#i'd say putting meds on it

[dabingusbongus]

@birdfucker69

YA-OUCH that sounds painful not the VEIN... Toby's eye bars are a pain in the ass just like tommy's and Razzle-Dazzle The Dubious have been. There is this screw like groove texture so I have to legit take a nail and a hammer and tap against it to move it out. The worst part is that getting it out is easier then getting it back in because you can't hammer it all the way back in ): I had a way to easy time with mikey and bob's (no screw grooves on their just simple bars) now I have to deal with this bs.

Lmao it's not a chem joke actually! It's because I was annoyed at him while trying to get him skinned since he was filled with so much glue. I joked and said he was being toxic, (gaslight gate keep gurl bossing me with so, so much glue) took me about an hour to get the skin off of him in the first place.... So nickname is toxic glue stick! Thus lots of toxic things and glue company/glue references in his name. Toby, for short ofc since I can't be arsed to say his full name every time. His other eye is still in the process of being shipped him and mikey actually share an eye!! Mikey has a blind eye but when Toby and him stand next to each other their eyes will make a pair!

maybe a bit obvious but his peets have black and yellow threads to match his eye^^

[redactedshapes]

Alright let's go - Ramblings regarding Saga, in comparison to Jesse and "The World"

if anyone feels like expanding on any point please do, I'm gonna leave this text as it is because otherwise it's gonna torment me for weeks

I don't recall in which interview, a couple writers said Casey was developed because Saga needed someone to bounce ideas off of and/or because she needed something to externalize her personality without relying on awkward exposition (or something along those lines).

And that's kind of noticeable if you compare Saga's and Jesse's treatment from a writing/presentation stand point:

Jesse as a character is far more obscure and details about her inner life are limited, while Saga is established and very detailed without relying on exposition.

Jesse, from a technical standpoint, suffers the "new character introducing an audience to a new IP" syndrome if you will.

Jesse's past is presented in vague details and a general sense of direction: finding Dylan who is a stranger to the audience. Her inner monologue is to Polaris and it works as exposition but by Polaris' nature there's no back and forth.

When Jesse talks to a character it is always a one-to-one conversation, and an important portion those are about the history of the FBC, asking questions that require exposition. Not to mention there's no interaction between the main cast other than with Jesse.

Some information can be inferred from Jesse's "epilogue" lines after the end of the game. But that's about it regarding the main text.

And that goes in line with the thematic difference I feel between Control and Alan Wake games - the former (heh) is about The World, the later, about the people in it.

Overall it can feel quite isolated and lonely, or well, mechanical. You have to fill in a lot of info yourself. And I believe the writers identified this and tried to change where they could with Foundation and AWE - with the way Jesse and Emily are far more comfortable with each other as they joke and tease during their dialogue, and getting a deeper look into my beloved Langston's personality (which is quite self-aware because lmao, finally it's Jesse who's at the end of a one-way "conversation").

But Saga's has an already established and rich life before the story and details bleed all through the text.

A partner and friend she's known for years and their history is spoken and written, there's no need to infer and fill in details yourself that much.

Their relationship is detailed enough in "side tidbits" (all of her Mind Place stuffs) and in actual conversations, which often enough involve a third party.

Casey works as exposition for Saga's character but, by virtue of Casey being character apart from Saga, the information is introduced far more organically (and arguably, in a more detailed way).

Remedy also gave Saga a huge advantage Jesse didn't have: The Collectible and Missions menus are hers.

So not only we get to hear Saga's thoughts on the current situation, we also get a sneak peek into her mind and inner life.

Some people in Saga's life also have a detailed enough history that they stand on their own rather than solely working as Saga's motivation because the story requires them to be at stakes.

Dylan is, technically, a stranger to Jesse, she's clinging to the past idea of him: we are motivated to find Dylan because we're told to care about him. While Logan and Casey are present in Saga's life and we get more details upfront to care for them.

Saga got curious, shit started to go down and we want them to be safe because otherwise it'd be painful for Saga.

Unlike the ghosts that Trench and Darling were to Jesse, Saga gets to actually talk to Tor and Odin. And well, the entire plot of the game is her undoing and confronting Alan's work on her life, rather than cleaning the mess done by the previous administration that are now gone and cannot be held accountable for.

And I suppose that's another improvement in the writing: the Hiss as the antagonist force is basic (and if you've played Mass Effect they're nothing new, and to me they're the least interesting part of the wolrdbuilding). There's not much room to maneuver, so Jesse's got one way to fight them (so far).

Saga could've gone several ways in dealing with Wake, and we see her struggle when she's about to give the Clicker to Alan/Scratch, she didn't mince her words in that confrontation and she had all the right to go even further. And yet she kept it together, unwilling to fully give herself to despair.

AND!

She chose compassion in the end!

And, honestly? Their final conversation is such a good and rich detail.

Saga's motherhood could've remained as basic reminders to the player that she has a daughter who's the victim and that's your motivation girl! As well as her silly jokes because parents do that sometimes teehee.

Saga's compassion is informed by her motherhood but not limited to it. As a mother she knows that everyone needs someone who believes in them unconditionally, as a daughter she knows how good a reminder of your good qualities can be, and as a detective she knows how to gather, read and act on information.

So when she reminds Alan that he had defeated the Dark Presence before and that he can do it again, she's not saying it because she's desperate, and she's not being patronizing due to Alan's loneliness and isolation.

She's saying because it's true.

And she doesn't rub his missteps and mistakes on his face. She knows how to get the point across without being mean.

She needed very little guidance: information to fill in the blanks of her life from Tor and Odin, short and vague phone calls from Alice, and a portal to the Writer's Room from Ahti. (Rose's lunchboxes were technically not necessary but she gets a honorable mention.) I don't know if there's enough information to conclude whether the reminders that helped her find a way out of the Mind Place were sent by someone else or came solely from her own resilience, and either would be neat, but I would like to think there's someone who's been looking out for her the same way she's been looking out for other characters.

And she's not flawless, but in working her flaws I believe the writers treated her with well deserved respect. She's not a caricature and the story has enough characters being tortured, any more and it'd feel cruel and it'd be permission granted by the horror genre anyways (although, to be honest, I believe Cynthia's treatment was a tiny bit too cruel and that's mostly due the last stage of her boss fight).

I love her first conversation with Norman because she's being a bit patronizing (I believe that's the correct word?), but he's like, nope! No dementia here! Not cool you brought it up :]

Her Nightmare Mind Place is as explicit as it gets. And the few times she loses it are not unearned. I love it when she gets frustrated with Rose and her "Oh fuck this", as well as her pained "My daughter is dead because of you. What is wrong with you?" to Alan in the holding cells.

Her biggest flaw is being a fed.

She's an extremely well put together person and integral, rich character. Her pain and suffering are palpable and the developers did an excellent job in showing it without being cruel (or well, knowing where to place the cruelty *cough* the white man *cough*).

And that's, in general, where I'd call attention to the leaps in improvement to Remedy's writing, right alongside the development and treatment Alice got, and the departure that is from Marshall in Control (the one character of color of any sort of relevance to the story, who got the least dialogue or details about her life and involvement despite being part of the old guard, and that gets killed in the end).

-

I have the same criticism (affectionate) with Control and Quantum Break: the world, its history and other characters are more interesting (to me) than their protagonists.

I wanted to get far deeper into the inner lives of Beth Wilder, Paul Serene, William Joyce and Martin Hatch than Jack's. William's and Beth's specifically, the one who ruined everything and the one who's struggling with the fact it can't be fixed, respectively. Sure I got my fix from the novel, but that is not part of the main text, so my comment still stands.

Ahti and Polaris/Hedron's goals, The Oldest House and all the places and events and phenomenon it connects to is what makes my mind wander. Jesse's involvement with all of them and her relationships with other characters remain only as possibilities at the end of the game.

I would feel far less affection or attachment to either Jesse and Jack if it weren't because of the sibling element. That's my huge bias/weakness there I'll admit.

But with Saga, I do care about her entire world, everything and everyone that surround her. She likes weird, morbid stuffs and romance stories, she's extremely curious which got her in trouble but was responsible enough to go deal with it.

As a new protagonist character that stands right next to a well established one as Alan Wake, I think there's very little Remedy could've done to make her better.

She's just amazing, Remedy and Melanie Liburd deserve so much praise for her.

-

The only gripe I have about her treatment is extremely petty and it's the same I've had in previous games, which is technical - she could've had more animations that showed her body language given she didn't have as many live action scenes (and also watching some of previous Melanie's work, she's got an incredible voice range for certain emotions that weren't explored in the game). But that's a matter of presentation and technical development.

AND

Remedy flexed the leaps in improvement they've gone through already! I mean, Saga's animation of picking up things anyone???.

So here's hoping they got more plans for her and they include more live action.

[thespacesay]

brought to you by me hosting a friend for two days who grew up in the same cultural region, and tbh will not be invited again.

[lesenbyan]

I will not start a project with denim when I've been awake for 19 hours. I will not start a project with denim with I've been awake for 19 hours. I will not start a project with denim when I've been awake for 19 hours. I will not-

[conanssummerchild]

i wish my mum would ever take my word before anyone elses

[chronic-cane]

You know maybe the adhd med shortage wouldn't waste as many of my spoons if I didn't have to wait for the number to give "speak to the pharmacist" as the last option on the phone, then transfer me to a hold line with shitty music, only to ask "hey do you have this med in stock?" Which takes less time than the operator going through all possible options with 5 different advertisements for the pharmacy

Oh, and if my state didn't bar me from getting my paper prescription in the middle of the shortage. That would've also helped a bit.

[wild-at-mind]

I get why people like the whole queer existence is resistance thing. I don't personally, because I think it puts a tonne of intracommunity pressure to exist in the 'right' way, I.e. the way that is 'radical' to the person currently scrutinising you. As a person with OCD that manifests in self scrutiny that I have to constantly concentrate on to avoid it becoming self hatred, I'm never going to be a fan of that. I kind of feel this way about any kind of assimilation conversation with regards to queerness really. I think it's an important conversation within irl communities who already care for each other- who shows up for others outside of their own interests and who doesn't, etc. But the internet makes things so impersonal and cold. It encourages people to make very serious snap judgements about others who they don't even know, and to encourage others to believe that about them. None of these people are in community together in any meaningful sense, or they wouldn't treat each other so ungenerously.

Anyway I had a bit of a realisation earlier- I think we have to tell ourselves our existence is inherently radical all the time because we're always getting the subtle message from our community and the wider activism community that having a good time or enjoying yourself is somehow bad, or insulting to people in dire straits. But instead of challenging that idea we say no it's OK because I'm doing activism simply by being here. I think it's fine to feel that way and in many ways existing as a marginalised person really is radical. I just want to make sure we aren't internalising the idea that we can't ever be happy or having a fun frivolous time without justifying it, and passing that idea along to others without meaning to.

[quff]

my mom keeps telling me I shouldn't get another IUD and that miranda should "get fixed" or w/e but she doesn't know the life i live

[wickedhawtwexler]

i am Definitely Not A Doctor but if you have adhd and aren't able to access adequate medication, rhodiola rosea supplements have been saving my ass these last few months

[navramanan]

:/

[medicinemane]

I once was talking with my pharmacy manager about... democracy, about how while there's plenty of stupid people in the world we'd all probably prefer didn't vote, that it was very very hard to actually make a line that makes sure only wise people vote while keeping all the idiots out

And I basically said to him "think of all the doctors and pharmacists you know who are smart, well educated people, who you 100% don't think make good choices"

From the look and his face, I'd say that spoke to him (it's incredible how many smart idiots there are in the world, isn't it?)

Anyway, I make that point because it much more addresses the whole concept of... lets call it democracy of the fit

Like it sounds great till you actually take even one second to think about it. It's almost like trying to draw any line in the sand for who it's ok to disenfranchise is not only dumb and ineffective, but also super dangerous. Ah man, I'm sorry, you scored too low on this test which happens behind closed doors and is graded by my political ally... it's not like you disagreeing with me had anything to do with that

(I'd hope we don't even need to touch on why the idea that testosterone levels are a really stupid useless way to decide who gets to vote, cause if that's true then we don't even have to disenfranchise anyone, we can just give out steroids and have the best country in the world... or is it only naturally produced T that makes you a free thinker?)

oh hey just in case anyone who left twitter is wondering how things are going over there

last night elon tweeted a 4chan screenshot (with bonus antisemitic text in the OP image) advocating for only “high status males” in government and the implied repeal of women’s suffrage. Cool cool cool

[cesium-sheep]

I've always bounced back so quickly as soon as I get even the slightest bit of breathing room. I suppose I shouldn't be surprised that it seems to be happening again.

I was talking to matt earlier and like. I'd be happy at 50%, that's an entirely acceptable long-term quality of life for me. (I've been below 5% all year.) but I suppose I don't have to limit myself to only 50% if I'm responding so well that it seems I might get further without significant additional cost (personal or financial).

[andhumanslovedstories]

A code status is what you want the hospital to do if your heart or breathing stops, and we've got two basic options: full code which means we do EVERYTHING and Do Not Resuscitate or DNR which means we do less than everything. There's like little add-ons like intubated or not intubated, or blood products or no blood products, but that's basic gist of it. Do you want us to try everything we can to save your life or if your heart stops, is that it? And then we take that information and put it in your chart and make it very prominent in case we need to find it quickly in an emergency. Jane Doe, 72 years old, DNR. John Whatsisname, 49 years old, full code. Like that.

Anyway I'd like to propose a third code status that we'll call "DNR!!!" This is when you not only don't want heroic measures to extend your life, you are so excited to die. I thought of this recently when getting report on a patient, and the day nurse talking to me was like, "Alice Smith, 80 years old, DNR and she will tell you that herself." And I was like, "I don't think code status is gonna come up organically," and the nurse was like, "It won't, but she'll tell you anyway." And then I introduced myself to the patient, and like three minutes in as we're talking about pain meds, she goes, "and by the way, when I'm dead, I'm DEAD. Don't be bringing me back! Every woman in my family has lived past 90, and I'm here to break that tradition! NO one needs to live that long, and I certainly don't, and frankly it's indecent for me to have made it this far. God willing the reaper will come for me any day now. I would never take actions to make him come sooner, but I'm not moving that fast and he is DAWDLING. Disgusting. No work ethic these days. And don't bother with a grave, just chuck me out the window and let the birds at me."

And I'm like "so is that a no to the tylenol"

And she was like "oh no, I'd love some tylenol and a warm blanket too. Now look at me. I've done everything I could possibly want to do in this world and quite a few things I didn't want to do, and personally I don't think I should have to keep doing things. I'd also love a cranberry juice."

Anyway. DNR!! I'm sorry to say she made it through the night completely unscathed.

[sapsolais]

-

[kaijutegu]

So. Now that she's home and safe and gonna be ok, I can talk about this.

I almost lost Kaiju. Christmas Day. I was woken up by a phone call from Allison, who will be referred to a LOT in this story. Allison runs the pet store where I board Kaiju. She called to tell me that Kaiju had lost a LOT of blood. (As it turns out, half her blood volume. Humans die when we lose 40%, just so you know. She lost 50%.)

There were no visible injuries, and she had passed a bloody stool. Or rather, a blood clot with some poop in it. She continued to pass only blood when they put her in the bathtub to clean her up. If I'd taken her anywhere else, that... would have been it, probably.

But Allison is an actual miracle worker and knew an emergency vet who was open- on Christmas Day- and could see reptiles. As soon as she called me, she took her to the e vet, where they gave her fluids and oxygen and got her stable. They did some x rays and found... nothing.

In fact, the e vet actually complimented me on her bone density and how nice her toe joints look. Whatever this mysterious haemorrhage was, it was in the soft tissue.

The immediate thoughts were:

Impaction

Cancer invading an artery

Aneurism

Reproductive issues

However, the emergency vet couldn't figure it out, and my vet was out of the country. The e vet consulted with a lot of vets and it was decided she'd go into Chicago Exotics for care the next day- they were willing to see her on immediate notice. Allison drove her over and they did an ultrasound... and couldn't differentiate the mass they found.

So, exploratory surgery it was.

But... she didn't have enough blood for that. She wouldn't have survived... if Allison hadn't found blood for her. Tegu donors were found, the transfusion happened, and was completely successful.

And what the surgery found was completely unexpected. No cancer. No repro issues. No typical impaction.

Instead? Weird white things in her muscles and a partial impaction that seems to be related to a reduction in her ability to properly digest. There are two possible diagnoses at this point. One is visceral gout. This is very strange because in reptiles, articular gout basically always happens first, and her kidneys are fine.

The other option? Weird, potentially cross species parasite she picked up when she was in the Everglades. Something she's likely had all her life, something that was dormant until recently.

I'll know when the pathology report comes back in a week or so.

Anyways! She is doing very well. She is alert and interested in things. She has an incredible appetite, even though she can't have solid food yet. She's on three meds, including one I have to inject. At her three week recheck, we will add a fourth- either the correct anti-parasitic or a medication to improve kidney function, depending on the diagnosis. Currently she's in a hospital cage and she hates it- she can't have any substrate because of the stitches.

The vet says it should take about three months until she makes her full blood volume. Her pack cell count should be at 35%. It was at 7% on the 26th. But by the 28th, it was at 10%. She's gonna be ok. She's tough. My little girl is a fighter, always has been. You have to be scrappy to survive in the wild.

And throughout this entire experience, everybody has told me how lovely her personality is. Through the injections and cloacal probing and everything, she never bit or even tried to. The vet didn't think she even wanted to bite. Like it wasn't a question of wanting to bite and not being strong enough- it's just not something in her behavioural repertoire. She doesn't bite because she doesn't want to. Because even at her most scared, at her most painful, she's still Kaiju, the best tegu to ever live. Love is stored in the tegu, and it continues to be stored in the tegu. We have a long road ahead of us, but she's out of the woods and is going to be ok. We both are.

Also, consider this a MAJOR plug for Curious Creatures in Chicago. I'm never going to board my animals anywhere else.

[snifferish]

Never in my life did I think that re-tweeting resources for SA, and supporting victims would be considered problematic or performative.

I should not have to bare this, but I'm going to tell just one of my stories, because I need you to understand where I'm coming from. TW // Sexual Harassment

--

When I was 15, I had my wisdom teeth removed. I wanted to avoid using the pain medication they prescribed. I struggle a lot with sensory issues, medications and substances made it worse.

However, my surgery was for impacted teeth, and only two days in one of my stitches fell out. I was in so much pain, and couldn't eat solids w/ out pain for up to three weeks.

So, a week into my recovery, one of my friends invites me to their house. They were having our friend group over, it was just a little bonfire get together kinda thing. I took my pain meds a few hours prior, and only half a dose, but I was out of it to some degree, and somehow still in pain.

I was sitting on a lawn chair outside, when one of my close friends came over and asked to sit on my lap. Honestly, I said yes at first, because this was my childhood friend, someone I trusted, and I thought our relationship was incredibly platonic. Then he started to shift/grind about in my lap, and I started to feel things of theirs I did not want to. They made a noise that deeply unsettled me, and I told him to get off, they didn't. It was only when I told them that he accidently triggered the emergency call shortcut on my phone (it was in the pocket of the lawn chair, yes they were moving that much and I was moving trying to push him off) that he finally got up.

I was bewildered, and a bit confused, and also embarrassed that my phone nearly called 911. I claimed I wasn't feeling well, and went home early.

That was the first time someone touched me in a remotely sexual way, but I didn't dare to label it until I talked to my therapist. It made me dwell on a lot of experiences with this person as well. How obsessed they were with being taller than me, how often they'd grab me and force me to see if they were stronger than me. At the time, I was in a friend group of predominately non-men, and they were all friends with this person.

However, when I told them about this, when I expressed the discomfort it brought me. I was brushed off. "He's just like that!" oh "He probably didn't mean it" etc.

I didn't feel comfortable in the same room as this person. My friends would continue to invite them to hang outs. One of my other friends told everyone about what happened without my permission. I started having breakdowns in my classes with him. I had panic attacks all the time. I felt as if I had to continue this façade of being nice to him, or else I would lose my friends of years and years.

I was happy when covid started, because for the first time I had breathing room, but by then so much of my trust was dismantled.

Due to my friends association with this person, and the fact that not being their friend excluded me. I eventually got over it, and told myself I'd grown past it.

Three months ago, this same person admitted to me they hold extreme grudges against me, that they projected their "mommy issues" on to me, and quite literally said the words, "Yeah yeah, you're a woman who's outspoken and challenged me and that bothers me yeah yeah." in regards to that. They said it with sarcasm, like it was something they knew, and their mother was reminding them for the 12th time.

--

I bring this all up, not to make you feel guilty, but to discuss the harm of not supporting victims, not listening to them. It puts them in a position of isolation, and in a position to potentially be hurt again.

So yeah, I'm gonna be a little upset when people say I'm being "performative" about supporting victims of sexual harassment and SA. I'm not doing this because it benefits me, in fact it's caused a lot of backlash, horrible dms, and very triggering memories.

I'm doing it because I was once not heard, and i've sat with Caiti behind the scenes for months watching her lose passion for something she loved (content creation).

I didn't do this because I'm secretly sniveling behind the scenes tapping my fingers praying on peoples downfall. I'm not a Disney villain dude lmfao.

Honestly, this narrative that is being pushed, that people are doing it "because it benefits them" is quite ironic, considering most of the people talked about within the last 72 hours were under Wilbur's weird ass apology doing just that.

I hate it, I hate it, I hate it, I hate it. I hate how people are okay with this narrative, the misogynist undertones of it. I've seen people admit that they didn't like me or my friends the entire time, while simultaneously "calling us out" about this, so I ask you,

Are you calling us? Because it benefits your motives? Your feelings?