#sorry for the bad grammar/english i was drunk when i wrote this but i know myself if i hadnt i would never have done it because im excelent

[iateyourparents]

fOoL fOr YoU | c.b.

pairing: colby brock x singer!fem!reader

summary: fate has its own ways to connect people who are destined to each other, even after breaking them apart at some point in life.

warnings: kinda short, use of y/n, bad writing and grammar(i’m sorry but english is not my first language)

an: songs used here are fOoL fOr YoU by ZAYN, My stupid heart by Walk off the Earth. Album used in here - Lover by Taylor Swift.

pictures are from pinterest:)

“Come on guys, let me hear you! I know you like this one!” you said to microphone before continuing the song “Cause I’m a fool for you and the things, the things you do…”

You heard crowd clearly and loudly singing with you your debutant song and you couldn’t feel more proud.

Even though since realese of this song you made two whole albums it still was most of your fans’ favorite song, and to be honest, it was yours too.

It was song about your teenage love, how you felt about that one boy that you aren’t even in touch anymore. You wrote fOoL fOr YoU while you still were a lovesick teenager but before you were able to present it to your former muse from these times, you were broken up.

Then, years later you met that amazing man, Charles, who took you under his wings becoming your manager and helped you with realesing your debutant single - fOoL fOr YoU.

And that’s how you became pretty famous and now, here you were playing all around the world for your “we’ll never be the same again” world tour, promoting your newest album.

“Alright, that was so good! Thank you!” you took a break to take a sip of water and then you were back in front of the chanting crowd “Okay, so I wrote this one about my ex who was absolutely awful experience but also taught me a lot.”

You could hear loud screams from a crowd which already knew what song you were about to sing so you just laughed and started singing, crowd following also started shouting lyrics.

“My stupid heart don’t know, I’ve tried to let you go so many times before…”

After few more songs you bided your goodbye to the crowd promising you will be back someday and you got off the stage and met Charles on backstage.

„How was it?” you asked with smile, sipping water.

„That was great!” you could say he was proud „And you were worried you wouldn’t be able to play on arenas.”

„That’s a big step!” you defended yourself with smile „I can’t wait to take a shower, I stink.” you grimaced.

„I won’t disagree.” he laughed and hugged you „Go relax a little before we have to go to tourbus.”

„You too Charlie, I know that you are secretly almost ripping off your hair.”

Now you were supposed to head to Los Angeles where you would play two concerts and then you would have a month long break before starting last part of the tour - Europe.

|||

You were currently sitting at the vanity in your changing room. Your make up artist, Sarah, was doing your make up for your last performance before a break when Charles came into the room.

„Hi” he started.

„Hi Charlie, what’s up?” you could tell he had some offer for you.

„What do you say, you, me and your band go to some club after you come off the stage to celebrate successful tour?”

You looked at him in the mirror and smirked at him.

„Sounds great to me.”

|||

You and your crew sat in some club. You weren’t drunk but it felt good to feel more easy with alcohol in your system after stressful couple of weeks.

„My forever favorite moment is when this one fan threw his boxers on scene and they landed perfectly in front of y/n. Her face was priceless.” Mark, the drummer, laughed. You loved talking about memories from the tour but that memory actually was traumatizing since it was the first time ever when something like this happened.

„I felt attacked.” you joked and took a last sip of your sweet drink „I’ll go order next one. Somebody wants something?”

You heard chorus of no’s and assurances that they have almost full glasses so you just walked towards the counter and waited for a bartender to end taking someone else’s order.

„Your concert was awesome.” you heard next to you. When you turned to the side you saw someone you thought you would never see again in person.

Infamous ghost hunter, your ex and an old muse of yours.

Cole Brock.

Or rather, Colby.

„Thank you” you smiled „Fancy seeing you here.”

„I live in LA.” he explained „I liked this one song, what was it? Fool for you?”

You smirked and shook your head „Yeah, I like it too.”

„So, was I good muse?” he winked and you laughed. Of course he would know it was about him. You’re pretty sure that when you were together you were sometimes telling him parts of this song.

„Excellent, thank you.”

„I’m always happy to help, so if you will need some new music, here’s my number.” he handed you a piece of paper with some numbers.

„I’ll make sure to call if i’ll need anything.” you winked at him and he laughed.

„I hope so.” he looked behind his back where a blonde boy, Sam, called him „I have to go but i’ll be waiting for your call.”

|||

If some days later you actually called Colby, nobody have to know. And if that meeting ended with him tangled in your sheets, also nobody have to know. And if this was more than one time occurrence then also nobody have to know.

And if your next album called ’Lover’ was about him and everyone knew it was about him, then it’s okay.

And if you both tattooed ’fOoL fOr YoU’ on your hips on the day of your wedding, then it’s great even if everybody knows.

You two really were like lovesick fools.

[ventithedrunkbardehe]

Hello hello

I'm baackk~

Warnings: English is nkt my first lanuage so there might be grammar errors, also typo's mighz happenen here and there, also swearing

So let's get started shall we?

Streamer!reader accidentaly revealing their relationship with the Xsoleil boys ft.Nina!

You were just doing an ordinary drinking stream, or so you planned to. You didn't realize how much you got caught up in drinking and started answering the questions in the chat. You didn't realize how much of a bad idea it was beacuse of your drunked state. You took a sip of your drink as you read out the next question

'Is there anyone that has your interest in NijisanjiEN' - you rewd the question out lous and without even thinking you answered to it. "Mhmm... And I'm so glad that he's actually my boyfriend..." - you said as you took another sip.

Ver

"I mean who wouldn't love Ver... He's just so perfect, and handsome, and cute, and everything else you could ask for..." - you continued babbling about your boyfriend as the whole chat turned into a mess, both hate and love coming from fans. You would've kept going unless Nina called you up that you should stop the stream since you were so drunk and you didn't realize what were you talking about. You argued a bit with her ws she tried to convince the fans thru the phone call that you were saying nonsense and it was just beacuse you were drunk. But everyone knowing that you're one of the most honest streamers out there, why would you be babbling lies about being together with Ver. Nina luckily got you to turn the stream off and go to bed, but you weren't ready what would happen tomorrow.

As you woke up the next day, you're phone was blown up by how many notifications you got from Twitter. As you opened the app you saw several clips about you talking about how much youlove Ver and so glad that he's your boyfriend. You saw how many other streamer friend of yours tried to protect you, as you got embarrassed from reading all the tweets about your mistake, you finally got yourself together and wrote an apology tweet saying that you were sorry and that too drunk to even know what were you talking about, you didn't mean to say boyfriend as in a relationship but as a good guy friend. After ypu posted the tweet out you immediately called Ver up.

"I'm so sorry about everything honey, I was just-" -he cut into your sentence

"It's okay, but next time make sure that you don't get caught up in drinking and start spilling tea about our relationship okay? Anyways I'll go over to your place in a few minutes okay?" - he said

"Okay, love you" - you said as you giys put the phone down.

'This will be hurting for a while...' - you tought as you looked at the screen of your monitor that had twitter open.

Hex

"I mean who wouldn't like Hex... Just look at him... He has such an attractive voice... His humor... Ahh I could talk about him all day." - you said. You continued talking about him as you took several sips from you drink. You didn't ralize thst you were talking about him for like 5 minutes straight untill Mom came to the rescue and called you up to stop the stream which took her like almost 10 minutes beacuse your drunk ass didn't realize what was going on and you guys ended up arguing untill she finally got you to end the stram and to to bed.

When you woke up your head was hurting like hell, as you remembered back what did you do last night's stream and immediately went up on twitter to see clips about you talking about you dear boyfriend Hex, and others trying to protect you. When you got yourself together you wrote an apology tweet, saying thst it was just a big missunderstanding that the word boyfriend you meant was not the 'in realtionship' term but it was as 'guy friend' term. Hoping that people will belive you as you posted it. After a few minutes of continuing reading the tweets about your mistake your phone buzzed. It was you boyfriend Hex. You immediately pickee upand started apologizing to him about the accident.

"It's okay... Hopefully it will go down in a week or two..." - he said as you were on the verge of tears. "But to be honest... I never imagined that you love me this much" - he chuckled at your reaction as teased you.

"Oh shut up... This is embarrassing" - you said as you huffed and joined to laugh with him.

Doppio

"Pio-chan is just so cute... He's like a giant baby... His laugh... ahh so cute. Everything about him is so cute..." - you continued babbling about your boyfriend. Some of your streamer friends in the chat tried stopping you, writing to you on social media, but Nina saved the night. She called you up talking you down from continueing the stream as you were drunk drunk. After a few minutes of talking and arguing a little she finally got you to stop the stream and get yourself together and go to bed.

The next day you woke up with a terrible headache from being drunk yesterday night.

"Fucking hangovers..." - you said as you tried to get out of bed and get some painkillers. After ypu took them, even tho your head was still hurting you went up on twitter to see everything about your mistake that was clipped and posted everywhere. Everyone was talking about your little tea spilling. You saw some of your friends trying to stop the people from talking about these matters, but everyone knew that they won't die down from just these tweets. You were reading the tweets about yourself as the phone buzzed on your desk. It was Doppio. You didn't really want to answer it being a bit scared how he would react to it. But you eventually picked it up.

"Good morning darling~" - he said lively.

"Good morning" - you said back to him, it was hearable on your voice that you were nervous and embarrassed.

"Are you worried about yesterday night?" - he asked in a softer tone.

"Mhm... I'm sorry" - you answered.

"It's alright it's alright! My company might kill me but let's tell the fans ye? I mean it won't die down until they get to know the thruth yea? So why not make it easier for everyone?" - he said in a reassureing voice.

"I-... Pio-chan... Are you okay? Are you drunk? As I know I was the one drowning myself in drinks and not you." - you asked worriedly laughing a bit.

"Yepp a 100% sure!" - he answered immediately.

The two of you agreed to announce your guy's relationship and after tweeting it out the both you turned your social media's off. Soon enough he arrived at your place and you guys went and played games.

@lonelysimpfor2dmen thank you for the request ❤️ sorry thst it took this long 😭🙏

Hope you guys enjoyed it! Have a nice day! Byeee!

[librarianandguardian]

Just a feeling- Saul Silva x Female!Reader

Pairing : Saul Silva x Female!Reader

Word Count : ~2300

Warnings : Fluff, brief mention of drug use and burns

Music : Un homme - Jérémy Frerot

Author’s note : Getting pretty stressed because of a huge project at school, so I wrote this to blow off some steam ! I also wanted to say that I do not agree with the way some characters are written and treated in this show. I hope I did not perpetuate these errors, and that I got Silva’s personality a bit right at least. Feedback is appreciated, may it be on the story telling or even the grammar. English isn’t my first language. Flahs-backs in italics. Enjoy ! :D

GIF ‘s not mine, and I can’t find the creator.

French First World songs resonate in the Great Hall, she is dancing. Wild and free. Her loosened hairs fly through the wind. She has traded her Specialist armour for a long flowing dress. Her feet are hammering the ground in rhythm. The crowd carries her all over the dancefloor; she twirls and claps her hands following the music.

From an ignored fairy bloodline, her parents considered her a Specialist Legacy. When her mind fairies powers woke up, everything went wrong ; she was always an overwhelmed child. No one could help her everytime she lost control. Nothing but medication: earrings to contain, and pills to attenuate. It wasn't bad. She lived like that her entire life.

Silva is sitting on a plastic chair, leaning on the table by his side, his gaze lingering. She is an exceptional fighter; dance must be a piece of cake and fun judging from her large smile. To be fair, he barely remembered her from their time at Alfea. Farah told him she was three years younger than him and seemed to have a few memories.

« (Y/N) travelled a lot to the First World prior to college. Her parents were emissaries and brought back souvenirs. Rumours said that her room resembled a cave of wonders.

-Ever went there ?»

His friend chuckled.

« Once. It was full of trinkets, books, movies, postal cards too. Ben caught interest in it, especially the giant botanic encyclopaedia throning on her bookshelf. We both agreed after a while that she might be the ray of sunshine of her Specialist promotion. But I guess she was discreet, if you've never heard of her.»

It took some memory searching, but he indeed remembered one thing. A conversation between a bunch of 1st years talking about a secret party displaying famous First World movies. A few hours later, on the training field, (Y/N) battled fiercely. It caught the attention of many students, who gathered around the platform. Curiosity taking the best of him, he had followed the crowd.

« What's that First World song that I love to describe you with ?

-By the light Clairo, is it really necessary ? »

Her opponent mocked her. She rolled her eyes, wielding her sword before choosing her fight stance.

« You son of... Maneater from Nelly Furtado. Now let's fight please.

-Alright doll, eat me up. »

(Y/N) huffed in annoyance. Clairo was a good fighter, but a little bit too flirty. He launched himself at her. The young woman stayed incredibly calm. Dodging to the right, she left him to stumble before hitting his back with the wooden weapon. He fell to the ground with a grunt. A shy smile spread on her features.

Now that he thinks about it, her earring had intrigued him : an ear chain hanging from the top of the cartilage of her ear to her lobe. Each end was composed of a lavendish round lilac crystal. When she lost control recently, those crystals lit up with a blinding light and burned her skin.

« I change the earring every five year. Every year If any several big crises occurred.

-What about your burns ? How did they clean them up ? »

Her left hand ghosted over her intact lobe, while Harvey healed the bruised flesh. Her eyes stared at the floor of the greenhouse. Saul was holding her other hand.

« They... I stuffed myself with pills. Sometimes enough to sleep through an entire day. Within the Solarian force, it was the only way for them to treat me. None of their mind fairies could calm me down. I don't think you realize how much this, she lifted her intertwined hand, helps.»

The soldier chuckles at the memory. His eyes examined his fingers, remembering how she locked hers, as she found an anchor in his mind.

« My best guess ? Your training forged your head to have a certain mindset in crisis.

-Loads of Solarian troupers could have given you that.

-Yeah. I can't really explain it, she laughed shyly, maybe because you're a teacher, that two of your long time friends are fairies or just because you're good with people.»

Their gazes crossed. The air thickened. Truth to be told, (Y/N) was so lost upon why he managed to calm her down. Farah tried to guide her, but even then, nothing positive came out. Her youth as a student at Alfea only consisted in shared side glances with him in hallways. She sure as hell found the man attractive, but she had other stuff to think about.

A loud giggle snaps him back to reality. (Y/N) falls on his laps while trying to take off her high heels. Her eyes are opened wide and a little glassy. She's definitely drunk.

« Oh by the light, I'm sorry Silva. Aimed at the table ! »

The atmosphere becomes lighter. He catches her when she nearly trips off by trying to get up, one of his arms snaking around to help. Steadying herself on his laps, she catches her breath slowly, though some giggles erupt as she looks around.

« How can you still dance, uh ?»

With a guilty smile, she leans slightly against the table.

« Alcohol ! It's the only thing keeping me up, baby !»

Instant regret shoots through her veins. Some red creeps up on her cheeks, as her hands cover her mouth. The soldier chuckles, enamoured by her adorableness. One thing that strucked him when they met was her lightness. Out of all the solarian troupers out there, or even all the specialists he ever crossed paths with, she was one of the few who stayed so bright and playful. Subconsciously, his fingers dig slightly in her hips.

« It's alright, (Y/L/N).»

She giggles a bit, but thanks him. Farah watches from a far, joined by Ben. (Y/N)(Y/L/N) has been teaching at Alfea for a year now. The entire school seemed to have transformed into a much more joyous place : students got along better, the shyest opened a tad and the roughest softened. Ben's daughter Terra found a supporter of her personal projects and a confidant. Ben himself benefited from her return. Mostly in books and knowledge but that meant already so much to him. Farah gained a daughter ; (Y/N)'s powers were a mess for her advanced age, helping felt natural. But what she loved the most was how confused Saul got with the new Specialist. Their bond strengthened with time, however the first few days rocked the Headmaster all over the place.

«(Y/L/N), what did you do to our office ? Did you... Are these books classified by alphabetic order and colour ?! »

His colleague shrugged, trying to see if he was mad or just surprised. It happened a few days after her arrival. Their shared office went under few renovations.

« (Y/L/N), why dancing classes ? »

She shot up, put her hands on his desk and took twenty minutes to explain how it would make their movements more flexible, strengthen teamwork and be a tool for future mission on the job. Astonished could not describe Silva's feeling.

An admirable change that proved beneficial to the students. These two grew very fond of each other. A lot more than they thought. Words in the hallways started to spread about their growing fondness.

« Okay, I got a question for you, soldier boy.»

Saul tilted his head to the side.

« Are you having fun ?

-Of course I am.»

(Y/N) looks disappointed. Turning around, she pours some water in her cup and chugs it down.

« Really ? 'Cause the only thing I've seen you do is sit in a corner all night. »

He lowers his head, searching for the right words. How does he say that he just loves watching her run around the dancefloor ? How she bounds with students but also keeps their respect ? The fact that she's so organised that she could plan a First World themed party and keep her teacher skills to their best ? The shortest way for that would be admitting his feelings. He zones out long enough for her to talk again.

« It's okay. »

His eyes lock with hers. How did she sober up so quickly ?

« I know you have a reputation as a serious and frowny teacher to keep. And this is a graduation party, so. »

Never mind, she did not. The woman gets up, only to kneel under the tablecloth. He panics briefly.

« (Y/N), what on Earth are you doing ?»

She mumbles before appearing back outside. Her hands are holding a package. Another bright smile shines on her face. Silva knows what's coming, and he has mixed feelings about it; between fear, excitement and confusion.

« Happy Birthday Saul. »

His heart nearly stops. Few people know about his birthday, she is now a part of them. He frankly does not mind, even wished for it for a while now. His hands gently take the package to open it. Before his eyes lies a hard covered sketchbook and a wooden box full of high-quality pencils. The cover has a crow flying in a pearly sky with a red sun. The box is made of ebony and his name carved in silver. She knows an another of his secret. He tears up. The woman worries when he starts to sniffle. Much to her surprise, the soldier puts the gifts on the table before hugging her with all his might. Thank God the students are dancing or already out of the hall to smoke. (Y/N) answers his embrace, reassured.

« Thank you so much dear. »

It's her turn to have glossy eyes. She buries her face in his shoulder. This man is constantly under pressure and she has always wondered what he does during his free time : Does he train more ? He probably reads, right ? The answer came on a regular afternoon.

Silva knocked on her quarters' door. He heard shuffling before (Y/N) opened. She was wearing a bathrobe and a towel around her hair.

« Hi Saul ! Sorry hum. I woke up late and did not expect you so soon so, hum. »

The woman looked around, making her towel fall. Picking it up, she invited him in. He indulged, though a bit surprised.

« I'll be back in a jiffy, you know, putting some clothes on and all. Okay.»

She disappeared in her bathroom, leaving him to explore her room. Many watercolour paintings covered the walls, some abstract and others from the Realms of the Otherworld. However, a few landscapes felt unknown to him. On her desk lied sketches with a horde of different pencils. He discovered portraits of Farah, Ben, Terra, Sky, Riven and finally him. The lines were thin, some shadows sharp for the warriors and smoother for the fairies. A hint of jealousy took over him, quickly brushed away by shyness. The fact that she took the time to draw him was flattering. His fingers grazed over the pencils, wondering if he had time to prepare a little surprise. He puts down the file he came to discuss. A few minutes later, (Y/N) came out, dressed but her hair still wet on the edges. Silva was leaning against her desk, file in hand, a small smile on his features. She mirrored it before asking about the important matter at hand. Twenty minutes later, he left. Her eye caught a change in her drawing material : the portrait of Farah and Ben switched positions. She shuffled them, making sure everything was here, only to find an unknown piece. A cute fox was smiling, a little bubble under him stating :

« Nice Work (Y/L/N). Nice pencils too. Wish I had your talent.»

That last sentence made her wonder if he indeed had an artistic side. Needless to say that his quarters gave her answer. Same reason as his when he came, she knocked on his door one night. Though he did not fully invite her in, her eyes caught glimpses of nice sketches lying on a table, some rudimental equipment next to it.

They stay like this for a few seconds. The headmistress and Professor Harvey look at each other. No words, no need. Terra is chatting with a second year in a corner, bur her eyes catch them. She smiles, looking away shyly, but happy Sky sees the scene too, thanks to Riven who taps on his shoulder. They can't help the smile growing on their faces. Sky's father figure finding support is definitely going to be one of the highlights of their first year. (Y/N) and Saul part. One of her hands pats his arm.

« Wanna dance ? »

He closes his eyes, sighing. There is no lack of desire but the fear of what the students will say.

« I wish but... I don't know.

-I get it. But one day, you will ! That's a promise. »

With one last smile, she strolls back to the dancefloor, leaving him sheepish. He takes the sketchbook and a pencil. He might not dance tonight, but he'll make up to it.

[scorpiwrites]

𝐓𝐨 𝐝𝐞𝐧𝐲 | 𝐽𝑎𝑚𝑒𝑠 𝑃𝑜𝑡𝑡𝑒𝑟 𝑥 𝑂𝐶

Part 1 | Part 2

Desc: this part delves more into James n Scorpeia’s past, Lil mention of James n Lily’s life, Sirius and his gut feelings, Sirius being a grown-up (for once), and reactions to the letter.

Warnings: implied infidelity, a little language, mentions of panic attack, minor Lily bashing, dark thoughts, alcohol, drunk violence ( lmk if I’m missing anything )

A/N: I was not expecting to make the sequel of the parting letter but... I kinda like where it is going and one of y’all asked for this.

Let me just tell you that the timeline is a bit longer than the canon. So Harry’s birthdate is still following the canon, but the prophecy hasn’t been said, and I want to make Halloween’81 to be the day when Reg and Scorpi are doing the deed. I’m sorry for any misspellings, I’m still struggling with grammar and such for English isn’t my main language.

Taglist: @areomalfoy

It was just another day, James thought while his feet took him to his flat.

Godric, how did it got so messed up? He thought while his nimble fingers absentmindedly open the lock with muscle memories, his thoughts flying everywhere around his head, trying to figure out why,

Why?

Why wasn’t he at home with his wife?

Why?

Why did Lily do it?

Why?

Why did it not hurt enough?

Stumbling on his feet, he snapped himself out of the reverie and the dangerous parts of his brain. He sighed hard, screwed his eyes shut, and dragged his palm across his face. It has been a long year, and he’s so tired of the never-ending screw-ups in his life.

He went to the kitchen, silently thankful for his decision of keeping the flat clean and stocked up, and reached the fridge to take a couple of bottles of firewhiskey and took off to his study, not acknowledging that there was an owl perched on his window ledge, watching his every move.

Who

Who

James abruptly stopped and swiveled around. He cocked his head to the side when he saw a familiar owl on his window. Eyes wide with recognition, it was like fuel burning in him and he sprinted to the owl, cannot wait to see what the owner has written to him.

Scorpi! Scorpi wrote to me!

He then couldn’t help but wonder — not for the first time— about her since they parted. It was a bittersweet goodbye, and he knew it was nobody’s fault but his.

He remembered the first time he saw her, she was sitting under the infamous raging whomping willow—what she did to the willow for it to stay still, he didn’t know— but what he did know is what she did to him, the feelings that were raging inside of him at the sight of her. He was 12, back then. Everything was so simple. Except, the girl that he fancied and sent longing looks to was a Slytherin. He contemplated this, maybe.... just...

maybe not all Slytherins are bad?

He remembered the euphoria of chasing her, the joy of being loved by her, the memories of being hers.

What he didn’t remember, was the catalyst of their downfall.

Was it the constant arguments?

Was it his possessiveness?

Was it the way he bullied her housemates? 

But what he does remember was the feeling of elation and blurriness when he snogged Lily in an empty common room.

But what he does remember was her, walking into his common room with Remus, holding a basket of Honeydukes chocolates and the brightest smile on her face—only to freeze on the doorway, eyes zeroed to her boyfriend who was snogging another witch.

And that was 4 years of love, hope, and happiness went down the drain.

James rarely felt regret, but for the longest of time, all he felt these past few years was regret. And his thoughts were always filled with what-ifs...

The sudden pain he felt on his fingers brought him back to the letter in his hands, and an unimpressed look of an owl — Disha— who was waiting on her treats.

``'m sorry, my lady. Please tell Scorpi that I’ll write to her later “ the Myna bird only cocked her head and stared at him with a look that very resembled pity. But why?

After giving the treats, he walked slowly to his study, carefully eyeing the gentle penmanship. Why the sudden letter? His intrusive vile thoughts are jumping around his head as he grips the letter harder, the thought of something happening to her sets his magic off and he doesn’t like it one bit. As he sat down on an armchair, he was startled to notice that Disha didn’t go back to Scorpi, instead, she was perched on top of his coat rack. He took a deep breath and opened the letter.

—————————————————————

Sirius Black is a proud young man.

He’s proud of his job,

He’s proud of his reputation,

He’s proud of being a godfather of a cute little tyke,

And mostly, he’s proud of his intuition ( which never fails him, to the surprise of everyone who knows him).

Today has been an odd day for him. From the first second he opened his eyes, he felt heavy. With every step, every breath, and every muscle that he moved. It was heavy.

And the clench of his guts doesn’t help anything.

He contacted his family. James, Remus, Peter. Everyone is fine, hell, he even contacted Lily— which he was not close with— in the desperation of finding out what has been bothering him. He thought of contacting Regulus, but with the way they broke off any family ties the year before, he doubts that Regulus would answer his floo anyway.

For a while, he managed to ignore that heavy feeling on him and go on with his day. Worked here and there, apparating from house to house for new tips on death eaters, still, the feelings lingered in him. It was at the edge of the day when he felt the sinking feeling overwhelmed him— nearly swallowing him in whole. He stumbled to his feet, papers of reports and notes that he took today fell onto the cold tiles but he couldn’t care less. He just gotta know.

He raced to the floo, and with shaky hands managed to call him, the rising biles of guilt and anxiety manages to be broken by sheer needs to protect what was his,

no matter where they stand now.

—————————————————————

If anyone ever asks James if he ever took a swim in the Black Lake, he would’ve told them no.

But he could’ve sworn the cold that gripped right on his whole being right now would have surpassed that of the lake. He felt like he couldn't move. With his hand still gripping on the letter, he made an attempt to walk to the floo, only to fall on his knees from the amount of shaking his body made.

This is wrong, this shouldn't have happened. This is my fault. She was there with him because of me.

He managed to crawl his way to the fireplace in his study, reserved specifically for emergencies and connected only to several floo, including Scorpeia’s. Because that’s how it was supposed to be, isn't it? He and her. James and Scorpeia against the odds, “ ‘till forever falls apart.” he somberly whispered the password only he and Scorpeia knew. He waited with bated breath, sobs threatening to break out of the confines of his body but there was no answer, there was nobody home. 

With his last clear memories, he remembered the way he slumped down the wall after taking his previously abandoned bottle of firewhisky and he remembered plunging the empty bottle to the wall across him, resulting in the blood prints that he left behind when he walked to snag more of said alcohol.

He did not understand why, then. He did not understand the way his heart broke at that moment. He did not understand why the thought of losing her forever hurts him more than the sight of his cheating wife. He did not understand the way his heart clench with the thought of never seeing her again, 

What he did understand was that he never once swam in the Black Lake,

But at that moment, he felt like there was a force that tugged him down the cold lake and he couldn't breathe.

☼︎𝒇𝒊𝒏☼︎

[melis-ash]

have you watched elite's season 4 finale already? what are your takes on caye and phillipe? no judgements here tho, just want to know your opinion on them

 Hello, nonny! Yes, I did. My opinion about Caye and Philippe has several different aspects (which a litle bit conflict with each other).

Lets write long post.)) Sorry for mistakes and typos, English is not my first language and I`m not really good with grammar.

1) Caye and Philippe story is feminist retelling-reverse of the Beauty and the Beast, where main characters didn`t became couple and The Beauty left her Beast not for Gaston other romance, but for her own path. And their relationship helped the Beast to realize his past mistakes and make to want to fix it, even if it`s too late . Comparing with many other things in that season that storyline was not bad. Really. There MANY problems with s4, I think the best stolyline had Rebe and Mencia, it was really good, and in my personal opinion, despite many flaws, Caye and Philippe storyline is second one for me. Kinda it was not really good, but it had plot, idea, composition and message. Writers knew very clear, what they tried to say, and despite obvious lack of screen time, they handle it, and this story, despite it doesn`t connect with main plot, resonate with main storyline on the level of their ideas. (About it later.) I know, Georgina is feminist, so I wonder, could she give some advice writers? Kinda “it can work better if...” something like it.

2) Personally I`m very disappointed how OOC was Caye in that season and how few screen time she had. For me Caye from s4 feels like too much different person than in s2-3. I wanted character development for her, but something more slow and realistic. S4 Cayetana feels like all her character development happened between s3 and s4 (and partly in special, which really was very good), and I don`t believe in it. Caye from s4 is good character, but there is no real connection with Caye from s2-3.

I knew, she was very upopular character in s2-3, so maybe creators afraid to gave her too much screen time. But also they still wanted she was part of story and write redemption arc for her. And honestly, anon, these two thing can`t work together well. When you write redemption arc for well written nuanced character that Cayetana was in s2-3, you need give character enough screen time and nuances. But it seems, s4 writers don`t care enough about writing S1-3 characters in character. In s2-3 Caye was bad girl, but also she was comedy relief (but s4 has very few comedy moments), she had family (where the fuck her mother and granddad now? We know only that her mother cannot work in Las Ensinas, but don`t know, why), we saw, that she did`t sleep almost, because she learn in Las Ensinas, worked as janitor and still hung out with rich kids. (I think I began feel compassion for her, when realized it). It that seson she almost has not other scenes than with Philippe. OK, she was pariah in school during previous year, but if writers began that things with Caye and Rebe friendship, can they continue it. Rebe and Caye both had problem with their love interests and they never discussed it. Only time they speak about Philippe was in 402. Also Benjamin fired Azucena, and wanted to expel Samu and Omar, but Caye still works there? And Benjamin still protects her even? Why? I mean, after whole thing with scam in s2. Maybe it because protection of Polo`s mothers, but it never was said in s4 even. It seems, Benjamin knows things about her story with Polo (like he knows about Philippe`s past), and it could be really interesting possiblity to bring on scene that aspect of situation and Benjamin`s character and him and Caye interaction. 

Also there is something with Georgina`s acting in s4, in most of scenes she acts as different character, so maybe it was and her (as actress) decision too. I wrote before, she is feminist, and maybe she wanted to bring more feminists vibes in s4 Caye, because it makes storyline works better? Given how few connection with previous seasons on script level her s4 story had, it make sense even, it`s just feel OOC for me, because Caye is not feminist at all. She is strong and ambitious, but she is not type of women what call themselves feminists, and when she said “I became my own Fairy Godmother” in s2, she meant that she was forced to do it. Caye was girl who wanted to be princess from old school Disney animation. In s3 she wanted to live and study on Polo mother money in London and was fully OK with it. When she refused their proposition, it was because thoughts, that Polo could be alive and even more or lesser happy in other school without those her messages, haunted her. Plus when Polo died, he thought Caye was with him more because his money than because Polo himself. I remember, in her first scene Caye read  The Second Sex, but it was spectacle for her schoolmates. And when she spoke with them about her fake rich life, it always was “look how rich and glamour I am”. Partly she spoke in this way because she knew very few about rich people`s life, but also there were some of her dreams. She wanted to be rich and and be part of this glamour life. In s3 she became in some way, and she had a lot of possiblities to understand how many shit, pain and tragedies can hide for glamour facade. Theoretically she knew it before. But she was exctremely poor, so it was a little bit difficult for her to think about it too much.

3) So I think more mention of Caye`s story from s2-3 could make her and Philippe story better. Philippe himself have same problem as Polo in some way: he is rich guy, and his mother indulged him too much. Caye saw how Polo`s mother indulged him and saw where it ended. Not good for Polo and many other people. Marina and Polo could be alive and Samu`s family could live with him in Spain, if Polo`s mothers raised their son better. Even if Caye don`t care much about Guzman or Samu and she never knew Marina, she had enough time between seasons to reflect of situation. So with more s2-3 reference that “matter of education thing” Caye says to Philippe`s mother could sound not only as sort of feminist  slogan, but as something very personal and painful for Caye. She was in love with boy, who was spoiled too much by his parents (like Philippe), and it brought a lof pain him, his friends, Caye. I don`t say there are not at all attempts include previous Caye experience in s4. For example, when Caye does google research about Philippe and finds nothings, she is still suspicious because she know, how easy money could erase some thing.  Also that thing with Pilippe`s mother. I think after conversation with her,Caye realized that Philippe`s and Polo`s promblems had very much same roots. But such moments really have not enough space. Guzman had at least one scene, where he speak about his reflection on s1 evens (where he compares Mencia and Marina). I would like to see something like it with Caye.

4) Many things in Caye and Philippe storyline feel offscreen. We know they regularly talk in school, but see very few of it etc. Actors have good chemistry, and since they both like fashion design, it feels enough for beginning of communication, plus Caye had crush on Philippe long before they met, plus she was first who was really friendly with him in new school (in some way it`s repeat of Caye and Polo story, but with more positive vibes). But I want to see more illustration, why Philippe fell in love with Caye so much.

5) Now about Philippe himself. I saw many hateposts and hatecomments about him, and it`s really funny, because I constantly see how many people in this fandom love Polo and think he deserved better, despite Polo is murderer. Yes, he killed Marina out of emotion, but she is fucking dead. She will never resurrect. Guzman will remember till grave that his best friend killed his sister and then was killed by Guzman`s ex-girlfriend, because policy failed to handle their job well. Samu`s brother was forced to left Spain because it. But it took 2 seasons for Polo to understand he needs go to policy and confess he killed Marina. Caye didn`t understood how wrong her actions were till Polo`s death. I don`t know how long was Elodie`s rape, but at least Philippe didn`t need someone`s corpse to realize his mistakes. Inside standart of this show that guy isn`t hopeless. “Everybody deserve second chance” was important point in Caye`s story in s2-3, so now I wonder how writers will play this card in s5 in relationship between Philippe and Caye. 

Also I want to say I was wrong, when doubted in Pol Granch acting, he`s good additon to Elite cast.

6) Caye x Philippe storyline and main storyline. In that seson Elite brings of scene, in additon of another murder and drug traid, sex crimes. Prostitution, rapes. It`s interesting, that connection here takes place through Ari, girl, who has serious problem with sexual behavior, when she`s drunk. She`s know it`s perfectly, but also she knows, that when woman says “no”, it`s means “no” and end of story. I really like her role in Caye and Philippe story and I hope in s5 there will be at least some scenes with her and Caye. Also interesting point were Ari`s word that she never report to the police without prove. It feels ambigous. She knows, Phillippe is not angel at all. But also there is other side of coin. I think, she also knows, reputation can be ruined very easy. During s4 there was subplot with discussion club. And Samu speak that ex-criminals cannot become somebody else, even if they wants. Their reputation in society was ruined. In final of Philippe story he sent Elodie his confession. So maybe writers tried to write about theme “can criminal, who admitted his mistakes, to became somebody else?” through season and I think they will continue it in s5.

Sorry if this all sounds muddled and too long. Maybe later I will make some additon into reblogs to this post, I don`t know.

[disdaidal]

Fic Writer Questions

Nobody tagged me, I just stole this.

How many works do you have on AO3?

4 fics. I haven’t written a lot I know. But I have more ideas and I want to.

What’s your total AO3 wordcount?

12595.

How many fandoms have you written for and what are they?

On AO3, only Harringrove. On Livejournal (and other fanfiction sites), I wrote mainly jrock fanfiction (band rps, yes) and some KieferLou.

What are your top 5 fics by kudos?

Well since I only have 4, I can’t do top 5. 😂

It’s Always Been You (drunk Billy, love confession, yay)

Count Harrington (my first fic on AO3, two dorks celebrating Halloween together)

 I Want To See (All Of You) (Steve showing some love for Billy’s scars)

My Pain Brought You To Me (Bills with a migraine, Steve looking after, still a wip ughh)

Do you respond to comments, why or why not?

Yes. Haven’t got many of them and I love getting comments, so I always try to reply back.

What’s the fic you’ve written with the angstiest ending?

I don’t do angsty endings, sorry. I may be a cliché, but I want my boys to have a happy ending.

Do you write crossovers? If so what is the craziest one you’ve ever written?

I probably did a couple of crossovers back in the jrock fandom, but mostly just pairing members from different bands together. Gotta tell ya, I’m not a huge fan of crossovers in general.

Have you ever received hate on a fic?

Given that English is not my first language, I did get some mean comments on my grammar back in the day. Even when I used beta readers lmao. I think the meanest comment I got was in my own language though. This person came to give me a long-ass comment, basically criticizing my characterization, their actions and well – pretty much everything that just happened to annoy them. I guess it made them feel better about themselves. :) I got so pissed off that I ended up deleting that fic in the end. Thus, I also stopped writing fanfiction for a long time, became overly critical of my stuff.

Do you write smut? If so what kind?

Yup, though none of my AO3 fics have any explicit stuff yet (I plan to write some for that wip though, hehe). But umm… I’ve rp’d Harringrove with another person for almost a year now and we’ve written a lot of smutty scenes together already, so. I guess I’m really into dirty talk. And the boys doing it in all kinds of places, not just the usual bedroom. And sex toys too.

Have you ever had a fic stolen?

As if. xD Please.

Have you ever had a fic translated?

Back when I still used Livejournal, somebody translated one of my ficlets into Italian. <3 I was so honored. I think I still have it saved somewhere.

Have you ever co-written a fic before?

No. I’ve only rp:d.

What’s your all time favorite ship?

Ahh man, I can’t answer this. I currently really love Harringrove, but I’ve had a long history in shipping in many different fandoms so I can’t possibly pick just one. They’ve all been important to me, more or less.

What’s a WIP that you want to finish but don’t think you ever will?

Last year when Resident Evil 3 Remake came out, I actually started to write this one Carlos/Jill fic. I got as far as writing chapter two and I had it all planned (for once), and my original plan was making it 6 chapters long. But yeaaahh… who knows, maybe I’ll write it and even publish it some day. Haven’t wanted to put it up because no guarantees that I will ever finish it and don’t want to disappoint people.

What are your writing strengths?

I don’t know. I’d like to say I pay more attention to my grammar these days but that’s not entirely true, because my shit brain keeps malfunctioning and voila – there are missing words and other dumb stuff all across my writing. xD I guess I’m good at rambling and describing stuff? Cause I seem unable to keep things short. Dunno if that’s a good thing or a bad thing.

What are your writing weaknesses?

The fact that I get such vivid ideas in my head, but my fingers can’t seem to type that all down, and I get overwhelmed by it. And I still ramble a lot.

What are your thoughts on writing dialogue in other languages in a fic?

Umm… If there are a couple of lines there and there, I guess it’s okay. But if there’s a lot of it, I’ll lose my interest very quickly. This thing happened quite regularly in the jrock fandom (people mixing Japanese with English) and it became confusing to read, especially if you weren’t familiar with those words/phrases yourself. So I’d advise to keep it at minimum if you fic is going to be written mainly in English. But yeah, I mean that’s just my opinion (don’t kill me pls).

What was the first fandom you ever wrote for?

This is going to be a little embarrassing to admit but when I was 14/15, I was very much into this one band from my country and sort of wrote a self-insert story with them. xD But that’s all I’m gonna say about it rofl.

What’s your favorite fic you’ve written?

Out of the ones that I’ve published on AO3… Probably My Pain Brought You To Me. I wrote it specifically for someone else, so I got very invested in it. I’ve also got most comments on it and some people actually subscribed it too. So, I really intend to finish it.

I’m tagging @gothyringwald, @lazybakerart and @wingedbears because your fics have given me so much life recently. ♥ But I welcome other writers to take this too and tag me into it, so I can read your responses. :3

[write-the-love-story]

Is There Somewhere

Pairing: yoongi x reader Warning: theme of infidelity, angst, very vague mention of hooking up, uhh

A/N: I haven’t write in a while. I think it’s been a year since I wrote something. So, excuse me if this is shit and sorry if my grammar is fucking mess. English in not my first language. Also, I know I’m a marvel blog and this is my first time writing for BTS (or any real people in general, I write for fictional characters only, but oh well here I am). Um, also this is just something I write to keep my creative juice flowing (this is literally my fav song and Room 93 is literally from Halsey’s EP) and you don’t have to imagine it’s him, but whatever. Let me know what you think, I hope I could write more in the future.

►► Is There Somewhere - Halsey 

Room 93.

The creme colored walls are the witness of whatever this is. If this is a love story, it’s tragic. This is the love that ruins you. The love that shouldn't happen in the first place. A mistake. Yours.

The hotel downtown kept the secrets of the endless night shared between the two people that shouldn’t be together. If the walls could talk, they would tell you how stupid you are.

you were dancing in your tube socks in our hotel room

Flashing those eyes like highway signs

Light one up and hand it over, rest your head upon my shoulder

I just wanna feel your lips against my skin

"What do you think?" he asked, eyes soft and hopeful as he leaves kisses from your neck down to your exposed shoulder, watching your reaction to the melody that's coming from his phone. It's his new work. You kept quiet, but the expression on your face said a lot of things and he's happy. A smile painted on your lips, he smiled too, mirroring you.

"It's good, really good." Your eyes softened as it reached his glimmering eyes, full of adoration. You wonder if he ever noticed the way you looked at him.

"Dance with me," You said. Jumping out of the bed you, pulling out your hand from the thick cover, offering them for him to take. He didn't say anything, except rolling his eyes playfully, he took your hand anyway. The pair swayed to the melody in the background. You wonder if this was his plan all along, but you didn't question him instead you lay your head on his chest humming lightly to the music.

White sheets, bright lights, crooked teeth, and the nightlife

You told me this is right where it begins

But your lips hang heavy underneath me

And I promised myself I wouldn't let you complete me

"Just don't fall in love with me," he reminded smugly, leaving trail of bruises upon your skin. "You wish," you answered smirking down at him, running your hands through his hair, you enjoyed his company. You enjoyed it way too much. More than you should.

At that time, you were so sure of yourself. You promise to yourself and whoever told you that this is a bad idea; you wouldn’t let him complete you. It didn’t take a while for you to completely fall at his feet. Maybe you’re too drunk to not notice yourself completely falling for him until it was too late.

You prayed to God and whoever listening about they'll forgive you for all your sins. For how selfish of you to even look him in the eyes, kiss him, sleep with him, and find comfort in him. Knowing that in the end, she's the one who he comes home too.

I'm trying not to let it show, that I don't want to let this go

Is there somewhere you can meet me?

'Cause I clutched your arms like stairway railings

And you clutched my brain and eased my ailing

No one is exactly like him, you find yourself distancing yourself from him; ignoring his calls and sleeping with other people. In the end, you ended up comparing them to him. In the end, you're the one who gives in.

His contact info was glaring at you through the phone, tempting you to call him. Fingers hovering the call button you give in. Tut - tut - tut - tu-

"Hello?"

You trembled, hands gripping the phone tightly. The breath hitched on your throat when he answered. "Is there somewhere you can meet me?"

He let out a chuckled like he knew it was bound to happen, without knowing the person on the other line was smiling from ear to ear, "See you in 20."

You're writing lines about me; romantic poetry

Your girl's got red in her cheeks, 'cause we're something she can't see

"What are you writing, babe?" She asked, falling into the plush bed beside him scooting closer to him with her head on his shoulder. His eyes looked up to the person beside him, his lips quirk up. "Oh, you know." he teases, she gazed at him lovingly taking a peek at the yellow notepad on his hand reading the content he wrote, messy scribbling here and there.

She swooned over him over and over again, the heat started to creep up from her neck to her cheek. She has the shit-eating grin on her face, he's writing about her. The things he wrote, she thought she was one lucky girl.

He knows it was wrong, but he didn't say anything. He didn’t tell her how it wasn’t about her, how somewhere along the way everything changed and his heart belongs to someone else. He didn’t say it, he will keep this secret to the grave. He doesn't know if he'll regret this, but for now, he let her believe that it was all about her when it's not. It's always been you.

And I try to refrain but you're stuck in my brain

And all I do is cry and complain because second's not the same

Songs started to remind you of him and you hated it. You hated the green monster that's starting to creep up on you. You hated that you wanted to be her, lying beside him in the comfort of his room not some hotel room downtown.

"Ugh," You groaned, turning off the radio. Your friend who's driving beside you looked at you with a knowing look. "I told you this is a bad idea."

You sent her a glare, groaning again for the hundred times today. Folding your arms on your chest, you look like a child throwing tantrum, "He wasn't supposed to care." You said like it was some kind of a good excuse to explain why you love him.

"He wasn't and you're not supposed to fall in love with him."

I'm sorry but I fell in love tonight

I didn't mean to fall in love tonight

You're looking like you fell in love tonight

Could we pretend that we're in love?

I'm sorry but I fell in love tonight

I didn't mean to fall in love tonight

You're looking like you fell in love tonight

Could we pretend that we're in love?

He was lying on his back, eyes closed and a smile prominent on his face. His chest rises and falls as he tried to catch his breath in exhaustion and bliss. You adore him and you shouldn’t.

You propped your arms on the bed, trailing your soft pad of finger onto his eyelids, slowly bringing them down to his cheek, his lips, and they ended on his shoulders. You took in everything about him, scanning and memorising every feature he has like it was the last time you'll see him. He's ethereal and you wish he's yours, not hers. You can’t keep count how many times you wished he was yours.

"I'm sorry," You whispered, voice so low you think he could barely hear you. But his brows furrowed in confusion. Opening his eyes as he turned to look at you. "Why are you sorry for?"

You watched as his eyes turned from confusion to a split second of concern. Maybe it was just your eyes deceiving you in the dark.

"I'm sorry but I fell in love, could we pretend that we fell in love tonight?" You said, your eyes started to water. They’re clouded with worries afraid that he'll jump and ran out of the door, but he didn't. He smiled at you, no. He grinned like a Cheshire cat showing you the famous gummy smile that made you fall in love in the first place. Fingers trailing to grasp your open palm on his chest, he gripped them so tightly against his chest. "Okay," He hummed, staring at you before closing his eyes again he looked like he's almost he's at peace. Tonight he's at peace, tonight he fell in love.

Room 93 is where we fell in love.

[xhudgenssistersconfessions]

Hey guys! I’m the one who wrote about the Zanessa ff (about getting back together and having a son named Gregory David). I’m still writting it and it will be huge. I written in italian cause is my native language BUT I will post the ff on Wattpad and I will traslate it in english too (probably this Summer).  But here is one of my fav part that I written from chapther 12. Sorry for the grammar and the errors. I tried my best to traslate it. :) 

-Zac? -.

The girl narrowed her eyes to fight against the darkness of the room. In the twilight of the evening, at the front door, there was Zac: he seemed soaking wet and, for a moment, the girl wondered why. There was no sign of rain outside. Then he came closer and a strong smell of beer mixed with wisky invaded her nostrils.

-Zac, what you want? Are you drank?-.

Vanessa sighed. She didn’t want to be offensive to him, but she didn’t really understand why the hell he had come to her house at that time of night. And the fact that he was her friend aain now and he had been drinking worried her a lot.

-I didn’t drink- he mumbled - it’s all Dylan’s fault-..

The young man clapped his hand and the entrance lights came on revealing a Vanessa in a nightgown and a Zac wearing jeans and a white T-shirt. The boy’s clothes were wet with alcohol.

Vanessa blinked a couple of times like she was giving time to her brain to work out that vision: her ex mumbling meaningless sentences in the living room of her house.

-How … how did you get into my house? - she asked, blushing. She didn’t know why, but she felt uncomfortable wearing just a night robe.

-Your security code-

-My what? -

Zac grinned.

-Van, your gate has had the same security code for almost five years. Don’t you think it’s time to change it? -

-Have you really do… did it? What do you want Zac? - she repeated. How the hell did he remember his security code?

-I’m not drunk, if that’s what you think- he stated firmly, completely ignoring her previous question.

-You smell like alcohol- she wrinkled her nose, but her heart began to beating fast: she was worried actually. She didn’t want to see Zac again in those conditions. It made her feel bad.

-Dylan and I had a fight- Zac stared at the floor -and he spilled his drink on me. I got angry and he locked me out of my house, so I don’t know … I came here. Sorry I … I couldn’t go to Ash and Chris, they worry too much about me-.

Vanessa’s anger evaporated suddenly: Zac was intimidated by her. She ran into the bathroom and got a couple of clean towels.

-Come here … - she said to Zac, holding out a towel and passing it over his soaked hair.

Zac closed his eyes, getting lost in her touch. How far had it come? He didn’t want to mess up with Vanessa’s life, but he couldn’t help it. He felt he had to justify himself in some way, he felt he had to say anything that made him appear less messed up in the eyes of what he considered the perfect woman.

-I … -  he approached his and hands on hers - I’m not the same person as in the past and not even the one you’ve seen in these months . I’m trying to do my best Nessa. Things didn't go exactly as I wanted . My life is not all roses and flowers-.   

-Zac, you don’t have to prove anything to me-

-Yes but…-

-No … what … why did you fight with Dyl ? -

-Oh- Zac suddenly darkened -he claims that I have to stop wasting time and find a girl, as if it changed things. He knows I won’t find Miss Perfection in a blink of a eye!-. Zac raised with his finger Vanessa’s chin so she could look him in the face - I already met her , and I let her go. And now my life has changed so much that I don’t know how I could ever get her back -. 

Vanessa blinked and looked away from him. She could feel Zac’s electric gaze all over her body. She wasn’t surprised by his words.  But she couldn’t even understand exactly how they made her feel. Zac was obviously talking about her.  About her and him and how they’d changed over the years. Vanessa knew her ex was right. His life had changed… And hers changed too.

“ How do you know you already met the right person?” whispered Vanessa. 

Zac swallowed. 

-I just know it. It’s enough, ok ? -.

Vanessa looked again in his eyes. He was there, in front of her, completely drenched in alcohol blathering meaningless sentences. And  than she was here… her legs went soft and the girl’s heart began to beating fast.

The dark blue in the young man’s eyes had softened somewhat with a color he was most familiar with. Those eyes had drawn his gaze on more occasions than she could count, yet hse remembered each of them. 

-How? - she asked, big tears were forming unexpectedly in her deep dark eyes.

-Destiny- the boy shrugged - faith, God, the Universe. Call it what you want Van. I just know it. I know you were that kind of person and I … and I let you go like an idiot . In all these years there has not been a day when I have not regretted it . I had faith in us. I took it for granted. I lost you and I lost faith in almost everything else . You were the first love of my life and … after you I couldn’t love anyone else. I let you go and cursed myself for it. I know I was in love with you since I saw you at that premiere “Thunderbird”, by the way you treated the fans and your friends. And when I met you again for the audfition of High School Musical I told myself that I would never let you go . Because from the moment I told you the first I love you I knew that nothing would have been so bad in life, that nothing bad would be ever happened to me because I had you. And after that day at Ashley and Chris’ house. Van, after that day I think this is it. I think it is a sign of destiny again -.

He took a deep breath and take a step back away from her. 

Vanessa stared at him as petrified. She didn’t know what to say. She had heard every word, but it was as if her brain refused to accept it. Did Zac really make a declaration of love to her?

-I think … I think you have to go now-.

He moved away from her, squeezing the wet towel tightly .

-Van … Van I ’m so sorry … -.

Zac felt his mouth kneaded. He knew he had ruined everything with his speech. God! It was an idiot. he was a fool for thinking that Vanessa still felt something for him.

-No , you really should go now-.

-Listen … - Zac tried to touch her again, but the girl backed away.

-No you listen- the brunette’s tone of voice suddenly became serious -you can’t go to my house at this hour of the night. You are fucking drunk and you tell me these things. You can’t, it’s not fair. I have been your friend in these months, I made you confidences and your only thought was this? You used me and you used Austin-

“It wasn’t my intention to become his friend,” hissed Zac. Now he was getting nervous.

-I wasn’t the one who dragged you to Ashley’s house that day. I am not the one who called you for hanging out and having dinner wirth your so fucking perfect blonde boyfriend! I’m not the one who wanted to meet Stella again. You give me hope and now do you want to tell me that you haven’t felt anything in these months? -

-You are not my boyfriend anymore! i have Austin now and he makes me happy! Is absurd! It’s absurd! - Vanessa didn’t want to raise her voice, but she was doing it.

The brunette raised her arms in surrender and tried to march towards the door, but Zac stood before her.

-I’m not done … - he hissed through gritted teeth - don’t you remember? Was our five years of relationship a joke for you? Fuck, I was your first time! -

-Zac … no … -

-I was your first time, we grew up together, we bought a house together. We were happy! And for a very disgusting doubt of jealousy we have screwed up everything! -

-It was not a doubt! I have not accused you of anything! I was no longer happy, I felt suffocated! -

-Have you ever thought about how I felt? Have you ever thought about how bad I was at the idea of ​​losing you ?! No! Every time we were away from each other for a movie or theater production my heart literally broke up, but I had to do it! Maybe I was selfish, I thought about the career and not about us! But I was twenty-three! I was young and I was stupid and you practically condemned me and you refused to speak with me since that tall guy came on the scene!-

-You are the one who has practically ignored me for months! I sent you lot of texts and mails and you always refused to answer to me! -

-I didn’t want to see you with …-

-Well, it seems to me that you like my boyfriend a lot now -

Zac bit his tongue, but by now the words were coming out of his mouth like a flooding river. He had to let it out, he had to let it out because he’d been holding it all in for years. 

-I did it for you! Fuck, I only did it to be with you again! To have you back in my life! -.

He had finally said it. For months he had carried that secret inside his chest, for months it had weighed on him like a boulder. Now he had finally got rid of it.

Zac felt himself die at the sight of Vanessa: she was giving him an almost disgusted look.

- So you pretended to be friends with Austin just to get to me ? ! You pretend for months to be his friend just because you wanted to take me to bed! -

-Oh please! That was the least of my thoughts! - he lied, looking down for half a second.

-Oh yeah … - she taunted him - and so why you have prepared all of this? Why did you make sure you were alone with me? -

-Because I missed you!- Zac sighed, approaching her. Now his breath was calm. His eyes were glued to Vanessa’s ones.

-I missed you so much that hurt like hell. So, I said to myself that I would become his friend if this was the only way to get you back in my life. At the beginning I didn’t want it, I hatted him for many reasons … but I understand why you fell in love with him. He’s a good guy … but your eyes … you’ve never looked at him like the way you looked at me .

-Stop it… - Vanessa blushed. She was slowly losing control and she didn't like it at all . She felt a familiar feeling of warmth spread throughout the body.

-I never loved anybody. None one, as I loved you- Zac whispered, getting closer and closer.

Vanessa could mirror herself in her ex’s sapphire blue eyes, she could count and how many breaths she took…. and then they kissed.

Vanessa moved away from the kiss.

-This is wrong…-

-What matter … - Zac whispered ,: his hands slipped in the hair of the girl and he smelled  the sweet scent f lilac and coconut  that he always turned it on -I never expected to meet you again and  Ido not know what will happens tomorrow, but I know that I want to be with you-.

They kissed again, close to each other . Vanessa felt she had lost control as Zac’s powerful arms lifted her off the ground. A moment later they were in the bedroom.

[novemberwasgrey]

Last night, I had a dream about Leo Valdez and Chris Rodriguez drunk singing "La Cucaracha" with sombreros.. Is it a sign I should write a pjo/hoo karaoke one shot?

Remember that? Well, I actually wrote it. There's Chrisse, Jasper mentioned, Liper friendship, Piperisse friendship (is that even their shipname?). Sorry for grammar errors, English still isn't my mother tongue. Enjoy!

You can read it on AO3 too (link)

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

"Uh, Clarisse?"

Sighing heavily, Clarisse turned away from the dummy she was crumbling to pieces to face the person who had dared to interrupt her training.

"What is it McLean? I'm busy."

Piper approached, not the slightest scared of the daughter of Ares unlike most campers. She had learned to get to know Clarisse since she was in camp and if anything, this girl was just another example of a big heart well hidden under layers of steel (and she was also the only other person to side with when Drew was being a bitch).

"I, um, kinda need your help with how the karaoke night's progressing." she finally said, putting her hands in her jeans pockets.

Again, Clarisse sighed and put down her spear against a bench. This stupid karaoke was an idea of those dam Apollo kids and she had made it perfectly clear from the beginning that she wouldn't take any part in it.

"What now? If my siblings ridiculed themselves-"

"Oh no, we're past that, Connor and Sherman already did the stupidest singing contest on Final Countdown. Most of your cabin went to bed actually. But, um... The Stolls thought it'd be a good idea to steal some of Mr D's wine bottles...

Clarisse could already feel the headache coming as she ran a hand over her face wearily. Catching the water bottle Piper gave her, she followed her out of the arena to the Apollo cabin.

"How wasted everyone is?"

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

"LA CUCARACHA! HEY! La Cucaracha, la Cucaracha, hey hey, ya no puede caminar... ¡Porque le falta, porque le falta–"

"What... On... Hades..." Clarisse voiced, not even sure what to do or say right now.

On the small scene the Apollo kids had set in their cabin for the event were standing Leo Valdez and Chris Rodriguez singing (or rather, screaming in the mic) the most cliche Hispanic song that ever existed. Both were wearing sombreros and colorful ponchos, shaking maracas in all directions.

Clarisse loves her boyfriend, she really does. But right now, he looked like the most ridiculous fool she's ever laid her eyes on.

Next to her, Piper was chuckling.

"Oh. Well they weren't as bad when I went to get you."

Around them, everyone else was pretty intoxicated. Some were laughing at Chris and Leo's performance, others were making out, the Stolls were preparing new murderous cocktails with different wines and juice, and some who didn't seem to tolerate alcohol that good were already snoring on any comfortable surface of the cabin.

"Is that Drew with Kayla?!" Piper shrieked at two campers making out on the couch.

"Stay focused, McLean! " Clarisse reminded, feeling her patience wearing thin. "I'm going to kill the Stolls one day... I'll take care of Chris, you of Valdez?"

"Got it."

They got on the stage once the song was over and the boys practically jumped on them with exaggerated joy.

"Pipeeees! My favorite girl in the world! Oops, don't tell Cal' I said that." Leo shouted before he started to laugh hysterically, his sombrero falling from his head.

"Don't worry, it'll be our little secret." Piper promised as she was retaining a smile.

Lucky for him, Calypso had been gone for two days when Reyna and Hazel offered to make her visit New Rome.

Clarisse, however, was far from laughing at her boyfriend's antics.

"Clary!" The son of Hermes shouted as he smothered her in his arms.

"I told you not to call me that in public!"

"I missed you so m... What's the word again? Much. I missed you so much."

"Let's get you guys to bed." the daughter of Aphrodite reasoned as she eventually got a hold on Leo's frame – he was falling asleep anyway.

"Woooow, slow down McLean! You're not my type, I'mma go to bed with only one girl here and that's the drakon slayer next to meee-"

"Rodriguez, shut the Hades up!" Clarisse yelped, her cheeks red, with anger or because of what Chris had just said, that Piper will never know.

With a strength that wasn't even surprising anymore when you got to know Clarisse la Rue, she pulled her boyfriend forcefully to her side and helped him get off the stage, holding him by his shoulders.

At some point, Piper had to carry Leo on her back as he couldn't walk at all.

Reaching the Dionysus cabin – Pollux had made it the official cabin for drunk people to sleep in – had never been more difficult for the two girls. Leo, still perched on Piper's back, was loudly complaining at Chris that they didn't have time to sing Viva La Vida Loca and Chris was shouting the cheesiest love declarations to the poor daughter of Ares.

When they finally got to Cabin 12, the young Cherokee girl made sure Leo drank enough water to mitigate the horrible hangover that would come next morning while Clarisse helped Chris laying on a bunk.

"Mmh, Claryyyy. Come on, say it. At least one time."

Clarisse sighed. "Fine. I love you."

"Mmh, I luv you too... You're the love of my life..." Chris replied as he yawned and his eyes closed.

Piper was sure she had seen the ghost of a smile appearing on Clarisse's face but if she did, she didn't point it out. Soon, the two drunkards were fast asleep and all the girls could hear as they sat on a bunk facing them, was their snoring.

Clarisse turned to her, her face dead serious. "If you ever repeat what you heard tonight-"

"I won't! Cool down. Besides, you're not the only one. Leo rambled the entire night about how I'm the best supreme best friend he ever had, but that I can't tell Jason about it."

The war girl snorted. "Speaking of which, why didn't you have fun with your boyfriend and all the other fools over there?"

The Cherokee shrugged, leaning on her elbows. "I don't know. Sometimes I just don't like to mingle with the crowd. And I knew someone was going to have to stay conscious. Even Annabeth's drunk."

"You gotta be kidding me."

"Nope. Worth seeing." Piper laughed and Clarisse followed her.

And suddenly, that laughter reminded the daughter of Ares of another one she hadn't heard for a long time. Such a long time that she actually started to forget how it sounds like and that mere fact was saddening her more than anything.

Clarisse knew Piper wasn't Silena. She could never be. But Clarisse knew something for sure: she would have loved her new sister.

Piper stood up, stretching her arms behind her head. "What do you say we go back to this karaoke thing? I feel we're going to have to take care of more than two people tonight."

"Urgh. Do we really have to?" Clarisse moaned, her wish to kill the Stoll getting more intense every second.

It was true that if Chiron was to see all their drunk asses, they'll be punished for life.

"Well if it can motivates you, I heard before leaving that drunk Jason and drunk Percy were begging to sing Gangnam Style together."

"Okay you got me, McLean. I would never miss Prissy making a fool of himself."

[x-ximenas]

Love Means Trouble: Chapter 2

Prompt: Hurricane by Halsey, which you can find in this playlist.

Pairing: OC/Nikki Sixx

Warnings: Alcohol consumption, drug consumption, mentions of smut  and my terrible grammar and punctuation remember English’s not my first language.

Word Count: 5,354 words

A/N: I’m really sorry for taking this long, but I’ve had a hard time writing this bit and suddenly in just one sit I wrote the triple of what I already had, fuck me... Also, if you liked this bit, I’d love to hear some comments! If you’d like to be added to a taglist for upcoming parts comment, dm me, ask me… just communicate with me!

// Prologue // Previous Chapter // Next Chapter //

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Circe woke up with a groan, a hand immediately coming up to cover her eyes from the burning light that came through her curtains, every morning she seemed to realise how much she loathed the LA sun, especially when she woke up with a headache, a stuffy nose and a body both naked and sore. She removed her companion's arm from where it was lying on her stomach as she made up her mind to go pour herself some water and a glass of Jack, neat and on the rocks.

On her way out of the bedroom, she bent down to pick up her discarded panties and the red tube top she had worn the night before. She could care less about the man that was still sleeping on her bed, she had met him yesterday as he approached her halfway through Mötley's set and unlike with Nikki, she decided to give the poor man a chance, not like she was going to see his face ever again. Furthermore, she didn't even remember his name, it had slipped her mind as soon as it left his mouth, reason why she refrained from moaning his name -not like she felt like moaning out of pleasure last night.

Circe went up the stairs, her partner for the night -was his name Will? Or maybe Mike? Fuck who cares- trailing behind her like a lost puppy, his eyes noticeably glued to her ass, practically drooling and getting mildly hard from just the thought of getting to do what he pleases with that.

Circe wanted to have fun, but she could already tell that she had said yes to the wrong man, he reeked of selfishness under the 2 dollar cologne and cheap booze he had drunk that night; her last resort to help her have some fun was teasing, her expertise.

She took her time opening her door, not minding the insistence of the man behind her, in his intoxicated state he truly believed that thrusting upwards into her ass and kissing her neck was going to make her break, sweet thing he was just so painfully wrong, Circe pushed her ass back against him, earning a deep grunt, as she put the key in the lock, moving the key around before finally unlocking the door.

Once inside she didn't even mind turning the lights on, not like he'd let her, he swiftly -read aggressively- turned her around to face him, both hands travelling to cup her ass and push her forwards as to make their hips meet, making her feel his -disappointment of- excitement. This was going to be a long night and not one of the pleasing ones...

As she downed the glass of Jack in one gulp, she felt how a pair of arms wrapped themselves around her frame, a dissatisfied roll of eyes were her silent answer before she actually turned around to acknowledge the man before her. He was attractive, for sure, a strong nose, with a piercing set of eyes, they were a very common colour -quite like hers-, a dark shade of brown, but you could feel them on top of you as they held quite an intense flame to them; his lips were slightly pouty and a nice shade of rosé; and despite all of this nice characteristics she felt no real attraction to him whatsoever, what happened the night before wasn't meant to happen again, especially because she had no real fun, no orgasms, none, zip, zero, quite disappointing to say the least. So with an almost unnoticeable smirk, she broke the silence:

"I was wondering when you were going to wake up." Queue a slight bat of her eyelashes.

"You were? -cocky casanova eyes, ridiculous- Bet you want another go, right doll?" Airhead, she thought but kept her act up, her smirk becoming more prominent when she felt his hands travel downwards, tracing the small of her back and the curve of her ass as to rest comfortably there, both hands cupping, grabbing and pinching at will as he thrust upwards into her, Circe just faked a small moan.

"Yes, I was" she said, coming up with a small plan inside her pretty little head.

Looking downwards in false bashfulness, her hands trailing upwards from his chest to the back of his neck, playing with the messy hair that lingered there. Then she crooked her neck to face him completely, a small smile playing on her velvety lips; she leaned forward, her nose close to rubbing against his and as he moved to meet her halfway on a kiss, she moved her head back a bit, her smile transforming to an almost full Cheshire Cat grin, not like he actually noticed, such an airhead. He moved one of his hands to her hair, to coax her back in position; but Circe, having none of it, placed a single finger between them, laying it on top of his lips, ceasing his movements. Next thing, that same finger started to move south, pulling on his lip as she went; it crossed over his neck, down his chest drawing small figures on his sternum, then it moved down his stomach and as she reached under his navel she decided to stop, earning a soft hiss from the man.

"Aren't you going to do something, doll?" he demanded, but his voice broke in frustration, his eyes closed. Finally, her hand moved inside his trousers and as she closed in on him, she stopped once again, earning yet another groan of exasperation.

Before her hand had slipped underneath the clothing her face looked innocent, nearly angelic, but once he opened his eyes, he was almost certain he was gazing at the devil; she had a mischievous smirk on her lips and an equally wicked-looking spark shone brightly on her chocolate coloured eyes.

"I think it's quite late for you to be here...isn't it time you leave, sweet pie?" she said, a fake pout on her lips. She slightly tightened her grip on him before removing her hand and turning around, her back facing him.

"Are you really telling me to leave?" The man questioned in anger, placing himself in front of the brunette from, the countertop being the thing that divided them. He was clearly frustrated, his hard-on being a clear tell-tale of such fact this only made Circe feel better with herself.

"Yes, sweetie, I've got places to go to... and people will arrive here soon enough, I'm sure you don't want to give them the wrong impression" Circe said, the devilish smile never dropping from her lips as she placed a cigarette between them, lighting it up without breaking eye contact with the nearly naked man in front of her.

"You can come back some other day if you like..." she lied, as she started heading towards the man in front of her, her fingers dragging over the surfaces of the countertop and the walls as she made her way to him. She took a drag from her cigarette before connecting her soft lips against the man's, letting the smoke blow between their conjoined mouths, making a small moan drop from his lips.

"Fine" he answered as he broke the kiss, making Circe smile.

Circe then poured herself another glass of whiskey and sat on the couch in her small living room. As she watched how the man picked his clothes up from where they randomly lied on the ground, she switched between taking a puff out of the cigarette between her lips and taking a drink out of her glass; she laughed to herself enjoying the little show the man before her was putting up, his flustered cheeks and quick pace seemed hilarious to her as he continued his search. Soon enough she was met with an empty apartment.

She took that as the queue to pick up her own clothes and head to the bathroom, for she died to remove the dried sweat from her skin and whichever other dried fluid that lied on her. She decided to make a quick job out of it, not wanting to open the door for Tommy in just a towel.

Walking out of the shower naked not caring to wrap a towel around herself felt like a relief from the rising heat in LA, not really wanting the constriction of the fabric around her chest and aching to feel the soft breeze that managed to enter from her open window. She reached her closet, pulling out a pair of clean panties and a bralette out of a built-in drawer, then she picked out her favourite pair of overalls, the one she used whenever she painted. As she swiftly put on all of her clothes a knock on her front door made her rush even more, she was certain that she knew who was standing outside, Tommy waiting for his review of the previous night.

"It's open Tommy!" She yelled from her room, knowing the boy was soon to become impatient and she wasn't even close to the door to let him in properly.

"Hey, Ce!" yelled Tommy from the entryway, before closing the door behind him, "brought breakfast, thought you might want some."

"What did you bring?" Circe said as she adjusted her clothes, walking to her living room and as she looked up she found herself not only facing Tommy, but Vince as well, a small embarrassment infused blush crept up her face. "Hey, Vince."

"Hey" he muttered back, leaning over Tommy to take the food from Tommy's hands.

"Blueberry pancakes for me and waffles for you, you freak" Tommy answered Circe, earning a roll of eyes and a punch on the side of the arm.

"Waffles are better, just fucking admit it, you just have bad taste" Circe bit back, accepting the container that probably held her food from Vince's hands.

"Whatever, Ce" Tommy said, standing up in search of the maple syrup and forks for the trio.

"So... how did Tommy convince you to come, Vince?" Circe asked with a smile, "What was the cost? A Jack bottle? A baggie? Cause I know the price must be high."

"You don't actually believe that I wanted to see you?" Vince answered with a smug smile, draping an arm over the sofa he was sitting in. Just as Circe was opening her mouth to answer Vince, Tommy handed her a fork and wordlessly poured some syrup on her waffles.

"It's kinda hard to believe" Circe answered, covering her mouth as to avoid little crumbs falling out her mouth. She swallowed the bite she took and proceeded, "it's not like you don't love me, I know you do, but you never come see me" a smirk prominent in her lips, a joking glint dancing in her eyes.

"You've never invited me here, all your notes are for Tommy, sweet cheeks, no Vince, it's like you've forgotten about me" Vince bit back, a spark lit up in Vince's eyes, mirroring Circe's look.

"Oh, boo hoo" Circe mocked as she took another bite to her waffle.

"Stop bickering, you're like kids" muttered Tommy, making both Circe and Vince burst out laughing.

"Us kids? Oh, Tommy, sweetheart stop" Circe managed to get out between laughs, Tommy snorted out a laugh failing at the job of staying serious, joining them.

After the laughter died down, silence took its place, the only sound in the living room was the trio chewing on their food and Tommy's leg bouncing uncontrollably.

"Well, -Tommy gulped down his last remaining bit of pancake- what did you think of last night's gig?"

"It was so good -Circe extended the o's in so to punctuate her point- you did a fucking great job back there with the drums, man. And you Vince? You're giving the groupies a show up there, got them drooling and shit, just fuck one of them already."

"Already have, Ce" Vince said casually, making Circe laugh a bit.

"Of fucking course Vin, who cares about your girlfriend, right?" Circe answered, mischief in her eyes, making Vince roll his eyes and flip her the bird.

"What about you, Tommy? Getting laid?" Circe continued not before flipping Vince back, a grin on her face. Tommy didn't care to answer verbally, he just laughed, and Circe took that as a 'duh, yeah.'

Silence. "Anyways... when are you putting the album out, I need some new shit to listen in the car, man."

"Soon, I guess" answered Vince.

"We haven't gotten around to finding a studio to record it, nor a record label" Tommy added, shrugging.

"If you want me to help you I can, just let me connect you to someone or some shit" Circe said, abruptly standing up from her place before being pulled back down by Tommy.

"Don't worry about it, we'll get around to it, on our own" Vince said, calmly might I add.

"Kay, just offering you some help, though you can make up your own record label for this kind of shit" Circe said, putting both her hands up in defence, catching both guys eyes.

"You got a new tattoo?" Tommy said, grabbing Circe's arm, examining the new ink in his best friend's arm, when did she get it and how did he not notice it?

"Yup" she answered, popping the p.

It was a very simple tattoo, a snake that crawled down her arm to her hand, the head of the snake barely reaching the first bracelet of her hand and its tongue meeting her destiny line, the snake's body wrapped itself around one of Circe's old scars.

"That's so fucking cool, dude" Tommy said excitedly, a giant grin gracing his features, his elbow hitting Vince's side as to make him say something encouraging to the brunette.

"Yeah Ce, that's gnarly, man" Vince said with an honest smile, not meeting Circe's gaze, his eyes still examining the ink.

"Thanks, guys... So - Circe finally stood up- I'm going to try and do some work but you can stay if you like" she said, dusting off her overalls.

"Nah, we'll leave you to it" said Tommy, dismissing her with a hand movement.

Both boys stood up from her places, saying goodbye to Circe with a kiss on the cheek before a light went off inside her head.

"Hey dickheads, put the forks in the sink and fucking drop the rest of the shit in the garbage" she yelled from inside the apartment, earning an annoyed groan from both boys who for a moment thought they'd gotten away with leaving things as they were.

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More than just a few hours had passed since the two messy boys left Circe's apartment, leaving her alone to procrastinate on the work that was starting to pile up.

Currently, she was sitting facing the TV, a Roger Taylor interview playing on some random channel, she sighed quite loudly as she saw the blond man talking about his solo debut album, he looked quite strange standing up all alone in an interview, lacking the company of his bandmates, it was a strange thing to look at, to say the least.

With a shake of her head, she stood up to turn her TV off, finally deciding to address the things that were due to do. She went to the spare room in the apartment, an unfinished painting standing in the background of the room looking at her in judgement -almost. Yet another sigh escaped her mouth as she ruffled her hair, she headed back to the living room, bending down to the floor, deciding to put some music that could inspire her enough to finish her work. As she went through her vinyls her eyes were practically drawn to the bunch of Queen vinyls and the Fun In Space one, a smile slipped by her as she stared at the funny little alien on the cover reading a magazine of sorts with Roger's face stamped on it, she took it out of the pile as she made up her mind, the man was promoting the album, so why not play it and give it a chance. She slipped the vinyl out of its sleeve, walking to the player, her eyes quickly scanned through the selection of songs and as she lifted the needle to place the vinyl in place an insisting knock on her door cut her short.

As the knocks grew sharper and closer to one another Circe let out an exasperated yell:

"Coming! -then she followed it with an angry mumble- goddammit."

When she opened the door she was faced with a mess of brown hair and blown out hazel eyes, Tommy, again.

"Hey, Ce!" said the tall man quite excitedly taking a drink out of an uncapped bottle of Jack.

"Hey, Tommy, what are you doing here?... again" she said, snorting out a small laugh when Tommy practically choked on the drink from trying to answer her quickly.

"I'm here to invite you over to our party, you should come!!!" He replied, pointing at her with his index finger, the bottle tightly held by the other 4 fingers.

When Tommy moved his hand closer to Circe, she caught a sniff of the liquor he had been drinking, her throat quickly drying up and her mouth slightly watering at the thought of having more than a couple of drinks. Even though she had a bottle on top of her countertop she hated drinking alone and she wasn't up for buying another bottle anytime soon, the bottle of Jack she kept around was there for whenever she craved a small sip of a hard drink instead of a snort of coke, she drank it to help her artist block -despite it helping make it bigger, but who cares, right?.

"Oh, c'mon Ce!!! You can even fuck Nikki up or some shit" Tommy tried to convince the brunette in front of him, who's gaze shifted between the inside of her apartment and him.

"I don't know Tommy" she mumbled, she hated saying Tommy 'no' as much as she has been doing lately, but she had work to do and alcohol wasn't going to help.

"I-I-I can help you with your little game or something, please Circe" he continued, giving her his best puppy eyes as he started to wiggle the bottle of Jack in front of her face, mockingly almost. "I know you want some..."

"I do, but I need to finish this painting..." She weakly argued.

"You can finish it later, I've seen you do it before, c'mon Ce! Don't be such a bore" Tommy continued taunting her, finally she caved as she took the bottle from him, giving it a large gulp.

"No more drinks for me, I'm going with you for a bit and then I'm coming back to finish this shit" She said, walking inside her apartment, Tommy close behind her.

"Coke then?" He taunted with a lopsided smile, she just let out a laugh and a nod as she headed to her closet.

She quickly searched through the clothes, thinking about what to wear for their 'casual' party, taking in consideration the fact that Nikki was going to be there and if he was still up for a few more rounds of push a pull she had to look good to play the part. After a while, she finally settled on an old Generation X shirt that had gone under some alterations to make her fit her frame whilst being long enough to be considered a dress; Circe had cut off the sleeves of the shirt and the fabric around the neck, making it have a deeper neckline that showed a bit of her chest. Then she pulled out a pair of fishnet stockings and her high heeled ankle boots. To sum up her outfit she decided to go punk but glam, apparently.

After placing everything on her bed she turned to Tommy with her eyebrows raised high, who just stared back with a dopey smile.

"What?" He questioned, his smile never dropping.

"I have to change Tommy..." Circe mumbled in slight annoyance.

"So..." He teased, Circe just rolled her eyes, she knew she wasn't going to make him leave the room so she decided to undress with him on the room, it has happened before, so who cares, really.

"Like the outfit, Ce" Tommy mentioned as he passed her the stockings, not really minding the fact that his best friend was standing in front of him in just underwear. Circe just hummed and nodded in response while putting the stocking on.

The room fell in comfortable silence as Circe got dressed, Tommy handing her the clothes she required as he kept drinking from the bottle of Jack, soon enough Circe was done dressing up, deciding to put some make-up on her bare face. Heading to the bathroom she quickly came up with a simple look, not much had to be done, she was only putting on some black eyeliner to frame her eyes accompanying it with mascara, also she was going to brush up her eyebrows and paint her lips maroon.

"Done!" She said as she walked back to her bedroom, her hands messing up her curls a bit, adding a slight volume to them.

"Great, let's go" Tommy said, jumping off the bed.

As they both walked out the room and neared the door a thought popped in Circe's head.

"Want to do some lines before we head out, T-bone?" She said excitedly, grabbing Tommy by the wrist to cease his movements. At the mention of coke, Tommy's eyes lit up with a mischievous flame, a flame that mirrored Circe's.

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Once they arrived at the small apartment complex near the Whiskey, Tommy opened the window and let her in before he did, making a reverence as she stepped through. As soon as Circe was inside Nikki's eyes were quickly drawn to her in an almost magnetic manner, his gaze trailing up and down as he examined every bit of skin exposed, catching a small glimpse of a vine and a thorn around her thigh; a smirk was quickly rising up his features thinking that the brunette had come around on her own, without the ass from last night trailing behind her.

Nikki's excitement was quick to fall when he noticed Tommy entering the room right behind Circe, his long arm quickly wrapping himself around her shoulder's pressing her against her side.

"Play nice" Tommy whispered teasingly to Circe before walking away, making her smile.

Circe looked around the room, taking notes on the kind of people that hung up with these guys, realising that it was mostly a female population, some accompanied with their boyfriends -clear mistake to bring your girl at a rock star's house- and other by their friends. Without much thought Circe headed to the countertop that divided the itched from the living area, looking around to see what they were offering for drinks.

"Well, well, well, Tommy finally made you show the fuck up" Vince teased, leaning on the countertop, offering her a bottle of vodka.

As Circe's hands went to go grab the bottle, Vince pressed it to his chest. "Nah-ah, you're gonna drink it from the bottle and I'm gonna pour it"

Queue, Circe rolling her eyes." Just fucking do it" she said as her head bent backwards, her mouth hanging open waiting for Vince to pour some vodka in her mouth -so much for not wanting to drink.

"There we go, baby" Vince coaxed as he saw the brunette drink what he had poured down her throat.

"Thanks, Vince" she said, whipping her mouth as she jokingly winked at him.

"I was told by Tommy over there about your game plans for Nikki" Vince said, inching closer to Circe's face, he was smirking triumphantly.

"Well, Tommy should shut up about that, and you too, understood blondie?" She threatened, her eyebrows rising, he just huffed out a laugh.

"A'right" was all he said before leaving, making Circe roll her eyes yet again.

With a shake of her head, Circe decided that she had had enough of being inside the Crüe's apartment and that she desperately needed to have a smoke. As she walked past the band's table on her way out, she caught a glimpse of some cut lines perfectly laid out on top of a cymbal, making her stop in consideration. Said cease of movement caught Tommy's eyes, who just signed her to approach him.

"Want some?" Circe looked at the drummer with playfull eyes and then she nodded, "then have some"

Circe moved closer to Tommy, taking notice on the three pairs of eyes that followed her every movement. One pair looked at her with a knowing glance -Vince's; another pair analysed her every movement and was quick to connect the dots between Circe and Tommy, considering that he actually paid attention to him every once in awhile -Mick's; and the final pair of eyes were challenging and underneath that, jealous -Nikki's.

Tommy pulled Circe onto his lap, making her push down a giggle -so much for not wanting her to play this game; Tommy then grabbed the cymbal, placing it in front of Circe who was handed some rolled-up bucks by Vince. Her eyes scanned the lines, trying to figure out which one she wanted, settling for the one on the left; she placed down the rolled-up bucks by the end of the line, then she bent down to get her nose closer to it, finally snorting the white powder. It burned slightly, but not as much as it did the first time she had done it, it was almost a pleasing burn especially since she was aware of the effect that came afterwards.

Circe stood up from Tommy's lap, looking around the table to see everyone's reaction, though their expression hadn't changed much from how it was before. Dusting off her made-up dress, Circe returned to her initial course, outside.

Once outside a sudden breeze of air hit her face, making the alcohol she had just drunk along with the coke she just snorted take a harsher effect. She breathed out hoping that it would help clearing up her head, but how do you clear your head when the music from inside the apartment was really loud and the walls were thin enough that she even managed to hear the rocking of someone's bed. With a shake of her head, she started to pat around her waist hoping to feel the outline of her pack of cigarettes somewhere around the elastic of her stockings, but she was just faced with the outline of her clothes, making her groan in frustration.

"So much for not being a groupie, don't you think, babe?" A voice broke her out of her daze of annoyance, said voice dripped poison, but still offered her a cigarette, almost as if he had read her mind. Circe faced Nikki, both leaning on the railing of the 'hallway' as she took the cigarette, placing it between her lips, waiting for him to pull one out for himself so he could light her's up.

"Well, it is true, I'm not a groupie" Circe mocked, seeing as Nikki lit up her cigarette and then his.

"Are you sure? With that fucking show you put up inside I'd think otherwise" He mocked back, never breaking eye contact with the brunette.

"You call that a show? You ain't seen nothing yet, babe" Circe said with a smirk, breathing out smoke, "and I've only been here for not more than an hour..." She dragged out, earning a huffed-out laugh from Nikki.

"I'm sure of that" he added, taking a puff out of his cigarette, letting the smoke escape from between his lips, Circe's eyes drifting downwards for a second before locking eyes with him once more.

Nikki noticed the movement Circe's eyes made, causing a sneer to grace his features, it was his moment to make a move, it was his turn to play the cat instead of the mouse. He looked at the girl, his eyes slowly trailing from his face down to her exposed legs; the lack of proper lighting made it hard to distinguish her pupil from the iris- though it might also be from her current state-, he recalled from the night before that her eyes were a dark shade of brown, not chocolate-coloured nor coffee-coloured; her nose was mostly straight except for the slight crook at the very top, it was nearly unnoticeable but under deep examination, one could tell she had once broken her nose; her lips were painted the exact same shade as the last time he had seen her, a deep maroon shade that complemented her slightly bronzed skin and that gave the illusion of a fuller mouth, a mouth that he already desired to kiss and put in good use, not like he didn't enjoy the few words he had managed to get out of her, she was feisty and he liked it; when moving his gaze downwards he found himself looking at her chest a few freckles had been splattered on the skin, giving it a realistic touch, making it human; then his eyes moved to her left arm finally taking his time to look at the intrinsicate flower design that hid the figure of a woman, the flowers were of a strange combination, but the ones that he could actually tell apart were the roses from the others.

Nikki's gaze fell heavy on Circe's body, she felt naked underneath while being completely clothed and it thrilled her; she had an idea of what he was doing but that didn't stop the adrenaline from pumping through her system, expecting his next movement, knowing he was taking his time to take his well-deserved revenge on the brunette, she knew she was the mouse and she was willing to play, but she was still going to try to put up the fight -try being the keyword.

He moved off the railing, placing himself parallel to it, in front of Circe; then he walked towards her, Circe could feel her heartbeat accelerating as his hands were placed on top of the railing at her sides, his forearms grazing hers as she moved under his gaze. Circe removed the cigarette from her lips putting it out with the cold metal before throwing it out; her breathing that was once controlled by the intake of smoke was starting to become heavier, now she could take in his scent and it was intoxicating, he smelt like all things 'good', smoke, Jack and blood, he smelt like danger and she loved it.

Nikki removed his cigarette from his lips and mimicked Circe's movements, putting it off and throwing it out. Now, there was nothing between them, not like last time and it made her feel anxious, especially when he moved closer to her, their bodies practically pressing against one another. Nikki's face neared her's, he brushed their noses together and as his lips brushed against her's she took in a sharp breath causing him to let out a breathy laugh.

"What do you want me to do, babe?" Nikki whispered, moving from her face to her ear, rubbing the side of his face slightly against hers.

"What do you want to do?" Circe questioned back, trying to regain some power over this situation, reason why her hands moved up to Nikki's neck, her nails scraping the back of his head, pulling on the hair lightly.

Nikki didn't answer he just let out a frustrated huff, enjoying the feeling of her nails and hands were they laid, it was posessive, almost. He, then, moved his face back in front of her's, their gaze never braking and as he almost met her mouth, Circe closed her eyes, but the kiss never came, instead, Nikki nibbled on Circe's lower lip, a moan dropping from her before she could catch it.

Then he broke the trance they were in, pushing his body off of her's and walked back inside, leaving Circe heaving.

Two can play this game...

// Next Chapter //

[cherries-n-rocknroll]

BUCKET LIST (Roger x Reader) Chapter 1

Chapter 2 // Chapter 3 

Click here for the BUCKET LIST masterlist // Click here for my full masterlist

Summary: You and Roger meet at the record shop that you work at. And after some chatting about music you quickly become good friends. He finally manages to take you to one of his Queens gigs but things don’t really go as you anticipated.

Pairing: Roger x Reader

Warnings: Probably some swearing, some angst at the end, fainting.

Word count: 2k

A/N: This is my first fanfic series EVER so I’m still learning. I’m honestly really enjoying the writing. Never thought that would happen. I don’t know if the beginning is very good, but I hope my writing gets better as the story progresses. IF YOU HAVE FEEDBACK, PLEASE TELL ME SO I CAN IMPROVE. The timeline isn’t super accurate or anything, but this is fiction, so yeah. English isn’t my first language so I apologize for any dumb grammar mistakes. And I want to thank @hiyadarlingirl for correcting some of them. 

Have fun reading!

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Chapter 1 ‘The list’

“You can’t just sit at home all day! Come on Y/N live a little” Roger said chuckling while softly pushing an elbow into your side. “You know what, you are going to make a list of things you have never done before and we are gonna do them together.”

“Really? A list?!  I’ve got better things to do.” You replied.

“Like what exactly?” 

A few months ago this guy kept showing up at the record shop you were working at. And one time you decided to have a chat with him. One thing led to another and you and Roger quickly ended up hanging out almost every weekend, talking about music and watching movies. If Roger didn’t have a gig with his band. In the few months you had been friends with Roger you didn’t know what had hit you. He was a lot. He always pushed you to do things that were far out of your comfort zone. You hated it and loved it at the same time.

“I’m just not as wild as you Roger! That you like to go out every Saturday night doesn’t mean that other people like doing that too.” You hissed.

“But we can change that.” He said with a smirk on his face.

He suddenly stood up from the couch that you were lounging on. “Okay. Do you have paper and a pen?” He said standing in front of you with his hands on his hips.

“No, we’re not doing this!” You raised your voice.

“Then I’ll find it myself,” He said with an arrogant grin on his face. 

“Fine! But you have to promise me that you won’t think I’m weird.”

“I already think you’re weird. That’s why I like you.”

“Sometimes I wonder why I still hang out with you.” You sighed slightly annoyed.

“Because I’m irresistible,” Roger said. A cocky smile yet again appearing on his face.

“Okay, fine Mr amazing I’ll grab it.”

You opened a drawer of your hardwood cabinet. You once found it at a second-hand shop and you couldn’t resist buying it. It was very beautiful but very heavy and you still wondered how you had managed to get it to your apartment.

The drawer made a soft creaking sound as you opened it. You searched through some papers and took out a little notepad and a pen that laid on your desk.

Roger snatched the pen and paper out of your hand and positioned himself onto your leather couch. He wrote something down in big letters. You followed the movement of his hand and it read.

Bucket list

“Go ahead love, I’m waiting,” Roger said while tapping the pen on his leg.

“Uhm…” You muttered, trying to think of something that wasn’t too embarrassing.

“I can think of some things,” Roger said, and he started writing.

Bucket list:

Go an actual party at a club

As soon as you read the first line you felt your cheeks turn a darker shade of pink. You were 23 for god sake and you had never been to an actual party at a club. Well, you sometimes stopped by one to pick up a friend, but you never participated in the whole going out thing. 

Roger had a habit of calling you in the middle of the night when he was at a party or club, or after late night gigs. He would always call you to tell you how awesome it was. That the audience was so enthusiastic, and he would tell you about weird things that had happened that night. He always sounded so excited and even though you were hardly following anything he was saying, it was worth being woken up for. You would always ask him if he was okay and if he could get home safe. He would constantly tell you that he was fine, but if you heard that he was drunk you would always come to pick him up because you didn’t want him to accidentally hurt himself. You usually took him to your apartment and put him down on the couch with a blanket. You sometimes stopped to look at him. A little bit of light slipping through the curtains, illuminating his smooth features. He looked so peaceful in those moments.

“You know Y/N I still don’t understand why you never go to party’s at clubs.”

“I just don’t like the loud music, it smells like alcohol and it’s warm and sweaty.” You replied while you made a disgusted face.

“It’s not that bad. You should come with me for once. I’ll introduce you to my bandmates, it’ll be fun.”

“I’ll think about it.”

Later that week

“Emily! could you come here for a second” You yelled to your housemate and best friend. “What do you think Em?”

“O honey, you’re not going to your grandma.” She said while standing in the doorway. “I’ll find you something else.” Emily walked to your closet and started looking through it. She grabbed a dress that had been laying in the back of your closet for ages. “Here, put this on.” She tossed you the dress.

It was a red dress and the print and fabric choice reminded you of those Asian dresses. You thought it was very beautiful but you were never confident enough to wear it because it was very short and tight and the color screamed for attention. Which wasn’t exactly your favorite thing in the world.

You stood in front of your mirror with Emily beside you.

“Are you sure it’s not too much?”

“Noo, it’s cute! Besides you’re going to a club after all.”

You grabbed a pair of platform heels to go with your outfit and added some necklaces and a pair of earrings. You glanced into the mirror one last time and actually thought you looked rather hot. 

It was dark outside and you waited for Roger to come and pick you up. Even though it was summer you were shivering a little and you were happy when you heard the sound of Rogers car.

“Good evening Mrs. Y/L/N. You look out of the ordinary”

“Yeah, I was feeling bold.”

“Well, You look stunning,” Rogers comment caused your cheeks to blush a little. He could be mean and harsh sometimes, but he truly had his sweet side too. And it made your heart melt a little.

You got into the car and Roger put on some music. As soon as a nice song came on you and Roger started singing very loud. It was something you two always did. It helped a little with the cold. But Roger noticed that you were still shivering a little and offered you his leather jacket.

“No thank you, I’m fine Rog really!”

“C’mon Y/N you’re shaking,” Roger replied with a hint of concern in his voice.

Roger pulled up to stop at the side of the road and handed you his jacket. “Here, put this on.”

You followed his command, not wanting to start an argument over this.

You entered the club and a wave of warmth hugged your body. You relaxed at the feeling of it. Maybe this wasn’t so bad after all.

The dance floor was filled with people. Their body’s seemingly merging into each other. You let your mind drift off a little as you swayed your body to the beat of the music.

You suddenly were pulled out of you daze when you felt a hand on your shoulder and quickly turned around to face this person. It was Roger. Of course it was Roger. “Enjoying this after all?” He said “You wanna come backstage? I’ll introduce you to my mates.”

“Sounds fun.” You cheered, raising your voice to make yourself heard above the loud music.

Roger grabbed your hand to pull you through the crowded space and led you backstage. He opened a door and pushed you inside. “Hey Y/N I’m gonna set up my drum kit. I’ll see you in a bit, okay?”

“But you said tha-…” you blurted out, but he was already gone.

A little bit flustered you turned to see a man sitting in front of one of the mirrors. He seemed extremely focused on doing his eyeliner but as soon as he heard your footsteps he turned around. “Hi, darling! You must be Y/N.” 

You stepped towards him to shake his hand. “Yess, and you must be Freddie then”

“At last we meet.” He flashed you a kind smile “Roger told us all about you dear. He couldn’t shut up about you for the past months.”

You felt your cheeks blush. “Ooh, yeah, um..” you stuttered. You didn’t know what to say.

“He adores you, and how you make art like your life depends on it. By the way, I love your dress!”

You were pretty sure your face was as red as your dress now.

“Hey! Y/N right?” A man with brown poodle hair stood in the doorway. He walked towards you to shake your hand “I’m Brian. Freddie, what did you do to her? She’s all red.” He exclaimed in a high pitched voice. “Come sit down and I’ll get you a drink.”

“Roger told us all about you. I see he finally convinced you to come to one of our gigs?” Brian said. You were sitting on the couch and Freddie and Brian were sitting on the two chairs right in front of you. 

“Yes, he did.” You took a big sip from your drink, you felt the alcohol burn in your throat and you hoped that it would calm you down a little. This was all very new and exciting.

Roger slammed the door open. “Guys we can start!” He said in an excited voice. “Ah, I see you’ve met the boys.”

“Yeah well, you pushed me inside so…  I didn’t really have a choice did I?”

“No offense.” You glanced at Brian and Freddie.

Roger stood next to the couch with his hands on his hips. 

“Where’s Deaky?” He asked.

“I’m here” You heard a soft voice coming from the corner of the room.

“Have you been sitting there the whole time John?” Brian said.

“Maybe,” John replied. “I.. I was reading something. I’m sorry, I didn’t hear you guys?” He stuttered.

“You don’t have to apologize, John, it’s fine. We were just a little worried you had left or something” Brian said. 

John stood up from his little corner and walked towards the couch that you were sitting on. “Hi, I’m John. But I guess you already know that now.” He gave you a firm handshake, something you hadn’t expected of him. “God, you must think I’m a total weirdo now.” He said softly.

Roger clapped in his hands, “Let’s get going, the show starts in two minutes. People are already yelling out there.”

“Then we should hurry I suppose”, Brian said with a huff while he got out of the chair he was sitting in. And before you knew it they had run off including Roger.

You opened the door that led to the main area of the bar and you tried to wiggle yourself through the crowd, in an attempt to see Roger and his bandmates. You came to stand beside a beautiful lady. She had short blonde hair and a fringe.

“They’re so great aren’t they?” She had a soft and friendly voice although she had to raise her voice to be heard above the noise of the crowd.

“Yeah, well I actually haven’t heard them yet.”

“That’s a shame. What brought you here then?”

“I’m a friend of Roger.”

“Aah, a friend. Yeah, I think he might have told me about you. It’s Y/N, right?” You nodded.

"I’m Mary by the way.”

Suddenly the crowd started cheering as Freddie played a few notes on the piano.

“Now then.” Freddie began. Some guy yelled something but you didn’t hear what he said. “Well, you guessed it right. Right now we would like to do something new for you actually, it’s about four pieces that we put together. Sort of a medley. Three of them are on our new album Sheer Heart Attack.”

The crowd cheered at Freddie’s words.

“Thank you. Which is now racing off the charts thanks to you.”

The crowd started cheering again, but they fell silent when Freddie played a few notes on the piano.

“so 1.. 2.. 3.. 4..”

You listened in awe, they truly were amazing. And you almost lost it at Rogers high notes. They were absolutely orgasmic, and you had never heard anything like it. To say you were blown away was an understatement.

You heard one marvelous song after another and you were very excited. You began walking to the bar as you started to feel a bit dizzy, and the warmth of the crowd was definitely not helping with it. 

“Hey. Hey, where are you going?” Mary shouted as to make herself heard, while softly grabbing your arm. 

“I’m feeling a bit dizzy, I’m gonna sit down for a bit.” 

“Do you need me to go with you?” 

“No, I’ll be fine on my own thank you.”

You pushed yourself through the crowd and everyone seemed to look at you. You quickened your pace to get to the bar faster but it seemed impossible.

You started to see stars at this point and you regretted not accepting Mary’s help. You felt your body tingle and the sounds around you got muffled. Before you could grab someone your ears started ringing, your body started feeling fuzzy and your vision went completely blank.  

A/N: Well that ended a little angsty. Tips and feedback in any form are highly appreciated. I plan on making this a little series. Have a lovely day and don’t forget to leave a comment, reblog, and/or like if you enjoyed it. It helps a lot.

Chapter 2 // Chapter 3

Click here for the BUCKET LIST masterlist // Click here for my full masterlist

——————–

People who hopefully don’t mind if I tag them taglist: @hiyadarlingirl @six-bloodyminutes @godknowsimtaylored @misshystericalqueen  @mazzelloplots  @queenbbarnes

[youngieun]

i do // lee jihoon

lee jihoon x female reader

word count: 1,517

warnings: mention guns?

genres: fluff, angst, but mostly fluff(?)

ゞ synopsis: when you had jihoon as your partner and he’s annoying but at same time he makes your heart fluttering.

ゞ a/n: hello, everyone! seems like this was my first time wrote some scenarios in English. you might find grammar errors or something else, cause yes English isn’t my first language. but i hope i could share what i’ve wrote to you all and i hope you enjoyed it! thank u, nice to meet u!

here you go again, sitting in front of jihoon who have been staring at you for ten minutes straight. you exactly don’t know what’s on his mind right now, but he’s looking at you with his smirk. only one thing that you know about his smirk, there’ll be something bad happen to both of you.

“kiss me.”

your eyes widened. “what—wait no! we’re in public, jihoon!” You’re looking at the whole café to check the situation and return to face jihoon whose already leaned on the table with one of his hands in his chin and looking at you with wide smile on his face.

“why are you so surprised? It’s not like our first time kissing in public, though. we even kissed in subway two days ago.”  jihoon says as he reached for your hands and pulled you closer to him.

jihoon giggled and tuck the strand of your hair behind your ears, “those guys are looking at us right now, if you don’t want us to be caught, then do what i said.” he whispered in front of your face while his fingers running through your cheeks softly.

“you kissed me last night, didn’t you?”

“oh? i thought you were drunk enough.”

“try something new, jihoon. i’m sick of your lips.”

“then, how about more than a kiss?”

“get out of here, jihoon. i’ll do this mission alone,” you said as you saw two man with black glasses behind jihoon walking towards you and him.

“fuck it.” you hissed then reached jihoon’s neck to pulled his face closer to yours and bring his lips onto yours. you can feel jihoon smiles while responding to what you did.

after thirty seconds, you pushing him away and suddenly you felt so hot. being partners with jihoon for almost one year was never easy for you, he’s the only one whose never awkward for doing such of this things meanwhile you felt like there’s something in your stomach and your heart feels about to brusted.

It’s right, whenever you had jihoon as your partner, the mission went very smoothly. that’s why your boss always stick both of you together. and the point is you got your promotion in the office right after you got jihoon as your partner. work under one of secret institutions in your country was a worst decision you’ve ever made. cause you have to be a girl behind the gun and a girl whose ready to die if the missions were failed. and your rivals is no joke, they’re criminals in luxury suit and wear one billion dollars on their wrist. yes, they’re one of them who you can called mafia.

“i promise, if we cleared this mission, i’ll take you to wherever you want. but, you have to promise me one thing.” said jihoon before he get up from his chair and put his hat on.

“promise you what?”

“stay alive.”

when you met jihoon for the first time, he was a quite and careless person and don’t forget he’s also a shy person. and when you had your first mission with him, he’s a good fighter. you always had wounds here and there but not with him. the way he leads you is something the most you adored from him until now. and also, the way he always promise to buy you anything or bring you to everywhere you want after both of you cleared the missions is the reason why you always keep yourself to stay alive, cause he’s never broke his promises.

he’s always gonna be your first. your first male partner, your first male housemate and also your first kiss. and don’t forget about his being a good teaser, he always teases you whenever he wants, or maybe give you a bunch of kisses on your face everyday without being awkward.

you ever asked him if he’s like you or something and he only laughed as answer to your question and give you another question like—perhaps, do you need another kiss? and also the way he always says that your lips were so sweet after he kissed you was something that could make your heart fluterring more than anything.

jihoon could be a different person while he’s on missions. like now, he’s staring at you while his hands are busy preparing his guns and put it behind his jacket. you don’t know how dangerous the mission is right now, but his eyes told you that you should be careful.

“jihoon… are you scared?”

“from what? this mission or losing you?”

you look at his eyes when he said that. “why are so sure you might losing me tonight?”

“cause all they want is you. look, listen to me, i don’t know how the fuck our boss using you as a thing to make those bastards come to us, but i’ll protect you as much i can and you should do it too for yourself.” his hands still busy with those guns.

“what about you? are you sure you can protect yourself?” you asked him.

his eyes back at you, “what makes you think that way?”

“cause i’m scared i might losing you too tonight.”

his hands reached your shoulders right now, he brings his face closer to yours and stare at your eyes deeper and deeper.

“none of us will losing each other tonight. you got it?”

you nodded and give him one more question which is makes him being a stone for one minutes. “do you love me?”

his eyes still on you, you don’t know what it means but a second later he leaned and crashed his lips on yours and you put your hands on his neck and hug him tightly to make the kisses more deeper cause it feels like this is the last time you could kissed him.

you felt so dizzy right now, also your hands got a shot and it really hurts. you get up with all the strength that you had and looking around you, you gulped cause it’s so dark and you can saw people that you have been fought with before were already dead in the ground, it’s such an honor for you that you weren’t one of them. you take a walk to get out of this place and looking for jihoon.

after called his name for a million times, you realized that he’s not here anymore. you’re getting scared and start to run with your weak legs. tears were falling down on your face, you don’t have an idea where are you right now.

you bring yourself until you finally reached the city, you stopped a taxi and told the driver your office’s address. you think that jihoon might be right there. your tears keep falling down and made the driver worried. he even asked you if you need to go to hospital or not but you shake your head instead.

when you finally arrived at your office you gave the driver money that you always keep on your jacket’s pocket, cause you know this kind of situation might be happen and it happened. you saw your co-workers start to run to you as your body getting weaker, before you passed out someone has already catch you.

you open your eyes slowly and found your friends waiting for you. “jihoon,” you take a breath, “where’s jihoon?”

none of them answer your question and you start to crying again, “jihoon is not here.” you whispered to yourself.

you decided to go home with one of your friends, she keeps telling you that you’ve worked hard and save one of the most important institution in this country. you didn’t remember anything except that you shoot a guy right in his head. you didn’t have an idea where jihoon is as you could remember was his last shout for you if there’s someone behind you.

“take a rest, the company said that you got your full vacation this year and you can back whenever you ready.” hana said to you and you nodded then get out of the car.

you walk in to your apartments building and take the elevator to reach the floor where your and jihoon’s room is. oh yes, jihoon. what if he died?

you wiped away your tears and press the code. it was so dark inside, so you turn on the lights and then close your mouth when you finally saw someone who you thought he was already died.

he’s there. jihoon’s there. still with his jacket and his cap, you walk towards him as you could hear he says something like, “we’re home.”

you take off his cap and tears falling down again as you see his eyes were so red and his lips bleeding. for the first time of your life you finally saw him bleeding.

“what have they done to you?” you asked him.

he cupped your cheeks with his trembling hands. “i do."

you stared at him with confused looks. with his deep voice he says something you thought he would never say it to you. “i love you.”

ゞ another note: kjasjaksjak i’m sorry if there’s something you couldn’t understand or maybe you found it weird cause my grammar errrr so freakin error. i never thought i finally wrote this haha. please, kindly correct me in many aspects esp my grammar and words. i’d love to if you wanna talk to me and let’s be friends! 

[thisdiscontentedwinter]

submission

Disco, please educate me. I’m interested in the nytimes article that you linked yesterday about an author who pulled her books before debut.

From what I’ve seen, the issue that are brought up the most is about how America-centric the antis/reviewers are. Afaik, the author wrote about slavery based on her culture, while the antis/reviewers said that her book is anti-black.

My 1st question is: even if the author (she’s Asian) did base her book based on US’s slavery, is it wrong though? Or are only African-Americans allowed to do it?

2nd question: The article also mentioned:

In 2017, Laura Moriarty’s dystopian novel, “American Heart,” was savaged, months before its release, by readers who said Ms. Moriarty had peddled a “white savior narrative” in her depiction of a future America where Muslims are placed in internment camps.

Does this mean it’s not okay for white authors to write a white protagonist who saves the world (which means PoC are also included)? I mean, generally (and not talking about fanfiction), Asian authors will write Asian mains, Black authors will write Black people mains, right?

Is it not okay to use overused/overdone/racially or gender stereotypical tropes? I mean, I also dislike/am bored of the white savior trope, the ~women have to have romantic interest or she’s purposeless~ trope, the ~kill your LGBT character first even though you only have one~ trope, but I don’t know how to differentiate between “Oh, this woman does have a personality where she prioritises her love life” VS “oh this woman is another stereotypical love-drunk character” or “this gay dude is antagonistic & it’s important for him to die for the story to move on” vs “bury your gays!”. How to differentiate between a lazy stereotype vs this character just happens to have stereotypical traits (ugh I know it doesn’t make sense I’m sorry I still have problems putting my thoughts into words, in English on top of that). I mean, statistically there are real women who prioritises love life, right? Is it wrong to be inspired by her & write her as a character?

My 3rd & last question: I remember you have said something along the lines of “Fiction is not activism” & something along the lines of “nothing is off limits in fiction”? (sorry if I remember it wrong). What kind of fiction are we talking about? Fanfiction only? Or are TV shows, mass-published books, movies included? I saw your conversation with @hookingitup about how an author published a book about where black people are the ones in power & the white people are like “you’ll never know what’s it like to be white” and you said it did sound wrong on so many levels. Wrong, as in shouldn’t be published or wrong as in it deserves a backlash/protest so the author pulls it from production (like the author in the nytimes article)? The thing I’m confused about is, is it the protest/public outrage/“bullying” (towards ANY author and ANY storyline) that you don’t like, or is it the wrong virtue signalling (aka you think this author does nothing wrong, but mobs think they do, so they bully the author into pulling the book out) that you don’t like? Because I feel you lean towards the former one, because your stance in nothing is off limits in fiction. But then, when you said a certain storyline is wrong in many levels, I got confused, because you also said fiction isn’t activism, which I translate to, even if the fiction isn’t politically correct/sensitive to the current issues/feeding into the lazy stereotypes about LGBT/gender/race (or even blatantly racist/sexist/homophobic), it’s okay? (Sorry if I translate it wrong).

At last, I apologize for the bad English, especially on my last question. It’s a grammar gore. Thank you so much for your time! And I apologize for being dumb on this issue.

Brief answers today, sorry, as we are now on a new level of severe weather alert warning, and I need to batten down the hatches! 

1. I think that it would have been a very different book if the author had chosen to write about American slavery. I think that anyone can write about anything, but if you are writing about a culture that isn’t yours, then you need as many sensitivity readers as you can find to make sure that you’re doing it justice. I also think there should be leeway in cases like these, of course, because clearly it’s set in a fantasy world, so it’s a metaphor for slavery (American or otherwise), not a history lesson. 

2. From what I remember the issue with American Heart (rightly or wrongly–I never read it so I don’t know) is that it’s a story about POC, but the hero is white. Now maybe she picked a white hero because she knows how to write white characters. Maybe she picked a white hero to tell people that white people needed to step up. Maybe she picked a white hero because, in the world she was writing about, it’s the white characters who are able to move around unquestioned, and unhindered. But there is definitely a history of the white saviour narrative, and it’s a little old and stale by now. I don’t think it necessarily counts as racism to write a white hero, but it’s certainly a tired theme. 

3. Fiction isn’t activism. When I said that book sounded like it was wrong on so many levels, that’s simply all I meant. I don’t mean that the book should never be published, or that a twitter mob should go after the author. I mean that I, personally, thought it sounded like a load of crap and I personally wouldn’t waste my time on it. 

Wrong, as in shouldn’t be published or wrong as in it deserves a backlash/protest so the author pulls it from production (like the author in the nytimes article)

No, simply wrong as in I choose not to read it. If other people want to, they can.

(Without getting into that book here, there was a lot of stuff like black people being called “coals”, and “beastly” and animalistic, and white people wearing blackface, so in my opinion only, if it was an attempt at metaphor it was ham-fisted at best, and blatantly racist at worst. It’s also worth noting that the book was still published, and that people can read it if they want.) 

I think anyone should write and publish what they like, and that all criticism is valid, but that nobody should ever be told they can’t write a certain book. Anyone can write what they like, but they have to be prepared to have their book ripped apart in public. Once a book is out there, anyone can say what they like about it. The caveat being once a book is out there. 

[seoulfulcity]

June 26, 2018: Libertas, Justitia, Veritas

안녕하세요,

It's orientation day, which meant that I was finally going to meet my group members and my buddies! The event was scheduled to start at 10:00 AM, so I was up and ready by 9:00 AM. I was in the shower when Sophie texted me to meet with her at the front of Frontier building, so I had just missed her. Nonetheless, I planned to make new friends that day - both during the orientation and at the after party when all of Group 3 meet at the barbeque place we ate at yesterday. It was a beautiful day to make friends!

Well, it was raining - heavily. The shuttle bus stopped at both CJ International and the top of the hill that leads to Frontier House, Anam Dormitory, and Anam Global, so we all had to walk up that steep road in the pouring rain - luckily, nobody slipped.

The shuttle bus dropped us off at the entrance from the dorm to the campus, just behind Inchon Memorial Hall, the location of the orientation. Oddly, the fountains in front of the building were on, even in the pouring rain.

I entered Inchon Memorial Hall and headed to the tables set up in the main hallway of the hall. In the prior years, the students had to line up based on their last names to check in, but this year was different - we just walked in and grabbed the brochures and the envelope with all the papers needed for the orientation. I suppose it's because this orientation was optional, so no check-in was needed.

I sat in the front and center of the big auditorium - seat G22. A crimson banner hung above the stage welcoming the 2018 International Summer Campus students to Korea University. The president updated the students in the auditorium that we would be starting late due to the weather to accommodate those who were running late.

The orientation started with a welcoming greeting from the president himself, introducing the school and the program to an auditorium filled with excited international students.

Then, he continued the welcoming ceremony to show a video of the invited guests who were not able to make it.

Nobody expected to see who was about to give us welcome greetings.

N.Flying, Yubin from Wonder Girls, BtoB, SHINee, iKON, and other K-Pop idols welcomed us.

Oh, my God.

Gasps echoed throughout the auditorium as everybody tried to hold in their excitement.

Choi Minho from SHINee told us to take care of our health in the scorching weather while making good memories in KU ISC while Kim Donghyuk from iKON told us to study hard and to listen to iKON when we're getting tired from our studies.

The videos are linked on the previous paragraph, but wow! I was and still am very impressed with Korea University.

A sexual assault presentation followed the welcoming greetings and then a security presentation. Group 3 still talked about the welcoming greetings even after all the presentations.

We were given a two-hour lunch break with the news that the campus tour with our buddies was cancelled due to the bad weather.

I met with the people from last night, together with their roommates and other Group 3 members. There was a total of about 16 people walking into one of the restaurants within the campus called Mom's Kitchen, just nearby Woodang Hall, drenched from the rain, looking for a table to sit. We managed to combine two tables and gather enough chairs to accommodate all of us, and we spent the whole lunch break getting to know each other. This was when all of us realized that about half of the students in the ISC program was from Singapore, since everybody we met was from Singapore. Even the Singaporeans themselves were wondering why there were so many of them in the campus. After Singaporeans, there seemed to be a huge population of Americans and Australians, followed by the Chinese and Koreans.

After the lunch break, the cheer squad entertained us for the next hour and a half with seven songs and cheers they perform during the Korea-Yonsei games, held every year in October.

Think of the UCLA-USC game, but bigger. Korea and Yonsei are the biggest rival universities in the country, and everybody tunes in every year to watch one school beat the other in five sports.

Side note: you know if someone is from Korea University because they refer to the rivalry as Korea-Yonsei, while Yonsei students refer to it as the other way.

Well, the KU cheer squad showed us songs that included the school spirit songs and "Yonsei Chicken", a song they perform to make fun of the Yonsei students. The cheer is a great example of how huge the school spirit is for the crimson, KU's official color. They even had a song chanting Korea University's motto: Libertas, Justitia, Veritas.

The orientation ended at 3:30 PM and Group 3 would not be meeting for a meal until 5 PM, so we had time to shower and get ready for another night of barbeque and soju.

We met in front of Inchon Memorial Hall and walked to the same barbeque place where the ahjumma (아줌마) was surprised to see me walk in to her restaurant again. The whole group had her restaurant booked - every single tables and chairs were taken.

I sat on the corner on a four-person table with Sophie and two other people I met during lunch - Thao and Thai.

Thai told me before the dinner that he rarely drinks, and being the enabler that I am, I wanted to get him drunk. Minki-hyung (민기형) and Carolina, from the first night's dinner, joined us where we finished five sojus and a bottle of beer (maekju/맥주), playing different Korean drinking games, such as Titanic and the soju cap game.

Titanic is played where a shot glass is placed in a beer mug. Each person takes turns pouring as much soju into the shot glass as possible without sinking the shot glass down the beer mug. The person who eventually sinks the shot glass gets to chug the entire mug.

The soju cap game is very simple and it's done with every soju bottle that's opened. The soju bottle cap has an extra piece of metal, which is twisted and flicked off. Everybody takes a turn trying to flick off the extra piece of metal from the cap and the person who successfully does can choose two people to take a shot of soju.

Needless to say, all the asians in the table went home flushing that night - basically everybody but Carolina (Brazilian) and Sophie (Austrian).

Carolina went to the restroom when we drunkenly took this picture.

I skipped out on the karaoke (noraebang/노래방) with everybody else because of how much I was flushing; so that was the end of my night.

Wednesday, June 27, 2018: I woke up and got a haircut from a nearby hair salon called I'Hair that provided me with free drinks included with the price and headed to Woodang Hall to pick up my Korea University shirt and student ID.

That afternoon was the placement exam for the Korean language classes. Those enrolled in a Korean language course were to meet in the lecture hall in the sixth floor of Woodang Hall and had to write an essay about themselves. Those who did not know hangeul, the Korean writing system, walked out and headed to their assigned rooms for the oral part of the exam. I managed to write two paragraphs and filled the exam paper halfway with my basic Korean skills. Other people wrote the Korean alphabet and lyrics from their favorite BTS songs just so they turn in a paper that was not empty.

I headed to the room assigned for my oral exam, and those who have taken it told me they were asked to read off of a paper. Easy. If they were only testing me with my reading skills, then I would do just fine.

While in line for the oral exam, I met with other Korean language students - Marcela from Mexico and Peter from New York.

It was my turn for the oral exam and I was prepared to read the sentences she had on the table out loud. I handed her my written exam, and started speaking to me in Korean.

It was then I realized that she did not know how to speak English.

"아 좋아해요! 괜찮아요!/Ah! Johahaeyo! Gwaenchanayo!” (Ah! I like it! It's good!) She skimmed through my written exam and decided that I did not need to do the reading test since I already knew hangeul.

She went through the basics in a Korean 101 textbook.

"Where are you from? How is LA? What did you do before coming to Korea? How did you get to Korea? How do you compare LA to Korea? You like the weather in LA more? Why is that? Did your family go with you? Why did they stay? How did your family react when you told them you were studying in Korea? Why did you choose Korea? Did you study the Korean language just for this summer program or something else? How long did you study it for? Did you do it by yourself or through the school?"

It was a long conversation - basically, it was just me spitting out random Korean words with bad grammar hoping she would pick up what I was trying to say.

All I needed to say was "(Unknown Korean word here) 몰라요/mollayo” (I don’t know) to end that part of the conversation. She did not mind when I didn't know the word - she looked through her list and continued to interview me using the vocabulary of the next chapter.

"미안해요/mianhaeyo” (I’m sorry), I constantly apologized every time I told her I did not know what she was asking me.

"아니요! 괜찮아요!/Aniyo! Gwaenchanayo!" (No! It’s alright!) She reassured me that I was not being punished for not knowing the proper grammar structure to answer her questions.

I left the oral exam room feeling dumb. It was not until 2 PM the next day when we find out where we're placed. I applied for Korean Beginner 1-C, so I was hoping I'd be assigned to a class not any lower than that.

In celebration, Sophie and I went to Myeongdong that night where we tried street foods and ran in and out of K-Pop stores. That night was also the South Korea World Cup game against Germany, which South Korea won 2-0, allowing Mexico to advance to compete against Brazil. Unfortunately, South Korea was already eliminated by the time they were playing the game (yeah, I don't understand either). Seoul was loud throughout the entire game and I didn't need to watch it to know when the South Korean team scored.

But the memes of South Korea and Mexico took over online by storm, which was the best thing to come out of the World Cup, in my opinion.

Thursday, June 28, 2018: It was 2 PM and my Blackboard app finally updated. I was assigned to Korean Beginner 1-I with Manuel Lim. Whatever that meant. I guess I was smarter than Beginner 1-C. That night, I met with Valentino, Florence, and Wendelyn to Hongdae and visited a raccoon cafe called Maengkun (맹쿤). Minki-hyung (민기형) took the subway with us and dropped us off at Sindang Station (신당역) where we transferred from Line 6 to Line 2, which took us to Hongdae through Hongik University Station (홍익입구역).

Maengkun (맹쿤) required us to leave all our belongings in a locker and use the slippers provided. There were three options: option A was good for only one drink for ₩8,000; option B included a drink and the entrance fee to pet the raccoons and the dogs for ₩9,000 cash; and option C is the same as option B but with credit for ₩10,000. So, bring cash to save yourself from spending the unnecessary ₩1,000!

We got our teas and watched the raccoons behind a glass, since we could not bring our drinks in. I left my drink on the table and entered - the guys taking care of the animals on the other side of the glass door double checked that we didn't have anything in our pockets and let us in to play with the dogs and raccoons. There were about five raccoons and three dogs - a corgi, a husky, and a bulldog. The raccoons were getting vicious with each other, so one of them had to be dragged out into the cage outside the play area. Some raccoons would attack the dogs sharing the same food as them and they had to be separated.

Lesson of the day: go in the day since the raccoons get tired towards the end of the night.

We left Hongdae and went to a chimaek (치맥) place, where they serve chicken (chikin/치킨) and beer (maekju/맥주) called 썬더치킨 (Sseondeo Chikin) in Anam-dong, just next to the stairs by Frontier House. We started the night with the 3 beers (maekju/맥주) and one soju special, which they mixed in a long beer container - I'm sure there's a name for it, but as I've said before, I'm not much of a beer drinker so I don't know the culture surrounding beers. Valentino even showed me how to properly pour beer into our mugs to prevent excess bubbles.

Minki-hyung (민기형) joined us later in the night and we asked him to invite one of the buddies to join us, Hyunjic (현직). Hyunjic and I were born in the same year, so we established that night that I didn't need to call him hyung (형) and use honorifics with him; although I call him Hyunjic-oppa (현직오빠) instead.

To those who don't know Korean honorifics, a guy refers to another guy older than him as hyung (형), while a girl refers to a guy older than her as oppa (오빠); but in modern Korean culture, oppa (오빠) carries the same sexualized meaning as "daddy" in English; so Valentino and I liberally use oppa (오빠) to any Korean guys we're friends with.

We spent the rest of the night teaching Minki-hyung 민기형) and Hyunjic-oppa (현직오빠) California slangs like "hella" and the differences between "bro" and "bruh".

We took this picture before Hyunjic-oppa (현직오빠) stopped by.

I'm having a great time here in South Korea, although I still haven't found the time (and the weather honestly) to tour around Seoul. Maybe, this week I'd get the chance to. It's been raining all week so I find it useless to visit the temples and palaces when I could not even take pictures in front of them. Until then!

고마워요, Chris 「크리스」

[hookysblog]

Isreal, Australia and New Zealand.

BARBY CLUB, TEL AVIV, ISRAEl!

MERCH SITES...PLEASE SUPPORT YOUR LOCAL MUSICIAN

https://the-hacienda-uk.myshopify.com/

 https://peter-hook-uk.myshopify.com/

Our second trip to Israel!

Complete with me nursing a really bad sore throat and chest;(

Not too many death threats this time I believe, what a world eh! Quite a long flight, but flies by with the boys. Immigration is easy until our sound guy gets dragged off for questioning about his granddad (who he never knew?).

He is kept for a long time, which is a little worrying, but is eventually let in and never really found out what it was all about?

His Big Bad Grandad sounds interesting!

The road works (in the centre of Tel Aviv at midnight???)  hold up our arrival at the hotel for a couple of hours, with all the roads leading to it closed. What a mess! We end up walking, which with the equipment isn’t easy;(

A lovely day dawns and our wacky little hotel called Hotel Cinema, has film posters and projectors everywhere. I am in the actual projection room at the top of the old theatre, complete with hole for the lens to poke through, really weird. I grab a haircut by the Mighty Zohan and a lovely pizza. The area we are in is very vibrant, in other words …..Rocking! The gig looms and we being joined today by Hadar Goldman, an Israeli violinist from the punk band Ciam, whose other claim to fame is the purchase of Ian Curtis’s old house, 77, Barton Street, Macclesfield. Hadar wanted to open it up as a museum but has not been successful so far, sadly. Could be a job for me in my dotage as a curator, like Night at The Museum eh?;)

Anyway, he is very nervous but the lads are on top form and the gig goes great from start to finish. Hadar is great on Atmosphere and Autosuggestion, and the three hours fly by! The lads are off early the next day to OZ but I don’t follow until the night of the day after, so have a bit of time to kill.

It is Yom Kippur here and everyone seems really worried I will starve to death. So like a real student, I invest in two Pot Noodle’s and a load of chocolate and after raiding the breakfast buffet, I think I will survive;) I sleep again after brekkie and wake and walk down to the beach. Spending the whole afternoon just watching the world go by.

Yom Kippur lasts from dusk until dusk the next day and as the sun goes down the noise levels decrease, until the only sounds you can hear are the children playing in the deserted streets. Breakfast is provided on Sunday for us and my wonderful hosts have hired me a mountain bike for what is called ‘Childrens Day’ here.

I have not cycled for years so am a little apprehensive to say the least. I get the bike on the street and it is really strange…..There are no cars at all! The whole place is deserted with every shop closed. The only problem is my chest….I am like puffin’ Billy.

In the old days there would be no power or phones in the city I am told. The leaves soon settle in the road and it gives a post apocalyptic feel as I cycle along topless the leaves blowing round me. I go down through the deserted market to the beachfront, and there the place is completely alive, with thousands of kids on every size and kind of bike, motorised skateboards and tons of electric scooters everywhere. It is completely magical, it really is.

I AM SPELLBOUND;)

 I love the bike and watching the kids in huge groups cycling along the freeways and empty streets is heart warming, it really is and I only give up because I am worried about getting sunburnt, heading back to the hotel for a hat and a T-shirt and a Pot Noodle. I go back in the afternoon suitably attired and ride and ride, until I have to give up because my arse is so sore (no 50p jokes please!). As the sun sets the city gets back to normal all too soon with the noise level rising to it’s usual roar by 7p.m. On the way to the airport for my flight to Oz the busy, noisy streets seem so coarse compared to how they were a few hours before, what a shame. I sail through Immigration/Customs, my granddad must have been ok? (Didn’t know him either;(

I begin a to long trip to Australia, one of my favourite places on earth.

 METRO THEATRE, SYDNEY, AUSTRALIA

Throat and chest still bad but we persevere;)

I arrive the day of the gig so by the time gig time comes I am completely addled. It reminds me of being drunk, it really does. This Joy Division ‘2 album’ night was added at short notice after our Japanese gigs fell through, but is very well attended. Great to play Closer again, wonderful. Martin our new keyboard player is top from start to finish, a great response. I crawl off to bed exhausted. Not much time to relax because we are off the next day for a gig at….

 CORNER HOTEL, MELBOURNE, AUSTRALIA

 Lovely to be back, a beautiful city, very Parisien. It was here that I wrote most of The Hacienda Book funnily enough, when I was Djing at Parklife in 2008, you got the week off in-between so I thought it was a great time to start. Australia looms large in my books lives, as you will see later;)

The on stage sound is tough at this place, which I remember all too well from last time, but the gig goes great and is Sold Out! Too. Great reception for both Unknown Pleasures and Closer, yet again! An almost humane leave sees us off to……

 THE STUDIO, AUCKLAND, NEW ZEALAND

 Another beautiful country and now we have a lot of English friends living here now. Hi Carol;) Back to Substance tonight, which is nice.

I have to give in here, I am finding it hard to sleep my chest is crackling that much, so a trip to the Doctor’s beckons. Strangely both me and Pottsy have the same problem???

The Doctor says I am ‘crackly’ and he is ‘wheezy’,

 ‘Where’s Grumpy?’ I ask?

 He doesn’t laugh;(

 $350 Dollars light and we are both Amoxcycillined up and off we go.

Gig goes great from start to finish. Still struggling with my throat which is really annoying Grrrrr! I am waiting for the Biotics still to kick in. But I take it easy by cycling all over the place puffing gently. It’s my new thang!

It’s wonderful how both countries are completely suited, and go out of their way to encourage cycling. I follow the river past the Zoo all the way down to the centre of the city. Then get embarrassed because I am the only one topless? So head back. Hard on the chest again but well worth it! Grab a Kebab before the gig and I am ready!

The place is packed and gig goes great. The lads are on fire.

Ecstatic reception to both records!

Catch up with a few old mates, lovely to see you again Platty;) Next stop…

  THE TIVOLI, BRISBANE, AUSTRALIA

 Back to Substance and another Sold Out gig. This getting boring….only joking, after all our hard work it is the best compliment ever, thank you all.

Nice venue and everything goes well, recovering nicely;) Off early tomorrow so after more smashed Avacado we are off to…

 THE GOV, ADELAIDE, AUSTRALIA

 Another beautiful place.

Nice, quiet and very suburban. Lovely old theatre venue that is packed and of course….Sold Out! Bit of an altercation with some fans at the front, but it is soon sorted and the bouncer tells me it’s the same guys he threw out last time we were here….go figure? Very cold here at night in spring, so wrap up if you are visting. Up earlish to hop over to …….

 CORNER HOTEL, Concert’s 1, 2, AND 3, MELBOURNE, AUSTRALIA

1.I feel marginally better today, thank god!

So have a lovely first day here, visit the Dior exhibition at the Museum along with The Great Wave exhibition by the Japanese Ukiyo-e artist Hokusa

.

  A very cultural day indeed! Enjoy a lovely stroll back to the Hotel and struggle through a short gym session, which does make me feel better.

It’s gig time before I know it and it’s back to The Metro for the struggle with the foldback.

Gig is a struggle and I cannot get the vibe, but it goes down well I must admit. Nice early night.

 2.Have a lovely Big Morning out for breakfast/Brunch with Viv (Big Day Out owner and very old friend) and one Zombie film later am ready for round two.

DING DING! Better gig tonight, great audience, sound still shit. The only place that sounds worse than this place is our very own Fac251 The Factory, where there is nothing you can do to combat it, believe me we have tried everything.

Lovely to see Viv Lees, with his son at the concert too. God we are getting old!

 3.Last night and we turn down a bit onstage and magically it sounds better for it. Play really well and great reaction gives us heart for our long trek to…….

 THE ASTOR THEATRE, PERTH, WESTERN AUSTRALIA

 This is one of my favourite places on earth. It really has to be seen to be believed, and that’s despite nearly dying from food poisoning here once see Inside New Order for details;) I am so happy we are finishing here. Stay in a wonderful Casino Hotel that is HUGE! Great pools inside and out, huge gym and as I am feeling a lot better I get in there and have a great workout, so good to be back to normal. Finish off the day sunbathing with a Virgin Mary and with dinner at their very own NOBU, am ready for whatever the concert brings.

Tonight we are back at one of my favourite venues. It’s an old Cinema complex transformed into a great gig. The dressing room used to be one of the smaller theatre’s but they have normal dressing rooms now….Boo Hoo! Do the meet and greet like a Old Mancunian Santa Claus then it’s the show, Sold Out show did I say? Hee Hee!

The sound is great, the audience is great, band is great!

What a wonderful end. I thank everyone and we are done ready for home, but Oops…… I forget to thank Phil Murphy and Steve Jones and they will not let me forget it either, sorry boys;(

Nice to see Brian Jary (I used to sit next to him at Salford Grammar in 1967) and his wife, along with Ken and Georgina our old friends too;) Wake to a huge storm, which is beautiful to watch.

After a fantastic breakfast with the biggest Las Vegas style buffet I have ever seen, Dan our Tour Manager takes us to the airport for the first of our three planes home.

 Thank you for such a fantastic time…..EVERYONE!

 Cheers Hooky, ’17.

[eenie-meenie-miney-moe]

AIDS NEEDS LOVE TO HEAL❤💉💊 (Negan x reader Drama one shot) (I have this idea from a turkish movie "İncir reçeli", I took a few scenes and quotes from the movie and created it with The walking dead" :), English is not my first language so sorry for grammar or word mistakes)

Y / N was one of Negan’s wives, but she was shy always. She was always away from him. One day, Negan gets very angry when Y / N did not want to hug him.

“Tell me what I’m doing wrong, I’m trying to win all your trust, I’m doing everything so you’re not afraid of me,” he shouted.

“I’ll do anything to make you love me,” his voice now trembled.

“After Lucille, my heart never hit for someone until you came”

Y / N eyes were watery, she held her tears back. He came closer to her and held her arms slightly.

“Please tell me why you do this to me?”

She still remained silent and could not even look into his eyes.

“Now say something and do not make me crazy,” he shouted

“I’d like to see everything from your perspective,” she said softly.

He moved away from her a bit.

“Do you know what you’re just thinking about yourself, you do not care what people feel around you”, he said

He raised his pointing finger and came very close to her face.

“You’re selfish!” He said furiously.

“I am HIV positive, and for you to understand I have AIDS,” she said suddenly.

Negan’s color went out of his face. His expression on his face changed. She walked away from him.

“You know what you’re selfish, you’re just thinking about yourself.”, she said.

“You’re fine, you have your fun, you’re happy. What about me, what about me?”

Tears flowed over her cheeks. He also had tears in his eyes. He waited a while.

“We can talk about it, the important thing is …” he said quietly, trembling.

He tried to touch her.

“Do not touch me, you know what important is, I loved someone for the first time, not like the other stupid characters I created in my brain, you were smelling and breathing…you were real,” she said, trembling.

“For a year, I’ve been saving your life you fool, but you know nothing about it, I did not want to give you hope, I just wanted to protect you, so I never came close to you”

“I’m so sorry darling,” he cried.

“I can not thank you enough, thanks to you I learned for the first time, how a nice feeling love is. I am sorry because I gave you hope”, she said.

..............................................................................

They had not spoken a word to each other at night, nor had they looked into their eyes. They lay only side by side with their backs turned to each other. When Y / N opened her eyes, Negan was not next to her but lay on his sofa and was asleep. He had a book on viral diseases lying on his stomach. She went to him and picked up the book. At that moment, he was awake and looked at her with thick and red eyes. He was probably crying.

“You can ask me everything you want to know honey,” she said, smiling.

“I just wanted to see if there was a therapy …”

“No,” she interrupted

“You can get it by sex, blood transfusion or breast milk, you are taking a lot of medicaments to live a little bit longer, your body is always trying to fight with it, but comely, your immune system gives up somehow and can not fight against bacterias or viruses that come from the outside and you also die by a normal sickness, how funny is it !?, still questions? ”,she said smiling.

“No,” he said, shocked.

How could she tell it all, as if it were something normal, he thought.

“If you do not have any more questions, can we could finish this cruel topic and eat. My stomach is already growling ”

They both sat on the bed and breakfasted. Negan almost could not eat because he was still so shocked. He looked at her. She drank her coffee.

“Why did not you tell anyone?” He asked suddenly.

She looked at him.

“In this world, the doctors do not even give you their hand, because you are infectious, imagine the other people outside”

“Did your parents know that?”

“My mother has killed herself when I was a little baby”

“Your father…”

“He knew that and I believe he was the only one who understood me”

“Why do not you want to be treated?”

“Do you know what, sometimes a short but happy life is better than a long but stressful life”

“I’m afraid to find someone who did this to you”, Negan said.

She looked at him with wet eyes.

At night they lay side by side and could only touch and smell each other

Negan: “Touching you is like to forget all bad things

Y / N: “Touching you is like forgiving everyone”

The days went fast and Negan could not do it any more. He thought of her and did not want to lose her. One day he went into Y / N’s room and searched her pockets. He found a photo. In the picture Y / N was seen with an older man, they smiled at the camera.He became very angry and wrinkled the picture in his fist. He had found who had done this to her, who led her to death.

That evening he was drunk. Y / N wanted to see him because she thought he was stressed because of her. She knocked at his door and did not hear something, then slowly opened the door. Negan sat on his couch and had a bottle in his hand. She looked at him angrily.

“I told you a thousand times that you should not drink”

He raised his head and looked into her eyes.

“Of course I will drink, who else will do it, look at me, I am a poor, unhappy man”

She had tears in her eyes.

“Why do you drink? Is everything over when you drink?”

“No, but it stuns my feelings”

“Like anesthesia?”

“Exactly, you are smart doll”

After a while they sat facing each other.

“I’ve seen him … I did not know you were interested in very older men”

She looked serious.

“What are you talking about?”

“The man in the picture, you look very happy”

“Did you look into my bag?” She said angrily.

He waited a while.

“I have finally found the one who did this to you, he will probably die today or tomorrow, a very old man who sleeps with young women and infects them with AIDS has no longer the right to live.”

He went to her and looked deeply into her eyes.

“He just does not deserve it”

Then he said a sentence, which he would later regret very much.

“My fool brain can understand everything, a lot of bad things can happen in life, but I did not know that your body was so cheap”

Tears came up to her

“Do you know what is cheap, to throwing with prejudices without knowing the background”

She smiled at him, stood up and walked out slowly. He threw the bottle against the wall and screamed. The next day, when he came to himself again, he regretted what he had told her a day before. He wanted to apologize and went to her room, but no one was there. He went back to his room and was angry with himself, she had left him only because of his stupid comments. He suddenly looked at the picture he had found yesterday in Y / N’s pocket on the floor. He had thrown it with full rage. Negan glanced at the back of the photo. He got up and picked up the picture. When he red the writing, he had tears in his eyes.

It wrote: MY DAD AND ME:) “The whole situation was a damn misunderstanding”, he thought

3 months later …

He was waiting for her every day, but she did not come. The Saviors searched everywhere for her, but didn’t find her. But one day… There was a knock at his door.

“Come in,” he said in a serious voice. Simon came in.

“What do you want?”

“Sir, we, we have found her”. He drove with a car to the house where they found her. He was alone. When he opened the door, he saw nothing. When he went in…there she was. She lay in a bed, she was pale, her lips were dry. As she slowly opened her eyes and smiled at him, he had a very strong pain in his heart. He did not know what a feeling it was. He smiled at her, too. After a while, both of them sat in bed with legs outstretched. They had the blanket over them. She laid her head on his shoulder and began to speak slowly with difficulty.

“When my father brought this disease to our house, I was not born, and my mother thought for a long time that she was breast-feeding me with healthy milk.When she learned the truth, that my father slept with another woman and that she poisoned me. She stopped her therapy. When I told you that she had killed herself, I did not lie. I walked my mother’s way. To lead a short but happy life is better than a life as an outsider. The doctors told me I can die from a flu, "she smiled. "Have you ever heard of such a strange thing honey?” This disease kills you first in life. They did not give me a chance to love someone but I loved you, you were my home and my family. Close your eyes. Think about the beautiful things you’re going to do. I will not tell you to forget me, because I would never forget you. But try to be happy always. I will always be with you. You will wake up again with sleeping eyes, you will open the window breath deeply. Write, write everything …. Maybe you can tell people a lot of things. Outside, there are so many people waiting to be understood as I do. Tell how you can love only by touching and smelling. How to help each other in the most difficult moments. And now open your eyes love. I promise, everything will be beautiful. I’ll always be with you, then you’re stronger “

He was crying softly.

"Please forgive me, please forgive me, I was also like the others, please forgive”

“I was never mad at you honey I never told you but … I … loved it when you said … easy peasy lemon squeeze”

She closed her eyes, smiling, and stopped breathing. He noticed that. He was still sitting next to her, crying … and crying…

2 years later … Negan had no more wives. He had not killed anybody. But he was still the boss of the Saviors. He had buried Y / N in the garden of the Sanctuary. He had to stab a knife into her head before she’d turned. He went to her grave with flowers every day and sat down.

“I missed you so much doll, you were lying to me, you said you’d never leave me, what should I do now…I’m alone again? You said that everything will be beautiful again, I have no confidence in myself. But I do what you say. I do not drink anymore, I do not kill anyone anymore. But the most important thing you told to me was…I’m not forgetting you. I will not forget you until my death. Thank you so much for making my life to a better place sweetheart ”

Note: "You can't heal a deadly illnes but you can make a better life with it"