#i'll still always love them <3 <3 <3
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and this, kids, is why im a 'noelle holiday's the taller one in any 5-mins-in-the-future type AU' truther
i have something to say. susie x noelle fanart often portrays them in a very yaoi way. this is a neutral statement but it's something i noticed and had to share. susie is NOT taller than noelle. maybe she's about an inch taller at most, but the yaoification of these two girls has her like a whole foot taller than noelle. why must so much seme and uke energy be put into art of this couple. yaoi hands susie. yaoi teeth susie? seriously it's so classic yaoi with a small cutesy blushing femme uke and a masc buff 8ft tall sexy seme.
once again i am not mad at this portrayal i just think it's comically yaoi-like.
#holy shit i forgot to come back to this#had a whole rant n everything then forgot to reblog- oh well lmao#as i was saying-#while i don't mind the 'tol suz+smol deer' it'd be nice to see that aspect switched up more in fanon depictions#ive seen susie buff or skinny or just chonky in all sorts of ways by now#lot of which leans into the monstrous part like 80% more than the 'this is a still developing child/YA who wouldn't be that built yet' part#but- different convo- i digress#noelle's been mostly generic cute furry girl with stylic liberties far as ive seen#which is fair given how simple her canon design was in the first place /pos#hell ive even seen a few chubby noelle fanart once in a blue moon#but also fanart of her canon track star side even less than that unfortunately lol#height don't need to be that drastic either just like a few inches yk- ofc no matter the size of the gays- i mean girls tho#i'll still always love them <3 <3 <3#been 4 years strong already- it'll be even stronger long after the game's fully out#that being said good lord do some fanon led tropes need to switch up sometimes#thankfully right before coming back to this i saw at least one other blog post abt this right under this one#so there's hope yet lol#noelle holiday#noelle deltarune#susie deltarune#suselle#deltarune
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Artfight against @ejsuperstar ft. The Mad King and Chip. They're both so evil. I hope they have the most extravagant downfall of any onscreen villain.
This interaction is based on a little fic writing >:)
#For those who are reading the tags- Chip is ejsuperstar's Cookie Clicker OC. LIKE- COOKIE CLICKER. FROM DA GAME. IT'S FUCKING BRILLIANT.#Okay now to talk in the comments#first of all. The fic is literally so good. I had the privilege to read it uwu#These two are literally so evil. They just show it in different ways.#Bravus in intimidation and cunning And then Chip with his manipulation and deceit.#Also the “Magic” vs “Science” motif here is so 👀😤✨💅#i mean. Bravus is from medieval times so of course he thinks anything like what Chip has is magic. But ALSO Magic 100% is real in his world#I think it'd be neat to keep my human's slitted irises. They look human- but just slightly off to make anyone in your AU notice#forgive my human facial anatomy *cries*#the *Poof* is a reference to fairly odd parents. LMAO#I'll post the speedpaint later if ur down! Videos always take so long for them to upload here#The Mad King#I am so happy with how this turned out. Like seriously. Took me about 3 hours???? idk i need to check#hope you like it. *bonks you*#I love how Chip is still intimating with a fricking cookie in his hand. Man looks so silly#art#my art#chip#deltarune#deltarune chara timeline#cookie clicker#cookie clicker oc
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It's been precisely 2 years since i first watched 4x14 and the infamous Because, Evan scene. Seeing it again, during my current rewatch, still gives me CHILLS.
Not even talking about the romantic side of things (which imo is there).
It's the vulnerability of both men. The pure love that oozes out of them. The gentleness with which they treat each other. How scared Buck is that Eddie is so fragile he might break at any moment, because he still can't believe he is alive after all this. The fact that Eddie has just been through a near-death experience and his first concern is to reassure Buck that he is so not expendable. The way Buck looks at Eddie like a puppy the moment he hears his name.
The fact that this the first time a traumatized kid, who has felt like he's worth nothing his whole life, like he is invisible, is finally told that he is in fact so valuable to someone, so seen.
In conclusion, I'm never getting over this scene and I could write essays about it. (Also, HOW INCREDIBLY ACTED IS IT?! Both actors are killing it!! Just a look from Oliver and I want to sob. And Ryan, is it just me, or does he feel different in this scene? I'm not sure how to describe it, I just feel him so grounded and present. I just love them both.)
#buddie#i may have moved on but i'll never forget#and i'll always hate them for not making buddie canon#still love them for what they are though <3#them and the 118 family saved me#because evan#911 4x14#oliver stark#buddie 4x14#ryan guzman#eddie diaz#evan buckley#911 abc
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It's pomegranate season :)
A redraw of this piece from around a year ago
#hello guys...(:#i started school back in mid September! its hell#and my chronic pain is rly bad these days i can barely do anything#and my next break will be spent at the hospital#but love and light at least we're trucjing along and getting somewhere hopefully#this drawing isn't exactly the most finished the most effortful what have you but its all i can guve you#confession time: idk if i have it in me to keep drawing the guys#dont get me wrong still adore them. but i feel a little out of it#maybe this'll change the second i post this but whatever.#i had an amazing time being active in the fandom you guys are so sweet and you got me thru rough patches <3#I'll still be around just even more inactive#anyway i hope you enjoy this!!!#i feel like I've improves substantially which is good#cwilbur#dsmp fanart#my art#thx to everyone that's loved my art yall hold a special place in my heart#alright bye bye xoxo#ps esteemed mutuals and lovely audience never hesitate talking to me i am always around and i love ppl I'm just socially anxious#fennec.art
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And never let you go ♥
Bonus without the overspill lighting:
#💟#Digital art#Full Art#Art#Edgar#Scriabin#It's that time of year again where I get real sappy about Vargas ♥ Because yes! Once again it is my own personal Vargasversary! 🎊 Yaaaay#Seven years now - I don't know what to do with seven years it feels like a hard to define number haha#Right in the middle between five years and ten years! A while to be certain but hard to define as a Long Time either hmm#Well whatever it doesn't matter <3 The important part is that I still love Vargas and them very much ♥♪#I actually didn't really have any specific plans for this Vargasversary :0 I haven't been drawing them much again#Other things have drawn my focus and attention hehe ♪#So I just kinda set my hand loose - no sketches on paper no defined idea - this is just what my hand/brain came up with in the moment#I'm pleased :) I think it accurately expresses how I feel about them hehe <3#I wrote down what ended up being the text/caption a couple months ago while I was in Big Love in their direction#I don't remember what inspired it anymore other than just - They ♥ Themst ♥ Do love them <3#I've planned my next reread now ♪ Barring anything drastic (like an update lol) I know when I'll be rereading next#I'm looking forward to it! :D As always hehe <3#It's still a bit a ways off which works well for recharging :)#And of course I'll be doing my usual in the meanwhile - this and the main anniversary and my sketchdumps and Requestober haha#The caption is as much me as it is Edgar after all <3#Even quiet and sleeping I still find them as a comfort - a place I find rest and joy in ♥#Inspiring and lovely and wonderful - pretty and tender and dear!#Oh and#Always finding a way to flip up the bottom of the shirt#Hehe <3
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#deltarune#don't think empty town or cliffs will get many votes so i'm putting them together with the 'other' option#cliffs is the theme that plays in the first ever area in the dark world#when lancer chases you into castle town btw if you were confused#i just like doing these polls! idk#i think i'll do boss themes next maybe#not counting you can always come home cause it's technically only for one house. sorry url i still love you <3
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i made some cute little wip chibi sprites of some vocaloid, utauloid and fanloid characters :)
the characters from left to right, top to bottom are: hatsune miku rin and len kagamine teto kasane momone momo zatsune miku akita neru shiteyanyo nakao/larval rin
#vocaloid#utau#utauloid#fanloid#hatsune miku#rin kagamine#len kagamine#teto kasane#momone momo#zatsune miku#akita neru#shiteyanyo#nakao#larval rin#i just realised rin's hair is probably facing the wrong way oops#ahhh well#i'll fix it later#these are wips anyway#i should make chimera teto and tako luka#just found out teto's gender is actually chimera#that's so real shoutout to chimeragender teto#i love how teto got so popular that she's officially found her way into project diva that is SO cool!#i think neru appears as a character in that game too#i remember a lot of people finding teto's voice to be really annoying back in my day but you know what? i think her voice sounds really coo#even her first voicebank i really like#she sounds like a robot and i really love that direction they took with her voice#even in her later releases and when she's tuned really realistically she can still sound robotic and i LOVE IT#i like the later vocaloid releases and the amazing tuning people do with them but they don't really have that digital sound that-#-captivated me so much as a kid and i kinda wish there were more recent songs where people tuned them to sound more like robots#V1 and V2 vocaloid will always have a special place in my heart <3
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I was going to have rye maaaybe start to buy into solas' whole johnny silverhand deal a little bit more in the post-weisshaupt talk -- to Progress the Arc tm/set up the beginning softening in that relationship and heighten the effect when it eventually goes. quite another way entirely -- but the sheer spectacular cruelty in hindsight of 'at least you still have varric to talk to' is such that considering where I'm intending to end up with this narratively, the stoic 'not here to make friends you fucker gimme your intel' option is simply irresistible. gotta have that echo rattling around rye's head forever when he decides that you know what? I have had enough of being nice, actually. I do want to go ape shit. someone hold my coat for me please I have some work to do and I don't want to stain it. guess for now the ol' watcher training & instincts are still kicking in enough for them to treat solas like a tricky spirit you should treat with respect and good intentions, but also shouldn't be out there offering little fingers to unless you have a whole arm lying around to spare haha
#dragon age#dragon age: the veilguard#dragon age: the veilguard spoilers#dragon age spoilers#I LOVED weisshaupt as a mission tho. I've seen it through multiple times and still my heart was going so fucking fast haha#also bringing lucanis with you is SO funny and weirdly sweet even tho you miss the 'you call that nice and quiet??' part#(you get neve just swearing instead! a very good substitute hfdskjah sorry neve...)#it really feels like he and rook keep turning to each other as everything escalates exponentially with like...#helpless and numb but deeply companionable shrugs. we are both equally near-existentially baffled by this. but at least#we are near-existentially baffled by this *together*. thanks man. yeah I mean. she IS a cloud. i don't know what else to say here#all we can do is give it a shot right. yeah. yup. good talk dude check in with you in a minute we gotta kill some ghouls#and then the Arcs both lucanis and rye are on with davrin too especially when they're all making peace in the library...#*steeples fingers with narrative glee and excitement* yes yeeess it's all coming together#oc: Ellaryen Ingellvar#I love solas so much. but that comment is straight up so awful. he says it sooo... *smugly*. it's because he's frustrated#at his powerlessness and being denied access to rook's interior life and getting his hooks into them psychologically I realize#which is his best and only path back to agency at this point#but it's such an ugly instinct to drop something like that in there because it makes YOU feel better#that was not just a 'oh better remind rook they can always talk to their old pal varric for tactical reasons!' there was feeling in that#tho you know the reason I love solas is primarily the multiple other comments he has through that convo#that are laugh out loud hilarious to me. he's such a little SHIT!!! always and forever <3#listen man... in another life I'll come back for you and we'll be kinder to each other that time in the end huh
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Maybe something with Mousey being jealous of Hunter and Smoker for one reason or another? hehe
Day 7 - There might be a reason for that
Bonus:
#My art#Requestober#RespectAWoman#Hunter#Smoker#Mousey#Always love when my bonuses are just as if not more technically complex than the main lol#I mean I say that but it was more just tedious to move things between EPSAI2 and GIMP lol#Chibi heads bopping around and a bust-up are not as intensive! My poor hand haha ♪#So this is my first time drawing the ladies digitally huh?? Or at least this trio anyhow haha I'll draw the other two someday#Considering Mousey is my favourite of all of them and her dynamic with Charger was one of my driving loves <3#I also realized while drawing this that she (as a survivor) and Max have the same outfit so that's ♥#White button down and khakis are fairly standard I know let me live XO I love them!!!#Went with pre-infected here tho ♪ When Mousey's still focused on Smoker! Hehe yaay#She's so cute <3 Love that wonderful disaster <3 <3 And also the mains as well!!! Lol#They were actually a lot of fun to draw digitally haha ♪ Hair touching - kind of all over touching lol Hunter's just Like That#I did kinda forget about Hunter's camo pants so I leaned on my SAI textures - but I did the shines on her duct tape myself! Pleased :)#I was thinking at first of Hunter offering Smoker a soda but she pushes for Smoker to be healthy huh!#So I was thinking maybe a weird-flavoured sports drink or sugar-free lemonade or something lol#And the usual ribbing lol Mousey do you know what you're wishing for ♫#I had a moment while drafting where I was like ''Where was the one of Smoker playing Tetris?? :0''#I 100% completely totally remembered it in full colour - but no that was just my brain filling in the details lol it was a sketched comic!#Whenever I think of RespectAWoman that's just the style I see in my head so my mind's eye took it from there pft#I found it in the end ♥ Had to make reference to it! As it's one of my favourites :D
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someone on twitter drew the trio Freaking It in duos and then the third one interrupts the other two. they posted horrordust + killer and kist + horror but not horrorkiller + dust and i just gotta say Yeah That Makes Sense. yeaaaah it makes sense that horrorkiller was the one that was "too lewd to post",,,,,,,
#psssssst i need to see the hrkl one. heres 100 bucks#I CANT TRANSLATE IT BECAUSE THEY USED A MASSIVE WATERMARK BUT THE ART ITSELF IS ENOUGH TO TELL#jnl25398 youre so real.....#jnl do not worry nobody would bat an eye if you drew horror and killer raw dogging it and dust interrupts#keizukogumisuko reposted it thats how you know its peak continuation group content#i love the jp murder time trio fans they dont know it but i support everything they post about#YOU GO!!! POST ANOTHER RAMBLE ABOUT WHO TOPS AND BOTTOMS!!! ILL JUST KEEP GOOGLE TRANSLATE OPEN OK :3333#theyre always talking about the dreamswap creepypasta squad over there and i'm TEMPTED but also#i fear for my life. because i think ds!dust or bobby is a KID??? idk.....#wait nvm he's 18!! nvm!!!!#still. whatever i guess#randy's just 25 why do people refer to him as an old ass bitch????#aaactually waaaait hold on.... creepypasta squad thoughts taking over#I NEED TO LEARN MORE ABOUT THEM WAIT#WHY ARE THEY FEATURED IN A GOOGLE DOC ROLEPLAY CALLED THE MAWWIED SAGA I NEED TO RESD THIS WAIT#i hate the way that theyre all humans in this au#and the way that the au has nothing to do w utmv anymore#NOT THAT ITS BAD its just kinda weird.......like dude why is hacker's name THEODORE???#ok i knew that something was off about the creepypasta squad that i wouldn't like. randy considers bobby his son#FUCK!!! FUCK!!! nah i'm sorry i can't ever picture horror seeing dust as his son nvm#maybe i can appreciate from the sidelines..... maybe the creepypasta squad will be my gateway into familial mtt hcs....... i dont know#i'm done with dreamswap for the day i cant#tricule rant#OH SHIT WAIT I FORGOT THIS AU WAS AN EXCUSE FOR THEM TO SHIP DREAMMARE TOO. EW#nvm. creepypasta squad i'll take you 3 all away from this don't worry you're safe in my arms.....#gives randy a new flannel. pets bobby on the head. gives hacker some chocolate or something idk#man...... my trio has to be RUINED by association of dreammare. this sucks balls
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I'm at the painful "confession" scene during the kage summit arc. It really is so emotional, but also... hm.
When I was younger, like 13 or so, I was a big Sakura and Naruto shipper. They were the first pairing I read fanfic for even. And in a way, I do still enjoy the two of them together... but it's moments like these that really drive home the fact that it Doesn't really work in canon. Not the way that it's set up.
As Sakura puts it, "Sasuke, Sasuke, Sasuke! That's all you think about!"
She's told that Naruto has feelings for her and decides to use it to convince him to stop going after Sasuke. She does love him, but not in the way she's trying to confess. The love they share is one of comradery, not necessarily romantic. The love of two people who have gone through such pain together, and who have leaned on each other throughout it all. And the fact that she's turning around and saying she loves him "simply like everyone else", now... it's trivializing. And the fact that she's trying to convince him of this, the fact that she thinks she Can convince him of this, is pretty hurtful. They've come a long way from when they were kids, Naruto the goofball vying for her attention while she yelled at him for being stupid. Sakura respects Naruto so much more than before, and Naruto respects her too. So the fact that she's still doing this... She's desperate, really. She thinks the promise he made to her to bring Sasuke home is what's driving him to let himself be hurt over and over and over again in the pursuit and protection of Sasuke.
But she's wrong.
That may be part of it, but it's only part. Naruto wants Sasuke back for himself, too. He let himself be beat up to avoid selling him out. He chases after him with single minded determination. Sasuke is his entire drive to get stronger, to catch up, to bring him home. Sasuke, Sasuke, Sasuke indeed.
As it is, Naruto knows she's lying to herself. And no matter what she says, he will keep going after Sasuke. Because that's just the person that Naruto is.
#speculation nation#fanny watches naruto#i think. naruto and sakura could potentially work out... but probably in a poly kind of situation.#because naruto will never forget about sasuke. and tbh neither will sakura. at least in canon.#of course i think sakura would do well to end up with someone more level headed. like ino.#someone without all the Complications that those two have...#but at the same time. i still do really love the idea of two people supporting one another through thick and thin.#i like naruto and sakura as a pairing of mutual respect. which is why it doesnt truly work as it is in canon.#especially when it comes to things like the 'joke' punches. but that's Everywhere in this anime.#female characters' anger being turned into jokes. theyre 'scary' but its not Actually scary.#naruto taking punch after punch from her for being foolish. yet it's all just a joke.#tbh id want to do away with that trope entirely. sakura has a temper but she's a good person. a kind soul.#i dont like that kishimoto has her being casually abusive with one of her best friends.#yet another part of the misogynistic writing that i hate.#sure enough. as it is in canon it just doesnt work. but ykno what. 13 year old me is still here. and wants to think of a way that it Could.#all things to think about. i wonder if there is any poly fic with the 3 of them. theres Gotta be.#though that brings the question of whether it'd even fit my ideal concept of the 3 of them.#it's certainly not the popular kind of thing lol. most people pick one of the three pairings between them.#but ya kno what. ive always been a multishipper. and poly ships really enable that truth of mine.#maybe i'll look for some poly fic sometime. just to see if theres anyone doing it like id wanna see.#if it's just two guys fighting over one girl or something tho im Outta there.#and ALSO theres something to be said for sasuke and sakura's relationship when they were kids.#there was trust there. confiding. he respected her. & in the end. he thanked her for her care.#cant be Just the two of them tho. for me. bc that erases naruto's significance to them both.#it is perhaps another thing i'll want to write someday. just maybe.
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just randomly remembered that during my like 10+ attempts at the shadow yukiko fight i more or less consistently ran out of revival beads so yosuke was just dead (well unconscious but whatever) on the ground for like half the fight gfhfjvhfhfhd-
#puppy rambles#persona 4#p4#as much as i love him he's not always the most useful. that fight is one of those times-#still always keep him in the party though. perfect p4 team to me is yosuke teddie and naoto#i haven't gotten to naoto joining the party yet but i love her. trans icon. vibing naoto is the best thing to happen to the persona 4 fandom#and yosuke and teddie are my favorites of the investigation team thus far. the others are all very close but they're above the others#dunno why i like yosuke so much. souyo is def part of it#and teddie is very very silly. idk why people hate him so much like yea he can be kinda annoying but he's only existed for a few months#he doesn't understand social cues yet. he's just autistic leave him alone vhgbhmfhdf- /hj#i feel like a lot of persona characters have autism vibes but that's probably at least partially just me projecting#at the very least i'm sure we can all agree that aigis and marie do. autism arcana#that's. probably why they're my favorite girls ggyfubhngd-#aigis is easily my favorite persona character. she's cute and also silly :3 and bisexual i love the bisexual toaster and her doors <3#(aikoto + hamugis polycule for the win. makoto and kotone aren't dating obv. ryoji's also dating both of them separately#)#and marie is cute and also silly i'm totally dating her. love how persona technically lets you polyamory so long as you don't date everyone#i have to max her social link for the golden-exclusive content anyway so might as well#‚‚‚ this post got derailed. i like the part where i talked about my beloved persona 3 bisexual polycule#p4's def the best persona game i think but i love p3 very much too. makoto kotone aigis and ryoji are unsurprisingly my faves#really love yukari too. i spent several hours trying to figure out how to add mods to p3p so i could date her as kotone#it was not successful. i'll probably get it on steam when i inevitably play it gghdhchvhv-#and i'll get reload at somepoint too. probably on steam at least first so i can use the kotone mod i need my girlie#makoto is also great i love him. emo non-binary icon. but also silly girlboss. they're both so mentally unwell#that reminds me of a drawing i have in my drafts i should post that#oh also it's aikoto week apparently??? which is very poggers. idk the prompts but i need to draw my sillies regardless#i do slightly prefer hamugis but they're both very very cute to me. the toaster has two hands she can kiss both the doors-#idk why that joke's so funny to me. i should stop now-
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sometimes you gotta take in the lil details
#non sims#i'll come up with a skyrim tag#in my tes era again#(always i just go sleeper agent on it ig)#still in my modding skyrim era i'm sick so that's not v conductive to me actually playing morrowind so this is what i've been doing#sad bc nammu made some good progress he joined house redoran he's actually level 3 and somehow keeps invading every vampire tomb#(i run away bc i cannot deal w that right now)#his slave bracers finally broke off <3#i'll compile some screens and post tomorrow maybe#i truly am the people todd coward thinks about when bethany esda is concocting the latest installment of weird ass lore told through#environmental storytelling and esoteric books and an open world crafted with meticulous detail cursed with bugs up the wazoo#but yeah modding skyrim is being surprisingly fun after i figured out mod organizer#i have bookmarked some mods that require me to regen lods dyndolod or whatever it's called but i'll do that at the end#at least in morrowind that's how i do it#i did my engine fixes my bug fixes my graphics and sounds overhauls my model replacers enb landscapes and now my cities and locations mods#armor next and then i'll start overhauling combat#i'm gunning for dark souls like bc that combat style suits me rly well and i always hated melee in skyrim#(re: armors sforz i looked at your imitations previews and i'm in love i'll have fun experimenting w/ them i owe u my life)#but yeah...... 99% of my skyrim experience has been in ps save for a brief moment i pirated it on release on my shitty laptop i had then#it's been wonderful to actually mod it
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Parents will treat you like expensive vermin that theyre keeping around due to being mercyful but the moment you wanna kill yourself it's suddenly bad
#NOBODY!!! WANTS!!!ME!!!!!#my mother thinks im soulless or something and always want to hurt them#my stepfather and i hate each other thats fair i hate him too#my grandmother lied that her and her partner are attending a funeral in a different town on my graduation day#(my mother called the cemetary. there were no funerals that day)#my father and his girlfriend claim to want me around but theyve got a baby now and lmao he didnt want me as a kid either#and they were like. noo sorry cant come to your graduation we'll be out selling karate merch at an event#mfers are doing this self employed. like damn who is going to fire you of youre not both there..........#i just moved out from the dorm im still going back for exams but after that i'll no longer live there#i'll probably drift apart with the roommates i had for 3 years sooner or later. i feel like i cant prevent that#maybe just my abandonment issues though#then theres the guy who just started introducting me to his family as his gf. i love him but i cannot rely on this guy with my emotions#not because of him but because im not throwing my baggage at people out of nowhere like it's a basketball it's a cruel thing to do#thats everyone in my life rn i have two other friends but theyve been out of the picture for about half a year due doing young adult stuff#tw suicide joke
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i see the train of thought people go through that makes them want to see tommy kill himself in the end. but i think as someone deeply invested in (often chinese) stories where it concludes with the protagonist's suicide, or at least there is an overarching debate over whether they should commit the deed, i want tommy to live. because i always want them to live! it's personally devastating every time these characters drag themselves through suffering, enduring and enduring, and have their narratives resolve with suicide; the final word is always vital to the thematics of the story, and it's so bleak when that is the ultimate answer it has to give.
not to say i reject tragedies or bad endings and want them to be more positive, the shows i have in mind that do this are very precious and valuable to me. and it's important that they conclude the way they do.
more so, i always find myself dreading a suicidal character going through with it + curious whenever these types of stories can devise some other horror. and there are other possible avenues for tommy maybe, like wandering the wastes without an end in sight for one. but everyone seems to talk about tommy's end like it's a foregone conclusion and also the only conclusion :(
#peaky blinders#me is mark#tumblr user @thehitchhiker1953diridalupino said this before#but i'll echo it regardless#though i recognise pb is a story after western tradition and thus#fundamentally different from chinese stories that way#but all the talk about hlht nezha lhl is making me have strong feelings about this again#rotating (3) tragedies about tortured boys/men & suicide in my mind all at once reminds me#how badly i always want these characters to live#or specifically how badly i don't want them to kill themselves#i love that they do but the futile desire to see otherwise still remains!
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how to write vent post title that does not come off as self-pitying and or accusatory (because it's NOT !)
#sorry tumblr is like a diary to me idk what i'll do w this blog after i (sigh) inevitably move on#either way#im convinced everyone hates me again :3 but realistically no one cares about me even enough to hate me im just stupid and self centred 💔#if anything me TYPING these posts is actuvely turning people against me#again with the assumptions that people care enough to read these 😭 fhskfbhsjfkg#i hate that i care so much what people online think of me cuz irl it's like. whatever#but here there are so many cool people who i admire and would love to be friends with im always hyperparanoid of everything i do#and still i manage to overstep and come off as annoying#like obvs you're allowed to hate me even if you're someone i look up to like that's your perogative#but i hate worrying about IF anyone hates me#oughgh this is easier irl because usually people send off pretty clear signals if they dont like you#but online (esp with how prickly this fandom is) i don't know whether im being insecure and reading into things or whether people just don't#like me (which again is fine i would just rather know if anyone gets it)#i figure art is the one way i can get people to like me 💔 which sounds kinda pathetic because irl i KNOW im liked and capable!#fandom has just become such a big part of my personality that i cant detach my self worth from it#and i do love art and drawing and such i hate that even if i know people my stuff EYE dont and it doesnt mean anything or act as a signifier#of my friendships#wow .... i really am my own therapist ..... i should shut up#the industrial revolution and its consequences (jofandom)#i think these posts are half self exploration half ... almost self harm? because sometimes im so derogatory about myself on purpose in a#'you're worthless' way. but at the same time it's cathartic and i always feel better having probed at my feelings and gotten them in order#not to do a complete 180 but it's MY post and JO LONDON IN *12* DAYS!!!!!!!! AHH i'm sooo excited if it doesnt live up to my expectations i#may cry a little. and there will be another vent post from me !#sometimes i wonder if anyone actually reads these 😭#vee rambles
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