just growing. It was this tight-knit community, and I was so proud to be part of it. The fandom was older, wiser, and had respect for the writers and the characters. That fandom that I once held dear is LONG, long gone.

ALL THIS TO SAY. Was I satisfied with the ending? Honestly? Sure.

I already gave up on the show LONG AGO, so this ending isn’t as significant to me as others are making it out to be. I’m seeing memes going around about the rusty nail thing and honestly, while it is true that it’s drastically anti-climactic, I think that’s kind of what I ... didn’t mind about it..? Yes, there was a blatant disregard for 15 years of character development and everything he’d been through to just go and do something extremely CHEAP and insulting like that. But it honestly didn’t even surprise me, with this writing team. They’ve been pulling shit like this for YEARS and no one seemed to care, so. Why all of a sudden do people care about SPN’s shit writing?

The plot of the last, what- ten seasons? has been this crazy over-arching end of the world heaven/hell apocalypse bullshit, which got so tiring after a while that nothing the characters did even mattered anymore. Someone dies? Oh don’t worry, they’re going to come right back unscathed next episode! You sacrifice yourself! and YOU sacrifice yourself! That it was just one redundant mess. Like SPN just became this too-big ocean filled to the brim with trash. So.... honestly? Dean Winchester going out ON A HUNT with Sammy, wasn’t so bad to me. If they wanted him to die, there was really nothing else they had left to do? He’d already sacrificed himself for the planet MANY TIMES lol. Dean’s died so many fucking times like I can’t even count. So who cares that this is his final death? It’s kind of appropriate, if you think about it. Death doesn’t mean as much to the Winchesters as it does to you and me. Sam knew he wasn’t saying goodbye to him forever. Were there a hell of a lot more ways he could have gone out that would have been more respectful? Obviously. But that’s Dabb for you.

I guess the fact that Sam knew he was going to see Dean as soon as he died almost made it OKAY for him to live out his life. (I’m just grasping at straws here because I really hate that Sam lived out an entire life with wife and kid without Dean like it makes me feel like puking lol)

The writing was obviously garbage, but I wasn’t expecting anything different than the drab, heartless, half-assed surface-level writing of the past several years. So, GIVEN THE CIRCUMSTANCES, I’m honestly not that mad at it. I’m just kind of shrugging tbh.

Sam got to live out the life he always wanted, and when he finally did die, he returned to Dean. Now the brothers can be together with their loved ones for eternity. That doesn’t sound too bad to me? The show has ALWAYS been about SAM AND DEAN. To end with the two of them is the way it SHOULD be.

Would I have written it differently? Well, I would have written the past TEN seasons differently, so. To me, this was just... fine. I liked the nods to the return to the pilot. That hit me RIGHT in the feels. From Bobby at the Roadhouse, to the original licence plate on the Impala, to some of the lines that were exchanged. Those little nuggets were just lovely, and being a strictly OG-series fan, l felt appreciated in some small way. I also liked how time barely passed for Dean, but a whole lifetime passed for Sam. Him driving the car to Carry on My Wayward Son as Sam lived out his life was as well done as it could be, and them finally reuniting on the bridge where it all began was symbolic AF and I really liked that. So, in conclusion. I’m not mad. (Well, I’m not MADDER than I already was lmao). And for me to not be madder than I already was, is a feat. So I’ll take what I can get. Because if it would have ended with the brothers not being together, I think I would have had to drop everything to fly to California just to flip the writers’ table over and give them a piece of my mind.

Jared and Jensen gave not only that finale but this entire series their all, and regardless of how you feel about the finale, the least we can do is give them our respect. These two actors carried the series for all 15 seasons, baring their souls on screen for us all to watch. And that is a beautiful thing, that even after all these years and all these fluctuating emotions I had about the show, I can still shed tears for the Winchesters and their tragic but beautiful story.

[blackssuunn-mandoandyodito]

Tabaco y Brea

Part 7

Pairing: Javier Peña x female! DEA reader

Warnings: angst, brief mention of sex, embarrassment? If you think I should add something, let me know

Summary: Javi thinks about everything that led both of you here, and worries about what Escobar said.

A/N: well here it is! I hope you enjoy it. I wrote another part before this one that has, mmm, smut, I'll post it but I'm not sure when, keep an eye out. Also, I changed some things shown in the series a little bit, but nothing major. Thank you for reading!

Note: this is slightly edited, just a few format stuff.

Masterlist•Chapter 6• AO3 account

If you were to ask Javier what his craziest years have been, he wouldn’t even hesitate to tell you with certain fondness in his eyes, that both 1979 and 1980 were close to his breaking point.

When he arrived in Colombia in the early 70's, he didn't expect to get so attached to the land, to the people. Often, he came off as an asshole who was only there to do his job and fuck his way through Colombia. And usually, he had no problem with portraying that facade. It made everything easier, no one tried to mess with him or get close. He could sit silently on his desk and smoke as much as he wanted for as long as he desired, no one but the big bosses would mess with him. He was always in his own world.

The real world though, felt like it was falling apart every day, without thinking about stopping or at least slowing down. Javier always felt like he had to put it back together, which was ironic because if he wasn’t able to keep himself together, how much could he do for the world?

Everything had a dual perspective for him since the day he arrived. Knowing two languages gives you a certain advantage that changes slightly the way you see things. Sometimes the differences were strikingly wide, and sometimes he couldn’t tell the two apart. The way foreigners saw things was colder, insensitive. The locals felt things, mourned, and thought more about the people than politics.

Javier was always torn between the two. He was a foreigner but always tried his best to not act like one. That didn't stop him from fucking up greatly multiple times though.

Once, while he's looking at some pictures of a roadhouse, the sound of the Ambassador arguing with someone over the phone reaches his ears.

'And what the hell am I supposed to do with a girl who's mom is FBI? I have enough petulant bullshit to deal with Javier here"

That makes him frown. Is he really that annoying?

"I don't give a fuck if she was the best of her class, I don't need more agents."

It's not usual to hear the Ambassador swear, so Javier knows it must be something that really bothers her if she's so angry.

Trying not to alert anyone else about it, he sits more straight and leans his head slightly towards the Ambassador's office, trying to hear better.

"If you're gonna send her anyways, why the fuck did you bother to call me then?" There's a short pause. "Well thanks for the courtesy between agents, it's no fucking help. Goodbye."

Silence settles over the office again after that, and Javier didn't find out much anyways so he doesn't dwell on it and keeps reading about the new Narco that's growing quickly over México, with base in Nuevo Laredo. Something about it tells him it’s tied to Escobar in some way.

Days later, he finds out he's going to have a new partner. 

He doesn't care too much either. His partners always run away after some months. No one can handle this war for too long, and he's not sure how he's pulling through it. It weighs heavy on his shoulders. It makes him wake up sweaty from a nightmare, scares any kind of hunger away, reminds him why he should never get attached to anyone everyday. And still, he's doing much better than the people he's supposed to be helping. Several times he feels close to losing hope, to giving up. Every morning he wakes up, looks at the mirror and wonders what he's doing, why he's doing it. He's breaking, falling down, giving up. He wants to run away but it feels like betrayal, to just drop everything and go back to Texas as if nothing happened. He wants to, but knows he won't be able to live without guilt every day of his life. 

The guilt, the sorrow, everything is suffocating him. There's not a day when fresh air fills his lungs, the gun tucked inside his jeans feels like it weighs a ton and nothing makes sense anymore. He's working on autopilot.

And then you arrive. That pretty, smart girl from the Ventura Q of the DEA, top of her class, arrives and twists his entire life.

You, with your bright eyes and your bright smile and your love for life. With amazement showing in your features when you look at the city once he takes you to a viewpoint. You, with the little sounds of pleasure you make when you're eating something he bought for you to taste. With the addiction you have for dancing he knows came from your close relationship with your father. You, with your giggles and your little screams when he takes you to see The Shining.

You, with the love for little things he has never felt before.

And he's not a man who cares about many things, if he's being honest. He didn't know how overwhelming love feels, how it changes the way you see life once the sensation of pure ecstasy and happiness fills you and pumps through your veins.

But, once, as you both read through the reports of other agents after a raid, he stops for a second and turns to look at you.

And fuck if what he feels in that moment doesn't scare him shitless. 

It's not even a special moment. You're just frowning and circling a lot of things with a pink marker as you huff. But you manage to look like something his imagination would create to try and pull him out of self pity while doing so, tired from hours of nonstop working but still shining like a star, as marvelous as a work of art. Maybe something beyond that, something he doesn’t have a word for. He knows you're real because someone as dark and twisted as him could never create something as astonishing and beautiful as you.

 He shouldn't feel anything, he knows it's a stupid decision to pay attention to the feeling inside his chest.

But he does, he pays attention, and it's whispering this is how love feels. This is what you've been missing. 

Needless to say, it takes his breath away.

He falls in love.

He falls in love, without brakes or any kind of control that could stop him from doing so. He lets himself fall in love, embraces it but doesn't do anything about it. He yearns, he aches. He cries sometimes. He laughs others. He gets drunk and sings the songs the guys at Texas used to play when he still was the Deputy there. He still can’t sleep, but now there are entirely different reasons behind it. 

Sometimes, when he feels really good and he has a good day, he indulges in domestic fantasies that he knows won’t ever happen because he most likely won’t make it out alive from this mess. If the probability was small before, now that he has someone to lose and therefore protect, the probability is practically non-existent.

No, he doesn't do anything about it, but he refuses to let go of the feeling. It helped him see there are still things worth living and fighting for, after all.

And it comes to bite him in the ass when he hears Escobar shout "me saludas a tu papi" (say hello to your daddy for me) at you when he almost dies just after days of tension between you two, after he fucked up in Cali.

Why did he have to fuck up in Cali, of all places? Couldn't he fuck up in Medellín?

Then he fucks up a little more. In for a penny, in for a pound.

----

"Have you ever been in love before?"

Asking those words after what you've just done seems out of place. Asking the man you just fucked through the mattress if he knows about love comes as almost rude, but aren't nights supposed to be for this kinda thing?

Javier shakes his head. "No, I don't think so." he answers, voice low and tired. "I was gonna get married, but I don't think I loved her."

You prop into your elbow, turning to look at him. "What happened?"

He closes his eyes and takes a drag from his Marlboro. "She told me she was pregnant just to tie me to her. The day before the wedding, she called me," his voice turns bitter and somewhat disappointed, "and said she had gotten her period. I fled from there and drove without stopping for fear of her brothers following me."

You know who he’s talking about. Lorraine isn't someone he talks about much, but when he does it's never with a good tone, though never anything rude. Javi isn't much of talking anyways.

You nod and plop back to the bed. Silence fills the room again, hot and foggy from the sweat you worked up to with your activities.

This is a bad idea, you know it. Fucking and not actualy having a settled relationship is maybe the worst decision you've made with Javi, and the talks that always follow just make everything worse.

He lets out all the sounds he wants to, and you're sure he's not like that with other women. He's a sentimental man, sure, but he's too scared to let someone he doesn't know get too close, even if he aches for that kind of attention. He communicates a thousand things by touch, things that make you ask yourself if they're real or if you're only making everything up, too hopeful. You figure he feels safe in your embrace, thinking it's worth risking your working dynamic and your friendship by your actions.

You're happy to provide it, no problem. You just wonder how long will it last before you break or one of you gets hurt.

You cannot bring yourself to care enough to stop. 

"What about you?" He asks. Summers in México come to mind, along with days of the training in Ventura and parties in California, different names popping up. None of them make you feel quite as Javier always does with just a glance.

"I don't think so either." you answer honestly, "Not that I can remember, at least."

He shrugs. "If you can't remember any, then there isn't any. Love is not something you can forget about."

Javi also tends to become slightly poetic after a good fuck and a cigarette.

His ribs are still a little bit bruised from the gunshots of a few days ago, purple spots covering his waist and his chest. And you don’t like to think back to that day, it still haunts you. But every time you and Javi fucked in between that day and today, you have to ball your hands into fists and clench your teeth to stop your tears from falling. You have to remind yourself it’s just sex. Yes, you agreed to be exclusive but in no other way could you be considered a couple. Besides, relationships between agents are forbidden.

(Not that it would stop you, but still)

“And have you ever wanted to be in love?” 

Javier frowns at the ceiling. 

“I don’t think we have much of a choice when love comes our way. Either you fall in love and suffer, or you fall in love and embrace it.”

----

If he only knew.

Javier and Steve both turn to look at you, the question marks in their eyes are evident to you. You stand up, as clueless as them when you walk to the door.

“Bera,” the Ambassador’s voice comes from her office with too much volume. It makes you jump slightly. “Come here.”

Once inside, she gestures you to take a seat in one of the chairs in front of the desk. It feels like coming to the principal’s office as a little kid who got in trouble.

She just stares at you for a few seconds, not saying anything.

That’s never a good sign.

The silence becomes heavy, and you have to push down the urge to squirm under her stare. Once she speaks, you wish she hadn’t.

“Are you sure about what you’re doing?”

She doesn’t even have to say it aloud for you to understand what she’s talking about.

Fuck, is it really that obvious? You and Javier don’t even act different in front of anyone. There’s not even a big change to begin with. It's just sex. You’re not staring lovingly at each other’s eyes or playing footsie under the desk, Javier even stopped buying food for you only, now you have to share with him. 

You take a deep breath, torn between feigning ignorance or acknowledging the situation with as much dignity as possible.

She doesn’t even give you time to think.

“Don’t even try to act like you don’t know what I’m talking about, I’m old, I’ve seen some stuff and you can’t play dumb with me.”

Well, there goes that.

“Can I ask something first?”

That surprises her. She breaks from the intimidating posture from before and leans back on her chair, nodding.

“How did you notice?”

She laughs, interlacing her fingers in front of her and looking at you with amusement in her eyes.

“Honey, I noticed even before anything happened. You two are obvious as hell. Even a little kid could notice it by staying two minutes inside the same room as you.”

That doesn’t make any sense. Before Cali, even before Steve, you were never sure about Javier’s feelings. You knew he wasn’t indifferent to you, but with the way he carries himself around, it’s difficult to figure out if what he’s showing is really what he’s feeling.

You decide against saying anything else and nod. She sighs, shaking her head as she looks at you. 

“I just hope you don’t regret it later.”

Well, you’re right there with her on that one.

She ushers you outside and you quickly stand up, forcing your legs to work at a normal pace and not run away like your brain urges them to. 

Just as you’re about to get out of the office, you hear her speak again, but the words are not meant for you to hear.

“I’m gonna kill him. I’m gonna kill him and then bring him back to life just to cut his balls off if he ever hurts her.”

You cover your mouth to stop the giggle from escaping, and walk to your desk with a smile on your face.

Javi arches his eyebrow at you. “Everything okay?”

You bite your lip. “Yeah, everything’s great.”

He smiles at you and winks. You chuckle, shaking your head and turning to read the reports you have to deliver that day. Most likely than not, you’ll have to say late to finish. Javier too, just like the day before yesterday.

Blood runs hot down your body as you remember. It had been an amazing night. Javi’s desk has a crack on the edge to prove it.

Realization hits you.

Oh God, so that’s why she noticed.

Tabaco y Brea taglist: @larakasser @storiesofthefandomloversreblogs @fioccodineveautunnale @thisisthe-way @synystersilenceinblacknwhite @marydjarin @ithinkimhardcore @nellyneko

[burnedastra]

Forever N’Ever

Summary : The hard and brutal realization that a relationship is coming to an end, no matter how much they love each other

Category : Angst

Content Warnings : None really

Word Count : 2 K

___________

Inspired by this song but I also would recommend to listen to this one

 They say it’s all about the timing. That no matter how dearly you care about someone, sometimes the stars just refuse to align. Maybe that’s what it was. The Universe telling them that it wasn’t their time. That they weren’t meant to be. Maybe if they had met later – or sooner – whatever this was would not feel so doomed. Maybe in another lifetime they would have had a chance. But right now, it just felt like they were dancing around each other, chasing a feeling of bliss that would only be partially satisfied.

 With those feeling weighting on her, Talia woke up and turned her head to the girl sleeping next to her, black curls falling on her cinnamon face. She looked peaceful in that state, a thousand miles away from day-to-day problems. A small but sad smile played on the auburn hair woman’s lips as she stood up slowly, trying not to awake her lover and put on a big shirt to fight the cold November air. She silently made her way to the living room, walking towards the small open kitchen to brew some coffee. She embraced the calm atmosphere of the lazy Saturday morning. There, she could almost forget about everything else, pushing away the heaviness of her heart. She reached out to the cupboard and took a black mug, pouring a full cup of the dark liquid, to which she added a splash of coconut milk. She sat on the counter, holding the drink in her hands for warmth, letting it settle in her chest, soothing her into a serenity state.

 Her thoughts wonder to the night they met; it was simple but Talia knew in the moment she would remember it forever. It was hard to believe she didn’t even want to go in the first place. But this is how life goes isn’t it? You’ll never truly know how significant an event is going to be until it passed.

 She was tired from the day she had at work, everything suddenly deciding to go against her. Barely after getting in the office, she fell and spilled her coffee on herself, then her computer refused to open any of her graphics software and of course that was the day the big boss just so happened to be around. So, when she arrived at her place and dropped down on her couch, emotionally exhausted, she really didn’t feel like going to that party. And she tried to tell Cameron, but they were not having it. And if there was anything no one could take away from them, it was their persuasive talent. So obviously – and after barely ten minutes on the phone with the red head – Talia got up and changed into a mint green jumpsuit before heading out into the busy streets of New York City. When she arrived at the building, she took the time to lit up a cigarette, in an attempt to recharge her social batteries and prepare herself for the surely crowded apartment. After throwing her smoke, she finally went in. Cameron was being their ecstatic self, as usual and eventually Talia loosened up, not without the help of a few drinks. That’s when she caught her eye. Alyssa was standing on the small balcony, laughing at something a non-important-enough-to-recall person said. She was stunning in her black jeans and baby pink crop top. The dark skin woman looked through the window to her and wave with a little smile in her direction.

“Someone’s gotta crush” said Cameron in a seductive voice.

“You’re annoying Cam, you know that, right?” Talia responded playfully, turning around to face her friend.

“Ow, I love you too sweetie pie. Now, this gorgeous woman over there is Alyssa, she’s from the communication department at my work. Honestly, I know you two would be perfect together”

“Please don’t tell me you dragged me out of my apartment just because you think I need to get laid.”

“Well, am I wrong?” They laughed before Talia punched him in the arm. “Ouch! No, but seriously, go talk to her”

 And with that they pushed her further and disappeared. Taking a deep breath, she took the last steps that separated her from Alyssa.

 And of course, Cameron was right, they knew her better than anyone after all. Things went smoothly between the two women and they clicked instantly, alternating between dumb jokes and cultural niché facts. They fell in love so easily and so quickly; it was almost scary how well they fitted together. The first months were blissful, romantic and passionate. They spent most of their free time together, hanging out around the city or at Talia’s apartment – being the most obvious option, since Alyssa had three, loud and very nosy roommates. But nothing this great could last forever, and Alyssa became a little more distant a few weeks after their first “I love you”. But it didn’t really make sense to Talia, since her lover was the one who said it first. Reflecting on it now, she realized it was probably because of a stupid comment Cameron said about them being soulmates. And she had been warned about Aly’s fear of commitment, even tho she chose to brush it off. They fell out of sync, arguing about Talia’s clinginess and Alyssa’s distant behavior. The two women were trying their best to make it work nonetheless, but it felt like they were both losing a part of themselves in the process. They were left to wonder if it was really the relationship they were struggling to salvage or the fantasy of it they both created since the night they met.

 Maybe that’s all it had become. Preserving a fairy tale that was only ever just make-believe. But that didn’t sit right with Talia. Not with everything she felt every single time her eyes landed on Alyssa. So no, it could not be like that. Well, not to Talia at least. Maybe they weren’t ready yet for a love quite like this one. Maybe it was just because Alyssa was still too attached to a form of freedom she felt like Talia would take away from her, even without actively doing so. Or maybe it was Talia’s lack of confidence showing, making her reach out to her partner all the time, asking for constant validation. Maybe, even with everything they had in common, they were too different in their core for it to work. Maybe they needed to grow a little bit on their own before giving it a try. But Talia was not fooling herself. She knew that if they did say goodbye, it had to be forever. That if they did break up, they couldn’t count on a possible future, waiting for each other, because that wouldn’t do them any good. And if she was being honest, she even knew that she could wait but that Alyssa wouldn’t. And that idea alone had the force to tear her apart.

 Eventually, she finished her coffee and hopped down the counter before putting the mug in the sink and making her way to the small couch in the living room. She curled up against one of the armrests, trying to bring herself some comfort as she came to the awful awareness of her denials. She knew, deep down, that she should just rip the bandage, be done with it once and for all. She knew that she needed to respect herself enough to do so, no matter how painful it would be for the both of them. But between what you know when you rationalize everything and what you acknowledge in your heart, there could be an entire galaxy. Her fingers played with her lips, pulling unconsciously on the skin. She felt the irony taste of blood on the tip of her tong as she poked a little too hard on her cupid arc. She winced a bit and forced her hands on her lap, registering just how anxious she was. She heard in the background the small squeaking of the bedroom door, followed by Alyssa’s soft footstep making their way to the bathroom. Talia ran a hand through her wavy hair, in an attempt to recompose herself. Her girlfriend finally walked into the living room, in all her casual glory. She smiled softly and joined Talia on the couch, wrapping loosely an arm around her shoulder. The light skin woman leaned into her embraced, closing her eyes to take in the peace of the moment as she rested her head on Aly’s shoulder.

 The sun was high in the sky that day, warming their skins as the laid on the grass of Central Park. They had found a small corner near the lake where there weren’t too much people, for a change. The couple was alone for now, but some friends were supposed to meet them up here. The previous day had marked the official three years together and they went all in to celebrate it. Alyssa had taken her to see a show on Broadway that Talia had been talking non-stop for ages, but never got around to actually buy some tickets. They went on after the show to a small restaurant nearby were they had one of their first dates. It was light and breezy and everything they needed to forget about their past troubles. They decided to run of that blessed feeling by taking that day out.

 Talia had her head on Alyssa’s lap, humming in content when her lover started to pass a hand in her hair. Their free hands found each other, interlocking before Aly brought them to her lips. Talia opened her eyes to look at the scene and smiled.

“You’re touchy today” she pointed, a spark in her eye. Alyssa shrugged, smiling down to her, a glimpse of a blush warming her cheeks. “It’s nice, I like it” Talia added, squeezing gently her hand.

 They stayed like that all afternoon, barely moving when their friend arrived. And it was still going really well, until of course it wasn’t. Until someone made one small comment about how it’s been three years and they should move in together already. Alyssa instantly froze and tear herself away from Talia, hardly looking or speaking to her until they went back to the apartment. And that peaceful week-end ended like everything ended those days, with yells and tears. The two women stood their ground, like they always did in their stubbornness. And they kept arguing until all strength was gone and they almost passed out on the bed, one last time.

 Talia was looking straight toward her, lost in the space when she finally found the courage to speak. The events of the previous day were playing in her head. The end of that week-end made her felt sick in her stomach, the memory forever ruined by those lasts few hours.

“This is it huh?” she said in a soft voice

“Yeah, I guess it is.”

A tear fell down her cheek as she felt Alyssa bringing her tighter in her embrace, not quite ready to let go just yet. After a moment that seem to last both an eternity and a nano-second, they pulled away. Every movement was heavy and they both did their best to move around the apartment without showing how affected they truly were. Keep the façade one last time, a few more minutes before finally being able to crumble. Alyssa gathered her things and made her way to the front door, each step louder than the one before. She looked at the door a few seconds before finding the courage to turn to Talia, who barely manage to keep the tears from falling. They looked at each other, with the kind of gaze that said a thousand words in a split second. I love you. I’ll never forget you. I’m sorry. I sincerely wish you the best.

 And that was it. This was goodbye. The only way it could be. Forever.

[captainshadowshifter]

Ok so apparently I feel brave again today, and honestly tumblr peeps I'm really sorry for being like this, but I really want to up my confidence in the stuff I create by just pushing it out there - taking the leap, so to say.

So!

Below is a little something I wrote a couple years back (when I thought about not making my fanfic/AU as a comic, but instead writing it properly) and I haven't touched it since so it's really badly written, but it's one of my favourite parts of the story I created and yes I am kinda proud of it.

A little context first, this is a little further into the story (even further now because the SABA timeline slotted in so nicely before the other game-based sections), so there's some backstory I'm not gonna cover - some of it is easy enough to figure out anyway. The character Shadow, she's my OC (blog name lmao), and yes they are a 'thing' (I was going through some stuff it made me feel better stop judging me). Shadow takes the place of Sackboy, but I seem to have made it somewhat more... Human, realistic, whatever. They're on the run from a new villain, my absolute favourite villain I created for this story, because I mean dragon-demon-snake things, the best. Also they're on a new planet in the Imagisphere, because hey Huge Spaceship can never stay flying long ¬w¬. There's a dark theme to this whole story, I won't deny it, so please don't read this thing if you're likely to be affected by a vague suicidal hint (it's literally right in the last sentence, and I do mean vague) - I really don't want to hurt anyone, and I know that just because projecting my own issues helps me to cope doesn't mean it's good for everybody else.

Ok ok I'll stop rambling now, here it is. Hidden behind a keep reading thing so that anyone who doesn't want to read it won't by accident.

-----------------------------------------------------

He had been noticing it for a while. All the little things; the little tell-tale signs that were so discreet no one noticed, but not so invisible he hadn't noticed them himself. The little flashes of violet and indigo across his face, the slight (but dismissible) desire to destroy things - even an occasional hatred for Shadow and the others, of which he didn't want to bring himself to understand, despite already knowing. He did, however, understand that they were getting worse, more noticeable. The mood swings he could simply put down to fatigue; everyone else had them, too (though not as bad), since they'd hardly stopped running for the past week or so, and as such they were all tired and somewhat irritable. However, the fact that he managed to contribute to building something using his popit without being sent flying face first into some trees was, while a pleasant surprise, a cause for concern - and not something that could be put to much else other than a miracle. He was sure, if no one else, Shadow would notice something was up – after all, she had quite the knack for picking up on things like that. Newton knew he had to tread very carefully around her so as not to arouse suspicion, because the slightest hint of a doubt about his control over the Titans could cause a variation of problems (most likely higher levels of mistrust, he figured), the worst possible of which was by far that conversation. ‘I don’t really fancy talking about countermeasures...’ he thought to himself. ‘It’s not as though I can just get rid of them... They have to do that on their own.’

Later that night, however, something changed. Sat on top of his sleeping bag with his knees tucked up to his chest, Newton was staring into a small round mirror. The entire right hand side of his face had turned a pale violet – not dissimilar to that of what he hated about his past, and feared was going to happen again. He glanced over his shoulder to see Shadow sleeping peacefully beside him. ‘This is problematic.... I can’t risk putting everyone in danger just so she doesn’t get upset...’ He closed his eyes for a moment, and just as the lights dimmed he opened them again, a flash of dejected determination in his mind. ‘... No.. For once... I am entirely certain that this...’ He picked up a pen and Shadow’s notebook, and flicked through the pages to find one that was blank. This proved more difficult than anticipated; almost every page had scrawls of tragic tales, comical doodles or various greatly detailed sketches of fantasies from other worlds. Eventually he found a blank space, on the back of a page containing a sketch she’d done of him a few days prior. He remembered that she’d asked him to sit still while she did so – so obviously, he’d made every effort to do the exact opposite. A hint of a smile flashed for a second on his face at the memory, and he heard a distant ‘awwh’ from Green as she watched. Newton blocked out the thought, and began to write. ‘.. this is the right thing to do.’ He thought to himself as he ever so gently tore the page out of the book and laid it on his sleeping bag, then stood up, picked up his boots and left as silently as was possible from the tent – and darkness then fell.

The stars twinkled softly through the rustling leaves above him as he strode through the undergrowth. He had no idea where he was going, not even the direction he had taken from the camp – but he knew as long as he moved away from it everyone would be safe. As a purple mist clouded over his vision he scrunched his eyes closed tight and rubbed the back of his sleeve against them before breaking into a jog. ‘GO AWAY!! I DON’T WANT TO HURT THEM AGAIN!!!’. He began to sprint, the leaves of the Neumoran plants cutting into his hands as he pushed them away, until suddenly they disappeared as he broke out onto a clearing. He skidded to a halt and opened his eyes, panicked that he’d simply gone in a circle and ended up where he started – where he didn’t want to be. However, the clearing he’d come to was a gentle grassy slope, with most edges housing a steep slope, excluding the one he’d emerged from that was framed by the thick trees and bushes. And at the top of the slope, just away from the edge, was a singular tree that twisted and curled around itself and up into the sky, topped by thick layers of emerald leaves. The tree’s roots snaked in and out of the ground to form small hollows and ledges that would be perfect for sitting. Newton sighs in relief, then slowly walks forwards to the tree, peering over the edge and the distance below it. ‘... Well that would be a good backup plan, I guess... Just like back then...’

[savsfm]

madelaine petsch, twenty-three, cisfemale, she/her. —  SAVANNAH WALSH was just spotted out and about in los angeles with their signature VINTAGE DENIM OVERALLS. the paparazzi tried to be subtle, but the ACTRESS caught them snapping pictures and DARTED INTO THE NEAREST SHOP. they jetted off to A SECLUDED, PRIVATE BEACHFRONT before getting asked about HER UPCOMING SERIES FINALE this time, which kinda coincides with their notorious WARY attitude towards fame, doesn’t it? 

HELLO hello , i’m bay & this is my sweet lil savannah ! actress , sports fanatic , dog lover , confirmed adhd ball of energy ( as far as you know ) . if she had a label , it’d be the benevolent , and . . . well , let’s just get right into this ! 

·   ☆     .    𝚝𝚑𝚎  𝚋𝚊𝚜𝚒𝚌𝚜  !

full  legal  name :  savannah raine walsh . –– her mother had a hand in her middle name , and boy was that woman a hippie . age :   twenty  three  .   gender :   cis-female . nicknames : sav , savvy , little walsh ( when in context with her older brother )   pronouns : (  she/her  ) occupation : actress ; sophie turner career claim . inspiration : listen . . . there’s a reason i chose sophie . also jane sloane . details : growing up with just her father and her brother , for the most part , sav was very much the tomboy type , and despite her father’s history in the mlb , the walsh kids often spent time away from him and lived a relatively normal life . this made sav’s climb to fame a bit more of an adjustment , but people seem to love the down - to - earth way she has about her . after wrapping an iconic fantasy series ( think game of thrones ) and starring in a blockbuster ( think dark phoenix ) , everyone seems to be wondering what’s next for america’s favorite sweetheart .

·   ☆     .    𝚋𝚊𝚌𝚔𝚐𝚛𝚘𝚞𝚗𝚍  !

micah “mickey” walsh came from nothing . he was a natural born athlete with the drive of a kid who had nothing to lose and everything to gain , and he could’ve stepped right out of high school and onto a minor league baseball diamond , but his parents –– loony as they seemed –– insisted he go to college first , and he spent four years playing for vanderbilt , where he met his wife marnie . they fell in love , hard and fast , and by their senior year , they were throwing together a shotgun wedding in order to say their vows before her baby bump began to show . 

the first few years were a whirlwind with mickey never giving up his dreams of having a family and having a professional baseball career. two years in , he was called up to the big leagues , and thus began the ICONIC career of mickey walsh , second baseman and a monster at bat . after three years in the mlb , the walsh family grew , and when SAVANNAH RAINE was born in chicago , illinois , wrigley field filled to capacity celebrated . 

three years later , mickey was traded to the boston red sox , and the walsh family moved again . for some time , things were well , and they appeared to be living the dream . mickey loved boston , and boston loved the walshes , so much so , that contract after contract was renewed at fenway . when savannah was five , however , tragedy struck and her mother fell ILL . by the time sav was six , she’d succumbed entirely to her illness , leaving her and her brother , luke , to grow up without a mother .

the walsh family was devastated , mickey taking indefinite time off from his career to be with his children . his parents moved to boston shortly there after to help out with things around the house . mickey tried to keep a happy way about him , but after a season out , everyone could tell he was itching to get back , if only for the DISTRACTION of the game . . . so luke & sav grew up darting around fenway park . they attended every home game , stayed up to watch all of the away games , and they genuinely loved it . babysitters chased after them in exhaustion , and their grandparents did the most they could to raise them right .

savannah was always a FIERY little thing , and it had nothing to do with the red locks she’d inherited from her mother . she was joyful and playful , kind and a lot for any one person to handful . she asked too many questions and had QUITE a knack for theatrics . most of all , though , from a young age , she was simply good . . . and she really never expected to get into acting .

all of that energy had to go somewhere , though , and seeing as she was dramatic as is . . . she was enrolled in dance classes and school theatre projects . she took a liking to acting , starring in school plays and toying around writing her own short films . in high school , savannah was everywhere . . . spread far too thin . but hey ! keeping busy is what this girl lives for ! 

at sixteen , she enrolled at an acting camp during the summer in los angeles , and this is when she found out that her family and friends weren’t simply full of shit ,  like she’d assumed .  she had talent , and she could make a career of acting . . . and unlike others , her rise was a bit too quick . she spent the summer going to auditions , and her BREAKOUT role was one of her first . . . v much a sansa on game of thrones type of deal .

sav finished off high school through a personal tutor and online schooling , but NOT going to college , for either of the walsh kids , was never an option . so she wagered a gap year from her father ,  so she could film seasons 2 & 3 of her show . other seasons were filmed during summer months , on breaks , and on long weekends . she SPED through her degree at new york university , and graduated in 3 , freeing up time to act full time .

there’s a GENUINE way about her that just . . . captures people , when she isn’t in character . in interviews , on talk shows , on red carpets . . . she’s just blatantly very soft , very sweet . skeptics think it’s an act , but anyone who KNOWS savannah knows that the only thing she fronts for the camera is constant energy . ya girl is tired . . . all the time , but will never admit to it ! 

after one of the most watched television series finales of all time and a franchise film –– along the lines of x-men/marvel –– stunning the box office , savannah is taking a moment to SLOW DOWN , because she’s never exactly done so . . . right now ,  she’s trying to figure out where to take her career next with a pile of scripts sitting at home and the world of the silver screen at her fingertips . 

·   ☆     .    𝚙𝚎𝚛𝚜𝚘𝚗𝚊𝚕𝚒𝚝𝚢 & 𝚏𝚊𝚌𝚝𝚜  !

like i said , miss savannah is very outgoing , very bubbly . she’s good with people . . . but let it be known that she’s an introvert at heart . my girl is queen of leaving parties early . 

definitely the lost-in-a-daydream type , and she’s always been a bit of a QUIET hopeless romantic . less grand gestures and magnificent romantic adventures , more of just . . . a genuine believer in love . which . . . CERTAINLY lines up with the way her life threw her for a loop , just after nineteen , and one (1) nate carpenter absolutely turned her world upside down . it took all of one chance meeting , and sav was completely smitten . despite the fact that their dads kind of sort of ?? hate each other , they are happily planning on spending the rest of their lives together , dipping out of Famous People Things by 9:30pm at the latest .

painfully honest . . . maybe a little too honest. if she’s not careful ,  she can occasionally say too much and put her foot in her mouth . no amount of media training can REALLY rein it in . . . so her publicist is well paid and honestly . . . she has a hell of a time keeping spoilers to herself , so a lot of interviews regarding big plot lines are often with castmates aksdjfha

has a dog named hercules ! not named after the greek hero . . . or the disney movie . . . but rather named after the massive beast in the sandlot . her hercules is a mutt she rescued as a pup . they’re not really sure what he is . . . only that he’s kinda big and definitely has some german shepherd in him . 

sports fanatic af . her dad played professional baseball , and now he coaches for the new york yankees . her brother is a household name for hockey fans . . . and , well , catch her in a bright blue dodgers jersey with the name carpenter on the back , every baseball season !! 

she hasn’t TOTALLY grown out of her tomboy-ness . she still wakes up early to go surfing , still does far better in beat up converse than she does in HEELS , insists on the thrill of doing her own stunts , curses like a damn sailor , and loves a good worn in denim . queen ! of ! rocking ! overalls ! 

thinks about her mom a lot , but tries not to do to the fact that it just fuckin . . . makes her sad and anxious . the grief , she can handle , but the nerves ? her mother died of breast cancer , and savannah STUBBORNLY refuses to get tested to see if she’s got the genetic marker for it .

still visits her grandparents in boston often 

has a very .. . strange relationship with fame . she knows it’s fleeting , and she doesn’t really care for her private life being prodded into . in fact , that’s the worst part of it all . it’s taken a toll on her self - esteem , here and there , but for the most part. . . . she tries not to let it get to her . if she could do the acting thing without the fame , she honestly would . 

ok that is . . . my girl savannah . i hope y’all love her as much as i do bc i am vERY EXCITED ok !!  HIT ME WITH A LIKE & I’LL COME SWOOPING IN FOR PLOTTING !! 

[cozycryptidcorner]

Barriers

Hey guys! Here is another commissioned piece from a user who wishes to remain anonymous and their beautiful range of human, werewolf, vampire, and incubus oc’s. Please enjoy this short, and be sure to thank the author for commissioning the piece. 

Sienna isn’t stupid. Or maybe she is, she wouldn’t know. A normal person wouldn’t be out and about, balancing on the very edge of the barrier that keeps all the monster out of the real world and in their own little hellish pit, but here she is, arms outstretched, taking it one careful step at a time. Maybe if she didn’t have as much time to meander on home, she wouldn’t take the extraordinary risk of teetering at the very literal edge of human civilization. Unfortunately, though, she has the hubris of the gods that nestle in the caves beneath her feet, and so when a gust of wind blows by, she doesn’t feel a smidge of fear as it knocks her over.

Pain, yes, she feels that. It explodes at her side, the dull smack of dirt and grit ramming against her arm faster than the rest of her body. Oh, yeah, that smarts, and she has to turn off all other senses just to focus on the air intake of her lungs. Her bones and muscles feel like they’ve been rattled around in a maraca, which is probably a good thing? She hopes? Sienna would assume that if anything broke, it would be so bad her nerves might just freeze entirely, so, hopefully, at worse, something is just sprained.

After a few moments to recollect herself, she manages to wobble to a stand, blood on her mouth, and she takes one moment to look up at the flickering barrier dome over the sky before she fully comprehends how absolutely fucked she really is. Like, seriously. As in right up the ass, because even though just about anything and everything can accidentally come knocking in through the barrier, there are, unfortunately, only four points that you can then exit on out from here. And that’s just great.

Sienna’s lungs seize up again, though no longer from pain, but from terror, because now the realization of being trapped finally, fully sets in. Oh, god, the nearest exit is four miles away, how the fuck is she going to manage to get there? Deep breath, deep breath, deep breath, she doubles over, staring at the dirt as she gets a hold of herself. Four miles isn’t even that long, really, this is going to be… not easy, but not nearly as difficult as being dropped in one of those dead zones, with gates to escape from for hundreds of miles. Four? One day. She just has to survive one day.

Immediately, she gets her bearings, turning around towards the direction she knows the gate is. Sienna can do this, most definitely, she just has to be quick about it, leaving no trace of her presence left behind. Running will exhaust her a little too quickly, and tiring herself out when she could at any moment be… chased…

Something rustles off where the forest sprouts out from the ground, in the moving ferns that Sienna is certain are only flickering because of the wind. She bites her lip down hard enough for it to bleed again, picking up her pace, focusing her eyes straight ahead. Really, even if something is stalking her, Sienna really doesn’t want to give it the thrill of the chase, so she refuses to start running, even when every instinct inside of her is lighting up with fear. Calm, be calm, she tells herself, shoulders hunched as she hugs the very end of the dropoff where the barrier meets the ground.

Judging only by the quiet pattering of feet behind her, she’s being followed. Which is great, honestly, maybe she’ll be torn apart, she could definitely use the rearranging of her internal organs this time of year. Having everything in one place is kind of boring, after all. Might as well call for a bit of a change.

Since pretending the problem doesn’t exist isn’t quite making it go away as she hoped, Sienna decides that the next best course of action would be to face it head-on. She turns around, taking a step backward as if to continue her pace, and there, just within an arm’s reach of her body, a fucking vampire. Dark, grayish skin, terrifyingly flawless to the naked eye, and bright golden eyes that make her freeze like a fucking deer. She takes another step back, just to widen the gap between them, and runs into something tall and muscular.

Turning around, Sienna’s heart falters even further to find a- another vampire? No, not a vampire, it must be one of those were-things, she realizes, his blue eyes far too vibrant to be that of a walking corpse. Her entire body tenses up, and on instinct, she turns around to flee, except oh, right, the fucking vampire is in the other direction, and now a new not-person? Sienna goes right into fight or flight, and honestly, right now, it’s looking like fight is the only out.

“Good evening, gentlemen,” Sienna says, standing up a bit taller. “Can I help you?”

“I sure hope you can,” the werewolf says, baring his fangs in a broad grin, “I’m just starving, no human has been stupid enough to fall through the barrier in the better half of a decade.”

Sienna tries to brush off the fact he calls her stupid, shrugging her shoulders and throwing up a quick facade of indifference. If nothing else, she’s not going to make her death fun for them. “Just passing on by, but the wind was a little too much, so I might have taken a nosedive in a downward direction. If you’d just let me pass, I’ll be right on my way.”

“I don’t think so,” the werewolf says, “since that isn’t nearly a good enough reason to let you go.”

“Well,” Sienna is already grasping at straws, “what would be a good enough reason for you?”

“Sending your mauled body back in a bag, certainly.”

“Huh.” She makes a shifty movement to the side in what she hopes only seems like a nervous jitter. “That doesn’t seem very fair, I only came here by accident, and I was just about to leave.”

The blond one straightens, giving her a glare. “Luca,” he says, almost in a warning.

The werewolf either doesn’t hear or care, mouth curled up into a snarling grin. “Well isn’t that a sha-”

Sienna kicks him right in the groin, and to a devastating effect, but she doesn’t stick around. She runs past the werewolf at full speed. Her legs fly like they never have before, and yet, yet, she makes it only a single yard before she’s tackled down, the grass burning holes through her black jeans and burning her knees from friction. Tears threaten to sting her eyes as her body lifts off the ground, her jacket in the tight grip of the vampire.

“Hi.” She says, sniffing away the tears. “Can I help you?”

He tosses her back, at the feet of the werewolf, whose eyes look just a tad bit angrier and puffed than before.

“Sorry,” Sienna doesn’t think that apologizing will do anything, but might as well try. “I would just like to-”

He grabs her throat, and while she tries kicking again, but he already knows that trick, so he’s able to wrestle her body away from the hitting radius. The werewolf- Luca, she thinks, wants to bite her, she can see it in his eyes, and she doesn’t know what she’s going to do now because she won’t be able to fight him once he does, once he begins to slowly drain her life out of her body and oh god oh god oh god, tears, she’s crying. I don’t want to die, please don’t kill me, help, help, someone help-

“Oh, for god’s sake,” the vampire yanks her back, “look at her, Luca, she’s terrified. We’re letting this one go.”

Through her hiccups, she can’t even voice her agreement to the werewolf’s statement, but she offers up the nodding of her head. None of them bother to look at her, though, only finding each other’s agreement more important than hers. Which is probably par for the course, but here’s to hoping the werewolf can convince the other two that she’s not worth eating.

“How old are you?” The vampire asks the werewolf, “almost thirty. This kid can’t be older than you, and you think that terrorizing her is going to satisfy your sick fantasy of destroying mankind?”

Oh, Sienna hates all of this, but she doesn’t voice her concerns. The vampire and werewolf go back and forth, counterpointing each other with something among the lines of what if we ate the human, to I hear you there, but like what if we didn’t, all the while the other one… the blond one stays silent. Well, now that Sienna has a minute to look him over, his soft-looking hair actually looks like it has some pink in it, like an under dye, and also seems kind of familiar? Like she’s seen him before, but obviously, she hasn’t, because he’s probably been locked up here for longer than she’s been alive. Still. Those eerie rosewood eyes are like something out of a freakishly nightmarish fever dream.

“Alright, then,” the vampire says, placing a firm hand on Sienna’s shoulder, almost holding her in place, “it’s decided. We’re taking her back to the gate. Ace, can you make sure no one else is in the area?”

The incubus glares over at Sienna, as though she were to one to demand such a thing from him, but he complies, rolling his eyes up to concentrate on; however, he is doing it. “Nothing here.”

“Good, great. Let’s go.”

Sienna walks, moving her legs, sticking as close as possible to the vampire because, at the moment, he seems to be the least likely to kill her horribly. Especially the way the werewolf looks her over like he’s deciding just where on her body he’s going to bite first. The trail that hugs along the barrier seems to stretch out to infinity, feeling much longer than when she was walking through it alone, but she sticks her chin out and tries not to show her nervousness. Not that it would matter, probably because the vampire and werewolf can smell her actual fear, and that incubus is possibly shifting through her brain right at the moment.

“I am,” the incubus says.

“Awesome,” Sienna says, putting as much venom into the word as she could without outright being mean. Just because she likes being sarcastic doesn’t mean she also wants her head to get ripped off.

“I’m sure you don’t.”

Stop it, Sienna thinks back, trying to make her thoughts screech out like radio interference, but whether it works, the incubus doesn’t show. Her mouth thins out as she shoves her hands into her pockets, her brain a flurry of movement as she tries to figure out just how she’s going to get out of this mess should things begin to get out of hand like it did before.

“You don’t have to worry about that.”

Ick, the incubus again, still digging through her mind. “You guys haven’t given me a reason not to be concerned.”

“Devyn won’t let anything happen,” the incubus nods towards the vampire. “He’s already decided that you’re worth saving, so you’re saved.”

“Ace,” the vampire says in warning.

“She’s so worried,” the incubus says, annoyed, “it’s loud and overshadowing everything else.”

The vampire sets his hand on her shoulder, saying, “you know nothing is going to happen with us here, right?”

When the vampire says it with such conviction, Sienna believes him. She doesn’t feel like his buddies’ intentions are all that pure because really, they’re just doing what he’s telling them to. Honestly Sienna probably wouldn’t trust any of them not to kill her if they got the chance, the vampire’s support be damned, so she’s careful about her placement while she walks with the group so that she’s no within grabbing distance.

“Question!” She says because she’s always been curious about the goings-on inside the barrier, so might as well ask now while she can or forever hold her peace. “Do most humans get munched on if they accidentally fall in through the barrier?”

“Yes,” the werewolf snaps.

“Huh,” Sienna taps her lip with her finger. “That must be why no one likes you guys.”

The werewolf makes a strangled noise in the back of his throat. “That- that’s not even close to-”

“It depends,” the vampire says, looking like he’s about to give the werewolf a quick, playful wack. “Sometimes people wander in looking for something, oftentimes something that is attached to one of us. Monster bits are coveted among all circles, so to take a vampire’s fang or a werewolf’s ear would buy someone a whole house.”

“Oh,” Sienna says, suddenly focused on the way that she walks. “So when I fell in, you probably thought I was here for, um, that.”

“Yes.”

“And that’s why y’all were so cranky.”

“Cranky,” the vampire laughs, “sure, that’s a good word for it.”

“That’s really awful,” Sienna says, cringing at how obvious it is. “Random humans just hop through the barrier near the gates to hunt? Aren’t the guards supposed to find contraband from anyone who comes through? That’s what they tell you.”

“What’s five thousand dollars for a bribe when you’re about to make a hundred and fifty thousand?”

“The guards are all bribed?” This might not be the first time she’s heard it suggested, but its definitely the only time it’s ever been officially confirmed by someone with an insider’s view on the goings-on. “That’s- that’s terrible.”

“A farm,” the werewolf hisses, “this place is a farm for human use. They let us breed and live until they need to cut down on the population, then they harvest what they need and sell the pieces of our brothers and sisters to the highest bidder.”

“Luca, we’ve spoken about this,” the vampire says in a tired tone, “none of that is proven to be true. It’s all most likely conspiracy theory bullshit.”

“Don’t talk to me like you wouldn’t put it past them,” the werewolf snaps, “and don’t even get me started on how this has been done before to anyone they find subhuman, even their own people have been furrowed away into camps and slums to be kept quiet and exploited.”

“He does make sense,” Sienna says, nodding in the werewolf’s direction. “Honestly, I would believe it.”

“See? Even the human girl thinks it’s true.” The werewolf glares over at her, though no longer with the same disgust as before. “It’s only a matter of time before they slip, Luca, then you’ll see.”

“Enough.” The vampire rolls his eyes, trying to show how ridiculous he thinks the whole situation is. “Only pleasant things will be spoken for the rest of the walk back, alright? We don’t need to discuss a criminal underground right now.”

The werewolf lets out an angry puff of breath, then stares straight ahead, making sure that he doesn’t look back to either Sienna or the vampire in a sort of silent treatment that only a petulant immortal can fully accomplish. Sienna doesn’t try pressing for any more information, she doesn’t want to get either the vampire or werewolf riled up into an altercation. But, thankfully, up ahead, there’s a decent looking structure that parts the barrier like a zipper, a triangular building of steel and cement. That’s the barrier gate, she realizes, even though they’re still a good mile out, so she can’t make out much more details than that.

The armed guards start, holding guns with enough energy output to put down an elephant- or werewolf, easily. Every single one they pass, straight spine, glasses covering part of their stern expression, tighten their grips on their weapons, turning their heads as Sienna walks by. They’re questioning why she’s there, she can tell even without the incubus shuffling through their minds, but not a single one of them lifts a finger to help her approach the gate, much less ask if she’s okay. Not that she needs it, obviously, with her posse of immortal mean girls™ to fend off anyone else wanting to munch on her body, but if she did? Would the sweetly painted soldiers in their camo run to her aid? Or watch as she gets devoured by the monsters so they can justifiably shoot them afterward?

Sienna walks with her arms crossed, head held high. If she has to face the uncaring faces of those who don’t seem to have any concern over the state of things, she’s going to do it with some goddamn dignity. Maybe she could hold the vampire’s hand or something in protest to their shitty policies, but Sienna believes that might be a step too far. The gate lies just ahead now, military vehicles overlooking a line of people trying to make their way out.

“You have your identification papers, right?” The vampire asks, suddenly tense.

Just to double-check, she rummages around in her pocket, finding the passport among her house keys and phone. “Right here-”

“Don’t take it out yet, wait until we’re at customs. Anyone might try taking the papers for themselves, to forge, or to sell.”

“Right,” Sienna says, shoving it back down into her pocket, her fist closed around it as though someone might try to snatch it away via telekinesis. Which is a thing.

Despite the ridiculousness of the line, it moves fairly quickly, and Sienna is right in front of the customs office before she’s even ready. She turns around, throwing her arms around the vampire who saved her skin. “Thank you for helping me.”

“Thank you for listening,” he says, patting her back.

Much to her surprise, the incubus seems alright with shaking her hand, and even the werewolf gives her a non-hateful nod of goodbye. With a smile, she waves at the three of them, stepping back through the cold, sterile building.

[elliepassmore]

The Never Tilting World Review

4/5 stars Recommended for people who like: fantasy, multiple POVs, goddesses, magic, demons, LGBTQ+ romance, strong female leads, kick-ass women, women engineers, disability representation, mental illness representation, characters of color, complex morality I will say that for the most part I really enjoyed this book. The concept is fascinating and the characters and world were splendid. I took off a star because, as nice as it is sometimes to not have every detail of a world explained, with something like magic, it does have to be explained to a certain extent. By-and-large I understand how the 'gates' work, but we're dropped right into the terminology within the first couple of pages without explanation and it was a little confusing and took me a few tries to get at it. Then, I just wasn't a huge fan of Odessa and it does take away from the book a little when you just don't like one of the MCs or narrators, but I'll explain more about Odessa when I get to her. Lan, Tianlan, is the first narrator, so I'm starting with her. She's what's called a Catseye (also something whose we had to figure out figure out ourselves), which means she can heal people or inflict sickness upon them in a form of dual magic. Two sides to every coin, right? I really, really love this idea and think it's a fantastic spin on the typical 'healer' character you see in fantasy. I suppose, theoretically, healers could always turn their magic to use by harming people, in fantasy books healers are relegated to only healing, save for here and in Leigh Bardugo's Grisha and Six of Crows trilogy, where healing and harming are seen as two sides of the same magic, though a person typically has more strength in one than the other, so it doesn't come out quite like it does here. I enjoyed being in Lan's POV because she's caught between wanting to do the right thing by the world that's been plunged into eternal night and also wanting to keep Odessa, her lover, safe. I also thought that Chupeco writing Lan has having PTSD after a pre-book incident was refreshing considering the number of books that just skip over the psychological effects events have on characters. This was also an area where Chupeco turned the 'healer' trope on its head a little, as Catseyes can work with physical illnesses and injuries, but also mental ones, taking on the role of healer and therapist (though obviously not for themselves), so not only do we get to see Lan experiencing PTSD, but we also see her coming to terms with it and seeking therapy-like treatment for it, which is pretty unusual in most novels. Despite being in the 'healer' role and having magic that can infect and destroy if she wishes, Lan is also skilled with a blade and hand-to-hand combat and has something of a quick temper. She's definitely the 'protector' type more than anything else and is striving to make sure everyone comes out alright in the end. Odessa comes next, because I'm grouping the characters based on where they're from and Lan and Odessa are both from Aranth. Odessa is one of the daughter-goddesses in the novel who is unaware her twin is alive. She has some kind of chronic illness that prevents her from being very active without tiring out and that Catseyes have been able to treat but not cure. In the beginning Odessa seems like she'll be a pretty good character, a little too doe-eyed and teary for my tastes, but has plenty of potential. Then she starts to get bratty and doesn't seem to have the ability to logically think things through. From a writing standpoint I really appreciate how complex Chupeco makes Odessa and I think within the plot it's super fascinating. It's even explained to us toward the end why Odessa made the sudden turn from teary-but-okay-princess to brat-with-little-rationale, so I appreciate the cleverness of how the reason was woven throughout Lan and Odessa's chapters for us to find but maybe not pinpoint exactly. However, the great reasoning behind it doesn't stop me from not liking Odessa. The weird power-imbalance Odessa has going on with Lan and their relationship that I'm not a huge favor of. They love each other, great, fantastic, I believe that and I actually think they make a great couple in the beginning of the novel. They certainly have a better set-up for a romance than Arjun and Haidee do, though their 'love' is only marginally slower moving, but I'm just a teeny bit uncomfortable with the power imbalance of Odessa being a goddess/princess and Lan being the person assigned to guard and protect her. It's one thing when Lan is serving the crown in some general 'technical' sense and the two of them are in a relationship and it's another thing entirely when Lan is serving Odessa and her mother directly. It would be better, I think, if Lan wasn't serving directly under Odessa or it was like Lan's previous relationship where both girls were rangers. While Lan has no issues disregarding Odessa's commands, the imbalance is still there and becomes a bit of a problem later, but is never fully addressed, so I'm not sure how I feel about that or about some of the scenes with Lan and dark!Odessa. The relationship has the potential in the beginning and it is, for the most part good, but then once the difference in rank and power becomes clearer and Odessa becomes darker I get just a little uncomfortable with it. Haidee is the other daughter-goddess and she lives in the Golden City on the always-day side of the planet. She's what's called a 'mechanika' in the world, but what we would classify as an engineer. She's quick on her feet, fiery, stubborn, and extremely empathetic. In one of her very first scenes she's crying over a days-dead whale, if that's any indication. As much as I love her determination, smarts, and stubbornness, her ignorance of the world and optimistic attitude do grate on my nerves at times. She's just a bit too happy-go-lucky in some instances, though it largely works out for her. I will be fair, Haidee is one of my favorites, but I feel like Chupeco set things up so that Haidee would always have things work out for her and it seems a bit too obvious at times. Despite my dislike of Odessa, things go wrong for her, sometimes very wrong, and while things do occasionally go wrong for Haidee and seem like they'll be bad, I don't ever really get the full-on sense of dread like I do with Odessa. Arjun and Haidee meet by the whale and their first scene involves them trying to kill each other. Naturally, he becomes her love interest. Arjun is, hands down, the funniest person in the entire book. He has a very dry sense of humor and can be extremely sarcastic. He follows along with the idea of prophecies and with Haidee's ideas a little to mellowly for what I'd been expecting given our introduction to him, which I think says more about the whole 'everything works out for Haidee' but than about him. I also enjoy that Arjun decided to go with a prosthetic magical rifle after he lost his hand (not a spoiler, it happened pre-book). I don't know how they engineer the things they do in the desert, but I just found it amusing that instead of engineering a hand or hook or knife or something they went with a rifle that could channel his fire magic. It really fits his personality, honestly. While Arjun's and Haidee's romance is definitely more power-balanced than Lan's and Odessa's, there are still some holes in it. Mainly that they meet and fall in love within the span of the book, which I'm pretty sure takes place over, like, a month. I love fantasy and dystopian, and sci-fi, but oh my god I am getting sick of the quick romances. Chupeco did a decent job of showing why they fell in love and how they respected each other and became friends before they fell in love, but it's still only been a month. Sorry, but I know 19-year-olds, being one and being in college, and I'm just really not certain that your 'month to love' romance is gonna last. There are different depths to love and you can love more than once, but the insta-true-love, will-survive-anything has just, for some reason, been getting on my nerves lately. Maybe in a couple months or years I'll be fine with it again, but right now I'm just not a fan, even if I do like the characters together. The mythology and general world-building in the book is also something I enjoyed. Chupeco keeps the ideas of duality, sacrifice, and "a demoness is what they call a goddess that men cannot control" going throughout the book. It centers around two young goddesses whose mother(s) are goddesses and a world that somehow stopped spinning and split into only-night and only-day, so there's obviously a lot of mythology and magic going into the base of this book. Since the 'Breaking,' as they call it, neither mother-goddess has really told the twins much about previous generations of goddesses. Odessa gets more of an education about it than Haidee does, but both are still largely left in the dark about their world's mythology, which allows Chupeco to reveal it to the reader in a way that feels natural without info-dumping. There's a lot to do with goddesses, prophecies, and rituals that starts to get unpacked in this one, but which mainly sets up for the sequel. I'm super interested in learning more about the goddesses and rituals in the next book and have plenty of theories regarding them. The duality piece of things is interesting, because you don't necessarily recognize it in the beginning or even halfway through the book. It was more toward the end that I began to see what Chupeco was doing with the night-day, ill-healthy, healer-'plague-giver' sort of balance. The goddesses are twins, as all goddesses before them have been, and that set-up is a fantastic literary device for setting up dualities. You can have the good twin vs. the evil twin, the knowledgeable vs. the ignorant, and so many other varieties, and Chupeco plays with a bit of each in each twin. Odessa knows more about their past from the start, but it's Haidee who learns more about it and their world on the way. Odessa starts out as the chronically-ill sister, but Haidee ends up drained and exhausted. Odessa becomes more and more morally complex and dark but still has soft spots, Haidee is blindingly optimistic but has moments of destructive rage. They're set up to mirror and foil one another, yet each still comes together in the end and finds strength in knowing their twin. The girls are quite similar even though the book sets up a lot of their differences. Without giving too many spoilers I can say that this is 100% reflected in where the plot takes us and the things that are revealed. In terms of world-building I thought Chupeco gave us very distinct settings, creatures, and peoples. The night-side of the world is described as very rainy and cold, with threats of storms, kraken, and icebergs. Though Lan and Odessa are only in the city for a short period of time, I remember the impression I got of it. Old bookstores, tall buildings, dreary because of the rain. This is set against the next setting Lan and Odessa experience, which is the borderlands near the Abyss. While these lands are still dark, there's more foliage described as well as eerie lakes, currents made of air that are strong enough to hold ships, and creatures of darkness and shadow. It is also here where the sky begins to lighten as they move closer to the Abyss and the always-day side of the world. This is even more different from the settings Arjun and Haidee encounter. The desert is vast and deadly, full of dangerous scorpions, an acid sea, and a sea of sand complete with sand-dolphins and sand-sea creatures. The desert is full of raiders and nomadic clans instead of shadow people, but the former can be just as deadly. The Golden City is more steampunk than the night city, Aranth, is described to be. It also seems to be full of snootier people than Aranth does, and all-in-all, despite it being a city run by a twin goddess with a twin goddess daughter, Haidee's city is a very different city from the one Lan and Odessa left. Then there's Inanna's Temple and the Abyss itself, which remind me of dawn and pure darkness, respectively, but still have their own distinct feelings and descriptions. It's very easy to get immersed in the world Chupeco has created here and it's one of those rare world-building experiences that makes me wish I could see it artistically rendered. The Never Tilting World is a good book with unique, distinct characters each with their own strengths and weaknesses that are explored throughout the book. Chupeco writes the characters relatively realistically, meaning they deal with physical and mental trauma as well as tough decisions they sometimes respond to poorly. The Arjun-Haidee romance felt kind of rushed and the Lan-Odessa romance felt like it had a power-imbalance I wasn't 100% comfortable with. Since there is another book, however, and since the Lan-Odessa romance had a lot more promise in the beginning than the middle and end, I'm hoping it'll get itself sorted out. I also dinged the book's score because of terminology that we're left to figure out for ourselves that really would've been better if it had just been explained outright. Definitely think it's a good read, though and would recommend picking it up if you enjoy fantasy.

[perlukafarinn]

Movies (I saw) of the 2010s, ranked

Because I had lots of better things to do but no inclination to do them.

As I went through all the new releases I watched this decade, a few things came to mind: 

I missed so much! Most recently, I still haven’t seen Parasite, The Lighthouse or The Irishman. I’ve also seen only one of Disney’s live action remakes, two out of four Star Wars films of the decade, and I’ve missed quite a few of Marvel and DC’s outings. My tendency to mostly watch older films came to bite me in the ass here. But c’est la vie, there’s only so many hours in the day! 

A huge part of my viewing history took place during film festivals, so festival movies are way over-represented here. I’m not mad about it.

There’s not too many outright bad movies on my list, because I tend to avoid movies that look bad or like I might not like them (shocker, I know). Even the ones in my bottom ten aren’t as dreadful as I was expecting. 

There’s no way I can rank all these films numerically! What about movies that I can tell are good but just aren’t for me? What about movies that are bad but enjoyable? How can you compare tired Oscar-bait with soulless blockbusters? It’s impossible!

Hence these categories. I’m doing a top 10 worst and best, and the categories go roughly from worse to better movies, but otherwise this isn’t based on quality so much as what clever category names I could come up with (or couldn’t, as the case may be). I’m also listing the movies within each category alphabetically because that’s even less ranking I need to do.

Buckle up, this is over 6000 words...

Oh, and if you don’t feel like reading the whole thing I still encourage you to reply with your own favorite movies of the decade! 

The Worst Exactly what it says on the tin. These movies aren’t just unenjoyable or disposable, they are actively unpleasant to watch. 

American Hustle (2013) Wait, this got how many Oscar nominations again??

The Hobbit: The Desolation of Smaug (2013) This movie is so bloated and yet they couldn’t find any time to actually develop most of the main characters? I had such a bad time watching this one, I ended up skipping out on the last part of the trilogy. 

Hurricane Bianca (2016) This looked like it might be enjoyably bad but it wasn’t. I still love Bianca Del Rio, don’t get me wrong, but her humor is not the kind you build a whole movie around, yet alone two. And yet…

Hurricane Bianca: From Russia With Hate (2018) Yeah, I watched them both. I’m a simple woman: I see Katya in a trailer, I watch. I really shouldn’t have bothered, this one is even worse.

Iron Man 2 (2010) Superhero fatigue got me bad in the past few years but even before then I hated this movie. Literally nothing enjoyable here, I was aggressively bored while watching. The Lack (2014) This is a movie about women, written and directed by a man, called “The Lack”. You might think I’m being uncharitable to say this movie is entirely about penis envy but the writer/director himself confirmed this at the Q&A I was at. This is why Q&As are always a bad idea, people!

Left Behind (2014) This one tips into “enjoyably bad” at times but in the end, it’s still two hours of your life wasted on a movie meant to make its Evangelical viewers feel vindicated in their horrible beliefs. Morgenrøde (2014) I have a fairly high tolerance for slow movies but this movie is sloooowwww and literally nothing happens in it. This is the movie that taught me not to trust it when festival brochures use the word “contemplative”.

Percy Jackson & the Olympians: The Lightning Thief (2010) Just dreadful. This is the worst kind of film in my books: the kind made to follow a trend, not to tell a story. 

Pirates of the Caribbean: On Stranger Tides (2011) It’s been eight years since the fourth PotC movie came out?? God, it’s been a long decade.

The Utterly Disposable I didn’t exactly have a bad time watching these but they left no impression on me. 

Alex Strangelove (2018)  Netflix has released so many unremarkable-looking teen movies this decade. This is one of the few I bothered to watch and it’s cute enough, I guess. 

Fyrir framan annað fólk (2016)  I am Icelandic but I don’t watch a whole lot of Icelandic movies and I feel kind of guilty about that. Not guilty enough to give a boring movie a pass, though.

Ghostbusters (2016)  This super did not need to exist and not even my love for Kate McKinnon makes it any less disposable. 

The Great Gatsby (2013)  At least it’s pretty.

Hot Tub Time Machine (2010) I remember this getting a few laughs out of me but that’s about it.

The Imitation Game (2014) I think I just… don’t like Beneditch Cumberbatch? Sorry. This movie is the perfect expression of the bland, middle-of-the-road biopic, with the added mishandling of the subject’s sexuality.

Isn’t It Romantic (2019)  I love a good satire but this ain’t it, chief. This movie isn’t doing anything that Crazy Ex-Girlfriend hasn’t done 100x better.

John Carter (2012)  If you’re gonna throw this much money into something, you could at least hire a charismatic lead actor. Then again, it seemed to work for Avatar. Magic Mike (2012)  I did like that this sexy stripper movie kept showing how unhappy the main character is doing what he does as if that wouldn’t totally ruin the fantasy.

Mike and Dave Need Wedding Dates (2016)  Watched this on an airplane, which is fitting. This feels like a quintessential airplane movie; it’s mildly entertaining but ultimately disposable enough that it has completely slipped your mind by the time you reach baggage claim.

Paul (2011)  Occasionally funny, I think? Barely remember it tbh.

Planetary (2015)     There’s some interesting points buried in here but the movie’s too busy trying to look important to actually get them across effectively. Also feels surprisingly padded for just 80 minutes. Valentine’s Day (2010) Taylor Swift was actually kind of funny in this, which was a pleasant surprise. Zero impact otherwise. 

“I Have No Memory of This Place” Movies I literally could not remember watching until I had read the entire synopsis, but for one reason or another was not comfortable calling “disposable”. 

Bobby Sands: 66 Days (2015), The Departure (2017),  Hell Is Empty: All the Devils Are Here (2016), Innsæi (2016), Last of the Elephant Men (2015), Late Summer (2016), Speed Sisters (2015), Una (2016), The War Show (2016) Lumping all of these together because they’re all festival movies I have hardly any memory of and that I may have in fact fallen asleep over.

Incendies (2010)  Chalk this up to me seeing it almost a decade ago. When I finally remembered it, I could vaguely recall finding it affective. Probably due for a rewatch.

Prisoners (2013), Rush (2013), Warrior (2011) Around 2012-2014 I was working my way through IMdB’s top 250 list and I saw so many forgettable movies about men committing various violent acts. Literally can’t remember a single thing about these movies.

I’m So Sick of Superheroes Dear God Make It Stop I’d probably like some of these more if not for superhero fatigue but that is the trade-off for total global dominance. A couple of superhero movies did escape this category and you’ll see them later on my list.

Thor (2011), Iron Man Three (2013), Thor: The Dark World (2013), Captain America: Winter Soldier (2014), Guardians of the Galaxy (2014), Ant-Man (2015), Avengers: Age of Ultron (2015), Captain America: Civil War (2016), Avengers: Infinity War (2018) Lumping all of Marvel’s movies in this category together because I don’t really have a lot to say about Marvel anymore. Special mention to Winter Soldier for being the movie that soured on me the most and to Age of Ultron for in hindsight being the beginning of my superhero fatigue. 

The Dark Knight Rises (2012) Boy, this trilogy ended on a sour note.  Man of Steel (2013)  Confused story structure aside, this movie is utterly grey and joyless. It’s also army propaganda! 

X-Men: Days of Future Past (2014) The only reason I watched this was because it was on IMdB’s top 250 list. Peter Dinklage was good in it, if I recall correctly.

Don’t Like This Nope.

12 Years a Slave (2013)  Very uncomfortable to sit through, which I get was the point, but I’m not sure it was the right choice. It honestly feels like misery porn.

Black Swan (2010) I’ve long made peace with the fact that Darren Aronofsky will just never click with me.

The Broken Circle Breakdown (2012) This movie is exhausting to watch because of the near constant country music playing. Loudly. 

Kate Plays Christine (2016)  This is a movie about a really interesting topic but instead of the real tragedy that actually happened it chooses to focus on an actress’s fictional struggle to connect with her role. I think the movie wanted us to think the struggle was real (heh) but for that they would’ve needed a better actress.  La La Land (2016)  I love classic musicals and I really wanted to like this movie but in the end I just couldn’t. As a movie it’s okay but it’s not a good musical and the whole white savior of jazz thing was……….. an odd choice.

Last Days in the Desert (2015)  I’m a sucker for good, thoughtful religious films. The idea of Jesus and the devil being played by the same actor was intriguing to me and I liked that the devil wasn’t evil so much as just tired. But ultimately, this movie felt a little too cold for me.

Magic Mike: XXL (2015)  I have no idea why every critic on the planet seems to love this movie. Strippers aggressively thrusting their crotch in your face is not sexy, it’s uncomfortable!

A Silent Voice (2016)  Melodramatic and not in the fun, over-the-top way.

Vonarstræti (2014) It’s good but it’s just not for me.

Wir Monster (2015) I saw this at a Q&A screening and decided I didn’t wanna stick around after the credits rolled. On my way out, I tripped and almost fell onto the actors as they were walking past me. That experience had a way bigger impact on me than the movie itself. Make of that what you will.

Guilty Pleasures/So Bad They’re Good An enjoyably bad movie is a better watch than a middlingly competent one.

#REALITYHIGH (2017)  Incredibly clichéd and tries way too hard to be “hip” or “lit” or whatever it is the kids were saying back in 2017. Don’t care, I’ve seen it four times. 

Bridget Jones’s Baby (2016) The first Bridget Jones is a highlight of the genre. The second one is just bad but the third tips over into enjoyably bad. I also loved having Renée Zellweger back on my screen!

A Cinderella Story: Christmas Wish (2019) Recently watched this with my sister while baking and wrapping Christmas presents. It’s a terrible movie but we had fun (mostly by making fun of it).

Descendants (2015), Descendants 2 (2017), Descendants 3 (2019) I’m not apologizing for this even though I feel like I kind of should. 

The Kissing Booth (2018) This movie is like a 13-year-old’s first fanfic come to life so of course I’m gonna love it. Even if the love interest is incredibly unappealing.

The Twilight Saga: Eclipse (2010), The Twilight Saga: Breaking Dawn - Part 1 (2011), The Twilight Saga: Breaking Dawn - Part 2 (2012) Who would’ve thought at the start of the decade that Kristen Stewart and Robert Pattinson would turn into indie darlings starring in one critically acclaimed film after the next? I love that for them.

Oscar Bait but I’m Not Biting Not sure the Oscars weren’t a mistake tbh.

The Artist (2011) I kind of enjoyed this but ultimately it’s watered-down Hollywood history made appealing to modern audiences and its aim is far higher than its reach.

Birdman (2014) It was a fun watch but it left no impression.

Darkest Hour (2017) Technically a good movie but such obvious Oscar bait I just couldn’t fully enjoy it.

The Help (2011) Let’s leave the white savior narrative behind in the 2010s, shall we?

The King’s Speech (2010) I love Colin Firth. I barely remember this movie.

Three Billboards Outside Ebbing, Missouri (2017)  Don’t love that the racist cop is the most fully fleshed-out character in this movie while the black characters are all unnamed extras.   

Whiplash (2014) It’s just drumming, J.K. Simmons, it’s not that serious. 

I Feel Like I Should Like This More This category is mostly three camps, as you’ll see. 

120 battements par minute (2017), 69 Minutes of 86 Days (2017),  Fire at Sea (2016),  I, Daniel Blake (2016) All important movies with a worthy message that I just couldn’t connect with on a personal level.

Adieu au langage (2014), Before We Vanish (2017), Bridesmaids (2011), Jagten (2012),  A Separation (2011), Timbuktu (2014), Transit (2018), Winter’s Bone (2010) Critically acclaimed, maybe it’s just me?

Her (2013) The rest is all movies I expected to like more than I did. I’m not sure what didn’t click with this one. It’s been a while since I saw it.

Get Out (2017) I wasn’t gonna watch it because I don’t really watch horror so when I finally caved, I knew pretty much everything about it. Watching a movie the first time  knowing everything that happens in it and after seeing it dissected for months on end by every critic on the planet does take a lot of the enjoyment away, as it turns out.

Gone Girl (2014) Really thought I’d love it. It’s good just didn’t click with me.

The Grand Budapest Hotel (2014)  It’s pretty. Liam Neeson is always fun. 

Pacific Rim (2013)  Mako is great and I enjoy the chemistry between her and Raleigh but ultimately this one just kind of slipped out of my mind as soon as I’d seen it. 

Toni Erdmann (2016)  It’s too damn long!

The Tree of Life (2011)  I just watched this the other day so it’s very possible my opinion will change. I was expecting to love it but I… didn’t. It felt like this movie was trying too hard to be profound and important, at the cost of actually saying something, well, profound and important.

No Strong Feelings One Way or the Other I actually have nothing to say about any of these movies and most of them are good but they had to go somewhere.

The Best Exotic Marigold Hotel (2011), Boyhood (2014), Brave (2012), Creed (2015), Django Unchained (2012), Exit Through the Gift Shop (2010), Flavours of Youth (2018), Frozen (2013), The Hobbit: An Unexpected Journey (2012), Interstellar (2014), Intouchable (2011), The Jungle Book (2016), Monsters University (2013), Rogue One (2016), Schaste moe (2010), Shutter Island (2010), Three Identical Strangers (2018), To All the Boys I’ve Loved Before (2018), Undir trénu (2017), Wreck-It Ralph (2012)

Middling Festival Fare I have nothing to say about these either but I couldn’t lump them in with the others. I mostly liked them more than the movies in the previous category and they took bigger risks. Some of them might even be great, just very much not my cup of tea.

3 Tage in Quiberon (2018), Acid Forest (2018), Amateurs in Space (2016), Barakah Meets Barakah (2015), Der Andständige (2014), Disappearance (2017), Dreams by the Sea (2017), En fremmed flytter ind (2017), Føniks (2018), The Girl Down Loch Aenzi (2016), God Exists, Her Name is Petrunija (2019), Gods of Molenbeek (2019), Jag är Ingrid (2015), Já, Olga Hepnarová (2016), Looking for Oum Kulthum (2017), Mister Universo (2016), Neruda (2016), The Raven and the Seagull (2018), Rester vertical (2016), Slow West (2015), Sugar Coated (2015), Summer Survivors (2018), Tickled (2016), Worldly Girl (2016)

Maybe Not the Best But a Lot of Fun Better than those guilty pleasures but generally pretty flawed. Austenland (2013) A very cute little romcom. Extra points for Jennifer Coolidge, the most underrated character actress of this century.

Baby Driver (2017) I feel like revisiting this one might not be as enjoyable for reasons that have nothing to do with the film’s quality but I had fun watching it in the theater. 

Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows: Part 1 (2010) I was a fan of this franchise from the start so even though this movie is kind of dour and dark, it was still a blast to watch. Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows: Part 2 (2011) Do I love every choice this movie made? No. But I saw this at a midnight screening, in full cosplay with my friends, in a theater packed with fans. It was a once-in-a-lifetime experience.

I, Tonya (2017)  For a movie that contains so much abuse and such a bummer ending, it’s surprisingly entertaining!

The LEGO Batman Movie (2017)    Lego Batman is my favorite Batman.

Nothing Like a Dame (2018)  I just really love Maggie Smith.

On - drakon (2015) This movie feels like it was pitched as “Twilight but with dragons!”. It’s fun, though, and it’s got an interesting aesthetic and a proactive heroine who gets herself out of trouble with ingenuity and bravery.

Sing Street (2016) I love the soundtrack to this movie and the characters are incredibly endearing. The story is very simple in not a great way but it doesn’t need to be deep to be enjoyable.

Spider-Man: Homecoming (2017) I like that they skip the origin story for once and keep the scope of it fairly limited. A very nice little slice-of-life teen movie combined with a superhero flick. Tom Holland is a good Spider-Man. Would’ve been better without Iron Man tbh. Star Trek Beyond (2016)  I feel like they got the characters right here, which was a problem for the first Star Trek of the rebooted trilogy. It’s a fairly inconsequential movie but it’s a blast.

Star Wars: Episode VII - The Force Awakens (2015) I’m not the biggest Star Wars fan so I don’t have a lot of opinions here. It’s fun! Not a lot more I want from Star Wars. Ultimately didn’t intrigue me enough to wanna see the rest of the trilogy.

Ten no Chasuke (2015) This movie is a little weird, a little goofy and a lot of fun. I like the guy who just constantly lives through different movie plots because the angel writing his life can’t think of anything original, that tickled me.

Good Movies I Don’t Have a Clever Title Here They’re good movies, Brent. 

Barbara Rubin and the Exploding NY Underground (2018)  An enjoyable, well-made documentary but considering its subject matter disappointingly conventional.

Black Panther (2018) This movie could have been much better had it not been under the constraints of the MCU. Still one of the best offerings of the genre this decade.

Boy Meets Girl (2014) We need more movies like this. Not just for representation (although that is important) but also because cinema needs a greater variety of stories than are currently being told. 

Brooklyn (2015) The scope of this movie is very small but the characterization is nuanced and every aspect of the film goes towards furthering that. 

Bugs (2016) The focus of this movie is split between its very interesting subject matter (the use of bugs as food around the world) and the chefs we’re following around who kind of seem like dicks and honestly drag the movie down a lot.

Captain America: The First Avenger (2011)  Steve Rogers is one of my favorite MCU characters, purely on the strength of this movie. In a world where no one seems to know how to adapt Superman to film, it’s nice they got this one right.

Cloud Atlas (2012) This movie has such lofty ambitions and I admire it for that, even if the execution is off at times. But the use of yellowface is..... bad. It’s very bad and the directors should have known better. 

Cold War (2018) I love the music in this, which is good because it is near constant.

Damsel (2018) I love a deconstructed western and I love Robert Pattinson. It’s a shame that the female character at the center of the story wasn’t better developed, considering how much screen time she got.

Damsels in Distress (2011) This movie is quirky and cutesie, which isn’t everyone’s cup of tea (and usually isn’t mine) but I love it. Some solid acting goes a long way.

Der kommer en dag (2016) This movie is two hours of children suffering yet it comes across as so optimistic? I think it’s the space race stuff. Who doesn’t love the space race?

Frantz (2016) I am always down for stories that reckon with the effects of WWI. 

Future Baby (2016) There’s a scene in this movie where a surrogate mother gives birth and it is both very graphic and heart-wrenching. If the rest of the movie were more like that one scene, it’d be on my shortlist for the best of the decade.

Fyre (2019)  How was Fyre Festival a real thing that happened?

Girls Don’t Fly (2016) Girls don’t fly because the man training them to be pilots is a dick and treats them horribly. It’s a bummer but important to uncover. 

Hidden Figures (2016) Kevin Costner’s character needed to be written out - black stories that don’t involve “good” white people are both possible and necessary. But I adore all three main actresses and they do some amazing work.

Hjartasteinn (2016) The subject matter is cliché but it’s handled beautifully. 

The Lego Movie (2014) Everything is awesome! Everything is cool when you’re part of a team!

Journey to the Shore (2015) I honestly wasn’t sure how to feel for most of the run time of this movie but by the end it got me.

On Body and Soul (2017) This movie feels like a dream and I mean that in a good way.

The Salvation (2014) Have I mentioned that I love deconstructed westerns? Mads Mikkelsen is always on point, even with garbage material, but he’s got some good stuff to work with here.

Searching for Ingmar Bergman (2018) This movie made me more interested in its director, Margarethe von Trotta, than Bergman himself. Everyone should check out The Lost Honour of Katharina Blum!

The Shape of Water (2017) This movie is very much like a fairy-tale, which means it’s not particularly nuanced or complicated, but it is beautiful.

Still the Water (2014)  This movie starts with a cow being graphically slaughtered and yet the only word I can think of to describe it is “gentle”. But maybe skip the first five minutes if you’re sensitive to blood or animal death.

Studio 54 (2018) How were the 70s even real?

Sumarbörn (2017)    It’s a rare feat to get such good acting out of child actors.

Thor: Ragnarök (2017)    The best MCU movie. It’s a lot of fun without once losing its heart, which is a rare thing for Marvel (just google the words “bathos” and “mcu”, other people have covered this already). 

Warm Bodies (2013) The cutest rom-com of the decade features a zombie as its main lead. I’m not mad about it.

Wild Tales (2014) The dissonance between the realist shooting style and the cartoonish violence often results in some excellent dark humor. The rest of the time, it just feels kind of off. 

The Wolf of Wall Street (2013) Jordan Belfast is both a lot of fun and utterly despicable and the movie is not afraid to go as balls to the walls as it needs to.

The Young Karl Marx (2017) So like... Marx and Engel were into each other? At least a little, right?

Great Movies Also No Clever Title

Andið eðlilega (2018) Okay so I don’t watch a lot of Icelandic cinema but from what I have seen, I am incredibly encouraged by the direction it is heading. Call this exhibit A.

Ága (2018)  This movie is very slow and not a lot happens but that’s kind of why it works so well. It hooked me in and had me genuinely interested in every uneventful scene.

Brecht’s Threepenny Film (2018)  I walked away feeling like I’d understood maybe one third of this film but it left me with a feeling of exhilaration that’s hard to define and that few films manage.

Les aventures extraordinaires d'Adèle Blanc-Sec (2010)  Adèle Blanc-Sec is like Tintin and Indiana Jones combined except way better. In a just world, she would be a much more popular character and the reported film trilogy would have actually happened.

En duva satt på en gren och funderade på tillvaron (2014)  This movie is delightfully weird and messed up. Nothing more to say here.

The Favourite (2018)  I was honestly expecting to be let down by this movie after all the overwhelming praise but as it turns out, it deserved all of the accolades and possibly more.

Gravity (2013)  This movie was kind of marketed as “realistic sci-fi” and while I can’t say it felt particularly real, the emotional arc sure as hell did.

Inception (2010) The complexity of this film was vastly over-hyped but it’s still the best work I’ve seen by Nolan (though to be fair, I still haven’t seen Dunkirk).  Kreuzweg (2014) The film is composed of just fourteen still shots, representing the Stations of the Cross. That could have come across as really gimmicky but it works because the shots are well staged and the material is just that good. Loveless (2017) This is the bleakest, most depressing movie I think I’ve ever seen.  The Martian (2015)  The best thing about this movie is the way it shows the world coming together just to save this one guy. International cooperation is the future!

Paradies: Liebe (2012)  This is a movie about sex tourism and it is as unpleasant to watch as that sounds. But it’s also incredible. 

Paradies: Hoffnung (2013)  The third in Seidl’s paradise trilogy (I missed the middle part, don’t remember why). Just as messed up as Liebe but mildly more palatable.

Une nouvelle amie (2014)  I saw this movie with my dad, which was kind of awkward, but that doesn’t take away from its beauty. We really do need more stories like this.

Tale of Tales (2015)  I am always here for a fairytale adaptation, particularly ones that stick close to the dark, gruesome, humorous tone of most traditional fairytales. 

Welcome to Norway (2016)  This movie is just really, really funny.

White God (2014) If you’re sensitive to animal abuse then this is not the film for you. The dogs in this movie actually won the Palm Dog Award and it was well deserved. They’re very good dogs! Tom of Finland (2017) How refreshing to see a movie about a historical gay person that isn’t all death and tragedy! It does have some of that, unavoidably, but it’s also a lot of fun and ultimately is a celebration of a very important sub-cultural figure.

Vinterbrødre (2017) I wasn’t expecting a movie set in a mining community to look this beautiful. 

Wonder Woman (2017) The best superhero movie of the decade, despite the slightly messy third act. It’s such an earnest, hopeful movie and unlike most films of the genre, it’s not afraid to take itself seriously or to come across as cheesy. Superheroes are cheesy! That’s one of the best things about them!

Amazing Animation I don’t like animation being singled out from live action as if it’s somehow less, but I wanted to highlight how many excellent animated films were made this decade. 

The Breadwinner (2017) I’ve seen this film’s production company, Cartoon Saloon, been called the Irish version of Disney but Disney has never made anything half this daring. Coco (2017)  The ending made me sob like a little kid. This movie doesn’t get enough credit for being one of only two Pixar films this decade to live up to their early work.

How to Train Your Dragon (2010) The flight scenes in this movie gave me actual vertigo and I loved it.

How to Train Your Dragon 2 (2014)  The rare sequel that’s actually better than the original! For all the franchises that exist out there just to continue milking that cash cow, it’s nice to see something get continued because the filmmakers had more stories to tell.

Loving Vincent (2017)  This movie has been criticized for a weak plot, to which I say: it’s an animated movie made up of oil paintings! Do you really care about the plot? Sometimes the spectacle is all you need, especially when it’s something that touches you as deeply as Vincent van Gogh’s art does.

Moana (2016)  Moana’s scenes with her grandmother and Te Fiti are up there with some of the most emotionally evocative stuff to come out of Disney studios. It’s a pity the rest of the movie couldn’t quite live up to that.

Rise of the Guardians (2012)  Mostly, this movie just looks incredible. I am also an eternal sucker for Chris Pine, even if his voice sounds weird coming out of a teenager’s mouth.  

Song of the Sea (2014)  This is the most beautiful animated film I’ve ever seen outside of Studio Ghibli’s best, both the look and the feel of it. 

Tangled (2010) I know I sound like an old fogy but this movie would’ve been much better if it had been traditionally animated. Still pretty good!

Toy Story 3 (2010) It’s been nine years since the third Toy Story came out?? Christ, this decade.

Your Name (2016) I really should be watching more anime.

Zootopia (2016) Disney’s best work since Treasure Planet, which is an underrated masterpiece. It’s almost worth the resurgence in furries (jk furries, you’re okay).

This Is Why You Guys Should Be Watching Documentaries Because documentaries are a seriously underrated art form.

Ama-San (2016) This is the kind of cinema vérité filmmaking I live for.

Behind the Curve (2018) The existence of flat earthers remains baffling (well, maybe not that baffling when you look at the rest of our society) but this documentary is excellent.

Dawson City: Frozen Time (2016)  This is a documentary about a cache of lost silent films that were found in the 70s and most of the movie is silent, with information being conveyed through text and images. It’s these kinds of choices that elevate a good documentary beyond just educational programming.

Exodus: Where I Come From Is Disappearing (2016)  Absolutely heart-wrenching. It’s difficult to watch but the issues it discusses shouldn’t be looked away from. 

Foodies (2014) There’s a foodie in this movie who rates his food on looks before he even tastes it and a chef whose signature dish is a dessert called “sex on the beach” which includes a very realistic-looking used condom. I wanted those two to meet but they never did and that is my one criticism of this film.

Free Solo (2018)  I developed a fear of heights after watching this movie.

The Great Green Wall (2019)  I had never heard of the great green wall before seeing this movie. It’s so surreal to get a window into a society where no one is arguing about climate change because they are already undeniably feeling the effects of it. And by strange, I mean incredibly sad and upsetting.

How to Let Go of the World: and Love All the Things Climate Can’t Change (2016)  Speaking of climate change. This movie takes on climate grief and shows why you can’t stop at that, why you need to push past it and keep fighting. I’d argue The Great Green Wall actually does that same thing and better but it’s still a very necessary message.

Into the Inferno (2016)  Werner Herzog is just. The best. Especially his documentaries.

Kismet (2014) This movie examines how art affects people by way of one of the least respected art forms out there (soap operas). I just really love that premise and the execution is even better.

Merchants of Doubt (2014) Honestly fuck every single person making money by hastening our descent towards climate catastrophe. Good movie, though.

My Scientology Movie (2015)  This was the first Louis Theroux movie I saw and it’s a great one to start with. For all they’ve been treated like a joke, Scientologists are actually pretty scary.

The Other Side of Everything (2017)  The personal is the political in this film. What an incredible look at the ways our past shapes our present and future. 

Pervert Park (2014) This movie fucked me up.

The Prison in Twelve Landscapes (2016) The conceit of this film is looking at the US prison system indirectly by keeping the camera outside the actual prisons and off actual prisoners. It works incredibly well, just astounding documentary film making. 

Push (2019)  Just when you thought you couldn’t hate the rental market any more!

Safari (2016) Fuck trophy hunters.

The Silence of Others (2018)  I didn’t even know about the Spanish 1977 Amnesty Law until I saw this movie. Maybe that’s just my own ignorance but I feel it shows how necessary documentaries like these are. 

Tower (2016) I cried like a baby watching this movie. Using rotoscope animation to tell the story of the 1966 shootings a the University of Texas was I think an excellent choice and made for a unique documentary.

Visages villages (2017) Agnès Varda is possibly my favorite director and it hurts to leave this one off the “best” list (call it an unofficial #11). Still not sure I shouldn’t have swapped out one of the actual top ten for it. 

Welcome to Sodom (2018) The world is so fucked up. 

It Stayed With Me Movies that left me reeling and that I couldn’t get out of my head for days after watching (call all of them an unofficial joint #12).

The Act of Killing (2012) Speaking of fucked up! It is absolutely surreal seeing these mass murderers try to justify their actions to the interviewers. “I was just doing my job” is no excuse and trying to use it as one is actually reprehensible. 

Arrival (2016) I didn’t actually see it until this year and I felt it couldn’t possibly live up to the hype but it did! It’s reminiscent of Interstellar in that in this ‘hard’ science fiction story the ultimate solution is based on an emotional revelation but Arrival pulled it off much better. The Congress (2013)  This is basically two movies in one; one is fairly grounded sci-fi and the other is just a straight up acid trip in film form. In any case, Robin Wright is absolutely flawless.

Carol (2015) Cate Blanchett please date me. Grüße aus Fukushima (2016)  I’m always gonna be a sucker for a movie about women connecting and helping each other through trauma. 

High Life (2018) I saw this one knowing nothing about it and ngl it shocked me a bit. The way it incrementally got more and more fucked up made me feel a bit like a frog being slowly boiled alive.  November (2017) The atmosphere this movie creates is unreal. Maybe not the strongest characterization but it balances a feeling of magic and wonder with just utter bleakness and it left me reeling. Paterson (2016) I can’t even fully explain why I loved this movie so much or why it stuck me. Mostly, it’s just so damn cozy.  The Square (2017) I mean, that scene with the ape man was fucked up right?  Tangerine (2015) I don’t think filming on your iPhone is the future of cinema or anything but it does show how accessible filmmaking is slowly becoming. Also, that scene of Alexandra performing Toyland is one of the best musical moments in cinema this decade and that is not up for debate. Team Hurricane (2017) I’ve never seen a movie with an aesthetic like this before (it’s very vaporwave) but this film is about and was mostly shot by a group of actual teenage girls. It’s a little melodramatic in places but at the same time that feels very sincere and the girls all clearly have a lot of talent and a lot to say.  Varda par Agnes (2019) This movie probably wouldn’t have stuck with me so much if Agnès Varda hadn’t died earlier this year. She is a truly unparalleled figure in film history.

The Best According to me, anyway. But I’m right.

Cameraperson (2016) This is a different kind of documentary filmmaking. What it most reminds me of is Beaches of Agnès (no, I’m never done talking about Agnès Varda) but even that is not a perfect comparison. It’s deeply personal while also covering an insane variety of topics.  Embrace of the Serpent (2015) This movie feels like a dream and I mean that in the best way possible. At turns beautiful, brutal, and absolutely baffling. The Florida Project (2017) I’ve seen this movie criticized for glorifying poverty and I can’t discount that opinion. For my part, I thought this movie did an incredible job balancing the world as seen through the eyes of a carefree child enjoying her summer and the dangerous, precarious reality of living in poverty.  Inside Out (2015) When Pixar gets it right, they get it really right. The Love Witch (2016) I just really, really love witches. The best looking live action movie of the decade. The fact that writer/director/editor/producer Anna Biller hasn’t made another film since is an actual crime.  Melancholia (2011) No movie has ever hit me this hard in such a visceral way; I was miserable for days after seeing it. Lars von Trier is an asshole but he knows how to film depression.  Mad Max: Fury Road (2015) Believe the hype, it is actually perfect. And I don’t even like action movies! Moonlight (2016) It’s rare to see a movie this deeply, devastatingly human. The final two shots of the film, paired together, are literally the most beautiful thing I have ever seen in a theater. Kona fer í stríð (2018) The best Icelandic movie that’s been made yet. Halldóra Geirharðsdóttir is a national treasure.  Shoplifters (2018) I mean, who’s expecting a movie called ‘Shoplifters’ to be so devastating? It’s such a painful film but it is also heartwarming and intimate.  Un couteau dans le coeur (2018) This movie is strange and funny and violent and gorgeous. I’ve never had such a good experience at a film festival as I did the two times I went to see this movie.

[aweirdkindofyellow]

Here I Am, There You Are

Jack Barakat x OC 'Rachel has been best friends with Alex, Jack, Rian, and Zack since high school. What happens when one of them gets married?'

Part 1

I woke up the next morning with somebody else’s arms wrapped around me. Often when I woke up in new strange places, I needed some time to remind myself where the hell I was and what I was doing. This time, I didn’t need anything to remind me what had happened. Everything was as clear as day. I could still remember Jack acting all civil in the Uber, confusing the hell out of me again. It was like he was playing with my emotions for his own entertainment. But, back in the hotel, things flipped around yet again. We went up to his hotel room, which he had already been in the night before, making sure to bring all my belongings with us this time, and the rest was history. Shifting a little to get more comfortable, I managed to wake up Jack. At first, he just stirred a little, but then his breathing became louder, and eventually he let out a loud groan. As expected, he was probably experiencing a horrible hangover. That mixed in with being woken up by another person was the worst combination. “Huh?” Jack grumbled, seemingly needing those extra minutes to remember that he wasn’t in his own bed at home. “Morning.” “Morning,” I whispered back, turning around to face him. He did indeed look like he needed a couple more minutes to wake up, if not hours. So, I decided to let him take his time without me around to make him dizzy. “I’m going to take a shower, okay?” He gave me a thumbs up and I got out of bed. Taking my bag with my change of clothes, I slipped into the bathroom, blowing off the fact that I was fully naked. My reflection was horrifying. Not only was my (classified by agencies as) honey blonde hair, which had been full of product, sticking up weirdly as a reminder of the night before, but my makeup was smudged completely. I quickly closed the bathroom door before Jack could see, making sure to leave it ajar so he could run in if he suddenly felt nauseous. I worked through my hair with a brush first, knowing it would be a lost cause if I wettened it without detangling it. It was more work than when I actually did it in the first place. Next was trying to get off all that smudged eyeliner and mascara, which I was more prepared for and had makeup wipes for in my bag. As soon as I knew taking a shower would only help my situation, I moved to the shower and inspected the dials and handles. Once I finally figured it out and turned it on, there was a knock on the door. Not a knock on the door to the bathroom, a knock on the door to the hotel room. I froze in place, wondering who it was, and decided to listen in before I hopped in the inviting water. Jack groaned once again, but got up anyway. After a bit of fumbling and another knock at the door, he grumbled out an “I’m coming!” Although I couldn’t see the faces, I could recognize the other voices as well. “Hey, Jack,” Lisa greeted, concern coating her words. “Have you seen Rachel? I barely got to see her yesterday and apparently she didn’t check in either.” My eyes went wide. Did I have to make an appearance and announce that I was okay? But I looked horrible and was completely naked. There was no way I could just casually walk out and act like it was all normal. Even if I quickly wrapped a towel around myself or put on some clothes, the conversation would have already moved on. “No, sorry,” Jack replied, his voice rough and hoarse. “If I see her, I’ll tell her you were looking for her.” “Okay, thanks,” she sighed, both with relief and even more unease, “I just want to see her before we leave on our honeymoon, which is in like an hour.” “Is that your shower running?” Alex’s deep chuckle came from the same direction, making me take a few steps away from the bathroom door. “Yeah,” Jack simply said, the croak of the door telling me he opened it a bit more, but not enough to invite the guests in. “Woah, what happened in here?” Lisa wondered, sounding shocked. “Well, let’s see…” Jack clapped his hand together, making him flinch at the sound he had created himself. “The bed sheets are all crumpled up, my suit is spread across the room, there’s a dress on the floor that most definitely isn’t mine, and there’s a condom wrapper on the bedside table. I’m not really sure, actually.” “Dude,” Alex laughed yet again. “And you don’t even remember?” “I am so fucking hungover right now,” Jack answered, making my heart drop. His prior statement still made it sound like he was making a sarcastic joke, but this said otherwise. “Man, well, good luck with that.” I didn’t listen to the rest of their conversation. Instead, I did what I came here for, and that was to take a shower. All the negativity and bad feelings had to be washed away. I ignored the fact that Jack was in the room next to me as soon as I got out of the shower and dried myself off. It was difficult to do with him shuffling around, but he didn’t enter the bathroom once. I just changed and dried my hair, praying he would leave the room temporarily so I wouldn’t have to see him anymore. But that was too much to ask for. I came out of the bathroom holding my suitcase to find Jack sitting on the bed facing me while cradling his head. While I had enjoyed his presence a few minutes before, I sure as hell didn’t anymore. I now knew what he thought about last night, and I didn’t want to deal with that. Despite knowing how drunk and horny he was, I still managed to fall under his spell. And I had literally told him I wasn’t a girl that did one night stands that evening. “You can go, now,” I muttered, refusing to look at him although I could feel his gaze boring right through me. I could only imagine his surprise to find out he had slept with me. He nodded and silently got up before going into the bathroom. As soon as the door closed, I threw my suitcase on the bed and opened it as quickly as possible. Since I was wearing the clothes and shoes I had brought along in it, I now had enough space to stuff my dress and heels in. I didn’t even bother to fold it nicely so it wouldn’t end up wrinkling. Even the underwear I couldn’t find from last night didn’t matter. I didn’t need those filthy things anyway. With the water still running in the bathroom, I sneaked out of the hotel room. I didn’t need to look back. I just had to go downstairs, get breakfast, maybe run into Lisa, and get back home. Just like that, I had managed to ruin my friendship with one of my best friends; all because I was so damn stupid. When I exited the elevator in the lobby, I saw Alex at the front desk with all of his large suitcases for his honeymoon. They needed to leave soon, and it was obvious they were all ready and excited to go. I didn’t know exactly where they were going, but I knew it was one of their favorite vacation spots. Lisa, however, was nowhere near, I walked past, ready to go into the food hall, only to be spotted by Alex. “Rachel!” he called out and speed walked up to me, leaving all of his bags at the front desk without close supervision. “Hey.” “Hey,” I smiled back, trying to push away all the things that had happened the day before, “I didn’t get to congratulate you yesterday. So, congratulations!” “Thanks.” He hugged me quickly, his eyes glancing in the direction of his belongings just to check. “Anyway, Lisa was worried about you. Apparently, you didn’t check in.” “Yeah…” I exhaled, knowing I couldn’t act like nothing had happened at all. “I sorta had a one night stand. Not really my thing, though. I’m never going to be doing that again.” “What? No way,” he shook his head in disbelief, but I shrugged to show him I wasn’t lying. “With who?” “Eh, I’m not sure. Kinda left before he woke up and didn’t really look back.” It was a lie, of course I knew it had been Jack. I remembered every little detail, even how he accidentally closed the door on my foot while we were making out. “Oh my god,” Alex laughed. “Stone cold, Rachel, stone cold!” If only he knew why I left so quickly, then he’d be saying that to somebody else. Jack would be in so much shit. Alex knew me way too well and knew I’d never willingly have a one night stand with anybody, stranger or friend. I nearly wanted to tell him just because Jack would be so dead. But I didn’t need to ruin Alex’s bliss. As soon as their honeymoon was over, I could mention it to him. “Anyway, I’m going to get some breakfast, okay? Tell Lisa I’m in there if she still wants to see me,” I brushed off his comment and dragged my suitcase behind me as I started to walk away. “Will do.” Alex gave me one single nod before returning to the front desk. Somehow, I managed to sneak into the buffet without having to tell the people my room number. Not checking in the night before could have seriously screwed me over this morning. Of course, I could have gotten back at Jack by telling them his room number, making sure he couldn’t get in anymore. But I wasn’t that petty, and there wasn’t even a reason to do so. Plus, the number wasn’t exactly something I knew. I got myself a bowl of yogurt and added some of the mixed fruit in it, picking up a banana and a spoon in the process. There was more than enough space for me to sit. All I really wanted was to sit by myself in a corner and regret all my life decisions. But then I made eye contact with one of my other best friends who had been in the wedding party. Rian flashed his teeth and beckoned for me to come over. He was sharing a large table with Zack, the plates at the empty spaces telling me they had had more company before. But I knew I couldn’t just ignore them now. So, I went up to them, struggling to hold my breakfast in one hand and drag my suitcase in the other hand over the carpeted floor. “Hey, guys,” I tried my best to give yet another believable smile as I put down my bowl and collapsed the handle. Before I could sit down, Rian rushed up to me and gave me a big hug, also not having seen me at the wedding reception. I hugged him back, still marveled at how much he had grown up. When I first met him, he was this chubby kid that wore shirts that were way too large for him. Now, he had gotten rid of that extra weight, replacing some of it with muscle, and his weird curly locks were gone. “How are you?” He asked me cheerfully as he broke the hug and pulled out the chair for me to sit on. Always the gentleman. “Yeah, pretty good...” I shrugged as he sat opposite of me and Zack. “No headache?” Zack poked with a wink. “Or did you cradle that glass of water for hours as well?” I punched him lightly, picking up my spoon so I could start eating. “I’ll have you know I had six more drinks after that water!” Were they also glasses of water? Yes, they were. Did Zack need to know? What he didn’t know couldn’t hurt him. This way, if anybody found out about my little mishap with Jack, I could still say I had six drinks after the guys tried to get some life in me. “Going hard, aren’t ya?” He laughed, letting me eat my bowl of yogurt. What I wasn’t prepared for, though, was that Jack was also going to get some breakfast. Of course it was stupid of me to think that he would just stay up in his room forever and I would never have to see him again. Lucky for me, though, I spotted him at the buffet beforehand, so I could at least shield myself mentally. Somehow, he joined our table just as Lisa came bouncing in to talk to me. There was still a permanent grin plastered on her face, the weight of her ring on her finger making her feel beautiful and important. And she was. Who wouldn’t feel that way after their wedding? She was still the one person everybody admired. Jack sat down across from Zack, the furthest away from me as possible. While it was the only seat left for him without him being excluded from the group, I still was more than grateful that he decided to sit so far away from me. I didn’t need his menacing glare to be worse than it already was. I really was trying to look anywhere but at him, but it was very difficult knowing that he was staring right at me with disgust. “Holy fuck, Jack,” Rian burst out, remembering something and leaning forward, hitting his hand against the table to get everybody’s attention. “I don’t know who you were with last night, but you were being fucking loud!” I continued to look down at my yogurt, hoping a blush wouldn’t spread across my cheeks. None of the guys really seemed to take any mind, they were more interested in whatever Jack had been doing. Jack just stared back at them, his eyes flickering between his friends. At least it meant his attention was no longer on me. “You know,” Lisa interjected, standing at my end of the table, “Rachel had a one night stand as well.” My silence was short lived. Everybody’s eyes fell on me now, shock stiffening their entire bodies. They all knew that I wasn’t the one to just sleep with a person and never look back. I had always been in some sort of relationship. Jack, however, didn’t flinch. He just continued to stuff a piece of waffle in his mouth, not even bothering to look in my direction. “Okay, stop judging me.” I raised my hands up in defense, in turn dropping my spoon in the yogurt and swallowing what was in my mouth. “I’m never going to do it again. It was the worst thing I’ve ever done. Literally, it sucked so bad. I was lucky I could sneak out of there; didn’t want to give him a fright since he couldn’t remember a thing. But, hey, I can take it off my bucket list now and hope I’m never faced with it again.” “Now, why would you say that?” Jack frowned, cocking his head to the side. Of course he had to get all defensive without giving away that both our sexcapedes happened to be the same one. I shrugged, leaning back in my chair. “Maybe you enjoy them, but I don’t. Not really my problem, just a preference.” “Okay, well, I’ve got to get going,” Lisa once again interrupted, luckily before this rivalry between me and Jack could blow up to something that didn’t just seem like him feeling I offended his ways. “But I’m glad to know you’re okay.” “Yeah, I’m so sorry I kind of disappeared on you,” I told her and got up from the chair. I hugged her tightly, swaying the both of us slightly, making this my most heartfelt hug the entire morning. I still couldn’t believe I had let myself be such a party pooper, and I really was sorry for it all. “Have fun on your honeymoon.” With that, Lisa said goodbye to everybody else, giving us all one last wave, her fingers closing up and down while the palm and thumb stayed in place. At least I still got to congratulate the bride and groom and didn’t have to feel guilty for the rest of my life. They probably didn’t even realize that I didn’t come up to them during the reception because of my own selfish reasons, not because they were so busy and having fun. I sighed, taking my last bite of watermelon and pushing my bowl forward a couple of inches. “I’ve also gotta get going. But it was really nice to see you guys again.” “Awe,” Rian pouted while Jack looked at me with wide eyes, “can’t you hang out with us a little longer? We haven’t even been able to catch up yet.” “I’m sorry, guys, but I’ve got a flight to catch.” I twitched my lips to give a sorry smile and started shuffling my chair back again. “But if you ever pass through LA, whether it be on tour or for personal reasons, contact me.” I did manage to get them to let me leave. Zack and Rian both gave me very nice goodbyes while Jack just looked around in panic. I really had to hold back my eye roll until I walked away. It wouldn’t be Jack if he hadn’t forgotten that we both lived in LA, actually quite close to each other. There was quite a large chance that we could run in. And now he suddenly realized his plan of fucking me and leaving me alone wasn’t going to work. I waited around in the lobby, feeling weird that I could just walk away without checking out and paying. All I needed to do was order an Uber, wait a little longer, and then I’d be off. Soon, the whole memory of last night would be very distant and it wouldn’t matter anymore. “Rach, wait!” Jack came jogging up to me from the food hall, his own phone in his hands. There was no way he had already finished his breakfast at the rate he had been picking at that waffle. He must have ran out after me. “What?” I exhaled, waiting for my phone to connect since it had died but had received a second life from my power-bank. “I, umm…” he breathed heavily, scanning my face with his eyes. “You, umm, you never gave me any Advil.” “Excuse me?” I scoffed. Did he really think I now owed him more than just my body? He was a fucking asshole. “No, no,” he shook his head, going to grab my arms but deciding better of it, “you promised to have Advil and sparkling water for me, remember?” I frowned. Yes, I could remember joking that I’d have it ready for him in the morning after our first kiss. But what did it matter now? It was an empty promise, just like that kiss had been. Was he trying to prove that he could actually remember last night? But then why would he tell everybody he couldn’t even remember coming back to his hotel room? There was something really screwed up about him. “Seems like things don’t always go as planned,” I shrugged, pleased to see my phone had service again and I could get that Uber to save me from this situation. “Rach, no, please,” he begged, his pleading eyes looking at the screen of my phone as I went to the app. “What do you want from me?” I asked, fed up with him, as I turned off my phone so we could finish this conversation. It wasn’t like I wanted to talk to him, but the rage in me was only going to ruin my day even further, I had to let it out. “Are you now trying to tell me that you can remember last night but are an asshole who acts like nothing happened? I told you I was not up for a one night stand, not ever, but you manipulated me. You saw that thong and just went for it.” “No, that wasn’t-- I-- Rach… You were saying how insecure you were. I couldn’t just--” “So you took advantage of me?” I gasped, shaking my head at him and unlocking my phone once again. “You knew I wasn’t in the right mind to say no to anything. Getting with insecure girls is easy, isn’t it?” “No!” he continued to deny, taking my phone out of my hands and stuffing it in his back pocket, knowing I wouldn’t reach in to grab it. “When I told you I had a crush on you in high school, I wasn’t kidding. I just never had the guts to pursue it because I thought you were way out of my league. You dated all the jocks and Alex, apparently. I didn’t have any chance. I forgot about it. But I felt horrible knowing you were so insecure about relationships. It made me wonder if I could maybe fix that and be that guy who didn’t just want to use you as a one night stand. But I panicked and Zack was the first person I saw. So, yeah, I may have been a bit over my head. Actually, I’m sure of it. I would have never kissed you if I didn’t have a little liquid courage. So, I don’t know where I went wrong, but I really didn’t intend for it to come over like this.” As moving as his speech was, pulling at my heartstrings, I still couldn’t just forgive him like that. “You just acted like you didn’t know what happened. You spoke about it like some routine. And now you’re trying to tell me it meant more to you? Do you hear how hard that sounds to believe?” I crossed my arms and held my hand out to get my phone back. “But, Rach, you’re the one that disappeared. You walked out on me. How do you think that made me feel?” He shook his head, refusing to give my phone back. “Because you told Alex and Lisa that you hadn’t seen me and described the events like it was just another morning for you!” I wailed, just wanting to get my phone back so I could leave. How people around us weren’t looking at us strangely, I don’t know. But I was done with it. “What, did you want me to tell them that we slept together?” He finally gave my phone back, harshly pushing it in my hand, causing me to immediately order that Uber without hesitation this time. “Cause I wasn’t just going to do that without knowing how you felt about it. What if you didn’t want anybody to know? What if I acted all happy about what happened just to find out you couldn’t care less? I didn’t need them to know I got my heart broken on their wedding night.” “Then why are you coming with this now? Why not earlier?” I sighed. I was starting to feel for him. I also wouldn’t have wanted to boast about it, just to find out Jack couldn’t remember a thing. But still, it wasn’t okay. “We’ve been friends for over ten years, nearly fifteen, and you never thought to say anything? Hell, if you said something this morning when we woke up, it would have been enough for me.” “Then what are we fighting about? Miscommunication? Cause that is a shitty thing to fight about if we both want the same thing out of this.” I froze. There was no good come back to that. Jack was right. Here we were, fighting with each other because we were both upset about the same thing. We both thought the other didn’t care, but wanted them to. We wanted it so bad that we were blaming each other instead of noticing that we also didn’t do anything ourselves. Jack could have told me all of this years ago, and it wouldn’t have done anything. Maybe it would have compromised our friendship, because I hadn’t ever thought about him like this. Last night, though, I couldn’t help but see him in a new light. Jack unearthed his feelings that he had managed to hide in high school, and I didn’t need to look for a stranger that would understand me and treat me right, I already had that person in front of me. It was a lot more simple that we made it out to seem. Jack must have noticed my silence. Just like the night before, he sneaked his right hand up to cup my left cheek. He lightly stroked my skin with his thumb, waiting for me to push him away. But I couldn’t. I was awaiting him, looking right into his eyes and hoping it was enough of an apology. He tried to send the same message back to me, eventually causing our lips to be pressed up against each other again. His scruff felt the same way as the night before, but he smelled way better. There was no overabundance of cologne and sweat, it was just soap and deodorant. It calmed my nerves. This time, we were broken apart by my phone buzzing. Jack sighed as I pulled away and took out my phone, disappointed to see that it was my Uber driver telling me he was right outside. I had hoped it would have been my savior, but now it was just the end before we reached the happy ending. “Text me when you’re back in LA, alright?” I asked him after texting the driver that I’d be out in a minute. “Okay,” he nodded, glancing out the window and at the black car that was waiting for me, before giving me a sad look. I grabbed his chin with one hand, my thumb on the left side of his face and my fingers on the other side. I carefully tilted his head down and kissed him briefly before taking hold of my suitcase’s handle and walking out of the hotel to go back home.

[do-your-socks-have-holes-in-them]

Til the End of the Night / Ch4: In which Virgil and large crowds of people do not get along

Previous / Masterpost / Next 

Summary:  Patton and Virgil explore the town of Deercross. It goes mostly as planned, until it doesn't.

Warnings: sensory overload, panic kinda, allusion to deceit, and Sword Threats

A/N: is that a sleep cameo? yes. yes it is

Read on AO3

Patton pulled Virgil outside and into a bright, sunny morning.  They had to take a minute to adjust after the low lighting of the inn.  Well, Virgil did, at least- Patton just bounced on his toes and looked around, eyes constantly darting from one thing to another as he waited for Virgil to stop shading his eyes with his free hand and glaring through it in the general direction of the sun.  Patton wanted to see everything, so he didn’t particularly mind starting with the café that Virgil, as soon as he could see again, announced that they were going into right now, because he was going to murder someone if he didn’t get some caffeine in his system.  That statement did not help with the weird looks he felt like he was getting, but hey, if people were scared of him they at least might not question his appearance out loud.

Virgil wanted to grab them a table and let Patton handle the talking alone, but they were both at the counter before he could actually say so. He settled for definitely-not-hiding behind his more outgoing friend and letting him order first.  If only he would make a freakin’ decision.

“Virgil Virgil Virgil look!”

“I’m looking.  It’s basically just the Starbucks menu, are you gonna pick something or not?”

“No no, look here!” He pointed to a section at the bottom that Virgil hadn’t previously noticed.  “They have magic drinks!  Should I get one?  I’m gonna get one.”

“If you want.  They look kinda gross, but I won’t stop you.”  Virgil thought it was too early in the morning for this much enthusiasm, or any, actually, but he did live with both Patton and Roman on a day-to-day basis, so it was at least a familiar sort of headache.  And, he would admit, a somewhat endearing one.

“Okay, okay, so-” Patton stood on his toes and leaned his hands on the counter as if the extra inch of height would let him read the signs on the wall better.  “I want that one, y’know, the sparkly thing with all the colors?”

“Gotcha,” the barista responded, not bothering to correct him on what it was called.  Life was too short to care about the names of imaginary coffees.  “That’s a very popular one.  We get the ingredients from the Fae Forest, you know,” he said conversationally as he made the drink.  It was, indeed, very colorful and sparkly.  It was also glowing.

“Really?  What’s that?”

The barista looked surprised, which Patton should have considered an accomplishment.  “Are you serious?  The road out of town runs right by the edge of the forest, how have you not seen it?”

Patton shrugged.  “We came from the other direction.”

“Oh.”  He knew there was no road in the other direction, but again, life was too short to care.  “Well, if you really don’t know, it’s a huge forest full of magical creatures.  I’ve heard about a lot of weird stuff happening in there, especially at night.  Seen some of it, too.”  He slid Patton’s magical coffee across the counter to him.  “Nothing too dangerous, but if you decide to give it a look I’d recommend staying on the path. Now, what do you want, or are you just gonna stand there looking shady?”

Virgil was caught off-guard too severely to register that he should be offended.  “Oh, uh- just a black coffee.”  He couldn’t stand the taste of black coffee, which was exactly why he drank it to wake up.

“Boring.”

Virgil made a face.  “Your mom is boring.”

“Virgil,” Patton chided.  The barista waited until he was distracted by the menu again to turn and stick his tongue out in response.

Something here seemed weird to Virgil, but then again, something always seemed weird to Virgil.  He brushed it off and dug out a handful of coins.  “Tell me which of these to give you, ‘cause somebody explained it yesterday and yet I still have no idea.”

“...Um.”  The barista gave the coins a “yikes” sort of look and awkwardly touched his face in a way reminiscent of what Logan did when he forgot he didn’t have his glasses on. “You know what, on the house this time,” he said quickly, pushing Virgil’s hand away.

“Oh, thank you so much!”  Patton scooped up his drink with a bright smile.  Virgil was going to ask some more questions, like do you actually know how this money works any more than I do and why does a modern coffeeshop even exist in this fantasy world, but they were out the door again before he could do more than shoot the guy a suspicious look.

“Patton, for- how am I supposed to drink this if you won’t let me stand still for two seconds?”

“Oh!  Sorry.” Patton slowed, and Virgil took a long sip of his terrible gross drink, trying not to make a face.  “Forgot yours doesn’t have a straw.  Honestly, I know you don’t even like that, do you want some of mine?”

Virgil eyed it suspiciously and shook his head.  “It looks radioactive, I’m not putting that in my body.  I’m just gonna…”  He downed as much of his coffee as he could at once, grimaced, and threw the rest away. “Yeah, I think I’m awake now. Where are we going?”

Where they were going, evidently, was into every shop on the street.  They ended up with pastries for breakfast, a few cute little trinkets each on Patton’s insistence, and some extra supplies they might eventually need on Virgil’s. And of course, Patton had to talk to everyone.  It was admittedly helpful- they knew now that they would, as they’d suspected, need to go through the mysterious forest to get to Roman- but jeez, all the talking, Virgil was about ready to hide in a dark room for the rest of his life.  One person wouldn’t let him in because he looked suspicious or whatever, which, honestly, he was surprised it only happened once.  Between all that and the fact that he couldn’t seem to avoid constantly bumping into people on the busier streets even though Patton was doing just fine, and they seemed to think he was doing it on purpose, he was getting close to his limit.

But then they went around a corner and found the market. It was an entire double-wide street lined with vendor’s carts of all kinds- bustling with people, of course. Patton’s eyes lit up immediately, while Virgil’s instinct was to cringe.

“Okay so I know you’re tired, so if you don’t wanna do this that’s okay, you can wait here and I’ll just go by myself and--”

“Nope.”  Virgil pushed himself off the wall he was leaning on.  There was no possible future where he watched Patton disappear into that mess and didn’t panic.  “I’ll come, just- this has to be the last thing we do, okay?”  He was pretty sure he could make it through one last crowded area as long as he knew they were going back for a nap immediately afterward.

“Okay!”  Patton grinned, clearly glad he’d decided to go along, and tugged him into the chaos of the market.

Virgil quickly realized he’d made a mistake.  Several mistakes, actually.  He should not have gotten Patton a coffee earlier, because his best friend was not a man who needed any more energy than he already had. He should not have gotten himself a coffee earlier, because the caffeine only ever made him more jittery and nervous and he knew this and yet he always ended up drinking it anyway.  And he absolutely should not have agreed to come and check out the market.

He had never- no, nobody on earth had ever had this bad of a headache before, probably.  There were so many people yelling so many different things over each other, and basically every kind of loud noise in existence, and the sun was really bright still, and if he thought the regular streets were hard to navigate, well, he probably should have taken that as a sign not to go into an even busier one.  With all the widely varied food vendors, even his sense of smell was being assaulted.  If one more person brushed up against him he was gonna snap. Yeah, no, he needed to get out of here right now, it was stupid that he’d ever assumed he would be good for it.

Patton took the first tug on his hand as just Virgil having trouble navigating the crowd again, and slowed down a little to make it easier for him to keep up.  Normally he would look back to check on him, but if he did that now he’d run right into somebody for sure!  The next one, though, was hard enough to make him stop and turn around, letting the flow of people part on either side of him.  Virgil wasn’t quite looking at him so much as just to the left of his head.  He seemed really tense.  The hand that wasn’t in Patton’s was clenched in his pocket, the hood of his jacket was up, and his jaw was tight.

“Virgil?  You, uh, you okay, kiddo?”

Virgil shook his head and jerked his hand away so he could cross his arms, tapping his fingers on his elbow in agitation.  “This is- too much,” he managed.  Patton strained to hear him over the noise of the market. “Just- loud and bright and- people,” he explained with a slightly disgusted tone.

“If you don’t wanna be here anymore we can leave,” Patton assured him.  He went to squeeze Virgil’s shoulder before remembering that would probably just make things worse right now.  “Just keep close behind me if you can’t deal with my hand, okay?  Wouldn’t want either of us getting lost!”

Virgil nodded impatiently, taking a small step toward him so as to demonstrate that he would stay close.  Patton made another aborted move to touch him and grabbed his own wrist to make himself stop doing that.  Personal space hadn’t really been in his vocabulary before he started spending more time with Virgil, okay, this was actually progress.  He offered a sympathetic look instead, then turned and started forging a path through the chaos in the direction of the nearest side street, keeping up a constant stream of “sorry!” and “excuse me!” under his breath.

People were annoyed with Patton for pushing through against the flow of traffic, but he was at least apologizing, and anyway, he had the kind of face that made everyone who saw him think he was probably fundamentally incapable of ill intent.  Virgil, following in his wake and knocking people even further off balance, had none of that going for him.  He was just trying to make it to a quieter street without shutting down entirely, he did not have the mental energy to make sure no one was upset with him for briefly inconveniencing them.  If he was lucky, no one would care enough to make a scene.  Unfortunately for everyone involved, luck was not on his side.

Just as he was wondering if people were going to get mad at him, and debating the pros and cons of trying to get actual human words to come out of his mouth to keep that from happening, he knocked shoulders fairly hard with some guy trying to buy tomatoes.  The guy dropped everything he was holding and swore, turning to glare at the inconsiderate moron who jolted him.  Virgil didn’t look remorseful enough to keep him from getting pissed, apparently.  “Watch it, jerkface,” tomato guy snapped, and gave him a shove in retaliation before starting to gather his fallen produce.

Virgil wasn’t caught off guard exactly, but he didn’t have much room to move, so the push sent him stumbling to the side and almost knocking over a few more people.  “Sorry,” he forced out, even though that time was not his fault.  He wasn’t sure anyone heard him either way.  He got his footing back and looked around wildly. “Patton?  Where’d you-?  Patton, PATTON!”

Oh, no, no, no. Not the demonic voice thing, not now.  Everyone was staring at him.  The only silver lining was that one, people were at least giving him some space now, and two, Patton definitely heard that if he hadn’t very recently gone deaf.  He slapped a hand over his mouth- voluntarily, for once- hoping to mitigate the damage.  Everyone around was still watching him, just watching, and further back in the crowd there were whispers he couldn’t make out, but knew were about him.  He didn’t dare speak again, even to defend himself.  He was frozen in place by the thought that any move he made could be taken as a threat and get him killed.  He could have cried from relief when he heard a familiar voice and caught a glimpse of blue moving his way.

“Excuse me, coming through, sorry, it’s- look I really am sorry for pushing okay but this is a little more important!  Virgil! Virge, I’m so sorry I lost you, are you--”  Patton shouldered past the circle of onlookers and gasped.

His soft, but stressed shadowling was covered in actual shadows.  Scraps of darkness were flitting frantically around Virgil, concentrated at his feet and around his hands and arms.  He didn’t seem to notice them.  A few darted briefly in Patton’s direction before returning to the swarm, and he tried not to flinch.  He took a cautious step forward, and saw people at the edge of his vision looking at him like he’d lost his mind.

“Virge, sweetie, I need you to stay calm…”  He caught a panicked version of that twist Virgil’s mouth did when he was amused.  “Oh, you know what I mean.  Just, focus on me, okay, ignore everything else, that’s it…”  Slowly, he advanced another step, holding his hands up in front of him like he was trying to calm a spooked horse.  It even seemed to be working.  Virgil’s posture was starting to open up ever so slightly.  He felt good about the odds of no one getting hurt here, as long as nothing else went…

“Oi!  You, in the black, don’t move!  Don’t you know dark magic is forbidden in Deercross?!”

...wrong.  Both their heads snapped toward the sound of town guards approaching with swords drawn and a lot of bluster.  Patton couldn’t help feeling a pang of empathy for them- they must not get much trouble around here, they were probably scared and trying to hide it. He was much more worried, though, about Virgil, who was desperately looking for an escape route, shadows swirling faster than ever.  There were no gaps in the crowd, though, not even for someone his size, he was trapped, and they were drawing closer as the desire to watch what happened next overpowered their fear.  The jerky movements and darting eyes that should have clearly showed he was as scared as they were, if not more so, only fueled the people’s mutters, now loud enough for Patton to make out.

Dark magic.

Some sort of villain, no doubt.

Shouldn’t let his kind into town.

Evil.

Patton ran to try and intercept the three guards- this didn’t have to turn bad, he could still salvage the situation.  “Wait, please!” he shouted over the noise.  The guards didn’t seem to hear him, so he raised his voice a little more.  “Let me explain, he wasn’t trying to hurt anybody, he would never, this is all a, a big misunderstanding--”  They didn’t even acknowledge him, not even when he was right next to them.  He grabbed one’s arm only to be shaken off. Desperately, he ducked under it and stood between them and Virgil, arms spread.  “Would you just listen!” he screamed, tears pricking his eyes.  “He’s not a villain, he’s my friend!”

“Stand aside,” one of the guards said to him, not unkindly. “I don’t know how this wizard managed to gain your trust, but I can tell you he is not truly your friend.  Now, please, step aside, we don’t need innocents getting hurt.”

“No! I won’t--”

“Do it, Patton,” Virgil ground out.  He couldn’t let Patton get hurt trying to protect him, that would be a whole new level of sucking at his job.  Patton had no intention of obeying, yet found himself doing so anyway.  That voice was scary, alright?  Wait, no, he wasn’t scared of Virgil, that was ridiculous.  Compelling, that was the word.  His brain didn’t catch up with his body until he was standing at the edge of the circle.

He spun around and let out an involuntary sharp cry. Virgil was hunched in on himself, practically at the center of a dark vortex, his eyes wild and a hand pressed to his mouth.  The guards were advancing on him cautiously, they still had swords out, they were going to hurt him oh god-

Several things happened at once.

Patton yelled incoherently and threw himself, yet again, at the nearest guard.  The furthest guard from him made a grab for Virgil. Last and most importantly, there was a loud crackle of electricity.  Everyone standing nearby was thrown forcefully back as a sphere six feet in diameter, made of something resembling black lightning, expanded out from Virgil in a fraction of a second.

Patton narrowly avoided cracking his head on the ground when he fell.  “Oh, shoot,” he said with feeling.  He pushed himself to his feet and ran up to the sphere, ignoring everything else.  “Virgil!” He tried to bang on the forcefield with his palm, but it shocked him and he pulled back with a yelp.  “Are you- can you hear me in there, kiddo? Virge?”  An edge of panic was creeping into his voice.  “What- what did you do?  What is this?”

“Funny,” said a voice behind him, “I was going to ask you that question.”  He turned around.  Only one guard was standing, the other two having not yet recovered from the blast. That one, though, was plenty to worry about, because he had his sword pointed shakily at Patton’s chest.

Patton backed up until a warning static-like tingle told him he was about to bump into the sphere.  “Okay, this, uh, this isn’t as bad as it might look,” he insisted, holding his hands up placatingly.  “I- I can explain!”

The guard got his nerves under control and brought the sword up until the tip was no more than a few inches from Patton’s throat, holding it steady.  “I certainly hope you can.”