#i'll see how i feel abt this later
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tired-inyxe · 11 months ago
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WHATS UP FUCKS - AKA My Ultimate Masterpost
Hi! I realized I never really introduced myself. My name is Inyxe (i-n-y-x-e, pronounced like Lynx but with an i (accidentally swapped the y and n once and didn't notice until it was too late)), but you can also call me Jay! I'm a proud anarchist and punk, swear like a sailor and love sharing my opinions well knowing I won't be hunted down with pitchforks and torches (I mean I could still be here but it's not as likely as, let's say, twitter). I've only been here for a couple of years but this is basically my first social media platform (Amino doesn't count). I also was put through the shredder when I was created and have a slew of issues, both mental and physical, so you will be subjected to the whims of my brainworms. It/they/fae pronouns. I have no sidebloggs so you get a smattering of my thoughts, have fun~ Feel free to dm or ask me anything! I may be so so tired but I like human interaction as long as I don't initiate it. Expect me to talk about prehistoric animals tho This will most likely be edited later, but that's future me's problem All of my tag masterlists! I have a lotta custom tags, like a LOT, so if u see weird ass tags on me post it's probably related to these (also useful for digging thru my stuff!)
General -my basic bitch tags, tag is #wing anatomy (subject to change)
Writing/Character Work -my creative writing/character work tags, tag is #worm anatomy Art -my art tags, tag is #cake anatomy Batfam/Dc -my batfam/dc tags, tag is #bat anatomy TMNT -my TMNT tags, tag is #shell anatomy more will be added later, i do more stuff than these after all, like dinosaurs! (fossil anatomy) My most important tags (on here and in the masterlist they best fit)
#bird anatomy -this masterpost! so its easy to find if i mention it in a different post
#og munchies -original posts
#eagle screech -announcements relating to me #red velvet cookie -my favorite things I've made/stuff im really proud of! I make a killer red velvet cookie batch fyi
#homemade food -My art! Get it well its hot #worm sculptures -my ocs! Also known as the worms that haunt nobodies head but mine (might introduce em soon ooooo) #rebloop -reblog
Extra info under the cut! has discussion of my mental/physical disorders so if u dont like that feel free to skip dw (I love to overexplain the stuff under here isn't important)
Stuff I have (been diagnosed for all of these, but that doesn't rly matter, just saying that because I don't want to deal w self diagnosis discourse atm): Autism, Adhd, Depression, Anxiety, Gender Dysphoria and Insomnia Stuff I suspect (talkin w me doctor abt it maybe): Tachycardia, depersonalization/derealization disorder, chronic fatigue, possibly a lung condition (not asthma but my lungs are fucked), iron deficiency anemia, some other vitamin/mineral deficiencies most likely, panic disorder, OCD, uhhhh idk ill add more later? maybe. its 1am my brain slidey yeah m doing this when m more awake gah
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piningpercussionist · 2 months ago
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Interest checking somethin' real quick!
*I couldn't think of a better way to word that, but I mean like. If I only opened comissions for stages sketches through flats, but you wanted shading, or something. Or if I end up deciding certain kinds of commissions won't work for me and have to put up restrictions.
The second I'm able I'm probably going to be opening them, so I'm just kinda feeling out where interest lies! I don't know how I'd be pricing things just yet, honestly? My brain seems kinda caught on "$5 for a quick sketch is a good starting point" but we'll see what happens, since I'm uncertain what the reasonable price escalation from there is to me- also, I have a tendency to go overboard on my sketches naturally, so. We'll See.
Another thing that'll probably be coming is a kofi for tips and requests! But do keep in mind that I just specified requests and not commissions- they'd be in no way guaranteed, I'd just feel a little more pressured on account of your kindness lol
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rearranging-deck-chairs · 8 months ago
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i love the combative way yaz asks questions after s12. i dont think she does it so much in s12 but from halloween apocalypse on (im thinking of "so you know them, these sea devils?" or "yeah, what does quantum extraction mean?" rn but im sure there are more) her questions always feel half challenge half like shes already gearing up for a fight
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akascow · 26 days ago
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the fact i can stay up for over 24 hrs while already running on less than 10 hrs of sleep before that and still have yet to be a normal about of tired is both surprising and FUCKING ANNOYING
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trans-leek-cookie · 4 months ago
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so kusakabe and higuruma Megumi and fucking MEI MEI can survive but Mechamaru Nanako Mimiko and Mai had 2 die. Alright.
#JJK spoilers#Everytime I'm like ''i don't actually care that much I shouldn't be so negative'' I remember that Gege treats disabled characters like shit#And also fucking fumbled some of the characters with the MOST POTENTIAL (THE FUCKING NANAKO MIMIKO AND MAKI MAI PARALLELS)#Anyway I'm killing us allllllllll ❤️#Also I feel like the idea of ''strength'' is never really actually. Fully criticized like maybe I'll have clearer thoughts later but it's#Very much ''dont look down on the weak bc they might be strong'' instead of ''dont look down on the weak bc. They're human beings.''#And that just annoys me personally. Like Suguru is Wrong but the narrative doesn't actually Prove Him Wrong y'know. In the story#He's mostly wrong bc he's the antagonist not bc he's created a whole fucked up worldview as a deeply traumatized teen and then#Created a structure that was abusive not only to the ppl he didnt value but also the ppl he did and NEITHER GROUP IS GIVEN SUFFICIENT FOCUS#AAAAAAAAAGHHHH. <- guy who's interested in cults and cult abuse and wants to see fiction that actually reflects#How cult survivors are affected by said abuse and also recover. Can you tell I'm not over Nanako and Mimiko's deaths because they were#REALLY FUCKING INTERESTING CHARACTERS. CAN YOU. CAN YOU. CAN Y#Somehow everything I write Abt JJK ends up being about how I wish I could enter the story and crucify Geto. I hate that motherfucker#(he's was my first favorite character in the series and even tho he's been rightfully usurped he's genuine fascinating both in general and#Also specifically bc his character touches on some of my preexisting interests and also I feel like no one else understands him.#And when I say that I mean no one else wants to beat him to death with bricks and rocks and blunt weapons for the right reasons like I do)
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unproduciblesmackdown · 14 days ago
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maybe bsol is that time jen tepper mentions when she was so upset about a review of a show of joe's that she broke a glass (&/or threw it out a window)
#could be anything ofc but i sure went sighhh i'll read the nyt review for science; i'm already assuming it's a piece of shit#(it was; thus predictably; a piece of shit. even the nyt rave for a show i liked was basically a piece of shit)#the only thing that makes raves higher quality is they might have actually bothered giving more info abt the show#& otherwise have devoted more thoughts & less space to just the critic's dogshit directionless griping. but barely; so#anyway i was like oh i can search twitter easily for a word as distinctive as bloodsong (except also a ship name for some videogame)#then i was like oh my god at a post from jenashtep about like oh it's the anniversary of two days in a row Events#first when the nyt bsol review was published second when i went to your apartment to make sure you weren't dead#(wait she didn't say To Make Sure You Weren't Dead she says Because I Thought You Were Dead....throw a glass situations)#like well damn also hmm....(also first thing the nyt would've covered at all i think. tbs never played in ny....or nj evidently)#one can only imagine. bsol is so [it does feel very christmas extravaganzay to me in ways. not the same lord knows but]#that like I'm riled fourteen years later finally listening to a boot which leaping into the arms of someone lifting up an Audio#same as xmas like sure i can't be like oh it's about this that the other precise moment though there are ones that extra rile me#can't say it's so obvious like i could Elevator Pitch explain to a rando why i Gasp or get weepy or just have some very special experience#plus i've never even gone lol. the way they can't stop the xmas show b/c it's a musical that just crops up a weekend a year lol#i'm so already like oh of course this is something i'm obsessed with forever now :) unsurprisingly & like it's so idiosyncratic god bless#(also unsurprisingly bloodsong seems to have been broadly warmly received; save by the Newspaper Of Note(tm) taking a dump & calling it a#day like will was saying abt tbs l.a. like oh audiences loved it local online coverage loved it just the less than halfassed review by the#Big Paper didn't & was like ''why isn't this a whole other thing'' called it a day)#anyway like hey I'm absolutely on fire for Outlaw for Not In Your Soul You Don't for Last On Land for Friendship Song to name a few#for what ended up being my proper angle of entry like oh that means a funny little villain then? (yes) like boy is that a banger alone#think thusly nominated for off bway relevant awards; got more than one nom....hey for one thing fourteen yrs later a rando can be obsessed#like that same rando cherishes the memory a livestream livechat interview where i said Black Suits Forever & they put that up onscreen so#joe had to pause like sorry i got distracted someone said black suits forever that's a line from the show & it's So that that show of mine#that never played in new york....like That's Right lol. i'm slamming the xmas fanart up to your window for year three joe Joseph the Show#(he did also see the bsol fanart which i more discreetly made a reply given he saw that Yay Krampusfucking reply last year lol)#anyway uh um. oh yeah wait also bloodsong is lifechanging sort of to me personally i'm just like. so relatively evenkeeled about it like#well of course :) & it counts as lifechanging when i get anticsful Posting. & it's lifechanging Any shows Any songs that are any kind of#impactful. speaking of like individual numbers in cabaret shows or the entire show or the album or concert or anything#as i reblog Outlaw again yelling or go god damn one Understands how last on land is the penultimate song on album#or i say to myself Whenever I Eat A Noodle; I Like To Think About The Hwheat That It Used To Belong To
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somewhereincairparavel · 6 months ago
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Major crush update since it's the weekend!!!
We had interaction!! Though I would've liked more tbh. The funniest thing is last week all I was wanting, was to ask him if he only comes on Saturdays and Sundays, and this time, the moment he saw me, he asked ME if I show up on Saturdays and Sundays only. Omg. He asked ME what I've been wanting ask him lol And ofc we did smile at eachother alot and stuff but today the sports class was kinda crowded so we weren't able to interact as much as I wanted to tbh.
While were at class, the coaches asked us all to run laps around the court in a single line, my crush had to run 10 laps while I had to run 6, after I ran (I wasn't counting the laps tbh) my crush gestured to me as he was still running that I could stop since I completed the laps I had to do. Which is kinda sweet bc he didn't have to gesture to me at all? I mean, who cares if I run an extra lap? But he noticed me from like across the room as he was running and gestured.
After the class ended we went down the stairs, he was behind me, and he asked me if my school supplied me homework or something since his summer break ended a long time ago. but I didn't realize that he was talking to me, bc there was this other girl who walked behind me so I assumed he was talking to her, so I continued going down the stairs (help I felt so bad afterwards and didn't want him to think I ignored him intentionally)
But guess what? While we were waiting for our respective cars to pick us up from class, he asked me the same question AGAIN (if my school provided me homework to do) which is such a green flag??? Bc he had no reason to ask me the same question again even after I ignored him the first time (unintentionally ofc) so he either seemingly understood that I hadn't heard him back at the staircase or he just chose to ask me that question regardless.
And we had a lil chat about how I had to go back to my city after summer break ended and i could've sworn his face dropped for a sec after I said that but he quickly added that his own friend had transferred to my city aswell. Something to note is that this dude is so damn interested in my school life?? Lol like, last week he asked me if my school had started and this week he's asking me abt homework?? (I love myself a nerd, I've also heard that he's the top scorer in his class so there's that lol)
He waved at me THRICE after his dad came to pick him up!! Tomorrow hopefully I'll get more interaction w him
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radmista · 2 years ago
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jesus fuck i feel bad for your poor girlfriend. just tell her you're a radfem
My gf knows I hold radical feminist views. Even before we've dated, I've talked openly and loudly about female liberation and sex based oppression, abortion access, hookup culture making young teens think theyre abnormal for not craving sex at 15, my thoughts on shaving, etc. She's even told me that talking about these things has helped her not feel the compulsion to shave her arms anymore.
She knows I'm a feminist and that I have radical views. The only thing I've never explicitly stated is that I'm gender critical of the trans movement as well (bc in general, this is social suicide and I have a career I want to protect). I have spoken about my gender critical views, I just don't call them that in conversation. Like I've ranted about the usage of terms like "boy clothes" and "boymode" to describe comfortable lounge clothing and that clothing has no gender. We've even debated about single sex spaces and even talked about JKR's funding of Beira's place. Like shockingly, we can disagree on things and still be together.
Idk what the point of your message really was. Is it "your poor gf" bc I complain about her very gendie/tumblr-q***r viewpoints? Or do you feel bc I'm a radfem it makes me a bad partner and that my gf is suffering by being partnered with me? I love her and want the best for her, but it doesn't stop me from being frustrated when she supports a movement that infringes on womens rights. I feel like I'm allowed to complain on my personal feminist tumblr about that lol
#the thing I appreciate a lot about her is that she does debate and hold discussion about various topcs with me#but what bothers me the most and just demonstrates how cult like the tq rainbow+ community is is how anti debate she is on those topics#we can talk about sex segreated spaces and mostly agree but then she has to mention TiM's and holds a 'no debate they're women' stance#and her defense of them is always so robotic or comes off as her quoting a stanza every 'supporter' has to say. ev#*even during our talks about abortion in her automated caveat about tq+ people she mentions tims being affected by the abortion ban#like they're not. but including them in everything is the preprogrammed response. and that is at the core of my complaints abt her stances#they aren't actually hers. its just rhe most progressive thing to believe and regurgitate. it frustrates me bc she is v intelligent#but she in general holds many libfem-y beliefs. maybe in the long run our relationship won't be sustainable idk thats a bridge for later#ik eventually I'll have to lay out my thoughts i don't tell her now and see what happens#I've come to terms that she may breakup with me over my gc radfem views.#I've come to terms she may break up with me over my views on the trans movement as she's a big supporter of it. thats her decision#but again. its a bridge for the future. and i will be respectful of her decision. I'm not entitled to a relationship or her love#anyway just rambling at this point. time for my meds lol.#anon#like am i a bad person for not telling her how i feel the tq movement is regressive af. i dont get the angle of this message#sorry if I'm missing the point of what you're trying to say to me
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mcmorare · 1 year ago
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having many thoughts that i am not articulate enough to fully explain at the moment but. listen. katrina may have hated growing up in her small town and she may really like living in the city but she will always be a small town person. she hated her small town because of the people in it but she liked the town itself (even if its memory is stained by the people in it). going to fancier events she will always be very aware that these sorts of things were well above the pay grade of everyone she grew up with. there will always be that voice in her head that says all these rich people are the same kinds of people who look down on people who live in backwoods towns like the one she grew up in. when she's in germany, she is very aware of her natural accent/dialect and how it gives her away. she may live in a city now but that small town is in her blood and she Knows it.
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whomturgled · 2 years ago
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u know what i should actually make some sorta new years resolution or goals or predictions or smthn. rachel my therapist from 2017 if you're out there this ones for you girl<3
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ame-to-ame · 4 months ago
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:|
#i am not gods strongest soldier#she'll talk to someone who will say stuff like you're useless to her and take it fine but. she won't even stand to be in the same room w me#what difference is it to be being in your room playing games with the same people all the time vs. like idk.#aren't you just transferring who you're dependent on. is the difference just the level of commitment. you feel like you can leave whenever#nothing's changed really somehow. you're still doing the same things you did while back then. just that you also avoid me.#and god i don't know. i tell myself I'll care less I'll get over it it is what it is and i try so hard to be busy and not think abt it#but i can't sleep w/o watching something these days or else it's on my mind and that's been shit for my sleep quality#it's the first thing that pops up in my mind when i wake up. i get distracted in class sometimes by it. it's not like i can control it#it's just like the more you try to not think abt sth the more it comes up type of deal.#and I'm trying so hard but i think this is legitimately. gonna make me spiral and I'm trying my best to have a grip and not go there#i have things I'm looking forward to and I'm supposed to b having fun but it's hard when. There's that looming in the back of your head.#ugh ok rational choice let's go. i don't try to talk to her: we don't talk. she doesn't try to talk to me. i suffer in silence.#maybe I'll get over it find something new that feels like a safehouse but that's a big if. and idk how long i can hold on for#i try to talk to her: maybe it could go well? but maybe she'll just get more avoidant#i don't really get it it's like she can respond and laugh to stuff i say when in a group setting but she gets so guarded when it's just me#like subconsciously you know I'm not a threat you can allow yourself to have fun around me.#but you're consciously putting a guard up around me and reinforcing the negative feelings when it's just me#god. i don't. but. at least it sounds like she's happy for now so. that's all i ask for. if she doesn't want to see me i don't show up#i want to see her but. i mean. There's really no compromise or middle ground here.#they say time heals everything but it's already been so long. i don't even know why I'm still attached. she's like a different person.#the person i loved appears every now and then just never in front of me and I'm trying my best but I've never been good with loss#how do you come to terms with something being dead and alive at the same time. how do you make up the mind to drive the nail in the casket.#i can't make myself put it into the dirt when i catch a glimpse of the person i once knew. that hasn't changed for anyone else. just me.#vent#delete later
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msdk-00 · 6 months ago
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second night in a row that i dream about him and i wake up panting because i was crying hyperventilating so hard about him in the dream i woke myself up in a panic ouaghhh.
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anantaru · 1 year ago
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hii <3 do you think that dr ratio or argenti would be into eating you out? like argenti just being so sweet abt it, he’s such a cutiee. and dr ratio doing it like he claims you or smth. idkk they could be anything but i’m interested if these two boys would be into thatt. ( ps your writing is so good… i love it sm 🙏🏻🙏🏻🫶🏻)
including. dr ratio, argenti
cw. oral (fem! receiving), petnames used: doll, angel, fem! reader
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— ꒰ VERITAS RATIO ꒱ + rough & sloppy
veritas cannot lie to himself but he finds it adorable how you cannot mutter out a single word right now, and the only thing you were still capable of doing was holding your thighs apart so he could fit his head in between and fill your tummy with consistent pleasure.
"you don't want to show me how you feel, doll?" he utters in that unbearably arrogant tone he adored to use on you whenever he proved you wrong as you shake your head, your sticky cream coating his chin, "hmm... well, i'll just force it out of you then, don't you think that's fair?" a refined mewl spills from you when he licks at your folds again, never breaking the eye contact and not caring if you'd end up making a mess of his entire face with your sweet liquids.
and the way his tongue vibrates on your pussy was turning you head over heels for the man, the coarse laps of his tongue full of affection that your toes curl at each lick, and he only gets rougher with proactive drags of his tongue rolling over your hole and collecting everything you give him.
by now, your core has been drenched by a mixture of your slick and his spit, and your legs shake when he kneads the skin on your thighs as to simultaneously comfort you and hold you deep against his greedy face.
one more, just to taste you once more, and you're finally showing him what he does to you, your labored breathing exhaling with the rapid thumping of your heart as your thighs clench around him to ride his face, his enthralling eyes looking more graceful and dark with no mercy reflecting off of them.
you lift yourself onto your elbows to get a better view of the mess on your lower area, watching him closely as the sensation of his mouth made you lose your mind.
your fingers move swift as to reach down and twist into his soft hair, holding him tightly into your cunt when he flips his tongue left and right, his breath hitting your pussy with every exhale— your folds were just so hot, so wet, and squishy that he needs to suckle on them before filling you with his cum later.
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— ꒰ ARGENTI ꒱ + attentive & fast
oh, you sure as hell are starting to see stars when argenti suckles on your folds, with his nose dragging into your cunt the more he forces his head in between your thighs— but you're unable to meet his gaze and it saddens him, despite the fact that it felt so deliciously good, doesn't it?
"argenti.." you moan his name just above a whisper of your labored breathing, your lower lip trembling at how dirty it felt to have him lap around your cunt like a mad man, his hands continuously feeling you up when you arch your back into his mouth.
"yes, angel?" his eyes flicker up with lust, "enjoying yourself for me?"
argenti receives no response, at least not a verbal one, instead you hum dazedly as your eyes flutter shut when his nose rolls between the flesh that protected the little pearl on your cunt, your swollen pussy aching to feel more of the friction it so desperately desires.
"such a good girl," he groans into your pussy, lowering one hand from your thigh to your hole as he gently pushes into it before curling deep to scissor your cunt. fuck, argenti simply cannot tear his eyes off you.
you're just so impossibly perfect to him, and he treats you like an ancient treasure whenever he received the gift of going down on you.
you repeatedly whisper his name imbedded in praises as you left it to your crumbling voice to find his ears— and argenti wasn't sure on who, out of the two of you, would break under the pressure first.
because listen closely now, your pussy was like none he has ever tasted before and he hopes you know it by the way he circles the tip of his pink muscle so precisely into you.
you turned him achingly hard, his tongue pressing upwards and back only to lap slightly faster, ugh, he swears that every time you chant his name or tremble your legs around his head he can feel his cock throb in his pants, pushing harder and harder against his boxers.
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©2023 anantaru do not repost, copy, translate, modify
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reshinless · 3 months ago
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Hiii, it's me again, I'm here to ask abt kinich- anyways, Reader is kind of insecure and self conscious and she's dating kinich, and she sees how good mualani is to kinich and starts to ask herself if she should actually be with him (+I would appreciate it you somehow turn this into smut because I'm a dog for him🤭)
NSFW CONTENT AHEAD UTC.
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you knew kinich was close with her too, but you couldn't help but feel like you weren't as good as she was.
you saw the way she looked at him, what were you supposed to do? you knew she'd never pursue someone in a relationship but she always asked about your relationship with kinich.. was she hoping you'd break up?
well i'll be glad to answer that no she does not! but ill explain more later.
you continued to feel like you weren't a good partner, therefore distancing yourself from the man you fell in love with.
maybe he was better off with her. or at least so you thought. you see, mualanj was giving him advice on how to treat you, she always smiled whenever her and kinich spoke about it.. because.. well.. it was funny to her how he doesn't know how to talk to you.
you have barely had your first kiss with him, and he's never had anyone else like you before.. so he had to ask a professional (mualani plus her 0 relationship experience advice)
"just remember to make them feel at home! you notice if they've been sad or anything recently?" mualani puts up her surfboard up on a tree, sitting on the soft grains of sand on the beach.
"i.. feel like they've been running away from me.. did i do anything wrong?"
mualani realized immediately why you'd distance yourself; you were jealous. kinich has a dense sense for romance, so he wouldn't notice immediately unless.. well professional couplw therapist mualani ensures it doesn't happen again!
once kinich realizes what he's done, he goes to find you as soon as possible. not even hearing out more of mualani's words. she was sure you both would figure it out anyway.
but trust me kinich is quick on his feet to tell you how you're everything to him.
when you tell him you didn't believe him.. well i guess he just had to show you.
kinich who learned a few things from the books mualani threw at him, she didn't realize one of them was basically sex in a book, as he read on, he wanted to try out a specific scene.
laid out in front of him, taking his gloves off carefully tossing them to the side. prepping your hole for him to treat you good. your wetness already all over his fingers as he added another digit progressively.
he who hums into your ear, hearing how well you whimpered, and whined out his name. he could only praise you for how good you took him.
your cunt sucked him inside so well, the sounds of pleasure echoed throughout the hallway in the gap of the unlocked door.
your walls started to tighten around his cock, but that wouldn't stop him from penetrating you. he'd make sure by tonight that no one other than you could make him cum.
kinich who likes to put you into a mating press, your legs held high above your head, he slaps the soft skin of your ass, before laying a kiss onto your wet cunt, mixed with cum of your own and his.
kinich will make sure you know that he loves you more than anyone else. and he wants you to do the same (not that you weren't already doing that.)
but when its all over, his words are sweet, learning a thing or two from whatever mualani discussed with him. clearing the air on why he had been talking to mualani more recently.
he just meant to ask her about advice on what to get you for your next anniversary 🩵
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phagodyke · 2 years ago
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one of my flatmates is soo messy like they're always leaving things unwashed + on surfaces in the kitchen + don't wash/dry stuff properly even when they do + never wipe stuff down even tho they bake a lot n make a lot of mess etc.. grrrrr
#I can tolerate mess/grime fine but I think ppls attitudes towards shared spaces say a lot abt how they see others who use that space#I would call them out abt it but they had a go at another of my flatmates for a similar thing recently so I don't wanna start shit#but it does get on my nerves sometimes.. they can make mess in their room but its disrespectful when its a shared space#ik theyre some degree of mentally ill but the thing is: almost everyone else in the flat is mentally ill too!!#and we still at least try to keep things clean. also like 2 of us have diagnosed/suspected adhd + we still manage to do it so no excuses#they spend the most time in there atm anyway its not like theyre too busy elsewhere.... if u have energy to bake u can def clean lmao#whatever. I'll give everything a clean after I make these brownies later. + then get to watch them ruin it all immediately#at least its not as bad at the flat I was in last yr... 7 other ppl + all of them freshers. nightmare kitchen for real#I'm just feeling grumpy today so my tolerance is lower than usual#ALSO THEY KEEP CLOSING THE KITCHEN DOOR. theres no natural light in the hallways except for when that door is open.#and it makes the kitchen stuffy + its an awkward door to open bc its weighted weird like please just leave the doorstop there#I've asked them not to close it but they keep doing it ugh. ik its them bc literally no one else in this flat likes having it shut#whatEVERRRR#there are bigger problems in the world it doesnt matter so much#.diaries
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noxtivagus · 2 years ago
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aghh i'll be fine
#🌙.reblogs#my energy's like gone rn to like. idk do more but#like i can do what i have to i guess i'll message my friends later abt the fair n all but rn i'm just so#tumblr's my safe space you see? i don't have to push myself. in this empty space of the internet.. of something i cannot touch or feel#literally at least is just. ironically comforting to me. so i'll take my time here. i'm fine here.#i'm too tired rn but.. yh idk if you'll see this but i do see everything in my notifs n thank you :c#the more i learn the more i understand the more i live n the more i just. yeah. live more n more#it's not all bad.. i know better. i know better than my despair. but but i understand so much that. it just. it just hurts. it's too much.#it's.. too much to put into words but i know that i. i don't belong in this sort of world#i just want to cry freely. i just want time to stop even for just a minute or so.#i think i'm lonely. i have family n friends but#this barrier. i think this stupid barrier just hurts so much it hurts so much n rn i feel like crying again but i can't. i really shouldn't#not now. yk at least tmrrw i'll just stay at home but then school again on monday.. i'm so tired#it's overwhelming bcs it's not just. this. my own pain. it.. probably doesn't seem like it but#i think i understand apollo so well. i'm not very obvious abt it but i really do#n then the rest of my friends too i can just. tell when i'm around them what they're struggling with.#i do know how to read people well after all. i observe n watch all my life#being insatiable hurts huh? i want to learn so much i want to understand more i want to accomplish more than i can#maybe i'm naive. i don't know. i just want to hold unto hope even if.. so much is really hopeless bcs#we've all gone this far haven't we? we've evolved so much n the. the universe is in constant motion#n despite how fleeting life is.. yeah all that tgther is comforting n distressing. simultaneously. n it's overwhelming.#n maybe.. i too cld make it past this. many like me have n many haven't. wish i cld be one of the ones to live on. n i cld#i cld help others too. as much as i can. to make this world better. is it naive to want to do good? to love the beauty in this world?#to accept myself as human n yearn for what we all deserve. we're all human. n.. it's hard i know how hard it is to live n#that's why i want to help so much but i wish i had smth like me too yk?if i stopped hesitating if i wasn't afraid if i could just#it hurts its so overwhelming thinking of how everyone's human too. n i understand myself. so i understand others more too n#i really don't know how to write it but it's just so overwhelming#it just. exists all at once. i can't stop feeling like this but i know better but i can't.. i can't. i just can't. i feel so helpless#i felt like thhis so much yesterday too i cldn't do more n it hurt so much seeing n noticing so much but i was so fucking helpless#i'm sorry. i'm so sorry
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