aurathedietclinic

[onekisstotakewithme]

i know everyone is struggling right now but jesus christ i'm struggling right now.

[redphlox]

No matter how bnha ends, I'm grateful that I became invested because it brought me joy, and it gifted me the euphoric experience of getting to know one of my favorite characters ever: Touya Todoroki, Dabi. I will always love him, and he will always have a special place in my heart. Nothing can change that or take that away from me. Shouto, too. The soba brothers are eternal to me.

It's so typical of me to be drawn to the mysterious, cold, brooding characters, haha. Shouto and Dabi immediately captured my attention when I first watched/read bnha with @fox-conscious. I took a break from following the series for a few years until November 2020, when I casually logged into Tumblr after months of not checking and saw chapter 290 Dabi's Dance leaks. It must have been fate. Suddenly, I was fully immersed in the manga again, excited that the obvious familial connection between my two favorites was officially confirmed. This reveal reignited my excitement and gave me something to focus on and look forward to during a challenging first semester in grad school, when I was on the cusp of realizing I needed professional help for my eating disorder.

To deal with the stress and have fun, I turned to reading and writing meta, and trying to make friends to share the experience with. That's the most important thing that has come from following this series... I've met so many incredible people who mean a lot to me:

@haleigh-sloth has become a really dear and close friend of mine. We met because of this manga and bonded over crepes, breakfast foods, pasta or ramen dinners, shopping at the mall, swimming in the river, walking her dogs, sleepovers, traveling, and road trips because of our shared love of the characters and story. We are basically the same person and constantly say the same things at the same time. Through the ups and downs of school, work, moving, and even now, we've always had each other's backs and shared countless moments of laughter and ugly cackling because we can't take shit seriously, ever. She's one of my best friends for life and I can't imagine NOT having her around!

@todomitoukei was one of the first friends I made in this fandom. I can always count on her to make the funniest jokes I've ever heard, especially during a completely serious conversation, and I'm astounded how smart, quick-witted, and talented she is. Truly an inspiration. I always look forward to seeing notifications that she messaged me because she brightens my day <3

I've had the great pleasure of meeting and hugging @hamliet TWICE! She has a generous heart and an inviting, calm aura. Her kindness and intelligence are remarkable. I genuinely enjoy discussing all sorts of topics with her, both silly and serious: life, hopes and dreams, fears and daily struggles, funny memes, reading and writing. I also love seeing her pet photos and can't wait to meet them in the future.

@transhawks is truly my most insane friend, and I say that lovingly and in the most ironic way because he's level-headed, creative, articulate, and self-aware. I'm always learning from him. I can talk to him for hours and never run out of things to say, and I always look forward to his insightful commentary about anything and everything.

And of course, I'm grateful for all the discord shenanigans with my friends: watching the anime together, voice calls, memes, sharing ideas, etc. @chocolate-biscuit who always pops into the chat with funny one-liners that leave me cackling for days when they flash in my head randomly, @bootlickerhawks who is the bestest horse person ever and I get excited to see on my dash, @helga-grinduil who is the saltiest and funniest person on this hellsite and also happens to make the best bnhaedits in this entire fandom, @jecook who is one of the sweetest people I've ever met and can't wait to read fix-it fics from, @mettywiththenotes who sends cute dog pictures and makes the most hilarious memes. Together we are all unhinged, and I love it. Despite living in different time zones, different counties, we've all create a fun space to cohabitate, and I think that's really cool and beautiful.

Hmm. Looks like the real treasure was the friends I made along the way, and the shared trauma of having our favorite characters mishandled by their creator was worth it. Can't wait to keep writing fics, making memes, and making new friends like @shortstrawberryshake because of this manga. And, I can't wait to keep loving Touya and Shouto Todoroki, of course <3

[tlouxx]

Electromagnetism - p. 2

~ ellie williams x reader

——————————————————————————

part one | part three <3

synopsis: you and ellie williams have been long time rivals. you're a physics majors at wellesley college, and you’re competing for the same spot in the prestigious dr. ramsey’s lab as ellie. suddenly neither of you can escape the other as you’re both trying to navigate your final year of college.

content: college!ellie, mean!ellie, modern au, academic rivals to lovers, forced proximity, swearing, banter, eventual smut i swear, tensions rising between ellie and reader

——————————————————————————

Day 22

PHYS 302: Quantum Mechanics 

It’s only a few weeks into the semester, and this class is already demanding way too much of my time. Ellie and I are still sitting next to one another. I think both of us are too proud to move. Our first exam is coming up in less than a week, and to say I'm nervous is an understatement. I can tell Ellie is stressed out about it too. She’s been studying every free second, biting her nails down to a nub, and she wore that same shirt yesterday. Not that I’m keeping track! We are spending a significant amount of time together between our class schedule and work. I guess you begin to notice little details about someone when you’re with them almost everyday. Even if it isn’t by choice. 

…

I can’t think straight. So many variables are swirling around in my thoughts. Ellie. My increasing anxiety. This exam. Being the best at what I do. The professor lecturing is only background noise to the ardent contemplation of the current state of my life. Quite   frankly I’m struggling to understand what a quantum state is or why I should care about it. I’m only brought back to reality when I realize that Dr. L is talking to me. 

“Are you listening?” 

“I’m sorry. Can you repeat the question?”

“Can anyone else tell me what the variables are that define the quantum state of a system?” 

Ellie quickly speaks up, “Compatible and Incompatible.”

“Correct, Miss Williams.” Dr. L glares at me as she turns back around to the dusty chalkboard. 

…

I want to throw my head down against the desk. I knew that, and now I’ve made myself look like a fool in front of the class. I’m just so distracted by Ellie lately. Ever since she got in my face and said she intended to get the same lab position I’ve been dying to have, I feel frozen in time. I knew she wanted it, but it’s real now that she’s said it out loud. Getting into Dr. Ramsey’s lab could mean I have a fighting chance at grad school or even a future in research. It’s fucking important to me. It occurs to me that maybe Ellie and I could have an alliance. After all the saying goes, keep your friends close, but your enemies closer. 

…

In the corner of my eye, I see Ellie chewing on her pencil. She’s studying again while I’m stuck explaining basic calculus to a freshman. It’s 8:07 p.m. Only 23 minutes till the end of my shift, but I tell her anyway that we’re closed for the night. I needed to escape the monotony of derivatives and integrals. 

Ellie’s head lifts up as she hears me escort the girl out the door. It seems I piqued her curiosity, “Why did you tell her we’re closed?” 

“She’s going to fail calculus with or without my help." I slump back in my chair knowing I'm barely conscious from my lack of sleep. "I’m just exhausted today. I don’t want to explain integrals again.” 

A smile appears on Ellie’s face. She looks down at her hands before looking up at me again. I think I almost made her laugh. 

“Trust me. I heard you explain it to her multiple times. I get it.” 

Before I know it, a smile is materializing on my face too. I laugh knowing we have a mutual understanding. To be honest, Ellie kinda intimidates me. Maybe that's why when I’m around her it makes my body feel like it’s on fire. I can hear my heart pumping as she starts to move in closer to me ever so slightly. I know she’s waiting for me to say something else. Maybe I should say something else. I hope she doesn't notice how I choke on my words as I try to speak.

… 

“Um, while we’re uh talking… I was just wondering how you felt about the exam on Friday.” 

Ellie settles into her seat. Confidence seeps out of every pore of her body. I watch as she sets down the pencil she was once chewing on. “It’ll be easy. Maybe not for you, but it will be for me.” 

“Sure… Ellie." I mirror her position. Trying to emulate the confidence she exudes. "I was just going to offer you some study tips in case you needed them.” I remark back at her. 

She leans forward in her chair. Without warning, the air between us seems to thicken. “You could barely keep up today in class. I certainly don’t need any of your help.” 

I lean forward too. “Really? Because I think that you’re studying every second you get because you know I’m better than you."

I stand up, and walk toward Ellie. As I begin to close the space between us, Ellie lifts herself out of her seat. She almost looks like she can't believe I'm saying this "..and you can’t stand the thought of it.”

Ellie looks like she's about to say something. Her mouth opens but closes. She turns around and opens up her bookbag. I watch as she rips a piece of paper out of a notebook. She writes something down.

She turns back around with a paper crumbled in her hand. Ellie inches toward me just like she did on our first night working together. My breath catches in my throat as my mouth goes dry. She pushes the piece of paper into my chest as I stumble backward. 

She swivels on her foot and begins to pack up her things. I grab the paper and look at it. She remarks “It's my number for when you realize you’re the one who needs my help.” 

… 

As I walk out of work, the cold of the night makes goosebumps appear all over my arms. I am still in shock of what just happened. Ellie pushes past me and into the emerging nightfall. Her perfume lingers behind. She smells of mint and eucalyptus. Not wanting to disturb her, I continue walking a few paces behind her.

My head feels clouded. I feel overwhelmed by all of the thoughts spinning around in my head. Did she seriously just do that? 

The moon brightens up the night sky as Ellie exits my view. My apartment building is only a few blocks away. I need to tell someone else about what happened tonight. I pull my phone out of my back pocket to text Dina. 

8:33 P.M 

you will never guess what just happened to me tonight 

D: What??! Spill please!

Well... I asked Ellie about the exam in 302 and she basically said it’d be easy for her, but not me. So i said well maybe i could give you tips so you wouldn’t have to study every second of the day. then she gave me her number?!!! and said to text her when i realize that i am the one that needs help??

D: oh my fucking god. 

isn’t she crazy? 

D: I mean.. I think you both are.

D: but i’m curious if that’s her real number? 

D: send it to me and i’ll let you know. 

you have her number?

D: we might’ve exchanged numbers at some point..

???

D" well…. we kissed once or twice. 

D: but we're not talking anymore 

omg. DINA! why didn’t you tell me!!! 

D: I thought you'd be mad and it was casual!!

D: send me the number!!! 

I threw my phone onto my bed after I sent the number over to Dina. I doubt Ellie would give me her real number. She probably just wanted to fuck with me. Not that it matters if its real or not.. I wouldn’t text her anyway. 

I’m disappointed that Dina didn’t feel like she could tell me about her and Ellie. I’m supposed to be there for her like she has been for me. I let this stupid rivalry get in the way of our friendship. Although when I look back on it, I don’t think they tried to hide it either. Maybe I’ve been too caught up in the fact that she was my nemesis to realize that Ellie and Dina were practically sitting on top of each other at parties or both missing at the same time. How could I have been so naïve to miss this?? My phone vibrates on my comforter. I feel my stomach drop. I’m not sure I even want to know. I open my messages with one eye open.

8:47 P.M. 

yep. that's ellie’s number. 

… 

Day 26

PHYS 302 : Quantum Mechanics 

The sun is shining in through the cracks of my blinds. My eyes are barely open. I feel the fatigue wash over me. The warmth of my bed is all-encompassing, but I know I have to pull the covers aside. My legs feel like lead as I walk into the bathroom to brush my teeth. The darkness under my eyes looks deeper than usual. I pulled an all-nighter studying for the exam today. I’m debating if I have enough time to run to the coffee shop down the street. I’m in desperate need of caffeine. 

I end up walking to get coffee.I don’t think I’ll be able to keep my eyes open without it. The wind is starting to have a chill to it as summer slowly bleeds away. The bell rings as I walk in the door. This is the coffee shop I originally met Dina in. Her hair was shorter then. Our friendship continued to develop the more and more I came here. Then we found out we were working together at the tutoring center, and well the rest is history. 

…

Walking into class with my iced latte in hand, I see Ellie. Her hair looks more disheveled than usual and her clothes wrinkled. Maybe I’m not the only one who pulled an all-nighter. 

I’m not sure if the caffeine is helping me or just making my anxiety worse. Despite my fear that I may not have studied enough, I feel confident. I tell myself today is going to be the day I’ll be setting the curve. Not Ellie. Staying up all night is going to be goddamn worth it when I see that smirk Ellie wears off her face. 

I look over at her as I sit down. She’s still biting her nails, but she doesn’t look at me. 

I shift my body to look at her. She finally looks up from her notes. I whisper to her “Goodluck Ellie.” 

Ellie looks at me and winks. She is wearing her exhaustion on her face, but her self-assurance is ever-present, “Goodluck to you too, sweetheart.” 

I turn back around seething. The heat is rising to my cheeks, but I don’t have time to think further because Dr. L starts handing out our exams. I’m ready for it.

… 

I’ve been anxiously pacing my room. Biting my nails even. I think Ellie is rubbing off on me. I dismiss the thought of becoming more like Ellie. The grades are going to be out tonight in 20 minutes. I continue walking back and forth on the hardwood floors of my room. I need to distract myself for just a little while longer. Instead, I keep brooding over my conversations with Ellie and the moment this exam score will come out. 

Only a few minutes are left until the email will pop up in my inbox. I spend this time running over the exam in my head again. I’m pretty confident I answered everything correctly. Well maybe except for question 25, but I think I’m overthinking it.

My laptop pings, and I know it’s the results. My hands are damp as I lift open the screen. The subject line reads Exam Results. I click on the link 

9:30 P.M. 

Subject : Exam Results 

Congratulations, 

You’ve received the top grade on exam one with a score of 100%. Take pride in this! 

Sincerely, 

Dr. L 

… 

I am buzzing with excitement. I shoot up out of my seat and sigh with relief knowing my hard work was worth it. I subconsciously start thinking of Ellie. How she feels in this moment knowing that I did better than her. I take pleasure in thinking that she’s jealous of me. Thinking of me right now too. I catch sight of Ellie’s note crumpled up on my desk. Before I know it, her number is in my phone, and I’m typing out a text to her. 

9:32 P.M. 

Need my tips now Ellie?

[waterfire1848]

omgomgomg i wanna ask one ship prompt!! okay okay

20. azula (college student) / katara (oceanograpy professor)

heated debate and maybe angry doing-the-nasty?????? 👀

Hello, @ragzonacamrencruise !! Here you go!

Modern AU setting and note that the sex scene isn’t explicit by any means but it is there so…don’t want to see don’t read

Katara set her belongings down on her desk, pushing her hair back which had fallen in her face when she leaned down. Her heart was pounding in her chest while she stood in front of the long table. Before her were four wide rows of seats, all of which had one long desk, in the shape of a half circle, from one end of the room to the other. The only space left on the sides of the room were for the stairs so students could walk up to the front of the classroom or the back.

Katara took a final look down at her phone. 10:20 am. Her class would be starting in about ten minutes. Her very first class on oceanography. Katara brushed her hand through her hair one final time. She really, really had to make a good impression on her students. The school had been nervous to hire someone so young, Katara was 24 having just finished grad school, but agreed while promising to keep an eye on her. There was no misunderstanding their tone: You screw this up and we fire you and blacklist you from teaching at every university.

That's why she was so nervous when the first student walked in and took her seat, choosing to sit in the front row. The woman had long black hair with golden eyes and wore a red jacket, black shirt and jeans. She took her seat then proceeded to pull out everything she needed.

"Excuse me. Should you be back there?" She asked, "The professor will get mad if she finds out you were messing with her things."

"I am the professor." Katara said, "My name is Katara South. You can call me Professor South." She smiled, but the student still looked confused.

"You're teaching this class? Are you like a teaching aid or something?"

"No. I'm 24. I got my degree and decided I wanted to teach what I learned at college so here I am." Katara said, "What's your name?"

"Azula Agni." The student said, "I'm a senior."

"Ah and why are you interesting in oceanography?" Katara asked.

"I'm not." Wow. She didn't need to say it so bluntly, "I'm just taking this class because I need an easy one." Azula explained.

"Easy? This is advanced oceanography." Katara told her, "It'll get pretty challenging." Azula scoffed, rolling her eyes.

"I'm not afraid of a few tests or pop quizzes." Azula grinned, "I'll probably end this class with a perfect A+."

"We'll see." Katara said, a smile growing on her face.

Was it childish to be feuding with a student? Yes. Did Katara care? No. Well, she kind of did because Azula could easily report her and get her fired but there was no way she was letting Azula know that.

Slowly, the other students began to fill the room and take their seats. Katara spent the first day telling the students a little about herself, the tests, paper and final they would be doing.

“I hope you all have a great semester in my class! If you ever have any questions or concerns or problems you can come talk to me at any point in time. I encourage you to come talk to me instead of suffering on your own.” Katara chuckled, “As someone who just graduated grad school I know how importance it is to get those moments to rest. I hope I’ll get to see all of you tomorrow for our next class!” The students all stood up and began to walk out.

Katara heard the students begin to whisper and talk as they walked out of the room. However, Katara couldn’t pull her eyes away from Azula. In all fairness, Azula was looking at Katara as well. Her golden eyes never left Katara’s blue ones the entire time she packed up.

“See you tomorrow, Professor.” Azula said, standing up and leaving the room

———————————

Azula wasn’t kidding when she said that she wouldn’t have a problem with the class. She was easily one of, if not, the best student in the class. Constantly turning everything in a day in advance, including paragraphs of explanations and arriving to class every day.

Then, one day, she didn’t show up. Katara definitely noticed her absence but it was to be expected. Students wouldn’t show up all the time. But when Azula missed every class, Katara grew nervous. She send over an email to her twice and received nothing.

Finally, Azula returned but she was different. She was quiet and missing her classic snark. When Katara put everyone in groups, Azula’s group came to her at the end of the class and told her Azula didn’t do any work.

“Azula. Can you stay here for a few minutes?” Katara called.

“Sure.” Katara waited for everyone to leave before she sat down next to Azula.

“Azula? What’s wrong? You missed class, you aren’t talking and you didn’t do any work in today’s group work.” She said.

“My apologies.” Azula said. Her breathing was weird, as if she was keeping herself from crying, “It’s been a…difficult time. I’ll be better next class.”

“Azula, I just want to know what’s going on. You’re the best student here. I want to know as much as I can so I can-“

“You won’t care. It’s just petty college stuff.” Azula scoffed.

“Do you think it’s been like a decade since I was in college? I was in my senior year three years ago.” Katara tried to add a little laugh to her voice but Azula remained quiet, “Please.”

“My friends blocked me on everything and they said they don’t want to talk to me. I…I don’t have any friends now.” Her voice was quiet but Katara could still hear the sadness in her voice.

“I’m so sorry, Azula. Is there anything I can do?” Probably not much she could do, even if she was a professor, but it seemed like the right thing to say here.

“Could I eat lunch in here?” Azula asked.

Katara blinked her eyes in shocked, “Umm sure. Of course you can.” Much to Katara’s surprise, Azula launched forward and hugged her. Katara found herself wrapping her own arms around the woman.

“Oh. I umm…I should get going.” Azula pushed herself away from Katara, got up and ran out of the room, leaving Katara a little shocked but mostly happy. She didn’t know why but it filled her with warmth to know she could spend more time with Azula.

——————————---

The longer the months went on, the more Katara found herself staying after class with Azula for longer periods of time. Their conversations started with topics from class then fell into conversations about their own lives and experiences.

“No way! Is your brother Zuko Agni?” Katara asked. The two were sitting across from one another at a table in the classroom. They had started off talking about their own education, respectively, and the subject turned somehow to their brothers.

“Yes. My deepest apologies to you if you know him.”

“He dated my brother for a few months. They broke up when Sokka left after grad school.” Katara told her.

“Oh, I remember. He refused to listen to anything that wasn’t some sad and depressing breakup song. I thought I was going to lose my mind.” Azula groaned.

“If it’s any consolation I had to endure Sokka texting me 50 times a day asking if he made the right decision. One of the smartest people I know and one of the most indecisive.” Katara chuckled, "So, how are finals going?"

"Decent. Your final is looking to be my easiest." Azula said.

"Oh, really?"

"Yup. It'll be fun to easily ace this." Katara only rolled her eyes.

"Don't get cocky. The final might be harder than you think." Katara warned.

"You're a professor. Aren't you supposed to say that I'm such a good student and I'll have no trouble as long as I study?" Azula asked.

"All those things are true." Katara admitted, "But if you get overconfident then won't do as well on the final. I might have some tricks up my sleeve that you don't know about."

That was the moment both of them realized how close their were to each other. Azula moved her face forward while Katara moved back, making them both blush.

"I should get back to my room. You have my email if you have any questions about the final." Katara quickly said, grabbing her things and racing out of the room. Did Azula just try to kiss her? No. No, she had to have been imagining things. There's no way Azula did that, "She is pretty beautiful." Katara whispered.

"No." She shook her head as though that would get the thought out of her head, "No, Azula doesn't like you. Stop fooling yourself. You're acting like an idiot!" She snapped. Katara forced herself to continue doing her work and stop thinking about Azula. She only had a week left with the woman anyway before the last day of college and only three weeks until Azula graduated.

------------------------

Katara would never admit it but she was sad when she posted those final exam scores. Not because the scores were bad, though there was one student who made her want to cry and scream when she read through their final, but because she would miss her class. Other professor's told her that it stopped being all that meaningful when she had been there for a few years, but, still, Katara couldn't help but find herself saddened when she send out everyone's final scores.

'Maybe there's another person you're sad you'll never see again.' Her brain supplied.

"Shut up." Katara mumbled. Though it was true, she was saddened that she'd never see Azula again, "That's just how things go sometimes. I need to accept that." She tried to speak in her most commanding voice, forcing herself to accept the fact that Azula had probably long forgotten about her as well.

Meanwhile, across town, Katara couldn't have been further from the truth when Azula opened her email to read her final exam score.

"WHAT!?!"

--------------------------

It was a calm day, a peaceful and quiet day. Katara was sitting on her couch, reading through a book when someone began pounding on her door. Confused, and a bit scared if she was honest, Katara slowly approached the door only to see Azula through the peep hole.

“Azula?” Katara asked, “What are you doing here? Is everything okay?”

“No! Because you took points off on the exam when I got the question right!” Azula walked into Katara’s apartment, allowing Katara to shut the door behind her.

“Excuse me?” Katara asked.

“Right here.” Katara looked at where Azula was pointing to see that she had the final exam up on her phone and was pointing to a specific equation, “I got the question right but you marked it as incorrect!”

"You are wrong!" Katara yelled.

"How do you study this stuff and not know that I'm right!?!" Azula yelled back, "Right here. You asked 'when did the first photosynthetic organism come into being?' and I said 'when the Earth's atmosphere and the shallow ocean first experienced a rise in the concentration of oxygen.'"

"And that's wrong!" Katara told her, "You needed to give me the exact name of what it's called. There are a lot of things you could have called it The Great Oxidation Event or Great Oxygenation Event or Oxygen Catastrophe, but you wrote none of that!"

“It’s the same thing!”

“Do you not understand how college works?! You had to write what the term was called! You didn’t and you lost points!”

“That’s ridiculous!”

“Deal with it! Accept your lost points and the fact that you rushed through the exam and didn’t read every instruction!”

“You’re the one who put instructions there meant to trip people up!”

“Or did you just not read because you thought my exam would be so easy?!”

By now both Katara and Azula’s faces were inches apart. Katara’s eyes momentarily fell down to Azula’s lips. Azula did the same then forced her eyes back to Katara. Only a second of silence existed between the two before they began kissing.

“I thought you didn’t want this?” Azula asked.

“And I thought you knew to read through instructions.” Katara grinned.

Katara brought Azula to the couch, causing her to fall back on the it. The two locked themselves into a makeout session that showed no sign of stopping. If anything it was getting stronger especially when the two began removing their clothing. Katara removing her shirt gave the okay for Azula to do the same.

“Can I?” Katara moved her hands to the back of Azula’s bra.

“Go ahead.” Thanks to years of experience, Katara undid the clasp with ease and tossed Azula’s bra to the side. One of her hands went behind Azula’s head for support and the other went to Azula’s chest.

“W-Wait.” Azula bit her lip to keep from groaning.

“What?” Katara sat back up, allowing Azula to use her free hands and remove her pants.

“Woah.” Katara whispered. She was beautiful.

A blush covered Azula’s face when she realized Katara wasn’t removing any other items of clothing, “Are-Are you okay with…us going there?” Azula asked, now suddenly feeling very self conscious and grabbing her shirt to put in front of her body.

Gently, Katara pushed her shirt away and kissed Azula, “Yes.”

Once again, the two girls were locked into kissing one another. Azula, having found Katara’s bra strap, also removed that and flung her bra to the floor. Katara’s pants weren’t far behind, leaving both woman completely naked.

“Ugh!” Katara moaned slightly when Azula pushed her body down so that she was under Katara’s chest, “God!” She bit her lip to keep from groaning too much, “Hey.” Azula pushed herself back up to be eye to eye with Katara.

“What?”

“I can’t let you do all the work.” The woman grinned, kissing Azula once more.

“Tell me if I should stop.” Katara whispered, moving her hands below Azula’s waist.

To anyone outside the apartment, it was probably very easy to guess what they were doing based on the sounds from inside, especially Azula’s groans, but neither woman could bring themselves to care or even think about the neighbor’s opinions.

“I’m guessing this is good.” Katara smirked, using her free hand to push herself up a bit and away from Azula’s lips.

Azula didn’t even respond, just pulled Katara back down to her as if the woman sitting up meant she was about to leave forever. Katara was sure though that she heard Azula moan ‘don’t stop’. After a minute, Azula forced herself to stop kissing Katara, only clinging to her as the woman kissed her neck.

"Can we...god...move this to the bedroom?" She asked, trying as hard as she could to force down her groans.

"Of course." Katara smiled.

Sometime later, both woman found themselves naked and breathing heavily in Katara's bed.

"If I had known this would happen, I would have come over months ago." Katara turned on her side to face Azula.

“You liked me that long ago?” She asked.

“Of course. I found you incredibly beautiful when I first came to your class but I suspected we could do anything because of university policy.” Azula said.

“You suspected correct.” Katara confirmed, “I could have been fired for dating a student.”

Azula winced, “Wow. Really great we didn’t get together then.” She said, “But I am really happy this happened. Are you okay…I mean was this good…I-I mean-“

Katara cut Azula off by kissing her, “I think you’re smart enough to figure out if I want to date you.” She grinned.

Azula smiled right back at Katara, “I’m sure I’ll get this question right.”

[sibyl-of-space]

oOOOOooohhhhhhhh i get it now. i have Identified the Problem that has caused the most recent amadeus-related crisis/spiral/whatever you want to call it.

there are 5-ish "roles" that i have taken on as a solo dev:

project manager

musician/sound director

programmer/implementation engineer

writer/narrative lead

artist/art director

and for each i THOUGHT i had figured out how to tackle them.

project management: I've had some experience managing collaborative projects (GBA collab album, mystery jam game), I also solicited advice from other indie devs I met at Seattle Indies Expo, and I *also* applied what I learned about how we manage projects in facilities at my day job using Asana and have applied that to Amadeus. I very consciously treated this as a skill to learn and taking that specific skill seriously has helped a lot.

music: ...I straight up went to grad school for this. I took like a billion units every semester so I could learn as much as possible about composition AND mixing/production. This is the one thing I actually have a strong background in. I have the skillset and I also have People I can ask for feedback and advice. The music is lowkey going to carry this whole project.

programming: I went into this knowing full well I have exactly One semester of Unity/C# under my belt and have no idea what I am doing. I have experience learning basic HTML and JavaScript and have reverse engineered most of Ghost Trick's code via ROMhacking, so I have a sort of janky skillset, but it's very amateur and I knew that. I have asked SO many questions to people who are more experienced. KNOWING that this is my weakest suit has let me ask for help when I need it, and also accept that even the most polished possible form of this game is still going to be jank as fuck. That's fine. My #vision will still come through.

writing: the whole reason I set aside an entire month to just focus on the Mystery Jam game was because I knew I needed more experience writing, and specifically writing mystery. I've spoiled the whole game to two different people who have writing experience in order to bounce ideas and get feedback. I've asked for workflow advice from a third person with writing experience. Identifying this as a weakness has helped me focus on improving it, and because of that I am really happy with where it's at right now.

Which leads us to....

...art.

My problem with art is that as of about 2 years ago, I was much more confident in my art than I was in basically anything else except music, because I have drawn stuff my whole life and have a shitload of informal practice at it. So I focused very heavily on the other stuff that was very obviously a weakness.

But, as we approach the final months of Go Time to finish the first episode... I'm like, hm, it turns out that the art and art direction of a visual novel are kind of important.

I *like* all of the assets I've drawn for the currently existing demo, but there are specific things about the overall look I don't quite like, and there is a specific metanarrative Thing that I have been trying to evoke with what I'm doing visually and I feel like sticking to that is at odds with making assets that look and "feel" right.

Basically I haven't really thought as much about art direction as I should have since finishing the demo because I kinda figured I could coast on the fact I consider myself a pretty good artist. I can make things that look Nice. But now that I've worked hard at my other areas of weaknesses, the fact I haven't really sat down with my art direction in the past 4-5 months is really starting to become obvious.

All this to say.

My "assignment" for this afternoon is to sit outside listening to all the tracks I've written (including new WIP ones no one but me has heard yet CUZ THEYRE AWESOME im SO excited about the new tracks im writing for this) and reading through my revised narrative with certain finalized plot points and concepts, and just sketching out visually what the game Should Look Like. I am almost certain I can still use the assets I've already drawn, like the sprites and backgrounds and icons and such, but I may edit them differently, or add to them, or otherwise change something about them. I just need to make some choices because I'm feeling stuck and I need to get un-stuck if I am going to finish this game AND I AM DETERMINED TO DO SO.

[therentyoupay]

Hellooo! Sending this ask purely because I need someone to kick my butt into writing gear :'D but how do you manage writing without getting bogged down with self-doubt? My brain has the tendency to cripple my creativity and then I convince myself that the writing is trash. Even though no one but me is reading it at the moment.

HELLO LOVELY! ✨ i'm so sorry it's been so long since you sent this ask; i've been bogged down with academia but i promise i have been pondering your ask for these past three months now!!

honestly, this semester i'm relying on a lot of similar strategies for overcoming self-doubt in my dissertation writing process right now that i used to experience with my fanfiction (and still occasionally do, but it was a lot more prevalent in my teenage years and early 20s). regardless of the genre and context, i totally get how self-doubt can sneak in and mess with your writing and creativity and the enjoyment of the process. here are some things i do, which i'm sure lots of people have shared before, but it probably bears repeating!!

re: "trash": first of all, even trash is good. trash is SOMETHING. trash means creation and some form of use. seriously, even if you hate what you write at first, IT IS SOMETHING. remember it is generally easier to edit (even if you delete it all later) something than to create from scratch, especially if a long time has passed and you've built up the task in your head. i say let yourself write without judgment for a set period (like 10-15 minutes). don’t worry about grammar, structure, or quality. just get out your thoughts in whatever stream of consciousness makes sense to you and bypass your inner critic. this is a skill that needs to be developed and honed through practice. second, if you're bad at bypassing the inner critic at first, name it and tell it to shut up ("be quiet, reginald"), and carry on. repeat until it's actually easy, and then reginald doesn't even talk that much anymore.

separate writing and editing: on that note, write first, edit later. trying to do both at the same time can kill creativity. write freely, knowing you can refine and improve your work later. on that that note, you can always take a break from writing one thing to go write another thing and then come back to it when your head is more clear and your eyes have freshened!

set small goals: break your writing task into smaller, manageable goals. i like to set word count goals OR "write for X minutes" OR "write Y scene(s)" goals. i do this with both my dissertation and my fanfiction and my non-fic book writing, depending on the day, the deadlines, and the vibes. remember that small wins can build momentum and confidence. another thing i like to do to loosen up and get back into the swing of things via small-goal-setting is to post baby drabbles and micro-fic on tumblr!

positive self-talk: watch your inner dialogue. swap negative thoughts ("this is terrible/trash/whatever") with positive ones ("this is a draft, and it’ll get better with revision"). this is a skill!!!! practice it!!!! related: your writing may be a reflection of you in many ways, but it is not you; writing garbage on an off day does not mean that you are garbage or that your writing is always garbage. separate the skills, performance/product, and person. (and remember: garbage is still something, and you can edit it later.)

create a routine, if you can: this one doesn't quite always work for me, to be honest, due to the nature of my workday, BUT, when I'm able to do things consistently, i do like to set up a regular writing routine! consistency can help reduce anxiety and make writing feel like a natural part of your day. when i was in grad school (the first time) and working i used to write while on my commute, every day, on my phone; those of you who were with me in 2015 remember the prolific sorcery of that year. 😂

seek feedback: share your work with a trusted friend, beta reader, fellow writer, etc. sometimes you don't want to unleash your writing to the full internet right away, and that's totally fine and normal, but you still want constructive feedback. find a friend who will beta!!! they can reassure you and point out areas you might not have noticed. (and receiving and incorporating feedback is its own skill worthy of its own post, but i shall leave it for now!!)

CELEBRATE progress: i'm so serious, recognize and celebrate your progress, no matter how small. enjoy each kudos!!! each like!! each posted fic! each drabble!! each reblog!!! each bookmark!!!! reward yourself for reaching milestones (1 kudos, 10 kudos, 10,000 kudos, 1 comment, 200 comments, 1 hit, 5 hits, 500 hits, 1 story posted, 12 stories posted) to reinforce positive behavior. 😉 basic applied behavioral analysis and behaviorist psych!! (remember: positive self-talk, setting small goals)

visualize success: i do this one all the time for basically everything in my life lol (teaching, public speaking, finishing my dissertation, book tours for my non-fic books, winning awards, finishing fics). close your eyes, and picture yourself finishing your writing project successfully. how does it feel? what do you see? who is there? how does it smell? what are you wearing? where are you? what do you hear? visualization can boost motivation and reduce fear of failure and can give you all sorts of goody feel-good chemicals. your brain literally can't tell what's real or not real sometimes, so give it something tangible to make the task feel like it's literally in your reach (because it is 😉). this is, interestingly enough, also an incredible boost for writing itself, haha.

clean something first: maybe this is just me, but clean your desk beforehand. 😂 or go to a café or something. new fresh space. but don't let yourself get distracted by that either!!

read for inspiration: read works by authors you admire to get inspired and remind yourself why you love writing. 🥰🥰🥰🥰🥰

WRITE. WRITE WRITE WRITE. WRITE LIKE THE WIND MY LOVE.

[coffeelovesdramasalatte]

LITA Ep 3 Rewatch Thoughts Pt. 2

Part 1 here!

Ok I am HERE for this encouragement - I love that Phayu is always supportive of Rain's academic talents

Apparently Rain is not immune to Phayu's pout either. Good, a relationship should be built on equality

pls observe this cutie omfg no wonder Phayu can't take his eyes off him

i genuinely feel like this shot did something to my brain chemistry. i kid you not one of my main goals in life is to have someone do this to me (by which I mean I want to be in Rain's position). I would also ignore homework and all my responsibilities if someone looked at and held me like that pls

P'Aon so true, Boss WAS smiling like an idiot (in love)

Poor Rain, these were famous last words :( (I too have uttered them many a time until I realized I am not a nap-taker)

ETHEREAL

Is this a rock cover of flight of the bumblebee playing in the background??? POOR RAIN HE STAYED UP ALL NIGHT TO DO THIS :((((

Ok but this is actually a very important lesson that I'm glad they included. It's true that Rain finished the work on time, but he also should have ensured he got enough sleep and made it to the presentation on time. He's still in his first year so he has a lot of time to grow. The actual important line is this one below.

It was a harsh way of phrasing it, but it's true. Setbacks are a very normal part of life and everyone makes "mistakes" (missing deadlines, not being able to finish a project, etc). I put that in quotes because sometimes, these things are at no fault of the person. It is possible to put 100% of your effort into finishing something and not get it done (which, aside from Rain's poor time management, he actually did put in a lot of effort to this project). Failing at something even after putting in a lot of hard work sucks, but being able to pick up after that and still work hard is what makes a person successful. I related extra hard to this scene because I failed a class in my major during my first year of college even though all I did was study, and it put me back a full year bc it's only offered certain semesters and was required to move forward in the degree. I took it again the following year and was smarter about how I studied and even still, I almost failed again. But I liked my major enough to keep at it and somehow still managed to graduate on time and now I'm in grad school, so... (that was an unnecessary story but to reiterate, failure is normal and ok)

AWW look at him putting on a facade for his friends... I think it's interesting that he doesn't confide in Sky here

but instead flies to the garage... Even I questioned this

P'Saifah is a good bro, calling Phayu immediately to come comfort his in-law. Phayu is good here too, immediately grabbing his things to come running

I think I speak for all of us when I say watching Phayu ride in the heavy rain was nerve-wracking bc we were expecting an accident or something

OK this scene. THIS SCENE. Utterly perfect in every way, from the moment concerned Phayu walks through the door to see a drenched, teary Rain waiting for him. Something blue-yellow is going on here too methinks

There's something so incredibly intimate about the way Phayu crouches down to Rain's level, and then beckons him into his arms. His words too are so gentle, and he just holds Rain as he cries.

As opposed to many other sweet scenes, this sequence + the one after Rain comes out of the bathroom is actually the one that makes me most jealous of PhayuRain. There is nothing more valuable than having someone you can fall apart into and trust that they'll hold the pieces of you together. And honestly, in the grand scheme of things Rain didn't mess up horribly - it feels monumental to him bc it's probably the first time he's missed a deadline. It's important that Phayu still treats the situation with the gravity of something more serious, bc it shows how much he cares. And after Rain has calmed down, he advises him on how to do better next time without sugarcoating, but also sharing that he experienced similar things during his days as a student.

I'mma need Rain to zip it bc he looks perfect, as usual

I really like the framing in this scene where he's looking into the mirror and then introspecting "why did I put up a front with other people and then cry in front of him? idk but I'm thankful" - he's reflecting mentally and physically!!!

Can't believe a drama is out here giving important life lessons but I'm here for it. I also like that Phayu shows a bit of vulnerability by sharing that he got criticized too, and that Rain will be able to recover from it.

HEADPAT x 2

This is another set of shots that altered my brain chemistry. Who taught them to look at each other like this, hm? Rain looks so vulnerable and Phayu might as well be cradling Rain's soul in his hands ft. headpat

The way Rain tilts his head up? Exquisite

I'd also feel very motivated if I was in Rain's place. Phayu actually makes another few interesting points here - he says what's done is done, and then tells Rain to not dwell on it and take care of himself. Interestingly enough (story time pt 2 you can skip if you want). I watched this scene very soon after I missed a paper submission deadline for a conference. It's not the biggest deal, especially because my professor knew it was a big ask to finish an entire research project in the timeline he gave me and he wasn't even remotely upset about it (long story short I only had 2 weeks notice to flesh out the idea, get the data, analyze the data, and write the research paper - but you can't really control how long things take you when you do research bc the point is that it hasn't been done before). So even though no one reprimanded me, I still felt really upset bc I had made up my mind that I was going to do this impossible task and couldn't. To hear Phayu's reminder that I can be upset but I shouldn't spend too long being sad to the point I neglect to take care of myself was honestly nice. It also helped to put things into perspective that yes, I couldn't submit to this particular conference, but there are so many that happen all the time so it's not like the research is wasted - just pull yourself together and try for the next one. Anyways, I'm done treating y'all like my personal diary now <3

Yay, Rain feels comforted and finally smiles! It's like seeing the sun after a storm (literally) AND something yellow-blue is happening here

Post-credits garage brothers content!! This exchange is hilarious bc P'Saifah goes 'ah [Rain] is in the palm of your hand' as Rain's leaving, but then the show makes it literal bc Phayu's holding a picture of Rain in his palm via the phone screen, which also signifies to the viewer that Phayu is also in the palm of Rain's hand. Again, we love relationships built on equality hehe

I love that they let us see the moment Phayu decided to pursue Rain (he's looking at the picture of Rain on his phone for the first time - though I do question why the senior just randomly sent him a photo of Rain? Like at this point Phayu is an alumni of the frat so why just send an isolated photo of a freshman to him?? we'll never know I guess)

And that's episode 3! If you made it this far, I hope at least some of this was entertaining! Have a lovely day or night, whenever you're reading this <3 See you in the next one!!

[chaotic-archaeologist]

hey reid, hope you don't mind if i come for some advice, i love your blog and it has motivated me to pursue my academic goals.

i'm currently in my first semester of my graduate program and while i like my peers, professors and everything i can't help but feel crushingly depressed and alone lol. i'm managing grad work fine (i think) but my advisor will check in on how i'm doing overall and i don't think i can really say i've mentally been in a bad place if it's even relevant to bring up. i don't want it to get to the point of it affecting my work, though i don't want to be dishonest.

Okay, so the good news and the bad news is that what you're experiencing is a totally normal part of grad school. Everyone goes through this to a certain degree. You've just moved to a new place and started a massively imposing endeavor—it makes sense that you're lonely and depressed. There's nothing wrong with you for feeling this way.

Also, you said it yourself: you're in your first semester of your graduate program! Nobody is expecting you to have done anything monumental yet. Walk before you try to run. If you can go to a conference and apply for some funding by the end of the year, I would call that a win.

I bet you're probably used to being in the top of your undergraduate classes, and now in grad school you're thrown in with a bunch of other people who were also overachievers. It's intimidating. There's the temptation to look around at your peers and feel inadequate. Do not let yourself do this. That way, madness lies. I guarantee you that everyone else around you is feeling a similar panic about what they haven't done.

I would actually encourage you to talk with your advisor. You don't have to open up about your feelings. Instead, frame it around what you hope to accomplish, and check to see if they think that's reasonable. Last year around this time (when I was in my first semester) I sat down my advisor and we sketched out a rough two year plan. That included what classes I was going to take each semester, how I would spend my time in the summer, and opportunities I wanted to go after. If that kind of structure might help you, definitely do something similar.

Now here's my one piece of absolutely critical advice: you must find something that affirms your sense of self your outside of school. For me, it's volunteering with Big Brothers Big Sisters. One of my friends takes dance classes. Another does community organizing. Cooking. Roller derby. Anything that you can enjoy. The benefits to these sorts of activities are twofold.

First, they give you something to feel good about even when you're struggling academically. If your whole life is tied up in one thing, it can feel like the end of the world when you hit a rough patch. Spread your eggs out into other baskets. This is a form of self care.

Second, these activities introduce you to other people. A big part of making friends is just showing up at the same place as other people, and continuing to spend time with them. Grad school makes that difficult, but I promise you, your life will be so much better if you carve out some time for yourself.

Doing things with other students is also good! I took a bunch of my cohort to hockey games last year, and I'm planning on doing the same thing again. It can be a craft night, or a potluck—whatever you want. Build up some camaraderie! You don't have to be best friends with your fellow students, but it helps to have a friendly face around the department.

The thing about grad school is that you gotta spark your own joy, otherwise it'll eat you alive. Pull your nose back from the grindstone, take a breath, and do something to remind yourself that the world is beautiful and life is worth living.

-Reid

[inkofamethyst]

March 25, 2024

(I forgot to hit post on March 23 but the content still applies)

daylist: funny scratch saturday afternoon (heavy rock, new age rock, indie rock, garage band)

The funniest thing about this particular playlist is that a song by lovejoy was selected for it. I didn't know wilbur's band was called lovejoy until just a few days ago and have never listened to any of his music because I'm generally weird about new music lol. Anyway I'm putting myself out there these days and was jamming to the song pretty hard unconsciously. Then I momentarily paid attention to the accent, recognized the voice, and confirmed the band name. UGH a shame because the sound is actually kinda decent.

ChatGPT is wild actually. Like it's such an effective tool. I went to a presentation on it last semester which opened my eyes (and minimized my fear) on how it can be effectively used. Recognizing that anything it puts out is merely a solid form of the roughest draft is the most important thing, I think. And I can't personally just copy/paste the answers because I was taught to double space after a sentence by my father despite that no longer being recommended practice (it apparently makes my text look like a 50-year old lol). And then I've started using it (specifically, the free four questions on Bing Copilot Creative Mode hehe) to help teach me about coding and stuff which has been really cool (though there are some quirks about going from a python script to a web app directly which might make it harder to create exactly what I'm envisioning (harder, but not necessarily impossible)).

My sister is having a bit of an issue with being compared to me by strangers after they learn about me being in grad school. The whole "oh wow, how will you ever live up to that!" routine. And I think people just aren't thinking when they say stuff like that (I've actually been on the receiving end once when the person thought I was my sister and I was immediately confused (because why??? would you say something like that to anyone) then ready to throw down (because my sister excels in her own right, and even if she didn't, it'd be rude to say so!!!)). Like they don't realize how it feels to be told that frequently, even if it is a joke. It's barely been half a year, and she's already fed up and so am I. I'm trying to come up with responses she can give to people to make them reflect, but I'm not witty enough to get through my frustration that she has to experience this in the first place. So.

Today I'm thankful to have living grandparents. I'm thankful to know them, to have known them, I'm thankful to have descended from them. I'm thankful to have descended from a line of people who would see something they wanted and would stop at nothing to become the best there is at what they do. I'm thankful that their work ethic, their pride, their stubbornness, their empathy flows in my veins.

[whoiskt]

Grad School Q2 - Week 1

I might seem late with this but I had the day off from school for the holiday so it's technically my Sunday.

I don't have a lot to show. You think by the time you get to a graduate education you'd be past "syllabus day" but no, it never ends. I spent most of my first week writing. But, I want to start sharing some of my writing sometimes, so I'm going to include an excerpt.

Because of that this is a longer post than usual so.......

For one class we are doing a project over the course of the quarter that is a 6-8 page comic. My problem is that metric means nothing to me because my brain doesn't think in comic pages? I don't know how much of a story 6 pages is like I would if it was a written movie/TV script. I wrote out that script, here's an excerpt:

EXT. ABANDONED BARN - DAY An extremely run-down looking barn stands abandoned in a field off the side of a road, surrounded by trees on an overcast day. Pieces of the wood siding have fallen to the ground. NARRATOR (V.O.) They say that the barn off highway 10 is haunted. On the side of the highway, an OLD MAN has pulled off the road and has his hazard lights on. He looks disgruntled at whatever car problems he’s having, but for some reason looks up at the barn. NARRATOR (V.O.) Some people have seen the ghost of the farmer’s dead son, Tolko, running in and out of the barn. The old man suddenly notices the small figure of a child darting into the barn from the crop of trees nearby. The old man looks around for any signs of other people, but there’s nothing, just the busy highway. Concerned, he makes his way into the field toward the barn.

That is roughly half a page of a script. I have thumbnailed that out and that translates to a grand total of 4 panels. The total script is 4.5 pages, which if I generously extrapolate that means this should be about 36 panels, but there's a bit of chatter in the middle which makes me think I can get it down to my ACTUAL goal, which is 30.

My professor was like, "You want to do 30 storyboards with backgrounds and color? That's a lot of work, you know?" and I was like, TELL ME WHY ONE OF MY PROFESSORS MADE ME DO THAT IN LESS THAN 3 WEEKS LAST SEMESTER THEN? I literally did 28 detailed boards in full grayscale in 2.5 weeks for ONE CLASS. Doing that here again (I'm going with monotone colors this time) in 9 weeks seems easy.

Storyboards aren't usually environmentally focused, so I guess making my goal for this semester to be background focused was counter-intuitive. But, I want to get better at backgrounds, goddammit! So, I guess I'm breaking all the rules with this one.

Personally, I've been working on editing some LV scripts which has come along great. Especially considered my first draft of one of these scripts was probably about 60 pages long (this is supposed to be a half hour of TV 💀) and I have edited all the way down to 35 pages. Still needs work but MUCH better, lol.

I am finally going to do the character outfit concepts like I have been wanting to do. I'll leave you with an extremely sketchy example featuring Morse because I was excited to visualize his flashback appearance. (Showing off his ribcage, scandalous!)

[chronal-anomaly]

Okay hi some irl stuff below

I've been lurking for a little while while I get my head screwed back on straight. It has been a WEEK.

So on Easter, I was driving across the state heading back to school when my truck started shaking, making a horrible racket and the check engine light came on. Now, it's an old truck ('03 ford ranger), so it's not the first time this has happened. I managed to limp it to a local auto shop that was open, they read the codes, and spat back error in the cylinder. At first, I believed it to be a simple fix, likely the coil pack or the spark plugs I replaced last summer failed, no biggie.

Unfortunately, it was catastrophic engine failure. The truck's totaled.

Which is too bad, because that truck has been closer than some of my family these past 6 years. I've personally rebuilt a lot of it - it's what got me interested in working on cars. It's taken me across the state, into other states, through 2 years of high school, 4 years of undergrad, and a year of grad school. With 250k miles on it, I wish I could say I was surprised, but she was a good old beast. There's potential for fixing it, but it depends on how much time, energy and money I want to put into doing a total 1-1 motor swap on it. Not the point, but it's a potential.

That then snowballed into a dozen of other bad days. I was borrowing a car for the time being ( again, being 300 miles away from any family or loved ones, I needed a car ), that then was towed because I didn't have a parking pass on it for one night. I had a lamp crash down on my head and shatter glass everywhere. I have exams, and final projects, and patient discharge reports. Pretty much everything that could have gone wrong this past week, did.

The good new is, life is starting to finally stable out. My exams are next week, then I have a week off before the summer semester starts. I landed my fall internship. My research projects are starting to take off. And I'm about to make it through my first year of grad school!!!

Anyway, my point of writing this is to kinda screw my head back on straight, and provide little updates about where I've been. Ultimately, I'm safe, my loved ones are safe, and I had to say goodbye to a good, good car. It seems silly to be emotional over a car, but I am, and it's been a weird mourning process. Giving myself lots of grace lately. I may consider doing writing commissions to help pay for towing/auto shops/literally everything else, so keep an eye out for that.

Love you all. Take care of yourself. I'll be around a little bit here and on discord, come chat with me about your muse and your day.

[shig-a-shig-ah]

so um… ghul… I need advice (if you can give it)?

So you’re a college professor right? Well, for a while now I’ve really been thinking about going back to school (I’m 25, by the way) because I’d also like to become a college professor, ideally in creative writing/something in the writing field.

So I was wondering if there was any advice/warnings/general information you might be able to share that you think would be useful.

You don’t need to spend too much time answering. I don’t want to inconvenience you. But I could just really use any words of wisdom since this is something I really really want but am scared I’ll be blindsided by something (I did a little college back when I was 18 but ended up having to leave due to personal reasons, so I have some experience on what to expect, but not a ton).

Anyway, hope you’re having a good night.

Hi! Always happy to give advice and warnings about the dumpster fire that is academia, so I definitely don't mind the question or feel inconvenienced. I should clarify though that I'm a PhD candidate, not an actual professor--so basically, I'm a very advanced graduate student who teaches instead of taking classes. But, being a professor is the goal and I'm pretty well versed in the ups and downs of pursuing an academic job.

And I have warnings. So many warnings!

The first thing to consider is just the amount of time it takes to become a professor. While you can get some jobs with only a Master's degree, they're few and far between, and especially precarious. For anything secure, you basically have to have a PhD. That means 4-5 years of undergrad, assuming you're starting basically from scratch, and then at least another five years for the doctoral degree. Keep in my mind that most people take longer than that to finish a PhD, too--I'm in my eighth year of grad school (sixth year in my actual program because I did a master's beforehand), and the average time to degree for my department is seven years. I know people who took ten. I may take ten!

Second, the academic job market is terrible. In many, many ways. There are basically two options--tenure track and adjunct. Tenure track pays better, comes with stability, and is probably what most people think of when they think of being a professor. Adjunct positions are short-term teaching contracts that only last for a semester, and often pay worse. (Imagine cobbling together a full-time job by teaching multiple classes a couple universities to make $30k a year with few benefits, if you're lucky).

Tenure track jobs have more stability, benefits, etc., but are also really fucking competitive. It's not unusual to have hundreds of applicants for one position, and even then it likely still won't pay as much as most other jobs requiring that level of education. On top of that, you generally have to also hustle to public papers, present at conferences, etc., just to be competitive for these jobs. And, as a bonus, it's almost guaranteed that you'll have to relocate to find a position, so you could easily find yourself moving to Arkansas to make $45k a year after a decade of schooling. Things are especially competitive and underpaid in the humanities, like writing-related fields, too.

Now, it's not like it could hurt to pursue it as an option, but going back to undergrad just for that being the goal is maybe not the best idea; it's definitely better to go in with a few possible paths in mind. Because it's a big time commitment for very little guaranteed payoff, and that's without even considering that just getting through grad school is fucking hard, and pretty much guaranteed to leave you with a lot of debt unless you have a partner to financially support you. And there are things that are great about it--you get a lot of autonomy, and I really love teaching so I have a great time--but I also pretty much agree with the advice I was given before starting, which was: if you can picture yourself doing anything else, do that instead.

[therealgothambychelsealauren]

Chapter IX: There's No Alfred Pennyworth At This Wayne Manor

I remember earlier in the semester I had written about how I was anxious about living with two white nuns in a building purposed for organizations built on White Saviorism initiatives. Now, almost 2 months later, the historical white saviorism haunting the floorboards is the least of my concerns with that house.

The primary distinction between me and Batman is our financial circumstances. According to the logic within Batman comic book lore, my upbringing in poverty and inherent resentment towards the insanely rich should have put me on a path more similar to the fates of the Joker or Catwoman than that of the Dark Knight - after all, it's Bruce Wayne's immense wealth that affords him the opportunity to be Batman in the first place. Despite lacking wealth comparable to Bruce Wayne's, I've always been led by the conviction of the Dark Knight to avenge my past and to protect those neglected by the system through means that gangsters and police cannot (they're really not that dissimilar). I didn't let my low-income first-generation college grad status keep me from getting into law school, and I don't plan to let my current (because we're manifesting the breakage of generational curses) lack of generational wealth keep me from pursuing a career in this work of vigilante justice.

I'll admit though, this work would be a bit easier if I could shower in my own house like Bruce Wayne can.

Since moving into The House, a lot has occurred to make my current circumstances feel like what I've dubbed "high-end homelessness." The shower is out, I am not permitted to use the fridge or freezer, my bed has a severe dent in it that I try to stabilize by placing my suitcase under it, and the wifi is out. Though thankfully I can afford a gym membership to shower and there are community fridges available for student use at school, it's a complicated lifestyle to live. Not to mention the immense shame that comes with it.

Growing up, my family and I moved frequently because we were unable to afford any place long term. We stayed at motels and with neighbors/grandma/on-again-off-again baby daddy #3 in spurts when we could avoid homeless shelters. We showered at the YMCA and used "one-day passes" at local gyms when we hit our 3-day limit to shower at the Y. I remember feeling so embarrassed in school when my classmates would point out how I smelled (they didn't know our water had been cut off for 3 days) or how I scarfed down school food like a cartoonish fat person (they had no idea we were on our last bag of ramen at the house). This boy I liked, the goalie for the varsity soccer team, was given a car when he turned 16 and a house when he dropped out of college at 19. I did everything I could to hide my poverty from him and pretended like I was in his same tax bracket because to me (and my mother, who refused to go to soup kitchens where my classmates' parents volunteered) it was more important to preserve our pride than provide our survival.

So in contrast to my childhood, I should be thankful for my circumstances now despite the challenges - and I am! But the shame and embarrassment I felt when students came into the community room and watched me pull out a whole bag of groceries from the fridge to make a sandwich stung similarly to the shame I felt in middle school when classmates saw me at the Y with a towel and shower shoes.

And my own current circumstance makes me wonder about those who aren't as fortunate as I am right now; I mean yeah, it sucks that I can't shower where I live and that I can't cook affordable meals I enjoy eating (not to mention how much of my time/sleep I'm losing traveling between the gym, school, and The House and staying on campus til 1am to have the wifi I need to get school work done). But I've dubbed this circumstance as "high-end homelessness" for a reason; I can afford the gym membership and thus afford myself the privilege of no one wondering if I'm there because I need a place to shower or if I'm just a gym girlie who happens to shower after each work out. I have a safe place to sleep where I don't have to worry about who I'm sharing the bathroom with. I don't have to pay for a monthly storage unit to keep my possessions.

So what about those who don't have these privileges? I couldn't imagine going to law school while being homeless - I mean shit I'm doing it and my circumstances are most oddly fortunate compared to what it could otherwise be like. I couldn't imagine trying to sleep in a homeless shelter with strangers before going to school each day. I don't know what I'd do for food if I didn't have excess student loans or a credit card or even a locker to keep snacks in.

[mangodestroyer]

You know what? I'm kind of glad that there are some branches of math that aren't so heavy when it comes to Calculus.

Personally, I'm okay with Calculus. I mean, I do sometimes hate integrals, but I also love them, when it comes to finding volume, area, distance, displacement, etc. of some weird ass shit (I used to always wonder how people measured the areas and volumes of wonky ass shapes when I was a kid and I'm happy to now know one of the methods).

I also love sequences (even if I'm still learning about them and don't have them down). I like derivatives and limits. I hate partial differentiation problems because looking at them causes me anxiety and ig I just need to get over it and figure them out already. I think the stuff we're going to learn about in Calculus three next semester looks a lot more interesting than the first two courses.

But if college level math was ONLY calculus? I wouldn't be a math major. And I 100% understand why some people end up switching out of STEM when they encounter Calculus.

So far, I like linear algebra a lot more. For some reason, I had to do the first eight weeks of my calc II class before I was allowed to do the accelerated linear algebra class. And I'm five weeks in and... where's the calculus? Idk, but I like this course a lot more than calc. I remember in my History of Math class liking the concepts involving sequences, number theory, and algorithms a lot too. I also like geometry. I've liked algebraic topology ever since hs. I also like the idea of modeling mathematics.

I've had Game theory and Graph theory recommended to me as possible areas of study. Ofc, I'm still brain storming what I should do in grad school, and I'm finding it reassuring that some branches of math seem to be sticking with me. And I mean for long periods of time too. Others, unfortunately, haven't stuck so well. And yeah, I do get hung up on it. I want to have a strong foundation in math and constantly feel like I don't know nearly enough. In all fairness, I probably don't. Idk, I get good grades in the courses but I feel like there's something deeper to understand about all this that I'm just missing. And I don't actually understand all of it. Yet, so far, it's the only major I've tried where I felt like I belonged. Idk why, but with everything else, I felt out of place, couldn't get into the material as much, and I felt like people kind of knew it wasn't for me. I mean, during labs and such, I would kind of look like a dumbass. But with math discussions and essays, I feel more competent.

Ig pure math just ended up being more of my thing. Applied sciences, maybe not so much.

And I really do wish I was pushed to do more math when I was younger. I literally BEGGED my school to let me go further with it. I was always so bored in math class because I'd get everything immediately and be done with the work long before everyone else. But I felt kind of discouraged that they wouldn't let me. I remember not taking school that seriously as a kid. I got good grades still, but could have easily gotten a perfect GPA. I fucked around with standardized testing/never bothered to get good at it when I easily could have. Still got decent test scores in the end. Never studied for tests all that much either. I had to LEARN how to study in college.

Did anyone else feel dissatisfied with grade school? I think it didn't help that I was neurodivergent and had communication issues. And possibly issues with my attention span that went unnoticed (I'm AFAB). I just had no idea what to do with life because quite frankly, I found school discouraging and boring and the world didn't make sense to me.

Idk, this went off topic, but ig I'm trying to say that I'm still finding myself. And considering paths I didn't even know existed until very recently. I think being neurodivegent complicates things a lot because I'm really not on the same wavelength as a lot of people. My brain is different and I learn very differently from a lot of other people.

And in the adult world, this can be a little isolating. I think that's one reason I need to go back on campus for grad school and start talking to other people in my field more. I understand human interaction a lot better than I did as a child (I was borderline non-verbal, and kind of by choice). I can kind of mirror it now and wing it at times? Other times, if I'm, say, tired, I just don't care to mask as much. But I hear lots of mathematicians were really weird, so maybe I'll find some people in grad school who will get me more.

[raynerwilde-kjrp]

Character Info

Name: Rowan William Palmer

Alias: Rayner Wilde

Affiliation: Killjoys Better Living Industries

Age: 24

Gender: male

Pronouns: He/him

Looks: 5′7″ tall, curly dark brown hair, brown eyes, often seen wearing dark clothes and goggles, sinewy frame, often slouches.

Language: Old English, Middle English, Early Modern English, Modern English, Spanish

Interests: Reading, writing, chemistry, badminton

Backstory: Coming from a family of wealth and entrepreneurship, Rowan achieved his double-major BA with First-Class honours in English and Chemistry, with two Master's in English literature and Experimental Chemistry. His English thesis, focusing on the close connection of sound and literary form, was well received by the city’s university. Now in his second year of his PhD for Romanticist and Gothic literature, Rowan continues to excel in academia in literary studies.

                  Update: Palmer has abandoned academia for the zones, see file RWP-3473 for reward for his capture and re-education negotiated by family in [ERROR]

Note: Watch for signs of burnout and fatigue as his advisor has noted these changes in previous semesters.

Mod:

Name's K but I mainly go by Crylock! She/her or they/them I'm not picky :) Please note that I am over 21 so only interact if you are 16+. My writing tends to focus on speculative fiction and posthumanist fiction since that's what I focused on in my graduate years, but I am open to writing any genre or format other than smut.

Book and history nerd extraordinare. I also do @cybershadow @phant0mspades and @bli-jason-melwas

You can literally message me anytime about just about anything.

Rules:

- I’m not comfortable doing smut. Do not ask.

- If you want to make a plot or send an ask that involves my characters, ask or let me know first. Do not rewrite my arcs or characters or copy my arcs or characters. I will block you if you do.  

- I can write starters either as a post or as an ask. Just let me know if you want me to and if you have a preference.

- I can’t believe I have to write this one. Don’t talk behind my back or backstab me or any of that. I’m here to have fun and improve my writing, not deal with drama and bullshit. That’s an automatic block if I catch you.  

- Be patient, please. I have severe anxiety and suffer from health issues that are currently being monitored with a heavy dose of medication. If I ask/say/clarify something that seems redundant, please work with me because I’m probably having an off day.

Please Note: Rowan is tired and worn-down. He faces extreme familial pressure to seek a high education and has really been forced into doing things and going higher as an academic. Does he want to? He hasn’t figured that out. He will get irritable at times and sometimes will ramble about literary theory and oddly specific topics that he studies (sound as literature, posthumanism, and Romanticism). This blog will highlight the positives and negatives of academia, and how it is both a pathway to further learning but also exploitive of new ideas and young graduate students. Everything here is inspired by my own experiences in grad school, and it should be considered only one experience among many. Do not take this blog as discouragement from pursuing academia if that is what you want to do; Rowan’s experiences, along with mine, are not the truth for everyone.

[londonmusicreview]

ALBUM OF THE YEAR PICK:

"BLUE REV" BY ALVVAYS

The last time I wrote about Alvvays was in the fall of 2017; I was a Junior in College and they had just released their second album. I was working at the student radio station and wrote a piece for their website. I'm a little out of practice on music writing, but I figure it's mostly just for me anyway. A way to remember who I am at this moment and why my favorite band in my twenties is this one.

I first heard them at the radio station, after my show one night, and was immediately captured. I ran back into the studio to turn up the song and write down some of the lyrics so I could look it up later. It was, unsurprisingly, 'Archie, Marry Me'; their debut single and one of the most listened to in their repertoire. Any fan of indie/alt pop is no stranger to this tune but at the time it was new to me, and I had never heard anything like it before. It felt like a moment out of a film and I was right at the center listening with every fiber; soaking it in. So many times I had felt out-of-place and unsure of where I fit but right then, listening to that song, I felt like someone who was right where they were supposed to be. That was Spring of 2016, and I was 18.

The very next year they released their sophomore album, 'Antisocialites', and I wrote about it having "something tangible, something that makes you want to go on living this life as freely and wildly as possible, with as much feeling as one can muster" (from https://kure.stuorg.iastate.edu/antisocialites-by-alvvays/). I was very emotional because for the first time in my life I had a group of friends and I wasn't used to that much love; I remember feeling it pour over me at times and being overwhelmed by it. The night the album came out was one of those moments; "it was midnight, 'Antisocialites' had just dropped, and I was listening to it alone in my room. It so perfectly captured everything I had wanted it to. I felt that I needed to share it" with people who would get it, and as if on cue "some of my friends walked through the front door". They had all been out to the bars and I couldn't go because I wasn't yet 21; I'd been feeling a bit down about it before I remembered Alvvays' new album was coming out. When they arrived, I had just finished listening to it through a second time, and "we jumped up and down in the hallway". The songs off that album were on every party playlist for the rest of the semester and into the next.

I got lucky, discovering my favourite band and them releasing another album just 18 months later. It was perfect for college; linking up with the moments I wanted to celebrate and remember, for the most part anyway. There was a time during the last year and a half of college when I didn't want to remember how I felt; so I stopped listening. I didn't listen to them for years; from 2019, when I graduated, all through grad school and into my living back at home phase at 23. I couldn't listen because it reminded me so viscerally of heartache and at the time I thought that was the worst there was to feel. Soon after my 24th birthday I learned that was not true. Loss is a different kind of heartache; it isn't about not being good enough for someone, it's not about you at all. There is just nothing there, they're just gone, and along with them everything you admired and wanted to say. This is the worst thing a person can feel; the absence of someone. Nothing makes it stop hurting, but time acts as a buffer.

A year passed and another birthday, I'm 25 now and still living at home. I'm ready to leave, now that I'm feeling a little better. I made friends at the office that I get to see every day and I'm getting back to that feeling I had at the radio station; of belonging and fullness. I miss home though, the place I've always felt the most me; I'm moving back up there in February, to be closer to my college friends and settle in the area I've wanted to live in for years. Another big transition and finally a time I do want to remember again, a time when I'm getting back to myself. And just like that…

'Blue Rev' finally dropped in October; I'd been waiting with bated breath ever since 'Pharmacist' came out earlier this year, and it did not disappoint. I can't believe I'm saying this because I never thought they'd actually outdo their first two albums, but this is my favorite Alvvays album yet. It is literal perfection and there isn't a bad track on it. They have put out three perfect albums though and I always get this excited, so maybe I'm just biased in the moment and will feel like they are more even later on. It might just be the newness of it, but I honestly don't think so. I think they have been honing their craft, taking their time on this one, even more than the others, and waiting to put it out until they were ready. It always shows, the care these musicians put into their music, and the truth they write about. Their songs are from the heart and they speak to yours. That is why Alvvays is and will always be the soundtrack to my twenties, and maybe thirties and forties, and so on.

Promise me you will give it a chance and I promise you it won't disappoint: Blue Rev

https://www.instagram.com/alvvaysband/