#“i dont want to put you on adhd meds because they could cause depression”

[conanssummerchild]

i wish my mum would ever take my word before anyone elses

[ferrn0]

REGARDING POSTING

heads up / TW: this looks at personal stuff + vent(? sorta) ALSO this is not super important / not essential for you to read

TL;DR:

less posting due to massive lack of motivation

want to post more and take art serious but its hard

could be depression or hormones idk dont know what to do

overthinking lots -> dont know why this is happening

crave regular change but havent had it + difficult to get change bc of parents -> maybe this is why??

going to try my best not to stress abt it

do not worry about me, im going to be okay

i havent been posting much proper/ finished/ full art ( not sketches ) because ive been really struggling with motivation this year. For all i know, it could be a depression(?) thing or perhaps hormones ( i have a uterus unfortunately) or maybe it just comes down to ADHD.. i do take medication for adhd but they dont really do much regarding dopamine so my motivation is still kinda low even when i take the meds. I really want to be posting proper art and i want to take my art more seriously however, without motivation its really difficult. Im finding myslef slipping back into what feels like a depressive mindset. kind of. yet, im super happy in so many aspects of my life where i used to be affected by this mindset. I have found a better group of people to be around ive found more things i want to do and ive got goals for the year- i didnt have those this time last year. And now.. my creativity has been affected and i dont know what to do.

-

I feel guilty for not posting. Or maybe i feel frustrated that i dont post (which leaves me with noone seeing my work). Either way, i want to post. but i cant get myself to.

this leaves me thinking...

"maybe i just need to improve my skills"

"maybe im not putting enpugh effort in, what if im just not 'trust(ing) the process' enough"

"i might need to just try a new medium"

"maybe i need a new intrest or fandom to join so i can make fanart"

"what if i was just qrong my whole life and im not cut out to be an artist?"

"perhaps theres something else wrong with me and thats why i cant get myself to do things"

And this circles round and round. So what do i do about it?? should i just take a break and not focus on posting? but i already do that anyway! do i just try to do a month long or a week long challenge? but i always miss days and eventually give up!

The more i write about this the more i realise i am not okay. and that im getting worked up over a small thing. but i am miniscule and to me this small thing is ginormous.

-

i am a kind of person who craves change. but only when i want it. And i have gone a very long time without the kind of change i need in my immediate environment. so maybe thats the issue. but i happen to be a child. who lives with his parents. so that causes some problems, dont it? not that my parents are horrible people or incredibly unfair. but because they have their own ideas of how we (me and my brothers) should grow up and what sort of privileges we get ect. because they are my parents. My parents believe that we should each have atleast one physical out-of-school activity we do each week. I do basketball. and i have been since i was in grade 5. its been almost 5 years. dont get me wrong, i love the game and i love playing it. but i find myself dreading going to each game everyweek. i need change. i want to quit bball. i also do drama classes each week(since yr 6/7)- but i like that. and i dont want to quit. because its different every week, every year. My bedroom has also been that same for the past 3 or so years, yes i have moved things around, but the furniture hasnt changed, and the walls have been the same colour with the same wall stickers since we moved in when i was in year 1. I spend a lot of time in here(my room) and it doesnt feel like mine anymore.

-

TW- eating

my medication for ADHD gives me a smaller to no appetite during the day. I no longer bring much or anything to school to eat. i dont really eat breakfast either(but i did that before i got meds anyway). I still eat dinner everyday, just a little less that i used to. and i will eat lunch (depending on situation) during the holidays and weekends mostly because it ends up getting made dor me half the time. i do suspect the rather sudden change un my eating habbits might be affecting me. but nothing terrible has happened to me yet(i have lost a few kgs but that isnt worrying as i was a little overweight beforehand). perhaps this is affecting my motivation too. but who i am to know for sure?.

END OF TW

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i think i will just continue as i have been. but i will try my best to not worry myself over not posting. although i cannot make any garantees. not many people follow or interact with me here so i doubt this will cause too many concerns but if it does, please do not worry. i will be okay. i am working on myself.

I apologise to those who want/wanted to see my work more/more often. i hope this all makes sense and that you can understand ♡

with sillies,

thomas[FERRN0]

[literaphobe]

(you don't have to answer if you don't want to) but i was curious how you found out you had adhd? esp since you mentioned being singaporean cause like i also grew up in sg and like barely anybody (gov, school, ect) mentioned adhd stuff growing up and tbh i feel like i only saw it in tv and stuff so im curious? also no yeah adhd is a struggle but i know you can do it you're like the sexiest girlboss blogger i know :DDDD

essentially i had a breakdown when i was 15 and i was skipping school so much (i would go one day and skip the next for instance) for mental health reasons i was also addicted to spn at the time like i mean u know my hyperfixation and well i will say that while i would read spn fanfiction and go through the dash when i skipped school it was also not the reason i skipped school like it was just... id just get dressed for school and then something in me would stop halfway and id go back to be and i was getting so much detention and i was suspended multiple times (IN SCHOOL SUSPENSION IS SO BAD THEY MAKE U SIT OUT IN THE OPEN IN FRONT OF THE GENERAL OFFICE AND STUDY ALL DAY LIKE DAMN COOL I DONT EVEN GET TO LEARN THE TIME I COME TO SCHOOL EXCELLENT SYSTEM GUYS) and yeah i remember running to one of my mom's friends house (it was a 2 minute walk away) to sit nearby and secretly use the wifi bc my mom turned the wifi off at our house thinking it would somehow make me more well behaved and she took my phone away and locked it in her drawer so i learnt to pick locks and one time i hid it and she got mad and screamed and got violent etc she had like a friend install something on my computer so i couldn't use it and i just... found a way to remove it somehow anyway um i did not respond well to my freedom being restricted but the adhd diagnosis thing happened bc one day i broke down in a doctor's office bc i was so sick of lying to get doctors letters (sometimes i wouldn't even take the effort to go and just let them suspend me) and my father had stopped speaking to me and didn't visit me for ages as punishment for my school skipping ways (my parents r divorced) anyway lo and behold i begged for help i thought i was depressed and i got an appointment w a mental health person and i was diagnosed for adhd (which came as a shock to me) (in hindsight it should never have been a shock) and well my school was threatening to expel me but after they found out i had adhd my principal was like huh... what are u and i was like i got this thing called medication im gonna try and take it and i pinky promise i will try and come to school more and well a bunch of my family members got all up in hands and refused to believe i had adhd so they brainwashed my mom who believed i had adhd at first (the doctor told her i had it) to thinking adhd wasn't even real and i had this tutor who took a 5 minute adhd test ANSWERED IT FOR ME WITHOUT CONSULTING ME and claimed to my mom that he had proved i didn't have adhd to this day my mother still does not really acknowledge the fact that i have adhd and when my dad found out i got diagnosed he looked up stuff on adhd and began to claim "my adhd is worse than yours!" and years later brainwashed himself into thinking he got me adhd help (so i reminded him that i broke down in a doctors office and got a diagnosis that he wasn't even there for and he thankfully believed me bc he knows my long term memory is really fucking good)

also they put my sister on adhd meds and years later she confessed to me she didn't even think she needed help for adhd "i think i could have adhd but its nowhere near as bad as yours" and well . well. all i will say is that this is the very long version of "i had Problems in school that snowballed and exploded in my face because no one cared until it was too late"

[mbti-galaxies]

hello! sorry if this is bothersome, but i was wondering if you could help me distinguish between infp and isfp?

i’ve thought i was an infp for years now, using cognitive functions even. im definitely no expert, just kinda vaguely know what each one is, but i went through it using several sources i and was like “oh yeah oh yeah this is it” but i dont think it’s It anymore ??

i got diagnosed with adhd in december and ive been taking medication, so it’s been a lot easier to be able to distinguish what’s actually my personality and what kind of just comes from adhd. i think that i might actually be isfp. i think i related a lot to high Ne because with adhd youre always bouncing around restless wanting to do all the things, and youre brain’s always on rapid fire mode. but since ive been on meds ive been less like that and more grounded (i still do drift off a lot ofc cause that’s just how it is). and ive been able to realize that i dont actually get caught up in my thoughts a lot,,,,like i dont uhhhh care very much,,,i am not concerned with the future very much? i think im very in the present, and i kind of just do whatever is in front of me. whatever im in the mood for. sensory stuff. i love piano, ukulele, video games, drawing, etc. doing stuff with my hands. im also a dancer; it’s very fulfilling to be able to engage in something so physically stimulating and be creating art at the same time.

anyways this is so long but im very very leaning towards isfp. it’s crazy cause i used to think i was so head in the clouds but actually??? i love to be grounded?? i love to feel and see and observe things instead of be imagining and thinking about abstract stuff?? im very in the present and i Do Not think about future stuff at all? i really dont think about the big picture at all?????

i know you dont know me so you cant really tell me what my type is, but any input or other differences between infp and isfp would be so helpful!! i also just dont really trust myself and im seeking validation or correction lmao. thanks so much for reading this i appreciate you a lot

Hey!! You're not bothersome at all, I love getting asks and talking to people about their types so thank you so much for sending this!

Obviously I don't know you personally so I'm not going to claim I'm 100% sure of what you are, but right of the bat I can tell you that based on your explanation you definitely sound more like an ISFP rather than an INFP.

(I'm gonna put the rest of my thoughts and stuff under a read more cuz my response is long too lol)

First of all the fact that you mentioned being diagnosed with ADHD is actually really helpful because over the years learning about psychology (I'm majoring in it in college) and the MBTI Personality Theory I've definitely noticed that neurodivergency/mental disorders/mental illnesses play a huge role in how people interpret their type. It's really hard sometimes to tell the difference between whether a trait is your actual personality or something else going on in your brain. This is one reason why a lot of extroverts mistype themselves as introverts because they have social anxiety disorder, a lot of sensors mistype themselves as intuitives because they have ADHD(like your situation), a lot of thinkers mistype themselves as feelers because they have depression, etc.

Alright so now let's get into the major differences between ISFP and INFP.

Assuming you're pretty sure that you're at least IxFP, I won't get into the specifics of every single letter and function here, I'll just discuss the differences between having Se or Ne as your second function in the stack. (Fi-Se-Ni-Te vs Fi-Ne-Si-Te)

Compared to INFPs, ISFPs are much more grounded. Of course they still can drift off and daydream, but they tend to focus on the present more than the future and focus the majority of their stimulation on their physical environment rather than focusing the majority on their inner world.

This seems to match up with what you said: "i am not concerned with the future very much? i think im very in the present, and i kind of just do whatever is in front of me. whatever im in the mood for. sensory stuff. i love piano, ukulele, video games, drawing, etc. doing stuff with my hands. im also a dancer; it’s very fulfilling to be able to engage in something so physically stimulating and be creating art at the same time."

ISFPs also tend to be more practical overall. They can definitely see value in abstract ideas, but they don't spend hours thinking about the big picture and wild concepts like intuitives do. ISFPs may not care as much about the meaning behind something, they care more about how it makes them feel or affects the world around them. They're much more based in reality compared to INFPs, and because of this they also tend to be a little more easygoing and willing to try new things. They like to explore and observe and need outside stimulation a bit more than their intuitive counterparts, and because ISFPs are introverts, this stimulation tends to come from creative and sensory activities such as music, arts, games, etc. (In comparison to ESFPs, who might also need social stimulation in addition to these activities)

This makes sense with what you said: "i love to feel and see and observe things instead of be imagining and thinking about abstract stuff?? im very in the present and i Do Not think about future stuff at all? i really dont think about the big picture at all?????"

Some other differences between the two:

Both ISFPs and INFPs have strong moral compasses from their dominant Fi, but ISFPs may be the less strict of the two, or they may be able to change their opinions on something a little bit faster. This is because INFPs have a major tendency to overthink everything, so when new information comes in they basically have to reevaluate a lot of things. ISFPs on the other hand don't necessarily have to think through every little action that they do, if something feels wrong or they learn that something they do is wrong it's a much quicker turnaround since they don't get caught up in their head as much.

ISFPs aren't as idealistic as INFPs. Sure they have wants and dreams for themselves and the world, but they have much more realistic expectations overall.

ISFPs display their passions and feelings through actions primarily. They focus on displaying and expressing things (show not tell perse). INFPs display their passions and feelings through words and meaning primarily. They like thoroughly discussing or thinking through the why, figuring out patterns and connections.

So with all that in mind and your own thoughts about yourself and your type, I'd say you're an ISFP. Feel free to ask more questions if you have any or if I missed something! Thank you so so much for the ask and I hope you have a wonderful day!

[babycakes4eva-blog1]

Hello

 I am coming today to ask for some help I wrote you on every Social media I could and got No reply So I will Try this Last time we just got our nieces all 5 their Mother had been driving drunk on dope and pot she told my 5 year old niece they were almost home and that she could Unbuckle well Luckly the console was there cause my Niece would have died she would have flew out the windshield and hit the Tree She was med flighted and her mom didn't even go to the hospital to see her cause she was about to get arrested if she went and she don't call her kids she runs around with her needle using Junkie Boyfriend  Well My Niece was there for 3 Days she got 13 stitches in her head and bruises all over her head as well as her Lungs were Bruised and Ptsd she started peeing the bed again as well as Nigmares they came to us with Nothing they are 5 months,2 years old,5 years old,9 years old and 10 and they had birthdays this month they didnt even get a party and it just hurts me so Bad so I am Coming here to ask for help I don't wanna put a Price but if you just give a dollar we are closer to getting them the things they need they deserve so Much more than they got now We have 2 boys of our own they are both disabled one has 9 tumors on his brain and we got to the Childrens Often to get Mri's to check on them one has grew multiple sizes each time we go I dont want them to go in messing with his brain right now he isn't having trouble yet and they pop up anytime anywhere he has them on his face where we go to get them sanded off and Then kidney problems he has a Abscess on it and his right kidney is bigger the the left but he has to have access to water at all times at school and to the Bathroom as he doesn't pee like he is suppose he can stay in there 10 min and just get a few drips so they will be going in with a camera and seeing the problem if a tumor is blocking it or what he also   Adhd and sensory disorder as well he is on ensures because he dont eat like regular foods its a true stuggle to get him to eat something but we do thank God he also has  Seizures Anxiety and Depression my Oldest has A Mood disorder as well as being Bipolar Schizophrenia it's terrifying  he suffers with Anxiety Adhd and Depression and Seizures. I have Ptsd,Seizures,Fibro,Severe depression,anxiety,Social anxiety,insomnia, All  this is a Adjustment but I've always been told it Takes a Village to raise a Family and I am Reaching out for help We took these babies in because their not Just Blood they mean every thing to us and they deserve Love and to be cared for and have a home Please give us a Hands up We will pay it Forward when we can...Thank You and God Bless

CashApp is Payment type 

$Carebear1212 

Any Amount Helps 

~♡Stephanie♡~

[falconsandfishes]

platonic relationship

i have a bone to pick with plato. see the socratic method is basically the scene in montynpython in which a woman is weighed against a peice of wood to determine if she is a witch. and this is pretty much also the measurement system women use for me judge a cardio junkie by his ability to withstand smoke fumes. ive been up all night listening to eminem because i wish that i had the mysogny that he had because logically i should be mad at these females who lie to me but apparently developmentally theyre limited. 

so pretty much i just want my neck not to hurt and my side and platonic love isn really the kind which could support my lumbar spine but if you think im angry you are right and maybe if i rhyme my brain will work this time and ill finally be able to explain was never targeted at my objects of affections at all i like to walk around the mall see a cutie with a skirt on and she sees me looking at her tells her grandmother to leave her there because this place looks fun as she smiles at me there comes abu my friend who judges me and judges you and as i stare at her i can tell she wants me too probably more emotionally mature than my mom and a virgin with her skirt on and its workun but i have the confidence of a plastic bag floating in the wind shes cheesing while i hide behind her even though shes 4 11 and im 6 4 and because he was there i didnt pass because i dont cross paths but even thinking about having a girlfriend makes him mad. if shes too young for me i would have figured that out but it doesnt help that no matter how young or how old even the weather lady im told shes not right for me so will you make up your mind please can someone define maturity because apparently there is a reverse correlation between it and age and socrates was no sage im not really impressed that he drank poison similarly i smoke weed which takes me back to age three and birthday parties then i think about how much my life failed but only because everyone always stood in front of me. so snitch on me when i talk to you when youre in front of me at your desk and say your story about butterflies is the best begging middle and end. meawhile i havent even gotten to the first page of my legend of the sword it had a much more compliated plot which was cut off. then tell me i didnt count to tenthousand while you were listening to the teacher say the is spelled t h e and put me in a remedial reading class with a bunch of girls and address us as the girls so we can read books about a mouse who lives with his family in a house but if girls and boys are the same how can you explain i was the only one in that group to be bumped up to the advanced on by 2nd grade. i guess reading the encylopedia of animals wasnt a wase memorized their latin names bufo sativa phylobates. so by third grade i was getting so good at math that they took me out of class and had me testing material meant for 5th graders and it was really lame how can i explain all the flaws in the system to all the other people who were also ruined by it.

finally one girl who was definitely old enough for me waved at me when i looked at her and i got a boner and walked over to the ladies at the tea shop who looked at me with a disgusted look on their faces then some gangster looking dude older than i am replaces me with his hand on her shoulder.

before i was 18 i could beat up my dad and ever since then i knew not many people in my generation had much of a chance against me but i looked so thin they were not understanding. high iq causing depression have anothe smoke session even though you have athsma everyone remember to complain that i prefer to get high off one big hit i stayed in high school till i graduated but i left.

unfortunately with brain damage i could still make straight as which made me think i was ok gpa jumping above 3.68 when i only show up an agerage of 3 days.

practice your sky hook do your pushups get embaressed when an asian princess sees you do them 20 hanlaps perfect form and im not even a jock wow id better stop. next thing the girl i like is sitting on my lap in class telling me she likes me back shes sitting on my desk shes rubbing my face my life isnt gay justnsaynsomehing and youll get laid.

nah ill let some kid with adhd steal her seat and ill help him with math instead because i didnt tell her this but im alread braindead. my soul probably died with my pet lizard or my kitten perhaps it was internet addiction. 

what makes you think youll be make it as a porn star? you know im hot. well maybe i just didnt want you to act like a slut. i still remember the blonde who waves at me and smiled my freshman year it was clear that the world was my oyster the only problem was i couldn make my own choices.

i wanted to be an actor but i was so good at acting nobody got it. was so good at debating everyone liked to argue. was so succinct couldnt get the last word. so fast nobody would pass me the ball so dominant in wrestling i had to pretend i couldnt win just to have a friend.

pretty much i feel like the last cro magonon stuck on an island without charlotte saisselin bounce baby bounce three story house you look so cute in a blouse. hey look theres charlottes stalker i think il wave my arms around.

bounce baby is a reference to eigth grade i was watching a 100 meter race and then some black guy said that she never raced again. weed turned her from a goth into a wigger and after that i figured id become one too but it wasnt till 2009 i started to dress like you. what happened was i got some clothes from olympia sports to wear as warmups on the basketball court and to work as a salesman i shaved my head smiled knowing i was dead but still i couldnt even say i wanted to kiss  girl without that not being cool enough for my nephew and her bowl broke too

it fell from her car on the pavement and she said that he didnt even get to hit it.

so now im living in my dads room on the floor and finally my back isnt sore i have a well paying job im away from mom i have iron lungs and dad still doesnt approve because now i play too much basketball.

hi im interested in going to california. i meant connecticut but califonia will do since its warm there. sure steve come on out west but read the fine print your 20s are dead.

prove you wrong shame on me. dont prove you wrong brag proudly. stay out west and let your dad die. watch him act like an asshole at home back east one more time. your reward for having surived on the street for years as a middle clas kid

your friend says he thought you were dead. by the way he has this girlfriend in connectiut. oh you were the one who set him up with her? theres a whole website or three centered around her? 

better get you to spend your money on heroin and make you seem like a jerk in front of my dad. my excuse is im skitzophrenic.

all because my dad shamed me for growing up even crazier than him. thats why i called up my friend and asked him to date my girlfriend. 

there must have been something in those amphetamines which made me keep stopping at her house. i found them up on the shelf years after i tried to spill them out.

it was the first time an adult had ever called me immature. he also said my handwriting was bad and i needed a cure. talking to him i began to get red where even to begin? i have a lot of prblems at home and this isnt fair. see my dad camps in the yard and gets drunk watches us through windows andmy sister punches me in the head. mom pretty much works till shes in bed.

every day she watches the same soap opera and oprah which i record for her on tape. my sisters friends call me gay so i go over and play with the kids from the other neighorhood all day. 

one of them listens to a lot of eminem. his favorite song is if you dont like it you can suck my dick. hes in reform school and proud to be off his meds. when i talk about biking down a steep hill and blending into traffic he thinks i meannliterall blend in.

two gay twin brothers end of the road honor roll kids. play baseball and have alcoholic parents. hey ill tell the girl steve likes he likes her then she will never talk to him again. accept his chalenge to a fight and he will bang my head into a tree which is the same thing i did to another kid who tried to jump me but got sperated from his friends. 

refuse to dance with the only girl in middle school who has hips. make fun of the girls intelligence who sits next to you in math and has giant tits. refuse to eat candy off the first girls tounge then your science teacher who pushed pills on you flips on the tv its 911

stare at a girl all day and say you dont like her. girls think youre gay if you have a boner. telll me a calculator doesnt mattrer for a test but i do worse without one. make a flag pencil it isnt cool enough for the other kids.

sit with the retarded kids timmy and jimmy. watch nick all night fresh prince and bill cosby.

your sister wont stop torturing you so hold her at knife point. buy knives at school try to resell them and for the first time ever the kids you sold them to ge caught witth knives.

stay in the program with three teachers who gave up on you. one leaves to become a dean suddenly your grades go up. kids are jealous because you dont do homework. girls smile at you knowing that your test scores are high despite that.

throw shotput as far as a high school kid without any exercise or practice. run around the track dozens of times in pants you still arent good enough yet.

go to an alternative program reluctantly in high school its sort of like jail. everyone smells like cigarettes the air is stale. this isnt good for you but we will make you think if you leave you will fail.

[theboykingofhell]

raven boys

WHIMPERS AS HIS HEART SWELLS WITH LOVE AND HE EXPLODES

raven boys more like the most neurodivergent boys in the south

gansey: ah i neglect gansey so much as a character which i think is a fault of the narration but also, like, the point of his arc... boy is dying of anxiety every second of his life. he’s also SO. SO. UM. SO PTSD UM... ANGEL...! he canonically hallucinates because of his trauma, yall, he’s actually literally a psychotic and i love him. i also think adhd+autism is a good fit for him, don’t you think i can ignore his hyperfixation/special interest that is welsh history. and he fidgets constantly and he just. is. cuutee. he definitely has a problem with cognitive empathy while also feeling so much for his friends. i would also give him bpd AND hpd because, 1) it’s impossible for this boy not to be cluster b have you seen him, 2) what is my identity who am i??? 3) what ISN’T a sense of self hi i’m richard campbell gansey the third the most fakey fake individual in the world who has carefully and carelessly shambelled together a million fancy aesthetics and traits so that you love me haha pls love me haha pls love me 4) honestly i can talk about gansey’s histrionic and borderline tendecies forever dont tempt me i accidentally kept bold on

ronan: hey! while i’m here wouldn’t it be so much better if ronan was a black boy considering so much of his characterization would have actually been perfect and revolutionary despite maggie stievacter and all the well-meaning-but-tragically-incorrect white ppl like her think otherwise but that’s a post for another day lol ANYWAY he’s been diagnosed as antisocial. it doesn’t mean he IS. it doesn’t mean he isn’t. but umm. ronan is put through the wringer tbh people glance at him and make the worst judgements based on him, and based on his criminal record and tendencies for violence, man... anyway if you didn’t think i was making this boy schizoaffective you don’t know me hi. i would also give him bpd, i would give him c-ptsd, i would give him adhd, i would give him psychotic depression on TOP of his schizoaffective-ness like, yeah, that’s right, ronan’s DEPRESSION has got fucking depression, he’s drowning in it. listen ronan does not stay in therapy enough to get a proper actual diagnosis, he gets those rly annoying brief ones where you talk for 45 minutes and then they’re like ‘you have this’ and you go ‘cool’ and then you leave and then 2 years later after you try and jump off a building you see another therapist and they’re like ‘actually you not only have this but you ALSO have that’ and you’re like cool and then you get arrested and sent to another therapist i’m not projecting my high school experience on him YOU are

adam: p...t...s.....d............................................................................ and bipolar type 2 like i want to be clear that he goes through depressive cycles FAR more often than hypomanic ones. i think, because, let’s be real, would adam.. ever.. want to admit to himself that he needs psychiatric help... that it’s the type that will later progress into bipolar 1, and then later progress into something worse, again, adam has canonically hallucinated before so. he also has a problem with dissociation which is def linked to his trauma but i want to make a POINT of that, that, this is something that i think also gets worse before it gets better, and that adam’s mental illnesses will end up mashing together and manifesting into something rly severe (meanwhile ronan is getting a lot better and his starts to settle down over time..). i think he’d also be pretty susceptible to an eating or sleeping disorder, or psychosomatic illnesses which makes me rly sad (refusal to accept what he has and constant repression of his symptoms leading to him having actual physical health problems oh god my heart my baby..)

noah: AH NOAH MY POSTER CHILD FOR ADHD. speaking of projecting my high school experiences on trc characters (and i am sorry that literally every hc i have is ‘they have bipolar’ but, like, they all do) but did you know! that! sometimes if they only treat your depression without treating your mania, you can get stuck in a PERPETUAL MANIC MOOD SWING for, uh, ever? haha. hi noah. he has very supportive parents but that’s kind of causing his downfall, i see noah bein on a LOT of the... not-as-correct-as-they-could-be meds but also skipping them and crashing a lot but also abusing drugs a lot (is that a canon thing? well now it’s a canon thing).. you can induce bipolar through drug use tbh so i think that’s pretty much what happened... i think he also has seasonal depression and winters are Hell for him so he just SPRINGS up once spring comes along, pun not intended. he’s also got some general anxiety but compared to everything else, it wasnt too bad...! still existed tho. this is all when he was, ahem. alive. by the way. yeah.

henry: um hello can we get a beautiful ptsd+hpd+npd angel up in here wow hello henryyyy.... congrats on being the only raven boy with the ability to concentrate and VAGUELY have a stable mood... oh, what’s this... sleep disorders out the wazoo??? NOICE. anyway, i think henry just is insomniac af (like more than all the others, tbh, when do any of them fucking sleep the answer is never).. i think he gets night terrors a lot too but i think henry is also the most well adjusted when it comes to his orders so he approaches them more as a ‘haha! another night, another moment being suspended in the flaming bowels of hell!’ thing than anything that really... hinders... also think he had a bout of some sort of ED when he was younger and he recovered from that yay henry, so good

[floralgruuunge]

Why ADHD and secondary depression/anxiety are frustrating

HERE IS A RANT. OR MORE A PERSONAL POST. IF YOU DONT CARE TO READ IT, THEN DONT. I just needed to put this somewhere cause it hurts holding it inside all day every day. Anyway, I lived my entire life up until last year (aka nearly 23 solid years, yall) with ADHD, and didn't know it. You might ask how the fuck is that possible? It's called intelligence. And insane drive to be better than other people. On the outside, I appeared to be totally functional if not more than that. In high school, I made good grades. I had a lot of friends. I had opportunities many others didn't and I used them to my advantage. These things are all still very true for me today. I've graduated college with a bachelors degree. Cum Laude. I don't say this to boast, I'm just trying to show you who I am. I was accepted to UC - Davis where I will be studying French, aka my biggest passion ever. I have two amazing pets and a boyfriend who loves me. My parents are supporting me financially until I get to grad school where my entire education is paid for minus a couple hundred bucks in administrative fees. I have a car that is completely paid off and it's from 2012. I'm in relatively good shape. I am SO MOTHERFUCKING BLESSED. I recognize this. Yet, I never feel like I am. It's 2 am here in the western USA and I am so sad. Why? Because my brain constantly tells me "HEY SOMETHING IS WRONG, HEY LOOK YOU LOST YOUR KEYS FOR THE 15TH TIME TODAY, HAHA KYRIE YOU FORGOT WHAT YOU WERE SAYING MID SENTENCE IN FRONT OF SOME STRANGERS WHO ARE WAITING FOR YOU TO FINISH A DISJOINTED STORY THEYVE LOST INTEREST IN, oh and YOU FORGOT TO TEXT YOUR BEST FRIEND BACK FOR FIVE DAYS, YOU INTERRUPTED NICK WHILE HE WAS TALKING /AGAIN/, YOU BLURTED OUT SOMETHING WITHOUT FILTERING IT AND EMBARRASSED YOURSELF, etc." Constant failure in daily activities have chipped away at my self-esteem to the point where some days, I can't look at myself in the fucking mirror. I know the exact reason why I am depressed. I I am because my ADHD limits what my intelligence and intellect produce outside of my head. I have so many amazing things I want to do daily. I could accomplish so much. Sometimes I do. But other times, actually, MOST of the time, communicating my ideas and knowledge especially orally is a nightmare. If it's for an academic paper, for instance, it's a lot easier. Oh, but only when I don't procrastinate the paper to the last minute because I was preoccupied learning the principle behind the grammatically correct phrase "that that" in English. My parents always say I need to choose to be happy. But how can I choose to be happy when some stupid fucking disorder has been causing me social, intellectual, organizational, and who knows what the fuck else types of problems since day one? I just really want someone on here to know and understand that I DIDNT CHOOSE THIS. IM NOT LAZY. I LEGITIMATELY LOST THE PAPER MY PROFESSOR GAVE ME AND COULDNT DO THE HOMEWORK AS A RESULT. TRUST ME, I PANICKED ALL NIGHT LOOKING FOR IT. IM NOT RUDE. I DONT MEAN TO RUB YOU THE WRONG WAY, BUT IF I DONT SAY THIS ONE RELATED PHRASE RIGHT NOW, I WILL FORGET IT WHEN YOU ASK AT THE END OF YOUR SENTENCE. YES, I KNOW MY BACKPACK/PURSE IS OPEN AND THINGS ARE OVERFLOWING OUT OF IT. I KNOW YOU ASKED ME TO MAKE YOUR BED WHEN I GOT OUT OF IT EACH MORNING BUT I SERIOUSLY KEPT FORGETTING. It's embarrassing. I'm embarrassing. It's so hard to separate mental illness or in my case neurodevelopmental disorder from who I am as a person. I am on meds. Not the best ones that I know work for me due to a doctor who is wary of my past substance abuse history (which, by the way, after a shitton of therapy, I've come to realize that my abuse is mainly due to boredom. Due to the ADHD. That I let develop without getting help.) ADHD is not an excuse. It's an explanation. I understand I am responsible for my actions. I understand that it is up to me to actively combat the issues I have and notify others when I am struggling with a symptom. But man, does it get old, telling the people you love day in and day out something like "I completely browned-out during the conversation, because I was distracted by X, can you please repeat everything you just said?" Someone please take this curse from me.

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mom: *yells at me for not doing well in school as if im doing it intentionally and tells me im going to be homeless/jobless because i failed math in elementary school or some shit*

teachers: your child may have adhd... heres a recommendation for an adhd doctor...

mom: oh.........thanks........ *continues to yell at me for not doing well in school as if im doing t intentionally*

adhd doctor: yep! she has adhd! her poor grades may also be caused by depression and/or anxiety

mom: ...........oh..........i see.......*notices self harm scars* omg are you depressed!!?? my child!!! my baby what ever could be the problem tell me i love you is it somebody at home thats making you feel this was????????is it your brothers??? your grandparents??? your aunt??? your step dad??? your actual dad?????????literally anybody else but me???...................wait its me.......? *yells at me for being depressed and calls me a psycho crazy freak for self harming*

adhd doctor:..........so you say she has cuts on her wrists......... heres a recommendation for a therapist......

mom: ..............mmmmmmmm :////// i dont rlly feel like it but ok

therapist: your kid has really bad social anxiety also depression

mom: ...oh....ya dont say....*doesnt put any effort into trying to get me antidepressants or anxiety meds* *stops taking me to therapist after like a month* *continues to yell at me for doing bad at school as if im doing it intentionally* *continues to yell at me for being mentally ill as if im doing it to spite her*

adhd doctor: heres some adhd meds. for your kid with adhd. so they can do better in school and stuff. thats what you wanted right

mom: yep! *procrastinates for weeks on weeks on weeks on getting my refill of adhd meds*

mom: idk whats wrong with her shes a lost cause ive literally done everything i can do!!!! im a good mom shes just spoiled and hates me for no reason!!! *continues to yell at me for having symptoms of depression and anxiety* *makes fun of me for showing symptoms of adhd* *yells at me and makes fun of me for having bad grades* *worsens my mental illness* *yells at me for having my mental illnesses worsened*

mom: i have literally never done anything wrong in my entire life i am the perfect human being

[puttingthesamintosm]

Hi I'm sorry to ask about such a personal thing and please don't feel obligated to answer if I'm going too far here (if I am I'm deeply sorry and call me out on it) but I've been seeing some posts about adhd on your blog and atm I'm 👌 this close to calling my doctor to get a diagnosis but I've been hesitant all my life (if you wanna know the whole story I'll tell you no worries) and I'm wondering how you got your diagnosis? What made your parents go like 'maybe there's something'?

holy shit im just seeing this now i dont know when you send it maybe im horibly late (this is a theme in my life it seems). 

but i was a good kid (nice, listened, good marks, was quite in class, did my homework) all my life until i started to fail when i entered college. then i started to get sleeping problems, i couldnt get good marks, i had to drop out of my first choice of college masters (ish, im from the netherlands and i cant quite translate how it works). when i entered for the second time for another subject i tried my best to do all the work, to get good grades but i had trouble focusing, keeping concetration, i procastinated like hell. i initially went to the GP for what i thought was depression, they send me to a psychologist, who didnt help me at all. she suggested i had a rough childhood and that fucked me up and i later learned (via my GP) that she thought i had identity problems -i know perfectly well who i am and what i wanna do in life (kinda)-. this was after i discontinued sessions with her, cause she and i werent on the same page about some stuff. 

she suggested some time that i maybe had ADHD because i mentioned having trouble focusing on school homework and because during our sessions i got constantly distracted by traffic driving by outside and stuff. after she mentioned it, i asked to do a test to see if it was something we could persue but she was against that. this was the point where we didnt agree, she was convinced ADHD is a treatable disease like depression and she wanted me to talk about it so we could cure it and i thought (and still think) that ADHD is something thats not treatable per se. its ingrained in your DNA, so whatever you do -like Dylexia never goes away- it never goes away and you can only discover tricks and methods against it. 

when i started looking for a new psychologist (with help of school) i found a company/authority that is more popular in my country and more regocnized. they think the same way i do, more result and less talking away (scientific approach vs “hippie” approach). i asked them for a intake for ADHD and they gave me one, during the intake they said they didnt know if i had ADHD, because it wasnt recognizable in my childhood (i think this is because they asked my mum for stuff during my chilhood and either she has ADHD too and all the symptoms weren’t out of place for here or because we had such a strict upbringing (because of my youngest sister (not a bad thing, she needed it)) and strict rules are good for ADHD people). so they gave me a possible ADHD diagnosis, and gave me a test to test this. this is the QB-test, where they test you without medication, then put you on ADHD meds until youve found the right dose and then test you again. if you show enough improvement you get the diagnosis, and thats what happened with me (yesterday lol). i showed very much improvement during my second test, i could focus much better and during the conversations i had with my doctor there i also told her i felt i could concentrate (and keep that concentration) much better than without meds.

so my parents didnt really have any say in it, my dad is for some reason very against the company where i got tested so i didnt even tell him for like half a year. what helps is that when i started seeing a psychologist, was when i already was kinda moved out (i lived with my BF + parents for a year and then 7 months ago i moved out on my “own” with my sister) and i was well over 18 (local age of adulthood) when i started. (i was almost 20yrs old when i started). for this reason i didnt include my parents very much in the proces except where they were needed. also worth to say: my mum still doesnt see the ADHD parts in my childhood, which i get because i got ADD without the active part. i told my dad 2 weeks ago i got diagnosed because he asked what my meds were for and i think he still thinks it’s a fad and it isnt true but whatever.