#i'll... confront that problem if it appears i guess.

[orcelito]

Either I have a very acute sense of smell or Tally's poops are VERY, VERY stinky

[heavyhitterheaux]

The Marriage Pact Part 5 (Slight NSFW)

In Sickness and in Health

A/N: Buckle up this is a LONG one 🤭

Synopsis: You get some advice from Urban and confront Jack about how he's been acting towards you once you leave him high and dry in the middle of his world tour. All you want is for the two of you to be on the same page, but when something gets revealed to you, you have to decide what is the best thing for your peace of mind moving forward

Pairing: Fiance!Jack Harlow x Fiancée!Reader

Series Masterlist

Special thank you to @hoodharlow for giving me a few ideas 💕

Please Do Not Repost My Content Anywhere

"Baby, it's not a big deal!" Jack said once you had finally caught up with him later in the day since the text had gone unanswered.

The text bubble kept appearing and disappearing for about five minutes before Jack just stopped trying to explain it over text knowing that it wasn't going to go over well. But now that you were in front of him, it wasn't going well now either. 

"How is it not a big deal when you are basically all over her!?" You asked as you shoved your phone into Jack’s face that had the picture of him and Neelam and all he did was roll his eyes. Making you think that he wasn't taming anything that you were saying seriously.

"It is literally just a picture."

"With someone that I don't even like and I told you how I felt about her and what do you do? Take a picture with her while you're half naked."

"Your jealousy is showing again." Jack simply muttered and you couldn’t do anything but roll your eyes.

"Oh, I'm going to be showing a lot more than that if you don't get your fucking shit together. And it's not jealousy. It is literally about respecting me as your partner and who is about to be your wife! Or did you suddenly forget that you put this ring on my finger?"

"I didn't forget a damn thing and I have my shit together, it's you who is so damn insecure. So every woman that I take a picture with, you think I want to sleep with them knowing that I have you? You're it for me and I don't want anyone else. I don't know how many times I have to tell you that."

All you did was stare at him. Once he had called you insecure, you didn't hear anything else after that.

He knew that saying that would hurt you based on you telling him that your ex would constantly say that and would gaslight you into thinking that everything that went wrong in the relationship was your fault and wouldn't take accountability for what he had done wrong.

"Shit, baby, I didn't….." Jack started to say as he realized what he had said previously and was trying to backtrack, but you weren't having it.

All you did was hug yourself as you stepped away from him. It was something that you had been working on and you knew that it was going to take time in order to break out of that mindset.

"Y/N, I didn't mean that and I know how…"

"If you didn't mean it then you wouldn't have said it. I have things to do so I guess I'll see you later."  You said while trying to turn away from him, but he pulled you back.

"Baby, just listen to me for a second. Please." Jack pleaded with you as he grabbed your hand, but a verbal answer didn't come out of your mouth until you knew he wasn't going to let this go. 

"No, I'm not doing this with you right now."

"We don't run away from our problems, we talk about them."

"Wouldn't have to talk about them if you didn't keep creating them." 

That instantly made him go quiet.

"We just wanted to take a picture. That was it."

All you did was stare at him before you even bothered to respond.

"Like I said, I guess I'll see you later."

"Baby, I'm sorry, okay? If I would have known that you would be this upset about it, I wouldn't have done it."

"Why wouldn't you think I would be this upset seeing as she definitely isn't my favorite person to be around? And I don't like her being around you so much." You asked while looking up at him.

"Here we go again with this shit. It is literally HER JOB."

"A job that I have had for how many years? And all of a sudden you and Chris decided that I need help?"

"How many times are we going to go over this?" Jack asked you while running a hand through his curls.

"As many times as it takes to get through your thick skull because obviously it hasn't worked quite yet." You answered while sitting down, but Jack took this opportunity to sit down next to you and slide you onto his lap no matter how hard you were trying to get away from him.

"I love you, you know that right? And like I said, I'm sorry and it won't happen again."

"Do I?"

"Y/N, come on. Don't be like that."

"How can I not be like that?"

"Like I said it won't happen again and I'm not letting you get up until you tell me you love me."

"I love you, now let me get up."

"I…. seriously?" Jack asked as he looked at you and all you did was shrug.

"I told you now I have things to do. Let me go."

"Hold on. What can I do to make this up to you?" He asked as he kissed your nose and smiled at you with those blue eyes that you loved so much. 

All you did was look down and play with your engagement ring and kept quiet until you heard Jack speak again.

"How about it's just me and you for the rest of the day? No distractions."

"Hmm…."

"No phones, just me loving up on my baby girl. So what do you say?"

"No interruptions?" You asked and all Jack did was smirk.

"Baby, I'm putting the do not disturb sign on the door to the hotel suite and putting my phone on DND. Is that a good answer?"

"I guess it's a good start." You said while shrugging even though deep down you knew for a fact that you were letting this slide a little too easily. However, arguing and fighting with Jack was one of the last things that you ever wanted to do. It took too much energy and if he said that it wasn't going to happen again, you were going to take his word for it. All you could do was hope that he didn't go back on it.

"Good because I already have everything set up. I was going to do this today anyway, just as a thank you for everything you do for me. That's why I had you go out with Ari earlier."

"I… you didn't have to do that." You said while shaking your head as Jack stood up and placed you on your feet.

"Yes I did. You're important to me and I never want you to forget that. We're in this for the long haul." Jack answered as he leaned down to kiss you.

"No one or anything is ever going to come between us because I'm not going to let them." He added while starting to pull your top over your head.

"I want to take a bath with my fiancée, how does that sound?"

"It sounds good. No complaints from me."

Jack simply nodded as he continued to undress you and finally got himself undressed as he went to run the water.

When it was warm enough, he got in first so that you would be able to sit in front of him and held onto your hand to help you so that you wouldn't fall.

Once you were settled all you did was lean against Jack's chest as he wrapped his arms around you and kissed down your neck.

"I love you and I'll never get tired of saying it." Jack softly whispered in your ear before kissing underneath it.

"I love you too. I just…. want us to be on the same page. I don't like arguing with you. I don't think we ever got into this many disagreements before."

"And I don't like arguing with you either or getting you upset. That's literally the last thing I want. My job is to take care of you and not hurt you. I haven't done a very good job of that lately, but I promise that things will be different moving forward."

"I'm holding you to that."

—

"Baby I…." You breathlessly let out as you and Jack got into a comfortable rhythm.

He promised to take his time with you and he was doing just that while also making sure that no one disturbed the two of you with both phones being placed on DND and face down on the dresser in the bedroom.

Jack then placed both of your legs on his shoulders making the hold that you had around his neck grow tighter.

"That's it, pretty girl. You're taking me so well." Jack said as he placed several kisses upon your lips and slowed down.

"You feel so good around me and I know I'm not about to last much longer."

Jack then slid out of you and took one long lick across your folds which instantly made you gasp.

"Mmm, baby don't stop, don't stop." You told Jack as your hands made their way to his curls and simply held his head in place while he continued to pleasure you.

"Shiiiit." Jack then inserted three of his fingers while still keeping his mouth on you and you were doing your best to stay quiet since the last thing you wanted to hear was a noise complaint because you were too loud. It didn't matter if you two had your own suite or not.

Jack then slid his fingers out of you and instantly went to suck on your clit and made sure to hold you down because he knew if he didn't that you would try and move away from him.

At this point, no sounds were even coming out of your mouth because of how much pleasure that you were in and it was only a matter of time before you came all over Jack’s face.

In order to get you to your peak faster, Jack sucked your clit harder  and without warning, you felt a gush of liquid release from you and cover Jack’s face as you let out a gasp, but he obviously didn't think anything of it as he still continued to pleasure you.

Once you had finally come down from your high, Jack then slid back into you making the both of you moan in pleasure.

You then noticed him increase his pace as you held him tighter knowing that he was close.

Not even a minute later, you felt him release in you as he collapsed on top of your chest as you kissed down his neck.

"I don't know what I did to get you to squirt all over my face, but I'm definitely going to try to make it happen again." Jack said as he leaned down to kiss you and he noticed that you were shying away from him.

"What's wrong?" Jack asked as he began caressing your face.

"I just…."

"Nothing to be embarrassed about, baby. Just happens sometimes when I make you feel good. I know we're both still learning what you like and don't like and I'm always going to go at your pace, okay?"

All you did was nod as Jack leaned down to place several kisses all over your face before going to your lips and all you did was flip him over onto his back startling him.

"Damn, I knew you were strong but I wasn't expecting that shit." Jack expressed as he looked up at you straddling him.

"I want you to teach me how to ride you." You said and could tell that he was startled by this.

"Are you sure you can go another round? I don't want to…"

"Yes I'm sure, so hurry up."

"Class is in session then. I'm loving this view already."

A few days had passed and you were finalizing the details of the mini trip that you were taking Jack on to surprise him to give him a much needed break from tour life. He had a week and a half off in total and three of those days would be used to fly the two of you to Japan in order to take him to the Pokémon museum since you knew that he had never been before while the other days the two of you were going to spend wedding planning.

You told everyone under the sun not to book anything for Jack for those particular days and you were excited to be able to have him all to yourself. You had been planning this for a while and couldn't wait to see the look on his face when you told him.

All of you were at dinner after one of Jack’s shows and you had been stealing food off of his plate when you suddenly heard Neelam pipe up.

"Oh, Jack, I booked you for a photoshoot and interview next week. On Wednesday and Thursday."

"Okay, that's fine." He responded not thinking anything of it but you looked at her as if she had three heads.

"Um no it's not fine. I have said from the beginning of this tour to not book anything for the next week and a half. You should have cleared that with me or Chris, but I see you just went on and did your own thing."

"I didn't think it was a big deal. It's a good opportunity for him to get a few more things in before Christmas."

"Well it is a big deal seeing as the bulk of those days were for wedding planning and for something I had planned for him. I obviously said not to schedule him for anything during those days for a reason."

"Baby, it's not a big deal, can't you just move it?" Jack asked not wanting an argument to ensue, but it looked like one was about to happen anyway.

All because he took her side.

"Did you just say to me that it's not a big deal?" You asked while looking over at Jack who looked as if he was trying to choose his next words carefully.

"Uh oh." Was all Urban whispered before taking another bite of his food.

"We do things together all the time, it's just one thing and the wedding planning can still happen. I'd rather do the interview and photoshoot during my break from tour anyway. Just get it out the way."

"That still doesn't excuse the fact that Neelam over here is not staying in her lane and respecting boundaries." You said while crossing your arms and looking at her.

"I got 100 dollars on Y/N." 2fo whispered to Quiiso who quickly nodded his head to agree.

"What the? What is your actual problem? I was hired to do a job and I am doing said job. Not my fault you're so focused on wedding planning and not your soon to be husband's actual career." Neelam said and everyone at the table looked at you for your response.

"Excuse me? Who the actual fuck are you talking to because I know for damn sure that it isn't me. I have done this for more than ten years by myself and I damn sure don't need your help. So do me a favor and learn to stay in your place like I said. You're lucky that you didn't get your ass beat because of that picture you decided to take with my man knowing that you had absolutely no business doing so."

"And this is the one you're supposed to marry soon? You could definitely do better." Neelam said to Jack and that could be heard was a collective gasp at the table.

"So, Jackman, you're actually going to let her talk to me like that?"

"Can we just drop this? I'm doing the photoshoot and interview."

"And just forget about what I have planned?!"

"I have the opportunity in front of me so I want to take it. Like I said, we can change things around to do it later."

All you did was nod your head and simply slid your chair out from the table in order to leave.

"Fine. Urby, do you want to go with me to the Pokémon museum in Japan since Jack doesn't want to?"

"Oh shit. You didn't say that's what it was!" Jack said while looking at you, but all you did was roll your eyes.

"Anyway, Urby. Do you want to go? Everything is booked."

"I… well…"

"Never mind. I'll ask Ari and make it a girls trip but as of right now, good fucking night." 

The next day, you woke up early and kept yourself busy to avoid having to run into Jack. Even though the two of you slept in the same room, you were asleep before he got back and was gone before he woke up. He had been blowing up your phone left and right, but you weren't giving him the time of day. 

Future Hubby- Baby, where are you? I haven't seen you all day

You- and you're not going to

Future Hubby- Come on Y/N, I didn't know that was what you had planned. I feel shitty about it.

You- It doesn't fucking matter. If I said that I had something planned for you, the courteous thing to do is go along with it because of all of the time and effort I put into it. And do you feel shitty? Because the fact that you didn't defend me last night from her speaks volumes. Go bother Neelam since you want to be up her ass so bad.

Jack tried to send you another text, but soon realized that you had blocked him.

He was currently with Neelam and Urban at the moment and all he did was sigh.

"Nee, let's get something straight. Do not ever disrespect my girl again. She knows me a lot better than you do and knows what I need. I know you’re trying to help, but I just want the two of you to get along. But please realize that my future wife is not going anywhere."

"Hmm a little too little too late for that." Urban muttered under his breath and Jack shot him a look. 

"But she…"

"But nothing. That's my girl and what she says goes. If you want to plan something, clear it with her moving forward."

"I just want to help since that's the whole reason I was brought on."

"And you can help without stepping on anyone's toes. Don't let it happen again."

While all of this was going on, Urban had been texting you and letting you know what had been happening.

Urby- Ooh look who finally grew some balls and stood up for his wife!

You- He can shove it for all I care. Too little too late. 

Urby- Same thing I said smh but he did put her in her place even if it should have been done months ago. Oh and he's asking if you could unblock him

You- No.

Urby- I'll relay the message lol

Next thing you knew, you had an incoming facetime call from Urban and knew it was Jack calling. And sure enough when you answered you were right.

"Baby! Unblock me!"

"And what makes you think you deserve to be unblocked?"

"Stop playing! Because I'll be your husband soon."

"And that's the best answer that you can come up with?"

"Please baby girl. I love you and I'm sorry."

"All you've been doing is apologizing lately and I'm sick of it."

"I know… I…"

"Bye Jackman."

Without another word you hung up.

It was now around 11 at night and Jack was knocked out cold when you went to go and find Urban. You did end up unblocking him however, you still didn't want to talk to him.

Urban had let you in and the two of you were now outside as he listened to how you felt about what had been happening regarding Jack lately.

"Come on Y/N,  you had to have seen this coming from a mile away."

"How could I have seen this coming?" You asked Urban while you sat across from him on the balcony. You know he had to have been looking for you by now, but your phone still hadn't gone off with so much as a text message or a call. It was almost as if he didn't even care and that bothered you to no end.

"You know he’s a whore and it's always been like that, you turned a blind eye before but now that you're on the receiving end, everything isn't always what it seems huh? As much as he brushes it off, he is still insecure and embraces any type of attention that women give him even though by now he should only want that attention from you." Urban told you and you couldn’t help but for your eyes to water.

"Urby…."

This was the last thing that you wanted to hear right now.

"You thought that he would change for you? I mean that's fair seeing as how much he loves and cares about you, but is that enough to make him do it? I mean you said yes to marrying him so you are just as responsible for this as he is. He's my best friend too, but he has shown you time and time again the traits of someone who doesn't actually want to be tied down or married." Urban quietly confessed as he took a swig of his Modelo. 

"Then why in the world would he ask me to marry him in the first place? That's a serious commitment."

"Because he knows that you're the only one that is going to put up with his shit, no matter what he does and no matter how much it might affect you as horrible as that sounds. He knows that you're always going to be there. Just because his ass turned thirty doesn't mean that the maturity aspect is there. Y/N, I am in no way, shape, or form trying to hurt your feelings, like I said in the beginning, the last thing I want to see is both of you heartbroken but especially you. You don't deserve this."

"I just don't know what to do anymore. It's a continuous cycle. He does something that I don't like, I get pissed off, he apologizes, and does something else and the cycle continues. But this one takes the cake. How could he side with her when I have been there for him through everything? I have never steered him wrong and I have always had his best interest." At that point, Urban had handed you one of your favorite wine coolers knowing that this was going to be a long night.

"You know what you need to do. Put yourself first and I guarantee that will be the wake up call he needs to get his shit together."

"Does he even want to marry me anymore? That's the ultimate question."

"Now the only person that can answer that is him, but from the outside looking in…. Would you want to be married to someone who disrespected you like that yesterday?"

“I guess not.”

“You’ve been living in a fantasy world and now it’s time to wake up.”

You stayed with Urban for about another hour or so and you decided to take his advice.

From now on, you planned on putting yourself first.

When Jack had woken up later on the next morning with his alarm blasting in his ear, he reached over for you and frowned when he noticed that your side of the bed was empty and cold meaning that you hadn’t been there next to him for quite some time.

All he did was sigh as he got up and started to get ready for the day, figuring that he would see you at some point and hoping that you at least were a little less mad at him than you were yesterday. 

Once he had finished getting ready, he figured that he would at least check your location to see where you were since the two of you shared it with each other at all times just in case to be safe and got an even bigger frown on his face when he saw that you had turned yours off. 

He couldn’t even remember the last time you had done that and immediately hit your contact in order to call you. He needed to know where you were and if you were safe. 

He called you at least three times and was immediately sent to voicemail before he began to send a series of texts, hoping that you would at least answer those.

Future Hubby- Baby, why is your location off? Where are you? You know we always keep it on

Future Hubby- Hold on, where the hell are all your bags?! 

Future Hubby- Y/N, answer me right now. Where are you and what is going on?!?!

When he didn’t get an answer from you, he immediately called Urban.

“Hello?”

“Urb, where’s my girl? Have you seen her?”

“Well, good morning to you too and no. After our talk last night…..” Jack immediately cut him off.

“Wait, after what talk? What is going on?”

“All I’m going to tell you is that you need to realize what you have before you lose it. Do what you will with that information.”

“What did she tell you? All of her bags are gone and she turned off her location. We always know where the other person is at all times. I just need to know that she’s safe.”

“It’s not my place to tell you what she told me but if the two of you are going to get married a lot of things need to get fixed before you do.”

“I’ll talk to her, but can you just tell me if you see or hear from her?”

“Sure. Hmm, I wonder if this has to do anything with me telling her to put herself first.” Urban said while thinking out loud.

“Urb!”

“What?! Not my fault you’ve been treating your girl like shit. You made your bed so lie in it. You should have stood up to Neelam and took up for her when that whole thing went down at dinner, but instead you did it the next day. So many situations that you have put yourself in when it didn’t have to be that way. If you want to marry her so bad, you need to show her that you value her and that she’s important to you because right now from the outside looking in, it looks like you want the single life with having marriage benefits.”

“I don’t want to be single!”

“You could have fooled me. You need to show her that you are in and I mean all in. Hopefully you fix it before it’s too late. I take it you haven’t seen her instagram story either?”

Jack put him on speaker before going to look at it and his stomach dropped.

You had postponed the wedding.

y/n added to their story

Meanwhile you were back in Louisville at your condo puking your guts out for the fifth time today. This had been going on for the last two weeks, but you didn’t say anything or mention anything to anyone thinking that it was just a stomach bug and that it would pass. However, when you touched down in Louisville and hit your favorite bakery to get a few different snacks to take home with you, the smell of your favorite cupcakes made you nauseous and you then became nervous.

Bottom line is that you knew what this was.

You had watched enough television shows and seen it in real life among your family members and friends to know there was only one clear cut explanation for what was going on with you.

You were pregnant and needed to take a test and make an appointment with your OB/GYN to confirm it and you were absolutely terrified.

“So much for being on birth control.” You muttered to yourself as you gripped the sink to help you get up from the floor and heard your phone ringing from the bedroom.

Without even having to go and look at it, you knew it was Jack since he had a different ringtone than everyone else.

You knew he was probably freaking out since you were nowhere to be found and you turned off your location which you knew he was probably pissed about since that was something that the two of you never did. 

Not bothering to answer him, you dabbed at your face with a warm washcloth before brushing your teeth and grabbing your wallet and keys to go to the nearest drug store in order to get the test along with some ginger ale and saltines in the hopes of settling your stomach.

It was only a matter of time before Jack would be on your doorstep and it probably would be in less than 24 hours.

Well, Jack found out last week that Gabrielle’s baby wasn’t his all to now eventually find out that you were now pregnant.

That was about to be a hell of a conversation since he was currently the last person that you wanted to be around.

You were tired of giving him so many chances and as you played with your engagement ring, you started to wonder if you had made the right decision by saying yes to him.

Bottom line was that if you were to slip the ring off and give it back to him at this very moment, you probably wouldn’t regret it. But you knew yourself better than that. Down the line you definitely would.

You were now going to be someone’s mother and had to set a good example for them even if that included not marrying their father. 

Jack had touched down in Louisville later that afternoon in the hopes of hopefully finding you since he knew this was your safe space, just like it was his. He was going to see his parents first before setting out to go and find you and was hoping that they had seen you so that the search could be kept short.

But once he entered the house, he was surprised to see you in the kitchen with Maggie hovering over the stove and sipping on sparkling water. Once his mom spotted him she had nothing but a smile on her face, while you on the other hand just kept a straight face and turned back to the stove in order to continue making the sauce for the pasta dish you were helping Maggie make. 

“So, do you have something to tell me?” Maggie asked while looking over at Jack, who looked back at her confused.

“Tell you what?”

All Maggie did was continue to smile as she looked between the both of you but you weren’t uttering a word.

“Y/N, I see why you came home early from tour and I can only imagine how traveling would take a toll on your body. And of course this one over here had to come and check on you in order to make sure that you were okay. You did the right thing by coming home and being close to us as well as your parents. You know we’ll look after you until Jack finishes up and can be here full time with you.”

“I’m lost, can someone fill me in?” Jack asked as he tried to make eye contact with you, but you just weren’t giving him the time of day. 

“Oh, like you don’t know. No need to be like that. I can’t wait to plan for the baby shower.”

It was at that moment Jack’s heart fell out of his ass.

All he could do was mouth ‘What the fuck is she talking about?’ to you and all you did was look at him with a tight lipped smile before mouthing back ‘It’s not yours.’ which instantly made him roll his eyes since he knew for a fact that it was his.

“And I absolutely love this shirt, Y/N. Did you get one for your mom too so we can match?” Maggie asked you as she held up a shirt that you bought her that said Worlds Best Grandma and Jack just knew he was going to faint while you were steadily quiet and tasting the sauce to see if it had enough seasoning in it. 

“Yes, I got her one too. She’ll get hers tomorrow since she flew home to visit my grandma in D.C. And the food is just about ready.”

“Umm, where’s dad and Clay?” Jack asked while he looked around and tried to keep his stomach from being in knots.

“They were out doing something so we made sure to make enough for them so they have it when they come back.”

As you were trying to eat your food in the hopes that it wouldn’t come back up, Jack was sending you texts left and right.

Future Hubby- You better stop playing because this shit isn’t funny. Now are you actually pregnant?

You- Who’s this?

Future Hubby- BABY STOP PLAYING. I’M BEING SERIOUS RIGHT NOW SO CAN YOU PLEASE ANSWER MY QUESTION?

You- It isn’t yours so why are you worried about it?

Future Hubby- Now we all know that’s a lie. And why did you just leave without saying anything? Do you know how worried I was about you? Don’t ever do that again without saying anything to me. I thought something had happened to you. And postponing the wedding?! Without saying anything to me!?

You- You’re lucky I didn’t call it off completely with how you’ve been acting towards me. Eat your food and stop texting at the dinner table. It’s rude.

The rest of the dinner was awkward between you and Jack and luckily Maggie didn’t notice anything was off between the two of you. She was simply on cloud nine with the fact that she was going to be a grandmother and that was the only thing she could talk about. However,  you knew that this was about to be a whole ordeal with the two of you finally got home.

And you were going to let him have it and not hold anything back. 

The two of you drove separately and once the both of you were parked in the driveway, Jack got out first before jogging over to you to open your car door for you.

He held out his hand for you to take and you simply brushed him off. 

“Baby, please. I know you’re mad….”

“Don’t start with me, Jackman. I’m tired and I want to lay down.” You said while walking up to the front door and sliding the key in.

“But we have to talk about this. You’re pregnant with our kid, didn’t tell me and also postponed the wedding and didn’t tell me. I had to find out through your instagram post so what the hell is going on?! You just left!” Was all that you heard Jack say from behind you as you entered the house and you took a deep breath before you rolled your eyes and turned around to face him.

“Because I am so utterly sick of your shit! For you to tell me that you love me so much, it sure doesn’t feel like it! There was a time that you would prioritize me and we weren’t even in a relationship! You don’t even do that now and we are!”

“I know I’ve messed up, but…”

“That’s putting it lightly.” 

“I just…”

“No, there isn’t any excuse that you can pull out of your ass to make me instantly forgive you for everything that you’ve done. Our so-called friendship has literally turned to shit ever since I said yes to marrying you and I’m wondering if I even made the right decision by letting you put this ring on my finger.”

“Y/N… you don’t mean that. I don’t want anyone else but you!”

“Really? Because you sure don’t act like you do. You had the nerve to call me insecure, but so are you because you have to seek validation from every single woman that you come across and I have absolutely no idea when you got like that. I have told you from the beginning that you have always been more than enough and not to change for anyone, but I don’t even think I recognize the person standing in front of me anymore. Is it to make me jealous? Let me know that you have options and can leave me the second that you get tired of me? All I want is for us to be on the same damn page and now we have to add a child into this hot mess express.”

“I never looked at it like that, but I don’t plan on leaving you for anybody!”

“Did you ask me to marry you because you knew that no other woman would probably put up with all of your shit and always be there for you?” You asked and Jack looked at you in disbelief.

“I asked you to marry me because I love you! How many times do I need to say that?!”

“Or is it because your whoring days are over with so you figured hmm let me just marry Y/N so I won’t be single for the rest of my life.”

“Where is all this coming from?! You know I hate arguing with you and us being at odds. For the last time, I asked you to marry me because I love you and I wanted to spend the rest of my life with you and keep in mind YOU AGREED.”

“And that was before I knew you were going to lie to my face, let people talk down to me, and almost have a baby on me.”

“Can we just sleep on this and talk about it again in the morning? I don’t want to do this with you or end up saying something that I’m going to regret.”

“It doesn’t matter because I’m leaving. I’ve said my piece.”

“You are not going anywhere and it is literally pouring outside. I want you safe. You already ran away from me once and I for damn sure am going to do anything in order to prevent it from happening again.”

“I am leaving because I don’t want to look at you and I’m convinced that you don’t even love me like you claim that you do.”

“Now you’re talking utter bullshit. I would give up everything for you in a fucking heartbeat, but because of the person that you are you wouldn’t let me do that! You don’t do that for people that you don’t love! And we need to talk about you postponing our wedding without even letting the groom fucking know.”

“At this point, do you even deserve to? The only reason why you found out I was pregnant is because Maggie said something. Because I didn’t want to talk to you.”

All Jack did was run a hand through his curls as you were now making your way to the front door.

“Baby!”

“Don’t fucking call me that!”

“Do not leave this house!”

“And who the fuck are you to give me orders? Last time I checked, I was a grown ass woman and can do whatever the fuck I want.”

“Just… I’ll sleep in the guest bedroom if you don’t want to be near me, but just please don’t leave.” Jack pleaded with you as he grabbed your hand, but all you did was shake your head.

“You have a show tomorrow so I suggest that you fly back at at least eleven in the morning so that you’ll be there on time. Good fucking night.”

“I’m not flying anywhere until we fix this!”

“Oh, Neelam won’t miss you too much?” You sarcastically said before snatching your hand out of his.

“Y/N…..”

“I don’t think I should be your manager anymore since you want to go along with what she says all the damn time so she’ll have you all to herself.”

“WHAT?! We are NOT doing this right now!”

“Well, I am. Now me and my baby are going to get some rest in my condo and if you don’t stop getting on my fucking nerves and hurting me, the next time you’ll see me will be in the delivery room. Now for the last time, good night.”

As much as he didn’t want to, Jack watched you go to your car and back out of his driveway and knew that he could only be frustrated with himself. He was going to do everything that he possibly could in order to get back in your good graces and prove to you that you were in fact the only person that he wanted to be with for the rest of his life. 

The only reason why the two of you were at this point was because of him so he couldn’t put the blame on anyone else. You had given him chance after chance only for him to keep disappointing you every single time.

To try and relax, he hopped into the shower and had placed his phone on the sink just in case you called him or needed him for something, but at this point he highly doubted it.

He stayed under the warm water for about thirty minutes when he got out and checked his phone to see that you had turned your location back on and he could now see it.

Jack was about to put it back down, but did a double take when he noticed that you weren’t moving anywhere and that you were still only three blocks from your shared house. Almost an hour had passed and you should have been at your condo by now even if it had been raining.

As he held his phone, a call from an unknown number came through and he had a gut wrenching feeling that it had to do with you and why it had your location showing at a standstill.

“Hello?”

“Mr. Harlow? This is Dr. Spencer from Norton hospital in downtown Louisville. Your fiancée Y/N Y/L/N has been in a car accident.”  

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[woodchipp]

Yeah no I'll have to cut Basil out entirely lol. Dude has no reason to be in a version of the plot where Mari commits suicide and my attempts to organically integrate him into it without deviating from the game's original framework too much didn't work out. Which is a shame. He's got a cool design and he's interesting! The problem is that he's good only as a plot device in Headspace, and I don't want to relegate him to that :(

To make up for that, I think it'd probably make more sense for Sunny to be the photographer and for Mari to be the flower enthusiast. The former's hobby could be justified by him having memory issues, and thus the idea of creating a photo album could be born out of the fear that he'll forget his friends at some point in the future. Additionally, I think this could benefit Sunny's characterization - the photo album's captions could be used to characterize Sunny instead, and the detail of Basil being outside the frame since he's the one taking the photos would make more sense for Sunny because the game (off-handedly) mentions he's "a bit camera-shy". I imagine that he wouldn't want to be featured on his photos both because he doesn't consider himself important enough and because he wouldn't want to be reminded of his appearance :) Maybe that would also recontextualize his eternal resting bitch face in the few photos he is on as him being geniunely uncomfortable as opposed to just "not liking to smile"

I guess the photo album itself could be more of a group project the whole group is involved in, since y'know, they're friends and all that. Of course, most of the captions would be written by Sunny himself, but there could be a few captions here and there from Kel, Hero, or - better yet - Mari. Girl needs some semblance of a personality lmao

Speaking of Mari, her hobby could stem from the flower arrangement classes she and her mother were apparently taking. Maybe she'd take it up along with softball to keep herself busy or something. I just think that a scene of Mari telling Sunny about the symbolism of the flowers she recently grew could be pretty cute lol. I'm not made of stone :P

...huh, now that I'm thinking about it, Aubrey taking the photo album away could be the catalyst for Sunny becoming a hikikomori. He still continues to attend school after Mari kills herself as a way to get out of the house he simply can't bear to stay in anymore and despite his deteriorating mental state. Then one day, Aubrey begs him to let her study at his house, he reluctantly agrees, she finds the ruined photo album and angrily confronts him over it instead of stealing it on the spot (in this case, her argument that the album is important to all of the friend group would hold a bit more water since it was, after all, a group project). Being reminded about the photo album proves to be the last straw for Sunny, however, and so his anger issues come into play without causing him to kill someone in a fit of rage as he blows up at her for going through his things behind his back to look at the album without his permission. And that's when Aubrey decides she had enough and escapes with the album in tow. I imagine her crush essentially telling her to fuck off on top of seeing the ruined photos would hurt her twice as hard, and it'd give her a considerably more solid reason to hate Sunny's guts four years later.

Sunny, horrified by his behavior (and totally not reminded of the big argument Mari killed herself after, ofc :)) decides to shut himself off from the outside world for good. Can't hurt anyone ever again if you remove yourself out of their lives altogether and all that. Oh, and by the way, isn't it funny how there's another character who directed a furious outburst at someone they cared about?

[beansterpie]

ES21 japanese volumes part 3/??

<< part 1 < part 2 ||

HAHAHA guess who found a site with japanese scans?? (Also yes hello it's been close to.... half a year??? (fuck) since my last post-- a big part of that is because taking clear pics of panels/pages on my phone was a pain in the ass so I kept procrastinating lol)

Now lets get back into it!

We left off at the end of Sena's unwilling first morning practice, where we got to see just how fast he's able to run. We were then informed that their first match is happening the following day... while only having 3 players :')

oh the lengths one must take to subdue Cerberos....

Panel 2 -> HIRUMA: We need 8 people by tomorrow's match! We'll split up to gather them! Panel 3 -> KURITA: 8 people? SENA: I thought you said that American Football requires 11 people...

You'd think he might catch on to what's happening after all the 'top speed in the NFL!' fuss at the end of the last chapter.... but our boy is not smart, your honor.

But Hiruma (seemingly) relents, saying how they each have to find at least 3 people to help out their team by the end of the day. Whoever finds the least amount of people faces whatever penalty game that Hiruma comes up with, so uh, there's reason to fear.

Panel 1 -> Basketball club Panel 2 -> SENA: Alright, I'll start here...! Panel 3 -> imaginary SENA: How would you like to play in an American Football match? Panel 4 -> imaginary SENA: We'll prepare all of the equipment! All you have to bring is your fighting spirit!!

imagination vs reality....

Panel 1 -> SENA: Um... excuse me Panel 2 -> SENA: So... I was wondering if maybe I could get you guys to play in an American Football match for us... or something... Panel 4 -> JERSEY #16: Ahh... I'll pass. JERSEY #8: Yeah, not interested. SENA: I-is that so... Panel 5 -> SENA: Aahh-- it's no good. Why do I always....

Ah poor Sena. But all those years of timidness and cowardice aren't going to up and disappear overnight because then we wouldn't have a story. Also, an aside, but in these earlier chapters Sena has this little... verbal tick, I guess? where he ends his sentences (usually requests) with "なんて…" (na-nn-te), shown in panel 2. A different form of the word is often used at the end of a joke, meaning essentially "just kidding!", and this is like... an uncommitted, spineless little version of that. He's asking them if they would please consider playing in a match, and basically ending it with: "haha jk...." 😔

I translated it as "or something..." because he ISN'T joking, he just can't help but say it because he's that non-confrontational, and I thought that might be confusing without context? Or perhaps I'm just over-explaining, but alas.

Panel 1 -> KURITA: Wanna play in an American Football match!? Panel 2 -> JERSEY #16 & #8: No! Panel 4 -> SENA: No, it's not over yet! This isn't the only sports club! Panel 5 -> SENA: I'll go around to all of 'em--! Panel 6 -> HIRUMA: You're playing in a match for the American Football club!

I had to put in all three of their uh, pitches? to the basketball club because I love this little sequence lol. It's such a fun way to show the differences in how each character approaches a problem, and visually displays their body language so well. It's like the funniest version of the three billy goats gruff story

Is this the first official appearance of Hiruma's little black book? It's funny, it's dastardly, and it's just as much for the sake of cartoon violence as his guns are lol. (Seriously, some of the stuff he uses to blackmail people has me side eyeing Hiruma (and Inagaki) real hard rip. The fact that you're not supposed to take any of it seriously is it's saving grace.)

Panel 1 -> JERSEY #16: Uwah, again!? JERSEY #8: Will you give it a rest!! We said we're not gonna play!! Panel 2 -> HIRUMA: Hooo~ that defiant attitude.... I take it you two are first years? Panel 3 -> HIRUMA: Hhmmmm, so Satake-kun from year 1 class 2, and Yamaoka-kun from class 5, huh? Panel 4 -> HIRUMA: Satake-kun is-- well well! The true culprit behind the underwear thefts of the swimming club! And Yamaoka-kun-- what's this? He gives a kiss to his poster of Ai Kago every morning? Whoow, isn't this painful! SATAKE: Wha-- YAMAOKA: How do you-- Panel 5 -> HIRUMA: Now, I think I'll just spread the word!!! SATAKE: Waahh w-we'll play, we'll play! YAMAOKA: Please let us play in the American Football match!!

The severity of the dirt seems pretty skewed to me, but I guess to a teenage anime boy from the early 00's, general embarrassment is just as bad as sexually harrassing your schoolmates 🙃

But anyway, now we know exactly why Hiruma is so feared by the general student body (and faculty)! A real menace to society <3 Btw, at the time Ai Kago was a girl in the pop idol group Morning Musume.

After going to every other sports club in Deimon, Sena finally comes into some luck at the track and field club....

ISHIMARU: An American Football match? Yeah sure, I'll play!

Ishimaru.... you're such a good guy..... 😭

Panel 1 -> SENA: R-really!? ISHIMARU: Yeah, and y'know-- Hiruma's probably gathering the first years, right? Panel 2 -> ISHIMARU: So if I play with them, I'll get to know their physical abilities, and I can invite any of the promising ones to the track and field club. Panel 3 -> ISHIMARU: That's ok, isn't it? As a give and take. SENA: O-of course!! Panel 4 -> SENA: (Yay, that's one person!) Then I'll be seeing you tomorrow! Panel 5 -> ISHIMARU: Tomorrow!!? That's impossible! SENA: What--!!? Panel 6 -> ISHIMARU: I work part time for the local magazine delivery-- I have to deliver them all by noon tomorrow so it'll be tight. Sorry

Poor boy can't catch a break. And enjoy Ishimaru in his like, first and last serious arc for the rest of the series..... :') you deserved better my boy.....

Ishimaru's fairly casual attitude towards Hirma makes me so curious about what he's like in class though lol. I guess for people that Hiruma has no direct use for, they end up flying under the radar and don't have a strong opinion on him? Maybe to some students in Deimon, Hiruma is just 'that eccentric guy in my grade' lol. Strange thought.

But you know, at least Hiruma managed to get some people to help out! Wow, such charisma.

Panel 1 -> (from left to right on the chart -> ): Sena, Kurita, Hiruma Panel 2 -> SENA: Amazing!! So many, just by himself...

Panel 1 -> SENA: Hiiee!? Panel 2 -> KURITA: Hey.... I guess you're also at zero, huh.... Panel 3 -> KURITA: Even Hiruma stopped after 7 people.... and all the sports clubs have already gone home.... It's no good, we're not going to make it in time for the tournament.... Panel 5 -> SENA: I-I'm going to make another round!

Like, ok. So I haven't actually read that many sports manga (mainly because they tend to not hold my attention very long), but Eyeshield's opening chapters are so charming and cute and like... well set up that I always love re-reading it. It might ultimately be a classic coming of age/underdog story, but at this point Sena isn't even interested in playing the damn sport lol (in fact playing the sport is the thing he's got the most reservations about). It's just that he's made friends with Kurita and wants to help him (and Hiruma) towards this goal they're so passionate about, and also wants to feel like a part of something. Idk, it's really successful in fleshing out Sena's personality imo, and manages to make this extremely cowardly kid very endearing (which I think is kind of a rare thing in a shounen manga protag, not to mention a sports manga one).

BUT anyway, he spots Ishimaru doing deliveries and jumps over the fence to reach him.

SENA: Please let me gopher-- no, I mean-- please let me help you!

His heart is in the right place! When you've been a doormat your whole life, it takes a minute to move past it!!

Anyway, skipping ahead a few pages because I've already used too many images on this chapter lol (not me straight up posting half the pages of this chapter so far 😭) -- Sena helps Ishimaru deliver half of the magazines and so they manage to hand them all out that night. Since that frees Ishimaru up the following day, he agrees to play in the match-- which means Sena managed to get one person!

He returns to the club room and tells Kurita the good news, but that still leaves them with.... 10 people.

Panel 2 -> KURITA: We're short.... one person.... Panel 3 -> KURITA: We were so close.... Panels 5 & 6 -> Sounds of the crowd cheering

Panel 1 -> SENA: U-um! Panel 2 -> SENA: For the last person, if I... if I participate...

Whenever Sena thinks about potentially playing American Football in these early chapters, I've always liked that the things he focuses on is the sound of the crowd, the... kinship, maybe? of being on a team. There's probably an element of the glory that appeals to him, but it mostly seems to be the ambience and passion and unity that he's drawn to. As opposed to like, Monta later on who (initially, anyway) really just wants the fame and adoration of being a popular player lol (and good for him, the heart wants what it wants). But for Sena, as the protagonist, it helps me connect to his wants at this point in the story a lot more organically as opposed to if his desire had always been "I wanna be The Best Sportsman™!!!" But again, that's a me thing lol.

Of course Hiruma has to interrupt before Sena commits one way or another lol

Panel 1 -> HIRUMA: That fucking konbini!! Running out of sugarless gum!! Not even flies would chew on that nasty-ass sweet gum!! Panel 2 -> HIRUMA: Oh damn, I forgot to put them up halfway through.

Hiruma's comically short temper that vanishes between one panel and the next will always be funny to me lol. Explosively coming into the club room, ranting about unimportant bullshit while tossing soda at to his teammates (which is quite thoughtful of him actually) and then casually revealing that he's taken care of everything....

Sometimes when I'm feeling unmotivated, I think to myself "what would Hiruma do?" the answer is usually 'several illegal things', but I can at least try to emulate his proactiveness lol.

Panel 2 -> SENA & KURITA: WE DID IIITT Panel 3 -> HIRUMA: We didn't do anything!!! I'm the one who ended up doing it all, you useless idiots!! Actually, give back my cola!! I don't have a single drop of fluid to spare for you morons!! Wilt and die!

Well. No one ever claimed Hiruma was gracious.

That's (more or less) the end of chapter 3! Finally!! The chapter ends with another character room, this time for Hiruma. I'm also putting Kurita's here, which was at the end of chapter 2 but didn't manage to squeeze in.

Page 1 Kurita Ryoukan 2nd Year Deimon Devilbats #77 Power: ***** Speed: * Technique: ** [upper corner: "My refrigerator" bottom left: "Bookshelf-- bursting with American Football magazines" bottom center: "Weights over 100kg"] Page 2 Hiruma Youichi 2nd Year Deimon Devilbats #1 Power: ** Speed: ** Technique: *****

When I read this manga for the first time back in highschool, I was SO frustrated that it just showed the club room instead of Hiruma's bedroom. Ngl I still feel a little cheated, but I guess they had to maintain that gremlin mystique somehow 😔

(Also join me as I puzzle over where the fuck Kurita keeps his futon.... 🤔)

------------

I was going to cover the next chapter as well, but I think I'll just end this part here-- the next chapter is more or less when the first match starts, so I figure I'll do those together! Honestly this chunk of the story didn't have any egregious translation errors in the fanscans so there wasn't too much to comment on that front lol. Enjoy my ramblings about how much I like these early chapters, they're so charming!

[thecarnivorousmuffinmeta]

I’d love to read more of your (and Vinelle’s) Twilight fanfics, but I can’t wrap my head around a lot of the lore. I only have vague memories of the books, with the Volturi details being extra vague. Care to give a summary of the Aro/Carlisle situation you tend to write about? The fics seem so interesting but I’m left confused about their characters and history!

Look, @therealvinelle, praise!

And oh dear god.

If it makes you feel better this isn't a ridiculous ask as I'm having a pretty tough time coming up with what I need to summarize here. There's a shocking amount of background about very obscure characters required to 'get' all of our fics.

Well, the easy (if time consuming) answer is to go through the blog. A lot of our Twilight readers have a leg up because they've read all the metas including "what if X happened" and so are quite knowledgeable about what @therealvinelle and I will write in a given story (compared to readers of The Man Who Would Be King, HP where @therealvinelle and I have written comparably less metas, and the readers guesses are all over the place).

This will give you pretty much everything you need to know about everything we write.

Otherwise, I'll have to give a quick and dirty summary here.

The Volturi

The Volturi are the big bad of the Twilight novels if there are any at all. They're the ones who cause much of the conflict in the latter novels (if we ignore Edawrd causing all of the conflict) and are the large threat to Bella after James and Victoria are dealt with.

What's important for our fics is that they're the iron fist of the vampire world. They're not so much rulers, as they don't tell anyone what to do, don't supply any cultural institutions, nor demand tithes or taxes, but enforcers of this one law that they made up thousands of years ago. They have only one law which is "do not get noticed by humans" which has a bunch of caveats to ensure this singular law is followed.

They have such strength in gift ability and such a strong network that they're able to enforce this law across the globe and easily deal with large masses of vampires. (This has given them a terrifying reputation and causes vampires like Jasper to regard them ambivalently as he appreciates things like newborn wars not spiraling out of control but is utterly terrified of them.)

They have done this for at least two-thousand years (Meyer is notoriously terrible with dates so @therealvinelle and I get into a lot of headcanons to make this work. Given the names Aro, Marcus, and Caius and that they are reputedly Mycenean they probably gained significant power/reputation when Rome was the dominant power in the region some 1500 years after each of them was turned, meaning it's been ~2000 years that Volturi law became absolute in the Mediterranean region if not further). And have presumably been settled in Volterra since that time.

Also of note is that the Volturi (primarily Aro) recruits, sometimes heavy handedly, gifted vampires to be members of his guard. This is how he's maintained such control as he uses powerful psychics to obliterate opposition.

The Cullens run afoul of this law (or appear to) multiple times. First when Edward goes to Volterra confessing to having told Bella he was a vampire and then abandoning her while she was still human (the law is she must either be turned or die at that point), the second time hours later when Edward planned to walk into the sunlight and reveal himself to the city of Volterra, and the third time when Irina witnesses what she thinks is an immortal child and reports this to the Volturi.

This last culminates in a very tense confrontation between dozens of vampires as they try to clear up what the fuck Renesmee is and if she's a danger to herself and others.

It concludes peacefully, but tensely, as Aro concludes Renesmee is not a problem and walks away but everyone is unsure if a violent confrontation will happen later.

The Aro and Carlisle Situation

Carlisle canonically spent around 20 years (Edward notes a few decades but never specifies exactly how many) as a guest of the Volturi, specifically as a friend of Aro.

What Edward tells us canonically is that while he enjoyed his time there and was shocked to find that vampires were learned and cultured beings after all, he couldn't convert any of them to his diet and left to find kinship among other vampires (this did not go well until Carlisle turned Edward some 200 years later).

Some of the fics go over this more than others, but @therealvinelle work with the assumption that Carlisle was very young as a vampire when he came across Volterra. He'd met Alistair before that point but no one else. Volterra was then what convinced him that vampires were not inherently damned and could be learned people (something Carlisle would not have associated with demons as a 17th century priest) who have great appreciation for the arts and great knowledge of antiquity.

What @therealvinelle and I tend to presume is that Aro and Carlisle had a romantic relationship during this period (and that Sulpicia and Carlisle did as well for hilarious reasons). However, while there was true romantic affection there, it couldn't resolve the large differences between the pair and ultimately Carlisle had to leave.

Fast forward to the start of canon and Carlisle is very fond of the Volturi. He hangs their painting in his office and Edward initially speaks of them with... distant respect I suppose we'll call it which speaks to Carlisle's respect for them as Edward would get that information from him.

After New Moon Carlisle off screen was likely extremely grateful and relieved that Edward had not been executed despite Edward doing his damndest to get himself executed. That they were all returned home, Bella human even, is a relief beyond measure and Carlisle is likely very grateful for this. He is very aware that Bella must be turned though and gives his vote in New Moon (aided by the fact that the situation has become untenable for all parties involved).

However, Edward is vocally suspicious of the Volturi's intentions and Carlisle trusts Edward's judgement as well as his gift. Edward notes that what Aro really wants is his and Alice's gifts to become omnipotent. Now, this doesn't make much sense as Aro's is Edward's gift but better and if Aro had wanted this then why would he ever have let the three go when he had every excuse and ability to keep them there and bind them to the Volturi with Chelsea, but it does plant seeds of suspicion especially when Aro is notorious for adding to his guard and trying out gifted members to see if they fit. Where Edward's theories start to gain credence is in Eclipse.

Victoria is obviously building a newborn army. The death rate in Seattle skyrockets as Victoria turns ten-twenty vampires in quick succession with humans floundering for an explanation (they at first state gang violence then a serial killer as they try to figure out why this is happening). Ordinarily, the Volturi would swoop in and take care of this as soon as it becomes obvious with absolutely no issue (using either Jane or Alec for the task). The Cullens wait for the Volturi. And wait. Then wait.

It becomes clear that the Volturi aren't coming. The Cullens try to get the Denali involved (this doesn't go well) and without any other option are forced to team up with the wolves where they win the battle with no losses but with great physical injury to some of the wolves (notably Jacob has a rough time of it). Then the Volturi show up at that very moment, making it clear that they'd intentionally waited so the Cullens could be wiped out or at least had their numbers thinned. Then Jane in front of them lights a girl on fire while noting that Bella appears to be very human today, doesn't she?

Carlisle at this point concludes that Edward is correct and Aro is trying to poach Alice or sees the coven as a threat and is trying to underhandedly eliminate them.

On Aro's end, the running theory in our fics is that Caius was in fact behind this without Aro's knowledge or consent. Caius had seen Aro sending Alice, Bella, and Edward home without any restrictions as a debilitating weakness that had to be dealt with/made an example of. Caius saw an opportunity, likely the only one he'd get, and he took it giving the death squad orders to stall and wait for the battle to finish before they cleaned house. Unfortunately for Caius, this went sideways. Unfortunately for Aro, he now knows that Carlisle thinks he tried to murder his entire family in the most underhanded shady way imaginable and that nothing he can say will make it look less bad.

However, all of this is okay to a point, as Bella's being turned shortly and Alice is there to tell the Volturi that it's all going to be over and then they'll have no reason to interfere.

Except Bella gets pregnant with an alien and then Irina reports that alien as an immortal child to the Volturi.

From Carlisle's perspective this is a nightmare, they've given the Volturi a valid excuse to come and wipe them off the map. Their only hope is to gather every witness they possibly can to oversee their trial and confirm that Renesmee is not an immortal child/prevent the Volturi from murdering them all over false charges. Carlisle no longer trusts that the Volturi have good intentions or that this is simply a misunderstanding, he has a very strong suspicion that they will use anything they can to kill them all.

From Aro's this is also a nightmare, as not only is an immortal child reported (something he absolutely has to kill everyone culpable over) but Carlisle starts immediately gathering what seems to be an army. Aro has to gather an army in turn and confront him at the trial where he's witness to the world's weirdest trial where it turns out the immortal child was actually an alien and uh... guess she'll grow up okay.

However, because of how that trial goes down two things happen: Aro loses face and Carlisle's worst fears are confirmed.

Aro tries to use his powerhouses against an increasingly hostile/suspicious opponents, what happens is that Bella blocks all of them. Chelsea, Jane, and Alec are refuted in turn and Bella shows in front of a large amount of witnesses that the Volturi can be thwarted provided they have the right amount of numbers. The worst gifts they have are no longer debilitating so long as Bella is around. Everyone who's ever wanted to sack Volterra now can look over at the Cullens and see Bella Swan, a woman who is now very hostile to the Volturi.

On Carlisle's end, he sees Aro use Chelsea, Jane, and Alec presumably to murder not only his family but all of his friends who had come here only to be witnesses to see that the Volturi behaved as they are supposed to in these situations. It's worse than his every fear confirmed, Aro proves himself to be a power hungry tyrant who will stop at nothing to get what he wants including the murder of children.

Aro walks away wishing he and Carlisle might somehow repair their relationship but knowing that it is likely impossible. He also leaves knowing that a confrontation is likely inevitable and that he will more than likely have to kill Carlisle's family if not Carlisle himself.

Some if not all of this usually comes to play in @therealvinelle and my stories depending if it takes place pre, during, or post series.

Other Tips

Read fics in order they were published.

@therealvinelle and I tend to use shorthand references to things gone over in depth in other fics as we hate writing the same thing twice. Nebuchadnezzar's Dream by @therealvinelle for example goes over a lot of the canon events dealing with Aro and Carlisle and how they reacted to it as well as Carlisle's hypothetical gift that @therealvinelle and I theorize is totally a thing.

A lot of the lore in the fics that doesn't come from canon was sort of uh organically grown within the fics themselves. (Unintentionally, they all kind of take place in a weird shared universe where similar things have often happened or they diverge at a single crucial point).

Otherwise

Uh... you got anything @therealvinelle?

[mdhwrites]

whats your opinion on caleb and evelyn (at least from what very little we know of them-)

imo the whole caleb clawthorne thing is like. one of the most pointless things in the show ever

I have called them and their connection to Belos "TOH's final trick". TOH has a single trick up its sleeve that is great for fanfic writers and TERRIBLE for a narrative. They introduce really compelling relationships and ideas and then they never do anything with them. It happens with Amity and Luz, Amity and Willow, the Hexide Squad and the Coven System, Hunter and Belos, etc. etc. All of these concepts present tantalizing issues that one could really delve in deep to and find a lot of meaning... But TOH isn't interested. It is more interested in a blog about how deep Amity's character is implied to be rather than doing anything with that depth, hence why so many people hooked onto how awful the confrontation with her parents would eventually be and then the show itself just... Has her in like three minutes of that episode and her confrontation doesn't feel like the main point of it even if it's the climax. And then it's effectively over and any issue between Lumity is never brought up again.

Caleb and Evelyn are the same but with a bit of FNAF storytelling thrown in. The pictures are vague after all so people can interpret them in different ways for what they mean. The cast has been coy as to the actual events. It's a multiple choice backstory for your villain that ranges from irredeemable monster to sympathetic villain. That way the show can claim to have a complex villain that doesn't technically invalidate the fact that they have no interest in writing a complex villain, nor do they want to need to.

But it was also one straw too many. Lumity getting together paid off in some way that old narrative baggage of Amity's, even if less powerfully than it could have. Hunter being possessed and fighting off Belos doesn't have the weight it should and I have problems with how selfish the reasoning is rather than ideological but it is a payoff to that relationship. However, a genuinely real amount of time is spent in S3, and S2, building up that Belos is something more than a genocidal, egotistical asshole. Caleb and Evelyn are a LOT of this. So what's the payoff?

There is none. Beating him isn't an ideological victory. They don't come up like Lief did for beating Andrias to pay that off. In fact, they come up less in the final fight than they do during the fight in King's Tide where the heroes LOSE. So they spent some of the very limited time they had to wrap up their story on a subplot about Belos' backstory that doesn't actually inform us of anything, doesn't affect anything and has no payoff except the most obvious one.

It's literally Willow's story except for your PRIMARY ANTAGONIST'S BACKSTORY.

The fact that the majority of the meat of it is done in a really just AWFULLY animated set piece who's literal writing is boilerplate at best does not help it at all. The best parts of this mechanically are the portraits in Hollow Mind and they're vague and that's IT. Otherwise, it's clunky for the most part. I'll give the moment when monster Belos sees Caleb as he tries to take on a new form is neat but it tells us nothing and feels out of character in the end that he'd give enough of a shit to be haunted by his brother, especially after he's killed his brother so many times. Honestly, the Golden Guards looking like Caleb even NOW just makes me think the Collector is right: He likes hurting his brother. Why else would he not finally stop after the hundredth betrayal? Unless he gets off on the moment of their betrayal I guess.

It's just not good and a casual fan is going to like it even less because they won't really absorb and think the portraits so to them, it's just one really awkward sequence in the first special, an eerie sequence that doesn't add to anything in the second and then is sir not appearing in the third. That's not engaging.

Since little of it is engaging, it fails to function as a trick. After all, any magician will tell you that everything is about misdirection in their craft. Without it, a trick becomes nothing but smoke and mirrors instead of magic.

======+++++======

Btw, mentioned FNAF so may as well say here: Saw it and really liked it. I keep considering making a blog about it and then just... not.

I have a public Discord for any and all who want to join!

I also have an Amazon page for all of my original works in various forms of character focused romances from cute, teenage romance to erotica series of my past. I have an Ao3 for my fanfiction projects as well if that catches your fancy instead. If you want to hang out with me, I stream from time to time and love to chat with chat.

A Twitter you can follow too

And a Kofi if you like what I do and want to help out with the fact that disability doesn’t pay much.

[undreaming-fanfiction]

My lovely readers, I swear I'm not dead. My work has been crazy and I had almost a month of health complications. Plus I'm working on my Big Bang fic! Some of you will be very happy about that one...

But now, some AU ideas.

Pantheon of gods isn't really set. Sure, you have functions of gods like the god of the dead, of the sun and so on, but the given god isn't a single entity. Instead, it's reminescent of a jury duty. You get your notification and get transported to your godly domain. For the time being. Could be a year, could be ten. And if you think you're not qualified? You're wrong.

Former bully Steve who withdrew from everyone following his fall from grace becomes a god of mending relationships. He stands in front of arguing couples, broken families and estranged siblings, hands on hips, perfecting his no bullshit policy. "I don't care if Aunt Nellie stole your grandmother's silverware, Ethel. Silverware is stupid. But what is even stupider than silverware is sulking about it for decades even after her children returned those stupid forks and spoons. Now, repeat after me: I will go to my niece's birthday party and I won't act like a bigoted cunt there. Oh, you take issue with my language? Well, I take issue with your attitude, Ethel."

Eddie, who considers himself a coward, becomes the god of unexpected courage. He appears in the time of highest need and usually panics way more than the person he's supposed to help. "Uh. Oh fuck. Shit. So...this isn't great, but you can do it. I think. Look, public speaking is a bitch, but guess what? If you don't go up there and say what exactly is wrong with this school, it will be another jock praising the local equality and friendly spirit and all the crap you know isn't true. So you know what? Fuck them! Go up there and tell them that the bullying isn't gone, they're just hiding it better, and watch how the smiles drain from their faces. Make them pay, now go go go!"

It all goes fairly well until they are both sent to Nancy Wheeler and Robin Buckley. Eddie is working his ass off to give Robin courage to confront Nancy about avoiding her after she let it slip she's a lesbian. In the meantime, Steve's chewing Nancy out for being spineless in her relationships and "I don't care if you have a sexuality crisis, Nance, Robin doesn't deserve this behavior from you and if you don't go to her house and tell her you're sorry for making her feel like you hated her for her sexuality, maybe kiss her in the process, I don't care, I'll do something drastic. Just watch me."

And maybe Steve and Eddie make the two girls realize there isn't a problem, that they actually like each other a lot. Maybe they go for a drink to celebrate the job well done. And maybe, after they get released from their godly duties, they find each other in the real world and use some of those negotiation skills and courage to find someone to share their life with.

[ashleyh713fanfics]

Dazai X Odasaku!Sister Ch11 And Ch12

Double Post:

Chapter 11: "Quit Trying To Be Odasaku"

Chapter 12: "The Scariest Thing Is To Be Perceived"

(I missed an update here so now you get two chapters! They are both long though so hopefully it's some good food for you all. I'm really proud of them.)

Summary: Dazai's greatest fear is for someone to see through his defenses and Oda's sister does just that. What he revels as a marvel towards others becomes his own worst nightmare when turned on himself.

Warning: pm! fifteen year old dazai, dazai self destructing, odasaku death mentions, fluff to angst and then back to fluff, manipulative behavior from both sides, dazai is a simp in the second half, talks of suicide. I gave Oda's sister a name but you can imagine it as y/n.

(This is chapter eleven and twelve of my fanfic "Timeless" which is now on A03. It carries on from the three part intro I posted a couple days ago. I'll link it below to fully understand the story. Asagao's ability is to stop time for up to six seconds.)

Three Part Intro Here: (just cause the first chapter is so long)

Part 1

Part 2

Part 3

A03 Version Here:

Word count: 16k total (Told you it was long. Enjoy the ride hehe)

One Year Ago

Silently opening up the looming door in front of her face, fourteen year old Asagao slipped inside the darkened space before closing the surface and leaning her back against the wood with distant eyes. 

And though she tried not to, a small shaky sigh couldn’t help but escape her lips in order to think back to the confrontation just moments ago. She blew it again, of course she did. That’s always what happened, why was she expecting anything different? 

It started innocently enough, the girl noticing when one of the girls in her class was strangely silent the entire day. 

So naturally, when class was over she pulled her aside and asked her what was wrong. Asa just wanted to help, honest. She wanted to wipe that sad look from her classmates face, that was her intention. That was always the intention. 

She never wanted to hurt her. 

Yet the moment the girl shut down, Asa pushed, she pushed herself to figure out just what was hurting her by commenting on her appearance and cadence of speech. 

They were dirty and unkept, like they hadn’t been washed in weeks and soon enough Asagao had concluded that her father had stolen all of their families money and ran away leaving them broke and hungry. 

So naturally, she told the girl her findings. 

Asa’s assumptions were correct of course, but the girl didn’t know the hurt that she had unknowingly caused, her isolated and unique upbringing in the hellhound program leaving gaps in her learning of social cues and understanding of sensitive topics. 

No, Oda’s sister only saw logic, analyzing the situation like she had always been trained to do, what she had been damaged to do without a second thought. It was a character flaw, one that Asa didn’t even realize was there.

But that came at a cost, it always did. 

Because a moment later, she watched as the girl’s face flushed with a type of embarrassment in order to shove Asa as hard as she possibly could in order for the red haired girl to spot tears in her classmates eyes.  

But Asa didn’t understand the response. Why were there tears? Asagao was right in every possible manner. She had guessed her problem. Isn’t that what she wanted, for someone to figure her out so that she wouldn’t be so lonely? So that Asa could help her?

These were all thoughts that crossed her mind before she felt her body collide with her ground as her glasses slipped from her eyes at the same time, the sound clattering with haunting familiarity only for the girl to shriek and jump back with fear at the sight of her scary and hollow expression. 

Then very familiar words appeared in the air, the girl calling her the usual insults Asa was used to before getting her other friends to do the same. It was like she was some sort of freak show, some sort of sideshow attraction and oddity that didn’t belong. 

Freak. Scary. Annoying. Defect. Disgusting. Monster. 

And Asagao supposed they were right. 

She didn’t belong, not with them. She knew that. She had lost her chance the moment her captives molded her into their own sick design. Normal, there was no hope for that now.

One look at that was plain to see to everyone around, even her.

So much so, the girl didn’t object, simply crawling back on her knees before leaving the whispers and murmurs behind in order to retreat back to her dorm room silently. 

And that’s what brought her here, Asagao slowly making her way over to her bed before leaning down in order to take out a small white shoe box and place it on her mattress with extreme care. 

Undoing the lid ever so slowly, Oda’s sister then slipped her hand inside before carefully taking out the top note in order to read its contents just like she had done a million times before. 

It was a ritual, something she did, something she had to read every once in a while or else she knew she’d unravel completely. 

----

Today, I met a boy.  He showed up right outside my apartment covered in blood so I brought him in. And there is something about him, something familiar..

  I think his world spins as fast as yours.

----

Pushing down another shaky breath of uncertainty, Asagao then curled onto the mattress before pushing her body even further into a ball of herself and clutching the note to her heart for dear life. 

Dazai Osamu. 

She didn’t know him, he didn’t know her and yet her brother's words brought a sense of hope, one that she clung to over and over again. Just reading the mere sentences caused her nerves to soften and her body to relax with a sense of calm she was sure that boy didn’t even know he was capable of.

The power this mystery boy had, it wrapped her in a chokehold each and every time. Yes, those kids didn’t understand, they didn’t accept her but she knew that somewhere out there, this boy could. Maybe he could understand it all, maybe he even had the same thoughts as well. 

A shared mind, a shared experience. Connected by thoughts, how nice that sounded.

Did he also wish to be normal? Did he also say the wrong things sometimes? Did he also feel alone and isolated? Did he get as sad as her? Did he also get misunderstood and beaten down like she had been today? 

Asagao didn’t know for certain but just the idea of their shared experience was enough to make her close her eyes, clutching onto the letter between her fingers for dear life like a vice and pray that it might be true. 

And although she knew she was glorifying a stranger, it didn’t stop her from attaching herself to him even so. Because if her big brother had chosen to keep that kid around, then that also meant that there was a chance that Oda didn’t absolutely despise someone like her either. 

A million miles away and yet the knowledge of Osamu’s existence was enough to comfort her in a way he would never know. Her lifeline, her connection, her validation through a string of words and thoughts..

And suddenly just the mere existence of Dazai Osamu was enough to make everything seem almost okay again.

-----

Present 

Groaning through her heavy lidded eyes, Asagao yawned in order for a sharp headache to flash across her temple without permission. It felt like she had been hit with a hundred bricks and an oncoming truck at the same time. But that was the price for drinking so heavily she supposed. The mornings were never easy. 

She then attempted to lift her hand to the source only for Asa to realize that couldn't move her arms or her legs in the slightest before her face dropped with realization. Oh, that's right. Osamu rolled her up into human sushi last night and left her there. 

Now how was she gonna get out of this one? 

Wiggling around like a worm on the mattress, Asa then tried to undo her bonds with no avail only for her to groan in defeat. Well that wasn’t going to work. Maybe she just needed to put some more power behind it? Yeah, that could work

She then tried again, Asa purposely flopping her body, this time looking like a fish out of water in order to edge closer to the bed as she gasped in success. “Ha ha! Yes, I’m so smart! Take that Osamu.” 

Grinning wildly, her victory was short lived as she felt her constricted body start to slide further and further off the bed with no traction to keep her in place. “W-Wait, no no no n-..” 

Asagao then watched helplessly as her entire body rolled off the highrise bed, slamming her body rather ungracefully into the hardwood floor face first with a heavy suppressed painful groan. 

Damn it, spoke too soon. 

The hit didn’t help her headache, the dull stabbing sensation mixing with her smushed face before she finally felt her arms move under the blankets. Seemed like the fall had loosened the restrictive cage after all. 

Trying her wiggling technique again, Asa then pulled her body from the blanket in order to hop up with her hands straight up in the air in victory. Well, not what she originally planned but the result was the same! Just forget that first part.  

Her quick movements caused her temple to scream in reply though, Asa hissing in order to push her fingers to the call. Alright, first things first, gotta fix this annoying headache. 

Moving over to the connected bathroom, the girl then flipped open the cabinet before picking out a white bottle of pain pills in order to shake the jar with a smile. She knew she could count on a suicide enthusiast to have pain medicine. As expected. 

She then took a labeled dosage before stepping out of the bedroom only to find the entire apartment empty, just like last night. Huh, Osamu must’ve had important executive business to attend to this morning.

Ah well, maybe it was better he didn’t see her embarrassing falling on her face display . 

Not knowing what to do with her time, Asagao then moved over to the kitchen in order to start opening the cabinets in silent thought. Since Osu was out she should surprise him with breakfast. It was the least she could do since he allowed her to stay the night so graciously. 

Yet a moment later, Asa felt her face drop at the sight before her. 

Every single cabinet and drawer was completely empty, even the fridge. But didn’t Osu eat? He had to, right? Everyone needed to eat to survive. It was just a fact. 

Although that’s when Asa recalled a couple of Oda’s letters. Her brother said that sometimes he had to force the boy to sit down to eat. But was Osamu still like that? Did he still have an unhealthy relationship with food? He seemed fine eating her curry three weeks ago. 

No, this wouldn’t do. She couldn’t let him starve. Oda wouldn’t have wanted that and since he isn’t here anymore then it was up to Asa to fill that spot. Otherwise, she wasn’t sure if Osu would ever really eat again. And that worried her to no end. 

But what was she going to make with no food? 

Humming to herself in silent thought, Asagao then wrote down a list of ingredients on a small sticky note before opening the door to his apartment only to be met with the same black suited subordinates that “helped” her last night. 

She didn’t expect that. “Oh! Hello boys. You assigned to watch me again?” 

They simply nodded in return only for Asa to hold up the small note in her fingers. “Sooo, I’m guessing leaving to go to the store isn’t something you’re gonna allow, huh?” 

Once again, the subordinates only shook their heads, the burly man crossing his arms in silent challenge. “It wouldn’t be advised no.” 

Pouting her lips in annoyance for their shut down, Asagao then closed her eyes before using her little tricks to her advantage. Manipulating these guys twice made her feel kinda scummy but this was the only way she was going to get what she wanted. 

And she was going to get it, one way or another. 

Batting her eyes in fake innocence, Asa hummed. “What a shame, whatever will I do? Our executive clearly stated that he wanted pancakes this morning when he got back. If I tell him that you guys stopped me from completing his wish, I bet he’ll be really angry and want to take it out on someone. I pray what kind of poor soul will face his wrath.” 

They seemed to register what she was implying right away. Yes, it was a lie that Osamu asked for breakfast but these guys didn’t need to know that. They just needed to believe that they would be punished for not following through. Sorry, Osu. I’m using your name again. But it’s for a good cause so please forgive me.

And for a moment, they seemed skeptical about the odd request from one of the most feared men in Yokohama. That didn’t sound like Dazai. “The boss said he wanted pancakes?” 

Asa didn’t falter though, her shoulders shrugging carelessly. “Mhmm. He said he had a craving. You can fact check me if you want and ask him yourself but I don’t think you’ll have that much time to do so. What if Dazai comes back before then? Then we’ll all be in trouble.” 

She used his last name so smoothly and yet it still felt wrong to say it. Asa hated referring to Osu as Dazai, especially because it broke the foolish illusion in her mind that the two were closer than they appeared. Calling him Osamu made her feel happier, like they weren’t actually strangers. 

But in this instance she had to say it to prove a point, to use the title in a sense of looming dread for these sorry scared subordinates. The fact was, Dazai’s last name held power, especially in the port mafia. It was a name that enemies crumbled to and hid for time and time again. And she knew that, so she used it to her advantage. 

Besides, she also knew they were too dumb and frazzled to actually go and ask Osu the truth. That was another level of risk and it took longer than just agreeing to her silly idea. Therefore, the odds were stacked heavily on her side. 

Now for them to just take the bait.

Counting the seconds in her mind, Asagao then slowly turned around from the men in order to pretend to go back inside the apartment only for her lips to curve upwards at their worried voices. “What kind?”

Not missing a beat, she then quickly turned around before lifting up the small note between her fingers with a fake exaggerated gasp, almost like she had pulled a rabbit from a hat. “Oh, would you look at that? It’s your lucky day, I already made a list! And since I can’t leave this place that means you boys are gonna have the honor of doing the shopping for me! Don’t worry though, it will be a team effort in the end. You get the supplies and I’ll make the pancakes. That way Dazai will be satisfied and we both win. Sound good?” 

A team effort sure, but they clearly got the short end of the stick by having to be her lackeys. That was the reality but Asa sugar coated it so well that the men didn’t even notice it, their eyes frantic to please their executive as fast as possible. 

Lifting their hands out for the note, Asa passed it happily, making them believe that they had come to the decision themselves even though she had carefully orchestrated the whole thing. 

Suckers. 

---------

The night was a blur as Dazai found himself walking the streets of Yokohama until the sun lazily appeared from behind the nearby buildings. Sleep wasn’t something that graced the boy normally, and it had gotten worse since Odasaku’s death. 

Simply because every time he closed his eyes, he found himself back reliving that horrible nightmare over and over again. It was like his mind was tormenting him, not letting him forget about the reality of loss for even a second. 

But insomnia brought its own torture as well, not allowing him to rest his ever moving and muttered thoughts inside his head in the slightest. No moments of quiet were allowed, even while still being awake. 

But the feeling had gotten usual, normal even for the boy, his feet finding himself back at the door of his apartment before silently turning the key into the lock. At least his inability to sleep got him away from Asa’s temptingly dangerous offer to get closer.

No, he had already decided to ignore that, Dazai knowing very well that if he even lingered on such a thing for a moment then his selfish and greedy nature would destroy everything he had just built between them. 

Those walls need to stay up, for both his and her safety. 

Opening the door slowly, Dazai was then suddenly hit with a strange new aroma, the smell sickeningly sweet and flavorful as he moved further into the space. But what could that be? He didn’t remember his place smelling like this when he left last night. 

Yet his questions were soon answered as he turned the corner only to find Asagao’s back to him, her lips humming in a happy little melody as she poured what looked to be a bowl full of batter on a pan. 

Just what was this crazy girl doing now? He thought she would still be wrapped up like a mummy when he got home. Then again, the girl was insanely clever, of course she had gotten free without his help. 

Crossing his arms against the doorframe, the smallest sound seemed to alert her attention, Asa’s curious expression turning around only for her face to light up with that same goofy and over the top manner as always had towards him. “Osu, you’re back! And just in time. Everything is almost ready.” 

And god, he’d be lying if he said that stupid little smile didn’t make his stomach toss and turn in all the wrong ways. Even after pinning her down and bleeding his evils to her last night she was still looking at him the very same.

What an idiot she was, and what an idiot he was for falling for it again. 

Lowering his eyes in hidden shame for himself, Dazai then paused when he saw that she was holding a plate in her hand, the scent of freshly made pancakes assaulting his senses all at once without permission. 

Hold on, she made breakfast? No one had ever done that before. Odasaku wasn’t a breakfast kind of guy and the women he slept with never held the desire to do something so personal before. But why? Why did she do it? 

He got his answer a second later, the girl happily skipping over to the massive empty table to their left in order to place the pillow-y items on the surface. “I wanted to thank you for letting me stay over last night so I made these for you. I hope you like them.” 

For him. 

She made them for him. Well of course she did, that seemed to be her only motivation for anything. And although he should’ve guessed that, Dazai didn’t. Almost like he still couldn’t comprehend someone going out of their way for someone like him. 

The idea was foreign and strange. No one did things so selflessly, not in his experience. 

But to say that Asa had an ulterior motive would be wrong, knowing that wasn’t the case either. She simply did things out of the goodness of her heart, and that was a concept the mafioso wasn’t familiar with.

She didn’t need to thank him for doing a bare minimum. 

So much so, the boy remained quiet, simply slipping into the open chair before looking at the coaxing sight immediately. She was mocking him, he just knew it. Unknowingly, but that didn’t change the fact that this uncomfortable warmth wasn’t something he could have. 

The mundane, the simple casual life. It wasn’t for him.

But then why did it make him feel so strange? Why did it twist around him and make him want to run away? It was like he had just slipped into a warm bath, the feeling coating his skin and making him jump out before he drowned in it forever. 

No, he needed to shut it down.

Asa on the other hand was oblivious to such things, her hands happily setting the table before taking her place across from him. It was times like this she was grateful for learning to cook as a kid. Now she could treat him the kind of meal he deserved. 

Picking up one of the pancakes with her fork, Asagao plopped the item onto her plate before forcing herself to speak out from the silence. “I bet you’re wondering how I’m such a good cook? Well, I’ll tell you. You see, I didn’t really get along with the kids back home and I didn’t want to ruin their meals by them having to see me so I learned to cook for myself. That way everyone was happy.” 

The memory was sad but Asa forced herself not to linger on it. Yeah, the kids she met were mean and called her names but it got her to step out of her comfort zone and learn new things like this. So it couldn’t have been all bad, right?

Humming to herself, she then chuckled before shoving a fork full of food into her mouth with a simple shrug. “But then again, I’m happy that happened cause now I can eat with you and cook all your favorite things!” 

But what Osamu didn’t know was that she had initially started cooking because of those letters, because of the way Oda had mentioned that Dazai had trouble with eating.

She guessed that in some crazy way she wanted to help him, to repay the favor of his existence by learning to make food that he would like, even if she wasn’t sure he would ever taste them. 

And though her brother never said what types of things Osamu ended up liking, that just gave her even more motivation to learn as many recipes as possible. 

But what do you know? She had gotten her wish, in a fucked up way. She had lost her brother in the process but now she was sitting across from Osu, able to put her skills to good use just like she had always intended. 

It was bittersweet but Asa couldn’t help but be grateful for the latter. 

Kicking her legs under the table in response, Asa then swallowed the piece of food before she finally heard Osu’s voice, except it somehow turned out to be much colder than she imagined. “You don’t have to worry about Ango anymore.” 

The whiplash was sudden, causing her head to snap back to his with shock and confusion. Hold on, what did he just say? Ango wasn’t going to come after her anymore? No, it couldn’t be. That guy was stubborn. 

And looking at him now, the boy still hadn’t looked up from the single pancake in front of him, almost like he was imagining that they were mocking him and calling him names silently.

 But what had pancakes ever done to him to react this way? Because right now he was looking at them like they were his worst enemy. 

That was besides the point though, the girl focusing on his words more than anything.“W-Wait, why? Did something happen?”

Dazai replied distantly, almost like he was distracted by something. “I took care of it. You can stay in Yokohama. He won’t try to send you back anymore.” 

Won’t try to send her back? Well, that was surprising. Asa wondered how he managed it, or if Ango was even still alive anymore? To be honest she wouldn’t have cared either way considering she didn’t know the man but he was her brother’s friend. It would be unfortunate if he had died. 

But the look on Osu’s face wasn’t one of murder so she let that theory go. Instead, the girl simply rested her hands in her lap, unsure how to respond to such big news. “O-Oh..thank you…”

Now she could stay in Yokohama and with Osamu. Was that what he was trying to get at, that he wanted her to still be around him? What about her offer last night, was this the answer to that also? 

Yet before she had a chance to ask, Osu spoke again, like he was giving an order. “When you’re done eating I’ll call my men and you’ll go back with them.” 

His voice was still cold and distant, causing Asa to put her fork down in concern. What was going on? He didn’t act like this last night. It was like he was treating her like another subordinate, giving instructions without a care in the world. 

Right now he wasn’t her Osamu, he was Dazai, the mafia executive. 

It was a shift, a change that made her fingers tightened around the hem of her skirt before forcing herself to bite her tongue and keep her words in her mouth. The last thing she wanted was to push and make him upset. 

But even still, she could sense it immediately, the walls that had been put up, the distance in his voice so sudden it caught her off guard. What was this distance, and why had he constructed it like some sort of defense mechanism? 

Although that’s when she watched him slowly stand up from his seat, ignoring the freshly made pancake in front of him only for the girl to finally call out. “What about you?”

She wasn’t expecting anything, but Asa would be lying to say that she wasn’t sad that their little date had finally come to an end. Everything was just so wonderful, she didn’t want her beautiful carriage to turn back into a pumpkin. Maybe if she asked, the magic could continue a little longer. 

And maybe those walls could come down also.

Yet she was sorely mistaken when Osu simply scoffed at her concern, his hands lifted out in mocking reply. “Work, sweetheart. What? Were you expecting me to want me to walk you back? Are you really that needy that you can’t be without me for ten seconds? What a clingy little puppy you are, Asa-chan.” 

And just like that, he disappeared into his bedroom, closing the door in order to hide himself from her as Asagao simply dropped her head down to look at his pancakes with a frown. 

He didn’t even touch them. 

Well, she should’ve expected that, Oda did say he didn’t like to eat sometimes so she shouldn't have taken it personally. And yet for some reason, Asa still did, her heart twisting with rejection in order to hang her head with sadness. 

Sighing to herself, the girl then pulled out her phone before opening her notes app and crossing off the first sentence on the top, the one she had written almost a year ago. 

Things Osamu might like to eat: pancakes

--------

Osamu’s men dropped her off in front of her brother’s apartment, leaving her alone on the streets as she felt herself recall back to the embarrassing display just moments ago. He didn’t even see her off, but she guessed he was probably just really busy with executive stuff again.  

And even if it wasn’t the case, Asa knew he didn’t have the obligation to walk her to the car either. It wasn’t like they were actually boyfriend and girlfriend. Osu didn’t do “mushy”, she already knew that. Just him allowing her to stay the night should’ve been enough. 

Yet Asagao hated that she still wanted more, her selfish and greedy little heart unable to get their perfect date out of her head no matter how hard she tried. Ugh, damn it! Pull it together, Asa! He’s just doing what we said in the agreement. Don’t get disappointed. 

Shaking the thought from her head, she then slapped her cheeks roughly in order to finally make her way up the steps to Oda’s place only to see a vague shadow moving in the corner of her vision. 

And when she heard his voice, her distaste didn’t lessen at all. “Asagao.” 

Already feeling her throat groan at his presence, Asa glanced behind her in order to just barely make out the suited government agent just a couple feet away. Damn it, Osu said he wasn’t going to bother her anymore. Was that a lie, or just a miscalculation? 

Cause right now she felt pretty bothered. 

Getting ready to use her ability and flee, she paused when Ango’s frantic tone called back to her. “Don’t! Just..please..listen to me for a second. I’m not going to drag you back. I promise.” 

Not fully believing him, Asa still kept her guard up, turning her body around to finally face him with a heavy weighed sigh. “What do you want, Ango? You want to get a couple more jabs in? Tell me how disappointed my brother would be for what I’m doing? Go ahead.” 

Her words were sharp, causing Ango to physically flitch at the brutality of them all before he hung his head with a broken whisper. “I’m sorry. I didn’t mean for it to get that far. I didn’t mean to hurt you. I was angry and I took it out on you. Odasaku was my best friend. What I said..I just wanted to make sure you were safe.” 

She knew that, she knew that was his intention but that didn’t mean that it didn’t hurt. Hearing those truths firsthand, shoving Oda’s feelings in her face had brought a sense of guilt she couldn’t hide. Ango was right after all, she was sure her brother wouldn’t have approved of her being in Yokohama, and yet she did it anyway. 

Some little sister she was, right? Going against her brother's wishes just because she knew he couldn’t stop her from the dead. How fucked up of her to use such a sad loophole to her benefit. 

Not wanting to think about it anymore, Asa then closed her eyes before willing the horrible feelings from her head in order to cross her arms. “Is that all you have to say?” 

And she hoped that was it, that Ango was done with his internal torture because the girl didn’t know how much more she could take of his hard truths. She didn’t want to hear them, to face the disappointment. 

Yet that’s when Ango paused before reaching into the bag by his side in order to pull out a large stack of papers, the white colored pages bounded by one staple. “No. I wanted to give you this.” 

Not understanding, Asa frowned. “What is it?” 

Still holding the pages between his fingers, Ango spoke towards the ground, his voice plain and serious. “I know about your past, Asagao. I know that you and Oda were taken in by an organization for assassins. I know that you killed like a rabid animal, following whatever orders they assigned. A prodigy, a beast, a tool. You outshone everyone in the program, so much so that there were bidding wars on who would hold your lease in the end.”

Why was he telling her this? She already knew all that shit. She had lived it after all. So why was he bringing up such unpleasant memories again? 

Shaking her head, Asa glared back. “So you know my life, what about it?”

Ango only sighed though, obviously annoyed that she wasn’t understanding where he was going. “Oda kept you away from this for a reason, Asagao. He knew that if you ever returned to enemy hands then the results would be catastrophic.” 

Crossing her arms over her chest once more, she nodded in response. He was rehashing things again. “Because I'm a hellhound, I know.” 

Ango only pushed his glasses up with frustration. “No, you don’t get it..” 

Snapping his head up, the agent then extended the pages to her, his voice chilling her entire soul. “You aren’t just a hellhound, you’re the only hellhound left in existence .” 

What? 

Almost immediately, Asagao felt her eyes widen in shock, her blood running cold. What did he just say? No, that couldn't be. The hellhounds were the organization's greatest accomplishment, it’s what got them on the map. There were hundreds of people like her, so many faces that went through the same grueling hell she did. 

Shakily taking the report between her fingers, Asa forced herself to weigh them in her hands, even as her skin started to grow numb. “W-What? What does that mean?” 

Ango answered immediately, his eyes then leaving hers.“The entire organization, the hellhound program, it no longer exists.” 

What? No, there was no way. He was lying, The organization that Oda and her worked for was massive, it couldn’t just be gone. That was impossible. 

So much so, the girl spoke her fear into the air. “That can’t be possible, what happened to it then?” 

His answer was immediate, one simple word leaving her stunned. “Odasaku.” 

Not allowing her to process the name, Ango then continued a second later, his voice clear with emotion. “Your big brother dismantled the entire organization for you. He killed everyone involved and erased the tracks so that no one could ever connect you to the underworld. The operation was so big that everyone thought he had help but that wasn’t the case. He did it all by himself, at the age of just fifteen.”

Sucking in a heavy breath, the agent finished softly. “All so you could be free..” 

A heavy silence appeared then as Asagao tried to process what he was saying. Her brother had eliminated everyone in that organization, he had taken down the entire hellhound program and buried it just so no one would ever know she was alive? He did all of that, her brother, the man she never knew, he risked everything for her like that? 

Just the idea brought tears to her eyes, her metaphorical fingers reaching out and finally finding someone to hold onto after so many long horrible years. 

Why didn’t she know that before? Why didn’t he just tell her in those letters? Fuck, she thought he hated her all these years but really he was doing this? Asa always thought that Oda just hid her and then took her place. She didn’t know he had gone so far beyond that just for her sake. 

And seeing her falter was something that pained Ango the most. The way she was searching his face for lies, for any sort of deception broke his heart into two. One look from her face and it was obvious to tell that she couldn’t believe him, that she was afraid to.

That is until the man reached forward in order to tap the stack of papers in her hands, urging her to look. “Please, don’t ever doubt his love for you, Asagao. Oda adored his little sister more than anything; It was never resentment. He wanted to give you everything, even what he could never have, and if you can’t believe that then look at the facts in front of you. Words don't lie.”

It hurt him to see her like this, knowing that Oda had never intended his little sister to be so wary. When she told him all her assumptions, the things that she had been fearful of her entire life, Ango knew he had to fix them, to make her see that her big brother truly did care for her, in more ways than she would ever know. 

And although she couldn’t ever talk to her brother about it, he hoped this tangible proof was enough to finally put her heart at ease once and for all. 

But what he didn’t know was that his small gesture had crashed open the flood gates that she had always tried to keep closed. And even though she told herself that Ango was lying for her sake, the words on the page and the record of that night appeared right in front of her face with painstaking reality. 

Could it be? Oda never hated her? Not even once? Osamu’s stories and Ango’s reports were all true. God, the feeling was so overwhelming, Asa felt like she could crumble on her knees sob in relief. It was like a weight had suddenly lifted off her shoulders and the girl didn’t know what to do with it. 

So much so, Asa then turned her teary eyes up to look at the agent before her lips began to quiver in response, her emotions screaming to be let out. “A-Ango…” 

She thought he was a bad guy for trying to pull her away from this but perhaps that wasn’t the case after all. He had just given her the very thing she wanted most, and that meant everything to her. 

Seeing her race forward, Ango’s eyes then widened as Oda’s sister wrapped her arms around his waist, burying her face into his suit jacket with a messy hug as the man stumbled backwards in shock. “H-Hey..”

She only responded by grasping even tighter as his eyes fell at the feeling of her small shaky uncertain arms holding onto him for dear life. He recognized it immediately. This was the hold of a child, a scared, terrified child that needed comfort more than anything else in the world. 

And although Ango knew about the dark and bloody past that she lived, right now it was impossible to tell, the man placing an awkward hand to her head before validating her feelings. “Alright alright..it’s okay..you’re welcome..”

The girl only squeezed him in response, not trusting her own voice as the agent continued. “I won’t try to send you back anymore but I want you to be aware of the risks. If not for you then for Oda. Staying in Yokohama will always be dangerous for you. Don’t let this place drag you back and ruin Odasaku’s work. Please, I wouldn’t be able to bear it..” 

All this time, Asa realized that she had been truly blind to the evil that her brother had left her behind for. Because if the underworld found out that a professionally trained hellhound was still alive, then the price on her head would be far more lethal than ever before. 

She was a rarity now, a one of a kind gem that even the most twisted of members would kill for. That’s why her brother had tried to get her out of Yokohama, because coming back would mean facing a minefield of traps. 

But even now, Asagao couldn’t get herself to walk away. Yes, it was dangerous, yes that just by associating her with Osamu she was already playing with fire and almost getting burned. But either way, she wanted to stay, she needed to, in order to have the last remaining tie to Oda. 

Osamu, she couldn’t leave him. She couldn’t go back to being lonely again now that she had experienced how wonderful he was, how she accepted her. No, Asa knew she was already in far too deep to ever go back to how things were before. 

Shaking her head against his chest, Asa then finally pulled away from Ango, her voice serious and final for her choice. “I won’t..I won’t ruin it..” 

And this time, the man didn’t scold her for wanting to stay, his eyes falling with acceptance in order to nod with relief. At least she was aware of the risks now. His friend's sacrifice wouldn’t be for nothing  “Thank you.” 

Although that’s when another bandaged presence seemed to pop into his mind, the agent pausing for a moment before trying to tread lightly on the subject. “And the same thing goes for Dazai, please be careful of him also.” 

Because if there was one thing he knew, it was that Dazai was connected to the port mafia, which meant that Asa was now closer than ever to the thing Oda had tried to save her from. 

And although he wanted to believe that his old friend had turned over a new leaf, and wanted to keep her safe from Mori, he was still skeptical. 

Dazai’s loyalty to Odasaku was noticeable but Ango still didn’t trust that he wouldn’t unknowingly ruin Asa in the process of his own selfish desires. The truth was, the biggest threat for her right now was the bandaged boy she was so attached to. 

Asa only frowned though, distaste covering her past relief. “I don’t need to, Osu has only ever been nice to me.” 

She hated that Ango looked at Osu like a monster, like some sort of evil she needed to watch out for. Sure, he wasn’t a great man but he also wasn’t completely bad either. 

He had given her so much already. He had shown her hope and a connection to her brother she had never thought possible. 

Ango still didn’t seem convinced though, his words sharp. “Maybe for now, but that boy is an enigma. He will always do what benefits him and is too broken to care about the destruction in his wake. Don’t let him destroy you too.” 

And perhaps he wouldn't do it on purpose but Ango knew the chaotic energy that resisted in that boy’s soul. It was so easy to get caught up in the tornado of it all, to be struck by his nearby lightning if you got too close. 

Groaning to herself, Asa then shrugged her shoulders in response. “There is nothing to destroy. Our relationship is in name only.” 

That was the fact about them that Ango seemed to be forgetting. Osamu and her, they weren’t friends, even though she hoped that could be the case. But whatever storm or disaster he was talking about was irreverent to her. 

They were using each other for their own wishes, that’s all it was. They weren’t boyfriend and girlfriend, they weren’t connected in any sort of way that would cause destruction. It was a surface level thing. 

Nodding back in approval, the tense expression on his face then seemed to dissipate, leaving only relief. “Good, keep it that way. Otherwise you’ll be added to the long list of people he’s hurt.” 

And that was the last thing Ango wanted for her. She didn’t deserve to be caught up with a suicidal mess like Dazai. Surface level was fine, but the man knew that anything more than that would only bring pain in the end. 

That boy didn’t know how to care for another person. Hell, he didn’t even know how to care for himself, and if Asagao got in the middle of that then the only one that would end up hurt would be her, and he would not let that happen. 

Just as long as they kept their distance, just as long as Asagao never falls for his deceptive tricks or seduction. Just as long as she never actually falls in love with him, then it would be fine. He could live with their relationship. 

Reaching his hand forward, Ango then placed his hand back onto her head before speaking softly. “If anything happens, come find me. I don’t care what Dazai wants, if you are put in danger in any capacity then I will fight the entire port mafia to make sure you’re safe.” 

He meant every word, knowing that the moment Dazai hurt her, he would not hesitate to break this thing entirely. It’s what Odasaku would’ve done, and since he wasn’t alive now it was up to Ango to take the position. 

And he would, without fail, make sure that his best friend's wish stayed granted. 

-----------

The next time Asagao saw Osamu was two weeks later, the girl happily opening the door only for him to casually stroll in with a sly smile. “Little eager today, aren’t we Asa-chan?” 

And it was hard to deny that, knowing that the girl had been waiting for him to show up again so they could spend more time with each other. Just seeing him here gave her that same joy that he always seemed to bring. 

Nodding once, the girl beamed. “Sorry, I’m just excited to see you. It's been awhile.” 

Moving over to their usual seats, the girl then took out the white shoe box that held her brother’s letters before taking out the top entry in order to slide it over to Osu silently. 

The boy took in the words immediately, handling the paper with just as much care as he always did before carefully folding the surface as gently as possible. And though he didn’t speak about it, it was obvious to tell that he cherished the letter more than anything in the entire world. 

Closing his eyes, Dazai then slipped into one his usual stories about Odasaku, a wistful look in his eyes. “Hey Asa-chan, you wanna know how Odasaku and I met in the first place?”

The girl nodded immediately, her eyes glued to his. “Oda’s letters said something about finding you outside covered in blood. Is there more to it?” 

She partly wondered why he decided to share his particular story now. Perhaps he was just feeling sentimental about it. Not that she minded though, anything Osamu gave her about Oda was a gift. 

Seeing the light practically sparkle in his eyes at her eager response, Dazai then leaned forward on his knees before gasping in child-like glee. “Oh yeah, lots more! That guy chained me to a bedpost for weeks so I wouldn't escape and then used his ability to swindle me out of all the port mafia’s secrets. It was so unfair and he knew it, weaponizing his future skill against me. So mean.” 

The boy then pouted his lips at the memory causing Asagao to giggle under her breath. She was happy to see him this way, it seemed like that wall he had built between them wasn’t here right now and he was allowing his kid-ish nature to seep out. 

Perhaps without permission, but Asa was grateful for it even so. It made her feel closer to him, just like that night they had spent together at Bar Lupin. What was she so worried about before? He seemed okay now. 

Raising an eye, the girl poked herself into the conversation. “He swindled you?” 

Groaning in exasperation, Osu then fell backwards before flopping his bandage filled arms onto the table. “Yeah! That guy was shadier then you would think. He knew I didn’t have a chance with that ability of his. Odasaku was so sneaky sometimes.” 

Asa wondered what that looked like. Did her brother have the same kind of manipulative traits that she had? Because from what Osu described it sure sounded like it. Huh, she always thought she was the odd duck in their family but perhaps not. 

Osu then carried on with this story, throwing his arms up in the air with a slight whine. “I mean, I tried for so long to get him to be sick of me and let me go but nothing worked! Honestly, it was kind of impressive. I’ve never met someone that would be so indifferent to annoyance like him…” 

Yet that’s when Dazai felt himself stop in order to glance at the watchful kid in front of him. No, that was a lie. He did know someone else with that same kind of indifference, and she was sitting across from him right now. 

And almost immediately, the boy felt his hands fall as he forced himself to reel his excitement back in. Damn it, he was getting too comfortable again, slipping into these carefree stories like they were friends. 

He promised himself before he came here that he would stop doing that. Guess that showed how little self control he actually had when it came to her and Odaskau as a whole. 

No, the original plan was to read Odasaku’s letter, tell one story and then leave. That was what had to happen, and Dazai was determined to keep it like that. 

Forcing his lips closed, the mafioso then frantically stood from his spot before making his way back towards the door only for Asa to raise her hands in concern. What had gotten into him all of a sudden? They were in the middle of a story. “Hey, where are you going?” 

The boy only shrugged his shoulders though, leaving Asa stunned. “Our agreement was fulfilled, right? That means it’s time to head out.” 

And yes, he was right. She knew he was. They had already exchanged what was expected, he got a letter and she got a story. But things were going well, he looked so happy gushing about Oda. Why did that have to end so quickly? 

Twisting her expression in conflict, Asagao then frowned before that familiar sense of loneliness couldn’t help but coat her throat. Just a little more, please stay just a little more. 

She then stood with him, grasping at anything to make him stay. “Are you sure? You don't have to..I mean…I was just about to cook dinner. Maybe we could..” 

Yet the boy simply cut her off, a tight smile on his lips as he waved her offer away like it meant absolutely nothing. “Sorry sweetheart, no can do! This handsome face is fully booked for the evening. Hate to disappoint but you gotta get in line for that.” 

Almost immediately though, Asagao’s trained senses couldn’t help but ring with alarms. To anyone else, that response would’ve been normal but for someone that had cataloged his entire being, she knew right away that his words were a deflection of something else. 

She felt that wall slam back up almost instantly, the distance much colder than it was just a couple minutes ago when they were laughing and telling stories. But why? What happened to make him so standoff-ish and fake all of a sudden? Was it something she said? 

And she hated it, she hated that the sound of his voice implied that they were just mere strangers and not friends. Suddenly he was so out of reach, her invisible hand finding air instead of the boy she knew before. 

The feeling was suffocating, Asagao wanting so badly to call him out on it, to show that she knew exactly what he was doing. But somehow, she forced herself to resist, to hold back on prying into the sad and complicated mind he possessed. 

It was invasive, she knew that. She had figured that out firsthand when she accidentally made those girls from school cry and push her around. And though it felt like an itch she had to scratch, Asa instead clutched her hands into fists, holding back the temptation. 

He would tell her when he was ready, right?

She had to trust that. If something was bothering him then would confine to her. That’s what she wanted to believe so badly. Anything to keep this ugly part of her at bay and hold back her words. 

Taking a deep breath, Asagao then forced a smile to her lips in fake positivity before giving him a small wave in reply. “That’s okay, I don’t want to disturb you. Have fun.” 

Osamu only winked in response, the flirty gesture giving her no comfort. “You know it, darling.” 

And then he left, leaving her with the familiar companion of loneliness that had accompanied her throughout her entire life. 

------

Three months. 

It had been three months since their date and Asa was growing restless by the day, watching as Osamu kept that same suffocating distance between them. He never spoke about it, he didn’t even bring anything up regarding it. 

No, he just left her in her own torment, like a shaky damn that’s foundations were slowly cracking. 

She kept trying to tell herself to let it go, to stop being a bother and face the fact that they would never be friends like she had hoped. That wasn’t the agreement, he had no obligation to hang around longer than he needed to. 

But as the days passed, so did the selfishness of her heart. The greed was swallowing her whole with every bit of rejection she received to have him stick around. No matter what she tried he never seemed interested. 

No, he did seem interested. That was the problem.

Because of her stupid upbringing and analytical eyes she could tell that he was lying in his answers. This facade he put up, it wasn’t fooling her one bit and she honestly wished that it had. 

The truth was, if he simply didn’t want those things then she could’ve lived with it but it was obvious to tell that Osu was holding himself back from something. And though Asagao was never an angry person, his withdrawal was starting to piss her off. 

Why was he doing this to himself, why was he forcing himself to leave time and time again? She hated it, the torture he was putting himself through for a reason she couldn’t decipher. 

So much so that after their usual exchange, Asagao followed him out the door, her fingers catching on the sleeve of his black jacket with silent plea. “Osu, are you sure you don't wanna stay?” 

Once again he only gave her a shallow response. “So clingy, love. I already told you I was busy.” 

But this time, the girl couldn’t let it rest. She had been trained to point out any irregularity or change in a person's demeanor since she could remember. It was ingrained into her, and she couldn’t turn it off even if she tried. 

Yes, she was wearing her glasses but it wasn’t that easy with Osamu. She couldn’t see his mannerisms but she could hear them, she could sense them, and that was enough to know that something was very wrong with how he was acting. 

Unable to help herself, Asagao spoke sharply. “Do you honestly think I’d believe such a lie?” 

And for a moment, Dazai paused, his facade cracking for a second before he gave a careless laugh. “I’m not sure what you mean, Asa-chan, I would never lie.” 

But just him saying that was a lie in itself. He thrived off of depiction, that much was very well known, even to Asagao. “I just don’t understand why you are forcing yourself to leave like this. You never want to.” 

Almost immediately, Dazai felt frozen, his hand hovering over the door handle with silent distress. He hoped that Asa would look at his disinterest with the mind of a foolish lovesick girl but that didn’t seem to be the case. Why couldn’t it ever be easy with her?

Of course he had to leave. He couldn’t get comfortable, to allow himself to indulge in the drug that was Oda Asagao. Every single coax, every moment of temptation she had given him he had resisted. Just barely, but it still counted. 

Because Dazai knew that the moment he gave into her, there would be no going back. And that couldn’t happen. Quite honestly, she was making everything harder by clinging on for so long. He hoped she would’ve gotten the message. 

And she did, but it wasn’t the message that he intended. She didn’t see his rejection as indifference, she saw it as it really was, a scared little boy running away from what he really wanted. 

Forcing another chuckle to his lips, Dazai gave her a sly smirk to mask his anxiety. “Well, I do admit it is hard to leave such a beautiful lady alone each time.” 

His first response fell on deaf ears though, Asagao immediately sensing it as deflection. And unlike all the times before, she wasn’t going to let this one go. 

Narrowing her eyes in strange seriousness, she sighed. “Osamu…” 

The boy only turned his head though, pretending not to know what she was trying to imply. “Hmm?” 

Although that’s when he watched her eyes fall with a softness that shook his very foundations. “What’s wrong?” 

Shit, she knew something was wrong, she knew he was forcing himself away. This was bad. He knew she wouldn’t agree with his reasoning either. No, she’d probably encourage his bad little habit of sticking around. 

And that was something he could not have. 

Shoving the feelings down, Dazai simply scoffed, purposely speaking cruelly in order to get her to back off. “Nothing’s wrong, sweetheart. I’m just fulfilling my part of our deal. It’s you that wants me to stick around like this. Not that I can blame you, I am irresistible.” 

Asagao only frowned though, seeing his sugar coated words as another deflection.“Don’t give me that, you’ve been acting weird for months. Do you really think I haven’t noticed? I wouldn’t have bothered you if you really wanted us to be strangers but I can tell that isn’t the case. You are forcing yourself to keep this distance between us. Why?” 

Her words were like a set of draggers, cutting maliciously  into him without permission as she poured out every single analytical thing she had picked up over the last few months. She didn’t pull any punches, leaving him absolutely breathless. 

God, for as enticing as she was, Dazai hated this part of her just as much as he admired it. Because when it was aimed at anyone else it was marvel but when it was aimed at him..well it was his worst nightmare…

And that was because he always felt naked with her, so vulnerable and fragile, stripped away from every single mask and front he had ever put up. It didn’t matter how many layers he tried to cover himself with, she saw through every single one in a blink of an eye. 

It was dangerous, being around her was so dangerous. He could never hide when he was put in front of her eyes, no matter how hard he wished for it. She was always his executioner, his mirror. 

It made his skin crawl with uncomfortable raw emotion, wanting so badly to run away from her and protect himself from her scrutinizing and truth telling tongue. 

Why did she have to perceive what he never wanted to be known and shove it in front of his face time and time again?

He felt like he was going to be sick, the boy forcing himself to keep himself together before she looked into him even deeper. “What you’re seeing is wishful thinking, love.” 

And silently he begged for her to take the bait, to finally back off and take his gaslighting as the truth. But he was never lucky enough for that result. 

Instead, Asagao’s frown only deepened, her heart twisting with rejection in order to do the one thing that had always seemed to get her in trouble. Pushing too far. “Why is it so bad to want to stay? I already said you don’t have to do anything…”

Yet that’s when she heard his voice, strained and cold. “Asagao.” 

And once he got her attention, Dazai forced himself to say the one thing he knew would let him go, even if it was insanely cruel.

He had to, or else he knew she would never let up. “Quit trying to be Odasaku. You won’t replace him.” 

Widening her eyes, Asagao’s felt her heart stab with pain at that, her entire body recoiling back from him with a sharp gasp. Is that what he thought, that she was trying to replace her brother? 

That wasn’t what she was trying to do at all, that wasn’t her intention. She just wanted a friend, not to replace his memory entirely. 

But then again, she supposed in some sort of manner it was like that. She had come to Yokohama, found Osamu and urged him into the same relationship that he had shared with her brother. 

That’s right, she was just a knock off version of what he wanted. A dollar store rip off that didn’t compare to the real thing. How silly of her to expect any different, for him to care for her in the same capacity as he did for Oda. 

Asagao got his message immediately, he was telling her not to overstep her place. 

Not knowing how to respond, she then watched Osamu leave her alone, causing her hand to run across her face in sad revelation before moving back to the small shoe box on the table and opening the top. 

Then the girl reached her hand in order to take out a familiar letter, the one that she had used to calm herself a million times before. The very first message of Osamu’s existence. 

Pushing the letter close to her chest, Asagao then let out a shaky breath, not finding that familiar comfort anymore now that she knew the truth. 

How foolish of her, to think that he wouldn’t leave like all the others.

----

Chapter 12

“Quit trying to be Odasaku.” 

The words slipped from his lips without a second thought, purposely cracking the carefree outer shield that Asagao always wore in order for the boy to see the hurt that he didn't know existed.

For some reason, that phrase wasn’t something she could brush off or use her usual coping mechanism on. No, one look in her eyes and Dazai could tell that it was bigger, that he had touched a spot that broke through her trauma plated armor. 

But in the end it had gotten him what he wanted, the girl no longer stopping him as he walked out of Oda’s apartment without another word, taking that sick nauseating feeling with him. 

She wasn’t trying to take the place of Odasaku, he knew that, but in Dazai’s mind his projection of his own insecurities basically made the result the same. Asagao wasn’t aiming to be Oda but the boy could feel their similarities creeping up his spine even so. 

It didn’t matter if she had good intentions, because the boy had seen her as his dead friend many times before. 

The truth was, Dazai was the one who was searching for Odasaku, he was the one that tried to recreate those feelings with Asagao. 

It wasn’t her fault, it was his own fucked up brain wishing for those mundane and carefree times back. He wanted to stay at her place for weeks on end and eat dinner with her every time she offered. He wanted to tell her stories about her brother and laugh about them throughout the entire night. 

But instead he lashed out, he shoved his own insecurities in her face and caused her to make that heartbreaking expression instead. Guess she was wrong, he couldn’t be a good man after all. He bet she regretted that statement now. 

What a disappointment he was, hurting the one thing that Odasaku held dearly. He tried to warn her that she would be caught in the crossfire of his own destruction but she didn't listen. And now she had paid the price. 

If only she wasn’t so clever, if only she didn’t see through every single one of his defenses. See, this was why he preferred to be around stupid girls, ones that didn’t ask too many questions. It was easier that way, easier to hide in himself. 

But with Asagao he couldn’t do that, and it terrified a part of him he didn’t even know he possessed. She saw him in a way no one else could, she perceived him in a manner that shook him to his very core. 

It was a contradiction, to want to be understood and yet not at the same time. To call out into the sea and pray to be rescued but also hope to be drowned. That was the line that Dazai constantly walked, and the boy knew that he would never be happy with either result. 

Because to be seen, to be perceived was the scariest he could ever imagine. Just the mere idea of such a concept caused his fingers to wrap around the bandages around his arms with a shiver of alarm. 

No, he couldn’t do it. It didn’t matter how much he craved it, how much he wished for it. He couldn’t show anyone these ugly disgusting parts of himself. The walls, the barriers, the armor, they needed to be there forever. 

That’s why he wore the tightly wound gauze in the first place, to hide. To cover himself in order to be able to stand to look at the sight. They shielded him, coddled him far from his inner self, tucking him away emotionally so that no one could ever truly see the scarred and tainted skin underneath. 

They were a necessity, something that Dazai knew he couldn’t live without. 

And just the mere thought of Asagao seeing underneath his bandages almost spiraled him into a panic attack on the spot. No, he couldn’t let her get too close, he couldn’t let her figure out this horrible part of him.

This feeling of insecurity and helplessness, he hated it more than anything. It stuck to his skin like a disease, taunting him with every step. He needed to be ridded of it immediately before it consumed his sad little nonexistent heart completely. 

Mindlessly making his way back to his apartment, the boy then threw open the door before stepping inside the hollow and lonely place without a single word. 

The soothing and happy hum, the sickening smell of sweets, the bright aura that was once there was no longer now that Asagao had left. 

She took all the life with her it seemed. And without her the place had returned back to its usual depressed state. 

Focusing on a corner of a room, Dazai then recalled the massive blanket fort that had graced the space all those months ago. He was so stunned when he first saw it and somewhere in the back of his throat he missed it, simply because all that was left now was just empty space. 

Robotically moving over his bed, the boy then laid back onto the soft mattress with a sigh in order to lift his hand and cover his face as the silence turned into sadness. 

He felt no warmth, no comforting uneasiness that he had with Asagao. No, the boy didn’t feel anything, his entire body numb and nonexistent as he forced himself back to the sad little life he had made for himself. 

Now he was alone, just as he had always been, and just how he would always be. 

------

Six months passed by and Dazai resided in keeping himself busy at all times. Wether it was trying out a new suicide attempt or taking on every single assigment that Mori had offered, the boy had stuck to a schedule in order to keep himself away from tempting lure of Asagao. 

Yes, they still visited each other but the boy made sure to keep it at a surface level and after his careless comment Asagao didn’t seem to object. They were back to being strangers, just like he had always intended them to be. 

Which was why the executive was now standing in the middle of a crossfire, his ears filling up with loud shouts and orders as the air rained down with bullets all around them. 

It was supposed to be a simple job but somehow had turned into an all out war without warning. And though Dazai’s ability made him powerful, it didn’t stop the influx of offensive attacks that were all aimed at him. 

And though he dodged the best he could, the boy wasn’t that lucky as one of his attackers managed to ram his fist into Dazai’s stomach in order for another one of his lackeys to fire a shot in the mafioso’s direction. 

The impact was instant, crashing into his shoulder with a sharp sting of agony as Dazai hissed at the contact. Fuck, that hurt. Didn’t these guys know he didn’t like pain? 

Apparently not, because a second later another gun was aimed at his face, causing the bandaged boy to groan in order to kick the object away with his foot and retreat behind a nearby tree.

Touching the crimson color on his shoulder, he seethed at the pain before watching his fingers coat with dangerous warning. Damn it, he was losing blood fast, so much so the boy already felt dizzy.  

He then heard a shout to his left, the attackers signaling that they had found Dazai only for the boy to grit his teeth and take off running. The last thing he needed was to be captured and tortured by these guys. He did not want to die in a dirty old cell like that. 

Feeling his own heartbeat pound in his ears, the brown haired kid ignored the blurry spots in his vision in order to pant and push further and further into the streets of Yokohama. 

And the fainter he got, the more Dazai wondered if this was really it, if he was finally going to die tonight?

If that was true then it was unfortunate, considering how much his entire body hurt right now. This was no painless way to leave this world, and because of that the boy couldn’t help but be against it. 

But if he was going to die like this then he knew the exact place he wanted to go. 

Forcing his shaky and uncertain legs to move, his fingers leaned against a nearby wall before practically clawing his way to where he needed to go. No, he couldn’t die until he was there, then everything would be okay. 

And soon enough he found it, the steps of Odasaku’s apartment causing a tired smile to cross his lips before his body finally gave out on the steps. 

It only seemed right to go here, this was where it all started after all, where Odaskau had found him all those years ago. 

But even in his delirious state, Dazai knew that no one would save him this time. Odasaku was dead, which meant the only thing left for him now was to join him. 

And as he felt his eyes close with acceptance, the boy whispered to himself. 

“I’m sorry, Odasaku. I failed you.”

-----

Sighing to herself, Asagao strolled through the streets of Yokohama with no particular goal in mind. She didn’t even really know why she was out here but anything was better than wallowing in her own depression she supposed. 

Ever since Osamu’s comment to her three months ago, the two hadn’t been close. Hell, it seemed that they were even more like strangers than before. The two still saw each other, yeah, but it was never about anything but their deal. 

The conversations were shallow and meaningless, leaving her wanting more each time. But Asa knew better than to be selfish again. This was the relationship they had whether she liked it or not. 

And she respected it, even if it was extremely hard to do so. 

Asagao then paused as a group of school girls passed by her, everyone in the group laughing and giggling about some kind of inside joke as one of them gasped. “Hey, you wanna check out the newest cafe? It just opened.” 

Her friend only nodded enthusiastically, obviously eager for the idea. “Yeah, let’s do it!” 

And as they passed by her, Asa couldn’t help but feel her gaze fall with defeat. What did that feel like, to hang out like normal middle schoolers, to have someone to lean on so easily? She didn’t know, she never knew how that felt. 

Because as much as she liked to believe she could be a part of that world, Asa knew in her heart that it was impossible. Something about her was never that way, she could feel it. 

She wasn’t a mafioso nor a normal kid. She didn’t fit in either one of those boxes. The brutality and evilness of it all, the average happy go lucky mold of a giggly middle schooler, they never seemed quite right. 

The sad truth was, Asagao knew she didn’t belong anyway. Not with the mafia, not with the civilians. She was a strange middle ground, a purgatory between heaven and hell, unable to transfer to either side no matter how badly she wanted it. 

Her eyes had made that impossible and now she was stuck on the outside, looking through a glass box of disappointment. 

Hell, even Osamu didn’t like the way she was. 

That much was evident from his comments months ago. It still haunted her, the assumption that she had done all of this to take her big brother's place by his side. It disgusted her to know that it was kind of the truth. 

What was wrong with her? She couldn’t find a place in the darkness or a light so instead she sought after her big brother's position instead? How vile. She hated herself for even thinking about such a thing. 

No wonder Osamu got sick of her. She couldn’t even blame him. 

She didn’t really like herself either. 

Sighing to herself once more, Asa then walked back to her brother’s apartment sadly, not wanting to be out here anymore. She decided to go out to make herself feel better but it seemed even that was a bust. 

The girl then turned the corner to her street only to pause at the sight of a black blur laid across the steps of her brother’s apartment. Hold on, what was that? Someone was sleeping in front of her door? How odd. 

Yet the closer she got, the more she recognized the very familiar brown haired boy, his body coated in blood from an unknown source. Oh my god, what happened to him? “O-Osamu?” 

He didn’t stir at that sound of her voice, his muscles unmoving as Asagao quickly kneed down in order to press a finger to the side of his throat in panic in order to find a pulse. Oh thank god, he wasn’t dead. 

Although the second her fingers graced his skin, Osu’s voice whispered out brokenly, his tone distant and weak as he pleaded softly. “I’m sorry, Odasaku. I failed you.” 

Feeling her face drop at the desperation in his words, Asagao shook her head, moving her hands over to his shoulders with anxiety.

She didn’t know what he was talking about in the slightest but hearing him speak so small and dejected made her heart hurt. “Don’t say that. You haven’t failed anyone.” 

His lack of response to her voice caused Asa to panic, her hands frantically moving under his arms in order to lift his limb body off the steps before stumbling in the process. 

Because they were about the same height and build, she was able to handle his dead weight just barely, silently apologizing to the boy in her head as she dragged his feet across the threshold of Oda’s apartment with another breathy wobble. 

No, she couldn’t keep him out there. It didn’t matter if she couldn’t fully carry him inside, if his feet were still glued to the ground. She would push herself as far as he needed to to make sure he was okay. 

Finally reaching the sofa, Asagao then carefully lowered Osamu’s sweaty and weak body down onto the cushions before quickly grabbing the nearest medical kit she could find in order to sit across from him and start to take off his bloody black jacket. 

Surprisingly enough, Osu didn’t protest to her frazzled hands, his eyes far too heavy and distant to reply as Asagao tried to reach him again. “I’m going to take off your shirt so I can see how deep the wound is, okay?” 

Once again he didn’t answer, causing Asa to continue her plan as her fingers graced the buttons of his black vest, peeling the fabric away before pulling his tie from his neck and untying the knot without a second thought. 

And though her face felt undeniably hot from her methods she shoved the feelings down. Now was not the time to get flustered about these kinds of things. Osamu needed her. She could get embarrassed later, once she found out he was alright. 

Fumbling with the buttons on the white shirt underneath, she then watched the boy hiss as she unstuck the glued-on fabric from his bloody skin only for Asa to whisper sadly. “I’m sorry, I know you don’t like pain but please bear with me. I promise I’ll be as gentle as I can for you.” 

And she was, she was trying to be as light as possible, only touching the fabric from his shirt and not the skin that laid beneath out of respect for his preferences. The last thing she wanted to do was cause him discomfort in any way while he was injured. 

She didn’t want him to think that she was taking advantage of his weak state by going further than what he consented to. 

Being a port mafia executive, she knew it was probably already hard for him to show this vulnerable position and trust anyone with his body, especially to this extent. 

So Asa tried her best, only grabbing onto the fabric as she pulled it from his arms only to find the source of the blood immediately. 

Damn it, he was shot in the shoulder. First she had to get the bullet out and then give him stitches or else he was at risk of bleeding out. 

Quickly opening the first aid kit, Asagao then grabbed a pair of tweezers before moving the objects towards his shoulder with a sharp breath of apprehension, knowing Osu would feel pain from her decision. “I’m so sorry love but this is gonna hurt. I’m gonna need you to be strong for me, okay? Grab my wrist or hold my hand if you need to. I’m right here.”  

The way she called him love , it rolled off her tongue without a second thought, extending her non-dominant hand out to hover in front of him silently before focusing her attention back on his wound. 

Asking a top level member of the mafia to be strong, perhaps it was foolish but she felt the need to say it even so. Because if he was weak in this moment, she wanted him to know that she wouldn’t judge him for it. 

Digging her tweezers into the bloody wound, she felt Osamu’s body tense up, his teeth gritting together with clear discomfort as Asa quickly wrapped the surface around the bullet in order to pull it free. 

Yet even so, the boy didn’t reach out to her at all, his fingers instead clenching the fabric on his pants as Asagao quietly stitched up his open gash with precise precision. 

She didn’t mind though, she didn’t hold the  rejection against him, allowing him to do whatever he felt comfortable with in order to focus on her job.

Being a hellhound had its perks after all, and one of them was firsthand experience with patching herself up as a child. She could do it in a matter of seconds, even with her eyes closed.

The skill was always useful but Asa had never been truly thankful of it till now, knowing that she could ease Osamu of his pain as fast as possible. 

Once she was done, the girl sighed in relief, seeing Osu’s ghostly white fingers relax from his hold only for Asagao to notice the rest of his chest. 

The bandages he always wore were soaked with blood, trailing towards his bare skin in streaks and splotches. 

He couldn’t be comfortable like that, sitting in that kind of reminder. Also what if there were more wounds under all the blood? What if there was something lethal that she couldn’t see? If so then she needed to treat it right away. 

Reaching her fingers forward in anxiety, the tips then hovered on top of his bandages only for Osamu to seemingly wake up from his dazed state, the alarms in his head practically screaming at him to move. 

Hmm? It doesn’t hurt anymore. 

Wait, what is she reaching for? 

Wait, no..anything but that..

And as her fingers started to unravel the coverings, the boy's hand snapped forward with frightening speed in order to latch onto her wrist with a painful death grip of warning. 

He then roughly pulled her hand away from the gauze as Asagao froze at the deadly and dangerous look he was giving her. It was lethal, the sight forcing her to silence immediately. 

His eyes, they only held threats, the iris’ wide and crazed like a cornered wild animal or a demon inside the skin of a boy.

 In this moment Osamu resembled the devil himself, unmoving, unchanging from the hold he had on her. 

But what Asa didn’t know was that the boy inside was spiraling, panicking on the deepest level the moment her fingers graced the shaky and wrapped up emotions that he had always hid away from the world. 

Anything to make her stop, anything to get her to pull away from the hideous and ugly parts that needed to stay buried. No one could see them, especially her. He needed to get her to stop no matter what, even if he had to break her wrist to do so. 

And a second later, he thought about doing just that, his grip tightening with force only for Asagao to notice the slightest tremor in his muscles as he did so. 

The feeling caused Asa’s eyes to fall, her mind not even focusing on the pain in order to take in the boy before her. He was shaking, trembling even though he was trying not to show it. He was scared of her seeing him, of her taking off his bandages. 

A hard ball of emotion coursed through her throat at the sight, knowing the internal fear better than anyone. She was scared to live without her glasses just like he was scared to live without his white colored binds.

To perceive the world, to be perceived yourself, they were frightening concepts for both Asagao and Osamu. They used the physical, the tangible to keep them safe and secure from the possibility of hurt. 

Then, the realization hit Asagao immediately. 

God, he probably felt cornered with her here, watching him with her analytical and prying mind. That’s why he looked so wild and crazed, why he was grabbing her wrist with so much force right now. It was because he was terrified of her looking too deep, of her finding something he wasn’t proud of. 

Dazai only took the silence as suffocation though, each moment causing his heart to twist and turn with even more breathless panic as he forced his words to move to no avail. 

He wanted to scream, to yell at her, to threaten her and hurt her so badly that she would never dare to touch him ever again like that. 

His mind spun, delirious from his wound, the horrors and nightmares of his past and present swirling around him in a psychotic and madened circle only to watch as Asa closed her eyes with a small smile of acceptance. 

And when she spoke, it was soft, barely above a whisper. “It’s okay, I understand now.”

Wait, what did she mean she understood? Why was she looking like that? He was hurting her, he was so close to breaking her wrist. She should’ve been scared or disgusted by his weak panic. 

But what kind of face was that? 

Yet that’s when his dizzy and faint expression followed her movements, the girl slowly pulling away from his vice grip before reaching for his black discarded tie in order to hold it between her fingers. 

Asagao then wordlessly slipped off her large round glasses before replacing the objects with the black colored fabric, purposely blinding herself from his view before turning back to him. 

And with just three tiny words, he was stunned into silence. “You’re safe now.” 

Widening his eyes the boy felt the meaning crash into him almost instantly. They carved into Dazai without permission, his eyes widening at the feeling before his weakened and shaking fingers couldn’t help but grip onto the fabric of his pants in response. 

Safe. 

She said he was safe. That concept, he never knew the meaning until now. 

They were just three little words and yet Dazai somehow knew what they meant immediately. She was telling him that he was safe from being perceived, that he didn’t have to worry about her finding his insecurities and ugly tainted soul. 

Even though she had noticed, Asagao didn’t tell him to get over it, she didn’t push forward, she didn’t force him past his comfort. 

She instead blinded herself for his sake, to give him comfort, to give him security, to ease his trembling and terrified mind before he unraveled right in front of her face. It was so kind, so unbelievably meaningful that Dazai didn’t know how to take it. 

How could someone truly be this perfect, how could they truly understand such a thing so clearly with little to no words. Without judgment, without persecution? He didn’t think it was possible. 

Reaching her hands forward, Asagao then hovered back over the looming bandages still soaked with blood in order to continue to unravel them, her lips playing in a soft blissful hum as she did so. 

The sound caught in his ears immediately, distracting him from her touch as he watched her careful fingers never reach towards his skin, strictly keeping them on the gauze almost like she knew the sensitivity and vulnerable weakness it would cause by straying too far. 

And as his ugly scarred skin started to appear underneath, a self conscious look crossed his face, the boy thankful that Asa couldn’t see such a weak display. 

But even though her eyes were covered, just her mere presence in front of his ugly skin was enough for the boy’s face to flush in order to look away with a shaky uncertain breath.

It didn’t matter that she couldn’t actually see, this was the most intimate he had ever gotten with someone before. 

And he didn’t mean intimacy in terms of sex either, although it would be wrong to call his hookups intimate on any level considering his methods were to just bend them over and get it over with as fast as possible. 

But this was different than the physical intimacy that he was used to. No, this was something bigger, something far more deep and personal then he had never experienced before.

This was emotional intimacy. The act of being mentally vulnerable, of trusting someone to keep you safe in your most weakened state. It was to allow the walls to crumble down and allow someone to cross your barriers even though it was terrifying to do so. 

Dazai then realized that sex was easy, far easier than whatever this was. It didn’t have feelings, it didn’t force him to show the absolute worst parts of himself and strip him down emotionally to his very core like this.

But even so, the boy allowed Asagao to continue, her hands finally gathering up the old bloody bandages in order to toss them on the ground before reaching down in order to find his hand. “Come on, let’s get you cleaned up.” 

And he hated how he physically flinched at the contact, unable to stop the weak response now that he was vulnerably naked in front of her. He felt more sensitive than before, the slightest touch urging him to recoil back into his shell. 

She seemed to notice the response immediately, her fingers quickly pulling him up before he felt his bare arms rest against the fabric of her shirt in order to take him over to Oda’s bathroom just a couple feet away. 

And because it wasn’t skin to skin contact, the boy found it easier, resting his weary body on her shirt in order for her to lower him into the tub with a type of care that he thought wasn’t physically possible.

Then he watched as she turned around in order to gather up the bottle of shampoo and conditioner along with a cloth that was sitting on a shelf behind her with ease. 

He wondered how she did it, how she managed to wander around the bathroom even without being able to see? 

Well, he supposed it was because of her glasses. She couldn’t see either way so being blindfolded by his tie was probably nothing different in terms of view. 

Then like magic, it seemed like she had read his mind. “I bet you’re wondering how I’m so good at this. Well, being blindfolded was a part of my training to be a hellhound. I’ve learned to catalog objects in physical spaces. Being out on the streets I’m sure I’d have a little more trouble but in a familiar environment like this, seeing isn’t a necessity.” 

She was grateful for it now, this little trick of hers, simply because Asa knew this was something only she could do for Osamu. Anyone else would’ve fumbled and struggled in the darkened world she willingly created but not her. 

No, she thrived in it, more than Osu would ever know. 

Wetting the cloth with running water, Asa then sat on her knees in order to bring the fabric to Osamu’s chest before feeling him twitch and flitch at the contact. He was in a fragile state right now so she had to be careful. 

And careful she was, her fingers moving across the bumpy and raised scarred skin ever so slowly in order to wash every bit of blood she felt between her touch, cleansing him of his sins without a second thought. 

Softening her eyes through the blindfold, she heard his quiet responses immediately. The shaking uneven breath, the feeling of his rising and falling chest of uncertainty with each move, somehow she knew that he was watching her, prepared to pull away at any moment. 

It only made her even more determined though, wanting to show him just how much she cared about him, to show how monumental this boy was to her very existence. She wanted to give him the world, to prove to him that it was okay to be weak and uncertain in front of her. 

Once she didn’t feel any more blood, Asagao then directed her attention to the bottle of shampoo to her left in order to pour a small amount on her hand as she heard Osu question softly. “What are you doing?” 

Smiling towards his voice, Asa replied. “I noticed you had blood in your hair before.” 

There was a silence then, almost like he was trying to decipher her sentence before she tilted his head back in order to gently massage the shampoo into his fluffy soft hair. 

She heard his voice then, far smaller than it was before. “You don’t have to do this.” 

Feeling her eyes close under the blindfold, Asagao only nodded her head in reply. If only he knew how far she’d go for him, how much he meant to her ever since she was a child. This was nothing. 

Asagao’s fingers then paused on his scalp before answering honestly. “I know, I want to.” 

She then began to hum again, hoping it would distract him from his nerves and allow him to enjoy the gentle feeling of her fingers in his hair. He deserved to feel comforted and safe more than anything else. 

And he did, Dazai did feel comfortable with her movements, the soft humming lulling his muscles to sink further in the tub without permission in order to close his eyes and get lost in the moment. 

His bare unbandaged skin shivered at her touch, the knot in his stomach still existent and yet not overwhelming as he felt himself drown in the warmth of her very presence. 

Why she would ever want to do this was beyond him. He didn’t deserve it. He didn’t deserve to feel this good, to be cared for to this extent, or any extent really.

 But even so, his greedy little soul couldn’t help but give into the temptation of it all. How could he not when she was singing so sweetly and touching him like he was the most precious thing in the entire universe?

God, he wanted to stay here forever, to die perfectly between those fingers of hers and drift away from this world entirely. How peaceful would that be, to go in a state of pure bliss like this one? 

Yet just as he thought that, her touch disappeared, causing the boy to resist the urge to reach out and desperately plead for it back as he watched her put the bottles back on the shelf.

He then felt his body lift back up to rest on her shirt as Asago quietly took him to Oda’s bedroom in order to carefully lay him on the mattress with just as much fragile care as before.

Reaching into her pocket, Dazai then watched her pull out two rolls of freshly bound bandages in order to show the boy. “Would you like to put them on or do you want me to help?” 

The answer should’ve been immediate. Who cares if he was suffering from blood loss, he didn’t need help, he needed to quickly get his bandages back on in order to feel protected again.

Asa helping him would result in her having to touch his skin, and that was a terrifying thought. 

Yet if that was the case, why did he instead reach his hand out to grasp her wrist and not the bandages? Why did he squeeze the skin in a silent wordless plea of weakness?

And why did she answer so softly in response? “Of course, love.” 

Love. She called him love. She had used his pet name against him again but this time it wasn’t in vain, it wasn’t to mock him or poke fun. No, somehow this time that name held so much more power than it had ever before. 

Asagao then slowly began to unwrap the white colored gauze before pushing her hand out towards his vision with a small smile. “Hold out your arms, I’ll be careful. I promise.” 

His muscles complied almost instantly, the boy pushing out his scarred and disgusting arms before Asagao carefully covered the sights with the bandages, her fingers still mindful not to touch the skin as she did so. 

Her contact still caused him to flinch though, Dazai resisting the urge to pull back as her hands then moved to his face in order to rewrap his eye and then his chest. 

He watched her every movement, glued to the sight until everything was finally back in place. Now he could finally breathe behind his constructed walls again. Now he wasn’t so vulnerable. 

And it seemed Asagao sensed that as well, her hands moving towards the black tie around her eyes before pulling the fabric away in order for her hollow and distant gaze to finally meet his. “There, that’s better. Hang on, I think Oda had some old shirts in here that you could use..” 

Turning around, the girl then pulled open a couple drawers before pulling out a large white and black striped button down shirt, the sight causing Dazai’s eyes to soften immediately. He had seen that piece of fabric a million times before. It was one of Odasaku’s favorites. 

Asagao then moved back over to him before carefully helping his fatigued body into the shirt, her fingers fixing up the buttons as Dazai looked down and cataloged the distance between them, which was minuscule at best. 

Then once she was done with the top button, she smiled before looking up only to find Osamu staring straight at her, their lips only about a couple inches away from each other. 

But like the idiot she was, Asagao didn’t flush at the distance, a stupid smile moving to her lips in order to lean back like absolutely nothing had shaken her. 

But did that also mean that Dazai wasn't effect either? Well that was another story entirely. 

Humming to herself, Asagao then clapped her hands before turning around in order to face the doorway. “Perfect, now get some rest. Oh, and don’t worry about taking the bed, you need it more than me.” 

But as she started to walk away, Dazai felt a sense of panic course through his throat, the delusional and dizzying blood loss of his injuries causing him to confuse reality and fiction. 

The similar features, the blinding red hair, the black and white shirt on his body, suddenly it was like seeing Odasaku all over again. 

He felt tortured with familiar deja vu, the memory of the man walking away from him, of slipping through his fingers, it scared him more than anything else. 

He didn't want her to go, he didn’t want her to end up like Odasaku. 

Reaching his hand forward, Dazai’s shaking fingers stopped her hand, a desperation in his throat as he willed the weakness to seep from his lips. “Please don’t go.” 

And for a moment Asagao was stunned. She had never heard Osamu plead before, it broke her heart to witness it. To see him so scared and fragile, so desperate to hold onto her. 

Immediately turning around, Oda’s sister then moved back up to him before reaching into her pocket in order to pull out Osu’s black port mafia tie again and wrap half of it around the palm of her hand. 

Then she leaned down before wrapping the other half around Osamu’s palm, the fabric welcoming against skin before she spoke gently. “ I promise I’ll be right here when you wake up. See? We are connected. I’m not going anywhere, not until you tell me to.” 

The connection was enough to relax his shoulders, feeling the tether between his skin as he allowed his eyes to get heavier and sink down into the bed with a sigh of relief. 

But even so, he resisted the pull, knowing that he would find Odasaku’s blood between his fingers the moment he closed his eyes completely. No, he didn’t need it. He didn’t need to rest. 

His stubbornness was not lost on Asagao though, her expression turning into a sad frown before parting her lips with a small breath. He wasn’t letting himself relax, forcing his body to keep going even though it was physically breaking down before him. 

There had to be something she could do to ease his nerves, to allow him to breathe. 

Then she recalled the way his body reacted to the sound of her small little tune in the bath, feeling the need to recreate such a reaction again. Except this time, she wanted him to understand her, to verbally showcase the hidden meaning that was there since the beginning. 

And that’s when Dazai heard it again, her humming, the sweet sound like a siren song. Except this time it was different, her vague melody turning into words, into feelings he could not comprehend.  

~ It’s easy to push me away from you. Easy to say you want to be left on your own, it’s what you have told yourself. Over and over again in darkness, you try to hold back all the thoughts ~

His wandering thoughts couldn’t help but still immediately, soaking each word through his clouded mind in order to push his lips together with a trembling breath of realization. These lyrics, they were a reflection, a mirror of what he could never voice out loud. 

But before he could analyze it further, Dazai felt her gentle fingers coast across the top of his hair, barely gliding off the surface and lulling his muscles further into the mattress as a strange state of calm coursed through him. 

It was like she knew the kind of effect her moves had on him, the boy completely and utterly entranced by her in every possible way in order to feel his eyes grow heavier and heavier without permission.

~But you know, I just want you as you are, just the you that I see right before me. It’s all that has been on my mind ~

The words he thought he’d never hear, the feelings he knew he didn’t deserve, they gently rested on his chest, coaxing him further and further down to drown in them all together. 

And he wanted to, he never wanted to come up for air again if it meant dying to the sound of her absolute adoration. 

~Lend me your voice, let me see your face, let me start to show you what I see. Bring me close, let me feel the beat of your heart, the secrets you bury. Lend me your voice~

Yet as the actual lyrics flooded far from his understanding, the feelings remained in order for Dazai’s eyes to finally give into the temptation, the feeling of invisible hands rocking him gently and completely into utter submission. 

And for the first time in his life, the port mafia executive, the boy who had never once allowed himself to rest, finally felt free from his self made chains.

Yes, perhaps this was all a dream, perhaps when he woke up he’d be back in the darkness, in the emptiness of his port mafia apartment. 

But for now, he allowed himself to indulge in it even so. 

He allowed himself to feel safe.

----

Feeling as his heavy lidded eyes forced their way open, Dazai turned his head with a muttered groan before yawning back the tiredness in his throat. He was drowsy, not knowing anything but the soft plush mattress underneath him. 

Yet that’s when the boy felt himself freeze, his eyes sharply opening before realization crashed into him almost instantly. He slept? No, there was no way. Dazai didn’t sleep, he hadn’t in months. There was no way he would’ve allowed himself such a thing. 

And not only that, as the boy searched his own mind he found no recollection of nightmares. That couldn’t be right either. Everytime he closed his eyes he found Odasaku’s death. 

Why was this time different, why didn’t he wake up in a panic attack with his heartbeat in his ears? Why didn’t he hear his own voice scream out and wake himself up? Why had everything instead been, calm?

Not understanding, the boy then frowned before trying to move his hand to his head only to find something wrapped around the surface of his palm. Hold on, what was..

Yet that's when Dazai turned towards the source only for his eyes to widen at the sight of Asagao’s body scrunched up and laying on the floor by him, her arms and head buried on top of the mattress as she slept peacefully beside him. 

Her hand was extended out, causing the boy’s heart to skip at the sight of the tethered black tie that connected their two hands together. And although it was just a simple piece of fabric, the implications of it were something that Dazai struggled to comprehend. 

She was sleeping so uncomfortably just to stay by his side. Why? 

Then all at once, the events of last night flashed in his mind, causing his face to flush in memory. No, that wasn’t a dream? Asagao really saved him last night? She took care of him like that, she touched his bandages. 

The knowledge itself brought the boy into a spiral. Damn it, why did he do that? Why did she have to see such a weak and pathetic side of himself? Some self control he had, unraveling before Oda’s sister’s fingers like that. 

He had done everything he had promised himself not to do. Those walls that he had tried so hard to keep up between them were destroyed so quickly and cruelly that he couldn't help but wither.  

And god, he hated that he loved every bit of it, that his soul hungered for more of her gentle touch and sugar coated words. They reached a part of himself he didn’t even know existed,  a part that craved to be taken care of and coddled like a child. 

Although the moment his hand moved, the tie connecting them seemed to shake Asa awake as well, her head lulling to the side before realizing that he was lucid. “O-Oh! Osamu. How are you doing, do you need anything, are you okay?”  

That was the question, wasn’t it? Was he okay? Because he knew that he wasn’t. The way he was feeling now, the warmth that had spread through his entire body, it wasn’t natural, it wasn’t like him. Fuck, he was so grateful for her that he could hardly breathe, could hardly speak it out into the air. 

What was she doing to him, what kind of tricks was she pulling to make him think such dangerous non deserving thoughts? 

He then watched her seemingly jump up from the floor in order to flap her arms around like a nervous chicken. “W-Wait, I have to check if you have a fever. I think I saw a thermometer around that first aid kid somewhere. I’ll go get it.” 

Yet as he watched her go, Dazai couldn’t help but sense the underlying kindness behind her words. It would’ve been easier to just put her hand to his forehead in order to check for a fever but instead she was going through so many lengths in order to not cross his comfort zone. 

No one had ever touched him like that before, after all, he had never allowed it and instead of Asagao ignoring his fear she was respecting it, just like she had done last night by blinding herself with his tie and mindfully avoiding his skin. 

She was always so kind, so tender and soft with him, it almost made Dazai want to break apart again right then and there. So much so, he felt his hand reach out without warning in order to latch onto her wrist tightly. 

Not understanding, Asagao paused immediately, her body turning back to Osamu only to see him hesitate. The air turned silent and still, causing the girl to step closer in concern. 

He wasn’t speaking but there was clearly something on his mind. “Osamu?” 

Giving him space to respond, she then felt Osu’s hand pull her back towards him before lifting her wrist upwards with uncertainty, his movements stopping for a second as Asa allowed him to do so. 

Then she watched him take in a shaky uneven breath, pushing the palm of her hand up to his forehead as her fingers ghosted over the skin before physically flinching at the touch in order for his hold to tighten on her wrist with clear anxiety. 

But even so, Osu didn’t pull away, his hand unmoving in order to finally let go of her wrist as Asa audibly gasped at the meaning. 

Could it really be? He was allowing her to touch him. This scared little boy, this trembling hand, they trusted her enough to cross a boundary that was off limits to the entire world. It made her want to cry in realization.

So much so that Asagao complied with the request, the palm of her hand carefully pressing against the bare skin of his forehead in order to feel for a temperature and make sure that he hadn’t gotten a fever from the bullet wound. 

Yet the more pressure she applied, the more she heard Osamu sharply breathe, his skin practically quivering at the foreign and vulnerable feeling of human to human contact. 

It was minuscule sure, but his strength meant the world to her. Finally, he was attempting to let someone in, to see through his thinly veiled facade, the one he used time and time again. 

And for Dazai, the feeling was overwhelming, his entire face burning with self conscious embarrassment in order for the pound of his heartbeat to overtake every one of his senses

He couldn’t breathe, he couldn’t feel anything but the lightheaded sensation from the touch on his skin. 

His mind wanted to run, the tenseness of his muscles ever telling. But for some other reason, he couldn’t look away, he couldn’t find the strength to lean back or rip the feeling off no matter how hard he tried. 

The boy then felt the light ghost of her touch trickle down, her fingertips descending to his cheek before crandling the surface as his own nerves jumped through his skin. 

They were eye level now, Dazai’s brown attentive gaze locking onto her hollow one before a wordless breath passed between them. Then all at once, he felt himself fall into the surface immediately, cataloging the teal undertones in the Odasaku blue. 

So pretty, so memorizing. So perfect.

Although that’s when Asagao seemingly snapped out of her trance and the same time as him in order to reel backwards with an embarrassed gasp. Ah, what was she doing?! She got so caught up that she forgot that she wasn’t wearing her glasses right now. 

Staring so directly at someone like that, she couldn’t take it anymore. 

Ignoring the hot flush on her cheeks, Asa then took another step backwards before unraveling the black tie from her palm absentmindedly with a rushed chuckle. “Anyways, your temperature feels normal. That’s good, I’m glad you’re okay. You really scared me last night. Good thing I found you right in time.” 

She then bunched the back fabric in her hands before adding casually. “Although I’m sure you would’ve preferred if Oda had helped you instead..” 

It was obvious who he preferred after all, and the only reason he had allowed her to fix him back up was because Odasaku couldn’t do it. 

Osu didn’t want her, not really. She was just the only thing there. But either way, Asagao was happy to have helped him at that moment. Even if she wasn’t her brother, the one that Osamu really wanted, she was still grateful that he had granted her such a fragile moment.

Watching her sadly laugh the comment away, Dazai’s mind couldn’t help but return to the cruel statement he had given her all those months before back when he self projected his own insecurities onto her. 

It still affected her, he could tell just from the tone of her voice. She looked at herself as so insignificant, so unimportant compared to her big brother but he knew that wasn’t the case. 

Because as much as he loved Odasaku, as much as he cherished him with his entire heart, Dazai knew that his friend wouldn’t have acted the way Asagao did last night. 

He spoke from experience after all, considering Oda had found him in the same manner all those years ago. But the man never saw through him like Asa did, he never attempted to meet his insecurities and treat him with such gentle hands. 

Odasaku’s methods were more practical. He would patch up the boy and then take him out for a drink. He wouldn’t push past his walls or even bother to speak about the boundaries he had put in place. 

And that’s where the two siblings differed.

 Because while Oda chose to ignore it, Asa could not. It was physically impossible for her to do so, and because of that she had pulled him out of his own self isolating box with careful devotion. 

Pushing his lips together in conflict, the boy searched for the words to respond, never having such trouble before. Dazai usually talked at a mile a minute and yet at this moment he seemed at a loss. 

So instead, he borrowed from her lips, remembering the overwhelming feeling he felt when she had first said the specific phrase and hoping that it would do the same for her. “I’m glad it was you.” 

All at once, Asagao felt herself freeze in pure shock, her eyes widening as she recalled the words instantly. That’s what she had told him right before falling asleep on his shoulder all those months ago. 

She told him that when he was insecure about being the subject of Oda’s letters. He thought he wasn’t worthy enough to be a foundation in her life like he had been. 

And he was wrong of course. She was happy that he existed, that he was one that she had attached herself to over the years. He was everything to her, and she wanted him to know that. 

But hearing him say that to her, hearing Osamu so openly express his thankfulness for her presence, her validation for being something meaningful in his life brought a wave of emotion she couldn't control. 

Was he saying what she truly thought he was? He was glad that she saved him? He was glad that she was there last night instead of Oda? No, it couldn’t be. No one wanted her around, no one was glad that she was alive. 

She had already come to terms with it, forced herself to not notice the hurt that each rejection brought, and here in Yokohama she thought it would have been the same. 

So hearing his desire for her presence caused Asagao her heart to falter immediately.

He was glad that she was here . 

Just then, she saw Osamu’s face drop with concern only for her mind to wonder what caused such an expression. Why was he looking at her like that?

Yet that’s when she felt the distant presence of wet realization only for Asagao to push her shaky hands up to her cheeks and find tears descending down her face. Wait, she was crying? She had never allowed herself to do that before. 

Immediately gasping at the sight, Asa then blinked back to life before brushing the insecurity from her fingers in order to give an embarrassed laugh under her breath. “S-Sorry, I just thought I’d never hear that.” 

Dazai only sat wordless though, his heart twisting in pain at the sight of her strange tears. He didn’t like seeing her like that, it made him feel sick, like something restless had shaken him. 

Did she truly believe that? All this time, she thought she would never be meaningful to someone? How absurd. She was a marvel, a rarity that anyone would be lucky to have next to them. 

Who wouldn’t have killed to have her fingers massage their scalp like she did for him? Who wouldn't have given up everything in the world to receive just a sliver of the overwhelming adoration and devotion from her? 

The whole world had undermined her so unfairly. But Dazai didn’t, he knew how exceptional she was firsthand, down to the deepest depths of her heart. 

So much so, the boy felt his eyes drop with realization. It was too late, wasn’t it? He had already lost the game, he had gotten attached. Wholeheartedly, selflessly and completely. 

Keeping a distance, stepping away, it didn’t help one bit. In fact, it only made him desire her presence even more, like it was the air he needed to keep on breathing. 

What had she done? What a mistake it was, making him cling to her like this. 

Didn’t she know he couldn’t let go now? 

Pushing his eyes back up to Asagao’s, the boy then called back to her, giving up completely and allowing himself to break the wall between them. “So, what’s for dinner?” 

The look on her face was one he would never forgot, a sight to behold indeed

Without even thinking about it, Asagao immediately grabbed onto his metaphorical hand and fell straight into the pit without second thought as her shock filled eyes morphed into giddy excitement. 

And though he said nothing else, Asagao knew the hidden meaning behind his question immediately. 

He was asking to stay. 

-----

(Hope you liked the long update and you made it all the way through. The two parts connect to each other so I guess It's not all bad that I missed an upload here. I'll be better about it though. Also I'm almost at 1k reads on A03. Very excited! Let me know how you feel about the chapter. I love validation just as much as Asa hehe)

Song used in the chapter: "Lend Me Your Voice" from Belle (which is totally Asa and Osu's song in this fic.)

[justageneralsimpindeed]

Since Choke me as if you hate me will probably take a while until there is a smut with illumi here's a little scenario that may appear in the story.

You attend to him with innocent eyes as you slowly accept him inch by inch. It's intoxicating. He snaps his hips towards you, smothering you as you gag on his length, tears streaming down your skin. Your lips are soft and welcoming the unconditional distinction to his slender pale fingers, knitting their way into your hair and harshly commanding it to his pelvis.

He is vicious as you savour the pre cum that confronts your taste buds, a salty, moderately bitter essence has you trembling away in ecstasy from the exotic flavour. Illumi knows and this does not benefit you at all because five seconds later his cock is back to beating the back of your throat in a rapid convulsion. You struggled to take him before even as he was always somewhat gentle or at least he prepared you enough so it wouldn't be a problem.

Not this time.

"That's it, you doing so well so far, "Illumi sighed as your wet cavern clung to his cock. He wasn't extremely vocal but his responses were far from his ordinary self.

You put up with him, with his guidance to assist you. The clear instruction of 'no touching' hung by a delicate fibre over an abysmal trench in the back of your mind. But it wouldn't matter you would forget about this night either only seeing it as a blur or thinking you fell asleep at sunset the next morning.

But you couldn't help yourself, your past was unfortunate but that didn't say you couldn't have sex with people anymore. As his hands snatched back on your hair and his hips surged to accomplish his euphoria, you touched him.

You went against his orders.

He stepped back away from you, your hands drifting from his jeans as you had no idea what was going on. You moaned as the pleasure of having your throat ravaged left.

Illumi glared seeming unbothered by the prosecution if not for his tone.

"What a disobedient girl, I told you not to touch didn't I?"He lectured as he eyed five crescent indentations on his thighs after removing his jeans.

"Guess I'll have to punish you then."

It was incorrect to get excited when illumi said that. He was unpredictable sometimes he would idolize your very being and would char the earth if anything happened to you and yet occasionally he is almost pleading the world to allow him to sacrifice you for it.

Your slick coated your thighs in a glistening sheet, and you knew that he wasn't dubious of the fact of your unmistakable arousal for discipline.

His face was like stone unchanged as he stalked your every movement.

"Get up."

"This isn't a punishment you'll relish."

Your legs throbbed seconds before collapsing from your aching knees, and yet you tried again, using the convenient trunk as leverage. You gasped as Illumi took hold of your shoulder hurling you onto the bed, before quickly crawling onto it, eyes drilling into your soul with a predatory regard.

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[silverwhittlingknife]

Ohhh, what's "the Damian one with amnesia?"

Oh, this one is close to my heart but also kind of a mess and I'm not sure I'll ever actually write it; it's pretty much all "story idea" sdfsfsd It's a Damian + Tim bonding story with a bit of a Damian + Heretic subplot. I guess if I had to compare it to something I'd say it's got some loose similarities to "Tim bonds with Pit-mad!Jason" fanfic, except with Damian and crazy!Tim instead?

I've been sort of stalled on this one because ... I mean various reasons but in terms of "personal writing motivation" I think it's mostly a combination of 1) overly complicated plot, and 2) Dick's only a minor character sfdsfds I find Dick's POV fun to write and Tim and Damian's POVs a bit more difficult, and the story is basically all Tim and Damian, so it's kind of a story that I want to read more than I want to write, you know?

But I am nevertheless attached to it, ridiculous monstrosity that it is. There's amnesia!Tim and BAMF!Damian and curses and reluctant bonding and secret friendship and disguises and misunderstandings and temptation and lots and lots and lots of snowballing lies!

If I ever actually write it the rambling summary below the cut will be completely spoilery; you've been warned sfdsfdsf

OKAY SO there's a convoluted backstory of evil villain plots BUT basically there are TWO PARTS.

Here they are:

Part One: Damian + Amnesia!Tim

Due to [complicated backstory], Tim is basically under a curse where he's alternating between having amnesia and forgetting the past few years, and sometimes being triggered into becoming Evil!Tim who's trying to kill Robin

Damian is under strict orders to go nowhere near him while the Bats scramble to try to fix the Evil!Tim problem

... Damian naturally does not listen to these orders!! He is NOT A CHILD!!!! He is NOT AFRAID!!! He decides to go surveil Drake and then confront him because he's not going to cower in fear!!! He will fight and win!!!

Amnesia!Tim has agreed to be confined to his apartment although he doesn't consistently remember why (it's because nobody has figured out what triggers the appearance of Evil!Tim) and Tim is SO BORED

Tim catches an apparent civilian kid spying on him with binoculars and is immediately charmed

This child is Damian

After whacky shenanigans they bond

Damian makes up an impulsive lie about how he's Definitely Not A Superhero Yet and he's just a Very Innocent Naïve Child who aspires to be a superhero and uhhh that's why he was climbing around with binoculars, definitely

Tim likes him and is also so so bored and offers to train him

Damian does not actually need training bc he is actually already a superhero? BUT this would be a great surveillance opportunity because amnesia!Tim will just tell Damian his weaknesses instead of Damian having to deduce them

so he agrees to "be trained"

It ends up being a lot of fun because first of all Tim is super-impressed with how talented he is and thinks maybe Damian could join Young Justice and Tim could vouch for him, especially since in Tim's opinion Damian's already way more responsible than Superboy *eye roll* (Tim has been dialed back to an earlier age when his relationship with Conner is I Guess We're Friends But Also We Sure Do Annoy Each Other), and it's kinda fun and satisfying for Damian to hear all this praise

And second of all Tim's always been super-tight-lipped around Damian, not that Damian CARES, so THERE, and in order to learn anything about him Damian has had to do things like spend hours hacking into Tim's computer files (out of IDLE CURIOSITY and NOT because he cared) or learning to imitate his voice or spying on him, but now suddenly instead of being tight-lipped Tim is basically an open book? And so now Damian can hear all kinds of thinly-veiled stories that are clearly about Father and Grayson and Todd and Cain and Brown and the Teen Titans, and Tim doesn't realize that Damian actually knows all of these people and can decipher whatever nicknames Tim is giving them, so now suddenly Damian's getting to hear all kinds of relatively-uncensored gossip

And third of all, it turns out to be surprisingly fun playacting at being some nobody who isn't The Son Of Batman and doesn't have to live up to that legacy

And fourth and MOST IMPORTANTLY Damian learns partway through from Grayson that once they've fixed the curse Tim will FORGET EVERYTHING that happened while he was cursed

So this means that Damian is TOTALLY SAFE. He can confess vulnerabilities or be bad at things or admit to confusion and it won't matter because it doesn't count because amnesia!Tim won't remember when he goes back to normal and starts being Damian's insufferable nemesis again!!

And also no one else will ever know because amnesia!Tim has promised to keep their training secret!! And Damian has ofc told no one that he's sneaking into the apartment he's not supposed to be in!!

This is kind of intoxicating and great because normally Damian is being Watched All The Time and very very aware that whatever he does other people will remember and suddenly he is FREE because this particular secret little friendship will stay secret FOREVER and only Damian will ever know about it

By this time he's gotten totally distracted from his "surveil evil!Tim" plan and actually he's over at Tim's place often enough that he's figured out how not to trigger the appearance of evil!Tim

(because Damian started out way less emotionally-invested than the rest of the Bats he's been a much more impartial observer of what's going on PLUS Tim thinks he's just a random kid and hasn't been trying to put up much of an I'm Fine front for him)

Meanwhile the Bats are all super-distracted from Damian by their worries about cursed!Tim so Damian is also kinda lonely which is leading to him getting more and more invested in this secret friendship

AND THEN at some point he finds about Heretic and in this AU Damian is the ONLY ONE who knows about Heretic and he's terrified that he's going to have to fight and maybe kill him and then what will the Bats think??? they will hate him!!! They Can Never Know

... but he HAS to do something because right now Heretic has only been aged up somewhat and he's still younger than Damian, so Damian might if he's very lucky be able to beat him and survive, but the League is planning to magically age Heretic up more and if Damian doesn't do something soon Heretic will be aged into an adult and Damian will have no chance at defeating him, so he has to do something soon...

... maybe amnesia!Tim can help?

Plot ensues; Damian takes amnesia!Tim along on a secret quest to kill Heretic; Damian almost kills Heretic and at first amnesia!Tim is difficult and he's gonna intervene but then he BACKS OFF and then Damian can't bring himself to actually go through with his plan and he saves Heretic's life at the last minute; Tim now tells Damian he let him make the choice because he KNEW HE'D MAKE THE RIGHT ONE; this moment actually fixes Tim's curse because uhhhh gobbledegook having to do with the curse and it's connected back with that old emotional memory that Tim had forgotten with Dick and the Lazarus Pits, so no sooner has Tim said this and started comforting Damian then he gets dizzy and passes out.

So then Damian has to rescue both amnesia!Tim and Heretic which of course he does, with the timely help of a certain Batdragon...

... and even though it scares him, Damian's planning on coming clean and confessing everything, and he knows that amnesia!Tim will back him up....

... and then Tim wakes up. And the curse is fixed. And he's back to "normal." And he doesn't remember anything.

... and he hates Damian again.

Part 2: Damian + Normal!Tim (+ Heretic)

So then the second half of the story was going to be joint Damian and Tim POVs. So on Damian's side he's absolutely determined to conceal his deep dark secret of *checks notes* having befriended amnesia!Tim and then overcome temptation and saved Heretic's life and also saved Tim's life and accidentally broken Tim's curse in the process. And he's made up a complicated fake story about being kidnapped by evil!Tim so that No One Will Know. And also secretly he's kind of miserable about having lost his friend, amnesia!Tim, who's now been replaced by the much more familiar normal!Tim who hates Damian and who Damian hates in return.

And meanwhile! Normal!Tim is certain that Damian's lying because he has very blurry memories that do not match up with the story that Damian is now telling plus his instincts are (correctly!) telling him that it's false, because for mysterious reasons he's finding Damian much easier to read than he used to, and he's intensely suspicious of Damian and certain that he must be concealing something Sinister, and he's trying to figure out what.

And meanwhile Heretic is in a coma and the Bats are trying to heal him and Damian is committed to doing the right thing and not sorry about saving him but also really worried because what if Heretic wakes up and says that Damian tried to kill him, or what if Normal!Tim figures it out, and what if then the Bats hate him forever

(which like. they would not. because this is actually a story about Damian being a hero! but Damian feels guilty about having even considered the initial plan and is mayyyybe not thinking things through very rationally here)

(and also the various things he's been lying about are kinda snowballing at this point)

Anyway meanwhile Tim is conducting extremely intrusive and potentially threatening investigations which might uncover all the lies and then he FINDS SECRET EVIDENCE in the form of Damian's camera with photos and videos plus a sketchbook and Damian is HORRIFIED and tries to FIGHT HIM TO STOP HIM FROM TAKING THESE THINGS and Tim doesn't know what's on the camera but he's so sure it's PROOF of whatever sinister things Damian has been gaslighting him about and whatever sinister things Damian was up to when Tim had amnesia --

-- and then Tim is victorious and gets hold of the camera and takes off with it and gets back to his apartment where he sits down and discovers the DAMNING EVIDENCE of uhhhh. selfies and things where amnesia!Tim and Damian were hanging out.

So Tim is now very very confused and although he still doesn't really understand what's going on it's sinking in that maybe Damian isn't up to anything sinister, just something that Tim... doesn't understand at all, and also now Tim has successfully seized this collection of stuff that turns out to be fairly personal and thus kind of a privacy violation, although also not a privacy violation because it involves Tim damn it, so Tim is very determinedly NOT feeling guilty about this because he has EVERY RIGHT to know what HE HIMSELF was doing that Damian has been lying about, but also it turns out that mostly what Damian's been lying about has been a lot of very wholesome bonding and also some fairly personal confessions that it's obvious he would not want actual!Tim to know, so Tim is NOT feeling guilty but also, okay, fine, he is feeling a little guilty despite himself, and also it is quickly becoming apparent from the little collection of stuff that Damian is... maybe okay? maybe secretly kind of a sweet vulnerable kid? actually? as opposed to Tim's Personal Infuriating Nemesis Child Sent To Torment Him? which is so weird given Tim's entire remembered experience of Damian up until now, and yet the evidence does seem pretty conclusive because he can't figure out what Damian's endgame could possibly be if it was a trick, which means it's not a trick, which means...

And meanwhile Damian is horrified and very upset because he has been FOUND OUT by normal!Tim who hates him, and who will figure out ALL the lies and figure out that Damian was planning to kill Heretic and then he'll tell it all to Father and frame it all in the worst possible light, so to get out in front of it Damian injures himself and goes to Father and tells him that Evil!Tim came back and attacked him and that Tim's very unstable --

And then Damian's BRACED when normal!Tim shows up and Father confronts him with the accusation of having snapped and attacked Damian, and Damian is DETERMINED to stick to his lie and he's not gonna confess NO MATTER WHAT and he's going to say that clearly Tim's memory is wrong again, and then... normal!Tim doesn't deny it. He admits to attacking Damian. Kinda brusquely, but he does. He says he's sorry.

... Tim admits to the thing that he didn't do?

And Tim kinda nods at Damian - now we're even.

Because on Tim's side... he's still not understanding a lot. But he's got the basic idea now. He's gotten that Damian's scared, and he gets that he went too far trying to get hold of the weird evidence. And so he gets that this lie is Damian's retaliation for the privacy violation, and you know what? Fair enough. Tim can lie to Batman too. And besides, this is very clearly something between Tim and Damian, and Tim doesn't really want Bruce involved either.

Now he wants to get Damian alone and find out... well, basically the same thing he's wanted since the beginning, he wants to know what the hell has been going on with him during the huge blank spot in his memory, and he still has the (correct!) instinct that Damian knows all kinds of things he's not telling...

... But now it's slowly dawning on him that Damian might be, like, a Person with Emotions and Vulnerabilities (still such a strange thought!!). Which is also what Damian's afraid of, because when your enemies realize you have emotions and vulnerabilities that's very bad!!! And ever since they met and became Nemeses, Damian has done his best to convince Tim that he has NO VULNERABILITIES WHATSOEVER!!! And now because of his weakness and carelessness with amnesia!Tim he's ruined it all!!! This is disastrous!!!

So when Tim confronts him, he does his level best to convince Tim that he has NO feelings and they were NOT friendly and the bonding was all Damian's convoluted Machiavellian plan, which is actually what Tim believed until he found the evidence, but now Tim has Seen Too Much and doesn't believe that it was just a scheme after all because instead it kinda looks like Damian was... lonely? Because he is a kid? Who was lonely? Kind of like Tim was lonely back in the day? And it's really frustrating to realize this because people (Dick and Bruce) have actually been insisting on Damian's various sympathetic qualities to Tim for ages but it never really felt real before because Tim never managed to see past Damian's façade before and now it just feels very thuddingly obvious?

Anyway the rest is mostly vibes but basically even though Tim still has kinda mixed feelings because he has all his more negative memories of Damian back, he's also had this glimpse at the possibility of a more positive relationship, which he's maybe realizing he might like to have? And maybe he could have it, because he apparently managed it somehow even when his memory was Swiss cheese and also he was sometimes randomly going evil? And also he's feeling super-lonely right now because he has a huge memory gap but he knows Evil!Tim did all kinds of awful things which he feels really guilty about so he's avoiding all his actual friends?

So now Tim tentatively proposes to Damian that maybe they could spend some time together again, and Damian's a little wary because it could be a trap - because this is nemesis!Tim not friend!Tim!!! - but he misses amnesia!Tim so he agrees. So now they're hanging out in secret again, except for real this time and now as themselves instead of amnesia!Tim and disguised!Damian, and they're jointly lying to Bruce about it because thanks to that impulsive lie Bruce is worried that Evil!Tim might come back and has Absolutely Banned Damian from spending any time with him again.

And so then they're Bonding and Tim takes Damian to Blüdhaven to train-surf because Tim has exactly (1) model of how older brothers interact with younger brothers, so that's what he's imitating - and it will probably not surprise you that this is the part I'm most personally attached to and the only part I actually managed to write a bit for sdfsdfds. And Damian has never actually done this weird activity before because Dick didn't do it with him because actually Damian has already trained in pitch darkness, so the whole concept of the blindfolds is pointless for him because the purpose was to get Tim to stop relying on his vision so much, and Damian doesn't rely too much on his vision. So this isn't actually a training exercise that makes much sense for Damian. But Tim is trying and Damian is also trying so they try it together and they end up bonding anyway, because you can't really screw up risking your lives on a train together.

Then we move into the part of the fic that is fuzziest but also full of my favorite ~Vibes~ where Tim and Damian are bonding and lying to Bruce but also they have to lie to Dick too, because Dick believes everything that Bruce believes, and so Tim is having various complicated feelings about lying to Dick and also not getting along super-well with Dick because of all the, you know, lying, plus Dick was one of the people who had to fight evil!Tim so Dick's kinda instinctively wary now because having Tim back feels too good to be true, plus Dick feels guilty for the various things he had to do to subdue evil!Tim, and Tim feels guilty for whatever awful things he did when he was evil!Tim, plus even though he knows it's irrational Tim is secretly kinda mad at Dick and Bruce for believing the lie about the attack, even though it is a lie he is participating in, but look, emotions are complicated. So things between Dick and Tim in the present-day are pretty strained, but simultaneously Tim is revisiting all his best memories with Dick when he was younger because he's trying to figure out ways to bond with Damian.

So Tim is kinda low-key grappling with the problem of I Guess I'm An Older Brother Now, I Don't Feel Old Enough Or Qualified For This And It Alarms Me, much like Dick had to grapple with it back in the day, and simultaneously Damian is also trying to figure out how Older Brother-ing works because Heretic is? maybe? kind of like Damian's younger brother? So Tim is low-key ending up in Dick's position of the Dick-and-Tim relationship, where you're at an exceptional personal low point and estranged from everyone you care about and this very irritating thirteen-year-old keeps hanging around being all up in your business and then somehow you end up hanging out with him and sorta kinda mentoring him a little even though the prospect of being any kind of mentor is deeply alarming because obviously you can't be a mentor, you are not a mentor, you're not even a real adult and your own personal life is a total mess and nobody should listen to you ever, and meanwhile Damian is low-key ending up in Tim's position of the Tim-and-Damian relationship, or rather he's worried he will, because he's got this horrifying younger brother Heretic who will surely try to kill or undermine him as soon as he gets out of the coma, because that's what he's been trained to do, and what if the Bats like Heretic better??? Or what if they decide that Heretic needs Robin more and they won't let Damian be Robin anymore??? And what will happen to Damian then??? And Dick and Bruce are both very worried about Heretic, who's apparently Bruce's second biological son and even younger than Damian and in a coma (and as far as Damian's concerned that's all they know because he hasn't told them anything else, although Dick and Bruce have actually guessed a bit more than Damian realizes), and Damian knows he shouldn't be jealous or paranoid or threatened but actually he is feeling all of those emotions and dreading what might happen when Heretic wakes up and he doesn't want to share his family with Heretic and he doesn't actually want Heretic to be here at all.

BUT ANYWAY it all works out and they gradually all figure out each other's various secrets and Various Emotional Confessions ensue and ultimately Tim and Damian bond, and Dick and Tim get past the strains and get close again, and Tim is able to listen to Damian's anxieties about Heretic and offer some hard-won insights from the older-and-wiser position of Younger Brothers Who Were Trained To Kill You: Admittedly It's Unpleasant At First But At Least One Of Them Is Really Worth It Actually, and then eventually the HAPPY ENDING was going to be Heretic waking up from the coma braced for battle and Damian offering him the Robin costume.

Anyway. I think that's how it would go if I ever actually wrote it. Any and all of the plot ideas are free to a good home if anyone else wants them sdfsfdsfds

[georgiaandfriends]

Child of Tartarus-Chapter 4

Soon I walked out of the counselors office. Thankfully no one was waiting for me, but I could tell most the school wasn't happy with me. I eventually found Dallas. I walk up to him, my face contorted into a scowl.

“Hi” I say with a slight huff, looking around. Dallas frowned, and I immediately discovered that I didn’t like that expression on his face.

Dallas sighed deeply, massaging his temples. “Hi Kairos. Are you okay?” He says, his voice taking a soft tone. I nodded, trying for a reassuring smile; though, I assume it looked more like a grimace.

“I'm fine. She didn’t hurt me or anything-” I say, Dallas narrowed his eyes at me, seeming to see right through my facade.

“No. I mean are you okay, up here?” He says, leaning down to tap my forehead. I flushed, furrowing my eyebrows.

“I said I was fine,” I say sharply, I hadn’t intended my tone to be so aggressive, so I sigh, “Sorry” I then add, looking up at Dallas.

He shook his head. “No, you're fine. I know you’re stressed with what happened.” Dallas says with a soft expression.

There was an awkward pause in the conversation, with just me and Dallas looking at each other. I then coughed. “Well. I'll see you later I guess,” I say, shifting my many notebooks that I held. I started to head off to class, fidgeting with the strings on my hoodie.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Dallas POV:

I watched as Kairos walked off, a perplexed look on my face. I know she said she was fine, yet I felt as if something was off. It wasn’t as if I could do anything about it. For now, I was going to confront Heather. I knew I should’ve said something to her sooner, Heather had been a problem for far too long, and it was time for this conflict to end.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

I eventually find Heather in the halls, walking out of the counselor’s office. I approached her, my expression as serious as I could muster. Heather saw me before I could say anything,

“Dallas! Hi,” she says, twirling her hair, it was like she was trying to hypnotize me. I sigh.

Dallas! Hi,” she says, twirling her hair, it was like she was trying to hypnotize me. I sigh.

“Hi,” I say simply. I tried to appear less friendly, considering despite me saying multiple times that I wasn’t interested, Heather had still followed me around since middle school. I don’t understand why, and I don’t think I ever will. An awkward silence passed between the two of us, before Heather finally said something.

“Dallas. I'm not sure if you can handle this but Kairos, that girl you always hang out with-”

“No. Heather I’m done with you. For real. I've said this so many times, yet you’ve never listened to me. And, what you did to Kairos wasn’t right. I know you may pretend that you're the victim here, but you aren’t.” I say, interrupting Heather mid sentence. Heather stared at me for a second, before completely changing the expression she had. She seemed sad.

“You really believe her? That girl Kairos is lying-” That finally made me lose my composure.

Heather! Can you take a hint? I know what you’ve been doing, and I’m not going to let you treat people like this anymore!-” I huffed, catching my breath. “Look. I don’t want you talking to me ever again.” I added, pinching my temples. I couldn’t stand seeing Heather's face after what she’d done, so before she could reply, I stormed off with a scowl on my face.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Finally, it was seventh period.  I walked into the library, still having a bit of a defeated expression on my face. Obviously, despite me directly calling her out, Heather still was trying to bait me into believing her lies. She really was a snake, even if I didn’t want to believe it. Despite her reputation, I had a bit of a friendship with the girl throughout middle school. I shook it off, finally encountering Kacey and Kairos. They were sitting against the bookshelves, Kacey playing Computer chess, and Kairos having a book stretched across her lap titled Mitologia greca. I assumed the Language was italian. I sit down in front of the two girls.

“Hey” I say simply, trying not to let the annoyance seep into my voice. Kacey looked up, her eyebrow raised.

Hi,” She says, Kairos looked up, a curious expression on her face. Kairos looked at Kacey, before turning back to me.

“What's wrong with you?” Kairos asked bluntly, not even bothering to soften the bluntness of her words. Despite her slightly condescending tone, her face seemed to have the slightest hint of concern. I smiled.

“Aw, is someone worried about me?” I asked, a smirk on my face. That managed to irritate Kairos slightly, much to my amusement.

“Yes, I am actually,” She says, crossing her arms. I was definitely surprised so I couldn’t reply with a retort, Kairos then added

“Quit trying to joke your way out of this. You look like someone sold your PS5 or something. What's the problem?” She asked, her tone softening slightly. I tried to come up with an excuse, but Kairos had clearly figured me out. I sighed.

“Fine. I tried talking to Heather about what happened. It….Obviously didn’t get through to her.” I say. Kairos looked at me with a scowl.

“You want me to beat her up again?” She said bluntly, her eyebrow raised. I poked Kairos in the ribs,

No you dummy, I’m just going to ignore her until she gets the point, I mean Heather is obviously just doing this for attention..” I say, pinching my temples. Kairos hummed, I saw her eyes flash with a hint of amusement.

“Attention you say ... .I'll keep that in mind,” she says to herself. I raise my eyebrow.

“Don’t do anything stupid. You’re smarter than that,” I say, sighing heavily.

I watched as an evil smile made its way across Kairo’s face. I gave her a pointed look. Kairos smiled innocently,

“What? I won’t try anything, like you said I’m smarter than that,” She says,I chuckle half heartedly.

“You’re very smart, I’ll admit. But I know that smile anywhere,” I say,a half smirk on my face.

Kairos froze, her eyebrows raising slightly in surprise. She narrowed her eyes slightly, seeming to process what I had said.

“You..You really paid that much attention? Wow, I've never had anyone be able to read me like that,” Kairos said, tilting her head.

An awkward silence passed between us, Kacey looking between me and Kairos with a confused expression, before her face flashed with some sort of realization. I coughed, trying to break the awkward silence that had passed between us.

“Anyway, what are you planning?” I say, shaking my head, trying to snap out of that stiffness that was still lingering in the air slightly. Kairos smirked.

“A Magician never shares her tricks,” She says simply, another one of those diabolically evil smirks making its way onto her face. After staring at her expression for a bit, I sigh.

“Fine. But, Seriously, don't do anything that you’ll regret.” I finally say, giving up in the face of Kairo’s stubbornness.

I jump as the last bell rings, and it's time for us to leave. I can only hope whatever Kairos is planning isn’t going to end badly. She may not think it, but I know her more than she realizes.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Kairos POV:

I walked out of the school with a pep in my step, a plan forming inside my head. Nico wasn’t far behind, his dark brown eyes looking at me with a skeptical expression as I rambled about what I was planning- No, going to do.

“So you’re planning on revealing yourself, to a mortal” Nico says skeptically

I shush Nico, “Ah, Ah, Ah- I’m revealing myself to an Empousa and a powerful one at that,” I say, slowing down to walk next to nico.

He sighs, giving me yet another skeptical look “Kairos, how do you know that Harley- or whatever her name was, is an Empousa? If she really was one, how is she hiding from you when you can see through the mist?” I huff,

“That's what I’m trying to figure out. Something is at play here, at first I thought she was just being your typical mean girl, but something is off. Nico, when I first met her I saw her disguise shift. I thought I was insane, but after fighting her something seemed completely fake about her. I felt like I was punching through air” I say, a grim expression on my face.

Nico stilled, looking over to me “Do you think that…one of the primordials is after you?” He says bluntly, staring me in the eyes.

I let out a deep sigh, “I can’t say I don’t think that. But, there’s definitely something wrong, and I need to get to the bottom of it”  

Nico sighed, “We should probably go and see Chiron” he says. It wasn’t a bad idea, and I can't say that I didn’t enjoy going to Camp. In all honesty I felt more welcome there despite being an all powerful goddess or whatever. No matter how much I may try to act like how I’m perceived, I’m still a kid.

“Okay. Let's go home first, I think we need to tell our father about this. But..I think he may already know whats going on,”

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

[lolmanthecat]

Stage 2: Anger

*ping*

My phone complained.

"Thanks you having taken care of moving your things so fast. If later, before you leave, you'll want to talk in person about what happened it might be a good idea." read the message on it.

Curious, so the weight of starting a conversation lies with me? Newsflash: I don't want to talk. The desire to talk disappeared a month ago after your last hurl of insults.

So since you didn't say you want to talk should I understand that this isn't you wanting to talk? It is you just granting me the decision of making the first step? Oh thank you for your kindness. It was unnecessary.

I guess asserting your will isn't a thing you managed to learn in this life yet.

Maybe I shouldn't be so harsh on you since it took me 30 years to able to do it myself, and it is still hard to do, but for some reason I feel like I justified this type of behaviour way too many times. All times too many.

With my mother, with you, with many other people. Unable to say what's on their mind and therefore hiding it under either snide remarks or indirect requests. I am tired.

Just like them you managed to make me fear smiles. You made me see how insincere they are. How they are used to hide whatever the person is actually feeling. Leaving me guessing if everything is fine or if maybe there are some untold problems that will appear at the first stumble.

More than anything I asked to tone down the insults aimed only to hurt me unless you wanted to end things. I guess I was stupid to even bother to expect you to understand what I meant. You did it more than I should have accepted since early in the relationship. I guess it's on me? Or maybe you wanted to end things and therefore this is your wanted outcome? Maybe I'll never know.

I cannot even fathom an answer right now because of how angry this makes me.

Let me hope tomorrow I'll feel better.

****************************************************************

Apparently waking up angry and with a flight in a couple of hours is actually very bad. As if I wasn't already under enough stress. I guess I do owe her an answer of sorts. Leaving people without an answer is the one level I wouldn't like to stoop down to.

"oh don't worry. I don't want to talk." I type in my phone.

That does sound a tad aggressive. Morning aren't really my thing.

"so does that mean you don't want to talk? Guess we are on the same boat." I rewrite.

I actually managed to make it worse did I?

Ach. This will take a while.

...

"I have my flight in a couple of hours. I don't think I can manage to fit an appointment.

I don't know what you would want to talk about since in your last messages 2 months ago you wrote how you you are not searching for reconciliation and wanted to put some full stops in this relationship.

This is the full stop you asked for. I don't understand why would want to make it a semicolon."

Said the message I wrote.

Would you look at that. I am just as bad as you in being direct. Guess nobody grew up thanks to this relationship. Such a sad realization.

Maybe I gave up on being direct? Since it would have been a waste of time to be confrontational after this relationship has been shattered into pieces? Such a good excuse.

The incapability of saying things as they are and the desire to be the least confrontational possible unless I feel a complete disregard for my person. Nah, probably even in the case of disregard for my person I would forgive. Sigh... More growing up to do.

*send*

I guess it is done. Hopefully in the most simple way possible. Quite sad, but maybe it is peaceful enough to move forward and not drag each other in the mud for no reason. Time to put my things together and move towards the airport.

*ping*

The moment of truth is upon us.

"I guess you are right. I thought it was possible to have a vis-à-vis in a mature way, but probably it is not advisable anymore. Have safe travels."

Ah yes: Passive aggressiveness and snide remarks. You were not missed. Now hell ensues.

*****All Hell Breaks Loose*******

"Are you happy after you wrote these things? As mentioned above you are free. I don't know why this conversation is happening if getting away from me is the goal. When you will be able to communicate with less anger, I will be more willing to talk. As things stand now I am happy like this" Read my last message.

Oh look I got blocked. I guess you were just as immature as me in the end. We really did make a cute couple after all.

It is time to grow up.

How does one do it?

[sennextheassasinkingoflight]

Personal vent post incoming.

Landlords and repairs is the topic today.

Last winter in late December or early January we experienced freezing pipes as the attached shop and laundry room are unheated. I had my water on a drip as one should during persistent 20 F and below temps. Eventually they thawed but in March we learned that both the exterior frost frees coming out of the front and back of the house were broken and leaking profusely which lead to 6 weeks of me requesting my landlord turn the water on and off (the pump from the reservoir to the rest of the house) as he did not trust me to ensure I did it and or felt it was his responsibility to do it. Regardless it was about this time we discovered a leak in the laundry room which shares a side wall with the main wall of my bathroom. I did not mention it to my Landlords as they were obviously aware of it. ( putting down towels to soak up the water and opening part of the ceiling) However..... Neither the water leaks nor the plumbing leak is fixed. The plumbing leak is worse and is now also leaking from part of the ceiling. I believe their bathroom is above mine...so that's just gross. I asked about both the outside plumbing and inside plumbing back in July via text and was told it was being worked on. Then last week I asked again with he additional information that it appeared to be worse. My landlord did some work in the laundry room it looks like but just this morning it was leaking again.

I know I need to just confront them and tell them it needs to be fixed. But how is this not a problem for them as well? I know they are elderly and he has gout. But still. At this point I would be happy to split the cost of a plumber to fix the bathroom leak.

I also don't have any ammunition. I cant afford to rent anywhere else so I can't use the "If you don't fix it I'll move" tactic not that I want to anyways. It feels petulant. And I did not start documenting the issue when it first happened. I have started taking pictures as of today. Yes, I know I should have done that sooner. It's my first rental. I guess I get to learn the hard way. It's just frustrating. I can deal with having to go turn the freaking water on but the fucking grey water. God.

[mdhwrites]

I understand that you have spoken at length about Belos's stature as a villain in your post about backstories, but I do have to ask you to elaborate further on something.

What exactly is there about Belos that makes you find him boring? I'll be frank, I got the (probably wrong) impression that it's because he's not present much and not extravagantly emotional. Besides the numerous issues with his backstory that you've already discussed in depth, I feel like the latter is really subjective - there are plenty of villains who work well, even if their strength is purely one of narrative roles and not one of characterization, while remaining rather emotionally subdued. For all his faults, I personally think that the show delved into Belos's exact shade of black well (besides Elsewhere and Elsewhen, I guess) and that it works fine for the story and his interactions with characters such as Hunter and Luz.

This probably warrants a separate discussion on whether one-dimensional villains, main or secondary, can be considered "good" or "done well", but that's not the point of this ask.

(P.S. I really don't like the fact that the show reused the half-digested palisman amalgamate from Hollow Mind to make it just Belos's monster form. The scene in King's Tide where he briefly gets his human face back on to guilt-trip Hunter is pretty much the one time it actually clicks, so to speak)

So… I do feel bad that I've commonly acted like my stance on Belos being a boring/bad villain is a stance by default when it's reasonable to question it. Hell, his first is appearance is GREAT, with tons of menace, potential but also this push and pull with how the Isles is. Is he wrong in his commitment to his ideals if he truly is hearing the Titan and only desires unity?

The problem is that this doesn't amount to anything. One of the strengths to absentee villains like Belos is feeling their hand on things. Feeling the strength of their ideals or the cunning of their plans when it's revealed that they were behind what was going on. Belos' grand statements in the S1 finale very so much feel like this…

And then in S2, the literal only time before Hollow Mind where we feel his "GRAND MACHINATIONS!" is in the first episode with the fact that the boat is owned by the Emperor's Coven. It feels like Hunter sub-contracting his job admittedly but that's not the biggest issue in the world or anything. It gets the job done and he was watching things to make sure it happened.

But otherwise you don't feel Belos in the world or in the plot. Eda's Requiem theoretically but it's like the ONE time in S2 before Hollow Mind where people remember wild witches are, you know, illegal. Which isn't new and this still isn't as dramatic as the S1 finale. The focus is much more on Eda and Raine and Eda's personal drama than it actually is about the rebellion against Belos. It's technically an action against him but one with no lasting consequences except for Raeda angst.

It's also one of the only two times the cast actually confronts the coven heads who should be picking up the slack for Belos by showing who his generals are, that's one way to make up for an absentee villain, but they pretty much all fall into the categories of queer coded or at least entertainingly villainous or both. At least for the ones who can talk. Their lack of presence only reinforces Belos' lack of presence. Kikimora has more of a presence is almost never taken seriously in S2 which paradoxically makes Belos seem less imposing or impressive. This is right hand minion?

Same goes for Hunter honestly. If Hunter is his home grown prodigy, the fact that he constantly gets belittled or his ass kicked really doesn't make you fear Belos. In fact, the entirety of the EC has this problem because they appear to be so incompetent and unlikable but they don't reflect well on him.

It also makes his machinations feel… pointless and far too easily achieved. Which they mostly are. Darius literally takes Belos' place in motivation for Hunter in Sport in a Storm, he is so easy to replace manipulation wise. His manipulations of Luz require Lilith and Luz to abandon their character pasts (serious, head of the EC and Eda's apprentice and they still don't question a con artist for more than half a second) and Luz's personal guilt trip about helping Belos is arguably the worst creative choice in the entire series. It's presented really well, it's probably Belos' best scene but… It still isn't good narratively. His best manipulation is of Lilith and the series goes out of its way to mock Lilith for the fact that she's easily manipulated and bad at her job so I can't really give him credit for that.

And I think that's the core of why I say Belos is boring. He's functional, he does his job as a villain but he is also deeply frustrating because so much of what he does just flatly works. And what do we get in return for that? Hunter whining? Lilith and Eda losing their magic, which is never properly explored with Eda and only somewhat explored with Lilith, and Luz at her absolute most unlikable and the writers having no idea how to actually handle that without EXTREME unintended consequences. The worst offender is getting the Day of Unity in return for just having to believe the plan the CATS make fail because BELOS KNOWS ALL. Yeah that's… That's real interesting. Totally makes me want to see more of this brilliant mastermind.

It's like the fight scenes in the series. Because no one's power level is actually consistent, you end up recognizing it's more for the narrative and you disconnect. If they're losing, it's only because the writer needs them to lose. If they're winning, it's because the conflict is effectively over. Spectacle can at least make this enjoyable but…

There's no spectacle with Belos. Despite being religiously motivated and an extremely hateful man, we never get thunderous, preaching monologue from him. We never get him smiting someone in righteous fury. He never feels like he enjoys this or even really cares that deeply about it. It feels like he's just going through the motions most of the time.

But then you get rare moments like him killing Flapjack and saying he doesn't care about them… Contrasted by him leaving and going "I'm doing this for your souls" potentially as why he doesn't kill all of them right there and then when he's been winning. Not only that, but he shouldn't care about any of these sinners' souls and it's delivered incredibly flatly.

Yes, historically the people who have used religion for the sake of war are hardly actually pious but we never even get an exploration of that. We never have an exploration of anything to do with Belos besides him being flatly evil.

And if you're one note, your one note better be what sets off a chorus of noise. Joker is commonly one note in how evil he is but how people react to him and how insane and fun his plots are are why people remember him. How fun he is himself is why people remember him. Why people get excited once they know a story has the Joker in it.

And I'm just never excited by Belos. Bare minimum, not in hindsight. Much like the rest of the show, when he doesn't have to prove his statements, he can sound impressive and interesting. In execution though, he has no follow through. No presence. No joy. Little dread commonly even.

And admittedly a lot of me disliking his appearances before Elsewhere Elsewhen is hindsight. Even when what he is saying isn't explicitly a lie coming out of an asshole, they now feel disingenuous because we now know that his regime is a lie, his beliefs are a lie and that he just has a tendency to be an asshole. Betraying Lilith isn't keeping to grander schemes, it's just a dumb witch as a pawn in his game of genocide with none of the fun that say, Andrias has with when he's reveling in being evil.

Honestly, the more I think about it… The main reason Belos is ever good goes to having a strong design, animation and a good voice actor. If either of those dropped the ball at all, he'd be lacking a lot of the menace and dread he ever has. Menace and dread that can't beat out what my mind tells me he actually is once we've met Phillip. It's not like manipulations are any special after all. "Luz, I'm not trying to murder your entire world." "Child I've groomed to want my approval, here is how you gain my approval." "Woman who's sister is dying, here is what you must do for me to save your sister."

None of these are hard sells. None of these are impressive. His most impressive is tricking people who were already looking for him, and for what he was looking for, and telling them "Yep, I know where this is, come with me," and that's only impressive because it takes Luz and Lilith ignoring the fact that these two mercenaries are talking about Philip having done something awful to their friend and a palisman which neither bring up. Otherwise… Belos never convinces someone to do something when their goals don't align. He doesn't even succeed against Luz because Luz blows up the briefcase after he uses overwhelming power and leverage against her.

He is functional. Just like the magic of TOH. And like the magic, it can look nice, even impressive sometimes, but it's not something to look forward to be interested because it's just going to do the job required of it in the moment.

And that's a really shit place for your main villain to be in but I've spent like three blogs in the past week just talking about how much Belos' role in S3 is almost purely of genre structure. That. Sucks. (also, sorry for not getting to his monstrous form. I agree it's bad, and it's bad for a LOT of reasons, yours partially included, just that this blog is long and rambly enough as is). ==========

I have a public Discord for any and all who want to join!

I also have an Amazon page for all of my original works in various forms of character focused romances from cute, teenage romance to erotica series of my past. I have an Ao3 for my fanfiction projects as well if that catches your fancy instead, If you want to hang out with me, I stream from time to time and love to chat with chat.

And finally a Twitter you can follow too!

[itsmaferart]

Spy x Family Chapter 66 · · · Seed of mistrust

This contains spoilers for the manga.

This chapter has really made me enter an emotional turbulence that I don't know how to process. So I think I'll have to talk about this chapter in several parts

Before I talk about Melinda and the rest of the Desmonds, I want to talk mainly about Twilight in this chapter.

I was a little disappointed that Twilight's reaction was so natural. I was expecting a more epic expression, but I guess Endo preferred to take this issue more seriously and leave the jokes to Anya. Although well, I guess this is the funniest thing we can find xD

As we imagine: WISE, has very little information regarding the Desmonds. Each of them has a circle so small that it is almost impenetrable. So approaching Melinda with any attempt can be a huge risk. This could put any of the members, either Melinda or Donovan, on alert and end up isolating themselves to the point of being impossible to discover their plans.

I am beginning to understand the WISE conflict.

They are totally blind. They seem to have faint hints that the Desmonds are involved in something larger, and more dangerous, associated with war. Possibly, Donovan or Melinda, are the key to access a vast network of evil that is spreading. But they have covered themselves with such a deep armor that not even WISE has managed to have information about it.

There is nothing more dangerous than not knowing "where the enemy is"

This explains the constant pressure and fear of the organization when seeing that many attacks, and crimes are happening. But there is no solid basis to draw a conclusion or theory that makes sense, and tie up all the loose ends.

It is here, when Twilight himself feels with little information to theorize on his own.

Clearly, something is up with Donovan and Melinda's strange relationship. They are obviously an unconventional family and the "rejection" and "indifference" to their children, especially to Damiand, even becomes "terrifying".

This is more of an assumption. But I don't know if Melinda was forced to be Desmond's wife and perhaps have children when she didn't want them. This seems to go beyond a family deteriorating over time… or a marriage that has lost its love. It seemed that both of them were only fulfilling a role and maintaining the relationship for a true "convenience": power, protection, influence, social image, prestige, etc.

I wanted to dedicate a whole post to this topic, but I think I will try to make a brief mention:

Remembering the cruise arc. The shopkeeper mentioned that a split occurred within the secret government. While in the past the Gretcher family ruled the underworld in an "honorable" way, currently a man "with glasses" (by the figure represented on the panel) took power and started a division, being the reason why they were hunting to Olga. We are given to understand by the Director that "they do not support the war, much less those who try to make a fortune off it." So it is understood that Garden is against the radical sector that seeks confrontation.

Now, what side do the Desmonds play regarding the secret government? Are they supporting and financing the radical sector whose plans are war? Or are they on the same side as Garde?

Or much worse… what if the Donovans or Melinda play both sides and keep up appearances with both the radical and non-radical sectors. In this way, it is a game of double betrayal, no matter which side wins, they would benefit.

It also comes into question whether Melinda is against her own husband, whether for better or worse. And if this division that separates the Desmonds is not only "for sentimental reasons", but arises from political ideals… there is too much that we do not know

Maybe that's why the shopkeeper didn't see a problem with Yor getting involved with Melinda. But the way he says that "if anything were to happen, then of course… for that reason, I wouldn't exactly recommend it"… I don't know, it gives me a bad feeling, It is as if the shopkeeper thought that: The closeness of Yor and Melinda is not a problem at the moment, but it does not ensure that this in the future will be dangerous

But this topic deserves a separate post….

Although, it is strange the idea that the meeting of Melinda and Yor is planned. That means the Desmonds have been watching the Forgers and they haven't noticed. Which, is strange, considering Yor and Twilight are keen to notice when they're being watched…

We know that Yor was only the mall at Anya's request, so if Melinda planned it, it would be because she's been watching her from the beginning.

But, as Twilight himself supposes. It feels strange that this is a joint strategy of the Desmond parents. So it may be possible that it remains a chance event, risky and beneficial.

This really worries me....

I know that many talk and highlight how Twilight is willing to protect Yor… but… actually… this doesn't really relieve me… on the contrary, it worries me.

¡It breaks my heart to see that by now Twilight's mental bias is so ingrained in him that his first reaction is to distrust Yor!!

I understand, he is a spy, he was trained to distrust and see the worst case scenario. He does it to preserve his own security, and that of his work. But that he mistrusts Yor in the slightest shows that she does not have his absolute trust and this may continue to be repeated more in the future

I'm glad that Anya immediately clarifies that it was because of her wishes that Yor went to the mall. But even so, despite everything they've been through, living together, and Yor's efforts to be a good wife and mother, Twilight doesn't seem to realize (or doesn't want to) how important he is to Yoru. He represents a motivation for her, and she does not want to hurt him or betray him. Yor's ideals are not political, nor interested. Her support for the shopkeeper and his ideals are only because she feels that being an assassin could "protect her true interests", the love of her family.

I understand that Twilight is blind to Yor's job as an assassin. But the fact that he still feels the possibility that Yor is up to something behind his back: either handing him over to the SSS, or colluding with the Desmonds....Clearly, he still has a long way to go…

For even though Yor doesn't know he's a spy. She never doubts anything about him.... Although, well, she's very naive… still

The way she looks at him. She feels so relieved, motivated and happy that he has her back.

I know Twilight is being truthful right now. The transparent speech bubble tells us that he really thinks that way. I'm sure that if Yor had met friends, other than Melinda, Twilight would support her so that she had fun, and could expand her social bonds.

But with Melinda and Donovan in the equation, everything becomes so risky and unknown.

And as it is a habit in him, he will always say that everything about it is for the good of "the family facade".

I know that Twilight deep down has very important feelings for Yor, I think he's sincere when he doesn't want to risk her too much, and above all that "he will be ready to protect her".

But also, I feel like this sets the stage for the Forger family to start to crack. Considering that the Shopkeeper felt obvious suspicion about Loid Forger and his attempt to get close to Donovan. It may mean that Garden becomes interested in investigating the sudden husband of his best assassin… and if this leads to the assassination organization associating him with a threat, they either think he's a colluder with the Desmonds (whose party may be financing war plans and strategies), or they discover that he is a spy. Twilight and Yor's identity may be compromised in the future.

Which can lead to more distrust and dangers….

In other words, Twilight has never suspected that Yor is an assassin, and yet she feels the need to question his trust in her… the fear that she will turn him over to an enemy, or that she is planning behind his back. persist in it. If in the future Garden begins to show interest in him, it may lead to their identities being revealed.

.

.

feel very sad for Yor…. She is getting caught in the middle of a battle that she didn't ask for.

She clearly looks confused and unsure.

I feel that Yor deep down felt that he should mistrust Melinda, because of her terrifying expressions, her omissions, and such covert phrases… But she is not one to reason intellectually about the events of her life. It is her emotions and her instinct that warn she of the risks. But at the same time, she feels that she should not waste the opportunity to have friends

She just wants to have a quiet, peaceful life, to feel integrated into her family and the world around her. But these insecurities make them vulnerable, to fall in the middle of the conflict of WISE, Twilight, the Desmonds and Garden's actions… And I worry that she will be hurt and emotionally wounded.

I don't want to sound dramatic or negative. But I feel that Endo is telling us that many things can happen… things that the Forgers have to watch out for.

I know that Anya's efforts, they are funny, help to lower the tension of the chapter. But it's sad to see that Anya understands that Twilight's reason for being with her has been the Strix mission, and feels that the affection she receives from him is only for the "mission". If she is no longer her father's main plan: Plan A and plan B, she feels that she will be left aside and therefore abandoned

Clearly this is not true. Twilight truly loves Anya as his daughter, even if he doesn't admit it. But the weight of the Strix mission, the constant stress, pressure and preservation lies. They make each of the Forgers inside let themselves be enveloped by their insecurities.

Although Anya reads Twilight's mind: she feels that his thoughts (and emotions) are too confusing to interpret and she questions the stability of her happy and fun life.

This sparks a war between mother and daughter (something Yor has no idea about) for Twilight's attention.

I have always believed that the Forger family is an analogous representation of the peace between Ostania and Westalis. One family/two countries, happy and at peace based on lies. But when the truth is unleashed, it will be the end of this "illusory" peace and will bring with it many tears

I worry that the Forgers get so wrapped up in their own ambitions and desires that they end up embroiled in a trope so dangerous and entangled that it's hard to escape: Twilight, because of the mission, Yor in her attempt to be "normal" and "accepted ", and Anya in her longing for her father to love her and not abandon her. That the Strix operation begins to get complicated and with them leads to all this bomb of lies being unleashed

And this is when feelings become confused… What is a lie? What's the true? Who is an ally? Who is enemy?

I feel like there's a lot of drama coming up… and while this may not have an immediate effect… I hope that each of the Forgers get through it… and especially that they can understand that they are a true family and see beyond lies, ideals, war, and ambitions.

And the three of them understand, that no matter what they are a spy, an assassin, an experiment and a dog that sees the future. They all look for the same thing, a home.

.

.

I feel like I have to prepare tissue boxes T_T

What do you think?

[floweryotter]

My ML Season 5 wishlist

So now that we are officially in hiatus, I will enlist all the things I theorize or want to see next season so when it finally premieres, I can keep track of what ends up happening

I'll keep it pinned so I can keep adding new stuff it occurs to me or that I remember thinking in a past time or that I heard from someone else and loved the idea

First theories, speculations and headcanons:

The first episode will start with the continuation of Strike Back's last scene / GUESSED CORRECTLY (by Gloob's first minute release of Evolution)

The miracuclass will fight - or at least try - not minding they have no powers anymore / GUESSED CORRECTLY

Parisians will also sum up to the fight in one way or another / IN PROCESS (by Gloob's first minute release of Evolution)

The rich adults will be relevant for Hawky's plan, especially Tomoe / IN PROCESS (did you saw Multiplication’s teaser... yeah...)

Adrien is gonna remember about Felix's monocle and find out what it was for... / FAILED (Gabi has it...)

The episode titles are mostly kwami-related but also universe lore-related / IN PROCESS 

LB will start to be more open with CN little by little until she finally addresses what happened with Chat Blanc / IN PROCESS (Ladynoir conversation in Perfection my beloved)

Adrien won't trust Felix any time soon and will keep mad with him

Adrien will punch Felix in the face (i know... too ooc...) / HALF-FAILED (I will take Adrien launching the basketball to Felix’s memory in “Multiplication” as a partial succes lol)

Su-Han will finally do something productive and start training LB and CN / FAILED (the bitch has been MIA since Evolution, tho I hope his at least back for the finale)

Chloe actually gets redeemed for good / IN PROCESS (LISTEN! I have a new theory that she can still change for good if they get rid of Audrey at the end)

Secret code between Adrien and LB to know he is the real one / FAILED (yeah i don't think this will happen anymore)

Gabriel will have the "brilliant" idea to wear all the miraculous and perish :) / HALF-GUESSED HALF- FAILED (ok he will perish but not because of the miracoulous, but because of CN's cataclysm... lol?)

An episode will be named "Adrien" / FAILED (I had this in mind but never wrote it here so I'm updating)

Theories, speculations and headcanons from this post:

Alix will finally become the permanent holder of the rabbit miraculous in “Reunion” / HALF-GUESSED (happened in “Evolution”)

Alya will reunite with Trixx in “Reunion” “Illusion” (changed due to recent evidence in “Evolution”) / FAILED (she it didn't happened)

We will see Felix again in “Reunion” (new one) / HALF-GUESSED (Ok he appeared  in “Multiplication” so... much earlier than I thought)

The kwamis will reveal against Gabriel in “Deflagration” / HALF-GUESSED (Plagg cataclysming his own miraculous was chef's kiss)

“Revelation” will have some of the main problems and mysteries solved / HALF-GUESSED (at least we saw a little of wha's going on with Lila, but there's so much more we still don't know...)

“Confrontation” will be mainly about the Agreste-Graham de Vanily / FAILED (well I wouldn't have ever imagined this was gonna be school centric and having Lila be the main villain again)

We will see the Order of the Miraculous in “Collusion” / FAILED (I WAS SO WRONG HAHAHA but what happened at the end is still sooo grounbreaking)

LB will do some guardian badass move in “Revolution”

“Representation” will show us more context about the kwamis

We will see a wish granted in “Conformation”

New theories, speculations and headcanons:

The scarf will make an important comeback

We will see an upgrade of Chat Noir’s costume or powers in “Destruction” / FAILED (the only thing that was destroyed were my theories about this lol... oh and Mothriel's arm)

Ladynoir will recover part of the miraculous in “The Kwamis’ Choice” / HALF-FAILED (probably...)