#i'll be over here unapologetically still loving them

[mustardyellowsunshine]

Tbh the recent trend of hating on redemption stories baffles me a bit. I get not wanting them to be shoehorned into stories where they don’t make thematic sense (e.g., Sauron having a redemption arc in LotR would not work for the story), or disliking it when writers use them to score cheap brownie points in lieu of actual, good development. But it seems like the mood shifted (quite awhile ago) from a reasonable "not every villain needs a redemption arc," to a more baffling "redemption arcs are cringe, actually, get them outta here." And I? Don't get it? We don't need to throw the baby out with the bathwater. We don't have to shy away from telling redemption stories just because we've seen a few told poorly. I get tired of seeing badly-written romances, but that doesn't mean I need to throw shade at all love stories or suggest writing them is passé. Romantic love stories will always be written because it's part of the human experience. Making selfish mistakes and struggling against our worst impulses to try to be better—and backsliding in the process—is also a fundamental part of the human experience that belongs in our stories. And the basic message that you are not just the sum total of the worst things you’ve ever done, and you are capable of profound change if you choose it—that's still a necessary message. Why are we shitting on it lately?

I’m not talking about appreciating or even loving villains btw. Appreciating villains and the roles they play in a narrative ≠ this weird new trend of hating on the concept of redemption arcs. It’s the latter that has turned me into an old lady yelling at clouds.

[mars-ipan]

this is gonna sound incredibly virtue signal-y i fear but i have been feeling. so fiercely protective of all the transfems i've ever met lately

[maxiroman0v]

Unbroken

Natasha Romanoff sat on the edge of her bed, the soft morning light spilling through the curtains of their small but warm home. It was a Saturday, the kind of day she used to dread when she was younger. Back then, she had no idea what it meant to be free—no idea that there could be a life beyond shadows and bloodstains. But now, with the sound of her two children playing in the next room, her heart beat to a different rhythm. One of peace.

Her wife, Y/N, appeared at the doorframe, a mischievous smile on her face. "I hope you're not planning on staying in bed all day," she teased, crossing her arms.

Natasha smirked but didn't rise. "Maybe I am. You know, it's not every day I get to be lazy."

Y/N raised an eyebrow, the air between them filled with a comfortable familiarity. They'd been married for over a decade now, and Natasha was still in awe of how Y/N had stayed by her side, even when she was still piecing herself together. It hadn't always been easy. It had taken years for Natasha to be comfortable with herself, to trust that she was enough.

The world had its expectations. As a spy, Natasha had always been forced to blend into a mold that others created for her—stoic, dangerous, perfect. But there were things even she had kept hidden. Things she had been taught to be ashamed of. Her intersex identity, once a source of confusion and shame, had become a quiet strength, something she had come to embrace with Y/N’s gentle love and unwavering support.

"Come on," Y/N coaxed, leaning against the doorframe, "the kids will be awake soon, and you know how much they want pancakes."

Natasha chuckled softly. "You're right. I'll get up."

They had built this life slowly—brick by brick—learning to love each other not in spite of their pasts but because of them. Y/N had always known, from the very beginning, about Natasha's intersex condition, the quiet truth that had haunted her for years. Natasha had feared rejection, but Y/N had simply accepted her. It was never an issue between them. And when they had children, Natasha had worried again, wondering what kind of parents they would be. But Y/N as always, was the rock, steady and sure. And their children—Lena, a wild, brilliant nine-year-old, and Theo, their curious seven-year-old—loved them both without question.

The kids burst into the room then, Lena with her usual energy and Theo following more slowly, rubbing his eyes. "Mama!" Lena shouted, diving onto the bed. "Are we making pancakes today? Please say yes!"

Y/N laughed, moving to pull the covers off Natasha, nudging her gently. "I think that’s a yes, kiddo."

Theo climbed up beside Natasha, his small hand curling into her own. "Mama," he asked quietly, his voice full of innocent curiosity, "why are we different from the other families?"

Natasha's heart stilled, her thoughts briefly flickering to the past. She could see the way people sometimes looked at them, the questions unspoken, the stares that lingered. But to her children, they were simply a family. They loved each other, and that was enough.

"You know, Theo," she began, her voice soft but sure, "every family is different. Some families have two moms, some have two dads, some have one parent, some have more. The important thing is that we love each other, and we’re always here for each other."

Lena grinned up at her. "And we're the best family in the world!"

Natasha chuckled, leaning down to kiss the top of her head. "Yes, Lena. We are."

Y/N gave her a knowing smile as she gathered the children, leading them out of the room. Natasha remained for a moment, alone, the weight of the world feeling lighter than it ever had before.

She wasn't defined by her past anymore. Not by the shadows of the Red Room, not by the labels the world had tried to give her. She was Natasha, a mother, a wife, a woman who had come to understand that the most powerful thing she could do was be herself, unapologetically.

The door creaked open, and Y/N reappeared, leaning against the frame with a warm smile. "Everything okay?"

Natasha nodded, standing up now, her back straight. "Yeah. Everything’s perfect."

And as she joined her family, she realized that the quiet strength she'd found in herself was the greatest victory she'd ever achieved.

Unbroken.

[hotvintagepoll]

Propaganda

Glynis Johns (Mary Poppins, The Court Jester)—LISTEN, I'd let that woman's voice with all its gravely hoarseness (positive) wash over me all goddamn day, but if that's not enough she managed to play the straight woman to Danny Kaye's jester, all with her cleavage so plunging it might as well have been catapulted into the ocean right after Basil Rathbone

Eartha Kitt (Anna Lucasta, St. Louis Blues)—My friend and I have a saying: NOBODY is Eartha Kitt. A thousand have tried, and they've all come up empty and will continue to do so. Everyone knows her for something: from "Santa Baby" to Yzma in Emperor's New Groove to Catwoman to making Lady Bird Johnson cry for the Vietnam War. She was a master of comedy and sex, an extremely vocal activist, and she aged like fine wine... I honestly don't know what I can say about her that hasn't already been said, so I'll stick to linking all my propaganda. Like what else do you want from me. She was iconic at everything she ever did. Literally name another. How can anyone even think of her and not want to absolutely drown?

This is round 4 of the tournament. All other polls in this bracket can be found here. Please reblog with further support of your beloved hot sexy vintage woman.

[additional propaganda submitted under the cut.]

Glynis Johns:

She walks the line between sexy and cute. Her best role for me is in "The Court Jester as Maid Jean. She's fantastic as the soft but tough captain of the outlaw band and she looks stunning in every gown she wears throughout the film. And of course we can't forget her iconic turn as the suffragette mother, Mrs. Banks, in Mary Poppins! Also shoutout to her distinctive and beautiful voice, kind of smoky and husky. Extremely hot and set her apart from many of her peers."

"She was amazing in Mary Poppins (the Suffragette song is severely underrated) and apparently she was Welsh? National pride! And she advocated for arts funding in Wales, which is very cool. Also, she died recently (RIP) making her one of the last survivors of the Golden Age of Hollywood, according to Wikipedia. Also also, she just has a cheeky energy I like? And her eyes are beautiful!"

"She had this wonderful wit and charm to her no matter the role and the most distinctive, striking voice!"

"I mean, incredibly beautiful and talented, can do drama can do comedy. And she was a mermaid."

"Like Bette Davis she has eyes to die for. Unlike Bette Davis you felt comforted by them, even when she was batting her eyelashes at you. Would glady go to Downing Street with her and throw things at the Prime minister"

"Listen, listen. I was raised on Mary Poppins and "Votes for women! (step in time)" single-handedly taught me how to be a feminist. Also The Court Jester is one of my favourite movies of all time and she is UNBELIEVABLY gorgeous, charismatic, funny, and clever in it. She knocks several men out. Absolute icon."

"I love Glynis Johns. Most of the reason is The Court Jester where she's a sensible and capable foil to whatever what going on with Danny Kaye at the time. She was also the first star I based an OC on. An OC that I still have to this day! Anyway here have some YouTube links love u bye"

Mermaid clip:

Court Jester (sharing a bed trope):

Court Jester (seducing the king):

"VOTES FOR WOMEN! Well, votes for this woman. Please."

Eartha Kitt:

"A hot vintage woman who was not just known for her voice, beauty, poise, and presence, but also her unapologetic ways of speaking about how she was mistreated in the show business as a girl who grew up on cotton fields in South Carolina in the 1930s through the 1940s coming to Broadway first and then Hollywood."

"Have you watched her sing?? Have you seen her face?? Have you heard her talk?? How could you not fall instantly in love. She makes me incoherent with how hot she is."

"She can ACT she can SING she can speak FOUR LANGUAGES she is a GODDESS!!! Although she is (rightfully) remembered for her singing, TV appearances (Catwoman my beloved), and later film roles, her early appearances in film are no less impressive or noteworthy!! She’s an amazing actress with so much charisma in every role. She was also blacklisted from Hollywood for 10 years for criticizing the Johnson administration/Vietnam War, so. Iconic. Also Orson Welles apparently called her “the most exciting woman in the world.”

"She had such a stunning, remarkable appearance, like she could tear you to shreds with just a glance- but the most undeniable part of her hotness was her voice, and it makes sense that it's what most people nowadays know her for. Nothing encapsulates the sheer magnetism of her singing better than this clip of her and Nat King Cole in St. Louis Blues, she pops in at 2:49. Also I know it's post-1970 but her song that was cut from Emperor's New Groove is likely to make you feel Feelings."

Even with as racist as Hollywood was in the 1950s and 60s, Eartha Kitt STILL managed to have a thriving career. She also once had a threesome with Paul Newman and James Dean, and called out LBJ over the Vietnam War so hard that it made First Lady Johnson cry. Eartha Kitt was talented, sexy, and a total badass activist.

[captn-trex]

a tricky situation

Kix x F!Reader

word count: 2.8k

description: you're used to the antics of the 501st as a mechanic aboard the Resolute, but one clone takes it too far. when pulling one of his typical pranks on you, kix does something you never expected.

warnings: angst, swearing, miscommunication, kinda enemies to lovers I suppose, blood & injury but not in detail, not really proof-read

a/n: I maintain that Kix is a massive tease, but also a massive softie so... here's this. feel free to tell me my characterisation is wrong, I'll probably agree with you

You were grumbling to yourself once again.

It was something you found yourself doing too often, and you worried that soon enough your colleagues would stage an intervention and send you to get psychologically evaluated. You weren’t actually going crazy, but sometimes it felt like it.

Being a mechanic that worked aboard the Resolute, you frequently found yourself at the mercy of the clones of the 501st. Everyday, there was some new trick, some prank they were pulling. Today, it was the classic hiding your tools that they did at least twice a week, sometimes even twice a day. It was the first of the day, but it still had you ready to pull your hair out.

There was very few of them that actually let you get on with your job, and they were unquestionably your favourites. Though, that only amounted to being Captain Rex and Dogma. The rest, were positively menaces.

You had already searched through their barracks, unapologetically waking a few clones up, you had been to the engine room, the control centre, and through every side room you could possibly find, and you still hadn’t found them. You could use the ones belonging to the other mechanics, but it was late at night, and there wasn’t anyone else working. You stood in the middle of a corridor with your head in your hands.

Where haven’t I checked?

It then occurred to you who would’ve played this stupid prank on you, someone who would also be up this late at night, and you ground your jaw. Kix. You stalked off to the medbay, and if anyone had walked past you, they would have seen the steam coming out of your ears.

There was something particularly irritating about the clone medic, something you couldn’t put your finger on that made him be able to get under your skin like no other. He didn’t even try as hard as his brothers, but every single conversation with him felt like a game, an infuriating dance of taunting and tormenting. It didn’t help that you found him to be the most handsome among his brothers. Perhaps that was the reason you found him so annoying, but you weren’t going to analyse that right now.

You kicked the door to the medbay open with one swift motion and stormed inside, a surprised look on the face of the one you were after.

“Kix, so help me maker, I will shoot you if you don’t give me them back now” You growled at him, and he stood, setting down the datapad he held on one of the cots.

“My dear, I have no idea what you are on about” He said, a small taunting smile gracing his lips.

You clenched and flexed your hands at your sides, “Kix, this isn’t funny, I’m on a deadline with this one. Give them back”

The medic came to stand in front of you and placed his hands on your shoulders, running them down to your biceps. If it wasn’t him that had made you so angry, you may have even enjoyed it.

“Give what back?” He asked plainly, and you shook your head, your teeth grinding together so hard you were positive they would break. Kix could see the flame of anger in your eyes that he so loved. Winding you up was certainly his favourite pastime.

“You know what. I need my tools”

“Why would your tools be here?” He asked, cocking his head to the side, then came in closer, “You do know this is the medbay, right?”

You rolled your eyes so fast they could have rolled out of their very sockets. You ripped your arms from his grasp, and stormed around the room, turning over every single thing and huffing to yourself when you didn’t find anything. Kix watched you with utmost amusement. He would have to tidy up after you, but it was almost worth it to see you so worked up. Almost.

“Alright, alright. Relax. They’re in the closet” He called, and you rushed to the door that he was pointing at.

You switched on the light, which afforded little more visibility, but you saw your toolbox sat on the floor just by the door. You picked it up as you heard the door slide closed, and turned to see that Kix had closed you in with him.

“Get out of my way” You huffed, giving him your best withering look.

“What? No thank you?” He grinned. That damn beautiful smile of his.

“Thank you? You must be joking”

“I helped you find your tools, I think I deserve a little something” He reasoned, and you let out a disbelieving laugh.

“And what, pray tell, do you think you deserve?”

“I was thinking something along the lines of… a kiss?” He suggested.

All of your insides constricted as the word left his lips, and you were frozen on the spot.

“What?” You almost whispered out, eyes still burning with some form of rage.

Kix smirked, “You see, I know you think you’re pretty slick, but I see you looking at me when you think I’m not paying attention-”

“I do not!”

You do.

“- and I know the reason you pretend to hate me so much is because otherwise you’d just be falling at my feet-”

“I hate you so much because you do things like this!” You argued, holding up your recently stolen toolkit.

“Is that right?”

It was then that you realised that you were only a hairbreadth from his face, your nose almost touching his. You breathed heavily, not daring to utter even one word for fear of losing your composure in an entirely different way. Your eyes burned into his with an intensity that you couldn’t control, and his infuriating smirk only made it worse. After a moment, his mouth uncurled from the taunting expression, looking at you only with interest and nothing else.

Your eyes fell to his lips, and he leaned ever so slightly forwards, brushing his nose against yours gently. Your eyes fluttered shut on instinct, and you breathed out shakily. Your mind was screaming out and silent at the same time, it couldn’t make sense of what was happening, and your heart took precedent, giving into whatever it was.

Kix then brought his lips to your ear, brushing back a piece of hair behind it with his hand.

“Gotcha”

You were immediately snapped from your trance and recoiled, a look of absolute shock plastered across your features. Kix just watched you with his knowing smirk, and your anger flared once again, but this time, it was underpinned by an emotion he wouldn’t have expected. Hurt.

“You’re a cruel man Kix” You seethed out as you shoved him aside, opening the door and storming out of the medbay.

He watched you go, his insides twisting with guilt. He had only meant to tease you, but he had taken it too far, and now you were actually upset. You were usually too mad at him to ever let any other emotions slip through the cracks, but now he realised that maybe he had just never pushed you to a breaking point before. He was foolish to think that you didn’t have a limit.

You fought to keep tears from spilling from your eyes as you finished your work that evening. You were so frustrated with yourself for letting your guard slip, and even more for reacting this way to what was really a stupid prank, and nothing else. It hadn’t occurred to you before that your attraction to Kix was anything more than that, but now that he had truly embarrassed you, you realised it was more deep-set than that.

You actually liked him, he was right, and he used it just to trick you.

“Hey, I need to talk to you” You heard a voice, his voice, call out as you were slid under a gunship the next day, your arms elbow deep in wires and grease.

“I have no interest in talking to you” You stated plainly, all emotion stripped from your voice.

Kix’s heart clenched at the sound of it.

“Please” He said your name in such a pleading tone, “I need you to know I-”

“Just can it Kix, I don’t want to hear it” You slid from underneath the gunship and looked up at him sternly.

He didn’t intend for this at all. In truth, it was him that really wanted to kiss you. While it was true, he had caught you looking at him sometimes, he had no reason to believe that it was because you liked him, and he only really said it to hopefully push you to a confession. Every time he had wound you up, it was just an excuse to see you react to him, to grab your undivided attention. It was a cowardly approach, making you confess before he did, but now he may never even get the chance if you wouldn’t let him.

“You don’t understand, I-”

“I understand just fine, you used my feelings as fodder for another prank, how surprising” You rolled your eyes, “Leave me alone from now on, if it’s not too tempting to try and embarrass me again”

Kix was floundering for the right thing to say, “It wasn’t a pr-”

“Fuck off Kix, can you not hear me?” You almost shouted, gaining the attention of a few of the nearby clones.

His amber eyes burned into yours. You could see he was sorry, but you’d rather let him feel guilty for what he did than accept any apology he could offer. As you stared each other down with an intensity to rival the previous night, you could feel your emotions getting the better of you.

“Just go away” You said quietly, sliding back underneath the gunship without another word.

You could see Kix hesitate, but you watched him ultimately decide to leave you alone, and walk away. You sighed, feeling your eyes well up with frustration. You were embarrassed all over again.

It had been a week since what the other mechanics were just calling ‘the incident’. They had no idea why you had shouted at the clone, and you wouldn’t tell them, but that didn’t stop them teasing you about it. A silver lining about the whole ‘incident’ was that the clones had started leaving you alone, and your tools had not been stolen once. It was certainly peaceful, and you were reluctant to admit that life now felt boring, for fear that the clones would all suddenly come out of the woodworks with the worst prank of them all. Not that they could top the one already pulled by their medic.

You hadn’t even seen Kix since said ‘incident’, but your head was still maddeningly filled by him. The most maddening fact of all being that it wasn’t your argument that was stuck in your head, it was the way he looked at you as he pretended he was going to kiss you. It had felt so real, so sincere, and as it kept replaying in your head you found yourself wishing to go back in time and just kiss him.

But that would do no good, it was still a prank at the end of the day.

You were working under a ship, your hands buried in wires and a tool between your teeth. You heard someone call out for you and sat up, whacking your head on the underside of the ship in the process, the tool falling from your mouth as you shouted out in pain. You vaguely heard the person shout something along the lines of ‘nevermind, got it’ and cursed them for speaking in the first place. You brought your hand up to your head and felt small trickle of blood, or was it grease?

Then there you were, grumbling to yourself once again.

You stormed off to the medbay reluctantly, but this time you had no intention of speaking with Kix. You opened the door forcefully with your shoulder and made a beeline for the nearest cot, rifling through the draws next to it for a bandage or anything else.

“What are you-” Kix had watched you come in, and was utterly perplexed by your actions until he saw the mix of grease and blood trickling down your forehead. “What happened?” He asked, coming over to inspect the wound.

You just stayed silent.

He said your name gently, drawing your attention and you glanced at him briefly, “What does it look like? I hit my head” You said, finally finding a small bacta patch in the draw. You took it and peeled off the back, sitting down to apply it.

“Woah” Kix reached forwards and took your wrist before you could place it down, “Let me clean that for you first”

You grabbed your wrist back, “I don’t need any help”

“The grease will only infect the wound” He said, grabbing the patch from you, “Sit still”

You glared at him, “I don’t care, I’d rather let it get infected”

“Well it’s a good thing I care then isn’t it” He replied, pulling out an antiseptic wipe.

You sat in silence with what he’d just said. Is this part of his latest trick? Kix gently grabbed your chin, tilting your head to get a better look at the wound. He brought the wipe up to it, “This is going to sting a bit”

And it did.

You hissed as the wipe came into contact with your wound, moving away from the clone inflicting the pain, but he just kept going until there was no more grease or blood dripping out of it.

“Wait here. Please don’t leave”

You watched him suspiciously as he moved away to retrieve something. He was being uncharacteristically serious and kind for someone who loved to tease you. He returned a moment later with some bacta and a bandage, and applied it without another word.

“You know, if I didn't know better, I'd think you were avoiding me” He said, the corners of his lips turning up at the attempted joke.

“Well clearly you don’t know any better then” You rolled you eyes.

He spoke your name in a soft tone as he finished applying the bandage, “That hurts” He said in mock hurt, a hand resting on his heart.

“Good” You replied instantly, looking up to his eyes to find him now looking at you seriously. He just watched you for a moment, and your own scowl softened slightly without your permission.

“I’m sorry” He said softly.

You bit your lip a little, looking away, “I know you are”

He brought his hand back to your chin, forcing you to look at him as he spoke, “I didn’t mean to embarrass you. I-” He gulped, “I wanted to kiss you”

Your heart leapt to your throat and your eyebrows furrowed, and then scrunched up, going through a million emotions at once.

“Is this a joke?” You asked, your tone hesitant and unsure.

“No” He said firmly, stepping forwards and finding himself between your knees, “I’m sorry for… the way I went about it. I only wanted to tell you that…”

You looked up at him with widened eyes, hanging on every word.

“I wanted to tell you that I have… feelings for you, and it- well, it all backfired” He chuckled slightly, and you let your mouth form a small smile.

“And this is real? You actually like me?” You asked once more for conformation.

“It’s real. I like you, I really like you” He admitted, his hand moving from your chin to cup your jaw.

You leant into his touch a little, and his heart did a flip, “I… I like you too, but I think you already knew that” You grinned a little and his lips formed the smirk that you usually found so maddening.

“I might’ve had some idea” He spoke teasingly, then stroked your cheek with his thumb, “Care to try that kiss again?”

You didn’t reply, and instead pulled him down by his chest plate to meet his lips with yours. It was a slow and meaningful kiss, both you and Kix making no haste and just savouring the moment. You felt him hum contentedly against you, and you smiled into the kiss, breaking away to catch your breath a little. He placed his forehead on yours, but you pulled away quickly when your wound began screaming out against the action.

“Sorry” He chuckled then placed a light kiss on top of the bandaged area, “There, that’ll make it all better”

You smirked, “Is that a treatment you give all your patients?”

“No” He smiled, “Only my favourite one”

[scarletwinterxx]

your beginning and middle and end - mark lee imagine

hello🥺 sooo this one is a bit longer than my usual posts. think of it as a valentine special. i loved writing this one, i hope you like it too🤍

if you have a request or scenario you want me to do, just send me a message I'll see what I can do😊💌

For my other works you can check them out here, and for my other story series’ you can check them out here.

All works are copyrighted ©scarletwinterxx 2024 . Do not repost, re-write without the permission of author.

(gif not mine, credits to rightful owner)

FEBRUARY 09, 10AM

"That's the fourth date you declined, girl valentines is around the corner" Yun-jin tells you the moment the other guy walked away

"Genuine question, do I need a guy to celebrate it or do I even need to celebrate it?"

"If Valentines has a version of the grinch it would be you"

You laugh at her statement, reading over the small note that was given to you along with a single rose. It was cute, you appreciate the thought but you really didn't want to go out with the dude. You'd rather let them down now than pretend to have fun during a date.

"It's just not my thing" you tell her

"Then what's your thing? Tell me and I will personally look for him"

Looks like luck is on your side because you spot the big clock behind her, your next class about to start.

"Once I know, I'll tell you. I'm gonna be late. Bye" you gather your stuff and rushed out the hall, you can hear her protests making you laugh on your way out.

When you got to your next class, the other students are just arriving. A lot of vacant seats, you choose the one in the middle. You get your notes and laptop out to skim over your notes from the last session.

"Another one?" you hear someone say from behind you making you look up

"Yep, want to read it?" you chuckle, passing the rose over to Mark.

Mark Lee, the boy you sit next to class with. You see him enough around campus to get acquainted. He's friendly, known by many, a poet by heart. And he's also well aware of the failed confessions to you.

The first time you brought a flower to class he didn't say anything, the second time he thought it was from the same person but then the third time it happened right in front of him. He witnessed how you gently turned down the poor lad who was asking you out after handing you a rose.

Mark takes his usual seat beside you before reading the note

"You and Me, on v? huh like Valentines?" he laughs, holding the little card in his hand

"I'd give it a 4 out of 10"

"Ouch, so the lowest one then. I'd say my favorite is still the one about cats" he tells you, passing the rose back to you

Do you like cats? Because I’d like you to take meowt

You remember that one too. You thought it was cringey, but Mark smiled when he read it. You even let him keep the card.

"Do you still have it?" you ask "The card? Oh yea, I drew like little cats all over it. I'm sure it's somewhere in my bag"

"Why? Planning to use it on someone?"

"Yeah right, I think I'd have a bit more game than that" he jokes

"Ha, we'll see about that" you snorted. Missing the way Mark is looking at you with small grin on his face. Trying to be as inconspicuous as he could be.

The two of you might be on good terms but he wouldn't put it past you to reject him too. Since he got to know you, one thing he learned about you is that you're always so sure of yourself. To you, no is a full sentence. You like what you like and say no to what you don't. You're unapologetically you and he likes that.

He's not sure yet whether he likes you or likes you.

"Earth to Mark?" you wave your hand in front of his face, making him break out of his thoughts

"Lost you there, where'd you go" you joke

"Was just thinking about this paper I have due on Tuesday" he says, it's not a total lie. He does have a paper he needs to finish before Valentines day.

"Need help? I have a few works to catch up on too"

"You don't have plans?" he asks, it's like asking if you have a date on Valentines without asking if you have a date on Valentines day.

"Not really no, and if I'm being honest I heard this guy planning to ask about dinner and I'd rather not..."

"Am I... the getaway car?" You chuckle at his question

"I didn't mean to eavesdrop, but if I could avoid it I would. So library or the cafe near campus?"

He looks at you like he's weighing his options, playfully hitting him on the arm making the guy laugh "Cafe it is, I'll see you there?" he says

"It's a date" you grin at him

FEBRUARY 12, 11AM

"It's not"

"You said she said it was" Jungwoo says, looking at Mark who is currently trying to find something to wear. After that little moment with you, Mark made sure to clear up his schedule for that day. Ofcourse Jungwoo being the nosy bestfriend didn't let it pass without making Mark tell the whole story.

"Also if this wasn't a date, why are you freaking out about what to wear? You're just going to study, are you going to study her?"

Mark throws the hoodie at Jungwoo's face before looking through his closet again, "Maybe it was just a slip of tongue. It's Y/N, she rejects everyone who asks her out" Mark says while his head is buried deep in his closet

Jungwoo rolls his eyes at his bestfriend, Mark swears he doesn't like you like that and yet here he is. He only met you a couple of time, Mark introduced you before when he went to give Mark a book he forgot to bring.

"I can think of something else you want her tongue to slip in" he mumbles, "Shut up, don't talk about her like that" Mark stands up straight, looking at the other guy. Jungwoo holds his hands up, "Sorry"

Mark gives him another glare before getting a hoodie inside his closet, "Whatever, I'll just wear this. Should I bring an extra one just in case?"

"Just in case what? You spill something?" Jungwoo jokes

In case she gets cold, Mark thinks to himself.

"Just cause" Mark grumbles, walking back to his closet to get another hoodie then stuffing it inside his backpack.

"You're going to be late, go have fun at your not a date date"

About an hour after that, Mark is waiting for you at the cafe. He got there first and sent you a quick text. After a few minutes, the door chimed making Mark look up.

And that's when you walk in, a bouquet of blue tulips in your grasp. You look around, quickly spotting Mark. You make your way towards him, Mark stands up to pull the chair out for you. Saying a quick thank you then you set your stuff down.

"Sorry I'm late"

"Nah, I'm just early" he tells you, "You uh the guy caught you?" he jokes, pointing at flowers

"Oh these? No, I got them actually like I bought it this morning. Yun-jin forgot to buy milk so I had to go out this morning then I saw these. Here" then you're handing the flowers over to him

When you notice the confused look on his face, you giggle. This made Mark look more confused at what's happening, "What? No one ever gave you flowers?" you joke

"No, it's suppose to be the other way 'round?" he asks but accepts it nonetheless

You shrug, getting your stuff out

"I don't like flowers, main reason why I always say no to those dudes. I appreciate the effort, I do but it's not my style. But I remember you said these are your favorite during our class introductions, so I got them for you" you smile at him, he smiles back.

"Thanks, no like really thank you" he says, this made you chuckle finding the situation cute.

"Okay, back to business. I do have like three agendas to finish today" you tell him, gesturing at the small stack of papers on the table

"I'll buy you a chocolate cupcake if you finish it all" he offers, your face lighting up at the mention of the sweet treat. Mark also remembers something about you during that class intro.

Actually he remembers everything about you and that day. The professor asked everyone to say their name along with two random facts about themselves.

"Hi everyone my name is Y/N, I love chocolate cupcakes and I can recite the graduation speech from Twilight"

That earned a few laughs from the class, and from him. You really did leave an impression on him. As days, weeks and months passed by the two of you got acquainted.

If someone asks (mainly Jungwoo) Mark when was the exact moment he felt different about you, he can't pinpoint the exact moment. It just sort of happened for him. Maybe from all the small gestures you unknowingly do, or how it's easy to talk to you. You just get him.

"Can you make it two?" tilting your head to the side for effect, making Mark laugh and nod his head "You got it"

A few hours later, and a few cups of coffee the two of you finally finish. Mark actually finished his paper an hour ago but you weren't done with the last module you had to do,

"Are you done? Am I making you wait?" you ask, noticing he stopped doing anything and was just looking at you

"Huh? Oh uh yea, but don't worry about it. I can wait" he tells you with a smile

"You sure? I'm almost done"

"Don't rush it, I'll still buy you the cupcakes" he tells you, you shoot him a smile before going back to work. Meanwhile Mark goes to the front of the store to get you your cupcakes.

You didn't even notice he stood up, focusing on saving the file before sending the final file to your professor.

"And done! Mark?" you look up only to find the seat infront of you empty. You spot him over the counter, choosing to wait and tidy your things in the mean time.

"Hey, you done?" he asks when he got back to your table

"Mhm, finally. Sorry for taking up your whole afternoon"

"No worries, I finished my work too and I enjoyed your company. And as promised, here's your cupcakes" Mark then opens the box, he might as well presented you with a pot of gold with the way you're grinning from ear to ear. Your joy radiating, making him smile too.

"For me?" you asked, he nods his head

"These are the chocolate ones, I got two. The others are their best sellers, then this one I just thought you might like" he points at the cupcake with heart sprinkles on it.

You laugh, getting the box from him "Okay fine, I believe you. You definitely how to make a girl say yes"

He shakes his head, suddenly feeling shy "Believe me I'm not an expert when it comes to girls" he mumbles

"No, but you got this type of vibe about you you know" you tell him, getting one cupcake from the box

"What vibe?"

"You know like someone could've been in love with you for ten years without you knowing, a classic case of unrequited love but not in a mean way you just don't really know. It's the way you see the world, it's always nice, forgiving, full of chances. You see meaning even in little things. You got this boyish charm about you, the kind that girls would pick over their fictional boyfriends. You're better than any guy written by anyone" you tell him not noticing the way he's just staring at you

"I follow you on your socials, it's cute when you take pictures of the moon or the sky. Makes me remember to take a breath and be in the moment every once in a while"

He don't say anything, still processing what you said. He has never heard himself be described that way, atleast not to his face but he doubts anyone can be as eloquent as you.

"Can I ask you something?" he finally finds his voice, you nod at him

"Why do you say no to all the boys who ask you out? besides the cringey one liners and flowers"

You chuckle, "Because I know me. All of them would've just ended one way or another. I know what I want, what I like. I like a guy I can have an actual conversation with from philosophical point of views to something so random. Someone that makes it feel easy to talk and listen to"

"Do you know how hard it is to control my expression when I'm in public? Yun-jin said my face is too judgy" you jokingly add "I'm an open book if you know how to read it exactly, if that makes sense"

"No, I totally get it. You're not complicated or hard to get, they just don't know how to. You deserve more effort than that" he tells you

"See, that's what I'm talking about. If you keep on doing that I'm gonna be the one asking you out" you tease him, the guy across you laughing. Trying to hide his blushing cheeks and fluttering heart.

The two of you talked some more before he offered to walk you home. It's almost sunset when Mark got back to his place,

"And he's back, how was the date?" Jungwoo shouts from somewhere inside. Mark spots him lounging on the couch, taking a seat beside him with the bouquet of flowers on his lap

"You got rejected too?" Jungwoo asks and Mark just shakes head

"Did you forget to give it? Got too shy? I'm pretty sure you're suppose to give it to the girl not take it back home"

"I didn't get it, I mean I got it but I got it from her. She bought me these" Mark clarifies, taking the bouquet to look at it again,

Jungwoo looks back and forth between Mark and the flowers, "Let me get this straight, the girl whose notorious for turning down guys who gives her flowers gave you flowers on your not a date date?"

Mark just stares back at his bestfriend because honestly it doesn't make sense to him too.

"Homegirl got more game than you" Jungwoo says with a chuckle

"She said she remembered I said these were my favorite. I mentioned it once during freshmen orientation week and she remembered"

"Oh my god, he's in love" Jungwoo laughs

"And you know, I gave her cupcakes and she got so happy I actually thought about signing up for baking classes" Mark grumbles, setting the flowers on the coffee table before taking a thrown pillow to bury his face in.

Jungwoo watches his bestfriend realized what he's known for a while now. Mark likes you. He just never said it. It's Mark. He thinks everyone is nice, most time he overlooks the nice gestures of other girls to him thinking it's normal when in reality they were trying to get his attention.

"Oh. This must be serious then. You don't even know how to cook"

"Yeah I know! Like I know I like her, I didn't know I like her." it felt surreal finally admitting it out loud.

"So you do like her? like like her"

"I think?"

"It's a yes or no"

"No, I don't"

"You got him flowers"

Meanwhile back at your dorm, Yun-jin is also interrogating you. You just finished giving her a recap of your day, she was half listening half watching her show when you suddenly mentioned you got flowers for Mark

"Just because I got him flowers don't mean I like him, I just remembered it was his favorite" you shrug, trying to not make a big deal out of it.

"What's my favorite flower?" she asks, you blink back at her coming up with a blank answer

"See! Oh my gosh, my baby girl is growing up" she dramatically hugs you

"Was that weird? That I gave him flowers?"

"No, it's the 21st century. Guys can get flowers too"

"He got me cupcakes too" you mumble, looking at the box on the table.

Yun-jin watches you, smiling to herself. She's with you twenty four seven and she's never seen you like this. There are a few times she's seen you on campus with Mark, you always smile whenever he's around. Choosing not to push further, she gives the topic a rest and changing it to something else

"So what are you doing for valentines? because if you're free I know this dude who's free also-" "Actually Mark and I are hanging out again" you cut her off

"You're spending valentines with Mark?"

"Yea, so uhm actually I'm gonna call it a night. I have classes in the morning, we're meeting again around lunch. Night" then you're making a beeline towards your bedroom.

FEBRUARY 14, 10AM

Come Valentines day. Yun-jin thinks you're out with Mark while the boy is completely unaware he's being mentioned.

Choosing a place you know Yun-jin won't find you, you stayed at the farthest lounge area after class. Most students won't even walk all the way here since it's a long way going back and forth.

Finding a spot to sit on, you spot someone sitting alone on one the benches

"Mark?"

The boy looks up, immediately smiling when he sees it's you

"Hey, you. What are you doing here?" he asks, getting his stuff from the seat beside him to make room for you. Putting your stuff on the table before taking the seat beside him

"I just finished for the day, and currently hiding from Yun-jin"

He chuckles, "Why?"

"She's trying to set me up with a blind date so I pretended I had plans" leaving out the part he was mentioned

"You don't have plans?" he asks, giving himself a pat on the back for not sounding too nervous

You shake your head, "I have something to say though, I might have told her I had plans... with you"

Mark just looks at you, feeling shy under his gaze you look away.

"With me?"

"Yea, sorry. You don't have to stay though if you have plans don't worry about it. Go enjoy your valentines day" you told him a bit too energetic than you intended.

Then he smiles, Mark smiles at you like he's keeping a secret he can't wait to tell.

"What?"

"I don't have plans, I was going to ask if you had plans yesterday but I didn't want to overstep"

"What do you mean? You're just asking" you smile back at him, "Did you think I was going to say no like always? Oh my gosh I swear I'm not as heartless. I wasn't-"

"No no no, of course I didn't think that. I mean I don't think you're heartless" he pauses to collect his thought because right now words are flying out faster than he can think of them.

And if he got one chance at this, he'll make sure to do it right the first time.

Then you start speaking again, surprising Mark once again with your words

"Yun-jin said I smile a lot when I'm with you, now that I think about it I think I do. It's just you're easy to be with, and I feel relaxed like I can talk to you about anything and you listen. It's also so fun to listen to your stories, especially when you get this animated look on your face. And when you laugh before you can even say the joke. Am I rambling, sorry I'm rambling"

He takes your hand, holding it in his. Testing the waters to see how you'll react. When you don't pull away, he gets a card out from his notebook. Then he hands it over to you,

Today we are obliged to be romantic And think of yet another Valentine. We know the rules, and we are both pedantic. Today’s the day we have to be romantic. Our love is old and sure, not new and frantic. You know I’m yours, and I know you are mine. And saying that has made me feel romantic, My dearest love, my darling valentine.

You read the note carefully, a smile slowly forming on your face while Mark watches you. When the thinks you finish it, he speaks up

"I read that, and I thought about you. You're worth more than a one liner, more than a single flower. You deserve poems to be written about you, gardens to walk through with the prettiest flowers"

You playfully hit him, reading the card again before putting it in your bag for safe keeping

"I love it, thank you. Now I feel bad I got you nothing"

"It's okay, I didn't even know I was going to give it to you. I was ready to just hide it in my bag for the rest of time" he admits

"Why? It's so nice though"

"Yea but I don't want to make you feel uncomfortable"

"I appreciate it really. Out of all the notes I received, I'll keep this one"

At that he smiles.

Like how the story began, with one liner notes and a single flower, who knew you'd find a friend and now something more. Mark is someone you didn't expect you'd have something romantic with especially since you're not really looking for it but it makes sense that you'd end up with him. He makes your days brighter, it's like he bring everything that is good into your world.

When you said he's the kind of guy who beats every fictional character, it's true because he gave you something better than a fairytale; a reality worth living in.

And yes spoiler, you do end up with him. The story ends with you and him. Spending all of your valentines together.

end.

[watchingblsnowandforever]

Hello!!

The crack post saga continues... =D

Warning: long, long post 😊😅

To be very honest though, for today's ep I will be getting serious more than usual, because it was quite significant in the flow of the plot, and also had moments of communication (this emotional constipation is what makes me yearn for Cherry Magic ah) that need to be studied a little closely.

HOWEVER, there will most definitely be crack because this group of friends is (unapologetically) batshit crazy and my brain refuses to not make comments at the most inappropriate times.

Peem: NO ONE SAW ME CUDDLING MY CRUSH TO SLEEP RIGHT?!

The sheer panic in his movements, oh my gods. It should not be as hilarious as it is 😭😂

To be very honest though, I would've panicked a bit in his place too, with friends like those, they'd never let him live it down

Peem is so cute 😭

Nothing to see here, just a guy getting shy over how his prince charming hom-ed him, and they kissed through his hand and cuddled all night hehe

Phum: here he comes again :) *eye twitch*

Peem's expression, how he's still holding his hands as if he has the cup, Kluen's disbelief, and Phum's smug af face-

I'm wheezing 😭🤣

Kluen, I'm kinda starting to like you, but no.

You don't stand half a chance against them and their situationship.

Hope you find another boyfriend to fall in love at first sight with (and leave my boys alone please, they don't need any more complications) <3

Oh, Fang knows too. Of course he does, that's his little brother right there

We all know how protective of his brother he is, there's no way he'd let anybody else take care of him... unless, he knew Phum liked that person

les voila

Poor Tan, his theerak just ignoring him T-T

*looks between them* yeah, pretty much the same pic 👀

And here it is. The root of all his fears.

See, in this camp, almost all of them are paired up in the sense that they usually stick to that person. Even Beer has MIck. But then comes wild card Kluen, who's hogging all of Peem's attention as much as he can and that leaves Phum. Alone.

I will be getting back to this running motif of Phum being alone and how it changes through the ep in later scenes as well

Also, after they went back, both Mick and Beer asked if he really was okay, which made me smile, because maybe, Phum isn't as alone as he thinks himself to be. There are people who care for him, who are concerned, who'll support him, and of course, he always has Fang, his beloved phi

My poor babie Tan 🥺🥺

Also, notice how the shot is taken in such a way that they're the only ones in the frame, and are also standing within one specific part of the wall? (Ignore Kluen's head and hands please). It reflects how they're in their own world with each other, especially Tan

The nosy peeps gang strikes again!

Jokes aside, the synchronised strides, the background music together set the perfect levels of suspense and comedy

Peem, smug: yes! that emotionally constipated dumbass is finally getting out of De Nile

Pun: wait... is my plan actually working? Ah, of course it is

Toey: head empty, no thoughts, but... DOES P'Q ACTUALLY LIKE ME OMG I'LL DIE

Oh gods, FINALLY. I wish them a happily ever after. Sadhu 😌🙏🏼

Pun forgetting all about being quiet when Toey finally confesses is so on character 😭👍🏼

Also... what's even the point of being quiet? Q and Chain have been friends with these idiots since high school, of course they know they're peeking

Toey: *shooketh*

Gays in thai bl and staring off into the distance 😭

This scene was so, so beautiful and also quite important for both Q and Toey

Q knew what was up, more or less, but his confusion stemmed from his knowledge of Toey

Would Toey really go to these lengths? For him?

"Why? Are you the only one who can tease me?" <- Q says this to tell Toey that he might have been angry, but now he understands that Toey didn't really have any bad intentions

Hugs always get bonus points from me, and this was pretty up there

Pun hiding behind Chain is so on point

His friends: you're an idiot so we had no choice but to intervene 😭😭

Matt's (JJ) comedic timing is >>>>>>

Toey and Matt's friendship is also given weight in the series, and I'm happier for it.

Also revenge is sweet ehehe *coughs*

Moving on.

If there's no live singing dedicated to your One True Love, is it even Thai BL??

We Are making generous use of MSP songs 😭👍🏼

This scene.

The apology. It is at this point that they're leaving all the past pain, grief and anger in the past

Q makes sure to tell Toey that yes, he may have loved Milk Frappe Boy, but now, in the present, all his love was for Toey, his lovable annoying mentee

This apology is not only to Toey, or Milk Frappe Boy, but to himself as well, because by causing pain to a person he loves twice, he'd caused himself pain too

The perfect sweet and romantic moment, but also with a teeny bit of teasing, because that's who they are

No joke, I gasped and nearly stopped breathing when he said this

Peem's reply, his soft but kind of hurt voice were just so painful to hear

But it's also this moment that Peem gives Phum a reality check – if he really didn't want to, he wouldn't be doing any of this, and Phum had no business trying to control his life

The conversation outside with Q was significant, but also a diluted reflection of Peem's earlier (in ep. 7) talk with Q

Even a few episodes earlier, Q would have gone ballistic on Phum for treating his bestie like this, but now, he asks Peem how he feels for Phum, tries to understand exactly what their relationship is

It was at this point that he knew, he fucked up

Beer is a godsent. I love him <3

I think Toey says "I asked hia Tan to blow it up for me."

Also, Tiw and his rubber duck floater from MSP anyone? 👀

And, we are back to square one where Phum is left alone again

As I'd said before, this a repeating motif throughout the series, but especially the last two episodes

This is how it has always been in Phum's life: he has been left behind. He does have Fang, but now even Fang has a boyfriend. And while this does not affect his brother's affection towards him in anyway, it does introduce a new strand of lonliness for Phum because 1. no matter what, he loves his brother a lot, and knows how much he loves Tan, so he definitely will try to stay out of their way at least sometimes and 2. he wants a boyfriend too. Further, he wants Peem, but there's a push and pull there, and after what he said, in his mind he had pretty much ruined his chances with his crush

This is the moment Phum starts to hope that maybe, just maybe, his feelings aren't as unrequited as he'd thought.

On the other hand, Peem is the one afraid here. What if the deal is all that's holding them together? What if without it, Phum will have no reason to be as close to him?

Peem, baby, for one, your groups are already merged, and secondly, this guy is head over heels for you, no way he'd stop following you like a lost puppy

(Apparently, it's not Peem's turn with the communal braincell this week 😭)

Here, Phum is technically alone, but he's surrounded with friends, and he's smiling

He isn't left behind here, for once, he's sitting there by choice (to shamelessly ogle his crush, but shh we don't talk about that) with the comforting knowledge that when/if he jumps in, he won't be left out, Kluen be damned

Once the floodgates of affection have been opened to Q, there's no going back <3

(Also, notice how Tan is already asleep on Fang's shoulder? 👀)

FINALLY

I HAVE BEEN WAITING FOR THIS MOMENT SINCE PEEM KICKED PHUM'S BALLS

Jokes apart, this moment is so, so beautiful. The kiss, the soft question "are you ready for my answer now?" (maybe Peem isn't, but hell if he denies this man his kissies).

Everything leading up to this point is also so very delightful

Phum helping them out in the cafe, despite probably having never worked a day in his life, discovering how Peem still kept the roses and finally, finally, the completed painting. This sight, above all, is what convinces Phum that Peem might have feelings for him after all; because which fool would lie about not having completed something that would free them from being a slave to someone? A fool in love, that's who

ALSO,

if they don't get together and have the fluffiest moments in the next ep, I swear to god, hands will be thrown *grumbles* they're already making me wait a whole damn week

Anyways, that's all for this week, see you next ep! (I cannot promise I won't be jumping around and screaming, but then again, this is supposed to be a crack post so-)

And if you made it this far, thank you so much for reading! 😊

Here, have a bubble tea and a sandwich 🧋🥪

[If you'd like, here are my previous posts: Ep 8 and Ep 9.]

[negobeauriva]

New Music Analysis Part 1: Souvenir Pop - From Music for Children to Burnt-out Ballads

Last Friday I got to listen to both Joker Out and Käärijä's new albums, and I enjoyed them throughly. I loved the new experiments in music in the case of Joker Out, and the perfect mix of feeling and party music in Käärijä's case.

My friends pointed out some theories as to what stories were being told in each case, and I've decided to write this kind of critic/storytelling post to tell you both my opinions about the songs, the story I think the albums want to tell and how they relate to each other.

This post is about Souvenir Pop, because if I do a single post for everything I want to touch, I'll be here for like a thousand years. I based myself off the translations of @jokeroutsubs to do my interpretations.

People's Champion review will be [here] when I post it, and then the analysis of both [here], when I post it too. Stay tuned and follow me if you want the rest!

Without further ado, enjoy my yapping. And if you are Joker Out or any of their components - you guys are insane for reading all this but I love you.

This album has "discovery" written all over it. Joker Out know who they are - Balkan rockstars that go with their own flow, in a scene where passion is loved only if it's presented in the most marketable way. They are disruptive and unapologetic about it, which is why I love them in the first place. After Eurovision Song Contest, they gained a bunch of fans and started experimentating the hard punches of musical stardom, something that was fairly foreign to them, given the fact that they had never gone out of the Balkan zone.

It speaks about them adjusting themselves to the changes, about how the excitement for the music world became some sort of bittersweet grief they now live with. Let's be honest, they love what they do, and it shows in their music. But there is a hint of sadness, of heaviness to some songs, that I would like to explore a bit further.

I'll also add a "Souvenir" (which I'm also taking in it's literal sense, from the French word for Memory) associated to each song, because I discovered that all the songs in both Umazane Misli and Demoni talk about the theme of their title - let me know if you'd like me to elaborate on that too.

Let's go track by track!

Muzika Za Decu - This ain't rock and roll, this is music for children

A very strong start to the album that's sure to sweep you off your feet. I remember listening to this the first time and headbanging like crazy. In their last album, Demoni, Joker Out had a song called Novi Val (New Wave) in which they described the "Generation of Love" that would change the world and seek for what seemed to be lost. Muzika Za Decu takes this message again, as a "where we left off", and talks about the other side of it. No revolution is made without disruption, after all. It perfectly encapsulates the chaos, the naivety of being young and revolutionary, and of course, how great their music is.

This is the prologue of the story: Joker Out, the disruptive children of Balkan music that lead a revolution, who don't care about what others say and go forward with their ideas. This is their presentation card.

Souvenir: Revolutionary hearts tend to remember the lost values. This souvenir is about remembering good times and keeping them alive with music.

Šta Bih Ja - What would I do in this black night without you?

I'm going to be completely honest, and you all can judge me, but I don't really like this song. It's okay if you do, I see why you like it, but it's not for me. The change of pace at the end is strange for me and the vibe of the lyrics is completely different to what I expected the instrumental to be. Still, I must say that this song is the perfect power anthem when you need a pick-me-up. The guitars are immaculate as usual, and Bojan's voice adds an extra layer of unpredictability and flavor. It's a mini-storm inside a song, packed-full with flavors, like popping candy.

Chapter one of the story tells us about these heartbreakers. Bojan is Slovenia's sweetheart, the boyfriend of the Balkans. The city they might be referencing might be Liverpool, or even every city they've been for the pre-parties. But this paints the picture of the band: Pure rock music, party vibes, and vague love song lyrics. These boys are here to play and have fun.

Souvenir: This song is about the memory of someone who you love at long distance. You take their memory with you to get on by.

Carpe Diem - Let's dance and play until the stars fade

This is a classic. This song was a surprise for me when I saw it in Eurovision, and it struck me like lightning. Admittedly, I did not watch the semifinals last year because I was busy with my admission to law school (which requires you to do a previous course), but when I saw them in the final? I was sold. This is a perfect party song. It deserved so much more than it did. It's fun, it's catchy, it's everything.

Chapter two is about the Eurovision chapter of their life. How they conquered Europe and took it by storm, and how they gained most of their worldwide popularity thanks to the exposure.

Souvenir: The Eurovision Song Contest, the most important night of their lives.

Stephanie - Love ain't built for people like me

This is one of my favorite songs in the album. Bojan's English pronounciation has matured a lot and now it has deep, rich layers of tonality. This song is about finding and losing the love of your life and the despair that you'll never be able to make that connection again. After listening to it a couple times, I realized there's a subtle detail that makes me love the commitment to this song even more - Bojan mentions drinking to forget he lost Stephanie, and through all the song, his voice sounds slurred. His voice inflections make him sound drunk. Pair this with the vintage guitar sounds and the 80's pop beat, and you have the perfect "crying on the dancefloor" anthem for when you've gotten your heart broken.

Chapter Three is about the heartbreakers realizing how ephemeral love truly is, and how you don't know what you have until you lose it. Their switch to fame is bringing things in, sure, but it's also costing them some others.

Souvenir: That feeling of love at first sight, the memory of someone you loved for one night, but wasn't meant to be.

Ako Toga Više Neće Biti - If that won't exist anymore, love is nothing but a lie

A slow song, both beautiful and sad at the same time. Bojan has said that it's easier for him to talk about love in Serbian, and it's completely true. In this song, we can hear the process of a withering relationship, when you realize that you've lost something precious and it's not coming back, no matter how much you want it to. This song beautifully walks you through the five stages of grief and makes you feel like you're floating in the Dead Sea, wondering where all you used to love has gone.

Chapter Four of this story is about wanting to keep everything under control, but ultimately failing. It's realizing that things change inevitably, and dealing with the loss and the grief of things you love. It's wanting to keep it together, but being unable to.

Souvenir: The memories of a relationship you've had for years and now you have to let go.

Bluza - If the sun rises, I'll be alone

I don't know what kind of sorcery Bluza has, but everytime it comes on my random player, I have to stop and listen to it in its entirety (what kind of drugs did they put to that song, really?) and I inevitably cry. This song is just what falling in love feels like. I personally covered this song in my native language (Spanish) and got a nice feedback from Bojan, but that's a story for another time. This song was paired up with a great MV that also told a story of not wanting to lose something precious. I'd say that Bluza is a dream that happens right after Ako Toga ends, coincidentally, those two songs are in the same key and on a similar beat, so they could well be twin sisters. It's dreaming about that person you love, that for a moment you are back where you wanted to be, but knowing that it's just a dream and it won't last. It might seem like a love song, but the final lyrics seal the deal on this only being a fantasy, a place where you find comfort, but aren't meant to stay.

Chapter Five is about ephemeral dreams, and about finding those small pieces of comfort you want to keep but know you can't. This is about them falling in love with cities, crowds, places, but deep down knowing that once the party is over, it's time to go back to the grind, to planning concerts, protecting themselves and trying not to die in the attempt. You can notice the exhaustion on Bojan's voice in some points of the song (which can also be a nice nod to Ako Toga where he says he hasn't slept well).

Souvenir: A dream from which you don't want to wake up from, the warmth and comfort of a place you know you're not meant to stay in.

Lips - True love and pain go hand in hand

The first time I heard Lips, I was overwhelmed. Too much noise, the reverberation of Bojan's voice was more than I could take, and I remember texting my friend "this song needs drums" halfway through. This song has received mixed criticism, and with due reason. Nace was the mind behind this song and I have to say I am impressed. He is a through musician indeed. I've given this song a fresh new listen for this review, and I have to say that I don't dislike it as much as I did the first time, I'm getting used to it. Lips feels like a fever dream, like an overdose with lyrics that try to be about love, but somehow are about tragedy. This is the song I'm the most excited to talk about for some reason. Props to the bass and guitars in this song, by the way. Unsung heros, that paired with Bojan's breathy, silky voice, build a sensual, toxic and dangerous feeling.

Chapter Six is the fall of the rockstars. If I had to pair this song with another, I'd definetely go with Padam (Falling) from Demoni. This song is what comes to mind if you ask me to think about that fatidic Ptuj concert in August 2023, where Bojan had his biggest mental breakdown that forced him off the stages for some time. This is burnout catching up to them and making them realize that they aren't indestructible. The fact that the lyrics try to be about love, but ultimately end up being about despair, makes me think of Bojan making everyone believe he's okay and he can go on, but knowing deep down he can't.

Souvenir: Ptuj concert in 2023, and all the incidents that sent Bojan to the hospital before that.

Mesto Duhov - Music has died, laughter has gone out

This song feels like the opening to a beloved shonen anime. It's a fast paced song, which comes witht he added element of the slow portion that serves as a chorus, which sounds like a funeral march, very adequate for a song called City of Ghosts. The lyrics talk about a town where everything has died and there is nothing left. Where once stood a beautiful city, now there is sorrow and grief, just memories of what once used to be. The themes of loss in this album are pretty strong after you get past the initial euphoria Carpe Diem gave us. The mixture of rock and the haunting funeral song is one of those strange combinations you're gonna crave as a midnight snack. Definetely one of the best songs of the album.

Chapter Seven is reflection on the overdose that Lips put us through. The attempt at rock at moments is the rockstars trying to get back on their feet and give their fans that sound they crave, but when they get back to the funeral sounds, is when they know they can't ignore the pain anymore. The City of Ghosts is not a town, it's a heart, it's a mind, it's the enthusiasm that died out and is starting to fade away and disappear. It's almost like they're questioning if it's worth it to try again. Is the pain superior to the joy, or the other way around?

Souvenir: I associate this with Sunny Side of London. A cheery song that was released right after the storm. There is some sense of recovery, but it isn't quite there yet. At the same time, this is about memories of a familiar place that used to bring comfort but now has dread associated to it.

Sonce - I've lost everything that you called the sun

This is a gorgeous song. I am a pianist myself, so hearing Jan at the keys was very touching. This song reminded me a whole lot of a popular Argentinian song called "Alfonsina y El Mar" (Alfonsina and The Sea) which talks about poet writer Alfonsina Storni and how she left this world by jumping into the sea. This song feels like an elegy, and it ceirtainly is one. As far as I know, this song was inspired by "current social events", and I can see why. This is a song about despair, pure and unfiltered, with no more attempts at rock or love. This song is about fear of darkness, of feeling helpless and worthless in a world that keeps being violent and wild, and being a bystander, unable to do anything beyond singing to bring comfort. This world, this society we live in, is a chaos far beyond what we could imagine or control. The Generation of Love seems to lower their head, cover their ears and ask themselves "When did it get like this?".

Final Chapter is about the rockstars sulking and seeing how everything around them is crumbling down inevitably. The band has had it share of incidents and backlash, and it's been a particularly rough road, mentally and physically. There is a need for musicians to be involved in the world they live in, and when they don't speak up, there is backlash. This is a song where they arrive to a dead point. It seems like this story is not bound to have a happy ending.

Souvenir: Memories of easier times, when everything was a bit less terrible, and the feeling of familiarity that's lost in an everchanging world.

Everybody's Waiting - No one's ever gonna make it easier, you're the only one who can

The perfect final touch for an album that talks about changing world perceptions. The first time I heard this song, I cried, after knowing all that was behind it. Bojan's story with music and balance is not an easy one, not after all that he's been through. A kid who thought he could have the entire world in his hands but ultimately lost balance, tripped and fell. Luckily, Bojan has a support network composed by friends, family and even music producers, who wouldn't let him fall further and did everything in their power to bring him back up. Everybody's Waiting is a cathartic song that gives perfect closure to a cycle of self-torture and doubt. While it might not seem like a victorious or happy song, it's definetely a way to celebrate you made it out alive. By acknowledging the feelings of loss and the pressure he is in, Bojan was able to finally get it off his chet and realize he's not alone. And with this release, he sent a message to all of us who are in the dark and feel like they are lost - You are not alone. If he can make it out alive, you can. And there is no shame in asking for help.

This Epilogue is about finding balance, and the rockstars realizing that this world isn't perfect, nor is how they expected it to be. Everybody is waiting for them to do something good or bad, because anything goes in a world where talk runs cheap and fast. Everyone wants them to always shine and be perfect. But as much as they try, they can't always be perfect. This song is them embracing the fact that there might be expectations, but it's okay to take a break if necessary even if you don't meet them. The only one who can make your life easier is yourself. If you choose to hold out that hand and let someone reach it, if you choose to set boundaries and keep what's worth close to your chest, you'll be making your life easier. Just like that. It doesn't have to be a long journey. Just a step is enough.

Souvenir: Everybody's Waiting release. I also want to add Ptuj 2 because I feel that was the real moment where Bojan closed that chapter, by returning to that stage he once was frightened in, and now being able to be himself to a crowd that would not judge him. This is about closure, about accepting memories as they are.

Final words

Overall, this album has a great storytelling pace. It tells a story beautifully in very well told chapters, and it sums up perfectly the rollercoaster Joker Out has been through. It's very notorious that they have grown up as musicians, and the variety of music styles is proof of that. This is a perfect CD to show to someone who wants to see a newer face of the Slovenian boys who conquered Eurovision, even though they did not touch top 10. Not all losses are defeats, definetely speaking. I cannot wait to see what else these boys have in store, and I definetely want the album release tour to start already because I am very, very sure that the live performance will add just the perfect touch to cement these songs as masterpieces.

Overall rating score of the album: 8.5/10.

[chand-ki-priyatama]

Ek khat mere "PYAR" ke naam

Ek khat meri "JAAN" ke naam

Uske naam jiska ab tak naam Tak nahi pta

Jisse na mulaqat huyi na baat huyi....

I don't know what you are like , cause we haven't even spent a moment together , so this letter will be my inner monologue...

Ye khat mere ishq ke liye , my everything , my muse , my poetry .....

From me Kaya ek kaviyitri aur lekhika

If you are reading this letter Jaan then I already know that I am pretty sure about you.... I even wrote it in my journal but in the fear that I can lose it so thought of posting it here.... It will be preserved here

Dear muse,

So how's life ,I am not sure about my age then but I'll take it as somewhere in my twenties. I don't know how many people did I have to go through to reach you....

I tried to find you in so many faces but at the end "GOD" always saved the day....

Cause my soul was meant to cling with yours....

Cause Kaya is meant to be yours....

Also am I still the same irritable , clingy , over possessive , overwhelmed and what not.... One thing I know is that my love for reading and writing would be same....

And future Kaya I hope you have achieved the dreams you saw as me.... I hope you conquered all of them....

You know the most beautiful thing about time is that it passes...

And the most heartwrenching thing about time is also that it passes....

I don't know how I met you but whatever the reason was I thank that reason.... I cherish you for forever..... Also did you see my journals as I always thought that my future partner will get to see them...

Pretty vague isn't it....

I can't believe that I am penning this down sitting in my room while you are somewhere doing something else....

I hope I am a "HOME" to you and so are you to me.... It's not necessary that home is a place, it can be a person too where I can be unapologetically me , where no one will judge me for who I am..... And so I always wanted to be a home to someone....

I don't know how you look physically but you must be very handsome I am not saying this by fluke cause I know you have the most beautiful soul ever , soul like yours was specially crafted by "GOD" , to meet mine , to intertwine with mine....

I always connected myself to moon cause why be someone's sun when you can be their moon and light up their life in the darkest hour...

Whenever you see the stars and moon remember that they bind me together with everyone and whenever you feel alone just look at them somewhere I am doing that too...

They bind me to you....

Whenever I'll look at the moon or the stars they'll connect me to you...

I wrote many things about eyes and I believe then too I believe in the art of eye contact... When I'll look in your eyes I wanna drown in them drown to my death and for once I don't want to find the shore I wanna drown in the depths of them and die....

I am clinging to the only hope of harness in my life which is filled with darkness... That's my dreams , my aspirations and the hope of finding you otherwise I would have died way back....

I hope I told you each and everything about me , my reasons for my nature , I hope you managed to remove my mask of outgoing , bubbly , talkative af girl and managed to see the broken beyond repair girl....

Being the way I am everyone always thought how my life is perfect but I had my own share of difficulties , I had my own problems....

I hope I make you feel loved I make you feel like home and I hope , I am a person to you with whom you can be yourself and you can share anything with me....

I wanna do many things with you like watching sunset , having a golgappe eating competition , writing with you , reading books to you , playing aankh micholi with you , going on a hiking trip with you and the list goes on.... Whenever I say I wanna do something with you just ask me - what not Kaya you have a huge bucket list....

But how can I not wish all this with you , you make me feel prettier than a sunset..

"How can I love you in a usual way

You are unusual reserved

Prettier than the stars

Brighter than the sun....

Love you are the moon to my dark sky...

Love you are like water to my parched mouth....

You are the died flower between the pages of my book...

And I want you to be only mine..."

I want our love to be forever for an eternity where even all this seems small....

After death the human brain lives on for 7 minutes replaying all the memories, please make my those 7 minutes blissful and peaceful....

I want to click many Polaroids and pics with you then we'll do journaling out of them together....

And I hope I didn't forget to give you the bracelet I made for you....

And although I believe you are a reader , but if not I would have made you one by now , if you are my man it's mandatory to be a reader but ofc no pressure (🔪)

i wanna be the one you rely on I wanna be the one you turn to whenever everything is a mess...

Aur fir mai to "Chand Si Mehbooba" hu...

क्या यही प्यार है,

हाँ यही प्यार है

दिल तेरे बिन कहीं लगता नहीं

वक्त गुजरता नहीं

This is my POV for you..... <3

You know you are my"kuch nahi" whenever someone asks "kya soch rahi ho ?"

Now imagine me playing a guitar and singing this to you accha don't imagine I'll sing cause I'll be there when you'll be reading this....

The day we met

Frozen I held my breath

Right from the start

I knew that I'd found a home for my heart

Beats fast

Colors and promises

How to be brave?

How can I love when I'm afraid to fall?

But watching you stand alone

All of my doubt suddenly goes away somehow

One step closer

I have died everyday waiting for you

Darling, don't be afraid, I have loved you for a thousand years

I'll love you for a thousand more

i hope you liked this song cause these are my feelings for you.....

I'll love you till the end of time...

You are my muse love you are my poetry the poetry I tried writing so many times...

And I think my love for you can't be described in words it's pure very pure....

And please take my heart and never return it to me for it was ever yours , ever yours to break , ever yours to love or caress....I won't dedicate songs to you cause I already made playlists for you....

And if I ever say something in my anger please ignore it my rage is harmful but I can never stay angry on the people I love...

I love you like rain loves the land inevitably it falls for ground everytime and so will I do I'll always fall for you in every universe in every metaverse in every situation in every reality....

I want to give you a bone crushing hug....

I wanna kiss you senselessly , aimlessly and passionately....

And great now -

"I am homesick for arms that have never held me"

You see Jaan , I'll love you till all the stars in the universe burn out but you know it's a lie cause I'll love you even after they burn out...

If the stars burn out I'll give you my moon..

If the moon dies I'll give you my sun

Heck I'll give you my everything even my universe and will find you in every reality...

So if you ever think of running away from me trust me you wouldn't be able to cause we are both bound to each other by the red string of fate....

"In the Quiet nights I love you

In the rainy plights I miss you

The spilled ink of my pen miss you

The parchment of my heart wanna kiss you"

I have always been an eternal part of you , you might be somewhere but I don't know where , it's like you are near yet far and it's a fact bizarre...

I love you like Ava loves Alex

Like Bridget love Rhys

Like Jude love Cardan

Like Naina love Bunny

Like Anjali love Rahul

And then we'll set an example

Like Kaya love her Jaan....

And now I think I have spoken enough

So signing off Jaan

With love always,

Kaya

[luveline]

happy valentines jade! 💘 can i request “don’t worry, i’m staying right here” with vamp eddie or just eddie in general ? i miss that boy

luveline's valentine's mini party ♥︎

thank you for your request! tw blood and mentioned blood-sucking | vampire!eddie x fem!reader

Eddie gets you a bouquet of red roses for valentine's. Well, Eddie gets you more than the bouquet, but the bouquet is the perpetrator. You kiss him like a fool after you receive them, remarking that it's romantic and macabre at once, to kill something so beautiful just to have them wilt slowly on your window sill. 

Eddie falls that little bit further into love with you as you babble. 

You're a great pair in some ways. You like lots of the same things, you suffer the same twisting spiral thought patterns, your head fits into the crook of his neck like you'd been moulded for it. But in other ways, you aren't suited at all. 

You hate blood, and Eddie likes it more than he should. 

"Oh, ouch. Oh." You seize up with panic. He can hear it when you stop breathing. "Fuck, Eddie, don't breathe." 

Eddie stills beside you. Your hand pulls away from the stems of your roses and his pupils shrink to pinheads, tracking the little bead of red, red blood that trickles down to your wrist. 

You gag. "Fuck, what do we do?" 

It's been too long since the last blood sate for Eddie to feel comfortable touching you, but you have tears threatening to weigh down your lashes, and he can hear your heart racketing, pulsing and expanding, an overloud glug. He feels his fangs cut against his gums as they slide in front of his incisors, razor sharp and unapologetic. 

He hisses and you know what's happened. The taste of blood fills his mouth from his split gums, and he will admit to having that split-second want, a flash of an idea. He could hold you down, hold you kicking and screaming against the floor and push his lips to your neck. 

It's not Eddie who thinks it, though. It's something else. 

"Eddie, seriously, you can go, you should go–" 

Your legs wobble. Eddie takes your waist into his hands and laughs softly. "Don't worry. I'm staying right here." 

"Baby," you begin. "It's okay, I'm fine." 

"Sweetheart, I can manage, I promise. Let's get you cleaned up, alright? Do you think you'll throw up? That would be so romantic, I'll hold your hair back." 

Eddie sits you down at the kitchen table and wipes the blood from your skin. You look away with a clean tissue pressed over your mouth and nose. Even the smell is enough to make you ill. Eddie can understand why — it's metallic, heavy, and sickly, like pennies. With his hyper sensitive scenting it smells like somebody's shoved a nickel up his nose. 

You relax when he gets to the cut on your finger. He slaps a sticky bandaid over the wound and feels better himself when the wound is out of sight. 

"I'd kiss it better," he says, leaving the implication to say itself. 

"I think you'd make me sick," you mumble. 

"How sweet!" He grabs your face not as kindly as he could and kisses your head, a smacking kiss. "Happy Valentine's, lover. I'm so happy to be with you." Genuine. "Here's to hoping we'll have many more, so I might make you throw up with my kisses again next year." Less so.

You reach for his arm and stroke his skin, swallowing. "I love you so much. And the flowers, too. Sorry for bleeding." 

"Forgiven because I love you, too." He snorts. "'Sorry for bleeding,'" he quotes. "You're hilarious." 

"Get it from you." 

"Oh, you flirt! Quick, we need to make out, lift your head." 

He's licking into your mouth when he remembers the predicament of his fangs. It sucks, but the way you laugh when he pulls back makes it better. That and the box of chocolates you share with him.

[skippiefritz]

reqs from @idanit and @beetle-goth (sorry for tags I'll untag if asked ^^;)

long rambly post ahead! Unlike what I normally post but its my account so I can do what I want lol

(This probably isn't the most historical thing I’ve ever written but! I will fix as I work on it more lol)

the implications of Bertie's bachelorhood if he were a bachelorette fascinate me endlessly

I read this post and it gave me brain worms and I've been designing an au around it ever since

In this au it's a complete genderswap with all characters, uncle Alistair (aunt Agatha) becomes more old fashioned sexist to Bertie, not thinking she can take care of herself. (sorry Agatha stans)

Which like. She can't. But it's nothing to do with her being a woman.

Bertie keeps her core character traits, but by merely being a woman living alone in 1920s London, she inherently becomes more independent and rebellious.

She's sneakier about her escapades, still stealing hats off bobby's and the like, but tries to be subtle about it. Emphasis on tries, she's still a Wooster at her core, and thus a very

big klutz.

Bertie is just completely and unapologetically her/himself regardless of gender, for better or for worse.

If humble pie is being served, she will surely go back for seconds every time.

I can picture her leaning very hard into the roaring twenties flapper persona, but still being a homebody at heart. Big of heart, dumb of ass.

The biggest issue of course is the engagements, it’s a lot harder for a woman (particularly one whose family wants her to get married) to get out of engagements. THIS is where the fun new plots come in

Obviously there’s the classic setting up her fiances with other women, so they call it off and marry their true loves. And the occasional making herself seem unsuitable to be married. (though, this would usually backfire, that would make it seem like she needed to be married more, so she had a man to take care of her and make her settle down)

Instead of focusing on making it seem she herself is un-weddable, she (and by she I mean Jeeves) concocts byzantine schemes to paint her potential suitors in the worst light possible, or to make them seem negligible so one family or the other would call it off.

I’ve been working on one such story, I haven't ironed out all the details but it ends with Gussie pushing Bertie into a lake. Of course. (I may make  a comic abt it when done)

Jeeves’ character is fascinating too, I see her being the classic “quiet competent woman who gets shit done”. She would be less respected than m!jeeves, but still far more respected than the average maidservant of her time.

I can see her need for fashion clashing with the maidservant outfits of the time, part of me is tempted to keep her design the exact same and make her a big beautiful butch, but…I know that's probably not how it would go.

Jeeves would wear the classic Maidservant outfit of the time, though I can see her styling it subtly to suit her more.

Her control over Bertie’s wardrobe, while still being “God this bitch has no fashion”, also has an undercurrent of internalized sexism. She’s discomforted by the more risque (by those times) outfits Bertie enjoys wearing, like her flashy flapper dresses and the like.

Of course, she’s also uncomfortable by how attractive she finds her in said risque clothes. (drama!!)

And they end up compromising !!! and Jeeves has a lil arc in learning to accept the new fashion wave and embracing bodies and whatnot.

Their dynamic would essentially be the same, homoeroticism, Jeeves being morosexual, Bertie being endlessly impressed by her.

also because of the ridiculous british nicknames most the characters are referred to the same, they just have diff first names, here's a quick cheat sheet

(I tried to keep them similar and also extremely english)

Reginald Jeeves = Regina Jeeves

Bertam "Bertie" Wooster = Bertha "Bertie" Wooster

Reginald Jeeves = Regina Jeeves

Aunt Agatha/Dahlia = uncle Alistor/Dahl

Augustus "Gussie" Fink-Nottle = August "Gussie" Fink-Nottle

Charles "Biffy" Biffen = Charlotte "Biffy" Biffen

Marmaduke "Chuffy" Chuffnell = Marigold "Chuffy" Chuffnell

Stephanie "Stiffy" Byng = Stewart "Stiffy" Byng (the implications of a man being named Stiffy are. different but Wodehouse had to know what he was doing with that name)

Richard "Bingo" little = Richenda "Bingo" Little

and so on and so forth!

Anyway uh, this went on for a while lol

I’m working on designs for them and will gladly share if asked! But they’re nowhere near done dhjdsh thanks for coming to my ted talk.

I don't know if any of this made sense, sorry if it doesn’t.

also for a bonus here's a quick messy collage I made of f!Bertie

[codename-adler]

WIP Game: aftg television soundtrack project

I love everything going on with this, just constantly imagining it in my head with different lines and scenes and everything 💖💖💖

my beloved, beloved insane project... i've already spoken about this here and there on my blog (i will organize a tag now that i think about it, dw), but in short i'm imagining AftG as if it were adapted as a TV series (first it was films, but i can do more with a show, and HBO TLoU changed me as a person and writer). it was 3 seasons, one for each book, but i've added a 4th season for TSC, and will add another one or 2 depending on how many more books Nora Sakavic blesses us with.

what i did was, i extracted the most impactful scenes from each book, those that would fit a soundtrack moment. i've created a sort of PowerPoint presentation, like a mood board for the scene, of how i'm picturing it shot, the angles, the pace, the tempo, etc. it is very, very clear in my head how everything goes. i'm not kidding. making playlists is my passion, and one i excel at i believe, but it brings me so much joy, pride and satisfaction. it's also really good for my mental. in parallel to this, i've also got the aftg x tlou project, which was wholly inspired by @cielalune 's own Andreil tlou AU fic turn out the lights, which i will NEVER shut up about. i have found a true kinship in their writing and musicality and i will forever be grateful for finding them and getting to exchange. all this to say, the playlist-making/planning for that fic is very time-consuming and brain-obsessing.

now back to the purely soundtracked wip. i'll share one of the first scenes i imagined and that has yet to change. this is for you too @minyard-05 <3

All for the Game (S2): The Raven King

"Betsy closed the door behind them. Neil could just make out the sound of her engine starting, and then it was quiet. Andrew was gone." (p. 255)

the slide currently looks like this as i haven't gotten to editing S2 of the project, but rest assured this is in no way the final look:

i'm going for a sort of echo-y, daze-y, numbing eulogy. TFC ends with Seth's death, and in a way, TRK ends with Andrew's. luckily it is a good "death" as he will come out of this freer, himself, accepted. but it is a death nonetheless. death of his past. a point of no return. a definite cross on all of it. no going back. and he also cannot bury this under his skin like before. over it. it's all in plain sight now. for as unapologetic as he is, Andrew was hiding.

Neil loses his best friend. Neil reckons with another's demons, and loses to them, loses him to them. That closing door rings the gong. And it's quiet. As manic as he may have been, Andrew was never noisy and full of life. Still he is missed. His absence is an abyss. It's not peaceful without the "monster"; it's deafening silence.

and the title of the song, too, is so perfect. Andrew leaving Neil behind that closed door, in that moment, means he is letting go of what he thinks is a hallucination. Neil will only be a memory now. he does not know yet Neil isn't a pipedream at all.

but both men will hold on to the memory of each other to survive what comes next.

[avianyuh]

heelllo i love your work btw, i want one also with nct127

i was thinking a MLT....

So imagine the boys having gf, they are in a very toxic relationship, but bc of work they start to spend a lot of time with a fellow artist ( they've always had a crush on her) so they hit it off right away, and have so much in common.

who's mlt break up with their current gf for their crush and why

Hmmm very interesting idea. Here's my list:

*btw, TY for the compliment. I've been kind of going through it with college lately, and writing on here is where I have fun and get to connect with all of you beautiful people. You guys make me smile and encourage my love of writing! Love all of you guys so much!*

NCT 127 MTL To Leave a Toxic Relationship and Move On Fast:

I'll be going from most likely to least likely.

MOST LIKELY:

Doyoung:

This man doesn't strike me as the type to put up with someone's negative ass. I've always gotten the sense that Doyoung knows his worth, and knows that he deserves better. So, not only would I see him not sticking around in a toxic relationship, but I also see him as the type to go after what he wants. If what he wants is someone else, he would break things off with the other person. But if it's toxic, and he's not happy, I don't think he'd have a guilty conscience.

Jaehyun:

I've read a lot of NCT astrology, specifically all of the placements that involve romantic relationships. Whenever I read about Jaehyun, everyone writes that he would be very detached in a relationship. Especially if the relationship didn't mean much to him. So, not only do I think it'd be very unlikely for him to stay in a toxic relationship, mainly because I think he'd be like, "fuck this, I'm out of here", lmao, but also because he sort of strikes me as a non-commitment type and people like that leave very easily.

These assumptions about Jaehyun are mainly based off of stuff I read in astro readings so I and everyone else should take that opinion with a grain of salt.

Haechan:

Sassy. Like Doyoung, I think he doesn't put up with bs. I also see Haechan as the flirty type. I'm not sure why, but over the years I've seen him grow into a more confident guy and he's very unapologetic with a lot of things he says. That's why I appreciate him so much. But I think he'd be honest and sit the toxic partner down, explain why it won't work between them, and then happily move on with the other person.

Slay.

Yuta:

He's kind of in the middle because though I see him as someone who knows his worth and knows he deserves better. I'm going to bring in some astrology again. Yuta is my scorpio king. Key word here; Scorpio. Scorpio's hate change. They also get attached very easily. And Yuta is a very obvious scorpio in my opinion lmao.

So though I think he knows he deserves better, and would have someone else in mind. I think having someone else in mind would make him feel like a cheater, or at the least, guilty.

So, I think inevitably, he'd cave and break it off. But I think he'd keep his distance from this new person even though he'd still be interested. I think he'd need some time to adjust.

Johnny:

PEOPLE PLEASER.

Johnny strikes me as the type of guy to have everyone around him pleading for him to leave the shitty ass relationship, but he comes up with every excuse in the book.

"Oh she was having a bad day...", "She was just tired", "She had just gotten home", "She was hungry", blah,blah,blah.

Meanwhile everyone is collectively rolling their eyes lmao.

So yeah, I could see him developing a crush. But I think that it would take quite awhile for him to leave. And even longer to start over again.

Johnny gives me 'tough on the outside but softy on the inside' vibes. I think he'd need some time to adjust before starting with someone new, just like Yuta.

Mark:

"Aye, uh, hah, so, yeah I just...uh...don't think we're good for each other dude. Um, are you gonna be okay? Shut don't cry. Ah, man I feel really bad about this but...I don't know. I met someone. NO, but I uh...Like, I'm not seeing anyone else but you. No...you know...infidelity, is that what they call it? I'm not trying to joke or anything. Oh man, how do I explain this. You know, there's probably a really good sing that would explain this situation really well, but uh, I don't remember it. Oh snap, do you? No? That's okay...I uh, just think we'd be better off as you know...um, what do they call it...oh! Friends hahaha"

*My interpretation of how this conversation would go if Mark had to break up with someone. I'd like to add that there'd be a lot of fleeting eye contact and him putting one of his hands either behind his neck, on top of his head, or snapping his fingers a lot every time he said "Um, Uh or Oh". Cue Party in the city where the heat is on. All night, on the beach till the break of dawn. Welcome to Miami. *

Mark would not only feel quilty, but would have a struggle breaking off the relationship. I think the above statement explains it.

Jungwoo:

Girl, I'm gonna be honest. Jungwoo is the 127 member I know the least about. Because of that, I have a hard to writing for him lmao. I don't know why, he gets promoted enough. I think it's because he's pretty private. Like, remember when it was announced that he has a famous actress sister. But that was a year or two ago. He's been in NCT since 2018 lmao and we just found out about his sister.

Here's the things I know about Jungwoo: 1. He's a great singer.

2.He likes to work out.

3.He's very soft spoken.

4.The man knows how to do halloween correctly.

5. He's a college boy with an engineering degree.

6.His sister acts.

Anyways...all I can really get out of Jungwoo is that he seems to be a little sensitive. Maybe that's because he comes across as quiet to me.

But because of that impression I get from him. I would say that he would be the type of guy to stick out the toxic relationship for as long as he could. Not because he's happy, but because toxic people take advantage of sensitive, kind people and convince them to stay.

Do I think he would eventually leave? Yeah. Not sure how long that would take though.

Taeyong:

*Clears throat*

Baby don't like it, whiplash. Both are songs he had a part in writing. Both speak about submission, or in BDLI, cheating/emotional cheating/jealousy.

You would think that because of the songs he's writen he'd be higher up on the list, right? WRONG.

This man has shown that he's weak lmao.

Not only is TY the ultimate people pleaser, but he's also THE MOST sensitive. I'm pretty sure every NCTzen has seen TY cry at least once.

He doesn't want to be viewed as the bad guy. I'm not eern sure if he'd leave. And if he did, I'm not sure he'd be 100% ready to move on. I think guilt would play a huge part in almost all of the groups decisions to either leave, stay or move on.

[whatgaviiformes]

Ficlet: (for FishTank Week)

All I've got in my for the moment is mini scenes, so here's a combo of prompts 1 and 2. :D

“Virg-?”

“No.” Virgil didn’t have the bandwidth for Gordon's Gordonness today. Not while the smudge on Thunderbird Two's wing, which he'd been trying to buff out all morning, was entirely Gordon's fault. See if he ever lets him pilot Two ever again.

“Aww come on, bro. I haven't even said anything yet!” Despite the blatant whine, there was a smile in his words. Which he was ignoring; Virgil was intentionally trying to focus on Two’s paint job. 

Gordon leaned in to intrude on Virgil's space, and he was forced to look at him. Not a hint of remorse, the little shit. 

Heavily, Virgil sighed. “Whatever it is you want, my answer's no.” 

“Two looks fine, Virgil, I’m don’t even see -”

“I do!” 

“Okay, big guns I guess.” Finally, Gordon’s expression cracked, a little too forced to be real. “Tickets to the Phil! Next time we are in the city,” Gordon bargained. His eyes twitched as he offered, “I'll even go with you.” The smile widened, losing no luster, as he pretended he was happy to provide such an option. 

Biting back a grin, Virgil crossed his arms. Considering Gordon couldn't sit still for more than five minutes and would often fall asleep within the first minute of an andante movement, the offer of the symphony was a serious trade indeed. Philharmonic for what, though?  “Ok, I'm listening.” 

“I need a wingman. Hold on, hear me out before you give me that look. There's this lecture…”

Apparently it was not just one lecture, but a series of them over the upcoming weekend. And for all his elusiveness earlier, Gordon had fully buried the lede, considering Monterey asked him specifically to guest speak. Not as International Rescue or the Olympic medalist, but solely based on an article he’d gotten published about dolphin pods and life cycles. 

He knew the one. It was a good article, as researched and thorough as it was approachable. Reading it, he could hear Gordon’s voice throughout, and Virgil knew Gordon thrived in public speaking. A bold thought, but there was a part of him that considered seriously: if Gordon had ever cared enough to try to go after Scott’s job, he probably could’ve done so based on his charisma alone. It was a good thing Gordon valued his own unapologetic authenticity more than the business acumen taught to them by their father. 

Gordon’s had been a different journey. 

Virgil loved that for him, and loved him for it. Much more than a silly paint smudge. 

“Gordon,” Virgil holds up a hand to interrupt him mid-pitch. “You can stop. Of course I’ll go with you to listen to your presentation.” Relief visibly coursed through the aquanaut, and Virgil flicked his microfiber cloth against his chest. “I’m still cashing in on the symphony, though.” 

“That’s fair.”  

“You could’ve just said you wanted company, you know. I would’nt’ve said no.” 

Gordon clapped him on the back, beaming. “Nah, what’s the fun in that? Besides, this is what we do. And I’m getting the better end of the deal, anyway. The show’ll be -  what? - three hours at the most. You’re the one that has to deal with three days of fish,” he squeezed his shoulders, laughing, “and three hours of me fidgeting.”

Virgil groaned. And it wasn’t because of Gordon’s strong grip on his shoulders. 

And just like that, Gordon released his hold and pranced off as quickly as he’d arrived. 

“You’re the worst,” Virgil shouted after him.

Gordon just shimmied away in response.

[constellaris]

Please disclose why everyone is saying they’ve got a bad feeling and it makes me anxious sob

tbh mine isn't really a bad feeling at this point. i'm not that far in probably, but the way some stuff has been handled ... i really feel uncomfortable.

i'll preface what i'm going to say with this warning : if you do not like seeing people talk badly of a character you like, please do not continue reading. i have said on here before that personally, i do not care about firefly the way hoyo wishes we all would, and what i'm going to say revolves around her.

with that out of the way, i'm putting it as plain as i can - i'm so fucking over having characters shoved down our throats as potential romantic interests in a way, you know what i mean? from the second we met her, firefly was basically marketed to us as " oh the trailblazer is falling in love with her !! look how cute they are together !! "

sorry sis but as someone who also doesn't really like march that much ( i find her to either grate on my nerves or just straight up piss me off with how condescending she can be ) firefly really ain't a step up in any sense.

if you like those girls, cool beans, you enjoy them and love them with your entire hearts and don't let anyone tell you otherwise. but me? no. march annoys the shit outta me and firefly, at best, would be a friend . i hate the whole vibe of trying to force us to view her as someone close to us and super special when she literally lied to us off the bat about pretty much everything.

but ritsu, why do you feel this way when you seem to like characters like jade? i can answer that real simply - because jade is unapologetic about being a fucking bitch. i can get behind that. what i can't get behind is how firefly has been handled in a narrative perspective.

she has been shoved down our throats since we first saw her. we knew nothing about her truly and were supposed to feel sad when she died the first time? the second time?? um no fam i felt fucking nothing. absolutely nothing. and with what's happened in the early part of the current quest i still feel absolutely nothing, even after everything we've learned about her and her people.

i feel more for the people of glamoth as a whole than i do for the character that so many people have a fucking hard on for shipping with the trailblazer, including hoyo. i've been trying to ignore it, but my god it's getting real hard when you're basically being shown fantastical, romantic scenarios that just scream ship fodder.

again, my main issue is the narrative perspective of it all and how forced so much of it feels. in contrast, honestly, i love the hints of interest characters show toward the player character in something like wuthering waves with how jiyan and yinlin treated the rover at the end of their story quests. there was no denying there was the intrigue there, but the romantic subtext was very up in the air.

sort of the same between xiao and the traveller in genshin. xiao's attachment can be seen growing toward the traveller, but at least in my opinion things were done more subtly and we're given a reason as to why he's been so slow and cautious opening up before things start going anywhere .

anyway i'm gonna stop ranting because really i could keep going, but long story short stop shoving this shit down my throat. at least give me the option to be more distant with a character and i'll be content because i don't feel like i have a knife to my throat.

[stormblessed95]

Didn’t yoongi technically come out? Like I might be misremembering but didn’t he once say his type wasn’t restricted to girls, or something along those lines? I’ve been operating on the belief that yoongs was actually Out™️ for a while now 💀 rip if I’m wrong

LMAOOO friend, Yoongi comes out a couple times a year since their debut years (from saying his type isn't limited to women and even describing the type of man he would want, which macho, manly and with a beard lol) and the fandom still likes to pretend he is "just joking" or it's "translation errors" 😂 because of course. I have 3 posts about all of Yoongis queer/rainbow moments already where he is talking about it or wearing pride stuff. Which I'll link here:

My man is so unapologetically queer 🥰 he is just living his life and if you don't want to see, you won't. He doesn't care either way it seems. Lol but honestly, what a good excuse this post gives me to make another YOONGI RAINBOW MOMENTS post from even more things he has done more recently!!

On the D-Day tour, he wore a shirt that said the rumors are true from the LdSS brand which has an openly gay designer who has mentioned in interviews how their core fanbase is "quite queer, gay, and sex positive."

Again on tour, performing with Halsey (one of his besties) who is openly bisexual, under Bi lighting on stage

Seriously, the Bi lighting all through tour lol

The way he giggles over his guitarists and friends flirty jokes with him all the time 🥰😂 honestly, the reaction of falling on the floor giggling, blushing, and kicking your feet in the air when a man proposes to you before killing it on his guitar is both 💅🏼 and VALID

Ally Pup on his D-Day Tour Crew! 😍🥰

Rainbow cake in his Road to D-Day docu

Yoongis admiration for Merry Christmas Mr Lawrence. This Twitter thread actually explains it quite well and links to a video further in the thread too, so I'll just make yall go read about it from them. But do go read it

And going back in time just a little bit, when BTS was in Vegas for PTD and Yoongi got the marry me jokes again during the OT7 live stream and he said that marriages in Vegas are legal and possible no matter what your gender, I love him so much

I don't know what ANYONE else wants this man to do. This man is part of our community, like it's sooooo clear. I have 4 posts of him hinting at or out right just saying gay shit at this point lol Let the man live his truth!!