#i'd love to include more people in the process to make it more lively

[the-rebel-archivist]

Finally finished Veilguard a few days ago and took some time to process and put my thoughts in order. In brief: 8/10 game as a whole, a really fantastic gaming experience, but 5 or even 4/10 as a dragon age game since it does no meaningful exploration of any nuance or moral complexity and seems to have forgotten what made Thedas distinct. My thoughts, critical and positive, coming from a place of love for the series with little to no spoilers:

Thedas has always been special to me because it was a nuanced world. Different groups had different opinions based on their pasts. City elves and the dalish had divergent histories. Injustice against magic was common, but you could understand the justification for it even when you didn’t agree. Now, the worldbuilding is flattened. A mageocracy is fine, it’s only bad apples. Slavery is never addressed. City and dalish elves are basically the same but one lives in the forest. There’s no conflict about what’s best from each individuals’ perception, all groups are monoliths.

“Elves won’t follow the gods just because they’re elves,” yes they would, in past lore. Perhaps not all but some would - these are their Creators. The game refuses to deal with religious belief in any meaningful way, to the point that I don't know if its impact is fully understood. Dalish religion is as much about cultural preservation as religion and it would be CRUSHING to lose that connection to the past when it had been all you could cling to for thousands of years.

And no, seeking out relics of Arlathan would not make up for the foundation of your society shattering and what that would mean to the dalish. Bellara being guilty that her gods are evil is not the takeaway I expected when I thought the dalish would explore that everything they believed was a lie. I'd also like to briefly comment on how an elf can comment that they weren’t raised dalish but adopted their tattoos. Their closed practice tattoos. Closed even to city elves unless they fully joined a clan. Removing cultural boundaries didn’t make the material less 'problematic', it just created a new blind spot.

“They’d never sanitize the Crows” I said before release. Assassins who walked the line between murderer and hero depending on perspective. But in this game they give you absolute truth: they’re freedom fighters. Responsible government who, the mob is benevolent and that is never subverted. They see themselves as the 'good guys' and so they are.

“They wouldn’t put powerful mages in charge of the shadow dragons” I said. “Surely they will explore the nuance of Neve having the privilege of magic in a mageocracy even when she comes from a lower class beyond ‘everyone is welcome in the shadow dragons’.” “Surely if Maevaris is connected her intersectionality as a magister and altus and trans woman will come up - not what Tevinter expects, helping with change, but still privileged and upper class. Surely low class non mages and slaves would be leading the Shadow Dragons, not the powerful being benevolent.”

But no. All factions in the game are black and white, good and evil, no moral complexity. The bad people want power and collect bad people who want power and only bad people do bad things. The antagonists I liked most were the ones with a motivation beyond simply power and they were few.

And that’s setting aside the fact that all of the mystery and fantasy was removed from the setting by the end. The things that mattered before, the religious conflicts, the approaches to history? All false or meaningless now that we know absolute truth. Everything that set Dragon Age apart from generic fantasy was flattened. All of the lore for the world that I had spent hours, days, years in and creating fanfic for became simple groups of good and bad, subjectivity replaced by objective truth. It’s not a world I want to unravel and explore anymore.

That hurts more than the slap in the face that was every cameo and past reference. If they wanted a soft reboot, why include them at all? Every time I saw or heard about a past character or event I felt hurt and angry and it actively harmed my experience of the game. When the choices are pared down to only do something "meaningful" with them and then that meaningful thing is a codex that had been so disdained in dev comments? I do feel pretty let down. Especially when that codex isn’t even personalized.

They never use Rook or the inquisitor’s first name in text once. Vocal I get, but no codex? The Inquisitor, a person depersonalized into a symbol, signing off “Yrs. The Inquisitor” when we input their name in CC was a twist of the knife I didn’t expect. It’s like every time I lower my expectations to grant grace they need to be lowered yet again.

Similarly, the romances in the “most romantic game yet” are paper thin throughout the game depending on your choice, with few chances to truly connect on an emotional level and have deep conversations in some routes. It’s not all about kissing but having the chance to say how you feel, or try to.

But that’s part of a larger problem, that this is a “found family” but Rook is the outsider in it. Rook isn’t asked how they’re handling things or about who they are or what they want except by Solas. The team needs them to fix problems but has little interest in giving back. The companions are lovely, but I can’t help wishing they were friends with me and not just each other. Or wanted to romance me and not just each other, as they begin to flirt before I can and have more banter comments than the player romance. At least if no one got me I know Davrin got me.

These last comments are the reason it’s 8/10 as a game rather than 10/10 for me - the lore I care about but others won’t. The lack of connection is a genuine issue, along with how unbalanced it is depending on romance. I just feel sad at the lost potential to reflect and gain support from companions.

On a positive note, this is the most fun Dragon Age game I’ve ever played. The gameplay is top notch and combat is so fluid and fun. I felt excited to fight rather than dreading the next battle. Really getting into the roleplay of a slippery rogue

The environments are so gorgeous. Lighting, animation, level design, sound design, all spectacular. I’m bad with maps and yet I never got lost and always managed to find my way around. Secret passages to treasure were just the right length to be satisfying. The puzzles were exactly the right amount of investment for the reward. I never felt frustrated by them but also not disappointed by the simple ones, there was a good balance. I had a lot of fun uncovering them. So many areas looked like a perfect representation of thedosian places I had never been to and wanted to visit.

Every time I was in the necropolis it felt like coming home. Maybe it’s because the lore was the most similar to past lore, maybe it’s just because it was cool, but I loved being there. I loved the wisps most of all. And I loved Emmrich’s journey and sympathetic exploration of death. The Hossberg Wetlands were also a standout area. Absolutely horrible (complimentary). Evka and Antoine my beloveds and the environment storytelling was fantastic. Like a hideous combination of the Fallow Mire and Chateau d’Onterre and I was so there for it. Davrin’s story broke my last flight loving heart.

The set pieces and narrative flow in the major battles and main story missions is really wonderful. I also did enjoy the faction reactivity, even if there were few chances to explore the intersectionality of being a particular lineage with a particular faction. I’ll make our House proud Viago!

It’s such a fun game that when I play I can almost forget all of the things that I dislike until a codex or cameo punches me in the face. It has such great gameplay that I can finally discuss DA with my partner who refused to play the other games in the series. But what a monkey’s paw. I know from their previous work that they can foster nuance. From the art book that their instincts were there from the beginning. But somewhere after multiple reboots they made a world with contradiction and complexity removed, more reactive to fan discourse than to telling a complex narrative.

It kills me because if the nuance and subjectivity and moral complexity had been there, I would have considered this the best Dragon Age game ever made. It will always be the most fun. But it is legitimately more fun for people who don’t know lore than people who do, and that is soul-crushing. It's the most beautiful Thedas has ever been, and the least like Thedas it has ever felt.

I’ve played it once. I already started a replay. I enjoy the game a lot when I am playing it, overall. But I miss Thedas, and I miss that the “world worth saving” that I cared for is a slate wiped clean and this new world is a more simplistic place.

[palmanatomy]

Again, no one asked for this but here's another fic rec because people liked the last two and my brain has been filled with these fics and I will explode if I don't get them out.

The Babysitting Job by pornosophical is a beautiful slow burn Timkon fic that is just so accurate to their characters and portrays their relationship in such a beautiful way. I love it and I love all the supporting characters that are involved in it. Basically, Tim was planning on coming out to Kon when Steph asks him to fill in for her in babysitting Manhunter's son, so Kon helps out. It's beautiful and I love it.

I already recommended Nights and Days by malcyon, but A Saturday Evening is a beautiful, established relationship Timkon as a part of that series about Tim meeting Ma and Pa Kent. The characterisation of everyone is so on point and their relationships are all so accurate. I love how malcyon writes Tim and Kon and it just makes me so happy reading them being happy. And I love Ma and Pa Kent and people need to write more old people romance.

I was shocked to see there are like three fics about Serling Roquette in her tag because tbh I thought everyones mind just revolved around the funky side characters in my favourite comic runs. Anyway, more lovely and more temperate by merils is beautiful and amazing and so well written just like everything else they write. Serling Roquette moves to San Francisco and runs into an old friend, making two new ones in the process. Kon and Serling are long overdue for a reunion in comics and ugh, this fic just does both characters such justice. If I could recommend every fic by merils I would.

The Wind Sits in the Shoulder of Your Sail by BirdChild focusses on Tim and Bruces relationship post adoption in like the later issues of Robin 1993. I just love how it shows the complexities of the relationships in Tims life and the rational rightous anger that Tim feels but comes out at the wrong time. Like how everyone argues with their parent over something that seems stupid and evolves into a bigger argument when they're a teenager. Its just so real. I love it. It also has a little bit of comic accurate Timsteph (YAY) and addresses the complex relationship that Tim has with grief and, y'know, losing his gf and everyone he loves in a few months. I love it.

This ones my favourite rare pair and it makes me so happy to see that people have actually wrote fics about them instead of them just living in my head. Anyway, Thats How the Light Gets In by poisonivory is just. incredible. Its a bombcat fic about Grant Emerson and his relationships with a lot of people, mainly focussing on his one with Tommy Bronson, my favourite catboy. It's so beautiful and it just makes me so happy to see these obscure character that no one seems to talk about anymore be done justice. If you've never heard of these characters before, read Damage 1994 (lowkey a dumpster fire), Titans 1999 (amazing) and Justice Society 2007 (way too many characters but incredible but also half the time you actually have no idea what's happening because theres too many characters. justice society is what the justice league wishes they were and they are family goals) Another fic that's a little darker (also has some smut) is free time and a long spine by shenanigans which just gives Grant so much justice i love my angry human bomb ugh. Any fic by poisonivory or shenanigans is just amazing and i'd highly recommend reading.

Finally, hit me like lightning by cissiecassie is THE koncassie fic that just encapsulates the energy that they project in the comics. I could write an essay on how kon and cassies relationship and how it represents insecurity surrounding sexuality on both parts but i won't because i would bore you to death. Just the way that both of them are written in this is so amazing and Cassie's valley girl speech pattern is just so important to me and I'm happy someone included it. Kon and Cassie are both just so repressed gay man and lesbian woman and I love it.

That's all for now, I hope you guys enjoy these as much as I did and make sure you give these writers all the love that they deserve.

[demonslayedher]

Higher Stakes, Lower Tension: The Swordsmith Village Arc

Although we love it for a lot of the moments and how we got to know more characters through it, the Swordsmith Village Arc is not as popular as other arcs, and there was a lot less excitement for it compared to other arcs. I'd like to break down why I think that is, especially in comparison to the Entertainment District Arc, the tough act it had to follow.

Follow below the cut for: How lore was prioritized over momentum How setting and consequences trivialize hard-earned victories Drama and character arcs that feel incomplete How much deeper and more satisfying this arc had potential to go

Lore Over Momentum

This was an important arc. Setting aside the major accomplishment of ridding the world of two more Upper Moons, this arc was the impetus for everything that would come later, thanks to Nezuko's triumph over the sun at the very end. However, in the overall structure of the Kimetsu no Yaiba plot, this arc also laid important groundwork about Yoriichi, thereby making sense of many later developments that will come in the Infinity Castle and Sunrise Countdown arcs.

It was also a chance to develop on the importance of swords, which has been brought up on high-stakes occasions like when Tanjirou's sword breaks in battle against Rui or is at risk of breaking in battle against Daki. We learn more about the Corp and the lengths they go to in order to protect their source of swords, and Tanjirou makes it clear from the very start of the arc how reliant everyone is on the fact that these swords exist.

We know this, and for clarity's sake it is worth having Tanjiro state it both for what this says about Tanjiro and for how it brings a tidy and heartwarming resolution in his ongoing bouts of danger with Haganezuka, but it's hard to care about what is said instead of shown.

The danger the village was in was, actually, the highest-stakes battle we've seen thus far in the series. If the swordsmiths and all their know-how is wiped out, the battle again demons may be done for. But why are we not as worried for them as we were for the residents and customers of the pleasure quarters?

The Setting Lowers the Our Perception of the Stakes

This comes out in the emotions of the innocent bystanders, including and especially those heartlessly slaughtered. It's not so much because of a lack expressions of terror due to the swordsmith masks, for their body language and desperation to keep fighting and protecting the swords is clear. However, it's because they keep fighting that there is a certain stoicism that keeps us from feeling as bad for them.

This is something they always knew to expect, and they were prepared to live with the consequences of their mission.

The people of Yoshiwara, on the other hand, were simply trying to go about their nightly lives, and we taken completely off-guard by the attack. We can picture how much losing a hand is going to impact a proprietor's daily life, how traumatized a woman will be seeing her friend's head taken off right in front of her, and how even non-life threatening injuries were painful and cause for alarm with how much they bled. We see how their lives were turned completely upside-down within seconds.

On the hand, the swordsmiths buried the dead, and then scurried off to a shadow village, ready to keep working without many setbacks. The extra ending Ufotable gave this arc with the mourning swordsmiths taking time out of their busy moving process to go happily throw confetti still doesn't sit right with me for how it trivializes what happened instead of celebrating it.

While Yoshiwara is a well-known area now destroyed by enemies that usual lurk so deeply in the shadows that the many witnesses have always doubted their existence, in the Swordsmith Village every witness already knew the enemy, but no one knew the victims. Their tragedy is a hidden tragedy, and their annihilation would only have been known to a secret society.

This issue is similar to how storytellers often add somewhat obvious yet hard to picture tension about the fate of the world at stake, when something small and innocuous can be far more gripping because the stakes are easier to grasp and imagine. However, the scale of the stakes are not the only issue with building tension; the pacing is also an issue.

Lack of Narrative Build-Up

Previous arcs, especially the Entertainment District Arc, pulled this off really well. We go in knowing there will be a demon, but we don't know anything about this demon aside that Uzui's wives have gone no-contact, likely because of its interference. The arc deliver tidbits that give us the satisfaction of thinking this is it, we've found her, we've found the wives, we see she's dangerous, but then we're stunned to find out she's not even the one we should have been worried about all along.

Conversely, in the Swordsmith Village Arc, we know right away that these two are Upper Moons and they are coming. They have transformations throughout the battle that keep it challenging (at least in the case of Hantengu), but we never feel much of an elevated sense of danger or loss partway through.

Yes, we easily could have lost two Hashira that night, and it would have been devastating. However, we were quickly gratified to see their mid-battle recoveries. In Uzui's case we had to assume the worst, especially coming off the heels of losing Rengoku.

Speaking of our Hashira heroes...

Incomplete Hashira Arcs

The Mugen Train Arc was essentially Rengoku's full and, despite its brevity, very impactful character arc. Not even so much of an arc as a very loud statement of who he was.

The Entertainment District Arc, following on its heels, was like a call and response answer to the loss we and the Kamaboko boys felt. They get adopted as Tsuguko again, with more time to get to know and appreciate their mentor this time, one who is also still grappling with the loss of Rengoku and how to measure up to that. We also get a full look into the multiple sides of Uzui, from his past to his motivation to how he handles the biggest struggles, from the fear for his wives' to having to fight nearly to his death. The fact that we got to keep Uzui in some form, even if it is no longer in fighting form, felt earned and a relief.

On the other hand, we got important back story and got to know Muichirou and Mitsuri very well in this arc, but in a way that we the viewers had a physic link inside their heads instead of appreciating them through how they fight alongside Tanjirou. Tanjirou is of course amazed to see how Mitsuri fights, but as far as fearing for her safety is concerned, he saw her very quickly recover from the one fearsome hit before they parted ways on the battlefield.

Muichirou and Mitsuri both had surface-level interactions with Tanjirou without necessarily feeling a propensity to raise him like a Tsuguko, and then they face their own battles with narrow brushes with death and moments which force them to confront elements of their pasts, resulting in renewed confidence and relatively easily-earned victories without many consequences.

At least, as far as we know. As we find out later, they've already paid for those easy victories with the majority of their lifespans. Again, this arc is important to the overall plot of Kimetsu no Yaiba because those victories show how much more powerful the Corp is after the struggle defeating an Upper Moon, at long last. That was the battle that unlocked the mark, which will be the game changing in upcoming battles. Again, the lore is doing a lot of heavy lifting, but at the expense of satisfying victories.

And, because we still have future battles for these Hashira to fight, their arcs are not over. That makes their incomplete arcs feel lacking compared to the completed arcs that came before them.

But it's sure not just the fault of the Hashira for surviving in (what looks like) good health.

Those Villains Sucked

Don't get me wrong, I love Gyokko and Hantengu, at least when it comes to being as amused by them as I am by any other element in this series, and appreciating their character designs. In the wider scheme of Kimetsu no Yaiba, a series known for making us feel deep sympathy for the villains right after feeling so thrilled about them finally meeting their demise, we don't get that sense from these two. That's because they are as wretched as demons come, and they are fun to hate for all the suffering they cause simply by having been rotten to their cores. We don't get any backstory for Gyokko until post-canon publications, so that makes him seem a bit hollow, and in the case of Hantengu, he created all his own problems by being such a terrible person that we relish the chance to deny him the pity he so desperately always clamored for.

But as a Kimetsu no Yaiba arc, this leaves us hanging. Where are the little glimpses of who victims like Kyougai and Mother Spider were, or the gut-wrenching memories of Rui that forever alter our experience of him? Even worse for this arc, it comes right after the Daki & Gyuutarou flashback, once of the hardest-hitting of the whole series. Sure, Enmu never earned our sympathy because he was likewise rotten to his core, but he had more rizz about it.

As far as their impact on the arc is concerned, you could have replaced them with any other kind of challenge the characters have to face, and the results probably wouldn't have changed much. Daki and Gyuutarou were integrated with Yoshiwara both in their dealings and their backstories, Enmu was literally integrated with the setting (and trains always make great settings for added tension) and his powers brought out different sides of the main cast, Akaza drove that whole battle by virtue of his own personality and value set, Rui's preoccupation with 'family' dragged everyone into a hell of his own making.

Meanwhile, Muichirou could have annoyed the hell out of any talkative demon that had brainless minions to attack the villagers, and Mitsuri could have looked just as cool fighting a giant table made of all that wood. It's refreshing to see Tanjirou have so much anger and hate for a demon and not spare an ounce of empathy after finally taking its irritating little head, but he had more important things going on.

Nezuko's Ultimate Victory, Also Trivialized

Nezuko fully masters the sun within one chapter, so was anyone ever truly scared for her? I was spoiled long beforehand, but even if that had not been the case, the popularity of the franchise itself has shot that tension in the foot; we never really got to be sacred for her (though the art in the manga and anime really sells how hard-earned her victory was).

It's sad that we don't see much of Nezuko after she accomplishes the biggest feat a demon has every accomplished, and a lot of people have said her character was underutilized. I agree, though having her in the Fortress would have only led to more mayhem. It's hard to (but not impossible to) justify an additional arc to put her in battle since her transformation is the catalyst for everything that comes later, but the issue I have is that this transformation makes Nezuko so close to human that, realistically, if Tanjirou didn't want to or couldn't fight anymore, he'd already have the assurance that Nezuko leads a somewhat normal human existence again.

What I could have loved to see is at least one more instance of Nezuko being tempted to eat a human, like the danger we felt in the previous arc. That would be a very satisfying reminder of the stakes, and why Tanjirou must keep fighting to regain her full humanity. Making her hungrier due to her new state would be satisfying price to pay for her new ability, wouldn't it? Having that lurk in the background of an otherwise peaceful Hashira Training Arc would add as much satisfying tension as the Nakime eyeballs did. We expect Nakime to succeed in what she sets out to do, but we don't want to see Nezuko fail in that which is most taboo. One last burst of violence would also make us worry a lot more about how that medicine is going to work out for her (and anyone around her) in the few glimpses we get of her throughout the lengthy Infinity Castle Arc.

In Conclusion

Chapter 112 started with us in the heart of action and bloody devastation of the village, and then you turned the page to see a celebratory two-page title spread and announcement of the anime.

When this was compiled into Volume 13 later, Gotouge apologized for how this made it look like they were celebrating the death of the swordsmith who was killed up in the watchtower, and how insensitive that appeared.

But that's the sort of tension we were working with in this arc. It doesn't feel out of place to step away from this battle, because we were never that concerned about a bunch of giant fish with no personal vendettas against the men who were stoically prepared for just such an attack.

Despite all the heavy lifting this arc did for the plot, it's biggest pitfall is being a functional arc with a to-do list of things to accomplish. It succeeds in those things, but sadly, it didn't grip us with worry as well as it should have, despite the stakes.

Or, maybe this arc could have been saved with more lore.

Build more love for swords in the audience instead of only showing us Tanjirou's appreciation, show us swordsmiths who tremble with worry about what happens if their supply chain is cut off, or if they lose the know-how of someone like Tecchin because the rest of them carry the knowledge of how the swords they made weren't enough to save the swordsmen who wielded them, let them struggle with their own drive to create art that is also purposefully to contrast it with Gyokko's, show us swordsmiths who love their weapons but are too afraid to use them. Show us Gyokko's flashbacks and how he's always been callous toward others, show how it is his loss as an artist not just for how he can't break Haganezuka's focus, but for how his art is hollow compared to the mission of the swordsmiths. Show Hantengu having a twisted sense of righteousness well before Zouhakuten appears like a deity to serve justice by protecting him; let all his clones re-enforce his worldview about the strong protecting the weak with perverse religiosity that would make Tanjirou's stomach crawl. Show Mitsuri contemplating how she might not live up to Rengoku's example and how his loss still stings and how even Uzui was so terribly injured by lower ranked demon, show us Muichirou contemplating more how strangely easy the battle became to give us uneasy foreshadowing and a suspicion that something isn't right. Show us whatever the hell Genya was doing in the village all that time with people who he was too awkward to interact with and how he is fighting to protect the swordsmiths he snapped at in addition to his stated goal of wanting to earn Hashira status, and how he struggled to not let any well-meaning villages worry about how he refuses to eat, and how those villagers were undeterred by his brash exterior and worked around his lack of Breath of Breath by giving him firepower, for they are artisans whose ultimate goal is to enable the Corp.

This arc deserved more. It needed to Breathe.

[diogenesprintco]

The long awaited shop is finally live! If you're one of the lovely people who has asked me where they can obtain one of my prints, you can now check out the link in my shop page to see the full details. I'm currently listing a limited selection of prints including the above, which I plan on switching out every few weeks until I have the rest of my available prints editioned and organised.

A brief Q&A under the cut for some info about what I'm able to sell, how editioning works, pricing, and my general shop/studio situation:

Q: Can you sell me [this specific print]? A: Maybe! Sometimes when I've posted a new print, it's just a test print and I don't have a full edition ready to go yet. In some cases, I'm actually unable to sell a particular print - a good example would be my study of the William Morris acanthus pattern block, which is essentially a near copy of that design (yes, I re-carved it myself, but it isn't my original work). Some of the studies I've done of existing works are more 'transformed' by the style/medium and well out of copyright. Fanart tends to be a bit of a grey area. That being said, I'm always happy to respond to your enquiries, and I've accumulated a ridiculous collection of prints that are just waiting to be properly organised, so it's always worth an ask!

Q: What is a print edition? A: This refers to the number of prints made with one block, typically using the same colour ink and on the same size/type of paper. Often, but not necessarily, this will mean the number of prints made in one printing session. In order to comply with the regulations here in France as a printmaker, every print I sell must be numbered as part of a limited edition (among other requirements). As far as I'm aware, that doesn't prevent me from doing another edition in a different colour, or making changes to the block and printing a second version, so sometimes I'll destroy an old block if I haven't used it for years, and sometimes I'll keep it if I might want to do something else with it.

Q: Can you explain your pricing? A: I can try...well, everything in the shop right now is pretty cheaply priced because the prints are all under A4 size and aren't especially complex/detailed/difficult to print. I try to work out the time, cost of materials, complexity/skill of the work, etc. against the number of prints in an edition that I would feasibly be able to sell, but as someone without a large following and not much experience there is a certain randomness to it.

Q: Do you have a physical shop or public studio? Do you have any other social media? A: I don't have a physical shop or any local outlet where you can buy my prints at the moment. My "studio" is a big ikea desk in the corner of the apartment, and that's where my entire printing process takes place from start to finish. I'd like to begin working on a website/portfolio where I can host my shop and do more blog-type posts, and I'm about to start reposting a lot of stuff on bluesky. However, I'm not remotely interested in apps that are heavily algorhythm-based or video-focused or that want me to post "content" 10 times a week and fight for my life for crumbs of "engagement". Yes, I know it's difficult to promote my art when I'm this damn stubborn about actually posting about it anywhere 🙃

[chainofclovers]

hacks s4 thoughts!

Oooooh I loved this season. It got off to a bit of a rocky start for me but imo every bit of it paid off and there were many moments that rival s3 (perfect, perfect s3) in terms of how much I loved them.

When I'm watching a play, a part of my mind never forgets that I'm taking in live action artifice, that a series of decisions are playing out before my eyes, that performance is playing out before my eyes. I think I've tried to apply that same awareness to my TV and movie watching over the past several years. Some of that comes from having been in fan spaces that have allowed me to learn a bit more about how TV is made, and from watching shows that have forced me to process how life and art intersect.

For me, none of the magic of live theater or TV or film is lost by devoting some of my headspace to considering the act of creation. Why did they choose this take instead of one that ended up on the cutting room floor? How might tonight's show feel different than if I'd attended the show last night? What grace do these writers and performers deserve simply for having written and performed? These are all satisfying questions to ponder that don't take away from how the characters still feel "real" in that I have opinions about their lives just as I have opinions about my life and the life of people I know in 3D reality. Thinking about a show (in any medium) as a fallible, imperfect, searching-for-brilliance performance that brings fiction to life just makes me so happy. And Hacks adds so many layers to that since the characters are always bubbling with their own version of these questions.

Spoilery thoughts (hopefully not very long-winded) abound after the cut.

I LOVE that the big climactic love-motivated and morality-motivated decision to end the show took place in 4x9 instead of the finale. It felt so right that that moment of brilliant clarity (and that includes Kayla and Jimmy, not just Deborah and Ava) got lots of breathing room to feel shocking and beautiful and overwhelming. Deborah really did change over time. And I was able to truly believe it, which felt stunning.

And it also feels so right that 4x10 is about...not so much picking up the pieces, but floating miserably through the aftermath.

Some brilliant Hacks-watchers including @thesumdancekid and @bristler are really hoping that s5 ends up being about Ava's own career, and the way that some part of Deborah's legacy becomes about not only what the Deborah/Ava creative partnership did to evolve Deborah as a comedian, but what it will do to influence the career that Ava will (tragically) have for decades after Deborah is gone.

I really hope for that too. But I think it felt right that their headspace in 4x10 was still focused on what Deborah has lost. It was clear that they are both lost, and Deborah is having some three-quarter-life crisis, and Ava wants to work but on what, and everything Deborah said about it being sad that a twenty-something's only friend is her could also be flipped into the sadness of a seventy-something whose only friend is Ava. But it's not really necessarily sad forever, and I have every reason to believe that the bliss of intimate creative collaboration will be theirs again, even if it's going to have to look different.

Other random stuff:

I know people cough sometimes and it could just be naturalistic acting that Deborah has a little cough in the souvenir shop in Vegas, but the dark side of my split-brain "characters are real" / "the imperfect act of creating fiction is visible and beautiful" style of TV viewing is that I think everything means something and I'm scared lol

We didn't see much of DJ this season, but what we did was incredible and the work DJ has done to understand her mother and to understand her lack of understanding of her mother and to understand Ava and her mother is....spectacular storytelling

I had so much fun with Kayla and Jimmy. While I didn't love watching Dance Mom, I do think the way she wore out her welcome on Hacks was very, very important storytelling about how many people show biz is luring in and sucking dry all the time. We tend to only hear about the people who are doing great and the total crash outs. If we never hear about her again, that would be depressingly real. If we do hear about her again, I hope she's been able to quit drinking. <3

Confident, assured Marcus was wonderful

Stacey the HR rep was sooooo funny. Having her as a unifying force for Ava and Deb due to them getting the chance to be mean girls with a common laughing stock? Perfection

I am still giggling about all the social media bits that staffer has to make Deborah do while she's hosting Late Night. The one where she has to pretend to catch and throw a bag of Fritos is especially funny to me, I'm not sure why

Something I found super important about this season is how even if Deborah and Ava are not really great at introspection, a lot of what they observe about the other applies to themselves too, and we did get to see some scenes in which Deborah is alone and dealing with the coyotes, dealing with her dogs, muttering to herself about her role as a caregiver and her failures there. It felt like a really good complement to the articulateness she has while announcing the end of her show in 4x9. I could feel that brain working and getting her to that place where she isn't afraid (at least not all the time) to care about Ava

Yay Hacks! :)

[mysterycitrus]

I know a lot of ppl ask u abt jason or dick but im wondering now, what do u think about bruce? I find him a very interesting character whose characterization is incredibly feeble, both bc of his 80 years of history and the tendency writers have to project their own male fantasies on him. So i'd definitely love to hear ur own thoughts about him. I personally enjoy depicting him as someone morally grey, although my sympatization for him changes day to day. Wether you think he is a good or a bad person, i believe u need to make him dedicated to gotham and the bat as a symbol, and that comes with all its advantages and drawbacks

bruce wayne is sooooo interesting (derogatory) because like u said, he carries the baggage of every masochismo author that decided batman was too woke and should hurt his kids and that supporting gotham’s infrastructure is for pussies. there’s also the flipside of that, where he’s the perfect father who’s waaaay too emotionally regulated for my taste. both of these interpretations are bad imo, and both functionally miss the point.

i think part of this (in fandom) is an obsession with moral angst — u can either be a good person doing good things, or a bad person doing bad things. think about how some characters are crucified while others are babied. someone always has to be absolutely right, and the other has to be absolutely wrong.

in reality, there are a lot of people who are fundamentally kind and fundamentally want to do good that are really terrible to the people in their lives. bruce wayne being someone who relies on having so much control that it implodes his connections to the people around him is an important part of his character. his profound love for his children, for gotham and her people, for humanity in general and his belief in peoples ability to change, doesn’t circumvent the fact that he’s often an emotionally abusive man who hurts others to achieve his own ends. he contains multitudes.

writing him as a functionally irredeemable, violently abusive person is the anti-thesis to the symbol that he himself created. no, i personally don’t believe he actively beats his kids (even though it’s supported in the text). no, i don’t think he’s an irredeemable sadist (as much as frank miller wants u to believe otherwise). to have people like dick grayson and diana and clark and dinah love and believe in u means that there has to be something there worth caring about, otherwise the whole universe is gonna fall apart.

that’s what makes his relationship to cass so interesting — he sees his neuroticism, his dedication to the cause above all else, and does not find it admirable. he finds it confronting and upsetting. and to be clear, cass (like dick) is very much the moral ideal of what batman should be, but still bruce finds it hard to deal with!!

his abject failures — his treatment of the robins, his crippling guilt about jason, his fears of becoming a killer, the impossible load he gives himself to carry — means that when he’s shown as someone who genuinely cares, it makes him more complex. like yeah, bruce isn’t actually a cold hearted person. he really really gives a shit. too many shits, to be totally honest. he’s a morally grey person that wants to do good, but is so terrified of losing control that he keeps others away and hurts them in the process. there’s a reason why his emotional crutch was a traumatised eight year old fr. nothing is more important than the mission, including bruce wayne himself

[cripplecharacters]

I have an OC who is blind and has like super hearing but it's not like a fix for their blindness it's actually a not fun thing they have really bad auditory processing issues as well as frequent sensory overload and need accommodations such as needing to wear ear defenders a lot of the time

I don't want to fall into like stereotyping that like sensory disabilities make people's other sense better the OC lives in a world with people with "superpowers" they aren't always helpful or fun so it's more like X men style mutants than super powers but idk how to describe it succinctly there are other disabled characters in the story including a Deaf character (they can fly), a wheelchair user due to POTS and dyspraxia who has super strength, as well as a psychotic person who also can fly.

So my two questions are just is it okay to have a blind character with super hearing if it's not like a magic cure?

Hello!

This is a trope that comes up all the time and it's one that people are constantly trying to subvert. More often than not, they're not successful.

I find that people tend to use the trope as a way to avoid actually writing a blind character, even if their senses aren't a perfect magic cure.

Even if your character experiences side effects from their abilities, they're still falling into the same trope of "blind character with super hearing/super senses". This isn't automatically a bad thing, but I personally find it a bit overdone and I'd love to see some blind characters with other superpowers.

I'd also encourage you to consider why you want your blind character to be the one with super senses. Why not give them a power that's entirely unrelated to their blindness?

Cheers,

~ Mod Icarus

[synergysilhouette]

10 BG3 character headcanons I have (Some thirst)

Note: I don't know ALL the lore of the characters, so my headcanons could be going against actual canon. This stuff isn't anything major, but just my thoughts on paper, so to speak.

Halsin wears no clothes (when appropriate)--At one point, Halsin mentions how society complicated the simple rules of nature, including the introduction of clothes. I like the idea that when no kids are at camp, he just goes nude, and no one complains. If someone ever thought to, the others would silence them.

2. Shadowheart raises/rescues children of Shar--I personally feel like all the companions can go the parenting route (Gale states he doesn't think he's dad material, but he gives off 50% fun dad, 50% helicopter dad vibes to me; he's probably just one of those people who won't feel ready until the situation actually arises), though Astarion and Shadowheart need more time to focus on themselves following their trauma, and with both of them having longer lifespans, they have time. Following the adoptive parent storyline you see with Lae'zel, Wyll, and Halsin, I could see Shadowheart founding an orphanage and rescuing children taken by Shar like she was, as Shar refuses to let go of the goal to corrupt Selune's children.

3. Wyll is 100% vanilla, but very horny--I feel like it's very easy to make the heroic guy with just values secretly kinky, though I love the idea that Wyll is pretty much face-value when it comes to sex. I even like to think he's a virgin, seeing how he wouldn't have sex with you until you accept his marriage proposal (unless you pass the persuasion check). Along with this, I do enjoy the idea that once Tav and Wyll become intimate, it's found Wyll has a heavy sex drive, but good self-control, and is always romantic about it. (I also just have him in his underwear at camp, so I also headcanon that that's just how he's comfortable and is 100% non-sexual.)

4. Astarion still has family and is an accomplished musician--I always found it sad how Astarion can't remember his family or much about his life pre-Cazador, but I like the idea that his family is still alive, seeing how long high-elves live, or even just having descendants in Baldur's Gate. The musiucian thing is just something I went with because I gave him proficiency with an instrument, and I like the idea that he came from a well-to-do family that trained him in music, and Cazador made sure he kept up with it when seducing victims. I haven't considered it fully, but my current idea for his family (pre-vampirism) is a doting father banished from a noble house, a strict and scholarly social-climbing mother, two older brothers and an older sister, as well as a younger sister and a baby brother. Not sure who I'd headcanon as still being alive; probably most of his siblings, if not all of his family (I've heard differing sources on high elf lifespans).

5. Karlach and Wyll are a default couple if you don't romance either of them--I just love them so much together (though I need more hornless Wyll fanart; there's a way to rescue Karlach without giving him horns, you know). It also feels cute because according to Zenitho's quiz, Karlach would enjoy settling down with a family in a decade, which really compliments Wyll's character--plus it exists as a possible ending with him romantically, just much sooner than a decade. Shadowheart/Astarion has also been on my mind lately...

6. Minthara has evaluated all the men at camp for suitable consorts--Seeing how she wants to found a new house and comes to respect the team, I laugh at the idea of her evaluating Halsin, Gale, Astarion, Wyll, Minsc, and male Tav as her consorts, or at least the sire of her descendants. She goes through process of elimination: Wyll, Halsin, and Minsc are loyal, but would chafe under drow cruelty and her control; Astarion's an undead and cannot produce children; and Gale would likely feel like a second-class citizen and rebel against her. Altogether, she decides none of them would make worthy consorts except male Tav (depending on the route, and ESPECIALLY if he's another drow), though Halsin and Wyll would make the best fathers for hypothetical children (and she could probably get away with sleeping with Minsc and him not realizing she's pregnant and her not telling him). She does consider the idea of reaching out to Astarion as a consort for aesthetic purposes if he leads the other spawn into the Underdark, though. (BTW, I found this fanart on Reddit)

7. Mizora mistreats Wyll because she's attracted to him--Evil corrupts, and it wouldn't shock me if Mizora was attracted to Wyll because she wants to break him. That said, due to their personalities and the nature of their relationship, Wyll has rebuffed her, and Mizora tries to make him miserable as a result. And if Tav romances Wyll, she starts to scheme to kill them just like his father. I also have the same vibe from Orin and Zevlor, but that's another thing entirely.

8. Yenna isn't an orphan--I never liked her to begin with, and I have no idea how she'd fit into any of the companions' epilogues except Wyll or Halsin's, so I feel like it'd be better for everyone if her mom turned out to be alive, or if her dad randomly popped up, and she is returned to them.

9. Gale has A LOT of (sexual) tension with Tav if they're a sorcerer--I'm not super well-versed in DnD lore, but I remember reading that wizards and sorcerers have a rivalry, and it'd be interesting if this played a role in Gale's journey to godhood, since sorcerer Tav would be born with their powers while wizard Gale spent years studying and falling from grace as Mystra's chosen. Plus this could also fuel the reason why he's the cook for the team, wanting to show how multitalented he is. Eventually, if the romances commences, it's a passionate physical affair before we get to the Toril-shattering soul intimacy.

10. Tav comes from a big community--No evidence to support this (and even not all my Tavs have big families; check out the post for my OCs), but I always think of this when they say "No one back home will ever believe this." Be it friends, biological family, or adoptive family, I imagine they have a large social group.

Do we share any headcanons? Any particular that you find interesting from my list? Lemme know! And check out Part 2.

[veal-exe]

I trust your taste in media, and am willing to ask off anon. (Your takes on Berserk are PHENOMENAL, and I heartily agree.)

I love a good tragedy. Some of my favorite pieces of literature and media in general have been tragedies. (Unfortunately, since they tend to get review bombed for not having "happy" plotlines, or happy endings, its hard to find recs for them specifically.)

Do you have a set of I dunno... 3-5 tragedies to recommend? (I am trying to expand my read/watch list a bit, since I am running out of things to keep on my second monitor while I work on other things.)

(I am not easily triggered by self-harm, sexual assault, or gore, luckily, and those tend to go hand-in-hand with tragedies quite frequently.)

So here's a secret about me, when I was young I had a 'rebellious' phase where I decided that instead of just dedicating myself to the family business (Dog training, multi generation) I was going to expand my horizons and go into film and media critique, so I went and I got all the education you need for that, and then I decided, no, I actually like training dogs more. You would think this means I flushed all that right down the toilet but actually now I just hobby analyze media.

All of this to say, I have many things to recommend! In various mediums!

I will place a Star next to my personal favorites. ☆

This is not a comprehensive list! I have known memory issues, so these are just off the cuff, if anyone wants more or wants specific themes let me know, some of these may be more, or less, tragic than others, or have better, or worse, endings.

Tragedy is personal and human.

I have given special TWs for things outside the usual scope or that I find worth mentioning!

Manga & Anime

Fire Punch. ☆☆☆

Fire Punch takes place on an Earth that has become frozen over and barren. The series follows Agni, a young man who is able to regenerate his body. After his village succumbs to inextinguishable flames he is left constantly on fire, leaving him in anguish and vowing to get revenge.

[Special TWs: Cannibalism, Incest themes are touched on, and a very poignant moment of discussion of transgender suffering in regards to a main character, tons of sexual assault including animals being used to sexually assault children, there is a TW for everything in here]

Goodbye, Eri!

A manga about Yuta, a young filmmaker, struggling with grief after his mother's death. He copes by making movies, and meets Eri, a mysterious girl who becomes his muse and helps him create a new film.

Wolf's Rain

The journey of four lone wolves who cross paths while following the scent of the Lunar Flower, and their search for Paradise.

Maquia: when the promised flower blooms ☆☆☆

This one is complex, I don't know if I'd call it a full on tragedy to everyone, but it is worth watching, and it's worth watching twice.

The people of Iolph are known for two things: their youthful longevity and peaceful lives weaving tapestry. When that is disturbed and their home thrown into chaos by those believing that their blood gifts longer life, Maquia loses not only her friends, but a place to return to.

[Special TWs: Coerced Pregnancy]

Clannad: After Story ☆

No summary, watch it blind.

[Special TWs: Terminal Illness, Child Death]

Texhnolyze

Texhnolyze follows Ichise, an underground fighter whose arm and leg were severed after he displeased an unnamed, presumably influential, man. He is brought back from the brink of death by Eriko "Doc" Kaneda, who replaces his lost limbs with prosthetics through a process known as "texhnolyzation"

Angel’s Egg ☆☆☆

An atmospheric, dialogue-light, OVA about a girl protecting a mysterious egg in a ruined world.

Monster

A slow-burning, dialogue-heavy series about a surgeon who saves a boy who grows up to be a serial killer.

Devilman Crybaby ☆☆☆

The classic, you've probably heard of it, it is worth it.

Shoujo Shuumatsu Ryokou

The definitely 100% for sure uplifting tale of two girls and their quest to find hope in a bleak and dying world. I'll give that this one is a semi tragedy, the ending makes it.

✦•······················•✦•······················•✦

Films and Similar

Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind ☆ ☆ ☆

After a painful breakup, Clementine (Kate Winslet) undergoes a procedure to erase memories of her former boyfriend Joel (Jim Carrey) from her mind. When Joel discovers that Clementine is going to extremes to forget their relationship, he undergoes the same procedure and slowly begins to forget the woman that he loved.

Manchester by the Sea

After the death of his older brother Joe, Lee Chandler (Casey Affleck) is shocked that Joe has made him sole guardian of his teenage nephew Patrick. Taking leave of his job as a janitor in Boston, Lee reluctantly returns to Manchester-by-the-Sea, the fishing village where his working-class family has lived for generations.

The Road ☆

I would really prefer people read the book, but the movie is also pretty great. A father and son travel through a post-apocalyptic wasteland. Bleak, cold, and emotionally raw. Not a lot of dialogue, so the atmosphere does the talking.

[Special TWs: Like, everything on earth, Cannibalism, human livestock, infant death, etc]

The Turin Horse

An apocalyptic parable set in an isolated farmhouse...

[Special TWs: Animal abuse, animal death, racism against Romani people, but the people involved get what they deserve in the end]

[Special Warning: Most people consider this a tragedy but it fills my heart with joy, I have a special place in my heart for any film that shows people I personally consider to suck, especially animal or child abusers, suffering and dying slowly and horrifically and that is all this film is, just an animal abusing man and his daughter dying slowly and painfully during the implied apocolypse, it cures my depression <3]

[guiltycorp]

Damn i really want to know tf happened in the writing room of arcane s2. Some of the downgrades were inevitable due to the show's corporate limitations (not being able to progress the class war story in a meaningful way, having to tie things back to league of legends in terms of making playable characters more appealing to well, play... rip Mel and Viktor in particular), sure. But i still feel like it's even worse than that? There are so many bad decisions that i couldn't even start listing them all... the characters, plot, pacing, themes, it's just such a mess? Even the dialogue writing, it feels much more mm Marvel at its worst i suppose. What i am most bothered by is probably just the straight up harmful messaging so um... Cycles of violence and abuse can be broken by individual decisions to become a better person! Got nothing to do with systemic oppression, living conditions, mental health issues, you can just conveniently ignore aaall the social context, live laugh love and then things get better automatically yep, oppressors famously stop oppressing you when you show them that you're harmless and won't put up a fight anymore. Literally three out of three suicidal characters dying to redeem themselves? Not even in a tragic/cathartic way but in a bittersweet 'they finally atoned for their mistakes' way? Groundbreaking lmao. Romantic relationship between Vi and Caitlyn including no communication about their biggest fight, just conveniently skipping to sex and getting back together - would have loved that if it was framed as the unhealthy fucked up thing that it is, skipping over Vi's hurt and her background to once again become a cop, her girlfriend's direct underling at that (!) due to her not having any other support systems... But nope that was our cute lesbian romance wrapped up, a good thing all around, not concerning at all. Jayce telling Viktor that what he 'always admired about him' was his disability and his deadly disease (??? from a character who spent the whole s1 and first act of s2 desperately trying to help Viktor find a cure? sure) and that those imperfections don't need fixing, just wtf truly. Magic bullshit was also weird, some implications of 'natural magic is ok, but achieving that power through other means corrupts you into a crazy robot bitch or just wilts your trees i guess', but tbh it was written in such a weird and inconsistent way that we can skip this one... Yeah actually a lot of things were just such a mess that I feel silly pointing to specific moments or lines I didn't like, I mean duh, it barely makes sense as a story at all... I am happy we have s1 which comparatively was a masterpiece, and i also really enjoyed s2 act1, i truly believed it would lead somewhere good at the time, my mind still kind of cuts off the story at that point when i think about it, that WAS the open ending of the show to me (is it possible that there were rewrites? targeting act 2 and 3? idk, wishful thinking perhaps). Despite my extremely negative feelings about this season's conclusion i remain glad that so many people appreciate the show regardless, it is clear that there was STILL a lot of love in the process of its creation (although i'd argue that even some of the visual aspects of the show suffered in quality, once again i have to wonder about behind the scenes mood of it all) and i get very upset when i see creatives online despairing over reception of their projects even when i'm absolutely in the disgruntled crowd hahaha... ...however yeah, this wasn't great In a world that increasingly grows more and more right-wing politically... we really needed something different i think.

[empanadastheresurrection]

I think my one (kinda nitpicky) criticism of your AU is that 3.5 to 4 years feels like a very small amount of time for such drastic changes in Connie and *especially* Steven's values and philosophies. I just don't really see a reality where Steven gets his development up until the end of season 4 and doesn't either convince the Diamonds to change their ways or die trying, y'know? I don't think discovering he's PD a few months earlier than in canon would've changed much about his goals (including one day having a perfect wedding with his beloved Connie).

Obviously, we aren't privy to every detail of your Steven and Connie's history, so I'm hoping you've got something great in store that completely obliterates my criticism lmao. My running theory is that Steven and Connie were kinda mid-argument prior to Steven's self-sacrifice in your AU.

If you ever need help writing anything, feel free to reach out! I'm an English teacher, so I love helping people make stories.

Sending without anon since I'd rather die nitpicking than live hiding my 'tism.

Oh it's not 3.5 years! It's 6!

Also, Steven's body is in a constant insta healing process from any major injury. He did die trying, and he did succeed, in a way! Yellow and Blue are much more softer here than in canon.

[cemetegee]

Ianthe and ADHD...

This post includes a theory that I've never seen so far (on a serious base), but that seems (as the Worst Case of ADHD that's ever lived lol) pretty obvious to me. It's no secret that many of the characters are some sort of neurodiversity-coded and I have seen the ADHD theory for basically almost every cavalier... (I wonder fandom *looking at you* if it's just a coincidence that ADHD is only connected to muscle work and not to bookish necros... Because I fear it's not. I know where that comes from but it's fucking hurting) However, anyway. For this post I have no other choice than to ride on the edge of the knife of text-based character analysis and self-projecting. Have fun! I'd actually LOVE to think what others think of this theory.

1. A Stupefying Deficit of Attention

The certainly most obvious sign in this context is the "Alas. I have a bad personality and a stupefying deficit of attention" quote. At this point is to state that she 1) REALLY shows that she has that deficit of attention, and secondly... well. You could argue that it's just her build up character she plays in the Ianthe-Corona-dynamic. And she is really in many things more a character than a real person. (Ahahdgdggd masking) But! If you'd build up a character that lets your codependent twin shine - and it's a character you'd have to play all the time - wouldn't you choose a role that's easy to play? For example, if you are really unable to concentrate on some things for a longer time, you could just use it as a sign "of your bad personality"? I think I would do it.

(Especially, since claiming things that are out of your control as being villainy is an effective protection from being hurt for them. People will attack the villain you are not, so you don't have to feel hurt and you have chosen this form of attack, because it's okay for you, because you keep your power and... *Ianthe Ianthe Ianthe* control over the situation)

2. Being bitchy

Sorry haha. This point is maybe formulated a bit provocatively - but it fits perfectly because provocation is exactly where I want to go with it. Provocating others gives dopamine and dopamine feels good. Ianthe has in almost every sentence little insultings - and I think it's because it makes talking more interesting to her. And also, it reassures her immediatly about the opinion others have of her. But! There is also another deeper reason. That reason is called vulnerability.

Vulnerability is obviously not a good choice for surviving on the Third. But I think it's especially hard for someone with heavy ADHD. Ianthe's needs have surely *not* been important on the Third. She has pain resistance level over 9000 and can believable pretend to be two necromancers with specialisation on fleshmagic (what's only her *side* discipline). Reaching that is just not possible if you regard and care for your needs. Absolutely impossible. But communicating your needs is - from my experience - especially hard if you're an ""intelectual"" with ADHD. And to understand that, we have to understand something about ADHD:

It's for some reason a hardly killable opinion that people with ADHD are less inteligent at all. That's not true. The total IQ with classical IQ tests is in fact in studies lower, but if you split it you'll see that it's because of some kind of... learning disorder. The working memory and the processing speed are lower and that makes a lower total IQ, but says nothing about the capacity of the mind with ADHD if it has time to think about things (or - from my experience - is relaxed).

And if you have a talent for something... for example - to come back to Ianthe - necromancy people tend to forget or not realise that you need time to think about things. Because... you need in some things maybe less time than them - what's only because your talent for it, your general processing speed is still lower - and so they think you need for all things the time you need for necromantic theorems. Not true.

And that has a strange sideeffect in Ianthe's case. Her talent is obviously "necromancy" and not "talking about her emotions". The generally lower processing speed of her mind (if it had ADHD) would afford time to observe her feelings and then think about what those observations could mean. But nobody - and I bet you too, dear reader - would expect that of her. So everyone would expect an answer immediately. And a true answer is impossible under that circumstances.

When an answer is expected where no answer can be given (yet) without showing a difference between usual souverenity and the need to think about it, it results in just saying anything that comes in mind. Ianthe has that heavily. The best example for it is the bathroom scene:

IANTHE! WHAT IN HELL is that for a reaction?!

This scene is a symbol to me for what I've described before. An overwhelming situation happens (Harrow is hurt and besides of that naked) and Ianthe just says... anything that makes absolutely no sense in that situation. There is literally no resonable reason why you would say that... Except if you have ADHD and say just anything, because you feel like you'd have something to say, but no idea what to say.

And besides of that when the (non neccessary sense-making or real) answer to the question is given, there's no need to think about it anymore. That's obviously not conducive for reflecting your sensations. AND GUESS WHO'S TOTALLY INCABLE OF DEALING WITH THEIR EMOTIONS? HA! HA! 3/3 points and I kiss your heart when your answer is "Ianthe".

I mean, Ianthe is really not good at... not only DEALING with her emotions but also with... recognizing them.

Ianthe... the mysterious reason why you say that is, that you like Harrow and are therefore worried about her. And you're 22 - it's somehow heartbreaking that you don't know that...

And that doesn't only show that I'm right about my point - Ianthe can't express and recognize her feelings, I say because she's never got time to think about them (and also because of: ThirdTM) - but also an other typical sign of ADHD. You say things without intending to say them? Sounds like... as if you had a lack of impulse control.

(Although I've lately wondered - ATTENTION: PRIVATE THOUGHT - if impulse control and less processing speed are not in some way kind of the same thing... Anyway.)

3. Intense Feelings

A thing most people probably wouldn't connect to ADHD are Intense Feelings also known as Emotional Dysregulation. That's - in my opinion, from my personal experience - a very ugly term to describe a very beautiful thing. I'm a very sensitive human. If I read things I like it's a whole-body-experience and I can literally not watch the "classical" type of shows because it's corporally too much. I'd actually wish others to have the same emotional capacity than me. But to come back to Ianthe:

Ianthe is - and please hear me out, it'll make sense, I promise - a very sensitive person. It's absolutely IMPOSSIBLE to speak her Love is Posession speak, without having a huge lot of sentimentalism. She cries herself to sleep every night, what is a sign that she has much pity for herself. (What's fair, I mean, she has lived through a lot of terrible things, like getting an arm cutted off or traveling through the river. Also, nobody else on the Mithraeum would have done that for her.) She is obviously fond of not to say: in love with, Harrow and her logical and immediate conclusion is to think: "OMG, I have to marry her!" (Also, she really is a drama queen in her way lol. I mean: look at her mind-stage!)

(If you'd like to know how a sensitive person as for example Ianthe can do such hard things as she does, you should maybe read my post about her repressed feelings and my post about Corona's suic⛪️de threats :))

If you are a very sensitive person, you always have to pay attention on your, let's call it, overwhelming-level. You have to control how much sensations you're exposed to, otherwise you'll be overwhelmed.

*Chrmm, chrrmmm, control, Ianthe, control, she never can loose the reins.*

Ianthe can in fact never let go her control - her protection - and that could be one reason for it.

4. Zero patience

Ianthe doesn't seem to be a person mit much patience. In fact, it seems always like a fight when Harrow tries to get her attention for something. Here an example:

Ianthe, even if you think The Walking Cytherea could be a side effect of the lobotomy you participated in - you REALLY could hear Harrow out, she seems to be worried... But... Maybe you REALLY can't...

Her patience as limited ressource appears also in the lobotomy chapter. It's a fight to hold it:

I think we can say that Ianthe really has not much patience in these regards (and her urge to be the FIRST Lyctor doesn't speak for much patience either lol - although she maybe has some patience is other regards) and can therefore count as a sign for ADHD.

5. The Villain Syndrome

Ahh, this point I was looking forward to the whole time while making this post. It is, I have to admit, mostly based on my personal experience and observations I've made recently - I have no evidence for it, besides of that it's logical. But I found it too interesting to not mention it.

ADHD is obviously not so "villian coded" in the eyes of the wide society than other neurodiversities are. But that's not exactly what I mean either. My whole post is basically about the fact that common signs of ADHD can be interpreted as being villainly in regard to Ianthe. And that's very important - they are interpreted as purposely being evil (or at least annoying.)

People with ADHD often have problems at school (and maybe at work later), they have a higher probability to get addicted to drugs, they more often do criminal things, and so on - with other words: they are often seen as "system breaker" and delinquents. Because the signs for ADHD are threated as you would do "bad things" on purpose. And you have most likely no support system to avoid that - Ianthe surely hasn't.

I recently listened to a podcast where a guy said something like "In my mind I'm always the evil one - the villain - because that's what the world told me - that I'd be the villain" and I thought it was pretty interesting because I feel the same - without an obvious reason.

And I think if you have ADHD it's not unlikely that you get the idea, that you are *the villain* - especially regarding what I said earlier. Either because people will tell you you'd be evil or because you'll tell yourself that you'd be evil. (I mean, it's surely no coincidence that there is also a connection between ADHD and OCD - what's basically just telling yourself that you'd be responsible for (what means: guilty on) everything.) I call this feel of being the villain The Villain Syndrome.

AND OH MY GOD, IANTHE HAS THE VILLAIN SYNDROME!!! She literally says it herself all the time. "Paint me as the villain", "The outnumbered, overpowered hero against the narcisstic villain"... And she obviously plays the role of the bad twin (even if she's very likely the lessbadtwin). Ianthe, you're not the villain, you have ADHD (and to stop doing things like killing your cav lol.) I genuinly think if you weren't trapped in the TLT universe there'd be hope for you...

(BY THE WAY, I'd love to hear if someone else has experience with The Villain Syndrome or finds themself in my description.)

Conclusion

To conclude: Ianthe very likely has ADHD. That is *THE BIG POINT* I wanted to make. We see it in her stupefying deficit of attention, her "bitchy behavior ;)", her intense feelings, her lack of patience und especially in her villain syndrome. I surely could find more points, but I think that's enough evidence for one post (also, it's the longest post I've ever made and I don't know if there's a word limit for posts :D) I'd LOVE to hear what you think about it, ESPECIALLY if you have ADHD yourself, and... well. Now at the end, I feel remembered of what Ianthe said in a fic I've read recently. It was something like: "I'd like to make a revolutionairy point now, but I fear I don't have one..." So I'll just say: Have a nice day my friendos :)

[whenmemorydies]

Ancestors and The Bear

Phew, the discourse in season 3 of The Bear on legacy was STUNNING to me. This post by @gingergofastboatsmojito and episodes 3x01 Tomorrow and 3x07 Legacy have been sitting on my heart since I finished my binge of the show. Some thoughts under the cut. (I say "some" but this is another long ass post, soz).

If seasons 1 and 2 of The Bear went into the impact of our birth families on each of us, season 3 shifted pretty squarely to talking about the impact of our professional mentors on our lives. I've described those mentors as culinary ancestors, which as a concept I get into below. I loved this aspect of this season and the show generally. It is so rich and I feel like I'm only going to scratch the surface of it here. Keen to hear others' thoughts on this too.

Legacy and Ancestry

In 3x07 Legacy, Carmy talks to Marcus about the idea of legacy in the context of chefs he had worked with - how those chefs had talked to him about how their work would carry on through iterations and generations of subsequent chefs and restaurants that came after them. I'll include both a transcript and screenshots of this conversation below:

Carmy: Like, um, something would start somewhere, and then, uh, people would take that thing and then they would take it somewhere else. So, all these parts of an original restaurant, they would end up at a new restaurant and that kind of thing. That would happen over and over again. And then all these parts of all these restaurants, they would sort of-- You know, they would find each other. And then new people would take those parts and they would put 'em into their restaurant. And the whole thing, it would, um-- It would start to happen all over again.

Marcus: So, like a family tree or something?

Carmy: [looks to Syd who has her back to him, closing her locker] Yeah. Yeah, exactly.

Most folks understand ancestry to refer to our family or genetic lineage. When I was in university, I learned about intellectual ancestors or genealogy: where one can trace your intellectual lineage - the thinkers and creators that have shaped your understanding of the world and/or your chosen profession. I think its useful to take this concept and apply it to The Bear to help understand what the show is saying about legacy. I wouldn't limit the concept to "intellectual" ancestry though. It might be more helpful to talk about culinary ancestors in this context because the process of creating food - crafting dishes - isn't solely an intellectual exercise. It engages our intellect yes, but also each of our senses, our memories (recall that chocolate banana from 2x10 The Bear), and the need to nurture and be nurtured.

Culinary Ancestors

Carmy's culinary ancestors are varied given his work history. We know he's cooked under some of the best chefs in the culinary world of The Bear, including: Daniel Boulud (of Daniel), René Redzepi (of NOMA), Thomas Keller (of The French Laundry), David Field (a sociopathic Joel McHale, of Eleven Madison Park), and Andrea Terry (a sublime Olivia Colman, of Ever). I'd also include here Mikey, Donna and Natalie Berzatto. I'd include cousins Richie Jeremovich and Michelle Berzatto as well. These are the home and line cooks Carm grew up with, watched in his mother's kitchen and at The Beef. He took his lessons - the good and the bad, learnt voluntarily and involuntarily - from all of these people, incorporated them into his working self and transmuted them into his food.

In particular, I've talked here about Chef Terry and the valuable lesson of "every second counts" that she carried with her as she mentored waves of chefs through her restaurant, Ever. That post also talks about the parallels between Terry and Syd (which were even more evident in season 3), the latter of whom I'd argue is also one of Carmy's culinary ancestors ("you make me better at this").

I wish we had more information about Sydney and her influences. We know that prior to The Beef, she worked at restaurants Smoque BBQ, Alinea and Avec. We meet at least one of her mentors, Chicago restauranteur Donnie Madia in 2x03 Sundae and 2x10 The Bear, as well as Nayia at the fictional Verdana French Bistro (which ends up closing by 2x09 Omelette). They each offer up small insights into Sydney: that her food is amazing and that she is always "trying to be the best." Carmy is also undoubtedly one of Sydney's culinary ancestors, as infuriating and withholding as he can be. I'm also certain that Sydney's parents and the cultural history/ies that she's inherited through them are part of her culinary lineage as well. I really, really hope that we get much more insight into this side of her next season.

Respect, mentorship and lineage

One of the things that first drew me to The Bear was the respect that the show gave its characters of colour. In particular, the opportunity and support given to people of colour from a working class operation like The Beef to continue into the fine dining world of The Bear. I've spoken a bit about this here.

I haven't seen a dynamic on television before, where folks from the backgrounds like the POC characters in The Bear are from, are backed in the way they are on the show. Where there are mentors who will invest in them to train them up, and who will take those folks with them as they move into more elite and skilled spaces. Hell, I have barely seen this happen in the roughly two decades that I've been in wage-earning employment myself. Lets be clear, capitalism does not incentivise this kind of shit. Its why certain industries, including the world of fine dining, remain largely if not completely exclusive, demarcated by gender, race and class.

Yes this season was fucked in terms of which characters were getting prioritised for screen time over key Black characters like Sydney and Marcus (the Faks can genuinely go fuck). The lack of care given to Marcus, in particular, whose mother's passing was treated almost perfunctorily in comparison to a wholly unnecessary conversation amongst the entire crew about Cl@ire in 3x02 Next (quoting Richie: "who cares?!"), was also fucked. I would have preferred to have spent more time with Syd, Marcus, Tina, Ebraheim, Sweeps, Manny and Angel than listening to Neil, Ted and fucking Sammy (?!) Fak blather their way through precious minutes during this show.

But even with the above, The Bear regularly manages to floor me with beautiful moments of mentorship, leadership and love featuring characters of colour on the show. This is particularly the case in the relationships between culinary ancestors Carm and Sydney with "descendants" Marcus and Tina.

Birth of the The Bear lineage

Recall 1x08 Braciole where Sydney tells Marcus that after she finished culinary school, she spent all her money eating her way through New York. She says that she had the best meal she's ever eaten while she was there. With Marcus' gentle prodding, we find out that the person who created that meal, was Carmy.

Its not until the first episode of season 3 when we see how this actually played out, for both Carmy and Syd. I won't rehash the details of this scene because it is truly beautiful filmmaking to behold. Please if you haven't already, go watch 3x01 in its entirety. Have tissues nearby.

I will say, that in the best meal Syd ever had, Carmy literally served up his heart and lifeblood (check the cut of the fish, the crimson of the blood orange decoction).

That meal - that seed of inspiration from Carmy - birthed something in Sydney, something that would push her to find Carmy much later, working at his brother's sandwich shop.

Together these two incredibly talented chefs started their own lineage, taking what they knew and investing it into The Beef and eventually, The Bear:

And then, the next generation of collaboration and inspiration emerges:

This is why the visuals in 3x01 Tomorrow, with Syd sitting in quiet contemplation of Carm's dish, are so poignant. From 1x01 System, Carm and Syd have been growing their branch of their shared culinary family tree, nurturing it alongside those of their respective ancestors:

In 3x01 Tomorrow, we see that tree literally emerging from the moment Sydney meets Carm, on a plate.

It all starts when Sydney leaves culinary school and decides to make the most of her time in New York, eating at every place she could think of including, at Eleven Madison Park. And when Carmen, after losing Mikey, decides to make a few seconds count, taking ownership of a dish that he knows is going to be stolen from him and bastardized otherwise. The rest is history, or legacy.

Author's note:

I just wanted to draw attention to the fact that this show is also an exercise of mentorship and collaboration: Ayo Edebiri directing 3x06 Napkins under the guidance of Calo and Storer. Ramy Youssef directing 2x04 Honeydew under the guidance of Storer who had previously directed him on and produced Ramy. The fucking force of nature that is veteran Liza Colón Zayas being directed by Ayo. Jeremy describing the filming of 2x06 Fishes as akin to watching masters at work. Of course any television production is a collaborative effort and there are countless names I'm not familiar with who have put their precious time and energy into making this beautiful thing. I just thought it worth mentioning that at times, this show glimmers with truths, and I think thats because, in some way, they're in the marrow of the thing.

[certified-eureka-posts]

About this blog!!

Hi! This is a sideblog for me to dump posts that remind me of Eureka: Investigative Urban Fantasy, an excellent system for tabletop mystery games developed by @anim-ttrpgs. Below the cut is information about Eureka, its creators, myself, and what to expect out of this blog.

What is Eureka?

Eureka: Investigative Urban Fantasy is an indie tabletop roleplaying game by the very talented team at @anim-ttrpgs, focused on providing mechanical support for stories where characters investigate mysteries, as well as allowing for the presence of supernatural phenomena and characters. In my opinion, it is the most elegant, cohesive, and interesting TTRPG system that I have ever read or played in terms of its mechanics, storytelling capabilities, and even its perspectives on society as a whole. This blog is, more or less, "propaganda" convincing people to give the game a shot – I'm not affiliated with its creators in any way other than being acquainted with them through their work and online communities, but I love the game and its community, and I'd love to see it succeed, so I want to share an idea of what it is and why I like it.

What makes Eureka such a great system?

A whole lot! Its systems are deeply elegant, creating a game where players can piece together mysteries alongside their investigators in a grounded world that still leaves space for supernatural intrigue. Combat is swift and strategic, but deadly if you go in without a plan. Investigations can be complex, but even the stickiest of situations don't require railroading to keep players on track. Mundane and supernatural characters alike have access to unique abilities, quirks, and skills that make each character feel distinct in mechanics as much as in flavor. The game interacts with the real world by way of fiction in a way that's refreshing and endlessly fascinating.

Systems like Eureka! moments (which allow investigators to retroactively learn information from a previously failed roll) and the streamlined character creation system allow the game to run smoothly and efficiently without getting overly bogged down, and mechanics like the Composure meter (representing an investigator's energy level and state of mind) and the Success/Partial Success/Failure resolution mechanic create an interesting element of risk where player choices matter a lot.

On top of all that, Eureka includes rules for supernatural characters that beautifully integrate the themes, traits, and abilities of classic folkloric or media monsters, making for intriguing secrets, hard choices, and a lot of variety in the gameplay of different investigators. (Most of this is already true of mundane non-supernatural characters, but it's carried through into the lens of vampires and other monsters very elegantly.)

I'd love to see the tabletop gaming scene as a whole take notes from Eureka's handling of a lot of different problems, and I'm constantly excited to see what their team comes up with next. If you ever want to run a mystery story in a tabletop game (especially if systems like D&D 5e have disappointed you on that front), I would seriously recommend Eureka as the game to use for that purpose, and if you're interested in the hobby at all, I would recommend reading Eureka as a way to get valuable insight into the thought process that goes into game design in the tabletop space.

What can I expect to see on this blog?

This blog is for basically any post I see that makes me think of Eureka. Most of the time, that includes references to the monsters and phenomena referenced in the rules about supernatural characters – posts about vampires, werewolves, witches, and alien shapeshifters, for example, are often right at home here. In particular, posts about these kinds of supernatural beings being normal people and living normal lives tend to remind me of Eureka. Other things that are reminiscent of Eureka include noir and neo-noir aesthetics, which the game owes a lot to, and popular detective media, which is ultimately its core inspiration.

Who runs this blog?

I'm Nora, my main blog is @mc-cookies, and I am just a fan of Eureka. I'm not directly affiliated with the creators (hell, they don't remotely have the budget to make me advertise for them), but they and the rest of the community are super nice people who have a lot of insight about the process of making and playing tabletop games.

Who makes Eureka, and how do I support them?

Eureka is an amazing game, and independent tabletop designers across the board do a ton of work to make art that I enjoy a lot, but unfortunately it's not the most welcoming market to be in. Wizards of the Coast, and by extension Hasbro, has what is effectively a monopoly on the TTRPG hobby in the form of D&D, and it's hard for new creators to break into the space because of that. Eureka is made by ANIM TTRPGs, a very small group of designers taking on a very large project. While they're gearing up for the full release of Eureka and preparing their next projects, any support is helpful to them.

To read Eureka, visit their itch.io page to download a fully playable beta version on a pay-what-you-can basis! Even free downloads can support the game by bumping Eureka on itch's algorithm and getting it recommended to more people.

To support ANIM more, consider subscribing to their Patreon, which will grant you access to more frequent updates of the Eureka beta, as well as concept art, previews of their future projects, and a community discord server.

To give on a one-time basis, use ANIM's ko-fi page to donate to them more directly. Right now they're also taking donations to add custom characters into the rulebook as possible random encounters, and ko-fi is the place to go for that!

If you just want to interact with the team at ANIM and learn more about the work that they're doing, give them a follow here on tumblr at @anim-ttrpgs – their blog has similar content to this one, as well as regularly posting excerpts of the rules, answering people's questions, and discussing the broader tabletop gaming hobby.

And last but certainly not least, ANIM also runs a TTRPG Book Club server on Discord, which is excellent for finding RPGs to read and play and people to read and play them with, and is a great place to interact with other people who are interested in indie TTRPGs (including ANIM's staff and other fans of their work).

What's the deal with your avatar?

That is a "snoop", a stylized human figure serving as the mascot of Eureka! Designed by @theblackwarden, these little guys appear throughout the rulebook to graphically represent various mechanics, and they're very fun designs. This one, in particular, represents the "anime wolfgirl", which is a humanoid form that wolfman (aka "loup-garou" or "Hollywood werewolf") investigators can take, reserving only their ears, tails, and claws.

I have more questions!

My ask box is open! Have fun checking out the other posts around this blog :)

[lesmisshippingshowdown]

CALL FOR SUBMISSIONS!!!

Hello everybody! I just wanted to say a massive thank you for the love for, and enthusiastic participation in, the Les Mis Shipping Showdown so far. It's been incredible to see so many people get on board with my silly little gag and I'm so excited for the tournament to continue playing out

HOWEVER - currently we are lacking in two very important things that only you guys out on the frontlines (on the barricade???) can help with.

1) PROPAGANDA

In 2009, Cheryl Cole dropped her debut solo single and changed lives by reminding us all that we've gotta fight, fight, fight, fight, fight for this love. I need you all to be more like Cheryl. Don't be discouraged if your OTP is currently losing - and don't become complacent if they're currently winning by a landslide. We're not even halfway through the round of 32 yet, and you - yes YOU 🫵 - can help turn the tides of battle by telling the world, in an easily shareable format, why your preferred Les Amis pair the spare combo deserves to take victory in this noble contest.

Examples of things you could submit as propaganda include: fanart, fanfiction, AMVs, clips or gifs from your favourite screen adaptation or grainy bootleg that prove your blorbos' love, well-researched meta with supporting quotations from the Brick, completely unresearched rants based entirely on vibes, etc.

Ways you can share your propaganda with the world include: appending it in a comment reblog (not whispering in the tags!) of the relevant poll, sending asks to this blog, submitting posts to this blog, or making an original post and tagging it #les mis shipping showdown. (<- please use this specific tag. we're not checking any others. if you just put it in the generic les mis tag or ship tag with no reference to the poll we won't know it's for us)

2) FANART AND/OR EDITS

As much as I loved trawling through Tumblr tags and Google Images (and editing a few really stupid stock photo memes) to find visual references for every ship in the Round of 32, this was a) very time consuming and b) not as collaborative a process as I'd like for a fandom wide enrichment activity, especially for a bracket that's SO chock full of fanon-based shipping.

So, in preparation for future rounds, we would LOVE to receive submissions of fanart and edits for your favourite ship(s) to be used - with credit, of course - in polls.

We are looking for submissions for ANY AND ALL SHIPS INCLUDED IN THE BRACKET, regardless of their popularity, the amount of canonical visual content (like screencaps and production photos), or how likely you think your ship is to make the round of 16. As I've already said, we're only partway through this round and anything can change, plus I have a little surprise planned for the eliminated ships anyway that could still use your artistic contributions ;)

Here's a reminder of the current bracket so that you know which ships we're looking for artwork for:

As a bonus, if you send your art to this blog or tag it as #les mis shipping showdown, it also counts as free propaganda for your ship!

FURTHER RULES FOR FANART & EDITS:

No AI-generated content. Not going to get into the discourse on this one, I just don't want to see it.

No NSFW art, including artistic nudity. This is a theoretically all-ages contest, plus random polls getting flagged as mature will just make sharing that specific match up a complete mare.

Please ensure any art/edits are formatted so that they can be added to the poll as one single photo.

If you prefer to be credited by a different pseudonym to the URL you're using to submit your artwork, please make this clear to us at the time of submission!

Again, if you're posting art with the specific intention of having us use it, make sure you specify that either in the caption or by tagging it #les mis shipping showdown. We won't know it's for us if it just appears with no comment in the general tags!

To keep it simple & avoid any suggestions of favouritism etc., fanart, as long as it abides by the other rules, will be used on a "first seen by mods, first served" basis. We'll make an effort to reshare all art that isn't able to be used in a poll proper either because you got there too late or because your ship got eliminated before we could get round to using it.

Thanks in advance and happy propaganda-ing! 💋

[commsroom]

What is it you love so much about Eiffel? Asking as a fellow Eiffel Lover, I'm just interested in your response!

i've been holding onto this one for a while, in part because i know there's no complete answer to this and i could probably just talk forever, but it's almost his birthday, so... in the spirit of dougmas:

what i love about eiffel as a character is that he feels like a real person. he's full of these very human contradictions: he's a coward, he can be exceptionally brave, he's considerate and thoughtful, he's got his head up his ass, he's a mediator by nature, he's frustratingly stubborn and will dig his heels in about the pettiest things, he's very technically capable, he's a master of weaponized incompetence. he's stupid in ways only a very smart person can be, and has a certain kind of self-hating self-centeredness. he has very firmly held morals and wants to do right by people, and he struggles to reconcile those beliefs with the unforgivable things he's nonetheless done; he has very real and serious flaws that the narrative doesn't flinch away from, but neither exonerates nor condemns him for. he's so entangled with the heart of the show, its themes and relationships, that you couldn't have wolf 359 without doug eiffel, and - as a friend of mine once said - if you put eiffel in any other show, he'd turn it into something resembling wolf 359 as well. and as gabriel urbina said about pan-pan: "he's the communications officer; without him, they stop communicating." he's a compassionate portrayal of an addict, and a very real and nuanced example of a kind-hearted man who's still used to thinking of himself as the "default" kind of person, and is still learning how to deconstruct the biases that come with that.

what i love about eiffel as a person is that he's someone i'd want in my life. he's a very sincere and emotionally honest person; he doesn't have hidden agendas, and you know exactly where you stand with him. he hates authority, he hates work, and he won't suck up or pretend otherwise - in fact, he'll create more work for himself if it means he can avoid doing his job, on principle. if he has a grievance about something, oh, you'll know. at the same time, he has this infectious enthusiasm about the things he loves, and the things that excite him, and he's a geeky guy into primarily 80s/90s nostalgic media who doesn't feel the need to gatekeep. i love his voice, i love how expressive he is, i love how you can hear the same mannerisms you can see in the live show just in the very open-body-language way he emotes. he has a very distinct former class clown type of energy, and i think that goes hand in hand with an underlying loneliness. he can be pretty clueless, he speaks before he thinks and has chronic foot-in-mouth disease, but… doug eiffel is the kind of person who would notice if someone was standing alone in the corner at a party, and would go out of his way to make them feel included. he's good at getting people to open up, even if it's in spite of themselves, even if it's while they're rolling their eyes at him. he's a staunch pacifist who - even when things piss him off - doesn't react to conflict with violence or threats of violence, and he can't stand to have things stay bottled up: if there's one thing eiffel wants everyone to do, it's talk about it. whatever it is. he has a good balance of traits that make him feel genuine and warm without coming across preachy or suspiciously softened; he's also very much still a gross dirtbag with a lot of annoying flaws typical of some average guy, and that's a huge part of his appeal to me. he's good with his hands. he likes building stuff and taking things apart. he's rough around the edges in ways that reflect his life experience, and he's just… a guy who has lived a life, who has a lot of life experience, but hasn't made a lot of true friends in the process. he's gotten used to being lonely, and gotten used to telling himself he's fine with it, and something in me really aches for that.

his birthday is a good - and timely - example: he's a man in his 30s still holding onto childhood hurt, having his birthday forgotten and overshadowed by christmas. i'm also a christmas hater, so it's nice to have something else to celebrate and prioritize, and i like imagining his disgust at all of the unavoidable holiday trappings; it makes me feel less alone. i wouldn't say i relate to eiffel, more that i feel we have compatible issues, and it's not a secret that he's the type of guy i find attractive. he feels like a real person that i already know and love, and at the same time he's representative of the kind of person i'd like to know, like his life would fit comfortably into mine.