#i'm afraid this is ILLEGAL SIR

[jkvjimin]

excuse me, sir? cr. namuspromised

[seat-safety-switch]

"Uber Eats customer service," beeps the Uber Eats customer service person.

"A bobcat just killed and ate the delivery dude," I express sorrowfully into the receiver. "I'm gonna need a refund."

You might criticize me for being cold to my fellow worker. This is fair, but I am also conditioned by a lifetime of marinating in capitalist ideology to extract maximum value from the $50 gift card I just found in the parking lot. And the Arby's dinner I bought with it is currently residing inside the stomach of Lynx rufus, or maybe just a really big stray tabby.

Either way, there is nothing that I can do for the former person that my phone tells me was named Emil. Even if I were to kill and eat the aggressive bobcat myself in a misguided attempt to avenge him, it would merely serve as a sort of tragedy turducken, and possibly even be illegal. While ruminating on just how long I have to wait for the bobcat to digest Emil's remains before it's no longer cannibalism-via-proxy, I notice that the line has been silent for quite awhile. As I have been trained by many similar systems, I immediately yell a compound profanity, triggering an elevation to the next level of call centre operator. No doubt the recording of this call is already in their private collection of "all-time bests," right next to the tape of the Uber guy who's afraid of clowns valiantly trying to deliver to a circus.

After a few seconds, a new operator switches onto the line. "Sir, we're going to refund your entire order, and rate Emil five-stars. His family will receive the customary Uber Eats death benefits, and he will be buried in our veteran's cemetery with full corporate honours. Is there anything else I can help you with today?"

"Yeah," I drawl, already becoming tired of asserting my rights as a consumer. "Do you know if Arby's still makes those deli sandwiches?"

[fishsticksloser]

If it's alright - And if it's not then i understand if you're going to delete this - to request about Rise! Future! Leonardo x Rabbit yokai!fem!Reader? (NSFW S3x), where Leonardo and reader get into roleplaying as cowboy Shierff and an outlaw female criminal. Leonardo is the dominating one while reader is the submit side.

And yes it would involve things like; ropes tying, rough S3x, Leonardo getting to cowboy accent (?)

/ 🐔 Anon reader /

If You Can't Be Good, Be Bad With Me

f!Leo x fem!reader

Warnings: Smut with a tiny plot, p in v, rough sex, light bondage (handcuffs), ear and tail pulling, spanking, slight Sir kink, Leo has a country accent, Leo calls you a good/bad girl (sue me...), rabbit yo'kai!reader, FAKE guns, swearing, enemies to lovers if you squint really really hard

A/N: I've spent like 2 months writing this because I was just sitting there looking at it and going "wtf do I do?" But here you are, so sorry for the wait. I actually threw out the first draft because I hated it so much... This is a little different than the prompt and I apologize, my brain couldn't do it. :/

"My, my, my... What have we here?" Leonardo's voice was deep, soothing, and with a faint drawl that spoke of Texas. His words were slow and measured, just before he'd bring the hammer down with that thunderous attention. Leo squinted at you, narrowing his gaze before slowly walking towards you. "You look like you're on the wrong side of the law there, doll." Leo stops in front of you, hands on his hips just above his holsters. "What're you doin' on this here land, Miss?"

"Doin' what I can to survive, sheriff." You answer, continuing to stuff your pockets and bag with whatever was in reach. You seemed completely unbothered that the sheriff was standing over and watching you. "Is that a crime?"

"Well yes, it is." Leo responds cooly, his stance loose and relaxed despite you obviously committing a crime. His hands hover over his holsters, his tone becomes more intimidating. "The punishment for those crimes tends to be less uh... agreeable. And yet... I could be lenient with you." Leo's face softens as he looks down at the small, humanoid rabbit. He kneels down to get a better look. "And what exactly is in your pockets, little one? Come now, let's have a look."

You open your bag and empty your pockets. Its not like you were stealing much of anything really. Some bread and not so valuable things like knick knacks and trinkets. Nothing that's really worth anything.

"No guns?" He mutters, eyeing you up and down with a sly, teasing smirk. "That makes things so much sweeter." Leo's eyes twinkle in the sunlight as he stand up. His gaze seems to study every little crevice in your face, taking note of your expressions, trying to figure out everything about you. "You're not from these parts, are ya, darlin'? What's your pretty face doin' so far down south?"

"Got kicked outta town for not marryin' my suitor. Left with nothin'." You repond, repacking your bag and pockets. "Train only took me this far..."

"Not bein' married? Why, now that's a crime against the holy union of man and woman, darlin', 'specially out here." Leo shakes his head placing a hand on his face, feigning disgust. His other hand still rests on his holster. "Can't just leave you out here in this hot dust storm." Leo's eyes flicker up to your face and he grins widely.

"I've got nowhere to go." You say, pleading. "Please just let me go, I'll... I'll go find a place to settle down and be law abiding."

"Well, I'm afraid I can't let that happen, darlin'," Leo responds, his tone slowly becoming slightly more forceful. "The folks 'round these parts say you've done some unsavory and illegal things. I can't just let a law-breaker roam free like that." Leo seems to enjoy your pleas, leaning in more. He leans his body close to yours, whispering close to your ear. "Unless you want to do something for me..."

"And what would that be, sir?" You ask quietly, a shiver running down your spine as his breath fans over your ear. Leo grins as he leans in, his lips inches from your ear.

"You could do all sorts of things for me. It's such a shame for a pretty little thing like you to be caught for crimes you definitely didn't do. But, I'm feeling generous today, and, as the local lawman, I can definitely overlook your sins, darlin'." The corner of his lips curl into a smug grin. "All for a few private favors from you."

"You catch my drift?" He asks, his voice talking on a more predatory tone as his fingers graze down your waist and back. His hot breath caresses down the back of your neck, his eyes burning into your form before glancing back at your own. "Such a delicate, pretty thing..."

"Yes, sir. I understand." You mutter, your ears standing tall and twitching slightly.

"Good girl." He whispers as he leans in close. "And you know if you do well, maybe I could be generous and let you off of that punishment." Leo's voice comes out low and smooth, almost sultry as he leans back just enough to let his fingers stroke along the side of your face. "All you have to do is play nice, understand?"

"Yes, sir." You nod firmly, his eyes seem to study you once more. His fingers slide down and grasp your chin, gently tilting your face upwards as his other hand reaches for your waist.

"Good girl." He says, his eyes burn like hot coals as he bring your face inches from his. "And you know, when I get back to town, I have to write a report. And if I see my girl following through with our little arrangement, I'll make sure they know what a good girl you've been. If you're a good girl. Got it, darlin'?"

Who knew you'd end up here?

"Yes, sir."

"Mm... That's a good girl." Leo whisper as he closes the last few inches between you and him, pushing his lips against yours in a quick but firm kiss. He pulls back slowly before speaking. "You don't mind if I let these hands wander now, do you, darlin'?"

"No, sir." You mumble as he kisses you again, eyes fluttering closed and your hands move to cup the back of his head. Leo grins as he continues to kiss you, his body slightly tilting to get a better grip on you. HIs right hand wraps around your waist and pulls you closer as his left searches through his pocket for something. He fumbles around for a bit more before pulling out a pair of handcuffs.

"Oh, and I almost forgot. Can't be letting my pretty, lawbreaker darlin' roam free... 'specially after getting caught." He chuckles and beings to fasten your arms behind your back with the cuffs. You don't protest, letting him fit the cuffs on your wrist comfortably. "Good girl. Now, I have just the punishment in mind." He says with a smirk, wrapping an arm around your waist to pull you closer. His other hand grips your chin as he kisses your neck softly. "Maybe I could show you what being a good girl for me would get you, darlin'. If you play your cards just right, I might be feeling generous with another reward."

You let out a small whine, basically having no other option and really not in the mood to say no. You give him a small nod and tilt your head to the side to give him better access. His lips meet your neck again, travelling upwards to finally find those sweet, soft lips of yours.

"That's an obedient girl... You know, you're lucky I like good girls. I mean, you could be in big trouble if you had been a bad girl." He whispers, his hands massaging your hips, slowly sliding them upwards. Leo decides that his lips are not the only way of satisfying the desires, sliding his hand under your dress, his fingers running over that soft, silky skin. His eyes are burning with hunger, the heat of the desert finally getting to him. The heat of his breath blowing across your body, breath mingling, your lips coming together in a hungry kiss.

꒦꒷⚔️꒷꒦

Everything's a blur, but you find yourself in the sheriff's station. Leonardo laughs a little at all that nonsense before pulling your head up enough for another kiss. He holds you by the ears, he smacks his hand harder on your ass with your tail twitching with every hit. Your dress bunched up around your waist as you bend over his desk, your legs spread wide apart, offering yourself to him completely.

The desk creaks under both of you, his lips on your neck as he rocks into you, your bodies meeting with a wet slapping sound. You're open for him. Each thrust sends waves of pleasure through you, your mouth left hanging open, moans echoing throughout the room.

"Oh yeah, take that, darlin'!" He whispers, his voice thick with a low purr as he grabs on to your hips. "You're my good girl." He moves down to your ear, his lips nuzzling against it.

You moan, standing in your toes so he hits a better angle. You moan loudly as he hits that soft spot inside you. Your legs shake and you ball my fists in the part of your dress you could reach, you arms still cuffed. You feel his hand connect with your ass with a loud smack and you squeak, jolting at the sting. "Good girl," he breathes, his voice low and husky as he rocks into you harder, going a little faster. He bites on the side of your neck before whispering to you ear. "Such a good girl, darlin'.. you'll get it good.." He lets off a low hum to match the pace of his thrusts.

He brings his free hand down to your tail before giving it a light tug, laughing as you squirm and whine. "Aww, such a good, sweet thing," he sighs, his tone low and husky before biting on your neck again. "I love the way you take it so well, darlin'.. you're so good for me, such a sweet darlin'," he whispers to you, pulling you closer so he can kiss the side of your face.

He spanks you hard one final time before moving his hands over to tug on your ears, holding them tightly in his fists as he goes even harder and faster, his hips bucking aggressively to meet your thighs. "Such a good girl!" He whispers, his voice turning low and throaty as his eyes bore into yours. "Take it all, darlin'.. such a good girl!"

"C-Close, sir!" You whimper, tears falling down your cheeks. He tilts your head up to look at him, but makes sure to keep your body against the desk for him. It puts you into an uncomfortable arch.

Leonardo moans loudly, his expression turning more feral with every thrust as he rocks into you. His hips moving as forcefully as he could, he pushes harder and harder like he was trying to drive you through the desk, his free hand still holding onto your ears. Finally, his climax is about to peak and he lets out an, "Ahhhh… such a good girl, darlin'.."

At your releases, Leo lets out a groan and lets his thrusts die down a bit, pressing against your back with his chest as he slowly rocks into you. His face is buried deep into your neck, "Shhh... be a good girl.. be my good girl for me," he whispers to you, his voice low and husky. His free hand is playing with your tail, rubbing it up and down before giving it another tug for good measure and he slowly pulls out. "Such a good girl..." He murmurs, letting go of your ears and giving you a light tap on your ass.

[silverryuan]

Daniel Park with Baoqing reader

I'm back!

• I'm not going to include the fox head or the giant nine-tailed fox transformation. I will also going to make you younger (ex. 17, 18, 19). You will have a smoking pipe as a form of weapon and Kiserujutsu as a form of martial arts. I'll just name you Baoqing here.

• You are actually a young CEO of a company that sells high quality tobacco in China for generations. But that's all layers from the public of what you really sell. You came here in Korea to establish new workshops... One workshop that sells antique artifacts with your company brand, and an underground workshop that sells illegal weapons to gangs. You earned a name from all the gangs that you've made deals with, so as an underground alias, your name is Jade Fox.

• Your meeting with Daniel takes place during his Jaewon High School days and his part-time convenience store job. He still has his ugly and fat body working the nightly hours away.

• His employer came in the store one night to check on how he's working since there's been a drop of customers due to his unsightly appearance. Before the manager could even scold him about Daniel not welcoming the customers properly, the sound of the door opening made the manager fall silent as to not bother you, so he bowed his head to greet you. The manager kept his mouth shut until you ring up to the counter and left the store.

• Daniel was confused as to why the manager suddenly crossed his arms and scowl after you left...

The Manager: "Hmm..."

Small Daniel: "... U-um, is everything okay, sir?"

The Manager: "Huh? Oh yeah, yeah. It's... It's nothing."

Small Daniel: "I-i couldn't help but see that you seem... at unease?"

The Manager: "Well... It's that kid right there... Looks a lot like a gumiho."

Small Daniel: "G-gumiho?"

• Daniel has heard of the myth of the gumiho, or the nine-tailed fox, from his mother. But he only remembers the part of the myth that gumihos are dangerous and bloodthirsty spirits.

Small Daniel: "A-aren't gumihos mythical evil creatures that older people tell to kids?"

The Manager: "What? You forgot the part where gumihos can disguise themselves into humans. The only give-away is their face resembling a fox. That kid that was here a minute ago looks a lot like it..."

Small Daniel: "Oh..."

The Manager: "Ahem! But enough about the creepy stuff! Now where was I?... Right, your performance during work hours."

Small Daniel: "I-i promise, sir! I'll keep improving!"

• As Big Daniel walks to school early in the morning, he couldn't help but let his mind wonder. He couldn't get you off his mind, he could've swore that you looked familiar... His thoughts were interrupted by a rustle from a nearby tree...

Big Daniel: "Wah!"

???????: "Good morning~ you seem to have dropped this. You need to be more careful next time."

• Daniel is shocked, not because you have his phone, but because you're casually hanging upside down with your legs clinging to the tree branch.

Big Daniel: "Uhh, good morning. Wait a second... Why do you have-"

???????: "Like I said, you dropped it. It'd be a shame if someone else other than me took notice of a lost item and decide to steal it~"

• You dropped down from the branch, landed on your feet, and give Daniel his phone. Daniel saw your uniform and realized that you go to the same school as him. Then all the pieces of the puzzle joined.

Big Daniel: "Uh, Thank you. I don't know how can I repay you."

???????: "Well... That might have to wait for another time. As a fellow student, I must make a good impression~"

Big Daniel, bowing: "I'm sorry, I'm Daniel Park. I go to Jaewon High as well."

Baoqing: "Why, it's a pleasure~ Call me... Baoqing. I'm afraid our little introduction will have to wait. As you can see, we're going to be late."

• Daniel asked Zoe Park about you before class started and she said that you're a new student from the Beauty Department. You are quite popular with men but you didn't date any of them. However, two boys who became way too desperate for your attention offered to assist you with anything and everyone was surprised that you accepted the offer, but also confused by how much you kick them whenever they get too close to you.

• Daniel also has learned that you are one of the most powerful students in school. Despite lacking strength, you made your way to the ranks using your high intellect and several dealings. He respects how you don't cower in fear when confronted by an annoying Vin Jin began to threaten and flirt with you. You kicked him in the face for that and the bruise took a month to heal. Daniel made a mental note to never upset you.

• You two grew unexpectedly closer during all those years. When he found out you brought a smoking pipe with you to smoke on the school rooftop, he became disappointed and scolded you to stop the habit. You brushed him off, saying that it's relaxing for you and that it's a part of your Kiserujutsu.

Big Daniel: "Kiserujutsu?"

Baoqing: "Yes, it's a fighting style on how you use a smoking pipe as a weapon."

Big Daniel: "So it's like Jay's Kali Arnis?"

Baoqing: "Hmm, you could say that~"

Big Daniel: "Wow, I've never seen a smoking pipe up close before. Is it heavy? It looks pretty old."

Baoqing: "Heavy? No. I've been trained to hold and harness it. After all, it's a family heirloom and a fighting style passed down for generations."

Big Daniel: "An heirloom?! Then why would you bring that to school?!"

Baoqing: "😊"

• Timeskip to the part where Daniel wanted to talk to Crystal at the Festival but was interrupted by Gun. You and Vasco were actually getting some snacks at a nearby store when you witness the fight. Gun was about to kick Daniel while the boy was in a defensive stance.

Gun: "You heard the lady, boy. Now beat it!"

Big Daniel: "I just want to talk-"

Vasco: "HEY!"

Gun: "Huh?"

Big Daniel: "What? Vasco?"

Vasco: "Why don't you fight someone your own size?"

Gun: "Dammit. Why does a rando always have to ruin a good fight?"

Baoqing, clapping: "Ahahahaha! My, that was amusing!"

Daniel: "B-Baoqing?"

Gun: "Oh... It's you."

Baoqing: "Long time, no see, Gun~"

Gun: "....."

Crystal: "G-Gun, let's just go!"

Gun: "...Fine."

• Crystal got in the car with Gun and drove off school campus with an apology to Daniel and Vasco... But why does she look at you with such an intense glare? Before the competition begins, Daniel kept staring at you with confusion. You sensed his restlessness and it annoyed you.

Baoqing: "Judging by how upset you look. Is something bothering you?"

Big Daniel: "... Baoqing. Do you happen know that man?"

Baoqing: "What man are referring to? 😊"

Big Daniel: "You know, the man with sunglasses with the girl."

Baoqing: "I do not know how Vin Jin and Mary Kim have caught your interest, but it's best to leave me out of it-"

Big Daniel: "Not them!"

Baoqing: "Hahaha! I'm joking~ That man, Gun Park. You could say that he's... A client of mine."

Big Daniel: "A-and the girl?.."

Baoqing: "If you want to learn more information about them, you're going to have to offer me something in return~"

Big Daniel: "Right. Forget I asked..."

Baoqing: "Buuut~ since you seem interested of the girl, I'll only give you her name. Crystal Choi."

Big Daniel: "Why are you giving me her name?"

Baoqing: "For my amusement, of course~"

[karlachismylife]

I Need My Love To Be Here

Once again I couldn't help but do the second-most voted choice too. Why am I making my own life so much harder?

CW: fem!reader, reader and Price are married and have a daughter, long-distance relationship, my music taste projected once again, the tiniest bit of suggestive teasing, toothrotting fluff.

(Title from The Beatles' "Here, There and Everywhere")

Dealing with an energized six-year old refusing to go to bed was a battle alright, especially when your trusted partner with his commanding presence and a true Captain's voice wasn't there to help. You couldn't blame your little one for behaving herself better when John was around: isn't a natural law that the one parent that's often away and always comes back with gifts is the favourite one? It's not daddy who's forcing you to eat healthy food every day and go to sleep when you want another batch of cartoons.

It's the strict, stern-looking mum with her hands on her hips as she scolds you gently for throwing a fit over putting your toys back like promised.

Still, you'd want a little more appreciation and cooperation from Princess Price, sulking in her frog pjs - everything was frog since recently, you even got daddy a froggy hat for when he comes back from deployment.

He was away for a long time. Not somewhere dangerous, he told you as he called and texted regilarly, but he was constantly held back by one or the other thing that just couldn't be resolved without Captain's expertise.

That's what made his new phone call just the sweeter, since the first words you heard after closing priness's door hastly and moving to the living room, were:

"Guess who's coming home tomorrow, darling."

A relieved, longing sigh escaped you as you leaned onto the couch and stared at the ceiling with a dreamy smile.

"Good. Someone here needs a reminder how to listen to what she's being told."

"Is princess being a bad girl?" John's hearty chuckle warmed you even through the phone. You bit your lip, trying to save your own face from splitting in two with the horribly wide smile - same was gracing Price's face for sure, you could hear it, his plump cheeks all big and round, almost hiding his happily narrowed eyes.

"Not necessarily bad. But we have attitide and no respect for mummy's authority. Maybe I should start calling myself Captain too, just for her to listen to me."

"I'm afraid, impersonating an officer is illegal, love," he huffed and chuckled again, gruff, big, bear-hugging sound. A pause. "Are you being a bad girl?"

You pressed your phone closer you your ear as a warm tingling flooded your cheeks and held your breath.

"I'd like to report I'm being perfectly good, sir," if only you could see the way his kind eyes twinkled in the dim lighting of wherever he was, sitting on a chair with knees wide apart, one hand holding the famous cigar.

"That's good to hear. I have a little something for you. A reward for being so good for me and waiting while I'm in this shithole."

"The only reward I need is you back home, John," you weren't even being coy, just honest. It was so long since you last felt his rough palms slide over your sides and lock together as he pulled you into a tight hug from behind, pressing ticklish kisses into your nape.

"I know, sweetpea. Consider this an apology gift then, for taking so long," he didn't let you argue a single word, clearly set on having you accept whatever he prepared, as if him being alive, well and home wasn't enough. "Got us tickets to that McCartney concert, love. For all three of us. Gotta start teaching our princess what good music is."

You gasped, jumping in your seat - your heart did a little flip, cheeks burning now, butterflies that never went away even after years of marriage flocking to your lungs.

"But it's so close, how did you even- oh, I just wanna kiss all hells out of you, John!" His laughter dripped through the phone like spicy honey, sweetening already increbibly sweet deal.

"Oh, I can tell, love. Hope you feel the same way tomorrow."

"Why is tomorrow so far away?" You allowed yourself to be just as sulky and pouty as your little one snoring softly in the other room. Of course you could wait another day, you've waited for months already. But now every minute felt like a whole month itself.

"That's so you can get enough sleep before I make you forget about it for several nights."

[rius-cave]

Hi, I'm new to this, I do have a question for your prison AU in regards to the other characters like Alastor and Husk, though I don't know if you already answered this or not. Who is in prison, who is NOT in prison, and what are they in prison for? Like from what I see, this is what I predict: Angel Dust is in prison for illegal prostitution(since he most likely was too afraid to rat out Valentino as his pimp he was sent to jail), Husk was arrested for illegal gambling, Alastor was arrested for murder, Niffty arrested for burglary, and Sir Pentious was arrested for smuggling illegal weapons. Correct me if I'm wrong. I'm still new to this AU.

Hello! Welcome!

I HAVE indeed gone into this in the past! If you want the long answers, I suggest you check out my tag "prison au" to get up to speed, but I'll give you a TL;DR :)

Most of the male characters are in prison. This is an all male prison, the ladies are still present one way or another, though!

Nifty is the lunch lady, Charlie visits her dad often and is a law student and aspiring defense attorney. Vaggie is a former cop who is now a private detective, helping out Charlie. Sera is the head judge and also mother of Adam (most likely adoptive). Emily is Adam's sister and also a law student. Lute was Adam's protege and next in command until Adam was arrested.

Angel Dust is in prison because of his mafia family. The details aren't ironed out yet, but something along the lines of taking the fall for something gone wrong (think kinda like Moxxie from Helluva Boss). His 'prostitution' only started once he got in prison, much like how Angel only became a pornstar after he died in canon. He met Valentino in prison too.

Husk is indeed arrested for illegal gambling!

Alastor IS a serial murderer, but he's not in prison for that! His crime isn't yet set in stone, but it's something along the lines of illegal radio broadcast of sensitive information or something like that lol

I think I actually haven't talked about Sir Pentious in this AU, but yup! Probably something to do with possession or distribution of illegal weapons and is just a general disruptor of peace lol

[c4mrynp]

"What are we doing, again?"

"Learning about the Unforgivable Curses," Evans says, "Do you not listen to anything the teachers say?"

"I try not to," Sirius shrugs.

"Well, come on," James takes Sirius by the shoulder, "Let's not be late."

They arrive at the classroom, somehow not being the last ones there. Sirius looks around the room and frowns.

"Why do we have to be with the Slytherins?"

"Because," Evans sighs, "that's how they've organised it. We can't change that."

"But-"

Sirius is cut off by the Professor. "Alright, class. Settle down and find the table with your name on it."

"We have assigned seats?" Sirius groans.

"I'm sure we'll be next to each other," James assures.

They weren't. In fact, the Professor made sure they were on opposite sides of the classroom.

Sirius walks over to his desk, and looks at the name of the person meant to be next to him.

"Hey, Professor!" He yells, "Can I switch tables?"

"No, Mr Black, I'm afraid not," the Professor groans.

Sirius doesn't even know the Professor, why is he so annoyed with him?

Sirius groans, but holds out hope. No one's sat next to him yet.

That hope instantly dies, however, when the door opens to reveal Barty Crouch and Regulus Black, coming in late.

"Mr Crouch, Mr Black, may I ask why you're only just arriving?" The Professor asks.

"Sorry, sir," Crouch smiles, "just got a bit lost."

Regulus elbows Crouch discretely, muttering something to him.

"Whatever you say," the Professor says, unbelieving, "please, find your seats."

Crouch, who is seated next to Mary, looks over at Regulus, smiling apologetically.

Regulus just rolls his eyes and goes to find his seat. He stops short when he does.

"Professor?"

"Enough. No one is switching seats," he says, already predicting what Regulus was going to ask, "Now, let the lesson begin."

Regulus and Sirius both sit very stiffly next to each other, trying and failing to ignore the other's presence.

"And lastly, the Cruciatus Curse," the Professor announces, having discussed the Killing and the Imperius Curse.

"Huh?" Sirius murmurs, "I thought we were discussing Unforgiveables."

Regulus just stares ahead, brow furrowed.

"The Cruciatus Curse, also known as the Torture Curse, is only used by the most vile Dark Wizards, wishing to cause their victims immense pain. It is of the most Unforgiveable actions of a wizard, and whoever uses this curse will be sent straight to Azkaban."

"Sorry, sir," Sirius puts his hand up, "I'm confused. I thought Cruciatus was like... for punishment or whatever? How is it Unforgiveable?"

"No, Mr Black, this curse is highly illegal, as it would cause, whoever is on the receiving end, life-long mental and physical trauma."

"That's not true," Regulus speaks up, seemingly without meaning to. "I mean," he says, more shyly now that everyone's eyes are on him, "it would be painful but not... not that bad, right?"

For a while, there is silence, making Sirius's skin crawl. He turns to his brother, hoping this is all one big joke.

Regulus looks back at him, just as confused, as the Professor speaks once more.

"I'm not sure where you've heard these false rumours, but please know that whoever is telling you these things are lying."

"No..." Regulus protests under his breath, his face going slack.

Sirius, equally confused, just puts a hand on his brother's shoulder, hiding his face as he tries to blink away his tears.

If their parents are willing to break the law to use an Unforgiveable Curse on their own children, then there really is no hope that they might love them, is there?

Its that realisation that makes Sirius stand, abruptly, and leave, to hide the evidence of his fears. And for once, Regulus follows, not to fight, but for comfort.

[mynameisjessejk]

A Gang AU

This is entirely the fault of the Discord, because there was a video of a river otter causing Shenanigans, and it was mentioned river otters are horrible gremlins who have terrible, bloody gang wars. So, of course, here we are.

When the High King had been killed, the criminal underbelly of the city went into paroxysms, as the various small warring factions, which Ereinion had kept in comprehensive check, grappled to place themselves in a new hierarchy.

Paenvellon had drawn a hard boundary around the lower eastside docks, and held with with an iron fist. He had no interest in the drug trade that was most of the inner city, and had only a passing care about the black market. He only cared about the illegal weapons trade as far is it existed inside his very specific sphere of influence.

No, Paenvellon focused on smuggling. The tariffs on Numenorean goods made them luxury goods for the wealthy only in Lindon, unless you knew the right people. Paenvellon had made his living in being the right people.

And if there were a few strategic fishing nets draped over barrels in the corner of his headquarters, well. The warehouse was a theatre production, not his actual place of work, but it had worked very well for him so far. It wouldn't do to let anyone forget where he came from, and he found the smell of fish lent a credence to his work.

It also covered the smell of blood.

Elladan bared his bloody teeth, where he stood behind Paenvellon's shoulder. Paenvellon knew this without looking, because the small man who'd come on behalf of the ship's captain made a tiny squeaking noise of fear. Paenvellon kept his face impassive.

Elladan's leashed danger was threat enough—Paenvellon didn't need to say anything. Elladan had made himself the most terrifying person in east Lindon. A small amount of it was that he was Elladan Peredhel, son of the High King's favorite enforcer, the one the Red Eyes had nicknamed the Angel of Death. But mostly, it was just that Elladan could—and had—bring a knife to a gun fight and win.

"I'll pass the message along," the man stuttered. He was very afraid he would not pass the message along, that his body would be the message.

Paenvellon wasn't that angry yet. "See that you do," he said coolly. "Orophin, see that he gets back to his ship safely."

Orophin dropped from the rafters, landed in a roll, and popped to his feet close enough to draw back the man's chair. "Sir," he drawled softly.

The man squeaked again. Doubtlessly, he'd had no idea Orophin was in the rafters.

"Wash your face," Paenvellon ordered Elladan, once they were gone.

Elladan wiped the blood from his chin with the back of his hand. "It's fine," he said airily.

Paenvellon shot a flat look over his shoulder. "Wash your face," he said again.

Elladan rolled his eyes, but he went to the big basin-sink in the corner. It was a fish-cleaning station, but it lent a slightly menacing air to the room, as if they were always prepared to torture someone. Not that they ever had, but rumors were easy to spread. Elladan washed his face obligingly.

"And stop letting people hit you in the face," Paenvellon added once Elladan had shut the tap off again. "It makes you look unhinged."

Elladan shrugged. "Kinda the point, Boss," he said wryly.

"And he looks so good unhinged," Legolas said, climbing down from the second-story window where he'd been keeping watch.

Elladan beamed at him. "See!" he said to Paenvellon.

Paenvellon stared flatly back at him till Elladan deflated.

"Fine," Elladan sighed. "I will stop letting people hit me in the face before meetings."

"You're lucky I like you," Paenvellon said.

Elladan scoffed. "As if you liked me," he said cheerfully.

"Speaking of," Paenvellon said wryly, "If you ripped your stitches, I'm going to let him murder you." As he spoke, he gathered up the extra recording device he'd stashed under the table and the papers spread across the top of it, and stashed them in his briefcase.

Elladan and Legolas were cheerfully retrieving a slightly absurd number of weapons they'd stashed around the warehouse in case of ambush.

Legolas drove, Elladan sat shotgun—fully prepared to make that name appropriate if necessary, and Paenvellon settled behind Elladan. "Rohir's?" Las asked him, though it was a non-question.

Paenvellon hummed, watching out the window as the dockside slums went by.

The twins lived in a shitty second-floor walkup in walking distance from the fire station that was the base for Elrohir's ambulance. They could've had better, either of them could've afforded it, but they liked the building and they liked the neighborhood.

Elrohir kissed Paen on the cheek as they piled in the door. "Hey, good day?" he asked.

Paenvellon reeled his lover in for a proper kiss. "Very good," he agreed quietly once they broke. "You?"

Elrohir grinned at him. "Didn't have to knock anyone out, didn't have to narcan anyone, and no one died," he said brightly.

"And Elladan's stitches did not rip," Legolas called cheerfully from the kitchen.

"Oh good," Elrohir said dryly, rolling his eyes at Paenvellon.

Paen nodded in agreement.

There was a crash from the kitchen. Elrohir sighed, and they went to supervise Elladan's kitchen adventures.

Elladan was cooking stir fry, water heating for noodles and the wok already on the stove as he diced vegetables. Legolas was sitting on the opposite counter, eating peanuts out of the bowl they left there primarily for him. Paen sat on a barstool by Legolas and Elrohir went to help his brother. As the twins bickered over vegetables, msg, and sesame oil, Paenvellon smiled, pleased with the day's work.

[alicepao13]

Hudson and Rex S02E02 - Over Ice

Eh, yes that definitely needs to be under the cut because it's long.

It feels wrong that this show had an ice skating episode before a hockey episode lol

"You should keep your dog on the carpet. It's slippier than it looks". He has four legs. And claws.

Charlie and Sarah are flirting over the body again. This is unacceptable (please continue). And we learn about Sarah's figure skating past.

"Who's afraid of little old me?"

The mom was so annoying for most of the episode.

"Enjoying" figure skating.

In the first couple of seasons there must have been about a dozen references about Jesse never going home.

I remember I had a lot of trouble finding the killer in this one. They all seemed very suspicious.

So it's not illegal to be in possessions of steroids, you just get in trouble if you use one while competing for stuff?

Julia's confession to Sarah is a nice scene. And I like Sarah's subtle reaction and support. It's not anything too dramatic, or shallow, and I honestly don't understand why some of the audience react the way they did (imdb reviews can give a hint). Not to mention that this episode gets "wokeness warning" (I can't think of any other way to put it) in backwards countries like... the US. Do you know how ridiculous it is for an episode with a minor trans character to be treated like that in the US while in countries that are a hundred years back in social issues like Greece no one bats an eye? Eh, a lot. (In Greece it aired in a major free broadcasting network and was a bit before legislation protecting trans people had passed, so I thought that we'd be the ones to cut it or we'd remove stuff in the subtitles. We didn't cut it and the subtitles were normal, plus that season was repeated like 3-4 times.)

Sarah: "I'm not a cop". You're not a cop now. In S4 you will be carrying a badge and gun.

Ah, the freezer, finally.

I am simultaneously happy and sad that this shipper moment happened so early. Happy because it was well made and if you don't put crumbs early enough, then who's going to ship it? And sad because, well, imagine this happening in S4 for example. It would have been so good and it would have been laced with an extra layer of angst.

No but Charlie was very quick to panic.

Charlie: Rex, open the door buddy! || Rex: Once again, Charlie, I don't have thumbs.

I love Charlie's detailed instructions to Rex. Sir, he's a dog. You're lucky he actually knew where to go for help. And I have to note that the most helpful suggestion came from Sarah.

Work never ends, not even when you're trapped in a freezer.

Getting to the good stuff. Couples whump, yes please.

How can anyone claim that they weren't meant to be a couple like???

"I guess I peaked early." "Hardly".

Meanwhile, Rex is trying to find the right people who will understand that when he's without Charlie, Charlie is in trouble.

Sharing body heat (and coat).

Jesse: Rex, wait up! || Rex: No, my humans are in danger! Can't those two legs of yours go any faster?

Oh, you know, just chilling.

And then Charlie asks Rex what took so long? I'd have left and locked the door again. Joking, Charlie thanks him afterwards. Just globber him in saliva, Rex, that will show him.

Random thoughts: Charlie's arm around Sarah. Also Jesse dying from all the running in the back, and no one paying attention to him lol

S4!Charlie would have at least knocked Lucas unconscious for locking him and Sarah in the freezer. At least Rex bit him and threw him on the ground.

The following interrogation scene is lookwarm and they don't mention the fact that Lucas tried to kill two more people after that. The jury is not going to like the fact that he moved the body afterwards? What about trying to kill two cops?

I like the ending scene. It ends on a high note. As for the "wokeness", just as I remembered, it doesn't present anything other than that trans people exist. It doesn't make any statements. So, I'm confused by people's reactions yet again.

[goodnightmemes]

THE TUDORS SEASON THREE SENTENCE STARTERS (PART TWO)

s03e05 - s03e08

❛ We must set to work finding a new bride for the King. ❜

❛ It's true, he has an heir, at last, but one is scarcely sufficient. To be safe, he must produce another. ❜

❛ Poor lamb. Never to know his own mother. ❜

❛ Perhaps, someday soon, you yourself will have a child. ❜

❛ You're sheltering a traitor! I want to know where he is. ❜

❛ You are going to tell me, or God help me, I'll kill you, and I have the immunity to do it. ❜

❛ I've grown afraid of my own shadow. ❜

❛ Sometimes I think I do not want this child in my belly. ❜

❛ Like the ruins of ancient Rome, the Colossus of Rhodes, all things tend towards their ruin. Even great houses and the fools who build them. ❜

❛ It's illegal to carry arms in court while the King is in residence. The penalties are severe. ❜

❛ I trust you will now apprehend the villain and prevent any further violence. Otherwise, you will pay the price for your failures. ❜

❛ Everything he might touch is to be washed, and everything he might eat, tasted for poison. ❜

❛ What the King wills, the King must have. It's not to be argued with or crossed. ❜

❛ In the absence of the King there has been much malevolence and violence at court. ❜

❛ There are some who desire disorder with all their hearts, thinking of using it, at the end, to their own advantage. ❜

❛ You presume too far above your very base and low degree! ❜

❛ The King listens to him. That makes him dangerous to everyone. ❜

❛ Perhaps it is my fate never to marry. ❜

❛ I would think less of him if he were to accept such gifts in order to love me. ❜

❛ Though I cannot touch him, I swear I will make him eat his heart. ❜

❛ Death is not ready for you, yet. God has something else in mind. ❜

❛ I know what it is that we have both lost. We have lost our youth. There is nothing in the world, that can ever return it to us. ❜

❛ I will marry who I like! ❜

❛ I want to see my son. What have you done with my son? ❜

❛ Your son is unharmed. He will remain unharmed until we are sure that you are not all traitors. ❜

❛ I ask you, whether such dishonest and treacherous sons could ever have had an honest mother! ❜

❛ With your permission, Madam, may I ask if you would consider marrying the King? ❜

❛ Is it not strange that the King's Majesty was in so little space, rid of his three Queens? ❜

❛ Frankly, Sir, if I had two heads, then one would be at His Majesty's service. Alas, I only have this one. ❜

❛ How can you suppose that at my age, I am capable of plotting anything against anyone? I wish only to live a quiet life, away from this world. ❜

❛ You may well beg mercy, but whom shall say if it be granted or not. ❜

❛ Everyone has an agenda! And what I want doesn't matter! ❜

❛ My father told me that if you leave even a sapling in the ground, one day it will grow into a tree! And that little boy will have 40,000 troops flocking to his banner, and you will be the sucker! ❜

❛ I need pictures! Do you understand? I need to see them. I need to see the woman who's going to be my companion for life. ❜

❛ I'm afraid I was not born for happiness. ❜

❛ I swear he has poisoned the King's mind! And if I could, I would strip him from the King's side, and burn him. ❜

❛ You have ten seconds to get out of my court, or I will beat you like the dog that you are! ❜

❛ I see now what it takes for a man to make his way in this world. He must make a practice of hypocrisy. ❜

❛ I say to you, again, while you still have a free choice, will you live or die? ❜

❛ There's no doubt, now, he must be overthrown by force. ❜

❛ My conscience will not permit me to consummate this marriage because I feel there is some impediment to it. ❜

❛ I tell you, God will not grant me any more children if I continue in this marriage. ❜

❛ Not telling a woman what she must expect on her wedding night is like sending a sailor to sea with no biscuit. ❜

❛ He is charming and very good looking. I think you might like him a little. ❜

❛ I resent the King nothing, but others seek to undermine me, since I was born so low and they so high. ❜

❛ I hope you can forgive my impetuosity. I know we should have been formally introduced, but I couldn't wait. ❜

❛ May I kiss your hand? ❜

❛ I have found someone to amuse the King. ❜

❛ We ran a little wild. There was some fun in it. ❜

❛ I was told before that she was charming, intelligent, well-read, gracious. A true Princess. But nothing prepared me for her beauty. But a beauty that comes from inside. To me, she is the most beautiful creature on God's earth. ❜

❛ The King has noticed you. He may ask to see you. ❜

❛ You didn't step on my foot. How could you? Your feet don't even touch the ground. I wanted a moment alone with you. ❜

❛ Would you like me to kiss you again? ❜

❛ Do not sit there. That is no place for you. Traitors do not sit among gentlemen. ❜

❛ I left her as good a maid as I found her! ❜

❛ My pride has brought its punishment. ❜

[starhvney]

Please keep up the hard work!!! Your Laurence one-shots are scratching my childhood crush needs in a desperate time. I feel like a little british orphan, god damn Oliver Twist out here, hands extended, "Please sir, I want so more." And I'll gobble down whatever you give me like. You deliver every single time I'm afraid. The stargazing? That was illegal of you. I'll pay your bail, just keep it up!

HAHAHA thank you for that visual, i heard the voice and everything lolll

thank you so much for the encouragement! it’s both keeping me motivated and pulling me deeper into the hyper fixation 😭👍🏻 so i definitely will not be stopping anytime soon

[pagetreader]

@retrograderesemblance {x}

"You think I'd humor your mother?" 

As infamous as her mother’s high-strung and manic ambition was, Penelope supposed not. Why then would Cassius Brekker, of all people, the successfully self-made businessman who had clawed his way from the ground up to contend with the aristocrats of high society, one of the most talked-about Nouveau riche in the ton, wish to propose to the third and labeled ‘least desirable’ Featherington daughter? She simply couldn’t fathom his motivations. 

“That’s all there is to it, then?” she queried with a quirked brow, “Apologies, Mr. Brekker, but I’m a little confused by the spontaneity of your proposal.” 

"Don't ask me to bend a knee. We both don't want to bear witness to such a display." 

“Perish the thought, sir,” Penelope answered, her eyes falling to the cane.  

Being so renowned among the upper class, many a rumor had spread about how he’d hurt his leg. Some said it was in war, others gossiped that it was a harsh warning from the illegal suppliers with which he made his dealings. Then some suspected he was merely born with it. As ludicrous as the former ideas were, Penelope suspected that it was somewhere in between these wildly conjured stories. 

"If you were expecting a marriage of love, I'm afraid I'll prove to be a disappointment"

"I'd never presume such. However, I simply find myself failing to understand your reasoning."

"I believe we might compliment each other well, given our business ventures. Or might it be more proper to extend my offer to Lady Whistledown?"

Entirely shocked, her eyes widened despite her extensive training in the art of impartial expression. How she wished she was holding a fan to hide her astonishment. How had he found out? Had someone told him or had he figured it out on his own? Should she admit to it or play the fool?

“I’m sure I have no idea what you mean,” she finally replied, choosing to feign ignorance as she turned to grip tightly to the railing of the terrace. He knew.

He knew.

[veny-many]

Related work :

"You should not move your arm for now, sir."

Wolffe dryly said while examining Kel-Dor's right arm. In collection, it was his General's now mechanical arm that Wolffe was checking. The copula of skin and metal site were dirty with blood and fever, but Plo not even moaned or made sound when Wolffe cleaned blood and pus, and applied a bacta patch.

"Your copula site is infected, this is far more bad than we expected."

'It is not surprising either, considering we needed illegal surgery to avoid Empire's search.'

When he heard the soft yet rumbling voice directly in his head, Wolffe's face didn't soften, only hardened by worry and anger. The anger even Wolffe didn't know where they were from, what they were for. He was exhausted. From the long journey of running underworld, fighting your brothers and whole Empire, and keep lying for everything, and wandering around the world that Wolffe was never able to experience before the end of the war. They were many new dangers everywhere, so many lies and darkness, and Wolffe needed to protect his General, no matter what happened and will happen to them. He needed to be sharp, sensitive and brave to endure all those harsh outside world. But, it was always a difficult mission to him. Even his Jedi General seemed to be more aware of the rules and cruelty of the outer world. He always saved Wolffe when his in problem.

Like before, the time when they were fighting in warfare together.

It never changed. Even after his General now injured and hurt from burnt in his skin, the pain and infection in his lost arm, and loss of his voice. Even the fact that Wolffe and his brothers were the reason now Plo is suffering.

Wolffe never felt this powerless. It felt like the Malevolence, the Khorm again.

And it made Wolffe angry. He was ashamed of this. Because it was not Plo's fault, yet it was him who was enduring when Wolffe broke down. Like that morning.

"I will go to town for myself this time. You will stay here."

Wolffe gathered his package while he ordered his friend in a low voice. Kel-Dor signed behind him, and Wolffe definitely felt more uncomfortable to hear that.

'I do not doubt about your strength and bravery, but I'm afraid that I have bad feelings about letting you go alone for today.'

And Wolffe knew that his General's concern was always collected, due to their Force ability shit or something. He knew that Plo was just worried.

"General, I and trained man. And I know about how to protect myself. It would be harder if there's more injured I need to protect."

After realizing his outburst, Wolffe quickly turned his head to door, opposite of Plo, with much shame and shock from his word.

He would never, ever feel uncomfortable for taking care of his General. He would gladly die, or die trying to save his Jedi. The Jedi who always treated clones as a sentient, a friend, a brave trooper. The Jedi who gladly accepted the place as the leader of the pack, and took the symbol of the wolf. Who fought by their side, healed their wounds and traumas, and remained by their side when they marched away. Who took many blasts and dangers to protect his troopers, always jumped to battle first, and left as the last.

He never deserved this.

He never deserved anything from this.

When Wolffe was about to quickly leave, another word rumbled through his head.

'Be careful, Wolffe.'

Plo never deserved this.

He didn't deserve Wolffe.

Who was just coward, who just watched helplessly in the pod when his brothers and General fought for him in the dard space void, who cried in pain through his eye and desperately cringing in his General's arm, who was not strong enough to fight back the sith twice, who couldn't fought the Order before attacking his General, who never admitted his helplessness and fear and turned them to anger, and always get in General's way and needed his help.

And yet, Plo always kind to him. Always tried to understand him, and wanted to help him for everything.

Wolffe felt like he was a burden. Which was funny, considering that he was the one who saved and patched his General. Maybe that wasn't enough. Wasn't enough to be by side of Plo Koon. To be his friend, his pack, his...

Wolffe shaked his head hard. There was no time for being sentimental. He needed to gather more medical supplies from markets. Plo's wound needed more treatment, and the saved supplies were running out. He couldn't fail this time. He needed to be strong and smart. For his General's sake.

Wolffe didn't come back to their hideout even after the sun went down to the ground.

Plo Koon was very worried. Worried about where Wolffe was, and what he was doing, or what happened to him. Wolffe was a man of the word, he was never late to come back to their place before the sunset. Which meant probably something that Plo always feared had happened to his friend.

Wolffe was a tough man, smart and brave, but never was a good liar and negotiator. He was dragged so many troubles in life as a civilian, and even almost dragged to danger of crimes, including murder and abduction. And yet Wolffe always wanted his General to be behind his back to ensure Plo's safety.

Wolffe always said that Plo's life and safety were the priority. That he would help his General's search and find remaining Jedis. But he was wrong.

In deepest place in Plo's mind, he knew that he would never find any survivors that easily. He doubted how many survivors were even there in galaxy. Plo was saved by the suffering of his Commander, who still had trauma from the Khorm in his eye and head. His survival was the twisted miracle made by tragedy and fondness.

Plo knew that he had no purpose after the fall of the order. Jedi had failed, his family had died, even his niece... He tried to stop her, stop her from reckless and dangerous last mission, through their last remaining bond. But she was stubborn like she always was, and also brave and honored Jedi Knight, who never backed away from what is right thing. When their bond broke for the last time, the shock had knocked down Plo in the middle of the road, which made Wolffe full panic.

After all the grief and mourning, when Plo finally managed to gather his strength to move, he watched Wolffe silently patching his wound, and finally realized.

He was never alone. He still had one purpose. At least he could find one precious priority for now.

Wolffe never managed to experience the world outside the war. The cruelty and the beauty of the galaxy, without the army, and the orders. He still could see all the new world outside. He could live to see them all.

And Plo wanted to help him to live in the world outside from the order. To protect him from the cruelty of the space. And make him experience many joy and freedom. The normal life.

Wolffe deserved it, like all other sentients do. Like all those troopers who marched away did.

And Plo would make sure at least Wolffe will get what he deserved. Because they were Pack. They offered him their space and color.

'Until the war ends.' Wolffe said when he gave Plo the vambraces painted in gray Wolfpack symbol. They're bond were for the war. The war tried to tear and break them. So they sworn to this symbol that they would protect each other as the Pack through the war. And when the war finally ends, they will go back to their home.

Now, their home were gone, and war never ended, not for them. Plo and Wolffe were still fighting in war. For survival, from the Empire, in the nightmare, they always fought together.

And Plo were determined to protect Wolffe from the war. He war not able to do that in the wartime, because they never wanted to run away from fighting for innocent. But for now, they were at least free. Wolffe didn't need to be stay sharp, to push himself off limit. Plo wanted Wolffe to be more honest to his mind and emotions, but it appeared that nothing in this galaxy had an easy road to success.

Plo checked his arm one more time. The bleeding had stopped, but the aching pain never stopped. His body felt like burning, and his breath made his throat hurt every time he breathed.

But something told him to move out.

The Force was telling him to move out. To find him. To help him.

Outside the door, the weather was dark, and tick clouds were gathering above the town. It felt like warning. Like preparing something strong.

Feeling the Force which remained in silence now shifted in air, Plo hurried his steps toward the town.

Considering his experience from his history as a seeker, it would be the hard search for his friend.

[licorishh]

So.

I just finished Act V of the Fontaine archon quest (aka the last one).

I am. Frankly astounded.

Like.

WOW. I am. Wow. The writing. Just. Oh my. Oh my word.

Huge frickin' massive biiiig fat 4.2 spoilers under the cut~

FIRST OF ALL, HOW DARE THEY MAKE ME GO FROM DESPISING FURINA TO ACTUALLY LOVING HER??? I thought she was a bratty little punk up until now but oh my gosh she's actually one of the most fascinatingly deep and dynamic and selfless characters in the whole game what???? HOW DARE THEY??? I was not going to pull for her at all and was gonna save for Ayato but bRUH??? WHAT??? (I also think Neuvillette should go down in history as like one of the most well-written and compelling fictional characters to ever exist, but that's just me, pfft.)

ALSO. THAT LAST CUTSCENE. WITH NEUVILLETTE MAKING THE FINAL VERDICT. I CRIED. THAT WAS SO BEAUTIFUL, DUDE. JUST. AAUGUGHG. The whole time they did the shtick with the Traveler watching Furina's side and Neuvillette talking to Focalors. Just. Ohhhm y gosh. The feELS, SIR. ILLEGAL.

And I already apologized a few days ago for the person I would become if Neuvillette and Navia interacted more and thEN LOOK WHAT THEY DID. LOOK WHAT THEY FREAKING DID TO ME. SHE FELL. HE FRICKIN CAUGHT HER. HE WAS THE ONE IN HER DREAM TRYING TO GET HER TO SAFETY. CAN YOU HEAR ME SCREAMING. THERE WAS MORE THAN THAT BUT I'M TOO SPASTIC AND INARTICULATE TO TALK ABOUT IT ALL RIGHT NOW. JUST. HOW'D THEY MAKE ME EVEN MORE INSANE ABOUT THEM THAN I ALREADY WAS PLEASE WHAT

Kinda sad Wriothesley was barely there, but it was understandable considering he pretty much had the spotlight during the last few quest chains and since he was chilling out in the Fortress the whole time. It made sense. Nice to have Clorinde show up more, though :D

I am so insanely glad that I didn't get anything spoiled for this because blindly reacting to it all was just. So frickin insane. I am just astounded and so so impressed. Literally this game is only getting wildly better every second the story gets more added to it. Like I originally thought it couldn't get better than Liyue, and then frickin Sumeru happened, and then nOW FRICKIN FONTAINE HJAPPENED JUST. UGH. PLEASE. WHAT. HOW. DID THEY. DO THAT. SO WELL. SIR THE WRITING AND THE GENIUS AND THE AAAAGHH

I am amazed by how much character development there was in Fontaine. For the most part, the majority of the characters in Genshin Impact are somewhat one-dimensional (which is fine, because they're still cool), and they tend to lack significant depth. That combined with the fact that the other regions' quests have been pretty tame and really the most major moral dilemmas they've tackled were things like Nahida's predicament regarding how the people viewed her in comparison to Rukkhadevata means that a lot of the time, it's the worldbuilding that really stands out. While Fontaine's worldbuilding was also excellent, they really turned everything on its head by making the characters (specifically Furina, Neuvillette, and Navia) deeply compelling, with all kinds of internal struggles and issues that the game doesn't usually go into. I could give you a whole literary analysis on why Fontaine has arguably some of the best-written characters in the game, but I'll spare you, lol. I also love that they weren't afraid to really dig in and give Fontaine some serious issues and tragedies (Navia's father's death and how the guilt of being the one to issue the verdict weighed heavily on Neuvillette, the prospect of an entire nation being killed because of one mistake the archon made, characters actually dying for once, the issue with the Melusines being seen as outcast and being horribly mistreated, Neuvillette's feelings of being an outsider and unwelcome everywhere he goes, just, MAN).

Can you tell I enjoyed the Fontaine arc or

[voiceoffenrisulfr]

Becoming Spider-Man - Chapter Six Peter Parker is in Trouble

𝐏𝐀𝐈𝐑𝐈𝐍𝐆𝐒 -> Peter Parker & Tony Stark (IronDad)

𝐒𝐔𝐌𝐌𝐀𝐑𝐘 -> In which Peter gets called to the principal's office, and Tony takes his first faltering steps into fatherhood.

𝐖𝐎𝐑𝐃𝐂𝐎𝐔𝐍𝐓 -> 1052

𝐖𝐀𝐑𝐍𝐈𝐍𝐆𝐒 -> (T) None applicable.

𝐀/𝐍 -> Check it out below, or on AO3 here! Cute divider by @/sweetmelodygraphics!

<- Previous Chapter (5/16) Next Chapter (7/16) ->

I sat picking at the skin around my thumb, the short bursts of pain keeping me grounded as my leg bounced, fuelled by my limitless anxiety.

"… disappointing, Mr. Parker. We've done our best to support you these last few months, and it feels as though you're taking advantage of our good will. Behaviour like this cannot be allowed to continue…"

My principal's voice faded back out, attention fixed firmly on a moth-shaped stain by my left foot, somehow both bored and stressed in equal measure.

"… no choice but to call your guardian – Mr. Stark, is it? I think he will be equally unimpressed by-"

"What? No! You can't!" I yelped, springing out of my seat as the threat permeated my fog. "You can't call Mr. Stark – he'll be so disappointed. I won't do it again, okay? I promise!"

The principal's lips pursed empathetically, despite the hard set to his jaw. "I imagine he will be, Mr. Parker. But you're a minor – what you did was illegal, and we are required to inform your guardian. I'm sorry, but he's already on his way."

My face was still buried in my hands when the door opened, and I stiffened, too afraid to look up. I had no fear of Mr. Stark himself, but disappointing him, especially after everything he'd done for me, was my worst nightmare.

He sighed as he took the seat beside me, one hand reaching out to pet my arm uncertainly. "It's alright, kid. What happened? They just called, said they needed to talk to me… Are you okay?"

I wasn't able to repress a sob at his concern; here was a man who was summoned for my punishment, and his very first thought was of me.

How could I do this to him?

I raised my head reluctantly, swiping tears from under my eyes. "I'm s-sorry, Mr. Stark. It was dumb, I know I shouldn't have-"

He raised one hand, eyes hidden by his impenetrable shades. "You're in trouble?" he clarified, incredulous, and let out a bark of laughter when I nodded. "When they called, I thought… I worried that… Well. I'm just glad you're okay."

"I'm afraid this is no laughing matter, Mr. Stark. Peter was caught smoking behind the bike sheds with some older students – and as you are aware, his age means that this is an illegal activity. We are obligated to inform parents, in situations like this. Or a child's guardian," the principal added hurriedly, wincing at his blunder. Tony merely raised at eyebrow, turning back to me.

"Smoking?"

I flinched, ducking my head. "I know. It was dumb… I've never done it before, though, honest. I just wanted to try it – see what all the fuss was about."

Tony removed his sunglasses slowly, pausing with our eyes locked before moving his gaze back to the principal. "I understand your concern. As you can imagine, I am very disappointed in this behaviour. We'll be having a very frank discussion about the dangers of smoking when we get home, you can be sure of that."

"I appreciate that, Mr. Stark. As you can understand, we've made the decision to suspend Mr. Parker for three days following this incident-"

"But-!"

"This is where you zip it, kid. The adult is talking," Tony muttered softly and I recoiled, suitably chagrined, despite the care in his voice.

"As I was saying…" the principle continued, narrowing his eyes in my direction. "Mr. Parker can return to school on Monday. I don't want to have this conversation again, Peter. You're a bright student with a promising future. You're smarter than this."

I nodded sullenly, toeing the stain beneath me. "Yes, sir."

I slid into the passenger seat of Tony's car silently, anxiety creating a prickle in my palms. "I… I'm sorry, Mr. Stark. It won't happen again…"

He waited until he'd started the engine, revving out of the lot, before his head turned toward me. "Kid, I'm not mad."

My jaw worked wordlessly before snapping shut with a painful click of colliding molars. "You're not?"

Tony lowered his shades to roll his eyes at me. "Peter, you're a kid, even if you are smart. You're gonna do dumb things sometimes, and that's fine. And who would I be to punish you for that? A little hypocritical, don't you think?" His fingers tightened infinitesimally on the wheel, skin blanching white under his grip. "Just… Don't do anything too dumb, ok? A light maiming or better, ideally."

Despite the war raging in the vein ticking by his eye, I couldn't help but laugh a little at that. "I won't lose more than a few digits, I promise."

"… I've made some mistakes in my time, kid." Tony's voice was quiet but clear, prominent in the silence that felt heavy without his usual music in the background. It was the first day of my suspension, and I was diligently penning an essay about the role of the American Revolution in the women's rights movement. He'd been quiet the night before, seemingly stuck in his own mind, and had retired to bed early, leaving me to drift around the apartment like a spectral guest, restless and without direction.

"I know, Mr. Stark," I replied after a moment, eyes fixed on the back of his head. "But it's ok. Everyone makes mistakes, y'know?"

His head half-turned towards me, revealing the tight set of his jaw. "Not everyone makes mistakes that get people killed. Not everyone's mistakes cause mass murder."

The weapons, I realised with a wince. Stark Industries used to be a weapons manufacturer. "Maybe not…" I conceded quietly, absently spinning my pen between my fingers. "But not everyone repents with acts of penance that save countless people, too," I countered, thinking of the outreach programs, the international aid, the recurring, incredible donations.

A soft smile graced his face as he turned to look at me fully, the faintest hint of a glimmer in the corner of his eye. "Repentance… Maybe. But I doubt there is any chance of absolution for me. Though I appreciate you trying, kid. It means a lot." He watched me for a heartbeat longer before nodding himself, seemingly quieted in his soul as he turned back to his latest project. "Friday, play my Rock God playlist. Bump the volume."

[mamamittens]

Well, if you insist @bookandyarndragon

Here's the ridiculous self indulgent isekia nonsense with two versions of Nikia with and without wings in as close to the early manga style as I've managed so far (I referenced Sanji's introduction specifically and color picked from one of the colored covers) recreated digitally.

Anyway!

I didn't think of a name for the crew or how this series of shenanigans starts, nor names for the crew since this was just like... An hour of mindless wandering and memeing to myself.

Also, I'm not referring to first person because it makes this feel like I think it's real on some level and I don't need that level of disassociation on top of what I already have during the workday lol

But! The start was how the "Sir" thing starts. Which is that shortly after getting on board of the ship Nikia sees the state of the kitchen and is immediately horrified. It's a mess from the crew making desperate meals and not knowing how to cook and clean after themselves to save their damn life on account of the aforementioned cookbook thoughtfully left behind being quite illegible.

So she tears them a new one and tells them they're not allowed in until they understand what "mildew" means and the life cycle of gnats in the kitchen. They respond in fear "Yes, Sir!!" And she thinks they're just intimidated and when they keep it up, thinks it's a in-joke now.

Not realizing they're too afraid to ask her name and believe she's a very crabby "he". A running joke is that every time she almost tells them her name or correct the use of "Sir", something happens to interrupt.

The crew itself is more of the fun having, romantic type of pirates not interested in conquest but just adventure and maybe some treasure.

The captain is charismatic, fun loving, and has an uncanny ability to set things on fire. Once, Nikia asked him to boil a pot of water and it spontaneously caught fire... Without even having anything inside. He also has the ability to always know when it will rain. Just rain though. He also has a fear of swans despite the figurehead of the ship being a swan.

This was due to losing a bet and the crew thought it would be funny. If Nikia has wings, this helps explain why he's quickly intimidated by her.

The first mate is also the navigator and always knows what the weather is about to do but doesn't always pick up on rain for some reason. Anytime him and the captain argue about the weather, they're somehow both right. Every damn time. Even when they shouldn't be. He also likes taking pictures and delights in capturing his fellow crewmate's at unfortunate times to plaster it on the notice board.

The sharp shooter only likes pulling off trick shots to set of complex actions when literally just shooting his opponent would have worked--which he is fully capable of. He just refuses to not show off. He enjoys collecting books in his spare time but don't bother asking how he organizes them. He doesn't. He just always manages to pull the one he wants on the first try despite having no idea where he put it.

The swordsmen are twins who work together uncannily well but are disastrously clumsy apart. They also really like circling whoever they talk to while sharing lines and end up making their unfortunate conversation partner really dizzy. They were the ones that cleaned the kitchen between "meals" but eventually got so sick of it they abandoned the task.

The shipwright is a big fan of miniaturized craftsmanship so the ship is actually beautifully detailed. He just takes forever to work because nearly every inch of his work is engraved or embellished with art. Repairs the ship but enjoys engraving eggshells in his spare time. Comedically large man, so this hobby is both cute and a bit comedic.

And that's all I have for my crew of dweebs.

I figured the fighting Whitebeard thing would be because they overheard Whitebeard was pissed off and, when they ran into him at sea, assumed the Yonko wouldn't hesitate to fight and figured they may as well meet it head on. Nikia had no idea they were doing this and they were too afraid to enter the kitchen to inform her.