#i'm always so glad to interact with you
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deep-space-lines · 29 days ago
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can't wait til I start this stupid job so I won't have to be doing commissions all the fucking time to buy groceries, this shut sucks the joy out of art so much. I wanna be drawing ultrakill stuff & personal art & doing crafts & reading books but every time I sit down to do something for me I'm thinking about the fact that I should be doing commissions. I'm so glad I didn't go into art as an actual career, I would hate myself so much forever
#i just want art to be able to be a hobby again aaaaa#i can talk about it here bc nobody who's commissioning me knows this is my blog. ive gotten like 2 commissions off tumblr ever lmfao#and tbh i am tired of pretending to be enthusiastic about drawing other peoples ocs. im so tired of customer service voice#im not gonna lie most of the time i do not care about your blorbo. i'm glad you're having fun im happy for u but i just need money#im happy you like my art enough to pay for it but im so TIRED#being self employed sucks like yeah i can choose my own hours but im also always thinking 'i could be working now' and i HATE IT#i don't wanna make it sound like i'm gonna starve or anything I can ask my parents for money if i really need to#im not like in genuine poverty or the biggest victim of capitalism here i just have a family that's deeply unpleasant to interact with#but im starting a half-time job at the university physics department at the end of the month and that'll be enough to cover Being Alive!!!#and will also hopefully be something i am genuinely interested in & enjoy with people who seem relatively cool#(they're gonna let me into the machine shop!! im gonna get to build things!! they were genuinely interested in my robotics experience!!)#so once art stops being the Thing Temporarily Feeding Me i'm hoping i'll be able to draw more fun stuff again. & maybe even enjoy comms#it's somehow easier to be enthusiastic about commissions when i know the money will be going to buy a Cool Sword instead of food
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silkjade · 6 months ago
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i haven’t been here much recently, and i’m sorry i’ve only been negative on the off chance i’ve been online, but let me just say one last piece before the end of this month, so that maybe the next might be better….
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#or ​maybe my time here ends w this month…i’m not sure i guess it all depends on how i feel but as of right now#everytime i think i'm fine i open tumblr and immediately am sad again the whole app has become my doomscroll at this point#i got a notification on a random talking post from a while ago and it felt like reading the words of a completely different person#lately i find it difficult to find any joy here at all when it always feels so lonely… a type of loneliness i’ve never experienced before#everyone always has ppl interacting w them who are interested in their stuff or are always sent things that are reminiscent of them....#i’m always praised for remembering stuff abt other ppl but i wonder if anyone remembers anything abt me#what is it about me that is so forgettable am i dull am i uninteresting did i not solidify myself enough do you guys just not like me lolz#but i don't want this to come across as guilt tripping or being ungrateful to what i do have because ik comparison is the death of joy but#it's still hard to watch when it's so in your face and it makes me think if ppl only talk to me because they feel obligated to#because anyone can say empty words.... i wish my perception of things didn't turn bitter i wish i hadn't become so jaded but#over and over i've felt irrelevant cast aside overshadowed and i cannot exist in a place where i feel like i'm a ghost in the corner#idk i've never felt like This before and i'm at least glad it's something i can walk away from by just....leaving...#sad that this used to be somewhere i can run away To but now it's become somewhere i want to run away From#i don't know...even if i get over whatever this is...things will never be the same for me... i just don't think i belong here#if only i had never made this blog then i would have saved myself a world of turmoil
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icewindandboringhorror · 3 months ago
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"We can get through this by working together, reach out to your friends, community is all we have, a social network will be your security in the world, now is the time to lean on others!"
I do agree, and it's scientifically sound (pretty sure there is data about how people with better social networks live longer and etc) but also....augh..... what about the severe social issues, difficulty to leave the house, physical issues which lead to like zero socialization energy a majority of the time, etc. etc. Social support can be a replacement for structural support, but.. I guess I just wish it didn't have to be. Community is extremely difficult to build, even moreso if you're someone who has issues with social cues or group conversations or even just being around others in the first place. And blah, nuance, of course I'm just complaining or maybe being too negative or maybe misunderstanding, but, I hardly have the energy to brush my hair once every 2 months.. how am I supposed to maintain a wide social network and be active in a Community and Join Groups lol... sometimes it kind of feels like "er.. well if thats my only option then...... ruh roh". It's overwhelming
#Kind of like some post I saw a long time ago talking about how even the meanest shittiest most difficult to get along with#elderly people or whaever still deserve to have some sort of systems in place to support them so they're not just relying on the#grace of relatives or etc. who may not be able to deal with them. Not saying that I'm like mean and cruel or anything#but the fact of the matter is in most social situations either I am compromising or the other person is. Not in like an ~`ouuu im so weirdd#nobody willever understand my quirky swagg hee heee~' way but like a.. Just factually the things that make me happy and comfortable#are often incompatible with people. The way I communicate and process things is different from the way other people do and that#is always a barrier. I cannot have ''easy''' interactions. Even with 'understanding' people there is nearly always a significant#amount of effort. You can't walk into a group of people and then be like ''okay you guys all have to wear#masks and you also cant play music too loud and also we should communicate turns of speaking very clearly so group conversations#arent too stressful. and also i need this and that and we have to do this and that and '' etc. etc. You CAN. And some people will#go along with that. but they will ALWAYS secretly resent you for it. You will be the one person they're relieved to not have to be around.#theyre glad when you dont show up since they can go back to doing things however they want and not masking and all these boring#annoying things. OR you can say none of that and just deal with the loud music and the talking and the unmasked people. but then#YOU'RE compromising. and no matter how nice they are it's exhausting to be around and youre just further alienated#while in the presence of people and uncofmrtoabel the whole time.#Which I'm not saying the only form of community is a group setting specificially but just giving that as an example lol#I just wish there were a better option than ''well learn to socialize normally or just suffer then'' . Which I know is not what people are#saying. I guess I just always feel a bit scared when 'community is the answer'. Since its not like 'oh im just socially anxious and need to#get out of my shell~!' or something thats really that remedy-able. It's like.. my mostly unchangeable physical health issues combined#with the mostly unchangable literal way that my brain processes sensory informationand other things means that interacting with#others in a normal and easy way is incredibly difficult and often exhausting especially to maintain in any longform fashion. So then#when it's like ''the answer to staying safe is to maintain longform social connections!! :3 just reach out!!'' then.. ermm... O_O#also I'm not even one of the cutesy shy emotional hermits that's nervous. I'm the Bad Stereotype emotionless robotic cold seeming#looms in the corner of the room type of thing so people have less pity on you in that way. -_- ANYWAY gghj#I need like.. a designated social representative or something.. When I did work in that bookshop forever ago they gave me a#person who basically was just with me to help communicate with others on my behalf and supervise me and stuff. I need that.. Some#more extraverted person I can latch onto and they can maintain the Social Support Network for me and I can just be their +1 to all#of the Social Things and community. I have helpful skills I can contribute to other people and stuff it's just like.. I cant socialize lol#I cook food or something for you.. then you keep me in contact with Community.. a deal. (but then what about when I'm too sick to#contribute? as is often the case. there's not much place for people like me in communities sometimes i fear.. sigh.) ***
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meloartist · 8 months ago
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Yeah, I also want to see 2 season, especially Destiny and my favorite Delirium, but I'm also curius who will play Remiel and Duma.
[i think this ask was pre-s2 announcement bc 2022 but YEAH]
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i'm a HUUUUUUUUUGE duma stan you dont even KNOW
#sandman#the sandman#duma#asks#answers#continuing my trend of answering asks from 2022#anyway im on my duma sign language train#i consider duma's domain to be the *concept* of silence. like as an audio phenomenon. that doesnt mean he cant talk!!#i'm glad that in the lucifer comics they respect him and usually seem to be able to understand him without oral speech#potentially bc (per canon) he *can* mentally project what he wants people to know#but i think they missed an opportunity to actually have duma tell lucifer in *words* that he is both deeply loved And a little bitch#like creatures like lucifer know every language so????#(also. signed angel conlang anyone??? with WINGS???)#(actually i think that's impractical since it needs to be usable during flight. but having different forms is also awesome.)#lucking out on this that the sign for me too/same seems to be the same in asl & bsl#ultimately i don't think that duma should need to speak a human signed language at all -- but for clarity idk which to pick you know?#considering that this is an english-speaking comic with a british writer with a largely american audience#*probably* asl bc i am american and don't want to mix myself up but#anyway if you are a native speaker of asl. if i ever do more comics with duma and others i Will need help#i know a few asl words but i do Not have a good grasp of grammar#so please feel free to correct or suggest or dm me idk !! i really want to interact w the d/Deaf community more#always open to language critique#and i kind of would love help designing angel sign conlang. bc the concept of duma giving lucifer a name sign lives in my head forever#fwiw i'm fully on the duma/lucifer qpp train by the way. like duma has been PINING.
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datastate · 6 months ago
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i keep finding reminders of how i used to act/type a few years ago and i shrivel up. and die.
#i am so so so glad that i'm still on friendly terms with a lot of you guys because i am not a strong enough person#if i was interacting with someone like my past self i think i'd keep a long distance before gently closing the door#drags my hands down my face. the masking was so much. too much.#i stumbled across drawings from 2016 or so and a lot of it was based on memes my friend* at the time liked#which i vividly recall thinking 'this seems really weird. but i think it'll make them laugh!' which. in fairness. it did#but i'm just not & have never been the sort of person who is wholly comfortable acting like that anyway#it always felt off. but i'd lean into it because it's all i really knew people expected of me & i was scared of making a jarring change#which. in a sense. losing my ''best friend*'' & primary discord server at the time somewhat helped w that transition period#into. well. what i am today!#i like to think i'm still silly enough but in a more authentic way to myself & my own humor...#it feels a lot more real - the ways in which i put myself out there. i don't have the weight of feeling like i 'must' close myself off#i get to be open. whether it's here or among friends. i feel more genuine and - ironically - alive; for better and for worse i suppose#jestersvaguely#*the same person. not very good for a multitude of reasons + they were twice my age at the time#which isn't inherently a bad thing to be clear. but combined w a lot of behavior they facilitated + topics of conversation it's... well.#but i digress#i'm glad that things have improved - generally speaking :]
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odatelier · 3 months ago
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How do you write smut so perfectly? I would like some tips! Your scenarios are insane. They’re so vivid that I can visualize them in my mind.
i guess i'm no better than a man sometimes 😭😭 when i have to write, the first thing i do is think of a trope and then think of the quickest way i can get both characters to fuck 🫣🫠💀 everything after that is a blur, and since my aroace ass has no idea how sex actually works, 🤡 i just watch porn for a few hours and look for visuals i like and i think you guys will like as well 😭😭😭 (should i drop nsfw links ?? 😭) i try to keep things as realistic and detail everything so you guys can enjoy it so i really hope i'm doing a good job 🥺🥹🥹 anyway thank you so so sossosooso much for reading my work and taking the time out to send me an ask that made my dayyy !!! love and hugs to you bbg <3
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kimtaegis · 10 months ago
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I completely agree with previous anon, who told you about not being comfortable rebloging posts tagged with your friends and dedicated to them. I don't feel comfortable rebloging these posts either. And there are always the same people being tagged in this posts. If it would say not 'for' but 'inspired by', for example, maybe it would be better. But for now, all these posts are getting some tumblr users outside of your friends' circle further away from rebloging such content.
hm, it’s a shame. I can’t say that I comprehend that because I’m really just happy to see others still post. and it makes sense that it’s always the same people, namely the ones who still enthusiastically reblog and otherwise support content. why would you tag someone you don’t know under a gifset?
I guess at the end of the day it’s up to you whether you can “bear”, for lack of a better word, the dedications or if it bothers you so much that you don’t engage with it. this however will someday result in even less content, though, the decrease is already more than palpable. it’s a vicious cycle unfortunately
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yujeong · 6 months ago
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Somehow, I now have 200 followers. I didn't expect this to make me emotional, but it does. Thank you to every single person who follows me. It means a lot ❤️
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deviousdiesel · 7 months ago
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#so that dotd rewrite is out and i have some thoughts on it but i wouldn't know where to put them.. maybe in here bc i don't actually feel -#- like making a whole ass text post. this is coming from me as criticism and not hate.. just some crit from one fan to another if you get m#SPOILERS AHEAD >>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>#first off props to the team because this was obv a labor of love - 4 and a half years to make a feature long fan movie is hard work#and the animated stuff was a really nice touch and very commendable - you don't see them too often in big fanworks#in terms of the story well.. there are some things i like and some things that i don't (personally) again no hate#i'm aware this is a rewrite and boy howdy it IS a rewrite - though i am a bit sad that percy doesn't end up being the protagonist and it's#- thomas that has to play hero again.. like i kinda get it but what made the original dotd stand out was that percy was given the spotlight#so i spent an ungodly amount of time wondering when percy was gonna take charge or step into the main story to resolve the problem.. sigh#i liked that they tried to give norman more of a character bc a lot of characters do often get neglected in the series but it was kind of -#- hard to sell that for me? the twist in this rewrite was very creative and i do appreciate it but i guess it just ain't for me#“different” is ok and this is just one of many fan rewrites for this particular story#if there was something i enjoyed.. i guess the beginning was still kind of exciting because the set up was honestly like hype a bit#i liked that diesel and d10 actually got to interact face to face and there are clearer dynamics established for the diesels#and also. silverband's performances as d10 will always be fun he does a fantastic job voicing him (how d10 stole xmas will still be my fav)#my criticisms for this movie also derive from the pacing and the voice acting - i found it hard to try and understand tones sometimes -#- because the delivery felt so off.. like don't get me wrong not everyone in the fandom is a voice actor but if we're using static faces -#- for these fan works the delivery has to be a little more clear or else it'll sound like you're reading from a script.. sorry yall :"|#for the pacing i found it a bit hard to parse when some things were going on and how fast things were progressing#as well as the crashes.. that's also another thing bc i couldn't tell bc of the sfx and audio balancing - it could be better..#i wanna say. muffled voices do not substitute for a “far away”/off-screen voice bc i still can't hear it :“|#there were a lot of throwbacks and references to older thomas media/movies but some of them felt a little.. much?#if this is a dotd rewrite why are we getting some parallels with tatmr.. but i digress. at least they made diesel beef with duck a bit#there's a lot more i could say but i'm keeping those to myself. at the end of the day this fan movie was hard work for everyone involved#and you can tell some of the folks were having fun in there - props to them! i'm always glad to see more fan works in the community#we've come so far we're making feature length fan stories and rewrites that's crazy! i hope to see more in the future#fauxtrainpost.txt
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batsplat · 8 months ago
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the best thing about pedro acosta is that his ex-best friend turned enemy, fermin aldeguet, is arriving to the grid next year. if you’ve ever seen a video of the two of them interacting – the vibes are rancid. like, they grew up together, from the same town, fought in the same competitions, traveled together, slept next to each other and now when pedro has to shout out people from his hometown that made it up the ladder, he is always like “ana carrasco 😁 the other one too i guess 🙄”
oh yeah, I've seen some of those clips, they're great!! they have a fantastic dynamic, very bad vibes! and yes, even better because they do known each other so well, and now it's like..? pedro isn't even actively hostile towards him, it's basically just kinda blanking him! pretty cold! I'm hoping that in about a decade's time we'll gradually have been fed enough bread crumbs to put together what exactly's going on there (wonder if there's a link there with pedro's 'I'm not here to make friends' 'rabid rivalries are good for the sport, actually' stance... insert speculation here! maybe he's withdrawn deliberately from that friendship because he doesn't think it's a good idea to be close to a rival, hm?)
that being said, do need fermin to pick it up lol. I'm a big believer in the 'not every rivalry has to be conducted between equals and a lot of the best ones aren't' principle, but the thing is this kind of rivalry does kind of depend on that. it'd maybe be interesting if the more successful guy were warmer than the less successful one, but this way round? makes it too easy for one bloke to just dismiss the other. obviously, I'm not writing off fermin because of a rocky moto2 campaign... still, being the fourth of four boscoscuros isn't ideal, and it'd be good to see that the late 2023 form wasn't just a fluke. let's see how the rest of the year goes and then, far more importantly, how he makes the jump to motogp. certainly hope we'll get some competition at the very top between the two of them though, feels like it has great narrative potential
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wispmotherr · 11 months ago
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Whaddup I'm here for some love
💌💌💌💌💌
beloved, precious human: I love the love you have for people that you hold dear, that you care about. i love your enthusiasm for them, your earnestness towards them that never feels overwrought or contrived. you are a resplendent garden of gentle affection and sweet, kind words.
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beauty-grace-outer-space · 1 year ago
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Didn't even make it til 10AM without sobbing at my desk this time.
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frozenambiguity · 2 years ago
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Cannot believe I have been here for almost 3 months now.
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alexandriteobscuraarchive · 2 years ago
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((I've done a few of these today, I know, but I'm going to get one last blog interaction reminder out of my system rq. I'm coming from a good/positive place with this (although if I'm being honest it can be a source of upset/frustration if I'm having anxiety, that isn't the case here so don't worry!) and hopefully afterwards I'll be able to do actual ic content after work and whatnot. I appreciate everyone who reads this and makes the attempt to understand where I'm coming from.
Compliments are nice and I truly do appreciate each and every one. I know you guys mean well whether we interact or not but please don't let compliments be the only way you engage with me. Again I have to stress that I appreciate them but at the end of the day if that's the only thing you send in it begins to feel a bit.... hollow for lack of a better term and I hate feeling that way about something that's coming from a genuine place. If you truly like what I do that much then let's shift focus and actually turn it into legitimate ic engagement. Tell me you like something; a muse, a plot, a vibe, whatever else, and then let's work on writing that thing, no matter what it is, together. I love y'all but at the end of the day I don't want people who just stay on the sidelines and occasionally say something nice, I want you to fuckin jump in here with me.
You like a muse? Prompt them.
You like a muse but don't know how to approach them for whatever reason? Tell me and I'll help you.
You like multiple muses but can't decide who to interact with first? Guess what babe, you're getting the party platter and 24/7 muse service.
You aren't sure about a muse for whatever reason? I'll teach you about them/help you figure out if they're right for you.
There are literally no limits whatsoever and honestly? At the end of the day I'm here to write with people, whatever it takes. Again: I'm here to write WITH people rather than just for or around them. If you can muster up the nerve to send me ooc love then surely you can do it ic as well, all it takes is a shift in perspective, priority, focus, whatever word you'd like to use. Engaging ooc is great but I want you to actually engage from an ic standpoint just as much and all I'm asking is that you guys keep that in mind because it's incredibly important.))
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selfshippinglover · 3 months ago
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I miss Actor Mark :((((
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medicinemane · 4 months ago
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The problem with a lot of body horror for me is it's just gross without being compelling
Like yeah you had that person tear their leg open and pull muscle away from bone in a way that's very uncomfortable... but I don't care. Or a lot of Hostel style horror for me it's just kinda... yeah... grossing me out isn't some kinda win
Cause it's not that I don't like body horror, I love Dead Space for instance which... kinda the core pillar of that is body horror if we're honest
Could be a matter of that that kind of body horror is more fantastic making it easier to digest, I will advance that as a theory, but personally I kinda think that it's more that they do something actually interesting with it
Like if I wanted to I could probably see a really fucked up leg wound (and worse) in looking online about this shitty world
Can't really find dead bodies contorted into killing machines though
So I kinda feel like it's my problem with a lot of horror, of that it's horrible in a mundane way where as I'm looking for some unfathomable secret out of horror
So there's a difference between some stabbing a person in the eye cause they're just a shitty person, and doing it to try and create a replica of an alien artifact that gives unlimited energy but also drives people crazy and then turns their bodies into horrible monstrosities
One is just way more interesting to me
#also most of that shit looked stupid and goofy and like bad cgi#like yeah you managed to make some brutal looking stuff; congratz; I don't care about that#but the actual monster stuff you did just looked silly#bleh... glad I skipped my way through out of 10 kinda horror movie (ie almost every horror movie)#the only problem with Dead Space is that I can't play it cause ammo management stresses me the fuck out#you'd think it's because it's too scary#but no; it's cause it brings out my perfectionist where I need to make every shot hit perfectly#I don't do well with scarcity; too much in my own life#which means I don't do well with horror because by necessity things are scarce cause otherwise that's just a power fantasy#but also! it's hard for me to watch stuff like that cause I get bored real easily of watching people meander#also I don't want them talking#basically what I need to find is somebody that... let's be honest; that's a cinematic artist#knows how to collect everything with good pacing; knows how to win without making it too easy#this is my curse with Dead Space; in many ways it's one of my favorite bits of horror in the world#and yet I can hardly interact with it cause of how my brain is#maybe the real Dead Space was the dysfunctions we had along t he way#but nah... too much horror is screamy backrooms; not enough is MyHouse.wad (or whatever the Doom extension is)#which... is another thing I'll never play; but I got lucky and found a video that really nailed what I needed it to#which is funny cause I don't really enjoy anything else on the guy's channel; mostly cause he covers analog horror which...#I so want to like analog horror; but I never do; it always feels so bland#all of it has sparks of brilliance but then goes way too silly with it#horror is one of my favorite genre's; which is I guess why I hate all of it so much and I'm so so so so so so so picky#legit part of my problem is there's a very real extent to which I feel like 'if it doesn't drive me literally insane; what's the point?'#like; 'if I don't have a literal break with reality and become infested by madness from another world; is it even horror?'#which I gotta be honest; if it actually happened I wouldn't enjoy that much#I want some unknowable truth... horror makes me hungry for something I can't put my finger on#like a memory long since passed#but there's stuff I do end up liking and end up thinking is effective#mm tag so i can find things later
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